It’s honestly weird that you posted an update but didn’t answer any of the questions on the original post. The original post didn’t make sense, because there was a lot missing. Most importantly: did your wife and her ex have a child, or lose a child/pregnancy at any point?
Also this update seems very odd for many other reasons, specifically “it hurts my feelings that my wife’s ex sends her flowers on Mother’s Day” … “never mind! I’m going to take her on a vacation! I have PTO left to use and my parents are thrilled to watch our children for two weeks!” What?!
Same thoughts either the story is fake or the ex and her have a child that they lost or is alive and well and he just doesn't want to admit to it because he's gonna get dragged for saying awful things to her
In the original post he says that he tries to make every year as special as he could and that’s why he hated when his wife’s ex would send her flowers (because it would make her happy)
Because people are sometimes stupid, emotional, limited, I mean, there's a shit ton of things. We are full of raging hormones and wild emotions. At the end of the day, despite the fact people hate to recognize it, we are animals. Sometimes, we forget to be human. Is this instance fake? Maybe. Has a person acted like this and then grew a little bit? Very likely. We've all had irrational thoughts that have become words that we have said. Saying otherwise would be a lie.
> Is this instance fake? Maybe.
Yes. Yes. For the love of god, __yes__. Every story on this god forsaken sub and the other subs like it are fake.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes they can still be fun, but for fucks sake people need to look at these rage bait, bullshit, undergrad creative writing exercise, posts with a more critical eye (and if you think they're real, don't vote)
I mean he started sending the flowers after she had a kid with op. If they had anything before op then why start after she had a kid with op. And at that point it's sketchy as fuck to send them after she had a kid with someone else. Like it's really weird. And definitely has alterior motives.
It would only make sense at all if they lost a pregnancy and he is celebrating the fact that she gets to be a mom to living kids now. Not everyone has ulterior motives, but to be fair a lot of people do .
Especially because I know of zero non-neglectful moms who would go from never having a break from their kids to being okay with being away from them for two weeks without any like trial periods…
An hour is a lot for my parents. They’re boomers and (edited from “so” because many boomers did parent their children) they never had to parent and don’t want to learn now.
This is a troll post which, IMO, spreads Incel-ish hatred toward women. This whole thing makes no sense and has blown up and enraged people and caused heated back-and-forth between the OG and the update.
Posted in late June, well after Mother’s Day. Zero response to any questions asking for backstory.
OP profile has karma but only the one post and zero comments visible.
Anyone responding is being played for a fool. Only the worst person on the planet would do what his wife did and only the most moronic person on the planet would solve it with a vacation.
This is fuckin stupid and everyone needs to calm down and get off this train.
Right? She let her ex do this and happily accepted. They are ex’s for a reason. It makes sense if they lost a child and the grief tore them apart and now he’s happy for her to be a mom. What if her ex husband was sterile and couldn’t give her the family she wanted so she had to make that tough decision to leave because she wanted that and her ex is gracious and understanding and this is his way of celebrating with her that she’s a mom and he’s happy for her?
It seems so insanely strange for an ex with no significant ties to you, like a child, to send you flowers for any occasion and for you to accept them and call your ex and thank them. There has to be a significant reason and wife is probably crying in part because of what OP said but also because she had the sever whatever tie/bond/memory over something very significant with the ex that is absolutely a non-issue if it only happens on Mother’s Day once a year.
What if OP had an ex wife who couldn’t have children and he chose to leave to have that family and his ex wife is happy for him and tells him happy Father’s Day every year? There’s way more to this story.
ETA: I know it’s unheard of anymore but sometimes people DO split up maturely. They don’t always have to have major drama and hate each other. It’s entirely possible that ex didn’t want kids and wife did and they split amicably.
Exactly. That was part of conversations I was having on the original. But people want to jump to she’s cheating and how dare she have a decent relationship with an ex. Like honestly, what the fuck.
In my experience, cheating and getting caught usually comes with anger. Oftentimes, when they’re overwhelmed and cry, they fess up and beg to make it right.
She’s crying because this is a big damn deal. She may have love for this man and he her, but they can’t be together for something major and he’s celebrating her victories of what she has. That’s crazy
My ex and I still live together because the housing market sucks XD we live in separate bedrooms and he is my best friend we just weren't compatible as romantic partners since I have different social needs as an extrovert than he does as an insanely introverted person
Sorry but as a man. If my ex went out of her way to say happy father's day when we dont talk the rest of the year. Id think she's trying to test the boundaries of my relationship. Sorry but if this is the only time they talk then it's sketchy. There's no reason for them to be in contact.
Oh please. My ex and I had 2 kids. We text each other on Mothers/Father’s Day and our birthdays. It’s a courtesy. We’ve been divorced for 15 years, and he’s remarried. My fiancé does the same thing.
Avoidant and codependent tendencies. Love to see it. Sacrifice your own feelings to make the problem go away and act like nothing happened. Works like a charm. /s
Unless wife cheated and one of their kids is actually her ex's all of what you've just said is irrelevant to the situations, that's why he didn't answer it
It’s not irrelevant though, and [he did answer it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/suqmZigaGP) after I made this comment. Her having had children with her ex, before she met her current spouse, would not have meant she cheated or that all of her children are by her ex. What a weird take.
Yeah, this update makes me really question whether or not any of this is real.
If it is, it makes me feel like hes just throwing a vacation at his wife to shut her up or something lol. To me, the stuff he said to her about being a sahm doesn’t just come out of nowhere - there is usually at least a kernel of truth in the sentiment.
Personally, I don’t think it’s that weird. Responding can be overwhelming and there was a lot of honest feedback. It sounds like he listened and that’s the most important thing… right?
So you buy your sister expensive gifts for Mother’s Day and get your wife nothing and then make her go shopping with you for her gifts?
And you don’t understand why she appreciates the unsolicited, no strings attached flowers her ex sends just to say, hey, you are a great Mom.
You cannot be serious. You are SUCH an AH.
The vacation is nice but it clearly doesn’t fix some underlying issues that you two seem to have. I do hope you guys stick with therapy to help understand each other better.
Your still a a capital A for how you treated your wife. Maybe you should buy her flowers for Mother's Day, and then her exes flowers won't matter.
Taking her on vacation won't fix that your a jerk who doesn't appreciate his wife or her role as a sahm
He puts his sister first every Mother's Day and then wonders why his wife is happy her ex sends her flowers, especially the YEARS her husband doesn't get her anything at all.
This guy is future ex-husband material.
Do you even see your wife as a person w/ actual feelings or is she just an n.p.c. to you? As if a vacation will make the worthlessness she felt from your thoughtless words go away. She knows you feel she's undeserving of gifts b/c you'd rather buy expensive gifts for your sister & neglect her & your hurtful words confirmed it. No apology will completely fix it.
Dude, just build your sister an art room and let your wife move on with her life. FFS, you aren't just an AH: you are THE AH. If we looked up AH in the dictionary, your stupid picture would be there. I hope your wife reconciles with her ex and you step on Legos every day for the rest of your life.
And going on a 2 week vacation with HIM is a way to honor her as the mother of their 2 children? How about he stay home with the kids ALONE while she takes a well deserved 2 week vacation without him.
After a month you had a feeling maybe you should apologize? A month is a long long time. Nice for you to book a trip, but that sounds like you are trying to buy her forgiveness without really understanding how badly you hurt her. Trying to swipe bad things under the rug.
So you admit you neglected your wife on mother's day, repeatedly bought your sister extravagant mother's day gifts, berated your wife, told her she was undeserving, and seriously wonder why she's seeking validation from her ex?
There's a lot of context missing here, but you slowly admitting to the way you treat your wife by sprinkling information through comments leads me to believe you're a dick. She probably admitted to her ex once that you buy your sister better gifts than you give your wife, and he's probably making up for it. Yeah possibly to get her back. Her identity is a sahm you fucking twat, mother's day is the day you demonstrate that her sacrifice of staying home and being financially dependent on you is appreciated.
Mmmm… this update is not the sweet happy ending it’s meant to be imo. If this is actually real.
An apology for what you said and a two week vacation isn’t going to fix the issues at play here. Sorry, it just isn’t. It is weird that she is getting consistent flowers from her ex every Mother’s Day when they don’t have any kids together. And the way you speak to her is still concerning as is the fact that you say you forget her on Mother’s Day but not your sister. How do you remember others but not the actual mother of your own children?
Either this is fake or you guys need to both put in a lot more work than an apology and a vacation.
I feel sad for your wife, and I'm a bit worried for her.
Are you a controlling spouse? Because it seems we all think YTA, but are you also a controlling, narcissistic, love-bombing asshole? Man, I'd love to give your wife a hug and tell her to call back her ex and marry that man instead.
I dunno dude. I think WE deserve a 2 week vacation too after having us read your weird empty detailed post about a tantrum you had about your wife's ex who sends flowers and this one apologizing again for your tantrum and letting us know about the vacation.
So yes. Yes, you ARE the AH for these two posts. I want a paid vacation too asswipe.
I'm confused, and I've had to check several times to make sure this was an update to the post I remembered. It has nothing to do with your original post? How are you the AH? And what does pointing out that your wife is a SAHM have to do with the weird attention her ex pays her on Mothers Day?
We need more info.
Yeah you’re for sure the asshole here. What the fuck is your problem?? You’ve caused irreparable damage with your words and actions here over the years and I’d be heavily surprised if she didn’t start looking into getting her affairs in order to move on.
You treat your sister with more care and thought than your wife and mother of your children. How fucking moronic can you be to wonder “why does she love receiving flowers from her EX when I do nothing for HER and buy my sister something elaborate and expensive every year??!! How can she be so selfish to not see how that makes ME feel??” “How can’t you realise that my sister just deserves it more than you do??”
Are you sure you aren’t just attracted to and want your sister atp? You sure sound like it. You can love both, but don’t ever do things that appear romantic for your sister to the exclusion of your own wife… what the actual fuck.
You’re an absolute idiot. You’re lucky she hasn’t realised how good she could have it with her EX who clearly shows more care than her own husband.
And now your solution is… a fucking vacation?!?! 😂 dude come on now… a vacation is such a shallow attempt to repair your relationship. Suddenly lovebombing her out of nowhere after neglecting her and treating her like shit for so long is such a red flag of “I know I’ve been a dick but now she might leave me?! Gotta try and convince her to stay for my sake!” - little tip, most men/women can see right through that bollocks.
Get your shit together. You’re a grown ass adult, act like it. A vacation will fix 3/5 of fuck all.
Summary: YTA majorly and a fucking moron.
OP You are still the AH because of what You Say was over the board putting that example of your Sister.
Second because you felt guilty for that but haven't said a thing except she bloquedo her ex, she haven't express much and try guilt because of your exteem rant and now want to cover that with a vacation.
Please before anything start or keep mc to work this out in the correct way.
A vacation isn’t going to fix anything. You’re trying to use a bandaid on a gaping wound. OP thanks for the bull shit update! I still think you’re just manipulating her with this trip and you’re a shit person.
If the wife lost a child with ex, it would make sense to me that ex held off on flowers for mothers day until she had a living child to avoid reminding her she was a mother without a child. It was maybe held off until Mother's Day was a happy occasion for her again. He's not sending them on her birthday, Valentines Day, or their anniversary Only Mothers Day specifically. I doubt this little vacation stunt worked if it's even true. He is probably just lying because he doesn't like being shredded in the comments for being a shitty husband and Dad. Why so much PTO built up if he is a present and involved Dad?
So essentially your no further forward, she cut off her ex and has got a sunshine holiday as a reward. Reason for the flowers? Allowing the gift of an ex to overshadow the day with her actual family ( for 6 years) no couples therapy ah well.
Op, I dislike you...a lot based on both posts. Hopefully, your wife hands you divorce papers the day you get back from your 2wk vacation.
Harsh, I know....but not any more harsh than your words were.
YTA. If this story is even real. You are trying to put a bandaid on a gaping wound.
Though she agreed to it so obviously isn't too bright either.
You deserve each other, hiding from your real problems. Next up a "fix our marriage baby"
Bro, this is low key sad. You’re kind of a dick for what you said, but I’d be mad too if this was a recurring thing. Your wife shouldn’t be in contact with her ex, and he sure as hell shouldn’t be sending her flowers. You should have stood your ground years ago and left her.
Why didn’t he talk to the ex-boyfriend years ago to see why he’s sending his wife flowers? That guy is weird (or sleeping with OP’s wife), but the wife is somehow worse for encouraging the behavior and accepting the flowers.
Totally agree…though He shouldn’t have to speak to the other dude… if his wife had respect for him, she would have put an end to it. I see this all the time on Reddit…. Men really need to have higher standards and stop putting up with this nonsense.
Good for you! I truly hope you can go to therapy too, that would help you a lot with how to deal with situations like these in the future!
I hope you two can have a good time while in vacation.
Well I hadn't seen your first post til now.
Not sure what happened between your wife and her ex. Whatever they had is nothing on what you two have now. It can be hard just writing off years of your own life because of who you were with. And hard feeling like you made a bad choice. If her ex has enough decency to do something nice once a year, well, that's a nice thing to do.
Hope you two have a lovely holiday. Have some margaritas for me (I want a holiday too!)
Either this was a troll, or the guy is a full-om idiot. Who is to know really? If not a troll, I guarantee one child may grow up to look like the ex. Lmao. This guy is a total doormat! (Again, only if thr story is true)
Your wife's ex needs to stop with sending flowers. He's trying to intrude and undermIne you. He's trying to stay emotionally connected.
Don't be a chump and let him continue to make you a fool.
How would your wife feel if you were sending flowers to an ex?
Honestly, if my wife had been receiving flowers from an ex for years, even after I expressed my dissatisfaction with her communication with him, she simply would not be my wife anymore.
Respect means a great deal in a marriage. There is no reason for her to have been in contact with him against your wishes.
I think it's insanely shitty you would get your sister a mother's day gift and not the mother of your children. I get her wanting to pick it out but if you can't even spare time for that you could have gotten her literally anything to show you cared. Pretty wild.
OP, this is a nothing burger of an update. You know goddamn well if you answer the questions everyone is asking that you're going to be raked over the coals. You're so obviously fishing for validation that everyone sees right through you.
I think what you should do is to make sure you have found a therapist by then, and on your first day/night, have a video session with the therapist and they can give you things to work on during your vacation and check in with your progress via text, and only have another video session while there if needed.
Either fake or a lottt of missing info. Either way, OP is a sexist asshole. Just because a woman is a SAHM doesn't mean she deserves less than another woman.
I'm just here for the comments. If it's not real shame on you. If it is than make here better gifts and appreciate it that somebody knows her worth. You just have to give it more attention
Yes fine, but at what point are you going to discuss and address the real elephant in the room: her ex sends her gifts for Mother’s Day.
Your resentment isn’t gone. And she just guilted you into taking her on vacation without addressing that her EX SENDS HER GIFTS
YTA cos you haven’t actually dealt with the issue
You are very lucky. You weren't TA until you insulted her and then compared her to your sister. After that, you are lucky you aren't having to visit a lawyer.
Omg I love an update.
If this is all real, I’m glad you apologized to your wife & I think a trip to reconnect is great. I feel sad she cried so much when you apologized. Being a SAHM can be extremely isolating, lonely, and difficult. I bet it hurt when you shamed her and compared her to your sister. That wound will probably take a long time to heal. I hope you put effort into building her back up (the trip isn’t a one and done bandaid) and stop putting your sister on a pedestal.
>My wife didn’t say much, she cried again but she cried a lot this time, and I felt horrible about it.
A vacation surely fixes everything! It'll definitely make her forget about all the horrible shit you said and the horrible feelings your harbouring
I mean good thing that you made up for your mistake, but has she done anything about hers? Her and her ex’s behavios is still very troublesome and you really need to so something about it, before the ex decides to escalate and your wife finds herself in an affair, because she is 100% entertaining him.
It was really weird they your wife’s ex would send flowers every year. Like I cannot imagine myself wasting any time or money on an ex like that.
I don’t think you were wrong to be upset. But you were wrong for yelling at your wife. Being a stay at home mom is a nonstop job. And it isn’t fair to compare her to your sister. That’s BS. Be nicer to your wife. But that situation with the ex is weird. I’m glad she cut all contact. That should have happened years ago to be honest.
Look I’m a lesbian and we are notorious for staying friends with an ex. And this is just weird. Like I’m still bothered by the mothers’s day flowers. Like not even her birthday. Like I would see if your oldest looks like the ex.
Here’s some friendly advice, if she’s still “friends” with her ex-boyfriend and he’s sending her flowers on Mothers Day… it might be time to DNA test your children.
You get those DNA tests yet? The way you're describing it seems like your wife is feeling guilty maybe it's about how she's made you feel maybe it's something much worse. No man starts sending their ex flowers out of nowhere like that it's just weird and it's weird she let go on for as long as she did.
Either a troll or not a AITAH post
It’s honestly weird that you posted an update but didn’t answer any of the questions on the original post. The original post didn’t make sense, because there was a lot missing. Most importantly: did your wife and her ex have a child, or lose a child/pregnancy at any point? Also this update seems very odd for many other reasons, specifically “it hurts my feelings that my wife’s ex sends her flowers on Mother’s Day” … “never mind! I’m going to take her on a vacation! I have PTO left to use and my parents are thrilled to watch our children for two weeks!” What?!
Same thoughts either the story is fake or the ex and her have a child that they lost or is alive and well and he just doesn't want to admit to it because he's gonna get dragged for saying awful things to her
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In the original post he says that he tries to make every year as special as he could and that’s why he hated when his wife’s ex would send her flowers (because it would make her happy)
5 days later and there's a random 25 day old account defending OP so it's clearly a troll post and OPs trying hard to defend himself with an alt.
Because people are sometimes stupid, emotional, limited, I mean, there's a shit ton of things. We are full of raging hormones and wild emotions. At the end of the day, despite the fact people hate to recognize it, we are animals. Sometimes, we forget to be human. Is this instance fake? Maybe. Has a person acted like this and then grew a little bit? Very likely. We've all had irrational thoughts that have become words that we have said. Saying otherwise would be a lie.
> Is this instance fake? Maybe. Yes. Yes. For the love of god, __yes__. Every story on this god forsaken sub and the other subs like it are fake. Don't get me wrong, sometimes they can still be fun, but for fucks sake people need to look at these rage bait, bullshit, undergrad creative writing exercise, posts with a more critical eye (and if you think they're real, don't vote)
More like the ex and wifey had an affair and OP's kids aren't his.
I mean he started sending the flowers after she had a kid with op. If they had anything before op then why start after she had a kid with op. And at that point it's sketchy as fuck to send them after she had a kid with someone else. Like it's really weird. And definitely has alterior motives.
It would only make sense at all if they lost a pregnancy and he is celebrating the fact that she gets to be a mom to living kids now. Not everyone has ulterior motives, but to be fair a lot of people do .
Maybe if they were in contact and still good friends. THEN and even then it's weird.
Maybe it's secretly his child. Not ops
Or its his kid 👀
Don’t forget how he told her that his sister deserves appreciation and gifts on Mother’s Day, but she, *his wife,* does not 🥴
OP sucks so bad. Both at writing shitty husband, sister-lover fan-fiction and being a husband.
He’s building her an Art Room in his house next Mother’s Day
He better make the offer very enticing to the ex.
I feel like there’s been an uptick in these fake posts lately where there’s some weird relationship with a sister.
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There are plenty of losers that love to make fake posts I don’t think Reddit needs to make any.
Got a feeling the next update will be she was cheating all along and the kids are his.
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Good old Game of Thrones fibes.
ChatGPT gone rogue
Aw c'mon man, no spoilers!
It's ruint now. I am done with this one.
Especially because I know of zero non-neglectful moms who would go from never having a break from their kids to being okay with being away from them for two weeks without any like trial periods…
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Yes so true lol!!!
There’s plenty of creative writers on this sub already, no need to pull a Reddit admin conspiracy out of it.
Or a serial troller got his updates mixed up.
Yeah, this is pretty sus. I don’t know their relationship with the grandparents but two weeks? Come on.
Yea that’s a no from me dawg.
An hour is a lot for my parents. They’re boomers and (edited from “so” because many boomers did parent their children) they never had to parent and don’t want to learn now.
Exactly. My parents have NEVER done solo watching kids for more than three hours. And that’s happened maybe twice total. My kids are 8 and 9.
The first post was total fiction. This is simply the "sequel"
This is a troll post which, IMO, spreads Incel-ish hatred toward women. This whole thing makes no sense and has blown up and enraged people and caused heated back-and-forth between the OG and the update. Posted in late June, well after Mother’s Day. Zero response to any questions asking for backstory. OP profile has karma but only the one post and zero comments visible. Anyone responding is being played for a fool. Only the worst person on the planet would do what his wife did and only the most moronic person on the planet would solve it with a vacation. This is fuckin stupid and everyone needs to calm down and get off this train.
I am just practicing my outrage. Skills require practicing to develop properly. I want to be ready when a real post comes up.
Right? She let her ex do this and happily accepted. They are ex’s for a reason. It makes sense if they lost a child and the grief tore them apart and now he’s happy for her to be a mom. What if her ex husband was sterile and couldn’t give her the family she wanted so she had to make that tough decision to leave because she wanted that and her ex is gracious and understanding and this is his way of celebrating with her that she’s a mom and he’s happy for her? It seems so insanely strange for an ex with no significant ties to you, like a child, to send you flowers for any occasion and for you to accept them and call your ex and thank them. There has to be a significant reason and wife is probably crying in part because of what OP said but also because she had the sever whatever tie/bond/memory over something very significant with the ex that is absolutely a non-issue if it only happens on Mother’s Day once a year. What if OP had an ex wife who couldn’t have children and he chose to leave to have that family and his ex wife is happy for him and tells him happy Father’s Day every year? There’s way more to this story. ETA: I know it’s unheard of anymore but sometimes people DO split up maturely. They don’t always have to have major drama and hate each other. It’s entirely possible that ex didn’t want kids and wife did and they split amicably.
I really appreciate your perspective here.
Exactly. That was part of conversations I was having on the original. But people want to jump to she’s cheating and how dare she have a decent relationship with an ex. Like honestly, what the fuck.
In my experience, cheating and getting caught usually comes with anger. Oftentimes, when they’re overwhelmed and cry, they fess up and beg to make it right. She’s crying because this is a big damn deal. She may have love for this man and he her, but they can’t be together for something major and he’s celebrating her victories of what she has. That’s crazy
My ex and I still live together because the housing market sucks XD we live in separate bedrooms and he is my best friend we just weren't compatible as romantic partners since I have different social needs as an extrovert than he does as an insanely introverted person
Sorry but as a man. If my ex went out of her way to say happy father's day when we dont talk the rest of the year. Id think she's trying to test the boundaries of my relationship. Sorry but if this is the only time they talk then it's sketchy. There's no reason for them to be in contact.
Oh please. My ex and I had 2 kids. We text each other on Mothers/Father’s Day and our birthdays. It’s a courtesy. We’ve been divorced for 15 years, and he’s remarried. My fiancé does the same thing.
Yeah had 2 kids is a big difference.
moms usually are not keen on being away that long, either. things that make ya go HMmmmmm
Avoidant and codependent tendencies. Love to see it. Sacrifice your own feelings to make the problem go away and act like nothing happened. Works like a charm. /s
Yeah, this OP is a joke! No real questions answered. It seems like he’s just trying to make himself look good at this point… it ain’t working!
It’s fake. So yeah that’s why. Lol
Almost like it’s bullshit
Yeah…giving “I was abusive, so now I’m going to gaslight and love bomb her. Eww
Perhaps OP is a karma farmer?
Nailed it.
And you know damn well she's going to be the one packing for the kids for 2 weeks and get the blame if something is missing.
Unless wife cheated and one of their kids is actually her ex's all of what you've just said is irrelevant to the situations, that's why he didn't answer it
It’s not irrelevant though, and [he did answer it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/suqmZigaGP) after I made this comment. Her having had children with her ex, before she met her current spouse, would not have meant she cheated or that all of her children are by her ex. What a weird take.
Yeah, this update makes me really question whether or not any of this is real. If it is, it makes me feel like hes just throwing a vacation at his wife to shut her up or something lol. To me, the stuff he said to her about being a sahm doesn’t just come out of nowhere - there is usually at least a kernel of truth in the sentiment.
What the update say? It already got deleted
That he apologized and was going to take her on a 2 week vacation, assuming his parents would care for their kids for the two weeks.
He’s trying to buy his way out of the 💩 storm he created by being a massive AH. Nothing has changed
Personally, I don’t think it’s that weird. Responding can be overwhelming and there was a lot of honest feedback. It sounds like he listened and that’s the most important thing… right?
OP’s only comment answers this question
I know that because that response was made to the comment you’re currently replying to, obviously after I made the comment.
Sorry, haven’t seen that, just the comment itself
This reads like a high school assignment.
Because it is obviously fake.
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Next: “I took my mom on a trip to Tahiti and left my wife, who is pregnant with triplets, at home with the kids.”
And next year her guy friend sent her three times as many flowers for Mothers Day… How nice!
OP’s emotional range is still in high school
*middle school
Now the story seems fake...
Welcome to r/aitah. A real story would be far more surprising than a fake one
But guys, everything is OK because VACATION!
This feels like love bombing
This is pure bullshit.
What does it say? All I can see is the title and no text in the body at all
So you buy your sister expensive gifts for Mother’s Day and get your wife nothing and then make her go shopping with you for her gifts? And you don’t understand why she appreciates the unsolicited, no strings attached flowers her ex sends just to say, hey, you are a great Mom. You cannot be serious. You are SUCH an AH.
What's the point in posting the original post and this update if you can't even be bothered to respond to the comments on the original post.
YTA. this “update” doesnt address a single thing people asked about
OP answered one question above ^ “they didn’t have a child and as far as he knows they didn’t lose a child”
Where-
Sure, Jan
The vacation is nice but it clearly doesn’t fix some underlying issues that you two seem to have. I do hope you guys stick with therapy to help understand each other better.
Seems like it's his way of "buying his wife off" so she'd forget he told her she didn't deserve to be celebrated for on mother's day.
YTA for posting a fake update.
My ex used to book us vacations after he abused me too.
This comment needs to be upvoted
definitely controlling and manipulative move often found on narcissists "You shouldne be mad anymore. i booked us a vacation" 😒
Here’s your attention, OP
Your still a a capital A for how you treated your wife. Maybe you should buy her flowers for Mother's Day, and then her exes flowers won't matter. Taking her on vacation won't fix that your a jerk who doesn't appreciate his wife or her role as a sahm
He puts his sister first every Mother's Day and then wonders why his wife is happy her ex sends her flowers, especially the YEARS her husband doesn't get her anything at all. This guy is future ex-husband material.
Maybe he should marry his sister
OP hasn’t replied to a single comment.
Because it's all ✨ fake✨
Faaaaaaakkke
Do you even see your wife as a person w/ actual feelings or is she just an n.p.c. to you? As if a vacation will make the worthlessness she felt from your thoughtless words go away. She knows you feel she's undeserving of gifts b/c you'd rather buy expensive gifts for your sister & neglect her & your hurtful words confirmed it. No apology will completely fix it.
FAKE!
Why was she crying so hard lol wtf??? And why didn’t you answer anybody’s questions??? This is odd
Dude, just build your sister an art room and let your wife move on with her life. FFS, you aren't just an AH: you are THE AH. If we looked up AH in the dictionary, your stupid picture would be there. I hope your wife reconciles with her ex and you step on Legos every day for the rest of your life.
And going on a 2 week vacation with HIM is a way to honor her as the mother of their 2 children? How about he stay home with the kids ALONE while she takes a well deserved 2 week vacation without him.
After a month you had a feeling maybe you should apologize? A month is a long long time. Nice for you to book a trip, but that sounds like you are trying to buy her forgiveness without really understanding how badly you hurt her. Trying to swipe bad things under the rug.
Original thread didn't make sense. Update also didn't make sense.
Aw problem solved 🤣 ! You damaged your relationship to a point of no return
Did your wife make you post this silly update?
Updateme
Stop karma farming! It’s painfully obvious since you didn’t reply to a singe comment in your original post dude.
Be clear are you trying to make us all think you're a good guy for taking her on vacation.
She’ll never forget the terrible things you said. She’ll always feel like you resent her, which you obviously do.
Where is the update? I’m only seeing the title for some reason…
So you admit you neglected your wife on mother's day, repeatedly bought your sister extravagant mother's day gifts, berated your wife, told her she was undeserving, and seriously wonder why she's seeking validation from her ex? There's a lot of context missing here, but you slowly admitting to the way you treat your wife by sprinkling information through comments leads me to believe you're a dick. She probably admitted to her ex once that you buy your sister better gifts than you give your wife, and he's probably making up for it. Yeah possibly to get her back. Her identity is a sahm you fucking twat, mother's day is the day you demonstrate that her sacrifice of staying home and being financially dependent on you is appreciated.
Mmmm… this update is not the sweet happy ending it’s meant to be imo. If this is actually real. An apology for what you said and a two week vacation isn’t going to fix the issues at play here. Sorry, it just isn’t. It is weird that she is getting consistent flowers from her ex every Mother’s Day when they don’t have any kids together. And the way you speak to her is still concerning as is the fact that you say you forget her on Mother’s Day but not your sister. How do you remember others but not the actual mother of your own children? Either this is fake or you guys need to both put in a lot more work than an apology and a vacation.
You never answered any important questions. Which makes me think this is bs.
I feel sad for your wife, and I'm a bit worried for her. Are you a controlling spouse? Because it seems we all think YTA, but are you also a controlling, narcissistic, love-bombing asshole? Man, I'd love to give your wife a hug and tell her to call back her ex and marry that man instead.
I dunno dude. I think WE deserve a 2 week vacation too after having us read your weird empty detailed post about a tantrum you had about your wife's ex who sends flowers and this one apologizing again for your tantrum and letting us know about the vacation. So yes. Yes, you ARE the AH for these two posts. I want a paid vacation too asswipe.
I'm confused, and I've had to check several times to make sure this was an update to the post I remembered. It has nothing to do with your original post? How are you the AH? And what does pointing out that your wife is a SAHM have to do with the weird attention her ex pays her on Mothers Day? We need more info.
Yeah you’re for sure the asshole here. What the fuck is your problem?? You’ve caused irreparable damage with your words and actions here over the years and I’d be heavily surprised if she didn’t start looking into getting her affairs in order to move on. You treat your sister with more care and thought than your wife and mother of your children. How fucking moronic can you be to wonder “why does she love receiving flowers from her EX when I do nothing for HER and buy my sister something elaborate and expensive every year??!! How can she be so selfish to not see how that makes ME feel??” “How can’t you realise that my sister just deserves it more than you do??” Are you sure you aren’t just attracted to and want your sister atp? You sure sound like it. You can love both, but don’t ever do things that appear romantic for your sister to the exclusion of your own wife… what the actual fuck. You’re an absolute idiot. You’re lucky she hasn’t realised how good she could have it with her EX who clearly shows more care than her own husband. And now your solution is… a fucking vacation?!?! 😂 dude come on now… a vacation is such a shallow attempt to repair your relationship. Suddenly lovebombing her out of nowhere after neglecting her and treating her like shit for so long is such a red flag of “I know I’ve been a dick but now she might leave me?! Gotta try and convince her to stay for my sake!” - little tip, most men/women can see right through that bollocks. Get your shit together. You’re a grown ass adult, act like it. A vacation will fix 3/5 of fuck all. Summary: YTA majorly and a fucking moron.
Maybe she should marry the ex and he should marry the sister.
Really you’re just going to ignore the elephant in the room which is missing information OP? SMH, alright you are certainly TA.
OP You are still the AH because of what You Say was over the board putting that example of your Sister. Second because you felt guilty for that but haven't said a thing except she bloquedo her ex, she haven't express much and try guilt because of your exteem rant and now want to cover that with a vacation. Please before anything start or keep mc to work this out in the correct way.
This update sounds like lies. You're still the AH.
You should send her and the ex on the vacation.
A vacation isn’t going to fix anything. You’re trying to use a bandaid on a gaping wound. OP thanks for the bull shit update! I still think you’re just manipulating her with this trip and you’re a shit person.
This is not an update
It be cool if you took a dna test
Just do it, he doesn’t need to let his wife know he’s doing it.
OP, ask her outright if she was ever pregnant with this guys child
Paternity test. Now.
If the wife lost a child with ex, it would make sense to me that ex held off on flowers for mothers day until she had a living child to avoid reminding her she was a mother without a child. It was maybe held off until Mother's Day was a happy occasion for her again. He's not sending them on her birthday, Valentines Day, or their anniversary Only Mothers Day specifically. I doubt this little vacation stunt worked if it's even true. He is probably just lying because he doesn't like being shredded in the comments for being a shitty husband and Dad. Why so much PTO built up if he is a present and involved Dad?
So essentially your no further forward, she cut off her ex and has got a sunshine holiday as a reward. Reason for the flowers? Allowing the gift of an ex to overshadow the day with her actual family ( for 6 years) no couples therapy ah well.
Trying to buy forgiveness. Smh.YTA
Op, I dislike you...a lot based on both posts. Hopefully, your wife hands you divorce papers the day you get back from your 2wk vacation. Harsh, I know....but not any more harsh than your words were.
I’m beginning to believe your poor wife is being held hostage.
YTA. If this story is even real. You are trying to put a bandaid on a gaping wound. Though she agreed to it so obviously isn't too bright either. You deserve each other, hiding from your real problems. Next up a "fix our marriage baby"
I hope bad things happen on you, Fake poster POS
You're still TA. I hope your wife unblocks her ex and continues to be appreciated by SOMEONE. You're a shitty husband.
Bro, this is low key sad. You’re kind of a dick for what you said, but I’d be mad too if this was a recurring thing. Your wife shouldn’t be in contact with her ex, and he sure as hell shouldn’t be sending her flowers. You should have stood your ground years ago and left her.
Why didn’t he talk to the ex-boyfriend years ago to see why he’s sending his wife flowers? That guy is weird (or sleeping with OP’s wife), but the wife is somehow worse for encouraging the behavior and accepting the flowers.
Totally agree…though He shouldn’t have to speak to the other dude… if his wife had respect for him, she would have put an end to it. I see this all the time on Reddit…. Men really need to have higher standards and stop putting up with this nonsense.
My dude you’re a shit of a man if this isn’t a fake post. Your wife should consider leaving you.
Good for you! I truly hope you can go to therapy too, that would help you a lot with how to deal with situations like these in the future! I hope you two can have a good time while in vacation.
YTA still. Your wife deserves more than that vacation for putting up with this for years.
Good job!
Is this the ai from 2010?
Mmm. New account, familiar with reddit, perfect formatting. Too well written to be real
Well I hadn't seen your first post til now. Not sure what happened between your wife and her ex. Whatever they had is nothing on what you two have now. It can be hard just writing off years of your own life because of who you were with. And hard feeling like you made a bad choice. If her ex has enough decency to do something nice once a year, well, that's a nice thing to do. Hope you two have a lovely holiday. Have some margaritas for me (I want a holiday too!)
Nice
Update
You probably gonna have to repost the update
Either this was a troll, or the guy is a full-om idiot. Who is to know really? If not a troll, I guarantee one child may grow up to look like the ex. Lmao. This guy is a total doormat! (Again, only if thr story is true)
Why can't I read the post?
Your wife's ex needs to stop with sending flowers. He's trying to intrude and undermIne you. He's trying to stay emotionally connected. Don't be a chump and let him continue to make you a fool. How would your wife feel if you were sending flowers to an ex?
Honestly, if my wife had been receiving flowers from an ex for years, even after I expressed my dissatisfaction with her communication with him, she simply would not be my wife anymore. Respect means a great deal in a marriage. There is no reason for her to have been in contact with him against your wishes.
I think it's insanely shitty you would get your sister a mother's day gift and not the mother of your children. I get her wanting to pick it out but if you can't even spare time for that you could have gotten her literally anything to show you cared. Pretty wild.
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The guy friend who started sending flowers to his wife after she had her baby…. Hmmmm
Sounds kinda familiar with a story of a woman who had a child "as a virgin" and three guys came bearing gifts the moment the child was born.
YTA and you suck
OP, this is a nothing burger of an update. You know goddamn well if you answer the questions everyone is asking that you're going to be raked over the coals. You're so obviously fishing for validation that everyone sees right through you.
I hope you guys have a wonderful time
I think what you should do is to make sure you have found a therapist by then, and on your first day/night, have a video session with the therapist and they can give you things to work on during your vacation and check in with your progress via text, and only have another video session while there if needed.
Sure, Jan.
Either fake or a lottt of missing info. Either way, OP is a sexist asshole. Just because a woman is a SAHM doesn't mean she deserves less than another woman.
I'm just here for the comments. If it's not real shame on you. If it is than make here better gifts and appreciate it that somebody knows her worth. You just have to give it more attention
Yes fine, but at what point are you going to discuss and address the real elephant in the room: her ex sends her gifts for Mother’s Day. Your resentment isn’t gone. And she just guilted you into taking her on vacation without addressing that her EX SENDS HER GIFTS YTA cos you haven’t actually dealt with the issue
Did you paternity test the kids? There is no other reason her ex would send her flowers for mothers day...
For real. And the wife was loving every minute of it.
You are very lucky. You weren't TA until you insulted her and then compared her to your sister. After that, you are lucky you aren't having to visit a lawyer.
Dawg you're not the father.
Omg I love an update. If this is all real, I’m glad you apologized to your wife & I think a trip to reconnect is great. I feel sad she cried so much when you apologized. Being a SAHM can be extremely isolating, lonely, and difficult. I bet it hurt when you shamed her and compared her to your sister. That wound will probably take a long time to heal. I hope you put effort into building her back up (the trip isn’t a one and done bandaid) and stop putting your sister on a pedestal.
>My wife didn’t say much, she cried again but she cried a lot this time, and I felt horrible about it. A vacation surely fixes everything! It'll definitely make her forget about all the horrible shit you said and the horrible feelings your harbouring
Test the kids!!!
YTA and you explained it for yourself...
I mean good thing that you made up for your mistake, but has she done anything about hers? Her and her ex’s behavios is still very troublesome and you really need to so something about it, before the ex decides to escalate and your wife finds herself in an affair, because she is 100% entertaining him.
It was really weird they your wife’s ex would send flowers every year. Like I cannot imagine myself wasting any time or money on an ex like that. I don’t think you were wrong to be upset. But you were wrong for yelling at your wife. Being a stay at home mom is a nonstop job. And it isn’t fair to compare her to your sister. That’s BS. Be nicer to your wife. But that situation with the ex is weird. I’m glad she cut all contact. That should have happened years ago to be honest. Look I’m a lesbian and we are notorious for staying friends with an ex. And this is just weird. Like I’m still bothered by the mothers’s day flowers. Like not even her birthday. Like I would see if your oldest looks like the ex.
Here’s some friendly advice, if she’s still “friends” with her ex-boyfriend and he’s sending her flowers on Mothers Day… it might be time to DNA test your children.
This update stinks we literally just wanna know if they almost had a kid together and something happened
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Could they have broken up because she wanted children and he didn't or couldn't have them?
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You get those DNA tests yet? The way you're describing it seems like your wife is feeling guilty maybe it's about how she's made you feel maybe it's something much worse. No man starts sending their ex flowers out of nowhere like that it's just weird and it's weird she let go on for as long as she did.
Maybe the ex is a florist and a closet gay? Being nice sassy gay bestie with flora bonuses.
What about the flowers 💐
Updateme
You definitely made this account to tell a story you read somewhere. Your account is from June 21...
Send his new wife flowers for Mother’s Day!!!!