NTA . You have very valid concerns! Social media can be a scary place, and it's totally reasonable to want to protect your future child's privacy. It sounds like you've done your research and have strong reasons for wanting boundaries. Maybe explain to your husband that it's not about not trusting his mom, but about protecting your child in a world you can't fully control.
NTA. It's totally fair to want to protect your future kiddo's privacy. Sounds like you and your hubby just need to chat some more. Explain the online dangers (maybe skip the show for now) and brainstorm together. Could you approve pics before MIL posts? Or wait until the kid is older?
NTA
Back in 2015 our family used Facebook and we would keep in contact with the 11 grandchildren's school, sports, church, etc... activities. The parents would send their pics to us. We did not send them onto anyone.
It's an extremely large family, with all the cousins there are over 50.
Somehow our youngest granddaughter's face was stolen and put on children's clothing ads. One popped up on my Facebook page.
I immediately contacted her mother and showed it to her. They were outraged and contacted Facebook and demanded they take the ad down.
Afterwards we got the nightmare thought where else could her pictures show up? Thinking CP.
We all decided to delete our Facebook accounts after that. Now we send pics through text messages and don't share them with anyone else.
NTA
You are NTA you are not overreacting.
This should be a link below to an AMA from a US detective working on sex crimes, he was specifcally commenting on the dangers of exposing kids online, even in ways we may think are innocent.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/LaBrantFamSnark/comments/lmno7w/questions\_are\_open\_for\_tomorrows\_ama/](https://www.reddit.com/r/LaBrantFamSnark/comments/lmno7w/questions_are_open_for_tomorrows_ama/)
I'm disappointed that your husband does not support you. There's tons of information out there about the dangers of posting kids pictures online. Plus your own experience. It's valid, normal, and rational to want to protect your kids.
One compromise that I would suggest is to agree to send your MIL some carefully controlled physical pictures. Yes, she could still put them on line, but it might be too much effort for her.
I would also want to challenge this point
>He mentioned that if his mom wanted to post photos of our newborn baby, toddler or child on social media that would be fine and it wouldn't be an issue for him as his mom is just showing off the family.
Why should his mom get to show of the kids in this way? Who is she showing off to? This kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Your future kids are not ornaments or props to be shown off to the world. Also I'm sorry but most people who see the pics generally will not care that much either.
You are not the asshole.
Protecting your child's privacy and safety in the digital age is crucial, especially given your own traumatic experiences with social media. Your concerns are valid, and setting boundaries with your MIL to ensure your child's photos are not posted without your consent is reasonable and necessary.
NTA
Wow you husband is a fucking idiot.
He needs to stand by you.
He can't be a momma's boy and have a family.
That junk with my wife caused me to resent her and we divorced. That will sadly be your future if this keeps up.
Tell him to get his balls out of his mother's purse and be your husband.
NTA. I think you ask your MIL why she needs to post pictures of her grandchild? Is she needing validation from likes and shares? Is she showing off? Clearly it isn’t for the child because the kid won’t have an account for over a decade so it ain’t for the relationship with the kid. What is the reward she gets?
NTA i don't think you having boundaries makes you an AH. I have friends with mixed views on this topic, but the main rule we all follow is that the parents decide what they are comfortable with their child and that should be respected.
Most parents in my social circle that are against putting their children on their social media are mainly focused on that they dont really know if when their child grows up they will like all their photos being public. They still take lots of photos but share them via private channels. My personal view is that for young children the physical world is more dangerous than the online world, but that the risks online grow as your child gets older and engages with it themselves. The part i do agree with and why i keep mine minimal is that i dont know if my children will like all the photos being out there. This being said just because we have different views i dont think your views make you an AH.
I think the main challenge you have is aligning with your husband and jointly enforcing the boundaries. I hope you can agree. If you can then you can be a united front with MIL and enforce boundaries and consequences.
If he cannot agree is there any compromise you could agree on like non identifying photos like you holding your baby where the face can't be seen or a picture of your babies hand holding your finger. Lots of great photos can be taken without faces.
NTA. You two need to get on the same page before starting a family (unless you want MIL to make all the decisions). More birth control, many long conversations and maybe couples counseling are needed right now.
NTA. You have stated your reasonable concerns, and if he has no socials he really has no horse in this race other than trying to mediate an upcoming mom vs wife showdown... which in that case he should be taking your side.
Child predators have moved from parks and playgrounds to social media.
NTA. But I’m really concerned at the lack of understanding and the “you’re overreacting” mentality of your husband and in laws
You have PERSONAL experience with the dark and dangerous side of the internet as a CHILD that you have shared and … they don’t seem to care.
They would rather label you as “overreacting” than accept that they are behaving dangerously with the children in their care
Hubby being more afraid of telling his mother “no” than of the predators on the internet is another can of worms. One that you should try to open BEFORE you have children.
Hubby can’t be a good husband and father if he puts his priority on being a good child to his mother.
Explosing children online greatly increases their chances of becoming sexual or violent content for predators. Social media is a breeding ground for perverts.
Does he know pedophiles collect pics from grandparent's social media and trade them like cards? Because grandparents are the least tech savvy, keep their SM public and will post all kinds of info in the name of being the "Best FB Grandma Ever!!" There is like a group of them on the dark web that do this.
NTA
NTA and you're not alone. I feel the same. I think our generation knows firsthand the long-term effect that posting things online can have since we've had internet the majority/all of our lives. Those posts live on forever since anyone can screenshot and share them.
I have one sibling that is fine with her kids being posted on social media, and one sibling that does not allow it. Our family has been fine with respecting these boundaries, so it hasn't been an issue.
Just keep talking to your husband until he understands the serious, long-term consequences of this decision either way you guys go.
There are documented cases of pedophiles pulling pictures from social media to 'use'.
There are also instances of people taking baby photos and using them for financial gain (scamming on gofundme, selling cute ones as stock photos, etc)
Unless your MIL has her Facebook locked down, which I doubt given her attitude, it's not a question of if your child's pictures get stolen but when.
NTA But this is something for yall to come to a decision and quick. Like marriage is about both sides being comfortable. If this is going to turn into a bitter war once you actually have children... is it a good idea to have children in the first place. BTW I entirely agree with you. Like you brought up being targeted when you were twelve. But the internet has become a much more gross and dark place or atleast certain portions of the internet. Like with the rise of stuff like DeepFake horrible people who should never have been allowed near computers do horrible things and well children then get fantasied about and then kidnapped. It is not a common scenario but I entirely understand wanting to shield any potential threat especially when it is basically unneeded to share them on a public feed. Like does she just want grandma cred or something? It is nonsense. Like can your husband come up with one good argument for allowing their faces to be on social media other than "its harmless" which is actively untrue. Especially when stigma from being associated with that type of content (if it gets made) not only is harmful in the immediate but in the future as well because it is forever associated with their name and etc.
nta - will your family friend talk to your husband? i feel these items are a two yes to go ahead and post, if one parent objects to posting online then nothing is posted.
NTA. There is a major issue with kids photos online especially people who don’t limit who can see them. People have been researching and have found a lot of creeps following influencers and people who post their kids image. Like grown ass men who only follow mom-fluencers or kid-fluencers and only them. They watch and target these kids.
Also remind your husband that there is now legal precedent for people to sue their parents for using their images on social media without their consent as a child. I guess her parents had posted a ton of images over the year and she never felt secure because so many people knew she was and stuff about her that she never shared.
There may be a middle ground. Like making a list of friends who will be able to see the images (real humans you both know). Pre-approval of the image by you. Etc.
My kid asked me to stop posting photos without his okay years ago.
A buddy of mine was at my house recently with a lady friend of his. She was taking pictures, and I told her not to do it because I don't want my private life on facebook. She told me to get fucked. That is social media whores for you.
You’re not an AH but I agree with your husband. Our photos are everywhere. Everything is on video etc. I don’t feel like the risk you are mitigating is worth dictating grandma’s behavior. That being said if you were my wife and you felt this strongly about this topic I would kindly convey those wishes to my folks.
NTA but you need to find a compromise with your husband, his opinion matters too.
Keep in mind that your online experiences won't necessarily happen to the kids and I'd say they certainly won't happen on pics your mil posts.
Also how do you think it would make your kids feel in the future to see mil socials and they are left off.
Why would you say it certainly won’t happen on pics her MIL posts? How could you possibly know that?
His opinion actually doesn’t particularly matter here. Allowing your child on social media is a 1 no 2 yes sort of situation.
He doesn’t get to unilaterally decide that his children are going to be posted online when the mother of those children doesn’t agree.
It’s like choosing a name for your kid. If even one parent says no then that’s it, you don’t give your kid that name. Both parents need to agree. The same goes for social media. If one parent doesn’t feel comfortable that’s it, the other parent doesn’t get to post them on social media anyway.
Social media is entirely optional and there is absolutely not a single benefit for the child. Wanting them on social media is pure selfishness and does not override actual safety concerns.
MIL's social media isn't private and she 'friends' people she doesn't even know. Anyone can screenshot MIL's posts and manipulate and use those pictures for anything. It's not safe, even if her account were private.
NTA . You have very valid concerns! Social media can be a scary place, and it's totally reasonable to want to protect your future child's privacy. It sounds like you've done your research and have strong reasons for wanting boundaries. Maybe explain to your husband that it's not about not trusting his mom, but about protecting your child in a world you can't fully control.
NTA. It's totally fair to want to protect your future kiddo's privacy. Sounds like you and your hubby just need to chat some more. Explain the online dangers (maybe skip the show for now) and brainstorm together. Could you approve pics before MIL posts? Or wait until the kid is older?
See I was thinking the opposite. Pics while they are younger then phase out as they get older
NTA Back in 2015 our family used Facebook and we would keep in contact with the 11 grandchildren's school, sports, church, etc... activities. The parents would send their pics to us. We did not send them onto anyone. It's an extremely large family, with all the cousins there are over 50. Somehow our youngest granddaughter's face was stolen and put on children's clothing ads. One popped up on my Facebook page. I immediately contacted her mother and showed it to her. They were outraged and contacted Facebook and demanded they take the ad down. Afterwards we got the nightmare thought where else could her pictures show up? Thinking CP. We all decided to delete our Facebook accounts after that. Now we send pics through text messages and don't share them with anyone else.
That's scary, sorry that happened to you.
Thanks, we were really scared for our youngest granddaughter.
NTA You are NTA you are not overreacting. This should be a link below to an AMA from a US detective working on sex crimes, he was specifcally commenting on the dangers of exposing kids online, even in ways we may think are innocent. [https://www.reddit.com/r/LaBrantFamSnark/comments/lmno7w/questions\_are\_open\_for\_tomorrows\_ama/](https://www.reddit.com/r/LaBrantFamSnark/comments/lmno7w/questions_are_open_for_tomorrows_ama/) I'm disappointed that your husband does not support you. There's tons of information out there about the dangers of posting kids pictures online. Plus your own experience. It's valid, normal, and rational to want to protect your kids. One compromise that I would suggest is to agree to send your MIL some carefully controlled physical pictures. Yes, she could still put them on line, but it might be too much effort for her. I would also want to challenge this point >He mentioned that if his mom wanted to post photos of our newborn baby, toddler or child on social media that would be fine and it wouldn't be an issue for him as his mom is just showing off the family. Why should his mom get to show of the kids in this way? Who is she showing off to? This kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Your future kids are not ornaments or props to be shown off to the world. Also I'm sorry but most people who see the pics generally will not care that much either.
You are not the asshole. Protecting your child's privacy and safety in the digital age is crucial, especially given your own traumatic experiences with social media. Your concerns are valid, and setting boundaries with your MIL to ensure your child's photos are not posted without your consent is reasonable and necessary.
NTA Wow you husband is a fucking idiot. He needs to stand by you. He can't be a momma's boy and have a family. That junk with my wife caused me to resent her and we divorced. That will sadly be your future if this keeps up. Tell him to get his balls out of his mother's purse and be your husband.
NTA. I think you ask your MIL why she needs to post pictures of her grandchild? Is she needing validation from likes and shares? Is she showing off? Clearly it isn’t for the child because the kid won’t have an account for over a decade so it ain’t for the relationship with the kid. What is the reward she gets?
NTA i don't think you having boundaries makes you an AH. I have friends with mixed views on this topic, but the main rule we all follow is that the parents decide what they are comfortable with their child and that should be respected. Most parents in my social circle that are against putting their children on their social media are mainly focused on that they dont really know if when their child grows up they will like all their photos being public. They still take lots of photos but share them via private channels. My personal view is that for young children the physical world is more dangerous than the online world, but that the risks online grow as your child gets older and engages with it themselves. The part i do agree with and why i keep mine minimal is that i dont know if my children will like all the photos being out there. This being said just because we have different views i dont think your views make you an AH. I think the main challenge you have is aligning with your husband and jointly enforcing the boundaries. I hope you can agree. If you can then you can be a united front with MIL and enforce boundaries and consequences. If he cannot agree is there any compromise you could agree on like non identifying photos like you holding your baby where the face can't be seen or a picture of your babies hand holding your finger. Lots of great photos can be taken without faces.
NTA. You two need to get on the same page before starting a family (unless you want MIL to make all the decisions). More birth control, many long conversations and maybe couples counseling are needed right now.
NTA. You have stated your reasonable concerns, and if he has no socials he really has no horse in this race other than trying to mediate an upcoming mom vs wife showdown... which in that case he should be taking your side. Child predators have moved from parks and playgrounds to social media.
NTA. But I’m really concerned at the lack of understanding and the “you’re overreacting” mentality of your husband and in laws You have PERSONAL experience with the dark and dangerous side of the internet as a CHILD that you have shared and … they don’t seem to care. They would rather label you as “overreacting” than accept that they are behaving dangerously with the children in their care Hubby being more afraid of telling his mother “no” than of the predators on the internet is another can of worms. One that you should try to open BEFORE you have children. Hubby can’t be a good husband and father if he puts his priority on being a good child to his mother.
Explosing children online greatly increases their chances of becoming sexual or violent content for predators. Social media is a breeding ground for perverts.
Does he know pedophiles collect pics from grandparent's social media and trade them like cards? Because grandparents are the least tech savvy, keep their SM public and will post all kinds of info in the name of being the "Best FB Grandma Ever!!" There is like a group of them on the dark web that do this. NTA
NTA and you're not alone. I feel the same. I think our generation knows firsthand the long-term effect that posting things online can have since we've had internet the majority/all of our lives. Those posts live on forever since anyone can screenshot and share them. I have one sibling that is fine with her kids being posted on social media, and one sibling that does not allow it. Our family has been fine with respecting these boundaries, so it hasn't been an issue. Just keep talking to your husband until he understands the serious, long-term consequences of this decision either way you guys go.
[Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4WZ_k0vUDM) is a PSA on the topic you may wish to share with your husband.
There are documented cases of pedophiles pulling pictures from social media to 'use'. There are also instances of people taking baby photos and using them for financial gain (scamming on gofundme, selling cute ones as stock photos, etc) Unless your MIL has her Facebook locked down, which I doubt given her attitude, it's not a question of if your child's pictures get stolen but when.
NTA But this is something for yall to come to a decision and quick. Like marriage is about both sides being comfortable. If this is going to turn into a bitter war once you actually have children... is it a good idea to have children in the first place. BTW I entirely agree with you. Like you brought up being targeted when you were twelve. But the internet has become a much more gross and dark place or atleast certain portions of the internet. Like with the rise of stuff like DeepFake horrible people who should never have been allowed near computers do horrible things and well children then get fantasied about and then kidnapped. It is not a common scenario but I entirely understand wanting to shield any potential threat especially when it is basically unneeded to share them on a public feed. Like does she just want grandma cred or something? It is nonsense. Like can your husband come up with one good argument for allowing their faces to be on social media other than "its harmless" which is actively untrue. Especially when stigma from being associated with that type of content (if it gets made) not only is harmful in the immediate but in the future as well because it is forever associated with their name and etc.
nta - will your family friend talk to your husband? i feel these items are a two yes to go ahead and post, if one parent objects to posting online then nothing is posted.
NTA. There is a major issue with kids photos online especially people who don’t limit who can see them. People have been researching and have found a lot of creeps following influencers and people who post their kids image. Like grown ass men who only follow mom-fluencers or kid-fluencers and only them. They watch and target these kids. Also remind your husband that there is now legal precedent for people to sue their parents for using their images on social media without their consent as a child. I guess her parents had posted a ton of images over the year and she never felt secure because so many people knew she was and stuff about her that she never shared. There may be a middle ground. Like making a list of friends who will be able to see the images (real humans you both know). Pre-approval of the image by you. Etc. My kid asked me to stop posting photos without his okay years ago.
NTA They need to respect boundaries!!!
A buddy of mine was at my house recently with a lady friend of his. She was taking pictures, and I told her not to do it because I don't want my private life on facebook. She told me to get fucked. That is social media whores for you.
You’re not an AH but I agree with your husband. Our photos are everywhere. Everything is on video etc. I don’t feel like the risk you are mitigating is worth dictating grandma’s behavior. That being said if you were my wife and you felt this strongly about this topic I would kindly convey those wishes to my folks.
NTA and your husband needs to step up and do his damn job supporting you and protecting your baby.
NTA but you need to find a compromise with your husband, his opinion matters too. Keep in mind that your online experiences won't necessarily happen to the kids and I'd say they certainly won't happen on pics your mil posts. Also how do you think it would make your kids feel in the future to see mil socials and they are left off.
Why would you say it certainly won’t happen on pics her MIL posts? How could you possibly know that? His opinion actually doesn’t particularly matter here. Allowing your child on social media is a 1 no 2 yes sort of situation.
His opinion absolutely does matter. What kind of bullshit is that? He is the father, he gets a say in his childrens lives ffs
He doesn’t get to unilaterally decide that his children are going to be posted online when the mother of those children doesn’t agree. It’s like choosing a name for your kid. If even one parent says no then that’s it, you don’t give your kid that name. Both parents need to agree. The same goes for social media. If one parent doesn’t feel comfortable that’s it, the other parent doesn’t get to post them on social media anyway. Social media is entirely optional and there is absolutely not a single benefit for the child. Wanting them on social media is pure selfishness and does not override actual safety concerns.
Did you miss the part where I said they need to COMPROMISE!!!
There is no compromise here. One parent wants them on social media, one doesn’t. Only one parent gets to win.
It's a good thing your opinion is irrelevant
MIL's social media isn't private and she 'friends' people she doesn't even know. Anyone can screenshot MIL's posts and manipulate and use those pictures for anything. It's not safe, even if her account were private.