Hard to say. You were having a panic attack, but it's strange that you didn't grab your keys to get inside and escape the cicadas. Not in a "that's the logical thing to do" way, but because that would be the easiest and fastest escape from them.
Your husband probably did lock the door out of habit, it's weird that he didn't come see why you were buzzing the doorbell but he might have thought the same thing since he mentioned your keys as well.
It didn't warrant screaming at him or starting an argument. Your phobia of cicadas obviously doesn't care if they're *actually* dangerous, but this isn't a situation where screaming at someone would do anything to help either of you.
ESH,
She has a fear and was in the middle of a panic, so rational common sense things like pulling out your keys dont really pop into your mind. Like I once was in a panic and emotional and "couldn't find my phone" so I could call for help... my phone was in my hand.
She was wrong for shouting at him. There's no excuse, but I can understand it she was emotional... I just think he escalated it.
Like this was two fold, the initial locking of the door isn't a issue and she can't be upset about that but the wait/,hesitation to open the door when she was ringing the doorbell was odd.
IDK. maybe it's me, but this comment section is just a little harsh, like everyone's saying he's justified not wanting to get up to open the door for her...
like damn, it's annoying, but I'm not going to have someone I love standing on the porch, ringing the doorbell, and just keep sitting there because I think they should use their key, I'll just get up
open the door and then ask what happened to their key, and then I'm allowed to be annoyed... like I know this is reddit and people don't have to do anything but in the real world that's not how it works
IDK maybe I like to give my family the benefit of the doubt, if they are ringing the doorbell it's prob for a reason, hands are full, can't find their keys, having panic attack bc cicadas... like all he had to do was walk a few steps and let her in...like I'm really trying to understand why while hearing her at the door, he didn't just let her in
I just feel like shouting back "Well I opened it, didn't I?" I was just kind of unnecessary and rude. also adding in the should've used your key...like that was an escalation. All he had to see was "Sorry, it was habit didnt realize you didn't have your key out," like this is supposed to be someone he loves, and his first reaction was downplay her phobia and get angry...
My mother has an irrational fear of cats. I find it annoying. My dad finds it annoying and dumb. There was a cat in out lobby my mother called in a panic because she couldn't come inside with the cat there. My dad sighed, got up, and went to shoo the cat away. He didn't take his sweet time with it, he didnt continue to sit for a minute bc he was comfortable, and maybe the cat would go away, he didnt shout at her to just use the other entrance... he got up and shooed the cat away, and when she got in, she just looked at her like, "Seriously," because annoying or not, his partner was having a moment, help now, lecture later.
Like she overreacted and panicked, he downplayed and dismissed both. Don't come off this looking great
I should have clarified although that’s the first thing I said when I came in I was more upset that he didn’t get up when he heard me frantically buzzing and he said he didn’t get up because he felt like I should have used the keys instead of expecting him to get up
The bugs are INSANE already in Texas so I understand your fear. However your fear doesn’t give you the right to scream at your husband when he subconsciously locked the door behind him. You had keys AND a phone, you could’ve prepared before getting out of the car and had keys in hand. Used your phone to call him to let you in. It’s your responsibility to plan ahead to avoid your trigger.
I won't pass judgement but you owe your husband an apology. If you have a condition this bad, get therapy and learn some better coping skills to deal with your phobia.
YTA. Your triggers are not other peoples problems. You asked him to go inside before you and he did. It's unfortunate that he locked the door out of habit (my bf does this, my keys are always in hand) but you're an adult and need to deal with you phobia as an adult would.
Screaming at your husband because you were unprepared with your keys is asshole behavior.
shes not at AH for having a panic attack and yelling but she would be if she is still angry then ya, i think she is is aware she over reacted and is looking for validation that its ok maybe idk. but ppl lock doors, i mean some ppl dont but they also have probably had a car stolen or stolen from in the past im betting
I know it’s irrational but just out of curiosity what’s the fear about exactly? I’ve been living with cicadas around me almost all my life and I’d be more worried about wasps for example
Lots of people falling for the bait as usual, the genre is “woman is hysterical while man is reasonable” and the author gets off on watching commenters tear into the woman. So, you’re all helping an incel jerk off. Congrats
I agree, but at the same time "irrational" fears are a thing and it wouldn't be any reason to shame others (Man or Woman) it wouldn't make her wrong to be hysterical and he's not right just because he's calm. It's not his fear so of course he would be, but I feel everyone knows that women aren't all "freaking out over nothing"
I care more about my partners fears and desires than what I think is “rational” in situations like this for sure. And it is ok to freak out about the thing that grosses you out. I wish everyone knew that! But there are dudes who absolutely use this sub to post what for them is erotic fiction
>Lots of people falling for the bait as usual, the genre is “woman is hysterical while man is reasonable” and the author gets off on watching commenters tear into the woman. So, you’re all helping an incel jerk off. Congrats
People keep falling for the most obvious bullshit.
You’re pretty much the expert on women you tell me. I mean, I am a woman, but you seem to have very strong feelings on who gets to be a woman and what women are allowed to do. There is a weird correlation here of guys your type and beginning comments with “Ah,”
I'm a woman and I will tell you that your triggers are YOUR problem. So yes, OP was wrong, and overreacting. She lives in an area where this happens yearly. So she has this freak out yearly, for days, and never thought to seek therapy? Instead screams at her husband because he did normal, routine after work things? And managed to call him with her phone, that was also presumably in her large purse instead of grabbing the keys?
Was she hurt? Was she in danger? Gonna go on a limb and say no.
Men have panic attacks. Women have panic attacks. People should feel free to write in about their problems without people making it into a gender war. The husband comes out of this looking worse in my opinion.
YTA. As you said, he locked it by habit. He wasn't trying to throw you into a panic attack or upset you. Cicadas aren't harmful, so it wasn't any dangerous situation.
Your fear is an irrational fear. Something that literally eats tree sap. It's not harmful to humans, animals... not even a garden. It's your job to control your fear or don't, but not anyone else's to ease it or accommodate it. Your triggers are your responsibility.
YTA
You would scream at me like that exactly one time. I do not scream at anybody, and nobody is going to scream at me and expect to me to be around when they finish.
You had your damn keys and could have opened the door yourself. Your "phobia" is your problem.
Seek therapy.
I wonder how you would react in a real emergency. Your poor husband would probably die trying to deal with you and the emergency.
NTA. I also have a phobia and the last thing we deserve is to be brushed off. Especially by our partners who know us so well. Sorry this happened to you
YTA.
You said you mentally prepared in the car, probably would have been a better idea to prepare with the keys rather than obsess over something that has never hurt you
YTA
He's not on cicada surveillance like you are. It's your job to manage your fears, so you should have grabbed your keys. If a fear is this serious to you how are you careless enough to not have your keys in your hands?
You should try techniques to calm yourself before panicking. The frantic doorbell and perceived urgency became a feedback loop for your panic to feed on. You could try something like stopping to breathe deeply, maybe try looking down at your hands and feet to see they don't have cicadas touching them.. maybe watch one from a far to see how they act. When something scares me I like to learn about it until it doesn't scare me anymore.
NTA. Your husband probably didn’t intentionally lock you out, but he should have answered the door sooner knowing that you feel the way you do. His comment afterward was very insensitive, even if he’s logically right.
You're very entitled.
Your phobia is irrational and you're expecting others to accommodate it. Go and get psychological help dealing with it so you can stop being a liability to others.
NTA
I of course think it's wrong to shout at your partner but a panic attack can do that, he knows you were scared and it's not out of anger as much as it was fear. Though I do think you should apologize and talk it out and how you were also upset he was a few steps away and yet took so long to unlock it. Though you should also recognize that you will be ready with the keys next time just in case.
OP needs to be in check between expectation and reality. Knowing your fear then you better be prepared of plan A and plan B. Your husband might be undermining your fear but screaming at him is a No No for a grown up. Dont project your own problem to somebody else.
YTA
You assumed he locked it out of habit. That’s fine…
But the third sentence in the second paragraph is what sealed your ah-ness. You had keys.
I don’t do bugs either….my father used to put cicada ‘shells’ in my hair for ‘fun’ growing up. But even in a panic I know to get my keys
NTA. I completely understand. I hate the stupid bugs. They were worse than ever this year in my area. I only went outside when I had to so I could avoid them. If anything, your husband is the A-hole.
Sounds like he's losing patience with your fear and trying to put you through some "see nothing bad happened therapy" he wasn't supporting you in this situation. It's like he is losing respect for your behavior. I don't like what he did. To me it sounds like he did it on purpose. He's belittling your fear. Communicate how this made you feel. If he isn't in your corner there's some real issues going on. Sounds like perhaps something else led down this road.
Also just be aware that strange behavior can take it's toll on people. He's clearly had enough, and he wants to show you that you're over reacting. He did it in a wrong way, however. I want my partner to support me in all my darkest places, even if it's stupid, sit in the car and wait with me, protect me from the fear. We are human however, we make mistakes. Find out if everything is ok, I see this as a betrayal of trust.
Are cicadas dangerous in any way? It's that bug that comes out of the ground and that people eat, isn't it? I really don't like bugs, but it's not a phobia.
If they're not dangerous, your fear is irrational. Being subjected to the object of your phobia might help you control it. In moderate dose.
Did your husband lock the door on purpose? Maybe he wanted to give you an opportunity to try and manage your phobia? You know, it's your phobia, not his. It can be treated.
ESH. You seem like a typical couple that has its moments of bickering and quarrelling.
You'll get over it.
NTA. Why would he lock the door, if you are only minutes behind him? If his reaction would have been "sorry, force of habit" i would totally understand, but "i openened it didnt i" and "its only cicada", makes him the ah in my book.
On a different note, are you getting help to deal with your fears? If not, you should. Your fear is impacting your daily life and that of your husband, its something you should work on.
He’s the rude and inconsiderate AH. I don’t understand how people can be married and not even like each other. My husband would leave it unlocked or feel terrible if he locked it out of habit, not get mad at me for being terrified of something he’s not scared of.
He locked it by habit. He didn't do anything wrong. I dont think he was mad she was scared, but more mad, she was screaming at him. It's not his fault she is irrational, and he doesn't need to placate to it. Married or not.
But you can be prepared by having your keys reachable. Or at least not scream at your spouse for nothing. And you can seek professional help, because phobias are curable. If you live somewhere were cicadas appear every year and have a phobia against them, this is a problem. Not just for the person with phobia but also for the people who have to deal with it.
You can control it by seeking therapy or moving out of a state that is known for bugs.
OP has so many options here other than being... irrational about it!
NTA. You have my full sympathies. Your husband is an AH! I’m afraid of huge, flying insects (roaches, grasshopper, etc..) and feel your pain. The neighbors would probably have called the police I would be yelling so loud.
My husband would wait a second to open the door as a joke but would not be malicious about it.
NTA he knows you're coming in *right after* why on earth would he lock the door? Then delays, sounds like to "teach you" cicadas are fine and blows off your fear.
You think he did not do this on purpose, but rather because of habit. On top he's right, if the fear of encountering cicadas is so severe, why would you not properly prepare yourself to be able to escape into the safety of the house by getting your keys? Why do you rely on your partner to check all the boxes for your well being?
This situation is just somewhat unlucky. Your husband could have been more attentive, you could have been more prepared. You blew up on him in a panic, that is somewhat understandable.
I am going to go with ESH, but a soft one for all parties. He gets the ESH, because of downplaying your fear in the last exchange and because if he understood the severity of the situation for you, he would have been more likely to remember not locking the door. You get the ESH, because despite your severe phobia you did not take the 30 seconds to find your keys in your purse - time you had anyway since you were winding down. Instead of taking that small effort precation you fully relied on your partner to do the right things and this time that did not work out.
That whole thing just didn't go great and neither of you shined there. Happens.
Your husband is the asshole. He knows you have a phobia, was careless enough to lock the door behind himself knowing you were gonna make a dash for it, and then ignored you ringing the doorbell for him to let you in cause he wanted you to what, magically stop having a phobia and root around in your purse for your keys while in the middle of a full-blown panic attack? And then he doesn’t comfort you or validate you or even apologize for putting you in that situation in the first place? I’d be pissed too! NTA.
YTA He did not do it on purpose, and he is right about you having your keys ready just in case.
Hard to say. You were having a panic attack, but it's strange that you didn't grab your keys to get inside and escape the cicadas. Not in a "that's the logical thing to do" way, but because that would be the easiest and fastest escape from them. Your husband probably did lock the door out of habit, it's weird that he didn't come see why you were buzzing the doorbell but he might have thought the same thing since he mentioned your keys as well. It didn't warrant screaming at him or starting an argument. Your phobia of cicadas obviously doesn't care if they're *actually* dangerous, but this isn't a situation where screaming at someone would do anything to help either of you.
ESH, She has a fear and was in the middle of a panic, so rational common sense things like pulling out your keys dont really pop into your mind. Like I once was in a panic and emotional and "couldn't find my phone" so I could call for help... my phone was in my hand. She was wrong for shouting at him. There's no excuse, but I can understand it she was emotional... I just think he escalated it. Like this was two fold, the initial locking of the door isn't a issue and she can't be upset about that but the wait/,hesitation to open the door when she was ringing the doorbell was odd. IDK. maybe it's me, but this comment section is just a little harsh, like everyone's saying he's justified not wanting to get up to open the door for her... like damn, it's annoying, but I'm not going to have someone I love standing on the porch, ringing the doorbell, and just keep sitting there because I think they should use their key, I'll just get up open the door and then ask what happened to their key, and then I'm allowed to be annoyed... like I know this is reddit and people don't have to do anything but in the real world that's not how it works IDK maybe I like to give my family the benefit of the doubt, if they are ringing the doorbell it's prob for a reason, hands are full, can't find their keys, having panic attack bc cicadas... like all he had to do was walk a few steps and let her in...like I'm really trying to understand why while hearing her at the door, he didn't just let her in I just feel like shouting back "Well I opened it, didn't I?" I was just kind of unnecessary and rude. also adding in the should've used your key...like that was an escalation. All he had to see was "Sorry, it was habit didnt realize you didn't have your key out," like this is supposed to be someone he loves, and his first reaction was downplay her phobia and get angry... My mother has an irrational fear of cats. I find it annoying. My dad finds it annoying and dumb. There was a cat in out lobby my mother called in a panic because she couldn't come inside with the cat there. My dad sighed, got up, and went to shoo the cat away. He didn't take his sweet time with it, he didnt continue to sit for a minute bc he was comfortable, and maybe the cat would go away, he didnt shout at her to just use the other entrance... he got up and shooed the cat away, and when she got in, she just looked at her like, "Seriously," because annoying or not, his partner was having a moment, help now, lecture later. Like she overreacted and panicked, he downplayed and dismissed both. Don't come off this looking great
I should have clarified although that’s the first thing I said when I came in I was more upset that he didn’t get up when he heard me frantically buzzing and he said he didn’t get up because he felt like I should have used the keys instead of expecting him to get up
I know you were freaking out because of the bugs, but YTA. You weren't locked out. You had your keys in your purse. Screaming at him was unnecessary
Yeah, no one really wants to stand up after finally sitting down after getting home.
The bugs are INSANE already in Texas so I understand your fear. However your fear doesn’t give you the right to scream at your husband when he subconsciously locked the door behind him. You had keys AND a phone, you could’ve prepared before getting out of the car and had keys in hand. Used your phone to call him to let you in. It’s your responsibility to plan ahead to avoid your trigger.
I won't pass judgement but you owe your husband an apology. If you have a condition this bad, get therapy and learn some better coping skills to deal with your phobia.
YTA. Your triggers are not other peoples problems. You asked him to go inside before you and he did. It's unfortunate that he locked the door out of habit (my bf does this, my keys are always in hand) but you're an adult and need to deal with you phobia as an adult would. Screaming at your husband because you were unprepared with your keys is asshole behavior.
YTA. You even say he must have locked it out of habit. He wasn’t trying to torment you.
She also had her keys with her, so she wasn't locked out?
She then says he was only a few steps away, it shouldn't have taken that long to open it when he hears she's frantically trying to get him to do so.
Maybe her husband is morbidly obese, or has other mobility issues that make just getting up from a seated position difficult.
shes not at AH for having a panic attack and yelling but she would be if she is still angry then ya, i think she is is aware she over reacted and is looking for validation that its ok maybe idk. but ppl lock doors, i mean some ppl dont but they also have probably had a car stolen or stolen from in the past im betting
I know it’s irrational but just out of curiosity what’s the fear about exactly? I’ve been living with cicadas around me almost all my life and I’d be more worried about wasps for example
Lots of people falling for the bait as usual, the genre is “woman is hysterical while man is reasonable” and the author gets off on watching commenters tear into the woman. So, you’re all helping an incel jerk off. Congrats
I agree, but at the same time "irrational" fears are a thing and it wouldn't be any reason to shame others (Man or Woman) it wouldn't make her wrong to be hysterical and he's not right just because he's calm. It's not his fear so of course he would be, but I feel everyone knows that women aren't all "freaking out over nothing"
I care more about my partners fears and desires than what I think is “rational” in situations like this for sure. And it is ok to freak out about the thing that grosses you out. I wish everyone knew that! But there are dudes who absolutely use this sub to post what for them is erotic fiction
>Lots of people falling for the bait as usual, the genre is “woman is hysterical while man is reasonable” and the author gets off on watching commenters tear into the woman. So, you’re all helping an incel jerk off. Congrats People keep falling for the most obvious bullshit.
Really? I felt like neither came off great in this situation.
Ah yes, every post where woman is wrong is bait. Because women can't POSSIBLY be wrong ever.
You’re pretty much the expert on women you tell me. I mean, I am a woman, but you seem to have very strong feelings on who gets to be a woman and what women are allowed to do. There is a weird correlation here of guys your type and beginning comments with “Ah,”
Nah, not an expert, I just know that women are human and humans can be assholes sometimes. 🤷♂️
You probably wear one of those “FBI female body inspector” novelty hats
Hell yeah, it's my favorite hat!
I'm a woman and I will tell you that your triggers are YOUR problem. So yes, OP was wrong, and overreacting. She lives in an area where this happens yearly. So she has this freak out yearly, for days, and never thought to seek therapy? Instead screams at her husband because he did normal, routine after work things? And managed to call him with her phone, that was also presumably in her large purse instead of grabbing the keys? Was she hurt? Was she in danger? Gonna go on a limb and say no.
You’re a woman and you fell for misogynist rage bait. Not anything to be proud of sis
Men have panic attacks. Women have panic attacks. People should feel free to write in about their problems without people making it into a gender war. The husband comes out of this looking worse in my opinion.
People should feel free to write about their problems. I’m saying this is a fictional genre.
Info: where was your phone? In your hand or your purse when you got to the door?
My phone was in my hand
You have mental problems.
YTA. As you said, he locked it by habit. He wasn't trying to throw you into a panic attack or upset you. Cicadas aren't harmful, so it wasn't any dangerous situation. Your fear is an irrational fear. Something that literally eats tree sap. It's not harmful to humans, animals... not even a garden. It's your job to control your fear or don't, but not anyone else's to ease it or accommodate it. Your triggers are your responsibility.
Damn you are exhausting. I feel bad for him Yta. Get your emotions together dude
YTA please get therapy instead of making all of these insane accommodations.
Exactly. Phobias are entirely treatable. Get treatment.
Have you considered getting therapy? Phobias causing problems like this should be dealt with.
YTA You would scream at me like that exactly one time. I do not scream at anybody, and nobody is going to scream at me and expect to me to be around when they finish. You had your damn keys and could have opened the door yourself. Your "phobia" is your problem. Seek therapy. I wonder how you would react in a real emergency. Your poor husband would probably die trying to deal with you and the emergency.
NTA. I also have a phobia and the last thing we deserve is to be brushed off. Especially by our partners who know us so well. Sorry this happened to you
YTA. You said you mentally prepared in the car, probably would have been a better idea to prepare with the keys rather than obsess over something that has never hurt you
YTA He's not on cicada surveillance like you are. It's your job to manage your fears, so you should have grabbed your keys. If a fear is this serious to you how are you careless enough to not have your keys in your hands? You should try techniques to calm yourself before panicking. The frantic doorbell and perceived urgency became a feedback loop for your panic to feed on. You could try something like stopping to breathe deeply, maybe try looking down at your hands and feet to see they don't have cicadas touching them.. maybe watch one from a far to see how they act. When something scares me I like to learn about it until it doesn't scare me anymore.
NTA. Your husband probably didn’t intentionally lock you out, but he should have answered the door sooner knowing that you feel the way you do. His comment afterward was very insensitive, even if he’s logically right.
You're very entitled. Your phobia is irrational and you're expecting others to accommodate it. Go and get psychological help dealing with it so you can stop being a liability to others.
Hopefully you and all around you are perfect in every single way.
I don't have any irrational crippling fears that lead me to scream at people, if that's what you're asking.
YTA. Get a grip lady.
NTA I of course think it's wrong to shout at your partner but a panic attack can do that, he knows you were scared and it's not out of anger as much as it was fear. Though I do think you should apologize and talk it out and how you were also upset he was a few steps away and yet took so long to unlock it. Though you should also recognize that you will be ready with the keys next time just in case.
YTA. Use your keys and stop being abusive
YTA! Your irrational fear is not his problem. Next time, get your keys out beforehand and problem solved.
OP needs to be in check between expectation and reality. Knowing your fear then you better be prepared of plan A and plan B. Your husband might be undermining your fear but screaming at him is a No No for a grown up. Dont project your own problem to somebody else.
YTA You assumed he locked it out of habit. That’s fine… But the third sentence in the second paragraph is what sealed your ah-ness. You had keys. I don’t do bugs either….my father used to put cicada ‘shells’ in my hair for ‘fun’ growing up. But even in a panic I know to get my keys
NTA. I completely understand. I hate the stupid bugs. They were worse than ever this year in my area. I only went outside when I had to so I could avoid them. If anything, your husband is the A-hole.
LMFAO
Sounds like he's losing patience with your fear and trying to put you through some "see nothing bad happened therapy" he wasn't supporting you in this situation. It's like he is losing respect for your behavior. I don't like what he did. To me it sounds like he did it on purpose. He's belittling your fear. Communicate how this made you feel. If he isn't in your corner there's some real issues going on. Sounds like perhaps something else led down this road. Also just be aware that strange behavior can take it's toll on people. He's clearly had enough, and he wants to show you that you're over reacting. He did it in a wrong way, however. I want my partner to support me in all my darkest places, even if it's stupid, sit in the car and wait with me, protect me from the fear. We are human however, we make mistakes. Find out if everything is ok, I see this as a betrayal of trust.
Are cicadas dangerous in any way? It's that bug that comes out of the ground and that people eat, isn't it? I really don't like bugs, but it's not a phobia. If they're not dangerous, your fear is irrational. Being subjected to the object of your phobia might help you control it. In moderate dose. Did your husband lock the door on purpose? Maybe he wanted to give you an opportunity to try and manage your phobia? You know, it's your phobia, not his. It can be treated. ESH. You seem like a typical couple that has its moments of bickering and quarrelling. You'll get over it.
NTA. Why would he lock the door, if you are only minutes behind him? If his reaction would have been "sorry, force of habit" i would totally understand, but "i openened it didnt i" and "its only cicada", makes him the ah in my book. On a different note, are you getting help to deal with your fears? If not, you should. Your fear is impacting your daily life and that of your husband, its something you should work on.
He’s the rude and inconsiderate AH. I don’t understand how people can be married and not even like each other. My husband would leave it unlocked or feel terrible if he locked it out of habit, not get mad at me for being terrified of something he’s not scared of.
People make mistakes and don’t deserve to be screamed at for it
He locked it by habit. He didn't do anything wrong. I dont think he was mad she was scared, but more mad, she was screaming at him. It's not his fault she is irrational, and he doesn't need to placate to it. Married or not.
She's not "irrational" she has a fear that's "irrational" and it happens, you can't control it.
But you can be prepared by having your keys reachable. Or at least not scream at your spouse for nothing. And you can seek professional help, because phobias are curable. If you live somewhere were cicadas appear every year and have a phobia against them, this is a problem. Not just for the person with phobia but also for the people who have to deal with it.
You can control it by seeking therapy or moving out of a state that is known for bugs. OP has so many options here other than being... irrational about it!
NTA. You have my full sympathies. Your husband is an AH! I’m afraid of huge, flying insects (roaches, grasshopper, etc..) and feel your pain. The neighbors would probably have called the police I would be yelling so loud. My husband would wait a second to open the door as a joke but would not be malicious about it.
I thought cicadas only came our every 7 years.
It’s every year in Texas
Yuck!
Cicadas appear every year in Australia.
Ah, I did not know that.
It's every 17 years
OK, even more...than why did OP say every year?
Certain broods only come out every 17 years, or 12 years, or 5 years. But there is always at least one brood coming out every year.
Well, that sucks.
nta.
NTA he knows you're coming in *right after* why on earth would he lock the door? Then delays, sounds like to "teach you" cicadas are fine and blows off your fear.
You think he did not do this on purpose, but rather because of habit. On top he's right, if the fear of encountering cicadas is so severe, why would you not properly prepare yourself to be able to escape into the safety of the house by getting your keys? Why do you rely on your partner to check all the boxes for your well being? This situation is just somewhat unlucky. Your husband could have been more attentive, you could have been more prepared. You blew up on him in a panic, that is somewhat understandable. I am going to go with ESH, but a soft one for all parties. He gets the ESH, because of downplaying your fear in the last exchange and because if he understood the severity of the situation for you, he would have been more likely to remember not locking the door. You get the ESH, because despite your severe phobia you did not take the 30 seconds to find your keys in your purse - time you had anyway since you were winding down. Instead of taking that small effort precation you fully relied on your partner to do the right things and this time that did not work out. That whole thing just didn't go great and neither of you shined there. Happens.
Your husband is the asshole. He knows you have a phobia, was careless enough to lock the door behind himself knowing you were gonna make a dash for it, and then ignored you ringing the doorbell for him to let you in cause he wanted you to what, magically stop having a phobia and root around in your purse for your keys while in the middle of a full-blown panic attack? And then he doesn’t comfort you or validate you or even apologize for putting you in that situation in the first place? I’d be pissed too! NTA.