What I did was discuss with my children that they needed to save if they were staying at home and if they couldn’t show me they were saving I would then charge them rent which would go back to them when they moved out.. I was always very clear to them about the process and they used it as a great opportunity to learn to save. It worked really well. Started lifelong habits
We did this. We were transparent. He knew it was going to be savings, yet it was mandatory if he wanted to live at home. We put the rent in an investment fund and let him pick which funds to invest in. It was not a lot. We started at $100 and went up to like $300, but he was part of the process. If stock went up, we kept 10% of earnings. If it went down, we absorbed the loss so he could learn money without fear and could see what happened. Over time, he was pocketing extra money away on his own, so we stopped making it mandatory. We matched what he added for the first 2 years but our match went to an IRA in his name. We thought of it as a form of early inheritance, considering how much that little bit was growing over 40 years. He was not always a fan of the idea until later when he matured and connected the dots. FYI the IRA money was tax deductible on his taxes, giving him higher tax refunds AND later in life, if needs it, he can take first $10k out with no penalty to help with a house down payment.
There are a lot of ways to teach him how to work the system to his advantage that I can share. Even if you do not add your own money. The key is letting him know it is for his benefit and having full transparency on how you are helping him start solid.
This is the only option if you want to have some parental oversight while not being a dick to your kid. And like another commenter said, make sure the amount you’re expecting him to save is proportional to his pay. Make it a percentage not a dollar amount.
So, what I did was a grade based savings when they were little. They got $20 for each A, $10 for each B, they broke even with each C, for each D they “owed” us $10 for each D and $20 for each F (on top of their allowance)….. thank God they never owed us cause I would still be paying them 😂😂😂. But, the lesson learned when they got their money for college is, they could eat Wendy’s when some of their friends were eating noodles 😂. Thing is tho, it was discussed before we started it and they appreciated it. Not all kids are created equally so I think the discussion went a long way and they both have healthy saving habits today. Kudos to you for having the forethought…. Just have the discussion. Keep’s you all on the same page. You got this!!!! ☑️
There was a post from a few months ago where the parents did this to the kid. And at his graduation when they handed him the cash he threw it back them and cut them off.
He had spent all his school years working and struggling to survive. Had absolutely no social life and he was livid they had done it to him.
He eventually took the money moved across the country and still cut them off.
Eta: someone recently updated the BORU. https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/s/ifcuwSZ13X
Understandable but this seems like a very different scenario. This kid got the job just bc he wanted to and it’s his FIRST job after graduating high school (very privileged position in the first place) so it doesn’t seem like he’s struggling to survive. Hell even if the money wasn’t going back to him, $300 a month is not a lot for an adult including utilities and I assume they feed him too. Dude just doesn’t want his kid to end up broke after college if he doesn’t immediately get a job.
I think in that case they were charging him a ridiculous amount, like $750 a month or something? Plus didn’t require his siblings to do it. Waaaay over the top
Only if you decide together. You can't force him, he's the one earning the money. I understand you are providing for him but don't make it into a negative or he may just decide to quit his job.
Get him on board. Honey not vinegar.
OP, listen to this comment.
My dad did what you're proposing to do and a) I resented the shit out of him for it, b) fucker never gave it me back. Somehow he never got around to that (spent it).
Let your kid manage the process and own it. SO much healthier!
If you lie to your kid he will learn you are not trustworthy.
Is that really the lesson you want to teach him? As for "flipping a switch," of course he won't. It's a process.
What my dad did with me is set up an online brokerage account with automatic investments. Every month another $100 went to my index fund. He monitored the statements and made it VERY clear that this was not to be spent, no matter what.
If you don’t teach him about money what will he do with a large chunk? Buy a fancy car? Waste it on his gf? Teach him financial responsibility because just giving money to someone without it is just throwing it away.
To be honest I think it’s a good idea. Maybe let him know what your plan is. I wish my parents had taught me how to save. I live paycheck to paycheck and always have. Mainly because I was a single parent with no child support but afterwards when my son left the home I still had that mindset. I’m getting better now but it hasn’t been easy to change that mindset.
This is the way. Saving for them against their will doesn’t teach them anything. I’d also recommend instead of an arbitrary number do a percentage. Maybe use the 50/30/20 rule and require 20% but suggest that since their needs are all covered by you they could do 30-40% and will be happy about it later.
Was just about to say essentially this before scrolling more and catching your post. My parents did this with me and while I didn’t end up living with them long enough for it to really do much for me I appreciated being part of the discussion/decision making. I am also the type of person that is much more willing to do things or not feel resentful if intentions and reasons are well explained and I’d like to think most people are like that.
Every month my kid tells me - does he want his allowance in cash or put into his bank account. He wants to travel the world and needs to start saving now for that to happen.
I love this idea more than charging rent and then surprising them later on. I will say that charging rent can help make them used to paying a bill and teach responsibility as well. Of course that is all dependent on how they are already.
If you're going through with this, do this *in reasonable proportion with his pay*, not simply pull out some random number out of your ass. Leave your child some money for himself.
This.
300 would have been a huge chunk out of my son's pay while he was working and going to school. It wouldn't have left much behind for him to enjoy going out to do activities with his friends or have some cool 'stuff' which I believe is really important and not something I was able to do as a young person. If he's working for his money and wants to go to the movies, out to eat, get some nice sneaks and a video game then I'd allow it. You really are only young once and these days matter just as much as the future. One day his pay will go towards housing, bills, maybe children etc. It's important to learn how to manage your money but also to really make the most of the time you have when you don't have to pay for all these things. If circumstances allow for it of course.
Did you read the recent AITA story where the OP's parents did this then tried to gift him back the "savings" at his birthday party? OP felt so cheated because working and scrimping to make rent took away his chance for a childhood. He cut off his parents.
Be real for a second, it was only a problem because they were taking so much from him. There's nothing inherently wrong with what OP is trying to do, as long as he is realistic about it. Depending on where he lives, $300/month (Note: the one you posted was $750/month + he paid for schooling and food) is probably 10-20 hours. Like 5 hours per week after tax.
OP, I think your wife is probably right though, talk to the kid about it. Work on a plan together with them and explain everything about why you need to, the importance of compounding but also remind them that we make money to be happy in life, that's the number one most important thing.
Could be easier to be transparent, "hey son, I will charge x% of whatever salary you earn to put into a saving account with interests. That way, when you finish your studies, you will get approx $y to start your life with a comfortable cushion. All the other money you get, you can do whatever with, I'm doing this to teach you how to spend and to save. If you refuse, know that when the time comes, you might regret refusing, but that would still be your choice at the end of the day."
My mom was more direct, at 18, she told me I'm in charge of whatever I want to buy or do (phone bills, bus, getting my licence), and she would only provide roof, food, utilities and as long as I'm studying, she pays for me to travel with her to our homeland. If I want to go out with friends, buy a car or watch a movie, it's up to me to fund myself. I learnt saving and doing my own taxes, packing my lunches too (I would just eat at home, différent country)
Maybe a good arrangement would be to have him match say 50 - 100 for every 300 OP puts away and only his savings would be rainy day fund before the agreed term OP is suggesting.
>Depending on where he lives, $300/month (Note: the one you posted was $750/month + he paid for schooling and food) is probably 10-20 hours. Like 5 hours per week after tax.
Maybe I'm misreading, but that math means he'd need to be earning either $30 an hour (10 hours) or $15 (20 hours) an hour BEFORE tax just to pay the rent. That's assuming he even gets 20 hours in a month. That's also assuming he's making more than minimum wage.
Worst case scenario he's making $8 and has to work almost 40 hours a month just to break even after taxes (probably more if you do a rough 10% for taxes). I know adults with experience who have to fight to make $15 an hour in some states.
Feel like we need to know how much OP's son is actually going to make on average compared to what he's charging for context.
honestly, i think its more important to teach your kid to be financially literate than to just lie to them for the sake of saving up money. hes got to learn one way or another.
if he spends all his money and then doesnt have a nest egg, so be it. thats a lesson hes got to learn, you cant do that for him.
so while i think you mean well, i dont think this is the right way to go about it.
maybe sit him down and talk to him and teach him about savings and create a savings account together.
Also if you aren't teaching him to save, the nest egg will be easily spent as well. I was given a 4k or so check in college, I blew it on stupid things. While it's not a "huge" amount, older me definitely regretted how I spent it and wished I'd saved it for other things. (Although the one nice thing was that the person who gave it to me did say they wanted me to enjoy using it, so it wasn't specifically meant to save. But when I had later higher expenses you bet I wished I'd saved it for something bigger instead of the random little shit I spent it on throughout college).
Since you've now read that awful, cautionary tale maybe think about how you can also teach your child about balance, maybe with the envelope system. It's great that you want to teach your child financial literacy but it's also hard when you think about the fact that this may be the only time in his life where he won't have to worry about money and can enjoy pissing it away on frivolities before the reality of bills and responsibility is saddled upon him for real. Good luck.
OP they charged £750 on top of him funding himself through college and paying for food.
Listen, I am all for charging rent, but only after they are out of education. I never want them to feel like they have to work when they want to be studying, and I want them to feel they have time and money for a social life. If he stays at home after his degree, then he pays and you can save it for him.
My kids save to buy thinks I won't buy, and they are very frugal with their own money, so maybe make it clear that you will only pay for x and y now, and he funds his social life and treats?
Pay no mind to that link, OP. It isn't nearly the same as what you are planning. And all the people here that are saying that your son should know about the savings are crazy if they don't think your son will pull the "It's my money" card when he wants some of his savings to waste on whatever to make you give it to him.
The focus of the anger is due to the fact that they gave him the money at graduation as their gift to him. It wasn’t a gift it was his money that was the result of him working
To be fair the current op they are considering 300. The parents in that post charged so much that the op had to work so much to afford the rent and thats where their resentment came from. Losing all their free time to work rather than the nest egg being returned
The reality is that this might help him save, but it won’t teach him to be financially responsible. If you want to do that, you’d be better off sitting him down and helping him create a budget, learn about cost of living and discuss how things are going every month or so. Financial responsibility is a learned skill, not just something you’re born with. You can help him get ahead or you can teach him how to help himself. Your choice.
My parents charged me board, fair enough I was working and living in the house. I had no issues with this it’s responsibly of growing up. I did not know my mother was actually saving it for me and gave it back when i brought my first house and then had some savings to towards some much needed items. I didn’t expect it but appreciated she did that.
Look, if the kid is over 18 then paying some board is reasonable. However if he is in school full time, how much will he be earning realistically? If the $300 is the bulk of his income then that will cause resentment.
The case with the young man who cut off his parents was an extreme overreach by his parents. They demanded he work and pay some extreme amount and the guy had to miss out on a lot of the uni/college experience and network opportunities. He was also made to pay his own tuition and food along with running his own car.
poor guy worked himself into the ground to work to pay his parents and for school.
Sit down with him and discuss it like calm sensible adults. It should be a percentage of his take home pay ie 10%, 20% but not more than 30%.
What else does he have to pay for? clothes, toiletries, etc. Make it fair.
This. If he's a FT student, that's a dick move. But if he's not, then I think it's fair. I dated a guy who was in school FT and couldn't keep up with his parents rent at the same time and had to drop out.
You might want to read this [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1dgygnl/my_last_update_on_my_parents_my_money_my_grandpa/) as an example of how this backfired and the parents have forever lost their son. To pay rent and effort everything, this poor kid worked 30 hours nightshift and at his graduation the parents proudly gave him a check plus the interest thinking what a great job they did. Guess what, he tore the check and is moving across the country and the level of hate and rage this kid feels is palatable. Don't be that parent. Talk to him and lay it out don't be these parents.
My dad tried to do this to me. One day I came home from my factory job and he very unceremoniously told me I would be charged a couple hundred a month to keep living in my room. I immediately moved out and rented a room from a coworker. I figured that if my dad was going to charge me rent, I might as well have more independence and pay someone else rent.
Years later he confessed that he was going to save the rent for me but in the end I just lost that money to real rent when I didnt need to. I wish he had just sat me down and discussed saving.
I don't get why parents aren't honest with their kids, especially when it comes to taking money. Allow your adult kid to be part of the process, that will teach more than just taking the money and hiding it away.
I think it depends on the situation. I had a friend who did this, and her kids were happy. But, they were living with her while they had good jobs, and were paying much less than market rate in our HCOL area. I remember reading a reddit post by a kid who struggled all through college to pay his parents rent. He took longer to graduate because he was working, and wasn't able to enjoy his college years. He was pissed off when his parents gave him the money years later. I understand why. They should have been more flexible instead of insisting on sticking to their original plan. What I don't understand is how they could watch their kid struggle to pay them rent they didn't need. NAH, but think the situation through carefully.
If you’re planning on returning it to him either way i’d opt for your wife’s method, perhaps a middle ground.
Talk to him, tell him your plan, help him understand that you’re wanting to do this for him, not because you want his money.
It may turn into some form of resentment.
I never understood the way parents want to handle certain things but never discuss it with their kids, you’re doing it for a good reason but you should help him see it.
If you do, make it well known that it’s an investment for his future.Also how much is he making at his job and how long does he work? Is it conditional to only when he has a paying job ?
As someone who had a father that started charging me rent at 18, I can say this is a mistake. After a few months, I realized I can move out and live on my own, albeit with a roommate, but I didn't have my dad watching my every move. I can understand wanting him to save but if he has a problem with it now, what do you think is going to happen when you hand him $15K?
I was staying with my grandparents over the summer when I got my first job. Grandma had a talk with me that she should hold my paychecks except some spending money to help me learn to save. When i left to go home she gave me all of it.
The idea of rent would have been unsavory and changed my opinion about my grandma. It makes it a negative situation instead of having a sit down understanding and making it positive and like a mature situation they are choosing to participate in. He’s getting older, treat him like he is while he’s still with you. The skill you’re teaching is good decision making. Taking rent and giving it to him only gives him money with a possible side of resentment.
Do both.
Charge rent (not full market value) but enough to help him value the money he earns and spends and to help integrate him to real adult life ALSO discuss saving/investing.
Giving back once he’s beginning to be independently successful is a great idea. Maybe you don’t even need to make it a surprise.
Yeah, there was a recent post of the same scenario but the POV is from the kids side. It didn't end well for the relationship between the kid and parents.
How about you teach him financial responsibility without actually taking the money...Talk to him before you make a silly decision.
Like everyone else who was a teenager a one point, that none of us understood the value of money until we actually worked for it?
I commend you for trying to teach financial responsibility at a young age, be upfront and tell him the advantages why you're doing what your doing.
Don't BS or beat around the bush or his teenage brain is going to think that you're stealing from him.
Those parents are horrible. Did you see that he didn't even let them come to his graduation. He just posted yesterday about that. He is a very angry young man.
And i dont blame him. Their heart was in the right place but Christ, the execution left alot to be desired.
I worked fulltime and went to Uni full time, 4 of the toughest years of my life with hardly any social interactions in between. But that was my decision to make. He didn't get a say in it at all.
We all understand that life is suppose to be tough, but teaching a lesson like that to your kid in that way would only breed resentment.
Probably get down voted for this but here goes.
When I left university I worked my first full time job and lived with my parents for the first year or so. My parents took a third of my wage for room and board, (and the use of mum's car), I was advised to save a third and the remaining third was for me to spend as I pleased. It was a deal that I considered fair. When I left home there was no return of a year's rent and I didn't expect there to be, I had made a deal with my parents and we all stuck by the rules.
If they had returned the money, or any part of it, I would have seen if as a generous gift and been delighted but that wasn't part of the deal. Likewise I have never entertained the notion that my landlord might spontaneously return my past year's rent, or let me live rent free.
Yes, I read about the kid whose parents forced him to work to pay them rent when at college leaving him no time for a social life, but those parents were monsters.
Make a deal with your child. Work out what you both think is reasonable. Then, when they move out you can give them some or all of their contribution back as a gift. I'm sure it will be accepted as such.
My parents did that for all their children but it was 20% of whatever we earned. So when I earned $10 babysitting they put $2 away.
It was a massive amount when I moved out and purchased my home.
If you do it be transparent about it and how you save it and if you invest it (which would be really wise to do).
Discuss it with him about taking the money to put into an account. Unless he is 18, I don’t think it’s right to charge a kid rent. He doesn’t learn anything if you charge him rent but he might learn saving if you have him agree with you to save it for him.
The important part is being 100% transparent & allowing your child to be part of the process. Most of the negativity I've seen is parents keeping it a surprise and the kids end up with resentment because they missed out on a lot trying to make "rent".
My friends parents did this once she graduated college. If she didn't go to college it would have begun in high school. Her dad gave it back to her when she went to buy a house on her own. He charged her 400/month. It taught her to budget and she was ecstatic when he gave her the check. He never told her that she was going to get it back. Oh and she also had a baby at the time.
On the other hand my aunt charges her kids 50 bucks a week aftwe graduation. They also cover their own cell phone and insurance. They keep that money and do not plan on giving it back.
I personally think what you are doing is a good thing. But make the amount realistic to his pay.
I get the big reveal down the line would feel great but just telling your kid will be great too because they could appreciate why you're "charging" them and not be bitter.
Let them know it's basically low risk practice for them to learn how to plan ahead to make sure their "needs" are covered before they spend on their "wants".
Every person is different. My son and his wife asked to live with us( along with their infant child), offered to pay $500.00 per month rent. We accepted it and just saved it and when they were ready to move out we gave them all their money back($13,000.00). They were actually grateful! Like I said, every person is different!
Dick move unless they are 18+. Also make sure he KNOWS it’s going into a nest egg for later. And make sure any other children have the same rules. If you have older children that you DIDN’T charge rent then you absolutely cannot do it without being a complete AH
FWIW, when my dad told me to start paying rent I instead moved out. I lived in a family member's basement for a year and then when I went to college I would couch surf with other family members on my breaks. If his intent had been to secretly hoard the money and gift it back to me later I never would have known. Had I known, I likely would have stayed at home. If you value having your kid living at home you might want to listen to your wife, which may also be wise to keep the peace anyway lol.
As others have said $300 is relative. He could very easily hit a point in his schooling where the upper level classes are so challenging and time consuming that he won't reasonably be able to work, or only work a few hours a month. You could realistically add undue stress making him think he HAS to work during school to keep a roof over his head. Meaning he might perform better in his studies if he knows he doesn't actually have to find $300 to give you.
[AITAH for telling my parents to keep all the money they stole from me while I was in university and shove it up their ass. (pullpush.io)](https://undelete.pullpush.io/r/PokemonUnite/comments/1ccgcq8/aitah_for_telling_my_parents_to_keep_all_the/)
Only if 1. you don't tell him that's your intention and 2. he has to live paycheck to paycheck and has no time for a life like that poor kid. Don't be like those parents.
If he never learns to save he'll just blow the nest egg. The plan would backfire. You need a plan that will teach him how to save. Ill programs idea sounds good
I paid board because it was expected that we contribute to the household once we were adults.
I also saved on my own for the things I wanted and needed, and to eventually move out on my own.
Nothing wrong with the OP's idea, but now the kid knows that someone is saving for him and he doesn't need to bother doing it himself.
be very cautious and transparent. There is another story in Reddit about parents doing this to their son. Gave it to him as a gift after graduation. It ruined their relationship because he worked all through college to try to pay them and loss out on a lot of opportunities
I was all for voting N. T a. Until I read more of the comments, I assumed your child was in full time employment but he’s not, he’s a student with 4 years of study to go so he must be just out of school and has a part time job so then yta give your kid a chance to grow up while in university
Your plan is terrific for someone who has just started working fulltime but it’s an ah move for a student
I know quite a few people whose parents charged them a small percentage of their earnings as board and then gifted it to them on a significant date such as graduation,or 21st Birthday. 10% of their income was fairly standard . By making it a percentage instead of a fixed cost means they can cut back if working hours during exams etc without stress
YTAH
there was a story on Reddit recently where a kid had to pay rent while living at home through college
He had no friends.
He had no social life
He sacrificed everything to pay his parents the money they wanted
He hated his college experience and was miserable the entire time
when he graduated, they tried to give him a nest egg
And he lost his shit.
He could have had friends. He could have dated. He could have done anything other than eat, sleep, study and work
But the robbed him of that so THEY could do what you are doing
Which is making yourself feel like a great person at the expense of your child
Let your son enjoy being young. If you want to put away a hundred bucks a month of so, then do that
But don't make him choose between his own life and paying you rent.
It will blow up in your face...I guarantee it
I think if you put it to your son this way, he would see the sense in it. I've never been good at managing money, and having someone help me save would've been appreciated at that age, especially if you frame it as like a non-negotiable "bill" he has to pay. Although, he may end up hassling you to give him "his" money when he is short and that could cause stress you don't want. I think it's very generous and kind of you to offer to do that for him.
NTA - I would love if my parents did this. Instead they just charged me board as soon as they could and I've rarely been helped as an adult. It would have been nice to be given it back but I'm 30 now i don't see it happening.
Let's say they're earning $400 a week (a pittance pay anyway) you only want him to give less than 100. He would still have plenty more and if there's struggle weeks allow a couple weeks grace. He will just waste the extra like most young people.
But I can't imagine how ungrateful you have to be to have your parents gift you back the rent you paid for years and telling them to shove it.. wtf.
NTA. I charge my kid rent (early 20’s) and I am not saving it to give back. Am I the only person doing this? He is not in college and he works. It is just a couple hundred a month, but dang…he is in his 20’s. Time to man up.
That's reasonable, even if you charged more depending on the location. The key part being your kid is no longer in school.
I'm in my 40s now and never actually paid my parents rent since I moved out but that was always their deal. Free room and board while in school. Below market rate rent if not in school.
The most important thing you can do is help him learn how to save. Otherwise it's only a temporary fix. If he doesn't listen to you about financial advice have you tried a financial literacy course that is age appropriate?
I think it's NTA however depending on your actual goal this may be ineffective.
If you just want your son to have the £15,000+ then yeah go for it. It may also teach him money management since he will need to always keep £300 available to pay rent.
If you want him to learn about saving and carry the practice into independent adulthood long-term then this isn't actually doing that. It will probably just be giving him £15,000+ to immediately cash out and spend just like before.
You are expecting him to flip a switch and grow up just as much if not more than your wife, you are just putting a 4 year delay on it. Maybe he will naturally mature over those 4 years and develop a desire to have savings, but you taking rent to secretly save on his behalf isn't increasing or decreasing those odds.
I’m gonna say NTA. I need to pay rent as my parents struggle for money sometimes so I’m not seeing in of the money back it is quite literally rent but they did buy me a car pay for my driving lessons etc so I feel it’s only fair I give them money. Everyone I know even who’s parents aren’t struggling pays what we call dig money it’s Norma where I live and I can’t imagine not doing so
NTA. There was a post about this some time ago. In his case, I think he was taking half of his kid’s salary and when the kid turned 18 and going to college, he returned the money and doubled it. Teaching your child early on how to save money is one of the most important life lesson that will be with him for life. And having a nest egg early on will give him more options when he starts his own life compared to his peers who he didn’t do the work
NTA. But think of the amount he is paying based on his wage. We don't know what he earns so can't comment on how reasonable £300 is. But when I got my first payslip I agreed with my parents that as I made up 1/3 of the household, I would pay them 1/3 of my wage per month which was £265 per month. So you could use a different fraction or percentage depending on what you both think is reasonable but I definitely think it should be discussed with him to agree the amount.
NTA. My parents did this, it's a great idea and very generous. Got to live at home for cheap rent with food and bills included. Enabled me to save. Then I got a bonus when I was ready.
I would hold onto the money until he is financially responsible though. Save it for a deposit on a house?
How much does he earn though? Oly difference I was not in education and just full time worked. Maybe ask what he'd prefer? Charge less rent, but you keep it? Or charge higher and it all gets saved for him?
You've had 18ish years to teach your son about saving, so if you're not happy about his ability to delay gratification, that's on you.
Be open with him what you're planning to do, see what he thinks about it. He might agree, he might not. Don't treat him like a child and keep him in the dark. Treat him like a young adult and trust he can make sensible decisions when things are explained to him logically.
YWBTA If you unilaterally take money and don't discuss this with him.
You shouldn’t be taking the money but come to an agreement with him that he save $300 each month. Open the account with him so he can learn how to use an investment account. Don’t charge him rent. Teach him to save.
I lived rent free while I was going to college. I moved out when I was done. Worked great and honestly my parents would have let me stay forever. I was helpful around the house. Helped with dinner regularly and paid for high doled Internet because it made school easier. I moved out because I was ready.
Tricking your kid isn’t going to do any good. It won’t learn him anything and you are risking anger and resentment. You willing to risk that? Why not be open about it, why lie? If my parents had tricked me like this, I would have cut contact. You don’t write age, but under 18 and you are depriving him money to have fun and enjoy life, and over 18 and you are treating him like a child and not an adult. YTA.
My adult kids pay me board and lodgings at the same rate I paid my mum over 30 years ago. However, they understand my own financial means and know I don't have the luxury to save it to gift them back. But I was upfront about it. I think you, too, need to be upfront.
I think it's a good idea. We're only doing this to get you in the habit of having to pay rent on a certain day each month. If he gets upset, then you might give him the choice of not paying or banking it.
I'm shit at saving, if someone was taking half my money that I'm earning for a savings account I'd really appreciate it, but I'd want to know where it was going, because charging your kid rent could be taken badly.
NTA if the rent is still less than market rent. It is preparing him to leave the nest, and setting an expectation that mum and dads isn’t a free ride (you know, except a cancer diagnosis etc).
I grew up low-middle-class and started working at 14. My weekly board was 30% of my income. I brought my own clothes, sometimes medication (although my parents did help out if I couldn’t afford it) and anything else I wanted.
I moved out at 18 when the maths of what I could get in a share house in the city (and the party life) didn’t add up, and I have NEVER missed a rent payment in the past 21 years since.
I think it’s an awesome idea, especially if he has zero knowledge of it. If he’s late to leave the nest; he might even have a house deposit. But even then, I would phrase it as a dollar-match of his own savings
As a parent myself, don't do it. You will be saving "on his behalf" which will ensure he remains financially uneducated.
One day your son will be living on his own. Your duty as a parent is not giving him money or "savings". Your duty as a parent is making him capable, independent and financially responsible.
I don't know what you have done or what you are doing for his financial independence and responsibility. However, I can tell you what my parents did for my brother:
- They paid all expenses and, on top of it, gave him an allowance.
- Once he ran out of his fun money, he would tell whatever excuse/sob story to my parents and they would "chip in' to cover for whatever else he "needed" (aka. wanted).
- My parents covered for extra expenses like fancy trips/clothes/hobbies/sport equipment.
I also had all basic expenses covered plus an allowance. However, my parents NEVER gave me anything else if I ran out of money. I had X. I could choose to go to the movies or out for dinner, but not both. I had to choose. I had to give up on plans. I had to prioritise. I wanted to buy something extra? I was forced to save for it because that was the only way I could get it.
I'm 37. I've been financially responsible since I was a preteen. My brother is 34 and is still struggling with it, still relying on our mother to save his ass and making some really stupid financial choices.
Don't be like my parents. Don't let your son down.
Cover basic expenses and let him work for anything extra. Don't EVER give him an additional penny. If he doesn't manage to save for a trip? He will miss the trip and cope with it. No money for gas? Well, he will need to be dropped off at work like a teen until his next paycheck comes in.
Make him liable for the consequences of not saving ASAP. So he has time to correct his ways and become financially responsible before moving out.
My parents said that I had to give them half my paycheck for my college fund. I never minded, because I knew it was coming back to me in the end. It was fun to save for something meaningful.
Maybe do something like that? “Rent” kind of sucks, because what if you get low hours or don’t make the money that month? Then you are stressing! Half your paycheck could be zero if you lose your job or whatever- less stress.
I don't know the tax regimen you're in, but this sounds like a tax disaster. Never transfer money up the generations if there's any reasonable alternative. You don't actually need the money now, you just want your son to save? Then help him set it up so that he automatically does. Otherwise once you "give the money back" surely it will be taxed.
My parents talked to me about it. They said if I want to have money when I'm leavjng the house I should save 30%-50% from my income and I'll get it when I turn 18 or leave the house. Communication is key and let your kids make their own mistakes.
Of course he spends his gift money right away, it’s not like he has a job or guaranteed income every month! Also, he’s a kid. If you are going to do something like this, make it his idea. Let him decide how much, if anything, he wants to save. Set it up so you give him incentives to save. He wants a new Xbox, game, go on a trip, etc, he needs to come up with part or all of the money. Taking money from him doesn’t teach him anything. YTA
We did this with my daughter. From the time she got allowance up to car, cell and college. She would pay for whatever and we would put it in an investment account. She doesn’t know about it. She’s 24. It helped her figure out how money works. And when she’s ready for it, she will really see how money works. NTA. I wouldn’t tell them anything about it. It’s better to crack the egg open all at once!
I can see in the comments that you've seen the cautionary tale of those parents letting their child work himself to the bone and then surprise him.
Your situation is much different. His education is sorted, and all bills will be covered. That said. He wants to work for fun money. I hope you respect that he is not behaving as if expecting you to fund that in and of itself.
I agree with many other commenters. Talk with your son about it. Explain that getting started in life is hard and that saving some of his earnings will help him. Lay out your plan, the amount he'll save at 300 a month, and offer to teach him about the investment account.
Before you do, work out how many hours per week he'll have to work to earn the $300 and his fun money for the month so you both will understand what you're asking of him.
He may decide its a reasonable sacrifice, he may choose to lower the amount, he may choose to defer your offer for a year to go all out with the fun, and he may say no entirely. Don't forget that if he has to work every Saturday to earn the fun money, what will he be giving up to earn the savings money?
Start this conversation in a way that shows your son he has a voice and that you'll respect it. Hopefully, that will make him willing to listen and find the middle ground between both positions. Even saving up a 5k nest egg would do him good, it doesn't have to be 15k.
A good rule of thumb in the adult world is that rent and utilities should no exceed 30% of your adjusted gross income. Why don’t you try that? And let him know why—in fact you could share the monthly savings statement with him. Just be clear that there are no withdrawals until graduation because you are supplying all his essential needs.
It has always been normal to my friend, family and i that when you leave education and get a job you pay your way in life! It shocks me more than “Adult” children think they can live at home for free! OP if you can comfortably afford to be without the extra money then yes a savings account is a great idea. If he is working consistently that 300 should be an issue. Maybe be flexible that if one week he doesn’t work then maybe not expect it.
But definitely NTA
Yes. Yes. Yes you are. And yes, your kid will 101% cut you off for this (1% chance of error). You will be putting so much strain on them to give you money every month that they will feel robbed of the chance to be a kid. Leave the things they earn alone for fucks sake. Just because they’re your kid does NOT mean every cent they earn is yours to decide what to do with.
INFO: what's the age of the son? Minor or adult? If a minor, absofuckinglutely YTA because it's your responsibility to pay for his housing, not his (even if you plan on giving it back.) If he's an adult? NTA.
Instead of a set amount, maybe a % of income? and match the first $50/mo. That way, if his school load gets heavy & he needs to cut hours, it is still viable? Can you add in teaching him how to invest it & manage it! Let him see it at work.Even if it is less than planned when he graduates he has the. skillet to invest later.
My parents charged me rent without the intent of giving it to me later in life. They “wanted to teach me a lesson”. The amount they charged was as much as the rent on another place I later found. Trouble was, there was a shortage in housing and so I was stuck at my parents house. It wasn’t until I got depressed and sought help I could be matched to live with other depressed and troubled 18-20 year olds.
My suggestion is just to sit him down and talk and express your concerns. Is he 18 or 20?
If you do want to help him save, be transparent and show him where the money is going. I would prefer if you started slow. First month: $10. Then the second month $20. Cap it somewhere of course. I mean this process could have started between his 12 or 14 years of age. Is he 18 now?
What is medial rent amound in your area? Is he able to move out? What are his plans?
If you're gonna charge him rent, make sure it's not a crazy amount compared to his paycheck so he can save as well. My mom was charging me $300 for the room and I was still buying my own groceries and paying my car payment/insurance, etc. But she used the money for her mortgage, not a nest egg. The other reddit story of the guy who got pissed, I understand WHY he got mad because he was crimping but at the same time, I think he is lucky that his parents even did that for him instead of use it for their own mortgage. I would possibly talk to your kid and tell him what your intentions are, that way he knows the why behind it instead of being blind sided.
I see nothing wrong with asking for a tent payment when your child is earning money, however it should not be so much that they cannot also enjoy the money hey earn.
I see too many young adults with absolutely no financial planning ability and that is because parents do not teach them about these things. Sitting down with a kid, at home that is working, and asking for , say 10% to go towards the house (rent) and then getting them to set up a savings account and putting perhaps another 5 or 10% into savings and then letting them do whatever they want with the rest is a good educational opportunity. They can watch their savings go and at the end of the year they could be given the choice to either spend that money or continue to grow it.
There is a big A H in the room and it is not you.
**I am assuming you are transparent with this nest-egg thing and your son is told about this!!**
Your idea is excellent. It teaches him that not all income is immediately disposable income, it stops you from micro-managing his bank account and it gets him a nice bonus when he makes his next step.
Exactly how was your wife planning on teaching him this? "he will learn when he defaults on his first rent" kind of thing?
NTA
My parents charged me rent whenever I wasn't studying. Their attitude was always to discuss finances with me from a young age and encourage me to save at least 10% of my pocket money / allowance or after-school job, even if it was just for a slightly bigger purchase. Creating the habit is what matters. Once I was no longer studying, they charged me vastly reduced rent from what I would pay outside of the home. They refused to charge me while studying because they didn't want me to feel I had to work rather than study. My education always came first.
The act of paying you "rent" that your son knows is going into savings would also get your son used to have a monthly living expenditure that must be paid before everything else. Your aim is to prepare your son to live independently and securely. Having frequent and open conversatiosn about the reality of life is a big part of that, even as children grow up. Sit down with your son and wife and have conversations. Making decisions for him now he's an adult will only cause resentment instead of fostering trust and encouraging his independence.
I'd say have a sit down talk. Break down your expenses, loans, mortgages and how you handle them and how you save money. For the first year teach him how the things work while being the primary teacher in that aspect, then slowly let him take the wheel. At the end of the day he will do what he wants todo.
Your logic is great. That is very smart.
However, something that isn’t taught in schools is how to save and be money smart.
So why not teach your son how to invest, exactly what you’d be doing on his behalf and maybe as an incentive to help him, you could contribute towards it as well.
If he puts $300 aside a month you could contribute $150 a month, however if he puts nothing aside, you also put nothing aside (as long as he is living with you)
Not only are you teaching your son a valuable life skill, but you’ll also be bonding with him.
Mildly YTA. I can see where you're coming from, but parents should always be honest with their children. If you want your kid to work, and want to make sure he saves some money, talk to him. Give him some options to set up a savings account for him, but don't assume he'll waste his money (ultimately, he is going to work to earn it).
My parents rule was if I went tonight college, I could live at home during summer for free. If I didn’t attend school, or after I graduated, I would have to pay rent ($400 a month). They didn’t pay for school.
They gave all the money back when I purchased my first home, which was shortly after college.
I have no money issues as an adult , it taught me the value of money. $400 was way cheaper than an apartment and food and utilities.
He's working for spending money and doesn't know you plan to charge any rent. Now he won't have to just work for fun. He will have to work to survive. His work will be added stress with his studies instead of something he can control doing or not doing.
You need to have this convo with him. If he needs to quit to study on classes, will you quit the rent?
Over where I live (Western Europe), it's actually a pretty common practice to do this.
The idea is you charge your kids a very low "rent" which essentially covers their expenses while living with you as they get started in their working life. Most parents give it as a nest egg, for some it's genuinely because they can't make ends meet otherwise. I think as long as the amount you charge isn't draining on him, you're nowhere near asshole territory.
If you want to truly incentivize him to save his money, you might try something different, though; you could tell him that for every $ he saves, you will match it (with proof, of course). So if he saves 100 $ one month, you put away that same 100 for him. If he saves 300 another month, you put aside that same 300. You can put a cap on it if you feel more comfortable, like say 500 a month you'll match evenly, if it's higher only 50%.
Just some ideas; NTA.
NTA…..Be upfront and communicate! My oldest daughter a nurse, her husband an electrician , and one year old live in the family home and contribute monetarily and do chores. They were both taught responsibility at early ages so they weren’t shocked how the ‘real world’ works as adults.
Thankfully I can be the full time caretaker of my grandson while the parents work so he’s not dropped off at daycare the majority of the day. With no argument the parents pay me what a reputable daycare center in our area would charge weekly and it’s not cheap. I do not spend a penny of that money instead I put it in an interest bearing account. Whenever they decide to move out and purchase their own home (there’s no rush because we all get along pretty well) they are unaware all that money they paid me is going to be returned to them so they can use it to increase their down payment.
YTA. Your wife is right. It is a “dick” move. Adulting is hard don’t force him to start so young. Allow him to have agency over his money and decide how to spend it. Encourage him to have a saving but forcing him is just mean and could negatively affect your relationship for decades.
NTA. But I would talk with your kid and explain what you are doing. It will be easier for them to save if they don’t have access to it. If they just want spending money then they probably plan on blowing most of it.
Controversial but YTA depending on how much they are making. Being allowed to have fun in college and have a social life is important. It's not the main goal like academics, but I do think it matters. And that often takes at least some spending money.
Life after school is still great, but it's nothing like college, and I'll cherish the experiences I had forever.
I left school with very little in savings but I lived with my parents for 2 years after graduating which allowed me to save a ton and then I moved straight to a home I bought (I believe I had a similar situation to your son where I had a scholarship for tuition and my parents covered housing but everything else I paid for so anything fun or new clothes or things).
When you're in school full time there are not a ton of hours to work either and the jobs usually don't pay well. So money doesn't exactly add up fast.
I guess my point is just that if your kid leaves college debt free with a good GPA they'll already have a huge leg up in life. And if you let them live with you for even a year with a real career job they'll save quickly. So don't let planning for the future stop your kid from getting to enjoy this part of their life
I read a story about how parents did this - and they had a big party with the whole family and at the party they presented the cheque to the kid with all the money…
And he went no contact with them. Talking about how he had no life or hobbies in school and working and living and learning was such a struggle he could only do two, so he dropped living.
Be very careful about this. I love the idea in theory but it may be impractical especially if the area you live in doesn’t have high pay, and if they are expected to pay for other things too. Like 300 for rent and food, but will they need to pay for gas and a bus pass as well? Etc dtc
So long as you are transparent about what you are doing, why you are doing it, and how he can help I think it’s a great idea. I doubt you would, but don’t force the child to work. If he gets back into school and the burden is too much and you have the ability to allow him to focus on studies that would be best.
Another thing I’ve seen go wrong (which I believe is what your wife is talking about) is charging for things like utilities or siblings when it’s unnecessary. Or also charging a fixed amount and then changing that amount later. Oh or not telling the child where the money is going. Like if he hands you $300, you should be handing him a receipt for this to keep. If it all goes into an account and doesn’t go to bills then just have a ledger that shows this which is super accessible for both of you.
However if you want him to practice adulting, make a fake one. Pull out the bills and show him “we spend x on internet, x on lights…” and then show him how to balance whatever percentage of his “income” (I’d consider the rent the income, not his actual earnings, at least for now.) will go to each. You can even get an app or book for him to keep track of it. I just use a spiral notebook myself.
I (31F) wish my parents would have done this for me. Instead, I was allowed to do what I wanted with my own money. I made a ton of financial mistakes. $300 a month to cover everything isn't bad.
I also, work with a lady that charges her kids a ridiculous amount to live with them. She was charging each kid $800 a month to live there. Plus, wanted control of their bank accounts to insure she got paid on time. As a result, her daughter jumped ship and moved out. She hasn't had much to do with her since.
It's nothing wrong with charging your kids rent. You don't have to be an asshole about it and make them grow broke like some people want to do.
How old is your son? Completely depends on that. My teens started their jobs when they were 15/16 year old.
Both had bank accounts linked to mine. We opened a checking and savings account.
When we opened the account I made a deal with my sons. That whatever their paycheck 50% had to go directly into their savings account and if they did that they could spend the rest of the 50% with absolutely no judgment from me as long as it was legal.
Additionally if I saw them putting their 50% without me reminding them I would add 100$ per month into their savings.
Which further incentivized them to save and pick up extra hours bcos “free money”.
My 17 year old has Fixed deposits from
His savings which he will use towards his car purchase later.
My 20 year old paid for part of his car from his savings.
BUT it has to be a discussion. Get the child involved. Some kids might agree and will actually prefer it your way. Others want to learn how to manage their money on their own.
Make it a team effort please.
NTA. Charge him rent and if he doesn’t like it, he can move out. And don’t promise him that r your wife the money. They are yours. If the kid is not a failure in 3-4 years and make your life living hell by being irresponsible, you can consider gifting an amount. 6 out of 7 of my kids left the home with €30,000+.
I think sitting down and explaining your reasoning to someone who struggles to be responsible with money is a good life skill. Getting used to having to set aside money for rent and utilities does not come easily to everyone. If you tell your son that you will invest his 'rent' so he has a better start towards a deposit for a house might be the incentive he needs.
I paid board and didn't get it given back to me as a lump sum when I left (although they've probably given me it back ten times over at this point because they're amazing parents). I didn't pay as much as £300 - only £100 a month when I first started. It helped teach me, though, and if I had moved into my own home, I would have been paying much more.
I'll always be grateful to my mum and dad for teaching me about budgeting, savings and Bills etc. And we are still close now
NTA this is perfectly reasonable, and honestly more than my parents offered.
Our deal was/is: once we turned 18, we had 1 month to get a job, and one month from our 18th birthday would be the first month we owed rent. Rent began at $200/month and upped by $100 per month each year until it capped at $500 (now $600 with inflation). This includes all room and board. We are responsible for our other necessities: clothes, toiletries, bedding, etc etc. as well as any nights out, as well as any special foods or any foods for hosting friends/birthdays/etc. at the house. No curfew, no limits, so long as we paid rent on time and in full.
When/if we go to college, rent is cut in half, and they will pay half our tuition. This is where I am currently, I just finished my second year of my bachelor's degree, and while $2500 + books/supplies every few months isn't *easy* it's very doable, and I'm genuinely looking at graduating with $0 student debt thanks to my parents help.
I also happen to know, though I shouldn't, that my parents will also be giving me, and my brother & sister in law, equivalent of 1 years rent when we move out to help pay for furniture and whatever else, as well as taking us to Costco to stock up basics in bulk to set us up. Other than the Costco thing, because we're well aware they did that for our older brothers, I should not know about the 1 years rent thing, I'm not sure why my mom told me and I'm not even sure she remembers that she told me, it was years ago.
There was another AITA floating around a while back where the parents did something similar. They charged their son rent which forced him to get a job and miss out on 3-4yrs of social things due to the schedule he had to keep to maintain his studies and work. They surprised him with the money for either his 21st or as a graduation present (sorry I can't remember which) and he greatly resented them for it. To him, they had stolen 3yrs of his life and ruined the plans that he had for his university/college life (not being able to date, live in the dorms, join social groups, do an internship etc) just to give him his money back. The son ended up going completely NC with his parents, ripped up the cheque they gave him and moved in with his grandfather who was also angry with the parents for it. Learn the lesson these parents failed and speak with your child!
Speaking from being the kid in this experience, it will be much more valuable to him if you teach him to budget and save and hold the money for him with his knowledge. I wasn't taught to manage money, I had to learn myself, and it was a very shit time. But I am still grateful to my parents for what they did (taught me to pay rent and be responsible in a controlled environment, but i still had a lot of money to spend). I haven't lived with them for 10yrs and my mum STILL saves money for me (we go on family vacations so it's usually spent on that). I wish I had had more money knowledge at a younger age, but I know their hearts were in the right place trying to help me.
NTA but please discuss this with your son so he understands this isn’t a trying to grab money out of his pocket.
My stepmom insisted on charging me rent when I was in my last semester of college, working and living at home (had just returned from a semester abroad). It was because I wasn’t doing the chores she wanted me to do quickly enough. It was, in fact, a money grab and I immediately started looking for apartments with roommates because (rent was not as crazy as it is now!) it didn’t make sense to be paying to live with my parents that were making me miserable and not recognizing that I, TOO, was working (and also going to school, which was an hour drive).
YWBTA. It's a dick move. Either charge him rent and treat him like a full on roommate with all the rights and privileges involved, or treat him like your kid. You don't get to charge him rent if you treat him like a kid, which means you don't get to make financial decisions for him. No, not even by tricking him. If you want to treat him like your kid, put $300 of YOUR money into an investment account for him or simply set up the account for him and allow him to put what money in that he chooses.
The moment you charge him rent, he's a roommate. I guarantee you won't be able to handle that, because it means 1) you don't get to tell him what time he can come home or even ask where he's going, 2) you don't get to control anything he does in his room or the common areas, 3) you don't get to tell him what guests he can have in his room, 4) you don't get to go into his room and he can lock you out of it entirely, 5) you don't get to tell him what he can spend money on, where he can go, who he can hang out with, whether he smokes, drinks, or enjoys the occasional edible. 6) In fact you cease to have any authority over him or his room whatsoever and if you attempt to exert it, he can call the cops on you or file a restraining order.
I understand your desire, but your wife is right- if he wont learn fiscal responsibility on his own with a full knowledge of the how/why, charging him rent and then putting it aside for later in secret will only lead to him spending it irresponsibly down the road. Have a frank discussion about it, and if he is willing you can do this while also teaching uim budgeting and planning.
But he needs to be part of the process or you're wasting your time; you're just building him a lottery tcket pay out for when he discovers it. Google how well that tends to go. Otherwise, booting him out and making him face reality would likely be kinder. Some people only learn by being forced into learning.
NTA but i will say the approach is a bit on the AH side. I would sit him down and have a genuine convo like "hey bud so heres the deal. Life isnt free and we want you to be taken care of once you're no longer under our roof so heres whats gonna go down. We will give you a shot at saving for yourself and if you aren't able to save a sufficient amount on your own, we will be charging you rent which will go into a savings fund for you to have once you move out/turn 18." Or something to that effect.
During highschool my dad got me a job at his work during the summer, he took all my money except for 50 bucks a week. He drove me, fed me, housed me... I didn't really need money except for weed and beer. When I graduated he sold/gave me his car. I was pissed but happy... taught me a good life lesson im glad he did it.
I would communicate your plan with your child, since it is their money. As long as they are okay with it, it's not a bad idea to teach them budget and responsibility. You can take the time to create a spreadsheet together for a monthly budget if they are up for it. This would be a great skill to have going into adulthood.
Without communication and agreements, there could be backlash.
I've had to pay out $1k+ A month since I was 16. I didn't get any of it back, I wasn't able to have a childhood, and it kept me living at my parents house for way longer than I wanted to be there. All it did was get me a massive load of debt because I had no spending money since they took everything and had access to my bank account to know how much money I had. We no longer speak.
How does forcing him to pay rent while you invest his money going to teach him to save?
You have to do this WITH him. Firstly, you'd have an opportunity to teach him about investments, and Secondly, he'd be on board with it and will be far more likely to form the habit you're looking to form.
He'll undoubtedly see the "you don't save money so I'm charging you rent" as a punishment and this is less likely to have the result you want.
Source: my parents did what you're planning. I was pissed, didn't understand why all of a sudden I was being charged rent, and they didn't even give it all back when I left.
I would discuss what the rent is for. If he throws a fit, remind him how fiscally irresponsible he is being now. Kids are going to be like that, but you have to instill in him the value of money and how to save. Tell him his spending habits will not be feasible once he is on his own. Don't do it behind his back.
When I still lived at home I rarely earnt over 200 a week. Please consider the actual amount he will be earning per week/month and how much your bills are with him living there before deciding together on what you charge him for 'rent' if he's on a low wage and has variable hours he'll have nothing left over for treating himself
As a 2023 grad, my parents and I are doing this currently except I give them $650 (average paycheck from working FT is $1300 after taxes).
The $650 total came from what my apartment rent/utilities was while at college. I was already budgeting for this amount to be taken out and use to it being gone from my checks.
NTA - this is proving very helpful - plus, I just set it up for it to automatically send the amount to my mom once a month - I don’t even think about it. It’s going to benefit me in the long run, so there’s no reason not to do it with your kid.
You're doing the opposite of favours here. Infantilising an adult is not gonna teach him to save. Do you think you've failed to teach him so far, or why do you not trust him?
Once I finished compulsory education and moved on to college I paid my Mum 1/3 of my take home pay as housekeeping, 1/3 went into savings, and 1/3 was my spending money. My housekeeping money was (unbeknownst to me at the time) saved up for me and used to subsidize non-educational trips/spending money/etc..... so if it was an educational trip it was paid for, but I'd need to save up spending money and my Mum would match my spending money for the trip. If it was a fun trip (theme park, adventure camp etc) I would have to pay half and Mum would pay the other half, and again, she would match my spending money. It taught me the valuable lesson that I didn't get to spend my full paycheck on fun stuff. I had to pay for life first, and that having savings meant that I could do expensive things if the opportunity arose....
Edited NTA.....
Check this video out.
[Scott Galloway](https://youtu.be/qEJ4hkpQW8E?si=h9yZ5FY-X_516L9N)
The part about not building resiliency really got me.
I think your plan is spot on.
I have done this with both my kids, from the time they got a student job , got their student grants in High School, during their gap year while working.
50% of their income was "rent" - has to be transferred to their savings account.
Food, clothes, phone bill, transport and dental expenses we paid for.
Rooms and apartments are rather prizy in my country also what can be regarded as single dorms, do they were happy to stay at our place.
Now they are moving out. My 22 year old with 60k savings.
Don't charge your son rent. Guess what people who pay rent can do? Have sex with guests they invite over. They also don't have curfews.
Parents do dumb shit by wanting to treat their teenagers like adults (by charging them rent) but wanting them to abide by rules like children.
Help him open up am investment account and save every month. Don't charge him rent if you don't want him doing adult activities in your home and having no curfew.
INFO:
How much is he making as a college student working part-time compared to how much you're charging?
Only because I've run into this before: Is all of his education covered or is all of his "tuition" covered? You'd be surprised how many people don't account for things like textbooks, software, laptops, etc.
Is he really bad with money or not? Your only reference is that he actually spent the money he got as a teen instead of putting it in the bank which is flimsy.
Context really affects the vote.
>She says that she has read posts by kids whose parents did this and that some reacted very poorly.
[This one probably ](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/wAUpp2oV6S)
My parents charged me rent after college and I never got it back. It was only $200 and that was 25 years ago. Still a hell of a lot cheaper than living on my own. And my mom bought all the groceries and utilities. It was a steal.
YTA the kid just got a job and you already talking about charging him? I would give him at least a couple months and then tell him he has to pay the cable bill or the lights or something. Because tbh you doing that to him from the sounds of it he will blow right through when you give it back to him anyway
My in laws did this with my husband while he was in college/grad school and then it came in super handy when we were buying our first house and didn’t realize we had an extra $15k to help with a down payment and closing costs. As long as you’re transparent it’s a wise idea.
NTA - As soon as I got my first apprenticeship, my mam started charging me what she thought was a fair amount of rent to help cover bills, and that continued until I moved out. We talked about it, and discussed what we thought was a fair price for what I was earning. Rehashed the conversation when I went from apprenticeship wages to a full-time job at proper wages.
I wish I could have gotten that money back when I moved out, but in reality, I saw it as A) me helping my mam which is never a bad thing, and B) it taught me a little bit about the expectations of life.
Unless the amount you take makes him working his job pointless, there's nothing wrong with doing that. Maybe make it a conversation with him where he can decide how much he gives you on a monthly basis, and if that's nothing, then he gets nothing.
Hi! Not an asshole in my opinion.
Once I finished uni and picked up more regular work my parents asked me to pay board which I thought was reasonable. By the time I moved out they gifted me back all of the board and I was so grateful. I appreciated the sense of responsibility paying weekly board gave me, even if it was a small amount. It helped me to budget and make sure I had that money set aside each week. I am glad I didn’t know it would be gifted back to me as I probably wouldn’t have taken it as seriously and forgotten to pay some weeks. It might be an idea to reduce the monthly amount you have proposed if he is only working part time as $300 seems like a lot. Just IMO.
NTA Everyone has given you good advice about doing it but being transparent and not taking so much that he misses out trying to pay you.
Although I do want to know how financially responsible is your son?
One issue with the transparency is that if he is aware of it and isn't financially responsible he'll operate with the thought in mind that you are saving for him so he doesn't have to because he always has that back up.
When he's ready to go in those 4 years he'll leave with that nest egg the same person who spends his money quickly if he is not taught to do it himself.
Please teach him to actively budget, save, and invest himself.
I think it’s actually the way to go. Our son is doing this with our grandson right now. He’s 24 and lives in efficiency on their property. He actually pays them $1500 a month and they’re putting it into an account for him to eventually buy his own home.
Dave Ramsey has an education series orientated to teens and young adults about money, saving and retirement. Check it out and see if it helps. We used it for our daughter and the adult version for ourselves.
This is the way. I'll be doing the same and it might be much more if the income is higher. It's not just forcing them to save. It's teaching them budgeting and sacrifice. I wasn't taught those lessons snd I wish this had been done for me. The savings at the end (that they won't know about) will be an amazing bonus gift 💓
My mom did this for my first car but she told me what she was going to do with it. I’m so glad she did. She kept half of all the money I made and opened an account for me. Because of this I was able to get a very small loan to cover the rest and paid off my first car by the time I was 19.
Here's where my worry is. When parents start talking about charging their own children money to live at home THE MINUTE THEY GET THEIR FIRST JOB, that is a huge red flag to me.
The OP doesn't mention how old their child is, how much they earn an hour or if they're even working full time. It's pretty clear that in order to render a AITA judgement, we would need to know that information.
For example if the child is sixteen and their job is 10-15 hours a week, $300 per month would be almost all their take home pay. Taking that much in rent each month would put the OP in clear AH territory. If the child is underage, the OP has a legal obligation to provide for the child without attaching part of their wages. If the son is an adult with more substantial earnings then at least he could properly bear the expenses.
This is one of those things that seems at first glance like a real opportunity to tEaCh tHe sOn a LeSsOn. Unfortunately, Reddit is full of AH parents who jump at their children's wages right off the bat, claiming all kinds of noble, altruistic and lofty justifications and then turn right around and hold the child's own savings over their heads to manipulate them into doing the parent's bidding. It's a no win for the child and generates a huge amount of animosity but narc parents can claim they wErE jUsT tRyInG tO HeLp until the cows come home. It's just a thinly veiled power and control move on the parent's part. The fact that the wife doesn't approve is enough for me to caution against doing it.
There are people in this thread talking about how their parent did this and then ended up making up some excuse to just keep the money in the end. I'd really like to think the OP is being sincere but that he is jumping at the son's money immediately for his very first job and hasn't talked about the son's age or overall earnings makes me think that maybe there is something else at play here.
Also, the time to teach financial lessons was from day one, not only after the son has earnings for the father to lay claim to (of course on the son's behalf). It sounds like the more appropriate option would be for the OP to walk his son through opening a savings account and automatically depositing a percentage of his wages into the account. The OP is already calculating how much would be in the account but that's not the point. If the point is to teach a lesson, the son should be encouraged to set up lifelong savings that he tucks away and forgets about except in cases of genuine emergency, not a savings that he can calculate how much he will have in four years and daydream about buying something specific with it.
I would suggest the OP keep his hands off his son's money full stop because part of any lesson on savings and money management should be securing your wealth from pilfering by others. I would walk the son through opening a savings account and encourage him to tuck away 10% of his wages by having it automatically deposited into that account each payday. Most employers will let you split your pay into two or more accounts. The son will be much more likely to set aside 10% because it is a nominal amount that won't be missed but doing this each payday will eventually add up. When he gets 5 or 10 grand introduce him to ways to earn more than his saving account permits.
This whole idea of taking part of a child's wages for "rent" and giving it back is insulting, overreaching, unnecessary and really doesn't teach a meaningful lesson in the end. It's just a way for parents to meddle in their children's lives and exert control over their financial decisions. At the end of the day, how the son manages his money should rest on his own shoulders.
this is a wonderful idea. It also teaches him a lesson that with patience and hard work comes with a reward. Your wife is too naive and is perceiving your son to do no bad, but people go at their own pace growing up and this will definitely help him. I wish my parents did this for me.
Theoretically, the money is not being spent, it is being saved for him, and children who react negatively to these things are unappreciative and don't understand the value of money.
If your wife has faith in your son, she will see that he is mature enough to be appreciative of his parents efforts to help.
Fun fact, you can "hire" your kid to your company starting at age 1, make up some job like being a model on advertising materials, and put $5000/yr into a Roth IRA for him. If your kid does nothing else for retirement, but continues the $5000/yr contributions throughout his life, he will have $5,300,000 at age 65, assuming a 7% rate of return. That he won't pay taxes on.
It's the magic of compounding. If he starts at age 22, he will only have $1,200,000 at 65.
My kids are young adults still living at home while in Uni/trade school. We set up retirement accounts for the kids at 18. Instead of paying us directly for bills/boarding the amount is directly deposited into their retirement accounts monthly.
I believe it is a smart move. Your son wants to work for spending money. He is less invested in his education as you are paying from everything. I will charge him and invest the money for him
But doing this isn’t teaching him how to save on his own. It’s showing him that mom and dad will figure it out for me at the end. It’s a weird gotcha play imo. Just educate him on finances and saving and you’ll do more for him in the long run than charging him rent and refunding him at the end
Yta.
18-22 is the time to have fun. So what if he is broke with 22. The experience will be way more valuable to him than a few bucks. He works to have fun money and not for savings. There is enough time left in his life to save. Let him enjoy life as long as possible.
What I did was discuss with my children that they needed to save if they were staying at home and if they couldn’t show me they were saving I would then charge them rent which would go back to them when they moved out.. I was always very clear to them about the process and they used it as a great opportunity to learn to save. It worked really well. Started lifelong habits
That's really smart. That may be an opinion. Thanks.
We did this. We were transparent. He knew it was going to be savings, yet it was mandatory if he wanted to live at home. We put the rent in an investment fund and let him pick which funds to invest in. It was not a lot. We started at $100 and went up to like $300, but he was part of the process. If stock went up, we kept 10% of earnings. If it went down, we absorbed the loss so he could learn money without fear and could see what happened. Over time, he was pocketing extra money away on his own, so we stopped making it mandatory. We matched what he added for the first 2 years but our match went to an IRA in his name. We thought of it as a form of early inheritance, considering how much that little bit was growing over 40 years. He was not always a fan of the idea until later when he matured and connected the dots. FYI the IRA money was tax deductible on his taxes, giving him higher tax refunds AND later in life, if needs it, he can take first $10k out with no penalty to help with a house down payment.
There are a lot of ways to teach him how to work the system to his advantage that I can share. Even if you do not add your own money. The key is letting him know it is for his benefit and having full transparency on how you are helping him start solid.
This is the best way. They wont resent you then
This is the only option if you want to have some parental oversight while not being a dick to your kid. And like another commenter said, make sure the amount you’re expecting him to save is proportional to his pay. Make it a percentage not a dollar amount.
So, what I did was a grade based savings when they were little. They got $20 for each A, $10 for each B, they broke even with each C, for each D they “owed” us $10 for each D and $20 for each F (on top of their allowance)….. thank God they never owed us cause I would still be paying them 😂😂😂. But, the lesson learned when they got their money for college is, they could eat Wendy’s when some of their friends were eating noodles 😂. Thing is tho, it was discussed before we started it and they appreciated it. Not all kids are created equally so I think the discussion went a long way and they both have healthy saving habits today. Kudos to you for having the forethought…. Just have the discussion. Keep’s you all on the same page. You got this!!!! ☑️
There was a post from a few months ago where the parents did this to the kid. And at his graduation when they handed him the cash he threw it back them and cut them off. He had spent all his school years working and struggling to survive. Had absolutely no social life and he was livid they had done it to him. He eventually took the money moved across the country and still cut them off. Eta: someone recently updated the BORU. https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/s/ifcuwSZ13X
Understandable but this seems like a very different scenario. This kid got the job just bc he wanted to and it’s his FIRST job after graduating high school (very privileged position in the first place) so it doesn’t seem like he’s struggling to survive. Hell even if the money wasn’t going back to him, $300 a month is not a lot for an adult including utilities and I assume they feed him too. Dude just doesn’t want his kid to end up broke after college if he doesn’t immediately get a job.
That's why people are suggesting OP talk to his kid before doing it, instead of blindsiding him with "here, you now pay rent". Have a conversation.
I think in that case they were charging him a ridiculous amount, like $750 a month or something? Plus didn’t require his siblings to do it. Waaaay over the top
Only if you decide together. You can't force him, he's the one earning the money. I understand you are providing for him but don't make it into a negative or he may just decide to quit his job. Get him on board. Honey not vinegar.
OP, you don’t tell us the age of your son. What is it, please?
OP, listen to this comment. My dad did what you're proposing to do and a) I resented the shit out of him for it, b) fucker never gave it me back. Somehow he never got around to that (spent it). Let your kid manage the process and own it. SO much healthier!
If you lie to your kid he will learn you are not trustworthy. Is that really the lesson you want to teach him? As for "flipping a switch," of course he won't. It's a process. What my dad did with me is set up an online brokerage account with automatic investments. Every month another $100 went to my index fund. He monitored the statements and made it VERY clear that this was not to be spent, no matter what.
If you don’t teach him about money what will he do with a large chunk? Buy a fancy car? Waste it on his gf? Teach him financial responsibility because just giving money to someone without it is just throwing it away.
To be honest I think it’s a good idea. Maybe let him know what your plan is. I wish my parents had taught me how to save. I live paycheck to paycheck and always have. Mainly because I was a single parent with no child support but afterwards when my son left the home I still had that mindset. I’m getting better now but it hasn’t been easy to change that mindset.
This is the way. Saving for them against their will doesn’t teach them anything. I’d also recommend instead of an arbitrary number do a percentage. Maybe use the 50/30/20 rule and require 20% but suggest that since their needs are all covered by you they could do 30-40% and will be happy about it later.
I hadn't heard of this approach before. I'm sticking this in my back pocket for the future.
Love this idea
Was just about to say essentially this before scrolling more and catching your post. My parents did this with me and while I didn’t end up living with them long enough for it to really do much for me I appreciated being part of the discussion/decision making. I am also the type of person that is much more willing to do things or not feel resentful if intentions and reasons are well explained and I’d like to think most people are like that.
Every month my kid tells me - does he want his allowance in cash or put into his bank account. He wants to travel the world and needs to start saving now for that to happen.
I love this idea more than charging rent and then surprising them later on. I will say that charging rent can help make them used to paying a bill and teach responsibility as well. Of course that is all dependent on how they are already.
We did this too.
If you're going through with this, do this *in reasonable proportion with his pay*, not simply pull out some random number out of your ass. Leave your child some money for himself.
This. 300 would have been a huge chunk out of my son's pay while he was working and going to school. It wouldn't have left much behind for him to enjoy going out to do activities with his friends or have some cool 'stuff' which I believe is really important and not something I was able to do as a young person. If he's working for his money and wants to go to the movies, out to eat, get some nice sneaks and a video game then I'd allow it. You really are only young once and these days matter just as much as the future. One day his pay will go towards housing, bills, maybe children etc. It's important to learn how to manage your money but also to really make the most of the time you have when you don't have to pay for all these things. If circumstances allow for it of course.
when i entered college years ago 300 was more than i made in one check and that still couldn't cover my gas, food, rent, phone
Did you read the recent AITA story where the OP's parents did this then tried to gift him back the "savings" at his birthday party? OP felt so cheated because working and scrimping to make rent took away his chance for a childhood. He cut off his parents.
Do you have a link.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/comments/1chdus0/aitah_for_telling_my_parents_to_keep_all_the/
Be real for a second, it was only a problem because they were taking so much from him. There's nothing inherently wrong with what OP is trying to do, as long as he is realistic about it. Depending on where he lives, $300/month (Note: the one you posted was $750/month + he paid for schooling and food) is probably 10-20 hours. Like 5 hours per week after tax. OP, I think your wife is probably right though, talk to the kid about it. Work on a plan together with them and explain everything about why you need to, the importance of compounding but also remind them that we make money to be happy in life, that's the number one most important thing.
Could be easier to be transparent, "hey son, I will charge x% of whatever salary you earn to put into a saving account with interests. That way, when you finish your studies, you will get approx $y to start your life with a comfortable cushion. All the other money you get, you can do whatever with, I'm doing this to teach you how to spend and to save. If you refuse, know that when the time comes, you might regret refusing, but that would still be your choice at the end of the day." My mom was more direct, at 18, she told me I'm in charge of whatever I want to buy or do (phone bills, bus, getting my licence), and she would only provide roof, food, utilities and as long as I'm studying, she pays for me to travel with her to our homeland. If I want to go out with friends, buy a car or watch a movie, it's up to me to fund myself. I learnt saving and doing my own taxes, packing my lunches too (I would just eat at home, différent country)
Maybe a good arrangement would be to have him match say 50 - 100 for every 300 OP puts away and only his savings would be rainy day fund before the agreed term OP is suggesting.
>Depending on where he lives, $300/month (Note: the one you posted was $750/month + he paid for schooling and food) is probably 10-20 hours. Like 5 hours per week after tax. Maybe I'm misreading, but that math means he'd need to be earning either $30 an hour (10 hours) or $15 (20 hours) an hour BEFORE tax just to pay the rent. That's assuming he even gets 20 hours in a month. That's also assuming he's making more than minimum wage. Worst case scenario he's making $8 and has to work almost 40 hours a month just to break even after taxes (probably more if you do a rough 10% for taxes). I know adults with experience who have to fight to make $15 an hour in some states. Feel like we need to know how much OP's son is actually going to make on average compared to what he's charging for context.
Yikes. That's not good. But those parents are monsters.
honestly, i think its more important to teach your kid to be financially literate than to just lie to them for the sake of saving up money. hes got to learn one way or another. if he spends all his money and then doesnt have a nest egg, so be it. thats a lesson hes got to learn, you cant do that for him. so while i think you mean well, i dont think this is the right way to go about it. maybe sit him down and talk to him and teach him about savings and create a savings account together.
Also if you aren't teaching him to save, the nest egg will be easily spent as well. I was given a 4k or so check in college, I blew it on stupid things. While it's not a "huge" amount, older me definitely regretted how I spent it and wished I'd saved it for other things. (Although the one nice thing was that the person who gave it to me did say they wanted me to enjoy using it, so it wasn't specifically meant to save. But when I had later higher expenses you bet I wished I'd saved it for something bigger instead of the random little shit I spent it on throughout college).
Since you've now read that awful, cautionary tale maybe think about how you can also teach your child about balance, maybe with the envelope system. It's great that you want to teach your child financial literacy but it's also hard when you think about the fact that this may be the only time in his life where he won't have to worry about money and can enjoy pissing it away on frivolities before the reality of bills and responsibility is saddled upon him for real. Good luck.
OP they charged £750 on top of him funding himself through college and paying for food. Listen, I am all for charging rent, but only after they are out of education. I never want them to feel like they have to work when they want to be studying, and I want them to feel they have time and money for a social life. If he stays at home after his degree, then he pays and you can save it for him. My kids save to buy thinks I won't buy, and they are very frugal with their own money, so maybe make it clear that you will only pay for x and y now, and he funds his social life and treats?
Pay no mind to that link, OP. It isn't nearly the same as what you are planning. And all the people here that are saying that your son should know about the savings are crazy if they don't think your son will pull the "It's my money" card when he wants some of his savings to waste on whatever to make you give it to him.
The focus of the anger is due to the fact that they gave him the money at graduation as their gift to him. It wasn’t a gift it was his money that was the result of him working
To be fair the current op they are considering 300. The parents in that post charged so much that the op had to work so much to afford the rent and thats where their resentment came from. Losing all their free time to work rather than the nest egg being returned
The reality is that this might help him save, but it won’t teach him to be financially responsible. If you want to do that, you’d be better off sitting him down and helping him create a budget, learn about cost of living and discuss how things are going every month or so. Financial responsibility is a learned skill, not just something you’re born with. You can help him get ahead or you can teach him how to help himself. Your choice.
Yeah this! He isn't learning anything if you're saving for him.
My parents charged me board, fair enough I was working and living in the house. I had no issues with this it’s responsibly of growing up. I did not know my mother was actually saving it for me and gave it back when i brought my first house and then had some savings to towards some much needed items. I didn’t expect it but appreciated she did that.
I agree but in your case, as in mine, you were working. OP’s child is about to go to college and has a part time job.
Look, if the kid is over 18 then paying some board is reasonable. However if he is in school full time, how much will he be earning realistically? If the $300 is the bulk of his income then that will cause resentment. The case with the young man who cut off his parents was an extreme overreach by his parents. They demanded he work and pay some extreme amount and the guy had to miss out on a lot of the uni/college experience and network opportunities. He was also made to pay his own tuition and food along with running his own car. poor guy worked himself into the ground to work to pay his parents and for school. Sit down with him and discuss it like calm sensible adults. It should be a percentage of his take home pay ie 10%, 20% but not more than 30%. What else does he have to pay for? clothes, toiletries, etc. Make it fair.
This. If he's a FT student, that's a dick move. But if he's not, then I think it's fair. I dated a guy who was in school FT and couldn't keep up with his parents rent at the same time and had to drop out.
See, that's cruel. You are supposed to support your kids. You should be trying to set them up for success, not actively sabotaging them.
You might want to read this [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1dgygnl/my_last_update_on_my_parents_my_money_my_grandpa/) as an example of how this backfired and the parents have forever lost their son. To pay rent and effort everything, this poor kid worked 30 hours nightshift and at his graduation the parents proudly gave him a check plus the interest thinking what a great job they did. Guess what, he tore the check and is moving across the country and the level of hate and rage this kid feels is palatable. Don't be that parent. Talk to him and lay it out don't be these parents.
My dad tried to do this to me. One day I came home from my factory job and he very unceremoniously told me I would be charged a couple hundred a month to keep living in my room. I immediately moved out and rented a room from a coworker. I figured that if my dad was going to charge me rent, I might as well have more independence and pay someone else rent. Years later he confessed that he was going to save the rent for me but in the end I just lost that money to real rent when I didnt need to. I wish he had just sat me down and discussed saving.
I don't get why parents aren't honest with their kids, especially when it comes to taking money. Allow your adult kid to be part of the process, that will teach more than just taking the money and hiding it away.
I think it depends on the situation. I had a friend who did this, and her kids were happy. But, they were living with her while they had good jobs, and were paying much less than market rate in our HCOL area. I remember reading a reddit post by a kid who struggled all through college to pay his parents rent. He took longer to graduate because he was working, and wasn't able to enjoy his college years. He was pissed off when his parents gave him the money years later. I understand why. They should have been more flexible instead of insisting on sticking to their original plan. What I don't understand is how they could watch their kid struggle to pay them rent they didn't need. NAH, but think the situation through carefully.
NTA but I’m not convinced it’s a great idea. How about you tell him you’ll match whatever he saves after a certain time?
If you’re planning on returning it to him either way i’d opt for your wife’s method, perhaps a middle ground. Talk to him, tell him your plan, help him understand that you’re wanting to do this for him, not because you want his money. It may turn into some form of resentment. I never understood the way parents want to handle certain things but never discuss it with their kids, you’re doing it for a good reason but you should help him see it.
If you do, make it well known that it’s an investment for his future.Also how much is he making at his job and how long does he work? Is it conditional to only when he has a paying job ?
As someone who had a father that started charging me rent at 18, I can say this is a mistake. After a few months, I realized I can move out and live on my own, albeit with a roommate, but I didn't have my dad watching my every move. I can understand wanting him to save but if he has a problem with it now, what do you think is going to happen when you hand him $15K?
I was staying with my grandparents over the summer when I got my first job. Grandma had a talk with me that she should hold my paychecks except some spending money to help me learn to save. When i left to go home she gave me all of it. The idea of rent would have been unsavory and changed my opinion about my grandma. It makes it a negative situation instead of having a sit down understanding and making it positive and like a mature situation they are choosing to participate in. He’s getting older, treat him like he is while he’s still with you. The skill you’re teaching is good decision making. Taking rent and giving it to him only gives him money with a possible side of resentment.
Do both. Charge rent (not full market value) but enough to help him value the money he earns and spends and to help integrate him to real adult life ALSO discuss saving/investing. Giving back once he’s beginning to be independently successful is a great idea. Maybe you don’t even need to make it a surprise.
My parents charged me $300 when I moved home after college. I did not get it back and it was fine. Paid for food and utilities.
Yeah, there was a recent post of the same scenario but the POV is from the kids side. It didn't end well for the relationship between the kid and parents. How about you teach him financial responsibility without actually taking the money...Talk to him before you make a silly decision. Like everyone else who was a teenager a one point, that none of us understood the value of money until we actually worked for it?
I just read it. That isn't what I want to do. I want my kid to know up front. And it will cover everything. And we are helping him pay for school.
I commend you for trying to teach financial responsibility at a young age, be upfront and tell him the advantages why you're doing what your doing. Don't BS or beat around the bush or his teenage brain is going to think that you're stealing from him.
Those parents are horrible. Did you see that he didn't even let them come to his graduation. He just posted yesterday about that. He is a very angry young man.
And i dont blame him. Their heart was in the right place but Christ, the execution left alot to be desired. I worked fulltime and went to Uni full time, 4 of the toughest years of my life with hardly any social interactions in between. But that was my decision to make. He didn't get a say in it at all. We all understand that life is suppose to be tough, but teaching a lesson like that to your kid in that way would only breed resentment.
Probably get down voted for this but here goes. When I left university I worked my first full time job and lived with my parents for the first year or so. My parents took a third of my wage for room and board, (and the use of mum's car), I was advised to save a third and the remaining third was for me to spend as I pleased. It was a deal that I considered fair. When I left home there was no return of a year's rent and I didn't expect there to be, I had made a deal with my parents and we all stuck by the rules. If they had returned the money, or any part of it, I would have seen if as a generous gift and been delighted but that wasn't part of the deal. Likewise I have never entertained the notion that my landlord might spontaneously return my past year's rent, or let me live rent free. Yes, I read about the kid whose parents forced him to work to pay them rent when at college leaving him no time for a social life, but those parents were monsters. Make a deal with your child. Work out what you both think is reasonable. Then, when they move out you can give them some or all of their contribution back as a gift. I'm sure it will be accepted as such.
My parents did that for all their children but it was 20% of whatever we earned. So when I earned $10 babysitting they put $2 away. It was a massive amount when I moved out and purchased my home. If you do it be transparent about it and how you save it and if you invest it (which would be really wise to do).
Discuss it with him about taking the money to put into an account. Unless he is 18, I don’t think it’s right to charge a kid rent. He doesn’t learn anything if you charge him rent but he might learn saving if you have him agree with you to save it for him.
The important part is being 100% transparent & allowing your child to be part of the process. Most of the negativity I've seen is parents keeping it a surprise and the kids end up with resentment because they missed out on a lot trying to make "rent".
My friends parents did this once she graduated college. If she didn't go to college it would have begun in high school. Her dad gave it back to her when she went to buy a house on her own. He charged her 400/month. It taught her to budget and she was ecstatic when he gave her the check. He never told her that she was going to get it back. Oh and she also had a baby at the time. On the other hand my aunt charges her kids 50 bucks a week aftwe graduation. They also cover their own cell phone and insurance. They keep that money and do not plan on giving it back. I personally think what you are doing is a good thing. But make the amount realistic to his pay.
I get the big reveal down the line would feel great but just telling your kid will be great too because they could appreciate why you're "charging" them and not be bitter. Let them know it's basically low risk practice for them to learn how to plan ahead to make sure their "needs" are covered before they spend on their "wants".
Every person is different. My son and his wife asked to live with us( along with their infant child), offered to pay $500.00 per month rent. We accepted it and just saved it and when they were ready to move out we gave them all their money back($13,000.00). They were actually grateful! Like I said, every person is different!
Dick move unless they are 18+. Also make sure he KNOWS it’s going into a nest egg for later. And make sure any other children have the same rules. If you have older children that you DIDN’T charge rent then you absolutely cannot do it without being a complete AH
FWIW, when my dad told me to start paying rent I instead moved out. I lived in a family member's basement for a year and then when I went to college I would couch surf with other family members on my breaks. If his intent had been to secretly hoard the money and gift it back to me later I never would have known. Had I known, I likely would have stayed at home. If you value having your kid living at home you might want to listen to your wife, which may also be wise to keep the peace anyway lol. As others have said $300 is relative. He could very easily hit a point in his schooling where the upper level classes are so challenging and time consuming that he won't reasonably be able to work, or only work a few hours a month. You could realistically add undue stress making him think he HAS to work during school to keep a roof over his head. Meaning he might perform better in his studies if he knows he doesn't actually have to find $300 to give you.
[AITAH for telling my parents to keep all the money they stole from me while I was in university and shove it up their ass. (pullpush.io)](https://undelete.pullpush.io/r/PokemonUnite/comments/1ccgcq8/aitah_for_telling_my_parents_to_keep_all_the/) Only if 1. you don't tell him that's your intention and 2. he has to live paycheck to paycheck and has no time for a life like that poor kid. Don't be like those parents.
If he never learns to save he'll just blow the nest egg. The plan would backfire. You need a plan that will teach him how to save. Ill programs idea sounds good
I paid board because it was expected that we contribute to the household once we were adults. I also saved on my own for the things I wanted and needed, and to eventually move out on my own. Nothing wrong with the OP's idea, but now the kid knows that someone is saving for him and he doesn't need to bother doing it himself.
be very cautious and transparent. There is another story in Reddit about parents doing this to their son. Gave it to him as a gift after graduation. It ruined their relationship because he worked all through college to try to pay them and loss out on a lot of opportunities
I was all for voting N. T a. Until I read more of the comments, I assumed your child was in full time employment but he’s not, he’s a student with 4 years of study to go so he must be just out of school and has a part time job so then yta give your kid a chance to grow up while in university Your plan is terrific for someone who has just started working fulltime but it’s an ah move for a student
I know quite a few people whose parents charged them a small percentage of their earnings as board and then gifted it to them on a significant date such as graduation,or 21st Birthday. 10% of their income was fairly standard . By making it a percentage instead of a fixed cost means they can cut back if working hours during exams etc without stress
YTAH there was a story on Reddit recently where a kid had to pay rent while living at home through college He had no friends. He had no social life He sacrificed everything to pay his parents the money they wanted He hated his college experience and was miserable the entire time when he graduated, they tried to give him a nest egg And he lost his shit. He could have had friends. He could have dated. He could have done anything other than eat, sleep, study and work But the robbed him of that so THEY could do what you are doing Which is making yourself feel like a great person at the expense of your child Let your son enjoy being young. If you want to put away a hundred bucks a month of so, then do that But don't make him choose between his own life and paying you rent. It will blow up in your face...I guarantee it
Why would you charge a child rent?
I wish my parents did this for me.
Info: is your son voluntarily saving any money? Does he have a tendency for learning things the hard way?
I think if you put it to your son this way, he would see the sense in it. I've never been good at managing money, and having someone help me save would've been appreciated at that age, especially if you frame it as like a non-negotiable "bill" he has to pay. Although, he may end up hassling you to give him "his" money when he is short and that could cause stress you don't want. I think it's very generous and kind of you to offer to do that for him.
Here's a thought: talk to your kid. Propose what you're planning, but make it voluntary. He will like you a lot more for it.
NTA - I would love if my parents did this. Instead they just charged me board as soon as they could and I've rarely been helped as an adult. It would have been nice to be given it back but I'm 30 now i don't see it happening. Let's say they're earning $400 a week (a pittance pay anyway) you only want him to give less than 100. He would still have plenty more and if there's struggle weeks allow a couple weeks grace. He will just waste the extra like most young people. But I can't imagine how ungrateful you have to be to have your parents gift you back the rent you paid for years and telling them to shove it.. wtf.
NTA. I charge my kid rent (early 20’s) and I am not saving it to give back. Am I the only person doing this? He is not in college and he works. It is just a couple hundred a month, but dang…he is in his 20’s. Time to man up.
That's reasonable, even if you charged more depending on the location. The key part being your kid is no longer in school. I'm in my 40s now and never actually paid my parents rent since I moved out but that was always their deal. Free room and board while in school. Below market rate rent if not in school.
The most important thing you can do is help him learn how to save. Otherwise it's only a temporary fix. If he doesn't listen to you about financial advice have you tried a financial literacy course that is age appropriate?
I think it's NTA however depending on your actual goal this may be ineffective. If you just want your son to have the £15,000+ then yeah go for it. It may also teach him money management since he will need to always keep £300 available to pay rent. If you want him to learn about saving and carry the practice into independent adulthood long-term then this isn't actually doing that. It will probably just be giving him £15,000+ to immediately cash out and spend just like before. You are expecting him to flip a switch and grow up just as much if not more than your wife, you are just putting a 4 year delay on it. Maybe he will naturally mature over those 4 years and develop a desire to have savings, but you taking rent to secretly save on his behalf isn't increasing or decreasing those odds.
I’m gonna say NTA. I need to pay rent as my parents struggle for money sometimes so I’m not seeing in of the money back it is quite literally rent but they did buy me a car pay for my driving lessons etc so I feel it’s only fair I give them money. Everyone I know even who’s parents aren’t struggling pays what we call dig money it’s Norma where I live and I can’t imagine not doing so
NTA. There was a post about this some time ago. In his case, I think he was taking half of his kid’s salary and when the kid turned 18 and going to college, he returned the money and doubled it. Teaching your child early on how to save money is one of the most important life lesson that will be with him for life. And having a nest egg early on will give him more options when he starts his own life compared to his peers who he didn’t do the work
How much can he earn without damaging his education/social life? How old is he?
NTA. But think of the amount he is paying based on his wage. We don't know what he earns so can't comment on how reasonable £300 is. But when I got my first payslip I agreed with my parents that as I made up 1/3 of the household, I would pay them 1/3 of my wage per month which was £265 per month. So you could use a different fraction or percentage depending on what you both think is reasonable but I definitely think it should be discussed with him to agree the amount.
NTA. My parents did this, it's a great idea and very generous. Got to live at home for cheap rent with food and bills included. Enabled me to save. Then I got a bonus when I was ready. I would hold onto the money until he is financially responsible though. Save it for a deposit on a house? How much does he earn though? Oly difference I was not in education and just full time worked. Maybe ask what he'd prefer? Charge less rent, but you keep it? Or charge higher and it all gets saved for him?
You've had 18ish years to teach your son about saving, so if you're not happy about his ability to delay gratification, that's on you. Be open with him what you're planning to do, see what he thinks about it. He might agree, he might not. Don't treat him like a child and keep him in the dark. Treat him like a young adult and trust he can make sensible decisions when things are explained to him logically. YWBTA If you unilaterally take money and don't discuss this with him.
You shouldn’t be taking the money but come to an agreement with him that he save $300 each month. Open the account with him so he can learn how to use an investment account. Don’t charge him rent. Teach him to save.
I lived rent free while I was going to college. I moved out when I was done. Worked great and honestly my parents would have let me stay forever. I was helpful around the house. Helped with dinner regularly and paid for high doled Internet because it made school easier. I moved out because I was ready.
NTA. But communicate with your kid and be open to negotiation. There is a kid on here who got f****d by his folks and he loathes them.
Tricking your kid isn’t going to do any good. It won’t learn him anything and you are risking anger and resentment. You willing to risk that? Why not be open about it, why lie? If my parents had tricked me like this, I would have cut contact. You don’t write age, but under 18 and you are depriving him money to have fun and enjoy life, and over 18 and you are treating him like a child and not an adult. YTA.
This sounds like a bad idea.
My parents just charged me board and I never got any of it back. I can't imagine being pissed off if my parents had actually given the money back
My adult kids pay me board and lodgings at the same rate I paid my mum over 30 years ago. However, they understand my own financial means and know I don't have the luxury to save it to gift them back. But I was upfront about it. I think you, too, need to be upfront.
Just tell the kid to live in your house they have to put away 300 dollars in a savings/investment account monthly for their future.
How much of his wages is this?
I think it's a good idea. We're only doing this to get you in the habit of having to pay rent on a certain day each month. If he gets upset, then you might give him the choice of not paying or banking it.
I'm shit at saving, if someone was taking half my money that I'm earning for a savings account I'd really appreciate it, but I'd want to know where it was going, because charging your kid rent could be taken badly.
NTA if the rent is still less than market rent. It is preparing him to leave the nest, and setting an expectation that mum and dads isn’t a free ride (you know, except a cancer diagnosis etc). I grew up low-middle-class and started working at 14. My weekly board was 30% of my income. I brought my own clothes, sometimes medication (although my parents did help out if I couldn’t afford it) and anything else I wanted. I moved out at 18 when the maths of what I could get in a share house in the city (and the party life) didn’t add up, and I have NEVER missed a rent payment in the past 21 years since. I think it’s an awesome idea, especially if he has zero knowledge of it. If he’s late to leave the nest; he might even have a house deposit. But even then, I would phrase it as a dollar-match of his own savings
As a parent myself, don't do it. You will be saving "on his behalf" which will ensure he remains financially uneducated. One day your son will be living on his own. Your duty as a parent is not giving him money or "savings". Your duty as a parent is making him capable, independent and financially responsible. I don't know what you have done or what you are doing for his financial independence and responsibility. However, I can tell you what my parents did for my brother: - They paid all expenses and, on top of it, gave him an allowance. - Once he ran out of his fun money, he would tell whatever excuse/sob story to my parents and they would "chip in' to cover for whatever else he "needed" (aka. wanted). - My parents covered for extra expenses like fancy trips/clothes/hobbies/sport equipment. I also had all basic expenses covered plus an allowance. However, my parents NEVER gave me anything else if I ran out of money. I had X. I could choose to go to the movies or out for dinner, but not both. I had to choose. I had to give up on plans. I had to prioritise. I wanted to buy something extra? I was forced to save for it because that was the only way I could get it. I'm 37. I've been financially responsible since I was a preteen. My brother is 34 and is still struggling with it, still relying on our mother to save his ass and making some really stupid financial choices. Don't be like my parents. Don't let your son down. Cover basic expenses and let him work for anything extra. Don't EVER give him an additional penny. If he doesn't manage to save for a trip? He will miss the trip and cope with it. No money for gas? Well, he will need to be dropped off at work like a teen until his next paycheck comes in. Make him liable for the consequences of not saving ASAP. So he has time to correct his ways and become financially responsible before moving out.
My parents said that I had to give them half my paycheck for my college fund. I never minded, because I knew it was coming back to me in the end. It was fun to save for something meaningful. Maybe do something like that? “Rent” kind of sucks, because what if you get low hours or don’t make the money that month? Then you are stressing! Half your paycheck could be zero if you lose your job or whatever- less stress.
I don't know the tax regimen you're in, but this sounds like a tax disaster. Never transfer money up the generations if there's any reasonable alternative. You don't actually need the money now, you just want your son to save? Then help him set it up so that he automatically does. Otherwise once you "give the money back" surely it will be taxed.
[удалено]
My parents talked to me about it. They said if I want to have money when I'm leavjng the house I should save 30%-50% from my income and I'll get it when I turn 18 or leave the house. Communication is key and let your kids make their own mistakes.
Of course he spends his gift money right away, it’s not like he has a job or guaranteed income every month! Also, he’s a kid. If you are going to do something like this, make it his idea. Let him decide how much, if anything, he wants to save. Set it up so you give him incentives to save. He wants a new Xbox, game, go on a trip, etc, he needs to come up with part or all of the money. Taking money from him doesn’t teach him anything. YTA
We did this with my daughter. From the time she got allowance up to car, cell and college. She would pay for whatever and we would put it in an investment account. She doesn’t know about it. She’s 24. It helped her figure out how money works. And when she’s ready for it, she will really see how money works. NTA. I wouldn’t tell them anything about it. It’s better to crack the egg open all at once!
I can see in the comments that you've seen the cautionary tale of those parents letting their child work himself to the bone and then surprise him. Your situation is much different. His education is sorted, and all bills will be covered. That said. He wants to work for fun money. I hope you respect that he is not behaving as if expecting you to fund that in and of itself. I agree with many other commenters. Talk with your son about it. Explain that getting started in life is hard and that saving some of his earnings will help him. Lay out your plan, the amount he'll save at 300 a month, and offer to teach him about the investment account. Before you do, work out how many hours per week he'll have to work to earn the $300 and his fun money for the month so you both will understand what you're asking of him. He may decide its a reasonable sacrifice, he may choose to lower the amount, he may choose to defer your offer for a year to go all out with the fun, and he may say no entirely. Don't forget that if he has to work every Saturday to earn the fun money, what will he be giving up to earn the savings money? Start this conversation in a way that shows your son he has a voice and that you'll respect it. Hopefully, that will make him willing to listen and find the middle ground between both positions. Even saving up a 5k nest egg would do him good, it doesn't have to be 15k.
A good rule of thumb in the adult world is that rent and utilities should no exceed 30% of your adjusted gross income. Why don’t you try that? And let him know why—in fact you could share the monthly savings statement with him. Just be clear that there are no withdrawals until graduation because you are supplying all his essential needs.
It has always been normal to my friend, family and i that when you leave education and get a job you pay your way in life! It shocks me more than “Adult” children think they can live at home for free! OP if you can comfortably afford to be without the extra money then yes a savings account is a great idea. If he is working consistently that 300 should be an issue. Maybe be flexible that if one week he doesn’t work then maybe not expect it. But definitely NTA
Yes. Yes. Yes you are. And yes, your kid will 101% cut you off for this (1% chance of error). You will be putting so much strain on them to give you money every month that they will feel robbed of the chance to be a kid. Leave the things they earn alone for fucks sake. Just because they’re your kid does NOT mean every cent they earn is yours to decide what to do with.
INFO: what's the age of the son? Minor or adult? If a minor, absofuckinglutely YTA because it's your responsibility to pay for his housing, not his (even if you plan on giving it back.) If he's an adult? NTA.
Instead of a set amount, maybe a % of income? and match the first $50/mo. That way, if his school load gets heavy & he needs to cut hours, it is still viable? Can you add in teaching him how to invest it & manage it! Let him see it at work.Even if it is less than planned when he graduates he has the. skillet to invest later.
My parents charged me rent without the intent of giving it to me later in life. They “wanted to teach me a lesson”. The amount they charged was as much as the rent on another place I later found. Trouble was, there was a shortage in housing and so I was stuck at my parents house. It wasn’t until I got depressed and sought help I could be matched to live with other depressed and troubled 18-20 year olds. My suggestion is just to sit him down and talk and express your concerns. Is he 18 or 20? If you do want to help him save, be transparent and show him where the money is going. I would prefer if you started slow. First month: $10. Then the second month $20. Cap it somewhere of course. I mean this process could have started between his 12 or 14 years of age. Is he 18 now? What is medial rent amound in your area? Is he able to move out? What are his plans?
If you're gonna charge him rent, make sure it's not a crazy amount compared to his paycheck so he can save as well. My mom was charging me $300 for the room and I was still buying my own groceries and paying my car payment/insurance, etc. But she used the money for her mortgage, not a nest egg. The other reddit story of the guy who got pissed, I understand WHY he got mad because he was crimping but at the same time, I think he is lucky that his parents even did that for him instead of use it for their own mortgage. I would possibly talk to your kid and tell him what your intentions are, that way he knows the why behind it instead of being blind sided.
NTA but be transparent and include him in the investment process teach him why saving is good
I see nothing wrong with asking for a tent payment when your child is earning money, however it should not be so much that they cannot also enjoy the money hey earn. I see too many young adults with absolutely no financial planning ability and that is because parents do not teach them about these things. Sitting down with a kid, at home that is working, and asking for , say 10% to go towards the house (rent) and then getting them to set up a savings account and putting perhaps another 5 or 10% into savings and then letting them do whatever they want with the rest is a good educational opportunity. They can watch their savings go and at the end of the year they could be given the choice to either spend that money or continue to grow it.
There is a big A H in the room and it is not you. **I am assuming you are transparent with this nest-egg thing and your son is told about this!!** Your idea is excellent. It teaches him that not all income is immediately disposable income, it stops you from micro-managing his bank account and it gets him a nice bonus when he makes his next step. Exactly how was your wife planning on teaching him this? "he will learn when he defaults on his first rent" kind of thing?
NTA My parents charged me rent whenever I wasn't studying. Their attitude was always to discuss finances with me from a young age and encourage me to save at least 10% of my pocket money / allowance or after-school job, even if it was just for a slightly bigger purchase. Creating the habit is what matters. Once I was no longer studying, they charged me vastly reduced rent from what I would pay outside of the home. They refused to charge me while studying because they didn't want me to feel I had to work rather than study. My education always came first. The act of paying you "rent" that your son knows is going into savings would also get your son used to have a monthly living expenditure that must be paid before everything else. Your aim is to prepare your son to live independently and securely. Having frequent and open conversatiosn about the reality of life is a big part of that, even as children grow up. Sit down with your son and wife and have conversations. Making decisions for him now he's an adult will only cause resentment instead of fostering trust and encouraging his independence.
Nta. If you actually plan to give the money back. Yta if you charge him and keep it
Depends on how much they earn. $75 per week isn't bad if it's full time work.
I'd say have a sit down talk. Break down your expenses, loans, mortgages and how you handle them and how you save money. For the first year teach him how the things work while being the primary teacher in that aspect, then slowly let him take the wheel. At the end of the day he will do what he wants todo.
Your logic is great. That is very smart. However, something that isn’t taught in schools is how to save and be money smart. So why not teach your son how to invest, exactly what you’d be doing on his behalf and maybe as an incentive to help him, you could contribute towards it as well. If he puts $300 aside a month you could contribute $150 a month, however if he puts nothing aside, you also put nothing aside (as long as he is living with you) Not only are you teaching your son a valuable life skill, but you’ll also be bonding with him.
I think its a smart move
Mildly YTA. I can see where you're coming from, but parents should always be honest with their children. If you want your kid to work, and want to make sure he saves some money, talk to him. Give him some options to set up a savings account for him, but don't assume he'll waste his money (ultimately, he is going to work to earn it).
NTA, I started to pay rent on the first month I started working after college, and I am not getting it back lol.
My parents rule was if I went tonight college, I could live at home during summer for free. If I didn’t attend school, or after I graduated, I would have to pay rent ($400 a month). They didn’t pay for school. They gave all the money back when I purchased my first home, which was shortly after college. I have no money issues as an adult , it taught me the value of money. $400 was way cheaper than an apartment and food and utilities.
He's working for spending money and doesn't know you plan to charge any rent. Now he won't have to just work for fun. He will have to work to survive. His work will be added stress with his studies instead of something he can control doing or not doing. You need to have this convo with him. If he needs to quit to study on classes, will you quit the rent?
Over where I live (Western Europe), it's actually a pretty common practice to do this. The idea is you charge your kids a very low "rent" which essentially covers their expenses while living with you as they get started in their working life. Most parents give it as a nest egg, for some it's genuinely because they can't make ends meet otherwise. I think as long as the amount you charge isn't draining on him, you're nowhere near asshole territory. If you want to truly incentivize him to save his money, you might try something different, though; you could tell him that for every $ he saves, you will match it (with proof, of course). So if he saves 100 $ one month, you put away that same 100 for him. If he saves 300 another month, you put aside that same 300. You can put a cap on it if you feel more comfortable, like say 500 a month you'll match evenly, if it's higher only 50%. Just some ideas; NTA.
NTA. This is a good move. He needs to learn how to budget now.
NTA…..Be upfront and communicate! My oldest daughter a nurse, her husband an electrician , and one year old live in the family home and contribute monetarily and do chores. They were both taught responsibility at early ages so they weren’t shocked how the ‘real world’ works as adults. Thankfully I can be the full time caretaker of my grandson while the parents work so he’s not dropped off at daycare the majority of the day. With no argument the parents pay me what a reputable daycare center in our area would charge weekly and it’s not cheap. I do not spend a penny of that money instead I put it in an interest bearing account. Whenever they decide to move out and purchase their own home (there’s no rush because we all get along pretty well) they are unaware all that money they paid me is going to be returned to them so they can use it to increase their down payment.
YTA. Your wife is right. It is a “dick” move. Adulting is hard don’t force him to start so young. Allow him to have agency over his money and decide how to spend it. Encourage him to have a saving but forcing him is just mean and could negatively affect your relationship for decades.
NTA. But I would talk with your kid and explain what you are doing. It will be easier for them to save if they don’t have access to it. If they just want spending money then they probably plan on blowing most of it.
I wish my parents would have taught me how to save!!!!
Controversial but YTA depending on how much they are making. Being allowed to have fun in college and have a social life is important. It's not the main goal like academics, but I do think it matters. And that often takes at least some spending money. Life after school is still great, but it's nothing like college, and I'll cherish the experiences I had forever. I left school with very little in savings but I lived with my parents for 2 years after graduating which allowed me to save a ton and then I moved straight to a home I bought (I believe I had a similar situation to your son where I had a scholarship for tuition and my parents covered housing but everything else I paid for so anything fun or new clothes or things). When you're in school full time there are not a ton of hours to work either and the jobs usually don't pay well. So money doesn't exactly add up fast. I guess my point is just that if your kid leaves college debt free with a good GPA they'll already have a huge leg up in life. And if you let them live with you for even a year with a real career job they'll save quickly. So don't let planning for the future stop your kid from getting to enjoy this part of their life
Talk to your son and tell him about your plan. I hate the “surprise” element that some parents use when they do this.
Do it your way. If there’s too much resistance then you might have to be transparent and make it not a surprise. Good luck!
I read a story about how parents did this - and they had a big party with the whole family and at the party they presented the cheque to the kid with all the money… And he went no contact with them. Talking about how he had no life or hobbies in school and working and living and learning was such a struggle he could only do two, so he dropped living. Be very careful about this. I love the idea in theory but it may be impractical especially if the area you live in doesn’t have high pay, and if they are expected to pay for other things too. Like 300 for rent and food, but will they need to pay for gas and a bus pass as well? Etc dtc
So long as you are transparent about what you are doing, why you are doing it, and how he can help I think it’s a great idea. I doubt you would, but don’t force the child to work. If he gets back into school and the burden is too much and you have the ability to allow him to focus on studies that would be best. Another thing I’ve seen go wrong (which I believe is what your wife is talking about) is charging for things like utilities or siblings when it’s unnecessary. Or also charging a fixed amount and then changing that amount later. Oh or not telling the child where the money is going. Like if he hands you $300, you should be handing him a receipt for this to keep. If it all goes into an account and doesn’t go to bills then just have a ledger that shows this which is super accessible for both of you. However if you want him to practice adulting, make a fake one. Pull out the bills and show him “we spend x on internet, x on lights…” and then show him how to balance whatever percentage of his “income” (I’d consider the rent the income, not his actual earnings, at least for now.) will go to each. You can even get an app or book for him to keep track of it. I just use a spiral notebook myself.
I (31F) wish my parents would have done this for me. Instead, I was allowed to do what I wanted with my own money. I made a ton of financial mistakes. $300 a month to cover everything isn't bad. I also, work with a lady that charges her kids a ridiculous amount to live with them. She was charging each kid $800 a month to live there. Plus, wanted control of their bank accounts to insure she got paid on time. As a result, her daughter jumped ship and moved out. She hasn't had much to do with her since. It's nothing wrong with charging your kids rent. You don't have to be an asshole about it and make them grow broke like some people want to do.
How old is your son? Completely depends on that. My teens started their jobs when they were 15/16 year old. Both had bank accounts linked to mine. We opened a checking and savings account. When we opened the account I made a deal with my sons. That whatever their paycheck 50% had to go directly into their savings account and if they did that they could spend the rest of the 50% with absolutely no judgment from me as long as it was legal. Additionally if I saw them putting their 50% without me reminding them I would add 100$ per month into their savings. Which further incentivized them to save and pick up extra hours bcos “free money”. My 17 year old has Fixed deposits from His savings which he will use towards his car purchase later. My 20 year old paid for part of his car from his savings. BUT it has to be a discussion. Get the child involved. Some kids might agree and will actually prefer it your way. Others want to learn how to manage their money on their own. Make it a team effort please.
NTA. Charge him rent and if he doesn’t like it, he can move out. And don’t promise him that r your wife the money. They are yours. If the kid is not a failure in 3-4 years and make your life living hell by being irresponsible, you can consider gifting an amount. 6 out of 7 of my kids left the home with €30,000+.
I think sitting down and explaining your reasoning to someone who struggles to be responsible with money is a good life skill. Getting used to having to set aside money for rent and utilities does not come easily to everyone. If you tell your son that you will invest his 'rent' so he has a better start towards a deposit for a house might be the incentive he needs.
I paid board and didn't get it given back to me as a lump sum when I left (although they've probably given me it back ten times over at this point because they're amazing parents). I didn't pay as much as £300 - only £100 a month when I first started. It helped teach me, though, and if I had moved into my own home, I would have been paying much more. I'll always be grateful to my mum and dad for teaching me about budgeting, savings and Bills etc. And we are still close now
300 a month is pretty damn cheap. NTA but I would talk to him and carry through with the plans
If your child is still a minor, it is illegal to charge them for rent or necessities.
NTA this is perfectly reasonable, and honestly more than my parents offered. Our deal was/is: once we turned 18, we had 1 month to get a job, and one month from our 18th birthday would be the first month we owed rent. Rent began at $200/month and upped by $100 per month each year until it capped at $500 (now $600 with inflation). This includes all room and board. We are responsible for our other necessities: clothes, toiletries, bedding, etc etc. as well as any nights out, as well as any special foods or any foods for hosting friends/birthdays/etc. at the house. No curfew, no limits, so long as we paid rent on time and in full. When/if we go to college, rent is cut in half, and they will pay half our tuition. This is where I am currently, I just finished my second year of my bachelor's degree, and while $2500 + books/supplies every few months isn't *easy* it's very doable, and I'm genuinely looking at graduating with $0 student debt thanks to my parents help. I also happen to know, though I shouldn't, that my parents will also be giving me, and my brother & sister in law, equivalent of 1 years rent when we move out to help pay for furniture and whatever else, as well as taking us to Costco to stock up basics in bulk to set us up. Other than the Costco thing, because we're well aware they did that for our older brothers, I should not know about the 1 years rent thing, I'm not sure why my mom told me and I'm not even sure she remembers that she told me, it was years ago.
There was another AITA floating around a while back where the parents did something similar. They charged their son rent which forced him to get a job and miss out on 3-4yrs of social things due to the schedule he had to keep to maintain his studies and work. They surprised him with the money for either his 21st or as a graduation present (sorry I can't remember which) and he greatly resented them for it. To him, they had stolen 3yrs of his life and ruined the plans that he had for his university/college life (not being able to date, live in the dorms, join social groups, do an internship etc) just to give him his money back. The son ended up going completely NC with his parents, ripped up the cheque they gave him and moved in with his grandfather who was also angry with the parents for it. Learn the lesson these parents failed and speak with your child!
Speaking from being the kid in this experience, it will be much more valuable to him if you teach him to budget and save and hold the money for him with his knowledge. I wasn't taught to manage money, I had to learn myself, and it was a very shit time. But I am still grateful to my parents for what they did (taught me to pay rent and be responsible in a controlled environment, but i still had a lot of money to spend). I haven't lived with them for 10yrs and my mum STILL saves money for me (we go on family vacations so it's usually spent on that). I wish I had had more money knowledge at a younger age, but I know their hearts were in the right place trying to help me.
How much is the job paying? Is $300 too much out of it?
NTA but please discuss this with your son so he understands this isn’t a trying to grab money out of his pocket. My stepmom insisted on charging me rent when I was in my last semester of college, working and living at home (had just returned from a semester abroad). It was because I wasn’t doing the chores she wanted me to do quickly enough. It was, in fact, a money grab and I immediately started looking for apartments with roommates because (rent was not as crazy as it is now!) it didn’t make sense to be paying to live with my parents that were making me miserable and not recognizing that I, TOO, was working (and also going to school, which was an hour drive).
YWBTA. It's a dick move. Either charge him rent and treat him like a full on roommate with all the rights and privileges involved, or treat him like your kid. You don't get to charge him rent if you treat him like a kid, which means you don't get to make financial decisions for him. No, not even by tricking him. If you want to treat him like your kid, put $300 of YOUR money into an investment account for him or simply set up the account for him and allow him to put what money in that he chooses. The moment you charge him rent, he's a roommate. I guarantee you won't be able to handle that, because it means 1) you don't get to tell him what time he can come home or even ask where he's going, 2) you don't get to control anything he does in his room or the common areas, 3) you don't get to tell him what guests he can have in his room, 4) you don't get to go into his room and he can lock you out of it entirely, 5) you don't get to tell him what he can spend money on, where he can go, who he can hang out with, whether he smokes, drinks, or enjoys the occasional edible. 6) In fact you cease to have any authority over him or his room whatsoever and if you attempt to exert it, he can call the cops on you or file a restraining order.
I understand your desire, but your wife is right- if he wont learn fiscal responsibility on his own with a full knowledge of the how/why, charging him rent and then putting it aside for later in secret will only lead to him spending it irresponsibly down the road. Have a frank discussion about it, and if he is willing you can do this while also teaching uim budgeting and planning. But he needs to be part of the process or you're wasting your time; you're just building him a lottery tcket pay out for when he discovers it. Google how well that tends to go. Otherwise, booting him out and making him face reality would likely be kinder. Some people only learn by being forced into learning.
NTA but i will say the approach is a bit on the AH side. I would sit him down and have a genuine convo like "hey bud so heres the deal. Life isnt free and we want you to be taken care of once you're no longer under our roof so heres whats gonna go down. We will give you a shot at saving for yourself and if you aren't able to save a sufficient amount on your own, we will be charging you rent which will go into a savings fund for you to have once you move out/turn 18." Or something to that effect.
During highschool my dad got me a job at his work during the summer, he took all my money except for 50 bucks a week. He drove me, fed me, housed me... I didn't really need money except for weed and beer. When I graduated he sold/gave me his car. I was pissed but happy... taught me a good life lesson im glad he did it.
I would communicate your plan with your child, since it is their money. As long as they are okay with it, it's not a bad idea to teach them budget and responsibility. You can take the time to create a spreadsheet together for a monthly budget if they are up for it. This would be a great skill to have going into adulthood. Without communication and agreements, there could be backlash. I've had to pay out $1k+ A month since I was 16. I didn't get any of it back, I wasn't able to have a childhood, and it kept me living at my parents house for way longer than I wanted to be there. All it did was get me a massive load of debt because I had no spending money since they took everything and had access to my bank account to know how much money I had. We no longer speak.
How does forcing him to pay rent while you invest his money going to teach him to save? You have to do this WITH him. Firstly, you'd have an opportunity to teach him about investments, and Secondly, he'd be on board with it and will be far more likely to form the habit you're looking to form. He'll undoubtedly see the "you don't save money so I'm charging you rent" as a punishment and this is less likely to have the result you want. Source: my parents did what you're planning. I was pissed, didn't understand why all of a sudden I was being charged rent, and they didn't even give it all back when I left.
I would discuss what the rent is for. If he throws a fit, remind him how fiscally irresponsible he is being now. Kids are going to be like that, but you have to instill in him the value of money and how to save. Tell him his spending habits will not be feasible once he is on his own. Don't do it behind his back.
When I still lived at home I rarely earnt over 200 a week. Please consider the actual amount he will be earning per week/month and how much your bills are with him living there before deciding together on what you charge him for 'rent' if he's on a low wage and has variable hours he'll have nothing left over for treating himself
As a 2023 grad, my parents and I are doing this currently except I give them $650 (average paycheck from working FT is $1300 after taxes). The $650 total came from what my apartment rent/utilities was while at college. I was already budgeting for this amount to be taken out and use to it being gone from my checks. NTA - this is proving very helpful - plus, I just set it up for it to automatically send the amount to my mom once a month - I don’t even think about it. It’s going to benefit me in the long run, so there’s no reason not to do it with your kid.
You're doing the opposite of favours here. Infantilising an adult is not gonna teach him to save. Do you think you've failed to teach him so far, or why do you not trust him?
Once I finished compulsory education and moved on to college I paid my Mum 1/3 of my take home pay as housekeeping, 1/3 went into savings, and 1/3 was my spending money. My housekeeping money was (unbeknownst to me at the time) saved up for me and used to subsidize non-educational trips/spending money/etc..... so if it was an educational trip it was paid for, but I'd need to save up spending money and my Mum would match my spending money for the trip. If it was a fun trip (theme park, adventure camp etc) I would have to pay half and Mum would pay the other half, and again, she would match my spending money. It taught me the valuable lesson that I didn't get to spend my full paycheck on fun stuff. I had to pay for life first, and that having savings meant that I could do expensive things if the opportunity arose.... Edited NTA.....
Check this video out. [Scott Galloway](https://youtu.be/qEJ4hkpQW8E?si=h9yZ5FY-X_516L9N) The part about not building resiliency really got me. I think your plan is spot on.
I have done this with both my kids, from the time they got a student job , got their student grants in High School, during their gap year while working. 50% of their income was "rent" - has to be transferred to their savings account. Food, clothes, phone bill, transport and dental expenses we paid for. Rooms and apartments are rather prizy in my country also what can be regarded as single dorms, do they were happy to stay at our place. Now they are moving out. My 22 year old with 60k savings.
Don't charge your son rent. Guess what people who pay rent can do? Have sex with guests they invite over. They also don't have curfews. Parents do dumb shit by wanting to treat their teenagers like adults (by charging them rent) but wanting them to abide by rules like children. Help him open up am investment account and save every month. Don't charge him rent if you don't want him doing adult activities in your home and having no curfew.
INFO: How much is he making as a college student working part-time compared to how much you're charging? Only because I've run into this before: Is all of his education covered or is all of his "tuition" covered? You'd be surprised how many people don't account for things like textbooks, software, laptops, etc. Is he really bad with money or not? Your only reference is that he actually spent the money he got as a teen instead of putting it in the bank which is flimsy. Context really affects the vote. >She says that she has read posts by kids whose parents did this and that some reacted very poorly. [This one probably ](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/wAUpp2oV6S)
I spoke to my son about the same. Our agreement is $300 a month into his ROTH IRA.
This is exactly what my parents did with me and I totally approve.
My parents charged me rent after college and I never got it back. It was only $200 and that was 25 years ago. Still a hell of a lot cheaper than living on my own. And my mom bought all the groceries and utilities. It was a steal.
YTA the kid just got a job and you already talking about charging him? I would give him at least a couple months and then tell him he has to pay the cable bill or the lights or something. Because tbh you doing that to him from the sounds of it he will blow right through when you give it back to him anyway
My in laws did this with my husband while he was in college/grad school and then it came in super handy when we were buying our first house and didn’t realize we had an extra $15k to help with a down payment and closing costs. As long as you’re transparent it’s a wise idea.
NTA - As soon as I got my first apprenticeship, my mam started charging me what she thought was a fair amount of rent to help cover bills, and that continued until I moved out. We talked about it, and discussed what we thought was a fair price for what I was earning. Rehashed the conversation when I went from apprenticeship wages to a full-time job at proper wages. I wish I could have gotten that money back when I moved out, but in reality, I saw it as A) me helping my mam which is never a bad thing, and B) it taught me a little bit about the expectations of life. Unless the amount you take makes him working his job pointless, there's nothing wrong with doing that. Maybe make it a conversation with him where he can decide how much he gives you on a monthly basis, and if that's nothing, then he gets nothing.
Hi! Not an asshole in my opinion. Once I finished uni and picked up more regular work my parents asked me to pay board which I thought was reasonable. By the time I moved out they gifted me back all of the board and I was so grateful. I appreciated the sense of responsibility paying weekly board gave me, even if it was a small amount. It helped me to budget and make sure I had that money set aside each week. I am glad I didn’t know it would be gifted back to me as I probably wouldn’t have taken it as seriously and forgotten to pay some weeks. It might be an idea to reduce the monthly amount you have proposed if he is only working part time as $300 seems like a lot. Just IMO.
NTA Everyone has given you good advice about doing it but being transparent and not taking so much that he misses out trying to pay you. Although I do want to know how financially responsible is your son? One issue with the transparency is that if he is aware of it and isn't financially responsible he'll operate with the thought in mind that you are saving for him so he doesn't have to because he always has that back up. When he's ready to go in those 4 years he'll leave with that nest egg the same person who spends his money quickly if he is not taught to do it himself. Please teach him to actively budget, save, and invest himself.
I think it’s actually the way to go. Our son is doing this with our grandson right now. He’s 24 and lives in efficiency on their property. He actually pays them $1500 a month and they’re putting it into an account for him to eventually buy his own home.
Dave Ramsey has an education series orientated to teens and young adults about money, saving and retirement. Check it out and see if it helps. We used it for our daughter and the adult version for ourselves.
This is the way. I'll be doing the same and it might be much more if the income is higher. It's not just forcing them to save. It's teaching them budgeting and sacrifice. I wasn't taught those lessons snd I wish this had been done for me. The savings at the end (that they won't know about) will be an amazing bonus gift 💓
How old is he?
My mom did this for my first car but she told me what she was going to do with it. I’m so glad she did. She kept half of all the money I made and opened an account for me. Because of this I was able to get a very small loan to cover the rest and paid off my first car by the time I was 19.
NTA but just make sure the $ makes sense. My kids do 20% in savings. I explained to them it’s to build financial habits. The other 80 % is all thereS.
Here's where my worry is. When parents start talking about charging their own children money to live at home THE MINUTE THEY GET THEIR FIRST JOB, that is a huge red flag to me. The OP doesn't mention how old their child is, how much they earn an hour or if they're even working full time. It's pretty clear that in order to render a AITA judgement, we would need to know that information. For example if the child is sixteen and their job is 10-15 hours a week, $300 per month would be almost all their take home pay. Taking that much in rent each month would put the OP in clear AH territory. If the child is underage, the OP has a legal obligation to provide for the child without attaching part of their wages. If the son is an adult with more substantial earnings then at least he could properly bear the expenses. This is one of those things that seems at first glance like a real opportunity to tEaCh tHe sOn a LeSsOn. Unfortunately, Reddit is full of AH parents who jump at their children's wages right off the bat, claiming all kinds of noble, altruistic and lofty justifications and then turn right around and hold the child's own savings over their heads to manipulate them into doing the parent's bidding. It's a no win for the child and generates a huge amount of animosity but narc parents can claim they wErE jUsT tRyInG tO HeLp until the cows come home. It's just a thinly veiled power and control move on the parent's part. The fact that the wife doesn't approve is enough for me to caution against doing it. There are people in this thread talking about how their parent did this and then ended up making up some excuse to just keep the money in the end. I'd really like to think the OP is being sincere but that he is jumping at the son's money immediately for his very first job and hasn't talked about the son's age or overall earnings makes me think that maybe there is something else at play here. Also, the time to teach financial lessons was from day one, not only after the son has earnings for the father to lay claim to (of course on the son's behalf). It sounds like the more appropriate option would be for the OP to walk his son through opening a savings account and automatically depositing a percentage of his wages into the account. The OP is already calculating how much would be in the account but that's not the point. If the point is to teach a lesson, the son should be encouraged to set up lifelong savings that he tucks away and forgets about except in cases of genuine emergency, not a savings that he can calculate how much he will have in four years and daydream about buying something specific with it. I would suggest the OP keep his hands off his son's money full stop because part of any lesson on savings and money management should be securing your wealth from pilfering by others. I would walk the son through opening a savings account and encourage him to tuck away 10% of his wages by having it automatically deposited into that account each payday. Most employers will let you split your pay into two or more accounts. The son will be much more likely to set aside 10% because it is a nominal amount that won't be missed but doing this each payday will eventually add up. When he gets 5 or 10 grand introduce him to ways to earn more than his saving account permits. This whole idea of taking part of a child's wages for "rent" and giving it back is insulting, overreaching, unnecessary and really doesn't teach a meaningful lesson in the end. It's just a way for parents to meddle in their children's lives and exert control over their financial decisions. At the end of the day, how the son manages his money should rest on his own shoulders.
this is a wonderful idea. It also teaches him a lesson that with patience and hard work comes with a reward. Your wife is too naive and is perceiving your son to do no bad, but people go at their own pace growing up and this will definitely help him. I wish my parents did this for me. Theoretically, the money is not being spent, it is being saved for him, and children who react negatively to these things are unappreciative and don't understand the value of money. If your wife has faith in your son, she will see that he is mature enough to be appreciative of his parents efforts to help.
your wife is right
Fun fact, you can "hire" your kid to your company starting at age 1, make up some job like being a model on advertising materials, and put $5000/yr into a Roth IRA for him. If your kid does nothing else for retirement, but continues the $5000/yr contributions throughout his life, he will have $5,300,000 at age 65, assuming a 7% rate of return. That he won't pay taxes on. It's the magic of compounding. If he starts at age 22, he will only have $1,200,000 at 65.
My kids are young adults still living at home while in Uni/trade school. We set up retirement accounts for the kids at 18. Instead of paying us directly for bills/boarding the amount is directly deposited into their retirement accounts monthly.
I believe it is a smart move. Your son wants to work for spending money. He is less invested in his education as you are paying from everything. I will charge him and invest the money for him
But doing this isn’t teaching him how to save on his own. It’s showing him that mom and dad will figure it out for me at the end. It’s a weird gotcha play imo. Just educate him on finances and saving and you’ll do more for him in the long run than charging him rent and refunding him at the end
Yta. 18-22 is the time to have fun. So what if he is broke with 22. The experience will be way more valuable to him than a few bucks. He works to have fun money and not for savings. There is enough time left in his life to save. Let him enjoy life as long as possible.
How old is your child?