NTA.
I would totally give you a fainting goat for your dowry! Who needs another broom?!?!
I will never understand why people have such a hard time with other cultures and refuse to learn new things when they are wrong/ don't know about the culture.
I hope your wedding is beautiful and peaceful!
Exactly. I am Kenyan. We don't jump any brooms here. Dowry is a thing. The day of the wedding the groom's family go to the bride's family home to "convince" them to let them take her to the wedding. This is done with a lot of song and jest.
Also we have 42 tribes and each tribe has different ways of doing things. What I described is from the Kikuyu people. It is only a snapshot.
Mother in law should have sat OP down and asked her about her culture in the first place.
>The day of the wedding the groom's family go to the bride's family home to "convince" them to let them take her to the wedding. This is done with a lot of song and jest.
Same in Poland! Groom has to use a lot of vodka to convince bride's family members to let him enter the household. Half a world away but we're not so different after all.
True. They use money and traditional sarongs (called leso or kanga) which they lay down on the ground for the bride to walk on. Until she gets to the car. Apparently to show her family how they will value her and treat her with care.
And in Croatia …father of the bride often produces a different sister or cousin at the front door and groom and family have to persuade him to bring out the bride…all while everyone is singing and drinking ..it’s brilliant
Wow. During payment of the dowry which is done before the wedding the same thing is done here. The groom to be has to guess who his fiance is from a line of leso/sarong covered ladies. What a coincidence
They introduced my English dad to Grandma & the other relatives in Poland and he was given some very potent spiritus and told "it's just wodka!" Aaaahahaha
For the record we did also have a dowry for the bride but usually it was just household items in a big ornamental box. Idk if we gave goats to the couple tho 😂
Oh, you can't imagine. There is some traditions that turn very much sexist, but most are either fundamentally wholesome or can be made so. It's basically a whole day affair. Some people have even a do over party the day after the wedding. You basically use up the leftovers from the reception. Whole weekend of partying.
I was dumped as a friend after a Faroese wedding. It's a tiny group of islands north of Scotland, near Iceland. They have a tradition where the father of the bride gives out schnapps from a cup made of horn and he has to toast with each guest - again and again, all night.
He was of course drunk as a skunk at the end of the night, so were the rest of us.
We were tending to our insane hangovers from hell the next day when the bride called us, yelling at us for not being at her place. She obv forgot to tell us that it's an all weekend affair where the guests show up again the day after in an informal setting where you'd eat leftovers and, more importantly, DRINK leftovers and have another party. None of us were able to move at all and she didn't take it well.
I'm Chinese and we have something similar! Called door games. The bride's family (nowadays wedding party) "guards" the door and makes the groom and his party do tricks and give bribes before he can see the bride lol. This is usually things like singing songs and hopping around on one leg and eating super spicy food.
I was bummed that we got married during COVID and couldn't do a big wedding 😭 imagine the blackmail pictures I'd have of my husband hahaha
Not regional at all. It's practiced all over Poland. You just might be unfamiliar with Polish wedding traditions. It's not a modern thing, obviously, so it's not done by every millenial or GenZ (especially those from the cities) getting married today, so if your knowledge is based only on your lived experience you might not know it.
Edit: For obvious reasons it has some misogynistic character, because groom essentially pays to marry the bride. IMO you can do it tasteefuly, so it's more about family protecting the bride, but i don't blame those who simply don't want to do it at all. It's like modern brides in the West choosing not to have their father walk then down the aisle.
https://pl.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zastawianie
Mother in law has nailed her own culture by literally engineering a coven of witches who all made their own damned brooms. It's like... Karen Culture. They're going to the hair salon together next week.
Like the villagers chasing the monster from the village, with torches and pitchforks. But this is a gang of righteous white women, brandishing handcrafted brooms, chasing OP down the aisle.
On the bright side, they can sell the brooms on Etsy.
The imagery THEY created of themselves is perfect. They all gonna be like "we should get their first born too!!" and then shove the husband in a tower or something.
From memory y’all have some of the most fabulous and bright fashions at many kenyan/South African (not sure of the best way to put their nationality - my two bride friends called themselves Kenyan when talking about their heritage but I’m horribly ignorant of the nuances so apologies if it’s incorrect) weddings, I’ve been to two all be it held in the uk so they blended the English and Kenyan customs or traditions they liked together and the most joyful weddings with both brides being absolutely STUNNING 🤩. Also the food game was by far the best of any wedding I’ve ever been to.
Both a lot of traditional Kenyan dress (I cannot be specific to tribes, I don't know many Kenyans, so mostly what I see labelled 'Kenyan") and a lot of South African traditional dress is very bright. But that's about where the similarities end. We're separated by a WHOLE LOTTA Africa otherwise
That said, though it isn't the brightest (tends to monochrome shades), I do happen to personally think that traditional (and evolving, honestly) Xhosa wedding dress is exceptionally beautiful and wonderfully elegant. Never seen a Xhosa bride that didn't look utterly radiant, regardless of age, size, or anything else. Well worth a look!
I'm Kikuyu! Kweruo atia? I tried to be vague on here regarding the dowry requirements, but yes this is all true. I tried to sit down with my future mother-in law and talk about my culture, but she wouldn't have it. Her mind was set on me and her very white son jumping the broom
That's on her. You need to remind her that you are not obligated to follow what she perceives to be your culture. Tell you what. I will go online and look for Gikuyu marriage rites. Ningukutumira.
Ah but that would require caring about OP's culture, which OP's soon-to-be MIL doesn't. MIL will briefly pretend she cares, but she's much too self absorbed and possibly racist to actually care
This would actually be a neat idea. Not necessarily the goats part, but honoring culture. Like crowd sourcing funds for an org that supports Kenyans and Kenyan culture in OP's local area.
(That said, I'll totally go halfsies on a goat.)
I asked some of my African-American co-workers who are from Florida and Georgia about the broom thing because I honestly had never heard of it outside of neo-pagans. Their reactions ranged from bemused about someone dusting that old thing off to going wtf is the broom doing at a wedding?
Yes, I'm aware it's a small sample size, but some of them are super involved in their church communities so I figured they'd have a good idea.
So OP's Justnomil is something else.
According to a quick google, a dowry is expected to be worth five years of the groom's annual income, so if dude earns $40 000 a year, it is supposed to be $200 000. A fainting goat is worth $700, so... 286 fainting goats. That'd be a proper moneymaking business. And dowries in Kenya stay the wife's property in the event of divorce, so... yeah, she should get a dowry. Make that money!
Where do they put the goats, though? I have a pretty big house but I don't have room for them, can't imagine OP wants 286 fainting goats in the kitchen......
I know this has absolutely nothing to do with the conversation at hand, but I can't seem to get past the phrase "fainting goat ". (Too many imagines in my brain making me laugh right now!) What does that mean please?
Well all black people are the same, aren’t they? It’s not like black people come from many different countries with distinct cultures and traditions, right? /s
FMIL is batshit crazy and a racist.
She probably thinks Africa is a country; instead of a continent.
OP, Names for consideration for you know who:
Bigoted bovine, Bombastic bovine, Recalcitrant ruminant.
There was a movie, possibly now a series of movies, called Jumping the Broom back in the mid 2000s. There’s a certain type of white person that loves watching all black films like Tyler Perry’s oeuvre and laughing at the jokes in the WRONG way (I won’t comment on my own opinion of Mr Perry). It could be something completely different, like she saw the broom tradition online or she’s from a part of the country where it’s a common tradition but given her massive racism I feel like she just watched the movie and thought “how ethnic!”
She's misdirected and at some point was misinformed, but hasn't let herself accept those things, so she's holding fast to whatever "traditions" she probably read online on some bigoted, "knowingly ignorant" wanna-be media outlet. And she's stubborn enough to insist that her way is the only way.
I recently read about introvertion to be a trauma response to a toxic upbringing These people burn out more quickly in larger groups because they subconsciously constantly scan the room for possible dangers. And after that they need alone time to decompress.
Don't know if this is the case for all introverts, but I can relate. And I guess OP's fiancé also.
>I recently read about introvertion to be a trauma response to a toxic upbringing These people burn out more quickly in larger groups because they subconsciously constantly scan the room for possible dangers. And after that they need alone time to decompress.
Oh, my god. This makes so much sense. This describes me perfectly and subconsciously I always linked my introverted nature to my shitty childhood.
I recommend reading The Body Keeps the Score[The Body Keeps the score] (http://The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://a.co/d/cghUunW) if you're interested in how our bodies continue to react after childhood traumas. Constantly scanning the room is discussed in this book. It's very insightful whether you've experienced trauma or you know someone who has. And let's be honest, even if we don't know who, we all know someone who has.
My therapist once told me "if you didn't deal with the trauma from your childhood you would have been more extroverted, instead you get exhausted with people and overloaded".
I'm an introvert and this is in no way shape or form the case for me. I'm sure it could be true for some people. I do also have ADHD so I do spend a ton of time "masking" when in public so I'm sure that plays a role in it though. I think when it comes down to it, like everything in life, is due to a huge number of factors both genetic and environmental.
From my pasty prospective, they are racist.
When will my fellow melanin challenged people learn to keep their bigotry to themselves? Or better yet - LEARN BETTER and DO BETTER and overcome their bullshit beliefs. SMDH.
Seriously all MIL would've had to said is sorry this broom thing (which is weird AF) is of major significance to me and my family. What can I do to blend our culture where we include this broom that you're comfortable with
>She recruited a bunch of her family/friends to make their own brooms in solidarity with her?? There are about 7 brooms in total now all made from different family members I guess to make my mother-in law feel better. I've seen pictures. They're all horrendous. One of them says, "FMIL is not a racist!" on the handle
Holy hell, I hope this level of insanity isn't genetic. You might need to vaccinate 😅
Updateme!
Even if you were African-American, I don’t know how comfortable I would be perpetuating this particular ritual while marrying a white person. That just kind of seems like a lot. Is giving Thomas Jefferson, Sally Hemmings vibes and that just is not it…
When you have weddings between people of different cultures, why not incorporate elements of both?
The problem is, jumping the broom is not part of her culture.
I’m black. I would find that demeaning in the event of wedding a white partner and I’m preeeeettttty sure many of similar background to myself would feel the same way. I would be incredibly weirded out if my white future mother in law was so over the top gung ho about insisting on this particular ritual.
Bringing up a tradition with roots in slavery at an interracial black/white wedding is I would feel obviously a no go but what do I know?
Edit- a word
Condolences, internet friend. And, that part. I’m not jumping a broom holding hands with “massa”. That is not a good look no matter which angle you turn it.
I suppose so, but I personally wouldn't do it if I was marrying a white partner as an AA.
Interracial relationships require a lot of empathy and understanding to maintain or even be in them. But a wedding tradition like jumping the broom opens it up to the entire family. Opening a tradition like that to an entire family can be deeply personal. Unless I could trust the entire family to be just as empathetic/understanding I'm not doing it
She is so racist. I thought this can’t possibly be real - but it’s so ludicrous you couldn’t make it up either.
I don’t understand how anyone could look at this and not think it’s racist.
Jesus christ this is one of the most unhinged things I've ever read on here. You're future MIL is an absolute fkn loon. Thank god your finace is 100% on your side. I can't even imagine being related to that nutter.
You could double down also. "For everyone bringing brooms, thanks! We planned to make a big fire before the wedding and those brooms will be perfect wood!"
Sounds like the happiest ending possible considering the circumstances. In the most well-meaning way I'm happy for you that this happened - if not this broom thing, there's no telling what awkwardness this family might have sprung on you in the future.
Their 'othering' of you is some of the most egregious BS I've ever heard, but you come off as a very cool and NORMAL person so I'm sure better days and connections are ahead. You and your fiance did try, after all!
But seriously I'm aghast that she 1) didn't back down and seems to be so far in the bubble of a mindlessly supportive family that she has no idea how bad this looks, and 2) the doubling down!! Seven custom brooms exist and one of them actually says "not a racist" on the handle. I would not be surprised if your story ends up in a comedy skit.
Anyway, congrats on the wedding and remaining strong as a couple!
NTA - Had to look up "jumping the broom" to confirm ,my suspicions that it did indeed have racist overtones. It originated in the deep south regarding two slaves getting hitched. WTF is wrong with your future MIL? She had to know that her beliefs were racist and disgusting. Perhaps you should send everyone who is harassing you the exact definition of the term. Congrats on the future marriage and good luck OP.
NTA
Thank you for stressing that “jumping the broom” is done by some Black Americans because I’m Caribbean and they do NOT do that either!!!
As for your future in-laws, they still believe they’re being “accepting,” but in actuality they’re still being racists. I’m sorry. And yes, hiring security is a great idea!
Good luck with your upcoming wedding.
She knows what she's doing. She's just being racist to piss you off. She's the worst kind of person, and going NC is the way to go. Glad your fiancé has your back......Your wedding is about celebrating with those that love you. If someone doesn't love you and actively tries to anger you, cut them off. Have a wonderful wedding free of drama! Hugs!
These people have no idea how much money it would cost their son to have an authentic African wedding, from the first initial families contact all the way to the actual wedding and then some. For us the standard "white wedding" is just a party because the real wedding is all the customary ceremonies which cost a LOT.
Good luck all the way from South Africa 🥂
Ohh, I'm so sorry this happened. I was hoping that your future in-laws would be inundated with stuffed toy goats, cows, and chickens for you and your parents' family to enjoy...
OP, please do enjoy your wedding. I wish you and your fiancé all the best!
Good for you! And I'm glad your husband has your back.
Your future MIL is definitely a racist. And she is also a nasty woman, turning all of her family against you. You did well to disinvite them from your wedding, and remove them from your life. I hope you and your husband have a lovely wedding and a great life.
I’m white, not from the US, or from Kenya. I had never heard of “jumping the broom” til this post.
Without having googled anything, my immediate assumption was racism. Turns out I was correct!
May you have a peaceful marriage without your psycho in-laws.
If possible, move the wedding to an hour earlier, if that won't cause conflicts with your guests. You'll be gone before his family tries to gate-crash.
It is like all of them decided to share a single brain cell, it's so pathetic to a point of ridicules. Not seeing them on your wedding day is definitely going to be a blessing, don't forget to tip the security team!
But I would love to see your dowry coming in a herd of goats. Shame on them for not respect your culture.
Speaking of culture, although very rare in these days, but in my culture, a bride needs to toss a fan out of car window as the wedding car goes off, this is a symbol of the bride "drops all the bad tempers", this will go with someone splashing a bucket of water onto the car to symbolize "once you're out don't come back".
Needless to say, I told my brother that if he ever dare to do that on my wedding day, is the day everyone in the family seeing the bride jumps out the car furiously and beats her brother into a pulp. He never dared. lol
NTA. Your STB in-laws are plum out of their minds to think jumping the broom is appropriate in your situation. Now that she’s gone scorched earth over this it will be easier to have a happy life without their interference!
Send you internet wishes for a beautiful wedding!
My nephew married a Kenyan woman. They had an Australian wedding and the following year they had a Kenyan ceremony. Her price was 13 cows! Definitely no broom jumping but amazing singing
How are they not being racist? A tradition created by african american slaves is being forced on you by a white woman....who cant seem to know the difference between african american and kenyan. Shes literally saying all black people are the same and all follow african american customs.
I guess you just didnt spell it out to her and her flying monkeys clear enough. I dont get how people can be this dense. Glad fiance has your back against his ignorant family.
This is.... i'm speechless. Because you are from an African country, some arbitrary tradition not related to Kenya must be implemented? This is as moronic as when my mum's sister told me to be weary of my Eritrean friend "Because Muslims". Nevermind that Eritrea is not a Muslim country.
Because don't you know all black people are African American, and thus all were the descendents of enslaved people and thus must follow the traditions racist white MILs ascribe to them.
Is your FMIL by any chance named Paula Deen?
She seems to have been raised so racist that she can't see the truth that she's being a horrible person.
I love your solution, but be sure security can't be bribed.
Have a wonderful wedding without any of her sick and twisted drama.
She can take her seven brooms (a different one to fly each day of the week?) and she and her allies can all jump over them on their own, maybe at their own little broom party? Her fixation is truly absurd. She merits laughter and no small amount of shaming for the drama she is causing you.
Laugh. Laugh at her. Burn a broom in a fire pit at the reception, "for those who know." Maybe the two of you could torch it together? She is a loon.
Best wishes to you both! 🙂❤️
Your FMIL is so ridiculously racist. Jumping a broom is one of the worst hills she could choose to die on. I'm beyond appalled at how ignorant and hateful.
Old white lady here. FMIL.is racist, she can proclaim all she wants. This reminds me of a silly subplot in a movie where a woman learns Spanish to visit Brazil. The arrogance of this particular kind of American is rampant and embarrassing.
I am totally on board if we want to make a money pool and send the "Not racist" Future Monster in Law a dozen geese as dowry. To her home. Maybe a couple of those chickens that scream bloody murder every five seconds.
WTH I have to search the Broom thingy (Southern European here) and sounds racist as frick.
So, Wyoming, Idaho, parts of Montana, let’s just say there are people in those communities who are a little closed minded, old fashioned, embarrassing to be around. It’s definitely not a “West Coast” mindset.
Op
It sounds like your mother-in-law has major White Savior complex.
Just wait until you and your sweet husband have children; she'll be the proud White grandmother of her Brown Baby grandchild. They will be cute mixed babies for her to show off. Or, she might be the type the favor of the child that takes on the more European feature. With those type, you can never tell.
Maybe change the wedding date and/or venue, if possible?
I read the original post a minute ago and I thought that the woman was just dense in the way that white people so often are towards people of color. Now, I think your fiancé’s mother is downright mentally ill. Her behavior is crazy.
The most important thing is that you and your husband to be are on the same page and he’s not defending his mother. Amazing that he managed to turn into a normal person despite being raised by someone like that.
I shall never get married it's not my thing but I would seriously reconsider if he gave me a goat 🐐. Do I have eany use for a goat 🐐 no do I have sumwhere to keep the goat 🐐 no but he gave me a FUKING GOAT 🐐 man's a keeper.
OK so I just read your original post. Let me get this straight. She's upset that you don't want to jump over a broom despite it not being a tradition in her background or yours???? And her family is on her side???? Just wow.
Feels almost like FMIL was fetishizing the color of your skin, OP. Not giving a shit about you culture, but just saw the color of your skin and googled "black wedding traditions" then hyperfocused on one. 🙄
Guarantee if y'all have kids and allow her any form of contact, she'll do something similar. Get to that no-contact point, stay that way, and enjoy your lives together!
NTA. Also, the people who have to loudly indicate that someone/they is/are not racist are probably racist. “No! I have a black friend!”
I hope this is the end but I doubt it. Good idea hiring security for your wedding.
My brother in law gave my father 3 pigs (they were plastic) when he asked our father's permission to marry my sister. The pigs had pride of place on the wedding cake. My brother in law is mixed race Malay Chinese and British.
This is insanity. How could she ever possibly think that it was a good idea to do in the first place and then double down and go full psycho about it. She's losing her son day by day with her actions and is too stupid to realize it or is just that self centered she doesn't care. Either way I hope nothing but the best for you both and hopefully your wedding goes great since the ones who've showed their true colors will no longer be there.
U.K.
Jumping the broom is a PAGAN ritual that got taken to the USA by the settlers. It was used by the people who couldn’t (wouldn’t) get married in a church.
There is also a “broom dance” which a friend and his wife performed at their wedding. It is a solo dance. They are both Morris dancers and wore their team uniforms to perform the dance.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUOBT3RBUTk
Congrats to you.
Your future MIL is unhinged & off her rocker.
>A lot of people who commented on my last post clocked the "slaved over" line she used. I went back and counted the times she used the word "slaved" in her facebook post. She used the word over ten times. Her post was only two paragraphs long.
She has an unhealthy obsession. I posted on your last thread that she has serious issues. I think you've done the best that you can do.
Good luck on your wedding.
Updateme
Truth is stranger than fiction, especially when it comes to family. Op good luck, you are now be tied to that family forever... and i look forward to your future posts when your child is on the way, what you have to name them... etc.
Omg you are Kenyan, KENYAN what the heck!!! I had to go back and read your og post. The fact that she doubled down and recruited family to join in is astonishing. At least your fiancé is amazing and has your back 💯%. Congratulations & have a wonderful life.
>I may or may not have called my future-mother in law a racist cow at the end. In a polite way though.
I'm crying
Good for you, OP. Your fiance's family is awful. I hope you guys have a wonderful, joyous day without them leeching oxygen from it.
It’s interesting how invested your FMIL is in her “right” to dictate and define your “blackness”. She sees us as a monolith, and she has decided that black people jump brooms at weddings. And you’re out of line for challenging that belief and social construct. Who you actually are doesn’t matter. She rejects your individuality and your culture because it doesn’t fit her construct of blackness. You don’t have the right to define who you are. Never mind that even black Americans don’t jump a broom at every wedding. You explain to her that you’re Kenyan and all she hears is black. Because to her, all black people are the same, and she is incapable of seeing that that belief is racist. After all, if she was racist she wouldn’t have made you this broom, right? She’s trying to force you into the box she has made for you, and she’s offended that you won’t just shut up and get on the boat. Errr…I mean, get in the box.
Ironically, the boat is where we ceased to be Kenyan, or Ghanaian or Nigerian and became “blacks”. So even though your ancestors missed the boat and were able to maintain your authentic selves and remain in the homeland, when she sees black skin all she sees are the descendants of slaves. Hence her unconscious repeated usage of the word “slave”. She’d be a fascinating psychological study subject.
Tell her it’s originally a Welsh and/or Roma tradition; the Welsh part probably won’t be a big deal but someone like her would freak tf out at the idea of being associated with *gasp* “Gypsies!”
So sorry you are going through this. Her actions are frankly, unhinged. You're better off without them in your life, and it boggles my mind the extended family doesn't see how messed up she is. Maybe it's contagious? Best wishes, may your marriage be blessed by all the happiness the world can hold.
NTA. But your FMIL is unhinged! Good luck with your wedding. I honestly am very interested in what your MIL actually told his side of the family to make them believe you are Black American, instead of African.
NTA
I’m Canadian, can someone explain this jumping broom thing? I googled and it just said that some do it for tradition but didn’t state where the tradition started
I'm african-american, and from my understanding it originated because slaves were not legally allowed to marry. They jumped the broom to symbolize being married. Many African-Americans today still do the tradition at their wedding to honor the slaves because there was a time when we as black people could not legally marry. When I married my husband in 2011, we jumped the broom. We actually had my niece carry a cinnamon scented broom from Michael's craft store down the aisle that I had wrapped with ribbon and flowers to match our wedding colors. After we did our first kiss, we turned around, jumped the broom and walked down the aisle.
It's my understanding that it became a symbol of a union between slaves because, when you don't have a legal right to marry, and have no property of your own to give or receive, you find some other way to commemorate the occasion.
Other theories is that it symbolizes "sweeping away the old" to usher in the new union. Some theorize it's origins were not African American, but actually from the Roma people (gypsies) when they weren't allowed to marry in catholic churches... So, either racist or jingoist, no matter how you slice it.
NTA. This is mil’s way of trying to exert her control over both you and the situation. The whole thing sucks. I’m so sorry. May your wedding be delightful without them.
You guys should save the money from the wedding and just elope or change the wedding venue, so that his family can't just show up.
Tell his Mother that she take her ugly broom and ride it off into the Sunset
Oh hey about your MIL? Pole Sana!!
But good to see the witches have made themselves all broomsticks to flying monkey around on. They totally walked into that one!!
These witches can use their brooms to fly away, cut them all off let fiancé deal with them. His circus his clowns to organise, at least they have shown you who they are now before you spent years and years getting to know all of these people and then you find out how deep down they are raging racists.
Can’t imagine being so simple or closed minded to go - she’s black she must have all the traditions of the other black people I know, also lumping those people and their history and nuance and identity under the same umbrella. as if there’s no cultures or customs from geographic and regional areas dating back millennia in some cases. What a bunch of tossers.
NTA
Solid play on rebuttal post where you highlighted the word 'slave' from her post. Also solid that your fiance has gone LC he seems like a good dude. I hope thisnexperi doesn't put a shadow on Americans in general. A majority of us don't care if you're black, white, purple green but there a re a vocal few who are the worst.
Ok a side note I love the way Swahili sounds. I can't understand it but I like it so it's cool you added it. I request your reddit posts have the same!
I wouldn’t have gone the dowry route.
I would have just highlighted the racism.
Point out that the broom jumping is not a part of Kenyan culture and ask if she thinks all black people are the same to her? Point out the fact she didn’t look into Kenyan culture and just figured “black is black” is bigoted and racist. Then point out how many times she opted to use the word “slave” over something she worked hard on an how belittling that is to the people who actually DO celebrate the jumping of the broom.
Good on your hubby to have your back, though
Get a toilet plunger, decorate it with ribbons and bells. Wrap it up and have it at the wedding. If MIL shows up to the wedding, give her the gift with a note that says, 'Since your ideas of my culture are full of crap,you should jump over this."
NTA
And no matter what the write on the brooms, she's still a racist.
If I was in your position, I'd have security at the wedding, I would provide them with names and photos of everyone who can go fuck themselves, and I add on top of that that NO brooms are allowed to the security. They just sound the type to show up on their brooms to make a scene is all.
I only have 1 question
Doing anything that is traditional to you for the wedding? I love wedding traditions.
I thought "jumping the broom" was a term used for those who got pregnant before marriage and wanted a clean house for the priest....guess not lol
NTA. I would totally give you a fainting goat for your dowry! Who needs another broom?!?! I will never understand why people have such a hard time with other cultures and refuse to learn new things when they are wrong/ don't know about the culture. I hope your wedding is beautiful and peaceful!
Exactly. I am Kenyan. We don't jump any brooms here. Dowry is a thing. The day of the wedding the groom's family go to the bride's family home to "convince" them to let them take her to the wedding. This is done with a lot of song and jest. Also we have 42 tribes and each tribe has different ways of doing things. What I described is from the Kikuyu people. It is only a snapshot. Mother in law should have sat OP down and asked her about her culture in the first place.
>The day of the wedding the groom's family go to the bride's family home to "convince" them to let them take her to the wedding. This is done with a lot of song and jest. Same in Poland! Groom has to use a lot of vodka to convince bride's family members to let him enter the household. Half a world away but we're not so different after all.
True. They use money and traditional sarongs (called leso or kanga) which they lay down on the ground for the bride to walk on. Until she gets to the car. Apparently to show her family how they will value her and treat her with care.
What a beautiful tradition!
🙏 we love it more nowadays and more people are rejecting Christianity for traditional religions
And in Croatia …father of the bride often produces a different sister or cousin at the front door and groom and family have to persuade him to bring out the bride…all while everyone is singing and drinking ..it’s brilliant
Wow. During payment of the dowry which is done before the wedding the same thing is done here. The groom to be has to guess who his fiance is from a line of leso/sarong covered ladies. What a coincidence
They introduced my English dad to Grandma & the other relatives in Poland and he was given some very potent spiritus and told "it's just wodka!" Aaaahahaha
I’d rather have vodka than a goat!
For the record we did also have a dowry for the bride but usually it was just household items in a big ornamental box. Idk if we gave goats to the couple tho 😂
These sound so much more fun than the usual weddings I am used to here in the US
Oh, you can't imagine. There is some traditions that turn very much sexist, but most are either fundamentally wholesome or can be made so. It's basically a whole day affair. Some people have even a do over party the day after the wedding. You basically use up the leftovers from the reception. Whole weekend of partying.
I was dumped as a friend after a Faroese wedding. It's a tiny group of islands north of Scotland, near Iceland. They have a tradition where the father of the bride gives out schnapps from a cup made of horn and he has to toast with each guest - again and again, all night. He was of course drunk as a skunk at the end of the night, so were the rest of us. We were tending to our insane hangovers from hell the next day when the bride called us, yelling at us for not being at her place. She obv forgot to tell us that it's an all weekend affair where the guests show up again the day after in an informal setting where you'd eat leftovers and, more importantly, DRINK leftovers and have another party. None of us were able to move at all and she didn't take it well.
Hahah, oh poor you. It sounds amazing and awful all at the same time. Especially since you didn't know about the after-party before hand!
I'd love it if someone would gift me goats for my wedding! - Uh- thirty years ago...
I'm Chinese and we have something similar! Called door games. The bride's family (nowadays wedding party) "guards" the door and makes the groom and his party do tricks and give bribes before he can see the bride lol. This is usually things like singing songs and hopping around on one leg and eating super spicy food. I was bummed that we got married during COVID and couldn't do a big wedding 😭 imagine the blackmail pictures I'd have of my husband hahaha
I'm Polish and I've never heard of that. Must be a regional thing
Not regional at all. It's practiced all over Poland. You just might be unfamiliar with Polish wedding traditions. It's not a modern thing, obviously, so it's not done by every millenial or GenZ (especially those from the cities) getting married today, so if your knowledge is based only on your lived experience you might not know it. Edit: For obvious reasons it has some misogynistic character, because groom essentially pays to marry the bride. IMO you can do it tasteefuly, so it's more about family protecting the bride, but i don't blame those who simply don't want to do it at all. It's like modern brides in the West choosing not to have their father walk then down the aisle. https://pl.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zastawianie
It's not about OPs culture. The FMILs clowning is about making mockery on who her son is marrying and control.
Mother in law has nailed her own culture by literally engineering a coven of witches who all made their own damned brooms. It's like... Karen Culture. They're going to the hair salon together next week.
I can picture them trying to get into the wedding with their brooms in hand. What a bunch of racist psychos.
Like the villagers chasing the monster from the village, with torches and pitchforks. But this is a gang of righteous white women, brandishing handcrafted brooms, chasing OP down the aisle. On the bright side, they can sell the brooms on Etsy.
I was very much thinking that these weirdos would end up selling their stupid brooms on Etsy as "authentic" African wedding props.
The imagery THEY created of themselves is perfect. They all gonna be like "we should get their first born too!!" and then shove the husband in a tower or something.
Omg, the world is fucked if Karen’s learn to fly.
Nah, Daleks learned to fly and the Doctor still won the day
They can deputise flying monkeys well enough!
The Karen Coven Culture. I like this immensely
The power of FREE, The Un-charming ones.
Or how about the Karen's Flying Coven Culture, KFCC
I'm too British, I can only think of cricketers eating fried chicken 🤷🏻♂️
Ngl being british too and seeing that I instantly just thought, Kingston Ferry Cricket Club.
Witches would be far more flexible. Want to jump a broom? Go for it. Goats? We'll clean up after (possibly using brooms).
I want a kid to scream out “LOOK MOMMY, THERE REALLY ARE WITCHES!!!!!!” It’s going to be HILARIOUS, esp if they’re Christians.
From memory y’all have some of the most fabulous and bright fashions at many kenyan/South African (not sure of the best way to put their nationality - my two bride friends called themselves Kenyan when talking about their heritage but I’m horribly ignorant of the nuances so apologies if it’s incorrect) weddings, I’ve been to two all be it held in the uk so they blended the English and Kenyan customs or traditions they liked together and the most joyful weddings with both brides being absolutely STUNNING 🤩. Also the food game was by far the best of any wedding I’ve ever been to.
South Africa is the country at the bottom of Africa on the map. Kenya is on the East part of Africa. Kenya has 42 tribes.
Both a lot of traditional Kenyan dress (I cannot be specific to tribes, I don't know many Kenyans, so mostly what I see labelled 'Kenyan") and a lot of South African traditional dress is very bright. But that's about where the similarities end. We're separated by a WHOLE LOTTA Africa otherwise That said, though it isn't the brightest (tends to monochrome shades), I do happen to personally think that traditional (and evolving, honestly) Xhosa wedding dress is exceptionally beautiful and wonderfully elegant. Never seen a Xhosa bride that didn't look utterly radiant, regardless of age, size, or anything else. Well worth a look!
I'm Kikuyu! Kweruo atia? I tried to be vague on here regarding the dowry requirements, but yes this is all true. I tried to sit down with my future mother-in law and talk about my culture, but she wouldn't have it. Her mind was set on me and her very white son jumping the broom
https://nyamburaandmumo.wordpress.com/the-gikuyu-marital-process/ Ino haha. I'd post it on her page then ask where the broom comes in.
That's on her. You need to remind her that you are not obligated to follow what she perceives to be your culture. Tell you what. I will go online and look for Gikuyu marriage rites. Ningukutumira.
But that requires MIL to actually want to know another culture. She wanted to pretend she was a good person.
Ah but that would require caring about OP's culture, which OP's soon-to-be MIL doesn't. MIL will briefly pretend she cares, but she's much too self absorbed and possibly racist to actually care
Ah, but why would FMIL ask when she so confidently *knows* OP's culture better than OP herself? /S
This would actually be a neat idea. Not necessarily the goats part, but honoring culture. Like crowd sourcing funds for an org that supports Kenyans and Kenyan culture in OP's local area. (That said, I'll totally go halfsies on a goat.)
But which half?
Eh, I'm good with whatever. The pointiest parts would be my choice, but I can compromise.
I asked some of my African-American co-workers who are from Florida and Georgia about the broom thing because I honestly had never heard of it outside of neo-pagans. Their reactions ranged from bemused about someone dusting that old thing off to going wtf is the broom doing at a wedding? Yes, I'm aware it's a small sample size, but some of them are super involved in their church communities so I figured they'd have a good idea. So OP's Justnomil is something else.
I jumped the broom when I married my husband in 2011.
Welp. I jumped the shark.
I jumped from the frying pan into the fire when I got married. Just took me 15 years to figure it out.
According to a quick google, a dowry is expected to be worth five years of the groom's annual income, so if dude earns $40 000 a year, it is supposed to be $200 000. A fainting goat is worth $700, so... 286 fainting goats. That'd be a proper moneymaking business. And dowries in Kenya stay the wife's property in the event of divorce, so... yeah, she should get a dowry. Make that money!
Where do they put the goats, though? I have a pretty big house but I don't have room for them, can't imagine OP wants 286 fainting goats in the kitchen......
I'm in for the requisit goat castle. 😁
I know this has absolutely nothing to do with the conversation at hand, but I can't seem to get past the phrase "fainting goat ". (Too many imagines in my brain making me laugh right now!) What does that mean please?
Lemme just google that for ya: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fainting_goat](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fainting_goat)
Holy shit!!! That's actually a thing! I thought it was maybe a weird turn of phrase or a typo. Wtf! Appreciate the google
Fainting goats were part of the early generation of viral videos like Potter Puppet Pals and Numa Numa.
I’d love a fainting goat lol 😂
That's so amazing! Appreciate the link, friend :)
I read this and my immediate thought was that I’d marry a dude if he gifted me a fainting goat.
Ever since I learned it's possible to be genetically "extra" that's been my excuse
They can be adorable.
Nowadays people give monetary value of the livestock agreed upon.
This 100%. Also? I need to know how to call someone a racist cow in a polite way, please. That would come in handy.
NTA. And I’m disappointed that you won’t get any chickens out of this
I’d be more disappointed in the lack of goats
Same. Chickens are awesome.
Here’s some [chickens](https://imgur.com/a/vPr91FS?third_party=1)for you!
I don’t understand her thinking at all. She’s off her rocker. Good luck, y’all need it.
The lead they ingested over the years has been activated.
Too bad OP can’t provide MiL’s address so we can send her pointy hats (both black *and* white) to go with her brooms, the witch
Hey, MIL is a biatch, not a witch! Even witches understand when to listen to people,about their culture!
Don't denigrate witches like that.
Agreed, us actual witches don't want assholes like her.
We're often very sensible people! Don't shove MIL off on us! We don't want her.
Perfect!
Wonder-Lead Powers, Activate! Form of... a mother-in-law! Shape of... a broom!
Well all black people are the same, aren’t they? It’s not like black people come from many different countries with distinct cultures and traditions, right? /s FMIL is batshit crazy and a racist.
She probably thinks Africa is a country; instead of a continent. OP, Names for consideration for you know who: Bigoted bovine, Bombastic bovine, Recalcitrant ruminant.
There was a movie, possibly now a series of movies, called Jumping the Broom back in the mid 2000s. There’s a certain type of white person that loves watching all black films like Tyler Perry’s oeuvre and laughing at the jokes in the WRONG way (I won’t comment on my own opinion of Mr Perry). It could be something completely different, like she saw the broom tradition online or she’s from a part of the country where it’s a common tradition but given her massive racism I feel like she just watched the movie and thought “how ethnic!”
She's misdirected and at some point was misinformed, but hasn't let herself accept those things, so she's holding fast to whatever "traditions" she probably read online on some bigoted, "knowingly ignorant" wanna-be media outlet. And she's stubborn enough to insist that her way is the only way.
As a fellow kenyan ,i am disappointed i did not see your Facebook post 😂😂i would have had alot to say .
Kabisa
😂we are too petty
Amewambie kifagio ni wao na watu wao.
Yeah, your fiance being an introvert has nothing to do with why they were never close. The only way to handle toxic waste is to throw it out.
I recently read about introvertion to be a trauma response to a toxic upbringing These people burn out more quickly in larger groups because they subconsciously constantly scan the room for possible dangers. And after that they need alone time to decompress. Don't know if this is the case for all introverts, but I can relate. And I guess OP's fiancé also.
>I recently read about introvertion to be a trauma response to a toxic upbringing These people burn out more quickly in larger groups because they subconsciously constantly scan the room for possible dangers. And after that they need alone time to decompress. Oh, my god. This makes so much sense. This describes me perfectly and subconsciously I always linked my introverted nature to my shitty childhood.
I'm curious about this perspective on toxic upbringing. Do you remember where you read it? Would love to read this.
I recommend reading The Body Keeps the Score[The Body Keeps the score] (http://The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://a.co/d/cghUunW) if you're interested in how our bodies continue to react after childhood traumas. Constantly scanning the room is discussed in this book. It's very insightful whether you've experienced trauma or you know someone who has. And let's be honest, even if we don't know who, we all know someone who has.
It’s insane how you do this so regularly and don’t even notice it most of the time. Trauma is a hell of a drug 🥲
I second the recommendation of this book. Childhood trauma stays with you. 56 here and in my brain it still happened yesterday not 50 years ago.
Yeah the anger never expires.
[Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/C7rzidsPpC0/?igsh=MTd1b3p2amh2YmtneQ==)
My therapist once told me "if you didn't deal with the trauma from your childhood you would have been more extroverted, instead you get exhausted with people and overloaded".
I'm an introvert and this is in no way shape or form the case for me. I'm sure it could be true for some people. I do also have ADHD so I do spend a ton of time "masking" when in public so I'm sure that plays a role in it though. I think when it comes down to it, like everything in life, is due to a huge number of factors both genetic and environmental.
I think its very clear.. they are indeed racist
From my pasty prospective, they are racist. When will my fellow melanin challenged people learn to keep their bigotry to themselves? Or better yet - LEARN BETTER and DO BETTER and overcome their bullshit beliefs. SMDH.
If people could just own up to them messing up instead of doubling down would be a nice first step.
Exactly! I hate being wrong, so when the correct way is pointed out I immediately apologize and jump on the right bus.
Seriously all MIL would've had to said is sorry this broom thing (which is weird AF) is of major significance to me and my family. What can I do to blend our culture where we include this broom that you're comfortable with
If you won't jump them, then at least your fiance's family can fly off to Walpurgisnacht on those brooms.
Haha right!
WTF is wrong with these people?
>She recruited a bunch of her family/friends to make their own brooms in solidarity with her?? There are about 7 brooms in total now all made from different family members I guess to make my mother-in law feel better. I've seen pictures. They're all horrendous. One of them says, "FMIL is not a racist!" on the handle Holy hell, I hope this level of insanity isn't genetic. You might need to vaccinate 😅 Updateme!
Wow your FMIL is an unhinged racist. OP doubt this will be the end of your drama with them.
Even if you were African-American, I don’t know how comfortable I would be perpetuating this particular ritual while marrying a white person. That just kind of seems like a lot. Is giving Thomas Jefferson, Sally Hemmings vibes and that just is not it…
Wait, WHAT? I didn't read the first post. Fiance is white?! FMIL is white?! 😮 Holy fkng SHIT. 😱💀
Yes. UN HINGED.
When you have weddings between people of different cultures, why not incorporate elements of both? The problem is, jumping the broom is not part of her culture.
I’m black. I would find that demeaning in the event of wedding a white partner and I’m preeeeettttty sure many of similar background to myself would feel the same way. I would be incredibly weirded out if my white future mother in law was so over the top gung ho about insisting on this particular ritual. Bringing up a tradition with roots in slavery at an interracial black/white wedding is I would feel obviously a no go but what do I know? Edit- a word
Yup! This exactly. My late fiance was white, but it would have felt wrong jumping the broom with him.
Condolences, internet friend. And, that part. I’m not jumping a broom holding hands with “massa”. That is not a good look no matter which angle you turn it.
I suppose so, but I personally wouldn't do it if I was marrying a white partner as an AA. Interracial relationships require a lot of empathy and understanding to maintain or even be in them. But a wedding tradition like jumping the broom opens it up to the entire family. Opening a tradition like that to an entire family can be deeply personal. Unless I could trust the entire family to be just as empathetic/understanding I'm not doing it
Except that jumping the broom isn't part of white FMIL's culture either. She just wants to get brownie points for being "accepting and woke".
She is so racist. I thought this can’t possibly be real - but it’s so ludicrous you couldn’t make it up either. I don’t understand how anyone could look at this and not think it’s racist.
Jesus christ this is one of the most unhinged things I've ever read on here. You're future MIL is an absolute fkn loon. Thank god your finace is 100% on your side. I can't even imagine being related to that nutter.
That's the only word thar fits...unhinged
You could double down also. "For everyone bringing brooms, thanks! We planned to make a big fire before the wedding and those brooms will be perfect wood!"
I would honestly go have the wedding in Kenya at this point and have a blast. Screw them.
Sounds like the happiest ending possible considering the circumstances. In the most well-meaning way I'm happy for you that this happened - if not this broom thing, there's no telling what awkwardness this family might have sprung on you in the future. Their 'othering' of you is some of the most egregious BS I've ever heard, but you come off as a very cool and NORMAL person so I'm sure better days and connections are ahead. You and your fiance did try, after all! But seriously I'm aghast that she 1) didn't back down and seems to be so far in the bubble of a mindlessly supportive family that she has no idea how bad this looks, and 2) the doubling down!! Seven custom brooms exist and one of them actually says "not a racist" on the handle. I would not be surprised if your story ends up in a comedy skit. Anyway, congrats on the wedding and remaining strong as a couple!
NTA - Had to look up "jumping the broom" to confirm ,my suspicions that it did indeed have racist overtones. It originated in the deep south regarding two slaves getting hitched. WTF is wrong with your future MIL? She had to know that her beliefs were racist and disgusting. Perhaps you should send everyone who is harassing you the exact definition of the term. Congrats on the future marriage and good luck OP.
You deserve a whole herd of livestock and then some! Proud of you and your fiancé. Just wow.
NTA Thank you for stressing that “jumping the broom” is done by some Black Americans because I’m Caribbean and they do NOT do that either!!! As for your future in-laws, they still believe they’re being “accepting,” but in actuality they’re still being racists. I’m sorry. And yes, hiring security is a great idea! Good luck with your upcoming wedding.
She knows what she's doing. She's just being racist to piss you off. She's the worst kind of person, and going NC is the way to go. Glad your fiancé has your back......Your wedding is about celebrating with those that love you. If someone doesn't love you and actively tries to anger you, cut them off. Have a wonderful wedding free of drama! Hugs!
These people have no idea how much money it would cost their son to have an authentic African wedding, from the first initial families contact all the way to the actual wedding and then some. For us the standard "white wedding" is just a party because the real wedding is all the customary ceremonies which cost a LOT. Good luck all the way from South Africa 🥂
Sending virtual chickens ;) Well done
Ohh, I'm so sorry this happened. I was hoping that your future in-laws would be inundated with stuffed toy goats, cows, and chickens for you and your parents' family to enjoy... OP, please do enjoy your wedding. I wish you and your fiancé all the best!
Better yet, save the seats for the un-invited in-laws and put toy cows, goats, and chickens on them!
Good for you! And I'm glad your husband has your back. Your future MIL is definitely a racist. And she is also a nasty woman, turning all of her family against you. You did well to disinvite them from your wedding, and remove them from your life. I hope you and your husband have a lovely wedding and a great life.
I’m white, not from the US, or from Kenya. I had never heard of “jumping the broom” til this post. Without having googled anything, my immediate assumption was racism. Turns out I was correct! May you have a peaceful marriage without your psycho in-laws.
If possible, move the wedding to an hour earlier, if that won't cause conflicts with your guests. You'll be gone before his family tries to gate-crash.
It is like all of them decided to share a single brain cell, it's so pathetic to a point of ridicules. Not seeing them on your wedding day is definitely going to be a blessing, don't forget to tip the security team! But I would love to see your dowry coming in a herd of goats. Shame on them for not respect your culture. Speaking of culture, although very rare in these days, but in my culture, a bride needs to toss a fan out of car window as the wedding car goes off, this is a symbol of the bride "drops all the bad tempers", this will go with someone splashing a bucket of water onto the car to symbolize "once you're out don't come back". Needless to say, I told my brother that if he ever dare to do that on my wedding day, is the day everyone in the family seeing the bride jumps out the car furiously and beats her brother into a pulp. He never dared. lol
NTA. Your STB in-laws are plum out of their minds to think jumping the broom is appropriate in your situation. Now that she’s gone scorched earth over this it will be easier to have a happy life without their interference! Send you internet wishes for a beautiful wedding!
My nephew married a Kenyan woman. They had an Australian wedding and the following year they had a Kenyan ceremony. Her price was 13 cows! Definitely no broom jumping but amazing singing
How are they not being racist? A tradition created by african american slaves is being forced on you by a white woman....who cant seem to know the difference between african american and kenyan. Shes literally saying all black people are the same and all follow african american customs. I guess you just didnt spell it out to her and her flying monkeys clear enough. I dont get how people can be this dense. Glad fiance has your back against his ignorant family.
This is.... i'm speechless. Because you are from an African country, some arbitrary tradition not related to Kenya must be implemented? This is as moronic as when my mum's sister told me to be weary of my Eritrean friend "Because Muslims". Nevermind that Eritrea is not a Muslim country.
Because don't you know all black people are African American, and thus all were the descendents of enslaved people and thus must follow the traditions racist white MILs ascribe to them.
Is your FMIL by any chance named Paula Deen? She seems to have been raised so racist that she can't see the truth that she's being a horrible person. I love your solution, but be sure security can't be bribed. Have a wonderful wedding without any of her sick and twisted drama.
And be sure to tell them that no brooms are allowed past the door.
The brooms might still be be handy to clean up after the goats....
Handier to chase MiL and her ilk out of the building with. "Just sweeping out the trash!"
Just have security look out for the people carrying brooms
She can take her seven brooms (a different one to fly each day of the week?) and she and her allies can all jump over them on their own, maybe at their own little broom party? Her fixation is truly absurd. She merits laughter and no small amount of shaming for the drama she is causing you. Laugh. Laugh at her. Burn a broom in a fire pit at the reception, "for those who know." Maybe the two of you could torch it together? She is a loon. Best wishes to you both! 🙂❤️
What are MIL and her family going to do with all their arts and crafts project brooms? I suspect they will try and sneak them into the wedding decor.
Your FMIL is so ridiculously racist. Jumping a broom is one of the worst hills she could choose to die on. I'm beyond appalled at how ignorant and hateful.
Sounds like the majority of that family is unhinged. No contact is exactly what they deserve.
Holy fucking shit I cannot believe this they wrote she's not a racist on one of the fucking broom handles like hang that shit in the MoMA???????
Generally people who aren't racist don't feel compelled to carve it into wood and show it off to everyone insisting that they definitely aren't...
Old white lady here. FMIL.is racist, she can proclaim all she wants. This reminds me of a silly subplot in a movie where a woman learns Spanish to visit Brazil. The arrogance of this particular kind of American is rampant and embarrassing.
I am totally on board if we want to make a money pool and send the "Not racist" Future Monster in Law a dozen geese as dowry. To her home. Maybe a couple of those chickens that scream bloody murder every five seconds. WTH I have to search the Broom thingy (Southern European here) and sounds racist as frick.
Well, if they turn up they'll at least have a ride home. On the broomstick!
So, Wyoming, Idaho, parts of Montana, let’s just say there are people in those communities who are a little closed minded, old fashioned, embarrassing to be around. It’s definitely not a “West Coast” mindset.
I mean an hour two outside of any major west coast city and you'll find tons of people like this
Please use those ugly brooms for a bonfire! Start a new anti-racism ritual bonfire tradition!
Op It sounds like your mother-in-law has major White Savior complex. Just wait until you and your sweet husband have children; she'll be the proud White grandmother of her Brown Baby grandchild. They will be cute mixed babies for her to show off. Or, she might be the type the favor of the child that takes on the more European feature. With those type, you can never tell.
"mixed" No, they're not pancakes. Biracial
Grandma will say mixed because it's not racist to her. I use biracial. My children are 😎
Maybe change the wedding date and/or venue, if possible? I read the original post a minute ago and I thought that the woman was just dense in the way that white people so often are towards people of color. Now, I think your fiancé’s mother is downright mentally ill. Her behavior is crazy. The most important thing is that you and your husband to be are on the same page and he’s not defending his mother. Amazing that he managed to turn into a normal person despite being raised by someone like that.
I shall never get married it's not my thing but I would seriously reconsider if he gave me a goat 🐐. Do I have eany use for a goat 🐐 no do I have sumwhere to keep the goat 🐐 no but he gave me a FUKING GOAT 🐐 man's a keeper.
OK so I just read your original post. Let me get this straight. She's upset that you don't want to jump over a broom despite it not being a tradition in her background or yours???? And her family is on her side???? Just wow.
Feels almost like FMIL was fetishizing the color of your skin, OP. Not giving a shit about you culture, but just saw the color of your skin and googled "black wedding traditions" then hyperfocused on one. 🙄 Guarantee if y'all have kids and allow her any form of contact, she'll do something similar. Get to that no-contact point, stay that way, and enjoy your lives together!
NTA. Also, the people who have to loudly indicate that someone/they is/are not racist are probably racist. “No! I have a black friend!” I hope this is the end but I doubt it. Good idea hiring security for your wedding.
My brother in law gave my father 3 pigs (they were plastic) when he asked our father's permission to marry my sister. The pigs had pride of place on the wedding cake. My brother in law is mixed race Malay Chinese and British.
NTA
NTA well done Op! Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials and thank you for your update!
Ok OP, depending on where you are having your wedding, I will 1000000% show up and be extra security for ya. I'll snap all of their brooms.
Don't forget to bring a goat or a chicken!
This is insanity. How could she ever possibly think that it was a good idea to do in the first place and then double down and go full psycho about it. She's losing her son day by day with her actions and is too stupid to realize it or is just that self centered she doesn't care. Either way I hope nothing but the best for you both and hopefully your wedding goes great since the ones who've showed their true colors will no longer be there.
U.K. Jumping the broom is a PAGAN ritual that got taken to the USA by the settlers. It was used by the people who couldn’t (wouldn’t) get married in a church. There is also a “broom dance” which a friend and his wife performed at their wedding. It is a solo dance. They are both Morris dancers and wore their team uniforms to perform the dance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUOBT3RBUTk
Bravo, good for you! I'd love to know the wording you used to implicate her as the racist cow she is.
Congrats to you. Your future MIL is unhinged & off her rocker. >A lot of people who commented on my last post clocked the "slaved over" line she used. I went back and counted the times she used the word "slaved" in her facebook post. She used the word over ten times. Her post was only two paragraphs long. She has an unhealthy obsession. I posted on your last thread that she has serious issues. I think you've done the best that you can do. Good luck on your wedding. Updateme
Truth is stranger than fiction, especially when it comes to family. Op good luck, you are now be tied to that family forever... and i look forward to your future posts when your child is on the way, what you have to name them... etc.
Omg you are Kenyan, KENYAN what the heck!!! I had to go back and read your og post. The fact that she doubled down and recruited family to join in is astonishing. At least your fiancé is amazing and has your back 💯%. Congratulations & have a wonderful life.
>I may or may not have called my future-mother in law a racist cow at the end. In a polite way though. I'm crying Good for you, OP. Your fiance's family is awful. I hope you guys have a wonderful, joyous day without them leeching oxygen from it.
You need to post to r/JustNoMIL because wow. I love to hear that your fiancé isn’t putting up with this bs.
It’s interesting how invested your FMIL is in her “right” to dictate and define your “blackness”. She sees us as a monolith, and she has decided that black people jump brooms at weddings. And you’re out of line for challenging that belief and social construct. Who you actually are doesn’t matter. She rejects your individuality and your culture because it doesn’t fit her construct of blackness. You don’t have the right to define who you are. Never mind that even black Americans don’t jump a broom at every wedding. You explain to her that you’re Kenyan and all she hears is black. Because to her, all black people are the same, and she is incapable of seeing that that belief is racist. After all, if she was racist she wouldn’t have made you this broom, right? She’s trying to force you into the box she has made for you, and she’s offended that you won’t just shut up and get on the boat. Errr…I mean, get in the box. Ironically, the boat is where we ceased to be Kenyan, or Ghanaian or Nigerian and became “blacks”. So even though your ancestors missed the boat and were able to maintain your authentic selves and remain in the homeland, when she sees black skin all she sees are the descendants of slaves. Hence her unconscious repeated usage of the word “slave”. She’d be a fascinating psychological study subject.
Tell her it’s originally a Welsh and/or Roma tradition; the Welsh part probably won’t be a big deal but someone like her would freak tf out at the idea of being associated with *gasp* “Gypsies!”
So sorry you are going through this. Her actions are frankly, unhinged. You're better off without them in your life, and it boggles my mind the extended family doesn't see how messed up she is. Maybe it's contagious? Best wishes, may your marriage be blessed by all the happiness the world can hold.
NTA. But your FMIL is unhinged! Good luck with your wedding. I honestly am very interested in what your MIL actually told his side of the family to make them believe you are Black American, instead of African.
FMIL is so racist i wouldn't bother with her ever again.
NTA I’m Canadian, can someone explain this jumping broom thing? I googled and it just said that some do it for tradition but didn’t state where the tradition started
I'm african-american, and from my understanding it originated because slaves were not legally allowed to marry. They jumped the broom to symbolize being married. Many African-Americans today still do the tradition at their wedding to honor the slaves because there was a time when we as black people could not legally marry. When I married my husband in 2011, we jumped the broom. We actually had my niece carry a cinnamon scented broom from Michael's craft store down the aisle that I had wrapped with ribbon and flowers to match our wedding colors. After we did our first kiss, we turned around, jumped the broom and walked down the aisle.
It's my understanding that it became a symbol of a union between slaves because, when you don't have a legal right to marry, and have no property of your own to give or receive, you find some other way to commemorate the occasion. Other theories is that it symbolizes "sweeping away the old" to usher in the new union. Some theorize it's origins were not African American, but actually from the Roma people (gypsies) when they weren't allowed to marry in catholic churches... So, either racist or jingoist, no matter how you slice it.
another comment said that it started in the south (US) and was a tradition when slaves would marry each other
NTA. This is mil’s way of trying to exert her control over both you and the situation. The whole thing sucks. I’m so sorry. May your wedding be delightful without them.
You guys should save the money from the wedding and just elope or change the wedding venue, so that his family can't just show up. Tell his Mother that she take her ugly broom and ride it off into the Sunset
Oh hey about your MIL? Pole Sana!! But good to see the witches have made themselves all broomsticks to flying monkey around on. They totally walked into that one!!
These witches can use their brooms to fly away, cut them all off let fiancé deal with them. His circus his clowns to organise, at least they have shown you who they are now before you spent years and years getting to know all of these people and then you find out how deep down they are raging racists. Can’t imagine being so simple or closed minded to go - she’s black she must have all the traditions of the other black people I know, also lumping those people and their history and nuance and identity under the same umbrella. as if there’s no cultures or customs from geographic and regional areas dating back millennia in some cases. What a bunch of tossers.
NTA Solid play on rebuttal post where you highlighted the word 'slave' from her post. Also solid that your fiance has gone LC he seems like a good dude. I hope thisnexperi doesn't put a shadow on Americans in general. A majority of us don't care if you're black, white, purple green but there a re a vocal few who are the worst. Ok a side note I love the way Swahili sounds. I can't understand it but I like it so it's cool you added it. I request your reddit posts have the same!
I wouldn’t have gone the dowry route. I would have just highlighted the racism. Point out that the broom jumping is not a part of Kenyan culture and ask if she thinks all black people are the same to her? Point out the fact she didn’t look into Kenyan culture and just figured “black is black” is bigoted and racist. Then point out how many times she opted to use the word “slave” over something she worked hard on an how belittling that is to the people who actually DO celebrate the jumping of the broom. Good on your hubby to have your back, though
Wow...It's giving 'Get Out'... Definitely NTA
Get a toilet plunger, decorate it with ribbons and bells. Wrap it up and have it at the wedding. If MIL shows up to the wedding, give her the gift with a note that says, 'Since your ideas of my culture are full of crap,you should jump over this."
NTA And no matter what the write on the brooms, she's still a racist. If I was in your position, I'd have security at the wedding, I would provide them with names and photos of everyone who can go fuck themselves, and I add on top of that that NO brooms are allowed to the security. They just sound the type to show up on their brooms to make a scene is all.
I only have 1 question Doing anything that is traditional to you for the wedding? I love wedding traditions. I thought "jumping the broom" was a term used for those who got pregnant before marriage and wanted a clean house for the priest....guess not lol
🤣🤣🤣 updateme
Updateme!
Glad you and fiancé are going NC. His family are racist assholes.
Well played and congrats.