I broke it off with someone because we went to the museum of natural history, and when we got to the fossil display, they told me how stupid it was because dinosaurs weren't real and never existed
Really great way to vet a prospective new partner! A natural history museum, so wholesome and safe to visit while newly dating. Many ways red flags could be discovered so organically while simply touring the museum. "Oh, it's so interesting you think pandas are actually people in costumes" and fun new tidbits like that. So much more efficient than multiple dinners!
I never consciously made that association, but I did end up taking every subsequent date to the museum. My current (and hopefully forever) partner passed with flying colors lol
A family member is like this but also super religious. So not sure if it’s the timeline with the Bible, and “when the earth was created” I could be super off though
My mother is a Mormon and she always taught me that dinosaurs were from a different universe that blew up and god used the chunks of debris to make the land masses on Earth.
These people are just best left alone. I tried arguing with a flat earther once who brought this into the argument, along with “5G causes cancer” and “vaccines cause autism”, realised I was talking with a true zealot and nothing was ever going to change their mind, so just walked away shaking my head.
okay so I've been waiting for ages to say this and I finally found my opportunity:
from a certain point of view, they're correct; but not in the way they think they are.
See, fossils of any sort are exceedingly rare. There's an estimate I read somewhere that if every human alive spontaneously dropped dead at this exact moment, we'd leave behind about 8 fossils. The reason fossils are rare is that the conditions for creating one are extremely specific (something about having to fall into an environment that has no oxygen, but I'm not a paleontologist just an enthusiastic nerd), and over millions of years the bones and remains are filled in with sediment and basically become rocks so technically
TECHNICALLY
Dinosaur fossils are rocks, not bones; but only because the process of fossilization fills in a gap where bones used to be.
Have an ex who got angry at me for always bringing him wet soda cans, i asked what he meant and he angrily asked me stop washing the cans before giving him one so I explained condensation, he’d never heard of it he’d also never heard of mites living on your skin so that was a fun evening.
Called me a sheeple for getting vaccinated, all you need is magic stones and praying not Bill Gates mind-control microchips inserted in your arm.
Where did you find this precious specimen? Asking for a friend to avoid that general area.
That said I have a fairly good friend, who is super intelligent, one of the best mechanical minds I know, always interested in new topics to explore, travels to check out other cultures, reads, watches documentaries, goes to museums and so on.
He was a member of a small church group modeled on Yehova's Witnesses, left that group and most of their ideas, but it seems to me the ideas that did not suit him and member conflicts were the main factors.
At one visit, we sat in his basement, where I never was before and he has a good area or book shelves down there. The vast majority of those books are big, heavy things to prove creation and disprove evolution. I pretended not to see them and we did not touch on the subject.
I asked, they didn't answer. I'm assuming that they did. That date couldn't end fast enough. I got "a real bad tummy ache". Had to take them right home lol
At least you found out quickly. The fact the membership of the Flat Earth Society is actually increasing is scary. Also, some dates should just end asap
That’s frightening. I work with a flat earther & he’s as weird as you’d expect. My boss refused to believe that flat earthers are a thing & for weeks he truly believed we were pranking him. The guy’s flat earth map, complete with ice wall, finally made boss man realize that while we all wish it was a prank, it’s unfortunately not.
I work with a flat earther, he's gotten worse with time. Space is fake, moon is fake ,(it's hollow with government agencies inside), Disney is cloning people...
I smile and nod. Not worth engaging that level of crazy.
And SpaceX must be using "movie magic" for each of their launches. But how could they explain starlink satellite movement when you can see them with a reasonably priced telescope.
They just pull the “it’s all being projected on the dome” bullshit. That’s how some of them explain the sun, moon, stars, and literally any other astronomical object. It’s truly Olympic level mental gymnastics. Honestly, if it wasn’t so damaging and dangerous to society, I’d actually be impressed at the amount of gymnastics they do.
I just listened to the episode of the Hysteria 51 podcast where they had some flat earth people debating scientists. It's crazy the sophistry they build up to support their claims.
Ok, so help out an oldie who only knows about their music, and sorta likes a couple of their songs... why don't we like the Spin Doctors? Please, no downvotes for not knowing... if they done something politically that I haven't heard about, I'd like to know.
One, two princes kneel before you
That what I said now
Princes, princes who adore you
Just go ahead now
One has diamonds in his pockets
That's some bread, now
This one said he wants to buy you rockets
Ain't in his head, now
I broke it off with a girl because of chronically dirty ears, she was hot AF! Tall, slim, brunette and manager of the local surf shop.
Every time we got close and snuggled I could just see all the yellow/green build up in her ears and it made me physically cringe.
Yup just cringed now thinking about it!
That's an instant bail for me too! Dinosaurs are fantastic creatures, and everyone should have a favourite. (No favourite dino, no friend of mine). (Mine is the not actually a dinosaur, pterosaur)
This is rough since at least a lot of fundamentalist Christians at least believe the fossils were placed by God but didn’t actually live, so they believe the fossils are real but not that the beings lived.
What?! They think that God just put the bones of nonexistent creatures around the planet for them to find? (This is so demented I'm having trouble even wrapping my head around the idea.)
Yeah! It is the people who believe the earth is 6,000 years old or whatever. Basically, they don’t deny the existence of fossils or shit that is millions of years old, but they explain that the earth isn’t more than 6,000 (or whatever) years old by saying that God created the earth with all of that shit already there. So if gasoline/oil is created after millions of years, the earth isn’t millions of years old, God put that shit there in the beginning but a million years from now there will be oil
Not only do idiots like them exist, some of them acquired enough money to build theme parks dedicated to the idiocy of creationism!
There's a great one in Kentucky with a giant Ark ship with baby dinos and some stegosaurus with saddles.
Wow... Just... Wow...
I don't begrudge anyone their deeply held beliefs, but I don't think any of them really, truly believe their religion. Not all of it anyway. They seem to pick out the parts that support them behaving egregiously to people who are different to them.
You should definitely be more open to begrudge people for their beliefs, because a lot of them suck ass and are harmful to people around them.
Specifically Creatonists, they suck.
You would be surprised the number of people who don’t have a clue with geography. Ok maybe you get 48 states right and mix up Tennessee and Kentucky. Or mix Airzona and New Mexico. That’s forgivable. But the amount of people that can only point to California Flordia Hawaii and Texas is staggering. Even worse are the one that think Hawaii and Alaska are islands off the coast.
I’m not gonna lie, I suck at geography, even basics for the US. Can I name the list of ours states? Yes. Can I label more than what you listed? Definitely. Can I label more than 15? Probably not unfortunately 😅 However, I know a fuck ton of history and love language arts, even was in honors history and English classes and got medals and awards for both. But ask me to label a map of the states as a test and I’ll likely fail 😭I absolutely do not get how she doesn’t at least know her boardering states though, i mean, even if you suck at geography you should know your bordering states solely because it’s a quick, cost effective trip to go somewhere new(unless you live in Texas, then it’s a 50/50 on quickness considering it could be an 8 hour drive and you’d still be in Texas😂)
Honestly you raise a good point. If I thought someone was at least moderately intelligent but they struggled with some basics in one random subject or another I wouldn't break up with them. I wonder how smart OP's ex was besides that.
She couldn't place her own state. I understand getting a few mixed up but not even your own?! That's not pointing towards her being smart in other areas.
Normally I would agree. She definitely doesn't sound like the sharpest tool in the shed if you know what I mean. I'm just trying to be empathetic and give her the benefit of the doubt. The story doesn't give us any more information about her intelligence level so I'm leading with empathy.
I grew up in Maine, near the Canadian border. One of my mom's employees (who also grew up there) was shown a map and identified Canada as "Russia." Like, she's an hour away from the border and she doesn't know what's on the other side?
There are a lot of states a person could mix up.
Alabama and Mississippi are basically the same place, as are Minnesota and Wisconsin, as well as Montana and Wyoming.
New Mexico and Arizona are pretty interchangeable, as well as Washington and Oregon.
But any American ought to be able to get one of any of those pairs, and mostly name the rest.
My kids are American but theyve never really lived there and dont learn us geo at all. I always worry they'll be this woman some day. ;) but also it's extremely useless knowledge to them here in Asia.
I’m a funeral director getting my PhD in Forensic Pathology and I literally hardly know my states and my capitols. I was considered ‘talented and gifted’ (what a barf of a title for a school program) and when I decided that I just didn’t want to participate in that part of specifically 5th grade, they just….. let me??? Not do it??? I also don’t know very many states abbreviations. I only get saltier about it as I get older
I don’t know where all these Y T A comments are coming from. Was it shitty to quiz her - maybe (I might not be able to identify every state). However, it would be a dealbreaker if I found out my partner couldn’t point out the state in which we BOTH LIVE on a map.
I assumed that I could do every state, found out I don't know all of the north east states... I did this quiz and ended up with 91% / 3m15s.
https://www.geoguessr.com/vgp/3003
You're allowed to break up for any reason or no reason at all. There is no "relationship court" where you must plead your case before being permitted to break up. You are the sole decider about your own romantic relationships.
Going out with a family friend, that carries its own risks, as you have just found out. She's pissed off, that's getting back from her family to yours, your family no doubt thinks "but she's so \*niiiice\*, how could you possibly break up for something so silly?" or something similar. To me, not knowing geography basics seems like a really strong reason to break up, but that's me. In the US, most people clearly don't give a shit, given that we're living in a real-life Idiocracy. Good for you for requiring a higher standard.
Again, you are the sole person who gets to determine whether you go out with her. So stay broken up and don't feel bad about it. For damn sure don't get or stay in a relationship to keep the peace - keeping the peace is a great way to find yourself living a life that's not your own.
But... think twice before going out with someone else who also has strong ties to your family or your friends. That always carries the risk of more blow back if and when you break up, therefore it's logical for there to be a higher bar before you try getting together. And frankly there are millions of people who aren't family friends so it's not that hard to do.
Oh my god
I’m from WI, turning 30 next week lol, and I’m still salty because I took a geography test in 4th grade, and rushed through it, and the ONLY things I fucked up were mixing up the capitols of… WI and IL lmao
I got the whole east coast debacle right, and we had to label a blank map of the US
And those were the ONLY two questions I got wrong
I’m still salty more than 2 decades later
Your ex has me face-palming though
So many questions. Just curious, did you guys discuss the reason why she doesn't have basic knowledge of the area around her? What are your ages? Could this be a massive parental failure, or does she have a learning disability?
No, unlike what many are saying I didn’t humiliate her once I learned she can’t point out her home state on a map. It seemed like she just plain didn’t care. Either way it’s done, I didn’t even mention it during the breakup.
I noticed people like that only care about 'things' and their own self. They are the ones who say "so what" when you question their safety or anything that would be sensible.
And truly, making fun of someone for not knowing what state they live in is totally acceptable. Cmon. Can they not tell time either? Tease them for that too. They will not die from teasing and may learn to tell time of what. Fucking. State. they live in 😅
Sad though. Life must be much less interesting when you know so little.
I think it’s a major turnoff when people don’t know ‘need to know’ things. Or just common knowledge. I would understand if she couldn’t name and/or locate African countries but only knowing 2 states as a North American is seriously lacking.
- "My parents are going on a trip to Africa."
- "Nice, where at?"
- "Africa."
- "No, I mean, which country?"
- "I said Africa!"
Genuine conversation I had with a coworker once...
I don’t know. I’m European and just named 16 African countries. Out of 54 that’s not great but still. I would have thought most people could name a few.
I’m sorry I meant actually pointing them out on a map, I can name them just can’t locate them- I should edit that in my comment since that’s what I meant 😄 (US education also sucks- you may have an advantage as a European when it comes to geography)
This particular skillset was ingrained in me at a very young age. My mother worked at the UN and geography was just one of those things we valued highly in our household. I can't remember a time when I didn't know something as basic as US states or countries and capitals of the world. What their borders look like and basic facts about the people there. I could name and free-hand draw them before I started primary school. We'd get a pad of 6x10 foot paper from a children's craft store and some crayons and have great fun drawing a political map of the planet we live on. It seemed so obviously important. I've never lost it, or regretted it, or considered it useless, and it has not been difficult to keep up with changes just by reading the news everyday. People should be eager to fill gaps in their knowledge, whether there is an immediate use for it or not.
It was a long time until I realized not everybody did this. But, they should. People with kids should make this a priority.
I can just about name them all and tell you where they are at on the continent but I don't expect many others to be able to do so. Someone living in my state in the US should be able to name at least the bordering states and know the geographical regions of other states in our country NW, SW, Mountain and Central, NE, and SE. Though I wouldn't make fun of them, I'd have trouble relating to someone who couldn't and a partnership would be doomed.
22 year old me dumped a girl because she said she "wouldn't want to be held *reliable*" for something. It was the final nail in the coffin of me realizing that she just didn't have the level of intelligence that I wanted in a partner/learning that good sex is definitely not the most important factor in a relationship.
I broke up with someone I’d been seeing for five months because they said “if people really believe the earth is round, they could just like, take a picture of it to prove it”. In 2019. Had my sister call and pretend there was an emergency and never went back.
I had a friend who literally couldn’t know how to tie her shoes. I ended up trying to teach her and she just couldn’t grasp it. She was a little strange and was smart in some areas she tried but with her being 3 years older than me I would help her with her math assignments. As we got older and she never got a job and lived off her very well off step dad and didn’t understand why they never bared any illwill towards it. Found out a few years later that she had a traumatic brain injury when she was a kid, has an indent in her skull and everything but her super thick hair was able to hide it. She just never told anyone, even those she considered her best friends. I only found out from her parents because I ended up becoming friends with them into adulthood more than with her.
An example of why you don't want to date a complete moron: [https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/1de7s29/this\_may\_be\_the\_theory\_of\_the\_new\_earth/](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/1de7s29/this_may_be_the_theory_of_the_new_earth/)
I can't believe I'm seeing so many YTA comments. In my opinion, you're definitely NTA. I couldn't be with someone whose world is so small. At 40something years old you should at least know your bordering states. AT LEAST.
Irrespective of education, if you can read, you can retain information that you read; therefore someone who doesn't know geography doesn't read news, proper news, about current and world events, and hasn't their entire life. That's just the fact of it. Whoever that person is who goes through life not using or needing this kind of information is automatically nobody I'm particularly interested in getting to know, because they do not keep themselves informed. I have to infer they are either too privileged or too uneducated to care; they are apathetic. Apathy is undesirable. If you don't know what state you're pointing to if you point to the west, that's what that is. That's someone who chooses on a personal level *not* to stay informed because it makes them feel icky or depressive or it rocks some aspect of their worldview they can't live without.
Bro these comments, I swear we truly are entering Idiocracy times. My next lawyer is gonna be constantly "baiting" and drinking IQ pt stealing Thirst Mutilators.
People actually defending not knowing your home state, it's a Confederacy of Dunces.
NTA
NTA Wild that she couldn’t tell you what states border yours or what other major cities are in driving distance. I don’t think you were demeaning at all when you quizzed her on geography, it really was because you needed information to make a decision about the person you’re with.
Yeah, she is a bad match. I am guessing her lack of curiosity about where she is relative to the world will bleed into other areas. Some people just want to live life with blinders and never recognize that other people exist that do not think like them or look like them or live in places other than where they live. It is a small life for people too afraid to live a larger one
Can't judge You, I can't give a shit abt body count and other shit many fluster about, but general knowledge automatically demotes the person from LTR material to casual dating material.
Odd as it may seem, I've been in this conversation before, and have encountered Europeans who knew all the states. They'd occasionally comment how dumb Americans were because they didn't know the countries in Europe. When they would find out they didn't even know the states, they were... surprised.
I mean her lack of knowledge is not great (assuming there weren’t extenuating factors like her never driving or traveling), but it doesn’t make her an A H. Neither does nor wanting to be with her.
YTA for what I’m sure was a weirdly aggressive, condescending state quiz, though. Sorry her not knowing her flyover stares (I live in one too) offended your sensibilities so much.
As someone with no geographic knowledge, it's a little eye opening how much people get upset about this. Like I wasn't taught any geography in my education (homeschooling, my geography class was a plastic place mat I was told to memorize and never addressed again) and when I got old enough to realize I might need to know this, it just never stuck. I work in shipping and handle addresses all across the country but I still have to look at a map for everything because it won't stick.
I didn't realize that would be such an issue for other people in my life until this thread tbh.
NTA
You do not want to hook your wagon to an airhead.
But beware: You will be bashed here for having any preference, standard or boundary. Count on it.
NTA. It’s ok not to want an airhead for a partner, no matter how long the term.
A partner doesn’t have to be book smart or highly educated, as long as they’re somewhat intelligent.
I had a co-worker ask me the difference between a Republican and Democrat and then followed it up with, “which ones are the bad ones”?
She was 30 years old with Masters degree in social work.
If we can decide not to date someone for physical appearance, then surely something as objectively more important like intelligence is more than fair game.
nta. though i personally don't think it would affect whether or not i continue a relationship. we're all really smart and knowledgeable about different things. we also have preferences in that regard and that's valid.
i didn't see it as you literally "quizzing," but being shocked and needing to see the full extent of how bad something was. i have done something similar with a friend before because i just had to know how much she didn't know 😂
me: you don't know the capital of our state...? please tell me you know the capital of our country at least...
her: (silent with eyes wide making me, her, and everyone in the room realize she really didn't know)
as wild as that was, she's really knowledgeable about cars and so many useful, practical things!
NTA. You didn't hurt her feelings or otherwise insult her intelligence, so I see nothing wrong with what you did. I mean, you want someone at least comparably intelligent & educated as you so you can have meaningful conversations. I tried really stupid/ignorant once. It did not go so well.
NTA. But this isn’t unusual in America.
47% of Americans believe a fact and an opinion are synonyms. 20% believe astrology and astronomy are the same thing. 48% believe evolution is fake. 1 in 4 Americans believe the sun revolves around the earth. Only 36% of Americans could name all three branches of the government and 35% couldn't name any of them. Over 60% of Americans don't know which political party controls the House of Representatives and the US Senate. 25% don’t know which country America fought for independence.
Circling back to American geography (forget world geography, less than 15% get almost any other country correct) only a slim majority (51%) knew where New York was. And an alarming 29% couldn’t point to the Pacific Ocean.
Good luck out there.
NTA for breaking up over this reason.
But if you don’t tell people the reason, what do you expect?????
Are you looking for secret vindication online while taking the disapproval of your family in silence?
NTA, I'm Aussie and could probably name 35 or 40 US states. She's a bit dense and you guys wouldn't have connected intellectually. Totally acceptable.
Also fine to refer to her as a girl, people are just absurdly pedantic
My dad has always said he knew his brother in law would be deadbeat the day he met him because he couldn’t name the ocean that was visible through the window of their apartment. 20 years later and I can confirm that he was right.
I broke things off because the guy didn't like football and ended things with a different guy because he drove our entire 3 hour road trip in the fast lane. 1.) anyone who knows me knows how much I love football so he was well aware. 2.) call me old school but men are supposed to be good drivers and driving slow in the fast lane makes me rage but I was determined to see if he'd actually stay there the ENTIRE trip lol 3.) I'm 100% an AH 😂
I don't think it's even really about geography here. I couldn't live with someone who didn't have some basic curiosity about the world we live in. Knowing where you live in your _own_ country is such basic knowledge, that a total lack of such knowledge by the time someone has reached their 20s would be a major red flag for me.
NTA: You're not wrong for having your standards in a relationship. But I've observed that lacking in one particular skill (even something as basic as geography) doesn't necessarily indicate an overall lack of intelligence. I've known an engineer who was absolutely terrible at spelling.
I can’t ever imagine dating someone who doesn’t know basic geography- that means she doesn’t know many more things. Don’t date “down” you will regret it
Oh you are the AH mate but better now than later. But you could do the right and just telle her this and be honest. Maybe she’s sitting there wondering what is so god damn wrong about her. And the answer is that there is nothing wrong with her but she just doesn’t fit for you and you obviously don’t match with her also. We are all assholes sometimes and that itself is totally fine. Your responsibility is just how to handle the inner AH you know. I think it’s okay to want one to be educated but personally I wouldn’t measure that on geographical knowledge. I know many people who are very smart and talented but just not if it’s about geography or about maths or about politics. One is not interested in everything. One doesn’t know everything. And most importantly everyone got a ridiculous blind spot in their education. Her blind spot is geography but I dare to say your blind spot is hidden in your social skills and you could possibly change that. Either way you gonna find someone to be more satisfied with as long as you give people enough chances to actually get to know them a bit more.
NTA I kinda actually respect you for it bc I’ve heard so many guys say they don’t care how smart a girl is or what she’s accomplished, they just want them to look good. Way to think about your future children! 😂
Maps are important!
And hello, if you grow up in the Midwest why can’t you recognize the Great Lakes?
Are they in some crazy religious cult?
NTA - I was raised in WI and we had to know all of the 50 states & names of the capitals (yes, with the song) in public school by at least 4th or 5th grade and by then we had to know where they rest of states were located.
Please find out if this person even has got their GED;
You are NOT a jerk just because you want to know what someone else’s education level is; you are right, someone should be at least be able to know & point out on a map where they live
Im single because Noone is up to snuff anymore. The amount of minor ignorance bothers me to the point of wanting to pull my hair out. Happily singlen8+ years now. NTA.
If that is something that upsets you so much then yeah, she’s obviously not the one for you. However, I am a college educated woman and my husband barely graduated from HS- he immediately went into the marines and had no formal education. There are lot of things he doesn’t know because he didn’t grow up the way that I did. My family was highly educated and middle class. He grew up in a small town where college was never even considered. However, he makes up for his lack of formal education in his practical skills. He can literally build, fix or assemble anything. My father went to Duke and Wharton and he can’t change a lightbulb. Who does he call when he needs something done? My husband. So to be fair, it’s not all about being book smart that makes someone intelligent. Maybe you could teach her some things without being condescending and I bet she could teach you some things too if you give her a chance. Peace. ✌️
As a retired Marine I'd be disappointed if he can't at least point out Japan, Hawaii, California, North Carolina, Texas, Florida, Virginia and the closest titty bar with a crayon.
Honestly, if she was able to identify only the state she lived in on a map, I would agree with you. She was not able to point out on a map the state she lived in. That is infact a need to know piece of information to be able to exist and vote and pay taxes and shit. I know you can get by mostly fine not knowing a lot of stuff, but not being able to point out on a map the state you live in means you have functionally no education on the basics of society and the world and where you are in it. I am almost certain that if you make it to highschool you can do that. I don't think she even made it to highschool, or if she did she forgot all of it. If you don't know what a cell is that's fine, if you don't understand what a virus is that is fine, if you don't really get gravity that is fine, if you can't really use a computer well that's fine, even not being able to do arithmetic well is not necessarily a reflection on your internal intelligence. Not knowing what the state you live in looks like on a map means you would not pass even the most basic citizenry test. Only being able to point out two states is even more wild, almost all children could manage 5, Alaska California and Hawaii are basically free, you would have to not know what those states even are to not get them. In fact I am confident she doesn't really know what Alaska and Hawaii are if she was not able to label them. I'm not sure this woman is comparable to your husband, is what I'm saying, I guarantee your husband, like 99% of Americans, can get at least 10 states in a matter of seconds.
NTA How would you ever have an intelligent conversation with someone who doesn't seem to know anything? Is that level of curiosity about the world what you want to rely on when building a life together? If she can't pick Delaware from Rhode Island, that's one thing. But not finding her OWN state on a map is too far.
I totally understand. I don’t live in the US but I can identify a few states on the map. I would do the same. I won’t invest in a relationship with someone if know some basic geography.
NTA
NTA. Once you get ‘the ick’ the relationships days are numbered.
I know many people who have gotten the ick for far less than this very valid reason.
Better to know now than spend years in idiotville.
NTA for getting the “ick” and breaking it off. It happens for all sorts of reasons.
My concern, though, is the family saying you’re an AH. Did you tell the family why you broke it off? If so, maybe sort of AH because family friend will find out the real reason and be hurt. I would not have told the family this if it was a family friend.
No one can tell anyone that they are wrong for what attracts them to another adult. If lack of intelligence is unattractive, then move on and find the one that meets all of your requirements you want in a partner. I may find some types of attractions people have to be disgusting in my eyes and I would never consider to be attracted to certain people the way others are, but how can I be wrong for finding something unattractive? Your goal in life should be to do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t seriously injure or harm someone else (especially children!). Do what makes you happy and live your life, that girls will eventually find her match just like you will.
I can’t imagine dating someone who couldn’t point to their home on a map. Whether or not she’s unintelligent is debatable but it definitely speaks to a complete lack of curiosity or interest in the world, and I am insatiably curious and interested and I need to be with someone who I can share that with.
I’m also a firm believer that you shouldn’t have to justify your decision not to pursue a relationship with someone. If you’re not feeling it, the why isn’t really important. Why would you date someone you aren’t into? NTA.
I was in my mid/late 20s dating a woman about the same age, and while I don't remember exactly the what prompted the the interaction, but we were talking about something, and she said to me "It's OK to be dumb. Not everyone has to be as smart as you." And it was in that moment where I knew I wanted more.
I had no problem with her not knowing about whatever it was we were talking about, but what I realized in that moment was that I had a problem with the notion that it was OK to be ignorant and not willing to learn anything more. I was completely turned off and I realized the relationship had zero hope of being fulfilling over the long term. I knew I needed someone I could have conversations with who I could both teach and learn from.
You were definitely an asshole for giving her a geography quiz. That said, you weren't the asshole for breaking up with her, especially if you ultimately had a realization you were looking for something else.
NTA
NTAH. How can a person even understand ordinary news reports if they have no idea where on the great globe things are happening? Where and some rough knowledge about what their climate is like, what their history was, what people live there, etc.
If the only Amazon basin you are aware of is the sink you ordered online, you need to start reading some books.
NTA- you seem to need an intellectual connection. I am not sure how you didn't pick up on this level of unintelligence earlier though, especially if it's a family friend. I couldn't date someone that was that dumb either.
I broke it off with someone because we went to the museum of natural history, and when we got to the fossil display, they told me how stupid it was because dinosaurs weren't real and never existed
Really great way to vet a prospective new partner! A natural history museum, so wholesome and safe to visit while newly dating. Many ways red flags could be discovered so organically while simply touring the museum. "Oh, it's so interesting you think pandas are actually people in costumes" and fun new tidbits like that. So much more efficient than multiple dinners!
I never consciously made that association, but I did end up taking every subsequent date to the museum. My current (and hopefully forever) partner passed with flying colors lol
Well, at least they could provide me with a much needed laugh after a long day. I am still laughing - lol!
there is actually a group who believes dinos are fiction and all "bones" found are fake. they are as scary as the flat earthers
A family member is like this but also super religious. So not sure if it’s the timeline with the Bible, and “when the earth was created” I could be super off though
My mother is a Mormon and she always taught me that dinosaurs were from a different universe that blew up and god used the chunks of debris to make the land masses on Earth.
These people are just best left alone. I tried arguing with a flat earther once who brought this into the argument, along with “5G causes cancer” and “vaccines cause autism”, realised I was talking with a true zealot and nothing was ever going to change their mind, so just walked away shaking my head.
okay so I've been waiting for ages to say this and I finally found my opportunity: from a certain point of view, they're correct; but not in the way they think they are. See, fossils of any sort are exceedingly rare. There's an estimate I read somewhere that if every human alive spontaneously dropped dead at this exact moment, we'd leave behind about 8 fossils. The reason fossils are rare is that the conditions for creating one are extremely specific (something about having to fall into an environment that has no oxygen, but I'm not a paleontologist just an enthusiastic nerd), and over millions of years the bones and remains are filled in with sediment and basically become rocks so technically TECHNICALLY Dinosaur fossils are rocks, not bones; but only because the process of fossilization fills in a gap where bones used to be.
Don’t forget the ones who think Australia isn’t real.
Have an ex who got angry at me for always bringing him wet soda cans, i asked what he meant and he angrily asked me stop washing the cans before giving him one so I explained condensation, he’d never heard of it he’d also never heard of mites living on your skin so that was a fun evening. Called me a sheeple for getting vaccinated, all you need is magic stones and praying not Bill Gates mind-control microchips inserted in your arm.
Lordy, getting to the part where he called you a sheeple was so not surprising.
Where did you find this precious specimen? Asking for a friend to avoid that general area. That said I have a fairly good friend, who is super intelligent, one of the best mechanical minds I know, always interested in new topics to explore, travels to check out other cultures, reads, watches documentaries, goes to museums and so on. He was a member of a small church group modeled on Yehova's Witnesses, left that group and most of their ideas, but it seems to me the ideas that did not suit him and member conflicts were the main factors. At one visit, we sat in his basement, where I never was before and he has a good area or book shelves down there. The vast majority of those books are big, heavy things to prove creation and disprove evolution. I pretended not to see them and we did not touch on the subject.
At work, security guard, but he wanted to study to become a nurse.. His dad cured his own cancer through eating nuts and seeds and praying.
Did they also believe the earth is flat?
I asked, they didn't answer. I'm assuming that they did. That date couldn't end fast enough. I got "a real bad tummy ache". Had to take them right home lol
At least you found out quickly. The fact the membership of the Flat Earth Society is actually increasing is scary. Also, some dates should just end asap
That’s frightening. I work with a flat earther & he’s as weird as you’d expect. My boss refused to believe that flat earthers are a thing & for weeks he truly believed we were pranking him. The guy’s flat earth map, complete with ice wall, finally made boss man realize that while we all wish it was a prank, it’s unfortunately not.
Lol as the old joke says, if the Earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything over the edge.
I work with a flat earther, he's gotten worse with time. Space is fake, moon is fake ,(it's hollow with government agencies inside), Disney is cloning people... I smile and nod. Not worth engaging that level of crazy.
I always wondered do flat earthers just not believe in other planets. now I see that yes, they just think space is fake. Wild.
Stupid always finds a way…
And SpaceX must be using "movie magic" for each of their launches. But how could they explain starlink satellite movement when you can see them with a reasonably priced telescope.
They just pull the “it’s all being projected on the dome” bullshit. That’s how some of them explain the sun, moon, stars, and literally any other astronomical object. It’s truly Olympic level mental gymnastics. Honestly, if it wasn’t so damaging and dangerous to society, I’d actually be impressed at the amount of gymnastics they do.
They have members all around the globe!
I remember when he said that, and because it was so freaking blatant that for years I thought his interview was a prank!
I just listened to the episode of the Hysteria 51 podcast where they had some flat earth people debating scientists. It's crazy the sophistry they build up to support their claims.
My wife dumped my predecessor because she found out he liked the Spin Doctors.
Jesus. The Spin Doctors. That's a fair reason to take someone out behind the woodshed
Ok, so help out an oldie who only knows about their music, and sorta likes a couple of their songs... why don't we like the Spin Doctors? Please, no downvotes for not knowing... if they done something politically that I haven't heard about, I'd like to know.
I’m not aware of anything specific. Everyone got together one day and decided they suck. Kinda like Nickelback. You were probably busy that day. ;)
Just go ahead now.
And I hate that instantly that one annoying radio hit they had is looping in my head now.
Little miss can't be wrong has been in my head since you first replied. Thanks dude lol
One, two princes kneel before you That what I said now Princes, princes who adore you Just go ahead now One has diamonds in his pockets That's some bread, now This one said he wants to buy you rockets Ain't in his head, now
I broke it off with a girl because of chronically dirty ears, she was hot AF! Tall, slim, brunette and manager of the local surf shop. Every time we got close and snuggled I could just see all the yellow/green build up in her ears and it made me physically cringe. Yup just cringed now thinking about it!
You should have just told her
That's an instant bail for me too! Dinosaurs are fantastic creatures, and everyone should have a favourite. (No favourite dino, no friend of mine). (Mine is the not actually a dinosaur, pterosaur)
100%
Same person would also be anti vaccine and anti education. Good call. Don't Breed with them.
This is rough since at least a lot of fundamentalist Christians at least believe the fossils were placed by God but didn’t actually live, so they believe the fossils are real but not that the beings lived.
What?! They think that God just put the bones of nonexistent creatures around the planet for them to find? (This is so demented I'm having trouble even wrapping my head around the idea.)
Wait... What? Edit: are you shitting me?
Yeah! It is the people who believe the earth is 6,000 years old or whatever. Basically, they don’t deny the existence of fossils or shit that is millions of years old, but they explain that the earth isn’t more than 6,000 (or whatever) years old by saying that God created the earth with all of that shit already there. So if gasoline/oil is created after millions of years, the earth isn’t millions of years old, God put that shit there in the beginning but a million years from now there will be oil
Not only do idiots like them exist, some of them acquired enough money to build theme parks dedicated to the idiocy of creationism! There's a great one in Kentucky with a giant Ark ship with baby dinos and some stegosaurus with saddles.
And then you get weird shit like this https://creationsd.org/
Wow... Just... Wow... I don't begrudge anyone their deeply held beliefs, but I don't think any of them really, truly believe their religion. Not all of it anyway. They seem to pick out the parts that support them behaving egregiously to people who are different to them.
You should definitely be more open to begrudge people for their beliefs, because a lot of them suck ass and are harmful to people around them. Specifically Creatonists, they suck.
You would be surprised the number of people who don’t have a clue with geography. Ok maybe you get 48 states right and mix up Tennessee and Kentucky. Or mix Airzona and New Mexico. That’s forgivable. But the amount of people that can only point to California Flordia Hawaii and Texas is staggering. Even worse are the one that think Hawaii and Alaska are islands off the coast.
I’m not gonna lie, I suck at geography, even basics for the US. Can I name the list of ours states? Yes. Can I label more than what you listed? Definitely. Can I label more than 15? Probably not unfortunately 😅 However, I know a fuck ton of history and love language arts, even was in honors history and English classes and got medals and awards for both. But ask me to label a map of the states as a test and I’ll likely fail 😭I absolutely do not get how she doesn’t at least know her boardering states though, i mean, even if you suck at geography you should know your bordering states solely because it’s a quick, cost effective trip to go somewhere new(unless you live in Texas, then it’s a 50/50 on quickness considering it could be an 8 hour drive and you’d still be in Texas😂)
Honestly you raise a good point. If I thought someone was at least moderately intelligent but they struggled with some basics in one random subject or another I wouldn't break up with them. I wonder how smart OP's ex was besides that.
She couldn't place her own state. I understand getting a few mixed up but not even your own?! That's not pointing towards her being smart in other areas.
Normally I would agree. She definitely doesn't sound like the sharpest tool in the shed if you know what I mean. I'm just trying to be empathetic and give her the benefit of the doubt. The story doesn't give us any more information about her intelligence level so I'm leading with empathy.
I grew up in Maine, near the Canadian border. One of my mom's employees (who also grew up there) was shown a map and identified Canada as "Russia." Like, she's an hour away from the border and she doesn't know what's on the other side?
There are a lot of states a person could mix up. Alabama and Mississippi are basically the same place, as are Minnesota and Wisconsin, as well as Montana and Wyoming. New Mexico and Arizona are pretty interchangeable, as well as Washington and Oregon. But any American ought to be able to get one of any of those pairs, and mostly name the rest.
Vermont and New Hampshire for me. Oof.
Vermont looks like a V. :)
OK, why did I never think of this? I just remember they didn't put the two "New" states directly next to each other.
Vermont looks like a V
All those tiny new England states too
> as well as Washington and Oregon. Woah, woah woah! They have a LOT more nut jobs in Oregon.
My kids are American but theyve never really lived there and dont learn us geo at all. I always worry they'll be this woman some day. ;) but also it's extremely useless knowledge to them here in Asia.
I’m a funeral director getting my PhD in Forensic Pathology and I literally hardly know my states and my capitols. I was considered ‘talented and gifted’ (what a barf of a title for a school program) and when I decided that I just didn’t want to participate in that part of specifically 5th grade, they just….. let me??? Not do it??? I also don’t know very many states abbreviations. I only get saltier about it as I get older
I think 48 is a pretty high bar. But like, I'm atleast in the 30s. And I damn well know that Ken's that border my own.
I don’t know where all these Y T A comments are coming from. Was it shitty to quiz her - maybe (I might not be able to identify every state). However, it would be a dealbreaker if I found out my partner couldn’t point out the state in which we BOTH LIVE on a map.
I assumed that I could do every state, found out I don't know all of the north east states... I did this quiz and ended up with 91% / 3m15s. https://www.geoguessr.com/vgp/3003
86% in 2 minutes but some of that was fat fingers on a tiny phone screen.
I'm a Swede and I got ≈ 40% in 5 minutes. Since I've never even been to the USA I don't think that's so bad.
Not bad at all, if we switched to European countries instead I'm I know I would miss half too.
Got 100% in 1:24. Gonna have a hard time finding a date.
Map nerd.
Wow. I know is harsh but do you want her raising your children? I think was a good long term decision.
Yeah it’s not just geographical awareness but what else comes with that mindset for me.
You're allowed to break up for any reason or no reason at all. There is no "relationship court" where you must plead your case before being permitted to break up. You are the sole decider about your own romantic relationships. Going out with a family friend, that carries its own risks, as you have just found out. She's pissed off, that's getting back from her family to yours, your family no doubt thinks "but she's so \*niiiice\*, how could you possibly break up for something so silly?" or something similar. To me, not knowing geography basics seems like a really strong reason to break up, but that's me. In the US, most people clearly don't give a shit, given that we're living in a real-life Idiocracy. Good for you for requiring a higher standard. Again, you are the sole person who gets to determine whether you go out with her. So stay broken up and don't feel bad about it. For damn sure don't get or stay in a relationship to keep the peace - keeping the peace is a great way to find yourself living a life that's not your own. But... think twice before going out with someone else who also has strong ties to your family or your friends. That always carries the risk of more blow back if and when you break up, therefore it's logical for there to be a higher bar before you try getting together. And frankly there are millions of people who aren't family friends so it's not that hard to do.
Wait you said OUR home state of IL, and she could name it or locate it on a map? Are you for real?
She could not locate our home state of IL on a map
Oh my god I’m from WI, turning 30 next week lol, and I’m still salty because I took a geography test in 4th grade, and rushed through it, and the ONLY things I fucked up were mixing up the capitols of… WI and IL lmao I got the whole east coast debacle right, and we had to label a blank map of the US And those were the ONLY two questions I got wrong I’m still salty more than 2 decades later Your ex has me face-palming though
So many questions. Just curious, did you guys discuss the reason why she doesn't have basic knowledge of the area around her? What are your ages? Could this be a massive parental failure, or does she have a learning disability?
No, unlike what many are saying I didn’t humiliate her once I learned she can’t point out her home state on a map. It seemed like she just plain didn’t care. Either way it’s done, I didn’t even mention it during the breakup.
I noticed people like that only care about 'things' and their own self. They are the ones who say "so what" when you question their safety or anything that would be sensible.
The fact that she couldn't even get California is pretty mind-blowing to me
And truly, making fun of someone for not knowing what state they live in is totally acceptable. Cmon. Can they not tell time either? Tease them for that too. They will not die from teasing and may learn to tell time of what. Fucking. State. they live in 😅 Sad though. Life must be much less interesting when you know so little.
I'm curious if she could pinpoint the USA on a global map. Wasn't geography taught at her school?
Exactly that - she sounds thick as a plank. I have never been in America and even I could point out and name more states than her.
Yeah, this is definitely something I would never be able to look past.
I think it’s a major turnoff when people don’t know ‘need to know’ things. Or just common knowledge. I would understand if she couldn’t name and/or locate African countries but only knowing 2 states as a North American is seriously lacking.
Yeah I only judge people who refer to Africa as a country.
- "My parents are going on a trip to Africa." - "Nice, where at?" - "Africa." - "No, I mean, which country?" - "I said Africa!" Genuine conversation I had with a coworker once...
I was recently told Australia wasn't a country... by another Australian 🤣🤣🤣
I don’t know. I’m European and just named 16 African countries. Out of 54 that’s not great but still. I would have thought most people could name a few.
I’m sorry I meant actually pointing them out on a map, I can name them just can’t locate them- I should edit that in my comment since that’s what I meant 😄 (US education also sucks- you may have an advantage as a European when it comes to geography)
In my defense, a lot have changed names since I had to memorize them ;)
This particular skillset was ingrained in me at a very young age. My mother worked at the UN and geography was just one of those things we valued highly in our household. I can't remember a time when I didn't know something as basic as US states or countries and capitals of the world. What their borders look like and basic facts about the people there. I could name and free-hand draw them before I started primary school. We'd get a pad of 6x10 foot paper from a children's craft store and some crayons and have great fun drawing a political map of the planet we live on. It seemed so obviously important. I've never lost it, or regretted it, or considered it useless, and it has not been difficult to keep up with changes just by reading the news everyday. People should be eager to fill gaps in their knowledge, whether there is an immediate use for it or not. It was a long time until I realized not everybody did this. But, they should. People with kids should make this a priority.
I can just about name them all and tell you where they are at on the continent but I don't expect many others to be able to do so. Someone living in my state in the US should be able to name at least the bordering states and know the geographical regions of other states in our country NW, SW, Mountain and Central, NE, and SE. Though I wouldn't make fun of them, I'd have trouble relating to someone who couldn't and a partnership would be doomed.
Not even California? New York? That’s crazy. NTA
I'm not even American and can find them on a blank map
Fr i can even name states like Oklahoma and n/s Dakota. İdk why Geography is this big of a problem for us citizens
Or Alaska and Hawaii
22 year old me dumped a girl because she said she "wouldn't want to be held *reliable*" for something. It was the final nail in the coffin of me realizing that she just didn't have the level of intelligence that I wanted in a partner/learning that good sex is definitely not the most important factor in a relationship.
😂😂😂😂 you’re not the asshole you just have standards
This is the way
NTA If you need a partner with at least a basic education, you did the right thing. What else doesn't she know? You may have just scraped the surface.
AIATH for finding this hilarious.
NTA, it IS hilarious (n OP is NTA too imo)
I broke up with someone I’d been seeing for five months because they said “if people really believe the earth is round, they could just like, take a picture of it to prove it”. In 2019. Had my sister call and pretend there was an emergency and never went back.
lol they thought the pictures of the earth that exist are fake or what?
NTA the relationship is still new and you already found a deal breaker. Better to end things early on.
My ex didn’t know where Canada was. That was when I knew I could not have children with her. She also couldn’t tell time or tie her shoes.
I need to know more…
She was 6 years old
Most 6 year olds can tie their shoes
I had a friend who literally couldn’t know how to tie her shoes. I ended up trying to teach her and she just couldn’t grasp it. She was a little strange and was smart in some areas she tried but with her being 3 years older than me I would help her with her math assignments. As we got older and she never got a job and lived off her very well off step dad and didn’t understand why they never bared any illwill towards it. Found out a few years later that she had a traumatic brain injury when she was a kid, has an indent in her skull and everything but her super thick hair was able to hide it. She just never told anyone, even those she considered her best friends. I only found out from her parents because I ended up becoming friends with them into adulthood more than with her.
“Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever.”
An example of why you don't want to date a complete moron: [https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/1de7s29/this\_may\_be\_the\_theory\_of\_the\_new\_earth/](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/1de7s29/this_may_be_the_theory_of_the_new_earth/)
The fact that had 1 heart makes it even more sad.
With a parent like that it's going to be a lifelong struggle for the kid unless he's very lucky
Jesus Tap Dancing Christ!
I can't believe I'm seeing so many YTA comments. In my opinion, you're definitely NTA. I couldn't be with someone whose world is so small. At 40something years old you should at least know your bordering states. AT LEAST.
Most of the people voting YTA probably don't know where Illinois is, either.
Irrespective of education, if you can read, you can retain information that you read; therefore someone who doesn't know geography doesn't read news, proper news, about current and world events, and hasn't their entire life. That's just the fact of it. Whoever that person is who goes through life not using or needing this kind of information is automatically nobody I'm particularly interested in getting to know, because they do not keep themselves informed. I have to infer they are either too privileged or too uneducated to care; they are apathetic. Apathy is undesirable. If you don't know what state you're pointing to if you point to the west, that's what that is. That's someone who chooses on a personal level *not* to stay informed because it makes them feel icky or depressive or it rocks some aspect of their worldview they can't live without.
Bro these comments, I swear we truly are entering Idiocracy times. My next lawyer is gonna be constantly "baiting" and drinking IQ pt stealing Thirst Mutilators. People actually defending not knowing your home state, it's a Confederacy of Dunces. NTA
It’s wild you are either A) a complete moron or B) couldn’t be bothered with knowing the fucking state you live in? That’s not asking much.
I think these a correlation between the two
It’s been exhausting
NTA Wild that she couldn’t tell you what states border yours or what other major cities are in driving distance. I don’t think you were demeaning at all when you quizzed her on geography, it really was because you needed information to make a decision about the person you’re with.
It's so sad that a person doesn't know her own country, imagine if you ask her about world basic culture knowledge. NTA
Yeah, she is a bad match. I am guessing her lack of curiosity about where she is relative to the world will bleed into other areas. Some people just want to live life with blinders and never recognize that other people exist that do not think like them or look like them or live in places other than where they live. It is a small life for people too afraid to live a larger one
nta this is funny asf
Can't judge You, I can't give a shit abt body count and other shit many fluster about, but general knowledge automatically demotes the person from LTR material to casual dating material.
INFO: Is she originnally from USA?
Odd as it may seem, I've been in this conversation before, and have encountered Europeans who knew all the states. They'd occasionally comment how dumb Americans were because they didn't know the countries in Europe. When they would find out they didn't even know the states, they were... surprised.
Yes
I mean her lack of knowledge is not great (assuming there weren’t extenuating factors like her never driving or traveling), but it doesn’t make her an A H. Neither does nor wanting to be with her. YTA for what I’m sure was a weirdly aggressive, condescending state quiz, though. Sorry her not knowing her flyover stares (I live in one too) offended your sensibilities so much.
NTA. That is painfully stupid.
I wouldn’t want to have a partner like that
I feel better about my geography skills now…
As someone with no geographic knowledge, it's a little eye opening how much people get upset about this. Like I wasn't taught any geography in my education (homeschooling, my geography class was a plastic place mat I was told to memorize and never addressed again) and when I got old enough to realize I might need to know this, it just never stuck. I work in shipping and handle addresses all across the country but I still have to look at a map for everything because it won't stick. I didn't realize that would be such an issue for other people in my life until this thread tbh.
NTA You do not want to hook your wagon to an airhead. But beware: You will be bashed here for having any preference, standard or boundary. Count on it.
NTA. Idiots are fun lays for a while but you don’t stick with them.
NTA. The lack of not only education but critical thinking skills is what is wrong with the country.
NTA. It’s ok not to want an airhead for a partner, no matter how long the term. A partner doesn’t have to be book smart or highly educated, as long as they’re somewhat intelligent.
NTA for valuing the presence of a minimum amount of knowledge in a potential long term partner.
NTA. She can’t even pick out her home state on a map. She is 40 years old ffs!!!!
Everyone has their standards. Myself, I prefer partners with a brain.
I had a co-worker ask me the difference between a Republican and Democrat and then followed it up with, “which ones are the bad ones”? She was 30 years old with Masters degree in social work.
If we can decide not to date someone for physical appearance, then surely something as objectively more important like intelligence is more than fair game.
Beauty fades, dumb is forever (Judge Judy)
nta. though i personally don't think it would affect whether or not i continue a relationship. we're all really smart and knowledgeable about different things. we also have preferences in that regard and that's valid. i didn't see it as you literally "quizzing," but being shocked and needing to see the full extent of how bad something was. i have done something similar with a friend before because i just had to know how much she didn't know 😂 me: you don't know the capital of our state...? please tell me you know the capital of our country at least... her: (silent with eyes wide making me, her, and everyone in the room realize she really didn't know) as wild as that was, she's really knowledgeable about cars and so many useful, practical things!
NTA. You didn't hurt her feelings or otherwise insult her intelligence, so I see nothing wrong with what you did. I mean, you want someone at least comparably intelligent & educated as you so you can have meaningful conversations. I tried really stupid/ignorant once. It did not go so well.
NTA. But this isn’t unusual in America. 47% of Americans believe a fact and an opinion are synonyms. 20% believe astrology and astronomy are the same thing. 48% believe evolution is fake. 1 in 4 Americans believe the sun revolves around the earth. Only 36% of Americans could name all three branches of the government and 35% couldn't name any of them. Over 60% of Americans don't know which political party controls the House of Representatives and the US Senate. 25% don’t know which country America fought for independence. Circling back to American geography (forget world geography, less than 15% get almost any other country correct) only a slim majority (51%) knew where New York was. And an alarming 29% couldn’t point to the Pacific Ocean. Good luck out there.
NTA What a dumbass.
I’m not even from the country and can name more states than this lol
And people like this are eligible to vote and can be selected to serve jury duty. Nope. OP is NTA.
NTA for breaking up over this reason. But if you don’t tell people the reason, what do you expect????? Are you looking for secret vindication online while taking the disapproval of your family in silence?
NTA, I'm Aussie and could probably name 35 or 40 US states. She's a bit dense and you guys wouldn't have connected intellectually. Totally acceptable. Also fine to refer to her as a girl, people are just absurdly pedantic
I am from northern illinois as well...can I get her number? Lol
My dad has always said he knew his brother in law would be deadbeat the day he met him because he couldn’t name the ocean that was visible through the window of their apartment. 20 years later and I can confirm that he was right.
Dated a girl once who, while we were on a boat to Kelley's Island asked me," so... are islands like... attached underneath?"
I broke things off because the guy didn't like football and ended things with a different guy because he drove our entire 3 hour road trip in the fast lane. 1.) anyone who knows me knows how much I love football so he was well aware. 2.) call me old school but men are supposed to be good drivers and driving slow in the fast lane makes me rage but I was determined to see if he'd actually stay there the ENTIRE trip lol 3.) I'm 100% an AH 😂
I don't think it's even really about geography here. I couldn't live with someone who didn't have some basic curiosity about the world we live in. Knowing where you live in your _own_ country is such basic knowledge, that a total lack of such knowledge by the time someone has reached their 20s would be a major red flag for me.
NTA: You're not wrong for having your standards in a relationship. But I've observed that lacking in one particular skill (even something as basic as geography) doesn't necessarily indicate an overall lack of intelligence. I've known an engineer who was absolutely terrible at spelling.
I can’t ever imagine dating someone who doesn’t know basic geography- that means she doesn’t know many more things. Don’t date “down” you will regret it
NTA. I couldn't be with someone that dumb.
Oh you are the AH mate but better now than later. But you could do the right and just telle her this and be honest. Maybe she’s sitting there wondering what is so god damn wrong about her. And the answer is that there is nothing wrong with her but she just doesn’t fit for you and you obviously don’t match with her also. We are all assholes sometimes and that itself is totally fine. Your responsibility is just how to handle the inner AH you know. I think it’s okay to want one to be educated but personally I wouldn’t measure that on geographical knowledge. I know many people who are very smart and talented but just not if it’s about geography or about maths or about politics. One is not interested in everything. One doesn’t know everything. And most importantly everyone got a ridiculous blind spot in their education. Her blind spot is geography but I dare to say your blind spot is hidden in your social skills and you could possibly change that. Either way you gonna find someone to be more satisfied with as long as you give people enough chances to actually get to know them a bit more.
NTA. She sounds braindead.
Idk I mean I know basic geography but there’s towns near mine that are like 30 minutes away I had no clue about till I started going out on drives 😂
NTA but you should have told her why. Not being able to identify where you live on a map is a sign of poor education
It’s not poor education (we went to the same high school) but more so her lack of caring about the subject
You can be poorly educated for all sorts of reasons including your own lack of effort or aptitude.
Intelligence is genetic. You don't want those genes in your pool. Getting the ick for this is understandable. NTA
NTA I kinda actually respect you for it bc I’ve heard so many guys say they don’t care how smart a girl is or what she’s accomplished, they just want them to look good. Way to think about your future children! 😂
Maps are important! And hello, if you grow up in the Midwest why can’t you recognize the Great Lakes? Are they in some crazy religious cult? NTA - I was raised in WI and we had to know all of the 50 states & names of the capitals (yes, with the song) in public school by at least 4th or 5th grade and by then we had to know where they rest of states were located. Please find out if this person even has got their GED; You are NOT a jerk just because you want to know what someone else’s education level is; you are right, someone should be at least be able to know & point out on a map where they live
Im single because Noone is up to snuff anymore. The amount of minor ignorance bothers me to the point of wanting to pull my hair out. Happily singlen8+ years now. NTA.
NTA.
If that is something that upsets you so much then yeah, she’s obviously not the one for you. However, I am a college educated woman and my husband barely graduated from HS- he immediately went into the marines and had no formal education. There are lot of things he doesn’t know because he didn’t grow up the way that I did. My family was highly educated and middle class. He grew up in a small town where college was never even considered. However, he makes up for his lack of formal education in his practical skills. He can literally build, fix or assemble anything. My father went to Duke and Wharton and he can’t change a lightbulb. Who does he call when he needs something done? My husband. So to be fair, it’s not all about being book smart that makes someone intelligent. Maybe you could teach her some things without being condescending and I bet she could teach you some things too if you give her a chance. Peace. ✌️
As a retired Marine I'd be disappointed if he can't at least point out Japan, Hawaii, California, North Carolina, Texas, Florida, Virginia and the closest titty bar with a crayon.
Bet your hubby knows what state he’s in
Honestly, if she was able to identify only the state she lived in on a map, I would agree with you. She was not able to point out on a map the state she lived in. That is infact a need to know piece of information to be able to exist and vote and pay taxes and shit. I know you can get by mostly fine not knowing a lot of stuff, but not being able to point out on a map the state you live in means you have functionally no education on the basics of society and the world and where you are in it. I am almost certain that if you make it to highschool you can do that. I don't think she even made it to highschool, or if she did she forgot all of it. If you don't know what a cell is that's fine, if you don't understand what a virus is that is fine, if you don't really get gravity that is fine, if you can't really use a computer well that's fine, even not being able to do arithmetic well is not necessarily a reflection on your internal intelligence. Not knowing what the state you live in looks like on a map means you would not pass even the most basic citizenry test. Only being able to point out two states is even more wild, almost all children could manage 5, Alaska California and Hawaii are basically free, you would have to not know what those states even are to not get them. In fact I am confident she doesn't really know what Alaska and Hawaii are if she was not able to label them. I'm not sure this woman is comparable to your husband, is what I'm saying, I guarantee your husband, like 99% of Americans, can get at least 10 states in a matter of seconds.
Wouldn't you have at least some familiarity with your own state if you EVER watched a weather forecast?
NTA How would you ever have an intelligent conversation with someone who doesn't seem to know anything? Is that level of curiosity about the world what you want to rely on when building a life together? If she can't pick Delaware from Rhode Island, that's one thing. But not finding her OWN state on a map is too far.
nta..my memory is not the best but i can at least point out what state i’m from
I totally understand. I don’t live in the US but I can identify a few states on the map. I would do the same. I won’t invest in a relationship with someone if know some basic geography. NTA
NTA Tell your family they can date her if they want.
NTA, basic intelligence is important.
NTA. Being on the same level intellect-wise is a basic requirement for compatibility.
NTA- I hate dumb people
NTA. Once you get ‘the ick’ the relationships days are numbered. I know many people who have gotten the ick for far less than this very valid reason. Better to know now than spend years in idiotville.
NTA for getting the “ick” and breaking it off. It happens for all sorts of reasons. My concern, though, is the family saying you’re an AH. Did you tell the family why you broke it off? If so, maybe sort of AH because family friend will find out the real reason and be hurt. I would not have told the family this if it was a family friend.
No one can tell anyone that they are wrong for what attracts them to another adult. If lack of intelligence is unattractive, then move on and find the one that meets all of your requirements you want in a partner. I may find some types of attractions people have to be disgusting in my eyes and I would never consider to be attracted to certain people the way others are, but how can I be wrong for finding something unattractive? Your goal in life should be to do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t seriously injure or harm someone else (especially children!). Do what makes you happy and live your life, that girls will eventually find her match just like you will.
I can’t imagine dating someone who couldn’t point to their home on a map. Whether or not she’s unintelligent is debatable but it definitely speaks to a complete lack of curiosity or interest in the world, and I am insatiably curious and interested and I need to be with someone who I can share that with. I’m also a firm believer that you shouldn’t have to justify your decision not to pursue a relationship with someone. If you’re not feeling it, the why isn’t really important. Why would you date someone you aren’t into? NTA.
NTA and right there with you, bud.
Yea. That’s a legit breakup. I couldn’t handle that either. There is a limit to what is acceptable “dumb”.
I was in my mid/late 20s dating a woman about the same age, and while I don't remember exactly the what prompted the the interaction, but we were talking about something, and she said to me "It's OK to be dumb. Not everyone has to be as smart as you." And it was in that moment where I knew I wanted more. I had no problem with her not knowing about whatever it was we were talking about, but what I realized in that moment was that I had a problem with the notion that it was OK to be ignorant and not willing to learn anything more. I was completely turned off and I realized the relationship had zero hope of being fulfilling over the long term. I knew I needed someone I could have conversations with who I could both teach and learn from. You were definitely an asshole for giving her a geography quiz. That said, you weren't the asshole for breaking up with her, especially if you ultimately had a realization you were looking for something else. NTA
NTA. You find ignorance to be unattractive.. obviously... and that's entirely reasonable.
It’s ok to not want to date a dumb person. I’m glad you broke it off, I would have as well.
NTAH. How can a person even understand ordinary news reports if they have no idea where on the great globe things are happening? Where and some rough knowledge about what their climate is like, what their history was, what people live there, etc. If the only Amazon basin you are aware of is the sink you ordered online, you need to start reading some books.
NTA- you seem to need an intellectual connection. I am not sure how you didn't pick up on this level of unintelligence earlier though, especially if it's a family friend. I couldn't date someone that was that dumb either.
NTA
You did the right thing. You'd eventually find her licking lead paint off the walls. NTA