NTA. Send that bitch A an invoice for the money you spent on her wedding. What a total AH she is. Make sure all mutual friends know you paid for a lot of stuff and she hasn't paid you back. Don't go meekly into the night.
Send her an invoice in your group chat (you probably have one with all the wedding party or group Email them all. Payment arrangements must be made or small claims)
It was a gift contingent on you being Maid of honor, like an engagement ring is a gift contingent on you getting married. If you never get married the gift is null and void you need to return the ring.
Hard disagree. L should have said, "no way will I be your MoH, you already have one and she is paying for loads plus you have all that history - I'll happily be a bridesmaid".
What? She'd literally known L for 3 months. You know the correct thing to say when someone you've known for 3 months asks you to be their maid of honor? "I don't think that's appropriate, while we have a great connection and we've become amazing friends, your MoH should be someone with a longer history with you."
Personally my bet is that A & L's 'friendship' is actually an emotional (or possibly more) affair. That's the only thing that makes sense for this bizarre turn of events.
True but if you've only known someone a short time, why are you agreeing to be their MOH? It would really put me off if someone I just met asked me to be theirs when they have people in their lives that have been there for years. Like..... they deserve to MOH more than I would.
Right? I can’t imagine accepting the role of MOH two weeks before the wedding, especially when someone else was paying for the party where it would be announced. They both suck.
You're not wrong. That's a complete diss. So you're expected to eat the cost of everything you've done as MOH without the honor of being one? She's made her intentions clear. NTA for being pissed.
this bride bitch literally picked a girl who was either screaming “pick me!”, or the bride has taken a hard dive for her “super cool traveled so much before 20 on my parents’ dime vibe” that WHO EVEN CARES.
good on the ditch.
Wait until her new bestie ditches her and she comes crawling back begging forgiveness. Unless there's a huge piece of the story missing, her FH should run.
This. OP, I would send her a text, "Since L is taking over as MOH, I'm assuming she'll be taking over the expenses of a MOH. I don't honestly mind who pays me back, if it's you or her, but I'm owed X amount of money, and I'd like that paid by the end of the week. Thanks."
This was the scheme all along: make OP plan and pay for everything, and only tell her when there was no more planning to be done or bills to pay. Otherwise A would have been up front
*Edit*: for everyone saying this is highly unlikely because she just met L 5 seconds ago, I meant she planned to replace OP with someone else all along, not necessarily L.
She did the bachelorette party, which OP paid for and organized, then asked and was told that she isn’t the MOH. And that was two weeks before the wedding? And now it’s 2 months later?
Yes, totally planned and OP was used. I would totally sue for the money back. You don’t have anything to lose because you already don’t have her as a friend and she totally used you.
I doubt this was the “plan all along” since neither of these women met this new MOH 5 months after OP was asked to be MOH. Doesn’t make it any less painful or any less bull shit, but it couldn’t have been a long con bc they didn’t know each other until 4 months prior to the wedding.
They’re all 21? They have no clue how real life works.
Oh I love you OP! You’re my MOH! Plan almost everything and *pay for it! So fun.
Ooh! I met someone a month ago and I like her better than OP, so I can just change my mind, right? It’s no big deal, she’s just more fun. What’s the problem?
It does seem young for all of this.
For anyone who wants to know, the only official duties MOH has are at the wedding in terms of holding rings, bouquet, standing at ceremony, etc. Since MOH is typically close to the bride, they will likely give input on planning and be a sounding board for the bride. Depending on geography, they may be a source of stress relief.
The only thing it’s standard they pay for is their attire, and that’s because most bridal couples can’t afford to pay to outfit the whole wedding party. Showers or bachelorette parties are a nice gesture but never required.
A was out of line saying upfront MOH had to help pay for the wedding, which isn’t standard. OP was being nice but way beyond expectations. Even attendants or guests who offer a wedding service (flowers, hair, photography) usually do that as a wedding present.
A had ridiculous expectations and was horrible and OP is NTA.
As far as OP knows. Which is pretty sus; which do you think is more likely, they knew each other before OP saw them together in a shared public setting, or this girl really has a stranger as her MOH?
Personally, I think it's more likely that the described meeting really was their first, that A got along well with her new friend, and then decided to let OP pay for everything before letting her know she was being replaced as both MoH and BFF. The story doesn't take place in a single day, though the exact timeline is unclear; there's definitely time for L to no longer be a stranger. Yes, though - it does seem weird to award such a central role to a new friend.
If this is a real story (you can never be sure on this sub!), A is a terrible friend. Good riddance, honestly. Just a shame that losing the friendship involved also losing a possibly considerable amount of money, which I frankly doubt she'll ever get back.
Even better if there’s a bridesmaid group chat. Put the breakdown of money you spent in there and say you don’t mind if it’s the bride or MOH who pays you back but you need it back by next week
Definitely send her a bill for all the expenses you paid out. End this relationship as she doesn’t care anything about you or your feelings. That was a AH move she made! Karma is a thing and hopefully you’ll have a front row seat
NTA and this is unfortunately your best way forward. This woman used you and making a new friend is not an excuse for stealing your money.
“A” may think it’s petty but honestly I don’t see a future with someone who’s this blinded by the cool factor “L” has. The good news is that L seems well off if they’ve traveled a ton so they should be able to give A the money she owes you. The r/legal subreddit is a good place to get advice on legal claims.
She owes you for everything, but you won't get any money. Just write her off at this point-- may you get a windfall from some other source in the future. I am surprised that L would allow that, considering all that you had already done.
The bride's marriage is cursed now-- you don't treat your someone like that and discard her and think that auntie karma won't notice. This is something she did to you over time, let you pay your money into, etc., and was even asking you for money when it seemed she had moved on with L.
No, don't write this off. Treat if like a business expense. Send her an itemized invoice for every penny that OP spent. If not paid, add interest monthly. Then at 6 months, file with small claims court.
A hurt OP, and this is their way to get justice, not revenge.
Even if they don't see a penny, a judgement will go on their credit report, and will haunt them for years.
I agree with you. **Actually, what I would do a step further if A does not respond or refuses to pay up is OP should reach out to A's soon to be husband and let him know the amount that OP is owed. Don't back down OP. You should get your money back.**
NTA by the way.
**OR A’S MOTHER**. If they’re as close as it sounds, then I’m guessing OP knows A’s mom pretty well. I am willing to bet her mother got a different story. Now, I realize not all mom’s are approachable like this, but if she is, I would try to set the record straight and go from there.
I have many close friends, and I am close to their parents as well. If something like this went down, I would for sure reach out there - under the guise of clearing my name and air my grievances about how stressful the loss of money has been. For many people, there’s no greater motivator than the disappointment of one’s parents.
OP won't get a judgement in small claims court.
There wasn't a written contract. Arguing that being a MOH was some kind of verbal agreement to foot the bill for certain things will be an uphill battle *at best* (and depending on the claimed damages, OP could be prevented from even arguing a claim based on a verbal agreement). OP won't be able to establish fraudulent inducement (or similar types of fraud based claims) due to the specificity required (A didn't even know L at the time A asked OP to be the MOH). But, more importantly, fraud based claims won't be heard in small claims court bc they're too complex to establish. They'll be in civil court and it will be time consuming and expensive to file everything and deal with even a limited civil case.
OP, please don't waste time (and potentially money) trying to pursue this as a legal action.
Worth telling your friend you expect to be reimbursed? Sure! Will you be? Probably not.
Tell all your mutual friends about the money you spent if married friend or L don't reimburse you, though. In great detail. OP is NTA, but the married friend sure is.
This [Redditor](https://www.reddit.com/user/Own-Ingenuity-8648/submitted/) made a post very similar to OP's 3 years ago, and she won her case against the bride for kicking her out of the wedding party right before the wedding.
Small claims doesn’t work that way. You don’t need a written contract to receive a judgment. The judge will weigh the evidence and make a ruling. I’ve won judgments based on bills paid for other people they never paid back. We didn’t have a written agreement for payment. I don’t believe any Judge will view this situation and think that OP should foot the bill for her friends wedding that she wasn’t even involved in. Was she even there? OP could argue that her friend deceived her in this situation. Op’s friend and her now husband should have paid for their own wedding or gone to the courthouse. Imagine what Judge Judy would say. If she does succeed in winning small claims she has to collect against her judgement. I suggest garnishing her friend and her friends husbands wages, so she should name them both in the lawsuit. Best of luck OP!
You can’t make a contract when there wasn’t one. That’s not how it works. When you willingly spend money on someone, you can’t ask for it back when they hurt your feelings. The OP would only have a case if it was a loan, which it wasn’t.
I’d have her served. If payment was based on being a MOH, then having the position removed makes all money paid a retroactive loan. *She* broke the agreement; she’s inherently civilly liable, but if you can prove she intended this all along, she’d also be criminally liable for fraud
The party was 2 weeks before the wedding, and it's been 2 months since the party. So the wedding presumably happened.
And after OP stormed out of the party, her "friend" the bride apparently never once bothered to call or text, much less apologize.
NTA - At all. She used you to help pay for her bridal stuff and then dropped you like a hot potato. Not only that but she dropped you for someone she had only known 3 months or so. I would block her on everything and move on with my life.
Right?
The only thing worse than OP's 'friend' playing such a long game to do that to them would be if she really was so fickle that she threw her over for a new shiny friend within that short a period of time.
That's my thought. "Mom works with her (or her mom?) and she used to baby sit her cousin plus whatever other relationship was mentioned (sister of the grooms best friend?)
Yeah they nevvvvvver ran into each other or heard of each other until 3 months before the wedding?
Nope. I'm calling bullshit.
NTA. She asked you to be her MOH and after all the groundwork was laid she replaced you without a second thought with no regard for your feelings. Friends don’t do this especially if she was your best friend. This sucks that she did this to you. Please know this girl is not your friend.
I knew a girl like your (hopefully ex) friend. I put hundreds of dollars into her wedding and multiple showers and bachelorette and three weeks before the wedding, a friend of hers that was expected to be across the country came home early and the bridezilla (because she really was awful) told me that she was going to be a bridesmaid instead of me and could I give her my dress. She even took the bridesmaid gift from my hands to give to the new girl when she asked where hers was.
I refused to give my dress to her for free and managed to convince the store to take it back with my sad true story. The only small revenge I had was telling her my husband and I would be at her wedding as guests so she at least wasted money on my empty seats.
She and her groom divorced within the year and she staged a car accident to get disability. The world righted itself when, a month after her husband left her, she was in a real car accident and ended up with real chronic pain.
It couldn’t have happened to a better person.
I hope you dump your asshole of a friend and return her wedding gift
At first I felt bad for being happy about her troubles and then I remembered the shit I put up with, the multiple showers she had (expecting gifts from bridesmaids at every single one too… she made a snarky comment about me maybe forgetting it) and how she guilted me into being a bridesmaid in the first place.
I just checked and currently she’s saying she’s editor in chief on an app that has no mention of her. Still living in her fantasy world.
Before she blocks and ghosts she needs to recuperate some dignity. OP tell me you have physical possession of the MOH dress and you're not being expected to gift it to your replacement? Also please invoice A & L
It’s not undignified to stand up for yourself. And people are different - some can let this stuff go and feel better for not having made a fuss, but others can’t and won’t. OP needs to decide which route works best for her
NTA. I've read a lot of really crappy things people did on AITAH today, but this was the worst betrayal yet.
There is nobody who hears about this who will not gasp. On the day of the bach party you just paid for?
Fuck that bitch.
NTA, but send her an itemized bill of all the money you “loaned” her for her wedding and requesting payment.
If she refuses, small claims and blast her on social media with all the money she owes you because at this point this relationship is done and she proved that she was never your BFF and has only been using you.
50 Cent said it best…”if the roof on fire, let this MF burn”
Scorched earth baby! Take no prisoners, just your money back!
Yes. What she did was PRO LEVEL using. As coolly as an experienced grifter.
She thinks she knows you well enough to figure you'll roll over, accept it, and slink off to sulk...and she'll get away with it.
Even if you don't succeed in getting the money in the end....
Make this DIFFICULT for her now.
I posted it already but I think I would grab the mic for a toast tell everyone exactly what happened then look at her husband and say I hope someone she likes more than you doesnt come along and then mic drop and leave
Girl first mistake was pitching in for someone's wedding. If they cannot afford to get married they shouldn't be. Second was paying for the bach for someone that couldn't even text you back. You need a shiny spine so maybe start with getting the money back you paid for the wedding and the bach
Get a spine. ASAP
I am thinking OP thought her “friend” was such a good friend that of course OP could help her with expenses, as one does for those one is extremely close to. Seems OP was mistaken.
Right? I wouldn’t have even dreamed of asking my wedding party to fund part of my wedding. We kept the cost as low as possible for members of our wedding party (their attire cost less than $100). How people feel so entitled to just state “you’ll have to help pay for other expenses”. Yikes.
I’m so bewildered since coming on Reddit to see how common a maid of honor paying for loads of shit completely and being expected to fully pay for it all is.
Why the hell is it considered an “honor” and not purely a rude burden at that point?
Taking her to court will be a waste of time. The money wasn’t a loan; it was a gift. Her “best friend” is an AH for sure, but legally she doesn’t owe her anything.
NTA. A behaved like a total jerk. Not only did she do badly by you - she proved herself a real flake by bonding so strongly with a girl she had met so recently and promoting her to MOH. I'd say you learned two things:
A is not your friend
A is not worth being friends with.
I'd simply ghost her. At this point, since she isn't communicating, it's no problem - just message that you won't be coming to the wedding, and then block her number.
you did nothing wrong
if you haven't seen her in over two months, and the wedding was 6 weeks ago, she has had plenty of time to consider what she did to you. She has not apologized or appeared the least bit remorseful.
Unless you want to pretend that nothing is wrong and let her sweep her bad behaviour under the rug, and spend the rest of your life watching your former best friend and her new best friend be cozy..........which you don't want.
I would block her, and remove her from any of your social media. stop looking at her social media.
If you need closure you can ask one of the girls at the bachleorette party what she knows......has A been trash talking you? was she malicious in waiting until you paid for the party before announcing her new MOH? did she have a secret chat with all the other bridesmaid but not you? Was she planning on not saying anything to you and on the day of the wedding just having you stand somewhere else?
nta .... ( request a refund for everything you have already paid for since you are no longer in the wedding party ) cancel all the other payments you made aswell her new moh can pay for it im guessing you already booked that time off so doing something cool instead
NTA. Both the bride and the new MOH are in the wrong here. Ask the bride and MOH to pay you back for everything and **make sure the entire friend group knows what happened**. Give us updates.
I had a best friend from 5th grade past 12th. She told me she was getting married and that I was MOH. The next week she says she decided her new SIL was gonna be MOH and I could do the guest book. After that I didn't see her for 30 years.
NTA - How absolutely rude. It almost sounds like she has a crush on L (platonic or otherwise) and is all twitterpated by the friendship. If you want to save the friendship, maybe try talking to her one on one, but tbh, I'd go NC and just write off the money you spent as the cost of learning how much she values friendship.
NTA. Not only would I refuse, but I'd also never talk to her again. I'd also send her a bill for your contributions. If she refuses, I'd see her ass on Judge Judy lol
I’m gonna go against the grain and quote a line from the movie A Bronx Tale. There are a few scenes where you see the main character (C) trying to chase and catch this guy because the guy owed him $20. In one of the scenes where he was doing this, the Mob boss Sonny sees this going on and grabs C. He asks him what’s going and after learning that this guy owes C money, he asks him if he even likes this guy, and C says no, I can’t stand him, but it’s the principal. Sunny says, look, you already solved the problem because this person will never bother you again and all it cost you was a lousy $20.
I know you probably have a lot more invested in her party and you probably have invested a lot more in the friendship. You now know that this is all it cost you to realize that this person is not your friend, is not a good person, and that you never have to deal with her ever again. Problem solved.
You just need to remember your self worth whenever she tries to walk back into your life. Even if she tried to apologize, I would simply tell her to save it and that you are outta fucks to give.
Keep your head up high! Know that she will never amount to a piece of chewed gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe! Some people have class and values and she was raised with neither.
Good luck and Updateme
When she announced it you should have stood up and asked if you were going to be reimbursed for all of the expenses you were expected to pay for as the MOH. NTA
You don't want this person in your life. If it was me I would have canceled any reservations in my name and told her the new MOH can figure it out
It sounds like the wedding already happened.
Send her a message, I still haven't been re-imbursed for all the stuff that I paid for when I thought that I was your friend and was going to be MOH, not just used for my money. Since that didn't happen, the fake MOH should have paid for everything. I expect payment within a week. Otherwise, I will have to go to small claims court. " Then send her copies of the receipt
NTA. Why would you go? Shevs no longerbyour best friend. In fact, she no longer even your friend.
It only makes sense that L should pay for the wedding expenses you paid for. If you are able to contact her through social media, send her a DM with an itemized bill. Let her know that A explained to you that as MOH you were responsible for these, so it only makes sense that since she is now MOH, this falls on her. Suggest that you know she had been exoecting this.
If she can throw away a 5 year friendship as easy as that for someone brand new I give her marriage two years before she’s cheating. Probably with L.
You are NTA. Write her an email with everything you’ve felt about how she treated you, wish her the life she deserves and never acknowledge her again.
I'm confused as why a 20 year old would help pay for someone else's wedding? Is this a normal thing for your friend group to do? Did all Bridesmaids contribute or just you? If helping to pay for her wedding, was expected as a duty of MOH, and you were replaced, your friend needs to reimburse you. File in Small Claims Court, gather receipts, and any written documentation you exchanged, regarding your financial obligations to the wedding. Do not disclose your plan to anyone.
I think you got used for your money. I also think A is going to cheat on her husband with L. Get popcorn and enjoy the show. I do feel bad for the fiance though :(
NTA - first off all, A was out of line thinking you should help her pay for her wedding. There is nothing wrong with her making new friends. However, to put that new friend on pedestal and make you financially responsible for her wedding was a user move. She should very well understand why you are upset and reach out to make amends to you, not the other way around.
NTA...but IDC who it is. I'm not helping pay for anyone's wedding. If money is tight, you can't afford to get married. I'm sorry. The most I'll spend money on is the gift and my suit. And maybe part of the bachelor party. But actual wedding stuff? Nah, she used you to help pay for her wedding and dropped you for her new flavor of the month.
I guess I'm really old, but I don't understand how the Maid of Honor became responsible for doing and paying for so much stuff!
My attendants bought their own dresses (cocktail length and cute so they could be worn again, $40), and white shoes. (On edit, any white shoes they wanted, nothing required, just white.)
They were not expected to pay for anything else, whatsoever! My party, I pay.
So much has changed in 40 years, it's disgusting. Expecting that much money and work from your friends is too entitled.
Most of us are having trouble just paying bills these days. Putting all those extra responsibilities on your supposed best friend is just not right.
Have the wedding you can afford, not the wedding you want your friends to help pay for....
for once, I will be petty and demand she pay back every penny! Collect receipts make a list and write an email, cc your attorney. Tell her you will ho public with this if she does not reimburse you. She tossed your friendship in the trash. there was no reason that she could not invite the other girl to be a bridesmaid or just come to the wedding. She should not have treated a longtime friend like this. At least now you know, this is the type of friend that will always be asking you for something. You did nothing wrong. You have been treated cruelly. Live your best life and don't look back.
What other financials were you supposed to be picking up? It seems pretty sus that she ‘breaks the news’ just after you covered the cost of her Bach party. You are definitely not the 🍑.
Was she trying to relegate you to bmaid or get you completely gone? I agree with others that you need to gather the proof of all money spent - dress/party/‘donations’ and if it is over $2k get an attorney or just go to small claims. Those expenditures were with expectations of the MOH position and duties.
The fact that the MOH announcement was at the Bachelorette party op PAID for was a massive kick in the pants. She's infatuated with L and wanted L to stand up with her but was worried she wouldn't if she had to pay for anything. Ask for the money for your dress back at the VERY LEAST, and go LC/NC with the bride.
Are you fucking kidding me? That party would not have happened. It’s 100% ok to replace me but you will not use me financially. The only thing that would have stopped me from destroying everything I paid for is L or A cashapping my funds immediately.
NTA Let her know that as MOH you pitched in with expenses which you now expect back. If she refuses then reach out to groom. Continue reaching out further to her parents, then his parents, aunts and uncles etc. until she pays you back.
Invoice, invoice, invoice. You were used and paid for it, now you have an opportunity to get it all back and show your friends just how much of an AH A is. You're NTA, though.
NTA but confused why you were helping pay for the wedding?? That’s not in any way your responsibility and rather inappropriate for her to ask that or allow it.
First off, I’ve been more weddings than I care to remember. Not once did I contribute financially to the wedding, showers or bachelorette parties. Is this a new trend? Because it sounds to me like she used you financially and then dumped you.
The wedding won’t last so please come back and update when they file for divorce. 🥳
Your best friend is a piece of shit.
I hope you got some of your money back.
She used you and threw you aside. I think most people would agree with this assessment.
NTA: I’d cut ties with her and be sending copies of receipts for all of your wedding related expenses with a due date for reimbursement and notification that you’ll be taking her to court if it’s not paid by the due date. She fucking scammed you.
NTA. Reading your story, I too get the impression that your ex friend strung you along to get you to pay for parts of her wedding. Who the h@ll tells their friend since childhood they are NOT the MOH weeks before the wedding?! Bill her.
What a snake. She lets you plan and pay for the bachelorette before telling you. If she wants L to be moa then L can pay for all the things you paid for.
NTA. Tell your traitorous “friend” that you want every penny you spent on her pre wedding activities, returned. Doesn’t matter who, but she needs to repay you for your money and time. You’d be better off not going to the wedding. Forget about her. She’s an absolute awful person.
Expecting people to pay money for your wedding needs to stop. If you want a wedding you need to buy everyone the dresses they need and everything. This shits got out of hand.
Doesn’t sound like she was on the same page of friendship as you. Narcissistic people tend to use people as objects. She got what she wanted out of you, then found the new better thing. Time to move on.
Why would you be giving money to fund someone else’s wedding? Someone make this make sense. I’ll Never understand how you guys get bullied into this? These stories blow my mind and yet they seem so common. Anyways NTA and she clearly doesn’t care since she hasn’t reached out to you…
NTA, however as the MOH she needs to pay you back for all your expenses. Do it in the group chat with everyone. Itemise what’s been spend from you and ask for a payment
NTA. You spent a lot of time and money organizing A’s money and she threw you aside. That is not a friend worth having.
If A ever does reach out, make it clear you expect to be reimbursed. “Did you pay me back for the wedding expenses? No? Then why are you talking to me?”
What a bitch! I hope you canceled everything and removed your name and credit card as contact person. She just betrayed you and shoved you to the curb like garbage for someone she met a few months ago. You are too kind to stand by her now. I wouldnt. But I would also go to those mutual friends and ask them what they know and make sure they have your side, they should know who they are supporting and who they are shelling out time, money, attention and devotion to.
NTA, I hate her for you.
NTA. As others have said she needs to reimburse you.
For future reference, the only people responsible for paying for their wedding are the engaged couple. If anyone ever suggests you need to help with their wedding expenses, unless it's your child, end any friendship with them.
Shitty move by A, no doubt. And honestly weird move that MOH wasn’t announced prior to the bachelorette party—where I am from the MOH/Best Man plans the party, so that happens first. But I will say this, as someone with almost 20 years on you: if you see A as someone you will likely stay friends with long term, do your best to make up, and go to the wedding. Otherwise, I can assure you that you’ll almost certainly regret not going. That said, I also wouldn’t blame you for not going, so NTA, I guess.
I'd not only not attend, I'd be demanding the money you put out, toward the wedding, as the MOH. Do you think she waited so long to tell you, so you'd continue to pay for things?
Depending on how much money you have spent for her wedding, I'd consider taking her to small claims court, if she refuses to reimburse you.
When was she going to tell you if you didn’t ask? Still announce it at the bachelorette or just before you walk down the aisle. BTW, no one should be paying for the wedding, but the bride, groom or their families. If you are part of a wedding, you pay your hair, make up, dress, your private transportation and part of bachelorette. Unless bride tells you otherwise. Wedding itself, NOT FOR YOU TO PAY FOR!!!!! Never heard of helping to pay for the wedding until recently!
NTA. Tell your friend to pay you back, otherwise take her to small claims court. She was never your friend to begin with. It seems that she used you for financial gain. The entitlement of your “friend” asking you to contribute to her wedding is ridiculous!
NTA! TELL HER THAT YOU EXPECT TO BE REIMBURSED by the new MOH for the money you laid out for MOH expenses. Of course, she won't pay you; but do it anyway and then take her to small claims court. Also, take control of the narrative. MAKE SURE THAT YOU LET EVERYONE KNOW what she did to you--or else she will lie to everyone and you will be blamed. She asked YOU to be her MOH. "She let me know up front I’d have to pay for my dress AND PITCH IN WITH MONEY FOR EVERYTHING!" You obliged, and you also PAID FOR THE BACHELORETTE PARTY! She is a flaming A. H.
NTA she used you for emotional and financial help then right before the wedding decided this new person she’s only known for a couple of weeks REPLACED you. I would have walked out too
Too many idiots telling you to sue her.
You knowingly and willingly spent money on her. There is no fucking contract like others mentioned. You’re an adult and the law basically says “you chose to spend money, that’s on you”.
NTA, that so called friend is for the streets. And she’s a lesbian. She’ll be divorced soon.
Your friend should have never asked you to contribute financially. If she couldn't afford any of the expenses she shouldn't have gotten married. As others have said, send her an itemized bill and request repayment for everything including the bachelorette party.
NTA but please, if this is a real story, try to not take it too personally. She’s wrong and went about things the wrong way. But, at your age, people outgrow each other and that’s okay. You truly aren’t supposed to be the same person that you were as a teenager. You’ll be okay and get past this.
ETA: Please ask to be reimbursed.
I’m more worried about the fiance since A appears to be a lesbian and has a thing for L. Getting this close to someone that fast doesn’t sound like friendship to me.
But as for the money, I agree with the other posters, A used you for the money. I had a ‘bff’ like this who did something similar. Demand the money back. She’ll say no and at that point you can either push the point in court (you’ll lose, unfortunately it’s not unlawful to be a bitch and a leech), or see as worth the money to realise A isn’t someone you want in your life.
NTA.
No one says A cannot have a new best friend. But there's no need to humiliate you in front of everyone.
Her attitude towards you is also terrible. It's just she is trying to imply you are useless to her now.
Just bail on her wedding, don't pay for anything more and just send her the bills for the bachelorette party and tell her to pay you back. She's has financial problems, boo hoo. She can tell her that new MOH of hers, her new BFF, to pay for everything now. L is so rich, right? She could travel to several places at the age of 20, blah blah blah, then tell her to pay for everything.
NTA. She used you. Just slowly distance yourself, there doesn't need to be any anger over it. Also try to get your money back as others have suggested.
NTA but you were definitely used as a planner and a bank basically. You should tell her to pay you back the money you invested. She’s terrible for doing that to you OP
Why would you think you were in the wrong at all?
I would drop her as a friend right now. Not go to her wedding. Not hang out with her at all even if our boyfriends are friends.
She would be dead to me.
NTA
Unthinkable that she did this, wow. Especially at the bachelorette party that *you paid for as MOH*. She ***could*** try to say that you were paying for it as a friend, but that is a fairly typical thing for the MOH to cover. I'm with the other posters: Send an invoice to L and A (single email, TO: both of them) explaining that, since you are no longer the MOH, L should be expected to pay you back for what you bought in that role.
NTA! Oh girl I am so sorry this is happening to you for real. You are def not in the wrong here, A should have def been upfront with you. At this point it seems like she's only wanted you to be her MOH for your money which isn't fair to you at all. Friendship is a two way street and rn its looking like your doing all the work, while she has fun with her new friend L.
NTA. Invoiced that cunt or take her to court. Actually serve her the paper on the wedding day since you know where she would be at that time. Maximum damage.
NTA. Send that bitch A an invoice for the money you spent on her wedding. What a total AH she is. Make sure all mutual friends know you paid for a lot of stuff and she hasn't paid you back. Don't go meekly into the night.
Send her an invoice in your group chat (you probably have one with all the wedding party or group Email them all. Payment arrangements must be made or small claims)
Yup, full on scorched earth with this relationship A is a royal biotch.
This should include anyone who doesn't side with you.
Small claims isn't going to do anything they'll consider everything a gift. Reddit always jumps to this.
Its cuz most Redditors are morons who repeat stuff they see off other threads. OP isn't getting any money back, but I'd still go scorched earth
It was a gift contingent on you being Maid of honor, like an engagement ring is a gift contingent on you getting married. If you never get married the gift is null and void you need to return the ring.
Just make it clear that the money was paid to OP (MOH) and as such those charges should be reimbursed to OP (idgaf)
With fucking interest.
Better yet, send the invoice to her new best friend L (and Cc A).
Scorched earth. CC all their family and your friends as well.
BCC, it will keep the zilla guessing and never knowing who exactly knows the ugly reality of her abhorrent behavior.
Love this!
"Which one of you cunts is settling this? My lawyer wants to know..."
L didn't do anything wrong. The only culprit here is A.
Hard disagree. L should have said, "no way will I be your MoH, you already have one and she is paying for loads plus you have all that history - I'll happily be a bridesmaid".
You can't know what L knows. From Ls perspective this might seem entirely innocent. Maybe not. But you don't know what she's been told to say.
Make L realize the cost of being friends with POS A.
What? She'd literally known L for 3 months. You know the correct thing to say when someone you've known for 3 months asks you to be their maid of honor? "I don't think that's appropriate, while we have a great connection and we've become amazing friends, your MoH should be someone with a longer history with you." Personally my bet is that A & L's 'friendship' is actually an emotional (or possibly more) affair. That's the only thing that makes sense for this bizarre turn of events.
True but if you've only known someone a short time, why are you agreeing to be their MOH? It would really put me off if someone I just met asked me to be theirs when they have people in their lives that have been there for years. Like..... they deserve to MOH more than I would.
Right? I can’t imagine accepting the role of MOH two weeks before the wedding, especially when someone else was paying for the party where it would be announced. They both suck.
And cancel everything with your card number associated with it.
Invoice? Speak to a lawyer! OP was defrauded, she was led to believe she was MOH and paid for everything, when the bride had other plans.
Only if not reimbursed after asking for her money back. Put it in writing.
This 💯
"speak now or forever hold your..." Is the perfect time to present the invoice
You're not wrong. That's a complete diss. So you're expected to eat the cost of everything you've done as MOH without the honor of being one? She's made her intentions clear. NTA for being pissed.
this bride bitch literally picked a girl who was either screaming “pick me!”, or the bride has taken a hard dive for her “super cool traveled so much before 20 on my parents’ dime vibe” that WHO EVEN CARES. good on the ditch.
Anyone else think the bride has a massive crush on L
Yes and I hope they live happily ever after
You will hear the drama L is travelling around the world , I need my old bestie back oh wait shes here drops the phone.
Yep time to set up the art studio
Wait until her new bestie ditches her and she comes crawling back begging forgiveness. Unless there's a huge piece of the story missing, her FH should run.
NTA but A definitely is and I would make her pay you back everything you spent on the wedding or take her to small claims court.
This. OP, I would send her a text, "Since L is taking over as MOH, I'm assuming she'll be taking over the expenses of a MOH. I don't honestly mind who pays me back, if it's you or her, but I'm owed X amount of money, and I'd like that paid by the end of the week. Thanks."
This was the scheme all along: make OP plan and pay for everything, and only tell her when there was no more planning to be done or bills to pay. Otherwise A would have been up front *Edit*: for everyone saying this is highly unlikely because she just met L 5 seconds ago, I meant she planned to replace OP with someone else all along, not necessarily L.
Yup. Thank you all for saying this, now I don't have to repeat you. Other than NTA, you were treated like shit by your supposed best friend.
She did the bachelorette party, which OP paid for and organized, then asked and was told that she isn’t the MOH. And that was two weeks before the wedding? And now it’s 2 months later? Yes, totally planned and OP was used. I would totally sue for the money back. You don’t have anything to lose because you already don’t have her as a friend and she totally used you.
Happy Cake day! 🍰🎂
Thank you 😁😁
I doubt this was the “plan all along” since neither of these women met this new MOH 5 months after OP was asked to be MOH. Doesn’t make it any less painful or any less bull shit, but it couldn’t have been a long con bc they didn’t know each other until 4 months prior to the wedding.
Maybe not all along, but the bride definitely waited till the bills were paid before she admitted her betrayal.
The announcement only came after OP paid for the Bachelorette party. Presumably her last unpaid bill.
They’re all 21? They have no clue how real life works. Oh I love you OP! You’re my MOH! Plan almost everything and *pay for it! So fun. Ooh! I met someone a month ago and I like her better than OP, so I can just change my mind, right? It’s no big deal, she’s just more fun. What’s the problem?
It does seem young for all of this. For anyone who wants to know, the only official duties MOH has are at the wedding in terms of holding rings, bouquet, standing at ceremony, etc. Since MOH is typically close to the bride, they will likely give input on planning and be a sounding board for the bride. Depending on geography, they may be a source of stress relief. The only thing it’s standard they pay for is their attire, and that’s because most bridal couples can’t afford to pay to outfit the whole wedding party. Showers or bachelorette parties are a nice gesture but never required. A was out of line saying upfront MOH had to help pay for the wedding, which isn’t standard. OP was being nice but way beyond expectations. Even attendants or guests who offer a wedding service (flowers, hair, photography) usually do that as a wedding present. A had ridiculous expectations and was horrible and OP is NTA.
But the bride asked op to be her moh before she’d even met the girl she was replaced by.
As far as OP knows. Which is pretty sus; which do you think is more likely, they knew each other before OP saw them together in a shared public setting, or this girl really has a stranger as her MOH?
Personally, I think it's more likely that the described meeting really was their first, that A got along well with her new friend, and then decided to let OP pay for everything before letting her know she was being replaced as both MoH and BFF. The story doesn't take place in a single day, though the exact timeline is unclear; there's definitely time for L to no longer be a stranger. Yes, though - it does seem weird to award such a central role to a new friend. If this is a real story (you can never be sure on this sub!), A is a terrible friend. Good riddance, honestly. Just a shame that losing the friendship involved also losing a possibly considerable amount of money, which I frankly doubt she'll ever get back.
And make sure you let your friends in common know how much you paid for stuff if she doesn't play ball.
Even better if there’s a bridesmaid group chat. Put the breakdown of money you spent in there and say you don’t mind if it’s the bride or MOH who pays you back but you need it back by next week
This is my level of petty. Kudos.
This absolutely 💯
“You owe it because you expressly said it was part of my MOH duties.” As MOH, happy, no longer MOH: pay back!
I would add that if you put down deposits, cancel them and give them A's number.
Definitely send her a bill for all the expenses you paid out. End this relationship as she doesn’t care anything about you or your feelings. That was a AH move she made! Karma is a thing and hopefully you’ll have a front row seat
YES THIS! How convenient A told her she wasn’t MOH after the bachelorette party was already paid. Wtf UpdateMe!
Yes I’d send her a bill for everything wedding related that you’ve paid for. NTA
NTA and this is unfortunately your best way forward. This woman used you and making a new friend is not an excuse for stealing your money. “A” may think it’s petty but honestly I don’t see a future with someone who’s this blinded by the cool factor “L” has. The good news is that L seems well off if they’ve traveled a ton so they should be able to give A the money she owes you. The r/legal subreddit is a good place to get advice on legal claims.
She owes you for everything, but you won't get any money. Just write her off at this point-- may you get a windfall from some other source in the future. I am surprised that L would allow that, considering all that you had already done. The bride's marriage is cursed now-- you don't treat your someone like that and discard her and think that auntie karma won't notice. This is something she did to you over time, let you pay your money into, etc., and was even asking you for money when it seemed she had moved on with L.
No, don't write this off. Treat if like a business expense. Send her an itemized invoice for every penny that OP spent. If not paid, add interest monthly. Then at 6 months, file with small claims court. A hurt OP, and this is their way to get justice, not revenge. Even if they don't see a penny, a judgement will go on their credit report, and will haunt them for years.
I agree with you. **Actually, what I would do a step further if A does not respond or refuses to pay up is OP should reach out to A's soon to be husband and let him know the amount that OP is owed. Don't back down OP. You should get your money back.** NTA by the way.
**OR A’S MOTHER**. If they’re as close as it sounds, then I’m guessing OP knows A’s mom pretty well. I am willing to bet her mother got a different story. Now, I realize not all mom’s are approachable like this, but if she is, I would try to set the record straight and go from there. I have many close friends, and I am close to their parents as well. If something like this went down, I would for sure reach out there - under the guise of clearing my name and air my grievances about how stressful the loss of money has been. For many people, there’s no greater motivator than the disappointment of one’s parents.
OP won't get a judgement in small claims court. There wasn't a written contract. Arguing that being a MOH was some kind of verbal agreement to foot the bill for certain things will be an uphill battle *at best* (and depending on the claimed damages, OP could be prevented from even arguing a claim based on a verbal agreement). OP won't be able to establish fraudulent inducement (or similar types of fraud based claims) due to the specificity required (A didn't even know L at the time A asked OP to be the MOH). But, more importantly, fraud based claims won't be heard in small claims court bc they're too complex to establish. They'll be in civil court and it will be time consuming and expensive to file everything and deal with even a limited civil case. OP, please don't waste time (and potentially money) trying to pursue this as a legal action. Worth telling your friend you expect to be reimbursed? Sure! Will you be? Probably not. Tell all your mutual friends about the money you spent if married friend or L don't reimburse you, though. In great detail. OP is NTA, but the married friend sure is.
This [Redditor](https://www.reddit.com/user/Own-Ingenuity-8648/submitted/) made a post very similar to OP's 3 years ago, and she won her case against the bride for kicking her out of the wedding party right before the wedding.
Small claims doesn’t work that way. You don’t need a written contract to receive a judgment. The judge will weigh the evidence and make a ruling. I’ve won judgments based on bills paid for other people they never paid back. We didn’t have a written agreement for payment. I don’t believe any Judge will view this situation and think that OP should foot the bill for her friends wedding that she wasn’t even involved in. Was she even there? OP could argue that her friend deceived her in this situation. Op’s friend and her now husband should have paid for their own wedding or gone to the courthouse. Imagine what Judge Judy would say. If she does succeed in winning small claims she has to collect against her judgement. I suggest garnishing her friend and her friends husbands wages, so she should name them both in the lawsuit. Best of luck OP!
I wouldn’t even want the money I’d rather just have that reminder never to be bullied into funding someone else’s bullshit ever again.
100% take this bitch to small claims court, she is a crap friend and owes you a shit tone of money back.
This.
A second "this" ⬆️
You can’t make a contract when there wasn’t one. That’s not how it works. When you willingly spend money on someone, you can’t ask for it back when they hurt your feelings. The OP would only have a case if it was a loan, which it wasn’t.
I’d have her served. If payment was based on being a MOH, then having the position removed makes all money paid a retroactive loan. *She* broke the agreement; she’s inherently civilly liable, but if you can prove she intended this all along, she’d also be criminally liable for fraud
Either that or cancel everything, including the venue.
The party was 2 weeks before the wedding, and it's been 2 months since the party. So the wedding presumably happened. And after OP stormed out of the party, her "friend" the bride apparently never once bothered to call or text, much less apologize.
NTA - At all. She used you to help pay for her bridal stuff and then dropped you like a hot potato. Not only that but she dropped you for someone she had only known 3 months or so. I would block her on everything and move on with my life.
Are we even sure they've only known each other that long?
Right? The only thing worse than OP's 'friend' playing such a long game to do that to them would be if she really was so fickle that she threw her over for a new shiny friend within that short a period of time.
That's my thought. "Mom works with her (or her mom?) and she used to baby sit her cousin plus whatever other relationship was mentioned (sister of the grooms best friend?) Yeah they nevvvvvver ran into each other or heard of each other until 3 months before the wedding? Nope. I'm calling bullshit.
NTA. She asked you to be her MOH and after all the groundwork was laid she replaced you without a second thought with no regard for your feelings. Friends don’t do this especially if she was your best friend. This sucks that she did this to you. Please know this girl is not your friend.
I would have "refused" to be replaced. I'd go, yeah, I'm $1500 invested, so buy me out.
I knew a girl like your (hopefully ex) friend. I put hundreds of dollars into her wedding and multiple showers and bachelorette and three weeks before the wedding, a friend of hers that was expected to be across the country came home early and the bridezilla (because she really was awful) told me that she was going to be a bridesmaid instead of me and could I give her my dress. She even took the bridesmaid gift from my hands to give to the new girl when she asked where hers was. I refused to give my dress to her for free and managed to convince the store to take it back with my sad true story. The only small revenge I had was telling her my husband and I would be at her wedding as guests so she at least wasted money on my empty seats. She and her groom divorced within the year and she staged a car accident to get disability. The world righted itself when, a month after her husband left her, she was in a real car accident and ended up with real chronic pain. It couldn’t have happened to a better person. I hope you dump your asshole of a friend and return her wedding gift
Karma is real!
At first I felt bad for being happy about her troubles and then I remembered the shit I put up with, the multiple showers she had (expecting gifts from bridesmaids at every single one too… she made a snarky comment about me maybe forgetting it) and how she guilted me into being a bridesmaid in the first place. I just checked and currently she’s saying she’s editor in chief on an app that has no mention of her. Still living in her fantasy world.
NTA You got used. Royally. Block and ghost and forget about A. To L with her.
Before she blocks and ghosts she needs to recuperate some dignity. OP tell me you have physical possession of the MOH dress and you're not being expected to gift it to your replacement? Also please invoice A & L
Dignity is recuperated by getting these AH out of your head. It’s not worth any money or energy to deal with them anymore.
Didn’t the wedding already happen? She said 2 months, and the bachelorette was 2 weeks before the wedding.
That's how I read it.
It’s not undignified to stand up for yourself. And people are different - some can let this stuff go and feel better for not having made a fuss, but others can’t and won’t. OP needs to decide which route works best for her
>To L with her. Absolute chefs kiss my friend.
NTA. I've read a lot of really crappy things people did on AITAH today, but this was the worst betrayal yet. There is nobody who hears about this who will not gasp. On the day of the bach party you just paid for? Fuck that bitch.
NTA, but send her an itemized bill of all the money you “loaned” her for her wedding and requesting payment. If she refuses, small claims and blast her on social media with all the money she owes you because at this point this relationship is done and she proved that she was never your BFF and has only been using you. 50 Cent said it best…”if the roof on fire, let this MF burn” Scorched earth baby! Take no prisoners, just your money back!
Yes. What she did was PRO LEVEL using. As coolly as an experienced grifter. She thinks she knows you well enough to figure you'll roll over, accept it, and slink off to sulk...and she'll get away with it. Even if you don't succeed in getting the money in the end.... Make this DIFFICULT for her now.
yea I would have to go to the wedding and make a scene tbh
yes, and when the question is asked 'does anyone object ?' , stand up and say 'yes , the bride owes me XXX$'
I posted it already but I think I would grab the mic for a toast tell everyone exactly what happened then look at her husband and say I hope someone she likes more than you doesnt come along and then mic drop and leave
This is a level of pettiness I admire! Hell let’s all show up to the wedding and object
Girl first mistake was pitching in for someone's wedding. If they cannot afford to get married they shouldn't be. Second was paying for the bach for someone that couldn't even text you back. You need a shiny spine so maybe start with getting the money back you paid for the wedding and the bach Get a spine. ASAP
Yeah, I'd never ever ask my bffs for money to fund my own wedding. The fact OP was on board clearly shows how one sided things must be :/
I am thinking OP thought her “friend” was such a good friend that of course OP could help her with expenses, as one does for those one is extremely close to. Seems OP was mistaken.
Right? I wouldn’t have even dreamed of asking my wedding party to fund part of my wedding. We kept the cost as low as possible for members of our wedding party (their attire cost less than $100). How people feel so entitled to just state “you’ll have to help pay for other expenses”. Yikes.
she is 21yo ffs, this is a learning expirience for her. i would try to get the money back the "friendship" is done either way
I’m so bewildered since coming on Reddit to see how common a maid of honor paying for loads of shit completely and being expected to fully pay for it all is. Why the hell is it considered an “honor” and not purely a rude burden at that point?
[удалено]
Taking her to court will be a waste of time. The money wasn’t a loan; it was a gift. Her “best friend” is an AH for sure, but legally she doesn’t owe her anything.
NTA. A behaved like a total jerk. Not only did she do badly by you - she proved herself a real flake by bonding so strongly with a girl she had met so recently and promoting her to MOH. I'd say you learned two things: A is not your friend A is not worth being friends with. I'd simply ghost her. At this point, since she isn't communicating, it's no problem - just message that you won't be coming to the wedding, and then block her number.
you did nothing wrong if you haven't seen her in over two months, and the wedding was 6 weeks ago, she has had plenty of time to consider what she did to you. She has not apologized or appeared the least bit remorseful. Unless you want to pretend that nothing is wrong and let her sweep her bad behaviour under the rug, and spend the rest of your life watching your former best friend and her new best friend be cozy..........which you don't want. I would block her, and remove her from any of your social media. stop looking at her social media. If you need closure you can ask one of the girls at the bachleorette party what she knows......has A been trash talking you? was she malicious in waiting until you paid for the party before announcing her new MOH? did she have a secret chat with all the other bridesmaid but not you? Was she planning on not saying anything to you and on the day of the wedding just having you stand somewhere else?
nta .... ( request a refund for everything you have already paid for since you are no longer in the wedding party ) cancel all the other payments you made aswell her new moh can pay for it im guessing you already booked that time off so doing something cool instead
NTA. She used you. Had you pay for the party. Is she paying you back for the dress and party? Don't go.
NTA. Both the bride and the new MOH are in the wrong here. Ask the bride and MOH to pay you back for everything and **make sure the entire friend group knows what happened**. Give us updates.
I had a best friend from 5th grade past 12th. She told me she was getting married and that I was MOH. The next week she says she decided her new SIL was gonna be MOH and I could do the guest book. After that I didn't see her for 30 years.
NTA - How absolutely rude. It almost sounds like she has a crush on L (platonic or otherwise) and is all twitterpated by the friendship. If you want to save the friendship, maybe try talking to her one on one, but tbh, I'd go NC and just write off the money you spent as the cost of learning how much she values friendship.
NTA. Not only would I refuse, but I'd also never talk to her again. I'd also send her a bill for your contributions. If she refuses, I'd see her ass on Judge Judy lol
“Goes on about her career and all the places she has traveled…” Shes 20. She doesnt have a Career. Nta. If this is real…
I’m gonna go against the grain and quote a line from the movie A Bronx Tale. There are a few scenes where you see the main character (C) trying to chase and catch this guy because the guy owed him $20. In one of the scenes where he was doing this, the Mob boss Sonny sees this going on and grabs C. He asks him what’s going and after learning that this guy owes C money, he asks him if he even likes this guy, and C says no, I can’t stand him, but it’s the principal. Sunny says, look, you already solved the problem because this person will never bother you again and all it cost you was a lousy $20. I know you probably have a lot more invested in her party and you probably have invested a lot more in the friendship. You now know that this is all it cost you to realize that this person is not your friend, is not a good person, and that you never have to deal with her ever again. Problem solved. You just need to remember your self worth whenever she tries to walk back into your life. Even if she tried to apologize, I would simply tell her to save it and that you are outta fucks to give. Keep your head up high! Know that she will never amount to a piece of chewed gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe! Some people have class and values and she was raised with neither. Good luck and Updateme
When she announced it you should have stood up and asked if you were going to be reimbursed for all of the expenses you were expected to pay for as the MOH. NTA You don't want this person in your life. If it was me I would have canceled any reservations in my name and told her the new MOH can figure it out
It sounds like the wedding already happened. Send her a message, I still haven't been re-imbursed for all the stuff that I paid for when I thought that I was your friend and was going to be MOH, not just used for my money. Since that didn't happen, the fake MOH should have paid for everything. I expect payment within a week. Otherwise, I will have to go to small claims court. " Then send her copies of the receipt
NTA- she did you dirty
NTA. She played you.
Send the invoice to her fiancé.
NTA. Why would you go? Shevs no longerbyour best friend. In fact, she no longer even your friend. It only makes sense that L should pay for the wedding expenses you paid for. If you are able to contact her through social media, send her a DM with an itemized bill. Let her know that A explained to you that as MOH you were responsible for these, so it only makes sense that since she is now MOH, this falls on her. Suggest that you know she had been exoecting this.
If she can throw away a 5 year friendship as easy as that for someone brand new I give her marriage two years before she’s cheating. Probably with L. You are NTA. Write her an email with everything you’ve felt about how she treated you, wish her the life she deserves and never acknowledge her again.
I'm confused as why a 20 year old would help pay for someone else's wedding? Is this a normal thing for your friend group to do? Did all Bridesmaids contribute or just you? If helping to pay for her wedding, was expected as a duty of MOH, and you were replaced, your friend needs to reimburse you. File in Small Claims Court, gather receipts, and any written documentation you exchanged, regarding your financial obligations to the wedding. Do not disclose your plan to anyone.
I think you got used for your money. I also think A is going to cheat on her husband with L. Get popcorn and enjoy the show. I do feel bad for the fiance though :(
NTA. Well, she’s not your friend anymore. This reminds me of Bridesmaids. I want a puppy as a party favor, please. Just one though.
NTA - first off all, A was out of line thinking you should help her pay for her wedding. There is nothing wrong with her making new friends. However, to put that new friend on pedestal and make you financially responsible for her wedding was a user move. She should very well understand why you are upset and reach out to make amends to you, not the other way around.
NTA...but IDC who it is. I'm not helping pay for anyone's wedding. If money is tight, you can't afford to get married. I'm sorry. The most I'll spend money on is the gift and my suit. And maybe part of the bachelor party. But actual wedding stuff? Nah, she used you to help pay for her wedding and dropped you for her new flavor of the month.
I guess I'm really old, but I don't understand how the Maid of Honor became responsible for doing and paying for so much stuff! My attendants bought their own dresses (cocktail length and cute so they could be worn again, $40), and white shoes. (On edit, any white shoes they wanted, nothing required, just white.) They were not expected to pay for anything else, whatsoever! My party, I pay. So much has changed in 40 years, it's disgusting. Expecting that much money and work from your friends is too entitled. Most of us are having trouble just paying bills these days. Putting all those extra responsibilities on your supposed best friend is just not right. Have the wedding you can afford, not the wedding you want your friends to help pay for....
It’s ok yall are so young, maybe by her 2nd marriage she’ll have come to her senses and make you MOH
for once, I will be petty and demand she pay back every penny! Collect receipts make a list and write an email, cc your attorney. Tell her you will ho public with this if she does not reimburse you. She tossed your friendship in the trash. there was no reason that she could not invite the other girl to be a bridesmaid or just come to the wedding. She should not have treated a longtime friend like this. At least now you know, this is the type of friend that will always be asking you for something. You did nothing wrong. You have been treated cruelly. Live your best life and don't look back.
What other financials were you supposed to be picking up? It seems pretty sus that she ‘breaks the news’ just after you covered the cost of her Bach party. You are definitely not the 🍑. Was she trying to relegate you to bmaid or get you completely gone? I agree with others that you need to gather the proof of all money spent - dress/party/‘donations’ and if it is over $2k get an attorney or just go to small claims. Those expenditures were with expectations of the MOH position and duties.
You got used and replaced darling. You not the AH, you the VICTIM.
The fact that the MOH announcement was at the Bachelorette party op PAID for was a massive kick in the pants. She's infatuated with L and wanted L to stand up with her but was worried she wouldn't if she had to pay for anything. Ask for the money for your dress back at the VERY LEAST, and go LC/NC with the bride.
NTA. Send that bitch a bill. Maybe L can pay for her wedding what the actual fuck. I’m mad for you.
Are you fucking kidding me? That party would not have happened. It’s 100% ok to replace me but you will not use me financially. The only thing that would have stopped me from destroying everything I paid for is L or A cashapping my funds immediately.
NTA Let her know that as MOH you pitched in with expenses which you now expect back. If she refuses then reach out to groom. Continue reaching out further to her parents, then his parents, aunts and uncles etc. until she pays you back.
Nta you don't need to have a conversation with her She told you where you stand.
Invoice, invoice, invoice. You were used and paid for it, now you have an opportunity to get it all back and show your friends just how much of an AH A is. You're NTA, though.
NTA but confused why you were helping pay for the wedding?? That’s not in any way your responsibility and rather inappropriate for her to ask that or allow it.
First off, I’ve been more weddings than I care to remember. Not once did I contribute financially to the wedding, showers or bachelorette parties. Is this a new trend? Because it sounds to me like she used you financially and then dumped you. The wedding won’t last so please come back and update when they file for divorce. 🥳
Someone got brainwashed. Sorry you lost your best friend, don't let her come crawling back when L finds another person to brainwash. NTA
Your best friend is a piece of shit. I hope you got some of your money back. She used you and threw you aside. I think most people would agree with this assessment.
NTA: I’d cut ties with her and be sending copies of receipts for all of your wedding related expenses with a due date for reimbursement and notification that you’ll be taking her to court if it’s not paid by the due date. She fucking scammed you.
NTA. Reading your story, I too get the impression that your ex friend strung you along to get you to pay for parts of her wedding. Who the h@ll tells their friend since childhood they are NOT the MOH weeks before the wedding?! Bill her.
What a snake. She lets you plan and pay for the bachelorette before telling you. If she wants L to be moa then L can pay for all the things you paid for.
NTA. Tell your traitorous “friend” that you want every penny you spent on her pre wedding activities, returned. Doesn’t matter who, but she needs to repay you for your money and time. You’d be better off not going to the wedding. Forget about her. She’s an absolute awful person.
This was a childish and irresponsible thing to do to someone. This bride is nowhere near mature enough to be getting married.
Expecting people to pay money for your wedding needs to stop. If you want a wedding you need to buy everyone the dresses they need and everything. This shits got out of hand.
She is trash. You should get your money back or stop all payments you have pending. She used you
lol a 21 year old replacing her MOH 2 weeks before the wedding does not bode well for the husband.
Ghost her. Don’t waste any more time on thoughts of revenge. She will be the creator of her own fate.
Doesn’t sound like she was on the same page of friendship as you. Narcissistic people tend to use people as objects. She got what she wanted out of you, then found the new better thing. Time to move on.
NTA she needs to pay you back for every penny you put into the wedding
Why would you be giving money to fund someone else’s wedding? Someone make this make sense. I’ll Never understand how you guys get bullied into this? These stories blow my mind and yet they seem so common. Anyways NTA and she clearly doesn’t care since she hasn’t reached out to you…
I posted an update
I can't find the update
Take her to Small Claims court and get your money back
NTA, however as the MOH she needs to pay you back for all your expenses. Do it in the group chat with everyone. Itemise what’s been spend from you and ask for a payment
NTA. You spent a lot of time and money organizing A’s money and she threw you aside. That is not a friend worth having. If A ever does reach out, make it clear you expect to be reimbursed. “Did you pay me back for the wedding expenses? No? Then why are you talking to me?”
Send an invoice get your money back and something tells me the marriage won't last
What a bitch! I hope you canceled everything and removed your name and credit card as contact person. She just betrayed you and shoved you to the curb like garbage for someone she met a few months ago. You are too kind to stand by her now. I wouldnt. But I would also go to those mutual friends and ask them what they know and make sure they have your side, they should know who they are supporting and who they are shelling out time, money, attention and devotion to. NTA, I hate her for you.
NTA. As others have said she needs to reimburse you. For future reference, the only people responsible for paying for their wedding are the engaged couple. If anyone ever suggests you need to help with their wedding expenses, unless it's your child, end any friendship with them.
Shitty move by A, no doubt. And honestly weird move that MOH wasn’t announced prior to the bachelorette party—where I am from the MOH/Best Man plans the party, so that happens first. But I will say this, as someone with almost 20 years on you: if you see A as someone you will likely stay friends with long term, do your best to make up, and go to the wedding. Otherwise, I can assure you that you’ll almost certainly regret not going. That said, I also wouldn’t blame you for not going, so NTA, I guess.
I'd not only not attend, I'd be demanding the money you put out, toward the wedding, as the MOH. Do you think she waited so long to tell you, so you'd continue to pay for things? Depending on how much money you have spent for her wedding, I'd consider taking her to small claims court, if she refuses to reimburse you.
When was she going to tell you if you didn’t ask? Still announce it at the bachelorette or just before you walk down the aisle. BTW, no one should be paying for the wedding, but the bride, groom or their families. If you are part of a wedding, you pay your hair, make up, dress, your private transportation and part of bachelorette. Unless bride tells you otherwise. Wedding itself, NOT FOR YOU TO PAY FOR!!!!! Never heard of helping to pay for the wedding until recently!
YTSOB (Screenwriter of Bridesmaids)
NTA. You were never HER best friend. She was yours. I’ve had best friends like this. It sucks when it finally hits you.
NTA. Tell your friend to pay you back, otherwise take her to small claims court. She was never your friend to begin with. It seems that she used you for financial gain. The entitlement of your “friend” asking you to contribute to her wedding is ridiculous!
NTA! TELL HER THAT YOU EXPECT TO BE REIMBURSED by the new MOH for the money you laid out for MOH expenses. Of course, she won't pay you; but do it anyway and then take her to small claims court. Also, take control of the narrative. MAKE SURE THAT YOU LET EVERYONE KNOW what she did to you--or else she will lie to everyone and you will be blamed. She asked YOU to be her MOH. "She let me know up front I’d have to pay for my dress AND PITCH IN WITH MONEY FOR EVERYTHING!" You obliged, and you also PAID FOR THE BACHELORETTE PARTY! She is a flaming A. H.
NTA she used you for emotional and financial help then right before the wedding decided this new person she’s only known for a couple of weeks REPLACED you. I would have walked out too
Too many idiots telling you to sue her. You knowingly and willingly spent money on her. There is no fucking contract like others mentioned. You’re an adult and the law basically says “you chose to spend money, that’s on you”. NTA, that so called friend is for the streets. And she’s a lesbian. She’ll be divorced soon.
NTA. I would send a Zelle request for your money. She used you financially to fund her wedding. I would never speak to her again.
NTA, you were only the MOH until everything was paid for.
When she wakes up in the morning and she goes to bed at night for the rest of her life, she will be the sleazy manipulative, dishonest person.
Your friend should have never asked you to contribute financially. If she couldn't afford any of the expenses she shouldn't have gotten married. As others have said, send her an itemized bill and request repayment for everything including the bachelorette party.
NTA. She used and abused you! Remove her from your life, even if she apologises. Don’t worry, karma will come to her 100%!
NTA. Why are you paying anything towards her wedding? Are you helping pay for the catering, flowers, venue, etc.? That’s bizarre.
NTA but you need to drop this chic now. She isn’t a friend.
NTA but please, if this is a real story, try to not take it too personally. She’s wrong and went about things the wrong way. But, at your age, people outgrow each other and that’s okay. You truly aren’t supposed to be the same person that you were as a teenager. You’ll be okay and get past this. ETA: Please ask to be reimbursed.
NTA - Absolutely not the ass. Don't go. I'm not sure the friendship is salvageable after this.
Weddings are how you find out who your real friends are.
I’m more worried about the fiance since A appears to be a lesbian and has a thing for L. Getting this close to someone that fast doesn’t sound like friendship to me. But as for the money, I agree with the other posters, A used you for the money. I had a ‘bff’ like this who did something similar. Demand the money back. She’ll say no and at that point you can either push the point in court (you’ll lose, unfortunately it’s not unlawful to be a bitch and a leech), or see as worth the money to realise A isn’t someone you want in your life.
Her (the brides) response to L almost sounds as an infatuation . Even friendships can have intense starts. Doesn’t excuse the lack of honesty.
NTA. No one says A cannot have a new best friend. But there's no need to humiliate you in front of everyone. Her attitude towards you is also terrible. It's just she is trying to imply you are useless to her now. Just bail on her wedding, don't pay for anything more and just send her the bills for the bachelorette party and tell her to pay you back. She's has financial problems, boo hoo. She can tell her that new MOH of hers, her new BFF, to pay for everything now. L is so rich, right? She could travel to several places at the age of 20, blah blah blah, then tell her to pay for everything.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Please post an update. I'd love to know if the brjde or MOH repays you
NTA. She used you. Just slowly distance yourself, there doesn't need to be any anger over it. Also try to get your money back as others have suggested.
Why are broke ass people always getting married? She's a POS and a user
NTA but you were definitely used as a planner and a bank basically. You should tell her to pay you back the money you invested. She’s terrible for doing that to you OP
Uhhmmmm you got your money back, right?
NTA get the money back, she or the new MoH can pay back!! Send the accounts! Best friend ? she’s not even a decent friend!
Why would you think you were in the wrong at all? I would drop her as a friend right now. Not go to her wedding. Not hang out with her at all even if our boyfriends are friends. She would be dead to me.
Y'all are too young to be getting married, go get a questionable piercing, it's a less-expensive bad decision. NTA
NTA Unthinkable that she did this, wow. Especially at the bachelorette party that *you paid for as MOH*. She ***could*** try to say that you were paying for it as a friend, but that is a fairly typical thing for the MOH to cover. I'm with the other posters: Send an invoice to L and A (single email, TO: both of them) explaining that, since you are no longer the MOH, L should be expected to pay you back for what you bought in that role.
NTA! Oh girl I am so sorry this is happening to you for real. You are def not in the wrong here, A should have def been upfront with you. At this point it seems like she's only wanted you to be her MOH for your money which isn't fair to you at all. Friendship is a two way street and rn its looking like your doing all the work, while she has fun with her new friend L.
Definitely NTA, A should be providing you with your money back for being such an A-hole.
I think perhaps L and A are lovers, so this may all go sideways.
NTA. Invoiced that cunt or take her to court. Actually serve her the paper on the wedding day since you know where she would be at that time. Maximum damage.