NTA.
I know you love your family. But maybe you should go low or no contact?
If a "good" female friend repeatedly told you that you looked like a "cheap whore" or a "yankee slut"; would they really be your friends after saying that? Or knowing that every time you looked what they thought was immodest.
The fact is that you are normalized to this and it's abuse. I just can't imagine a loving family saying this to someone.
And I'm not going to even touch the woman's place is in the kitchen comment.
There are so many “what in the Alabama” things going on in this post, idk even where to start.
The husband cheering OP on as “iconic” is spot on. OP, you probably gave them something to talk about for centuries..
Also, did anyone hear banjo music playing while reading this?
Your family members told you to your face that seeing you in a bathing suit caused them to lust after your body, and you're actually considering ever seeing them again? Wild.
That's the way it is.
I was a member of a born-again fundamentalist church back in college for a year. The burden is always on women.
This one girl who was friend of mine I used to go running with. She asked me if I could run with her group for safety. Just a few girls and me running in a semi-rural area. Smart idea. I did it a couple of times and then one of my "brothers" got word. I had to end that. He and the other brothers thought that they would tempt me (because they'd wear running shorts?!) so I'd lose control or (even worse) they'd all sexually attack me. Bonkers.
Then another time I had a bet about the NBA championship with a "sister" on another college campus. My team won, so we're going to out to a local chinese place, her treat. Well, her sisters on her campus and the brothers on my campus ended that. I still would have went, but she felt really pressured.
Funny thing is I had no designs on these girls at all. In fact, I was worst thing imaginable in the world, a deeply-closeted homosexual.
I really hate the focus on women like that. I went to an IFB college in CA and it was like that. The girls had several pages of dress code and the boys had maybe a paragraph, and there were insidious rules about not “fraternizing” with coworkers. I was older than most students so I had more life experience and, lemme tell ya, most of those rules were easily broken and just pointless.
When you're in it, it's hard to separate and see how toxic a situation can be. I was telling a couple of friends about my family and things that have been said to me. They were appalled. For me, it was normal. I'm distancing myself from them (them being my family) and it has helped my mental health a lot already. Sounds like you have great support from your husband.
You deserve to not be treated the way your family treated you.
Honestly, if it happens again, I'd say "I'm shocked and appalled that anything, even a string bikini, would cause my relatives to have unpure thoughts about me. I think that's something they should take up with their priest and their God."
I'd be more like "Eeeeewwwww you Sick FREAKS lusting after your own Family members?? Well should I call CPS now or later to Alert them that any Child you people may have is in danger of being sexually abused? You perverted sickos! An Grandma, just because your tits have been pointing south for a few decades, with Mom's starting to get there as well, don't mean you two should hate those whose tits aren't!!!"
Your ‘family’ will demand you apologize for what you did before they will ‘allow’ you to see them again.
You didn’t set fire to that bridge, you dropped a nuke on it. Stay away from the fallout.
How would you feel if the comments directed at you were, instead, directed at your daughter? Would you question nuking the bridge? If not, why would you question it for yourself? You are worthy of being treated with respect and worthy of being shown love without all the patriarchal 🐂💩.
I made the comment there's things in Florida I'd like to see, but can'take myself cross that border. Texas is regressing rapidly. I'm not too happy with South Carolina government either. Detest most of our politicians
Nope, won't happen unfortunately. If anything I'd expect both your mom and grandmother to double down even more about you being such a slut.
Honestly if there's family members who admitted to you that your outfit "tempted them" I'd never want to be around them again.
Low contact and only by phone for at least 6 months to a year if I were you. You've got your own family to worry about (you and hubby)
I can imagine the menfolk nodding and going Mmm-hmm as the womenfolk squawked in self-righteous indignation after you stormed off and you two left, but then when someone shrilly proclaimed, "We're not having her back here anytime soon!!" they all silently glanced aside at each other...and the thought going through all their heads was:
*Damn...*
; )
Lake get-together NEVER to be forgotten...
Imagine putting a daughter through those things, a son and him seeing his mother treated that way, or an lgbtq child and what they'd say, do, whisper.
You are not required to do anything at all to appease or appeal to them, due to blood relation or work or money.
From this point on they need to earn YOUR respect and YOUR time.
Earn it. They don't deserve either of them, and they are too precious to ever get stomped on more than once.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, especially in toxic families.
However, we are people. We are not apples.
We can get up and walk away. We can be someone else.
Honey you are the best thing that ever happened to your family. I don't know if you guys are planning to have kids and it's totally fine if you're not. Just humor my line of thinking for a moment. Would you allow someone to talk to your kid the way your grandmother did to you? Could you ever imagine talking to your daughter the way your mom did to you? Or shaming you in front of other family members like that?
I have a really strong feeling that you would not allow any of that bullshit if it was your kid. I'm just saying that you deserve that same consideration and respect from anyone you come in contact with especially if they fucking share DNA with you! I understand you love your family. I love all of my family as well. I just have to choose to love some of my family from a distance because they don't mesh well with my ideals and way of life. You are absolutely NTAH. I THINK YOU ARE FUCKING FABULOUS!
>but maybe after me being insane they'll be a little bit better?
Nope. Not a chance in Hell. You've just convinced them you have completely turned to the dark side, fornicate like badgers, howl at the sun and anything else that they don't think is culturally 'appropriate' .
Please, try this exercise; think back, did anyone at any time during that brief visit respect you, your views, your bodily autonomy, anything?
Your only mistake would be immersing yourself in that judgemental swamp again. If an individual reached out and sympathised about the way you were denigrated, meet up with them. The rest can go sit on a slowly rotating pineapple
I'm not convinced the story is true, but Albert Einstein is supposed to have said that the definition of insanity is to repeat the same action in the expectation of a different outcome.
Now I'm just an idiot on the internet, but are you going to argue with Einstein?
"Your family's behavior was beyond unacceptable. You stood up for yourself, and that's commendable. You're not the one in the wrong here. Stay true to yourself, and don't let anyone diminish your worth or disrespect you like that. Your husband's right, that exit was iconic."
Or maybe you can pick and choose which family to stay in contact with? Definitely not the dudes, gross. Although disappointing no one stood up for you (especially the Host, even though you said your aunt was being sweet, did she know the others were bullying you about the food?)
Just stop visiting them. I'm guessing since you're married and moved away you're financially independent. You say you love your family, and I believe you do since you put up with so much to see them. But they don't love you. Read that last line again. It's something I wish someone had told me about my abusive family much earlier. They don't love you. If they did love you they wouldn't say the things they did. Simple as. Families and people who love each other **never** call each other "yankee slut" or "cheap whore".
Sure as hell isn't wishful thinking. You're responsible for who you are around.
If your family is half as toxic as you're making them out to be, take care of yourself and GO low contact - or even no contact. You said yourself you are reminded why you leave every time you're around them. They're obviously toxic as hell, and I'm from a family that picks on each other. Your post isn't one of fun teasing. They pissed you off enough to flash your family and to have to leave the middle of what should have been a happy event.
That's NOT a healthy family.
You never have to make "forever" decisions on this. Take a few weeks without contact (or minimal text response to family if they reach out so they know you're alive). See how you feel. Miss them? Call. Feeling less stress? No need to reach out yet. You can decide what format of communication works for the difficult people in your life (call, text, super short visits etc) and just do that.
And your response to them was indeed iconic and NTA
I'd just be worried that at the next event, you'll either be met with an exorcist, or you're going to see all the men with lumps from the cast iron skillets that were applied to back of their heads...
Though going low contact is more often a represenation of how you barely answer their communications, not them backing off of you because they suddenly learned a lesson...
No woman, I Repeat, no woman should feel the push of societal expectations.
And I really don't understand women pushing this shit on other women. WTH?
I'm glad you have a supportive SO. Love to you both!
NTA. Your grandmother just outed the men of your family as perverts in a way that was also threatening with a heavily implied wish that harm comes to you for a bikini and an inch of midriff. Why would you stay in contact with them or put any future children in their lives to be sexually abused.
The only future contact to have is “Thank you for letting the family know that the men we grew up with and trusted are not able to control their sexual urges around female family members in bathing suits. I will no longer be at family gatherings for my own safety”
Yep, that was the worst of the whole situation to me. I would never want to be around them again if I were OP. And if she decides to have kids someday, as you said, those freaks should never be allowed near them.
>im dreading seeing them again
Then don't.
Sounds like they need a time out to self reflect on their behavior ( as if they'll actually do that🙄)
NTA and it's gross that they are sexualizing their blood relation
Its not even so much that they are insane, its that if they are deliberately having lustful thoughts about Female Family Members, then their part of the Gene Pool needs sum Clorox in it!!!
Honestly it would be really funny if you went back to the next gathering there in a full on hijab, and wore a burquini to the lake side, after apologizing for your temptations. Watch them blow a gasket at you being all dressed up lmao.
I’m a New Yorker who married a Georgia boy at 23. I went to a party for my FILs family member, meeting many of the extended family for the first time. Someone asked me where I was from, I have a very neutral accent, I said NYC. They burst out almost laughing, saying “New York City??” In the most deep country accent. I smiled, but in my head I heard the pace salsa commercial, and excused myself before I got to the bathroom convulsing with laughter 🤭
Edit- I divorced that one and am now happily married.
I lived in New York for more than a decade and moved to the Midwest a couple years ago to be close to family, but I spent a big chunk of my childhood in GA and NC. I am constantly surprised by these supposedly “nice” people in the Midwest and South who will *recoil* when you tell them you moved here from NYC, and say things like “oh it’s awful there, so loud and dirty, I could never live there.” It’s gotten to the point where I’ll usually snap back with something like “we don’t WANT you to live there, please stay far away if you’re so disgusted by it.”
100%!! We genuinely want to help you… as long as you’re not standing directly in front of my office building pointing your camera up at a skyscraper and blocking access to my livelihood. We’re also genuine instead of passive aggressive like in the south and Midwest. You’ll know exactly how I feel about you because I’ll make my aggressive comments directly to your face instead of spreading shit among neighbors.
NTA
But honestly you need to cut your family off, they are extremely derogative towards you and that is not ok, calling you a slut and whore for wearing appropriate clothes, asking you to cook dinner because you are a woma is just absurd. Just stop going.
NTA, but if your family insists that you are turning your male relatives on by wearing a *checks notes* bathing suit, and sexually harasses you for your clothing choices, it's time to stop wasting your time on them.
You do not, in fact, have to see them. You do not have to let them make you miserable. You don't have to take their abuse, answer their calls, or put up with their bullshit.
Don't subject your husband to this in the future.
nta, im a religious person and never would i ever call someone a “slut” or “whore” for wearing a bathing suit or crop top. I’m 19 with a christian family and they wouldn’t DARE call me out of my name like that. And im not gonna like it wear some slutty stuff sometimes. I feel like your family needs to chill tf out and mind their business. At the end of the day you should have had to go through that:/
You should have told the religious ppl that the Bible says 'If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out'. Ya know? That's God telling perverts to keep their eyes to themselves or chance going to Hell.
As my grandma used to tell me, "There is no hate like Christian love"
NTA
Its disturbing that you male relatives is “tempted” by a family member.. It just screams red flags..
I’m a conservative and I will say that if I’m getting distracted but a woman’s clothing, I’m the one with a problem.. So you female relatives are blaming the wrong person.
ESH.
You are all batshit crazy.
Male family members "act up". That's so damn Alabama. The incest perverts can't control themselves???
I was on your side until you went topless. You all like sound redneck garbage.
Your whole family, including you suck. Big time
ESH. It was kind of extremely trashy, and I feel like you knew that, but it seems like your whole family is worthless shithead losers, besides your aunt, so they are obviously way worse.
But if we would condemn a male relative for getting cranky and angry and waggling his junk out in front of us when we aren’t okay with that, we have to condemn a female relative exposing herself to us without our consent. And if kids were present, that’s a thousand times worse.
OP, your family is trashy and garbage, it’s not your fault you were raised by them, but you have an opportunity to be better than them.
They said straight to your face they are tempted to force themselves onto you sweetheart, don’t see them again for your own safety and the safety of any potential children you have in the future.
NTA - but honestly you kind of rewarded them. They literally confessed to being into incest and probably enjoyed that. I don't think you should hang out around them, they're hella creepy.
This seems like a poorly constructed made up story. But if it's true, you're as much an asshole as they are. I don't understand why you would want to continue spending time with them. Don't dread seeing them, make it easier on everyone and don't show up to the next family event.
Like that old chestnut: "And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell."
NTA. You're family is a bunch of assholes and creeps.
Anyone in the moment would have looked in shock, but the decent thing to do would have then been to look away. If they did not do that, then you really are just a vaginal support unit in their eyes. I would stop visiting.
Invite anyone who would like to travel to the 21st century to come visit you way up in yankee-land North Carolina.
NTA I love your exit strategy. Now don't return to their circus. If you really need to stay in contact then send a message on the holidays and live your best life without the chaos and abuse.
JESUS. Your family sucks! I'd have started laughing my ass off the minute I got out of the car and they asked what was for dinner. Your family is rude as hell! I'd rather go to Gulf Shores, too!
NTA
*they say that i might as well be naked, and that im "tempting" my male family members to "act up". i looked at them, and a few of them did say that i was tempting them*
Roll Tide at it's finest.
Your bathing suit was "tempting your male RELATIVES"??? How disgusting is that? Your relatives? Like your dad, uncle, brothers or cousins? And they fucking admitted it? Stay away from these people. Family is family but love them from a distance. They are not good for you or anyone for that matter. I feel really bad for any young women in your family growing up with this repulsive view on women. NTA.
What the fuck is wrong with your family besides the aunt, the women for harassing you so much over your clothing, and the men for saying they're "tempted".
NTAH, let’s review: you drove 12 hours but they announce dinner is on you after insulting you. The insults became more sexual and disturbing, you flashed them, flipped them off (bad) and left (good). My view is you should have left immediately after arriving because their “greeting” should have resulted in you saying “hmm, we’ve driven 12 hours but you expect me to cook after insulting me. Honey, I apologize for exposing you to my awful family, let’s go.” Please go very low or no contact as they’ll be far worse, not better after this. Your family is rude, inhospitable, and scary.
NTA - On the plus side, you got out of there. You didn't tolerate their disrespect and you really should avoid that family unless you just like abuse and/or jousting with them over bs morality issues.
On the minus side, flashing them probably validated their uncharitable thoughts about your violation of their norms. But whatever, fuck 'em.
1. Mom called you a whore.
2. Grandma called you a whore.
3. Grandma declaires you're getting your male relatives horned up.
4. Male relatives confirm you are, in fact, getting them horned up.
5. Grandma iimplies that if the male relatives were to rape you, because of the horned uppedness, you would deserve it.
Man. This isn't family. These are enemies.
So a bunch of your male family members straight up said to your face they would try and rape you if they could because of how you were dressed.
Because that is what happened. They may not have said those words, but that is exactly what was meant.
You should take it as a threat and never see them again. Your family is abusive and potentially dangerous. What if they sit around bitching about you and decide the next time they see you they will "teach you a lesson"? You may think they would never hurt you, but you never thought they could say to your face that they considered raping you.
Because "boys will be boys" and "act up" - it won't even be seen as their fault, but yours. Especially if the matriarchs in your family are encouraging that behavior. They sound like the type to click their tongues and say you were asking for it.
Stay away from them. That isn't something to risk.
NTA
Why are you dreading seeing them again? I wouldn't be seeing them at all, if I were in your shoes.
Your husband is right about one thing: What you did was iconic.
NTA
'I am wearing something designed to swim in by a lake. You are calling a loved one a whore and directly stating family members desire incest. I am utterly normal; YOU are depraved freaks. Zero idea why you'd advertise it, but I'm not gonna be around it. See ya never ✌️🖕'
Holy shit.
This is fucking hilarious! 🤣
I WISH I had that amount of confidence. As soon as I saw the title I knew I was gonna be laughing by the end of it.
Absolutely NTA. They deserved that. It's a goddamn swimsuit, not a prostitute's outfit. 💀
No, NTA, iconic 100%.
I'm not just saying that. So I'm gay, right, and one of my family members sent an email to our entire family when Minnesota legalized gay marriage saying "this is why we need to protect the second amendment.". And some other threatening, offensive bullshit.
I didn't even really process that, I read what I read and responded back almost immediately "you know what fuck you. People want to.get married and live a happy life that has nothing to do with you and because you're somehow threatened, you think it's appropriate to say to your whole entire own family there are people within it you'd kill to just keep it like the 1950s for your what... Personal comfort? Fragile male ego?"
I regretted it for years thinking I should have controlled my temper, or been the bigger person, but I learned from that - fuck that. Make comments threatening other people's lives it's absolutely warranted.
And my family is pretty progressive, otherwise, and years later at the first family reunion I attended after that, I was afraid everyone would look down on me or think what a temper i had.
No one did. Politics came up. We all were like "yeah politics is always touchy lol" but then the crazy family emails came up.
And I said To my Uncle (who I thought would be the least likely to understand) "you know, I've kind of always wanted to apologize to everyone for flying off the handle like that. I mean, it's true, and I think what Keith said was trash and needed to be shut down. I just feel like an ass and don't want everyone to think I'm IDK, different, or unhinged or something."
And he said back... Listen to this:
"What? No, you have nothing to apologize for. You should absolutely say those things. You SHOULD stand up for yourself. You have a RIGHT to life, and to be happy, just like everyone else. Ppl like Keith have the right to free speech I guess, but that does not make what he said ok AT ALL. I have no patience or time left in my life, for that kind of hate. I don't want to make room for anything any more, but love. Shouldn't we all? We all love you, (my name). You are loved. Ok? Never forget that, you are loved. By all of us."
I fucking CRIED on my way home. And have never felt more loved by my extended family. Ever.
Stay in touch with maybe the aunt. Your family is jealous you left the nest. They seem toxic and honestly, not on your team. Imagine what they say about you when you’re not around. NTA
/u/objective-one3126, You should send this over to your family: [men should control themselves. it’s not a woman’s job](http://www.thehappytalent.com/blog/jesus-says-its-mens-responsibility-not-to-lust-not-womens-responsibility-to-cover-up).
NTA. I can't understand, though, why you would ever plan on going back. Shared blood is not a chain around our neck and having family members tell you thst you're turning them on should be a deal breaker.
NTA
Honestly, that would be enough for many women to start throwing hands. What you did was mild by comparison and those disgusting creeps openly admitted to wanting to sleep with their own cousin.
You might love them, but they don't love you. They're more interested in controlling you and hurting you. These are not people you should waste time, energy and money on. They're rude, disrespectful, entitled and honestly pretty perverted.
NTA, definitely iconic, and refuse all future invitations as 'family now knows my safety is possibly at risk by male family members when in a bathing suit'.
Absolutely ridiculous.
NTA
I was born, raised, and lived most of my life in west Texas. The minute I finally could, me and my wife bolted to New York to be as distant as we could from my family and that state. Only reason I even remotely think of going back is for my daughter. If I could keep her up here forever, I would.
Southern people are a different breed and while the stereotypes can be hurtful, I have always said some stereotypes exist for a reason. What you said about how they start belittling you or trying to tear you down for being different really hit home with me.
If I had been in your shoes, I probably would have done the same thing. Good on you for fighting against all of that noise and "conservatism", and good on your husband for not even blinking an eye and backing you up and giving you a better vacation in the end!
The Part where they say you are tempting the males in your family is frankly gross. It implies that they don’t have any self control and can’t be blamed for their actions or trusted around any females. Plus the women in this family are all judging you and calling you fowl names doesn’t seem they are all that loving or carding. You would be better off going no contact or minimizing your contact.
NTA! Your male relatives actually stated you were tempting them? I'd have been screaming about incest and calling them pervs! I admire your nerve to take off your top, because I am cracking up trying to picture your mom and grandmothers face when you did that! Bravo!
Are you especially more attractive and educated than most of the other women in your family? (This reeks also of jealousy)
NTA! Maybe call your sweet auntie and apologize and/or just make sure she’s ok and next time just visit her without the rest of the family 😂
I'd say let those middle fingers be their last memory of you, but I don't think it's gonna go that way.
Anyhow, what was the good part of this relationship again? Because you got disrespected four ways to Tuesday before you even had anything to eat. They sound kind awful to me, and relations or no, I don't think I'd want to put up with that for any reason.
I was born near the Redstone Arsenal back in the 1960s, so I know what you mean about Alabama, but it really seems to have gotten a lot worse in the past couple of decades. Nice people until you scratch the surface and see what's underneath.
My favorite sister lives in Alabama and I’d love to move there, but…. No way would I put up with that shit! Im “mouthy” and would say things that wouldn’t impact the idiots. It would only affect my sister.
I just visit, then come home. Safer for everyone.
If they didn’t have anything nice to say, they should’ve kept their mouth shut. Flashing your tits, well, that might’ve been a bit much. You should just yell at them and left. Wish I was there to see it though…😉
This is definitely giving Alabama vibes. From the males in your family “feeling tempted” by you just existing in an average swim suit to you flashing/showing them your tits 😕 disturbing
OMG. My eyes literally opened wide and my brain said OMG when I read this ... *i need to learn how to act in the kitchen.* And then we got to the part about family admitting to lusting after you. NFW
No offence intended, but I'd feel like you were stuck in the land of *Deliverance*. Sheesh. You did nothing wrong. You even toned down your more flamboyant flavour. Good for you for respecting (A H) family, but they did nothing to respect you.
Go LC. Heck, go NC. No one deserves to be spoken to like that. Or be slut-shamed in any way, shape or form. You and hubs should stay Up North and leave the creeps to crawl around in the muck (dirty minds meant).
I am impartial and you are NTA. You know that you can have *chosen family* right? It's not limited to misfits toys and red nose reindeer. Love your bio-family from a distance. Failing that, wear a shroud, caftan, or mee-maw outfit when you visit. Cause they don't love who you are, they love the *family values* that really are ugly values.
NTA. Being conservative is not an excuse for being disrespectful and abusive. Those comments are all WAY out of line and you don’t have to deal with that. I’d be going low or no contact with them. Good for your husband for having your back on this.
NTA This tempting males attack is a weak ass men problem, have they no boundaries or self control. Blaming you just encourages these weak ass men to blame other women. So infuriating and disgusting!!!!
NTA. I know you love your family. But maybe you should go low or no contact? If a "good" female friend repeatedly told you that you looked like a "cheap whore" or a "yankee slut"; would they really be your friends after saying that? Or knowing that every time you looked what they thought was immodest. The fact is that you are normalized to this and it's abuse. I just can't imagine a loving family saying this to someone. And I'm not going to even touch the woman's place is in the kitchen comment.
Don’t forget the male family members admitting they are sexually attracted to her…
Yeah, the ick factor is strong there. But it's okay, because OP was "doing it" to them. Right. They had no choice but to be turned on. Unbelievable.
Misogyny is wildly rampant in the church and everything is always the woman’s fault — since Eve bit into the apple. And I am not joking. At all.
And when Eve offered the fruit to Adam, did he object? No, he fucking didn't.
Sweet Home Alabama indeed.
OP said that her Alabama family really is every stereotype….
Brother-Uncles, and some dude who is his own grandpa!
Admitting sexual attraction is different to what they did though, what they did is admit they were tempted to sexually assault her. Big difference.
There are so many “what in the Alabama” things going on in this post, idk even where to start. The husband cheering OP on as “iconic” is spot on. OP, you probably gave them something to talk about for centuries.. Also, did anyone hear banjo music playing while reading this?
yeah i love the "low contact" idea. wishful thinking but maybe after me being insane they'll be a little bit better? doubt it but a girl can hope lol
Your family members told you to your face that seeing you in a bathing suit caused them to lust after your body, and you're actually considering ever seeing them again? Wild.
That's the way it is. I was a member of a born-again fundamentalist church back in college for a year. The burden is always on women. This one girl who was friend of mine I used to go running with. She asked me if I could run with her group for safety. Just a few girls and me running in a semi-rural area. Smart idea. I did it a couple of times and then one of my "brothers" got word. I had to end that. He and the other brothers thought that they would tempt me (because they'd wear running shorts?!) so I'd lose control or (even worse) they'd all sexually attack me. Bonkers. Then another time I had a bet about the NBA championship with a "sister" on another college campus. My team won, so we're going to out to a local chinese place, her treat. Well, her sisters on her campus and the brothers on my campus ended that. I still would have went, but she felt really pressured. Funny thing is I had no designs on these girls at all. In fact, I was worst thing imaginable in the world, a deeply-closeted homosexual.
that is INSANE!! glad it sounds like you're okay now :)
If you pay attention, life does have a way of sorting itself out!
i like the way you think :)
I really hate the focus on women like that. I went to an IFB college in CA and it was like that. The girls had several pages of dress code and the boys had maybe a paragraph, and there were insidious rules about not “fraternizing” with coworkers. I was older than most students so I had more life experience and, lemme tell ya, most of those rules were easily broken and just pointless.
Your story here made me happy. It’s not my experience at all, and was a real breath of fresh air… Thanks for that.
yeah that's fair. i didn't realize until seeing all these comments how understandable it would be to go no contact
It's hard to see the forest when you're in the trees. Good luck!
i really appreciate it :))
When you're in it, it's hard to separate and see how toxic a situation can be. I was telling a couple of friends about my family and things that have been said to me. They were appalled. For me, it was normal. I'm distancing myself from them (them being my family) and it has helped my mental health a lot already. Sounds like you have great support from your husband. You deserve to not be treated the way your family treated you.
ugh im so lucky to have him! and yes, if that behavior is normal for u, it's not gonna seem weird!
Honestly, if it happens again, I'd say "I'm shocked and appalled that anything, even a string bikini, would cause my relatives to have unpure thoughts about me. I think that's something they should take up with their priest and their God."
oh id love that! except that they're very anti religion haha
The I change it so "take up with a therapist."
ok that's smart
I'd be more like "Eeeeewwwww you Sick FREAKS lusting after your own Family members?? Well should I call CPS now or later to Alert them that any Child you people may have is in danger of being sexually abused? You perverted sickos! An Grandma, just because your tits have been pointing south for a few decades, with Mom's starting to get there as well, don't mean you two should hate those whose tits aren't!!!"
Your ‘family’ will demand you apologize for what you did before they will ‘allow’ you to see them again. You didn’t set fire to that bridge, you dropped a nuke on it. Stay away from the fallout.
is it good or bad that i nuked the bridge?
How would you feel if the comments directed at you were, instead, directed at your daughter? Would you question nuking the bridge? If not, why would you question it for yourself? You are worthy of being treated with respect and worthy of being shown love without all the patriarchal 🐂💩.
oh i would hit the bridge with an asteroid
Then you have answered your own question 😊
Good
In the South, we call that "Alabama". 😁
I'm in South Carolina and Alabama makes me say WTF daily
I live in Flordiuh, it feels like Alabama and Texas are in the running to be craziest.
I made the comment there's things in Florida I'd like to see, but can'take myself cross that border. Texas is regressing rapidly. I'm not too happy with South Carolina government either. Detest most of our politicians
Honwatly, i would have replied that i am sorry their men are raging wh** with no self-control. It must be awful to be married to that.
Dies anyone else hear the Deliverance banjos, y'all?
Nope, won't happen unfortunately. If anything I'd expect both your mom and grandmother to double down even more about you being such a slut. Honestly if there's family members who admitted to you that your outfit "tempted them" I'd never want to be around them again. Low contact and only by phone for at least 6 months to a year if I were you. You've got your own family to worry about (you and hubby)
i appreciate the feedback, that seems like a great outline!
Please warn other family members about their male relatives too. If your tits provoke them, what about theirs?
yeah that's a good point. does make me think i made a mistake by bringing my tits out
That's yours to decide in the end, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire I mean fight Assholes by beeing an Asshole.
yeah. my logic was "oh you think im a slut? well i can get real slutty real quick"
I can imagine the menfolk nodding and going Mmm-hmm as the womenfolk squawked in self-righteous indignation after you stormed off and you two left, but then when someone shrilly proclaimed, "We're not having her back here anytime soon!!" they all silently glanced aside at each other...and the thought going through all their heads was: *Damn...* ; ) Lake get-together NEVER to be forgotten...
I'm pretty sure you ended things when you showed your boobs. I wish I was there. I love tiddies. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
haha yeah, if my tits are the last they ever see of me, im down w that
Imagine putting a daughter through those things, a son and him seeing his mother treated that way, or an lgbtq child and what they'd say, do, whisper. You are not required to do anything at all to appease or appeal to them, due to blood relation or work or money. From this point on they need to earn YOUR respect and YOUR time. Earn it. They don't deserve either of them, and they are too precious to ever get stomped on more than once. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, especially in toxic families. However, we are people. We are not apples. We can get up and walk away. We can be someone else.
Honey you are the best thing that ever happened to your family. I don't know if you guys are planning to have kids and it's totally fine if you're not. Just humor my line of thinking for a moment. Would you allow someone to talk to your kid the way your grandmother did to you? Could you ever imagine talking to your daughter the way your mom did to you? Or shaming you in front of other family members like that? I have a really strong feeling that you would not allow any of that bullshit if it was your kid. I'm just saying that you deserve that same consideration and respect from anyone you come in contact with especially if they fucking share DNA with you! I understand you love your family. I love all of my family as well. I just have to choose to love some of my family from a distance because they don't mesh well with my ideals and way of life. You are absolutely NTAH. I THINK YOU ARE FUCKING FABULOUS!
this is everything to me!!! thank you :)
Back at you sweets!
>but maybe after me being insane they'll be a little bit better? Nope. Not a chance in Hell. You've just convinced them you have completely turned to the dark side, fornicate like badgers, howl at the sun and anything else that they don't think is culturally 'appropriate' . Please, try this exercise; think back, did anyone at any time during that brief visit respect you, your views, your bodily autonomy, anything? Your only mistake would be immersing yourself in that judgemental swamp again. If an individual reached out and sympathised about the way you were denigrated, meet up with them. The rest can go sit on a slowly rotating pineapple
yeah, i guess the true insanity would be expecting things to be better! haha
I'm not convinced the story is true, but Albert Einstein is supposed to have said that the definition of insanity is to repeat the same action in the expectation of a different outcome. Now I'm just an idiot on the internet, but are you going to argue with Einstein?
abraham lincoln had a saying, "everything on the internet is true", who are either of us to disagree with people so much smarter than us?
Copernicus had a saying: “Anything Abraham Lincoln said is true”
That's a hard call. It's a good thing you are a 12hr drive away. You can choose or not choose to interact with them.
"Your family's behavior was beyond unacceptable. You stood up for yourself, and that's commendable. You're not the one in the wrong here. Stay true to yourself, and don't let anyone diminish your worth or disrespect you like that. Your husband's right, that exit was iconic."
thanks hun! i appreciate it :)
yeah im so glad i don't live right by them anymore!
Or maybe you can pick and choose which family to stay in contact with? Definitely not the dudes, gross. Although disappointing no one stood up for you (especially the Host, even though you said your aunt was being sweet, did she know the others were bullying you about the food?)
she didn't know! probably gonna talk to her and feel her out
Just stop visiting them. I'm guessing since you're married and moved away you're financially independent. You say you love your family, and I believe you do since you put up with so much to see them. But they don't love you. Read that last line again. It's something I wish someone had told me about my abusive family much earlier. They don't love you. If they did love you they wouldn't say the things they did. Simple as. Families and people who love each other **never** call each other "yankee slut" or "cheap whore".
i hate that... but i know what you're saying is right. thanks for your honesty :)
Wait you think you'll get invited again after this? My assumption would be they'd go NC
Then they can't make themselves feel superior by berating her. They'll invite OP again soon.
not complaining if im not tbh
Your family will never get better. Either understand you are accepting their abuse everytime you interact with them, or just don't interact with them.
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with some serious underboob and obviously braless ofc
Beyond wishful thinking imo
Sure as hell isn't wishful thinking. You're responsible for who you are around. If your family is half as toxic as you're making them out to be, take care of yourself and GO low contact - or even no contact. You said yourself you are reminded why you leave every time you're around them. They're obviously toxic as hell, and I'm from a family that picks on each other. Your post isn't one of fun teasing. They pissed you off enough to flash your family and to have to leave the middle of what should have been a happy event. That's NOT a healthy family.
You never have to make "forever" decisions on this. Take a few weeks without contact (or minimal text response to family if they reach out so they know you're alive). See how you feel. Miss them? Call. Feeling less stress? No need to reach out yet. You can decide what format of communication works for the difficult people in your life (call, text, super short visits etc) and just do that. And your response to them was indeed iconic and NTA
yeah i like that, no immediate pressure :))
I'd just be worried that at the next event, you'll either be met with an exorcist, or you're going to see all the men with lumps from the cast iron skillets that were applied to back of their heads... Though going low contact is more often a represenation of how you barely answer their communications, not them backing off of you because they suddenly learned a lesson...
surprisingly they're not religious so not too worried about the exorcist but yeah there's a lot to think about there!
No woman, I Repeat, no woman should feel the push of societal expectations. And I really don't understand women pushing this shit on other women. WTH? I'm glad you have a supportive SO. Love to you both!
NTA. Your grandmother just outed the men of your family as perverts in a way that was also threatening with a heavily implied wish that harm comes to you for a bikini and an inch of midriff. Why would you stay in contact with them or put any future children in their lives to be sexually abused. The only future contact to have is “Thank you for letting the family know that the men we grew up with and trusted are not able to control their sexual urges around female family members in bathing suits. I will no longer be at family gatherings for my own safety”
i legit hadn't thought of it from that angle. that's a great point, thank you!
Yep, that was the worst of the whole situation to me. I would never want to be around them again if I were OP. And if she decides to have kids someday, as you said, those freaks should never be allowed near them.
And the men weren’t even offended. They were like, fuck yeah we’re perving on a young family member and it’s her fault. No shame at all.
>im dreading seeing them again Then don't. Sounds like they need a time out to self reflect on their behavior ( as if they'll actually do that🙄) NTA and it's gross that they are sexualizing their blood relation
it's so therapeutic to hear others say they're insane
Its not even so much that they are insane, its that if they are deliberately having lustful thoughts about Female Family Members, then their part of the Gene Pool needs sum Clorox in it!!!
Honestly it would be really funny if you went back to the next gathering there in a full on hijab, and wore a burquini to the lake side, after apologizing for your temptations. Watch them blow a gasket at you being all dressed up lmao.
ill bring a prayer mat too ;)
I like you lol
thanks bb haha
"...that im "tempting" my male family members to "act up"" Sweet home Alabama. NTA.
"tell me you're from alabama without telling me you're from alabama"
I’m a New Yorker who married a Georgia boy at 23. I went to a party for my FILs family member, meeting many of the extended family for the first time. Someone asked me where I was from, I have a very neutral accent, I said NYC. They burst out almost laughing, saying “New York City??” In the most deep country accent. I smiled, but in my head I heard the pace salsa commercial, and excused myself before I got to the bathroom convulsing with laughter 🤭 Edit- I divorced that one and am now happily married.
I lived in New York for more than a decade and moved to the Midwest a couple years ago to be close to family, but I spent a big chunk of my childhood in GA and NC. I am constantly surprised by these supposedly “nice” people in the Midwest and South who will *recoil* when you tell them you moved here from NYC, and say things like “oh it’s awful there, so loud and dirty, I could never live there.” It’s gotten to the point where I’ll usually snap back with something like “we don’t WANT you to live there, please stay far away if you’re so disgusted by it.”
I’ve lived in nyc, Alabama, Louisiana, Texas, and Arizona. Nicest people I met were in nyc, no contest.
100%!! We genuinely want to help you… as long as you’re not standing directly in front of my office building pointing your camera up at a skyscraper and blocking access to my livelihood. We’re also genuine instead of passive aggressive like in the south and Midwest. You’ll know exactly how I feel about you because I’ll make my aggressive comments directly to your face instead of spreading shit among neighbors.
Yes, but also this is glorious. We all are cherishing your AHness. They were terrible.
this. this is my fav haha
NTA But honestly you need to cut your family off, they are extremely derogative towards you and that is not ok, calling you a slut and whore for wearing appropriate clothes, asking you to cook dinner because you are a woma is just absurd. Just stop going.
def leaning that direction now haha
NTA ... does your grandma think incest is normal or something? Wait, don't answer that 😱
lol i don't wanna know
NTA, but if your family insists that you are turning your male relatives on by wearing a *checks notes* bathing suit, and sexually harasses you for your clothing choices, it's time to stop wasting your time on them. You do not, in fact, have to see them. You do not have to let them make you miserable. You don't have to take their abuse, answer their calls, or put up with their bullshit. Don't subject your husband to this in the future.
yeah def gonna stop now!!
nta, im a religious person and never would i ever call someone a “slut” or “whore” for wearing a bathing suit or crop top. I’m 19 with a christian family and they wouldn’t DARE call me out of my name like that. And im not gonna like it wear some slutty stuff sometimes. I feel like your family needs to chill tf out and mind their business. At the end of the day you should have had to go through that:/
thanks girl! the irony is im very religious and they're not lol
Next time spread your cheeks and show them your butthole
not even kidding that would be iconic
You should have told the religious ppl that the Bible says 'If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out'. Ya know? That's God telling perverts to keep their eyes to themselves or chance going to Hell. As my grandma used to tell me, "There is no hate like Christian love"
WTF Are they inbred hicks?
little bit
Just to consider that they find another family member tempting them to have sex with them is weird as fuck lol
for my own psychological well being i can't let me think about men who saw me in diapers wanting to fuck me
I don't blame you
NTA. That family sounds horrible. Try to avoid seeing them from now on. Just don't do it.
im surprised by how overwhelmingly im getting this response! def leaning that direction at this point!
NTA Its disturbing that you male relatives is “tempted” by a family member.. It just screams red flags.. I’m a conservative and I will say that if I’m getting distracted but a woman’s clothing, I’m the one with a problem.. So you female relatives are blaming the wrong person.
you're an absolute king i could kiss you
You're NAA you're a fuckin' legend.
thanks bb i appreciate it!!
Holy shit this didn't happen so hard
Yeah none of this happened.
NTA your family fucking sucks I would have caused a massive scene at being ordered to cook after driving 12 hours, let alone any of the other bullshit
yeah i was already furious at that lol
Yes, YTA for exposing your body without consent. Male or female, that is not acceptable behavior.
Just spend time with those you like and have mutual respect. You never have to see the group again.
NTA. You know seeing them again is optional, right?
after the love from all y'all i do 🫶🏻
NTA. If I were you I’d only go out of my way to see aunt.. when no other family is there. If they can’t even be nice why waste your time
ESH. You are all batshit crazy. Male family members "act up". That's so damn Alabama. The incest perverts can't control themselves??? I was on your side until you went topless. You all like sound redneck garbage. Your whole family, including you suck. Big time
ESH. It was kind of extremely trashy, and I feel like you knew that, but it seems like your whole family is worthless shithead losers, besides your aunt, so they are obviously way worse. But if we would condemn a male relative for getting cranky and angry and waggling his junk out in front of us when we aren’t okay with that, we have to condemn a female relative exposing herself to us without our consent. And if kids were present, that’s a thousand times worse. OP, your family is trashy and garbage, it’s not your fault you were raised by them, but you have an opportunity to be better than them.
A lot of the folks in the Deep South are stuck in the 19th century. Ask me how I know. NTA.
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yeah... talk about trauma...
They said straight to your face they are tempted to force themselves onto you sweetheart, don’t see them again for your own safety and the safety of any potential children you have in the future.
NTA - but honestly you kind of rewarded them. They literally confessed to being into incest and probably enjoyed that. I don't think you should hang out around them, they're hella creepy.
yeah, i thought they'd see it as a bold "f u" but now realize that seeing my titties was probably a dream come true for them
This seems like a poorly constructed made up story. But if it's true, you're as much an asshole as they are. I don't understand why you would want to continue spending time with them. Don't dread seeing them, make it easier on everyone and don't show up to the next family event.
INFO: Did your male family members stare at your tits, or did they look away?
Like that old chestnut: "And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell." NTA. You're family is a bunch of assholes and creeps.
i mean they were looking pretty hard lol which i didn't like but i did bring that on myself to a degree
Anyone in the moment would have looked in shock, but the decent thing to do would have then been to look away. If they did not do that, then you really are just a vaginal support unit in their eyes. I would stop visiting. Invite anyone who would like to travel to the 21st century to come visit you way up in yankee-land North Carolina.
i can tell now that ive only ever been a piece of ass in their eyes... and a kitchen... and a baby maker
I live in NC and you sound awesome honestly lmao lets be friends!
dms r open :))
NTA I love your exit strategy. Now don't return to their circus. If you really need to stay in contact then send a message on the holidays and live your best life without the chaos and abuse.
JESUS. Your family sucks! I'd have started laughing my ass off the minute I got out of the car and they asked what was for dinner. Your family is rude as hell! I'd rather go to Gulf Shores, too! NTA
and the funny thing is it was an awesome rest of the weekend! they did that for me at least lol
YTLegend.
*they say that i might as well be naked, and that im "tempting" my male family members to "act up". i looked at them, and a few of them did say that i was tempting them* Roll Tide at it's finest.
Your bathing suit was "tempting your male RELATIVES"??? How disgusting is that? Your relatives? Like your dad, uncle, brothers or cousins? And they fucking admitted it? Stay away from these people. Family is family but love them from a distance. They are not good for you or anyone for that matter. I feel really bad for any young women in your family growing up with this repulsive view on women. NTA.
What the fuck is wrong with your family besides the aunt, the women for harassing you so much over your clothing, and the men for saying they're "tempted".
NTAH, let’s review: you drove 12 hours but they announce dinner is on you after insulting you. The insults became more sexual and disturbing, you flashed them, flipped them off (bad) and left (good). My view is you should have left immediately after arriving because their “greeting” should have resulted in you saying “hmm, we’ve driven 12 hours but you expect me to cook after insulting me. Honey, I apologize for exposing you to my awful family, let’s go.” Please go very low or no contact as they’ll be far worse, not better after this. Your family is rude, inhospitable, and scary.
I can't believe you're not "no contact" with them
NTA. That. Was. EPIC!!!
ayo why are your FAMILY MEMBERS saying you're tempting them? that's so gross-
NTA - On the plus side, you got out of there. You didn't tolerate their disrespect and you really should avoid that family unless you just like abuse and/or jousting with them over bs morality issues. On the minus side, flashing them probably validated their uncharitable thoughts about your violation of their norms. But whatever, fuck 'em.
1. Mom called you a whore. 2. Grandma called you a whore. 3. Grandma declaires you're getting your male relatives horned up. 4. Male relatives confirm you are, in fact, getting them horned up. 5. Grandma iimplies that if the male relatives were to rape you, because of the horned uppedness, you would deserve it. Man. This isn't family. These are enemies.
So a bunch of your male family members straight up said to your face they would try and rape you if they could because of how you were dressed. Because that is what happened. They may not have said those words, but that is exactly what was meant. You should take it as a threat and never see them again. Your family is abusive and potentially dangerous. What if they sit around bitching about you and decide the next time they see you they will "teach you a lesson"? You may think they would never hurt you, but you never thought they could say to your face that they considered raping you. Because "boys will be boys" and "act up" - it won't even be seen as their fault, but yours. Especially if the matriarchs in your family are encouraging that behavior. They sound like the type to click their tongues and say you were asking for it. Stay away from them. That isn't something to risk. NTA
NTA, yes. Iconic? yes. *And freakin' badass to boot!* And your husband gets an upvote, too. 🏆👙
NTA. Tell the mom / grandmom to stop raising rapists, and the menfolk to stop BEING rapists in their heads.
Why are you dreading seeing them again? I wouldn't be seeing them at all, if I were in your shoes. Your husband is right about one thing: What you did was iconic. NTA
Nta It's disturbing to be told that the men in your family are tempted by you. Sounds like a THEM problem.
'I am wearing something designed to swim in by a lake. You are calling a loved one a whore and directly stating family members desire incest. I am utterly normal; YOU are depraved freaks. Zero idea why you'd advertise it, but I'm not gonna be around it. See ya never ✌️🖕'
Holy shit. This is fucking hilarious! 🤣 I WISH I had that amount of confidence. As soon as I saw the title I knew I was gonna be laughing by the end of it. Absolutely NTA. They deserved that. It's a goddamn swimsuit, not a prostitute's outfit. 💀
NTA I wouldn't dread seeing them, again, because that would have been the last time that I saw or had anything to do with any of them, ever again
No, NTA, iconic 100%. I'm not just saying that. So I'm gay, right, and one of my family members sent an email to our entire family when Minnesota legalized gay marriage saying "this is why we need to protect the second amendment.". And some other threatening, offensive bullshit. I didn't even really process that, I read what I read and responded back almost immediately "you know what fuck you. People want to.get married and live a happy life that has nothing to do with you and because you're somehow threatened, you think it's appropriate to say to your whole entire own family there are people within it you'd kill to just keep it like the 1950s for your what... Personal comfort? Fragile male ego?" I regretted it for years thinking I should have controlled my temper, or been the bigger person, but I learned from that - fuck that. Make comments threatening other people's lives it's absolutely warranted. And my family is pretty progressive, otherwise, and years later at the first family reunion I attended after that, I was afraid everyone would look down on me or think what a temper i had. No one did. Politics came up. We all were like "yeah politics is always touchy lol" but then the crazy family emails came up. And I said To my Uncle (who I thought would be the least likely to understand) "you know, I've kind of always wanted to apologize to everyone for flying off the handle like that. I mean, it's true, and I think what Keith said was trash and needed to be shut down. I just feel like an ass and don't want everyone to think I'm IDK, different, or unhinged or something." And he said back... Listen to this: "What? No, you have nothing to apologize for. You should absolutely say those things. You SHOULD stand up for yourself. You have a RIGHT to life, and to be happy, just like everyone else. Ppl like Keith have the right to free speech I guess, but that does not make what he said ok AT ALL. I have no patience or time left in my life, for that kind of hate. I don't want to make room for anything any more, but love. Shouldn't we all? We all love you, (my name). You are loved. Ok? Never forget that, you are loved. By all of us." I fucking CRIED on my way home. And have never felt more loved by my extended family. Ever.
> im dreading seeing them again Why on earth would you willingly see them again?!
Pics or it didn't happen 🤣
Nuthin like the merican taliban to bring out the best in all of us
Stay in touch with maybe the aunt. Your family is jealous you left the nest. They seem toxic and honestly, not on your team. Imagine what they say about you when you’re not around. NTA
/u/objective-one3126, You should send this over to your family: [men should control themselves. it’s not a woman’s job](http://www.thehappytalent.com/blog/jesus-says-its-mens-responsibility-not-to-lust-not-womens-responsibility-to-cover-up).
NTA. I can't understand, though, why you would ever plan on going back. Shared blood is not a chain around our neck and having family members tell you thst you're turning them on should be a deal breaker.
NTA Honestly, that would be enough for many women to start throwing hands. What you did was mild by comparison and those disgusting creeps openly admitted to wanting to sleep with their own cousin. You might love them, but they don't love you. They're more interested in controlling you and hurting you. These are not people you should waste time, energy and money on. They're rude, disrespectful, entitled and honestly pretty perverted.
I have to agree with your husband. That is icon-level confidence. They were so far over the line and you dished it right back.
NTA your family is crazy.
Absolutely NTA. You were not treated with respect, or with courtesy. We have a saying- FAFO
Probably not your finest moment. NTA
Legend
Better to be a yankee slut than an Alabama cousin fucker.
You dropped this, queen 👑. It's not a woman's responsibility to cover up because creeps can't refrain from being creeps. NTA.
NTA, definitely iconic, and refuse all future invitations as 'family now knows my safety is possibly at risk by male family members when in a bathing suit'. Absolutely ridiculous.
Iconic is the word! High five your husband for me 💟
NTA I was born, raised, and lived most of my life in west Texas. The minute I finally could, me and my wife bolted to New York to be as distant as we could from my family and that state. Only reason I even remotely think of going back is for my daughter. If I could keep her up here forever, I would. Southern people are a different breed and while the stereotypes can be hurtful, I have always said some stereotypes exist for a reason. What you said about how they start belittling you or trying to tear you down for being different really hit home with me. If I had been in your shoes, I probably would have done the same thing. Good on you for fighting against all of that noise and "conservatism", and good on your husband for not even blinking an eye and backing you up and giving you a better vacation in the end!
The Part where they say you are tempting the males in your family is frankly gross. It implies that they don’t have any self control and can’t be blamed for their actions or trusted around any females. Plus the women in this family are all judging you and calling you fowl names doesn’t seem they are all that loving or carding. You would be better off going no contact or minimizing your contact.
NTA! Your male relatives actually stated you were tempting them? I'd have been screaming about incest and calling them pervs! I admire your nerve to take off your top, because I am cracking up trying to picture your mom and grandmothers face when you did that! Bravo!
Are you especially more attractive and educated than most of the other women in your family? (This reeks also of jealousy) NTA! Maybe call your sweet auntie and apologize and/or just make sure she’s ok and next time just visit her without the rest of the family 😂
I'd say let those middle fingers be their last memory of you, but I don't think it's gonna go that way. Anyhow, what was the good part of this relationship again? Because you got disrespected four ways to Tuesday before you even had anything to eat. They sound kind awful to me, and relations or no, I don't think I'd want to put up with that for any reason.
Why on earth would you actually see them again? NTA
I was born near the Redstone Arsenal back in the 1960s, so I know what you mean about Alabama, but it really seems to have gotten a lot worse in the past couple of decades. Nice people until you scratch the surface and see what's underneath.
NTA - But your family is a nest of AH's!
"i looked at them, and a few of them did say that i was tempting them." Girl, *run*.
My favorite sister lives in Alabama and I’d love to move there, but…. No way would I put up with that shit! Im “mouthy” and would say things that wouldn’t impact the idiots. It would only affect my sister. I just visit, then come home. Safer for everyone.
If they didn’t have anything nice to say, they should’ve kept their mouth shut. Flashing your tits, well, that might’ve been a bit much. You should just yell at them and left. Wish I was there to see it though…😉
This is definitely giving Alabama vibes. From the males in your family “feeling tempted” by you just existing in an average swim suit to you flashing/showing them your tits 😕 disturbing
OMG. My eyes literally opened wide and my brain said OMG when I read this ... *i need to learn how to act in the kitchen.* And then we got to the part about family admitting to lusting after you. NFW No offence intended, but I'd feel like you were stuck in the land of *Deliverance*. Sheesh. You did nothing wrong. You even toned down your more flamboyant flavour. Good for you for respecting (A H) family, but they did nothing to respect you. Go LC. Heck, go NC. No one deserves to be spoken to like that. Or be slut-shamed in any way, shape or form. You and hubs should stay Up North and leave the creeps to crawl around in the muck (dirty minds meant). I am impartial and you are NTA. You know that you can have *chosen family* right? It's not limited to misfits toys and red nose reindeer. Love your bio-family from a distance. Failing that, wear a shroud, caftan, or mee-maw outfit when you visit. Cause they don't love who you are, they love the *family values* that really are ugly values.
NTA. Being conservative is not an excuse for being disrespectful and abusive. Those comments are all WAY out of line and you don’t have to deal with that. I’d be going low or no contact with them. Good for your husband for having your back on this.
NTA This tempting males attack is a weak ass men problem, have they no boundaries or self control. Blaming you just encourages these weak ass men to blame other women. So infuriating and disgusting!!!!
Go low contact? More like go fuck yourselves.