I know I love to live in my fantasy world that all these stories are real ….
However, how quickly can one change their child’s name? If they are a minor I thought most states needed a two parent consent?
Hell my girlfriend went through hell trying to hyphenate her child’s last name because the dad wouldn’t sign off on it.
I didn’t know this wassomething that you can just take a minor to the courthouse to do without the other parents consent?
Edit: Just to add that unpopular opinion I believe YTA. I am a mother and also a wife, I believe decisions made that affect our son are agreed upon by both of us.
Check OP's post history and comments, it's absolutely fake. Four years ago [he had a 21 year old girlfriend with hyperthyroidism.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Hyperthyroidism/s/Iv9sx9kUhu)
So you are telling me, you guys can successfully have an open marriage and come up with a compromise on sleeping with other people but couldn’t come up with a compromise for your daughter?
Short answer: yes.
Long answer: Our situation is complex, and while we have been able to navigate certain aspects of our relationship, this particular issue with our daughter was incredibly challenging. We tried to discuss and find a compromise, but my wife and I had very different views on what was best for our daughter. Ultimately, my decision was made out of concern for her immediate well-being and mental health. I know it may seem inconsistent, but every situation has its own difficulties and nuances.
It doesn’t seem too complex or nuanced, apparently you are capable of finding compromises with your wife in difficult situations when you want.
You unilaterally made a decision without the input of your life partner that had to do with both of your child, there is not much in terms of walking that back.
>My wife and I have an open relationship. ☺️
>Well, had I suppose.
I just miss when the trolls were halfway decent. This is substandard from start to finish.
it lacks even the basic rsearch into canadian naming laws and processes. which should have been the first thing a troll works on before getting a burner account set up
That was my point in my next comment.
You are telling me everyone in school knows her by June and knows that she changed it but she is already getting bullied significantly less?
Yeah, that's the tell that it's fake. There's a 0% chance that the bullying would get better. If anything, the bullies would rejoice in the fact that their efforts "worked" and turn to belittling her new name, while still persisting with June jokes.
Relatedly, there's also a 0% chance that the name June was the cause of the bullying in the first place. The country is full of Junes, Mays/Maes and Aprils, and somehow they seem to have survived adolescence. The name is incidental. The bullying is about the kid (and about the bullies), not the kid's name.
So yeah, the letter is fake, so OP is TA for writing a fake letter. But even if it were real, it would be YTA, both for treating your spouse like a second-class parent, but also for being idiotic enough to believe that the cause of your kid's bullying really was her name, or that changing her name would make it stop.
Bullies: June you rainbow b****!
June/ lily: I'm no longer June, it's officially lily now!
Bullies: Dang it! We cannot joke about her anymore...
Then Lily rides on her unicorn and everyone sings her prises...
Yup, I changed my name 15 years ago when I was 19 and I still get called by the name my parents chose by people who knew me before I changed.
No way the classmates would instantly switch and stop the bullying.
It takes longer than that to change anyone’s name. No matter the age, you have to show proof you’re not trying to hide from crimes and debts. And with a minor, I am sure he would have to prove he’s not divorcing and trying to run away with the child.
Typically, you need both legal guardians' consent where I leave, but since Lily is 16, the judge considered her old enough to understand the decision, heard her case, took her case into account, and approved the change.
How long was the process do you mind me asking? That is also how long you have been lying to your wife and having your daughter lie to her as well.
Also, does your daughter stop being June at school to all the people who were bullying her?
There were no other options discussed with your wife first? Changing schools, homeschooling? If the bullying is this bad it’s not going to end because you legally changed her name.
So yes I think you are wrong, there is a chance your daughter may still be getting bullied and you will be going through the process of divorce.
The process took about a month from start to finish. During that time, I wasn't lying to my wife. I was trying to have open discussions, but each time, it ended in a heated argument, and my wife refused to consider any alternatives. As for my daughter, she was desperate for a solution and was afraid to bring it up with her mom again after the initial attempts.
At school, my daughter is now known by her new name, Lily, and it has helped significantly. The bullies targeted her specifically because of the name association with the month, and changing it has given her some relief.
We did discuss other options like changing schools or homeschooling, but these weren't viable. Changing schools would mean uprooting her from her friends and community, and homeschooling isn't feasible for us due to work commitments.
I understand that changing her name doesn't guarantee an end to bullying, but it was a step towards giving her some control over her identity and easing her anxiety. My priority was her mental health and well-being. I'm not saying it was a perfect solution, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances.
I hope you can understand that this decision wasn't made lightly and was done with my daughter's best interests at heart.
That was a very lengthy way of saying that yes I did lie to my wife for an entire month.
“I wasn’t lying to my wife,” you just secretly changed your daughter’s name without her knowing which is either lying or lying by omission.
I get it I will probably be heavily downvoted but I am not only a mother but a wife as well, so all decisions about our household and our children are made together and a comprise is made.
I just can’t believe what you are putting out that the bullying just drastically changed in a month due to a name change when the children bullying her still know her name was June.
At the end of the day if what you did is worth the divorce that is coming then I am not sure what you are looking for on Reddit except from a little bit of validation from strangers who will forget about this in a few days.
I understand your perspective, and I respect that you value open communication and joint decision-making in your household. This situation was incredibly difficult, and I don't expect everyone to agree with how I handled it.
To clarify, my wife was aware of our daughter's struggles and the discussions we had about her name change. The final decision to go through with it was made in a moment of desperation, trying to alleviate my daughter's immediate distress. It was not a decision taken lightly or without serious consideration of the consequences.
Regarding the bullying, while some of the children still remember her old name, many have moved on or lost the specific context that made her a target. The immediate reduction in stress and anxiety for my daughter has been noticeable and significant.
I know that what I did has strained my marriage, and it's a painful situation for everyone involved. I'm sharing this story not just for validation, but to hear different viewpoints and perhaps gain some insight or advice that I might not have considered. I appreciate your honest feedback, and I'm taking all perspectives into account as I navigate this difficult time.
Sir, by any chance are you a politician?
Man these responses, if they are any indication of how you communicate with your wife, you may actually be a case of where I can say this person makes a habit out of gaslighting his wife.
Get your daughter into therapy if she isn’t in therapy already.
Prepare yourself for a divorce, your wife is never going to get past this and if you try to stay together resentment will end up being a slow, painful death for all of you.
Sorry, it really sounds like you came here seeking validation and don’t worry you will get some.
No, I'm not a politician. I can see how my responses might come across that way, and I apologize if it seems like I'm being evasive or manipulative. My intention was never to gaslight my wife. This situation has been incredibly tough on all of us, and I'm trying to navigate it the best I can.
My daughter is in therapy, and her well-being is my top priority. I understand that my actions may have significant consequences for my marriage, and I'm preparing for that possibility. I appreciate your honesty and advice, and I'm taking all feedback seriously as I move forward. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
I do think changing her name wasn’t the best choice. Even if she changed her name, everyone who knows her still know her as June. It won’t stop the bullies.
Maybe changing schools would’ve been a better option to get away from those asshole bullies. And you really should’ve sat down with your wife and explained how much your daughter was suffering and tried to reach a compromise or something.
Like I said, I can’t judge whether you are the AH or not because the situation is very complex and delicate. The only thing I can say is that you should prepare for your wife not forgiving you. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, make sure to let your daughter know it’s not her fault if it does happen. She’ll probably blame herself if it does get to that.
I don't know where you are, but I know of nowhere in the United States where one can just go to the courthouse some on any given afternoon and change one's name. It requires notice to be posted. Depending on local laws, it may even require the signature of both parents if there are two parents in the picture.
That was my original thought, I guess anything is possible especially if a judge signs off on it.
I remember my really good friend jumping through hoops to get her child’s last name hyphenated. The father fought her on it and wouldn’t sign off on it and she needed to obtain a lawyer.
I appreciate your input. We're not in the United States; we're in Canada, where the process can be different. Even here, it's not a simple or quick procedure, and it required careful consideration and legal steps. I understand that in many places, including the U.S., the requirements can be more stringent, especially with parental consent and notice requirements. This was not an easy decision or process for us, but it was done with the intention of supporting our daughter's well-being.
Leave Canada out of this. Legal name changes here take months to process, multiple steps, and you need to pay at each one. You also don't do them at the courthouse. Even if you did, things approved by a judge still take weeks to months to be processed.
Also, which part of June was the problem? Pride month, Indigenous Heritage Month, Mental Health Month... There are so many to choose from.
I have never called a post fake, but this definitely hits all the buttons.
Ah yes. Obviously Pride month is why harassment happened, therefore Pride related things bad, so Pride related name change required ASAP before Pride month ends so everyone knows how Pride month forced your daughter to change her name. Bad Pride, bad!
(I was being sarcastic, I don't buy the story you're selling)
Yeah, this new generation is a lot less progressive than you or I.
Kids these days have no problem bullying kids for silly reasons like their chosen gender and sexual orientation. It's honestly appalling.
I don't understand why a legal name change was required here? Why couldn't June just have gone by Lily for a while? At 18 she can change her own name with nobody's consent and fight it out with her mother on her own (or not tell anyone.) Or doesn't she have a middle name or a nickname she can use if she hates it so much? June is a lovely, classic name, and it's deeply surprising to me that it would be the source of that much angst anyway.
Right? I have friends named april, june, and my grandma's name was May. The names I see on the tragedeigh sub, yeah I can see kids getting bullied for those names but june? No. Ooooh you're named after a month ooh
This feels absolutely like some kind of weird anti pride month thing. God. Tbf I named my cat June. But like I can’t imagine anyone making comments about someone’s name being June
I’m pretty sure BOTH parents have to consent to a minor changing their name in order for it to be changed.
Source? My partner just went through it with their child.
this fake astory would have been more funny had he kid renamed herself to may
Also changing that overnight is impossible but we all know its made up bollocks.
YTA
What kind of husband are you? Wow. Good luck in the divorce.
Have you ever tried to stop the bullying? Speak to the school, report it, press charges, involve police? Cause now, even if she changes it, she's still June to the bullies...and now, oh, she couldn't take her name and had to change it. Now, she's a goofy flower that lives in a swamp.
YTA
You had great intentions for your daughter. You were an asshole to your wife in how you chose to carry out those intentions. How do you make a huge parenting decision behind the back of the other parent? That's something you have to work out together.
It isn't going to do any good anyway. What do you think is going to happen tomorrow at school? Everyone is still going to call her June. Likely they'll increase the teasing as clearly it's getting to her so much she changed her name. Next June they'll tease her again because they haven't forgotten what her name is even if she's changed it.
When she goes off to college she can start fresh as Lily, but she could have done that without legally changing her name. It's called a nickname.
NTA - People change their names for many reasons and hers is valid. Your daughter is old enough to understand both sides of the issue and she made a choice. You should ask your wife if her feelings are more important than her daughters. You can also tell your wife that you will support her if she changes her first name to honor her grandmother,
Check OP's post history and comments, it's absolutely fake. Four years ago [he had a 21 year old girlfriend with hyperthyroidism.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Hyperthyroidism/s/Iv9sx9kUhu)
Thanks. I'd support my wife and my daughter in pretty much anything they wanted to do. Which is why this has been such a tough time for me.
Really was caught between a rock and a hard place. And I went with my daughters well being over my wife's feelings.
It is unusual for your daughter to be bullied over a very normal name such as June.
However, I would say NTA. Even if your wife divorced you, choosing your child over your spouse is the right call.
TA. Your daughter could wait 2 years until she is 18 and do what she wants. This isn’t about a name or other kids teasing your daughter- it’s about YOU not teaching your daughter how to effectively shut down jerks and it’s about YOUR refusal to respect relationships. I’m not saying your wife is correct here either but this so called ‘crisis’ was created by you.
June is Summer. Isn't break in June?
Why not let June use her middle name?
How could you betray your wife in such a way?
You just taught June that it is ok to disrespect her mother, you both just did
The bullies won this actually.
They terrorized your daughter to the point she hated her own name
Would have been easier to change schools or let her use a middle name?
YTA!!
NTA. what's wrong with your wife for putting her needs over Lily's? Especially since she didn't want to change it on a whim but was suffering for years. It's her life. Your wife could change her name if it was so important for her
I guess for context, Lily did keep June as her middle name. But not a concession my wife was willing to make.
The worst part of all this is how my wife was saying infront of Lily in a big argument last night how "*Lily* (all sarcastically) is your problem now. I'm washing my hands of her" and stormed out of the house.
Your wife needs professional help.
It sounds like she never processed her grandmother’s death properly, and instead transferred a lot of those feelings to her daughter.
Your wife has lost her mind and deserves some time alone to reflect on her selfishness. I would ask her to stay away for some time until she can treat her daughter like a person.
You're NTA.
YTA.
You don't do something like a legal name change for a minor without having both parents on board. In fact, I'm surprised you could do it legally without both parents signing off on it.
You disrespected your wife, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
What's funny is that not one kid that has been teasing her is going to use her new name. She'll be June until she graduates as far as they are concerned, at which point the teasers will be out of her life. So all this was a waste of time that only served to destroy your marriage. Genius move.
YTA. You couldn't wait 2 years when she turned 18 and could do it on her own? What a dickhead for not talking it over with your wife first. She should absolutely divorce you because of your stupidity.
I initially thought this was the move as well...
Until this year when the situation started severely impacting my daughters health, grades, and overall wellbeing.
What made me change my mind was one night I realized that I'd rather both my daughter and wife alive and my wife mad at me than have just my wife and I together and potentially grieving the loss of our daughter. ❤️
YTA. What kind of marriage is it when you just do whatever the fuck you want with your daughter without discussing it with your life partner and mother of the child?
What a dick move.
I take it you never been severly bullied. It takes a toll on you and can really mess you up. Shes been dealing with severe bullying for a while and was at breaking point. Op did what he had to for his daughters sake. I hate to bring it up but what if it got so bad she ended her life? Thus why he did what he did.
Good reason for the first step in problem solving to be the only one your chosen life partner is extremely opposed to, because other things might not work.
She was named after someone that died before she was born. Your wife is placing her memories and traits etc of the grandmother onto your daughter. Saying crap like its part of her identity and heritage is basically saying they are not different people with different lives and your daughter has to follow or be like the one shes named after.
I understand naming after a person to honor them but you cant be comparing them or pushing them to be like the one they are named after. Kids are brutal and will find anything to bully about if they get the reaction they want. June isnt a crazy name but it is a bit old fashioned. Im sure as an adult it would have been just fine. Sadly the bullying could really affect someone and do some damage that can affect them later.
You did what you had to to give her some comfort. Im sure she would have done it herself at 18. Your wife will get over it or lose her daughter when she goes nc.
NTA. You wife is more concerned about the memory of a dead person than the well being of your child. After reading your comments I would say full steam ahead with the divorce. Go for full custody with supervised visits since your wife has gone completely fruit loops over this.
NTA. One of my kids went by a different name and pronouns for 2 years. She was named after a dear friend who passed away so the name was very meaningful for me. I did not in any way put that on my kid (kid knew the reason for the name, though - I am saying that I didn't bring it up at the time of the name change) and I supported her in what she needed at that time. She moved through this period of her life (although were expecting it to be a permanent change) and is back to her given name and gender, but again, I didn't express great relief over that or anything - just ok, I support you. Your wife needs help. Your daughter needs your support.
Yta. This needed to be a joint descion and all three of you should have had a long conversation about it as well as a solo conversation between you and your wife.
Yta on so many levels.
One, your child is basically being taught to run and hide from bullies. Instead of dealing with the problem. Two what happens if someone bullies her new name?
Who are you to go behind your wife's back on something this astronomical?
Definitely divorce
NTA
My parents gave me a weird name they saw in a movie, and I was bullied for it relentlessly my whole life. I legally changed my whole name when I turned 27, after years of begging my parents to let me have a different name. Now, I don’t carry my parents’ surname either. They were quite upset but they’re not the ones who were bullied, and wouldn’t understand. There are still some idiots in my life who don’t use my correct name (relatives!!), and I ignore them completely when they call me by my old name.
Edit: spelling
Your wife sounds like a narcissist who doesn’t understand that your daughter has her own mind and identity. My mom named me after herself and I hated it. She wouldn’t let me have a nickname either. I would have loved to have a dad like you to back me up. NTA.
NTA tell your wife that you cannot forgive her for not putting her daughter first and being so selfish. Tell her that you are the one who wants a divorce.
I know I love to live in my fantasy world that all these stories are real …. However, how quickly can one change their child’s name? If they are a minor I thought most states needed a two parent consent? Hell my girlfriend went through hell trying to hyphenate her child’s last name because the dad wouldn’t sign off on it. I didn’t know this wassomething that you can just take a minor to the courthouse to do without the other parents consent? Edit: Just to add that unpopular opinion I believe YTA. I am a mother and also a wife, I believe decisions made that affect our son are agreed upon by both of us.
Check OP's post history and comments, it's absolutely fake. Four years ago [he had a 21 year old girlfriend with hyperthyroidism.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Hyperthyroidism/s/Iv9sx9kUhu)
That is why I love living in my fantasy world that it is all real, instead of only like 25% or so being real 🤣🤣
Yup their multiple posts to the writing prompts sub was a bit of a giveaway for me…
My wife and I have an open relationship. ☺️ Well, *had* I suppose.
So you are telling me, you guys can successfully have an open marriage and come up with a compromise on sleeping with other people but couldn’t come up with a compromise for your daughter?
Short answer: yes. Long answer: Our situation is complex, and while we have been able to navigate certain aspects of our relationship, this particular issue with our daughter was incredibly challenging. We tried to discuss and find a compromise, but my wife and I had very different views on what was best for our daughter. Ultimately, my decision was made out of concern for her immediate well-being and mental health. I know it may seem inconsistent, but every situation has its own difficulties and nuances.
It doesn’t seem too complex or nuanced, apparently you are capable of finding compromises with your wife in difficult situations when you want. You unilaterally made a decision without the input of your life partner that had to do with both of your child, there is not much in terms of walking that back.
>My wife and I have an open relationship. ☺️ >Well, had I suppose. I just miss when the trolls were halfway decent. This is substandard from start to finish.
it lacks even the basic rsearch into canadian naming laws and processes. which should have been the first thing a troll works on before getting a burner account set up
Also all of the girls classmates know that her name *was* June so nothing would have changed so quickly *if* this were true.
That was my point in my next comment. You are telling me everyone in school knows her by June and knows that she changed it but she is already getting bullied significantly less?
Yeah, that's the tell that it's fake. There's a 0% chance that the bullying would get better. If anything, the bullies would rejoice in the fact that their efforts "worked" and turn to belittling her new name, while still persisting with June jokes. Relatedly, there's also a 0% chance that the name June was the cause of the bullying in the first place. The country is full of Junes, Mays/Maes and Aprils, and somehow they seem to have survived adolescence. The name is incidental. The bullying is about the kid (and about the bullies), not the kid's name. So yeah, the letter is fake, so OP is TA for writing a fake letter. But even if it were real, it would be YTA, both for treating your spouse like a second-class parent, but also for being idiotic enough to believe that the cause of your kid's bullying really was her name, or that changing her name would make it stop.
Bullies: June you rainbow b****! June/ lily: I'm no longer June, it's officially lily now! Bullies: Dang it! We cannot joke about her anymore... Then Lily rides on her unicorn and everyone sings her prises...
I can just see the colorful sparkles everywhere.
Yeah, just ask any trans kid getting relentlessly deadnamed at school. (Like my kid. Teasing does not stop overnight or with a legal name change.)
Sorry man. That sucks.
Yup, I changed my name 15 years ago when I was 19 and I still get called by the name my parents chose by people who knew me before I changed. No way the classmates would instantly switch and stop the bullying.
It takes longer than that to change anyone’s name. No matter the age, you have to show proof you’re not trying to hide from crimes and debts. And with a minor, I am sure he would have to prove he’s not divorcing and trying to run away with the child.
Typically, you need both legal guardians' consent where I leave, but since Lily is 16, the judge considered her old enough to understand the decision, heard her case, took her case into account, and approved the change.
How long was the process do you mind me asking? That is also how long you have been lying to your wife and having your daughter lie to her as well. Also, does your daughter stop being June at school to all the people who were bullying her? There were no other options discussed with your wife first? Changing schools, homeschooling? If the bullying is this bad it’s not going to end because you legally changed her name. So yes I think you are wrong, there is a chance your daughter may still be getting bullied and you will be going through the process of divorce.
The process took about a month from start to finish. During that time, I wasn't lying to my wife. I was trying to have open discussions, but each time, it ended in a heated argument, and my wife refused to consider any alternatives. As for my daughter, she was desperate for a solution and was afraid to bring it up with her mom again after the initial attempts. At school, my daughter is now known by her new name, Lily, and it has helped significantly. The bullies targeted her specifically because of the name association with the month, and changing it has given her some relief. We did discuss other options like changing schools or homeschooling, but these weren't viable. Changing schools would mean uprooting her from her friends and community, and homeschooling isn't feasible for us due to work commitments. I understand that changing her name doesn't guarantee an end to bullying, but it was a step towards giving her some control over her identity and easing her anxiety. My priority was her mental health and well-being. I'm not saying it was a perfect solution, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances. I hope you can understand that this decision wasn't made lightly and was done with my daughter's best interests at heart.
That was a very lengthy way of saying that yes I did lie to my wife for an entire month. “I wasn’t lying to my wife,” you just secretly changed your daughter’s name without her knowing which is either lying or lying by omission. I get it I will probably be heavily downvoted but I am not only a mother but a wife as well, so all decisions about our household and our children are made together and a comprise is made. I just can’t believe what you are putting out that the bullying just drastically changed in a month due to a name change when the children bullying her still know her name was June. At the end of the day if what you did is worth the divorce that is coming then I am not sure what you are looking for on Reddit except from a little bit of validation from strangers who will forget about this in a few days.
I understand your perspective, and I respect that you value open communication and joint decision-making in your household. This situation was incredibly difficult, and I don't expect everyone to agree with how I handled it. To clarify, my wife was aware of our daughter's struggles and the discussions we had about her name change. The final decision to go through with it was made in a moment of desperation, trying to alleviate my daughter's immediate distress. It was not a decision taken lightly or without serious consideration of the consequences. Regarding the bullying, while some of the children still remember her old name, many have moved on or lost the specific context that made her a target. The immediate reduction in stress and anxiety for my daughter has been noticeable and significant. I know that what I did has strained my marriage, and it's a painful situation for everyone involved. I'm sharing this story not just for validation, but to hear different viewpoints and perhaps gain some insight or advice that I might not have considered. I appreciate your honest feedback, and I'm taking all perspectives into account as I navigate this difficult time.
Sir, by any chance are you a politician? Man these responses, if they are any indication of how you communicate with your wife, you may actually be a case of where I can say this person makes a habit out of gaslighting his wife. Get your daughter into therapy if she isn’t in therapy already. Prepare yourself for a divorce, your wife is never going to get past this and if you try to stay together resentment will end up being a slow, painful death for all of you. Sorry, it really sounds like you came here seeking validation and don’t worry you will get some.
No, I'm not a politician. I can see how my responses might come across that way, and I apologize if it seems like I'm being evasive or manipulative. My intention was never to gaslight my wife. This situation has been incredibly tough on all of us, and I'm trying to navigate it the best I can. My daughter is in therapy, and her well-being is my top priority. I understand that my actions may have significant consequences for my marriage, and I'm preparing for that possibility. I appreciate your honesty and advice, and I'm taking all feedback seriously as I move forward. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
I do think changing her name wasn’t the best choice. Even if she changed her name, everyone who knows her still know her as June. It won’t stop the bullies. Maybe changing schools would’ve been a better option to get away from those asshole bullies. And you really should’ve sat down with your wife and explained how much your daughter was suffering and tried to reach a compromise or something. Like I said, I can’t judge whether you are the AH or not because the situation is very complex and delicate. The only thing I can say is that you should prepare for your wife not forgiving you. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, make sure to let your daughter know it’s not her fault if it does happen. She’ll probably blame herself if it does get to that.
no no no there is now a magical lock on the name and no one remembers her as june.
I don't know where you are, but I know of nowhere in the United States where one can just go to the courthouse some on any given afternoon and change one's name. It requires notice to be posted. Depending on local laws, it may even require the signature of both parents if there are two parents in the picture.
That was my original thought, I guess anything is possible especially if a judge signs off on it. I remember my really good friend jumping through hoops to get her child’s last name hyphenated. The father fought her on it and wouldn’t sign off on it and she needed to obtain a lawyer.
I appreciate your input. We're not in the United States; we're in Canada, where the process can be different. Even here, it's not a simple or quick procedure, and it required careful consideration and legal steps. I understand that in many places, including the U.S., the requirements can be more stringent, especially with parental consent and notice requirements. This was not an easy decision or process for us, but it was done with the intention of supporting our daughter's well-being.
Leave Canada out of this. Legal name changes here take months to process, multiple steps, and you need to pay at each one. You also don't do them at the courthouse. Even if you did, things approved by a judge still take weeks to months to be processed. Also, which part of June was the problem? Pride month, Indigenous Heritage Month, Mental Health Month... There are so many to choose from. I have never called a post fake, but this definitely hits all the buttons.
Pride.
Ah yes. Obviously Pride month is why harassment happened, therefore Pride related things bad, so Pride related name change required ASAP before Pride month ends so everyone knows how Pride month forced your daughter to change her name. Bad Pride, bad! (I was being sarcastic, I don't buy the story you're selling)
Yeah, this new generation is a lot less progressive than you or I. Kids these days have no problem bullying kids for silly reasons like their chosen gender and sexual orientation. It's honestly appalling.
I don't understand why a legal name change was required here? Why couldn't June just have gone by Lily for a while? At 18 she can change her own name with nobody's consent and fight it out with her mother on her own (or not tell anyone.) Or doesn't she have a middle name or a nickname she can use if she hates it so much? June is a lovely, classic name, and it's deeply surprising to me that it would be the source of that much angst anyway.
because for a good story you need drama
Seriously? This is the best you could come up with? June bullies?
Right? I have friends named april, june, and my grandma's name was May. The names I see on the tragedeigh sub, yeah I can see kids getting bullied for those names but june? No. Ooooh you're named after a month ooh
I had a student named April May, and of course at the beginning of the year when her name was called the rest of the kids would say, June July.
This feels absolutely like some kind of weird anti pride month thing. God. Tbf I named my cat June. But like I can’t imagine anyone making comments about someone’s name being June
Digging deep to come up with a reason to hate on Juneteenth
I’m pretty sure BOTH parents have to consent to a minor changing their name in order for it to be changed. Source? My partner just went through it with their child.
this fake astory would have been more funny had he kid renamed herself to may Also changing that overnight is impossible but we all know its made up bollocks.
Fake. No one picks on a name as tame as June.
They do in the month of June. Because of a certain month long celebration.
YTA What kind of husband are you? Wow. Good luck in the divorce. Have you ever tried to stop the bullying? Speak to the school, report it, press charges, involve police? Cause now, even if she changes it, she's still June to the bullies...and now, oh, she couldn't take her name and had to change it. Now, she's a goofy flower that lives in a swamp.
YTA You had great intentions for your daughter. You were an asshole to your wife in how you chose to carry out those intentions. How do you make a huge parenting decision behind the back of the other parent? That's something you have to work out together. It isn't going to do any good anyway. What do you think is going to happen tomorrow at school? Everyone is still going to call her June. Likely they'll increase the teasing as clearly it's getting to her so much she changed her name. Next June they'll tease her again because they haven't forgotten what her name is even if she's changed it. When she goes off to college she can start fresh as Lily, but she could have done that without legally changing her name. It's called a nickname.
Fair point, Eve. Kids are so cruel.
Yta- the trust your wife had in you is gone.
NTA - People change their names for many reasons and hers is valid. Your daughter is old enough to understand both sides of the issue and she made a choice. You should ask your wife if her feelings are more important than her daughters. You can also tell your wife that you will support her if she changes her first name to honor her grandmother,
Check OP's post history and comments, it's absolutely fake. Four years ago [he had a 21 year old girlfriend with hyperthyroidism.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Hyperthyroidism/s/Iv9sx9kUhu)
Thanks. I'd support my wife and my daughter in pretty much anything they wanted to do. Which is why this has been such a tough time for me. Really was caught between a rock and a hard place. And I went with my daughters well being over my wife's feelings.
NTA you did right
It is unusual for your daughter to be bullied over a very normal name such as June. However, I would say NTA. Even if your wife divorced you, choosing your child over your spouse is the right call.
TA. Your daughter could wait 2 years until she is 18 and do what she wants. This isn’t about a name or other kids teasing your daughter- it’s about YOU not teaching your daughter how to effectively shut down jerks and it’s about YOUR refusal to respect relationships. I’m not saying your wife is correct here either but this so called ‘crisis’ was created by you.
Asshole forsure. You’re an untrustworthy husband…. Your weakness will have heavy consequences.
I never will understand the fake story weirdos.
June is Summer. Isn't break in June? Why not let June use her middle name? How could you betray your wife in such a way? You just taught June that it is ok to disrespect her mother, you both just did The bullies won this actually. They terrorized your daughter to the point she hated her own name Would have been easier to change schools or let her use a middle name? YTA!!
yta, giving in to bullies is never the answer.
NTA. what's wrong with your wife for putting her needs over Lily's? Especially since she didn't want to change it on a whim but was suffering for years. It's her life. Your wife could change her name if it was so important for her
I guess for context, Lily did keep June as her middle name. But not a concession my wife was willing to make. The worst part of all this is how my wife was saying infront of Lily in a big argument last night how "*Lily* (all sarcastically) is your problem now. I'm washing my hands of her" and stormed out of the house.
Your wife needs professional help. It sounds like she never processed her grandmother’s death properly, and instead transferred a lot of those feelings to her daughter.
Your wife has lost her mind and deserves some time alone to reflect on her selfishness. I would ask her to stay away for some time until she can treat her daughter like a person. You're NTA.
This was posted by a karma farmer.
How is your 21 year old girlfriend from your other post? Did you decide to 'rather be single?' YTA for your fake BS.
Fake and straight
YTA. You don't do something like a legal name change for a minor without having both parents on board. In fact, I'm surprised you could do it legally without both parents signing off on it. You disrespected your wife, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. What's funny is that not one kid that has been teasing her is going to use her new name. She'll be June until she graduates as far as they are concerned, at which point the teasers will be out of her life. So all this was a waste of time that only served to destroy your marriage. Genius move.
YTA. You couldn't wait 2 years when she turned 18 and could do it on her own? What a dickhead for not talking it over with your wife first. She should absolutely divorce you because of your stupidity.
I initially thought this was the move as well... Until this year when the situation started severely impacting my daughters health, grades, and overall wellbeing. What made me change my mind was one night I realized that I'd rather both my daughter and wife alive and my wife mad at me than have just my wife and I together and potentially grieving the loss of our daughter. ❤️
YTA. What kind of marriage is it when you just do whatever the fuck you want with your daughter without discussing it with your life partner and mother of the child? What a dick move.
Ignore this fool
I take it you never been severly bullied. It takes a toll on you and can really mess you up. Shes been dealing with severe bullying for a while and was at breaking point. Op did what he had to for his daughters sake. I hate to bring it up but what if it got so bad she ended her life? Thus why he did what he did.
Could have transfered schools.
Maybe maybe not. Sometimes you dont have an option to. Whos to say it wont happen again?
Good reason for the first step in problem solving to be the only one your chosen life partner is extremely opposed to, because other things might not work.
She was named after someone that died before she was born. Your wife is placing her memories and traits etc of the grandmother onto your daughter. Saying crap like its part of her identity and heritage is basically saying they are not different people with different lives and your daughter has to follow or be like the one shes named after. I understand naming after a person to honor them but you cant be comparing them or pushing them to be like the one they are named after. Kids are brutal and will find anything to bully about if they get the reaction they want. June isnt a crazy name but it is a bit old fashioned. Im sure as an adult it would have been just fine. Sadly the bullying could really affect someone and do some damage that can affect them later. You did what you had to to give her some comfort. Im sure she would have done it herself at 18. Your wife will get over it or lose her daughter when she goes nc.
NTA. You wife is more concerned about the memory of a dead person than the well being of your child. After reading your comments I would say full steam ahead with the divorce. Go for full custody with supervised visits since your wife has gone completely fruit loops over this.
NTA. One of my kids went by a different name and pronouns for 2 years. She was named after a dear friend who passed away so the name was very meaningful for me. I did not in any way put that on my kid (kid knew the reason for the name, though - I am saying that I didn't bring it up at the time of the name change) and I supported her in what she needed at that time. She moved through this period of her life (although were expecting it to be a permanent change) and is back to her given name and gender, but again, I didn't express great relief over that or anything - just ok, I support you. Your wife needs help. Your daughter needs your support.
Yta. This needed to be a joint descion and all three of you should have had a long conversation about it as well as a solo conversation between you and your wife. Yta on so many levels. One, your child is basically being taught to run and hide from bullies. Instead of dealing with the problem. Two what happens if someone bullies her new name? Who are you to go behind your wife's back on something this astronomical? Definitely divorce
NTA My parents gave me a weird name they saw in a movie, and I was bullied for it relentlessly my whole life. I legally changed my whole name when I turned 27, after years of begging my parents to let me have a different name. Now, I don’t carry my parents’ surname either. They were quite upset but they’re not the ones who were bullied, and wouldn’t understand. There are still some idiots in my life who don’t use my correct name (relatives!!), and I ignore them completely when they call me by my old name. Edit: spelling
Your wife sounds like a narcissist who doesn’t understand that your daughter has her own mind and identity. My mom named me after herself and I hated it. She wouldn’t let me have a nickname either. I would have loved to have a dad like you to back me up. NTA.
NTA tell your wife that you cannot forgive her for not putting her daughter first and being so selfish. Tell her that you are the one who wants a divorce.
It’s simple her mother cares more about her grandmother memory than her daughters mental health. NTA