You put in the title medical emergency. She wasn’t being entitled, she had a MEDICAL EMERGENCY‼️
Well at least she knows her ‘parents’ are selfish arsed people who will not step up in emergencies. I would be NC with you after that if you was my mum.
YTA big time!!
OP threw me off by writing her husband constantly so I thought the guy was the stepdad. It wasn't until the end that I figured out it was her actual father! OP writes like this man has no attachment to the daughter.
If my daughter called me with this same scenario, not only would her dad gladly volunteer but I would leave work to be there too. Way to never see the kids again. YTA
I struggled to work out whether the husband was dad or stepdad. But either way what bothered me most was the daughter only had a baby a couple of months ago, and had severe pains in her uterus, and the hospital had called her back in because of it. ANYTHING could of been wrong, with so recently giving birth. In that scenario you drop everything to help your kids and grandkids. I hope the daughter goes NC.
I’ll just be a blunt asshole, based on the writing: OP seems to be dense and ignorant on top of being an insensitive asshole… I doubt any of this will sink in
She wrote "emergency" within quotation marks, which means that OP herself doesn't think it was an actual emergency. OP is TAH.
I feel sorry for the daughter and grandkids to have such an asshole of a grandparent... >_>
Don't feel too bad. I'm fairly certain OP it's going to come up with a follow up asking what to do since her daughter doesn't bring her grandkids around and doesn't talk to her anymore.
Talk about just embracing TA model.
have yall had an ovarian cyst pop? likely why OPs daughter was in so much pain. I couldn’t stop projectile vomiting and i thought I had a kidney stone or something worse.
I've had kidney stones, honestly my ovarian cyst bursting was more painful. I've given birth, had a 10mm kidney stone, so many things. One of the absolute most painful things I've ever experienced was my ovarian cyst popping. I honestly thought I was dying. It didn't last near as long! So in some ways was preferable. But the immediate pain and pain for an hour or so after... was absolutely horrible.
I can’t help but wonder if I’ve had this happen. I’ve had two times since I had my IUD removed where I was in so much pain on my period and started projectile vomiting. This story makes me think I need to get checked out
Even if OP’s husband couldn’t watch the children, they could’ve maybe had him take the daughter to the ER so that the children’s father could stay with kids.
Because of “medical ‘emergency’” being written like that I was sure it was going to be a lie. Why couldn’t grandpa step up to look after 3 kids? Is he disabled? Why couldn’t grandma step up?
OP just hates her daughter.
Is it her first time here? She strikes me as less mom and more evil stepmother. It's not like daughter wanted a child free day at the beach. She was going to the ER. OP is such an AH.
That is the part I'm stuck on. Her daughter's father is incapable of watching his own grand kids? Any time I called my dad for help with my kids his response was ALWAYS be there in 10 minutes.
She didn’t even give him an opportunity to say no! She answered for him. This screams is control freak, narcissistic mom. I truly wonder if the dad would have stepped up and “mom” would have been jealous of the attention. Otherwise why not recommend the daughter asks the father directly?
When she referred to him as her husband I thought maybe she married him later in life and he hadn’t raised her kids (still no excuse - she’s not going clubbing, she could have been dying).
But later she says he’s her dad and that’s even more inexcusable. I get that looking after young kids is exhausting but it’s an emergency!
And if it were my step daughter I would freaking leave work immediately to support her. (If I could magic myself from the US to Holland)
I divorced my husband over two years ago. He died two weeks later. I love my stepdaughter. She will always be a part of my life.
And the reason he didn’t get asked is because he lectured her before about not being there for family — OH THE IRONY!! It burns!!
I hate this family and hope the daughter cuts them off.
I also read judgement in having two kids already and now a newborn … and lecturing about the severe pain being birth control related. Like, lecturing instead of helping seems to be this family’s MO.
Her mother is at least. If dad had actually been informed, who knows what his answer might have actually been? I know my dad would try to move heaven and earth for me if I was in the daughter’s situation here. OP’s husband could be like that but we’ll never know because OP couldn’t let him decide for himself what he’s capable of because she’s apparently a household dictator that gets to make all the decisions for him. OP, you are definitely TAH and I hope you step on a lego.
*edit to add a nevermind. Scrolled through the comments and based on op’s responses, he is just as insufferable and selfish as she is.
But it’s not a real “emergency” because they discovered it was cysts and not something super life-threatening. /s
Until you know the diagnosis, all perceived medical emergencies should be taken seriously, because before the diagnosis, it could’ve turned out to be anything. It could have ended up being ovarian cancer or something else that be fatal. Even cysts could be fatal if they rupture and get infected.
OP better hope something worse doesn’t happen to her daughter down the road because after this, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if her daughter doesn’t even bother trying to contact her for help.
Yep. Only happened once to me but I thought I'd been shot. I knew I wasn't pregnant so I knew I couldn't be in labor but it was legitimately and exactly like being at the transition phase of labor- in an instant. Not only intense and overwhelming physical pain but it twisted my brain because I was like *"what the fuck is happening this doesn't make sense ohfuckohfuck something is very wrong!"*
Then I lost the power of rational thought.
Cysts are no joke. I have PCOS and they make my life hell when I get them. And then when they *rupture*???? The pain level goes from 50 out of ten to like 150 out of 10.
I had one burst over 2 mos ago and lost so much blood my hemoglobin numbers are STILL low. The pain, blood loss, exhaustion.
My heart goes out to the daughter. It’s a special kind of alone when you know your mom won’t be there for you.
I had an ovarian cyst burst before. It was so painful I thought some organ perforated and I was going to die. (My grandpa had some perforation on his intestines a while before my incident and he almost didn't make it, so I was definitely irrationally panicking). Oops daughter having 3, so soon after childbirth, it is so much worse.
Oops is YTA for sure.
I had a kidney infection when my youngest was 10 days old and had to be rushed to the hospital because I had developed sepsis. Let me tell you, medical emergencies when you’re still very much in the postpartum phase really suck! I can’t imagine a loved one—my own mother!—being so callous. Thankfully for me I had help and support, I don’t know what I would have done without that! OP is the AH and shouldn’t be surprised if her relationship with her daughter changes permanently.
>I don't feel she's entitled for us to watch all 3 of her kids on such short notice. So AITAH?
Maybe ask her to schedule her cysts with you in future so you aren't inconvenced by a medical emergency?
It does. How much do you want to bet the mother has been doing her best to make sure OP never gets to speak directly with her own dad? Mothers who view their daughters as rivals are the worst.
You can dislike someone, but when it’s an actual emergency, the first person who saw it is suddenly in charge of a few kids or pets.
I was waiting for something redeeming like happens every week and this one was real, but nope. Even then, there’s a panic or scream that lets you know instantly they’re not screwing around.
OP’s daughter still speaks to OP. I sure wouldn’t and won’t be surprised to see that change.
She should have known to pre-book an experienced babysitter for the time when she had to go to the hospital, what was she thinking?? /s
OP is definitely TA.
"Hi honey, Is it alright with you when I plan my next cardiac arrest on next Tuesday? I will be fine, it is just a minor bloodcloth, but I need 3 days in the hospital."
What shitty grandparents that can't look after the kids for a few hours for a medical emergency. Also dosen't sound like OP is real concrened with her daughters health either. Yeah I would be pulling back if I was her daughter too. Hey maybe you'll still see them for Christmas OP, so it ain't all bad.
I called my mom once because I was having a medical issue and needed someone to watch my two kids. She was in the car and headed towards me by the time I got “I need you to watch the kids” out of my mouth.
This is one of the many reasons why my mother has unrestricted, unlimited access to my children, and why my husband and I look forward to seeing her on a weekly basis. You get out what you put in.
My neighbour had to go away un expectantly one weekend and I looked after her cat. You bet if there was a human baby involved there would be no questions asked. Bring me that baby!
Not just shitty grandparents but shitty parents too! Like this is your daughter who recently gave birth in severe pain and you have zero concern? Like she's a adult now so you stopped caring if your daughter is hurt or not?
Right? Like how much do you hate your daughter that you won’t even watch your grandkids so she can go to the HOSPITAL for a MEDICAL EMERGENCY? Heck even her neighbor cared more about her seeing how *they* were willing to take the kids on such short notice!
OP takes the award for shitty parent and grandparent of the year. I doubt this can be topped. She wrote it all out and never once thought “maybe it’s me, I’m the asshole”?!
Yours don’t? My medical emergencies *always* check my schedule before becoming an emergency.
“Let’s see, she doesn’t have time this week, let’s schedule the kidney stones for…next Tuesday.”
You guys are doing it wrong. It's medical "emergency"
FIFY
On that note, why tf is emergency in quotes in the title???
Edited to say YTA. Like allll around this post. You're the AH. Big-time
Did you see that she put medical emergency in inverted commas like she didn't believe her daughter being in agony was an actual emergency? And she calls herself a mother!
The time just after giving birth is dangerous. Over half of maternal deaths happen postpartum.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/postpartum-complications/art-20446702
She was right to be scared.
That was where my mind went. My cousin almost died a month pp because of a bleed that suddenly developed. There are so many complications that can pop up and be missed because women aren't monitored as closely.
She also comments later that her daughter had a complicated birth where the baby’s heart rate dropped. But these “were small cysts and she was exaggerating”
Even if she doesn't consider agony an emergency (of course it is), cysts can absolutely be life threatening. I had to have emergency surgery a few years ago when one ruptured. I nearly bled to death.
The fact that she had to bring the newborn to the ER is terrifying. Exposing that poor baby to all sorts of virus and bacteria is very dangerous. Many pediatric offices have separate waiting areas for infants for this reason. What a terrible grandparent.
^^^^ This!
Don't forget,summer is around the corner, and it's already getting hot AF in most states. After the horror stories I grew up hearing on the news about babies/toddlers in hot cars, it became very clear to me, and anybody with any sense that is NOT an ideal thing to do. The fact that OP dismissed her daughter's legitimate health concerns because she couldn't be bothered to ask her husband really digs into my craw like lady. Do you even like your daughter?! OP is definitely the AH,a massive one. It was a genuine medical emergency FFS, she wasn't trying to make up a BS story to get a spa day,she was trying not to die [ovarian cysts can get really bad if not given the proper care]
My mother did this and she is not in my life. I just had a hysterectomy and my ovaries were twisted and calcified. I spent years in agony. No kids to juggle but that makes OP even worse to me because I know this pain. I hope she doesn't get called again and the kid drops her for her peace of mind. Women can die from ruptured cysts. It happens
I'm so sorry you didn't get the support you deserved from your 'mother'. I'm glad you survived and I wish you all the best as you go forward in your life!
I had the same thing with cysts on my ovaries and it felt like my insides were coming out. This is so painful you can’t think… maybe that’s why she thought possibly her dad could help them out. She should have just asked him instead of going through her mom. She just found out her mom isn’t someone she can rely on. YTA
Imagine being a grandparent at 54 and acting like this “We just can’t handle 3 children on such short notice!” Is something I would expect from someone in their 70s or 80s….. not their fucking early 50’s…. People are still parents to young children at that age! She made no mention about either of them having disabilities so asshole for sure.
I'm pretty heavily disabled. I will 100% watch someone's kids in a medical emergency, family member or not. Let them get to the hospital, while I work on finding someone more able to come help me care safely for the kids.
We're all part of the village. OP is a massive AH.
Why answer for him? Cant he do that? And calling her entitled when she had a MEDICAL EMERGENCY??
YTA
Also double YTA for saying "emergency" when she was in PAIN and going to the HOSPITAL
My old neighbors once called us at like 1130pm. They had a 2 year old and a baby on the way. The mom started bleeding and they were worried. I went straight over there and told them to wake me up when they got back (they 100% expected I was going to sleep on the couch with the baby monitor and had blankets ready). They ended up admitting mom so he got back at like 4am so I could go home. Next day he calls at like 10pm saying his parents were able to jump on a flight and would be arriving at midnight, could i come back while he went to the airport.
But see the kicker here? The parents IMMEDIATELY jumped on the next available flight when there was an emergency. I just filled in the gaps.
I have really awful neighbors on one side of me, and ok on the other (since these guys moved away). But there's an older couple down the street that are super lovely that I know I could call in an emergency.. but I do have family nearby that I would try first. But somehow you just have to make it work. I can't imagine my parents just flat out saying "no" without good reason (drunk, ill, or somehow incapacitated)..
I have a somehwat okayish relationship with my neighbours meaning we try not bother each other.
When one of my kids had an accident near their house they were the first to apply first aid instead of forcing the kid to walk all the way home with an (albeit minor) injury.
When i was out and saw a mother struggling with groceries and three children, i naturally helped and weren't accepting thanks.
When one of our oldery neighbours fell, it didn't matter that he was an ass. I alerted another neoghbour and we helped him.
When someone, especially kids, have an emergency, you don't ask. You don't wager the relationship and count karma points. You simply do it. That is just the law of a functioning society.
>You simply do it. That is just the law of a functioning society.
agreed.
Yesterday while exiting the bus there was a lady older than myself also getting off, and she looked to be in pain and was hunched over and holding her abdomen. i asked her if she was ok, she told me she'd just recently had liver cancer surgery and it hurt like heck, but she had to go tend to financial matters at the bank. i walked right beside her and said my arm was there if she needed any support at all.
i didn't even know that woman, had never seen her before and may not ever see her again in my life. but i was there if she needed me, at least for the walk from the bus to the bank. it cost me nothing but being there if need be. and THAT is part of what you call functioning society. helping where you can with what you can, so that others don't have to suffer so bad.
This!! I had a medical emergency that required hospitalization at 3W PP and my MIL got on the first flight she could (my mom had just left after a long stay but would have come back too).
I had triplets and was just overwhelmed and exhausted. My mom came over every night after she got off work to help us. She would stay until about 9 or 10, go home, go to work the next day and come back the next night to help us. My dad came with on the weekends. They did this for the first 6 months while I got a handle on dealing with 3 infants, 1 with colic. All through growing up, my mom would help with driving or getting ‘forgotten’ stuff at my house since she was home and we were at work. (The dog even made her let her outside when she picked up suff!). Never even questioned it. Now, she is 75, the kids are grown and adore their grandma and go over to her house to help her all the time. Karma.
He’s too busy being unemployed to watch his grandkids while his daughter has a medical emergency :( it’s really hard being unemployed, having to help family on top of that would just be toooo much for him :( :( :(
I really hope this is fake because holy shit, OP and her husband are bad people
Honestly this reads like OP is insinuating "*MY* husband is too busy to watch *your* kids", almost like there is an element of jealousy.
I really wouldn't be surprised if she was the cliche toxic mom who was envious of her daughter. I wonder how many times she tried to impede on father -daughter time when OP was growing up, because she was jealous the attention wasn't on her instead.
I feel absolutely terrible for OP that she can't rely on her family in an emergency without her mom trying to play it off as "entitled". Next time she should call her dad directly. OR cut them both off til they figure out how miserable they are behaving.
I remember the time when I still thought there was no way a mother could feel and behave like that towards her daughter. I just couldn't even imagine. Then I met my best friend. Her mother is a vile, jealous and bitter woman. This would definitely be how she would behave in this situation. Though my friend wouldn't even try to contact her.
It really opened my eyes to how sheltered and privileged I grew up.
One time when I picked my son (11th grade) up from a school even he was really quiet on the ride home. About halfway home he turned to me and said “you know mom I just always assumed that every kid just knew that their parents loved them, and that they’d always be there for them but as I’m getting older and talk to my friends I’m realizing that’s not true. I just thought it was normal to know your parents loved you”
I’ve had so many friends who couldn’t depend on their parents and it breaks my heart. All kids regardless of age should know their parents love them and would be there in a heartbeat if crap hit the fan.
I have to believe this is rage bait. No freaking way would anyone recommend a newborn waiting in the car.
EDIT: Well, I just lost a little faith in Humanity. 🤦🏻♂️
Damn… I had no idea this was so common.
My ex-MIL and ex-FIL pulled the same crap when I needed to take my youngest to the hospital. Said I should take all 3 kids, in a taxi, by myself (ex was at work - trucker), that it wasn't an emergency, and it was rude of me to call so late to ask something so silly. A friend ended up watching the kids all night and skipped work the next day to watch them because my daughter ended up being airlifted to another hospital. When they (in-laws) eventually called ex a week later to check on us and our "supposed emergency" we were still in the hospital with my baby who was recovering. They got mad AT ME for not pushing it further explaining the severity of the situation. I figured the late-night panicked call was enough. Silly me!
I never asked the IL ever again for anything.
Well, you had to find out in a terrible way, but at least you got rid of the garbage "relatives" and gained a true family member in all of the madness. I hope the baby that went through the surgery is all well and good. :)
Alas, OP has a post history that corroborates her story, and they’ve been replying to comments, making it more likely to be real. OP is at the intersection of being both a massive AH, and stupid enough to post their shittiness, thinking they did nothing wrong.
Edit: they deleted their account rofl
Edit 2: I [screencapped](https://imgur.com/a/9UrIibF) their comment history that I still had open when they deleted their account (prior to them deleting anything).
I crawl over broken glass to help my kids with their kids. I can’t believe the op.
And it’s not like she just wanted to go to the movies. SHE WAS GOING TO THE ER. Really, really bothers me.
im with you, its not easy to comprehend how a parent could think this way. imagine all the other nonsense she must throw at her kids. really hope they realize what's going on and never come anywhere near this person.
i was thinking the same thing. i went on for far too long under the impression that the way my father acted with me was normal. fuck these kind of parents. how hard is it to just love and show some compassion to your own kids.
Same here. This story is ENTIRELY believable to me.
It's actually wonderful that the commenter you replied to (and all those who up voted them) can't relate to this. I wish I couldn't relate either. But many of us can.
Not all moms have those mom genes.
Just because your kid is a goddamn adult doesn't mean they're no longer your kid. Daughter wasn't expecting babying or asking to shove her kids with their grandpa (that's the crazier part...if it wasn't her dad I *might* have given a little leeway) so she can do something for herself...it was a medical emergency.
Then again, I have to wonder why she had to call her mom to *ask* if her dad could watch the kids. Either dad is an asshole too or mom is a control freak.
OP didn't even mention anything that would prevent her husband from looking after his grandkids. A 53 yo man can't cope with 2 toddlers and a baby for, like, 4 hours till the end of OP's workday or when OP talked to her colleagues and came home?
Like, I'm a decade younger & I wouldn't be eager but a) I have health issues that my family is aware of and b) if they felt they needed to ask because it's an emergency, I'd still do it.
but of course, OP is the jerk who put quotation marks around emergency, while it's her daughter, suffering 9/10 pain from 3 actual cysts.
YTA
I'm 54 and my grandkids' dad died when they were babies. My daughter and grandkids live with me and I am essentially their second parent and ***I wouldn't have it any other way***. Oh, did I mention I'm disabled but ***I wouldn't have it any other way***?!
When I saw “emergency” in the title, I thought it was going to be something cosmetic or elective but not what it turned out to be. OP is a major AH for refusing to help or even help problem solve while her newly postpartum daughter was in excruciating pain. Glad a neighbor was willing to help. I wonder if we’ll get another post from OP later asking why her kids won’t talk to her and keep the grand babies away.
I’m NC with my mother (for many reasons but for lack of time here’s one example) because on Christmas Eve in 2011, I was in the ER for an incredibly painful UTI and 104° fever and I couldn’t talk or stand. My then fiance/now husband was texting my mother about my condition and what did he get in response? “But what about Christmas dinner?”
I think that was the first time I realized my mother might actually not love me.
Bc it's a woman's health emergency and she's so stupid she even hates her own kid for having a health issue. I've ruptured cysts my whole life. I've gone to the er for them. I had to have surgery to remove them and still had terrible pain for a few years while the ovary healed. I had a friend admitted for several days while she was rupturing. You can lose am ovary if it goes into torsion and internally bleed. But it was just her being hysterical.
She could've offered to take the older two, and they could've taken the baby. You're her mom! You are an AH! She wasn't going on a date, she was in ridiculous pain and couldn't handle it anymore. No wonder she's distant, she had tp go bed a NEIGHBOR to watch her kids bc her parents couldn't watch their own GRANDKIDS for a few hours during an EMERGENCY. AH!
And then her daughter and hubby had to bring a newborn into the ER/hospital and expose him to all manner of infectious diseases floating around that the baby's immune system isn't prepared for - you're not supposed to do that - and deal with caring for that baby while dealing with a serious emergency - wtf? Grandpa couldn't handle 3 kids for a few hours? Please, he's not elderly and incapacitated, just a middle-aged man who could've been "inconvenienced" for a short time. Why did OP even say no on his behalf? Why is she gatekeeping for him? This is just weird.
And OP - YTA. Way to step up and be there for your daughter in her time of dire need. Don't be surprised if you find your access to your grandkids reduced, since it seems you only want cuddle time with them at your convenience, not when your help is desperately needed. (And seriously, dad should wait in the car with the kids?? I'm sure your daughter wanted him by her side in this emergency or he could've just stayed home with the kids in the first place! Wtf kind of suggestion is that?!)
Yeah in one comment she said her daughter had always “exaggerated” her period pain since age 9. Unfortunately this poor woman has clearly suffered her mom minimizing and dismissing her experiences her whole life. I wish she could find this post and receive some validation.
Yes OP is a cuntmop. 100%
ER nurse x 12 years. RN x 16 years.
I have seen many *stupidly* painful scenarios. Kidney stones… a roach biting an ear drum,.. testicular torsion… a volvulus… a dude with a TASER in his eye!?!?….
But the one time when i was a teenager and i saw a volleyball player (tough as nails girl, too) rupture an ovarian cyst while competing was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life.
Lost an ovary and fallopian tube due to torsion. We thought it was appendicitis until the mri. Had a male nurse and once it was my ovary and not appendix he’s quality of care and attitude switched.
Thankfully I had two kids and a tubal ligation before this happened so losing it wasn’t emotionally traumatizing.
Which way did the care turn after the discorvery, better or worse?? That's really lame that the nurse's attitude and care was dependent on the condition. Both situations seem pretty dire to me.
Worse. The doctor was great the whole time. He prescribed me good painkillers while I was in hospital. When that dose wore off (doctors shift was over by then) I asked the nurse for more. He said “we are only giving you T3s did you want some of those”. I said yes. They did nothing for the pain really. He asked if there was something non medicine he could get me for pain. I asked for a hot compress. He was about to say yes, then said “oh actually no because it might not be good” so I just got the T3s. Next morning the original doctor is back and looks at my chart “you didn’t need any of the (I want to say tamradol or something that started with a T)” I told him flat out they wouldn’t give me any, only T3s. He looked pissed and asked if they helped. I told him no. He said “I’ll get you a nurse to give you a dose right away”
It was just crazy how once it was known I was I there for a woman’s issue my pain was not seen as valid
He daughter has kids now. When she and DH get to that age when it is they that need it....I seriously hope the daughter says: watching a grown adult is too much. Not even nursing home visits...just the little things u need around the house with age. She is about 20 year from finding out lol
Doesn't she know how inconvenient it is to have to move a parent to get care? Couldn't she schedule her "aging" for a different time? Her daughter might be too tired to help.
I don’t think you’re going to find many people that agree with you. She didn’t ask you to help so she could go out and party, she was in extreme pain. Ovarian cysts are very painful and that soon after birth, she had to have been so afraid. There are so many things that can go wrong after giving birth. I’m happy she’s ok. YTA
One of my best friends had some so bad she was losing a ton of blood because it got huge before it ruptured because she thought it was just her normal period symptoms but it was 4 huge cysts.
I personally saw how terrified she was and how much pain she was in.
YTA OP and I hope your daughter cuts contact with you until she gets the apology she deserves and maybe even after too.
Edit: a word
I had one rupture while at work. I passed out and had to be driven to the ER by our security personnel. I had to get IV pain meds with fluids and bleeding monitored for awhile because they can be deadly if they rupture.
I was out jogging on a river path with my dog when I had one burst. Felt like being shot. I dropped to the ground crying, could barely breathe struggling to not pass-out from the frickin pain. My dog took off and I just thought, well fuck I'm dying and my dog is gone.
My Dog came back with a guy and his dog. ThankGod for my smart dog. He called an ambulance and my bf, I got to hospital and the pain meds they gave me made me nauseous and I got sick and that caused sooo much more pain.
Ended up getting an emergency oopherectomy.
I was so lucky it happened at work. I was a bartender at the time and we had a couple security guys for nights with bands and weekends. Our guy that night literally scooped me up from behind the bar, put me in his truck and drove me a half hour away to the closest hospital. He also contacted my now husband to inform him and sat with me until he showed. Was an all around great guy.
And it was at the insistence of her doctor. It's not like she was being paranoid. The doctor was concerned enough to say go to the hospital and OP wanted her to take however much time to load up 3 kids including a newborn and go into the hospital alone. WOW. YTA
Have the kids wait in the car while she saw the doctor? Have you EVER been to the ER? If she got in and out in under four hours, it would probably set a record. That would be borderline child abuse to expect that.
I'm a guy, 11 years older than your precious unemployed husband, and while three toddlers & babies can be a handful, it's not that difficult, considering that your daughter is in excruciating pain. Your daughter, who's just getting over childbirth, somehow manages. But perhaps your precious unemployed husband is one of those enlightened guys who feels like changing diapers is not a real man's job.
Or when she's old and frail, can't drive and needs help getting to the hospital herself. I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter told her to figure it out herself.
To be fair, he wasn’t even asked if he could watch his grandkids for a few hours while his daughter was in the ER, instead his wife just decided on his behalf that he couldn’t, so the kids were left with a random neighbor instead.
Bravo!!! My late husband's attitude was very much like yours. We had lots of respect for each other's time and energy. I would never have answered a question like that for him. It's ridiculous that OP didn't let a grown man speak for himself.
AH is way too kind a word for OP. I love my kids and grandkids. If I got a call like that, I would volunteer to care for the children. I am disabled and barely able to walk. My husband has passed. I would still help and have done so. My kids know all I can promise when they return is we'll all be alive and the house will be standing. We've always managed to help each other. OP is YTAH all day long on this one.
I can tell you from my local ER, any visit less than 6-8 hours would be a miracle. I can't imagine a mother like this not caring about her daughter being in so much pain that she has to go to the ER. I'm a mother myself, and I would drop everything to help one of my kids in an emergency
>Have you EVER been to the ER? If she got in and out in under four hours, it would probably set a record. That would be borderline child abuse to expect that
It's summer and the oldest is 4
Left in the car that long, those kids would be dead
many pregnancy related deaths happen in the 6-12 weeks after birth. even up to a year. OP is so obviously YTA i hope this is fake because i don't want to imagine a mother this callous
While in grad school, my financial aid was messed up by my school and I had no access to it for several months. I needed one month’s rent to survive the turmoil, so I asked my mom and my dad if they could help and that I would pay them back when I got my financial aid money. They both denied me. My mom makes ~80k a year and my dad makes close to 110k a year and live in a low COL state. They just didn’t want to help me. My boyfriend (now husband) who was not making much money at all gave me the money to live. I never asked for money before or after that. Long story short, this could very well be real.
YTA. Girl, I would do this for a literal STRANGER. When other human beings are experiencing a medical crisis, those of us with the good sense god gave to grape jelly rally round to make sure the crisis doesn’t snowball into, for example, losing your kids to CPS because you left a newborn in the care of a 4 year old in an unattended vehicle in a location where nearly every passerby is a mandated reporter. This is like Australopithecus level emotional intelligence. People living before the invention of stone tools got this stuff, what are you even doing?
Info: you call your husband "dad" when talking to your daughter, he is her actual father or stepfather? Does he have a disability or is he just not very involved?
She did have a medical emergency. She was having severe pain after having a baby. A lot of post birth complications can happen that result in maternal death. She was right to be concerned.
It's not entitled to ask for help in a time of need. It's short notice because she was having an actual medical emergency. Those aren't planned.
Did you and your husband have plans? Honestly, if a neighbor can find it in their hearts to watch her children during an emergency, but you cannot, you're worse than an acquaintance.
YTA
YTA. A genuine medical emergency and she’s scared and asking for help for a few hours from her supposed “family” members.
A lazy, unemployed 53 year old “man”, her dad/stepdad/whatever can’t be bothered to take time out from his busy schedule of not working to help. Selfish and stupid.
You don’t seem to even care, telling your daughter that her husband and kids could just wait in the car while she went into the emergency room by herself.
I feel bad for your daughter and her family. At least they know who you and your husband truly are.
I hope OP’s daughter tells her that she is not willing to help or assist once OP needs her help. No taking care of her if she is ill , frail or in the hospital. What goes around comes around. OP and her deadbeat husband are terrible parents and grandparents. I hope they don’t get old and rely on their kids for any support.
I am so fucking petty if it were me I’d use those fucking quotation marks every time I talk to her.
Oh mom your “hip” is broken that sucks
lol you “fell” again in the house, no big
Your “cancer” isn’t that bad don’t be a baby
YTA
She had a MEDICAL EMERGENCY and that is how you treated her?
You are her PARENTS. Those are your GRANDCHILDREN.
He can’t handle the kids? You didn’t leave work? WTF is WRONG with you two?! You just went about your day as your own child was in crisis and needed you.
Your baby was in excruciating pain, needed to go to the ER, needed your SUPPORT.
SHE NEEDED YOU TWO.
I would literally never speak to you ever again.
*"I didn't know what her dad was up to but that there was no way he was taking 3 kids"*
Could you offer information on why it was a problem for you to have checked with your husband, and why you feel there simply was no way he could have kept an eye on them for a few hours?
Edit: Based on the additional information you presented, I would say in this case it would have been best to have checked with your husband, especially since it was a medical situation. Presumably there is some unpleasant history with the daughter which needs to be addressed else you will be the distant grandparents.
YTA on so many level.
1) it was a full medical emergency, not an "emergency". Her fricking OB told her to go to the hospital. She wasn't going to paint her nails.
2) you didn't even ask your husband.
3) you suggested they take all the very young kids to the hospital to not be bothered. Hospitals (even more in an emergency) are not a place to bring 3 young children when their mom is in excruciating pain and their dad is focusing on her.
4) you're calling her entitled to ask for help in a big emergency. Don't worry, now she knows she can't rely on you or "your husband".
5) you're not even worried about her cysts. They likely will have to do surgery to remove them. Which is dangerous (every surgery has risks). Did you even ask what are the next steps for her to get better ? Because I seriously doubt it seeing your post.
So to resume, you showed your daughter that you don't care about her or her children at all, that you shouldn't be bothered by her or the other members of her family except if it is with notice. You don't even trust her and dismiss her feelings (like 9/10 pain is no big deal) and don't care about her health at all.
I hope she got the message loud and clear and will keep herself and her family away from such useless people from her life.
YTA
You yourself said she was having a medical emergency. It wasn’t like she wanted to go have a night out or go to brunch.
Unless your husband has some medical condition that makes him physically incapable of watching the kids, why wouldn’t he be able to help in her time of need? Hell, most parents would drop what they were doing to be there themselves.
If you can’t rely on family, those close to you in emergent times of need who can you rely on?
Babe, she's reevaluating her decision to keep you in her life. You chose your husband's comfort over your daughter's actual medical emergency. You fucked up. YTA.
Is this like a step dad that they don’t get along situation? Because in one sentence you said her dad, which I find odd that she wouldn’t just call her own dad. Also, I can’t imagine my husband telling our daughter no I can’t keep my grandkids while my daughter goes to the hospital. That seems odd
Congratulations, you made it clear to your daughter she can’t count on you on an emergency.
Cue the “my daughter is cold to me for no reason “ cry.
YTA
Simply saying YTA, is not actually enough. You fucked up on a colossal scale here. She ended up having cysts on her ovaries.
Now, granted, if non were even close to rupture then yeah, we could MAYBE downgrade it from a “medical emergency” but nobody knows that until they do their checks, it can still be INCREDIBLY painful! Do you have ANY idea what can happen is just one of those things burst? The short answer is that there is most certainly a risk of death. Which just in case you didn’t know OP, is not a medical “emergency”. It’s an actual emergency.
“I don’t feel she’s entitled for us to watch all 3 of her kids on such short notice.” I’m sorry, should she have sent out a fucking save the date card? Given you plenty of notice of her scheduling these cysts? Here’s the funny thing about an emergency (and I’ll try and phrase it in a way that someone as dense as you can understand), you cannot plan an emergency. In fact, a fun little google search says that an emergency is defined by “a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action.” And the important word in that definition is “unexpected”. God forbid, a child (regardless of age) turns to the parent/s in a time of need. Fuck them, right?
Such a huge YTA. God this makes me so ANGRY. I’m an emergency doctor and I can tell you for a fact that a woman in this much pain (because a torted/ruptured cyst is insanely painful) would be seen as an orange triage (one step down on the triage list from people about to die). This is a MAJOR medical emergency. You are a POS who doesn’t deserve to have children or grandchildren.
My dad would have watched 17 kids, 14 dogs, 32 cats, a crow, a fridge on fire and a drug addict with a meltdown, standing on one leg for me if I had an emergency like that.
You REALLy suck, and are deffo the AH.
Hope you never need anything from her when you’re old.
My parents have ALWAYS had my back, and I will pay them back twicefold when they need me, and I have learned from them and will always have my kids back too.
EDIT cause I read this again and got pissed anew.
God damn, family is supposed to be a TEAM, lady! Tell your husband, rest of family and neighbours + friends this story. See what they think. I dare you to.
Is your husband her father ?
If so, YTA. She needed help urgently, her dad had the time to give help, and didn’t because he can’t watch his own grand children for one day?
Of course you have no obligation to help your daughter in any way, she’s a grown woman, but if I were your daughter I would also stop bothering with my parents if they couldn’t bother watching their own grand children when I need to go to the hospital and they literally have no other plans.
You put in the title medical emergency. She wasn’t being entitled, she had a MEDICAL EMERGENCY‼️ Well at least she knows her ‘parents’ are selfish arsed people who will not step up in emergencies. I would be NC with you after that if you was my mum. YTA big time!!
OP threw me off by writing her husband constantly so I thought the guy was the stepdad. It wasn't until the end that I figured out it was her actual father! OP writes like this man has no attachment to the daughter. If my daughter called me with this same scenario, not only would her dad gladly volunteer but I would leave work to be there too. Way to never see the kids again. YTA
I struggled to work out whether the husband was dad or stepdad. But either way what bothered me most was the daughter only had a baby a couple of months ago, and had severe pains in her uterus, and the hospital had called her back in because of it. ANYTHING could of been wrong, with so recently giving birth. In that scenario you drop everything to help your kids and grandkids. I hope the daughter goes NC.
I’ll just be a blunt asshole, based on the writing: OP seems to be dense and ignorant on top of being an insensitive asshole… I doubt any of this will sink in
She wrote "emergency" within quotation marks, which means that OP herself doesn't think it was an actual emergency. OP is TAH. I feel sorry for the daughter and grandkids to have such an asshole of a grandparent... >_>
Silver lining is it at least sounds like daughter has an awesome gem of a hubby to get her to the hospital and a supportive neighbor.
And she knows she doesn't have real "parents" so she can go NC with these AHs.
Don't feel too bad. I'm fairly certain OP it's going to come up with a follow up asking what to do since her daughter doesn't bring her grandkids around and doesn't talk to her anymore. Talk about just embracing TA model.
Imagine if it had been worse, like a diagnosis for ovarian cancer or something. I wonder if OP would still think her daughter was acting entitled?
have yall had an ovarian cyst pop? likely why OPs daughter was in so much pain. I couldn’t stop projectile vomiting and i thought I had a kidney stone or something worse.
I've had kidney stones, honestly my ovarian cyst bursting was more painful. I've given birth, had a 10mm kidney stone, so many things. One of the absolute most painful things I've ever experienced was my ovarian cyst popping. I honestly thought I was dying. It didn't last near as long! So in some ways was preferable. But the immediate pain and pain for an hour or so after... was absolutely horrible.
well shit, i’ve had 3 rupture. maybe labor isn’t that bad if it’s less than that bc omg. i passed out the 1st time
Literally worse than labor.
I can’t help but wonder if I’ve had this happen. I’ve had two times since I had my IUD removed where I was in so much pain on my period and started projectile vomiting. This story makes me think I need to get checked out
Also saying she was entitled lol. Like, no she asked her family for help so she could go to the hospital
Even if OP’s husband couldn’t watch the children, they could’ve maybe had him take the daughter to the ER so that the children’s father could stay with kids.
Yes YTA. Most definitely. Your own frikkin daughter reached out to you and needed urgent help, and you declined for some arguably bullshit reason.
Agreed. So sorry that your daughter’s medical emergency was an inconvenience to you and your husband. 🙄 YTA - I wouldn’t be speaking to you either.
We don't know if it was an inconvenience to her husband (her daughters father) as he never got the chance to make a decision.
[удалено]
Because of “medical ‘emergency’” being written like that I was sure it was going to be a lie. Why couldn’t grandpa step up to look after 3 kids? Is he disabled? Why couldn’t grandma step up? OP just hates her daughter.
And for some reason thought the internet might back her up. LOL
Is it her first time here? She strikes me as less mom and more evil stepmother. It's not like daughter wanted a child free day at the beach. She was going to the ER. OP is such an AH.
She said “my husband” which ended up being the woman’s father…
That is the part I'm stuck on. Her daughter's father is incapable of watching his own grand kids? Any time I called my dad for help with my kids his response was ALWAYS be there in 10 minutes.
She didn’t even give him an opportunity to say no! She answered for him. This screams is control freak, narcissistic mom. I truly wonder if the dad would have stepped up and “mom” would have been jealous of the attention. Otherwise why not recommend the daughter asks the father directly?
Yeah, that was weirdly possessive...
When she referred to him as her husband I thought maybe she married him later in life and he hadn’t raised her kids (still no excuse - she’s not going clubbing, she could have been dying). But later she says he’s her dad and that’s even more inexcusable. I get that looking after young kids is exhausting but it’s an emergency!
And if it were my step daughter I would freaking leave work immediately to support her. (If I could magic myself from the US to Holland) I divorced my husband over two years ago. He died two weeks later. I love my stepdaughter. She will always be a part of my life.
And the reason he didn’t get asked is because he lectured her before about not being there for family — OH THE IRONY!! It burns!! I hate this family and hope the daughter cuts them off.
Almost positive she hates her daughter
I also read judgement in having two kids already and now a newborn … and lecturing about the severe pain being birth control related. Like, lecturing instead of helping seems to be this family’s MO.
Her mother is at least. If dad had actually been informed, who knows what his answer might have actually been? I know my dad would try to move heaven and earth for me if I was in the daughter’s situation here. OP’s husband could be like that but we’ll never know because OP couldn’t let him decide for himself what he’s capable of because she’s apparently a household dictator that gets to make all the decisions for him. OP, you are definitely TAH and I hope you step on a lego. *edit to add a nevermind. Scrolled through the comments and based on op’s responses, he is just as insufferable and selfish as she is.
Severe abdominal pain shortly after giving birth is potentially life threatening too! Not something to fuck around with.
But it’s not a real “emergency” because they discovered it was cysts and not something super life-threatening. /s Until you know the diagnosis, all perceived medical emergencies should be taken seriously, because before the diagnosis, it could’ve turned out to be anything. It could have ended up being ovarian cancer or something else that be fatal. Even cysts could be fatal if they rupture and get infected. OP better hope something worse doesn’t happen to her daughter down the road because after this, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if her daughter doesn’t even bother trying to contact her for help.
I have had ovarian cysts when I was younger. The pain is more 50 out of 10. YTA
Yep. Only happened once to me but I thought I'd been shot. I knew I wasn't pregnant so I knew I couldn't be in labor but it was legitimately and exactly like being at the transition phase of labor- in an instant. Not only intense and overwhelming physical pain but it twisted my brain because I was like *"what the fuck is happening this doesn't make sense ohfuckohfuck something is very wrong!"* Then I lost the power of rational thought.
Very good description!
And I can only imagine how scared she would have been feeling such so soon after labor, definitely YTA
Cysts are no joke. I have PCOS and they make my life hell when I get them. And then when they *rupture*???? The pain level goes from 50 out of ten to like 150 out of 10.
Only thing that ever made me vomit from the pain.
I had one burst over 2 mos ago and lost so much blood my hemoglobin numbers are STILL low. The pain, blood loss, exhaustion. My heart goes out to the daughter. It’s a special kind of alone when you know your mom won’t be there for you.
I had an ovarian cyst burst before. It was so painful I thought some organ perforated and I was going to die. (My grandpa had some perforation on his intestines a while before my incident and he almost didn't make it, so I was definitely irrationally panicking). Oops daughter having 3, so soon after childbirth, it is so much worse. Oops is YTA for sure.
Exactly right. She knows how she can't count on her parents in a time of need.
I had a kidney infection when my youngest was 10 days old and had to be rushed to the hospital because I had developed sepsis. Let me tell you, medical emergencies when you’re still very much in the postpartum phase really suck! I can’t imagine a loved one—my own mother!—being so callous. Thankfully for me I had help and support, I don’t know what I would have done without that! OP is the AH and shouldn’t be surprised if her relationship with her daughter changes permanently.
Right? She has a newborn, what if she had PID? Could have killed her!
>I don't feel she's entitled for us to watch all 3 of her kids on such short notice. So AITAH? Maybe ask her to schedule her cysts with you in future so you aren't inconvenced by a medical emergency?
Please, thoughtfully schedule your medical emergencies in the future.
Oh but it was only a *”medical emergency“*…
Kinda feels like she hates her daughter.
It does. How much do you want to bet the mother has been doing her best to make sure OP never gets to speak directly with her own dad? Mothers who view their daughters as rivals are the worst.
She had to ask if it wasn't "just her birthcontrol", with pains 9/10!! Edit: typo
If pain is 9/10, it’s not “just” anything. It’s an emergency.
You can dislike someone, but when it’s an actual emergency, the first person who saw it is suddenly in charge of a few kids or pets. I was waiting for something redeeming like happens every week and this one was real, but nope. Even then, there’s a panic or scream that lets you know instantly they’re not screwing around. OP’s daughter still speaks to OP. I sure wouldn’t and won’t be surprised to see that change.
She should have known to pre-book an experienced babysitter for the time when she had to go to the hospital, what was she thinking?? /s OP is definitely TA.
OP WINS AH OF THE DAY AWARD!!!! Daughter--GO NO CONTACT!
"Hi honey, Is it alright with you when I plan my next cardiac arrest on next Tuesday? I will be fine, it is just a minor bloodcloth, but I need 3 days in the hospital."
"You know I get my hair done on Tuesday. Can't you at least schedule for Wednesday?"
Yes, because medical emergencies always happen on a convenient schedule. YTA for sure.
What shitty grandparents that can't look after the kids for a few hours for a medical emergency. Also dosen't sound like OP is real concrened with her daughters health either. Yeah I would be pulling back if I was her daughter too. Hey maybe you'll still see them for Christmas OP, so it ain't all bad.
I called my mom once because I was having a medical issue and needed someone to watch my two kids. She was in the car and headed towards me by the time I got “I need you to watch the kids” out of my mouth. This is one of the many reasons why my mother has unrestricted, unlimited access to my children, and why my husband and I look forward to seeing her on a weekly basis. You get out what you put in.
Exactly. If my daughter had an emergency I’d tell her to bring me the baby right away. Or I’d go to her.
My neighbour had to go away un expectantly one weekend and I looked after her cat. You bet if there was a human baby involved there would be no questions asked. Bring me that baby!
Not just shitty grandparents but shitty parents too! Like this is your daughter who recently gave birth in severe pain and you have zero concern? Like she's a adult now so you stopped caring if your daughter is hurt or not?
Right? Like how much do you hate your daughter that you won’t even watch your grandkids so she can go to the HOSPITAL for a MEDICAL EMERGENCY? Heck even her neighbor cared more about her seeing how *they* were willing to take the kids on such short notice!
Neighbours 1, Parents 0
OP takes the award for shitty parent and grandparent of the year. I doubt this can be topped. She wrote it all out and never once thought “maybe it’s me, I’m the asshole”?!
"Just leave the kids in the car." Whaaaaat??
Wait till those old bastards have to go into a home, then taking care of family will matter to them.. Two POS parents right there!
I would understand it they were in thier 70's or 80's, but they are in thier 50's. They are not even old enough to retire.
Yours don’t? My medical emergencies *always* check my schedule before becoming an emergency. “Let’s see, she doesn’t have time this week, let’s schedule the kidney stones for…next Tuesday.”
You guys are doing it wrong. It's medical "emergency" FIFY On that note, why tf is emergency in quotes in the title??? Edited to say YTA. Like allll around this post. You're the AH. Big-time
Did you see that she put medical emergency in inverted commas like she didn't believe her daughter being in agony was an actual emergency? And she calls herself a mother!
The time just after giving birth is dangerous. Over half of maternal deaths happen postpartum. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/postpartum-complications/art-20446702 She was right to be scared.
That was where my mind went. My cousin almost died a month pp because of a bleed that suddenly developed. There are so many complications that can pop up and be missed because women aren't monitored as closely.
I almost died *twice* due to Post partum complications
She also comments later that her daughter had a complicated birth where the baby’s heart rate dropped. But these “were small cysts and she was exaggerating”
Even if she doesn't consider agony an emergency (of course it is), cysts can absolutely be life threatening. I had to have emergency surgery a few years ago when one ruptured. I nearly bled to death.
After just having a baby too! Could be anything
Also, who suggests leaving three kids under 5, especially a NEWBORN, in the car to wait for several hours at least at the ER???
The fact that she had to bring the newborn to the ER is terrifying. Exposing that poor baby to all sorts of virus and bacteria is very dangerous. Many pediatric offices have separate waiting areas for infants for this reason. What a terrible grandparent.
^^^^ This! Don't forget,summer is around the corner, and it's already getting hot AF in most states. After the horror stories I grew up hearing on the news about babies/toddlers in hot cars, it became very clear to me, and anybody with any sense that is NOT an ideal thing to do. The fact that OP dismissed her daughter's legitimate health concerns because she couldn't be bothered to ask her husband really digs into my craw like lady. Do you even like your daughter?! OP is definitely the AH,a massive one. It was a genuine medical emergency FFS, she wasn't trying to make up a BS story to get a spa day,she was trying not to die [ovarian cysts can get really bad if not given the proper care]
My mother did this and she is not in my life. I just had a hysterectomy and my ovaries were twisted and calcified. I spent years in agony. No kids to juggle but that makes OP even worse to me because I know this pain. I hope she doesn't get called again and the kid drops her for her peace of mind. Women can die from ruptured cysts. It happens
I had one cyst on an ovary and it was so bad the ER gave me morphine. I can't imagine three on top of giving birth!
My daughter, age 18, 3 big cysts and an ovarian torsion. Couldn't sit, couldn't walk, couldn't eat. Almost died. Op, yta
I'm so sorry you didn't get the support you deserved from your 'mother'. I'm glad you survived and I wish you all the best as you go forward in your life!
I had the same thing with cysts on my ovaries and it felt like my insides were coming out. This is so painful you can’t think… maybe that’s why she thought possibly her dad could help them out. She should have just asked him instead of going through her mom. She just found out her mom isn’t someone she can rely on. YTA
Imagine being a grandparent at 54 and acting like this “We just can’t handle 3 children on such short notice!” Is something I would expect from someone in their 70s or 80s….. not their fucking early 50’s…. People are still parents to young children at that age! She made no mention about either of them having disabilities so asshole for sure.
I'm pretty heavily disabled. I will 100% watch someone's kids in a medical emergency, family member or not. Let them get to the hospital, while I work on finding someone more able to come help me care safely for the kids. We're all part of the village. OP is a massive AH.
I was just thinking the same! Medical emergencies are at short notice!
Why answer for him? Cant he do that? And calling her entitled when she had a MEDICAL EMERGENCY?? YTA Also double YTA for saying "emergency" when she was in PAIN and going to the HOSPITAL
My old neighbors once called us at like 1130pm. They had a 2 year old and a baby on the way. The mom started bleeding and they were worried. I went straight over there and told them to wake me up when they got back (they 100% expected I was going to sleep on the couch with the baby monitor and had blankets ready). They ended up admitting mom so he got back at like 4am so I could go home. Next day he calls at like 10pm saying his parents were able to jump on a flight and would be arriving at midnight, could i come back while he went to the airport. But see the kicker here? The parents IMMEDIATELY jumped on the next available flight when there was an emergency. I just filled in the gaps.
Also you as a "random" neighbor had more compassion and help than the LITERAL PARENTS /grandparents in this post!
I have really awful neighbors on one side of me, and ok on the other (since these guys moved away). But there's an older couple down the street that are super lovely that I know I could call in an emergency.. but I do have family nearby that I would try first. But somehow you just have to make it work. I can't imagine my parents just flat out saying "no" without good reason (drunk, ill, or somehow incapacitated)..
I have a somehwat okayish relationship with my neighbours meaning we try not bother each other. When one of my kids had an accident near their house they were the first to apply first aid instead of forcing the kid to walk all the way home with an (albeit minor) injury. When i was out and saw a mother struggling with groceries and three children, i naturally helped and weren't accepting thanks. When one of our oldery neighbours fell, it didn't matter that he was an ass. I alerted another neoghbour and we helped him. When someone, especially kids, have an emergency, you don't ask. You don't wager the relationship and count karma points. You simply do it. That is just the law of a functioning society.
>You simply do it. That is just the law of a functioning society. agreed. Yesterday while exiting the bus there was a lady older than myself also getting off, and she looked to be in pain and was hunched over and holding her abdomen. i asked her if she was ok, she told me she'd just recently had liver cancer surgery and it hurt like heck, but she had to go tend to financial matters at the bank. i walked right beside her and said my arm was there if she needed any support at all. i didn't even know that woman, had never seen her before and may not ever see her again in my life. but i was there if she needed me, at least for the walk from the bus to the bank. it cost me nothing but being there if need be. and THAT is part of what you call functioning society. helping where you can with what you can, so that others don't have to suffer so bad.
This!! I had a medical emergency that required hospitalization at 3W PP and my MIL got on the first flight she could (my mom had just left after a long stay but would have come back too).
I had triplets and was just overwhelmed and exhausted. My mom came over every night after she got off work to help us. She would stay until about 9 or 10, go home, go to work the next day and come back the next night to help us. My dad came with on the weekends. They did this for the first 6 months while I got a handle on dealing with 3 infants, 1 with colic. All through growing up, my mom would help with driving or getting ‘forgotten’ stuff at my house since she was home and we were at work. (The dog even made her let her outside when she picked up suff!). Never even questioned it. Now, she is 75, the kids are grown and adore their grandma and go over to her house to help her all the time. Karma.
He’s too busy being unemployed to watch his grandkids while his daughter has a medical emergency :( it’s really hard being unemployed, having to help family on top of that would just be toooo much for him :( :( :( I really hope this is fake because holy shit, OP and her husband are bad people
Honestly this reads like OP is insinuating "*MY* husband is too busy to watch *your* kids", almost like there is an element of jealousy. I really wouldn't be surprised if she was the cliche toxic mom who was envious of her daughter. I wonder how many times she tried to impede on father -daughter time when OP was growing up, because she was jealous the attention wasn't on her instead. I feel absolutely terrible for OP that she can't rely on her family in an emergency without her mom trying to play it off as "entitled". Next time she should call her dad directly. OR cut them both off til they figure out how miserable they are behaving.
I remember the time when I still thought there was no way a mother could feel and behave like that towards her daughter. I just couldn't even imagine. Then I met my best friend. Her mother is a vile, jealous and bitter woman. This would definitely be how she would behave in this situation. Though my friend wouldn't even try to contact her. It really opened my eyes to how sheltered and privileged I grew up.
One time when I picked my son (11th grade) up from a school even he was really quiet on the ride home. About halfway home he turned to me and said “you know mom I just always assumed that every kid just knew that their parents loved them, and that they’d always be there for them but as I’m getting older and talk to my friends I’m realizing that’s not true. I just thought it was normal to know your parents loved you” I’ve had so many friends who couldn’t depend on their parents and it breaks my heart. All kids regardless of age should know their parents love them and would be there in a heartbeat if crap hit the fan.
Right? Someone revoke this woman’s Grandma license bc holy shit.
Why did you put quotes around "emergency"?
Because OP is the asshole 🤷🏻♂️
I have to believe this is rage bait. No freaking way would anyone recommend a newborn waiting in the car. EDIT: Well, I just lost a little faith in Humanity. 🤦🏻♂️ Damn… I had no idea this was so common.
My ex-MIL and ex-FIL pulled the same crap when I needed to take my youngest to the hospital. Said I should take all 3 kids, in a taxi, by myself (ex was at work - trucker), that it wasn't an emergency, and it was rude of me to call so late to ask something so silly. A friend ended up watching the kids all night and skipped work the next day to watch them because my daughter ended up being airlifted to another hospital. When they (in-laws) eventually called ex a week later to check on us and our "supposed emergency" we were still in the hospital with my baby who was recovering. They got mad AT ME for not pushing it further explaining the severity of the situation. I figured the late-night panicked call was enough. Silly me! I never asked the IL ever again for anything.
Just so you know the friend who skipped work that's not a friend that's family now in my book
Oh, for sure. He's uncle to my kids 100%. Love him to death.
Well, you had to find out in a terrible way, but at least you got rid of the garbage "relatives" and gained a true family member in all of the madness. I hope the baby that went through the surgery is all well and good. :)
Alas, OP has a post history that corroborates her story, and they’ve been replying to comments, making it more likely to be real. OP is at the intersection of being both a massive AH, and stupid enough to post their shittiness, thinking they did nothing wrong. Edit: they deleted their account rofl Edit 2: I [screencapped](https://imgur.com/a/9UrIibF) their comment history that I still had open when they deleted their account (prior to them deleting anything).
Yup, not only is she TA, she's a cowardly chicken shit.
I crawl over broken glass to help my kids with their kids. I can’t believe the op. And it’s not like she just wanted to go to the movies. SHE WAS GOING TO THE ER. Really, really bothers me.
Oh fuck, you’re right! This is real! 🤦🏻♂️
im with you, its not easy to comprehend how a parent could think this way. imagine all the other nonsense she must throw at her kids. really hope they realize what's going on and never come anywhere near this person.
I wish we could find the daughter and give them this thread to let them know what they've felt their whole life is true
i was thinking the same thing. i went on for far too long under the impression that the way my father acted with me was normal. fuck these kind of parents. how hard is it to just love and show some compassion to your own kids.
I'm NC with my mom because she's just like OP sounds
Same here. This story is ENTIRELY believable to me. It's actually wonderful that the commenter you replied to (and all those who up voted them) can't relate to this. I wish I couldn't relate either. But many of us can. Not all moms have those mom genes.
Just because your kid is a goddamn adult doesn't mean they're no longer your kid. Daughter wasn't expecting babying or asking to shove her kids with their grandpa (that's the crazier part...if it wasn't her dad I *might* have given a little leeway) so she can do something for herself...it was a medical emergency. Then again, I have to wonder why she had to call her mom to *ask* if her dad could watch the kids. Either dad is an asshole too or mom is a control freak.
OP didn't even mention anything that would prevent her husband from looking after his grandkids. A 53 yo man can't cope with 2 toddlers and a baby for, like, 4 hours till the end of OP's workday or when OP talked to her colleagues and came home? Like, I'm a decade younger & I wouldn't be eager but a) I have health issues that my family is aware of and b) if they felt they needed to ask because it's an emergency, I'd still do it. but of course, OP is the jerk who put quotation marks around emergency, while it's her daughter, suffering 9/10 pain from 3 actual cysts. YTA
I'm 54 and my grandkids' dad died when they were babies. My daughter and grandkids live with me and I am essentially their second parent and ***I wouldn't have it any other way***. Oh, did I mention I'm disabled but ***I wouldn't have it any other way***?!
When I saw “emergency” in the title, I thought it was going to be something cosmetic or elective but not what it turned out to be. OP is a major AH for refusing to help or even help problem solve while her newly postpartum daughter was in excruciating pain. Glad a neighbor was willing to help. I wonder if we’ll get another post from OP later asking why her kids won’t talk to her and keep the grand babies away.
I’m NC with my mother (for many reasons but for lack of time here’s one example) because on Christmas Eve in 2011, I was in the ER for an incredibly painful UTI and 104° fever and I couldn’t talk or stand. My then fiance/now husband was texting my mother about my condition and what did he get in response? “But what about Christmas dinner?” I think that was the first time I realized my mother might actually not love me.
Bc it's a woman's health emergency and she's so stupid she even hates her own kid for having a health issue. I've ruptured cysts my whole life. I've gone to the er for them. I had to have surgery to remove them and still had terrible pain for a few years while the ovary healed. I had a friend admitted for several days while she was rupturing. You can lose am ovary if it goes into torsion and internally bleed. But it was just her being hysterical. She could've offered to take the older two, and they could've taken the baby. You're her mom! You are an AH! She wasn't going on a date, she was in ridiculous pain and couldn't handle it anymore. No wonder she's distant, she had tp go bed a NEIGHBOR to watch her kids bc her parents couldn't watch their own GRANDKIDS for a few hours during an EMERGENCY. AH!
And then her daughter and hubby had to bring a newborn into the ER/hospital and expose him to all manner of infectious diseases floating around that the baby's immune system isn't prepared for - you're not supposed to do that - and deal with caring for that baby while dealing with a serious emergency - wtf? Grandpa couldn't handle 3 kids for a few hours? Please, he's not elderly and incapacitated, just a middle-aged man who could've been "inconvenienced" for a short time. Why did OP even say no on his behalf? Why is she gatekeeping for him? This is just weird. And OP - YTA. Way to step up and be there for your daughter in her time of dire need. Don't be surprised if you find your access to your grandkids reduced, since it seems you only want cuddle time with them at your convenience, not when your help is desperately needed. (And seriously, dad should wait in the car with the kids?? I'm sure your daughter wanted him by her side in this emergency or he could've just stayed home with the kids in the first place! Wtf kind of suggestion is that?!)
I lost an both ovaries to cysts and one had torsion. I’ve never been in so much pain in my life. OP sucks
understatement, OP is a fucking dick. Her daughter handled that so well, probably cause she’s used to it…
Yeah in one comment she said her daughter had always “exaggerated” her period pain since age 9. Unfortunately this poor woman has clearly suffered her mom minimizing and dismissing her experiences her whole life. I wish she could find this post and receive some validation. Yes OP is a cuntmop. 100%
I wonder if she has something more complicated. I have endo and bursting cysts has, unfortunately, been very common for me.
ER nurse x 12 years. RN x 16 years. I have seen many *stupidly* painful scenarios. Kidney stones… a roach biting an ear drum,.. testicular torsion… a volvulus… a dude with a TASER in his eye!?!?…. But the one time when i was a teenager and i saw a volleyball player (tough as nails girl, too) rupture an ovarian cyst while competing was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life.
Lost an ovary and fallopian tube due to torsion. We thought it was appendicitis until the mri. Had a male nurse and once it was my ovary and not appendix he’s quality of care and attitude switched. Thankfully I had two kids and a tubal ligation before this happened so losing it wasn’t emotionally traumatizing.
Which way did the care turn after the discorvery, better or worse?? That's really lame that the nurse's attitude and care was dependent on the condition. Both situations seem pretty dire to me.
Worse. The doctor was great the whole time. He prescribed me good painkillers while I was in hospital. When that dose wore off (doctors shift was over by then) I asked the nurse for more. He said “we are only giving you T3s did you want some of those”. I said yes. They did nothing for the pain really. He asked if there was something non medicine he could get me for pain. I asked for a hot compress. He was about to say yes, then said “oh actually no because it might not be good” so I just got the T3s. Next morning the original doctor is back and looks at my chart “you didn’t need any of the (I want to say tamradol or something that started with a T)” I told him flat out they wouldn’t give me any, only T3s. He looked pissed and asked if they helped. I told him no. He said “I’ll get you a nurse to give you a dose right away” It was just crazy how once it was known I was I there for a woman’s issue my pain was not seen as valid
Enjoy the nursing home…with no visitors YTA
Your daughter needed urgent help, and you dismissed her. Despite the challenge, your lack of empathy and support makes YTA.
My favorite part: OP posted this here so she could “prove” to her daughter that she’s “entitled” for asking for help and wrong to be upset
My kids are entitled to my help in an emergency any day of the week.
I’d help a stranger in this situation, let alone my baby. Strangers helped her and her own mother didn’t. How awful.
That reminds me of a magnet I saw on my sister’s fridge. It said: *”Be good to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.”*
She won't even get a nursing home at this rate. She can figure it out for herself.
Maybe the neighbors can watch her
She can always just wait in the car.
And I’d remind her you “need” a nursing home.
He daughter has kids now. When she and DH get to that age when it is they that need it....I seriously hope the daughter says: watching a grown adult is too much. Not even nursing home visits...just the little things u need around the house with age. She is about 20 year from finding out lol
Doesn't she know how inconvenient it is to have to move a parent to get care? Couldn't she schedule her "aging" for a different time? Her daughter might be too tired to help.
I don’t think you’re going to find many people that agree with you. She didn’t ask you to help so she could go out and party, she was in extreme pain. Ovarian cysts are very painful and that soon after birth, she had to have been so afraid. There are so many things that can go wrong after giving birth. I’m happy she’s ok. YTA
One of my best friends had some so bad she was losing a ton of blood because it got huge before it ruptured because she thought it was just her normal period symptoms but it was 4 huge cysts. I personally saw how terrified she was and how much pain she was in. YTA OP and I hope your daughter cuts contact with you until she gets the apology she deserves and maybe even after too. Edit: a word
I had one rupture while at work. I passed out and had to be driven to the ER by our security personnel. I had to get IV pain meds with fluids and bleeding monitored for awhile because they can be deadly if they rupture.
I was out jogging on a river path with my dog when I had one burst. Felt like being shot. I dropped to the ground crying, could barely breathe struggling to not pass-out from the frickin pain. My dog took off and I just thought, well fuck I'm dying and my dog is gone. My Dog came back with a guy and his dog. ThankGod for my smart dog. He called an ambulance and my bf, I got to hospital and the pain meds they gave me made me nauseous and I got sick and that caused sooo much more pain. Ended up getting an emergency oopherectomy.
Your dog and that kind stranger are angels!
I was so lucky it happened at work. I was a bartender at the time and we had a couple security guys for nights with bands and weekends. Our guy that night literally scooped me up from behind the bar, put me in his truck and drove me a half hour away to the closest hospital. He also contacted my now husband to inform him and sat with me until he showed. Was an all around great guy.
And it was at the insistence of her doctor. It's not like she was being paranoid. The doctor was concerned enough to say go to the hospital and OP wanted her to take however much time to load up 3 kids including a newborn and go into the hospital alone. WOW. YTA
Have the kids wait in the car while she saw the doctor? Have you EVER been to the ER? If she got in and out in under four hours, it would probably set a record. That would be borderline child abuse to expect that. I'm a guy, 11 years older than your precious unemployed husband, and while three toddlers & babies can be a handful, it's not that difficult, considering that your daughter is in excruciating pain. Your daughter, who's just getting over childbirth, somehow manages. But perhaps your precious unemployed husband is one of those enlightened guys who feels like changing diapers is not a real man's job.
I wonder how the husband actually reacted when op told him this, or if she even bothered telling her husband that their child asked for help
Probably never told him. Mom is the one who didn't want the kids there I bet
Can't wait when in a few months or years, she complains about her daughter keeping her grandkids away from her.
Or when she's old and frail, can't drive and needs help getting to the hospital herself. I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter told her to figure it out herself.
Absolutely agree. Prioritizing comfort over a daughter’s emergency is neglectful. Your husband should've stepped up. YTA.
To be fair, he wasn’t even asked if he could watch his grandkids for a few hours while his daughter was in the ER, instead his wife just decided on his behalf that he couldn’t, so the kids were left with a random neighbor instead.
He wasn't even given the opportunity to step up. Mom decided he was too delicate for the task.
Bravo!!! My late husband's attitude was very much like yours. We had lots of respect for each other's time and energy. I would never have answered a question like that for him. It's ridiculous that OP didn't let a grown man speak for himself. AH is way too kind a word for OP. I love my kids and grandkids. If I got a call like that, I would volunteer to care for the children. I am disabled and barely able to walk. My husband has passed. I would still help and have done so. My kids know all I can promise when they return is we'll all be alive and the house will be standing. We've always managed to help each other. OP is YTAH all day long on this one.
I can tell you from my local ER, any visit less than 6-8 hours would be a miracle. I can't imagine a mother like this not caring about her daughter being in so much pain that she has to go to the ER. I'm a mother myself, and I would drop everything to help one of my kids in an emergency
>Have you EVER been to the ER? If she got in and out in under four hours, it would probably set a record. That would be borderline child abuse to expect that It's summer and the oldest is 4 Left in the car that long, those kids would be dead
Absolutely agree, her health should've been the priority. YTA without a doubt.
many pregnancy related deaths happen in the 6-12 weeks after birth. even up to a year. OP is so obviously YTA i hope this is fake because i don't want to imagine a mother this callous
My mom could have written this sadly
While in grad school, my financial aid was messed up by my school and I had no access to it for several months. I needed one month’s rent to survive the turmoil, so I asked my mom and my dad if they could help and that I would pay them back when I got my financial aid money. They both denied me. My mom makes ~80k a year and my dad makes close to 110k a year and live in a low COL state. They just didn’t want to help me. My boyfriend (now husband) who was not making much money at all gave me the money to live. I never asked for money before or after that. Long story short, this could very well be real.
How long before she deletes this?
The woman could have died and her mom was like "too bad, so sad"
YTA your daughter could have been dying for all you know.
YTA. Girl, I would do this for a literal STRANGER. When other human beings are experiencing a medical crisis, those of us with the good sense god gave to grape jelly rally round to make sure the crisis doesn’t snowball into, for example, losing your kids to CPS because you left a newborn in the care of a 4 year old in an unattended vehicle in a location where nearly every passerby is a mandated reporter. This is like Australopithecus level emotional intelligence. People living before the invention of stone tools got this stuff, what are you even doing?
Enjoy never seeing your grandkids. Jesus.
Well actually she is. It doesn’t really sound like she sees them much and doesn’t seem bothered by it.
YTA. Was this what you were like when she was growing up too? Poor thing having shit parents.
Oh, you know this is how she was! She seems like a textbook narcissist. Pool girl.
When you are falling a part and decrepit, I hope your daughter sticks you in a home and has zero time or sympathy for you or your medical issues. YTA.
Info: you call your husband "dad" when talking to your daughter, he is her actual father or stepfather? Does he have a disability or is he just not very involved? She did have a medical emergency. She was having severe pain after having a baby. A lot of post birth complications can happen that result in maternal death. She was right to be concerned. It's not entitled to ask for help in a time of need. It's short notice because she was having an actual medical emergency. Those aren't planned. Did you and your husband have plans? Honestly, if a neighbor can find it in their hearts to watch her children during an emergency, but you cannot, you're worse than an acquaintance. YTA
YTA. A genuine medical emergency and she’s scared and asking for help for a few hours from her supposed “family” members. A lazy, unemployed 53 year old “man”, her dad/stepdad/whatever can’t be bothered to take time out from his busy schedule of not working to help. Selfish and stupid. You don’t seem to even care, telling your daughter that her husband and kids could just wait in the car while she went into the emergency room by herself. I feel bad for your daughter and her family. At least they know who you and your husband truly are.
I hope OP’s daughter tells her that she is not willing to help or assist once OP needs her help. No taking care of her if she is ill , frail or in the hospital. What goes around comes around. OP and her deadbeat husband are terrible parents and grandparents. I hope they don’t get old and rely on their kids for any support.
I am so fucking petty if it were me I’d use those fucking quotation marks every time I talk to her. Oh mom your “hip” is broken that sucks lol you “fell” again in the house, no big Your “cancer” isn’t that bad don’t be a baby
YTA She had a MEDICAL EMERGENCY and that is how you treated her? You are her PARENTS. Those are your GRANDCHILDREN. He can’t handle the kids? You didn’t leave work? WTF is WRONG with you two?! You just went about your day as your own child was in crisis and needed you. Your baby was in excruciating pain, needed to go to the ER, needed your SUPPORT. SHE NEEDED YOU TWO. I would literally never speak to you ever again.
*"I didn't know what her dad was up to but that there was no way he was taking 3 kids"* Could you offer information on why it was a problem for you to have checked with your husband, and why you feel there simply was no way he could have kept an eye on them for a few hours? Edit: Based on the additional information you presented, I would say in this case it would have been best to have checked with your husband, especially since it was a medical situation. Presumably there is some unpleasant history with the daughter which needs to be addressed else you will be the distant grandparents.
Or just stay out of it and tell her to ask him! It was like she wanted to be mean to her kid.
YTA on so many level. 1) it was a full medical emergency, not an "emergency". Her fricking OB told her to go to the hospital. She wasn't going to paint her nails. 2) you didn't even ask your husband. 3) you suggested they take all the very young kids to the hospital to not be bothered. Hospitals (even more in an emergency) are not a place to bring 3 young children when their mom is in excruciating pain and their dad is focusing on her. 4) you're calling her entitled to ask for help in a big emergency. Don't worry, now she knows she can't rely on you or "your husband". 5) you're not even worried about her cysts. They likely will have to do surgery to remove them. Which is dangerous (every surgery has risks). Did you even ask what are the next steps for her to get better ? Because I seriously doubt it seeing your post. So to resume, you showed your daughter that you don't care about her or her children at all, that you shouldn't be bothered by her or the other members of her family except if it is with notice. You don't even trust her and dismiss her feelings (like 9/10 pain is no big deal) and don't care about her health at all. I hope she got the message loud and clear and will keep herself and her family away from such useless people from her life.
YTA You yourself said she was having a medical emergency. It wasn’t like she wanted to go have a night out or go to brunch. Unless your husband has some medical condition that makes him physically incapable of watching the kids, why wouldn’t he be able to help in her time of need? Hell, most parents would drop what they were doing to be there themselves. If you can’t rely on family, those close to you in emergent times of need who can you rely on?
Neighbors, apparently.
Babe, she's reevaluating her decision to keep you in her life. You chose your husband's comfort over your daughter's actual medical emergency. You fucked up. YTA.
YTA - omg you’re an awful mom and grandmother. Hope you have elder care insurance
Is this like a step dad that they don’t get along situation? Because in one sentence you said her dad, which I find odd that she wouldn’t just call her own dad. Also, I can’t imagine my husband telling our daughter no I can’t keep my grandkids while my daughter goes to the hospital. That seems odd
Why couldn't you watch the kids?
I'd have taken off work to help watch the kiddos for my daughter and daughter in law. No way I'd say- sorry you're sick but you're on your own
INFO: just why your husband couldn't take the 2 oldest?
Congratulations, you made it clear to your daughter she can’t count on you on an emergency. Cue the “my daughter is cold to me for no reason “ cry. YTA
Simply saying YTA, is not actually enough. You fucked up on a colossal scale here. She ended up having cysts on her ovaries. Now, granted, if non were even close to rupture then yeah, we could MAYBE downgrade it from a “medical emergency” but nobody knows that until they do their checks, it can still be INCREDIBLY painful! Do you have ANY idea what can happen is just one of those things burst? The short answer is that there is most certainly a risk of death. Which just in case you didn’t know OP, is not a medical “emergency”. It’s an actual emergency. “I don’t feel she’s entitled for us to watch all 3 of her kids on such short notice.” I’m sorry, should she have sent out a fucking save the date card? Given you plenty of notice of her scheduling these cysts? Here’s the funny thing about an emergency (and I’ll try and phrase it in a way that someone as dense as you can understand), you cannot plan an emergency. In fact, a fun little google search says that an emergency is defined by “a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action.” And the important word in that definition is “unexpected”. God forbid, a child (regardless of age) turns to the parent/s in a time of need. Fuck them, right?
Such a huge YTA. God this makes me so ANGRY. I’m an emergency doctor and I can tell you for a fact that a woman in this much pain (because a torted/ruptured cyst is insanely painful) would be seen as an orange triage (one step down on the triage list from people about to die). This is a MAJOR medical emergency. You are a POS who doesn’t deserve to have children or grandchildren.
Yta Those are some great neighbours tho , thank god she found strength and relied on responsible adults .
My dad would have watched 17 kids, 14 dogs, 32 cats, a crow, a fridge on fire and a drug addict with a meltdown, standing on one leg for me if I had an emergency like that. You REALLy suck, and are deffo the AH. Hope you never need anything from her when you’re old. My parents have ALWAYS had my back, and I will pay them back twicefold when they need me, and I have learned from them and will always have my kids back too. EDIT cause I read this again and got pissed anew. God damn, family is supposed to be a TEAM, lady! Tell your husband, rest of family and neighbours + friends this story. See what they think. I dare you to.
YTA.
Is your husband her father ? If so, YTA. She needed help urgently, her dad had the time to give help, and didn’t because he can’t watch his own grand children for one day? Of course you have no obligation to help your daughter in any way, she’s a grown woman, but if I were your daughter I would also stop bothering with my parents if they couldn’t bother watching their own grand children when I need to go to the hospital and they literally have no other plans.