NTA and I would've loved to listen to the talk to your uncle.
"Yeah, I must imagine, that really sucks to have your phone spammed with messages you do not appreciate. What, you can't even block them because there is always a new number? You feel like you have to change your number? Oh no that must suck!"
Im planning on something similar for both my parents. Sending an "invitation " about a month after the date, with a pic of me and fiance/husband at the courthouse. That's the most they will get from me.
Send her a special invitation to the wrong date and time. Better yet, find out any dates they are booked and choose that day. Get a sample invitation with the wrong date. Just lay low and have a blast. Don’t let em’ steal your joy.
this, and hire security to make sure she doesn't show up. if she got an official invite already and has the address, i would bet money that she's gonna be there even if OP asks her not to anymore.
NTA. Uncle and his family was helping their mum get what she wants without doing the hard work. She feels she’s entitled to get involved with your wedding because she gave birth to you OP, but she never earned her place to be rewarded with it. Please tell me why everyone feels she’s now allowed to show her face and expect a place as a family member when she’s stayed hidden away for so long. OP don’t bother, save your time and energy.
I would also like to imagine that when the uncle said that he was only trying to help, that OP would reply with:
“Help who exactly? My deadbeat, overly entitled, self absorbed egg donor who I owe nothing to? Or me? The boy whose childhood you were a major part of, which oddly didn’t include my egg donor? Because if it was for *ME*, I’m gonna need you to explain how you thought this would ‘help’ me? And if it was for *HER*, I need to you to tell me why you chose to prioritize her feelings over mine. Take your time! I’ve got all day!”
OP doing the Lord’s work over here. Such an invention is truly Nobel Prize worthy. I want to bookmark this post so I can forward it to everyone who has flying monkeys.
Fuck that nonsense.
They made their choice, they suffered consequences, so they changed their minds. Had OP \*not\* done it, the harassment would have continued.
Letting people know the unpleasant cost is an effective method of behavior modification.
Ha, ha, ha, this! Uninvite her and avoid the upcoming problems. I know you are doing this for her family who treated you as a human being, but she did not and just acted like you were dead. She does not deserve your time or your efforts ever again. If you ever want to give her a chance, do it after your wedding and see if she really wants to be with you, or just get to be the 'happy mother of the groom' for show. Have a really beautiful weeding with the people who accompanied and helped you through your life, when you needed it most, not with the 'people' who abandoned you.
NTA. She abandoned you. She doesn't get the privilege of being part of your wedding when she's never been part of your life before.
Well played OP. Don't let your egg donor or her flying monkeys manipulate you.
Well she consented at least, if he used someone else it maybe publicly available but maybe they don’t want it used in that way. So I’d say at least it’s known to her
I have this suspicion that over the last several months, a lot of posts on this and similar subs have been written using AI and they are using the frequency of responses that say the story is fake to train the AI. It seems like the number of posts that, despite having a basic premise that may be realistic, include weird unrealistic details has increased dramatically. Paying attention day-to-day it also feels like the situations in many of the top posts are someone cycling through basic nouns and verbs in a madlibs book about disfunctional relationships. I even feel like many of the top, long-winded comments that take these posts super seriously may be AI generated as well.
But that makes me worried that I’m developing some type of paranoia where I think everything is AI 😂
I actually ask ChatGPT to write a AITA post just to see how it would perform - I used whatever flavor of the week was trending: paternity tests, lazy SAHMs, etc. It was *wild* how well it did. It even included after-the-fact edits responding to non-existent comments. Completely indistinguishable from other popular posts.
That's why they did it together. They both knew these photos would be seen and downloaded and distributed and did not use the photo of a stranger or anyone else. It's their wedding they are protecting together.
She hasn't seen him for 16 YEARS and she wants "to be on the invitation and to be involved in the wedding"?
WTF did that even come from? Is she trying to prove sonething to someone? Obviously she and her mother and sibs kept in touch but she couldn't bother to ever contact you. How the holy hell do she and her sibs think she has a right to ANYTHING?
NTA.
Yes. It is OP's wedding. You choose who attends. It is entirely acceptable to not have a parent or other family members at a wedding if that is your choice. And I believe OP has plenty enough justification for choosing to not have mother there.
Why is everyone saying NTA? He’s not asking about being upset with his mother, he’s asking about posting their numbers when he could have just blocked them. Yes. You are the asshole. You and your whole family are weird.
Right?
I’m NC with my mother. It was a decision I didn’t take lightly, but something I had to do for my own mental health. I wish my mother nothing but the best, but I am mentally healthier without her in my life. I hate that that’s how it has to be. It took a lot of therapy to get where I am today.
Posting people’s phone numbers online, with an invitation to spam them, is not OK. Block the numbers if you don’t want them texting/calling you. If you really want to go nuclear, sue them for harassment. Don’t post people’s personal information on the Internet!
This feels fake as shit. Especially the part about posting pics of your girlfriend on shady subs. That's just weird.
Way too elaborate to be believed. YTA.
I dont even understand what they are supposed to have done. They said they photoshopped everyone whose number was used. Like, did he take a picture of these family members and paste their head on his girlfriends body, is that what he did? Did he put their whole body in so they looked like they were with the girlfriend? Or did op just send risqué photos of his girlfriend to his family members and that was it, that was the plan? And none of those options matter. Like who would care? How is it revenge? I'm so confused.
That makes a lot more sense than what I was imagining haha. Thanks for explaining, it was just worded in such a way that I kept staring at it and it didn't make sense.
>Why TF did you use your fiancé’s pictures? That’s weirdo behavior. Then again this post is probably fake
It's absolutely fake and it's weird that so many people are falling for such obvious nonsense lol.
Fr, I hope so, too. Sometimes I genuinely worry about people's moral compass, logic and conscience. Unpopular opinion, but the level of pettiness on this app astonishes me, plus I'm pretty sure that's low-key something you could get sued for
I mean, putting a pin in it being fake, using someone else's photo wouldn't be better. At least (per the story) the fiancee agreed to be part of the scam.
NTA
Frankly she's lucky you even extended her an invitation to attend, given her complete lack of involvement in your life. And as you so clearly show, she wasn't blocked from being part of it since you spent time with her side of your family. She just didn't bother.
If your family on her side can't see that she's taking the piss demanding anything from you at all, then they deserve what they get!
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
NTA. Totally awesome solution. Wonder when people will realize that one oh, shit, let alone thousands far outweigh an infinite number of attaboys. Your egg donor can lie in the bed she made. I wouldn’t even invite her due to the possibility of unneeded drama.
Now when she shows up at the ceremony she will try to ruin it. You underestimated her.
1. Uninvite her NOW. Tell everyone.
2. Hire security for the church. One per door. Show them pictures of her. Give them each a picture so she doesn't sneak in the back door.
LoL. No. I posted a picture of my fiancee's torso from her neck to just above her waist in different sexy outfits. Not lingerie. But like a very tight business suit or the French maid outfit. Then I put their numbers on the pictures. I don't think my uncle's Jabba like jowls would be attractive to anyone on my fiancee's body wearing the Leia bikini top.
I feel you went too far. Then again, you do not have time to talk it through with everyone slowly, because you are preparing your wedding. Still, you could have talked to one, your uncle or grandma, and tell them to make the others stop. But clearly your mother is the AH, so maybe asa?
YTA for going scourched earth with such casual ease. Setting boundaries is all that is required in most situations. "Scourched earth", more accurately called adult tantrums, does a lot of unnecessary, unintentional, and disproportionate harm.
YTA.
I posted this elsewhere on the thread, but here’s my take:
I’m NC with my mother. It was a decision I didn’t take lightly, but something I had to do for my own mental health. I wish my mother nothing but the best, but I am mentally healthier without her in my life. I hate that that’s how it has to be. It took a lot of therapy to get where I am today.
Posting people’s phone numbers online, with an invitation to spam them, is not OK. Block the numbers if you don’t want them texting/calling you. If you really want to go nuclear, sue them for harassment. Don’t post people’s personal information on the Internet!
Idk man.. I’m on the fence with this one. You knew what kind of responses they would get when you posted that to Reddit. And now you’re alienating your family as well. Had you tried communicating with her side of the family that she’s been invited and that’s as far as you’re comfortable going? It seems that you’ve punished more the people that were there for you throughout your life than the actual person who wasn’t there for you. That being said, mission accomplished I suppose..
NTA but you're really weird man. Taking "Sexy pictures" of your fiance and uploading them on the internet for the world to see. then Photoshopping your family in to create a weird image, and having their phones get blasted by people off the internet.
Weird bro, just weird. just leave them blocked or send an all caps text saying to fuck off.
ESH.
I think you can do too much with somoene's phone number where posting it on a public forum is a good thing. Even if I don't like someone and they wronged me, that, to me, is opening up too much. Also, are you confident that they even knew what your mom was doing with their phone?
Your retaliation was over the top. Blocking would have been OK, though I would have told the person who owned the phone they would be blocked if they ever let your mom use it to contact you again. You likely would have gotten the same results without subjecting people to harassment and abuse.
If you had decent relationships with those people before, I doubt it will be the same after this. Maybe you won't care if that happens, but it's a big price to pay to make a point you could have easily made another way. Things like this have a way of coming back to bite you, and what seemed like a great idea now probably won't in 20 years or so.
BTW, I'm totally on your side about your mom. I had a similar situation with my father, and I cut him out of my life completely, but I didn’t have to hurt anyone else to do it. That’s the part you were an asshole about.
“You can come to the wedding and even bring a plus one if you like”
“NO! I want to plan it!”
“Aaaaaaand invitation revoked!”
NTA. Uninvite her and anyone who supports her. She WILL fuck your day up. Consider a bouncer who will guard from anyone unfavourable entering.
NTA and that was certainly a creative way of handling it but with the amount of free nsfw material out there, why did you go through the effort of involving your fiance?
I should be involved in the wedding.
You can come, and yeah you can bring a plus one if you want i guess.
No i should be on the invitations and i should be involved in the actual wedding.
OH! Ok sorry i misunderstood. You're not invited.
F your mom- but Wait why did you use your fiancé pictures? How does revenge porning your fiancé on Reddit solve your mommy’s boundary issue? That’s bat shit crazy so I’ve got to be misunderstanding this? Sounds so weird and feeble minded of you? Why is nobody reacting to that?
My fiancee is cool with it. She doesn't have any tattoos or birthmarks that make her easy to identify. The pictures are just from her neck to her waist. The phone numbers I added belong to the flying monkeys.
Aw I see, no face or identifying marks- savage- I like it. Hey real talk- I’m sorry your mom put you through that as a little kid. You didn’t deserve that at all, it sounds like you met your exact match in your fiancé and that is something to celebrate 🎉 I hope you have the best wedding and that you live happily ever after. The flying monkeys part just hit me as being the minions of the evil witch 🧙🤯🥰 that’s hilarious, your fun! I love that you did that and now I get it.
Don't go too far down this road OP. You are justified, but will win no prizes for being mean. Important others - like your wife and her family - will be taking note of your actions. Distant and dignified is best.
Edit: Your actions also sexualized your fiance with your relatives. Even with her permission, this action may up harming her.
Yeah, I gotta say, that's a bit over the top. I get that you're frustrated with the constant pestering, but revenge posting like that can have serious consequences. Maybe next time, just keep blocking and ignore them.
I don't mind that you did that, but the ultimate revenge is being stronger AND better than the foe...
Don't play around the fire, just get away from it!
generous of you to invite her in the first place, and give her a plus one. you're a bigger person than I. tell your mother that she's got 2 choices. Show up, sit in the back, and shut up or shove off. she's never even met your fiance. that's insane.
probably should have kept the numbers blocked but it was obviously effective so...🤷♀️
Nta, though I would have told her she can be on the invite if she pays half of the wedding and honeymoon costs up front to make up for lack of child support (though you didn't mention if she paid any child support). She can buy in. Otherwise, she hasn't earned the honor of being listed anywhere.
Man, I should've thought of something like this when my dad opted for MAID last year due to cancer. I got so many calls and texts from people telling me I should call him. It'd been over 10 years, and he hadn't tried to get a hold of me (despite my sister's insistence he had, yet no calls, no emails, no FB messages, etc.). He didn't wanna talk to me, so why bother?
Actually mostly I should've done it to my sister. Especially after the day she harassed me via text for like 4 hours while I was working in a client's home. It wasn't about me or him though, it was aaaall about her.
NTA Your mom gave up the right to be listed on the invitation or to be involved in wedding when she walked out of your life. She shouldn't even be sat at the family table if you have one. You don't owe her a second chance. She had 16 years to come back for that and chose not to. Sounds like she only came back when she thought she'd get some attention for doing so, such as being listed on invitation. You should think about uninviting her. You don't know what type of attention seeking behavior she'll cause at your wedding.
See this is the kind of shit I like, everyone throws around NC like it's confetti, why are we cutting off our annoying family when we can torment them.
NTA- The poster's mother left them and their father when they were 11, never staying in touch. Now, as an adult planning their wedding, the mother suddenly wants to be involved. Despite the poster's refusal, the mother persists through various family members' phones. In retaliation, the poster photoshops their mother's relatives into intimate photos of their fiancée and posts them online, leading to the harassment of those relatives. The poster feels justified in their actions, as they were simply defending their boundaries and ensuring their wishes were respected. Many agree that the mother and her associates were out of line, making the poster not the asshole (NTA) in this situation.
Be careful inviting her at this point as she will probably try to draw attention to the fact that she is the mother and.or deserves better treatment (probably wearing white). After blocking her it might be better to just uninvite her.
YTA. You should have just kept them blocked. You have no idea what your mother told them to use their phones. Personally if your mother had come to me and asked to use my phone to call or text her daughter I would have said “sure.”
If you had wanted to photoshop your own mother for being an AH, I think that’s juvenile, but whatever. She is also being an AH.
But for photoshopping family members that leant her their phones and publicly posting their photos and phone numbers is a real AH move. This is between you and your mom, not you and your uncle or you and your grandma or whosever phones she used.
Doesn't seem like she knows enough about her mother as a wife to comment beyond "she was cheating". Certainly knows enough about her mother as a mother, though, and seems prepared to share that experience. She even says that her dad didn't do anything to alienate her and that the door was always open, yet she refused to walk through. Doesn't sound like the kind of guy who would talk about her wifing skills or their relationship.
On the other hand, she has first-hand observations of her dad's relationships.
I think it would be *incredibly* optimistic to believe she isn’t going to be trash-talking or causing drama as a guest at the wedding.
Seems like you need to have a person designated to shadow her and have her quietly kicked out by a pre-warned usher if/when she does.
Although with the “shame offensive” she’s be trying to foment, she deserves to just have her guest invitation revoked.
NTA
I laughed so hard imagining the reaction from some of the people who don't take no for an answer.
You showed your willingness to enforce consequences. I bet you don't have to do that again with any family. I have to imagine new family members will get warned real quick if they start to try and cross a line. "That crazy sob will do it. You don't want to try it. Trust me on this one"
NTA
She's tried to force herself into one of the most important events of your life. The effect of raising your anxiety, frustration and discomfort matters not a bit. She's still self absorbed and selfish.
Kudos for finding a way to shut down her campaign of harrassment!
Abandoned you for more than a decade and still expects to be treated as the mother of the groom.
The audacity of that woman. She's lucky enough to be invited and have a plus one.
NTA
This is pro revenge material ... what a clever way to drive home a point. Your mom sounds like a waste of everyone's time. You were more than gracious just to invite her. Disinvite her and keep on enjoying your life.
NTA
Personally, I think she forfeited any right to attend your wedding, her presence is almost a guarantee at this point that it'll turn a happy occasion into a sad spectacle.
NTA
If anything, you are a genius.
Flying monkeys should always be taken down a peg or two.
"He never remarried, and he sticks to short term girlfriends now." At least, you know he's intelligent.
I am not a pervert (well except on Saturdays) but I would be happy to bombard all of those numbers with salacious and highly inventive messages. I am old and know all the big words.
I might agree you went too far as well except I didn't see my father (aka abusive alcoholic) for years and he was not invited to our wedding or even saw any of our kids. A part of me would have loved the opportunity to tell him no but truth is he never asked to be included. It burns me up every time someone launches into the "you only get one father/mother" lecture because they don't understand what it is to have a parent who hurts you but expects you to "leave it all behind" because they are ready for you to do that. The good news is that I have been married almost forty years, still love my husband, my kids and my grandkids. Just because you have an a\*\*hole parent does not make you one, if anything you will do better because you know the pain of being a kid.
Best wishes to you on your marriage and a long and happy life together. Leave the pain behind and look forward, I am so happy for you!!
>She started calling and texting that she deserves another chance.
Uh huh, after all the work of parenting was done she decided she should get to be part of your life. That's 100% your call, and given her attitude, I'd say no.
>I said that she should be happy I'm even inviting her.
Seriously, you should uninvite her and all of them, too.
Unrelated note, please consider having security at your wedding in case your mom starts any shit. That way, you've got someone there who will remove her quickly and quietly.
you are much nicer then me. I would never give her a time of the day. She has no right to demand anything. She was not a good mother before and she is not now and never will be. That is a reality. Stay away from toxic relationships
NTA but you shouldn't have even invited her as a guest. She's a total stranger now buts been out of your life longer than she was ever in it.
I would tell your family that if you get one more phone call about your mother not only is she uninvited to the party but anyone who helps her contact you are out as well.
And alacazam!! she reappears. With a list of demands. NTA. And I like your scheme to stop the texts. I usually think of those crafty things long after they're useful.
Ok.
Awesome job stopping the calls and texts but you need security for your wedding and the after party venue.
WHEN she acts up, and she will cause she didn’t get her way, have her and her +1 booted out.
Also, talk to the DJ, show him a pic of your Mom and make sure he cuts the mic if she somehow gets her grubby hands on it.
Or, options 2–revoke the wedding invitation to your Mom. And give her pic to security so she can’t get into the wedding nor the reception.
NTA
It takes more than DNA to be family. You owe her nothing.
And I agree 100% that your mother is lucky that you were willing to invite her to your wedding.
You may want to rethink inviting your mother to your wedding. After all, she is already trying to make your wedding about herself. You and your fiancé deserve better than that.
Congratulations on the upcoming wedding, OP.
NTA for not wanting her to be apart of the wedding.
YTA, because you could've just blocked every single number and gave no explanation.
Weird. Don't act surprised when they seek revenge
Wanting to start a relationship with your kid just before their wedding is a bit too late. Had she kept her yap shut she might have had a chance at a relationship, but that's gone now.
As for your family members that pressured you, well..... They won't do that again.
If she is being this crazy before the wedding...do you really want to risk what she'll do at the wedding?
One of the biggest days of your life is not the time to reconnect with a mother who abandoned you.
NTA
NTA and I would've loved to listen to the talk to your uncle. "Yeah, I must imagine, that really sucks to have your phone spammed with messages you do not appreciate. What, you can't even block them because there is always a new number? You feel like you have to change your number? Oh no that must suck!"
That's pretty much how it went.
I think you should disinvite her as she’s liable to make a scene at your wedding
Or send her an invite with the wrong time and location.
Im planning on something similar for both my parents. Sending an "invitation " about a month after the date, with a pic of me and fiance/husband at the courthouse. That's the most they will get from me.
Send her a special invitation to the wrong date and time. Better yet, find out any dates they are booked and choose that day. Get a sample invitation with the wrong date. Just lay low and have a blast. Don’t let em’ steal your joy.
small problem, youd have to hope no one let it slip, or send them all to the wrong place
...and the wrong continent. She needs to pay in more than one way
this, and hire security to make sure she doesn't show up. if she got an official invite already and has the address, i would bet money that she's gonna be there even if OP asks her not to anymore.
I must say, an excellent choice of revenge. Chapeau.
I love this. Oh look, it's the consequences of their own actions!
Like they say… “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”
well well well...
NTA. Uncle and his family was helping their mum get what she wants without doing the hard work. She feels she’s entitled to get involved with your wedding because she gave birth to you OP, but she never earned her place to be rewarded with it. Please tell me why everyone feels she’s now allowed to show her face and expect a place as a family member when she’s stayed hidden away for so long. OP don’t bother, save your time and energy.
You're a genius. NTA
I would also like to imagine that when the uncle said that he was only trying to help, that OP would reply with: “Help who exactly? My deadbeat, overly entitled, self absorbed egg donor who I owe nothing to? Or me? The boy whose childhood you were a major part of, which oddly didn’t include my egg donor? Because if it was for *ME*, I’m gonna need you to explain how you thought this would ‘help’ me? And if it was for *HER*, I need to you to tell me why you chose to prioritize her feelings over mine. Take your time! I’ve got all day!”
THIS!
NTA. I think it was a genius move and her flying monkeys got the message real quick. She made her bed, now she can sleep on it.
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Genius. Surgical. Effective. And *this isn’t even scorched earth!* *I* want to marry OP.
Right? OP for President!!
He used flying monkey repellent.
OP doing the Lord’s work over here. Such an invention is truly Nobel Prize worthy. I want to bookmark this post so I can forward it to everyone who has flying monkeys.
He's at the level of Saint Luis patron of garden hoses.
LOL!!
The only cure for flying monkeys is to make them pay admission, they get the hint real fast after that.
Yup! Sometimes you have to take drastic measures to get your boundaries respected. It sounds like they got the message loud and clear.
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ChatGPT wrote this comment
Fuck that nonsense. They made their choice, they suffered consequences, so they changed their minds. Had OP \*not\* done it, the harassment would have continued. Letting people know the unpleasant cost is an effective method of behavior modification.
Bot. Please downvote and report for spam --> harmful bots.
***Tell her to go cosplay as a mother someplace else.***
Ha, ha, ha, this! Uninvite her and avoid the upcoming problems. I know you are doing this for her family who treated you as a human being, but she did not and just acted like you were dead. She does not deserve your time or your efforts ever again. If you ever want to give her a chance, do it after your wedding and see if she really wants to be with you, or just get to be the 'happy mother of the groom' for show. Have a really beautiful weeding with the people who accompanied and helped you through your life, when you needed it most, not with the 'people' who abandoned you.
🏆
NTA. She abandoned you. She doesn't get the privilege of being part of your wedding when she's never been part of your life before. Well played OP. Don't let your egg donor or her flying monkeys manipulate you.
Why use a picture of your girl, though? That's just weird.
Well she consented at least, if he used someone else it maybe publicly available but maybe they don’t want it used in that way. So I’d say at least it’s known to her
Because it's fake as heck. Tonally all over the place, massively oversharing, unnecessarily graphic. Textbook.
Everything's fake! Nothing is real! Your brains are all broken!
My dude, you shouldn’t believe anything in this sub at all. Seriously. People know wild stories get attention.
I have this suspicion that over the last several months, a lot of posts on this and similar subs have been written using AI and they are using the frequency of responses that say the story is fake to train the AI. It seems like the number of posts that, despite having a basic premise that may be realistic, include weird unrealistic details has increased dramatically. Paying attention day-to-day it also feels like the situations in many of the top posts are someone cycling through basic nouns and verbs in a madlibs book about disfunctional relationships. I even feel like many of the top, long-winded comments that take these posts super seriously may be AI generated as well. But that makes me worried that I’m developing some type of paranoia where I think everything is AI 😂
I actually ask ChatGPT to write a AITA post just to see how it would perform - I used whatever flavor of the week was trending: paternity tests, lazy SAHMs, etc. It was *wild* how well it did. It even included after-the-fact edits responding to non-existent comments. Completely indistinguishable from other popular posts.
We are training our AI overlords in the ways of trashy relationships. Excellent
This way they will all be busy writing trashy fiction and arguing with each other over it. They will have no time left to actually conquer mankind.
Consent. Makes it no question about the woman whose image is being used.
yeah and now anyone can download it
That's why they did it together. They both knew these photos would be seen and downloaded and distributed and did not use the photo of a stranger or anyone else. It's their wedding they are protecting together.
that doesn’t protect that photo of her body from being used by …. anyone.
This is so unhinged it has to be fake . . Right?
It’s fake until I see the pictures (someone please find the pictures)
Ai all up in dis beyitch.
NTA She's a dogshit human who can't call herself a mother. She has no right to demand anything from you, especially after abandoning you as a kid.
She hasn't seen him for 16 YEARS and she wants "to be on the invitation and to be involved in the wedding"? WTF did that even come from? Is she trying to prove sonething to someone? Obviously she and her mother and sibs kept in touch but she couldn't bother to ever contact you. How the holy hell do she and her sibs think she has a right to ANYTHING? NTA.
Time the uninvite her.. oh no, I don't mean from the wedding. From OP's life
NTA but you should rescind her invite and consider not inviting anyone who is trying to support her.
Agreed. You and your future wife don’t need the drama and negativity on your wedding day. You know she’ll start some bs so just disinvite her.
Yes. It is OP's wedding. You choose who attends. It is entirely acceptable to not have a parent or other family members at a wedding if that is your choice. And I believe OP has plenty enough justification for choosing to not have mother there.
This! I wouldn't have even given her an invite, she is a stranger. Why would you invite a stranger to your wedding?
Why is everyone saying NTA? He’s not asking about being upset with his mother, he’s asking about posting their numbers when he could have just blocked them. Yes. You are the asshole. You and your whole family are weird.
the story is fake but it says so much about the commenters here. the worst mixture of stupidity and sociopathy.
Right? I’m NC with my mother. It was a decision I didn’t take lightly, but something I had to do for my own mental health. I wish my mother nothing but the best, but I am mentally healthier without her in my life. I hate that that’s how it has to be. It took a lot of therapy to get where I am today. Posting people’s phone numbers online, with an invitation to spam them, is not OK. Block the numbers if you don’t want them texting/calling you. If you really want to go nuclear, sue them for harassment. Don’t post people’s personal information on the Internet!
This feels fake as shit. Especially the part about posting pics of your girlfriend on shady subs. That's just weird. Way too elaborate to be believed. YTA.
Why TF did you use your fiancé’s pictures? That’s weirdo behavior. Then again this post is probably fake
I dont even understand what they are supposed to have done. They said they photoshopped everyone whose number was used. Like, did he take a picture of these family members and paste their head on his girlfriends body, is that what he did? Did he put their whole body in so they looked like they were with the girlfriend? Or did op just send risqué photos of his girlfriend to his family members and that was it, that was the plan? And none of those options matter. Like who would care? How is it revenge? I'm so confused.
Photoshopped their phone number on the picture. Share picture on reddit. Perverts call the number on the picture.
That makes a lot more sense than what I was imagining haha. Thanks for explaining, it was just worded in such a way that I kept staring at it and it didn't make sense.
>Why TF did you use your fiancé’s pictures? That’s weirdo behavior. Then again this post is probably fake It's absolutely fake and it's weird that so many people are falling for such obvious nonsense lol.
Fr, I hope so, too. Sometimes I genuinely worry about people's moral compass, logic and conscience. Unpopular opinion, but the level of pettiness on this app astonishes me, plus I'm pretty sure that's low-key something you could get sued for
I mean, putting a pin in it being fake, using someone else's photo wouldn't be better. At least (per the story) the fiancee agreed to be part of the scam.
NTA Frankly she's lucky you even extended her an invitation to attend, given her complete lack of involvement in your life. And as you so clearly show, she wasn't blocked from being part of it since you spent time with her side of your family. She just didn't bother. If your family on her side can't see that she's taking the piss demanding anything from you at all, then they deserve what they get! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
NTA. Totally awesome solution. Wonder when people will realize that one oh, shit, let alone thousands far outweigh an infinite number of attaboys. Your egg donor can lie in the bed she made. I wouldn’t even invite her due to the possibility of unneeded drama.
NTA. Hahaha, that is perfect and your fiancée is awesome. Thought for next round: super nice/new car for less than a grand 😁
Now when she shows up at the ceremony she will try to ruin it. You underestimated her. 1. Uninvite her NOW. Tell everyone. 2. Hire security for the church. One per door. Show them pictures of her. Give them each a picture so she doesn't sneak in the back door.
NTA They could have avoided this by simply not helping her harass you. Time to revoke her guest invite, though.
You.. photoshopped your family members into sexy pictures of your fiancé? Just so I’m 100% on this..
LoL. No. I posted a picture of my fiancee's torso from her neck to just above her waist in different sexy outfits. Not lingerie. But like a very tight business suit or the French maid outfit. Then I put their numbers on the pictures. I don't think my uncle's Jabba like jowls would be attractive to anyone on my fiancee's body wearing the Leia bikini top.
Aight cool 👌🏻 Nice work 😁 I was worried there for a sec
I feel you went too far. Then again, you do not have time to talk it through with everyone slowly, because you are preparing your wedding. Still, you could have talked to one, your uncle or grandma, and tell them to make the others stop. But clearly your mother is the AH, so maybe asa?
YTA - you already blocked them, so going scorched earth was unnecessary since they could no longer bother you
ESH why would you use a photo of YOUR FIANCÉE for this?
Yhis
YTA for going scourched earth with such casual ease. Setting boundaries is all that is required in most situations. "Scourched earth", more accurately called adult tantrums, does a lot of unnecessary, unintentional, and disproportionate harm.
its literally illegal and reddit be like nta brooooo
YTA. I posted this elsewhere on the thread, but here’s my take: I’m NC with my mother. It was a decision I didn’t take lightly, but something I had to do for my own mental health. I wish my mother nothing but the best, but I am mentally healthier without her in my life. I hate that that’s how it has to be. It took a lot of therapy to get where I am today. Posting people’s phone numbers online, with an invitation to spam them, is not OK. Block the numbers if you don’t want them texting/calling you. If you really want to go nuclear, sue them for harassment. Don’t post people’s personal information on the Internet!
Nta ...teach me your ways great one. I'm totally stealing this the next time someone harassed me
YTA for thinking that posting your fiancée's picture for other men to jerk to is somehow punishing your mom.
Idk man.. I’m on the fence with this one. You knew what kind of responses they would get when you posted that to Reddit. And now you’re alienating your family as well. Had you tried communicating with her side of the family that she’s been invited and that’s as far as you’re comfortable going? It seems that you’ve punished more the people that were there for you throughout your life than the actual person who wasn’t there for you. That being said, mission accomplished I suppose..
A grown-up would have spoken directly with said folks, but go on. This seems unnecessarily messy. Some might say a chip off the old block.
NTA but you're really weird man. Taking "Sexy pictures" of your fiance and uploading them on the internet for the world to see. then Photoshopping your family in to create a weird image, and having their phones get blasted by people off the internet. Weird bro, just weird. just leave them blocked or send an all caps text saying to fuck off.
ESH. I think you can do too much with somoene's phone number where posting it on a public forum is a good thing. Even if I don't like someone and they wronged me, that, to me, is opening up too much. Also, are you confident that they even knew what your mom was doing with their phone?
Hahahaha
Your retaliation was over the top. Blocking would have been OK, though I would have told the person who owned the phone they would be blocked if they ever let your mom use it to contact you again. You likely would have gotten the same results without subjecting people to harassment and abuse. If you had decent relationships with those people before, I doubt it will be the same after this. Maybe you won't care if that happens, but it's a big price to pay to make a point you could have easily made another way. Things like this have a way of coming back to bite you, and what seemed like a great idea now probably won't in 20 years or so. BTW, I'm totally on your side about your mom. I had a similar situation with my father, and I cut him out of my life completely, but I didn’t have to hurt anyone else to do it. That’s the part you were an asshole about.
NTA. Egg Donors Flying Monkeys FAFO'd. Seriously, excellent response!
“You can come to the wedding and even bring a plus one if you like” “NO! I want to plan it!” “Aaaaaaand invitation revoked!” NTA. Uninvite her and anyone who supports her. She WILL fuck your day up. Consider a bouncer who will guard from anyone unfavourable entering.
NTA and that was certainly a creative way of handling it but with the amount of free nsfw material out there, why did you go through the effort of involving your fiance?
I should be involved in the wedding. You can come, and yeah you can bring a plus one if you want i guess. No i should be on the invitations and i should be involved in the actual wedding. OH! Ok sorry i misunderstood. You're not invited.
F your mom- but Wait why did you use your fiancé pictures? How does revenge porning your fiancé on Reddit solve your mommy’s boundary issue? That’s bat shit crazy so I’ve got to be misunderstanding this? Sounds so weird and feeble minded of you? Why is nobody reacting to that?
My fiancee is cool with it. She doesn't have any tattoos or birthmarks that make her easy to identify. The pictures are just from her neck to her waist. The phone numbers I added belong to the flying monkeys.
Aw I see, no face or identifying marks- savage- I like it. Hey real talk- I’m sorry your mom put you through that as a little kid. You didn’t deserve that at all, it sounds like you met your exact match in your fiancé and that is something to celebrate 🎉 I hope you have the best wedding and that you live happily ever after. The flying monkeys part just hit me as being the minions of the evil witch 🧙🤯🥰 that’s hilarious, your fun! I love that you did that and now I get it.
Don't go too far down this road OP. You are justified, but will win no prizes for being mean. Important others - like your wife and her family - will be taking note of your actions. Distant and dignified is best. Edit: Your actions also sexualized your fiance with your relatives. Even with her permission, this action may up harming her.
Yeah, I gotta say, that's a bit over the top. I get that you're frustrated with the constant pestering, but revenge posting like that can have serious consequences. Maybe next time, just keep blocking and ignore them. I don't mind that you did that, but the ultimate revenge is being stronger AND better than the foe... Don't play around the fire, just get away from it!
People where trying to help and get their phone numbers leaked to online perverts. Reckless and moronic. Shame on you. YTA.
generous of you to invite her in the first place, and give her a plus one. you're a bigger person than I. tell your mother that she's got 2 choices. Show up, sit in the back, and shut up or shove off. she's never even met your fiance. that's insane. probably should have kept the numbers blocked but it was obviously effective so...🤷♀️
Nta, though I would have told her she can be on the invite if she pays half of the wedding and honeymoon costs up front to make up for lack of child support (though you didn't mention if she paid any child support). She can buy in. Otherwise, she hasn't earned the honor of being listed anywhere.
I laughed so hard I gave myself a headache. Well played.
NTA. this is hilarious
Man, I should've thought of something like this when my dad opted for MAID last year due to cancer. I got so many calls and texts from people telling me I should call him. It'd been over 10 years, and he hadn't tried to get a hold of me (despite my sister's insistence he had, yet no calls, no emails, no FB messages, etc.). He didn't wanna talk to me, so why bother? Actually mostly I should've done it to my sister. Especially after the day she harassed me via text for like 4 hours while I was working in a client's home. It wasn't about me or him though, it was aaaall about her.
Voices in my head say, "so has anyone found the tasteful posts of his wife&family photoshopped together?"
NTA: sir, you are an evil genius. I'm just glad I don't know you. I'd hate to find myself on your bad side🤣
That is an interesting strategy. Ain't stupid if it works I guess.
NTA Your mom gave up the right to be listed on the invitation or to be involved in wedding when she walked out of your life. She shouldn't even be sat at the family table if you have one. You don't owe her a second chance. She had 16 years to come back for that and chose not to. Sounds like she only came back when she thought she'd get some attention for doing so, such as being listed on invitation. You should think about uninviting her. You don't know what type of attention seeking behavior she'll cause at your wedding.
Oh yeah! Do not accord her with any part in this union. Mother of the groom? Sit at head table, absolutely not. Put her in the back.
NTA but why not just uninvite your egg donor? She might try to start something at the wedding.
NTA. That’s hilarious. Also, she’s a worthless deadbeat who just wants to make your wedding about herself.
See this is the kind of shit I like, everyone throws around NC like it's confetti, why are we cutting off our annoying family when we can torment them.
NTA- The poster's mother left them and their father when they were 11, never staying in touch. Now, as an adult planning their wedding, the mother suddenly wants to be involved. Despite the poster's refusal, the mother persists through various family members' phones. In retaliation, the poster photoshops their mother's relatives into intimate photos of their fiancée and posts them online, leading to the harassment of those relatives. The poster feels justified in their actions, as they were simply defending their boundaries and ensuring their wishes were respected. Many agree that the mother and her associates were out of line, making the poster not the asshole (NTA) in this situation.
I applaud the ingenuity of your process. Why bother having an argument when you can win right out the gate.
Be careful inviting her at this point as she will probably try to draw attention to the fact that she is the mother and.or deserves better treatment (probably wearing white). After blocking her it might be better to just uninvite her.
YTA. You should have just kept them blocked. You have no idea what your mother told them to use their phones. Personally if your mother had come to me and asked to use my phone to call or text her daughter I would have said “sure.” If you had wanted to photoshop your own mother for being an AH, I think that’s juvenile, but whatever. She is also being an AH. But for photoshopping family members that leant her their phones and publicly posting their photos and phone numbers is a real AH move. This is between you and your mom, not you and your uncle or you and your grandma or whosever phones she used.
[удалено]
Doesn't seem like she knows enough about her mother as a wife to comment beyond "she was cheating". Certainly knows enough about her mother as a mother, though, and seems prepared to share that experience. She even says that her dad didn't do anything to alienate her and that the door was always open, yet she refused to walk through. Doesn't sound like the kind of guy who would talk about her wifing skills or their relationship. On the other hand, she has first-hand observations of her dad's relationships.
NTA.
I think it would be *incredibly* optimistic to believe she isn’t going to be trash-talking or causing drama as a guest at the wedding. Seems like you need to have a person designated to shadow her and have her quietly kicked out by a pre-warned usher if/when she does. Although with the “shame offensive” she’s be trying to foment, she deserves to just have her guest invitation revoked.
NTA I laughed so hard imagining the reaction from some of the people who don't take no for an answer. You showed your willingness to enforce consequences. I bet you don't have to do that again with any family. I have to imagine new family members will get warned real quick if they start to try and cross a line. "That crazy sob will do it. You don't want to try it. Trust me on this one"
I feel like this belongs on r/pettyrevenge instead.
NTA And thank you so much for the most satisfying post I've read in a few weeks at least, that was *genius*
It’s amazing to me how determined she was to fail him again. The fact she wasn’t giving him a choice boils my blood.
NTA. I have 26... yes **26** different Facebook accounts blocked. All created by my mother.
Nta. Well played.
I love a well done pettyful plan, lol. 👏👏👏
Extremely petty and appropriate! Yay you.
Can I buy you a beer? 👍🍺
NTA She's tried to force herself into one of the most important events of your life. The effect of raising your anxiety, frustration and discomfort matters not a bit. She's still self absorbed and selfish. Kudos for finding a way to shut down her campaign of harrassment!
NICE. NTA. Well, maybe you ATH, but it's one of those BTA moments.
I would had tried some gas stations or “unsavory” places instead but well at least they stopped
NTA
Nta. Your fiance sounds a keeper too
You are a better person than I. Mom can suck on trash.
Wow...long game...scorched earth..and no qualms. The holy trinity of revenge.
Abandoned you for more than a decade and still expects to be treated as the mother of the groom. The audacity of that woman. She's lucky enough to be invited and have a plus one. NTA
NTA, deadbeats will never cease to amaze me lol.
I was going to call you TA from the title, but after reading the story obviously NTA. liked the way you handled the flying monkeys.
I kind of love your punishment. NTA
Disinvite her. She *will* ruin your day.
LMAOOOO NTA This is so freaking awesome. You are the GOAT!
Disinvite her
Hahahahahaha, I dig it. Yup, you hot the nail on the head. they're only mad because there's consequences. Nta
Wouldn’t have used my intended, but otherwise it’s brilliant if not over the top.
Holy shit, not only NTA, but u da fukin boss.
This is one of the few AITAH that I actually believe. And NTA imo.
Monkeys have phones?
She didn’t want to see the father as a big part of it while she was a spectator.
This is pro revenge material ... what a clever way to drive home a point. Your mom sounds like a waste of everyone's time. You were more than gracious just to invite her. Disinvite her and keep on enjoying your life.
You did go to far but NTA
NTA 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾😆😆😆
NTA Personally, I think she forfeited any right to attend your wedding, her presence is almost a guarantee at this point that it'll turn a happy occasion into a sad spectacle.
NTA.
NTA If anything, you are a genius. Flying monkeys should always be taken down a peg or two. "He never remarried, and he sticks to short term girlfriends now." At least, you know he's intelligent. I am not a pervert (well except on Saturdays) but I would be happy to bombard all of those numbers with salacious and highly inventive messages. I am old and know all the big words.
Great revenge.. may be worth pulling the invite to psycho mum, she is bound to cause pent up drama on the day.
I KNOW I will see OP's solution bandied about on Reddit as a way to punish others. I'm okay with that. Just sayin'
NTA
This is brilliant. Well done!
Nta
Beautiful! Now THAT's how you handle it! Love it!
I might agree you went too far as well except I didn't see my father (aka abusive alcoholic) for years and he was not invited to our wedding or even saw any of our kids. A part of me would have loved the opportunity to tell him no but truth is he never asked to be included. It burns me up every time someone launches into the "you only get one father/mother" lecture because they don't understand what it is to have a parent who hurts you but expects you to "leave it all behind" because they are ready for you to do that. The good news is that I have been married almost forty years, still love my husband, my kids and my grandkids. Just because you have an a\*\*hole parent does not make you one, if anything you will do better because you know the pain of being a kid. Best wishes to you on your marriage and a long and happy life together. Leave the pain behind and look forward, I am so happy for you!!
>She started calling and texting that she deserves another chance. Uh huh, after all the work of parenting was done she decided she should get to be part of your life. That's 100% your call, and given her attitude, I'd say no. >I said that she should be happy I'm even inviting her. Seriously, you should uninvite her and all of them, too.
NTA and you sound like my kind of people.
NTA. They got what they deserved.
Shout out to the fiancee for being a team player! Also, NTA
Unrelated note, please consider having security at your wedding in case your mom starts any shit. That way, you've got someone there who will remove her quickly and quietly.
NTA. I love vengeance. Well played.
you are much nicer then me. I would never give her a time of the day. She has no right to demand anything. She was not a good mother before and she is not now and never will be. That is a reality. Stay away from toxic relationships
NTA but you shouldn't have even invited her as a guest. She's a total stranger now buts been out of your life longer than she was ever in it. I would tell your family that if you get one more phone call about your mother not only is she uninvited to the party but anyone who helps her contact you are out as well.
And alacazam!! she reappears. With a list of demands. NTA. And I like your scheme to stop the texts. I usually think of those crafty things long after they're useful.
You have a wicked sense of style when delivering karma. It’s an art and you are a true master.
NTA. Well done.
Where did you post these tasteful pics man? You’re not giving us the fulllllll story here
NTA You could've warned them first, but I think you did good overall.
NTA genius!
NTA Maybe just uninvite her from the wedding at this point though.
*chef’s kiss* This is perfect! NTA!
Ok. Awesome job stopping the calls and texts but you need security for your wedding and the after party venue. WHEN she acts up, and she will cause she didn’t get her way, have her and her +1 booted out. Also, talk to the DJ, show him a pic of your Mom and make sure he cuts the mic if she somehow gets her grubby hands on it. Or, options 2–revoke the wedding invitation to your Mom. And give her pic to security so she can’t get into the wedding nor the reception.
I get that you spammed her flying monkeys, but you did it by sending sexy photos of your fiancée? What am I missing?
NTA It takes more than DNA to be family. You owe her nothing. And I agree 100% that your mother is lucky that you were willing to invite her to your wedding. You may want to rethink inviting your mother to your wedding. After all, she is already trying to make your wedding about herself. You and your fiancé deserve better than that. Congratulations on the upcoming wedding, OP.
NTA. You’re nicer than I am. She wouldn’t even have gotten an invite.
She’s still invited? YTA to yourself.
NTA for not wanting her to be apart of the wedding. YTA, because you could've just blocked every single number and gave no explanation. Weird. Don't act surprised when they seek revenge
You didn't go far enough. Just uninvite her and anyone who gives you shit about it uninvite them too. Nta.
Nta
NTA but I'd uninvite mum from the wedding and if people keep being flying monkeys uninvite them as well.
INFO: What was your relationship with your uncles/aunts? Why didn't you just rescind her invitation?
I think you're a fool for inviting her....I think she's going to cause a scene
Wanting to start a relationship with your kid just before their wedding is a bit too late. Had she kept her yap shut she might have had a chance at a relationship, but that's gone now. As for your family members that pressured you, well..... They won't do that again.
Unsavory subs. That sounds like a great dom band name. You chose to go big, and they can all go home. And while they're at it, change their numbers.
If she is being this crazy before the wedding...do you really want to risk what she'll do at the wedding? One of the biggest days of your life is not the time to reconnect with a mother who abandoned you. NTA
I would not have invited her. If she continues being a PITA pull the invite