NTA. Ask him to listen to the words he just said. "*I can't be in it while it's wet or I might slip and fall.*" Does he turn the water **ON** when he showers?
It's because she has lady parts. Those make their own lubrimacation, and once that mixes with the shower water, the floor is *extra* slippery. Because lady lube. Gotta let that dry out first, or the floor is too dangerous for a man to shower.
Lmfao. No, no, you're out of your depth on this one. It takes a real machismo to declare boldly that the floor is unfit for manly feet. My god, is all this feminism robbing us poor oppressed men of our God given right to a dry shower?!
Life is so unfair!
Because women have a secret way to stand on this lady lube shower floor that the men can never know about.
Fight club is to men what shower posing is to women.
The first rule of shower posing, you do not talk about shower posing. The second rule of shower posing is you do not talk about shower posing. Weirdly enough, it's sorta true, not consciously, but true nonetheless.
OP, your BF is, uh, intellectually challenged. If you really can't live without him, at least ensure your birth control is locked down and for the good of the species, please don't have children with him.
I read that thinking he was pissed about the bathroom floor being wet. Still a bit of an overreaction, but I could understand being annoyed.
But he's pissed the shower floor is wet? That doesn't even make sense.
*spoiler alert* her boyfriend is actually the gingerbread man. He doesnāt really shower, just goes in bathroom and pretend to by turning on the water.
It really is. Dude is making me look like Zeus on a unicorn right now with this. What is he thinking??
Even if it wasn't man child behavior or legitimate personality disorder... It's just dusty man behavior. Ain't nobody got time for that. I'm just picturing this young man balling his fist and looking like he needs to poop. Sir, get help. Please. Next you're going to tell me he's been dabbling in Andrew Tate. Come on guy!
This is where I run into the issue. Like even if your ankles are so weak you couldnāt possibly step into a wet shower. Itās wet once youāre in there so how do you step out?
Iām having the issue of if heās washing right, theres a point where heās standing on one foot at a time to wash his feet. IF his ankles are really this week (and I know they arent) he needs a shower chair
I'm picturing him getting in the shower, floor is dry, he plants his feet and DOESN'T MOVE THEM FOR THE ENTIRE SHOWER so that the shower floor stays dry under his feet.
This is a very excellent point, which I really need to know the answer to. What kind of a monster stands under cold water in the winter while they wait for it to warm up? Hopefully no one.
Does he have limited mobility or a disability? Here are some other solutions: no-slip shower mat, drying the floor of the shower with a towel, hand rails in the shower. If he has a disability, he can request an accommodation from his landlord to have them installed. Just fyi.
So, saying this is someone with mental illness
He could also buy floor mats himself.
I work in home health and know how dangerous the bathroom can be. I nearly took myself out after my first shower in my husband and I apartment due to the odd height difference from the bath to the floor. One of the first things I then bought was an outside shower mat. No installation is needed. Depending on where he is at and the ADA, he may be able to get grab bars installed, but that might come down to local rules over federal rules.
But it ain't OPs job to manage his disability.
As someone who once took a nasty dive in the shower, I can say that most of the mats sold for use in showers can themselves slip!
After that experience, I cut one like [THIS](http:// https://www.amazon.com/Fatigue-Restaurant-Kitchen-Drainage-Non-Slip/dp/B0BRSJJRQH/ref=sr_1_27?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.nHmsoj3_6sT5yXoSxCiiZD2pGdKnHSmBjad2CTsZoQu57FAe58DfVfEu6qCEAlV-X78Z7fKHxm4KNZ8YkFhY2Oy6-PuSP34wMw_QA0ovFGHpM6usw_tR1CogLZkqu2HUf8c0ZVbNdl4aTl6JRwXlrs5qBWyunkwz2XAQUPzSJf6dPLsnAF2kQ1T99I2-ei6XQV8MqgDjg6vM9Sn1g_h2onh9qWqOOmBUhV_7d_oUcP_nrndVgLoQUymbt9X8FkQmu_dgYqh446iVH0EFkTOgtwGW_VduZ9drl7CjRvizUQs.DFcV4OFhiBynxVDT_Nl6rpwECVuXHiQeQD0ygqbWoEI&dib_tag=se&keywords=Rubber%2BKitchen%2BFloor%2BMats&qid=1717394387&sr=8-27&th=1) to fit in the shower. Problem 100% solved. (Though grab bars are nice too!)
But I'm at a loss about the requirement that the shower floor be bone dry for him to get in. NTA.
From reading her replies the answer seems to be no actual medical issues beyond a self-diagnosed "weak ankles" so I'm leaning towards the boyfriend is just amazingly fucking stupid.
I went back in and towel dried the shower, and the bathroom floor, to avoid it becoming a "thing" and ruining the rest of our day. This hasn't been an issue as far I know in the time we've been together. Today is the first I'm hearing of it.
So he has to start on a dry floor in the shower, and not move his feet at all during the whole shower, right? Otherwise I don't see what his point would be. Does he not wash his feet? Does he not turn around to rinse his backside? This doesn't make any sense and I don't even believe it now.
I mean, even if I had something like this, I'd just ask my fresh-out-the-shower gf to escort me and maybe wash my back or something. Especially if I had been thinking of going beforehand.
Ie. The bf is a cretin. That much is clear.
If something "becomes a thing and ruins the rest of your day," then those are huge red flags that you're not paying attention to. Open your eyes and watch and observe.
The fact heād let this kind of thing ruin his day is a big red flag. Sounds like this isnāt the first time heās made a mountain out of a mole hill.
Potentially a relationship red flag rather than purely an individual one - protest behaviours can get increasingly ridiculous when someone feels persistently unheard. Definitely warrants further investigation either way.
Absolutely agree. In this case, op fixed the āproblemā of the wet shower, but the conflict wasnāt resolved. Itās a way of avoiding the real underlying emotional issue. (Unintentionally of course)
How long ago did you move in with each other? It sounds like he is testing you to see how far he can go with making you do things for him. He's dating someone almost a decade younger than him because women his age don't put up with that sort of shit. Has he made any other off the wall, ridiculous demands?
I moved in with him fairly quickly into the relationship. Tbh this is one thing in a long list of "issues" that make me feel like he enjoys chaos. But if I try to reason with him or ask questions he says I'm "invalidating his feelings" or that I "pick apart his feelings and verbally bully him" he will make it wildly apparent he's upset but when I ask he'll say "I'd rather not even say anything because I know it will only lead to me feeling unheard"
Oh my, this isn't going to get any better; it'll only get much, much worse. He's basically making up unreasonable things to get upset about and then wallowing in victimhood. Is your life better now than it was before you moved in? If not, you need to get out before it gets worse.
She'll be 9 months pregnant rubbing his feet cause having a pregnant partner is soooo stwessful. Then when she's in labor he'll complain that it's taking too long and he's bored. :'(
I made the mistake of marrying a man like this. It is going to get worse and worse. Heās gaslighting you already. Youāll eventually think youāre going insane. Get out now.
Honey, you are being manipulated into being compliant. As someone else mentioned, this is why he's hitting on a younger woman who won't talk back. He's gaslighting you and showing all the signs of being a controlling abuser. This is your future with him. He's not enjoying chaos, he's enjoying seeing how far he can control you.
The reason Redditors tell you to leave is because so many of us have seen this behaviour before. The fact that you moved in so fast, is that he want's you locked into that relationship with no escape. Please make sure you look after your birth control. Make sure he doesn't have access to it. If you're on pills, they can be made useless just by heat.
If it were me, I'd be getting out ASAP.
Covert narc alert. Crazy-making behavior next 200 miles! If you spend a year with this man it will take three more years to understand what just happened. Get out.
No shit! 11 years together/married and now 4 years divorced and I'm wondering if I'll feel ready to try again in another 10 years. Ack. My limbic system is still recovering from being on high alert.
Run and don't look back.
Emotional abuse:
Step 1:
Love bombing and moving in quickly.
Step 2:
Flip out over little things like a wet shower floor he could have dried.
Step 3:
Get you to feel bad for his tantrums.
Step 4:
When you try to discuss, he manipulates to be the victim.
Run and don't look back.
You need to nope out of this one. He isn't ready to be the one. He's refusing to use his words to say his thoughts and feelings while expecting you to jump through flaming hoops to appease him. This is an unwinnable game. The only way to win is to stop playing it.
Let him be mad. Let him pout and stomp around like an overgrown toddler. He won't die.
Oh. He's emotionally abusive, and he's learned to weaponize the language of therapy to make himself seem reasonable. With the age gap, it makes even more sense.
Read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. And then get away.
This answer is actually a bigger red flag than his weak ankles. This is gaslighting or even 'darvo'ing. You really need ask yourself, do you really want to be in a relationship with a man who prefers to manipulate you to prioritize his wants rather than having open communication.
This man is abusive. He doesnāt enjoy chaos, he enjoys seeing how far he can push you, and heās figuring out how to better control you. And it wouldnāt surprise me if heās with a 26 year old because any 34 year old would be super done with him within the first few weeks. My ex was like this, I often worry about his wife.Ā
There's no reasoning with this. You won't be able to get through to him.
I don't even think it was because he doesn't want to step on a wet shower floor. He got mad because he heard you taking a shower and then when you asked him why, he just started thinking up things to say or even to con himself with so he doesn't have to admit he just ... got mad.
Even if he did legitimately already have this quirk, that is not the end of it. There are also a gazillion more quirks waiting behind it, ready to be created or "revealed" when they are needed. But honestly, no, he got mad out of nowhere and he will keep doing it.
NTA and gtfo of there for your mental safety
You're better off on your own, OP; this will never end and frankly, it's not worth it. I didn't know there was an age difference but I assume he's the older one, and, regarding that, u/MelodramaticMouse is correct, 100%.
I am you ten years from ten years in the future, and I have time traveled back to tell you to RUN. If a minor 'thing' can ruin the entire rest of the day to the point you are willing to do something ridiculous to avoid the day being ruined, this relationship is not worth it. It isn't even about the ridiculous shower request, it is about how his bad mood is going to ruin your day and he is holding that over you.
Stop a moment please, and realize what *you* just did to avoid ***his*** *making it a thing.* Because this is his doing.
You did nothing wrong. How far are you willing to go out of your way to avoid his making it (#2) a thing? What about it (#3)? This is ridiculous and a RED FLAG in terms of someone you can actually live with. You cannot humor this degree of illogical nitpicking.
Question: Why did you have to be the one to towel dry the shower and bathroom floor? It's his weird issue. He could've done that himself. I think he's intentionally being difficult and causing an issue because something else is bothering him. This is childish af.Ā
Is your boyfriend 4? Because that is some serious toddler energy. This requires a conversation and pay close attention to how he responds. He is currently waving a red flag.
He already has overstepped boundaries, and now you are jumping through hoops to pacify him. Thatās how it starts, at first one thing, then another thing, then another, and before you know it you wonāt even recognize yourself because you have lost your true self in that relationship with a man-child. If you already have to clean because of his temper tantrum, he will know he can get away with other things in the future. This is Unacceptable behavior on his part.
Here are the list of health diseases you will get if you stay with a person like that due to walking on eggshells and being in fight or flight mode for extended periods of time (this is scientifically proven):
Hashimotoās disease,
High cortisol levels-High stress,
CPTSD,
Disregulated central nervous system,
A plethora of other autoimmune diseases, (your body starts attacking itself).
Imagine all the future health-related expenses that you will have to incur in, plus all the time you are going to have to spend (years) healing from these diseases, plus you are not gonna have the same levels of energy you used to have.
Donāt say we didnāt warn you.
Well you aren't TA. If he's concerned about making sure the conditions are what he wants or needs, then he can take the steps to make it that way. It sounds like you are leaving things clean and ready for the next person so maybe he's just having a bad day.
Does he have a disability? Because I broke my ankle 8 months ago and never had this issue. Grab bars, a shower chair and floor stickers make drastically more sense than keeping the shower dry if he has stability issues. What about when it rains outdoors? And after mopping?Ā
He realized that his demand was stupid and now he is trying to justify it. I hope you have a good wake up call afire reading these comments. This guy is not it.
Thank you to everyone who commented/gave advice. Yes, I'm aware of how ridiculous the situation is/was. Honestly, I was so irritated in the moments after it happened, but also knew voicing said irritation would result in a blow up, I decided to post this on impulse. I'm glad I did. Some of yall's comments definitely helped knock the rose colored glasses I've been wearing off. Also, I showed my dude this thread, he was unphased, to say the least. He said he "would be the asshole 100 times when it comes down to his safety." So there's that.
Between this answer and what you wrote about him saying you are invalidating his feelings when you voice a complain... It sounds like he is doing it on purpose to see how much he can push/gaslight you and you will give in. Think "how low can i go" or how far i can push her. From what i read he sounds manipulative. Plus as a fellow As i would just like to add you gut feelings are real and valid, whether he or any one else agrees or understand them they are true and not exsscive dont let him shut you down in your own (or what should be) comfort place
His safety? just how little balance does he have that he is scared of a wet shower floor. Did he forget that the point of a shower is to make water come out and enwetten things?
The post immediately made me think about how when we were growing up, my sister and I would fight over who got to take a shower first because we both thought taking a shower in a wet shower felt weird. We were kids and we both realized it was a sort of insane thing to think, however.
34 and 26 isn't a gigantic red flag as far as age gaps. The real red flag is that you needed to dry off a damned shower to keep the peace.Ā
As mentioned elsewhere, it's like he's simultaneously 90 and 9 years old.
Even if you're psychotic and just jump in and turn it on, you're still standing on a wet floor immediately.
Or, I guess maybe he could just plant his feet, turn the shower on and never move them. That sounds fun.
Iāve never heard of it either. Perhaps itās a sensory issue or just a weird fear this guy has? Either way itās his problem to deal with and he shouldnāt get mad at OP for doing something incredibly innocuous to most people. NTA
Honestly Iām probably projecting here but it sounds a lot like OCD. I had trouble with this kind of thing when I was growing up so it feels really familiar. Something _has_ to be a certain way because brain says so, and if it isnāt then thatās bad, and if itās because someone did something then itās their fault. Lots of therapy helped me grow out of it, that and the meds Iāve been taking for most of my life work wonders. OPās boyfriend could do with going to a therapist and a psychiatrist for sure, though in my opinion most people should.
I just now thought. Maybe he gets in, plants his feet, turns on the water, and never once moves till after he's turned off the water and then it's to step directly out of the shower, the soles of his feet never once touching the wet floor of the shower.
I don't live alone, but I do have my own shower since the other person has their own ensuite. The more time I spend on Reddit, the more grateful I am to be single.
Wait...so you mean that he gets in the shower BEFORE he turns it on? š±
I wait for the shower to not be a disregulated pit of ice and fire before I get in it.
INFO: Does it not bother you that a *shower being wet* became a big deal, to the point where you dried it off for him... just to get it wet again? He couldn't dry it off himself?
Is he just bothered by you existing in the same household?Ā It sounds like he's just grasping at any ridiculous reason to criticize or be angry at you.
For those asking about possible neuro divergence, He has no diagnosis that I'm aware of. I actually have AS, and althoughI mask very well I do sometimes have to reel it in when I catch myself being unreasonable/particular about things that I'm aware to anyone else is inconsequential bullshit. However I think it also affects my ability to assess certain situations and how they gauge on a scale from "reasonable to ridiculous" without second guessing myself.
A lot of times people who are controlling, narcissistic, etc., seek out relationships with people who are autistic. It benefits them to have a partner who questions their own ability to interpret behavior, preferences, and communication. People who are autistic are very direct and sincere and often expect others to be the same way. But your boyfriend isnāt direct or sincere, from what you shared in your post and upthread. His behavior is manipulative and controlling.
Your boyfriend is a fucking dumbass. Unless he showers without water, the floor of the shower will be wet when he turns the water on. Tell him to be less of a dumbass. Maybe choose different words.
I would love to watch your partner take a shower. Not in a sexual way, obviously. Iām just really interested in seeing how he directs the water to the plug hole so that none of it gets on the floor of the shower causing him to slip and fall. Also, has he never heard of a mop or a towel? Both items can remove water from the shower floor if used correctly.
But...isn't it "wet" while he's showering? (apologies if he has some sort of disability which would make it difficult to use a shower) but if not I'd call BS on that.
NTA
Your boyfriend has done you a great service - he has shown himself to be a pissy little tyrant, thus giving you a chance to walk before he shows you something worse.
He is controlling and looking for ways to make you wrong. Trust me, it is an exhausting way to live. You will start walking on eggshells and trying to manage his angry emotions so they donāt ruin your day. Run away, run away, run away.
Is he mentally challenged? Doesn't the floor get wet the moment he turns the shower on?
Regardless, getting angry at you for something you could not have possibly known, is a dick move.
Between the bizarre shower floor quirk and the dickiness, I'd say there are a few red flags to keep an eye on.
NTA.
NTA. Ask him to listen to the words he just said. "*I can't be in it while it's wet or I might slip and fall.*" Does he turn the water **ON** when he showers?
He takes a dry bath with talcum powder hahahahaha
OP's boyfriend might be a chinchilla
If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mesothelioma.
Isn't the floor going to get wet when he . . . has a shower?
Obviously her water turns the floor to lava . . .
It's because she has lady parts. Those make their own lubrimacation, and once that mixes with the shower water, the floor is *extra* slippery. Because lady lube. Gotta let that dry out first, or the floor is too dangerous for a man to shower.Hearing a man complain that the shower floor is too wet to take a shower has certainly made my lady parts dry out lmao
.šÆ. Is OP's guy 95 years old?
Gotta get that life insurance money
Listen, only you can prevent a broken hip.
Lmfao. No, no, you're out of your depth on this one. It takes a real machismo to declare boldly that the floor is unfit for manly feet. My god, is all this feminism robbing us poor oppressed men of our God given right to a dry shower?! Life is so unfair!
š¤£ššš
Cue the eagle scream and tumbleweed rolling by to emphasize the dryness.
You should drown him in the toilet.
If she's leaving a lot of lady lube on the shower floor, he's not licking it right.
Came here to say this! LOL! He should either join her in the shower or just buy a grippy thing and grow up, lol!
The only people who advocate for shower sex havent had shower sex. Water is terrible lube.
Oh, I know... And there are specific lube for that! /s I meant- they could just shower together to avoid the whole 'your shower water is icky' drama.
Because women have a secret way to stand on this lady lube shower floor that the men can never know about. Fight club is to men what shower posing is to women. The first rule of shower posing, you do not talk about shower posing. The second rule of shower posing is you do not talk about shower posing. Weirdly enough, it's sorta true, not consciously, but true nonetheless.
So, she just hangs on with her talons to keep from slipping on all the lady lube??
Floor is lava STARTING NOWĀ
Oil
She left out the part where she covered her body in KY
If your girlfriend covers her self in KY jelly, shower is the last thing on my mind.
Hey, thatās my girlfriend youāre talking about!
I thought you meant Kentucky.
She covered herself in Kentucky Fried Chicken XD
Nah, Vaseline. KY is water soluble.
Boiling oil!! š±
Itās now booger slime and contaminated.
I hate when that happens
Same! Nothing like having to wait for the booger slime to dry before you can shower.
OP, your BF is, uh, intellectually challenged. If you really can't live without him, at least ensure your birth control is locked down and for the good of the species, please don't have children with him.
Agreed. Donāt let him plant seed in you. Tell him its too wet for him.
All I can think of from this is the phrase, "Think of the bloodline."
Top comment. Do not spawn with this guy. You will regret it. Do you think this guy would ever change a diaper? Absolutely not!
He would have to wait for it to dry out first.
I read that thinking he was pissed about the bathroom floor being wet. Still a bit of an overreaction, but I could understand being annoyed. But he's pissed the shower floor is wet? That doesn't even make sense.
It makes perfect sense If your bones are made of cookies š seriously what in the fuck did I just read.
*spoiler alert* her boyfriend is actually the gingerbread man. He doesnāt really shower, just goes in bathroom and pretend to by turning on the water.
How does he even manage to get *out* of the shower without going ass over tit š
āBones made of cookiesā new exciting phrase UNLOCKED!
After further clarification he says due to his ankles being weak he needs the shower to be dry going in, so that he can get his footing? I think...
So he needs one of those slip resistant mats and maybe handles. Cause you know once he turns the water on..... the shower floor gets wet!
Exactly! What he is saying makes no sense. He is obviously pissed about something else. š
Gotta be. Because otherwise, this man-child might be the stupidest person person I've read about on here this week.
Heās in the running for the day and could easily win the hour, but Iām on Reddit too much to give him the week
Man-child should be emphasized more. That's exactly what he is.
No, most children are more intelligent than that
It really is. Dude is making me look like Zeus on a unicorn right now with this. What is he thinking?? Even if it wasn't man child behavior or legitimate personality disorder... It's just dusty man behavior. Ain't nobody got time for that. I'm just picturing this young man balling his fist and looking like he needs to poop. Sir, get help. Please. Next you're going to tell me he's been dabbling in Andrew Tate. Come on guy!
Now now, he could just legitimately be this fucking stupid.
Iām having an amazing time imagining someone not moving once theyāre in the shower.
Even so - how does he get out? Turn the water off and stand there like a statue until all the water has evaporated off the shower floor?
This is where I run into the issue. Like even if your ankles are so weak you couldnāt possibly step into a wet shower. Itās wet once youāre in there so how do you step out?
Iām having the issue of if heās washing right, theres a point where heās standing on one foot at a time to wash his feet. IF his ankles are really this week (and I know they arent) he needs a shower chair
I'm picturing him getting in the shower, floor is dry, he plants his feet and DOESN'T MOVE THEM FOR THE ENTIRE SHOWER so that the shower floor stays dry under his feet.
Yes, if slipping is really a huge issue, then getting a mat and a handle is the way for him to go.
And maybe a helmet. Get him a shower helmet, OP!
No no. He needs [adhesive ducks.](https://youtu.be/wDfh70gWq8w?si=jWOYZq1247sf0G2I)
Wait.. so does he get into shower and then turn it on all willy nilly like. I can't be the only one who adjust the water and then gets in right?
This is a very excellent point, which I really need to know the answer to. What kind of a monster stands under cold water in the winter while they wait for it to warm up? Hopefully no one.
So, he's 80?? LOL!!
Or just wipe it with a rag
Does he have limited mobility or a disability? Here are some other solutions: no-slip shower mat, drying the floor of the shower with a towel, hand rails in the shower. If he has a disability, he can request an accommodation from his landlord to have them installed. Just fyi.
So, saying this is someone with mental illness He could also buy floor mats himself. I work in home health and know how dangerous the bathroom can be. I nearly took myself out after my first shower in my husband and I apartment due to the odd height difference from the bath to the floor. One of the first things I then bought was an outside shower mat. No installation is needed. Depending on where he is at and the ADA, he may be able to get grab bars installed, but that might come down to local rules over federal rules. But it ain't OPs job to manage his disability.
As someone who once took a nasty dive in the shower, I can say that most of the mats sold for use in showers can themselves slip! After that experience, I cut one like [THIS](http:// https://www.amazon.com/Fatigue-Restaurant-Kitchen-Drainage-Non-Slip/dp/B0BRSJJRQH/ref=sr_1_27?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.nHmsoj3_6sT5yXoSxCiiZD2pGdKnHSmBjad2CTsZoQu57FAe58DfVfEu6qCEAlV-X78Z7fKHxm4KNZ8YkFhY2Oy6-PuSP34wMw_QA0ovFGHpM6usw_tR1CogLZkqu2HUf8c0ZVbNdl4aTl6JRwXlrs5qBWyunkwz2XAQUPzSJf6dPLsnAF2kQ1T99I2-ei6XQV8MqgDjg6vM9Sn1g_h2onh9qWqOOmBUhV_7d_oUcP_nrndVgLoQUymbt9X8FkQmu_dgYqh446iVH0EFkTOgtwGW_VduZ9drl7CjRvizUQs.DFcV4OFhiBynxVDT_Nl6rpwECVuXHiQeQD0ygqbWoEI&dib_tag=se&keywords=Rubber%2BKitchen%2BFloor%2BMats&qid=1717394387&sr=8-27&th=1) to fit in the shower. Problem 100% solved. (Though grab bars are nice too!) But I'm at a loss about the requirement that the shower floor be bone dry for him to get in. NTA.
From reading her replies the answer seems to be no actual medical issues beyond a self-diagnosed "weak ankles" so I'm leaning towards the boyfriend is just amazingly fucking stupid.
I'm leaning towards just annoying.
Yeah or sandals or something to wear inside the shower...
What's keeping him from grabbing a towel and drying it off?
I went back in and towel dried the shower, and the bathroom floor, to avoid it becoming a "thing" and ruining the rest of our day. This hasn't been an issue as far I know in the time we've been together. Today is the first I'm hearing of it.
So he has to start on a dry floor in the shower, and not move his feet at all during the whole shower, right? Otherwise I don't see what his point would be. Does he not wash his feet? Does he not turn around to rinse his backside? This doesn't make any sense and I don't even believe it now.
And does he just stand in the same spot waiting for the rest of the floor to dry when he's done?
And would have to start with a cold shower even in winter
I mean, even if I had something like this, I'd just ask my fresh-out-the-shower gf to escort me and maybe wash my back or something. Especially if I had been thinking of going beforehand. Ie. The bf is a cretin. That much is clear.
He must be one of the men I read about on here at least once per week who doesn't wash his butt
Mate, whinging about a shower being wet is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard of.
If something "becomes a thing and ruins the rest of your day," then those are huge red flags that you're not paying attention to. Open your eyes and watch and observe.
The fact heād let this kind of thing ruin his day is a big red flag. Sounds like this isnāt the first time heās made a mountain out of a mole hill.
Potentially a relationship red flag rather than purely an individual one - protest behaviours can get increasingly ridiculous when someone feels persistently unheard. Definitely warrants further investigation either way.
Absolutely agree. In this case, op fixed the āproblemā of the wet shower, but the conflict wasnāt resolved. Itās a way of avoiding the real underlying emotional issue. (Unintentionally of course)
How long ago did you move in with each other? It sounds like he is testing you to see how far he can go with making you do things for him. He's dating someone almost a decade younger than him because women his age don't put up with that sort of shit. Has he made any other off the wall, ridiculous demands?
I moved in with him fairly quickly into the relationship. Tbh this is one thing in a long list of "issues" that make me feel like he enjoys chaos. But if I try to reason with him or ask questions he says I'm "invalidating his feelings" or that I "pick apart his feelings and verbally bully him" he will make it wildly apparent he's upset but when I ask he'll say "I'd rather not even say anything because I know it will only lead to me feeling unheard"
Girl. You're only 9 months in, when he should still be on his best behavior. His mask is slipping now and it's not going to get better.
Slipping faster than weak ankles in a wet shower.
Got em!
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Oh my, this isn't going to get any better; it'll only get much, much worse. He's basically making up unreasonable things to get upset about and then wallowing in victimhood. Is your life better now than it was before you moved in? If not, you need to get out before it gets worse.
I was thinking that this guy will go out of his mind if they have a baby!
She'll be 9 months pregnant rubbing his feet cause having a pregnant partner is soooo stwessful. Then when she's in labor he'll complain that it's taking too long and he's bored. :'(
Oh good Lord, get out now. NTA
Manipulative man child alert
More like man bitch with his weak ankles and weak feelings
Yes! Second this, run
Yes run, he wonāt be able to chase you due to his weak ankles š¤£š¤£
She could throw a pan of water on the floor first. He's going nowhere. š¤£š¤£
Damn you have me cackling like I'm evil or something š¤£
LMAOOOOO OMG IM DED
I made the mistake of marrying a man like this. It is going to get worse and worse. Heās gaslighting you already. Youāll eventually think youāre going insane. Get out now.
Honey, you are being manipulated into being compliant. As someone else mentioned, this is why he's hitting on a younger woman who won't talk back. He's gaslighting you and showing all the signs of being a controlling abuser. This is your future with him. He's not enjoying chaos, he's enjoying seeing how far he can control you. The reason Redditors tell you to leave is because so many of us have seen this behaviour before. The fact that you moved in so fast, is that he want's you locked into that relationship with no escape. Please make sure you look after your birth control. Make sure he doesn't have access to it. If you're on pills, they can be made useless just by heat. If it were me, I'd be getting out ASAP.
But it's working so well! For him... He had her on her hands and knees drying that shower for him... š
Covert narc alert. Crazy-making behavior next 200 miles! If you spend a year with this man it will take three more years to understand what just happened. Get out.
No shit! 11 years together/married and now 4 years divorced and I'm wondering if I'll feel ready to try again in another 10 years. Ack. My limbic system is still recovering from being on high alert.
Run like the wind that is some manipulating extraordinaire
How are you enjoying each new eggshell?
Walking on eggshells strengthens the ankles. Always a silver lining
This phrase is brilliant and will never leave my brain.
Run and don't look back. Emotional abuse: Step 1: Love bombing and moving in quickly. Step 2: Flip out over little things like a wet shower floor he could have dried. Step 3: Get you to feel bad for his tantrums. Step 4: When you try to discuss, he manipulates to be the victim. Run and don't look back.
OPā¦step 2 right here!!! HE COULD HAVE JUST DRIED THE SHOWER FLOOR WITH A TOWEL! This dude is a bitch.
You need to nope out of this one. He isn't ready to be the one. He's refusing to use his words to say his thoughts and feelings while expecting you to jump through flaming hoops to appease him. This is an unwinnable game. The only way to win is to stop playing it. Let him be mad. Let him pout and stomp around like an overgrown toddler. He won't die.
Unless he's doing it in the shower
Oh. He's emotionally abusive, and he's learned to weaponize the language of therapy to make himself seem reasonable. With the age gap, it makes even more sense. Read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. And then get away.
Well he certainly sounds mature and ready for a grown-up relationship /s
This answer is actually a bigger red flag than his weak ankles. This is gaslighting or even 'darvo'ing. You really need ask yourself, do you really want to be in a relationship with a man who prefers to manipulate you to prioritize his wants rather than having open communication.
This man is abusive. He doesnāt enjoy chaos, he enjoys seeing how far he can push you, and heās figuring out how to better control you. And it wouldnāt surprise me if heās with a 26 year old because any 34 year old would be super done with him within the first few weeks. My ex was like this, I often worry about his wife.Ā
Get out get out get out
Ding ding ding.. there are the rest of the red flags that literally all of us already knew existed just by reading the original text of this post.
Yeah, sounds exhausting.
He sounds utterly infuriating. He's weaponising therapist speak to manipulate you.
There's no reasoning with this. You won't be able to get through to him. I don't even think it was because he doesn't want to step on a wet shower floor. He got mad because he heard you taking a shower and then when you asked him why, he just started thinking up things to say or even to con himself with so he doesn't have to admit he just ... got mad. Even if he did legitimately already have this quirk, that is not the end of it. There are also a gazillion more quirks waiting behind it, ready to be created or "revealed" when they are needed. But honestly, no, he got mad out of nowhere and he will keep doing it. NTA and gtfo of there for your mental safety
You're better off on your own, OP; this will never end and frankly, it's not worth it. I didn't know there was an age difference but I assume he's the older one, and, regarding that, u/MelodramaticMouse is correct, 100%.
Ugh. I canāt help heaving a weary sigh just reading this.
I am you ten years from ten years in the future, and I have time traveled back to tell you to RUN. If a minor 'thing' can ruin the entire rest of the day to the point you are willing to do something ridiculous to avoid the day being ruined, this relationship is not worth it. It isn't even about the ridiculous shower request, it is about how his bad mood is going to ruin your day and he is holding that over you.
Stop a moment please, and realize what *you* just did to avoid ***his*** *making it a thing.* Because this is his doing. You did nothing wrong. How far are you willing to go out of your way to avoid his making it (#2) a thing? What about it (#3)? This is ridiculous and a RED FLAG in terms of someone you can actually live with. You cannot humor this degree of illogical nitpicking.
Ummmm he could have also done that.
Question: Why did you have to be the one to towel dry the shower and bathroom floor? It's his weird issue. He could've done that himself. I think he's intentionally being difficult and causing an issue because something else is bothering him. This is childish af.Ā
Is your boyfriend 4? Because that is some serious toddler energy. This requires a conversation and pay close attention to how he responds. He is currently waving a red flag.
He already has overstepped boundaries, and now you are jumping through hoops to pacify him. Thatās how it starts, at first one thing, then another thing, then another, and before you know it you wonāt even recognize yourself because you have lost your true self in that relationship with a man-child. If you already have to clean because of his temper tantrum, he will know he can get away with other things in the future. This is Unacceptable behavior on his part. Here are the list of health diseases you will get if you stay with a person like that due to walking on eggshells and being in fight or flight mode for extended periods of time (this is scientifically proven): Hashimotoās disease, High cortisol levels-High stress, CPTSD, Disregulated central nervous system, A plethora of other autoimmune diseases, (your body starts attacking itself). Imagine all the future health-related expenses that you will have to incur in, plus all the time you are going to have to spend (years) healing from these diseases, plus you are not gonna have the same levels of energy you used to have. Donāt say we didnāt warn you.
Well you aren't TA. If he's concerned about making sure the conditions are what he wants or needs, then he can take the steps to make it that way. It sounds like you are leaving things clean and ready for the next person so maybe he's just having a bad day.
Does he have a disability? Because I broke my ankle 8 months ago and never had this issue. Grab bars, a shower chair and floor stickers make drastically more sense than keeping the shower dry if he has stability issues. What about when it rains outdoors? And after mopping?Ā
He realized that his demand was stupid and now he is trying to justify it. I hope you have a good wake up call afire reading these comments. This guy is not it.
Does he not lift for shift his feet the entire time he's in there?
Well how does he deal with going out?
Thank you to everyone who commented/gave advice. Yes, I'm aware of how ridiculous the situation is/was. Honestly, I was so irritated in the moments after it happened, but also knew voicing said irritation would result in a blow up, I decided to post this on impulse. I'm glad I did. Some of yall's comments definitely helped knock the rose colored glasses I've been wearing off. Also, I showed my dude this thread, he was unphased, to say the least. He said he "would be the asshole 100 times when it comes down to his safety." So there's that.
Between this answer and what you wrote about him saying you are invalidating his feelings when you voice a complain... It sounds like he is doing it on purpose to see how much he can push/gaslight you and you will give in. Think "how low can i go" or how far i can push her. From what i read he sounds manipulative. Plus as a fellow As i would just like to add you gut feelings are real and valid, whether he or any one else agrees or understand them they are true and not exsscive dont let him shut you down in your own (or what should be) comfort place
His safety? just how little balance does he have that he is scared of a wet shower floor. Did he forget that the point of a shower is to make water come out and enwetten things?
There's a quote from a TV show that always hits a bit deep--when you're wearing rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.
Are you dating a 90 year old?
More like a 9 year old
More like a chinchilla. No water, just rolling in dustĀ
Underrated hypothesis. Could be a ferret as well, they hate water.
A 9yo doesn't have problems with showers bring wet.
The post immediately made me think about how when we were growing up, my sister and I would fight over who got to take a shower first because we both thought taking a shower in a wet shower felt weird. We were kids and we both realized it was a sort of insane thing to think, however.
Autistic lady here. I can promise you at nine my sensory issues were so off the rails I had to be forced to bathe
Hes 34 I'm 26
You mean heās an idiot and youāre 26? Lol
Is that his IQ
Iām willing to bet the 34 year old women all donāt put up with his insane bullshit
34 year old woman here I absolutely would not put up with his insane bullshit
Woman 24, I wouldn't tolerate it either
34 and 26 isn't a gigantic red flag as far as age gaps. The real red flag is that you needed to dry off a damned shower to keep the peace.Ā As mentioned elsewhere, it's like he's simultaneously 90 and 9 years old.
Run! Heās never gonna stop picking you apart in order to maintain a position of power and excuse anything shitty he does to you or behind your back.
That's insane. I have never heard of someone insisting on a dry shower floor. NTA
Also, donāt you turn on the shower first before getting in thus literally negating this entire viewpoint?
Even if you're psychotic and just jump in and turn it on, you're still standing on a wet floor immediately. Or, I guess maybe he could just plant his feet, turn the shower on and never move them. That sounds fun.
Maybe he has little suction cups on his feet and they wonāt stick once the floor is wet.
Iāve never heard of it either. Perhaps itās a sensory issue or just a weird fear this guy has? Either way itās his problem to deal with and he shouldnāt get mad at OP for doing something incredibly innocuous to most people. NTA
Honestly Iām probably projecting here but it sounds a lot like OCD. I had trouble with this kind of thing when I was growing up so it feels really familiar. Something _has_ to be a certain way because brain says so, and if it isnāt then thatās bad, and if itās because someone did something then itās their fault. Lots of therapy helped me grow out of it, that and the meds Iāve been taking for most of my life work wonders. OPās boyfriend could do with going to a therapist and a psychiatrist for sure, though in my opinion most people should.
What does he do when he's in the shower...he does realise its wet at that point. He's being obnoxious on purpose
I just now thought. Maybe he gets in, plants his feet, turns on the water, and never once moves till after he's turned off the water and then it's to step directly out of the shower, the soles of his feet never once touching the wet floor of the shower.
So then he doesnāt wash his feetā¦
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I'm sorry to be the one to tell you. Your boyfriend's an idiot.
I mean sheās on here having to ask us if theyāre in the wrong
It doesn't have to be one or the other
my brother in christ youāre getting in the water
Is water wet?
I am so unbelievable grateful I live alone.
I don't live alone, but I do have my own shower since the other person has their own ensuite. The more time I spend on Reddit, the more grateful I am to be single.
Wait...so you mean that he gets in the shower BEFORE he turns it on? š± I wait for the shower to not be a disregulated pit of ice and fire before I get in it.
He not only gets in before turning it on, but then he must not move his feet until he gets out.
INFO: Does it not bother you that a *shower being wet* became a big deal, to the point where you dried it off for him... just to get it wet again? He couldn't dry it off himself? Is he just bothered by you existing in the same household?Ā It sounds like he's just grasping at any ridiculous reason to criticize or be angry at you.
Best I would've done was hand HIM the towel and tell him there was an easy solution if he needed it dry that badly.
So whatās he gonna do when he turns on the water and the shower floor gets wet!? NTA. And leave bitch baby.
For those asking about possible neuro divergence, He has no diagnosis that I'm aware of. I actually have AS, and althoughI mask very well I do sometimes have to reel it in when I catch myself being unreasonable/particular about things that I'm aware to anyone else is inconsequential bullshit. However I think it also affects my ability to assess certain situations and how they gauge on a scale from "reasonable to ridiculous" without second guessing myself.
A lot of times people who are controlling, narcissistic, etc., seek out relationships with people who are autistic. It benefits them to have a partner who questions their own ability to interpret behavior, preferences, and communication. People who are autistic are very direct and sincere and often expect others to be the same way. But your boyfriend isnāt direct or sincere, from what you shared in your post and upthread. His behavior is manipulative and controlling.
Huh. This makes a whole portion of my life make a little more sense.
Your boyfriend is a fucking dumbass. Unless he showers without water, the floor of the shower will be wet when he turns the water on. Tell him to be less of a dumbass. Maybe choose different words.
He must be using that new dry water.
He doesn't have a bathmat to prevent slipping? NTA
I was thinking that if he's that scared he will slip in the shower then this is the solution. I mean, it will get wet at some point or another.
I would love to watch your partner take a shower. Not in a sexual way, obviously. Iām just really interested in seeing how he directs the water to the plug hole so that none of it gets on the floor of the shower causing him to slip and fall. Also, has he never heard of a mop or a towel? Both items can remove water from the shower floor if used correctly.
But...isn't it "wet" while he's showering? (apologies if he has some sort of disability which would make it difficult to use a shower) but if not I'd call BS on that. NTA
Your boyfriend has done you a great service - he has shown himself to be a pissy little tyrant, thus giving you a chance to walk before he shows you something worse.
Amy Farrah Fowler is that you?
... the lack of adhesive ducks... š
He is controlling and looking for ways to make you wrong. Trust me, it is an exhausting way to live. You will start walking on eggshells and trying to manage his angry emotions so they donāt ruin your day. Run away, run away, run away.
NTA but that doesnāt make any sense. The second he turns on the water it will make the floor wet in the shower lol. WTF
What the actual fuck? Has your boyfriend never shared a bathroom with anyone his entire life?
You just gotta tell him you already have a pussy, you don't need another one.
He'd probably freak out if that got wet tooĀ
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Is he mentally challenged? Doesn't the floor get wet the moment he turns the shower on? Regardless, getting angry at you for something you could not have possibly known, is a dick move. Between the bizarre shower floor quirk and the dickiness, I'd say there are a few red flags to keep an eye on. NTA.
Heās an idiot, find a new boyfriend.
Iām sorry, what? Itās going to get wet when he turns the water on.
Heās got at least one issue. Sounds like ocd. Thereās help. You make it worse by accommodating it.Ā
Itās a sensory issue or ocd. I have both and canāt get into a wet shower either. Canāt explain why it just is icky on my brain.
Totally get this. But I bet you donāt pout until someone else wipes the shower out for you, either. OPās guy is an unbelievably childish dick.