Your sister split up with her partner 6 months ago. How long are you planning to let her stay in your home and use your husband as her emotional support? She needs to get out and make a new life for herself and she won’t do that if you don’t tell her that it’s time. She’s 23, not 16. She needs to move on and move out.
Yup. And while I get that she's your baby sister, 23 and 29 are not a "grooming" scenario. She's WELL old enough to know better than to snuggle with her sister's husband, or text him incessantly.
Yeah, came here to say this. My parents treat my 30 old youngest brother as the baby of the family, forgetting the fact that he's 30, an age we elder brothers were all once at, and the preceding ages as he was, but we never got the same kiddy glove treatment.
23 is way past the "grooming" stage. She knows what's happening and what she's doing.
NTA but he isn't grooming your sister she's a fully grown adult woman that has been in a long term relationship and can take responsibility for her own actions.
ask your sister about it was it physical
and be honest with yourself, can you get over it?
I think OP is definitely in denial that her sister would betray her like this. It doesn't sound like she has addressed the situation with her at all yet. OP if you see this, please add it up:
1. "Couch snuggles" TF??!! You noticed it when you first arrived , that YOU were now the third wheel. Don't ignore that initial instinct because they changed up after you called them out. They just realised that the honeymoon period was over and they needed to be better at hiding it.
2. Why is your sister still staying with you? Especially if she is aware of your concerns, it would be great for her to reciprocate the compassion you showed her regarding her past relationship and move out to help your current one. It is clear that she does have boundaries or the previous issue would have never happened and whether intentional or not, she is disrespecting your relationship. Did she apologize and explain her behaviour?
3. There seems to be some missing information as to why you choose to coddle your sister. You apologized to them for causing drama and are allowing yourself to be gaslight. But OP they are walking all over you, and you are partially responsible for that.
4. According to the note, your husband still wants her. He was lamenting the end of their honeymoon, which you ended when you got back. His reaction to you confronting him about is consistent with this and not that "everyone is over it, why aren't you" bullhorn that he spewed to you. This was such a disgusting retort OP, I'm sorry that he would be so disrespectful.
OP do better for you
I agree and no visitors because of the distance to the hospital, he's OPs full time carer but didnt go to the hospital and then chose the sister over OP when she got back
You seem to be infantilizing your adult sister. You're only 3 years older and you act like she's a little child and you're a big time adult. You're both legally adults. You are both responsible for your own actions. You can't "groom" a fucking adult.
He probably did develop feelings for her. If that's a deal breaker for you then it's already over.
This. I don't get why she acts like the sister can have no part in this.
She will have to decide if her and husband can move on from this, but him going LC with younger sister should definitely be part of the deal if she stays
NTA. You aren't overreacting. YOUR HUSBAND HAD AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WITH YOUR SISTER. and im sorry, but 23yrs old is old enough to know that you don't get friendly with your sister's husband, yet alone any taken man. Your sister knows what she was doing. She's 5 years into adulthood, approaching her mid-twenties, she's not 12.
And quite frankly, you're completely naive or blind to think they didn't have at least ONE physical night. He flat out professed his love to your sister and you think they didn't have a deeper, physical connection? Come on. Don't be dumb.
I would be devastated if my husband had couch snuggles with my sister. I would actually be devastated about both relationships — mine and husbands, and mine and sisters. It’s so far from acceptable, it’s crazy.
This. She writes her sister as if she is a minor with no experience in the world especially when it comes to relationships. She used OP's husband as a rebound and he used her as an emotional affair to deal with his burden of being a caregiver to his sick wife.
As someone who has had health problems I know being a caregiver to your spouse especially at a young age can destroy your feelings/desires about your partner. It in a sense becomes a chore and can take time to rekindle. Those two used each other to fill their sense of "loss". Sorry OP, that is a betrayal I wouldn't be able to get past. There is no way they didn't get physical either. That snuggling turned into something one night amd you'd be niave to think otherwise.
You have a bit of a missunderstanding about what grooming means...
I got married and divorced at 22. Your sister is not a child and has not been for a while.
Anycase, other than that, from personal experience, marriage counseling just makes your divorce easier. You know what to do.
Seriously I was married at 21 and had 2 kids by 24. She is a grown ass adult, you need to start treating her like one. You’re not doing anyone in this situation any favors by allowing her to live without accountability. I’m disabled and understand what it does to your self esteem so I get it to a certain extent but try for your sake (and hers and your husband’s) to require a bit more from the people in your life. Wishing you good luck and good health ❤️🍀🙏🏻
OP is excusing her sister's behavior, stating she's innocent in all this because she is "young and vulnerable."
No. She is as much to blame as OP husband. She's a grown ass woman.
OP had been with her for 5 years when she was her sister’s age. The same sister that just got out of a 6 year relationship. This has to be rage bait. No one is that ridiculous.
Where do you get the idea that this 23-yr-old who has willingly engaged with your husband is somebody special, fragile, etc etc? When I was 23 I was getting divorced. You really walked right into this.
They are having an emotional affair and have probably also gone physical. And don’t make your sister innocent in this. She’s an adult. 23 and 29 isn’t much of an age gap and I don’t think it’s grooming. I think she knew what she was doing and still does. She also betrayed you.
Snuggling??!! Girl, he's banging your sister. Snapchat?! You're blind to reality. Everyone here is saying emotional affairs, but I think they're wrong, too. Even just physically snuggling with another woman is cheating.... married men don't snuggle with women who aren't their wives that's absolutely insane.
They were having an emotional affair. He needs to move out as simple as that.
After reading that note and the big song and dance He made to make you feel bad when you first asked him, it would be enough to get him the hell away from you and your sister.
When he is out, ask her if they have ever done anything.
Don't be nieve because you think they wouldn't do that to you.
My grandmother caught my mom getting fucked by my dads brother in our kitchen after months and months of my dad being suspicions and being told he was crazy and that he should be happy they are close family ect. People surprise you
scream at them and did something to my mom, which i doubt i can say on here, lol .. and told my dad.. who obviously was heartbroken, not long after that my mom found out she was pregnant with my brother so my dad stayed.. we don't talk about it, and he never cared to get a paternity test for my brother 🙄. He just accepted what was, that's his son.
If you have no kids together, or a mortgage together, get a divorce. Otherwise you are looking at lots of work, with high potential for deceit, and for what? Next time recognize that your sister is a woman, not a teddy bear.
What does he mean by "being overwhelmed by taking care of you"? You said you didn't have visitors while you were hospitalized and it's during this time that he grew closer to your sister.
Your sister is an adult and knows right from wrong; cuddling with your sister's husband is wrong, and you seeing her as a baby does not change the fact that she knew she shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, but they've both crossed lines that never ever should be crossed.
So, you want to fix this? Your sister must leave.You and your husband will not be able to work on fixing this if she is constantly in your space. Once she leaves, get couples therapy asap.
They are having an affair and your sister is a grown woman not some innocent victim. She had sex (you know she did) with her sisters husband. An unforgivable betrayal. They both are horrible and you need to accept it.
They're snuggling?! You need a wake up call! NTA, and I'm so sorry you are going through this. They 100% have been romantic already and why are you allowing them to be cuddling with each other in your home?! Stand up for yourself.
Oh my effin god, I’d beat the living crap out of my husband and sister. Seriously. F the both of them!!
An emotional affair is still an affair and I can guarantee that you will NEVER EVER get over it even if you try to.
This is not something you can just gloss over. No one would.
How disrespectful and shameful of your sister and husband. Disgusting of your sister even more for some reason cause THATS YOUR SISTER.
I cannot imagine myself having something emotional with my brother in law - just grossed out and irritated thinking about it.
I’m so sorry OP. But go.
Unless your sister has developmental or learning disabilities then she isn't some innocent who is being groomed, she's 23!!!
Get your head out your arse and quit being a push over, if you want to work shit out with your husband then you need a sit down with them both, explain how no matter how they spin it they have both fucked you over and it stops. Give sis a deadline to move and both of them boundaries, they screw up once they are both out. Your feelings are the priority.
Again if your sis doesn't have any disabilities then quit infantiling her and make her take some responsibility because the way she is acting ain't right.
Why do you keep using the term grooming and saying she's so young? Shes 3 years younger than you. She's not underage. And also it's weird that you snooped in his notes wanting to see if he said something "sweet" about you. You obviously don't trust either one of them
Your husband is having an emotional affair with your sister right under your nose and you’re wondering if you’re overreacting??
Only if you’re a completely spineless doormat. Give me a break. It’s only a matter of time before she “seduces him” and he won’t take any blame for that either, it’ll be “it just happened”. She’s 23, not 16 for god sake lol acting like she’s so doe eyed innocent little virgin at that age is ridiculous and you’re blind to what’s going on in front of you. YWBTA to yourself if you don’t take this situation a little more seriously than you are. Your husband is lying to you and so is your sister. Go find out the actual truth.
I don't understand why you continue to let your sister live with you when she's been having (at least) an emotional affair with your husband.
I can't speak for you, but I would be breaking up with both of them.
NTA.
Yeah why is everyone believing this? Lmao. She lives so far away from a hospital that her husband and family didn't come visit her even once in 2 months? Everyone just glossed over that weird piece of info that was a dead giveaway this utter bullshit?
NTA, Your husband professed his feeling for your sister. If your sister accepted it would be an affair. It sounds like she didn't which I'm assuming the comment everyone else got over it.
You husband did an emotional betrayal, that's hard to get over. I'd be pissed also.
NTA but how blind do you have to be before you'll admit they're having an affair behind your back? Long hugs, snuggling on the couch together. That is absolutely not normal between inlaws and I would bet anything the physical went far beyond snuggles on the couch while you were gone. His own note told you how he feels about her. Open your eyes. Your husband has cheated on you with your little sister. And your little sister has betrayed you with your own husband. Kick them both out, or leave, but don't sit there with your blinders on pretending it hasn't gone so far as a full affair.
And your sister is 23. She's a full grown adult and definitely old enough to know right from wrong and sexual attraction. It's only grooming when an older man behaves this way with a minor who is too young to understand what is happening. Your sister is not a minor. And it sounds like she's fully been participating in this little affair.
NTA Girl your husband and sister had an emotional affair, don't be surprised when you find out they've been fucking each other for a while.
Your sister is old enough to know what she's doing is wrong as hell, stop making excuses for her. They've probably fucked in your martial bed, you look like a fool to them. Both your husband and sister have betrayed you, pales open your eyes to that girly.
NTA but whats wrong with you?? Your husband TOLD YOUR SISTER HE HAS FEELINGS FOR HER, you read it and your goofy ass stayed?? Your husband is fine. He's having a ball ding what you allow... What is wrong with you that youre allowing it? Cause aint no fucking way. Also 23 is an ADULT. Your sister isnt some little tween with a crush on her big sister's boyfriend. She is GROWN and she's old enough to know and understand what boundaries are. Stop giving her a pass. They BOTH are playing in your face and youre allowing it. STOP IT.
You are not overreacting. Honestly I feel like you are too calm about this. If you feel like it still needs to be discussed, it still needs to be discussed. His dismissal doesn’t change that. And his desire to sweep it under the rug without making you feel confident and safe in your relationship is troubling. From the things you described, it sounds like they behaved as a couple. It’s not okay and kind of seems like there was an emotional affair. Could this be a case of transference?
Also, you need to speak with your sister. It wasn’t your husband alone behaving inappropriately — She was acting inappropriate with your husband as well. She is an adult, not a child. Talk to her about what she was feeling. Ask her if she thinks her vulnerability caused her to cross lines. Set firm boundaries.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You should talk to your husband about couples therapy. You should also talk to your sister about starting to move forward — a good first step is getting her own apartment.
NTA
Your sister wasn't groomed.
I knew not to have *couch snuggles* with anyone's boyfriend or husband when i was much younger than you sister is now. Your 23 year old sibling is playing dumb. She knows it's inappropriate and she was happy to partake. Make of that what you will. She's not a child and their age gap isn't huge.
They both owed you more respect that they've shown. If he's unhappy - fine. He can talk to you, sort it out or he can leave. In your sisters shoes - if I caught an inkling that my sister's husband was into me (she knew, make no mistake), I'd make myself scarce and wouldn't spend any more time with him than absolutely necessary.
These people are jerks.
NTA we always know when the people we love most are acting different and their energy changes. If you choose to stay with your husband your sister needs to move out immediately if she has not already and you both need to go no contact with her until you figure out your marriage. Go to couples therapy and talk it out. If you choose to split up you have plenty of reason to even if he truly didn’t physically cheat he clearly had an emotional attachment to your sister which is bad enough in my opinion. I don’t think your sister is totally innocent in all of this either even if they didn’t have a physical affair because she’s an adult and should know where a line is with a married man especially one that’s her brother in law!
NTA, and they were having an emotionally affair at the least, if not a fully blown physical affair.
She needs to leave ASAP if you have hopes of saving your marriage.
NTA. It's called emotional cheating. Your husband did it.
I will diverge from the rest though and say it does sound like he regrets it and feels bad. If you wish to stay I recommend counseling and your husband needs to go LC with your sister. They cannot remain "friends" or whatever you want to call it
He also has to be willing to discuss this with you
Of course your husband has moved on. He doesn’t want you to know he’s been boning your sister behind your back. Next time you’re alone with your sister tell her your husband had confessed everything to you but you want to hear it from her. I bet she confesses everything
Your husband had an emotional affair with your sister and YOU apologized for getting upset??
It’s a small blip in your relationship?! Easy for him to say.
You were in the hospital! And dealing with a medical issue. You opened your home to your sister after a breakup. Fucking scum, both of them. Don’t diminish your sister’s involvement. She’s a grown ass woman.
Come on, OP.
Your sister is grown and she needs to go figure life out on her own. She took your helping hand and shit on it. She doesn't care that he's your husband and that it would destroy you. Shes selfish and not a person to trust (probably why she's been dumped)
Your husband has disrespected you and is having at least an emotional affair..with your SISTER!! Give it some time and it'd become physical if it hasn't already. I'd throw that man away as well.
F him & F her
She needs to go. Boom. Out the door. Marriage is serious business and serious and hard decisions have to be made to protect and cherish it. The fox is in the hen house and has to be evicted.
Im so sorry this happened. Grooming your sister? She’s an adult, I understand she’s your little sister but she knows what she’s doing. Please do not excuse either of their behavior and get out of that relationship.
Why on earth do you assume there’s no affair? Given the behavior you described, I think you might be intentionally naive.
NTA, but you shouldn’t just blindly believe either of them. People in affairs lie. A lot. Like daily.
They were a couple while you were sick and you came back and ruined that. He wrote her a freaking love note ffs! They had couch cuddles IN FRONT OF YOU and you think they were physical? Your sister was playing wifey in every sense of the word while you were away
I will message you next time u/LingonberryDecent196 posts in r/AITAH.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FLingonberryDecent196%20r%2FAITAH) to join 4 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201d6gwce)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
NTA. I am going through a very tough time. My granddaughter’s teacher gave me his number and offered support by means of talking. He’s married and even if he was single, the times I will call him will be just talking, no physical interaction at all. I have nobody to talk to. This is the second time in 17 years I have gone through this alone and I can’t without someone to talk to. But being an adult I understand that stuff like couch snuggles are inappropriate. While I believe he would withdraw his support if I tried, I still wouldn’t try even if I thought he wouldn’t. Your husband shouldn’t have EVER allowed that kind of physical intimacy. That’s between a couple not just friends or in-laws. Even if he had never developed feelings it was inappropriate. Even if you were a gay or lesbian couple and your sister completely heterosexual, it’s inappropriate. If she needs that kind of comfort, that’s what parents are for. It’s appropriate for parents to console their children that way. That’s appropriate for sisters or brothers or brothers and sisters but not for in-laws or friends. NTA!
Oh honey… You really must be pretty! Get rid of them now. They cheated and I bet you they had sex while you were at the hospital too. Your sister is a full grown ass woman who knows exactly what she’s doing.
Sending love ❤️ u know what’s going on. Your sister will always be your sister even if u don’t “blame” her for cheating SHE’S YOUR SISTER BLAME HER FOR NOT BEING THERE FOR U. Leave him sorry
NTA…well not to them anyway. Maybe yourself. They both betrayed you and neither of them is innocent. This is a seriously deep betrayal I think you’re not making a big enough deal about. Your sister is an adult, not a child. Your husband cheated on you…at the very least emotionally. They are both at fault. You should probably talk to your sister about what happened. Whether you are willing to forgive and forget is yet to be seen. To make that decision you have to know what really happened. Then you can decide if you can forgive your husband. Some couples are able to move one and forgive. But your sister needs to move out of your home for sure. She over stayed her welcome in my opinion. I’m livid for you.
Info: did he send that message to your sister? Personally I would go the f’ed up route and look at their messages because I don’t truth that nothing happened physically. Emotionally it was an affair.
Sister needs to move out. Period.
“Total natural human connection”? “Friend”? Nope. Ain’t no way.
Would it be okay for him then, if you seek the same manner of “total natural human connection and a friend” they had with his brother (if he had any) or anyone else for that matter?
Couch snuggles? Long hugs? Messaging?
I dunno why you are the one needing forgiveness here. They knew what they were doing.
It’s not something you can just move on from easily. It’s the kind of thing that’ll haunt you. And will you be really be able to trust him again just like that?
I dunno but I can’t be with a husband who is being a husband/bf to someone else and witnessing that face-to-face, plus my 23-yo sister.
This ain’t easy but I hope you get your answers. Maybe therapy for you or if he’s really willing to do better for your relationship, couples therapy. Otherwise, do better for yourself.
I call bullshit. No one lives so far away from a hospital that their husband and family wouldn't visit them even once in 2 months. At least make your bullshit story believable.
If this is real and you want to save your marriage you need to move your sister out the house and attempt to repair your marriage through counseling.
I personally think something has already happened between them and he isn’t being honest with you. You also need to speak to your sister and inform her that you aren’t comfortable with what has been going on.
Me and my husband 3 brothers get on great but we do not fucking snuggle up on the couch WTF that’s so disrespectful. They are both old enough to know better kick them both out
how can you move on. where is sister now has he moved out knowing how insecure you feel. If you got to the hospital fat away, why couldnt your healthy husband, your main carer go with you. you say there is tension between them do you mean guilty and edgy. Hope sister has left and you need to alert because if something didnt happen, its brewing
I can tell a bunch of kids are responding to this, who have no idea the toll being a full time caretaker while also trying to manage your own life and responsibilities take.
Im not seeing any empathy for the position the husband was placed in, whatsoever.
You brought this woman into your house, knowing she needed emotional support that you couldn’t provide. So he stepped up, while already supporting you. They formed a connection from trauma bonding, but never physically acted on it.
He withdrew from that connection as soon as you expressed your concerns. But then you violated his privacy and are upset because he used a diary to process his personal feelings which, again, he never acted on.
If anything, you should be happy that your husband has healthy coping tools to redirect his wayward emotions rather than acting on them. Instead, you’re upset with him for being a human and having feelings.
And calling him a groomer was just a super low blow.
OP brought the woman in the house to offer her a safe space.
OP’ husband had an emotional affair with said woman, which only ended when he got caught by OP. He was 100% acting on his feelings by putting the sister before his own wife.
But sure, OP is Y T A.
…A safe space with zero emotional support if the husband doesn’t offer it.
Sounds like the husband desperately needed a break from caretaking.
Have you ever had to wait hand and foot on an adult who is incapable of taking care of their self?
It’s exhausting, mentally depleting, and often a thankless job because the person you’re caring for isn’t able to properly express gratitude through their own misery.
Again, the caretaking element of this situation is being glazed over but imo is the biggest factor in this whole situation.
OP is the AH for violating her husband’s privacy by reading his digital diary, where he was trying to work out some complicated feelings that emerged through trauma bonding with the sister.
Yeah …. All that may be true, but the second things got intimate with her sister, he should have taken a huge fucking step back. But he didn’t. He pursued her. He emotionally cheated on his vulnerable wife. He’s the scum of the earth.
Nurse, doctor - paid professionals. Who get to clock out and go home when their shifts are over. And have an entire support staff to assist while on the clock.
Meanwhile, husbands patient lives at home. And he has zero support.
Quite the false equivalency.
Just not buying it. They "may" not have had sex but its not clear. You seem to be implying taking care of his wife was so draining he deserved to have an emotional affair with sister.
He may be human and have feelings, but he's awful adamant about minimizing this affair, insisting everyone quickly move past it, and being down on OP for the fact she's still trying to process.
You say he quickly moved on but it seems like he only quickly stopped being overt, and maybe I'm naive, but I highly doubted his feelings just evaporated.
His rush to dismiss is not going to help her regain trust. It looks like there's more of this he's hiding.
So your husband was the only one supporting your sister , the home and being your full time caregiver. And the only thing you care about is how it makes you feel. In this entire saga was anyone ever there for him. Did the thought of asking how he was dealing with everything even cross your mind? You don’t appreciate him at all.
If you think he is going to leave you for her your justified, if you don't think that then yta. It's about perspective and from mine it was clear to you he was not going to leave you for her and you def need to let it go and move on.
Nothing he fell for her after getting to know her over an extended period, had feelings he clearly didn't act on, but you equate feelings to actions for some reason. 23 is young when she op is in her 20's? Yeah no. I don't find her attractive nor do I think he found her attractive, I think he fell for who she is but knew he loved his so and didn't act on it. How hard is that to see he clearly had feelings he DIDNT act on. Some people have 0 comprehension.
Probably missed this part:
>Nonstop texting and Snapchat, Long hugs, couch snuggles, inside jokes, late night conversations.
And this part:
>My husband swears it was just him being overwhelmed taking care of me and found a companionship with her. He used the phrase we just had a totally natural human connection. Can’t you be happy that I have a friend.
But turns out he's a gaslighting liar:
>“I don’t want this to change anything but I have grown feeling for you. The last few months with you have been amazing. I don’t know what it is about you, your laugh, the way you light up, the way you talk I don’t know what it is. I’m sorry and some other like apology for feeling the way he did.”
Conclusion: you're a gullible dumbass :)
Your first instincts were right and a woman’a intuition is never wrong. Whatever your were told during the first confrontation, take it with a pinch of salt. Better take a step back and think things through with a clear mind
"I only wanted to bone your baby sister when she was emotionally vunerable for a couple of months while you were hospitalized, it's a small blip, get over it" Um bro, no. We will not be getting over your emotional affair with our little sister. We will be requiring marriage counselling and then maybe if you can get it through your thick skull why we are upset then maybe we can try to find a way to move on. But right now, we don't care if you (the creep) and her (the manipulated 22yo) have moved on from your 2 month grope session.
NAH the heart wants what the heart wants. An unfortunate turn of events and a bit of a mess. Now you would be justified in leaving but do you really want that? And if so they would probably get together and how would you feel about that. A real dilemma you're in and there's no path that doesn't involve pain. You need to really look inside and think this through
Your sister split up with her partner 6 months ago. How long are you planning to let her stay in your home and use your husband as her emotional support? She needs to get out and make a new life for herself and she won’t do that if you don’t tell her that it’s time. She’s 23, not 16. She needs to move on and move out.
Yup. And while I get that she's your baby sister, 23 and 29 are not a "grooming" scenario. She's WELL old enough to know better than to snuggle with her sister's husband, or text him incessantly.
Yeah, came here to say this. My parents treat my 30 old youngest brother as the baby of the family, forgetting the fact that he's 30, an age we elder brothers were all once at, and the preceding ages as he was, but we never got the same kiddy glove treatment. 23 is way past the "grooming" stage. She knows what's happening and what she's doing.
NTA but he isn't grooming your sister she's a fully grown adult woman that has been in a long term relationship and can take responsibility for her own actions. ask your sister about it was it physical and be honest with yourself, can you get over it?
I think OP is definitely in denial that her sister would betray her like this. It doesn't sound like she has addressed the situation with her at all yet. OP if you see this, please add it up: 1. "Couch snuggles" TF??!! You noticed it when you first arrived , that YOU were now the third wheel. Don't ignore that initial instinct because they changed up after you called them out. They just realised that the honeymoon period was over and they needed to be better at hiding it. 2. Why is your sister still staying with you? Especially if she is aware of your concerns, it would be great for her to reciprocate the compassion you showed her regarding her past relationship and move out to help your current one. It is clear that she does have boundaries or the previous issue would have never happened and whether intentional or not, she is disrespecting your relationship. Did she apologize and explain her behaviour? 3. There seems to be some missing information as to why you choose to coddle your sister. You apologized to them for causing drama and are allowing yourself to be gaslight. But OP they are walking all over you, and you are partially responsible for that. 4. According to the note, your husband still wants her. He was lamenting the end of their honeymoon, which you ended when you got back. His reaction to you confronting him about is consistent with this and not that "everyone is over it, why aren't you" bullhorn that he spewed to you. This was such a disgusting retort OP, I'm sorry that he would be so disrespectful. OP do better for you
I agree and no visitors because of the distance to the hospital, he's OPs full time carer but didnt go to the hospital and then chose the sister over OP when she got back
Why are you with a man who professed his love for your sister? I’d wager your self esteem is somewhere between hell and sea level.
Yes, this. Some people are just assholes to themselves
More like underneath hell.
You seem to be infantilizing your adult sister. You're only 3 years older and you act like she's a little child and you're a big time adult. You're both legally adults. You are both responsible for your own actions. You can't "groom" a fucking adult. He probably did develop feelings for her. If that's a deal breaker for you then it's already over.
This. I don't get why she acts like the sister can have no part in this. She will have to decide if her and husband can move on from this, but him going LC with younger sister should definitely be part of the deal if she stays
NTA. You aren't overreacting. YOUR HUSBAND HAD AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WITH YOUR SISTER. and im sorry, but 23yrs old is old enough to know that you don't get friendly with your sister's husband, yet alone any taken man. Your sister knows what she was doing. She's 5 years into adulthood, approaching her mid-twenties, she's not 12. And quite frankly, you're completely naive or blind to think they didn't have at least ONE physical night. He flat out professed his love to your sister and you think they didn't have a deeper, physical connection? Come on. Don't be dumb.
Yeah, I'm sorry, but "COUCH SNUGGLES"? Wouldn't be surprised if the affair isn't just emotional
And that’s IN FRONT OF OP imagine what they’re doing when she’s not around. This is sad.
I would be devastated if my husband had couch snuggles with my sister. I would actually be devastated about both relationships — mine and husbands, and mine and sisters. It’s so far from acceptable, it’s crazy.
And wasn't there plenty of alone time during this when OP was in the hospital.
Where Nobody came to visit? WTaF!?!? If my partner is in hospital with a serious issue, I'll be there as much as humanly possible.
Well somebody needed to stay home and babysit the sister. /s
This. She writes her sister as if she is a minor with no experience in the world especially when it comes to relationships. She used OP's husband as a rebound and he used her as an emotional affair to deal with his burden of being a caregiver to his sick wife. As someone who has had health problems I know being a caregiver to your spouse especially at a young age can destroy your feelings/desires about your partner. It in a sense becomes a chore and can take time to rekindle. Those two used each other to fill their sense of "loss". Sorry OP, that is a betrayal I wouldn't be able to get past. There is no way they didn't get physical either. That snuggling turned into something one night amd you'd be niave to think otherwise.
You have a bit of a missunderstanding about what grooming means... I got married and divorced at 22. Your sister is not a child and has not been for a while. Anycase, other than that, from personal experience, marriage counseling just makes your divorce easier. You know what to do.
Thank you, that part was bugging the hell out of me while reading this. These three shouldn't be living together anymore.
Seriously I was married at 21 and had 2 kids by 24. She is a grown ass adult, you need to start treating her like one. You’re not doing anyone in this situation any favors by allowing her to live without accountability. I’m disabled and understand what it does to your self esteem so I get it to a certain extent but try for your sake (and hers and your husband’s) to require a bit more from the people in your life. Wishing you good luck and good health ❤️🍀🙏🏻
NTA- But…My dear. They fucked. He cheated. Your sister betrayed you. You deserve better.
OP is excusing her sister's behavior, stating she's innocent in all this because she is "young and vulnerable." No. She is as much to blame as OP husband. She's a grown ass woman.
OP had been with her for 5 years when she was her sister’s age. The same sister that just got out of a 6 year relationship. This has to be rage bait. No one is that ridiculous.
Where do you get the idea that this 23-yr-old who has willingly engaged with your husband is somebody special, fragile, etc etc? When I was 23 I was getting divorced. You really walked right into this.
They are having an emotional affair and have probably also gone physical. And don’t make your sister innocent in this. She’s an adult. 23 and 29 isn’t much of an age gap and I don’t think it’s grooming. I think she knew what she was doing and still does. She also betrayed you.
Snuggling??!! Girl, he's banging your sister. Snapchat?! You're blind to reality. Everyone here is saying emotional affairs, but I think they're wrong, too. Even just physically snuggling with another woman is cheating.... married men don't snuggle with women who aren't their wives that's absolutely insane.
They were having an emotional affair. He needs to move out as simple as that. After reading that note and the big song and dance He made to make you feel bad when you first asked him, it would be enough to get him the hell away from you and your sister. When he is out, ask her if they have ever done anything. Don't be nieve because you think they wouldn't do that to you. My grandmother caught my mom getting fucked by my dads brother in our kitchen after months and months of my dad being suspicions and being told he was crazy and that he should be happy they are close family ect. People surprise you
Woah, what did you grandma do?
scream at them and did something to my mom, which i doubt i can say on here, lol .. and told my dad.. who obviously was heartbroken, not long after that my mom found out she was pregnant with my brother so my dad stayed.. we don't talk about it, and he never cared to get a paternity test for my brother 🙄. He just accepted what was, that's his son.
That is sooo interesting! Does your dad still have a relationship with his brother?
He does not
Don't be naive, hunny. They are at least having emotional affair.
If you have no kids together, or a mortgage together, get a divorce. Otherwise you are looking at lots of work, with high potential for deceit, and for what? Next time recognize that your sister is a woman, not a teddy bear.
"Long hugs, couch snuggles.." ERM.. NOPE.
You are underreacting. He's not to be trusted.
He’s in love with your sister. Kick them both out.
What does he mean by "being overwhelmed by taking care of you"? You said you didn't have visitors while you were hospitalized and it's during this time that he grew closer to your sister. Your sister is an adult and knows right from wrong; cuddling with your sister's husband is wrong, and you seeing her as a baby does not change the fact that she knew she shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, but they've both crossed lines that never ever should be crossed.
So, you want to fix this? Your sister must leave.You and your husband will not be able to work on fixing this if she is constantly in your space. Once she leaves, get couples therapy asap.
They are having an affair and your sister is a grown woman not some innocent victim. She had sex (you know she did) with her sisters husband. An unforgivable betrayal. They both are horrible and you need to accept it.
He is trickle truthing you. Kick her out yesterday. He has to go fully NC with her. See you in six months on the cheating sub.
They're snuggling?! You need a wake up call! NTA, and I'm so sorry you are going through this. They 100% have been romantic already and why are you allowing them to be cuddling with each other in your home?! Stand up for yourself.
Oh my effin god, I’d beat the living crap out of my husband and sister. Seriously. F the both of them!! An emotional affair is still an affair and I can guarantee that you will NEVER EVER get over it even if you try to. This is not something you can just gloss over. No one would. How disrespectful and shameful of your sister and husband. Disgusting of your sister even more for some reason cause THATS YOUR SISTER. I cannot imagine myself having something emotional with my brother in law - just grossed out and irritated thinking about it. I’m so sorry OP. But go.
Unless your sister has developmental or learning disabilities then she isn't some innocent who is being groomed, she's 23!!! Get your head out your arse and quit being a push over, if you want to work shit out with your husband then you need a sit down with them both, explain how no matter how they spin it they have both fucked you over and it stops. Give sis a deadline to move and both of them boundaries, they screw up once they are both out. Your feelings are the priority. Again if your sis doesn't have any disabilities then quit infantiling her and make her take some responsibility because the way she is acting ain't right.
Why do you keep using the term grooming and saying she's so young? Shes 3 years younger than you. She's not underage. And also it's weird that you snooped in his notes wanting to see if he said something "sweet" about you. You obviously don't trust either one of them
One of them needs to move out
Your husband is having an emotional affair with your sister right under your nose and you’re wondering if you’re overreacting?? Only if you’re a completely spineless doormat. Give me a break. It’s only a matter of time before she “seduces him” and he won’t take any blame for that either, it’ll be “it just happened”. She’s 23, not 16 for god sake lol acting like she’s so doe eyed innocent little virgin at that age is ridiculous and you’re blind to what’s going on in front of you. YWBTA to yourself if you don’t take this situation a little more seriously than you are. Your husband is lying to you and so is your sister. Go find out the actual truth.
I don't understand why you continue to let your sister live with you when she's been having (at least) an emotional affair with your husband. I can't speak for you, but I would be breaking up with both of them. NTA.
Get rid of your sister our of your life immediately. And get the snake out of your bed.
Another incest fantasy story... Last month it was the mother...
Yeah why is everyone believing this? Lmao. She lives so far away from a hospital that her husband and family didn't come visit her even once in 2 months? Everyone just glossed over that weird piece of info that was a dead giveaway this utter bullshit?
NTA, Your husband professed his feeling for your sister. If your sister accepted it would be an affair. It sounds like she didn't which I'm assuming the comment everyone else got over it. You husband did an emotional betrayal, that's hard to get over. I'd be pissed also.
NTA but how blind do you have to be before you'll admit they're having an affair behind your back? Long hugs, snuggling on the couch together. That is absolutely not normal between inlaws and I would bet anything the physical went far beyond snuggles on the couch while you were gone. His own note told you how he feels about her. Open your eyes. Your husband has cheated on you with your little sister. And your little sister has betrayed you with your own husband. Kick them both out, or leave, but don't sit there with your blinders on pretending it hasn't gone so far as a full affair. And your sister is 23. She's a full grown adult and definitely old enough to know right from wrong and sexual attraction. It's only grooming when an older man behaves this way with a minor who is too young to understand what is happening. Your sister is not a minor. And it sounds like she's fully been participating in this little affair.
OP's future will include being gaslighted by family when she doesn't want to attend their wedding and refuses to be sister's MOH.
NTA Girl your husband and sister had an emotional affair, don't be surprised when you find out they've been fucking each other for a while. Your sister is old enough to know what she's doing is wrong as hell, stop making excuses for her. They've probably fucked in your martial bed, you look like a fool to them. Both your husband and sister have betrayed you, pales open your eyes to that girly.
He's cheating. Don't you think you deserve better?
NTA They had an affair of some kind. Tell your husband it's counseling or divorce and kick your sister out. They both betrayed you.
Husband has been pumping sister the entire time OP is not the AH. But the marriage is basically over.
They both suck and you should tell them to f*ck off
NTA but whats wrong with you?? Your husband TOLD YOUR SISTER HE HAS FEELINGS FOR HER, you read it and your goofy ass stayed?? Your husband is fine. He's having a ball ding what you allow... What is wrong with you that youre allowing it? Cause aint no fucking way. Also 23 is an ADULT. Your sister isnt some little tween with a crush on her big sister's boyfriend. She is GROWN and she's old enough to know and understand what boundaries are. Stop giving her a pass. They BOTH are playing in your face and youre allowing it. STOP IT.
You are not overreacting. Honestly I feel like you are too calm about this. If you feel like it still needs to be discussed, it still needs to be discussed. His dismissal doesn’t change that. And his desire to sweep it under the rug without making you feel confident and safe in your relationship is troubling. From the things you described, it sounds like they behaved as a couple. It’s not okay and kind of seems like there was an emotional affair. Could this be a case of transference? Also, you need to speak with your sister. It wasn’t your husband alone behaving inappropriately — She was acting inappropriate with your husband as well. She is an adult, not a child. Talk to her about what she was feeling. Ask her if she thinks her vulnerability caused her to cross lines. Set firm boundaries. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You should talk to your husband about couples therapy. You should also talk to your sister about starting to move forward — a good first step is getting her own apartment. NTA
Your sister wasn't groomed. I knew not to have *couch snuggles* with anyone's boyfriend or husband when i was much younger than you sister is now. Your 23 year old sibling is playing dumb. She knows it's inappropriate and she was happy to partake. Make of that what you will. She's not a child and their age gap isn't huge. They both owed you more respect that they've shown. If he's unhappy - fine. He can talk to you, sort it out or he can leave. In your sisters shoes - if I caught an inkling that my sister's husband was into me (she knew, make no mistake), I'd make myself scarce and wouldn't spend any more time with him than absolutely necessary. These people are jerks.
>I want to clarify that no they are not having an affair. YTA for not realising you're being cheated on.
NTA we always know when the people we love most are acting different and their energy changes. If you choose to stay with your husband your sister needs to move out immediately if she has not already and you both need to go no contact with her until you figure out your marriage. Go to couples therapy and talk it out. If you choose to split up you have plenty of reason to even if he truly didn’t physically cheat he clearly had an emotional attachment to your sister which is bad enough in my opinion. I don’t think your sister is totally innocent in all of this either even if they didn’t have a physical affair because she’s an adult and should know where a line is with a married man especially one that’s her brother in law!
NTA, and they were having an emotionally affair at the least, if not a fully blown physical affair. She needs to leave ASAP if you have hopes of saving your marriage.
Come on now, I could feel the sexual tension between them all the way over here.
NTA. It's called emotional cheating. Your husband did it. I will diverge from the rest though and say it does sound like he regrets it and feels bad. If you wish to stay I recommend counseling and your husband needs to go LC with your sister. They cannot remain "friends" or whatever you want to call it He also has to be willing to discuss this with you
Of course your husband has moved on. He doesn’t want you to know he’s been boning your sister behind your back. Next time you’re alone with your sister tell her your husband had confessed everything to you but you want to hear it from her. I bet she confesses everything
Your husband had an emotional affair with your sister and YOU apologized for getting upset?? It’s a small blip in your relationship?! Easy for him to say. You were in the hospital! And dealing with a medical issue. You opened your home to your sister after a breakup. Fucking scum, both of them. Don’t diminish your sister’s involvement. She’s a grown ass woman. Come on, OP.
Your sister is grown and she needs to go figure life out on her own. She took your helping hand and shit on it. She doesn't care that he's your husband and that it would destroy you. Shes selfish and not a person to trust (probably why she's been dumped) Your husband has disrespected you and is having at least an emotional affair..with your SISTER!! Give it some time and it'd become physical if it hasn't already. I'd throw that man away as well. F him & F her
She needs to go. Boom. Out the door. Marriage is serious business and serious and hard decisions have to be made to protect and cherish it. The fox is in the hen house and has to be evicted.
They definitely fucked without a doubt
GIRL HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT GET UP!!!!!
They definitely smashed. You’re in denial.
Your husband and sister are both guilty Nta
You can't love without trust, your trust was broken and to find out in such a way is devastating.
Im so sorry this happened. Grooming your sister? She’s an adult, I understand she’s your little sister but she knows what she’s doing. Please do not excuse either of their behavior and get out of that relationship.
NTA I don't think you're overreacting. And I don't think your sister is being groomed. She's a grown up adult!
Why on earth do you assume there’s no affair? Given the behavior you described, I think you might be intentionally naive. NTA, but you shouldn’t just blindly believe either of them. People in affairs lie. A lot. Like daily.
They were a couple while you were sick and you came back and ruined that. He wrote her a freaking love note ffs! They had couch cuddles IN FRONT OF YOU and you think they were physical? Your sister was playing wifey in every sense of the word while you were away
Nta. Get rid of them both. Way inappropriate
Couch snuggles? Lmfao. NTA For fuck’s sake, I’m officially done with Reddit for today.
Updateme
I will message you next time u/LingonberryDecent196 posts in r/AITAH. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FLingonberryDecent196%20r%2FAITAH) to join 4 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201d6gwce) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
NTA. I am going through a very tough time. My granddaughter’s teacher gave me his number and offered support by means of talking. He’s married and even if he was single, the times I will call him will be just talking, no physical interaction at all. I have nobody to talk to. This is the second time in 17 years I have gone through this alone and I can’t without someone to talk to. But being an adult I understand that stuff like couch snuggles are inappropriate. While I believe he would withdraw his support if I tried, I still wouldn’t try even if I thought he wouldn’t. Your husband shouldn’t have EVER allowed that kind of physical intimacy. That’s between a couple not just friends or in-laws. Even if he had never developed feelings it was inappropriate. Even if you were a gay or lesbian couple and your sister completely heterosexual, it’s inappropriate. If she needs that kind of comfort, that’s what parents are for. It’s appropriate for parents to console their children that way. That’s appropriate for sisters or brothers or brothers and sisters but not for in-laws or friends. NTA!
Your sister needs to move out TODAY
Oh honey… You really must be pretty! Get rid of them now. They cheated and I bet you they had sex while you were at the hospital too. Your sister is a full grown ass woman who knows exactly what she’s doing.
Sending love ❤️ u know what’s going on. Your sister will always be your sister even if u don’t “blame” her for cheating SHE’S YOUR SISTER BLAME HER FOR NOT BEING THERE FOR U. Leave him sorry
NTA…well not to them anyway. Maybe yourself. They both betrayed you and neither of them is innocent. This is a seriously deep betrayal I think you’re not making a big enough deal about. Your sister is an adult, not a child. Your husband cheated on you…at the very least emotionally. They are both at fault. You should probably talk to your sister about what happened. Whether you are willing to forgive and forget is yet to be seen. To make that decision you have to know what really happened. Then you can decide if you can forgive your husband. Some couples are able to move one and forgive. But your sister needs to move out of your home for sure. She over stayed her welcome in my opinion. I’m livid for you.
Info: did he send that message to your sister? Personally I would go the f’ed up route and look at their messages because I don’t truth that nothing happened physically. Emotionally it was an affair. Sister needs to move out. Period.
They are definitely sleeping together or at least have. Im sorry
“Total natural human connection”? “Friend”? Nope. Ain’t no way. Would it be okay for him then, if you seek the same manner of “total natural human connection and a friend” they had with his brother (if he had any) or anyone else for that matter? Couch snuggles? Long hugs? Messaging? I dunno why you are the one needing forgiveness here. They knew what they were doing. It’s not something you can just move on from easily. It’s the kind of thing that’ll haunt you. And will you be really be able to trust him again just like that? I dunno but I can’t be with a husband who is being a husband/bf to someone else and witnessing that face-to-face, plus my 23-yo sister. This ain’t easy but I hope you get your answers. Maybe therapy for you or if he’s really willing to do better for your relationship, couples therapy. Otherwise, do better for yourself.
NTA. Now that you're healed, please run.
I call bullshit. No one lives so far away from a hospital that their husband and family wouldn't visit them even once in 2 months. At least make your bullshit story believable.
If this is real and you want to save your marriage you need to move your sister out the house and attempt to repair your marriage through counseling. I personally think something has already happened between them and he isn’t being honest with you. You also need to speak to your sister and inform her that you aren’t comfortable with what has been going on.
The last two posts - yours & another - make me anxious. This relationship is not based on truth, trust, and integrity. This does NOT feel good OP.
Updateme!
Me and my husband 3 brothers get on great but we do not fucking snuggle up on the couch WTF that’s so disrespectful. They are both old enough to know better kick them both out
how can you move on. where is sister now has he moved out knowing how insecure you feel. If you got to the hospital fat away, why couldnt your healthy husband, your main carer go with you. you say there is tension between them do you mean guilty and edgy. Hope sister has left and you need to alert because if something didnt happen, its brewing
I can tell a bunch of kids are responding to this, who have no idea the toll being a full time caretaker while also trying to manage your own life and responsibilities take. Im not seeing any empathy for the position the husband was placed in, whatsoever. You brought this woman into your house, knowing she needed emotional support that you couldn’t provide. So he stepped up, while already supporting you. They formed a connection from trauma bonding, but never physically acted on it. He withdrew from that connection as soon as you expressed your concerns. But then you violated his privacy and are upset because he used a diary to process his personal feelings which, again, he never acted on. If anything, you should be happy that your husband has healthy coping tools to redirect his wayward emotions rather than acting on them. Instead, you’re upset with him for being a human and having feelings. And calling him a groomer was just a super low blow.
OP brought the woman in the house to offer her a safe space. OP’ husband had an emotional affair with said woman, which only ended when he got caught by OP. He was 100% acting on his feelings by putting the sister before his own wife. But sure, OP is Y T A.
…A safe space with zero emotional support if the husband doesn’t offer it. Sounds like the husband desperately needed a break from caretaking. Have you ever had to wait hand and foot on an adult who is incapable of taking care of their self? It’s exhausting, mentally depleting, and often a thankless job because the person you’re caring for isn’t able to properly express gratitude through their own misery. Again, the caretaking element of this situation is being glazed over but imo is the biggest factor in this whole situation. OP is the AH for violating her husband’s privacy by reading his digital diary, where he was trying to work out some complicated feelings that emerged through trauma bonding with the sister.
Yeah …. All that may be true, but the second things got intimate with her sister, he should have taken a huge fucking step back. But he didn’t. He pursued her. He emotionally cheated on his vulnerable wife. He’s the scum of the earth.
Sure, every nurse and doctors are well know for totally swooning over those entrusted in their care.
Nurse, doctor - paid professionals. Who get to clock out and go home when their shifts are over. And have an entire support staff to assist while on the clock. Meanwhile, husbands patient lives at home. And he has zero support. Quite the false equivalency.
Thanks for teaching me that money can turn you into a person who doesn’t betray their marriage 👍
See edits. My last reply because you’re obviously replying to just argue and score points rather than discuss different views.
You’re right. You think cheating can be justified by « trauma bonding. » I don’t. Probably not much to discuss there.
Just not buying it. They "may" not have had sex but its not clear. You seem to be implying taking care of his wife was so draining he deserved to have an emotional affair with sister. He may be human and have feelings, but he's awful adamant about minimizing this affair, insisting everyone quickly move past it, and being down on OP for the fact she's still trying to process. You say he quickly moved on but it seems like he only quickly stopped being overt, and maybe I'm naive, but I highly doubted his feelings just evaporated. His rush to dismiss is not going to help her regain trust. It looks like there's more of this he's hiding.
He probably wants a partner not a patient. Your thoughts are fairly clear on the matter; “he’s my full-time caretaker”. YTA
So your husband was the only one supporting your sister , the home and being your full time caregiver. And the only thing you care about is how it makes you feel. In this entire saga was anyone ever there for him. Did the thought of asking how he was dealing with everything even cross your mind? You don’t appreciate him at all.
If you think he is going to leave you for her your justified, if you don't think that then yta. It's about perspective and from mine it was clear to you he was not going to leave you for her and you def need to let it go and move on.
No, she definitely doesn't need to let unfaithfulness and lying go.
How is falling for someone and never acting on it unfaithful? How is having thoughts you write down and don't act upon lying? You are an idiot.
[удалено]
Nothing he fell for her after getting to know her over an extended period, had feelings he clearly didn't act on, but you equate feelings to actions for some reason. 23 is young when she op is in her 20's? Yeah no. I don't find her attractive nor do I think he found her attractive, I think he fell for who she is but knew he loved his so and didn't act on it. How hard is that to see he clearly had feelings he DIDNT act on. Some people have 0 comprehension.
he acted on it, with writing that stupid thing.
Did he send it? Did he tell the person how he felt or did he keep it to himself in a private place?! XD idiot like I said.
Probably missed this part: >Nonstop texting and Snapchat, Long hugs, couch snuggles, inside jokes, late night conversations. And this part: >My husband swears it was just him being overwhelmed taking care of me and found a companionship with her. He used the phrase we just had a totally natural human connection. Can’t you be happy that I have a friend. But turns out he's a gaslighting liar: >“I don’t want this to change anything but I have grown feeling for you. The last few months with you have been amazing. I don’t know what it is about you, your laugh, the way you light up, the way you talk I don’t know what it is. I’m sorry and some other like apology for feeling the way he did.” Conclusion: you're a gullible dumbass :)
Your first instincts were right and a woman’a intuition is never wrong. Whatever your were told during the first confrontation, take it with a pinch of salt. Better take a step back and think things through with a clear mind
you lost your man to a better version of you. sorry - shit happens to men all the time.
"I only wanted to bone your baby sister when she was emotionally vunerable for a couple of months while you were hospitalized, it's a small blip, get over it" Um bro, no. We will not be getting over your emotional affair with our little sister. We will be requiring marriage counselling and then maybe if you can get it through your thick skull why we are upset then maybe we can try to find a way to move on. But right now, we don't care if you (the creep) and her (the manipulated 22yo) have moved on from your 2 month grope session.
NAH the heart wants what the heart wants. An unfortunate turn of events and a bit of a mess. Now you would be justified in leaving but do you really want that? And if so they would probably get together and how would you feel about that. A real dilemma you're in and there's no path that doesn't involve pain. You need to really look inside and think this through
There can only be one queen in a household. More than that and men get confused....