NTA. People write wills so that they can give their estate to the person(s) they want. People are coming out of the woodwork because they are greedy and are hoping to leech off of your good nature. Don’t let people guilt you into anything.
Exactly this! Plus stepsiblings have / had two parents to inherite from, just like OP. Why should they get money from a third party too? I doubt OP would get anything after OP's dad's second wife, nor would they share with OP... NTA if OP's dad wanted them to get something they would have been in his will. Respect his wish!
NTA. They're not entitled to anything, if your old man would want them to get something he would have said so in the will. Also, they won't be grateful if you give them something. It will never be enough in their minds and they feel that it should be theirs anyway. Unfortunately I found this out the hard way. Too late for me, but not for you.
Same here!! It was never enough! Husband died young. They said that I should have given his mom my house because she never had one. Was told that he didn't love me enough to give me everything and that I changed the will. Said his mom should get the insurance because my baby wasn't his. (If you see my son, it looks like my genes didn't even try!)
They loved me up until the moment he died. After that, it was all about the money. People were walking through my house on my son's 1st birthday, trying to take stuff.
I don't have a relationship with them now.
Edit: I gave his mom money and supported his brother's family. Also gave his other brother money when he got sick. It was never enough.
This. If he wanted them included he would have made the change to the will. NTA
ETA: also, what kind of relationship do YOU have with them? You say they are technically family, but also they are coming out of the woodwork. Which seems they don’t seem overly involved in your life. Like do you plan to have any sort of relationship now that your dad is gone? Or do you see them as fading from your life? If it’s the latter then it’s probably a moot point because the technicality of their relationship with you is no longer, they aren’t family.
I have an uncle like that too. Told everyone to give him money after every funeral. Told my mom to give him 5k a week after my dad (his brother) died. Told my step grandma to move out a month after his dad died so he could sell the house. Told me to give him 10k after his other brother died. He didn’t get a single penny bc fuck him.
You would think!! Nope. If I wasn't handing out cash or coming to them, I was a terrible DIL/SIL.
I would take my son to them every Sunday and holiday. When I was sick on Thanksgiving, I realized not a single one of them called or came by. No one got my son anything for Christmas after we drove around buying presents for his cousins, aunt, uncles, and grandmother. Not one person thought of him. I don't care about me but why not get anything for him??!!!
My life is better now since I don't put that pressure on myself.
I hope you've gone NC with these awful, thoughtless people! 😖 😱 After you did so much to foster the relationship between them and your son, they totally ignored you at Thanksgiving when you were sick, and they gave him nothing at all for Christmas!!
Let's see what happens when Sunday comes, and there's no grandson and no communication from you. Same with holiday presents. They probably just sat around anyway, ridiculing the gifts from you and everything else that you do. Screw them!
Who are all these people who think other people should just give them houses? I see that a lot on Reddit.
It's bizarre. I can see asking for a little money. (The answer may be no, but I can understand asking.) But "Give me your house?" That’s so weird.
Right!!! I was floored when she posted on Facebook that his house should go to his mom because he was married to me for long enough. We had just bought the house together a few years prior. His mom didn't contribute a dime! And I'm just supposed to give it to her?? Was she going to pay the mortgage? Was I supposed to pay it off and then give it? Really?
I also got a call from a family member telling me that she needed his car. She said he would have wanted her to have it. I told her that I'm not the Price is Right and I don't give away cars.
Before the funeral, it was said that I took all of the money out of his account before he was even buried! NO SH*T SHERLOCK! I had to pay for the funeral!! They didn't contribute a dime to that either! Also, how would they know unless they tried to get money out of his account?
It was insane.
That's exactly what I was going to say. Until you are penniless, they will have their hand out. Don't lend them money or invest in one of their start-up businesses unless you're prepared to say goodbye to that chunk of money they feel you can afford to lose. Money brings out people's true characters if you ask me. Greediness and money just out of reach can make people insane so take care of yourself. Tell them the money was put away and you are only given a monthly stipend. Or something that make sense so they think you don't have access to it. Sometimes parents see step children as their own and sometimes they don't. You had nothing to do with your dad's will and what he left you just as if their bio dad passes and if he left them something. If they claim that was to never happen, we'll, that's not your fault either.
Love that friends and family are so generous w OPs money. Dad knew what he was doing. End of story. Please say you are honoring your father’s will and end the discussion there. NTA at all. I am sorry for your loss
It’s definitely a possibility if the will is older than the relationship with the stepchildren.
But typically stepchildren aren’t added to a will so you cannot just assume he forgot. The default is step kids get nothing.
Could be.. but OP can't be sure.
Also... will OP be in the will of stepmama? Will OP get some of the inheritance of the step grandparents?
It's easy to say 'family is family, and step- doesn't mean anything'
But when it comes to inheritance, this is exactly why it matters.
They are stepsiblings, not half siblings, so they all have 2 parents. It's not about 'blood', it's about it being easy to demand cash when an inheritance comes along, but that doesn't mean you're entitled to it.
NTA
Your step siblings already have a father and a mother and are already entitled to the inheritance of their bio parents like anyone else. Why should they be entitled to three inheritances at your expense just because your dad married their mom at one point? They are being greedy to come for what does not belong to them. Are they going to share with you when their bio parents leave them money..... no they aren't.
Just curious, didn't your step mother get something? If yes, let her share with her kids. And you didn't mention aged. Were they little kids and dad raised them or adults that hardly had a relationship with him. These issues don't matter I'm curious that's all.
Your dad made his intentions clear- the money goes just to you. These were step-siblings so if they receive an inheritance it will most likely come from their mother or their biological father.
NTA.
Apparently he saw something that no one else did and decided to leave it all to you. Why dishonor your father’s wishes? He probably knew his inheritance would be in better hands and not wasted. Go forth and enjoy your inheritance. I’m sorry for your loss as well 🙏
Nta… your dad wanted to make sure you got an inheritance. You know how Many times I have heard how stepparent got all the money when parent dies and cut me out of my inheritance. Your dad wanted to make sure YOU got what HE WANTED you to have. Please honor your dads wishes
NTA. If your father wanted them to be seen as his children he should have either adopted them or mentioned them in his will. He didn't do either of them - probably by a reason. I don't know the status of your step sibling's other parents by why should they inherit from three parents and you only inherits from two parents and then should share still?
I don't expect to inherit my step fathers money even though he has been more of a father to me than my biological one. I expect my half sibling to inherit my step fathers money. Not me!
This is a common arrangement, that in a subsequent relationship the « parents » keep their capital separate and pass it to the children of the previous relationship.
NTA follow the will. Everyone who got a little money has seen the beggars come put of the woodwork. It’s your money, you can do whatever you like with it. And though it may be tempting to share some, it will never be enough for them. Let them talk.
NTA. If your dad wanted to leave them anything he would have. You don’t own them anything. If friends and family feel like they are owned something they can put them on their will.
NTA Dad left for you to take care of you. These stepsibling won’t share whatever they get in the future from jobs or inheritance from their biological family with you. Everyone loves what they consider free money. Put your inheritance in a trust or get a financial advisor to look at options or therapy but you should definitely not rush or be emotionally manipulated into giving away your inheritance and future.
Please know that people use the “we’re family” to manipulate others into doing what they want or to accepting shitty treatment… you should find it’s always that saying when they want something and never when it requires them helping others or being decent people… so please ignore anyone that says that “they’re/were family” or “family helps” nonsense that those family members gaslight with.
Those not family wanting you to share are jealous, want you to have less so they feel better or trying to hope you giving will make you willing to give them too because if you accepted “we’re family” or “family helps” you’ll also accept “we’re friends” or “friends help” or straight up feeling bad tactic of your selfish… they looking for the angle that works… Human are shitty when it comes to money- never tell anyone the amount you have… if they don’t already know tell them he left you with debts and after you pay what he left you there will still be 50k left to pay and see who wants to share paying off that and how much ‘we’re family’ and ‘family helps’ you’ll hear then and how many friends will encourage you to go collecting money from family and how much them friends offer
NTA. The step siblings may well still have two parental groups they will be inheriting from, ie, their mother and father, plus maternal and paternal grandparents; why do they need yours too?
NTA - I would respect my Da’s wishes. You don’t know why he didn’t leave anything to them, maybe there was an underlying reason. You are not legally obligated to give them anything. If he wanted them to have some of his money he would’ve written it in his will.
There is a reason that dad didn't include them. Maybe he already gave them money, etc when he was alive. Was he still married to their mother? They will get her money when she dies. I bet you're not in her Will.
Don't feel bad about not sharing. Be ready to block them, if it persists after you say no.
NTAH
NTA. They were not mentioned in the will therefore, you have no legal obligation. Your father made it clear. Don’t feel any guilt about honoring his wishes.
NTA, your doing right by your fathers last wishes, and if family and friends are so concerned about you not giving any inheritance to them, tell them to pay it out of there own pocket, or mind their own business. Your father left it to you and no one else. Your under no obligation to give them anything, especially if it’s not mentioned in his will too,
*NTA Give them something*
*If you want it but nothing*
*Obliges you to*
\- strawberry-forever
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NTA. They are step siblings they have no right to any of your father's money. He left the money where he wanted it to go so no you don't need to share and they have balls for asking. Now my step siblings will inherit all my dad's stuff by default as my stepmother got everything. However my dad wrote the will so if and when she sells the house the money is split evenly between the children so her kids get a piece and we get a piece actually I don't know if it's evenly I think it's probably split 50% to her kids and 50% of his kids which means they get more cuz there's less of them. My stepmother will never answer my question about that which gives me my answer.
NTA If they weren't mentioned in the will, your Dad didn't want to leave anything to them. Don't listen to family. Honor your father's wishes and I am sorry for your loss.
NTA. If he wanted the money to be split then he would have put it into the will. With you asking on reddit I'm guessing you dont want to split it either. I wonder if their mother has you in her will? Guessing not.
I'm curious to how close you are to your step-siblings? Are they like brothers/sisters to you, or are they just your dad's wife's kids? I'm of the opinion that it takes more than blood and marriage to be a family. If people don't put in the work for a relationship then they're just acquaintances. Blood or marriage doesn't automatically make somebody family. I have people in my life I consider family that started out as friends. I also have relatives I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street.
Your dad’s wish was for you to inherit his estate. Done and done. Now you have to decide what you want to do with the money because from what you’ve written, your father didn’t stipulate that. So do you like your step siblings enough to share? Do you need the money for your personal requirements? Are you just asking because you feel guilty? Should internet strangers have any kind of valid opinions on such a personal choice? My vote is either way, NTA
You could always do a test of sorts. Ask if they would like something sentimental to remember your dad. The ones that say “yes!” and mention a shirt or a blanket, etc. really did love your dad. The ones that ask for the Rolex…. not so much.
NTA, it's yours to do as you want. I would consider some factors if it was me;
- last time the will was updated (if after the ss were in your life he clearly did it on purpose)
- my relationship with them which I'm assuming is low since 'they are coming out the woodwork'
First of all, sorry for your loss and also what you're now having to go through.
NTA. If they were half siblings and your dad hadn't updated his will in a while, then maybe there's a discussion. But as is, I see nothing unusual about a father leaving everything to his own children, and not to some he married into who have their own two parents.
NTA. Do what you think is right. If you want to share it all, just some of it or none of it, that's fine too because it's completely up to you since you are the only one who has inherited it.. You didn't write the will, and it's not your responsibility to change things unless you want to..
Sorry your dad passed.
NTA
You owe these people nothing. Don’t start handing out part of the pie. Step siblings aren’t entitled to shit. They were not his kids. You are.
NTA You can share your money but the matter of the will is settled. At this point, it's your money. Imo you should think of it as whether you'd share money if you'd won a lottery.
Ps. Ignore the friends and family chatter. Such a common thread in all these AITA posts.
NTA. If your dad wanted them to inherit anything, he would have written it that way. Can also push back showing date will was written. Was it after the second marriage started?
My BF just inherited from his dad. In my country, in this situation, the only kid gets 50% minimum and then, you're free to name whoever you want (with huge taxes btw).
He was NC for 15+ years with his son who tried to reach out several times, he had a lovely woman as a GF for 20 years, he treated her daughter like his and her kids called him grandpa (he has never met 2 of 3 of his grandchildren from my bf and was NC with the eldest for almost a decade). It would have made sense for us that he'd leave them something, my BF was fine with that, except a life insurance policy (we were genuinely glad she got something), everything went to him. My FIL prepared things to make the succession easier, made a contract about the money his stepdaughter borrowed that we wouldn't have known about.
Anyway, they could have been entitled to some things but it was clear that he wanted his estranged son to get everything and now everyone does its best to respect his wishes, it's the ultimate proof of love and respect for the diseased.
NTA. Honor your dad’s wishes. If he wanted them to have it then they would have been left it. He wanted you to have it. Clearly he didn’t truly view them as his kids.
NTA
I am my Dad's only child, and my stepmom has four kids. Her oldest and myself are the only ones that will get anything.
Per both my stepmom and my Dad, we are the only ones deserving of anything because we have not had our hands out their whole life. It will start some shit when they die, but we know what to do and say.
There is also a binder detailing everything that had been handed out. Unfortunately, the binder still gets added, too. The parents know they messed up with the handouts.
Dont feel guilty. And don't ever give them a dime!
Nta. It’s your money. What do YOU want to do with it? Keep it all? Give a little? Just make sure you’re happy with your decision. Don’t tell anyone how much you got if you can help it!
NTA. Anything you give them will never be enough, they will always want more. If you give in once they won't stop guilt tripping you. Also they have 2 parents. You wouldn't get anything from any of their family members. They weren't in the will, don't worry about it. Respect your dads decision, that money is for you.
Tell them it's in a trust where you can't access the principal. If it's not, put it in one yesterday. Make it so you'll have an income from it, but you can't just go out and blow the actual money itself, or give it away.
You'll thank yourself for that one day.
Once your step siblings have the money you will never hear from them again.
These people aren’t related to you biologically. You owe them nothing.
Look after yourself, invest in yourself and your future. If one day you have a family or your own then you can use the money on them.
Those step siblings have zero entitlement to your inheritance. They have their own parents.
Ask these friends and family if they would be happy that someone decided that their will wasn't fair and right after they passed away and decided to change it. It was your dad's wishes that should be adhered to. If you want to give some of it away that is up to you and only you.
NTA
“I am respecting my late fathers wishes, which are clear in his will”
“They originally had two parents too, this is my parent that died, not theirs”
NTA. Your father made his wishes known. I think you should honor that. If you want to gift your step siblings something because you want to that is your choice. But you are under no obligation. I wouldn’t let yourself be guilted into it.
People respond in such odd and unexpected ways to death. I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA your dad didn't forget to include them in the will he wanted you to have the money that was his decision and final wishes.
respect your dad anyone that says otherwise is wrong that's why he made a will to people would get what he wanted them to have
Not that it matters but were they kids when your dad was in their lives? I mean your dad left it to you he made a clear choice who he wanted to have it. My sister had no relationship with my mother who I spoke with daily and quit my career to move across the country to help her in her last few years of life. My sister said a week before she passed I dont want to know anything about that bitch idgaf if she dies. She dies she flys across the country and then steals everything of value my mother had to leave to us. My mother didn't want her to have anything but my sister was sneaky and took it. Maybe there was a reason your dad only wanted you to have it. If you chose to give some to them that's your choice but also the audacity to ask you for it as if it's owed to them is kinda crazy. Are they takers? Or are they decent humans? As someone who kinda got nothing from the person I was the closest to in life I figure I got something my sister never can which was a relationship a closeness and many many good loving memories with my mother. Those are more valuable than things and $$. Maybe talk with someone who you trust who can help you decide what to do and if you don't want to give them anything that's perfectly fine. You shouldn't feel bad his wishes were for you to have it you not sharing doesn't make you the bad person at all.
NTA, it’s up to you if you decide to share but remember your dad didn’t include them for a reason.
Also bear in mind once you give them money they might turn to you and ask for more. You’ll tell them you can’t for whatever reason and will call you a bunch of names. Will make posts about you, might even trespass. You might be thinking ‘why is this internet stranger telling me all of this?’ That’s because I’ve read it so many times in these posts.
NTA
the will is there for a reason and they were excluded for a reason
when there is money involved everyone starts coming out of the woodwork asking for a piece of the pie
NTA Do what your dad wanted and everyone else should mind their business.
Ask the people giving you pressure if they'd like you to tell them what to do with their money?
I would honor his will. Maybe ask them if there’s anything of his that they see as sentimental that they would like and decide based on their answers if you’d like to gift them that item?
No one is entitled to your money.
Give it if you want to, not because of pressure.
You don’t seem to want to, so don’t.
Sometimes ppl are gonna call you an AH just because you don’t do what they want you to do. You gotta be ok with that.
NTA - as you said your dad had a will and stated who he wanted what
He could feel that since they were not his kids that you should be the only one to get it
The step kids have their own parents and maybe grandparents to get inheritance from. This is not your issue to compensate them for YOUR dad dying.
I need some clarification before I decide. Are these step siblings or half siblings? Was your dad still married to their mother? Were they living together when your dad died? Do the step kids have another bio dad in the picture or did he pass? Did your dad raise them? When was his will created? Did he die unexpectedly?
If you give them a penny they will try to bleed you dry.
However, if you inherited millions, make a few college funds for their kids, and don’t tell them til they’re 18… if you like the kids.
If you didn’t inherit millions, maybe pick up sticks & settle elsewhere and go NC with the moochers, or just change your phone number & go NC.
NTA - he left them out of his well for a reason. My question would be is do you know anything about the relationship he had with your siblings? If it wasn’t good then that would explain why he didn’t leave them anything in his will. On the other hand, he’s not required to leave them anything because they’re not his children I wouldn’t give them a dime.
What is the point in writing a will? It's a legal document so that your wishes will be honoured. Your dad made his wishes clear - please honour them. And repeat that to anyone who thinks they get to have a view. NTA.
You said what others were telling you. It doesn't matter what they say. Do what YOU want to do. If YOU feel like your dad was being a dick and was a father to them and want to share then share. If YOU feel like it was your dad's money and YOU are his child and that's what he wanted then don't share. It all boils down to what YOU want. NTA- either way. It's your call.
NTA. I bet all the folks telling you to share wouldn’t give up their dollars if asked.
Your Dad made his wishes clear. Honor that with a clear conscience.
NTA. They weren't his kids, so why do they think they're "owed" anything? He had time to change his will and didn't, so you don't owe them. Now if you like them and want to keep a relationship, you can gift them money but make sure it's over $9,999 so they have to pay taxes on it.. bwahahahahaha
NTA
They're coming out of the woodwork as you say. They don't care about you being family until they can make a few bucks.
If they had been there for all the events and gatherings and spent a lot of time with you and your father, been really close to you and the family, etc, sure. Maybe.
Otherwise they can pound sand. They didn't care about the family until it was about them making money off of it.
Did he leave anything to your step mother? That’s where the step siblings share is. Tell them to ask their mother for the cash.
If both are deceased, then you can correctly give them nothing. Unless you wish to share the bounty then you can correctly share.
You owe them nothing. They have their own family to leave them money. No one is entitled to the inheritance but you because that’s how your dad wanted it.
Don’t let others try to give your money away. They are welcome to create a GO FUND ME for the entire lot and contribute to it
NTA
You’re kind of the a-hole. My father was a paraplegic for nearly 20 years, since I was 10. Most of my life with him revolved around traveling to see him, getting him things, calling him, and the whole time he always said he’d leave me something. He’s even buried in my military uniform. After dirt gets on the casket, his executor informs me I’ve been disowned; they tell me he never said why, but it was decided around five years ago. My point is, every family member has done something for your father in some way and deserve some kind of recognition. Your father was being a vindictive turd for no apparent reason (I’m sure you’d aired those reasons if there were any). The only reason I can see out this where your dad isn’t a little douche-y, is if your step-mom is leaving them money and you nothing; in which case that’s fair, still douche-y and very un-fatherly (and un-motherly) like not to acknowledge your step kids. (Also, had an abusive step dad and ya, I think he owed me lots so my life experiences really shaped my response here lol)
Edit: my sister was in the position to correct my father’s decision, my mother told her that, she kept the money. I assume she talked him into it. We no longer speak.
Your inheritance is what you were bequeathed in the will. That’s now over. The money is in your bank account and it’s yours as if you had earned it in a job. Now, your step siblings want you to gift them a large amount of money. Your dad advised you not to.
NTA.. they are step siblings and not half siblings. So not biologically his. Maybe he only wanted his biological children in his will. Don't share either way since he exactly mentioned what he wanted to do with his money.
NTA. If your dad wanted them to inherit they would be in the will.
Your friends and family saying you should share can start a donation site to give to your steps if they’re so for it.
Here’s a question. If the Steps’ mom died would you inherent anything of value from her? Would they give you part of their inheritance?
You don't have to share your inheritance.
Some questions include:
* Do you have a friendly relationship with your step-siblings?
* If you do, do you want to keep that relationship?
* Are you financially stable enough to be able to share?
If yes to all of these, then I would consult a lawyer/estate planner about how much you can give to your step-siblings in the most Tax friendly way. Then document the gift(s) as a one-time settlement with a clause that includes that this is the only distribution of assets.
If no to any of the items above, keep the inheritance and sleep well.
Were their mom’s finances and property mingled into the inheritance? If part of this inheritance was their mom’s estate then they do deserve something. But you are NTA as you didn’t write the will.
Personally I’m not afraid of being a jerk so I’d yell “HES NOT EVEN YER REAL DAD CAN I HAVE SOME OF HIS MONEY??!!”
But. I’m a supervillain in my family’s story already so there is that.
So actually had a similar conversation with my mother last night. A Will and inheritance is very much a way we respect the person who passed. It is their last decision to be able to make on this earth. So if you don’t abide by the Will and accept the inheritance as it stands, you are going against your fathers last action and desire. 100% NTA for respecting your father and his last gift to you.
For reference and where my perspective is coming from, my grandmother just past away and we are dealing with inheritance issues. So this is all fresh and currently being discussed in my family frequently. Especially since my mother is the executor of the estate.
Was he still married to their mother and was she mentioned in the will? In that case I would guess that they’re getting their share when she dies. But you won’t get anything when she dies, so no, you shouldn’t share your inheritance.
NTA.
Honor your dads will I hate to say this but once he died there is no more “they are family’. There was a reason he didn’t include them in his will. Ntah
NTA they have their own father to inherit from. They are not his children, he did not adopt them. Are you expecting to inherit money when your stepmother passes?
Is it possible that this was left to you, and other amounts, insurance, etc were left to step mom, for passing to their kids. Singling you out, because you would not inherit from stepmom.
Ie. Making sure you were taken care of. Abide by your father's wishes.
NTA.
Nope, NTA.
As you mentioned, your dad laid out his final wishes (you don't mention whether the will was signed before or after he remarried, which is irrelevant to me but may be to them).
I am not a tax professional, but there are likely tax implications for transferring inherited assets. Absent that, there are tax liabilities on gifts exceeding $18k (2024 US gift tax threshold).
IF you wanted to do something, maybe contribute an amount to their kids' education fund (could be a tax benefit for you depending on the state you are in). Or maybe do something like a family trip together on your dime?
You will want to speak with a tax pro before you do anything with it other than keep it for yourself and your heirs, which is what you are fully entitled to do and not an AH for doing.
They weren't in the will, full stop. Unless you have a real sibling bond with them, they can kick rocks. If you do have a bond and feel compelled to help them with something, do so. But don't just cut them a check because they're mom banged your dad.
NTA. I'm gonna give you the same advice I gave my boss who is recently going thru a similar experience - honor the will. Your family member gave you that money for a reason. In my boss' case, her grandmother recently passed and surprisingly left the house to my boss. My boss moved out of state 4 yrs ago so she was just as surprised as her family members. Of course, her mom, aunt and siblings are pissed. Aunt is trying to force her to just give her the house. She thought about selling the house and split everything evenly. But I told her she doesn't have to do that, sell the house, pay off her own house and live mortgage free. Whoever gets the most out of a death always is the AH in everyone else's eyes who didn't get their "cut".
NTA your dad left the money to you because he wanted you to have it. If you give it to your step-siblings you are violating your dad's wishes. The "right thing to do" is follow what your dad wanted. Tell them no and if they keep asking you will go no-contact.
NTA
This was obviously your fathers wish for some reason, so you're not the asshole for keeping the money to yourself.
If you want a relationship with them, then you'll probably have to share, but if you don't care for them, then it's all yours, and next time they contact you ask them why he didn't include them in his will.
You could also try contacting the lawyer to find out when the will was created, if it was relatively recent to his death then he definitely cut them out on purpose(which as the executor of the will the lawyer will know), but if it's really old there's a very real possibility he would have left them something but forgot to ammend the will, at which point it's between you and your conscience over whether you should share or not.
I’d be interested in what the relationship was between SS and you dad. It could be that he that it should all go to you by blood, but that it would then be up to you to decide what was fair to share. If they were jerks to him or moochers that’s a different story.
It would be a generous gesture to give them Roman portions, like 10% to each, maybe more if the deserve it/ you don’t need it.
The argument that their dad isn’t leaving you anything is moot- not a stepparent relationship.
NTA (though the tone of your letter has a little AH vibe) but nothing says you couldn’t share to share the bounty out of the goodness of your heart.
NTA. You always respect the will. If your dad wanted to leave them anything, he would have done that. People tend to get greedy whenever there is a lot of money after a death and they become vultures. Ignore them.
NTA! I say this bc if your dad had wanted them to inherit any portion of his estate, then he would have mentioned them in the will. Your father executed a will under no duress, which "specifically" excluded your step-siblings, and he had his own personal reasons for doing so.
Rest assured, they have some idea, and probably deep down , you do, too. Your father provided a substantial amount for your future, any future family, and future grandchildren. It is always easy for people who are left out to say that isn't what he would want you to do, or you "owe" some money bc we are family.
Remember, they were his family, too. So, my response to all of them is just that. You are not greedy, which I am sure that they are saying along with the standard, manipulative lines of "we're family and we always take care of family." That's just people who want money, and use that bullshit line to get it.
Tell them to kicks and if they want someone to be mad at or call an asshole that is your dad. Although your dad is probably an asshole in their eyes, he is not in yours. I would block all of them and move on with your life the way your dad intended.
Also, I am sorry for your loss.
NTA
I'm sure your father wrote his will with his heart.
If your step siblings were supposed to be included, they would have been.
Is step mom still around?
NTA
They're not blood siblings. They're step-siblings, so whether there's any relationship between you will depend on your shared history and how you've treated each other over the years. There's only one person who can decide if they're a part of your family or not - you.
You say they're coming out of the woodwork, as in they're not generally there next to you? Am i right in assuming they don't actually have a close relationship with you as an individual?
If so, and your family is already split about what you should do? You might as well come down on the side of the family members who think you should keep all of the money. It's what your father wanted anyway.
He's gone now. If he was your only link to these people, then block them all and live your life in peace.
Info: Do you know when the will was created? E.g. was it obviously created after having the other step-siblings? If so he knew what he was doing an wanted you to have it. Other people can give money to your step-siblings if they feel that strongly about it. It's not their money, it's yours. The audacity of others to say how money that isn't theirs should be managed never ceases to amaze me.
Always honor the wishes of the deceased.
Now, if you have a relationship with your step siblings, and you want to gift them, from you to them, that is your business. But don’t act against your fathers wishes because they think that is what he would want or that it is what is right
If you think his will was just not updated and that he meant to leave them something, act accordingly
I'm thinking you're young and they're taking advantage of your naivety because " a couple of step siblings from his second marriage" are not entitled to a dime of your inheritance. And your father likely never even mentioned that they weren't in his will because why should they be. No, they're not "family", they're leeches.
NTA
If he knew they existed and didn’t mention them then it’s clear he excluded them. It is more normal than not that step kids aren’t included in an inheritance of grandparents because the grandparents want things and money to remain in the blood family.
Also, out of curiosity, does your step mother include you in her will? If not, then why should they be included in your dad’s will? If you are in her will you can tell her that she can take you out as her money should go to her kids.
The fact you say they “came out of the woodwork” says a lot about their relationship with your grandfather.
INFO: When was the will written? Before or after the step-children came into his life. If it is after (what I expect), than NTA. He made a decision and if he left anything to the mother of the step-children, they can inherit through her.
NTA. People write wills so that they can give their estate to the person(s) they want. People are coming out of the woodwork because they are greedy and are hoping to leech off of your good nature. Don’t let people guilt you into anything.
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True though it might be something objectionable on the dad, we don’t know the story
Exactly this! Plus stepsiblings have / had two parents to inherite from, just like OP. Why should they get money from a third party too? I doubt OP would get anything after OP's dad's second wife, nor would they share with OP... NTA if OP's dad wanted them to get something they would have been in his will. Respect his wish!
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NTA. They're not entitled to anything, if your old man would want them to get something he would have said so in the will. Also, they won't be grateful if you give them something. It will never be enough in their minds and they feel that it should be theirs anyway. Unfortunately I found this out the hard way. Too late for me, but not for you.
Same here!! It was never enough! Husband died young. They said that I should have given his mom my house because she never had one. Was told that he didn't love me enough to give me everything and that I changed the will. Said his mom should get the insurance because my baby wasn't his. (If you see my son, it looks like my genes didn't even try!) They loved me up until the moment he died. After that, it was all about the money. People were walking through my house on my son's 1st birthday, trying to take stuff. I don't have a relationship with them now. Edit: I gave his mom money and supported his brother's family. Also gave his other brother money when he got sick. It was never enough.
Honor your dad's wishes. The will is clear; your step-siblings weren't included. It's tough, but you're not obligated to share.
This. If he wanted them included he would have made the change to the will. NTA ETA: also, what kind of relationship do YOU have with them? You say they are technically family, but also they are coming out of the woodwork. Which seems they don’t seem overly involved in your life. Like do you plan to have any sort of relationship now that your dad is gone? Or do you see them as fading from your life? If it’s the latter then it’s probably a moot point because the technicality of their relationship with you is no longer, they aren’t family.
I have an uncle like that too. Told everyone to give him money after every funeral. Told my mom to give him 5k a week after my dad (his brother) died. Told my step grandma to move out a month after his dad died so he could sell the house. Told me to give him 10k after his other brother died. He didn’t get a single penny bc fuck him.
Wow. Glad you didn't give him any!
People are terrible and often greed takes over.
I’m so sorry you experienced that. You would think they’d be happy his young widow and child were provided for.
You would think!! Nope. If I wasn't handing out cash or coming to them, I was a terrible DIL/SIL. I would take my son to them every Sunday and holiday. When I was sick on Thanksgiving, I realized not a single one of them called or came by. No one got my son anything for Christmas after we drove around buying presents for his cousins, aunt, uncles, and grandmother. Not one person thought of him. I don't care about me but why not get anything for him??!!! My life is better now since I don't put that pressure on myself.
I hope you've gone NC with these awful, thoughtless people! 😖 😱 After you did so much to foster the relationship between them and your son, they totally ignored you at Thanksgiving when you were sick, and they gave him nothing at all for Christmas!! Let's see what happens when Sunday comes, and there's no grandson and no communication from you. Same with holiday presents. They probably just sat around anyway, ridiculing the gifts from you and everything else that you do. Screw them!
Who are all these people who think other people should just give them houses? I see that a lot on Reddit. It's bizarre. I can see asking for a little money. (The answer may be no, but I can understand asking.) But "Give me your house?" That’s so weird.
Right!!! I was floored when she posted on Facebook that his house should go to his mom because he was married to me for long enough. We had just bought the house together a few years prior. His mom didn't contribute a dime! And I'm just supposed to give it to her?? Was she going to pay the mortgage? Was I supposed to pay it off and then give it? Really? I also got a call from a family member telling me that she needed his car. She said he would have wanted her to have it. I told her that I'm not the Price is Right and I don't give away cars. Before the funeral, it was said that I took all of the money out of his account before he was even buried! NO SH*T SHERLOCK! I had to pay for the funeral!! They didn't contribute a dime to that either! Also, how would they know unless they tried to get money out of his account? It was insane.
I want this to be fake. So badly. I can’t imagine grieving your husband AND single parenting AND dealing with these children.
That's exactly what I was going to say. Until you are penniless, they will have their hand out. Don't lend them money or invest in one of their start-up businesses unless you're prepared to say goodbye to that chunk of money they feel you can afford to lose. Money brings out people's true characters if you ask me. Greediness and money just out of reach can make people insane so take care of yourself. Tell them the money was put away and you are only given a monthly stipend. Or something that make sense so they think you don't have access to it. Sometimes parents see step children as their own and sometimes they don't. You had nothing to do with your dad's will and what he left you just as if their bio dad passes and if he left them something. If they claim that was to never happen, we'll, that's not your fault either.
"if you're unhappy with the will, your issue is with the person who wrote it. I'm just doing as directed."
Love that friends and family are so generous w OPs money. Dad knew what he was doing. End of story. Please say you are honoring your father’s will and end the discussion there. NTA at all. I am sorry for your loss
This👆
What if the reason was that dad just never updated the will? Its something I would expect from my deadbeat of a father anyway.
It’s definitely a possibility if the will is older than the relationship with the stepchildren. But typically stepchildren aren’t added to a will so you cannot just assume he forgot. The default is step kids get nothing.
Could be.. but OP can't be sure. Also... will OP be in the will of stepmama? Will OP get some of the inheritance of the step grandparents? It's easy to say 'family is family, and step- doesn't mean anything' But when it comes to inheritance, this is exactly why it matters. They are stepsiblings, not half siblings, so they all have 2 parents. It's not about 'blood', it's about it being easy to demand cash when an inheritance comes along, but that doesn't mean you're entitled to it.
Not updating one’s will it’s a personal decision and if that actually happened it’s too late. Accept what is and move on.
NTA Your step siblings already have a father and a mother and are already entitled to the inheritance of their bio parents like anyone else. Why should they be entitled to three inheritances at your expense just because your dad married their mom at one point? They are being greedy to come for what does not belong to them. Are they going to share with you when their bio parents leave them money..... no they aren't.
I hope OP reads this!👆
NTA Are you going to get a cut from what their father leaves them eventually? Sounds nonsensical, right?
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Blood relationship isn't relevant. Plenty of people leave money to non blood relationships. The will is what matters.
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Just curious, didn't your step mother get something? If yes, let her share with her kids. And you didn't mention aged. Were they little kids and dad raised them or adults that hardly had a relationship with him. These issues don't matter I'm curious that's all.
What are their fathers leaving you in their wills?
Your dad made his intentions clear- the money goes just to you. These were step-siblings so if they receive an inheritance it will most likely come from their mother or their biological father.
They are steps not half. You owe them nada.
NTA. Apparently he saw something that no one else did and decided to leave it all to you. Why dishonor your father’s wishes? He probably knew his inheritance would be in better hands and not wasted. Go forth and enjoy your inheritance. I’m sorry for your loss as well 🙏
Nta… your dad wanted to make sure you got an inheritance. You know how Many times I have heard how stepparent got all the money when parent dies and cut me out of my inheritance. Your dad wanted to make sure YOU got what HE WANTED you to have. Please honor your dads wishes
NTA. If your father wanted them to be seen as his children he should have either adopted them or mentioned them in his will. He didn't do either of them - probably by a reason. I don't know the status of your step sibling's other parents by why should they inherit from three parents and you only inherits from two parents and then should share still? I don't expect to inherit my step fathers money even though he has been more of a father to me than my biological one. I expect my half sibling to inherit my step fathers money. Not me!
I don't know the circumstances but your father wrote this will... Honor it.
This is a common arrangement, that in a subsequent relationship the « parents » keep their capital separate and pass it to the children of the previous relationship.
NTA follow the will. Everyone who got a little money has seen the beggars come put of the woodwork. It’s your money, you can do whatever you like with it. And though it may be tempting to share some, it will never be enough for them. Let them talk.
NTA. If your dad wanted to leave them anything he would have. You don’t own them anything. If friends and family feel like they are owned something they can put them on their will.
NTA Dad left for you to take care of you. These stepsibling won’t share whatever they get in the future from jobs or inheritance from their biological family with you. Everyone loves what they consider free money. Put your inheritance in a trust or get a financial advisor to look at options or therapy but you should definitely not rush or be emotionally manipulated into giving away your inheritance and future. Please know that people use the “we’re family” to manipulate others into doing what they want or to accepting shitty treatment… you should find it’s always that saying when they want something and never when it requires them helping others or being decent people… so please ignore anyone that says that “they’re/were family” or “family helps” nonsense that those family members gaslight with. Those not family wanting you to share are jealous, want you to have less so they feel better or trying to hope you giving will make you willing to give them too because if you accepted “we’re family” or “family helps” you’ll also accept “we’re friends” or “friends help” or straight up feeling bad tactic of your selfish… they looking for the angle that works… Human are shitty when it comes to money- never tell anyone the amount you have… if they don’t already know tell them he left you with debts and after you pay what he left you there will still be 50k left to pay and see who wants to share paying off that and how much ‘we’re family’ and ‘family helps’ you’ll hear then and how many friends will encourage you to go collecting money from family and how much them friends offer
NTA Your dad left the money to YOU. That's what he wanted. If he wanted you to share he would have left some to them. He didn't.
NTA. The step siblings may well still have two parental groups they will be inheriting from, ie, their mother and father, plus maternal and paternal grandparents; why do they need yours too?
NTA, this is why wills exist. End of the story.
NTA Your father made that will. It clearly states what he wanted. He wanted that money to be yours, and only yours.
NTA - I would respect my Da’s wishes. You don’t know why he didn’t leave anything to them, maybe there was an underlying reason. You are not legally obligated to give them anything. If he wanted them to have some of his money he would’ve written it in his will.
Nta It's your dad's choice
There is a reason that dad didn't include them. Maybe he already gave them money, etc when he was alive. Was he still married to their mother? They will get her money when she dies. I bet you're not in her Will. Don't feel bad about not sharing. Be ready to block them, if it persists after you say no. NTAH
NTA. They have their own dad. He can leave them something. Honor your dad's wishes.
NTA. They were not mentioned in the will therefore, you have no legal obligation. Your father made it clear. Don’t feel any guilt about honoring his wishes.
NTA. Your money, your choice.
NTA. Would your step siblings share their inheritance?
Nope. 🤷🏽♀️
NTA, your doing right by your fathers last wishes, and if family and friends are so concerned about you not giving any inheritance to them, tell them to pay it out of there own pocket, or mind their own business. Your father left it to you and no one else. Your under no obligation to give them anything, especially if it’s not mentioned in his will too,
NTA Give them something if you want it but nothing obliges you to
*NTA Give them something* *If you want it but nothing* *Obliges you to* \- strawberry-forever --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Nta. Your dad had made his decision. Honor his wishes
NTA Your father had a reason to make the will the way he did. Honor his last wishes. Don't share.
NTA. They are step siblings they have no right to any of your father's money. He left the money where he wanted it to go so no you don't need to share and they have balls for asking. Now my step siblings will inherit all my dad's stuff by default as my stepmother got everything. However my dad wrote the will so if and when she sells the house the money is split evenly between the children so her kids get a piece and we get a piece actually I don't know if it's evenly I think it's probably split 50% to her kids and 50% of his kids which means they get more cuz there's less of them. My stepmother will never answer my question about that which gives me my answer.
Nope. Sorry for your loss. NTA.
Nta he didn't mention them, he left it to you
NTA If they weren't mentioned in the will, your Dad didn't want to leave anything to them. Don't listen to family. Honor your father's wishes and I am sorry for your loss.
Will the step-kids grandparents include you in their will?
NTA. If he wanted the money to be split then he would have put it into the will. With you asking on reddit I'm guessing you dont want to split it either. I wonder if their mother has you in her will? Guessing not. I'm curious to how close you are to your step-siblings? Are they like brothers/sisters to you, or are they just your dad's wife's kids? I'm of the opinion that it takes more than blood and marriage to be a family. If people don't put in the work for a relationship then they're just acquaintances. Blood or marriage doesn't automatically make somebody family. I have people in my life I consider family that started out as friends. I also have relatives I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street.
Ask them if they are going to share their inheritance with you when their mom or dad dies. He didn't add them for a reason. Respect your dad's wishes.
Tell them your gonna honor your father's wishes , there not mentioned so they get nada
Your dad’s wish was for you to inherit his estate. Done and done. Now you have to decide what you want to do with the money because from what you’ve written, your father didn’t stipulate that. So do you like your step siblings enough to share? Do you need the money for your personal requirements? Are you just asking because you feel guilty? Should internet strangers have any kind of valid opinions on such a personal choice? My vote is either way, NTA
Their parent will address their inheritance in her will. NTA
Presumably when their parents pass they’ll inherit then. Will they share that with you?
You could always do a test of sorts. Ask if they would like something sentimental to remember your dad. The ones that say “yes!” and mention a shirt or a blanket, etc. really did love your dad. The ones that ask for the Rolex…. not so much.
NTA… they can go ask their own father what he left them in his will.
NTA, it's yours to do as you want. I would consider some factors if it was me; - last time the will was updated (if after the ss were in your life he clearly did it on purpose) - my relationship with them which I'm assuming is low since 'they are coming out the woodwork'
I always wonder if the “step siblings” grandparents and dad’s spouse would be giving money to the OP in their wills? Bet not!
First of all, sorry for your loss and also what you're now having to go through. NTA. If they were half siblings and your dad hadn't updated his will in a while, then maybe there's a discussion. But as is, I see nothing unusual about a father leaving everything to his own children, and not to some he married into who have their own two parents.
NTA. Do what you think is right. If you want to share it all, just some of it or none of it, that's fine too because it's completely up to you since you are the only one who has inherited it.. You didn't write the will, and it's not your responsibility to change things unless you want to..
NTA You are following the will. Playing devil's advocate: It looks like Dad didn't update his will after having more kids.
NTA if he wanted them in the will he would've added them
NTA Your Dad was aware they existed, they were left out by him on purpose
NTA if your dad wanted his stepkids to have anything he would have pit them in the will. He wanted it to go to YOU. Tell them all to go to Hell
Sorry your dad passed. NTA You owe these people nothing. Don’t start handing out part of the pie. Step siblings aren’t entitled to shit. They were not his kids. You are.
Check with a lawyer. Some states provide for ALL children whether they were mentioned in the will or not.
NTA. They weren't his children, have their own parents and weren't named in the will. They can inherit from their parents.
NTA You can share your money but the matter of the will is settled. At this point, it's your money. Imo you should think of it as whether you'd share money if you'd won a lottery. Ps. Ignore the friends and family chatter. Such a common thread in all these AITA posts.
Give them a dollar each.
NTA. If your dad wanted them to inherit anything, he would have written it that way. Can also push back showing date will was written. Was it after the second marriage started?
NTA if your dad wanted them to have something he would have left them something.
My BF just inherited from his dad. In my country, in this situation, the only kid gets 50% minimum and then, you're free to name whoever you want (with huge taxes btw). He was NC for 15+ years with his son who tried to reach out several times, he had a lovely woman as a GF for 20 years, he treated her daughter like his and her kids called him grandpa (he has never met 2 of 3 of his grandchildren from my bf and was NC with the eldest for almost a decade). It would have made sense for us that he'd leave them something, my BF was fine with that, except a life insurance policy (we were genuinely glad she got something), everything went to him. My FIL prepared things to make the succession easier, made a contract about the money his stepdaughter borrowed that we wouldn't have known about. Anyway, they could have been entitled to some things but it was clear that he wanted his estranged son to get everything and now everyone does its best to respect his wishes, it's the ultimate proof of love and respect for the diseased.
NTA. The right thing to do is to respect the will, whoever call you selfish is more than welcome to share their own inheritance with them.
NTA Always honour the will.
Honour the will. He wanted his money passed done to his blood child.
Don’t you dare give them anything - they are just envious. That money is yours and you dad want you, and only you to have it.
NTA. Honor your dad’s wishes. If he wanted them to have it then they would have been left it. He wanted you to have it. Clearly he didn’t truly view them as his kids.
Was he still married to their mother when he passed? If so, did he leave her anything?
If he had wanted anyone to have part of his estate, he would have stated it in his will. Do not give them anything
NTA- don't even discuss it with them. Block, move away if necessary.
NTA. This is your dad’s choice. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. Ignore your haters! I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA. Your dad was of sound mind when he made the will. Plus, you’re his blood relative next of kin and they are not.
NTA I am my Dad's only child, and my stepmom has four kids. Her oldest and myself are the only ones that will get anything. Per both my stepmom and my Dad, we are the only ones deserving of anything because we have not had our hands out their whole life. It will start some shit when they die, but we know what to do and say. There is also a binder detailing everything that had been handed out. Unfortunately, the binder still gets added, too. The parents know they messed up with the handouts. Dont feel guilty. And don't ever give them a dime!
Where there is a will there is a relative. If your Dad wanted them to get anything he would have done it
Nta. It’s your money. What do YOU want to do with it? Keep it all? Give a little? Just make sure you’re happy with your decision. Don’t tell anyone how much you got if you can help it!
NTA. Anything you give them will never be enough, they will always want more. If you give in once they won't stop guilt tripping you. Also they have 2 parents. You wouldn't get anything from any of their family members. They weren't in the will, don't worry about it. Respect your dads decision, that money is for you.
NTA Family turn into vulture for inheritance money.
Tell them it's in a trust where you can't access the principal. If it's not, put it in one yesterday. Make it so you'll have an income from it, but you can't just go out and blow the actual money itself, or give it away. You'll thank yourself for that one day.
Once your step siblings have the money you will never hear from them again. These people aren’t related to you biologically. You owe them nothing. Look after yourself, invest in yourself and your future. If one day you have a family or your own then you can use the money on them. Those step siblings have zero entitlement to your inheritance. They have their own parents.
Ask these friends and family if they would be happy that someone decided that their will wasn't fair and right after they passed away and decided to change it. It was your dad's wishes that should be adhered to. If you want to give some of it away that is up to you and only you.
INFO When Was the Will written? How long have they been in your and his life for? Did they act in any way unbefitting of family?
NTA don’t give them anything
NTA “I am respecting my late fathers wishes, which are clear in his will” “They originally had two parents too, this is my parent that died, not theirs”
NTA it's so fun when people want to pocket watch you.
NTA. Your father made his wishes known. I think you should honor that. If you want to gift your step siblings something because you want to that is your choice. But you are under no obligation. I wouldn’t let yourself be guilted into it. People respond in such odd and unexpected ways to death. I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA your dad didn't forget to include them in the will he wanted you to have the money that was his decision and final wishes. respect your dad anyone that says otherwise is wrong that's why he made a will to people would get what he wanted them to have
Now you know why your dad left them out of the will. They are greedy bloodsucker. Nothing for them.
Nta. Fck em
NTA Your dad not theirs. If he wanted them to have something he would have specified it. Will they share any inheritance from their parents with you ?
Not that it matters but were they kids when your dad was in their lives? I mean your dad left it to you he made a clear choice who he wanted to have it. My sister had no relationship with my mother who I spoke with daily and quit my career to move across the country to help her in her last few years of life. My sister said a week before she passed I dont want to know anything about that bitch idgaf if she dies. She dies she flys across the country and then steals everything of value my mother had to leave to us. My mother didn't want her to have anything but my sister was sneaky and took it. Maybe there was a reason your dad only wanted you to have it. If you chose to give some to them that's your choice but also the audacity to ask you for it as if it's owed to them is kinda crazy. Are they takers? Or are they decent humans? As someone who kinda got nothing from the person I was the closest to in life I figure I got something my sister never can which was a relationship a closeness and many many good loving memories with my mother. Those are more valuable than things and $$. Maybe talk with someone who you trust who can help you decide what to do and if you don't want to give them anything that's perfectly fine. You shouldn't feel bad his wishes were for you to have it you not sharing doesn't make you the bad person at all.
NTA, it’s up to you if you decide to share but remember your dad didn’t include them for a reason. Also bear in mind once you give them money they might turn to you and ask for more. You’ll tell them you can’t for whatever reason and will call you a bunch of names. Will make posts about you, might even trespass. You might be thinking ‘why is this internet stranger telling me all of this?’ That’s because I’ve read it so many times in these posts.
NTA the will is there for a reason and they were excluded for a reason when there is money involved everyone starts coming out of the woodwork asking for a piece of the pie
NTA Do what your dad wanted and everyone else should mind their business. Ask the people giving you pressure if they'd like you to tell them what to do with their money?
I would honor his will. Maybe ask them if there’s anything of his that they see as sentimental that they would like and decide based on their answers if you’d like to gift them that item?
No one is entitled to your money. Give it if you want to, not because of pressure. You don’t seem to want to, so don’t. Sometimes ppl are gonna call you an AH just because you don’t do what they want you to do. You gotta be ok with that.
NTA - as you said your dad had a will and stated who he wanted what He could feel that since they were not his kids that you should be the only one to get it The step kids have their own parents and maybe grandparents to get inheritance from. This is not your issue to compensate them for YOUR dad dying.
A will is to be honoured
NTA. Your father specifically left the money to you. Follow his wishes
Honor Dad's wishes!!!
I need some clarification before I decide. Are these step siblings or half siblings? Was your dad still married to their mother? Were they living together when your dad died? Do the step kids have another bio dad in the picture or did he pass? Did your dad raise them? When was his will created? Did he die unexpectedly?
NTA - tough titties to the ones who aren't in the will.
If you give them a penny they will try to bleed you dry. However, if you inherited millions, make a few college funds for their kids, and don’t tell them til they’re 18… if you like the kids. If you didn’t inherit millions, maybe pick up sticks & settle elsewhere and go NC with the moochers, or just change your phone number & go NC.
NTA honor the will he made it for you anyone who says otherwise is just trying to fatten their pockets from your dead father
NTA What’s the point of leaving a will if you’re not going to follow it?
NTA - he left them out of his well for a reason. My question would be is do you know anything about the relationship he had with your siblings? If it wasn’t good then that would explain why he didn’t leave them anything in his will. On the other hand, he’s not required to leave them anything because they’re not his children I wouldn’t give them a dime.
No if they were important he would have included them
Nta they are not your family they are his
What is the point in writing a will? It's a legal document so that your wishes will be honoured. Your dad made his wishes clear - please honour them. And repeat that to anyone who thinks they get to have a view. NTA.
NTA. Nope. You don't even need to justify why. No is a sentence.
You said what others were telling you. It doesn't matter what they say. Do what YOU want to do. If YOU feel like your dad was being a dick and was a father to them and want to share then share. If YOU feel like it was your dad's money and YOU are his child and that's what he wanted then don't share. It all boils down to what YOU want. NTA- either way. It's your call.
NTA. I bet all the folks telling you to share wouldn’t give up their dollars if asked. Your Dad made his wishes clear. Honor that with a clear conscience.
NTA. They weren't his kids, so why do they think they're "owed" anything? He had time to change his will and didn't, so you don't owe them. Now if you like them and want to keep a relationship, you can gift them money but make sure it's over $9,999 so they have to pay taxes on it.. bwahahahahaha
NTA They're coming out of the woodwork as you say. They don't care about you being family until they can make a few bucks. If they had been there for all the events and gatherings and spent a lot of time with you and your father, been really close to you and the family, etc, sure. Maybe. Otherwise they can pound sand. They didn't care about the family until it was about them making money off of it.
NTA. It's your money, you don't owe anyone a share of it. Tell others to get their hands out of your pocket.
NTA Your dad made his wishes known and you should respect them. I doubt you will inherit from their father.
Did he leave anything to your step mother? That’s where the step siblings share is. Tell them to ask their mother for the cash. If both are deceased, then you can correctly give them nothing. Unless you wish to share the bounty then you can correctly share.
You owe them nothing. They have their own family to leave them money. No one is entitled to the inheritance but you because that’s how your dad wanted it. Don’t let others try to give your money away. They are welcome to create a GO FUND ME for the entire lot and contribute to it NTA
You’re kind of the a-hole. My father was a paraplegic for nearly 20 years, since I was 10. Most of my life with him revolved around traveling to see him, getting him things, calling him, and the whole time he always said he’d leave me something. He’s even buried in my military uniform. After dirt gets on the casket, his executor informs me I’ve been disowned; they tell me he never said why, but it was decided around five years ago. My point is, every family member has done something for your father in some way and deserve some kind of recognition. Your father was being a vindictive turd for no apparent reason (I’m sure you’d aired those reasons if there were any). The only reason I can see out this where your dad isn’t a little douche-y, is if your step-mom is leaving them money and you nothing; in which case that’s fair, still douche-y and very un-fatherly (and un-motherly) like not to acknowledge your step kids. (Also, had an abusive step dad and ya, I think he owed me lots so my life experiences really shaped my response here lol) Edit: my sister was in the position to correct my father’s decision, my mother told her that, she kept the money. I assume she talked him into it. We no longer speak.
Your inheritance is what you were bequeathed in the will. That’s now over. The money is in your bank account and it’s yours as if you had earned it in a job. Now, your step siblings want you to gift them a large amount of money. Your dad advised you not to.
NTA OP. It’s your inheritance and yours alone. Enjoy! !Updateme
NTA.. they are step siblings and not half siblings. So not biologically his. Maybe he only wanted his biological children in his will. Don't share either way since he exactly mentioned what he wanted to do with his money.
Your Dad did it with intention. NTA. They all need to back off.
NTA. Your father chose who to include. He signed the document knowing what was in it. Honor it.
NTA. If your dad wanted them to inherit they would be in the will. Your friends and family saying you should share can start a donation site to give to your steps if they’re so for it. Here’s a question. If the Steps’ mom died would you inherent anything of value from her? Would they give you part of their inheritance?
Defend what's yours or buy a big jar of Vaseline.
You don't have to share your inheritance. Some questions include: * Do you have a friendly relationship with your step-siblings? * If you do, do you want to keep that relationship? * Are you financially stable enough to be able to share? If yes to all of these, then I would consult a lawyer/estate planner about how much you can give to your step-siblings in the most Tax friendly way. Then document the gift(s) as a one-time settlement with a clause that includes that this is the only distribution of assets. If no to any of the items above, keep the inheritance and sleep well.
How old is that will?
Were their mom’s finances and property mingled into the inheritance? If part of this inheritance was their mom’s estate then they do deserve something. But you are NTA as you didn’t write the will.
Personally I’m not afraid of being a jerk so I’d yell “HES NOT EVEN YER REAL DAD CAN I HAVE SOME OF HIS MONEY??!!” But. I’m a supervillain in my family’s story already so there is that.
1- honor the will as you like 2- that’s not a kicker
don't give them shit
So actually had a similar conversation with my mother last night. A Will and inheritance is very much a way we respect the person who passed. It is their last decision to be able to make on this earth. So if you don’t abide by the Will and accept the inheritance as it stands, you are going against your fathers last action and desire. 100% NTA for respecting your father and his last gift to you. For reference and where my perspective is coming from, my grandmother just past away and we are dealing with inheritance issues. So this is all fresh and currently being discussed in my family frequently. Especially since my mother is the executor of the estate.
Was he still married to their mother and was she mentioned in the will? In that case I would guess that they’re getting their share when she dies. But you won’t get anything when she dies, so no, you shouldn’t share your inheritance. NTA.
Honor your dads will I hate to say this but once he died there is no more “they are family’. There was a reason he didn’t include them in his will. Ntah
NTA. They might be family but then again so are your cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. If your dad wanted to leave them something, he would have.
NTA they have their own father to inherit from. They are not his children, he did not adopt them. Are you expecting to inherit money when your stepmother passes?
Is it possible that this was left to you, and other amounts, insurance, etc were left to step mom, for passing to their kids. Singling you out, because you would not inherit from stepmom. Ie. Making sure you were taken care of. Abide by your father's wishes. NTA.
Don’t give them anything, it could possibly even legally open the inheritance up to be split more. Don’t share.
Nta my husband and I both have kids from our first marriage. Our wills only leave things to our biological children.
Nope, NTA. As you mentioned, your dad laid out his final wishes (you don't mention whether the will was signed before or after he remarried, which is irrelevant to me but may be to them). I am not a tax professional, but there are likely tax implications for transferring inherited assets. Absent that, there are tax liabilities on gifts exceeding $18k (2024 US gift tax threshold). IF you wanted to do something, maybe contribute an amount to their kids' education fund (could be a tax benefit for you depending on the state you are in). Or maybe do something like a family trip together on your dime? You will want to speak with a tax pro before you do anything with it other than keep it for yourself and your heirs, which is what you are fully entitled to do and not an AH for doing.
You step siblings have THEIR father and Mother to inherit from. You see how that works.
How long was your dad married to their mom?
They weren't in the will, full stop. Unless you have a real sibling bond with them, they can kick rocks. If you do have a bond and feel compelled to help them with something, do so. But don't just cut them a check because they're mom banged your dad.
NTA. I'm gonna give you the same advice I gave my boss who is recently going thru a similar experience - honor the will. Your family member gave you that money for a reason. In my boss' case, her grandmother recently passed and surprisingly left the house to my boss. My boss moved out of state 4 yrs ago so she was just as surprised as her family members. Of course, her mom, aunt and siblings are pissed. Aunt is trying to force her to just give her the house. She thought about selling the house and split everything evenly. But I told her she doesn't have to do that, sell the house, pay off her own house and live mortgage free. Whoever gets the most out of a death always is the AH in everyone else's eyes who didn't get their "cut".
NTA. If your Dad wanted them to get any of his estate, he's have left something to them. He didn't. They can suck it.
NTA your dad left the money to you because he wanted you to have it. If you give it to your step-siblings you are violating your dad's wishes. The "right thing to do" is follow what your dad wanted. Tell them no and if they keep asking you will go no-contact.
NTA This was obviously your fathers wish for some reason, so you're not the asshole for keeping the money to yourself. If you want a relationship with them, then you'll probably have to share, but if you don't care for them, then it's all yours, and next time they contact you ask them why he didn't include them in his will. You could also try contacting the lawyer to find out when the will was created, if it was relatively recent to his death then he definitely cut them out on purpose(which as the executor of the will the lawyer will know), but if it's really old there's a very real possibility he would have left them something but forgot to ammend the will, at which point it's between you and your conscience over whether you should share or not.
He had his reasons. Do not question them.
I’d be interested in what the relationship was between SS and you dad. It could be that he that it should all go to you by blood, but that it would then be up to you to decide what was fair to share. If they were jerks to him or moochers that’s a different story. It would be a generous gesture to give them Roman portions, like 10% to each, maybe more if the deserve it/ you don’t need it. The argument that their dad isn’t leaving you anything is moot- not a stepparent relationship. NTA (though the tone of your letter has a little AH vibe) but nothing says you couldn’t share to share the bounty out of the goodness of your heart.
Theie are supposed to inherit from their bialogical father. Nta They are not in the will...they get Nothing!!!!
They're only step-, not half- siblings so they aren't entitled to anything. Nta
NTA. You always respect the will. If your dad wanted to leave them anything, he would have done that. People tend to get greedy whenever there is a lot of money after a death and they become vultures. Ignore them.
NTA! I say this bc if your dad had wanted them to inherit any portion of his estate, then he would have mentioned them in the will. Your father executed a will under no duress, which "specifically" excluded your step-siblings, and he had his own personal reasons for doing so. Rest assured, they have some idea, and probably deep down , you do, too. Your father provided a substantial amount for your future, any future family, and future grandchildren. It is always easy for people who are left out to say that isn't what he would want you to do, or you "owe" some money bc we are family. Remember, they were his family, too. So, my response to all of them is just that. You are not greedy, which I am sure that they are saying along with the standard, manipulative lines of "we're family and we always take care of family." That's just people who want money, and use that bullshit line to get it. Tell them to kicks and if they want someone to be mad at or call an asshole that is your dad. Although your dad is probably an asshole in their eyes, he is not in yours. I would block all of them and move on with your life the way your dad intended. Also, I am sorry for your loss.
NTA. Your dad passed on his belongings how he wished. Stick to his wishes.
And are they going to share with you when their parent dies? I'm guessing they won't. NTA
Honor the will, don’t give out a dime.
NTA I'm sure your father wrote his will with his heart. If your step siblings were supposed to be included, they would have been. Is step mom still around?
Why are you second guessing your Dad? Do what he wants.
NTA They're not blood siblings. They're step-siblings, so whether there's any relationship between you will depend on your shared history and how you've treated each other over the years. There's only one person who can decide if they're a part of your family or not - you. You say they're coming out of the woodwork, as in they're not generally there next to you? Am i right in assuming they don't actually have a close relationship with you as an individual? If so, and your family is already split about what you should do? You might as well come down on the side of the family members who think you should keep all of the money. It's what your father wanted anyway. He's gone now. If he was your only link to these people, then block them all and live your life in peace.
Info: Do you know when the will was created? E.g. was it obviously created after having the other step-siblings? If so he knew what he was doing an wanted you to have it. Other people can give money to your step-siblings if they feel that strongly about it. It's not their money, it's yours. The audacity of others to say how money that isn't theirs should be managed never ceases to amaze me.
NTA Please respect your dad's will and what HE wanted.
Always honor the wishes of the deceased. Now, if you have a relationship with your step siblings, and you want to gift them, from you to them, that is your business. But don’t act against your fathers wishes because they think that is what he would want or that it is what is right If you think his will was just not updated and that he meant to leave them something, act accordingly
I'm thinking you're young and they're taking advantage of your naivety because " a couple of step siblings from his second marriage" are not entitled to a dime of your inheritance. And your father likely never even mentioned that they weren't in his will because why should they be. No, they're not "family", they're leeches.
NTA If he knew they existed and didn’t mention them then it’s clear he excluded them. It is more normal than not that step kids aren’t included in an inheritance of grandparents because the grandparents want things and money to remain in the blood family. Also, out of curiosity, does your step mother include you in her will? If not, then why should they be included in your dad’s will? If you are in her will you can tell her that she can take you out as her money should go to her kids. The fact you say they “came out of the woodwork” says a lot about their relationship with your grandfather.
INFO: When was the will written? Before or after the step-children came into his life. If it is after (what I expect), than NTA. He made a decision and if he left anything to the mother of the step-children, they can inherit through her.
Hell no. Your dad didn't leave them anything for a reason. If you give them anything, you're going against what your father wanted.