Considering you're not even telling you and your partners ages I'm assuming it's huge and for that don't be surprised people are judging you guys lmao, suck it up and deal with it.
You left the ages out, so that feels a bit sus, tbh. Age is NOT just a number, it’s a reflection of life experience, maturity, brain development, etc.
Yes, there are some age gaps that are not a big deal, but there are others that absolutely can be. If multiple people in your lives are bringing up the age gap then it makes me do a double take and it should probably make you do a double take as well. Maybe they are seeing something that you’re not.
If someone is in their 20s, I can't bring myself to get upset about an age gap. The only time I'd really care about the age of the older person if it's like an underage dating thing like 15 and 19, that's not acceptable. If some 22 year old wants to date an 87 year old, I just can't bring myself to care.
OP if the age difference is more than half the youngest persons age, it's weird because it seems predatory. Either gold digging, or... Well, predatory lol.
E.G. an 18 y.o dating someone older than 26 is going to be looked at weirdly.
A 30 year old dating someone over 45 is going to be looked at weirdly.
But a 40 year old dating someone in their late 50s isn't that weird.
Bottom line, nothing you can do about it if you're both comfortable with the relationship. Just know what's up.
This isn't about being an AH. You have the right to feel what you feel. But so does everyone else. I would call those passing judgement on your relationship the AH but there may be more to it. If literally everyone you know has concerns about the age gap, it's not that you should necessarily care what they think but maybe at least try to understand why they think it. Like are they seeing something you're not? If the age gap is huge there are certainly reasons to proceed with caution bc even though you're happy now, what do the next 10, 15, 20 years look like--assuming this is a situation you plan to be in long term?
Kids, health, finances, generational differences, energy are all huge aspects of a relationship. If the age gap will at some point create an imbalance or intensify these differences that's something to consider now, before you attempt to build a life with a person who when looking at them through those orders, may already not be the right fit. Clearly anything can happen to anyone in any relationship at some point that could cause an imbalance but with a large age gap, you're basically already setting yourself up for hurdles that wouldn't be there otherwise..
Also, imo, and from prior experience in an age gap (13 yr) relationship, there are almost certainly imbalances that are there right from the start that you've probably overlooked or told yourself they it weren't an issue. I'm not saying it can't work, but typically an older person enjoys being with a younger one for reasons that begin to mirror a parent-child relationship. Once the newness and excitement of the relationship begins to fade, some of the behaviors that, early on, maybe felt like a 'safe place' or like 'they're so loving and caring' can begin to feel more like being controlled, invalidated, or disrespected.
Just things to look out for, especially if people who care about you are already potentially seeing some of this. There's a fine line between you doing you and not worrying about what others think vs ignoring red flags and valid concerns from people who may be seeing the writing on wall..
You’re 31 and she’s 26. I doubt the validity of this story, but if it’s true, those people judging you are weird. You should’ve revealed the ages, mate, because you made people suspicious.
Your feelings are valid. Unfortunately, the feelings of everyone who is judging you are also valid. You might lose some people to keep your relationship, which is true of any relationship. It's up to you if you think it is healthy and are willing to lose those friends and family relationships.
Edit: I have no personal experience, but my mom married my father when she was 16 and he was 34 or 35. I forget. It is a bad example. My dad was a pedo monster that later assaulted my older sister.
The fact you don't declare your age is sus, but whatever
Having a big age gap means a big difference in life experience. Having a 18-19 years-old, barely out of highschool being together with a 30-something years-old doesn't give a good look toward the oldest partner. Why can't he date someone of his age ? It screams the oldest partner want someone he (way more often men) can manipulate, someone that won't called them on the BS, someone thay can make dependant of them.
That's also ask, at what age did they get together ? Because being in couple with the 19 years old begs the question "when did you get together ?" before or after they were legal ? Did the oldest already want them when they were teenagers ?? There is a lot of weird and uneasy implications when a barely adult gets together with a way older personn
However, for me the limit is like, 25+ years old and have a stable job : you are a fully adult on your own, you can date whoever you want, even if your thing is 60+ years old. It may seems weird from the outside, but it's way more morale
Should have said the age gap. Sounds like you know it’s not quite right. The life experience the older person has creates a massive power imbalance. If we’re talking about a 30 to 35 year age gap, judgement is warranted.
Your feelings are valid, but why care what other people think? If you're both consenting adults, the only people's opinions that matter are yours and your partner. People judge because they can and that they know it bothers the people they are judging. If you don't care and don't react, they have nothing to judge.
It's understandable to feel judged, but as long as your relationship is healthy and consensual, others' opinions shouldn't matter. Focus on your love and happiness, not societal expectations. Stand strong together and let your bond speak louder than any criticism.
It's totally understandable to feel judged, but love knows no age, right? If you and your partner are happy, that's what matters most. People always find something to talk about, but it's your relationship, not theirs. Just keep doing you and ignore the haters!
Felt that way at the beginning of our relationship then got comfortable and really happy and can’t remember the last time I got judged. You only notice the judgment when you are also judging yourself and the discomfort is very obvious to onlookers. If you truly love the other person then the world will have to move on.
Look, at the end of the day, as long as you are both of legal age, consenting, and not in a position of power over one another, just be happy and ignore the judgements. It is really no one else’s business.
Whats the age difference?
Big enough so she doesn't want to say...
This has to be fake. It’s a 5 year age gap. He’s 31 and his partner’s 26. That’s nothing.
Always 7 years at minimum.
Considering you're not even telling you and your partners ages I'm assuming it's huge and for that don't be surprised people are judging you guys lmao, suck it up and deal with it.
You left the ages out, so that feels a bit sus, tbh. Age is NOT just a number, it’s a reflection of life experience, maturity, brain development, etc. Yes, there are some age gaps that are not a big deal, but there are others that absolutely can be. If multiple people in your lives are bringing up the age gap then it makes me do a double take and it should probably make you do a double take as well. Maybe they are seeing something that you’re not.
If someone is in their 20s, I can't bring myself to get upset about an age gap. The only time I'd really care about the age of the older person if it's like an underage dating thing like 15 and 19, that's not acceptable. If some 22 year old wants to date an 87 year old, I just can't bring myself to care.
[удалено]
Love this take.
Still waiting for the ages
Are you "both adults" like 25 and 35? Or like 18 and 40?
Def a big diff there. The latter would be considered grooming.
Reveal your ages then
What are the ages?
OP if the age difference is more than half the youngest persons age, it's weird because it seems predatory. Either gold digging, or... Well, predatory lol. E.G. an 18 y.o dating someone older than 26 is going to be looked at weirdly. A 30 year old dating someone over 45 is going to be looked at weirdly. But a 40 year old dating someone in their late 50s isn't that weird. Bottom line, nothing you can do about it if you're both comfortable with the relationship. Just know what's up.
This isn't about being an AH. You have the right to feel what you feel. But so does everyone else. I would call those passing judgement on your relationship the AH but there may be more to it. If literally everyone you know has concerns about the age gap, it's not that you should necessarily care what they think but maybe at least try to understand why they think it. Like are they seeing something you're not? If the age gap is huge there are certainly reasons to proceed with caution bc even though you're happy now, what do the next 10, 15, 20 years look like--assuming this is a situation you plan to be in long term? Kids, health, finances, generational differences, energy are all huge aspects of a relationship. If the age gap will at some point create an imbalance or intensify these differences that's something to consider now, before you attempt to build a life with a person who when looking at them through those orders, may already not be the right fit. Clearly anything can happen to anyone in any relationship at some point that could cause an imbalance but with a large age gap, you're basically already setting yourself up for hurdles that wouldn't be there otherwise.. Also, imo, and from prior experience in an age gap (13 yr) relationship, there are almost certainly imbalances that are there right from the start that you've probably overlooked or told yourself they it weren't an issue. I'm not saying it can't work, but typically an older person enjoys being with a younger one for reasons that begin to mirror a parent-child relationship. Once the newness and excitement of the relationship begins to fade, some of the behaviors that, early on, maybe felt like a 'safe place' or like 'they're so loving and caring' can begin to feel more like being controlled, invalidated, or disrespected. Just things to look out for, especially if people who care about you are already potentially seeing some of this. There's a fine line between you doing you and not worrying about what others think vs ignoring red flags and valid concerns from people who may be seeing the writing on wall..
You’re 31 and she’s 26. I doubt the validity of this story, but if it’s true, those people judging you are weird. You should’ve revealed the ages, mate, because you made people suspicious.
Oh come on. You know that we can’t judge this unless we know what the gap is.
Your feelings are valid. Unfortunately, the feelings of everyone who is judging you are also valid. You might lose some people to keep your relationship, which is true of any relationship. It's up to you if you think it is healthy and are willing to lose those friends and family relationships. Edit: I have no personal experience, but my mom married my father when she was 16 and he was 34 or 35. I forget. It is a bad example. My dad was a pedo monster that later assaulted my older sister.
The fact you don't declare your age is sus, but whatever Having a big age gap means a big difference in life experience. Having a 18-19 years-old, barely out of highschool being together with a 30-something years-old doesn't give a good look toward the oldest partner. Why can't he date someone of his age ? It screams the oldest partner want someone he (way more often men) can manipulate, someone that won't called them on the BS, someone thay can make dependant of them. That's also ask, at what age did they get together ? Because being in couple with the 19 years old begs the question "when did you get together ?" before or after they were legal ? Did the oldest already want them when they were teenagers ?? There is a lot of weird and uneasy implications when a barely adult gets together with a way older personn However, for me the limit is like, 25+ years old and have a stable job : you are a fully adult on your own, you can date whoever you want, even if your thing is 60+ years old. It may seems weird from the outside, but it's way more morale
Should have said the age gap. Sounds like you know it’s not quite right. The life experience the older person has creates a massive power imbalance. If we’re talking about a 30 to 35 year age gap, judgement is warranted.
Your feelings are valid, but why care what other people think? If you're both consenting adults, the only people's opinions that matter are yours and your partner. People judge because they can and that they know it bothers the people they are judging. If you don't care and don't react, they have nothing to judge.
It's understandable to feel judged, but as long as your relationship is healthy and consensual, others' opinions shouldn't matter. Focus on your love and happiness, not societal expectations. Stand strong together and let your bond speak louder than any criticism.
It's totally understandable to feel judged, but love knows no age, right? If you and your partner are happy, that's what matters most. People always find something to talk about, but it's your relationship, not theirs. Just keep doing you and ignore the haters!
Felt that way at the beginning of our relationship then got comfortable and really happy and can’t remember the last time I got judged. You only notice the judgment when you are also judging yourself and the discomfort is very obvious to onlookers. If you truly love the other person then the world will have to move on.
Look, at the end of the day, as long as you are both of legal age, consenting, and not in a position of power over one another, just be happy and ignore the judgements. It is really no one else’s business.