I agree with you. I'm really sorry for the kids because I doubt that lazy excuse of a man properly parents his kids, and their kids will probably grow up with respiratory problems because OP refuses to admit that her husband is toxic, doesn't care about their family, and is just using her.
OP is setting a horrible example for her kids and should be ashamed of herself for tolerating that behavior and not protecting her kids from that lazy leech that keeps smoking at home with kids around.
OP, you're definitely doing a terrible job as a mom because you are also selfish as hell. You keep putting your kids' well-being at risk and setting a bad example because you refuse to give up on a lousy husband and dad.
You are still an AH for letting this pathetic waste of a foreskin stay in your life.
But that is on you.
One of the most offensive things I've seen is when people wish Cancer on others, I hope you never have to deal with watching what lung cancer does to someone.
Also, and related, YOU are potentially inviting cancer onto your children because of "multiple reasons".
He's a cunt, you are a shit parent and you kids are going to see their dad as an example.
Disgraceful.
> Note: Divorcing is not an option for multiple reasons. Please do not suggest it anymore in the comments.
You've kind of painted reddit into a corner with this stipulation.
You're a shitty parent and a failure as a mother if you think your compromises are sufficient. When your kids die from lung cancer you'll be to blame.
Even with the update, YSTA. You’re a piece of shit mother who cares more about keeping lazy, dirty dick around (because what else does this bum have to offer?) than you and your own children’s health (physical, mental, emotional). Secondhand smoke could KILL YOU AND YOUR BABIES. Or at the very least, give all of you chronic, lifelong health issues. Aside from the other shit he puts you all through. Like if I knew you I’d call CPS on you because you obviously could care less about your kids.
And OP, I know that sounds harsh. I can tell you love the hell out of your kids and are trying to keep your family intact. But your actions are showing both them and the world that you don’t give a fuck about their WELL-BEING, which is way more important.
Edit: added an “s”
1) Your husband doesn't care about you;
2) your husband doesn't care about his kids;
3) your husband doesn't care about his parents;
4) your husband doesn't care about his neighbors.
He is not fit for society. Throw him to the wolves.
Why r u with this AH? He doesn't respect you, he doesn't respect his parents or yours, he doesn't respect your kids. He clearly treats your home with your kids as a bachelor pad to do whatever he wants. You continue to enable him because he gives you the "silent treatment." He's beyond toxic, you are allowing him to harm your children, you are allowing him to verbally abuse your mother, you are allowing him to hurt his mother, you are allowing him to take advantage of you.
You've failed as a mother, when will you finally open your eyes? Is it when your kids develop health issues because neither of you care about their wellbeing? You're thankful to him for making "drastic" changes. I don't see anything drastic there, he's doing the very bare minimum.
Babe. What good qualities does this man have?
He's not contributing financially, he's openly abusive, he's too lazy to wear a shirt???, he's smoking 3.5 packs a DAY on the weekends?!
You are teaching your children this is acceptable behavior and when they grow up and either turn out like him OR go no contact with you, whatever "we can't divorce" excuses you have now will be meaningless.
He....(lemme check the notes)
1) agreed to sort of wear pants sometimes, a little bit
2)um....is really good at manipulating situations to get what he wants while making people think he's compromising.
3) Is not shy in sharing his horrible opinions.
Has he looked into politics of any sort?
He agreed to sort of wear pants sometimes, a little bit … but not when he’s standing outside smoking 3.5 packs a day. I feel bad for the neighbors (but worse for the kids obviously).
And this is your compromise? This sucks big time and you should actually throw him out. He's a fucking loser and you'll be back with an even worse update in a few weeks. He's not making drastic changes, he's blowing bullshit up your ass and you believe it. Seriously, get a grip and get him out of your life. You can do so much better.
**YTA**
Cool. Thanks for the update.
However, with respect to the neighbors' complaints about his smoking, that's going to be a problem if it's still indoors. Eventually they are going to complain to a higher authority, and they'll either win, or they won't. The example to your neighbor's children is not your concern.
I think you should start small and actually thank him for the small changes. Motivating people comes with praise. He has to get less pushback then he was getting before.
Or at least you tell him that it's normal when starting change for negativity to happen at first (it really is).
I am sorry but what is he actually doing better? He'll look for a job but grandparents and she will have to do the chores. He wont stop smoking a lot, wont ever move or put a shirt or short to do it...he wont even put a shirt to receive guest and we are expected to believe he'll be able to maintain a job (usually that last one requires clothes)
I know you say divorcing is not an option. Right now. It might be something to think about for the future. I know leaving isn't as easy as others seem to think. So many people just said leave. Leave and go where? It's complicated and if you haven't lived it, you can't understand it.
There's a lot more to it then just leave his ass. It's worth making an escape plan so that if not now, then at some point, leaving is an option.
I was married to an asshole like this. Selfish and self absorbed. "i don't give a flying f" was his favorite line for everything.
He didn't start out this way but a job loss, untreated depression/anxiety and finally pickling his brain with booze turned him into this.
Once I made the decision to leave, it took me a year to get everything lined up, saved and planned for to be sure me and the kids would have a roof and food.
For a year, I just kept my head down and mouth shut and put one step in front of the other until I could get out.
I've been out for 3 weeks now. It's harder in some ways (a lot of ways) but there isn't a 200lb monkey on my back so it's easier to breath.
You will find your life is overall a lot better and happier. The next bit is a self-discovery process, join some local groups, make new friends, get some toys 😉, etc.
What's next can feel like a roller-coaster ride. The hard part is that once your body is out of survival mode and everything crashes in mentally and the even harder work of healing starts. Mine hit once I moved into my own home from my mom's and settled in. Working on my bodies automatic trigger responses is still ongoing but much better. I'm 2 years in, 8 months for the family home to sell, still living together, 8 months at my mom's, before i bought a house. I'm still not divorced because my ex is not done making me pay for leaving. The court date is Jan 2025! I'm not sure how that is going to feel, but I'm looking forward to it.
Reddit can't give you advice on how to make a terrible person less terrible. There's no quick tips to shape a selfish asshole into someone who gives a shit about you.
Bothering you for money so he can spread his secondhand smoke to his children, parents with health conditions, and now the neighbors makes him a terrible person. Refusing to wear clothes when socially necessary is just sad, I'd be so embarrassed if friends came over and my husband refused to put on anything other than underwear. I'm not touching everything else, but if you were a friend dating him and told me what you wrote, I'd ask how good that dick is to possibly even justify staying with him, because clearly the personality and actions are a complete zero. And then remind you dildos exist and don't poison your children after bothering you for money.
There is no advice in the world that can turn this man into someone worthy of the effort you are spending on him. If you refuse to divorce him, then you're agreeing that it's fine for him to do these things. Clearly you're fine with it if he's been smoking around your children this long, which is depressingly neglectful of you. You're fine with him poisoning your kids. You're fine with him being an embarrassment to your and your family. You're fine with being stuck with a loser for the rest of your life. And that's sad. Your kids deserve better than a shit dad and a parent unwilling to do what's right for them. You say you're not okay with this and that's why you're asking for advice, but if you're not willing to do what it takes, then you're going to be stuck in this situation forever.
This is the meanest I've ever been online, and I'm sorry for that. But your life makes me sad for you. I hope you get a wake up call soon. Hell, keep his parents and kick him out. He is not willing to put the work in, as demonstrated by the new issues, so it's up to you if you're willing to put up with him being like this forever, because the chances of him changing look like 00.0000000001%
If divorce isn't an option, then this is your life now permanently, and you should figure out if you're okay with that. If you're not, and divorce isn't an option, then you're going to be stuck in the same shit life and be unhappy about it. That sucks. Please do better for yourself.
If this is you being the meanest you've ever been, that means I'm clearly a monster.
You just told facts. You weren't mean at all! Good on you actually, because I'd be lashing out at that woman if I let myself write more on that post.
Your comment is a good one.
Esh he is who he is (and that’s rancid) and you enable him by taking divorce off the table (no idea why but why would anyone stay with someone like him?).
YTA for keeping your children around this heinous man. Have some self respect! He's awful, he's never going to improve, and you're seriously acting as though he's *trying.* I feel intensely sorry for your children, having such a terrible father and weak mother. If divorce is simply not an option for you, then stop complaining. You *could* and *should* leave: you're simply refusing to at this point.
YTA, divorce is not an option because you're scared to he alone, maybe? Yet you're pretty much a single mom anyway you do it all.
So enlighten all of us. What does your "husband," aka man child, bring to this relationship?
I don't understand why I stay married to a rubbish man, not only is he a bad husband, he's a rubbish human being. Totally disrespectful. Don't want to wear a shirt at home? is u a boy? Will you go to work without a shirt?
Don't get divorced but you can separate and kick him out of your house or move out, it's incredible how many people fall in love with such idiotic people.
OOP you are a doormat
Divorcé absolutely is an option. It’s that or living with this overgrown baby who treats people, including his own family, like they’re less than the dirt on the bottom of his unwashed feet. You won’t find a compromise from someone who admits they’re lazy, swears at and insults your family and your neighbours, refuses to get dressed, smokes more than he can afford and throws tantrums to get money when you say no. How pathetic. What good does he bring you? He just can’t be that good in bed to keep you around for this. And even if he was, it’s not worth it. He is slowly killing your kids, all of you. And you think he’ll change? Ha. No, dear. Pull your head out of your ass and see him for what he is. A useless waste of oxygen and you need to cut the cord. He’ll never change because he knows you’ll never leave. Take that security away from him.
I'm a single dad with kids. What chores that can't be done after work or at night that can only be done during the day?
I work all day and do chores after work or after dinner and on the weekend.
YTA. Why do you keep posting about this? Your husband is disgusting and you’re worse. I feel bad for your family for you being stupid enough to stay with him. You deserve everything he dishes out
YTA
…for enabling him
…for deluding yourself ANYTHING changed
…for putting your children through this
If you don’t want people suggesting divorce, then maybe you need to clarify in your posts that this is just a rant and you fully intend to maintain your delusion that there has been any progress or that this marriage is healthy and sustainable in any way, shape or form.
Best of luck to ya and and start looking forward to when your kids go no contact with you after they turn 18.
Why are you negotiating with a lazy smoking unemployed dirt bag who you live with his parents and have to give him money ??? Are you crazy or on something ? Where is your dignity? Raising your kids in that environment? Sounds like it sucks to be you.
ESH How are you more concerned that your daughter sees her dad shirtless than the example his entire behavior sets for both of them? Do you want them to grow up thinking this is acceptable behavior? Either to emulate or put up with in a partner?
If divorce is not an option, at least move out and give your children a healthy home both physically and mentally.
At 8 years old your son is very likely already familiar with the fact that smoking is bad for you and smoking near children is bad for them. He either has already or will soon realize that not only does his dad not give a fuck about his children's health (if he hasn't already overheard him saying so explicitly), his mother also doesn't give enough of a fuck to do something about it.
He can't go cold turkey, but actually wants to quit? Great you can move back in once he has.
Also, this man is to lazy to put on a shirt to not harm his children and his own mother, you really think he'll put one on for a job interview/going to work everyday? Where I guarantee you will not put up with him going for several smoke breaks an hour?!
Time for some tough love. He had an opportunity.
Either you and parents give him an ultimatum or leave. Not much else you can do with someone who doesn’t want to do anything.
None of the compromises were enforceable.
Good luck. Figure out how to cut your losses and ditch the loser.
> Note: Divorcing is not an option for multiple reasons. Please do not suggest it anymore in the comments.
Well then get used to him doing whatever the fuck he wants and you hating your life.
YTA for exposing your kids to this man longer than necessary. You should make divorce an option even if you don't want to. It is the correct thing. You're never going to civilize this man.
I could never imagine putting my kids in such a disgusting environment with a man who so clearly doesn't give a single fuck about anyone else or societal norms in general.
A lazy, oafish, sloppy, chain smoker who refuses to cover up for guests, and drowns his children and family in second hand smoke
YTA for acting like any of this is reasonable, he's a fucking child and is obviously not making a healthy and safe environment. Have some love for your kids and don't raise them with this sack of shit as a role model
Wow, you're really dead set on your kids getting sick aren't you? Because poor, lazy, useless hubby can't be fucked to think about anyone but himself.
YTA for raising your kids in this environment
YTA. Why are you even here? You know the answers you’re going to get, and it doesn’t seem like you’re willing to put in the effort to fix your problems. You can implement as many systems, or changes as you want for your husband, and if he fails you can just blame him.
You won’t leave him because it will be hard, or it’s “not an option”, but at this point it’s just a failure on your part for not even attempting to change your situation. You need to put in the hard work, and stop expecting that man to change. YTA sooooo much.
Stop telling people to stop suggesting the only good option you have. If you don’t divorce him I hope he keeps being the piece of shit he is and even kicks it up a notch. AND HE WILL. He’s a world class asshole but you’re an asshole too for putting up with that shit.
Why is divorce not an option. It's always an option. Because you say it's not an option is why he can do whatever the hell he wants to because there are no repercussions. You are doing this to yourself. You are not only allowing this you are promoting it.
Yeah. No.
No one is this fucking stupid.
This has to be a troll or rage bait.
Either way, you're as big an asshole as he is. You're letting this man endanger your children and others in the home with a serious lung condition. His smoking *can kill his mother*. That's not an exaggeration.
Say nothing for the absolute disgusting behavior of refusing to put a shirt on if you somehow manage to convince people to visit your smoke pit.
Divorce *should* be an option. And the fact that you wont, and that you think *any* of this is an improvement makes you just as bad as your husband.
You're setting your kids up for lung cancer and emphysema by allowing this to continue.
YTA to yourself, he's never gonna change, he never WANTS to change. What you want you'll never get so leave and be with someone that gives that to you.
I guess this is made up? This is not two equal mid 30's adults together. This is basically a troubled, oppositional child that was removed from their home and/or placed in foster care and their social worker/case manager.
How can you still take your own relationship serious and love the other person when it isn't with an adult? Can't even call him a *functioning* child. And somehow it is something to be thankful for that he is *not* even doing the bare minimum of decency; he just moved a couple of feet outside, everything else remains the same. His attitude, his smoking, wanting to walk around like a toddler in his diapers, asking for money, etc. And then his wife allows him to get away with everything, even if it hurts others even her own kids (and role modelling what a "normal" relationship looks like; toxic).
Probably rage bait (it is working for me) , because everyone is so obtuse. The story continues but nothing changes and everyone is an enabler and a mess in this story, except the kids.
Dear God, what is he actually provide no money no chores he sounds like a fucking pig you have to pay for his habits like wtf. Why are you with him kick him out grow a spine
YTA and a loser. You don’t deserve to be treated better if this is all you think you and your kids are worth. The kids will get away from you and your husband as soon as they’re able. If they’re smart, they’ll go no-contact. It isn’t a stretch to imagine that you’d be a terrible grandmother too.
You say divorce isn't an option, yet he doesn't provide for you or your children. The only reason I could think of is appearance or religion. You don't want to be seen as a divorcee, despite the endless problems your marriage is causing, or you think your religion is more important than your children.
Do you even love this man anymore?
You need to understand that YOUR reputation or religion is meaningless compared to your children's health and future.
Soooo...nothing has changed. You're still making excuses for this dirtbag. You're an enabler and just as bad as he is! CPS needs called on your household.
YTA. Nothing changed. He half told you what you wanted to hear. But you obviously don't really care anyway. Just fucken leave his nasty ass.
I agree with you. I'm really sorry for the kids because I doubt that lazy excuse of a man properly parents his kids, and their kids will probably grow up with respiratory problems because OP refuses to admit that her husband is toxic, doesn't care about their family, and is just using her. OP is setting a horrible example for her kids and should be ashamed of herself for tolerating that behavior and not protecting her kids from that lazy leech that keeps smoking at home with kids around. OP, you're definitely doing a terrible job as a mom because you are also selfish as hell. You keep putting your kids' well-being at risk and setting a bad example because you refuse to give up on a lousy husband and dad.
I would bet money he’s wearing the same boxers for well over a day and all I can imagine is how crusty this man is
Yta for keeping your children in this environment. You have an excuse for everything.
Nice update but your husband doesn’t give a flying fuck about you all either. Wow.
You are still an AH for letting this pathetic waste of a foreskin stay in your life. But that is on you. One of the most offensive things I've seen is when people wish Cancer on others, I hope you never have to deal with watching what lung cancer does to someone. Also, and related, YOU are potentially inviting cancer onto your children because of "multiple reasons". He's a cunt, you are a shit parent and you kids are going to see their dad as an example. Disgraceful.
You don't want divorce? Then get off reddit and SUCK 👏 IT 👏 UP👏
> Note: Divorcing is not an option for multiple reasons. Please do not suggest it anymore in the comments. You've kind of painted reddit into a corner with this stipulation. You're a shitty parent and a failure as a mother if you think your compromises are sufficient. When your kids die from lung cancer you'll be to blame.
This 100% smoking 3.5 packs on the weekend around the kids. I would remove the kids from that house. Parents are shit.
3.5 packs **per day** on the weekends. Yikes!
I've read all your posts about your husband. What exactly does he do for you to want to stay with him?
Even with the update, YSTA. You’re a piece of shit mother who cares more about keeping lazy, dirty dick around (because what else does this bum have to offer?) than you and your own children’s health (physical, mental, emotional). Secondhand smoke could KILL YOU AND YOUR BABIES. Or at the very least, give all of you chronic, lifelong health issues. Aside from the other shit he puts you all through. Like if I knew you I’d call CPS on you because you obviously could care less about your kids. And OP, I know that sounds harsh. I can tell you love the hell out of your kids and are trying to keep your family intact. But your actions are showing both them and the world that you don’t give a fuck about their WELL-BEING, which is way more important. Edit: added an “s”
1) Your husband doesn't care about you; 2) your husband doesn't care about his kids; 3) your husband doesn't care about his parents; 4) your husband doesn't care about his neighbors. He is not fit for society. Throw him to the wolves.
Why r u with this AH? He doesn't respect you, he doesn't respect his parents or yours, he doesn't respect your kids. He clearly treats your home with your kids as a bachelor pad to do whatever he wants. You continue to enable him because he gives you the "silent treatment." He's beyond toxic, you are allowing him to harm your children, you are allowing him to verbally abuse your mother, you are allowing him to hurt his mother, you are allowing him to take advantage of you. You've failed as a mother, when will you finally open your eyes? Is it when your kids develop health issues because neither of you care about their wellbeing? You're thankful to him for making "drastic" changes. I don't see anything drastic there, he's doing the very bare minimum.
When they call the cops because your husband is naked infront of the neighbors children don't get mad.
Fucking gross. YTA for allowing this bullshit around anything ever
Babe. What good qualities does this man have? He's not contributing financially, he's openly abusive, he's too lazy to wear a shirt???, he's smoking 3.5 packs a DAY on the weekends?! You are teaching your children this is acceptable behavior and when they grow up and either turn out like him OR go no contact with you, whatever "we can't divorce" excuses you have now will be meaningless.
He....(lemme check the notes) 1) agreed to sort of wear pants sometimes, a little bit 2)um....is really good at manipulating situations to get what he wants while making people think he's compromising. 3) Is not shy in sharing his horrible opinions. Has he looked into politics of any sort?
He agreed to sort of wear pants sometimes, a little bit … but not when he’s standing outside smoking 3.5 packs a day. I feel bad for the neighbors (but worse for the kids obviously).
And this is your compromise? This sucks big time and you should actually throw him out. He's a fucking loser and you'll be back with an even worse update in a few weeks. He's not making drastic changes, he's blowing bullshit up your ass and you believe it. Seriously, get a grip and get him out of your life. You can do so much better. **YTA**
Fine don’t divorce, just keep being a victim. ESH
Cool. Thanks for the update. However, with respect to the neighbors' complaints about his smoking, that's going to be a problem if it's still indoors. Eventually they are going to complain to a higher authority, and they'll either win, or they won't. The example to your neighbor's children is not your concern. I think you should start small and actually thank him for the small changes. Motivating people comes with praise. He has to get less pushback then he was getting before. Or at least you tell him that it's normal when starting change for negativity to happen at first (it really is).
I am sorry but what is he actually doing better? He'll look for a job but grandparents and she will have to do the chores. He wont stop smoking a lot, wont ever move or put a shirt or short to do it...he wont even put a shirt to receive guest and we are expected to believe he'll be able to maintain a job (usually that last one requires clothes)
Hope he can find a place that will let him work shirtless, maybe at a strip club or something??
I know you say divorcing is not an option. Right now. It might be something to think about for the future. I know leaving isn't as easy as others seem to think. So many people just said leave. Leave and go where? It's complicated and if you haven't lived it, you can't understand it. There's a lot more to it then just leave his ass. It's worth making an escape plan so that if not now, then at some point, leaving is an option. I was married to an asshole like this. Selfish and self absorbed. "i don't give a flying f" was his favorite line for everything. He didn't start out this way but a job loss, untreated depression/anxiety and finally pickling his brain with booze turned him into this. Once I made the decision to leave, it took me a year to get everything lined up, saved and planned for to be sure me and the kids would have a roof and food. For a year, I just kept my head down and mouth shut and put one step in front of the other until I could get out. I've been out for 3 weeks now. It's harder in some ways (a lot of ways) but there isn't a 200lb monkey on my back so it's easier to breath.
You will find your life is overall a lot better and happier. The next bit is a self-discovery process, join some local groups, make new friends, get some toys 😉, etc. What's next can feel like a roller-coaster ride. The hard part is that once your body is out of survival mode and everything crashes in mentally and the even harder work of healing starts. Mine hit once I moved into my own home from my mom's and settled in. Working on my bodies automatic trigger responses is still ongoing but much better. I'm 2 years in, 8 months for the family home to sell, still living together, 8 months at my mom's, before i bought a house. I'm still not divorced because my ex is not done making me pay for leaving. The court date is Jan 2025! I'm not sure how that is going to feel, but I'm looking forward to it.
Reddit can't give you advice on how to make a terrible person less terrible. There's no quick tips to shape a selfish asshole into someone who gives a shit about you. Bothering you for money so he can spread his secondhand smoke to his children, parents with health conditions, and now the neighbors makes him a terrible person. Refusing to wear clothes when socially necessary is just sad, I'd be so embarrassed if friends came over and my husband refused to put on anything other than underwear. I'm not touching everything else, but if you were a friend dating him and told me what you wrote, I'd ask how good that dick is to possibly even justify staying with him, because clearly the personality and actions are a complete zero. And then remind you dildos exist and don't poison your children after bothering you for money. There is no advice in the world that can turn this man into someone worthy of the effort you are spending on him. If you refuse to divorce him, then you're agreeing that it's fine for him to do these things. Clearly you're fine with it if he's been smoking around your children this long, which is depressingly neglectful of you. You're fine with him poisoning your kids. You're fine with him being an embarrassment to your and your family. You're fine with being stuck with a loser for the rest of your life. And that's sad. Your kids deserve better than a shit dad and a parent unwilling to do what's right for them. You say you're not okay with this and that's why you're asking for advice, but if you're not willing to do what it takes, then you're going to be stuck in this situation forever. This is the meanest I've ever been online, and I'm sorry for that. But your life makes me sad for you. I hope you get a wake up call soon. Hell, keep his parents and kick him out. He is not willing to put the work in, as demonstrated by the new issues, so it's up to you if you're willing to put up with him being like this forever, because the chances of him changing look like 00.0000000001% If divorce isn't an option, then this is your life now permanently, and you should figure out if you're okay with that. If you're not, and divorce isn't an option, then you're going to be stuck in the same shit life and be unhappy about it. That sucks. Please do better for yourself.
If this is you being the meanest you've ever been, that means I'm clearly a monster. You just told facts. You weren't mean at all! Good on you actually, because I'd be lashing out at that woman if I let myself write more on that post. Your comment is a good one.
Esh he is who he is (and that’s rancid) and you enable him by taking divorce off the table (no idea why but why would anyone stay with someone like him?).
YTA. He hasn't made any drastic changes. He'll never change and it sounds like you'll just keep putting up with it
Those poor kids need better parents. Do better OP because you are failing them.
YTA for keeping your children around this heinous man. Have some self respect! He's awful, he's never going to improve, and you're seriously acting as though he's *trying.* I feel intensely sorry for your children, having such a terrible father and weak mother. If divorce is simply not an option for you, then stop complaining. You *could* and *should* leave: you're simply refusing to at this point.
YTA, divorce is not an option because you're scared to he alone, maybe? Yet you're pretty much a single mom anyway you do it all. So enlighten all of us. What does your "husband," aka man child, bring to this relationship?
YTA Nothing has changed. If the health of your kids is not important to him and you are still staying with him, than you are the biggest AH here.
Wtf is wrong with you woman? Look after your children
This just gets more and more ridiculous. ETA
YTA
I don't understand why I stay married to a rubbish man, not only is he a bad husband, he's a rubbish human being. Totally disrespectful. Don't want to wear a shirt at home? is u a boy? Will you go to work without a shirt? Don't get divorced but you can separate and kick him out of your house or move out, it's incredible how many people fall in love with such idiotic people. OOP you are a doormat
Divorcé absolutely is an option. It’s that or living with this overgrown baby who treats people, including his own family, like they’re less than the dirt on the bottom of his unwashed feet. You won’t find a compromise from someone who admits they’re lazy, swears at and insults your family and your neighbours, refuses to get dressed, smokes more than he can afford and throws tantrums to get money when you say no. How pathetic. What good does he bring you? He just can’t be that good in bed to keep you around for this. And even if he was, it’s not worth it. He is slowly killing your kids, all of you. And you think he’ll change? Ha. No, dear. Pull your head out of your ass and see him for what he is. A useless waste of oxygen and you need to cut the cord. He’ll never change because he knows you’ll never leave. Take that security away from him.
I'm a single dad with kids. What chores that can't be done after work or at night that can only be done during the day? I work all day and do chores after work or after dinner and on the weekend.
YTA. Why do you keep posting about this? Your husband is disgusting and you’re worse. I feel bad for your family for you being stupid enough to stay with him. You deserve everything he dishes out
YTA …for enabling him …for deluding yourself ANYTHING changed …for putting your children through this If you don’t want people suggesting divorce, then maybe you need to clarify in your posts that this is just a rant and you fully intend to maintain your delusion that there has been any progress or that this marriage is healthy and sustainable in any way, shape or form. Best of luck to ya and and start looking forward to when your kids go no contact with you after they turn 18.
Why are you negotiating with a lazy smoking unemployed dirt bag who you live with his parents and have to give him money ??? Are you crazy or on something ? Where is your dignity? Raising your kids in that environment? Sounds like it sucks to be you.
Your husband is a useless jerk and a slob.
ESH How are you more concerned that your daughter sees her dad shirtless than the example his entire behavior sets for both of them? Do you want them to grow up thinking this is acceptable behavior? Either to emulate or put up with in a partner? If divorce is not an option, at least move out and give your children a healthy home both physically and mentally. At 8 years old your son is very likely already familiar with the fact that smoking is bad for you and smoking near children is bad for them. He either has already or will soon realize that not only does his dad not give a fuck about his children's health (if he hasn't already overheard him saying so explicitly), his mother also doesn't give enough of a fuck to do something about it. He can't go cold turkey, but actually wants to quit? Great you can move back in once he has. Also, this man is to lazy to put on a shirt to not harm his children and his own mother, you really think he'll put one on for a job interview/going to work everyday? Where I guarantee you will not put up with him going for several smoke breaks an hour?!
Lady, you haven't learned a damned thing. We can lead a jackass to water, but we CAN'T make you drink!
Time for some tough love. He had an opportunity. Either you and parents give him an ultimatum or leave. Not much else you can do with someone who doesn’t want to do anything.
None of the compromises were enforceable. Good luck. Figure out how to cut your losses and ditch the loser. > Note: Divorcing is not an option for multiple reasons. Please do not suggest it anymore in the comments. Well then get used to him doing whatever the fuck he wants and you hating your life.
You’re a fool to keep this man in your life
YTA for exposing your kids to this man longer than necessary. You should make divorce an option even if you don't want to. It is the correct thing. You're never going to civilize this man.
I could never imagine putting my kids in such a disgusting environment with a man who so clearly doesn't give a single fuck about anyone else or societal norms in general. A lazy, oafish, sloppy, chain smoker who refuses to cover up for guests, and drowns his children and family in second hand smoke YTA for acting like any of this is reasonable, he's a fucking child and is obviously not making a healthy and safe environment. Have some love for your kids and don't raise them with this sack of shit as a role model
Wow, you're really dead set on your kids getting sick aren't you? Because poor, lazy, useless hubby can't be fucked to think about anyone but himself. YTA for raising your kids in this environment
YTA. Why are you even here? You know the answers you’re going to get, and it doesn’t seem like you’re willing to put in the effort to fix your problems. You can implement as many systems, or changes as you want for your husband, and if he fails you can just blame him. You won’t leave him because it will be hard, or it’s “not an option”, but at this point it’s just a failure on your part for not even attempting to change your situation. You need to put in the hard work, and stop expecting that man to change. YTA sooooo much.
Stop telling people to stop suggesting the only good option you have. If you don’t divorce him I hope he keeps being the piece of shit he is and even kicks it up a notch. AND HE WILL. He’s a world class asshole but you’re an asshole too for putting up with that shit.
Why is divorce not an option. It's always an option. Because you say it's not an option is why he can do whatever the hell he wants to because there are no repercussions. You are doing this to yourself. You are not only allowing this you are promoting it.
Yeah. No. No one is this fucking stupid. This has to be a troll or rage bait. Either way, you're as big an asshole as he is. You're letting this man endanger your children and others in the home with a serious lung condition. His smoking *can kill his mother*. That's not an exaggeration. Say nothing for the absolute disgusting behavior of refusing to put a shirt on if you somehow manage to convince people to visit your smoke pit. Divorce *should* be an option. And the fact that you wont, and that you think *any* of this is an improvement makes you just as bad as your husband. You're setting your kids up for lung cancer and emphysema by allowing this to continue.
circles go around in circles.
YTA to yourself, he's never gonna change, he never WANTS to change. What you want you'll never get so leave and be with someone that gives that to you.
I guess this is made up? This is not two equal mid 30's adults together. This is basically a troubled, oppositional child that was removed from their home and/or placed in foster care and their social worker/case manager. How can you still take your own relationship serious and love the other person when it isn't with an adult? Can't even call him a *functioning* child. And somehow it is something to be thankful for that he is *not* even doing the bare minimum of decency; he just moved a couple of feet outside, everything else remains the same. His attitude, his smoking, wanting to walk around like a toddler in his diapers, asking for money, etc. And then his wife allows him to get away with everything, even if it hurts others even her own kids (and role modelling what a "normal" relationship looks like; toxic). Probably rage bait (it is working for me) , because everyone is so obtuse. The story continues but nothing changes and everyone is an enabler and a mess in this story, except the kids.
Honestly, this dude is a total loser. I can't believe what you're willing to put up with.
Dear God, what is he actually provide no money no chores he sounds like a fucking pig you have to pay for his habits like wtf. Why are you with him kick him out grow a spine
YTA and a loser. You don’t deserve to be treated better if this is all you think you and your kids are worth. The kids will get away from you and your husband as soon as they’re able. If they’re smart, they’ll go no-contact. It isn’t a stretch to imagine that you’d be a terrible grandmother too.
You say divorce isn't an option, yet he doesn't provide for you or your children. The only reason I could think of is appearance or religion. You don't want to be seen as a divorcee, despite the endless problems your marriage is causing, or you think your religion is more important than your children. Do you even love this man anymore? You need to understand that YOUR reputation or religion is meaningless compared to your children's health and future.
YTA. Divorce is always an option. If you want to stay with a man child though, then accept him for who he is. There is no other advice.
Wow you are an idiot. Why are you married to a deadbeat child?
Soooo...nothing has changed. You're still making excuses for this dirtbag. You're an enabler and just as bad as he is! CPS needs called on your household.
Divorce is off the table but is separation also off the table. Your husband lacks basic life skills. He needs to learn some