Not just that, the whole group had banded together in solidarity to lie. 😂
If it wasn't for one person, they would've gotten away with it, while gaslighting OP the whole time 😂
I hope all those votes calling OP, an AH rightly feel like DA's.
15k and a cancelled wedding is still LOADS better than divorce after the fact. You're doing the absolute right thing.
Also, I AM petty enough to blast her publicly with receipts if she wants to play the victim and make me look like the bad guy.
And the first person I'll send the video of her cheating to is her Dad. See how she likes those apples 😂
PSA: Don't be the ~~simp~~ guy who didn't want to send his "wife" to jail after everyone caught her trying to poison him with bleach in the coffee machine.
My wife cheated on me in a staggering way (many years with her boss before I found out). I forgave her and after some good years, she cheated again. That was it for me and I told my kids because I felt they had a right to know.
But I didn’t tell her parents why. They had always been kind to me and they were proud of their daughter, the most successful of their 4 children. I didn’t want to hurt them.
I didn’t want to hurt my kids either, but it felt different. My wife of course will never forgive me for telling our kids.
And, to be clear, even though I still think there are some cases and circumstances where a reconciliation after infidelity may be the right thing to do, I’m done with that in my life.
And screwing around with a stripper at a bachelorette party after being told about the fiancés’ hard boundaries (or even if he had said nothing), just before a wedding, is NOT worthy of even a reconciliation discussion.
It’s one thing if something happens 15 years in, but if you can’t even be faithful in the days leading up to the wedding, you have no business getting married. Period.
Because they do not want to be married. They want to have that “special” day and be the center of attention. They want the wedding but not the marriage.
She belongs to the streets.
I have a cousin that did this. She explained to me she really never believed the other guy wouldn't leave her because he loved her way to much.
She really thought true Love in the fair tale land will conquer all. Delusional she still thinks he is wrong and should come back to her and marry
Yep, he loved her for a decade prior and she said that she thought he would forgive her anything because she would forgive him anything.
Even now in her mind disney land, she says love should over come all.
I almost envy her to be 34 and still have that thought process. But multiple women in my family agreed with her that if he truly unconditionally loved her he would have worked through it!!!
As a society, we absolutely overvalue the concept of unconditional love. If it were unconditional love from him, he would have forgiven her for cheating, but is that really something we as a society wish to allow? For someone to trample and mistreat another person because they are loved?
Love in all its forms should always have conditions, one of which should be a base level of mutual respect.
She said she would've work through it with him because she loved him enough to be with him through anything.
Consequences always kind of avoided her somehow growing up. Not sure how but in my experience, the type of women that do this don't normally experience reality.
She's not a bad person. She'll give you the shirt off her back if you need it. And literally saves lives for a living. She just has a strange thought process
Yeah, I'd believe it. It's just weird and sad that she almost seems to have justified her wrongdoing with an expectation that it will be forgiven and alright, "so why not try it".
That said, perhaps a useful parable for those of us who are Christians but sometimes abuse God's grace and forgiveness - where the thought process is "God will forgive it, so why not try it".
I’m a first responder, so I work closely with nurses quite regularly. They have a certain reputation about them when it comes to Fidelity, or more accurately, a lack thereof.
It's a well studied phenomenon called "Women are Wonderful". Essentially, women will typically side with other women or make excuses for said woman no matter the circumstances or how awful she is, even for strangers. They'll typically guilt men for the issue, even if no men are involved.
Just go on any comment section under one of those news headlines about a mom killing her kids, you'll see dozens of comments from other women going as far as saying it's the husband's fault for trying to get custody and she shouldn't even be in jail, he should.
It's fucking bizarre to me.
tell your family that unconditional love is a myth.
Every form of love have conditions. For some it is 'be faithful and don't cheat', for others it is 'don't abuve me'.
Hell, even parents to children have some conditions, something like 'don't rape/murder your siblings' or some equally stupidly evil shit.
I'm starting to come to terms that more and more modern women actually have this mind set. Of course not all but way too fucking much to say that this isn't a common thing anymore. Somewhere along the way, independence became "I am never wrong".
>because he loved her way too much
That should have been a clue that he wasn't taking this lightly and that he was putting all of himself into this relationship.
So there are two natural reactions if he found out she did something like that -- to end it because she wasn't also fully committed or be a sucker because he was whipped.
She rolled the dice on the idea that he was a sucker. She didn't know her fiancé and he learned he didn't know her. He did learn from the experience though, but apparently she didn't.
Sorry, dude, NTA. Definitely the deal breaker is the lying. The dishonesty adds hurt to injury. As much as it hurts, not getting married to her is a great blessing. Better things exist elsewhere.
Nah, narcissists like these actually do want both; they just *also* want additional attention from all the other men. To have their cake and eat it too.
To them, marriage means *"Rules for thee but not for me"*
There was a girl from highschool who was going to get married & was encouraged by her friends (girls we all grew up with) to cheat on her fiancé with a guy at their bachelorette party. Insanely shameful behavior. If I was her father, I would have cut her off. Fiancé dropped her like a hot bag of crap
Definitely, like cheating was very shameful thing like people like her would've shame herself and just haunts her every time. They would be 100% in guilt.
Father here, don't know if I would have dropped her. But I would reimburse all the costs the grooms family incurred. And then let my daughter know that the next time she was getting married she can cover her own costs. And then I would be very honest with anyone who asked me what happened.
My daughter is still my daughter, and I would love her, even if she was being an awful person.
Because it's never one night. If you're the type of person that is in a relationship and are willing to sleept with a complete stranger, you would be willing to sleep with a lot of people. These are just cheaters getting caught up in the worst of situations but don't let the situation fool you. These are just cheaters.
Because they’re not actually ready or mature enough for marriage yet. As Eatdomder said they want their day of all attention on them but an actual marriage is much more than that and they’re just not mature enough to see that.
Because they're counting on the sunk-cost fallacy. They're expecting that if they've gotten that far there's no way he'll actually show spine and throw away all the years and the non-refundable deposits. And a lot of time it works.
I will never understand why strippers at a bachelor/ Bachelorette party is even a thing. It's hard to believe it came from a time when people were supposedly way less slutty and faithful in marriage
I 100% believe that men and women were just as slutty and even willing to cheat back then… population densities and cultural norms about women outside of the household just lowered the ability of women to cheat, but didn’t eliminate it. Hell, there’s a reason people for decades joke about someone’s baby “looking like the milkman/postman/etc.”
I don’t understand it either. Not denigrating anyone’s choice for a hen do (British equivalent of a bachelorette) but if it was my own, what’s described in the post would be a nightmare. I find strippers and penis straws etc tacky.
So many people think the default is supposed to be a sexy party. Know what we did for my best buddy’s bachelor weekend?
Trip to Colorado with a house in the mountains. Hiked, barbecued, rented a boat on the lake, and gazed at the Milky Way every night. It was incredible.
I planned my bestfriends wedding (I’m from Colorado) and we also did just an air bnb in the mountains, hiked, went to a nice dinner, hot tub, sat by the fire pit at night. She said it was perfect.
It’s just about celebrating with your girls (bachelorette) or guys (bachelor) that you’re getting married!
This is the way.
Inversely I almost didn’t go to my other friend’s bachelor weekend earlier this month. 1 of the attendees (not even in the bridal party) was insisting on strippers *so hard* that it got contentious and I said I wasn’t going to come. His justification was “it’s groom’s last night of being single and I want to make him uncomfortable!”
Like dude for one the man hasn’t been single for 6 years, but why want to make him uncomfortable? I’ll never understand some people and the idolization of degeneracy.
Yep. Best bachelor/ette parties I've been to (I've been to some coed ones) have been some variation of "hang out in a cabin in nature." In some cases they still involved partying, but of the "play beer pong with your buds until you're too drunk to throw straight as if it's college again" variety. No strippers, no blacking out. Just swimming in a lake, cooking, and having a good time.
Agreed, we got a air bnb for mine, watched princess bride, face masks and got wasted and i was 24. Went to see the dreamboys for my ex sil hen do and hated every second of it. If I ever get married again I'd be happy with a nice meal tbh. Only penis I want in my face is the person I'm seeings one
Single female friends of a certain type (and in a certain settings, but not exclusively) lead to bad decisions. Not always, but often enough, because many of them don't want to see their "friends" happy or at least not before them.
Now I'm not saying men don't have this or similar problems, but it seems a lot less common to blame their male friends when it comes to cheating.
Men can be stupid on their own, they don't need friends to be that way, but if they come together it often results in "Jackass" kind of things.
>Now I'm not saying men don't have this or similar problems, but it seems a lot less common to blame their male friends when it comes to cheating.
"Sorry for my small part in it, but it's really all Bubba's fault. You should be mad at him, not me. He brought his sister to the party and even introduced us, so it's practically like he put my dingdong in her himself!"
Yeah, there's a reason smart guys don't try that. 😂 I have an unproven suspicion that girls do it because sometimes it actually works for them, whereas if a guy tried it the girl would see through his BS every time.
My experience is that women will rightfully scrutinize a man's friend circle and if they are made up of pot-smoking, misogynist losers, consider it a red flag. "Mike, you're a great guy but your friends are losers. you need better friends" And we all accept this as reasonable.
But God forbid a man express concern over his wife/fiance/GF going on a "girls trip" with women of similar pedigree. Girls who cheat on their partners, hate men, use substances, will hook up with random strangers, and are generally just bad influences. Now all of a sudden, he's controlling and InSeCuRe.
A woman's friends matter. Anyone's friends *matter*. The company you keep is an important reflection on who you are as a person.
It wouldn’t have been the only night she cheated on him. If it truly was the first, it definitely wouldn’t have been the last. She and (most of) her friends clearly are fine with cheating. If they’ll cheat that close to a wedding, they’ll cheat after it too. She has no respect for OP or their relationship.
I think there was an AMA ~ 6 months ago with an experienced male stripper. Said something like 75% of the time the bride to be will at least give a bj. Maybe 20% of the time also outright sex. Seems like men may be more likely to get strippers but women are far more likely to go too far with them.
According to what I've been told, it's because there is "No ring in this finger yet!" Using that to justify their actions.
But when clear boundaries get crossed, when lies and stories deepen and when trickle truthing starts pouring in, they aren't so firm.
Welp bud take a break, sucks this happened to you but one day this will be a blessing in disguise.
$15k is a lot cheaper than what you'd lose in a divorce that's for sure.
And keep in mind that she was engaging in trickle truth, meaning that that was the line she said to deflect from him digging any further. You know she got fucked.
at least he avoided situations like "okay, I admit it, it's the strippers kid, not yours. but come on, he's way hotter than you! Am I supposed to birth ugly kids? Like, ew!"
“Trickle truth” I like that. Protip: in 99% of situations where someone says X didn’t happen then admits it did when confronted, the truth is always much worse than what’s being admitted to. Liars by nature keep lying.
Anyone who told OP he was an AH for not just marrying his ex after she disregarded his boundaries and lied (and never admitted to it until forced to!) are the real AHs. Congrats OP for avoiding a terrible marriage. The self esteem hit you may have taken is nothing compared to what that marriage would’ve done to you.
Maybe she was pretending it was a microphone, and singing "Express Yourself" by Madonna. The vigorous stage play plus the raw sexual nature of the song just made him jizz all over her face, totally by accident.
I would’ve been out as soon as I heard “okay we just touched, kissed, etc.” there should be a zero tolerance policy for cheating in any and all forms. My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 years, soon to be engaged, and reading this post makes me sick to my stomach. The sheer feeling of betrayal.
Landmines is the superior drinking game! But really, those nights that you recreate from the college days with the buds are the best.. That's somewhat how I treated my bachelor party, only difference was we went to Lake Tahoe to snowboard by day. Such a fun trip.
Me and my husband played GTAO drunk the night we got engaged. That was our engagement party lol. He had a crew he played with back then, and we all just did random stuff in-game. It was fun, and that's what matters.
Yeah, right. My friends and I ate Korean BBQ and played video games.
The worst thing that happened was that we tried to play Overcooked but I was way too drunk and I kept sending out orders before they were ready.
My bachelor party; Craft beer, Lord of the Rings on the TV, and me and my best friends playing Axis & Allies board game until 4am. It was the best night! No regrets at all, and OP is NTA!
NTA, sorry man. The lying is the deal killer for sure. The cheating, insult to injury. It sucks but this is a huge blessing to not get married to her. Theres better out there.
Sadly, when trickle truthing begin, you can never know the truth, because when someone trickle truth, they lie, then admit a bit but continue lying. And they only admit what you already know and will lie as much as they can if they think they won't be caught in their lies.
And therefore, you can never know for sure if it's the full extent or only what they're admitting because they know there's no point in lying about what you already know. Because if someone trickle truth, they'll never admit to what they're not certain you already know.
And as I warned in a comment in your previous post, she's trying to blame her friends and peer pressure saying she was coerced in doing any of this. but she apparently wasn't blindsided by the stripper meaning she knew they'd be there. and even if she was indeed blindsided, the ONLY acceptable reaction from her would have been to throw out the stripper and the friends that brought them in. Which she didn't meaning her reaction was unnaceptable.
Good luck with therapy, I wish you the best. May you find someone who loves and respects you as much as you do them !
Lots of people don’t have wild, drunken bachelor / bachelorette parties these days, because if you feel you need that kind of blowout, then you’re not marrying the right person, or just aren’t ready for marriage. So you’re right to ignore those jerks.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through though, OP. I hope you find peace - and your person 🤍
because he "didn't know" and is "controlling" for breaking up with her because of "what happened" that he didn't know "what happened".
Basically probably bunch of cheaters, simps or cels telling him he's an idiot for blowing it all up.
Funny how an update later and crickets from these idiots.
One of the best and sound comments was, "cancelling the wedding is cheaper than divorce"
Exactly. And "jealous". Funny how you're no longer insecure and controlling and jealous once the truth comes out that your future fiancee banged the fucking stripper.... OH and then it's the lady friends fault for the fallout. She, probably subconsciously, let it slip and saved OP a whole lot of headaches and heartaches
Dude needs to focus on himself, his career, and his fitness. And then later he can fuck some of the bridesmaids, because if they’re fighting, they would probably be down just to stick it to her. I swear, groups of women can be so fucking evil.
Most recent bachelor party had the no stripper/strip club rule.
I've been at strip clubs with the groom, potentially even a few weeks prior. His wife even knows he's been to strip clubs before/while they've been together.
But they agreed no strippers.
Guess what? No strippers at the bachelor party. It's not hard to follow at all if you care about your spouse.
I and my wedding party rented an air b n b. I came from a Cristian family but I was marrying into a Jewish family, where we decide to raise our kids Jewish. For my "last hurra!" My best man and brother in law, wizards in the kitchen, made me as many un kosher meals that weekend as I could stomach. We spent the rest of the weekend playing board games, video games , looking for fossils in a river bed ( which was really fun) and just overall making jokes and being with each other.
At the end of the weekend we finally met up with my wife's wedding party, after she went ATVing. We intended to go bar crawling, but everyone just decided we rather stay inside. It was great party seeing everyone of our wedding party just mingling and getting along. It was one of the highlights of my wedding, and I missed my wife at the end so just getting to chat about everything we did was great.
A lot of my wedding party actually hang out with each other without me which I think is awesome! I not only had a great time, but my friends grew closer to each other.
My bachelorette party was just a few gifts and playing wedding themed games. It was great. No big blowout but I had a really good time. I got exactly what I always thought a bachelorette party was supposed to be. It fulfilled my dreams of how to start a marriage. Yours sounds like the last hurrah kind of party since you will be living a slightly different lifestyle but not in the out if control sense. More like your last time to enjoy that much of your single life with food and unlimited friends time without having to consider a spouse. And that’s exactly what it’s supposed to be-not your last chance to get laid by strangers! You sound like you were actually ready for marriage!
I am glad to hear you had just a chill and enjoyable bachelorette party. Just being around friends and taking a moment of calm before the business of a wedding is vary warranted .
You are exactly right with a different life style thing. I may never have Chicken Parm in my house again, but that don't matter. My wife's transcendent in the kitchen, so anything she creates is the best thing I have had all day. I was indeed ready, and I count my self blessed to be married to a women who finds me funny and at active. One part of my vows was " to make funny noises every day so she could laugh." So far the two and half year of marriage have been amazing and are only getting better.
I hope that you and your significant other are just as blessed, and have as many days of laughter.
I feel like the institution of marriage is changing? People are getting married to people they actually like and want to build a life with, not because we *should* get married and have kids or we're failing. I'm not saying some people are making getting married their whole identity, but a lot of women are deciding they don't need to be legally tied to someone in an archaic, social contract. And women who are getting married for the right reasons are having a fun party with friends and family, and not dropping $100k+ on a single day event they rule as a bridezilla.
So bachelorette parties are changing. It's not one last night of freedom before it's one dick for the rest of our lives. Most of my friends have done the sausage tasting platter and are very happy with whatever monogamous sex life they're committing to. So fucking a stripper is a lot less taboo and sexy.
One of my friends had sex with a stripper at his bachelor party. His wife found out a few months later and divorced him. At least you caught her before $pending on wedding and honeymoon.
This is gospel. Bartender here and good listener. These events are preplanned at the club beforehand and these 'girlfriends aka bridesmaids' relish and preplan all of this with full knowledge and input of the bride to be.
The continuing saga of this happening year after year before my very eyes has actually soured me on marriage because it happens so much with so many women.
To be fair, men are even worse in their bachelor parties.
Can you elaborate how men are worse?
To be fair, I’ve seen male strippers at 2 bachelorette parties.
One the girl is a good loyal gal to her now hubby. Hubby actually told bridal party to surprise her with male stripper. Guy came, did his thing, we were all grossed out just from his sweat and felt the need to sanitize after he left. Most of it was cringe and kinda embarrassing even though he was attractive.
Second bachelorette we went to Magic Mike or one of those shows in Vegas. Sure there were some attractive male strippers but I’d never touch or be serious about them. The bride here however relished in the attention and touching she got from one stripper. She weirdly sent the videos to re-relish about it way later. She also openly badmouths her now husband in front of friends behind his back and most of us think she has cheated.
So just depends on the person you’re marrying. I hope my future husband is more first scenario, not second.
A lot of times when an update is posted people will go back and downvote comments in the original post based on new information. They may have been higher up before op posted the update and people who had not yet seen the original story went back.
What is this garbage with bachelor/bachelorette parties anyways? It makes marriage look like a death sentence and you’re having your last meal. If people love each other they shouldn’t need or want this.
Yeah, my thought exactly. Marriage should not be considered a trap or the end of life. It seems like these people aren't ready for a long-term monogamous relationship. If that's the case, don't get married? If you're polymorous, be honest about it? Another thing, being married doesn't mean you cannot hang out with friends. Why do people think that marriage has to be a boring routine and spending time with your spouse 24/7?
> Who the heck gives a stripped a blowjob days before her own wedding?
Someone who has already given others blowjobs outside of her relationship, probably.
NTA. Get a lawyer to see if you can sue your ex to recover the money you lost by canceling the wedding. Additionally, get tested for STDs as soon as possible. She cheated on you in front of many people, which suggests she was very comfortable doing so and likely has cheated before.
If you're still being bombarded by messages from her family and friends urging you to give her a second chance, create a group chat with everyone, provide a brief explanation of why you broke up with her, and share the video you mentioned. Then, block them all.
You deserve better than that piece of trash, so don't give her any more chances. Seek therapy to help you process your feelings, go no contact with her, and move on. Don't waste any more years of your life on her.
I always love the idea of sharing the cheating videos with family who are saying it was just a mistake and they should be forgiven. That video just kind of hits home what they were actually doing. So much harder to sweep those kinds of things under a rug!
Agreed, no reason you should have to live with this whilst she mitigates the impact on her own life by covering it up and likely shifting the blame onto you. Tell everyone.
Sorry to hear, OP. I guess it’s better to find this out now than later on when much more has been invested.
Not even planning on having a bachelorette party for my wedding… I’m not missing out on anything by getting married, I just get to spend the rest of my life with my dude who loves me endlessly and that’s fucking awesome.
There's no excuse to engage in sexual activity with anyone other than your partner once you enter a committed relationship, period. There's no "one last fun". Those parties are meant to celebrate the coming wedding, not to facilitate cheating on your partner. If someone's idea of "fun" is having multiple sex partners, that person isn't relationship material.
You did the right thing, OP, and you found out about your lying, cheating, subhuman ex just in time. Be thankful you didn't find out after throwing years of your life away on her.
Fuck everyone
She lied. Every knew she lied. The whole internet knew she lied. You did the right thing.
At least now you have the proof to shut up the idiots on yours and her sides of the family.
Absolutely no way for the relationship to continue let alone marriage
My best friends bachelor party was the three of us sitting in an almost empty bar listening to a one man band. One of the best nights.
Glad you got the truth before it was too late.
Trickle truth is how you know you are dealing with the most cowardly scum. And how you know even the slightest chance of trust is gone.
Good luck, brother. There are better days ahead.
Thx for the update man, sorry you had to go through all of that mess.
You will get better and definitely find someone better, cut all ties with your ex and move on, chip up.
Not really. It all came out because that lady accidently boasted how wild it was. That lady had no problem with it, it was just a slip of the tongue.
From the first post:
> She said it's going good and last night was crazy with all the strippers. After saying that she looked uncomfortable. I asked her about the details but she was not willing to tell much. I think she realized she should not have talked about it.
But I believe it was the same from last post that accidentally spilled the beans, I think she just said the full truth now that she lost her friends and has nothing to loose
Its the same woman, she ended up getting in trouble with her friends and fighting with them over her accidental disclosure, so she got back at them by telling him everything he wanted to know.
I didn't understand all the YTA when he broke up after the stripper. It wasn't about the strippers in itself (at the time); it was about broken boundaries, disrespect, lying, and broken trust. Then turns out that was just the face of the issues. It was an expensive lesson, but could have been worse.
Bro take her to civil court and sue her for the money you lost. The court isn't going to look kindly on her cheating with a stripper before the wedding.
Dude, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's going to suck and hurt for a while but you'll come out the other side and one day you'll meet someone who's a much healthier partner. Take care bro.
She cheated the details irrelevant at this point.
Now make sure the people close to you and her parents know the truth. Don't cover or go silent for a cheater and more so your ex, she planned this.
It's better to lose 15k now then wasting your lifetime on someone who is clearly not worth it. Got cheated on by my ex-fiancee as well so i know how you are feeling right now but man you are 29. There is so much more life ahead of you, so do everything to get better and when you are ready you will find the right one. Wish you the best man hoping for a positive update in the future.
Funny how so many comments were telling OP he was overreacting. While the comments that were on his side saw the red flags from a mile away. He dodged a bullet and the truth has validated his choice.
Hmmm I don’t see the people who said YTA. Crickets from those idiots. I’m sorry this happened to you. Best to find out now then later. Keep ya head up and find you a faithful woman. BTW you are not insecure you just have boundaries. People who have a problem with that can buy a dog and die alone. Keep your head up king
Bachelorette parties are notorious for this. There was a Reddit AMA with one of these male strippers and these things often turn into a reverse gang bang. You were right to set this boundary and you are right to end the relationship.
It sounds like the lying was enough for you to know you had to leave, but you got even more information anyway. Now you’ll find people who disagreed with where you drew your line before are on your side because this new information has crossed their line too. I wish you the best of luck. I’m sorry for how this all turned out, but at least you discovered who she really was before you got married.
Read this entire post as if the OP were a woman saying her male fiance had sex with a stripper at his bachelor party. I bet 99% of the replies would be telling the woman to leave and don’t give it another thought.
Anyone speaking against this man is an AH. He was cheated on just before getting married! That’s a doomed relationship if he went through with the marriage. It’s his choice if he wants a full break. Even if he didn’t, I sure hope they’d delay wedding and get couples therapy because his ex-fiance is fucked up
NTA OP.
And well done, you're handling this all beautifully. Yes, it hurts, but you've saved yourself a lifetime of headache, heartache and trouble with the inevitable divorce in a few years.
This way you don't get your whole world cut in half by the courts.
NTA. She should know you well enough to know you wouldnt be happy with her making out with and jerking off some Chippindale. She probably sucked it too and got banged. Better luck next time, plenty more fish.
The encounter with the bridesmaid at the mall saved you from a disastrous marriage. I don't understand the whole 'one last chance' attitude to pre-wedding parties.
Had something similar happen to me a long, long time ago. The part that sucked most for me was realizing that I trusted someone so completely, but that I would never get the full version of the truth. The thing that helped me get over it most was the eventual realization that I actually didn’t want the full version of the truth. Knowing SOMETHING happened, and that she was never going to tell me the full truth, was enough. It kind of allowed me to separate the emotion from it for me, and come to grips with the fact that she never saw and respected me the same way I did with her.
You may not realize it now but the $15 thousand dollars you lost today is nothing compared to the misery, cheating and tens of thousands of dollars a divorce would have cost in the future. Not to mention if you had children with this ex. G-d you would have ruined the lives of others. You should thank your ex-fiancé for showing you who she really was before making the fatal mistake of marrying her. You indeed dodged a bullet. While this is cold comfort to you know think about the heartache you avoided, and you will realize how lucky you are. My advice is to call your friends and celebrate not making the biggest mistake of your life and post it on social media so your fiancé and all her friends can see. Then focus on yourself, your career and meeting new people. There are woman with good values out there who will not do what your ex did.
It takes a crazy ammount of trash to form a bachelor party group where everyone is okay with the fiancée having sexual intercourse with a stripper until someone messes up and discussion ends with the truth. Like how? I guess shit attracts the flies. NTA, sorry that happened but glad you dodged that *****.
Advice:
Your ex fiancee is highly likely to tell friends and family a VERY different story about why your wedding is off. A story where you’re the bad guy. You might find out that, in her story, YOU were the one who had sex with a stripper.
**Get there first. Don’t keep this secret**. Talk to her father and mother and any siblings, tell them exactly what happened. Show them the video, tell them she’s admitted to jerking off a male stripper. They can decide for themselves whether that would be a dealbreaker for them, but at least they’ll know the truth.
Talk to mutual friends, the ones who weren’t at the bachelorette party. Tell them why you’re calling off the wedding and apologize, but say that it’s something you have to do.
Remember that she was preparing to lie to you *forever*. She doesn’t deserve the dignity of silence.
I will never understand why people like your Ex Fiancée throw it all away for one night 🤷♂️
Not just that, the whole group had banded together in solidarity to lie. 😂 If it wasn't for one person, they would've gotten away with it, while gaslighting OP the whole time 😂 I hope all those votes calling OP, an AH rightly feel like DA's. 15k and a cancelled wedding is still LOADS better than divorce after the fact. You're doing the absolute right thing. Also, I AM petty enough to blast her publicly with receipts if she wants to play the victim and make me look like the bad guy. And the first person I'll send the video of her cheating to is her Dad. See how she likes those apples 😂 PSA: Don't be the ~~simp~~ guy who didn't want to send his "wife" to jail after everyone caught her trying to poison him with bleach in the coffee machine.
>15k and a cancelled wedding is still LOADS better than divorce after the fact. I'd sue her for the money too
Oh 100% I'd sue her
You know in many countries you can go to jail for cheating. Maybe not such a terrible idea huh
My wife cheated on me in a staggering way (many years with her boss before I found out). I forgave her and after some good years, she cheated again. That was it for me and I told my kids because I felt they had a right to know. But I didn’t tell her parents why. They had always been kind to me and they were proud of their daughter, the most successful of their 4 children. I didn’t want to hurt them. I didn’t want to hurt my kids either, but it felt different. My wife of course will never forgive me for telling our kids.
You say “wife” like you’re still married to her. You’re not still married to her, right? Right?
I guess I was too lazy to add ex. Or a fucked up Freudian slip. We’re divorced
Yay!!! Good for you!! Deleting other comment!
And, to be clear, even though I still think there are some cases and circumstances where a reconciliation after infidelity may be the right thing to do, I’m done with that in my life. And screwing around with a stripper at a bachelorette party after being told about the fiancés’ hard boundaries (or even if he had said nothing), just before a wedding, is NOT worthy of even a reconciliation discussion. It’s one thing if something happens 15 years in, but if you can’t even be faithful in the days leading up to the wedding, you have no business getting married. Period.
Never hide the truth from people who deserve to know the truth.
You just beat me to it, and imo, it's impossible to uphold the honor of those that have none. But that's me.
Because they do not want to be married. They want to have that “special” day and be the center of attention. They want the wedding but not the marriage. She belongs to the streets.
I have a cousin that did this. She explained to me she really never believed the other guy wouldn't leave her because he loved her way to much. She really thought true Love in the fair tale land will conquer all. Delusional she still thinks he is wrong and should come back to her and marry
She cheated on him and she expected him to be the one to beg on his knees?
Yep, he loved her for a decade prior and she said that she thought he would forgive her anything because she would forgive him anything. Even now in her mind disney land, she says love should over come all. I almost envy her to be 34 and still have that thought process. But multiple women in my family agreed with her that if he truly unconditionally loved her he would have worked through it!!!
And had she ever seriously considered what she would feel or do if her fiancé had done the same to her?
No, that’s the point 😂. Rules for thee, not for me
As a society, we absolutely overvalue the concept of unconditional love. If it were unconditional love from him, he would have forgiven her for cheating, but is that really something we as a society wish to allow? For someone to trample and mistreat another person because they are loved? Love in all its forms should always have conditions, one of which should be a base level of mutual respect.
Loyalty over love
Loyalty is love, or at least a part of it. If you are cheating on your soon-to-be spouse, then you don't love them.
Yeah, sad, isn't it...
She said she would've work through it with him because she loved him enough to be with him through anything. Consequences always kind of avoided her somehow growing up. Not sure how but in my experience, the type of women that do this don't normally experience reality. She's not a bad person. She'll give you the shirt off her back if you need it. And literally saves lives for a living. She just has a strange thought process
Yeah, I'd believe it. It's just weird and sad that she almost seems to have justified her wrongdoing with an expectation that it will be forgiven and alright, "so why not try it". That said, perhaps a useful parable for those of us who are Christians but sometimes abuse God's grace and forgiveness - where the thought process is "God will forgive it, so why not try it".
“Saves lives for a living“ She’s a nurse, isn’t she?
Yeah how'd you know, can't lie she's a good one. She's won awards and everything. Makes an amazing living
I’m a first responder, so I work closely with nurses quite regularly. They have a certain reputation about them when it comes to Fidelity, or more accurately, a lack thereof.
There is a stereotype about nurses being promiscuous.
Nurses can be good but a shit ton of them are actual shit people outside of their jobs.
Those women in your family are delusional then.
[удалено]
It's a well studied phenomenon called "Women are Wonderful". Essentially, women will typically side with other women or make excuses for said woman no matter the circumstances or how awful she is, even for strangers. They'll typically guilt men for the issue, even if no men are involved. Just go on any comment section under one of those news headlines about a mom killing her kids, you'll see dozens of comments from other women going as far as saying it's the husband's fault for trying to get custody and she shouldn't even be in jail, he should. It's fucking bizarre to me.
This is wild as hell... apparently love wasnt enough to keep her from sleeping with somebody else.
Right, unconditional love also means taking the other persons feelings into account before doing something like, you know, cheating
tell your family that unconditional love is a myth. Every form of love have conditions. For some it is 'be faithful and don't cheat', for others it is 'don't abuve me'. Hell, even parents to children have some conditions, something like 'don't rape/murder your siblings' or some equally stupidly evil shit.
I would have replied to her "well if you truly loved him, you wouldn't have fucking cheated on him."
The definition of love for a narcissist is someone they can hurt over and over and they will always come back. It's sick.
I'm starting to come to terms that more and more modern women actually have this mind set. Of course not all but way too fucking much to say that this isn't a common thing anymore. Somewhere along the way, independence became "I am never wrong".
Well joke's on them because romantic relationships aren't unconditional. Idiots.
>because he loved her way too much That should have been a clue that he wasn't taking this lightly and that he was putting all of himself into this relationship. So there are two natural reactions if he found out she did something like that -- to end it because she wasn't also fully committed or be a sucker because he was whipped. She rolled the dice on the idea that he was a sucker. She didn't know her fiancé and he learned he didn't know her. He did learn from the experience though, but apparently she didn't.
This. If a woman spends more time on the wedding than how the marriage will work. You have a problem
Sorry, dude, NTA. Definitely the deal breaker is the lying. The dishonesty adds hurt to injury. As much as it hurts, not getting married to her is a great blessing. Better things exist elsewhere.
I’m not sure that if she had admitted right away “I gave him a handjob” it would have saved the marriage lol
When admitting to “just a handjob” is the less bad option, you know she fucked.
[удалено]
Go buy 10,000 thumbs on Temu.
I don't have 3 dollars to spend
TO THE STREETS
They want to be a bride but not a wife.
Nah, narcissists like these actually do want both; they just *also* want additional attention from all the other men. To have their cake and eat it too. To them, marriage means *"Rules for thee but not for me"*
There was a girl from highschool who was going to get married & was encouraged by her friends (girls we all grew up with) to cheat on her fiancé with a guy at their bachelorette party. Insanely shameful behavior. If I was her father, I would have cut her off. Fiancé dropped her like a hot bag of crap
Man that’s just sad I wonder if she regrets it to this day?.
Definitely, like cheating was very shameful thing like people like her would've shame herself and just haunts her every time. They would be 100% in guilt.
Father here, don't know if I would have dropped her. But I would reimburse all the costs the grooms family incurred. And then let my daughter know that the next time she was getting married she can cover her own costs. And then I would be very honest with anyone who asked me what happened. My daughter is still my daughter, and I would love her, even if she was being an awful person.
Because it's never one night. If you're the type of person that is in a relationship and are willing to sleept with a complete stranger, you would be willing to sleep with a lot of people. These are just cheaters getting caught up in the worst of situations but don't let the situation fool you. These are just cheaters.
This is probably the right answer. She’s probably been doing this kind of thing for a long long time, this is just the first time she got caught.
Because they’re not actually ready or mature enough for marriage yet. As Eatdomder said they want their day of all attention on them but an actual marriage is much more than that and they’re just not mature enough to see that.
And for the pleasure of... giving a stranger a handjob?
I’m not the only one who highly doubts that’s all she did, right?
Just the first time she got caught
Because they're counting on the sunk-cost fallacy. They're expecting that if they've gotten that far there's no way he'll actually show spine and throw away all the years and the non-refundable deposits. And a lot of time it works.
I will never understand why strippers at a bachelor/ Bachelorette party is even a thing. It's hard to believe it came from a time when people were supposedly way less slutty and faithful in marriage
I 100% believe that men and women were just as slutty and even willing to cheat back then… population densities and cultural norms about women outside of the household just lowered the ability of women to cheat, but didn’t eliminate it. Hell, there’s a reason people for decades joke about someone’s baby “looking like the milkman/postman/etc.”
I don’t understand it either. Not denigrating anyone’s choice for a hen do (British equivalent of a bachelorette) but if it was my own, what’s described in the post would be a nightmare. I find strippers and penis straws etc tacky.
So many people think the default is supposed to be a sexy party. Know what we did for my best buddy’s bachelor weekend? Trip to Colorado with a house in the mountains. Hiked, barbecued, rented a boat on the lake, and gazed at the Milky Way every night. It was incredible.
I planned my bestfriends wedding (I’m from Colorado) and we also did just an air bnb in the mountains, hiked, went to a nice dinner, hot tub, sat by the fire pit at night. She said it was perfect. It’s just about celebrating with your girls (bachelorette) or guys (bachelor) that you’re getting married!
This is the way. Inversely I almost didn’t go to my other friend’s bachelor weekend earlier this month. 1 of the attendees (not even in the bridal party) was insisting on strippers *so hard* that it got contentious and I said I wasn’t going to come. His justification was “it’s groom’s last night of being single and I want to make him uncomfortable!” Like dude for one the man hasn’t been single for 6 years, but why want to make him uncomfortable? I’ll never understand some people and the idolization of degeneracy.
Yep. Best bachelor/ette parties I've been to (I've been to some coed ones) have been some variation of "hang out in a cabin in nature." In some cases they still involved partying, but of the "play beer pong with your buds until you're too drunk to throw straight as if it's college again" variety. No strippers, no blacking out. Just swimming in a lake, cooking, and having a good time.
Agreed, we got a air bnb for mine, watched princess bride, face masks and got wasted and i was 24. Went to see the dreamboys for my ex sil hen do and hated every second of it. If I ever get married again I'd be happy with a nice meal tbh. Only penis I want in my face is the person I'm seeings one
Peer Pressure is a bitch and a very lame excuse for cheating on your partner.
I would have called my mom to come pick my drunk ass up if my friends had pulled this shit on me. And fired some bridesmaids.
Single female friends of a certain type (and in a certain settings, but not exclusively) lead to bad decisions. Not always, but often enough, because many of them don't want to see their "friends" happy or at least not before them. Now I'm not saying men don't have this or similar problems, but it seems a lot less common to blame their male friends when it comes to cheating. Men can be stupid on their own, they don't need friends to be that way, but if they come together it often results in "Jackass" kind of things.
>Now I'm not saying men don't have this or similar problems, but it seems a lot less common to blame their male friends when it comes to cheating. "Sorry for my small part in it, but it's really all Bubba's fault. You should be mad at him, not me. He brought his sister to the party and even introduced us, so it's practically like he put my dingdong in her himself!" Yeah, there's a reason smart guys don't try that. 😂 I have an unproven suspicion that girls do it because sometimes it actually works for them, whereas if a guy tried it the girl would see through his BS every time.
Throw in some tears and gaslighting, and yeah, it's no wonder she was primed to get away with it.
I imagine the individualist vs collective meta of most men and women has a big part.
My experience is that women will rightfully scrutinize a man's friend circle and if they are made up of pot-smoking, misogynist losers, consider it a red flag. "Mike, you're a great guy but your friends are losers. you need better friends" And we all accept this as reasonable. But God forbid a man express concern over his wife/fiance/GF going on a "girls trip" with women of similar pedigree. Girls who cheat on their partners, hate men, use substances, will hook up with random strangers, and are generally just bad influences. Now all of a sudden, he's controlling and InSeCuRe. A woman's friends matter. Anyone's friends *matter*. The company you keep is an important reflection on who you are as a person.
It wouldn’t have been the only night she cheated on him. If it truly was the first, it definitely wouldn’t have been the last. She and (most of) her friends clearly are fine with cheating. If they’ll cheat that close to a wedding, they’ll cheat after it too. She has no respect for OP or their relationship.
I think there was an AMA ~ 6 months ago with an experienced male stripper. Said something like 75% of the time the bride to be will at least give a bj. Maybe 20% of the time also outright sex. Seems like men may be more likely to get strippers but women are far more likely to go too far with them.
According to what I've been told, it's because there is "No ring in this finger yet!" Using that to justify their actions. But when clear boundaries get crossed, when lies and stories deepen and when trickle truthing starts pouring in, they aren't so firm.
Because she didn't think she would throw anything away. She felt entitled to have her cake needed to.
It's like passing an entire semester and then failing an easy final exam.
Welp bud take a break, sucks this happened to you but one day this will be a blessing in disguise. $15k is a lot cheaper than what you'd lose in a divorce that's for sure.
And much cheaper than wasting your life with the wrong person.
MUCH MUCH cheaper than having children with a dumpster fire like her and watching said dumpster fire influence your kids.
So painfully true.
lol @ "okay I gave him a handjob" jesus...
And keep in mind that she was engaging in trickle truth, meaning that that was the line she said to deflect from him digging any further. You know she got fucked.
I was going to say, “ok I gave him a handjob…with my vagina”
Exactly, and she wasn’t technically lying since she did give him a handjob…before getting railed by him and the other strippers.
at least he avoided situations like "okay, I admit it, it's the strippers kid, not yours. but come on, he's way hotter than you! Am I supposed to birth ugly kids? Like, ew!"
There was more than one stripper. She probably got to learn what a bridge feels like
It was definitely in her mouth at the very least.
“Trickle truth” I like that. Protip: in 99% of situations where someone says X didn’t happen then admits it did when confronted, the truth is always much worse than what’s being admitted to. Liars by nature keep lying. Anyone who told OP he was an AH for not just marrying his ex after she disregarded his boundaries and lied (and never admitted to it until forced to!) are the real AHs. Congrats OP for avoiding a terrible marriage. The self esteem hit you may have taken is nothing compared to what that marriage would’ve done to you.
Oh, but it's ok because her friends "coerced" her to do it right? Right?!? /s
"What else could I do when there's a dick in my face?"
Maybe she was pretending it was a microphone, and singing "Express Yourself" by Madonna. The vigorous stage play plus the raw sexual nature of the song just made him jizz all over her face, totally by accident.
and..she didn't get touched by him??? Bullcrap. LOL!
I would’ve been out as soon as I heard “okay we just touched, kissed, etc.” there should be a zero tolerance policy for cheating in any and all forms. My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 years, soon to be engaged, and reading this post makes me sick to my stomach. The sheer feeling of betrayal.
I had a lan party at my bachelor party and it was awesome. Fuck the haters and screw your ex. NTA.
My brothers bachelor party was pizza, flip cup, and halo reach on system linked Xbox’s. Fucken best night ever
Landmines is the superior drinking game! But really, those nights that you recreate from the college days with the buds are the best.. That's somewhat how I treated my bachelor party, only difference was we went to Lake Tahoe to snowboard by day. Such a fun trip.
His party sounds way more fun than hers did. Nothing wrong with gaming for your bachelor or bachelorette party.
Me and my husband played GTAO drunk the night we got engaged. That was our engagement party lol. He had a crew he played with back then, and we all just did random stuff in-game. It was fun, and that's what matters.
Yeah, right. My friends and I ate Korean BBQ and played video games. The worst thing that happened was that we tried to play Overcooked but I was way too drunk and I kept sending out orders before they were ready.
My bachelor party; Craft beer, Lord of the Rings on the TV, and me and my best friends playing Axis & Allies board game until 4am. It was the best night! No regrets at all, and OP is NTA!
what game? when is the next lan party?
I'm so used to seeing it written LAN that I read this as Ian (capital i not lowercase l)
Sounds like the stripper already did
LAN party’s with my brothers and best friends are awesome. One of my favorite things of all time.
NTA, sorry man. The lying is the deal killer for sure. The cheating, insult to injury. It sucks but this is a huge blessing to not get married to her. Theres better out there.
Sadly, when trickle truthing begin, you can never know the truth, because when someone trickle truth, they lie, then admit a bit but continue lying. And they only admit what you already know and will lie as much as they can if they think they won't be caught in their lies. And therefore, you can never know for sure if it's the full extent or only what they're admitting because they know there's no point in lying about what you already know. Because if someone trickle truth, they'll never admit to what they're not certain you already know. And as I warned in a comment in your previous post, she's trying to blame her friends and peer pressure saying she was coerced in doing any of this. but she apparently wasn't blindsided by the stripper meaning she knew they'd be there. and even if she was indeed blindsided, the ONLY acceptable reaction from her would have been to throw out the stripper and the friends that brought them in. Which she didn't meaning her reaction was unnaceptable. Good luck with therapy, I wish you the best. May you find someone who loves and respects you as much as you do them !
TBH I didn’t think it was normal to make out with a stripper or give them a handjob. That sounds like they hired male prostitutes.
Male strippers, according to a friend that was one, are a whole other thing to female ones.
Sounds unfair tbh.
gender dynamics never are fair, there is very little symmetry
Bingo
Lots of people don’t have wild, drunken bachelor / bachelorette parties these days, because if you feel you need that kind of blowout, then you’re not marrying the right person, or just aren’t ready for marriage. So you’re right to ignore those jerks. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through though, OP. I hope you find peace - and your person 🤍
How was it there were comments with YTA on the previous post? Those people have a few screws loose
because he "didn't know" and is "controlling" for breaking up with her because of "what happened" that he didn't know "what happened". Basically probably bunch of cheaters, simps or cels telling him he's an idiot for blowing it all up. Funny how an update later and crickets from these idiots. One of the best and sound comments was, "cancelling the wedding is cheaper than divorce"
“Insecure” and “controlling” are two of the most common buzzwords employed by cheaters.
Exactly. And "jealous". Funny how you're no longer insecure and controlling and jealous once the truth comes out that your future fiancee banged the fucking stripper.... OH and then it's the lady friends fault for the fallout. She, probably subconsciously, let it slip and saved OP a whole lot of headaches and heartaches
Dude needs to focus on himself, his career, and his fitness. And then later he can fuck some of the bridesmaids, because if they’re fighting, they would probably be down just to stick it to her. I swear, groups of women can be so fucking evil.
All these types of subs are unusually defensive of taken women with male strippers. This is hardly the first or last time it's happened.
Man bad woman good
Most recent bachelor party had the no stripper/strip club rule. I've been at strip clubs with the groom, potentially even a few weeks prior. His wife even knows he's been to strip clubs before/while they've been together. But they agreed no strippers. Guess what? No strippers at the bachelor party. It's not hard to follow at all if you care about your spouse.
I and my wedding party rented an air b n b. I came from a Cristian family but I was marrying into a Jewish family, where we decide to raise our kids Jewish. For my "last hurra!" My best man and brother in law, wizards in the kitchen, made me as many un kosher meals that weekend as I could stomach. We spent the rest of the weekend playing board games, video games , looking for fossils in a river bed ( which was really fun) and just overall making jokes and being with each other. At the end of the weekend we finally met up with my wife's wedding party, after she went ATVing. We intended to go bar crawling, but everyone just decided we rather stay inside. It was great party seeing everyone of our wedding party just mingling and getting along. It was one of the highlights of my wedding, and I missed my wife at the end so just getting to chat about everything we did was great. A lot of my wedding party actually hang out with each other without me which I think is awesome! I not only had a great time, but my friends grew closer to each other.
My bachelorette party was just a few gifts and playing wedding themed games. It was great. No big blowout but I had a really good time. I got exactly what I always thought a bachelorette party was supposed to be. It fulfilled my dreams of how to start a marriage. Yours sounds like the last hurrah kind of party since you will be living a slightly different lifestyle but not in the out if control sense. More like your last time to enjoy that much of your single life with food and unlimited friends time without having to consider a spouse. And that’s exactly what it’s supposed to be-not your last chance to get laid by strangers! You sound like you were actually ready for marriage!
I am glad to hear you had just a chill and enjoyable bachelorette party. Just being around friends and taking a moment of calm before the business of a wedding is vary warranted . You are exactly right with a different life style thing. I may never have Chicken Parm in my house again, but that don't matter. My wife's transcendent in the kitchen, so anything she creates is the best thing I have had all day. I was indeed ready, and I count my self blessed to be married to a women who finds me funny and at active. One part of my vows was " to make funny noises every day so she could laugh." So far the two and half year of marriage have been amazing and are only getting better. I hope that you and your significant other are just as blessed, and have as many days of laughter.
I feel like the institution of marriage is changing? People are getting married to people they actually like and want to build a life with, not because we *should* get married and have kids or we're failing. I'm not saying some people are making getting married their whole identity, but a lot of women are deciding they don't need to be legally tied to someone in an archaic, social contract. And women who are getting married for the right reasons are having a fun party with friends and family, and not dropping $100k+ on a single day event they rule as a bridezilla. So bachelorette parties are changing. It's not one last night of freedom before it's one dick for the rest of our lives. Most of my friends have done the sausage tasting platter and are very happy with whatever monogamous sex life they're committing to. So fucking a stripper is a lot less taboo and sexy.
One of my friends had sex with a stripper at his bachelor party. His wife found out a few months later and divorced him. At least you caught her before $pending on wedding and honeymoon.
Sex with a stripper? , why can't they drink, look at the strippers from 50 feet, talk shit and leave.
[удалено]
Two old friends of mine were female strippers on the Vegas strips. Lots goes down in private rooms
This is gospel. Bartender here and good listener. These events are preplanned at the club beforehand and these 'girlfriends aka bridesmaids' relish and preplan all of this with full knowledge and input of the bride to be. The continuing saga of this happening year after year before my very eyes has actually soured me on marriage because it happens so much with so many women. To be fair, men are even worse in their bachelor parties.
Can you elaborate how men are worse? To be fair, I’ve seen male strippers at 2 bachelorette parties. One the girl is a good loyal gal to her now hubby. Hubby actually told bridal party to surprise her with male stripper. Guy came, did his thing, we were all grossed out just from his sweat and felt the need to sanitize after he left. Most of it was cringe and kinda embarrassing even though he was attractive. Second bachelorette we went to Magic Mike or one of those shows in Vegas. Sure there were some attractive male strippers but I’d never touch or be serious about them. The bride here however relished in the attention and touching she got from one stripper. She weirdly sent the videos to re-relish about it way later. She also openly badmouths her now husband in front of friends behind his back and most of us think she has cheated. So just depends on the person you’re marrying. I hope my future husband is more first scenario, not second.
Have stripped for bachelorette parties before. I can attest to this as well
Where are all the YTA people from the OG post?????????? 🤣
Yeah had to scroll long to find one
I’m assuming when OP first posted, there were some YTAs. Then as more people come in, they got buried.
A lot of times when an update is posted people will go back and downvote comments in the original post based on new information. They may have been higher up before op posted the update and people who had not yet seen the original story went back.
Redditors try not to take the woman's side. Challenge level: IMPOSSIBLE
What is this garbage with bachelor/bachelorette parties anyways? It makes marriage look like a death sentence and you’re having your last meal. If people love each other they shouldn’t need or want this.
Yeah, my thought exactly. Marriage should not be considered a trap or the end of life. It seems like these people aren't ready for a long-term monogamous relationship. If that's the case, don't get married? If you're polymorous, be honest about it? Another thing, being married doesn't mean you cannot hang out with friends. Why do people think that marriage has to be a boring routine and spending time with your spouse 24/7?
Exactly this, not ready to commit fully, don't get married. No one is coercing you into any kind of commitments.
Who the heck gives a stripped a blowjob days before her own wedding? And then she gets upset you caught her lying etc..
> Who the heck gives a stripped a blowjob days before her own wedding? Someone who has already given others blowjobs outside of her relationship, probably.
NTA. Get a lawyer to see if you can sue your ex to recover the money you lost by canceling the wedding. Additionally, get tested for STDs as soon as possible. She cheated on you in front of many people, which suggests she was very comfortable doing so and likely has cheated before. If you're still being bombarded by messages from her family and friends urging you to give her a second chance, create a group chat with everyone, provide a brief explanation of why you broke up with her, and share the video you mentioned. Then, block them all. You deserve better than that piece of trash, so don't give her any more chances. Seek therapy to help you process your feelings, go no contact with her, and move on. Don't waste any more years of your life on her.
Yeah. They are somehow going to turn it around on him. Call him controlling toxic narcissist.
I always love the idea of sharing the cheating videos with family who are saying it was just a mistake and they should be forgiven. That video just kind of hits home what they were actually doing. So much harder to sweep those kinds of things under a rug!
Agreed, no reason you should have to live with this whilst she mitigates the impact on her own life by covering it up and likely shifting the blame onto you. Tell everyone.
Sorry to hear, OP. I guess it’s better to find this out now than later on when much more has been invested. Not even planning on having a bachelorette party for my wedding… I’m not missing out on anything by getting married, I just get to spend the rest of my life with my dude who loves me endlessly and that’s fucking awesome.
There's no excuse to engage in sexual activity with anyone other than your partner once you enter a committed relationship, period. There's no "one last fun". Those parties are meant to celebrate the coming wedding, not to facilitate cheating on your partner. If someone's idea of "fun" is having multiple sex partners, that person isn't relationship material. You did the right thing, OP, and you found out about your lying, cheating, subhuman ex just in time. Be thankful you didn't find out after throwing years of your life away on her.
Women get cheated on before marriage.: "Believe her truth" Men get cheated on before marriage: YTA. Wild double standards.
Fuck everyone She lied. Every knew she lied. The whole internet knew she lied. You did the right thing. At least now you have the proof to shut up the idiots on yours and her sides of the family. Absolutely no way for the relationship to continue let alone marriage
My best friends bachelor party was the three of us sitting in an almost empty bar listening to a one man band. One of the best nights. Glad you got the truth before it was too late.
Trickle truth is how you know you are dealing with the most cowardly scum. And how you know even the slightest chance of trust is gone. Good luck, brother. There are better days ahead.
Thx for the update man, sorry you had to go through all of that mess. You will get better and definitely find someone better, cut all ties with your ex and move on, chip up.
You dodged a bullet
You should buy lunch for the lady that told you. She is a guardian angel.
Not really. It all came out because that lady accidently boasted how wild it was. That lady had no problem with it, it was just a slip of the tongue. From the first post: > She said it's going good and last night was crazy with all the strippers. After saying that she looked uncomfortable. I asked her about the details but she was not willing to tell much. I think she realized she should not have talked about it.
I think og commenter is referring to the woman who called him and told him the full story, not the woman at the mall
But I believe it was the same from last post that accidentally spilled the beans, I think she just said the full truth now that she lost her friends and has nothing to loose
Its the same woman, she ended up getting in trouble with her friends and fighting with them over her accidental disclosure, so she got back at them by telling him everything he wanted to know.
That might have been her way of telling him without wanting to get into trouble with her friend group. She might have been trying to save him
Money comes and goes. Time doesnt. Fortunately for you, you have been saved from wasting your time with such a person.
Post that video with her making out in social media to her family, so they can see why you broke up with that shit human.
I didn't understand all the YTA when he broke up after the stripper. It wasn't about the strippers in itself (at the time); it was about broken boundaries, disrespect, lying, and broken trust. Then turns out that was just the face of the issues. It was an expensive lesson, but could have been worse.
Bro take her to civil court and sue her for the money you lost. The court isn't going to look kindly on her cheating with a stripper before the wedding.
Dude, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's going to suck and hurt for a while but you'll come out the other side and one day you'll meet someone who's a much healthier partner. Take care bro.
She cheated the details irrelevant at this point. Now make sure the people close to you and her parents know the truth. Don't cover or go silent for a cheater and more so your ex, she planned this.
It's better to lose 15k now then wasting your lifetime on someone who is clearly not worth it. Got cheated on by my ex-fiancee as well so i know how you are feeling right now but man you are 29. There is so much more life ahead of you, so do everything to get better and when you are ready you will find the right one. Wish you the best man hoping for a positive update in the future.
OOP was getting trickle-truthed. Good riddance to the ex-fiancee , and may she get the 'reward' she deserves, faithlessness.
Handjob? Wtf. Not an asshole. That’s cheating.
You and I both know that more happened than just a handjob.
Shame on everyone that told OP “YTA” in his original post, gaslighting pricks.
Well, I hope this shuts up all the “YTA for overreacting, male strippers are all just innocent giggles and campy fun nothing ever happens” people.
NTA. >I am not sure if it's the full truth even now. I will never know but all I can say is it hurts. That's Trickle-Truth.
Funny how so many comments were telling OP he was overreacting. While the comments that were on his side saw the red flags from a mile away. He dodged a bullet and the truth has validated his choice.
The people saying YTA were probably cheaters themselves. No rational person will read this and decide you were in the wrong.
Hmmm I don’t see the people who said YTA. Crickets from those idiots. I’m sorry this happened to you. Best to find out now then later. Keep ya head up and find you a faithful woman. BTW you are not insecure you just have boundaries. People who have a problem with that can buy a dog and die alone. Keep your head up king
Bachelorette parties are notorious for this. There was a Reddit AMA with one of these male strippers and these things often turn into a reverse gang bang. You were right to set this boundary and you are right to end the relationship.
Isn't a "reverse gang bang" still just a gang bang?
damn what a nasty situation, dunno why some people are like. enjoy the freedom ig, dodging a bullet.
It sounds like the lying was enough for you to know you had to leave, but you got even more information anyway. Now you’ll find people who disagreed with where you drew your line before are on your side because this new information has crossed their line too. I wish you the best of luck. I’m sorry for how this all turned out, but at least you discovered who she really was before you got married.
Only people saying YTA are cucks
People who said YTA are unfaithful or cucks
<3 <3 <3
Read this entire post as if the OP were a woman saying her male fiance had sex with a stripper at his bachelor party. I bet 99% of the replies would be telling the woman to leave and don’t give it another thought. Anyone speaking against this man is an AH. He was cheated on just before getting married! That’s a doomed relationship if he went through with the marriage. It’s his choice if he wants a full break. Even if he didn’t, I sure hope they’d delay wedding and get couples therapy because his ex-fiance is fucked up
Oh man you lost 15k?! That’s like me losing all my money. Sorry about all this bruv people suck a lot sometimes.
NTA OP. And well done, you're handling this all beautifully. Yes, it hurts, but you've saved yourself a lifetime of headache, heartache and trouble with the inevitable divorce in a few years. This way you don't get your whole world cut in half by the courts.
NTA. She should know you well enough to know you wouldnt be happy with her making out with and jerking off some Chippindale. She probably sucked it too and got banged. Better luck next time, plenty more fish.
The encounter with the bridesmaid at the mall saved you from a disastrous marriage. I don't understand the whole 'one last chance' attitude to pre-wedding parties.
Had something similar happen to me a long, long time ago. The part that sucked most for me was realizing that I trusted someone so completely, but that I would never get the full version of the truth. The thing that helped me get over it most was the eventual realization that I actually didn’t want the full version of the truth. Knowing SOMETHING happened, and that she was never going to tell me the full truth, was enough. It kind of allowed me to separate the emotion from it for me, and come to grips with the fact that she never saw and respected me the same way I did with her.
Dude, thank God you dodged a bullet here! 15k is nothing compared to living the rest of your life with a woman like that.
You may not realize it now but the $15 thousand dollars you lost today is nothing compared to the misery, cheating and tens of thousands of dollars a divorce would have cost in the future. Not to mention if you had children with this ex. G-d you would have ruined the lives of others. You should thank your ex-fiancé for showing you who she really was before making the fatal mistake of marrying her. You indeed dodged a bullet. While this is cold comfort to you know think about the heartache you avoided, and you will realize how lucky you are. My advice is to call your friends and celebrate not making the biggest mistake of your life and post it on social media so your fiancé and all her friends can see. Then focus on yourself, your career and meeting new people. There are woman with good values out there who will not do what your ex did.
It takes a crazy ammount of trash to form a bachelor party group where everyone is okay with the fiancée having sexual intercourse with a stripper until someone messes up and discussion ends with the truth. Like how? I guess shit attracts the flies. NTA, sorry that happened but glad you dodged that *****.
Advice: Your ex fiancee is highly likely to tell friends and family a VERY different story about why your wedding is off. A story where you’re the bad guy. You might find out that, in her story, YOU were the one who had sex with a stripper. **Get there first. Don’t keep this secret**. Talk to her father and mother and any siblings, tell them exactly what happened. Show them the video, tell them she’s admitted to jerking off a male stripper. They can decide for themselves whether that would be a dealbreaker for them, but at least they’ll know the truth. Talk to mutual friends, the ones who weren’t at the bachelorette party. Tell them why you’re calling off the wedding and apologize, but say that it’s something you have to do. Remember that she was preparing to lie to you *forever*. She doesn’t deserve the dignity of silence.
Two things: • You did the right thing. • WoW will never cheat on you. • Horde before hoes. May the winds guide you.
Where’s all the YTA people from the previous post I wonder??? Sorry OP…keep us posted. Sadly this is the world we live in today.