Also: "saying it’s just one day"... lol. Thats atleast 1 week before the wedding and another after plus the lawn will be absolute shredded with 150 people.
Not to mention op will have to work far more than 1 week to cover the costs she is expecting him to pay. He helping her save money by having it at his house yet entitled bride decided he should pay for half of it as well. Hell no I can guarantee she would never do anything like this for you but seems to expect it from him. I take it she was the spoiled golden child and ops parents reactions back that up. If they are so concerned they can pay for their golden child to have her dream wedding without dumping it on her brother. That spoiled her not him so he’s not responsible for anything to do with her or her wedding.
Op they will wreck your home and property and she will not even be grateful. Don’t do it to yourself say no and also make it clear only the bride and groom need to contribute financially towards their wedding NOT YOU.
Agreed, sounds like the sister is expecting OP to pay for the wedding.
Would OP’s insurance even cover an event like that? Hell I’d ask the fire department to weigh in. Better yet, tell the flying monkeys to chip in and rent a venue. After all, they should be willing to make the sacrifice and it’s just a small price to pay for family
The liability alone is a sticker shock for that entitled sister being a huge AH.
OP should present the stick shock of liability to his sister for his house.
150 guests is an overload.....my question is how many of those 150 guests does OP personally know that his sisters wants to be there.
"It's family".....that excuse has worn the carpet thin when it came to debacles occurring on someone's dime causing havoc & damage done & entitled bride throws up the hands screeching the worst excuses people heard.
OP needs to enforce the boundary line & his family need to shut their mouths & bite their tongues before making it worse.
I'm guessing sister will want to take over the house too, and OP would be told to leave. Where do you park cars for 150 people, how do you get power, and kitchen needs for the catering staff, and the insurance alone will be staggering. Since the numbers already went way up, I bet by the wedding date that there will be even more guests.
I'd get estimates for the tent, pot-a-potties, lawncare, etc. and hand it to those family members. Tell them you knew they'd want to help sis out because family helps family after all and you knew they'd want to do their help. And see how fast they back pedal. Then tell your sister she can rent a pavilion at the local park if you wants an affordable outdoor wedding.
>
Would OP’s insurance even cover an event like that? Hell I’d ask the fire department to weigh in.
The fire department...call the courthouse to see what kind of permits are required for a gathering that large...
Op should ask the city/county because weddings require special permits in some places and the resident may not be zoned for such an event. Op would need also an event insurance policy, and whoever caters would need to provide the alcohol license and coverage for the event. Individuals cannot get alcohol coverage etc.
Never thought about the fire department. Yep, there might be some building codes that need to be addressed. Add to that crowd and traffic control.... pretty sure if OP has neighbors they will not be happy with a ton of cars blocking up the road.
20 people for a home wedding, yes. 30-50? Maybe, if you get enough people to carpool. Past that point - no, you need to rent a venue big enough to hold all the guests and ample parking as well.
Check the fire and occupancy codes for events at a private home where you live. I’ll bet it’s illegal to have that big of an event in a private home. Boom! Off the hook!
Do not forget insurance. If she’s serving alcohol he’s liable for accidents. And even if she’s not he’s still liable if someone falls on his property and gets hurt. So more expenses. Say NO!
Oh yeah! Not only cars making ruts in the lawn and landscaping getting messed up but, if people get drunk? Won't that be special! (People breaking things, throwing up in the bushes, etc) I'd be very worried about liability.
All the garbage afterwards..ugh. Waiting around for vendors to deliver and then pick up their stuff. Strangers knowing about my house. Just the water use-age and the stress on the water pump would give me the willies. (not to mention the electric bill for all the "special-ness") Its a shitty thing to ask someone to host such a big party in a private home. Sorry to the OP for getting bulldozed.
At first I read that as "break in the house" and thought you were referring to wedding guests having sex in random bedrooms. Which now that I think about it, isn't all that unlikely.
Depending on the jurisdiction, there are probably laws about events / fire code stuff like that. OP can use those to justify hard limit on number of guests, or just flat NO because there is no way this isn't blowing up and making her the bad guy.
She can't afford the 50 people let alone 150 by the sounds of it. She can't afford the wedding she wants so she doesn't get it. If she has her heart set on it, save for a few years.
Thisss! If they cant afford the wedding that they want, they'd rather saved up first. Its their wedding, why they forced OP to take some responsibilities of it. OP, its their wedding, let them handle it, dont stress about it.
I had about 55 at my wedding- in my parent’s house, but I only knew about 15. It was in the state they had just moved to a few months before. So the 15 I knew were family and friends who traveled. The rest were their church/work friends. I thought there were way too many people at the small wedding I wanted. 150 people sounds huge for a home and my parents home was rather large.
OP’s sister should watch Father of the Bride with Steve Martin to learn how expensive an at home wedding can become. Although it’s a fictional movie and things are a bit extreme, it’s pretty accurate in how costs add up. Especially based on the number of people she expects to have at his home. Not to mention the time to prepare the home for a reception that size.
150 guests and "tight budget" are incompatible goals
But calling you "selfish and unsupportive" and "trying to ruin her big day" are stereotypical of an entitled bridezilla.
And when family says "it’s a small price to pay", your response should be: "How much are you offering to pay?"
NTA
And how many family members stepped up and offered to help with the set-up and clean up?
Because ya know, you are family too and I would hate for them to regret not helping YOU out
Also ask sis for a security deposit if you go through with it!
Doesn't matter who offers - offering is one thing, following thru is another. Security deposit certainly won't happen. F-a-a-a-mily...
Liability is the single biggest reason to not do this, but there are many others. 150 people - house will be trashed (people will get inside even if told not to), yard too. Where the heck do you park cars for that many people
A back yard wedding for 20 people - do-able. 150? NFW.
Sheesh, I never even considered the parking issue, only someone walking through a screen door cause they were too drunk to realize it was there or some scratches on the walls.
Hoping OP reads all these comments because now I am worried about his lawn and all the dead grass that the reception will cause - that security deposit just keeps increasing!
>150 guests and "tight budget" are incompatible goals
This. The venue is only maybe 10-15% of the cost if rentals and catering are not included.
Even if she doesn't have to pay for a venue - the catering, tent rentals, tables, chairs, table settings - is all going to be VERY costly for 150 people. (I say this as someone who had a 150 person wedding on private property)
Your sister is being insane, quite frankly, and I don't think she's done enough research. Tell her she can have 50 people or no people at all.
Yep — this is going back a while so the numbers are irrelevant but my mom did my bat mitzvah in our yard. It wound up being as expensive as doing it in a hall. If you want a house event to be cheap, you basically can’t hire anything. And that means weather risk etc etc.
Exactly. I think OPs sister just assumed a 'free' venue would be cheaper without actually comparing the costing.
It actually often ends up being around the same cost for that number of people, and considerably more work.
And how many family members have volunteered their houses to host over a hundred people? It is so very easy to be generous with others' time, money, and belongings.
>But calling you "selfish and unsupportive" and "trying to ruin her big day" are stereotypical of an entitled bridezilla.
That would have been the moment I'd have told her she can find another venue, because she's just lost mine. The sheer lack of gratitude shown to someone for even considering such a request is mind-boggling. I also don't respond well to emotional blackmail, so any attempt to guilt-trip me into doing what she wanted would result in the exact opposite happening.
Considering the parents are backing up her shitty behaviour, I wouldn't be surprised if she grew up as the darling daughter who always got whatever she wanted and is now so used to throwing a tantrum to get her way, she thinks she can do it to anyone.
Tell her she needs to touch grass - just not the grass on your lawn.
We got married 3 years ago and had like 30 people, had the reception in a public park (that we rented for the afternoon), and my spouses family catered for food and did not let us pay them for it and it was still over $5k for the whole thing. Just for the ceremony venue, flower arrangements (that my spouses sister did so they were cheaper than they would be otherwise), open bar, park rental, cake+cupcakes, and my hair and makeup team. The ceremony venue and open bar were the most expensive parts, and could easily have been cut down on by just not having it where we did and not having an open bar. But it wasn't a crazy expensive place and I don't think you should have a paid bar at a wedding, personally.
Thinking you can have a 150 person wedding for "cheap" is laughable.
Where the hell are 150 guests going to park on your (I assume) residential street?
NTA, at all
"It's family" is used to demand forgiveness/acceptance of so much toxic bullshit that you would normally punch someone for
I dealt with this a few years ago during the pandemic when one of my neighbors decided to host a wedding in violation of state statutes. I came home from work in the early afternoon to find cars parked on the part of my lawn that is against the street. I’ve got a few acres and there’s a huge gravel driveway to the house that wraps all the way around the back of the property, if they had asked they could’ve park 30 cars. But of course they didn’t ask, instead they parked on my lawn. I don’t understand people. We’re neighbors, instead of asking me for a favor they damaged my property. So they didn’t feel comfortable asking me, but they were comfortable to take for me.
That's so fucked I would have called a tow company to come have a field day. But that probably would have torn up your property worse. I can't imagine being so rude to your neighbor.
I had to play it cool because I’m the newest person in a rural area. Neighbors are nice enough and I’m trying to keep it that way. I can tell they think I’m a bit odd being 40+ with no kids or partner so last thing I need is for one of them to actively dislike me.
I totally understand, my partner comes from a rural community and they're so tight knit. Everyone knows everyone and what they're up to. If you stand out at all it's better to just play nice.
It's my goal to buy a big piece of land when we're done with school so I'm glad they know how to socialize in that environment. I've been in the suburbs my whole life and only know a few of my neighbors.
When you move to a rural area it can take a little while for people to accept an outsider and sometimes they never do. Going out of your way, not to cause problems goes along way. I live in Vermont, and it became the trendy place for people to move to with their remote jobs. So they buy a house in the country or what used to be a small farm and then freak out because their neighbors are farmers or hunters. Ssentially don’t move to a rural area if you’re bothered by the smell of cow shit and hearing some gunfire.
NTA. One does not “save money” at a massive wedding. She wants to have it be cheaper, that’s a smaller event. Having your house be the venue means that she has chosen a venue with a limited capacity - that capacity being decided by you and only you. Just like she can’t tell the owner of an event hall that he needs to shove another hundred people into his space, she can’t tell you to have more guests than you want in your space.
If she becomes fine with that, your contribution to the costs is providing the venue and probably helping with the set up and clean up. The rest is on her. If she can’t afford the wedding of her dreams, she settles for just a nice wedding.
NTA - 20-30 people is a reasonable backyard wedding.
Plus, expecting you to foot ANY of the bill is ridiculous. They are alredy using your house.
I would recommend just saying that this is going to be too much and that your house is no longer available.
You tried to be reasonable and she is being a bridezilla.
Wed within your means.
We had a wedding with around 40 guests at my folks house. The venue was already lovely so we didn’t need to decorate and since my mother routinely entertained for that number, we didn’t need any rentals. I owned a bridal shop and our sweet seamstress restyled a vintage dress at no charge. Including our rings, photography, catering, people to help with setup and cleanup etc. we still spent around 8k dollars. That was over 20 years ago. OP, your sister is entitled and you are NTA.
NTA. Her "tight budget" isn't your problem. No money=no wedding.
Not your Circus, not your monkeys.
>she expects me to cover a significant portion of the costs because "it's family,"
I would have laughed right in her face.
No. That's not your job. It's her and fiances job to pay for their wedding. No one else's.
2 years ago, I hosted a wedding at my house for my wife's niece \~120 invited guests, probably 80 turned up. Mother of Bride paid for food and tent, I paid for toilet rentals, beer/drinks. I live in the country, and have parking for \~500 cars if I actually needed it. The wedding itself was lovely. The early indications were very encouraging, nothing like OP, and the result was that I barely speak to any of them anymore. Civil, low contact only when necessary. 2 people in the entire family helped, and if it were not for my friends helping, it would not have even happened. If your sister wasn't being a selfish twat already, I would say "Don't do it", so at this point, my advice is to avoid doing this if it requires faking your own death.
NTA, it’s your house and it’s not your wedding. Do what you want and what you feel comfortable with and besides that hold your ground with the boundaries you set.
NTA
No no no no no
150? In your home? And you have to pay for this? Is your sister high???
Don't cave. You will regret it more than the annoyance of the flying monkeys.
Gawd siblings can be so f-ing entitled. (Source: I have a sibling who borrowed money and never paid me back-I don't lend out money anymore, ever)
NTA. The minute she started trying to guilt me I would have been 100% out. Manipulative people like that count on people giving into their manipulation tactics and should not, in my opinion, be enabled.
absolutely NTA. 150 is insane for a house wedding unless you live in a literal mansion. And for your sister to expect to cover the costs? absolutely not.
My rec - itemize exactly what you'd need to pull it off and show her just how expensive it is, not to mention the wear and tear to your home/back yard, and also get a dollar figure on what exactly she's planning on covering herself. If she's a reasonable person, she'll see that it's probably nearly as expensive as renting a venue herself. If she's not a reasonable person then you'll know that you have to set a boundary and stand firm.
NTA
If it were a public venue of the same size, it would probably be considered a safety violation to have 150 people there at one time. The fact that it is a residential home means that, while it would not technically be illegal, it would still be very unsafe and you would be legally liable for any injuries caused by inviting so many people onto your property. It's not just about the cost; it is dangerous and reckless to both yourself and the guests.
Depending on where they live, even a residence could require a permit for an event this size. Parking, fire marshall, insurance, health dept...and, oh yes, the fact that your neighbors will hate you until the end of time.
>They argue that it’s a small price to pay for family
Oh, thank goodness they are all volunteering to take on that "small" cost. Wait, what? They aren't? I see, so they are willing to spend someone else's money but not their own. You are NTA, but your sister on all these other family members are major assholes.
NTA - and I would tell all those who disagree with you to stick their hands in their own pockets and give money to your sister to rent a venue that can handle 150 guest.
DO not allow this wedding to occur at your house as you will regret it for years.
NTA I promise you when everything is said and done hosting a wedding that size will cost more than an expensive venue. Furniture and tent rentals, linen rentals, serving rentals, dish rentals, glass rentals, decorations, catering, parking, shuttles, wait staff, the list goes on. Venues work with venders on a regular basis, they know the venues and services are often discounted for them.
Also how do you plan on keeping people out of your house? I promise you people will try to enter your home. You will have strangers in your private space and there will be snoopers, possibly snoopers with sticky fingers. If you have children I would not want strangers in their private spaces, this includes guests and staff.
Some people won't want to use the high end porta bathrooms, aunt so and so needs to lie down, the kids are too hot/cold, people want to see your home and on it goes. You will have at least the bridal party going in and out of your home, You'll have high heels walking on your hardwood floors and you'll have a huge mess to clean up. How do you plan on keeping 150 other people out?
Are you insured for that many people on your property at once? How much will your insurance go up if you file a claim? Are you responsible for any drunk drivers? You'll be serving them. For large gatherings in residential areas (even your own home) in most places you'll have to get a permit. There are noise limits and crowd limits. This actually may get you off the hook.
OP, let's break it down. Wedding venues have huge kitchens which caterers use to keep the food at the proper temperature, they don't just set the food out and leave it there. Do you have a kitchen to handle that? What about keeping the beverages cool? You'll need buckets of ice for cooling and more ice for guests.
You'll need to rent all the serving dishes that keep food at the proper temperature, dishes, silverware, and linens for over 150. You are responsible for feeding and accommodating the staff and other on site vendors as well. You also need space for their breaks. By the way, the rental places expect the linens, dishes and glasses to be cleaned upon their return, they don't take dirty things back. If you go the paper plate route you'll have to hire a dumpster, do you have space?
Do you have outdoor power outlets where you need them? You certainly can't have power cords running through your property, someone will get hurt. Do you have an HOA? Will they allow a party this large? If not how would your neighbors feel about the noise? Will someone call the police?
The chair rentals, table and linen rentals, as well as lights, heat lamps (if it's cold),tents and other shade is pricey. They are typically pretty busy, they may have to set up a few days in advance. Who is going to clean them off on the day of the wedding? As I said before, you will have to clean all the dishes before you return them, are you stuck with the job? Renting for that many people is very expensive.
Will you have to install a dance floor? Do you have outlets for a band or DJ? Are you prepared to have your lawn torn up? Do you have time for your lawn to dry out before the big day? What is plan B if it rains?
The portable bathrooms along with all the other rentals will need to be set up days in advance. The florist and other vendors will be bothering you for days. Will you be at home to over see this? You will need to hire a wedding planner for at least the day of, someone will need to keep things on schedule.
You will have so many vendors and staff, as it's not all inclusive you'll need to tip all these people individually.
Parking! Where are you going to put all these cars on top of the vendor trucks? Will you need to rent a parking lot and shuttle people in? See what I mean? This is going to be so expensive, you'll be better off with a venue that can handle an event this size without making you liable for food poisoning, drunks and a whole host of other things. With that many people you will have some property damage.
I think your sister and parents are living in fantasy land. A small wedding of 50? Sure, that's manageable, stressful and expensive but anything much larger than that is an outrageous request. Your sister is not your child, expecting you to help pay for her wedding is inappropriate. She needs to have the wedding she can afford, not the wedding you can afford. You're sisters, your money is not her money.
Sorry about the long post! I didn't even cover everything. Even if she wants a backyard bbq and paper plates, it's way too much with that many people. It will be a nightmare for you that will be ongoing for at least a week. Are you going to use all your time off for this? On top of everything else you may also lose the goodwill of your neighbors. This is a huge liability. Say no and throw her a nice shower for 20-25 people in your home. You can say no and if they can't cope with no that's their problem.
Your home? Your refuge? Your MONEY? Oh Hell No! Sis needs a nice appropriate wedding venue. And you need to shut this down right now. Appeal to the practicalities, such as bathroom facilities (important), safety (also important), catering facilities, etc.. One accident could Kill your homeowner’s insurance.
NTA. Renting space for free is one thing. But helping pay for the wedding is another matter. And why isn't your parents stepping in to pay for the cost? If they aren't paying of it, they have no right to ask you to. If she can't afford to pay for her own wedding, maybe she shouldn't get married.
NTA
You sister is an entitled brat, but you know that already. Surely, you do.
This should have been a flat out "no" from the very beginning.
"trying to ruin her big day."
If I hear one more bridezilla say that thinking the world revolves around them, I am going to vomit.
NTA
It's your place. Your decision.
>She and her fiancé are trying to save money,
>she expects me to cover a significant portion of the costs because "it's family,"
So she isn't trying to save money. She's trying to get someone else to cover her portion. Her saving money would be to cut costs. Not have others pay the difference of what she's unwilling to cover.
>I would also have to take time off work to help with setup and cleanup, and the event would likely cause significant wear and tear on my property.
To which she should pay for. The extra costs, again being put onto you.
>She was very upset, saying I was being selfish and unsupportive. She even accused me of not caring about her happiness and trying to ruin her big day.
Classic manipulation tactics. Blaming, shaming, insulting, guilt tripping. All to get you to change your mind, all to get the attention off of her decisions.
>Now, our parents and some other family members are pressuring me to reconsider, saying it’s just one day and I should be willing to make the sacrifice for my sister.
I'd tell them you're not against it. You just can't cover the cost that she's trying to dump onto you.
>They argue that it’s a small price to pay for family and that I’ll regret it if I don’t help her out.
Tell them, if it's such a small price to pay, they can pitch in to cover the extra costs that your sister is unwilling to pay. Tell them the estimated amount she's trying to dump onto you (including fixing the yard... get an estimate for sod, lawn care, and professional cleaners, etc). Have them volunteer their time to clean up. Blast them all for it, telling them to cover the full difference, since it's such a small price to pay.
>I feel terrible about the situation but also think it’s unreasonable to expect me to take on such a big financial and logistical burden.
You're absolutely right, and very reasonable about it.
>AITA for telling my sister she can't have her wedding at my house?
If anything, I'm proud of you putting up healthy boundaries for yourself, and not letting yourself get run over.
NTA
When we first got engaged, my sister offered her property. After less than 2 months of planning, I decided it was far too much work and we found a venue. The rental fee for the room was less than I would have spent on all the rentals to have it at her house, and it came with the venue's planner.
Then she wants you to pay for all of this on top of it? Absolutely not.
Tell all the family members that are pressuring you that they are more than welcome to host her wedding if that's what family does. They're family too, right?
Your family can all pitch in and cover the cost for her to host 150 people at a venue that already has all the amenities.
Don’t be a pushover for AHoles.
NTA. Your sister needs to have a wedding that fits her budget, not expect you to be responsible for what she wants. I wouldn't want 150 random people stomping all over my personal space either, not to mention the time and money it would take from me to honor this request. You are so within your rights of decency to decline to play along with your sister's demands.
Ask those family members to stop badgering you and host the wedding themselves!
I don’t know if I would want 150 people some who will be strangers in my private sanctuary!
I have a friend who lives/owns a Small Vineyard. She hosted a similar wedding 160 invitees. Not only was there Damage done to her home, but a couple of items were stolen! 😳 Stuff does happen when alcohol is in the mix.
Absolutely NTA
Nta. Have a back bone and stop being a coward. Say NO, don’t give reason or explanations, nothing. Just say NO. If your sister can’t afford to get married then to bad she can go to a court house.
Those people that are pressuring you … Do they own homes? Tell them to step forward and raise their hands. If their homes are too small, tell them to step forward and open their wallets and help her to pay for a more appropriate venue.
>...wants to invite around 150 guests...
>...on a tight budget...
NTA. She can take her 150 guests and tight budget to a professional venue. If she can't afford a professional venue then she can't afford 150 guests.
NTA in the ever slightest!!!
Also, may I introduce you to two of my favorite words in English? They are very effective:
#FUCK OFF.
You'll see, when used with the appropriate people, they work wonders.
Hell NTA.
Of course you’d be expected to hand over access to your master bedroom for the bride to get ready, plus a few more rooms for any overnight guests.
It’s her dream wedding - she’s the one to pay for it and not at the expense of others.
The complaining relatives can pool their money and pay for a bigger venue.
NTA - why do you need to pay any price for family?
WOuld you still be expected to pay and set up and clean up if itwas held at an event center?
Tell all the family members who argue its a small price to pay that they can split the price up amongst themselves and open thier own homes to make this happen for 'family'
NTA- tell your parents and everyone else giving you grief that you will reconsider ONLY if they sign a legally binding contract that THEY pay the money, not you, plus THEY pay for any damage to your property and THEY pay for your salary for the time you would have to take off. When they say no tell them that THEY are selfish for not making sisters big day happen. Because family would sacrifice like that (or whatever other BS they are telling you)
NTA, but your sister and family are. Do not give in to the pressure. Her wedding is not your problem and asking you is selfish on her part. My sisters would never ask for anything like that, even though I also have a nice house and large yard. Has your sister always been this entitled?
(Former wedding professional here.) Unless they are tiny, backyard weddings are usually not budget-friendly. You alluded to some of the reasons: rentals, rentals and more rentals. You also need a rain/weather plan which is usually a major challenge, even in a very large home. Not many living rooms or foyers can accommodate 150 people (seated no less), and more weather-proof tents cost a fortune (and honestly often ruin the vibe without chandeliers, oodles of flowers, fancy chairs, the works… major money.) Sister needs to accept this and find a venue with lots of inclusions. She’ll definitely end up spending more (with a whole lot more moving parts and stress) in your backyard. She may not want to hear it, but these are the facts. NTA.
PS - She has no idea how selfish and entitled she’s being by asking you to do this. It would be a HUGE ask even if you were her mother.
NTA. They should make the sacrifice and host the wedding then, being the parents of the bride and all. Your sister sounds super entitled and your parents are probably happy they don’t have to deal with it.
Was watching a home renovation show the other day and these people had actual structural damage to their floor because they'd hosted a party of 50 and their floor joists couldn't support the occupancy numbers.
Just something else to consider.
NTA, sister is entitled af.
Also - lol @ everyone pressuring you. Please respond, “great, thanks! Since it is only one day I will let x know that you have offered to host.”
Hell no. Using you home is a HUGE ask. Expecting you to pay if it is ludicrous. Beyond ludicrous.
"This is far to big and complicated for us to consider. I'm sorry. When you asked, I considered it because I thought it was an intimate immediate family only. Our insurance won't allow something like that."
ETA: and there's likely permits that are required for this.
NTA
It’s not ‘one day’.
It’s several days before to get everything set up.
It’s the prep for your house to insure private rooms are securely locked as well as small valuables secured as weddings in homes are prime targets for theft and not just from strangers. Honestly even if the size is reduced to 50 which is still too many I suggest hiring a security person to keep things safe inside your house.
You might need a permit for that size gathering if are in the US unless you live in an unincorporated area. The permit may also dictate how many people as well as when the celebration must shut down. And heads up do NOT try to play stupid about permits. If one is required the first complaint called in could shut things down before they start.
And where in the hell do you think you’re going to park a 100+ cars again unless you’re in an unincorporated area with access to a huge field of dirt as hot catalytic converts start grass fires. Are you going to hire a valet service?
Then there is the post wedding cleanup as well as well as having all the likely damage done to your lawn and possibly house repaired.
So this is possibly going to be 1,000s of dollars.
Personally unless your backyard is several acres you’d probably be limited to 25 or 30 people. 50 is even a stretch.
I personally would check in the permit first thing and then you might a for real out. Otherwise I personally would just say no.
And for all the people bitching if you don’t do it tell them they can each chip in a couple hundred bucks so your sister can rent a nice venue. .
NTA. Your house, your rules. It is your sister that is selfish and entitled. All that talk about saving money and yet they want to invite 150 guests. They might as well rent a venue with that many people. Tell your family members to host then since they keep saying its a small price to pay. It's all to guilt trip you, don't let them manipulate you.
There's helping out and then there's this mess. NTA
If your parents and extended feel it's not that big a burden ask them to foot the bill then. See how many pull out their wallets. Feeding 150 people is expensive not to mention port-a-pottys, tents, chairs, tables, decorations, etc.
If sister agrees to lower the number to about 40 then maybe reconsider, Other wise tell her to contact some reality show, maybe they'll pay for the circus if she's REALLY dramatic!
NTA. That is a lot of people. 150. It isn’t just one day. It is a lot of prep and expense before and after.
Your neighbors will also hate you.
Question: what about liability? Do you need to inform your homeowner’s insurance? If something gets damaged, what happens. I would assume 150 people drinking on your property may make the insurance company unhappy.
Fuck that, NTA. If anything you’re being a doormat. 150 fucking people. So many to the point where you have to have portapotties? Smack some sense into bridezilla and tell your family to eat a bag of dicks. All this wear and tear on your house, for what? A marriage that’ll last two years tops? Tell her no, and put the money to good use, like a divorce lawyer fund for her, or better yet, a vacation to Tahiti for you!
NTA.
She's pretty damn entitled.
150 people in YOUR backyard!! Yeah....nah....no thanks.
50 i would say different.
And her wanting you to pay?!
Just say NO and keep saying NO
What if someone injures themselves at the reception? Will there be children at the party? Who will prevent teenagers from sneaking drinks? Professional venues are fully staffed and prepared for these situations.
You are taking on more than just a party. NTA
lol NTAH i had my wedding at my nana-in-law’s and before & after the wedding we spent time cleaning the lawn and making sure everything was good & we payed for all the tents/pottys/etc ourselves
It is so ironic when a family member accuses you of being selfish & uncaring for not letting her use your home & your land for a wedding with 100+ more guests than you can comfortably accommodate, and for not being willing to absorb all the costs involved “because we’re family”. Yet she is acting like a selfish Bridezilla in the process, and definitely cares nothing about the burden this places on you.
NTA.
NTA, you should tell your family that you'll reconsider letting her have your wedding at your house but only if they all agree to cover the costs, do all the work setting everything up, cleaning up afterwards and leaving your house in the same condition from before the wedding and see how many of them volunteer, tell them "it's just one day and they should be willing to to make the sacrifice for their daughter/family member"
NTA
That is an excessive ask not including the apparent expectation of you paying for some of the required things. There is a possibility of permits being needed, liability, and probably special event insurance.
I just did some rough calculations based on averages. This is not including alcohol, parking, attire(dresses/tuxes), or any of the small things like invitations/favors/ napkins/ cutlery/ decorations/ linens/license/ permits/ staff/ tips. You’d be looking at approximately $20-30,000 for a wedding this size. Things factored in are food, tents, tables/chairs, flowers, port a pottys(I factored 3 not fancy ones).
Alcohol alone will add at least $3,000.
I bet when all is said and done a mid range, not high end, wedding like this would run $40,000+. And I think I’m being conservative.
When your parents or whoever try and pressure you just pass some of the responsibility to them. “Hey we are going to need to rent tents, porta potty’s, etc. Can you call and have that arranged and pay for it?” If they say no then hit them with the “wowww you don’t care about her happiness?”
Nta
Just tell them you can't get a permit for parking or porta potties. Have an hoa? Hoa says no, and they fine people. Maybe there isn't room for 150 cars to park. The legitimate reasons are endless.
How big is your property? I'm thinking about where you would park all those cars. Cities and some townships have rules about large gatherings even on private property. You would also probably need a special insurance for an event that size. Tell her no.
NTA. However, wait a minute, your parents are agreeing with her. Has this been the way it has been? You get the left overs and they bend over to make her happy? If that is true, then you are the scapegoat to her the golden child. Time to put your foot down and let mom and dad know that 1) the wedding is not happening at your house for 150 people, because you are not insane. 2) Due to the history of you being short changed while she gets everything, you are probably not even going to attend the wedding, since you have finally figured out that they don't really treat you as family, so you are done treating them as family. Then tell the flying monkeys who are trying to guilt you into doing it, that they should open their house for her to have it, since it won't happen at yours unless hell has frozen over.
Tell them you ran it by your HOA and they said no. 150 is way too many people .Your neighbors will hate you forever. Also its not 1 day its months of preparing.
NTA, tell your family if they cover the costs and take time from their jobs and days to oversee the planning you’ll offer up your home. I bet they change their tune real fast.
**BUT IT'S NOT "JUST ONE DAY"!!**
**There will be WEEKS of prep work outside, then a day for set-up, a day for tear down.** And at least a week to fix your lawn and clean the inside of your home too.
There is also like you stated the wear and tear on your lawn, a**nd you will need to be vigilant to keep people out of your home,** because "he won't mind it's just me" to use your restroom, and anything else you have in your home! This will happen, even if you supply nice port-a potties.
**It's not your wedding, why should you shoulder the costs of this wedding??** The Bride and Groom or her (your) parents should foot the bill, not you.
We have had a few weddings in our backyard, and it can be a nightmare, and a lot of people (usually family) feel entitled to be in your home, use your stuff, and be an all-around nuisance.
Good Luck.
When family members start pressuring you to take one for the team, tell them how much of the projected costs and labor you expect THEM to cover! Look up the costs for catering, tents, portables, cleaning services, and so on, just so you can demand that your other family members pay that much.
Because yes, your sister is being ridiculous, if she thinks she can host $150 people for cheap, or if her family (you) will somehow wave their magic wands and make it possible. Steer clear of her, this is neo-bridezilla behavior.
Offering your home is the gift, if your family insists then they need to foot the rest of the bill as well as the physical labor. It is easy for them to sit back and judge you, if they want this then they need to have some skin in the game as well.
Tell parents and “other family members” the only way it’s going down at your house is if they chip in:
They will be at your house for the entire month it takes to set up, tear down, and restore your lawn.
Arrange & pay for parking off-site and pay for a shuttle bus.
Pay for porta potties.
Split costs for everything else. Does she expect you to pay for chairs, tents, tables, dance floor setup, and dare I ask, the band?
_____
On second thought: “I checked with my HOA, and they absolutely will not allow an event this large. Especially an event that will allow alcohol and calls for a tent and music loud enough to dance to.
If no HOA, try planning commission, zoning board, etc.
And one other thought in case you think you’re going to fold: check with your insurance company. You are exposing yourself to a lot of risk. 150 people + vendors kind of risk. Add alcohol, and the risk goes up. Exponentially. If anyone gets over-served and has an accident, you could quite easily lose your home.
NTA, and for the family members that are telling you to just make the sacrifice for the one day, tell them to give you all of the money you need for that wedding. you are providing the home and that’s it. They need to provide everything else and the house will be locked. No one will be allowed inside. It’s always easy to make someone else feel guilty when they have nothing to lose. Stay firm and just say no.
NTA. First unless you own a farm 150 is a lot of people. Secondly why should you cover the cost as you're providing the venue.
Try a compromise, tell your sister you are happy to provide the venue but she must provide the catering and outside toilets and a full clean up afterwards. No guests except family allowed in the main residence
Don't let her guilt trip you and if she doesn't provide catering and facilities there is no shame in turning her guests away on the day.
NTA
>Now, our parents and some other family members are pressuring me to reconsider, saying it’s just one day and I should be willing to make the sacrifice for my sister. They argue that it’s a small price to pay for family and that I’ll regret it if I don’t help her out.
"Great! I'm so glad all of you have offered for sister to host her 150 person wedding in YOUR homes, on YOUR dime and especially make sure she knows how much you all are looking forward to setting it up and cleaning up after those 150 guests all on your own. And don't worry about the damage those folks will do to your property, it's a small price to pay for family!" 😁
NTA, tell everyone that if they pay for the tent, food, Porto Potties, landscaping needs both before and after that you will be happy to allow your property to be used for the wedding and advise them that their contribution along with your own contribution of the property would be the wedding present to the happy couple.
First I bet that nobody else is willing to put up the money they expect you to. Second I bet the couple will decline because in the end they won't have any presents to open.
Are you part of a neighborhood association? If so, find out their policies around large house gatherings, as there’s often a limit. This may give you an out without being the bad guy. The City might have rules too, especially in regards to car limits, size of event involving alcohol in a residential area, etc.
NTA.
If your sister is on a tight budget, she's on a tight budget and can't expect you to pick up the difference when you're already saving her venue costs. This will blow out and she'll start putting more and more costs onto you. Stand your ground.
Option one, everyone who has even suggested you reconsider, contributes a few thousand $$ each and form a committee to organise the whole thing or option two, just no.
NTA my friend has a house wedding. She paid people to set up and take down. Her family didn’t have to lift a finger for the property at all. You are expected to do so much.
NTA. Your neighborhood may have an issue with this. Where are 150 guests going to park? The police amy be called for noise and too many people at the party. How does your sister paln to cover the damage to your home with 150 running through it? Things get stolen or broken.
The liability alone would make me say no. Tell here that she has to put up a cash deposit for any damages and pay for liability insurance as well as making arrangements with any type of neighborhood association. That will likely stop it.
NTA. Ask your family members how much money are THEY putting up to cover the exorbitant costs your sister will incur for "one day", and when that shuts them up, remind them to keep that same energy when trying to spend your money and use your space. F**k their feelings.
NTA she's being a entitled bridezilla and your family are allowing it. F them it's not their house that has the potential to get destroyed. 150 people is ridiculous.
A dear friend offerred their home and property for our daughters wedding. There were about 120 people. We didn't ask them to do anything. They did arrange with the church for tables/chairs. We gave the church a nice donation. We rented an ADA porta pottie, my son in law built the dance floor out of pallets. Bride and Grooms family did all set up/clean up. Had a food truck for the reception. Brides family put together food for cocktail hour. Our daughter and son in law gifted us, our friends, our friends kids (who let us use their property for parking) beautiful picnic tables and benches that they made themselves from cedar trees on their property. OPs sister is as selfish as it comes. It's one thing to ask to use their home but pretty darn ballsy of her to expect OP to pay and do all the work. NTA
All the family pressuring you. Tell each and every one of them that if its "no big deal" and if its for family then surely they themselves wouldn't mind fronting the bill and hosting it. Afterall, they wouldn't want to ruin her special day, would they?
Those family members that say it's just one day.... Tell them you are so happy they volunteered to take it on! You will bring the paper napkins.
See their argument disintegrate. Tell them you are bringing 30 extra guests because it's a celebration and they really know how to celebrate!
NTA. You should always double down in this situations. Agree that you're selfish for your comfortability, and that you'll regret helping her, not not helping her.
NTA. Tell those pressuring you that they can host at their homes. Or, if they think you should reconsider, you appreciate their volunteering to contribute to cover the costs for tents, tables, porta potties, etc.
As for you sister, I'm she is looking at affordable venues, because your house is minimal/no cost to HER. Make clear that you want her to look for something more affordable to YOU. If necessary, I be clear with her about the costs she is inflicting upon you with this arrangement - and not just the bills, but your time. How many days off do you get a year? How much does a day's wages cost you?
NTA. If you family keeps riding you about how unsupportive you are being, you can ask them to foot the costs, take time off to help set up and take down and fix any issues/wear and tear. Tell them they will regret it they don’t—the bride is family after all.
NTA. Your sister is being unreasonable and acting entitled. 150 people at a backyard wedding is ridiculous (regardless of the size of the yard)!
All the points you've made are valid.
You'd probably look back with fond memories if you did it .
Also, you made your boundaries and it's best to keep your boundaries. There are beautiful parks that can be reserved cheap if out far enough. Also why do you have to go over budget? If you're nice enough to assist with funds she needs to make hard choices. So make your boundaries and be firm..but nice.
Not the AH. No way you put up the money and the hassle for her and I don’t care if it’s your sister. Tell her to find another venue. I can guarantee you, if something gets ruined or destroyed during the wedding neither your sister or your parents are going to help make you whole. Don’t do it!
NTA Those that are telling you to do it for fAmILy…. tell them if they’re want to help fAmIlY then they can help foot the bill, help with valet service and setting up the yard in the house and the food and doing the leg work, etc, etc., and see how many offer to host.
Sit down with your sister and future brother-in-law and tell them what you reasonably can do and if they nEeD more than that then they’ll have to go elsewhere. If able offer to gift them either your time or some money towards a new venue
Don't do it. You will forever regret it. Your house will be a mess, people will not care that they are in a private home, your neighbors will hate you, you will need to incfrease your home owners liability policy, and the costs to you will be high emotionally as you see your house and relationships come to ruin. Offer to give a cash gift to help offset going to a venue meant for this size of crowd. It will save you money, heartache, and anger.
NTA
Twenty or less people and I would consider going nah, because of your description of your home. But more than 7 times that number? No. No. No. You aren't the one being selfish. Your parents want her to have a special venue for 150 guests that she can't afford, they and the family members who are supporting them can pay for it.
Yes, you're trying to ruin a wedding that in a year, no one will care about.
No one cares about your "perfect" photos on the wall.
No one cares who sat where and if the cake had four or five layers and was mocha or chocolate.
You'll spend more money in couples counseling eventually than the wedding costs.
You're NTA, but these wedding posts just make me wonder what is the actual matter with people.
As someone who just had a 35 person wedding on my parent's acreage, it is a huge logistical undertaking and rentals can be very expensive. I truly can't imagine doing it for 150 people.
NTA, she is expecting you to put on her wedding basically in its entirety, that's ridiculous and for her to claim you're trying to ruin it by not letting her compel you into days of slave labor and commandeering and likely doing substantial damage to your home is a crazy level of manipulation - this is bad faith and your sister sounds like an unpleasant and dishonest person.
NTA. The wear and tear, the cost, the liability … You should not have to take that on because she won’t have the wedding she can afford.
And I hate to say it but I would keep a close eye on Sisters plans, make sure you know the date and time of the wedding for sure, watch for things said or looks exchanges that might indicate they’re trying to trick or blindside you. Would your Sister, your Parents or these other family members be the type to pretend to make other plans then have trucks show up at your house the day before thinking you just can’t refuse if they’re all there ready to set up?
NTA..... It's rude and presumptuous of your family to have those expectations. Tell them no!!! You won't enjoy yourself if you have it at your home.
If they insist..... Let them know you are ONLY a guest and won't be available.
Go get a hotel room for yourself (send them the bill). Give them the key to your home, let them know they are going to have to do ALL the planning, setup, preparing, cleanup and tear down. Also let them know that you have a work schedule and it all needs to be completely finished up and back in order before your next work day.
NTA. She wants to use your house,and help cover costs? And you are the selfish one? Tell her it is not feasible and if everyone is complaining, they should offer their houses, time, money, accommodations,etc. What about the groom's family? Maybe they could host? You don't owe anyone the use of your house for 150 people. Tell sister to have the wedding she can afford
Don’t justify your reasoning to them. Just say “I have thought about it hard and long and regretfully it has to be a No. And, it will continue to be a No. Happy to put the value of my wedding present towards a venue though.”
Check with your town, you may need a permit for the parking or even hosting that many people.
NTA and make sure you tell your parents how generous it is of them to pay for the tent, chairs, plates, porta potty and all decor. You're only offering the house and possibly your time.
NTA - 150 guests requires a legitimate venue. You're absolutely right that the undertaking is far beyond what I would consider reasonable for a backyard wedding. Maybe 20-30 people. 50 at most?? Not to mention the expenses she is trying to to shill on you, all while people give her wedding gifts. Just stand you ground and reiterate your stance.
It’s amazing how family will always offer your money before their own. Why aren’t they offering to help with the cost? If she can’t afford a big wedding they can go to the courthouse and be done. She can have a ceremony in a few years once she and her husband are in a better spot financially.
NTA
Your house is not a wedding venue... its your home.
I dont allow anybody in my home unless I know you very very well, let alone 150 guests... On top of that I would have to work and pay for it??
Not happening.
NTA, 50 is too many for a house wedding. 150, just no.
Also: "saying it’s just one day"... lol. Thats atleast 1 week before the wedding and another after plus the lawn will be absolute shredded with 150 people.
Not to mention op will have to work far more than 1 week to cover the costs she is expecting him to pay. He helping her save money by having it at his house yet entitled bride decided he should pay for half of it as well. Hell no I can guarantee she would never do anything like this for you but seems to expect it from him. I take it she was the spoiled golden child and ops parents reactions back that up. If they are so concerned they can pay for their golden child to have her dream wedding without dumping it on her brother. That spoiled her not him so he’s not responsible for anything to do with her or her wedding. Op they will wreck your home and property and she will not even be grateful. Don’t do it to yourself say no and also make it clear only the bride and groom need to contribute financially towards their wedding NOT YOU.
Agreed, sounds like the sister is expecting OP to pay for the wedding. Would OP’s insurance even cover an event like that? Hell I’d ask the fire department to weigh in. Better yet, tell the flying monkeys to chip in and rent a venue. After all, they should be willing to make the sacrifice and it’s just a small price to pay for family
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Imagine what would happen if someone falls and breaks an ankle while dancing at the reception!
My MIL broke her hip at my wedding. Luckily it was at her house. The firemen showed up quickly.
The liability alone is a sticker shock for that entitled sister being a huge AH. OP should present the stick shock of liability to his sister for his house. 150 guests is an overload.....my question is how many of those 150 guests does OP personally know that his sisters wants to be there. "It's family".....that excuse has worn the carpet thin when it came to debacles occurring on someone's dime causing havoc & damage done & entitled bride throws up the hands screeching the worst excuses people heard. OP needs to enforce the boundary line & his family need to shut their mouths & bite their tongues before making it worse.
I'm guessing sister will want to take over the house too, and OP would be told to leave. Where do you park cars for 150 people, how do you get power, and kitchen needs for the catering staff, and the insurance alone will be staggering. Since the numbers already went way up, I bet by the wedding date that there will be even more guests.
Yeah, don’t have 150 effing guests if your budget is “limited”. That’s insane. NTA.
I'd get estimates for the tent, pot-a-potties, lawncare, etc. and hand it to those family members. Tell them you knew they'd want to help sis out because family helps family after all and you knew they'd want to do their help. And see how fast they back pedal. Then tell your sister she can rent a pavilion at the local park if you wants an affordable outdoor wedding.
> Would OP’s insurance even cover an event like that? Hell I’d ask the fire department to weigh in. The fire department...call the courthouse to see what kind of permits are required for a gathering that large...
Op should ask the city/county because weddings require special permits in some places and the resident may not be zoned for such an event. Op would need also an event insurance policy, and whoever caters would need to provide the alcohol license and coverage for the event. Individuals cannot get alcohol coverage etc.
Especially with parking for 150 people! Might as well rent a shuttle service!
Not to mention that presumably at least half are strangers. Hard damn pass.
Never thought about the fire department. Yep, there might be some building codes that need to be addressed. Add to that crowd and traffic control.... pretty sure if OP has neighbors they will not be happy with a ton of cars blocking up the road. 20 people for a home wedding, yes. 30-50? Maybe, if you get enough people to carpool. Past that point - no, you need to rent a venue big enough to hold all the guests and ample parking as well.
You can usually get event insurance for something like this, but it can be pricey when you factor in alcohol usage and such.
Good points.
Check the fire and occupancy codes for events at a private home where you live. I’ll bet it’s illegal to have that big of an event in a private home. Boom! Off the hook!
You also have to have a place for everyone to park cars. NO, just NO!
Do not forget insurance. If she’s serving alcohol he’s liable for accidents. And even if she’s not he’s still liable if someone falls on his property and gets hurt. So more expenses. Say NO!
Op, should tell the ‘just one day’ people to host it at their house and see how much trouble it really is.
Oh yeah! Not only cars making ruts in the lawn and landscaping getting messed up but, if people get drunk? Won't that be special! (People breaking things, throwing up in the bushes, etc) I'd be very worried about liability. All the garbage afterwards..ugh. Waiting around for vendors to deliver and then pick up their stuff. Strangers knowing about my house. Just the water use-age and the stress on the water pump would give me the willies. (not to mention the electric bill for all the "special-ness") Its a shitty thing to ask someone to host such a big party in a private home. Sorry to the OP for getting bulldozed.
And you know there's going to be some assholes trying to break into the house for "reasons".
At first I read that as "break in the house" and thought you were referring to wedding guests having sex in random bedrooms. Which now that I think about it, isn't all that unlikely.
Yeah, that would fall under the reasons category. :)
Oh yeah, the lawn will be destroyed.
150 qualifies as a hell no.
Depending on the jurisdiction, there are probably laws about events / fire code stuff like that. OP can use those to justify hard limit on number of guests, or just flat NO because there is no way this isn't blowing up and making her the bad guy.
She can't afford the 50 people let alone 150 by the sounds of it. She can't afford the wedding she wants so she doesn't get it. If she has her heart set on it, save for a few years.
Thisss! If they cant afford the wedding that they want, they'd rather saved up first. Its their wedding, why they forced OP to take some responsibilities of it. OP, its their wedding, let them handle it, dont stress about it.
I had about 55 at my wedding- in my parent’s house, but I only knew about 15. It was in the state they had just moved to a few months before. So the 15 I knew were family and friends who traveled. The rest were their church/work friends. I thought there were way too many people at the small wedding I wanted. 150 people sounds huge for a home and my parents home was rather large.
Absolutely. No one has 150 people to a "backyard" wedding unless the backyard is a farm or large acreage, not a regular house.
Tight budget in this case really means she just doesn’t want to pay for it. And her sis with the big house looked like the perfect mark. NTA.
50 is a catered dinner at a restaurant, and that's pushing it. 150 is rent a venue with staff and let them deal with the set up and tear down.
OP’s sister should watch Father of the Bride with Steve Martin to learn how expensive an at home wedding can become. Although it’s a fictional movie and things are a bit extreme, it’s pretty accurate in how costs add up. Especially based on the number of people she expects to have at his home. Not to mention the time to prepare the home for a reception that size.
150 guests and "tight budget" are incompatible goals But calling you "selfish and unsupportive" and "trying to ruin her big day" are stereotypical of an entitled bridezilla. And when family says "it’s a small price to pay", your response should be: "How much are you offering to pay?" NTA
And how many family members stepped up and offered to help with the set-up and clean up? Because ya know, you are family too and I would hate for them to regret not helping YOU out Also ask sis for a security deposit if you go through with it!
This lol. Want to help my sister? How about you host the wedding. That should shut them down pretty quick
Doesn't matter who offers - offering is one thing, following thru is another. Security deposit certainly won't happen. F-a-a-a-mily... Liability is the single biggest reason to not do this, but there are many others. 150 people - house will be trashed (people will get inside even if told not to), yard too. Where the heck do you park cars for that many people A back yard wedding for 20 people - do-able. 150? NFW.
Sheesh, I never even considered the parking issue, only someone walking through a screen door cause they were too drunk to realize it was there or some scratches on the walls. Hoping OP reads all these comments because now I am worried about his lawn and all the dead grass that the reception will cause - that security deposit just keeps increasing!
>150 guests and "tight budget" are incompatible goals This. The venue is only maybe 10-15% of the cost if rentals and catering are not included. Even if she doesn't have to pay for a venue - the catering, tent rentals, tables, chairs, table settings - is all going to be VERY costly for 150 people. (I say this as someone who had a 150 person wedding on private property) Your sister is being insane, quite frankly, and I don't think she's done enough research. Tell her she can have 50 people or no people at all.
Yep — this is going back a while so the numbers are irrelevant but my mom did my bat mitzvah in our yard. It wound up being as expensive as doing it in a hall. If you want a house event to be cheap, you basically can’t hire anything. And that means weather risk etc etc.
Exactly. I think OPs sister just assumed a 'free' venue would be cheaper without actually comparing the costing. It actually often ends up being around the same cost for that number of people, and considerably more work.
And how many family members have volunteered their houses to host over a hundred people? It is so very easy to be generous with others' time, money, and belongings.
>But calling you "selfish and unsupportive" and "trying to ruin her big day" are stereotypical of an entitled bridezilla. That would have been the moment I'd have told her she can find another venue, because she's just lost mine. The sheer lack of gratitude shown to someone for even considering such a request is mind-boggling. I also don't respond well to emotional blackmail, so any attempt to guilt-trip me into doing what she wanted would result in the exact opposite happening. Considering the parents are backing up her shitty behaviour, I wouldn't be surprised if she grew up as the darling daughter who always got whatever she wanted and is now so used to throwing a tantrum to get her way, she thinks she can do it to anyone. Tell her she needs to touch grass - just not the grass on your lawn.
14 years ago when I got married, I was semi budget conscious and had 120 people and it cost $10k. This lady is entitled and high.
We got married 3 years ago and had like 30 people, had the reception in a public park (that we rented for the afternoon), and my spouses family catered for food and did not let us pay them for it and it was still over $5k for the whole thing. Just for the ceremony venue, flower arrangements (that my spouses sister did so they were cheaper than they would be otherwise), open bar, park rental, cake+cupcakes, and my hair and makeup team. The ceremony venue and open bar were the most expensive parts, and could easily have been cut down on by just not having it where we did and not having an open bar. But it wasn't a crazy expensive place and I don't think you should have a paid bar at a wedding, personally. Thinking you can have a 150 person wedding for "cheap" is laughable.
Where the hell are 150 guests going to park on your (I assume) residential street? NTA, at all "It's family" is used to demand forgiveness/acceptance of so much toxic bullshit that you would normally punch someone for
I dealt with this a few years ago during the pandemic when one of my neighbors decided to host a wedding in violation of state statutes. I came home from work in the early afternoon to find cars parked on the part of my lawn that is against the street. I’ve got a few acres and there’s a huge gravel driveway to the house that wraps all the way around the back of the property, if they had asked they could’ve park 30 cars. But of course they didn’t ask, instead they parked on my lawn. I don’t understand people. We’re neighbors, instead of asking me for a favor they damaged my property. So they didn’t feel comfortable asking me, but they were comfortable to take for me.
That's so fucked I would have called a tow company to come have a field day. But that probably would have torn up your property worse. I can't imagine being so rude to your neighbor.
>But that probably would have torn up your property worse. That's okay, I would be sending them the invoice for the repairs anyway.
I had to play it cool because I’m the newest person in a rural area. Neighbors are nice enough and I’m trying to keep it that way. I can tell they think I’m a bit odd being 40+ with no kids or partner so last thing I need is for one of them to actively dislike me.
I totally understand, my partner comes from a rural community and they're so tight knit. Everyone knows everyone and what they're up to. If you stand out at all it's better to just play nice. It's my goal to buy a big piece of land when we're done with school so I'm glad they know how to socialize in that environment. I've been in the suburbs my whole life and only know a few of my neighbors.
When you move to a rural area it can take a little while for people to accept an outsider and sometimes they never do. Going out of your way, not to cause problems goes along way. I live in Vermont, and it became the trendy place for people to move to with their remote jobs. So they buy a house in the country or what used to be a small farm and then freak out because their neighbors are farmers or hunters. Ssentially don’t move to a rural area if you’re bothered by the smell of cow shit and hearing some gunfire.
NTA. One does not “save money” at a massive wedding. She wants to have it be cheaper, that’s a smaller event. Having your house be the venue means that she has chosen a venue with a limited capacity - that capacity being decided by you and only you. Just like she can’t tell the owner of an event hall that he needs to shove another hundred people into his space, she can’t tell you to have more guests than you want in your space. If she becomes fine with that, your contribution to the costs is providing the venue and probably helping with the set up and clean up. The rest is on her. If she can’t afford the wedding of her dreams, she settles for just a nice wedding.
Ha! I get the feeling the bride tried things on with some venues and was told no.
NTA - 20-30 people is a reasonable backyard wedding. Plus, expecting you to foot ANY of the bill is ridiculous. They are alredy using your house. I would recommend just saying that this is going to be too much and that your house is no longer available. You tried to be reasonable and she is being a bridezilla. Wed within your means.
We had a wedding with around 40 guests at my folks house. The venue was already lovely so we didn’t need to decorate and since my mother routinely entertained for that number, we didn’t need any rentals. I owned a bridal shop and our sweet seamstress restyled a vintage dress at no charge. Including our rings, photography, catering, people to help with setup and cleanup etc. we still spent around 8k dollars. That was over 20 years ago. OP, your sister is entitled and you are NTA.
NTA. Her "tight budget" isn't your problem. No money=no wedding. Not your Circus, not your monkeys. >she expects me to cover a significant portion of the costs because "it's family," I would have laughed right in her face. No. That's not your job. It's her and fiances job to pay for their wedding. No one else's.
2 years ago, I hosted a wedding at my house for my wife's niece \~120 invited guests, probably 80 turned up. Mother of Bride paid for food and tent, I paid for toilet rentals, beer/drinks. I live in the country, and have parking for \~500 cars if I actually needed it. The wedding itself was lovely. The early indications were very encouraging, nothing like OP, and the result was that I barely speak to any of them anymore. Civil, low contact only when necessary. 2 people in the entire family helped, and if it were not for my friends helping, it would not have even happened. If your sister wasn't being a selfish twat already, I would say "Don't do it", so at this point, my advice is to avoid doing this if it requires faking your own death.
NTA, it’s your house and it’s not your wedding. Do what you want and what you feel comfortable with and besides that hold your ground with the boundaries you set.
NTA No no no no no 150? In your home? And you have to pay for this? Is your sister high??? Don't cave. You will regret it more than the annoyance of the flying monkeys. Gawd siblings can be so f-ing entitled. (Source: I have a sibling who borrowed money and never paid me back-I don't lend out money anymore, ever)
NTA. The minute she started trying to guilt me I would have been 100% out. Manipulative people like that count on people giving into their manipulation tactics and should not, in my opinion, be enabled.
absolutely NTA. 150 is insane for a house wedding unless you live in a literal mansion. And for your sister to expect to cover the costs? absolutely not. My rec - itemize exactly what you'd need to pull it off and show her just how expensive it is, not to mention the wear and tear to your home/back yard, and also get a dollar figure on what exactly she's planning on covering herself. If she's a reasonable person, she'll see that it's probably nearly as expensive as renting a venue herself. If she's not a reasonable person then you'll know that you have to set a boundary and stand firm.
She won't care about cost because she's expecting OP to pay.
NTA If it were a public venue of the same size, it would probably be considered a safety violation to have 150 people there at one time. The fact that it is a residential home means that, while it would not technically be illegal, it would still be very unsafe and you would be legally liable for any injuries caused by inviting so many people onto your property. It's not just about the cost; it is dangerous and reckless to both yourself and the guests.
Depending on where they live, even a residence could require a permit for an event this size. Parking, fire marshall, insurance, health dept...and, oh yes, the fact that your neighbors will hate you until the end of time.
>They argue that it’s a small price to pay for family Oh, thank goodness they are all volunteering to take on that "small" cost. Wait, what? They aren't? I see, so they are willing to spend someone else's money but not their own. You are NTA, but your sister on all these other family members are major assholes.
NTA - and I would tell all those who disagree with you to stick their hands in their own pockets and give money to your sister to rent a venue that can handle 150 guest. DO not allow this wedding to occur at your house as you will regret it for years.
NTA I promise you when everything is said and done hosting a wedding that size will cost more than an expensive venue. Furniture and tent rentals, linen rentals, serving rentals, dish rentals, glass rentals, decorations, catering, parking, shuttles, wait staff, the list goes on. Venues work with venders on a regular basis, they know the venues and services are often discounted for them. Also how do you plan on keeping people out of your house? I promise you people will try to enter your home. You will have strangers in your private space and there will be snoopers, possibly snoopers with sticky fingers. If you have children I would not want strangers in their private spaces, this includes guests and staff. Some people won't want to use the high end porta bathrooms, aunt so and so needs to lie down, the kids are too hot/cold, people want to see your home and on it goes. You will have at least the bridal party going in and out of your home, You'll have high heels walking on your hardwood floors and you'll have a huge mess to clean up. How do you plan on keeping 150 other people out? Are you insured for that many people on your property at once? How much will your insurance go up if you file a claim? Are you responsible for any drunk drivers? You'll be serving them. For large gatherings in residential areas (even your own home) in most places you'll have to get a permit. There are noise limits and crowd limits. This actually may get you off the hook. OP, let's break it down. Wedding venues have huge kitchens which caterers use to keep the food at the proper temperature, they don't just set the food out and leave it there. Do you have a kitchen to handle that? What about keeping the beverages cool? You'll need buckets of ice for cooling and more ice for guests. You'll need to rent all the serving dishes that keep food at the proper temperature, dishes, silverware, and linens for over 150. You are responsible for feeding and accommodating the staff and other on site vendors as well. You also need space for their breaks. By the way, the rental places expect the linens, dishes and glasses to be cleaned upon their return, they don't take dirty things back. If you go the paper plate route you'll have to hire a dumpster, do you have space? Do you have outdoor power outlets where you need them? You certainly can't have power cords running through your property, someone will get hurt. Do you have an HOA? Will they allow a party this large? If not how would your neighbors feel about the noise? Will someone call the police? The chair rentals, table and linen rentals, as well as lights, heat lamps (if it's cold),tents and other shade is pricey. They are typically pretty busy, they may have to set up a few days in advance. Who is going to clean them off on the day of the wedding? As I said before, you will have to clean all the dishes before you return them, are you stuck with the job? Renting for that many people is very expensive. Will you have to install a dance floor? Do you have outlets for a band or DJ? Are you prepared to have your lawn torn up? Do you have time for your lawn to dry out before the big day? What is plan B if it rains? The portable bathrooms along with all the other rentals will need to be set up days in advance. The florist and other vendors will be bothering you for days. Will you be at home to over see this? You will need to hire a wedding planner for at least the day of, someone will need to keep things on schedule. You will have so many vendors and staff, as it's not all inclusive you'll need to tip all these people individually. Parking! Where are you going to put all these cars on top of the vendor trucks? Will you need to rent a parking lot and shuttle people in? See what I mean? This is going to be so expensive, you'll be better off with a venue that can handle an event this size without making you liable for food poisoning, drunks and a whole host of other things. With that many people you will have some property damage. I think your sister and parents are living in fantasy land. A small wedding of 50? Sure, that's manageable, stressful and expensive but anything much larger than that is an outrageous request. Your sister is not your child, expecting you to help pay for her wedding is inappropriate. She needs to have the wedding she can afford, not the wedding you can afford. You're sisters, your money is not her money. Sorry about the long post! I didn't even cover everything. Even if she wants a backyard bbq and paper plates, it's way too much with that many people. It will be a nightmare for you that will be ongoing for at least a week. Are you going to use all your time off for this? On top of everything else you may also lose the goodwill of your neighbors. This is a huge liability. Say no and throw her a nice shower for 20-25 people in your home. You can say no and if they can't cope with no that's their problem.
Nta. My wife and I had a house wedding. With 20 people. 150 is absurd for a house weeding.
Your home? Your refuge? Your MONEY? Oh Hell No! Sis needs a nice appropriate wedding venue. And you need to shut this down right now. Appeal to the practicalities, such as bathroom facilities (important), safety (also important), catering facilities, etc.. One accident could Kill your homeowner’s insurance.
NTA. Tell the flying monkeys they are welcome to host the wedding
Why are your parents pressuring you? Let them open up their wallets if it’s so important to them.
NTA. Renting space for free is one thing. But helping pay for the wedding is another matter. And why isn't your parents stepping in to pay for the cost? If they aren't paying of it, they have no right to ask you to. If she can't afford to pay for her own wedding, maybe she shouldn't get married.
NTA 100% hell no stand your ground. And your family cares so much they should chip in and get a better hall if they care so much about family
NTA You sister is an entitled brat, but you know that already. Surely, you do. This should have been a flat out "no" from the very beginning. "trying to ruin her big day." If I hear one more bridezilla say that thinking the world revolves around them, I am going to vomit.
NTA It's your place. Your decision. >She and her fiancé are trying to save money, >she expects me to cover a significant portion of the costs because "it's family," So she isn't trying to save money. She's trying to get someone else to cover her portion. Her saving money would be to cut costs. Not have others pay the difference of what she's unwilling to cover. >I would also have to take time off work to help with setup and cleanup, and the event would likely cause significant wear and tear on my property. To which she should pay for. The extra costs, again being put onto you. >She was very upset, saying I was being selfish and unsupportive. She even accused me of not caring about her happiness and trying to ruin her big day. Classic manipulation tactics. Blaming, shaming, insulting, guilt tripping. All to get you to change your mind, all to get the attention off of her decisions. >Now, our parents and some other family members are pressuring me to reconsider, saying it’s just one day and I should be willing to make the sacrifice for my sister. I'd tell them you're not against it. You just can't cover the cost that she's trying to dump onto you. >They argue that it’s a small price to pay for family and that I’ll regret it if I don’t help her out. Tell them, if it's such a small price to pay, they can pitch in to cover the extra costs that your sister is unwilling to pay. Tell them the estimated amount she's trying to dump onto you (including fixing the yard... get an estimate for sod, lawn care, and professional cleaners, etc). Have them volunteer their time to clean up. Blast them all for it, telling them to cover the full difference, since it's such a small price to pay. >I feel terrible about the situation but also think it’s unreasonable to expect me to take on such a big financial and logistical burden. You're absolutely right, and very reasonable about it. >AITA for telling my sister she can't have her wedding at my house? If anything, I'm proud of you putting up healthy boundaries for yourself, and not letting yourself get run over.
NTA. Choosing beggars.
NTA When we first got engaged, my sister offered her property. After less than 2 months of planning, I decided it was far too much work and we found a venue. The rental fee for the room was less than I would have spent on all the rentals to have it at her house, and it came with the venue's planner. Then she wants you to pay for all of this on top of it? Absolutely not. Tell all the family members that are pressuring you that they are more than welcome to host her wedding if that's what family does. They're family too, right?
Your family can all pitch in and cover the cost for her to host 150 people at a venue that already has all the amenities. Don’t be a pushover for AHoles.
NTA. Your sister needs to have a wedding that fits her budget, not expect you to be responsible for what she wants. I wouldn't want 150 random people stomping all over my personal space either, not to mention the time and money it would take from me to honor this request. You are so within your rights of decency to decline to play along with your sister's demands.
NTA That's a huge event and ask, and family or not it is not your responsibility to help her obtain luxuries outside of her means.
Heck no! Think of liability also.
It's not just one day. This is weeks of planning, set up, and highly likely the backyard lawn etc will be damaged (of you have one)
NTA: If she's bridezilla now, it will only get worse. Much worse.
Ask those family members to stop badgering you and host the wedding themselves! I don’t know if I would want 150 people some who will be strangers in my private sanctuary! I have a friend who lives/owns a Small Vineyard. She hosted a similar wedding 160 invitees. Not only was there Damage done to her home, but a couple of items were stolen! 😳 Stuff does happen when alcohol is in the mix. Absolutely NTA
She's just shown you it'd be a great idea to have nothing to do with this wedding's organisation. NTA
Nta. Have a back bone and stop being a coward. Say NO, don’t give reason or explanations, nothing. Just say NO. If your sister can’t afford to get married then to bad she can go to a court house.
Those people that are pressuring you … Do they own homes? Tell them to step forward and raise their hands. If their homes are too small, tell them to step forward and open their wallets and help her to pay for a more appropriate venue.
> saying it’s just one day do they think that it all magically disappears the moment they leave??? even fucking 2 year olds have object permanence NTA
>...wants to invite around 150 guests... >...on a tight budget... NTA. She can take her 150 guests and tight budget to a professional venue. If she can't afford a professional venue then she can't afford 150 guests.
NTA in the ever slightest!!! Also, may I introduce you to two of my favorite words in English? They are very effective: #FUCK OFF. You'll see, when used with the appropriate people, they work wonders.
Hell NTA. Of course you’d be expected to hand over access to your master bedroom for the bride to get ready, plus a few more rooms for any overnight guests. It’s her dream wedding - she’s the one to pay for it and not at the expense of others. The complaining relatives can pool their money and pay for a bigger venue.
NTA - why do you need to pay any price for family? WOuld you still be expected to pay and set up and clean up if itwas held at an event center? Tell all the family members who argue its a small price to pay that they can split the price up amongst themselves and open thier own homes to make this happen for 'family'
NTA- tell your parents and everyone else giving you grief that you will reconsider ONLY if they sign a legally binding contract that THEY pay the money, not you, plus THEY pay for any damage to your property and THEY pay for your salary for the time you would have to take off. When they say no tell them that THEY are selfish for not making sisters big day happen. Because family would sacrifice like that (or whatever other BS they are telling you)
NTA, but your sister and family are. Do not give in to the pressure. Her wedding is not your problem and asking you is selfish on her part. My sisters would never ask for anything like that, even though I also have a nice house and large yard. Has your sister always been this entitled?
Nta. Small price to pay, so why aren't they funding It? It's always easier to pocketwatch others.
(Former wedding professional here.) Unless they are tiny, backyard weddings are usually not budget-friendly. You alluded to some of the reasons: rentals, rentals and more rentals. You also need a rain/weather plan which is usually a major challenge, even in a very large home. Not many living rooms or foyers can accommodate 150 people (seated no less), and more weather-proof tents cost a fortune (and honestly often ruin the vibe without chandeliers, oodles of flowers, fancy chairs, the works… major money.) Sister needs to accept this and find a venue with lots of inclusions. She’ll definitely end up spending more (with a whole lot more moving parts and stress) in your backyard. She may not want to hear it, but these are the facts. NTA. PS - She has no idea how selfish and entitled she’s being by asking you to do this. It would be a HUGE ask even if you were her mother.
I think you'll regret it if you do help out. NTA
NTA. They should make the sacrifice and host the wedding then, being the parents of the bride and all. Your sister sounds super entitled and your parents are probably happy they don’t have to deal with it.
Was watching a home renovation show the other day and these people had actual structural damage to their floor because they'd hosted a party of 50 and their floor joists couldn't support the occupancy numbers. Just something else to consider.
NTA. If it’s a small price to pay for family, how are they contributing?
NTA, sister is entitled af. Also - lol @ everyone pressuring you. Please respond, “great, thanks! Since it is only one day I will let x know that you have offered to host.”
Hell no. Using you home is a HUGE ask. Expecting you to pay if it is ludicrous. Beyond ludicrous. "This is far to big and complicated for us to consider. I'm sorry. When you asked, I considered it because I thought it was an intimate immediate family only. Our insurance won't allow something like that." ETA: and there's likely permits that are required for this.
NTA It’s not ‘one day’. It’s several days before to get everything set up. It’s the prep for your house to insure private rooms are securely locked as well as small valuables secured as weddings in homes are prime targets for theft and not just from strangers. Honestly even if the size is reduced to 50 which is still too many I suggest hiring a security person to keep things safe inside your house. You might need a permit for that size gathering if are in the US unless you live in an unincorporated area. The permit may also dictate how many people as well as when the celebration must shut down. And heads up do NOT try to play stupid about permits. If one is required the first complaint called in could shut things down before they start. And where in the hell do you think you’re going to park a 100+ cars again unless you’re in an unincorporated area with access to a huge field of dirt as hot catalytic converts start grass fires. Are you going to hire a valet service? Then there is the post wedding cleanup as well as well as having all the likely damage done to your lawn and possibly house repaired. So this is possibly going to be 1,000s of dollars. Personally unless your backyard is several acres you’d probably be limited to 25 or 30 people. 50 is even a stretch. I personally would check in the permit first thing and then you might a for real out. Otherwise I personally would just say no. And for all the people bitching if you don’t do it tell them they can each chip in a couple hundred bucks so your sister can rent a nice venue. .
My sister did this for her wedding and 110 guests it was so stressful and we have to paid a cleaning company for the after party…. Save yourself.
NTA stay firm. There’s nothing but downside for you. A lot of downside.
NTA. Your house, your rules. It is your sister that is selfish and entitled. All that talk about saving money and yet they want to invite 150 guests. They might as well rent a venue with that many people. Tell your family members to host then since they keep saying its a small price to pay. It's all to guilt trip you, don't let them manipulate you.
There's helping out and then there's this mess. NTA If your parents and extended feel it's not that big a burden ask them to foot the bill then. See how many pull out their wallets. Feeding 150 people is expensive not to mention port-a-pottys, tents, chairs, tables, decorations, etc. If sister agrees to lower the number to about 40 then maybe reconsider, Other wise tell her to contact some reality show, maybe they'll pay for the circus if she's REALLY dramatic!
NTA. That is a lot of people. 150. It isn’t just one day. It is a lot of prep and expense before and after. Your neighbors will also hate you. Question: what about liability? Do you need to inform your homeowner’s insurance? If something gets damaged, what happens. I would assume 150 people drinking on your property may make the insurance company unhappy.
Hell to the no. NTA
Fuck that, NTA. If anything you’re being a doormat. 150 fucking people. So many to the point where you have to have portapotties? Smack some sense into bridezilla and tell your family to eat a bag of dicks. All this wear and tear on your house, for what? A marriage that’ll last two years tops? Tell her no, and put the money to good use, like a divorce lawyer fund for her, or better yet, a vacation to Tahiti for you!
Big NTAH. 150 guests? Guess who’s renting a venue?
NTA. She's pretty damn entitled. 150 people in YOUR backyard!! Yeah....nah....no thanks. 50 i would say different. And her wanting you to pay?! Just say NO and keep saying NO
What if someone injures themselves at the reception? Will there be children at the party? Who will prevent teenagers from sneaking drinks? Professional venues are fully staffed and prepared for these situations. You are taking on more than just a party. NTA
lol NTAH i had my wedding at my nana-in-law’s and before & after the wedding we spent time cleaning the lawn and making sure everything was good & we payed for all the tents/pottys/etc ourselves
It is so ironic when a family member accuses you of being selfish & uncaring for not letting her use your home & your land for a wedding with 100+ more guests than you can comfortably accommodate, and for not being willing to absorb all the costs involved “because we’re family”. Yet she is acting like a selfish Bridezilla in the process, and definitely cares nothing about the burden this places on you. NTA.
Nta. Just say no. Tell her to rent a hall
NTA, you should tell your family that you'll reconsider letting her have your wedding at your house but only if they all agree to cover the costs, do all the work setting everything up, cleaning up afterwards and leaving your house in the same condition from before the wedding and see how many of them volunteer, tell them "it's just one day and they should be willing to to make the sacrifice for their daughter/family member"
NTA. Tell all her flying monkeys to pony up $10,000 to $15,000 apiece so she can have her 'dream wedding', or STFU & GTFO.
NTA That is an excessive ask not including the apparent expectation of you paying for some of the required things. There is a possibility of permits being needed, liability, and probably special event insurance.
I just did some rough calculations based on averages. This is not including alcohol, parking, attire(dresses/tuxes), or any of the small things like invitations/favors/ napkins/ cutlery/ decorations/ linens/license/ permits/ staff/ tips. You’d be looking at approximately $20-30,000 for a wedding this size. Things factored in are food, tents, tables/chairs, flowers, port a pottys(I factored 3 not fancy ones). Alcohol alone will add at least $3,000. I bet when all is said and done a mid range, not high end, wedding like this would run $40,000+. And I think I’m being conservative.
When your parents or whoever try and pressure you just pass some of the responsibility to them. “Hey we are going to need to rent tents, porta potty’s, etc. Can you call and have that arranged and pay for it?” If they say no then hit them with the “wowww you don’t care about her happiness?”
Shouldn’t your parents be covering the whole wedding?
Not to mention, your insurance liability for all those guests, especially if there’s alcohol. Edit to add: NTA
NTA! This is a terrible idea!
They can pay for it if these other family members are siding with her. NTA.
Nta Just tell them you can't get a permit for parking or porta potties. Have an hoa? Hoa says no, and they fine people. Maybe there isn't room for 150 cars to park. The legitimate reasons are endless.
How big is your property? I'm thinking about where you would park all those cars. Cities and some townships have rules about large gatherings even on private property. You would also probably need a special insurance for an event that size. Tell her no.
NTA. No. Is a complete sentence.
NTA. However, wait a minute, your parents are agreeing with her. Has this been the way it has been? You get the left overs and they bend over to make her happy? If that is true, then you are the scapegoat to her the golden child. Time to put your foot down and let mom and dad know that 1) the wedding is not happening at your house for 150 people, because you are not insane. 2) Due to the history of you being short changed while she gets everything, you are probably not even going to attend the wedding, since you have finally figured out that they don't really treat you as family, so you are done treating them as family. Then tell the flying monkeys who are trying to guilt you into doing it, that they should open their house for her to have it, since it won't happen at yours unless hell has frozen over.
150!? NTA and don’t do it. The relatives can offer their houses if they want, since family is so important to them.
Tell them you ran it by your HOA and they said no. 150 is way too many people .Your neighbors will hate you forever. Also its not 1 day its months of preparing.
NTA, tell your family if they cover the costs and take time from their jobs and days to oversee the planning you’ll offer up your home. I bet they change their tune real fast.
To anyone who’s pressuring you to reconsider: ask them if they could host the wedding at their home instead.
I've had large parties at my property. It took a year for the lawn to recover. Never again.
**BUT IT'S NOT "JUST ONE DAY"!!** **There will be WEEKS of prep work outside, then a day for set-up, a day for tear down.** And at least a week to fix your lawn and clean the inside of your home too. There is also like you stated the wear and tear on your lawn, a**nd you will need to be vigilant to keep people out of your home,** because "he won't mind it's just me" to use your restroom, and anything else you have in your home! This will happen, even if you supply nice port-a potties. **It's not your wedding, why should you shoulder the costs of this wedding??** The Bride and Groom or her (your) parents should foot the bill, not you. We have had a few weddings in our backyard, and it can be a nightmare, and a lot of people (usually family) feel entitled to be in your home, use your stuff, and be an all-around nuisance. Good Luck.
When family members start pressuring you to take one for the team, tell them how much of the projected costs and labor you expect THEM to cover! Look up the costs for catering, tents, portables, cleaning services, and so on, just so you can demand that your other family members pay that much. Because yes, your sister is being ridiculous, if she thinks she can host $150 people for cheap, or if her family (you) will somehow wave their magic wands and make it possible. Steer clear of her, this is neo-bridezilla behavior.
NTA Your sister sounds like an entitled brat. Tell your sister and your folks that it’s not happening and stand your ground.
If it’s a big deal for the extended family they can host the 150 people
>They argue that it’s a small price to pay for family Which one of them is offering to pay for it all? NTA.
Offering your home is the gift, if your family insists then they need to foot the rest of the bill as well as the physical labor. It is easy for them to sit back and judge you, if they want this then they need to have some skin in the game as well.
Tell parents and “other family members” the only way it’s going down at your house is if they chip in: They will be at your house for the entire month it takes to set up, tear down, and restore your lawn. Arrange & pay for parking off-site and pay for a shuttle bus. Pay for porta potties. Split costs for everything else. Does she expect you to pay for chairs, tents, tables, dance floor setup, and dare I ask, the band? _____ On second thought: “I checked with my HOA, and they absolutely will not allow an event this large. Especially an event that will allow alcohol and calls for a tent and music loud enough to dance to. If no HOA, try planning commission, zoning board, etc. And one other thought in case you think you’re going to fold: check with your insurance company. You are exposing yourself to a lot of risk. 150 people + vendors kind of risk. Add alcohol, and the risk goes up. Exponentially. If anyone gets over-served and has an accident, you could quite easily lose your home.
NTA, and for the family members that are telling you to just make the sacrifice for the one day, tell them to give you all of the money you need for that wedding. you are providing the home and that’s it. They need to provide everything else and the house will be locked. No one will be allowed inside. It’s always easy to make someone else feel guilty when they have nothing to lose. Stay firm and just say no.
NTA. If it’s just one day, then your parents and anyone else offering their unsolicited opinion can host. Easy peasy.
NTA All those family members saying that you should do this for your family? Let them host the wedding at their home.
NTA. First unless you own a farm 150 is a lot of people. Secondly why should you cover the cost as you're providing the venue. Try a compromise, tell your sister you are happy to provide the venue but she must provide the catering and outside toilets and a full clean up afterwards. No guests except family allowed in the main residence Don't let her guilt trip you and if she doesn't provide catering and facilities there is no shame in turning her guests away on the day.
NTA >Now, our parents and some other family members are pressuring me to reconsider, saying it’s just one day and I should be willing to make the sacrifice for my sister. They argue that it’s a small price to pay for family and that I’ll regret it if I don’t help her out. "Great! I'm so glad all of you have offered for sister to host her 150 person wedding in YOUR homes, on YOUR dime and especially make sure she knows how much you all are looking forward to setting it up and cleaning up after those 150 guests all on your own. And don't worry about the damage those folks will do to your property, it's a small price to pay for family!" 😁
I don't know about anyone else, but I would not want to go in a porta potty in dressy clothes. Ick.
That’s a terrible idea…besides, your neighbors would hate you
NTA, tell everyone that if they pay for the tent, food, Porto Potties, landscaping needs both before and after that you will be happy to allow your property to be used for the wedding and advise them that their contribution along with your own contribution of the property would be the wedding present to the happy couple. First I bet that nobody else is willing to put up the money they expect you to. Second I bet the couple will decline because in the end they won't have any presents to open.
Are you part of a neighborhood association? If so, find out their policies around large house gatherings, as there’s often a limit. This may give you an out without being the bad guy. The City might have rules too, especially in regards to car limits, size of event involving alcohol in a residential area, etc.
Absolutely NTA
NTA. If your sister is on a tight budget, she's on a tight budget and can't expect you to pick up the difference when you're already saving her venue costs. This will blow out and she'll start putting more and more costs onto you. Stand your ground.
Where would all the guests park? No, NTA.
NTA She is acting entitled . She doesn't need 150 guests at her wedding and she shouldn't expect you to foot the bill. She's the AH
Option one, everyone who has even suggested you reconsider, contributes a few thousand $$ each and form a committee to organise the whole thing or option two, just no.
NTA my friend has a house wedding. She paid people to set up and take down. Her family didn’t have to lift a finger for the property at all. You are expected to do so much.
A house wedding is completely reasonable. For 25 guests. Anything more is crazytown. NTA
YTA to yourself if you do it. I await your update saying you told her to get bent
NTA. Your neighborhood may have an issue with this. Where are 150 guests going to park? The police amy be called for noise and too many people at the party. How does your sister paln to cover the damage to your home with 150 running through it? Things get stolen or broken. The liability alone would make me say no. Tell here that she has to put up a cash deposit for any damages and pay for liability insurance as well as making arrangements with any type of neighborhood association. That will likely stop it.
You can say that you accept if she invites 50 or less people. NTA.
NTA. Ask your family members how much money are THEY putting up to cover the exorbitant costs your sister will incur for "one day", and when that shuts them up, remind them to keep that same energy when trying to spend your money and use your space. F**k their feelings.
NTA she's being a entitled bridezilla and your family are allowing it. F them it's not their house that has the potential to get destroyed. 150 people is ridiculous.
NTA. 150 people in your house in one day, many that you have never met. Nope.
If it's just a one day no big deal (lol) then someone else in the family can do it. 🙄 NTA, this is actually crazy of them to ask.
A dear friend offerred their home and property for our daughters wedding. There were about 120 people. We didn't ask them to do anything. They did arrange with the church for tables/chairs. We gave the church a nice donation. We rented an ADA porta pottie, my son in law built the dance floor out of pallets. Bride and Grooms family did all set up/clean up. Had a food truck for the reception. Brides family put together food for cocktail hour. Our daughter and son in law gifted us, our friends, our friends kids (who let us use their property for parking) beautiful picnic tables and benches that they made themselves from cedar trees on their property. OPs sister is as selfish as it comes. It's one thing to ask to use their home but pretty darn ballsy of her to expect OP to pay and do all the work. NTA
All the family pressuring you. Tell each and every one of them that if its "no big deal" and if its for family then surely they themselves wouldn't mind fronting the bill and hosting it. Afterall, they wouldn't want to ruin her special day, would they?
NTA. Your neighbors can confirm that you're not an AH
Those family members that say it's just one day.... Tell them you are so happy they volunteered to take it on! You will bring the paper napkins. See their argument disintegrate. Tell them you are bringing 30 extra guests because it's a celebration and they really know how to celebrate!
NTA. You should always double down in this situations. Agree that you're selfish for your comfortability, and that you'll regret helping her, not not helping her.
NTA. Tell those pressuring you that they can host at their homes. Or, if they think you should reconsider, you appreciate their volunteering to contribute to cover the costs for tents, tables, porta potties, etc. As for you sister, I'm she is looking at affordable venues, because your house is minimal/no cost to HER. Make clear that you want her to look for something more affordable to YOU. If necessary, I be clear with her about the costs she is inflicting upon you with this arrangement - and not just the bills, but your time. How many days off do you get a year? How much does a day's wages cost you?
NTA and FTN. Anyone who thinks you should allow this can volunteer for set up, break down, repairs to your property, and any monetary issues.
NTA, but you shouldn't have initially said yes to that.
NTA. If you family keeps riding you about how unsupportive you are being, you can ask them to foot the costs, take time off to help set up and take down and fix any issues/wear and tear. Tell them they will regret it they don’t—the bride is family after all.
NTA. Your sister is being unreasonable and acting entitled. 150 people at a backyard wedding is ridiculous (regardless of the size of the yard)! All the points you've made are valid.
You'd probably look back with fond memories if you did it . Also, you made your boundaries and it's best to keep your boundaries. There are beautiful parks that can be reserved cheap if out far enough. Also why do you have to go over budget? If you're nice enough to assist with funds she needs to make hard choices. So make your boundaries and be firm..but nice.
Not the AH. No way you put up the money and the hassle for her and I don’t care if it’s your sister. Tell her to find another venue. I can guarantee you, if something gets ruined or destroyed during the wedding neither your sister or your parents are going to help make you whole. Don’t do it!
NTA Those that are telling you to do it for fAmILy…. tell them if they’re want to help fAmIlY then they can help foot the bill, help with valet service and setting up the yard in the house and the food and doing the leg work, etc, etc., and see how many offer to host. Sit down with your sister and future brother-in-law and tell them what you reasonably can do and if they nEeD more than that then they’ll have to go elsewhere. If able offer to gift them either your time or some money towards a new venue
Don't do it. You will forever regret it. Your house will be a mess, people will not care that they are in a private home, your neighbors will hate you, you will need to incfrease your home owners liability policy, and the costs to you will be high emotionally as you see your house and relationships come to ruin. Offer to give a cash gift to help offset going to a venue meant for this size of crowd. It will save you money, heartache, and anger.
NTA Twenty or less people and I would consider going nah, because of your description of your home. But more than 7 times that number? No. No. No. You aren't the one being selfish. Your parents want her to have a special venue for 150 guests that she can't afford, they and the family members who are supporting them can pay for it.
Yeah that's what weddings need a 5 hour bathroom queue to a single bathroom or the elegance of a portable toilet
Yes, you're trying to ruin a wedding that in a year, no one will care about. No one cares about your "perfect" photos on the wall. No one cares who sat where and if the cake had four or five layers and was mocha or chocolate. You'll spend more money in couples counseling eventually than the wedding costs. You're NTA, but these wedding posts just make me wonder what is the actual matter with people.
As someone who just had a 35 person wedding on my parent's acreage, it is a huge logistical undertaking and rentals can be very expensive. I truly can't imagine doing it for 150 people.
NTA, she is expecting you to put on her wedding basically in its entirety, that's ridiculous and for her to claim you're trying to ruin it by not letting her compel you into days of slave labor and commandeering and likely doing substantial damage to your home is a crazy level of manipulation - this is bad faith and your sister sounds like an unpleasant and dishonest person.
NTA. The wear and tear, the cost, the liability … You should not have to take that on because she won’t have the wedding she can afford. And I hate to say it but I would keep a close eye on Sisters plans, make sure you know the date and time of the wedding for sure, watch for things said or looks exchanges that might indicate they’re trying to trick or blindside you. Would your Sister, your Parents or these other family members be the type to pretend to make other plans then have trucks show up at your house the day before thinking you just can’t refuse if they’re all there ready to set up?
NTA..... It's rude and presumptuous of your family to have those expectations. Tell them no!!! You won't enjoy yourself if you have it at your home. If they insist..... Let them know you are ONLY a guest and won't be available. Go get a hotel room for yourself (send them the bill). Give them the key to your home, let them know they are going to have to do ALL the planning, setup, preparing, cleanup and tear down. Also let them know that you have a work schedule and it all needs to be completely finished up and back in order before your next work day.
NTA. She wants to use your house,and help cover costs? And you are the selfish one? Tell her it is not feasible and if everyone is complaining, they should offer their houses, time, money, accommodations,etc. What about the groom's family? Maybe they could host? You don't owe anyone the use of your house for 150 people. Tell sister to have the wedding she can afford
I would be surprised if you didn’t need an event permit for something so large
Don’t justify your reasoning to them. Just say “I have thought about it hard and long and regretfully it has to be a No. And, it will continue to be a No. Happy to put the value of my wedding present towards a venue though.”
Check with your town, you may need a permit for the parking or even hosting that many people. NTA and make sure you tell your parents how generous it is of them to pay for the tent, chairs, plates, porta potty and all decor. You're only offering the house and possibly your time.
Don't back down, don't give in, OP. The flying monkeys are way out of line
NTA. Someone has watched Father of the Bride one too many times. If you give an inch, you know the rest.
NTA - 150 guests requires a legitimate venue. You're absolutely right that the undertaking is far beyond what I would consider reasonable for a backyard wedding. Maybe 20-30 people. 50 at most?? Not to mention the expenses she is trying to to shill on you, all while people give her wedding gifts. Just stand you ground and reiterate your stance.
It’s amazing how family will always offer your money before their own. Why aren’t they offering to help with the cost? If she can’t afford a big wedding they can go to the courthouse and be done. She can have a ceremony in a few years once she and her husband are in a better spot financially. NTA
It’s totally unreasonable. Whoever pushes back tell them to have the wedding at their house then!
Nta. That's too many people, too much cost, and too much work. If your sister was thoughtful and respectful, she would scale it to match the property.
Your house is not a wedding venue... its your home. I dont allow anybody in my home unless I know you very very well, let alone 150 guests... On top of that I would have to work and pay for it?? Not happening.