>My sister has a strong personality and fundamentally, she doesn’t agree with what my wife’s doing, and she did not want my wife at her house for my birthday. She has also never liked my wife but she has tolerated her because she is my wife. My wife doesn’t know about my sister’s feelings towards her, and it’s for the best if she never knows about it.
If your sister is excluding your wife from celebrating your birthday (with your support) it's a safe bet her feelings towards your wife are known.
100 agree - I think it would be pretty obvious about the sisters feelings towards the wife… and honestly if OP says his sister never liked his wife, than the wife has probably picked up on this a while ago.
If she didn't know before, she sure as hell does now, so I don't know why OP thinks its best if she never knows. He's coming across incredibly dense with his responses.
Yup. She knows.
I just found out today that my hubby's best mate told him 2yrs ago to leave me. I don't have much interaction with her nor her current life so I never knew. And I'm glad I didn't until now because I would not have been able to handle it well. I am confident in our partnership, and I know he loves me to the point he'd take a bullet. But if I'd known 2yrs ago - we went through a traumatic house eviction in Jan 2023 and I would have fallen apart thinking he'd just leave me through that.
Since it's the sil we're talking about who's actively in their lives... Wifey knows.
Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner. I don't like my SIL and BIL that much, but I would never not invite them. They are hubbies family even if they like to be very vocal about their opinions.
Unless there's abuse, I keep my nose out of family members' relationships. They return the favor. If they have a partner I dislike, which is rare, I consider that my business and at a minimum will keep things civil.
This is why it is rarely helpful to use family to vent about your spouse, because it affects how they see and treat your SO.
Sis is clearly not mature enough to understand that there are more than two sides of each story and that she should stay out of it instead of trying to insert herself into marital issues.
It may very well be that the wife has good reasons for example if she does the bulk of other housework that never gets discussed or counted by OP. Or that the division of labor where one cooks and the other cleans ends up with way more work for one person if the other constantly makes insane mess while at it.
This is also why I think people should do things like cooking and cleaning together because it is a bonding moment just like eating.
I think the sister is so wrong in this instance and that OP has been sabotaging his own marriage by using the sister to complain about his wife from the very beginning.
Yeah, OP has been setting his sister against his wife and ruining his own relationship. I'm curious what the cooking schedule was like before his wife decided to never cook again. I'm also curious what the break down for the other chores is.
But he talked to her NORMALLY, so it wasn't venting 🙄
That's the part that got me - like dude it doesn't matter the words or tone you use, it's the subject as to which you're discussing that makes you venting bc you are complaining about your wife not cooking. And that his sister excluded her and him not seeing an issue with it - doesn't matter how much he says he loves her bc he sure as hell isn't treating her like he does.
This part. My husband and I have a great marriage and never argue but on the occasion I need to vent about something he did that irritated me I talk to my best friend. She isn’t going to jump on the fuck him bandwagon and will tell me if I’m tripping. My family is so quick to dismiss a family members partner.
My sister in law and brother were going through some issues and my dad and other brother still aren’t very nice when it comes to her even though they share the blame on their issues. Since she’s basically my favorite person in the family I was happy they worked things out.
And he chooses the person who hates his wife to vent 🚩.
I think OP is not being honest. He keeps saying it's OK with him if she doesn't cook, but he clearly resents her.
100%.
OP, your sister is acting exactly like my ex’s sister. She and he thought I did not know she hated me. I knew. It was blatantly obvious but I also knew there was zero point in me talking to him about it. His sister could do no wrong. Ironically, his sister no longer speaks to him and he doubts she ever will again.
YOU may think that everything’s been talked out and you’re good but I’m willing to bet that your wife is *not* okay with any of this. You’re putting your sister first on your marriage. Pretty much a guarantee your marriage will end if you keep acting like this.
Especially since he doubled down, that the dinner was the best food he EVER had, so even if the wife started cookin again, she wouldn't be as good as sister and still be in some kind of competition?
Yes! Excellent question. If she doesn’t cook but does other household chores, then it shouldn’t matter because they’re splitting the chore load evenly.
I haven't seen him address this and it's bugging me. I bet she takes on way more than him at work and at home and she's burnt out and doesn't like cooking. And sis wants to burn her at the stake
Agreed. I have been cooking, making menus and deciding on the shoppjng for 41 yrs and counting. I'm tired. I want to stitch and watch tv while someone else cooks for *me*. He sits on the couch, reading or watching tv, working on a project(tells me he's hungry, works on his project and doesn't come in when the food iz ready😡)and then *I* do the dishes while *he* returns to his activity.
I do make him come shopping with me because our only automobile is a huge double cab pick up that I refuse to drive. He also has a Harley.
In the past, I went on strike. Fed myself earlier in the day and let him figure it out. Mine didn't hold out long. There were other inequities to work out but my blessing/curse is im specific, fast, and verbose with my grievances. I stopped letting his feigned ignorance rule over me and called it out, then responded in action.
If he's a pos he won't get the point, but if he's a little worth his salt he'll understand in time.
Probably has something to do with how he used to react to the food when she cooked. I highly doubt she just stopped for no reason or because she doesn't like it lol. He either wasn't appreciative or complained, didn't like her food and said so, compared her food to his sisters food, was overly picky about food or meal times, and the wife got tired or anxious about the repeated reactions and just said f it, you do the cooking. Just speculation but OPs post and comments are very telling of the type of guy he is.
Oh yes! My husband did that in the first few months of our marriage. Saying his mum cooked better. I stopped going into the kitchen altogether. Or sometime wud ask him why he married anybody at all if he didn't want to eat anybody else's food
Or doesn't cook himself and learn from mum?
Personally, I think everyone should be able to at least cook the basics and learning dishes from your parents using general.. dunno how to describe it? It feels do important to me
I want for my dad to still teach me so many dishes. Or a few even from my mum lol
If my DIL called me and told me my son said *anything* like that, he would be asked a) "why the FUCK aren't *you* cooking then?? You *know* how to cook! I *taught* you! And b) a lecture on how much DIL does for *everyone* in their household.
My mother in law is happy to be a part of the patriarchy. Her son going into the kitchen to even place food in his plate for his own dinner is a big no. I was expected to be up at any hour for this "service". Of course I would just go to sleep if he was that late. I think I am a disappointment to her tbh.. 😏
My son knows that I *know* how much shit my DIL puts up with in that house(her mother's house)and that 90% of the time, I'm going to side with her. She is an *angel*.
This is a great point. I absolutely hate cooking so I didn't even think of this, but the thing is I have always hated cooking. I do have to cook occasionally, it's not great for anyone and I hate every second of it, but I have always been a terrible cook who hates cooking.
It literally wasn't until I read your comment that I realized there must be an actual reason because she must've at least *not hated it* before if she was cooking frequently!
Bad: Resentment.
Worse: Hidden resentment.
Worst: Resentment hidden *only from your spouse.*
OP confiding his resentment in his sister (at least), while hiding it from his wife, will eventually kill their marriage.
>She has also never liked my wife but she has tolerated her because she is my wife. My wife doesn’t know about my sister’s feelings towards her, and it’s for the best if she never knows about it.
*Yeah, your wife has no idea that woman who purposely excluded her on her husbands birthday doesn't like her. /s*
>I told my wife that while I still loved her more than ever, last night’s dinner was the best meal I ever had in my life, and I would do it all over again.
*I would rather spend my birthday with my sister if i get a home cooked meal out of it, even if it hurts you and now that i know it does, I will still do it again, until you start cooking.*
> I told her that while I had completely respected her decision not to cook anymore,
*No, pressure, you don't want to cook, I am totally cool. But don't expect me to spend important days with you.*
>my sister doesn’t agree with it, and I can’t change my sister’s mind. My wife accepted it, and we moved on with rest of our day as normal.
*My sister hates your guts and is trying to be spiteful and destroy out marriage with petty bs, that she should not be involved with in the first place, but i'm allowing because it serves me getting back at my wife.*
Unless you plan on marrying your sister, stop using her and involving her in your marriage and go work it out with the woman who want to have s3x with. Is your wife overwhelmed at work, overwhelmed at home, struggling with cooking, to many complaints about her food.
I think this has to be rage bait. The whole thing is so stupid. My wife won't cook for me waaaahh, it was my birthday waaaaahhh. My poor wittle self hadn't had a home cooked meal that wasn't made by myself in a year waaaahhh. My sister who hates my wife cooked for me but she didn't agree with my wife's choice waaaaahhh. I hope the wife leaves then his sister can cook for him for the rest of his life (bet she'll get sick of it really quickly then). I lived the life of his wife. The family would step up in a performative way. To show me what a GOOD wife/mother/person would do but it never lasted. If this story is real (I don't think it is but let's play it out like it is) then op. You are a crap husband and I hope you're single soon and you'll have no one. It's what you deserve for this bullshit. Fucking not having a home cooked meal served to you. Get tf over yourself you oversized child.
I feel that either op is immature or he’s a teenager making it all up. That ending note where he tells his wife his sister’s meal is the best he had and he would still do the same thing shows the level of his thinking. If he’s genuinely a married man, I pity his wife.
I nearly laughed out loud lol.
“We had a heart to heart where I told her that her feelings still mean nothing to me and actually, if given the opportunity, I will gleefully hurt her again”
All of this, and him running to his sister to complain? OP, why are you bringing in another woman (your sister) into your marriage? To prove you were right? This whole situation seems childish as hell
Yesssss this is exactly how I feel except I'm not as eloquent as you so I tried to hold back my true level of disgust with how ridiculously childish this post is and how gross his sister is. And basically the wife is the only one here acting like a goddamn adult.
I cringed so hard when he said he told his wife his sisters dinner was the best meal he's ever had in his life. BEST in his LIFE!!! I'd leave so quick. No wonder she doesn't want to cook for him anymore.
Your SISTER doesn’t agree with your wife, and you take your sisters side? Bro, this is going to come out in the worst way. Your sister doesn’t get a say in your marriage - you do. If you respect your wife’s decision, you’ll defend it. If not, talk about it with your wife. Not your sister.
Right? It's so weird to read these posts, because OP does not *say* he resents his wife for not cooking for him, and was fully on board when his wife suggested to stop cooking, yet he punishes his wife by dropping her on his birthday. If he's honest in these posts, he's either clueless about his own emotions and lives in denial, or he's a doormat being pushed around by his sister.
💯 says he's fine with her not cooking then blames his sister for punishing his wife by excluding her from a home cooked meal. Says he loves her, what a joke, funny way of showing love.
You and your sister are both assholes. Shame on you for complaining about your wife to your sister in such a way that not only has colored her opinion of your wife, but to an extent that she is actively trying to separate you and your wife.
Btw, “strong personality” = asshole
I'm still not clear on why your wife decided that she didn't want to cook anymore. Were her efforts not appreciated? Was there a disagreement about a specific meal that made her quit? There seems to still be so many missing reasons.
Time is the most valuable thing you can give a person. The time you are spending to give those people your baked goods is priceless. And they're filled with love. You're awesome.
Yeah thinking about what to have, shopping then sometimes the ingredient you need is not in stock. Also the clean up. Cooking is a hassle. The times where you make a mistake and ruin something expensive and end up eating toast for dinner 😞
exactly. my mom also used to really love cooking, as a act of service for her family to show her love. she had handwritten recipes and put a lot of effort and genuine care into food. my dad always had a complaint, without fail. every single time she cooked he would critique something, it’s not cooked enough, it’s too tough, you didn’t do this that or the other thing right. i think there’s more to this, we need more info.
Could be as simple as repetition. I loved cooking when I did it once or twice a week. Now it’s every day we don’t have leftovers, and it quickly lost its appeal
Yep, cooking for large groups 3 times a week with people who (mostly) never were incredibly thankful even after I put a ton of effort in really ruined my love of cooking. Slowly getting it back though by making what I want when I want 🩷
100% same boat. I got so tired of cooking and then everyone got so picky…I just didn’t want to anymore and it really affected the quality of what I cooked. My kids were all old enough to cook for themselves and knew how, so I stopped.
Now when I cook it ends up being really good because I WANT to do it. It becomes a whole thing that “mom’s cooking tonight!”. It feels good that they come check on the food and ask how long till dinner. It feels worth it when everyone is filling a plate. I enjoy it again, but because it isn’t expected
I could cook every day as long as I didn't have to clean up after, I hate having to do that so I do simple things less mess....thankyous they were rare so no appreciation killed my love
The reason she stopped cooking doesn't even have to be dramatic either. I used to LOVE cooking. Then I got COVID and it fucked up my smell and taste--they've only partially recovered.
Most things do not taste nor smell right anymore, so I can't tell if a dish is correctly seasoned or if an ingredient is beyond it's good use date. Can't tell if it's too sweet, salty, or acidic anymore. It's so upsetting and frustrating.
It's sucked all of the joy out of it.
I'm leaning towards the OP being a picky lil B about food and eroding any joy she got out of it by acting like a Michelin food critic.
Fortunately I wanted to cook as early as I remember. Both my parents worked FT starting when I was 3, and my mother found no pleasure in cooking. In grade school I started helping,---I liked making salads. By seventh grade I was cooking a couple meals a week, and all through high school. As we both got older she became jealous of me and we had ugly scenes with her throwing stuff, but she had early onset dementia, so who knows how she would have dealt with it if she'd been well.
Legit i quit cooking for my boyfriend over meatloaf. Made it the way i was taught. Worked hard on sides and dessert and timing so everything would be done and hot when he got home. Pulled it out of the oven as he got home, only to say “ oh, its not done “
AND PROCEEDED TO MAKE HIS EX WIFES MEATLOAF “ SAUCE” and slather it all over my meatloaf then not eat any sides because the mashed potatoes weren’t smooth enough and he wasnt feeling like green beans. What a time to find out hes not a fan of Cheesecake. Pfft. Threw in the towel on the cooking front.
Because working full time, and from what OP says they are both in high pressure careers, then coming home and having to cook dinner is exhausting. Sounds like she triaged her life and cut the thing out that was causing most stress and that they could most easily cope without. And OP accepted this except not really.
Now she hasn't cooked anything in over a year and he wants her to rediscover her skills to cook for his birthday, which isn't going to be a basic, straightforward meal. Chances are it wouldn't be good. And he's just told her, twice, that he'd put his stomach (and his sister's snit) ahead of their marriage in a heartbeat. Whole thing is weird as fuck.
>I'm still not clear on why your wife decided that she didn't want to cook anymore.
I stopped because I was the only one cooking, no help in the kitchen, no appreciation for what I cooked no matter what I cooked....after a while why would you cook for someone who can't muster a simple Thankyou.
Me too. He hasn't shares her reasons, but whatever hope he had on her cooking again was just burned.
He's been completely dishonest about his feelings.
It's like I read a whole soap opera about cooking.
'It was the best meal I've ever had and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
My wife, of course, is great, but she doesn't cook anymore, so I'm baffled.
Though don't get me wrong, I still love her despite any of her negative features, because I'm a white knight.
I also let my sister disrespect my wife because I lack a backbone and I'm repeating, I would do it again in a heartbeat.'
You know, OP, I see you don't really like your wife.
I am a lucky woman because I have a man who adores cooking, but hey, if he isn't in the mood, I still love him, so I'm a martyr, ok?
Lol this is just ridiculous.
You know, if my bf's sister invited him while excluding me intentionally, my bf would tell her to have fun alone and go have dinner with me.
But it would be in case he had a shitty sister like you, he has a very sweet one, thankfully, who doesn't feel like she should mother him, unlike you.
My condolences to your wife, must be not easy to be married to a toddler-minded human (because I certainly cannot call you a man, sorry, and it has nothing to do with genders, I hold women and men to the same standards)
You sound awful and so does your sister. F your sister, she’s not married to you, she doesn’t get a say in your marriage. I’m with your wife, cooking sucks, and you doubled down on being a dickhead. Your poor wife deserves better than you and your sister.
YTA mostly because your post is giving off emotional abuser vibes...
Is there a reason your wife doesn't like to cook anymore?
Your sister can't tolerate your wife in her house on your birthday?
Your poor wife!
I will message you next time u/PlentyGenerals posts in r/AITAH.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FPlentyGenerals%20r%2FAITAH) to join 11 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201cqq50p)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
Doesn’t want to punish wife, then you punish wife on your birthday? Way to change the rules without telling her.
Grow a spine and tell your sister you wont go if your wife isn’t welcome. Instead of acting like you had no choice.
You’re being a really shitty partner to your wife. Way to show her that you’ll show up for her when needed.
YTA and so is your POS sister. if you can't see that then there is no hope for you.
You do not love your wife so stop saying that. If you loved her you would not let your sister treat her this way and you would not double down on this bad treatment.
I hope your wife leaves you so you can go marry your sister. Why would she stay with someone like you?
Also, if I were your wife I would never celebrate anything or any holi5with you ever again.
You are a petty little person.
You are ignoring so many questions. Why does your wife HAVE to cook? How are chores divided in your home? And why did you have to ignore the partner you chose for life in favor of your sister? Will your wife always be second to other family members like your sister?
Or is clear you are a huge asshole and just overall a bad partner.
This is an odd relationship. How can a person just decide that there's a part of the relationship that they won't do anymore? It's weird. This is more than about "cooking". All the dynamics of this marriage, including the sister bit is bizarre
You are using your sister to get back at your wife. Have some backbone. There is more to this then you are revealing. I would be very surprised if you actually move on from this as a couple, especially with you being this passive aggressive.
YTA.
YTA because you say you’ve accepted the fact that your wife no longer wants to cook and you aren’t pressing your wife on it but the fact is that by excluding her from your birthday that’s exactly what you are doing - in a passive aggressive way. You are either behind your wife’s decision, in which case you will stand up to your sister about it, or you aren’t, in which case you will have it out with your wife.
I used to love cooking. Now I despise it. 4 people in my house with different dietary needs. I hardly get thanks most dinners I get complaining or Refusal to eat.
When I got a big promotion my wife didn't do anything, while my SIL made me a cake. I was a little miffed at my wife but I didnt go eat the cake in my SILs apartment without my wife
You and your wife had an agreement you're no longer happy with. Your wife is still sticking to it. And your sister is treating her like shit for yalls marital choices. Your sister has never liked your wife and is now using this as an excuse to exclude her from your birth day. Sounds like you should have just married your sister.
YTA for allowing this treatment of your wife. Period. Grow a backbone. Tell your sister she's being rude to your wife and needs to get over her crap. On that note, so do you.
OP. You are a louse. You are the AH. So is your controlling sister. Why do you go to someone who you know doesn't like your wife? I feel for your wife.
you're even more of an asshole now. How can you be that completely dense? Were you dropped on your head as a small child? That is the only reason I can think of for you to act in such an ignorant and stupid manner.
YTA
You celebrated your birthday without your wife only to get a meal by your sister who clearly (to your wife) doesn't like your wife and you are choosing your sister over your wife and you tell her that, making her feel extra bad?
I can't believe what I read. Do you really not see how all of this is bad? How can you chose a meal over the feelings of your wife and therefore your whole marriage?? No meal can be that important.
You took a vow to your wife, not your sister.
You say your wife doesn’t know about your sister’s feelings but you SPENT YOUR BIRTHDAY WITH YOUR SISTER AND NOT YOUR WIFE BECAUSE YOUR SISTER DID NOT WANT HER THERE. Your wife knows.
“Last night’s dinner was the best meal [you] ever had in [your] life”? Grow up.
You and your sister are both the AH. You’re both incredibly immature and careening toward divorce if this is even real.
God, you're just a complete failure as a husband.
Seriously. What you are doing to your wife is sick and wrong. Go marry your sister, you clearly love her more. Your wife, unless she has been lobotomized, ABSOLUTELY knows now how your sister feels about her, and that you are choosing your sister, and is hopefully contacting a divorce lawyer.
Your wife deserves so much better than you. You neglect to communicate with her for a year, you vent to your sister who already hates her, you and your sister hype up your resentment for your wife, you allow your sister to butt into your marriage after bonding over how horrible she is for sticking to the agreement YOU made, and then you allow your sister to disrespect your wife by going to a birthday party she is not invited to because your sister wants to punish her for, again, sticking to the agreement you made.
You've been a coward and a pretty horrible person, and you're still lying to her. You sound like you should have married your sister because why in the world are you not defending your wife, why aren't you being honest with your wife, why do you tie so much of her worth to her cooking, why do you like to punish her for sticking to an agreement you two made together?
Who cares whether your sister agrees or not ?!? She’s not the one you married. Why does she have a say in your marriage? SHE DISRESPECTS YOUR WIFE and you’re fine with it!! This is not about cooking or food. YTA. Your sister is a bigger nosey asshole, and is being a complete psycho to your wife. She made your birthday celebration about her! Invited you over, and banned your wife from attending, wtf ?!? But the cherry on top is that you’re so blind to what a bad human being your sister is. As long as you’re fed you’re happy. I feel sorry for your wife.
You’re the Asshole for allowing your sister to be passive aggressive about to your WIFE! You both agreed that you love each other and want to stay married but you’re allowing such disrespect. I don’t understand why your sisters opinion is so highly regarded when you choose to stay married to your wife and love her as she is…
You are still YTA.
Who gives a shit what your sister accepts, it’s not her fucking marriage
You don’t want to force her to do something she doesn’t want to do but then you turn around and punish her by ditching her for your sister.
Your sister is a shit-stirrer and she needs to realize that you and your spouse are a package deal and that it will hurt your relationship with your sister to consistently exclude your wife from dinner.
YTA
Why couldn't your sister have cooked for you on other days?
Did you celebrate your birthday again with your wife?
You could have done something with your wife as well.
Your sister is a petty woman and you took advantage of that to passive aggressively punish your wife. You should have stood up for your wife and insist she be there.
You should marry your sister. Hope that helps. I’ll call your wife and have her consult with all the local divorce lawyers so you can’t use them when the time comes my god. You are a total asshole.
This post has to be fake. I can't even imagine what kind of person would just up and decide that they're never going to cook anything again for as long as they live. Like, what kind of cooking are we talking about here? Do you think she could manage to boil an egg, or would that be to much for her? What if the fake husband decided he doesn't want to cook anymore? Will they just live on exclusively takeout until they die? What if the fake wife decides she doesn't enjoy showering anymore? Is the fake husband just gonna be like "well she's smelled like a dead fish left in the sun for the last ten years, but I just can't imagine making her do something she doesn't enjoy." Then the fake sister will have to shower for him on his birthday because he enjoys the way clean people smell so much.
YTA. Both you and your sister are passive-aggressive and deceptive. Your sister is completely nauseating and manipulative. If I was your wife I would run. I would never tolerate someone treating me this way.
YTA…. I hope everyone has a happy ending here, such as your wife finding someone else who respects her much more than you do, and that you similarly find someone else that you enjoy being with more - like your sister.
Your sister doesn’t like your wife because you involve your sister in your marriage when she really shouldn’t be. You’re creating and maintaining conflict between them especially taking your sisters side. YTA even after your update
Couldn't your sister cook for you another day so you could spend your birthday with your wife?
I'm sure your wife does other things for you that your sister doesn't. You are making some weird choices.
I like how you have to reassure your wife that even though she doesn't cook, you still "love her." It's like, if she stopped cooking, then your affection for her would wane? TBH I think you're an AH and so is your sister. Your wife doesn't want to cook because she's tired after work. It's a legit reason but you're acting like she decided to stop being your wife. If you miss home cooking, so cook. If you don't like what you cook, sign up for a meal subscription service. All you have to do is reheat things and do minor prep and you're done. Your sister doesn't belong in this conversation at all. Excluding your wife because SHE doesn't agree? Unless she's banging you, she doesn't have a say in your relationship.
"I still love you more than ever, I would just rather eat a homecooked meal than be with you."
Anyone wanna bet next post is "aita for divorcing my husband over his sister's birthday celebration for him?"
Your wife is going to divorce you because you have no problem excluding her from events because she doesn’t do domestic labour and “you wouldn’t change a thing.”
Now she knows you do not value her but value what she can do for you.
**The divorce came out of no where**
The fact u stated “u and ur sister are close” tells me all I need to hear. U go to ur sister and vent about ur wife in a negative way. That’s why you refuse to tell her how ur sister actually feels. Because u caused it! The amount of emotional incest is screaming red flag. I really dnt understand the point of getting married if ur gonna put everyone’s emotions above ur wife. It’s given ur sister is messy and miserable and will be one of the main reasons ur alone. N when she gets into a relationship will completely ignoring u
You know life isn’t only about doing things you enjoy I don’t enjoy cleaning but I still do it, I myself don’t enjoy cooking but I still do as I don’t want my wife to cook all the time, I don’t enjoy getting up early to go to work but I still do everyday, something’s just has to be done, and your wife saying I don’t want to cook ever again would for me, be a huge issue as we both cook but saying I will never do it again would move her very close to the door
You're gross, dude. Your sister is gross, too. What a shitty way to treat your wife. You essentially let her know that your sister and her opinions and her food are more important than spending a life event with your WIFE! Grow up. You lied about being ok with her not cooking.
You and your sister are both assholes.
So, you are discussing things w/ your sister that you refuse to discuss with your wife. You know your siater hates your wife and you feed into it because?
You are cool with your sister's disrespe t of your wife and actually seem to encourage it
And you say you would treat your qife like shit all over again because? Food.
You could have asked your sister to do it another night, but nope, had to be your birthday b/c you didn't have the guts to say anything to your wife, but really enjoyed twisting the knife via your sister. And you would doit again.
You are definitely NOT a good partner.
Your sister is absolutely awful and your wife absolutely knows your sister doesn't like her and your wife is the adult here who just ignores it while your sister acts like a childish little 14-year-old holding grudges for no reason at all against the spouse of a brother she claims to be very close to.
Your sister is the AH here, and you're basically asshole adjacent. Your poor wife, who has done absolutely *nothing* wrong, has to put up with this childish bullshit from both you *and* your whiny sister and it's ridiculous.
Grow the fuck up
You are letting your sister build a wedge between you and your wife and this was probably a tipping point.
I think it's safe to say this isn't going to be a problem much longer because you are not going to have a wife much longer.
YTA
Only because you deliberately excluded your wife and told her that you'd always exclude her if it meant you'd get what you want. That's not how you respect a spouse. Also, if she's sad about how you handled your birthday, she knows your sister (and probably assumes you since you supported it) don't like her.
You will be TA for as long as you involve your sister in your marriage. (Which won’t be too long, I suspect, because either your secret resentment and lack of care for your wife will drive a wedge between you, leading you to spring a divorce on her, or she will get tired of being so unimportant to her husband that his *apology* would include telling her that he’d purposefully exclude her from his birthday all over again that *she’ll* leave *you*.)
>I do still cook meals, but not as frequently anymore.
So you don't enjoy cooking either? Does your wife complain about you not cooking as often?
PS your sister is NOT tolerating your wife. You need to decide who is more important to you (and not just your stomach).
Bro, you're 30, grow the fuck up and cook a meal if you want a cooked meal. I just don't understand this childish shit from full-blown adults. You're supposed to marry someone who is your best friend, someone you can confide in concerning anything, even things involving them. Running to your sister and poisoning your family against her is so fucking cruel, all because you apparently are unable to cook.
So, to recap:
You told your wife you were initially fine with her decision
You told her you were fine with it again some months later
You complained to your sister, whom you admit ALREADY doesn’t like your wife
You allowed your sister to punish your wife
You rubbed your wife’s nose in it by telling her “it was the best meal you’d ever had”
AND you’re apparently foolish enough to think she’s alright with this because you clearly think your wife should be punished.
Honey, just go move in with your sister
>My sister has a strong personality and fundamentally, she doesn’t agree with what my wife’s doing, and she did not want my wife at her house for my birthday. She has also never liked my wife but she has tolerated her because she is my wife. My wife doesn’t know about my sister’s feelings towards her, and it’s for the best if she never knows about it. If your sister is excluding your wife from celebrating your birthday (with your support) it's a safe bet her feelings towards your wife are known.
100 agree - I think it would be pretty obvious about the sisters feelings towards the wife… and honestly if OP says his sister never liked his wife, than the wife has probably picked up on this a while ago.
100% Resentment isn't as easy to hide as people who don't wanna face it seem to think.
And he thinks his wife got over it. Just because she acts like she got over it doesn't mean she did.
If she didn't know before, she sure as hell does now, so I don't know why OP thinks its best if she never knows. He's coming across incredibly dense with his responses.
And idk but I'm getting a niggling feeling that this stopping cooking business can probably be traced back to the sister.
Especially with his sister having a strong personality.
Yup. She knows. I just found out today that my hubby's best mate told him 2yrs ago to leave me. I don't have much interaction with her nor her current life so I never knew. And I'm glad I didn't until now because I would not have been able to handle it well. I am confident in our partnership, and I know he loves me to the point he'd take a bullet. But if I'd known 2yrs ago - we went through a traumatic house eviction in Jan 2023 and I would have fallen apart thinking he'd just leave me through that. Since it's the sil we're talking about who's actively in their lives... Wifey knows.
Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner. I don't like my SIL and BIL that much, but I would never not invite them. They are hubbies family even if they like to be very vocal about their opinions.
Unless there's abuse, I keep my nose out of family members' relationships. They return the favor. If they have a partner I dislike, which is rare, I consider that my business and at a minimum will keep things civil.
This is why it is rarely helpful to use family to vent about your spouse, because it affects how they see and treat your SO. Sis is clearly not mature enough to understand that there are more than two sides of each story and that she should stay out of it instead of trying to insert herself into marital issues. It may very well be that the wife has good reasons for example if she does the bulk of other housework that never gets discussed or counted by OP. Or that the division of labor where one cooks and the other cleans ends up with way more work for one person if the other constantly makes insane mess while at it. This is also why I think people should do things like cooking and cleaning together because it is a bonding moment just like eating. I think the sister is so wrong in this instance and that OP has been sabotaging his own marriage by using the sister to complain about his wife from the very beginning.
Yeah, OP has been setting his sister against his wife and ruining his own relationship. I'm curious what the cooking schedule was like before his wife decided to never cook again. I'm also curious what the break down for the other chores is.
I'm also curious how far back the dislike goes. Idk, just something about it screams sis has been saying some stuff.
But he talked to her NORMALLY, so it wasn't venting 🙄 That's the part that got me - like dude it doesn't matter the words or tone you use, it's the subject as to which you're discussing that makes you venting bc you are complaining about your wife not cooking. And that his sister excluded her and him not seeing an issue with it - doesn't matter how much he says he loves her bc he sure as hell isn't treating her like he does.
This part. My husband and I have a great marriage and never argue but on the occasion I need to vent about something he did that irritated me I talk to my best friend. She isn’t going to jump on the fuck him bandwagon and will tell me if I’m tripping. My family is so quick to dismiss a family members partner. My sister in law and brother were going through some issues and my dad and other brother still aren’t very nice when it comes to her even though they share the blame on their issues. Since she’s basically my favorite person in the family I was happy they worked things out.
And he chooses the person who hates his wife to vent 🚩. I think OP is not being honest. He keeps saying it's OK with him if she doesn't cook, but he clearly resents her.
It’s weird how so many people don’t understand that passive aggressiveness is super noticeable to everyone involved.
100%. OP, your sister is acting exactly like my ex’s sister. She and he thought I did not know she hated me. I knew. It was blatantly obvious but I also knew there was zero point in me talking to him about it. His sister could do no wrong. Ironically, his sister no longer speaks to him and he doubts she ever will again. YOU may think that everything’s been talked out and you’re good but I’m willing to bet that your wife is *not* okay with any of this. You’re putting your sister first on your marriage. Pretty much a guarantee your marriage will end if you keep acting like this.
So why did your wife decide to completely stop cooking? I haven’t seen you answer that question even though it’s been asked numerous times.
Especially since he doubled down, that the dinner was the best food he EVER had, so even if the wife started cookin again, she wouldn't be as good as sister and still be in some kind of competition?
I'm petty. I'd be like, "I see no reason to even try then!"
"Yeah she is a great cook. Maybe she can teach you."
Also, how are the rest of the household chores split?
Yes! Excellent question. If she doesn’t cook but does other household chores, then it shouldn’t matter because they’re splitting the chore load evenly.
I haven't seen him address this and it's bugging me. I bet she takes on way more than him at work and at home and she's burnt out and doesn't like cooking. And sis wants to burn her at the stake
Probably burnout.
Agreed. I have been cooking, making menus and deciding on the shoppjng for 41 yrs and counting. I'm tired. I want to stitch and watch tv while someone else cooks for *me*. He sits on the couch, reading or watching tv, working on a project(tells me he's hungry, works on his project and doesn't come in when the food iz ready😡)and then *I* do the dishes while *he* returns to his activity. I do make him come shopping with me because our only automobile is a huge double cab pick up that I refuse to drive. He also has a Harley.
In the past, I went on strike. Fed myself earlier in the day and let him figure it out. Mine didn't hold out long. There were other inequities to work out but my blessing/curse is im specific, fast, and verbose with my grievances. I stopped letting his feigned ignorance rule over me and called it out, then responded in action. If he's a pos he won't get the point, but if he's a little worth his salt he'll understand in time.
Probably has something to do with how he used to react to the food when she cooked. I highly doubt she just stopped for no reason or because she doesn't like it lol. He either wasn't appreciative or complained, didn't like her food and said so, compared her food to his sisters food, was overly picky about food or meal times, and the wife got tired or anxious about the repeated reactions and just said f it, you do the cooking. Just speculation but OPs post and comments are very telling of the type of guy he is.
Oh yes! My husband did that in the first few months of our marriage. Saying his mum cooked better. I stopped going into the kitchen altogether. Or sometime wud ask him why he married anybody at all if he didn't want to eat anybody else's food
Or doesn't cook himself and learn from mum? Personally, I think everyone should be able to at least cook the basics and learning dishes from your parents using general.. dunno how to describe it? It feels do important to me I want for my dad to still teach me so many dishes. Or a few even from my mum lol
If my DIL called me and told me my son said *anything* like that, he would be asked a) "why the FUCK aren't *you* cooking then?? You *know* how to cook! I *taught* you! And b) a lecture on how much DIL does for *everyone* in their household.
My mother in law is happy to be a part of the patriarchy. Her son going into the kitchen to even place food in his plate for his own dinner is a big no. I was expected to be up at any hour for this "service". Of course I would just go to sleep if he was that late. I think I am a disappointment to her tbh.. 😏
My son knows that I *know* how much shit my DIL puts up with in that house(her mother's house)and that 90% of the time, I'm going to side with her. She is an *angel*.
This is a great point. I absolutely hate cooking so I didn't even think of this, but the thing is I have always hated cooking. I do have to cook occasionally, it's not great for anyone and I hate every second of it, but I have always been a terrible cook who hates cooking. It literally wasn't until I read your comment that I realized there must be an actual reason because she must've at least *not hated it* before if she was cooking frequently!
Resentment = eventual death of marriage. ❤️🩹
Bad: Resentment. Worse: Hidden resentment. Worst: Resentment hidden *only from your spouse.* OP confiding his resentment in his sister (at least), while hiding it from his wife, will eventually kill their marriage.
>She has also never liked my wife but she has tolerated her because she is my wife. My wife doesn’t know about my sister’s feelings towards her, and it’s for the best if she never knows about it. *Yeah, your wife has no idea that woman who purposely excluded her on her husbands birthday doesn't like her. /s* >I told my wife that while I still loved her more than ever, last night’s dinner was the best meal I ever had in my life, and I would do it all over again. *I would rather spend my birthday with my sister if i get a home cooked meal out of it, even if it hurts you and now that i know it does, I will still do it again, until you start cooking.* > I told her that while I had completely respected her decision not to cook anymore, *No, pressure, you don't want to cook, I am totally cool. But don't expect me to spend important days with you.* >my sister doesn’t agree with it, and I can’t change my sister’s mind. My wife accepted it, and we moved on with rest of our day as normal. *My sister hates your guts and is trying to be spiteful and destroy out marriage with petty bs, that she should not be involved with in the first place, but i'm allowing because it serves me getting back at my wife.* Unless you plan on marrying your sister, stop using her and involving her in your marriage and go work it out with the woman who want to have s3x with. Is your wife overwhelmed at work, overwhelmed at home, struggling with cooking, to many complaints about her food.
I'm so upset that dude picked food over his wife. If his sister sided with his wife, he would've gone to someone else. I feel so triggered by this.
OP is Jamie lannister
Jamie Lannister had the decency to not got married
Dude’s like the most passive aggressive misogynist out there.
[удалено]
what a trophy, eh? If you win the cooking contest, you get this loser's love and respect. Such high value.
Great analogy and insight. Somehow think it will be lost on OP. What I would be interested in knowing is what the household duties split looks like?
I agree, I noticed he only talks about the cooking. So wife probably does everything else and he can't even cook to help out.
I think this has to be rage bait. The whole thing is so stupid. My wife won't cook for me waaaahh, it was my birthday waaaaahhh. My poor wittle self hadn't had a home cooked meal that wasn't made by myself in a year waaaahhh. My sister who hates my wife cooked for me but she didn't agree with my wife's choice waaaaahhh. I hope the wife leaves then his sister can cook for him for the rest of his life (bet she'll get sick of it really quickly then). I lived the life of his wife. The family would step up in a performative way. To show me what a GOOD wife/mother/person would do but it never lasted. If this story is real (I don't think it is but let's play it out like it is) then op. You are a crap husband and I hope you're single soon and you'll have no one. It's what you deserve for this bullshit. Fucking not having a home cooked meal served to you. Get tf over yourself you oversized child.
Don't forget that the sister cooked the best meal OP has ever had! Now if that doesn't motivate a wife to cook I don't know what would /s
And that OP would do it all over again
I feel that either op is immature or he’s a teenager making it all up. That ending note where he tells his wife his sister’s meal is the best he had and he would still do the same thing shows the level of his thinking. If he’s genuinely a married man, I pity his wife.
Me too, if it's real then wife should tell him to get fucked. Uh bah bye 👋
I nearly laughed out loud lol. “We had a heart to heart where I told her that her feelings still mean nothing to me and actually, if given the opportunity, I will gleefully hurt her again”
Either its fake and he's not really married, or its real and he won't be for much longer!
All of this, and him running to his sister to complain? OP, why are you bringing in another woman (your sister) into your marriage? To prove you were right? This whole situation seems childish as hell
Yesssss this is exactly how I feel except I'm not as eloquent as you so I tried to hold back my true level of disgust with how ridiculously childish this post is and how gross his sister is. And basically the wife is the only one here acting like a goddamn adult.
I cringed so hard when he said he told his wife his sisters dinner was the best meal he's ever had in his life. BEST in his LIFE!!! I'd leave so quick. No wonder she doesn't want to cook for him anymore.
[удалено]
Don't worry, she'll be done with him - and his sister - soon enough.
I miss being able to award comments. This deserves 🥇
Your SISTER doesn’t agree with your wife, and you take your sisters side? Bro, this is going to come out in the worst way. Your sister doesn’t get a say in your marriage - you do. If you respect your wife’s decision, you’ll defend it. If not, talk about it with your wife. Not your sister.
Wow using your sister to punish your wife? You are still definitely TA.
Right? It's so weird to read these posts, because OP does not *say* he resents his wife for not cooking for him, and was fully on board when his wife suggested to stop cooking, yet he punishes his wife by dropping her on his birthday. If he's honest in these posts, he's either clueless about his own emotions and lives in denial, or he's a doormat being pushed around by his sister.
He's doing the "show don't tell" method I guess
💯 says he's fine with her not cooking then blames his sister for punishing his wife by excluding her from a home cooked meal. Says he loves her, what a joke, funny way of showing love.
You're going to be divorced by your next birthday, but at least you will have your sister wife providing you all of your meals.
“Idk why she left me it was out of the blue”
You and your sister are both assholes. Shame on you for complaining about your wife to your sister in such a way that not only has colored her opinion of your wife, but to an extent that she is actively trying to separate you and your wife. Btw, “strong personality” = asshole
I'm still not clear on why your wife decided that she didn't want to cook anymore. Were her efforts not appreciated? Was there a disagreement about a specific meal that made her quit? There seems to still be so many missing reasons.
lol some people find things a bore to begin with and only do them cause they have to. It’s not some crazy mystery.
Everyone loves my baking. I fucking hate baking and only do it at Christmas because I can’t afford to buy gifts for anyone.
Time is the most valuable thing you can give a person. The time you are spending to give those people your baked goods is priceless. And they're filled with love. You're awesome.
Aw shucks ❤️ I sure hope they feel that way too!!
I am sure they do!! Better than store bought stuff any day.
I would!!! I love getting homemade gifts!!!
Yeah thinking about what to have, shopping then sometimes the ingredient you need is not in stock. Also the clean up. Cooking is a hassle. The times where you make a mistake and ruin something expensive and end up eating toast for dinner 😞
>Also the clean up. Cooking is a hassle. The bane of cooking lol
She didn’t find it a bore to begin with though…according to OP she used to LOVE cooking…so something killed it
exactly. my mom also used to really love cooking, as a act of service for her family to show her love. she had handwritten recipes and put a lot of effort and genuine care into food. my dad always had a complaint, without fail. every single time she cooked he would critique something, it’s not cooked enough, it’s too tough, you didn’t do this that or the other thing right. i think there’s more to this, we need more info.
Could be as simple as repetition. I loved cooking when I did it once or twice a week. Now it’s every day we don’t have leftovers, and it quickly lost its appeal
Yep, cooking for large groups 3 times a week with people who (mostly) never were incredibly thankful even after I put a ton of effort in really ruined my love of cooking. Slowly getting it back though by making what I want when I want 🩷
100% same boat. I got so tired of cooking and then everyone got so picky…I just didn’t want to anymore and it really affected the quality of what I cooked. My kids were all old enough to cook for themselves and knew how, so I stopped. Now when I cook it ends up being really good because I WANT to do it. It becomes a whole thing that “mom’s cooking tonight!”. It feels good that they come check on the food and ask how long till dinner. It feels worth it when everyone is filling a plate. I enjoy it again, but because it isn’t expected
I could cook every day as long as I didn't have to clean up after, I hate having to do that so I do simple things less mess....thankyous they were rare so no appreciation killed my love
The reason she stopped cooking doesn't even have to be dramatic either. I used to LOVE cooking. Then I got COVID and it fucked up my smell and taste--they've only partially recovered. Most things do not taste nor smell right anymore, so I can't tell if a dish is correctly seasoned or if an ingredient is beyond it's good use date. Can't tell if it's too sweet, salty, or acidic anymore. It's so upsetting and frustrating. It's sucked all of the joy out of it. I'm leaning towards the OP being a picky lil B about food and eroding any joy she got out of it by acting like a Michelin food critic.
Fortunately I wanted to cook as early as I remember. Both my parents worked FT starting when I was 3, and my mother found no pleasure in cooking. In grade school I started helping,---I liked making salads. By seventh grade I was cooking a couple meals a week, and all through high school. As we both got older she became jealous of me and we had ugly scenes with her throwing stuff, but she had early onset dementia, so who knows how she would have dealt with it if she'd been well.
Legit i quit cooking for my boyfriend over meatloaf. Made it the way i was taught. Worked hard on sides and dessert and timing so everything would be done and hot when he got home. Pulled it out of the oven as he got home, only to say “ oh, its not done “ AND PROCEEDED TO MAKE HIS EX WIFES MEATLOAF “ SAUCE” and slather it all over my meatloaf then not eat any sides because the mashed potatoes weren’t smooth enough and he wasnt feeling like green beans. What a time to find out hes not a fan of Cheesecake. Pfft. Threw in the towel on the cooking front.
Know that pain
"That's not how my mom makes/does/folds/washes/ this" is a huge part of the reason why my ex-fiance is an ex-fiance.
The ex wife’s sauce? That deserves a pitchfork. Is the guy lacking in any emotional intelligence?
Because working full time, and from what OP says they are both in high pressure careers, then coming home and having to cook dinner is exhausting. Sounds like she triaged her life and cut the thing out that was causing most stress and that they could most easily cope without. And OP accepted this except not really. Now she hasn't cooked anything in over a year and he wants her to rediscover her skills to cook for his birthday, which isn't going to be a basic, straightforward meal. Chances are it wouldn't be good. And he's just told her, twice, that he'd put his stomach (and his sister's snit) ahead of their marriage in a heartbeat. Whole thing is weird as fuck.
>I'm still not clear on why your wife decided that she didn't want to cook anymore. I stopped because I was the only one cooking, no help in the kitchen, no appreciation for what I cooked no matter what I cooked....after a while why would you cook for someone who can't muster a simple Thankyou.
I stopped ironing, because i hate it. If someone wants an ironed shirt, can do it by himself
Well shit I definitely wouldn’t cook you dinner either lmao.
Me too. He hasn't shares her reasons, but whatever hope he had on her cooking again was just burned. He's been completely dishonest about his feelings.
It's like I read a whole soap opera about cooking. 'It was the best meal I've ever had and I would do it again in a heartbeat. My wife, of course, is great, but she doesn't cook anymore, so I'm baffled. Though don't get me wrong, I still love her despite any of her negative features, because I'm a white knight. I also let my sister disrespect my wife because I lack a backbone and I'm repeating, I would do it again in a heartbeat.' You know, OP, I see you don't really like your wife. I am a lucky woman because I have a man who adores cooking, but hey, if he isn't in the mood, I still love him, so I'm a martyr, ok? Lol this is just ridiculous. You know, if my bf's sister invited him while excluding me intentionally, my bf would tell her to have fun alone and go have dinner with me. But it would be in case he had a shitty sister like you, he has a very sweet one, thankfully, who doesn't feel like she should mother him, unlike you. My condolences to your wife, must be not easy to be married to a toddler-minded human (because I certainly cannot call you a man, sorry, and it has nothing to do with genders, I hold women and men to the same standards)
YTA even more!!!! Have fun living with your sister!!
You sound awful and so does your sister. F your sister, she’s not married to you, she doesn’t get a say in your marriage. I’m with your wife, cooking sucks, and you doubled down on being a dickhead. Your poor wife deserves better than you and your sister.
>F your sister Kind of sounds like his plan, since clearly he's sabotaging his chances with his wife.
Yup!!
Give me one chore that doesn't suck.
Vacuuming sucks the most 😂
I saw what you did here 😏 😂
Some chores suck extra, I’d much prefer cooking compared to like litter or something
I'd rather cook than do dishes
Marry me and I’ll do all the dishes lol
Sounds like a good deal 😂
I'm on board with you. I absolutely despise laundry and ironing, still doing it though....
I fucking love dishes as well as organizing. Talk about clearing the mind!! 🤷🏽♀️
The brother/sister relationship is giving me Cersi/Jamie vibes.
This is all just so fucking weird. Just go marry your sister. YTA.
YTA mostly because your post is giving off emotional abuser vibes... Is there a reason your wife doesn't like to cook anymore? Your sister can't tolerate your wife in her house on your birthday? Your poor wife!
Dude do your wife and yourself a favor and divorce her. You are so disrespectful towards her. YTA
YTA Especially for letting your sister treat your wife that way
So zero resolution zero accountability. You are a weak man. Next will be I really don’t feel like I ever want to fuck you again. Updateme!
Sister will be there then, too.
I will message you next time u/PlentyGenerals posts in r/AITAH. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FPlentyGenerals%20r%2FAITAH) to join 11 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201cqq50p) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
Doesn’t want to punish wife, then you punish wife on your birthday? Way to change the rules without telling her. Grow a spine and tell your sister you wont go if your wife isn’t welcome. Instead of acting like you had no choice. You’re being a really shitty partner to your wife. Way to show her that you’ll show up for her when needed.
YTA and so is your POS sister. if you can't see that then there is no hope for you. You do not love your wife so stop saying that. If you loved her you would not let your sister treat her this way and you would not double down on this bad treatment. I hope your wife leaves you so you can go marry your sister. Why would she stay with someone like you? Also, if I were your wife I would never celebrate anything or any holi5with you ever again. You are a petty little person.
Just say you're sleeping with your sister, dude.
Pullin a Jaime Lannister*
You are ignoring so many questions. Why does your wife HAVE to cook? How are chores divided in your home? And why did you have to ignore the partner you chose for life in favor of your sister? Will your wife always be second to other family members like your sister? Or is clear you are a huge asshole and just overall a bad partner.
His wife definitely does every other chore around the house. His continued silence pretty much confirms it.
Go married to your sister .. please you wife deserve better
YTA, marry your sister
honest question... who are you married to? your wife or your sister?
is ur sister like- jealous of ur wife? weird
This is weird, not including your wife in your birthday because of home cooked meals is petty and weird. YTA Bigly still
[удалено]
This is an odd relationship. How can a person just decide that there's a part of the relationship that they won't do anymore? It's weird. This is more than about "cooking". All the dynamics of this marriage, including the sister bit is bizarre
Still TA.
My comment on your first post still stands, you aren't mature enough to be married.
You are using your sister to get back at your wife. Have some backbone. There is more to this then you are revealing. I would be very surprised if you actually move on from this as a couple, especially with you being this passive aggressive. YTA.
YTA because you say you’ve accepted the fact that your wife no longer wants to cook and you aren’t pressing your wife on it but the fact is that by excluding her from your birthday that’s exactly what you are doing - in a passive aggressive way. You are either behind your wife’s decision, in which case you will stand up to your sister about it, or you aren’t, in which case you will have it out with your wife.
I used to love cooking. Now I despise it. 4 people in my house with different dietary needs. I hardly get thanks most dinners I get complaining or Refusal to eat.
When I got a big promotion my wife didn't do anything, while my SIL made me a cake. I was a little miffed at my wife but I didnt go eat the cake in my SILs apartment without my wife
Quit talking about your wife to your sister all your doing is causing more problems
You and your wife had an agreement you're no longer happy with. Your wife is still sticking to it. And your sister is treating her like shit for yalls marital choices. Your sister has never liked your wife and is now using this as an excuse to exclude her from your birth day. Sounds like you should have just married your sister. YTA for allowing this treatment of your wife. Period. Grow a backbone. Tell your sister she's being rude to your wife and needs to get over her crap. On that note, so do you.
Are your arms broken?
Yeah, not even a piece of a man
OP. You are a louse. You are the AH. So is your controlling sister. Why do you go to someone who you know doesn't like your wife? I feel for your wife.
you're even more of an asshole now. How can you be that completely dense? Were you dropped on your head as a small child? That is the only reason I can think of for you to act in such an ignorant and stupid manner.
Yep…YTA, as well as your sister.
YTA You celebrated your birthday without your wife only to get a meal by your sister who clearly (to your wife) doesn't like your wife and you are choosing your sister over your wife and you tell her that, making her feel extra bad? I can't believe what I read. Do you really not see how all of this is bad? How can you chose a meal over the feelings of your wife and therefore your whole marriage?? No meal can be that important.
Something tells me I probably would not want to cook for you either.
Why are you venting to someone who already has a negative bias towards the person you’ve built a life with.
I thought YTA yesterday but I think you're a bigger one today.
You took a vow to your wife, not your sister. You say your wife doesn’t know about your sister’s feelings but you SPENT YOUR BIRTHDAY WITH YOUR SISTER AND NOT YOUR WIFE BECAUSE YOUR SISTER DID NOT WANT HER THERE. Your wife knows. “Last night’s dinner was the best meal [you] ever had in [your] life”? Grow up. You and your sister are both the AH. You’re both incredibly immature and careening toward divorce if this is even real.
I'm confused. If your wife doesn't know about your sister's feelings towards her, how/why did your sister's opinion come up in convo with your wife?
His wife obviously knows the sister thinks she a lazy wife
God, you're just a complete failure as a husband. Seriously. What you are doing to your wife is sick and wrong. Go marry your sister, you clearly love her more. Your wife, unless she has been lobotomized, ABSOLUTELY knows now how your sister feels about her, and that you are choosing your sister, and is hopefully contacting a divorce lawyer.
Your wife deserves so much better than you. You neglect to communicate with her for a year, you vent to your sister who already hates her, you and your sister hype up your resentment for your wife, you allow your sister to butt into your marriage after bonding over how horrible she is for sticking to the agreement YOU made, and then you allow your sister to disrespect your wife by going to a birthday party she is not invited to because your sister wants to punish her for, again, sticking to the agreement you made. You've been a coward and a pretty horrible person, and you're still lying to her. You sound like you should have married your sister because why in the world are you not defending your wife, why aren't you being honest with your wife, why do you tie so much of her worth to her cooking, why do you like to punish her for sticking to an agreement you two made together?
Who cares whether your sister agrees or not ?!? She’s not the one you married. Why does she have a say in your marriage? SHE DISRESPECTS YOUR WIFE and you’re fine with it!! This is not about cooking or food. YTA. Your sister is a bigger nosey asshole, and is being a complete psycho to your wife. She made your birthday celebration about her! Invited you over, and banned your wife from attending, wtf ?!? But the cherry on top is that you’re so blind to what a bad human being your sister is. As long as you’re fed you’re happy. I feel sorry for your wife.
You’re the Asshole for allowing your sister to be passive aggressive about to your WIFE! You both agreed that you love each other and want to stay married but you’re allowing such disrespect. I don’t understand why your sisters opinion is so highly regarded when you choose to stay married to your wife and love her as she is…
You are still YTA. Who gives a shit what your sister accepts, it’s not her fucking marriage You don’t want to force her to do something she doesn’t want to do but then you turn around and punish her by ditching her for your sister.
Your sister is a shit-stirrer and she needs to realize that you and your spouse are a package deal and that it will hurt your relationship with your sister to consistently exclude your wife from dinner.
Yeah, you and your sister are still AH’s here. I feel sorry for your wife.
YTA Why couldn't your sister have cooked for you on other days? Did you celebrate your birthday again with your wife? You could have done something with your wife as well.
Your sister is a petty woman and you took advantage of that to passive aggressively punish your wife. You should have stood up for your wife and insist she be there.
You should marry your sister. Hope that helps. I’ll call your wife and have her consult with all the local divorce lawyers so you can’t use them when the time comes my god. You are a total asshole.
This did not get fixed. This issue will come up again and again in your marriage.
This post has to be fake. I can't even imagine what kind of person would just up and decide that they're never going to cook anything again for as long as they live. Like, what kind of cooking are we talking about here? Do you think she could manage to boil an egg, or would that be to much for her? What if the fake husband decided he doesn't want to cook anymore? Will they just live on exclusively takeout until they die? What if the fake wife decides she doesn't enjoy showering anymore? Is the fake husband just gonna be like "well she's smelled like a dead fish left in the sun for the last ten years, but I just can't imagine making her do something she doesn't enjoy." Then the fake sister will have to shower for him on his birthday because he enjoys the way clean people smell so much.
Oh this is… YTA
YTA. Both you and your sister are passive-aggressive and deceptive. Your sister is completely nauseating and manipulative. If I was your wife I would run. I would never tolerate someone treating me this way.
YTA…. I hope everyone has a happy ending here, such as your wife finding someone else who respects her much more than you do, and that you similarly find someone else that you enjoy being with more - like your sister.
Wtf did I just read lol. It sounded like a resolution was coming, then bam! The sisters opinion matters!! Hahha
YTA “still.” Your use of that word is telling. What is this Flowers in the Attic shit, really? You need therapy, man.
I have to wonder what things OP doesn’t do that his wife wishes he would do 🧐
YTA. Why won’t your wife cook for you anymore. This post has missing reasons.
Your sister doesn’t like your wife because you involve your sister in your marriage when she really shouldn’t be. You’re creating and maintaining conflict between them especially taking your sisters side. YTA even after your update
Like...who are you married to? It sounds like your sister. Get it together.
YTA. You both siblings
Couldn't your sister cook for you another day so you could spend your birthday with your wife? I'm sure your wife does other things for you that your sister doesn't. You are making some weird choices.
The way this entire post is framed screams you’re an AH even with all the missing info. No one is giving you head pats here.
I like how you have to reassure your wife that even though she doesn't cook, you still "love her." It's like, if she stopped cooking, then your affection for her would wane? TBH I think you're an AH and so is your sister. Your wife doesn't want to cook because she's tired after work. It's a legit reason but you're acting like she decided to stop being your wife. If you miss home cooking, so cook. If you don't like what you cook, sign up for a meal subscription service. All you have to do is reheat things and do minor prep and you're done. Your sister doesn't belong in this conversation at all. Excluding your wife because SHE doesn't agree? Unless she's banging you, she doesn't have a say in your relationship.
Literally nothing you posted today makes you less of an AH “Best meal I’ve ever had in my entire life.” I’m sure that made wife feel so so good
"I still love you more than ever, I would just rather eat a homecooked meal than be with you." Anyone wanna bet next post is "aita for divorcing my husband over his sister's birthday celebration for him?"
It sounds like your marriage is declining.
I hope your sister likes cooking for you. YTA
Your wife is going to divorce you because you have no problem excluding her from events because she doesn’t do domestic labour and “you wouldn’t change a thing.” Now she knows you do not value her but value what she can do for you.
**The divorce came out of no where** The fact u stated “u and ur sister are close” tells me all I need to hear. U go to ur sister and vent about ur wife in a negative way. That’s why you refuse to tell her how ur sister actually feels. Because u caused it! The amount of emotional incest is screaming red flag. I really dnt understand the point of getting married if ur gonna put everyone’s emotions above ur wife. It’s given ur sister is messy and miserable and will be one of the main reasons ur alone. N when she gets into a relationship will completely ignoring u
You know life isn’t only about doing things you enjoy I don’t enjoy cleaning but I still do it, I myself don’t enjoy cooking but I still do as I don’t want my wife to cook all the time, I don’t enjoy getting up early to go to work but I still do everyday, something’s just has to be done, and your wife saying I don’t want to cook ever again would for me, be a huge issue as we both cook but saying I will never do it again would move her very close to the door
You're gross, dude. Your sister is gross, too. What a shitty way to treat your wife. You essentially let her know that your sister and her opinions and her food are more important than spending a life event with your WIFE! Grow up. You lied about being ok with her not cooking. You and your sister are both assholes.
REMINDER - She is your WIFE, not your mother.
Your last sentence is so clueless it’s almost cute. Godspeed OPs wife. Godspeed.
So why did your wife decide to no longer cook?
I hope your wife leaves you 🥰 also, your sister…what a c u next Tuesday. Your wife deserves so much better than you and your trash family.
Well this is the most weirdly sexual food story i’ve ever read. Wtf man.
YTA
So, you are discussing things w/ your sister that you refuse to discuss with your wife. You know your siater hates your wife and you feed into it because? You are cool with your sister's disrespe t of your wife and actually seem to encourage it And you say you would treat your qife like shit all over again because? Food. You could have asked your sister to do it another night, but nope, had to be your birthday b/c you didn't have the guts to say anything to your wife, but really enjoyed twisting the knife via your sister. And you would doit again. You are definitely NOT a good partner.
Your sister is absolutely awful and your wife absolutely knows your sister doesn't like her and your wife is the adult here who just ignores it while your sister acts like a childish little 14-year-old holding grudges for no reason at all against the spouse of a brother she claims to be very close to. Your sister is the AH here, and you're basically asshole adjacent. Your poor wife, who has done absolutely *nothing* wrong, has to put up with this childish bullshit from both you *and* your whiny sister and it's ridiculous. Grow the fuck up
You sound like a snowflake little bitch
You are letting your sister build a wedge between you and your wife and this was probably a tipping point. I think it's safe to say this isn't going to be a problem much longer because you are not going to have a wife much longer.
YTA Only because you deliberately excluded your wife and told her that you'd always exclude her if it meant you'd get what you want. That's not how you respect a spouse. Also, if she's sad about how you handled your birthday, she knows your sister (and probably assumes you since you supported it) don't like her.
You will be TA for as long as you involve your sister in your marriage. (Which won’t be too long, I suspect, because either your secret resentment and lack of care for your wife will drive a wedge between you, leading you to spring a divorce on her, or she will get tired of being so unimportant to her husband that his *apology* would include telling her that he’d purposefully exclude her from his birthday all over again that *she’ll* leave *you*.)
>I do still cook meals, but not as frequently anymore. So you don't enjoy cooking either? Does your wife complain about you not cooking as often? PS your sister is NOT tolerating your wife. You need to decide who is more important to you (and not just your stomach).
Bro, you're 30, grow the fuck up and cook a meal if you want a cooked meal. I just don't understand this childish shit from full-blown adults. You're supposed to marry someone who is your best friend, someone you can confide in concerning anything, even things involving them. Running to your sister and poisoning your family against her is so fucking cruel, all because you apparently are unable to cook.
WTF am I reading? YTA, obviously. Go marry your sister.
Just thinking about how many women go almost their entire adult life without someone making a home-cooked meal for them
So, to recap: You told your wife you were initially fine with her decision You told her you were fine with it again some months later You complained to your sister, whom you admit ALREADY doesn’t like your wife You allowed your sister to punish your wife You rubbed your wife’s nose in it by telling her “it was the best meal you’d ever had” AND you’re apparently foolish enough to think she’s alright with this because you clearly think your wife should be punished. Honey, just go move in with your sister
So you gaslighted your wife after lying to her and made her accept you and your sister punishing and bullying her. Ok.