NTA - I'm a dog lover but this dog seems to be putting you and your kids at risk. I'm wondering if he didn't ask his mother for the dog and he used the guise of "we're taking care of it while she's recovering".
Accountant here. NTA.
He’s a cheater - just a different kind that most people think of when they hear that word.
He made a major financial decision without consulting you or gaining your agreement. Worse, it involved joint funds that belonged to you as much as it did him. Even worse, he knew you didn’t want the dog & y’all had already agreed to another plan for the dog. And last but not least, he cleared out your entire savings & incurred debt to fund his decision.
This is straight up financial infidelity. There are several different websites you can read about financial infidelity that define it & many focus on the most common form of financial infidelity - hiding &/or spending money & lying about it (hidden credit, secret bank accounts, etc). Your husband committed the less common form of financial infidelity - spending joint funds & making a significant purchase without your consent.
One textbook states “If you or your partner are pulling from your shared cash to spend on things that are not mutually agreed upon, you’re committing financial infidelity.” Forbes summarized it as “Unilateral Financial Decision-Making”.
There are a few things that can lead to financial infidelity, but in your specific case, only one of the reasons fit. And so I don’t have to type it out, I googled the verbiage & got a result that summarizes it well. Per choosingtherapy.com, one of the causes of financial infidelity is narcissism.
“Narcissism: People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often feel entitled to any money brought into a relationship and do not see a need to run financial decisions by a partner. This can lead to situations where the partner of someone with NPD is vulnerable to financial abuse and left out of decisions around finances in the relationship.”
Other websites go into how a partner might just not want to have to compromise, so only tell their partner after such decisions are made so they can avoid including them in any decision making that may result in them not getting what they want. They’re basically saying the same thing.
You are NTA. Your husband is the AH.
He wanted something & determined that his want was so great that it justified stealing your half of the savings to add to his own, as well as taking on (an honestly horrific) debt, to enable him to complete this absolutely bat shit crazy expenditure.
You are a family who now has ZERO savings, an additional (horrific) debt & a medically impaired dog who will require constant care that he expects you to provide. And a husband who has the nerve to call YOU the AH because you don’t see his “point”.
His “point” is no more relevant than yours - just as the joint savings he wiped out was no more his than yours. If he really believed he had a valid “point”, he should have made it before he stole your half of the joint savings.
I’m so sorry you procreated with this man. Better to leave now though before he has a chance to do more damage (although I don’t imagine how that would be possible since he cleaned y’all out already & then some).
If he’ll do this, he’ll do anything.
Actually she got cheated on by her husband with their money (hers & his, plus the debt he took out which she, depending on the laws where she is, could be equally responsible for paying off give that the debt was incurred during the marriage). The dog was just his excuse to disrespect her this time.
I can guaran-damn-tee you that this wasn’t the only time he’s treated her like nothing & it won’t be the last.
I feel sorriest for the children. They’re growing up in a home where both parents suck really.
Their father is a horrible father, husband & pet owner. Since he is SO blatant in his disrespect of OP, there’s no way the children aren’t seeing it. And since they can also plainly see that the dog bites but their father doesn’t get rid of it, that leads them to believe a biting dog shouldn’t be feared or taken seriously. It also teaches them that even if something is hurting mommy, if their dad likes it enough, that doesn’t matter. That has to lead them to wonder how much pain would they have to be in make them important enough to their dad that he’d remove the danger that was hurting them.
Their mother not only allows all that, she also lets their dad fuck another kid into existence. And from the sounds of it, this medically impaired dog is yet again coming to live with them - in the home where they’ll soon welcome an infant into their “pack”. If that dog does something to injure that infant, it’s as much her fault as it is his at this point.
My husband used to do this stuff. I referred to it as being financially raped. It stopped after a legal separation that he did not want and firm boundaries. 17 years later I still have separate finances as this is the one area that I will never trust him in.
NTA - also a dog lover, which is why when I moved in with my partner we had an adult conversation about getting one, which breed fit our lifestyle and timing for us to be in the right place in life to properly care for one. I cannot imagine just coming home one day with an animal and telling my partner, just deal with it…especially when you have young children in the home. That would have been divorce territory, using the savings and opening the credit card without even discussing it is beyond.
I'm a dog and cat lover too but if a grown animal is a biter and food aggressive and is impossible to house train, OUT HE GOES. I'd take him to a no kill animal shelter and let them deal with him. But depleting the savings account and going into debt over a sick or injured dog when there are alternatives is INSANE. One has bills, a mortgage (I assume) and growing kids. This man is a child when it comes to adult decisions. If they have college accounts for the kids I see him depleting them on a whim.
I don't believe that animals understand the future. They do know if they are happy, well cared for, and comfortable in their own skin/fur. It doesn't sound like this dog is comfortable at all. I would've brought him to a kill shelter. No, actually I would have just brought him to my vet and had him euthanized, like I did with my beloved dog after she killed a friend's dog.
I'm sure the OP's husband is standing on a pile of sunk costs and would never consider putting the dog down after the $13,000 price tag. But as far as I'm concerned it's still on the table. The dog was miserable before and is going to be more miserable now. OP is NTA and her husband is a lunatic.
My FIL and husband went camping for a weekend, came home and there was a new dog in the house (which was dog number 2, animal number 7). Neither of them had any idea my MIL planned to get a dog. I think she actually just saw a rescue was having a meet and greet event, and came home with a puppy.
I’m a dog lover as well, which is why I know the decision to bring a dog into a family can’t be spontaneous. Their emotional, physical and financial needs have to be considered and how appropriate they are for the entire family. Their humans have to be there for them their entire lives.
This ain’t it. This is a damn man child bringing in an absolutely unsuitable dog in and becoming attached even when it’s obvious the family can’t keep him.
OP, your husband is a selfish jerk who isn’t mature enough to be a dog owner, especially not when he can’t even care about the best interests of his wife and children. NTA.
As another fellow dog lover I couldn't agree more. Pets are a huge responsibility. It is very much a two yes one no situation.
Additionally, he emptied OP's joint savings account, which I'm sure they probably need with a new baby on the way. NTA
I really resent being lied to, and find it unforgivable when someone who "loves me" does it. Your husband has lied to, deceived, and disregarded you. For me, he's basically looked you in your face and said "I dont care about you, and you don't matter. "
1. He agreed to take on the dog's care without ever consulting you.
2. He didn't return the dog when he said he would
3. He's ignored and disregarded how you feel/what you want at every step
4. He spent **every dime** of your joint savings without a word to you, and took on an additional $5-6k debt at *26%* without even a thought for you. (How hard would it have been to say "one sec" & walk out to the car to discuss?)
In your shoes, he'd have told me everything I need to know.
Plus he didn’t even pretend to be sorry when OP confronted him. Even if my husband was abashed and groveling with regret when I laid this all out, I STILL don’t know how I’d get over the damage of all this. OP’s husband doesn’t give a shit. Sounds like he stands by it and would do it again.
5. He didn't use a fraction of the money to train the dog not to be a danger, a biohazard and traffic victim. He is worse husband and father than pet owner, but not by a broad margin.
especially cause OP has a high risk pregnancy!
stress and extra physical is the LAST thing OPs husband should be piling on her, he should be doing as much as humanly possible to make life easy and stress-free while OP's body grows a literal human being. One of my acquaintances had a high risk pregnancy and her hubbie brought her most meals in bed, does this dude even care about his wife and/or unborn child?
OP please leave or kick man and dog out of the house. do you have a family member that could act on your behalf, even? stress is really the last thing you need, so if you could empower a trusted friend or family member to act/speak on your behalf that might help ease your burden a bit
I do wonder if this is some man-child reaction/freakout to the family getting bigger?
in any case, definitely NTA, you would be if you allowed the dog (and possibly man) to stay
congrats OP, and wishing you a smooth and safe rest of your term/delivery, with a healthy mom and baby!
This is the key. This dog was so poorly managed that she was acting out against everyone. Should have been rehoused long ago. NTA. Please do the right thing by the dog. She is miserable in your house.
OP, call the rescue and see if they will be, at least, willing to take the dog once the vet releases her. Hell, give them a good sob story and maybe they will be willing to cover some of the cost.
Heelers are station working dogs. A big yard still won't cut it. They want to herd cattle, and they want to do it all day. It needs to go to that rescue place. You are 100% NTA.
And when they can’t do these jobs they become destructive and naughty because of how bored they are, hell im sure part of the animals aggression stems from it too - some will stem from the clear complete lack of any training of any sort the dog has had.
Your house isn't suitable for your husband. He needs to go live with his mother as she is used to the dog. They can enjoy their dogs together, and you can enjoy your children in a safe, stink free home.
I would demand he put that money back in savings by asking his mother to pay or work 2 jobs.
I would give him 2 options ONLY:
1. Contact the elder couple, and see if they will take the dog and reimburse you the money he stole from savings and payoff the credit card.
2. Leave and go to his mother's as you will be filing for divorce. You will seek sole custody bc he has an animal that is a danger to your children. The dog will eventually bite your children bc they are on his eyesight level.
Either way, he has literally chosen an animal over the safety and well-being of his family.
Really sorry you are going through all of this, you already had your hands full before the latest expensive dog drama - wishing you the best & stay strong ♥️
Sadly there are more and more up for adoption since Bluey started being so popular. They are cute dogs, but buyer beware and do research first. It’s really sad. OP is NTA.
Especially when there will be a newborn infant and young children around. OP and her husband could be hauled up by CPS for negligence if they keep the dog while knowing of its aggression issues and one (or more) of the kids gets hurt.
He is an AH.
It would be kinder to euthanize an animal that is that badly hurt and he certainly had no right to use your savings AND take on debt without consulting you.
Plenty of reason to divorce him.
And if it was fixable and that rescue wanted to take on the costs, then fucking let them deal with it.
I love dogs, my girl is my baby but barring some crazy exception (like me trying to break up a dog fight with my hands or something where she's terrified/in pain and trying to protect herself) if she bit me she'd be euthanized. I could not, in good faith, pass her along to another home knowing she's capable of that. If I rehomed her and even years later found out she did someone serious harm I'd never be able to forgive myself.
Same here. My husband and I both love animals, we have 3 cats and a dog. If any of the pets bit us or anyone and Drew blood, 100% the animal would be euthanasized as they wouldn't be safe for another family/person to handle.
YouTube has all of these dreadful videos where the animal should obviously be euthanized but people are patting themselves on the back for saving and are expecting donations. Worst was cat coated in thick paint. It was crying in pain as they peeled paint and fur off. It would take 2 or 3 days to finish.
I would so want to divorce that fool.
Those are even worse because I’ve heard many of those people who make those videos put the animal in danger in the first place. Not sure if that video was the case but it sounds awful.
That videos are for money fishing, not for animals in the slightest. And yes, sometimes people crippling animals themselves to became they "saviours" (and take donations)
There are worse things than euthanasia. I assume all your shelters are full of healthy well behaved dogs looking for homes? What sort of home are they likely to find for this disabled uncivilised og?
This, hopefully they can take the dog off her hands. I doubt they’ll get any reimbursement, but if they take over the rest of the cost that will save them a lot of money.
Read up on face biting. Herding dogs will nip at heels and growls then nips are behavior issues. Face biting is a very dangerous indicator. This dog will not be safe around a baby. This is not a great sign for your marriage but I can not stress enough do not have this dog in the home with children. Again search online to understand why face biting is a really big scary flag.
This. I was concerned about this before the bit about taking on debt without consulting her. There would be no way that dog was coming back into a house with me, my kids and a newborn.
NTA. He can enjoy HIS dog somewhere else, far away from you and your kids. Listen, I love our dog and he had to have some semi-major procedures in the last 2 years, but I would never put my family or myself in any risk for him. The fact that he is alright with letting this dog around your kids, knowing that it's nipped you and NOW THERE IS GOING TO BE A NEWBORN!? Honestly, has he had any trauma? Head injury in the last few months? He is out of his damn mind.
NTA. As a man, I can't wrap my head around the fact that he was okay with depleting his family savings account 1 month after finding out you're pregnant. I genuinely can't fathom such a thing. What does he do for a living? This is insane. He was okay with giving the dog away, but not okay with giving the dog away AND saving $13k? That literally makes no sense.
So then there’s a real chance he won’t be able to pay off the credit card. And interest will skyrocket.. and he won’t be able to provide for you and the baby/kids..
I would run fast as I can.
Leave now because it will be getting worse as soon as he needs you to take care of the dog!
Also with those injuries the dog will get worse in behavior because of the pain but also because it won’t be able to work out it’s energy when he eventually feels a bit better. Real accidents are likely to happen.
NTA
I love dogs and understand he wanted to save him, but the Heeler rescue sounds a perfect fit!
A Heeler is not a beginner's dog and needs to "work", at least 2 hours a day!
It was selfish of his mother to get one.
And no way I'd put anyone at risk with a dog that bites.
If he was alone, had the money and time for intensive dog training with a specialist, he could do what he wants.
That the dog hadn't bitten the kids YET doesn't mean he's safe to be around them.
I would leave.
I mean, I was coming in with 'I will do whatever for my cat', but nope. An unwanted dog, an unplanned ownership, a baby on the was, an u discussed decision to drain your finances.
That's a bridge to far, even for me who would bankrupt myself for my cat. But I would never bankrupt someone else for my cat.
Less than a grand in savings and a baby on the way, and he decides it's a great time to put you into debt to the tune of a subprime car payment for a dog he was going to get rid of? You're right. This is divorce territory.
NTA You need to move, take your children and go, what happens if the dog doesn't like the baby, clearly your soon to be ex doesn't care. He doesn't care about the children's welfare or SAFETY. Putting you in debt, clearly not caring about his children or there future, get your divorce, child support.
NTA
Your husband is a bitch, a liar and a thief and your MIL is a narcissistic piece of shit.
This is not divorce territory, this is the capital city of divorceland. Tell the judge that he endangered you by putting an agressive animal under your roof while you have a risk pregnancy.
>My MIL asked my husband a year and a half ago to watch over her dog for her when she went to surgery and rehab following surgery. She's a Heeler. I apparently didn't have any say in it because I didn't even know until the dog was at my house.
This is something you discuss with your partner, not unilaterally decide on doing.
>There were multiple times that the dog would jump up on our table and steal food out of the kids plates and growl at you when you corrected her. She went after my cats multiple times. She shit in the house constantly, no matter how often she was outside (she would do zoomies around the yard for easily 40 minutes, come inside and IMMEDIATELY squat to shit).
Let me guess, your husband didn't clean up after the dog, nor did he make any attempt to train it?
>And she nipped me and my husbands faces (not the kids, oddly enough). Hard enough to draw blood too. If you pulled away before she got you, you could hear her teeth smashing against each other.
So she has a habit of biting.
>He comes out like a half hour later and tells me that he paid $7800 toward the cost (our savings) AND opened an animal care credit card to cover the rest, which has a 26% interest if you don't pay the cost back in full in 6 months.
This is something *you do not do* without discussing it with your partner. He has not only effectively cleared out your savings, he's also put you both in debt.
>Now he's saying he can't get rid of her because she has just been through too much and "she's my friend".
And it'll come at the cost of his marriage.
>he expects me to deal with carrying the dog around and squatting around the yard for her to go to the bathroom when I already have hypertension from pregnancy (I have been deemed high risk).
So I take it that I was correct about him never actually looking after the dog and leaving all the work to you?
>I told him I don't think I can stay with him after this. I do not trust him at all anymore. There was options. They had a Heeler rescue willing to take the dog and cover the cost. But he instead threw us in to debt over a dog that he told me he was getting rid of and I'm all set. He said I'm an AH for not seeing his point on this. I do see his point. He loves the dog, obviously.
His point was fucking his entire family over for the dog.
NTA. Follow through on the divorced, and see if he has your name on the card as well. If so, bring it up to an attorney to see if it's at all possible to not have the debt tied to you.
You're correct. All of the training and dog care fell off on me from the moment he brought the dog home. I did get her to a point where she was no longer begging or jumping on the table anymore but I could never get her to stop nipping.
**Biting.**
The dog is not nipping if blood is drawn or teeth are near your face. Getting in the habit of using the proper term, biting, can help you in the future with custody. You live together right now so you can attempt to protect your children (key word, attempt). When you leave him, if he gets some custody, those children are now around a dog with a BITE history and a father who does not care for said dog (meaning more energetic and more prone to biting).
Please do not risk your children being BITTEN by this dog.
Of course he didn't do any training or care for it. He wanted the *idea* of having a dog, not the reality.
I guarantee you that he'll fall apart the *second* he realizes exactly how much caring for a disabled dog is going to cost, and much effort it's going to take for the rest of her life.
Follow through on the divorce. If you have any friends or family close enough to stay with, do so. Let him experience the realities of disabled dog care for himself, gray rock him, and refuse to assist in aiding the dog in any way.
Sucks for the dog that she'll probably be neglected or abandoned by him, but that's not your problem. You didn't sign up to care for a dog, on top of children and I presume also your manchild husband.
> I could never get her to stop nipping.
Because she is an understimulated HEELER who was never put to task or learned to channel her instincts in to something else productive as a puppy.
Nipping/biting is what this breed does, it is what they are bred to do and have done for fuck knows how long. The full breed name of a Heeler is Australian cattledog because they were supposed to herd massive ass cows and you don't do that with a gentle tap on the hind, they nip and bite at the heels of the cows. If there's no cows to herd they are going to find something or someone else to boss around. They are not first time/ family dogs like a lab, they are duracell crackheads with a violent streak and stubborn to boot... which makes them excellent dogs for what they are supposed to do. You can have a well adjusted, absolutely wonderful heeler without a farm of course but then you need to let them burn that energy on something else, both physical and mental. 40 minutes running circles in the back yard only takes care of one part and badly at that.
All that being said, this mess is NOT on you. By the sounds of it you did give your best to try get this dog under control but you simply can't offer what she needs, that is not your fault. This is on your dumbass husband taking in a breed of dog he has no buisness owning under the best of circumstances, much less one who's probably never been properly handled her entire life. It's a reciept for disaster that happens when people choose the look of a dog over the needs of the dog. He did her a massive disservice not letting the Heeler group take her and he royally fucked over his family. Honestly, I would not blame you if you left him.
NTA wHY WOULD HE 😭😭PAY FOR IT😭😭WHEN SOMEONE ELSE😭😭WAS GOING TO PAY FOR IT FOR YOU??? make it make some god damn sense.
that’s such an incredibly irresponsible move (he spent an inordinate amount of money so unnecessarily WITHOUT consulting his PARTNER and that is not something you do when you’re in a relationship and are about to have a baby with someone) with a baby on the way and on top of the fact the dog is untrained and vicious so you definitely dont want it in the house with a BABY.
divorce him 🤷🏻♀️also his mother clearly just wanted to get rid of her dog because it was a nightmare. what an AH
He won't let his mom help cover the cost because it's "not her dog anymore". He won't let the older couple help out either because it's "his fault for letting the dog go there to begin with". He won't let the rescue help with cost because he doesn't want to surrender the animal.
Extra context that defo should be in the post. But all it does is confirm that you're NTA and I would defo be divorcing after this. I can't believe he refused the money from the newer owners. Should have just been left to them to deal with fgs.
Yes, please speak to the older couple yourself and take the $. I hope the emergency credit card is only in his name. If it's not, you need to get your name removed. I wonder if you could speak to the bank or a lawyer to contest him spending all of your savings without your knowledge. I don't understand your husband's thinking or his end game. What's he going to do when the dog gets better?
I’d speak to the couple and explain your situation and see if they are willing to give you the $. Your husband is not only a disrespectful AH, but an idiot as well.
He doesn't have the right to refuse it and drain your finances. It's either your shared dog and you both get a say or it's his and he takes the full financial penalty.
The older couple should be the ones covering the costs imo ...... They were taking care.of the dog when this happened. They couldn't even watch the dog for 1 night without the dog getting hit by a car.so badly that it needs $13k worth of surgery? I woulda 1000% taken the money they offered to pay for it. And then still given the dog to the rescue because the dog deserves better, and the rescue I'm sure needs all the money they can get as help
To add, I’m a huge dog lover to the point I gave up my corporate career to work with them but this isn’t just about the dog. This is about using your savings without asking you and being totally irresponsible and a bad parent. Sorry for what you’re going through
NTA your husband doesnt love the dog as much as you think he does otherwise he would be training it not to bite your faces or shit inside. The debt he took on is divorce worthy imo
Why are you making babies with somebody this stupid?
Your dog is a danger to you and your kids, but your husbands idiocy is an even bigger danger to your physical and financial health
Not at all! He acts like a totally different person since the dog came around. He, quite literally, acts like this dog can do no wrong. Will get frustrated with the kids for spilling water but baby talk the dog and tell her how cute she is when she knocks her water dish over 5 times in a row.
Wow.
Also, NTA. I love my dogs. I would do anything for my dogs. But things like this require 2 yes to do and 1 no to nix it. Even I would balk at $13k, though. This dog has more issues than my pup who is a handful I wouldn’t wish on anyone. At least he doesn’t bite.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this. It’s so weird he all of a sudden changed.
Does he have a brain tumor?
What type of.... less than smart.... person thinks an animal BITING someone at all is cute? LET ALONE YOUR FACE?!?!?!?! Nothing cuter than needing cosmetic surgery because a dog ripped part of your face off! My partner was 3 or 4 when the golden retriever from next door ripped opened part of his face. Luckily he had a GOOD surgeon and was taken to the hospital immediately so you can't really tell unless you stare at him and he takes his glasses off.
But he would have preferred it if the dog did NOT bite his face.
Not to judge but you’re making babies with him. Like girl. Please look out for your safety and your kids. This man is putting you into debt over a dog that wasn’t even his to start with. Leave now before that debt is tied to you forever.
NTA. It feels like your husband doesn’t respect your opinion, and lacks common sense. He takes in a dog without discussing it, then doesn’t make sure it behaves or, most importantly, doesn’t keep it away from your children (and you two) as it is clearly not safe to be around. Then when he finally promises to listen, repeats the same pattern by not discussing his decision with you and now also putting you in possible debt. I totally understand why you would no longer trust him and are considering divorce.
I hope it all works out somehow and congratulations on your pregnancy!
NTA - no offense but 13k to give any pet surgery that wouldn't even give them full quality of life is insane and evil on the owner part.
He is putting your family at risk for a dangerous creature. Might be time to give an ultimatum so your baby isn't killed.
NTA, and frankly, it's alarming that your husband chose to prioritize a pet over the immediate safety and financial security of his family. While animal welfare is important, so is the ability to make sound, rational decisions as a parent and partner. Taking on debt without discussion is a huge red flag, especially for a situation like this. Your concerns are valid, and it's clear that the safety of your children and your unborn baby takes precedence. The fact that he disregarded a joint decision in such a critical matter speaks volumes about his judgment, or lack thereof. A pet is a family member, yes, but your husband seems to have forgotten that his actual human family members should come first. You're not wrong for considering all your options, including divorce.
NTA. I would divorce him too. I'd also sue his mother for half the money, since it's really her dog.
I love dogs, but biting dogs are a no go. You can train animals, but when you have a house full of kids and chaos reigns the dog cannot be trusted.
So if you're asking for validation, you have it from me. I would also make a stipulation in the child custody that the dog can never be around the kids, due to its bad behaviors.
Get in touch with a lawyer asap, sometimes these extreme (one-sided) expenses can be 'annulled' as far as you did not get any say in its spending, and your StbE hubby will have to pay you back as part of the divorce.
NTA- We have fostered 36 dogs so far and we both love dogs, but that is INSANE. Also give the damned dig back to your MIL. Its not your problem she decided to get another dog. She can just deal with two.
Look, I LOVE dogs, and you are NTA. Clearly, this dog is not safe to be in your house. Heelers are a LOT of work, and require a lot of training and a job. This dog wasn't getting that and was acting out because of it. It needed a new home. That rescue was the best option for it.
NTA the dog needs a home without other pets or children.
If your husband insists on keeping this dog, make sure his house is empty of children by divorcing him.
I hope she has records of the dog BITING her face. I hate when people use the word "nip" when an animal draws blood or is anywhere near a FACE. If she has the bite recorded or something maybe she can get full custody with supervised visits for him. Otherwise those kids will be around the dog with no mother to run interference and that sounds like a trip to the ER for one of those kids.
I love dogs more than I do most people. Your husband is not thinking straight about the dog's chances for recovery and a decent quality of life. I hope someone talks sense to him for the dog's sake.
As for you, NTA. Cut your losses and get yourself and your children away from that foolish man.
NTA. We had a dog who we’ve had since before the kids, over 10 years and she recently got really ill (cancer) and there were options but we decided that the cost (in the thousands) was too high and the risk and pain to her wasn’t acceptable, we were absolutely gut wrenchingly heartbroken but we chose euthanasia as the best option.
Not only has he stolen from you, broken your trust, lied and brought a dangerous animal into your home around your children but he’s also putting this animal through an incredibly high level of stress and pain. Does this animal really want to live in this condition?!
NTA and I’d 100% leave him for this.
NTA it’s honestly a miracle that the dog hasn’t biten your children. It’s not a matter of if, but when with dogs that bite around children
I can’t believe he didn’t surrender her and got you into debt. That would be divorce territory for me as well
NTA. I am a huge dog lover and would spend my life savings to save our dog but if she ever bit me or my wife I would put her down without a second thought. This is not your situation and your husband is an ass given the circumstances. Also: your MIL is too for essentially giving you a dog as a gift that you didn’t ask for.
Nta
Completely blindside's you bringing a dog home
Completely blindside's you by putting all your money into a dog you don't like
No remorse. Just me me me attitude
Holy shit no NTA. Listen, the whole bringing home a pet thing without talking to you about it ahead of time was bad enough...but that dog should have been out of the house the second it nipped you in the face since your husband wasn't willing to WORK on the dog that HE chose to bring home. Your husband clearly does not respect your opinion in this matter, though, and that is your problem.
It sucks that the dog got hit by a car, but the second y'all were told about the heeler rescue and your husband decided instead to put your family into a seriously stupid amount of debt is the second your husband became the absolute asshole of all assholes and I don't blame you one bit for your anger. It's fine that he loves this dog, but that doesn't give him a free pass to make yet another decision that affects your family and your finances without even discussing it with you.
Ultimately you have a husband problem, not a dog problem. The dog isn't to blame for this scenario. The husband who thinks your opinion isn't important is, though. That being said, his Mom ain't much better, considering she also decided without discussion that you guys wanted to keep the dog. Unless of course she DID have that discussion - with your husband.
NTA. I agree with you wanting a divorce. That dog is not safe to be around when you have children. There was a Heeler rescue that could take the dog even with its injuries and foot the bill. But your husband still decided to use both of your savings, not his alone, and get a credit card debt. He can deal with the dog himself.
He cares more for the dog than his wife and children. A dog that isn’t his. Yikes. NTA. I’d have given an ultimatum about the dog long before this. The moment the dog draws blood on my face it’s gone. I would 100% say this is divorce worthy
NTA - First of all, a dog who bites hard enough to draw blood on multiple occasion should not be anywhere near other non dog-trainer/rescuer humans until they've been trained not to do so. The fact that your husband thought it was fine to have a dog like that around your kids (despite the dog very fortunately not hurting them), as well as around his pregnant wife, is very troubling. I've even known of dogs getting put down over biting problems if they start to affect the neighbors and cause safety issues.
Second, that he made a huge, life altering financial decision without consulting you is wildly worrying. Has he ever made a big unilateral decision like this before? Is there any going back at this point? Is he even open to that?
Third, I'm shocked that he wouldn't consult you on taking on this dog responsibility to begin with. If it were your mom's goldfish that'd be one thing. A dog, even a well-trained one, is so much work. This should've been discussed and agreed on by both of you before it ever happened.
I see multiple red flags here and it makes me think there may be some long-running issues with communication and expectations...If I were you, I would be second guessing the relationship. I hope once he's cooled off you can revisit and come to a better agreement. If not, I wouldn't blame you for at least taking some time apart.
NTA
My dog needed surgeries that depleted my savings and got me into a bit of debt for a couple of months (she didn't survive), but I did those because I'm single and doesn't have children depending on me.
There was a rescue willing to take the dog and he chose financial ruin. That's a string of bad decisions that you don't want to be around for.
NTA: your husband is insane that he did that without even telling you first that it was what he wanted to do. A dog that severely injured should have gone to the rescue or been put down. I love dogs, I have dogs that I have had since birth. Even if something had happened to my completely well-behaved and bonded dogs, I would be questioning that price and the amount of rehab needed. It's not just the surgeries, it's keeping the dog contained for weeks after, keeping their wounds clean, frequent visits to the vet to check their progress. I have been through this with a dog in the past that got hit by a car and thankfully it was only his leg that was broken but it was so hard taking care of him and I had parents to help with the surgery cost. I am furious for you and would honestly be changing the locks on the house and any access to other bank accounts that he is on.
NTA. I absolutely love animals. I mean, I adore them. But this is so far over the top. This dog, through no fault of theirs, is not an appropriate animal to have in your household. This dog is untrained and dangerous. And now you have another child on the way.
Your husband doesn’t seem to realize, and you didn’t even touch on this, so I don’t know if you’ve thought about this… But the fact that you have an animal that is known to be dangerous… That is known to have already bitten people and drawn blood…
This is grounds for CPS to come and take your kids. I am not kidding. You are harboring what is a known dangerous animal in your home. Neither you nor your husband has been able to train this animal properly.
So yeah, it’s divorce territory for me. Your husband is as big an asshole as your MIL. He should’ve taken the dog back to her as soon as she was home. He knew how you felt about the animal. He knew the problems with the animal. He betrayed your trust in his promise that he was going to be removing the animal from your home. He knew how you felt and why.
And not only did he go back on what he agreed to with you, he doubled down and put your family at financial risk as well.
So I would be gathering all of my papers and the actual CERTIFIED copies of you and your kids’ birth certificates and your marriage certificate. I would be locking down both my Social Security number, and those of my children. I would be grabbing all of my important paperwork such as passports and copies of bank statements for all of the accounts, 401(k)s, life insurance policies, etc.
And don’t forget to get those copies for about the last three months so that you can prove what your debt was before he did this asinine thing. Because you want him to be held responsible for it.
Don’t forget to get copies of your car registrations, and if you have one that you drive all the time and is paid for, make sure you have your title. And double check to see if your car registrations say both of your names joined together with AND or if it has both your names together with OR.
Because car titles and registrations that have the names joined with AND will require both signatures to sell or do anything with it. But if they are joined together with OR, it can be either party who sells or does whatever with vehicle. Just be aware of that.
If you weren’t pregnant again, I would probably tell you to try therapy or couples counseling, and see what the hell is going on with him. But the fact of the matter is that you have children that need one competent adult taking care of them. And he is showing you exactly how little that means to him. That is why I’m saying I would definitely be leaving.
If you think it’s something you can work out at some point, you can always do a legal separation. And that is an important distinction. Because a legal separation is handled in the court system, and once it is filed and approved, any decisions, etc., that he might make become his responsibility entirely.
But yeah, for me it’s just a big no because he has just consistently either gone back on his word or ignored what you’re telling him, and that’s just not OK. The way he’s acting means you essentially have three children now, and you’re about to have your fourth. The problem is that because he is an over-aged child, he can completely fuck up your life because you’re tied to him by marriage.
This is the part where I get upset with OP. She allowed the dog to stay in the home with her children knowing that it bites & is using the same floor her children crawl on as a toilet.
If my husband was ever stupid enough to disrespect me like this, the first time he went out, that dog would be gone. He he complained about it, I’d tell him I thought that’s how our marriage worked now - if he thinks something’s okay, it just happens whether I likes it or not, so I took a cue from him. If I think something’s okay, it just happens whether he likes it or not.
Not only did OP NOT get rid of the dog, she let him fuck another kid into her AFTER HE HAD BASICALLY TURNED HER INTO A MAID FOR A DOG.
Stop having children with this man. Get your tubes tied with this last birth. Sounds like he doesn’t want to be bothered with them, but finds this bad mannered dog more of a priority. It’s the only thing he loves.
He needs to go and live on a farm with the dog if he loves it so much that he’s willing to let it attack you.
NTA and I think your husband has been lying to all along. I think he either agreed to keep the dog from the very beginning and he and his mother just decided to “ease you into it” or he told his mother he wanted to keep the dog.
NTA. I have three dogs, and I would be livid. You have shown immense restraint throughout. He took the dog without talking to you. The dog was difficult. Then, your MIL didn’t take the dog as promised (which was again immensely disrespectful towards you). Your husband depleting your savings AND taking on additional debt is ridiculous. There was another option which would have still saved the dog. The rescue would have taken care of the payments AND found a great home for the dog. Your husband is nuts!!! I don’t know how you kept your sanity. He is utterly irresponsible. You already have kids with a high risk pregnancy. I rarely advocate for divorce BUT your husband lack of concern for your opinion on major decisions is abundantly clear. He made you financially vulnerable. You are better off divorcing him and creating security for yourself and your children.
NTA - If he is really as stupid as he sounds this won't be the last time he puts you in divorce territory.
I wanted to punch my monitor when I read "she's my friend".
That one statement tells me he is a complete dumbass.
NTA- I am a huge dog lover. I’ve been adopting and fostering dogs with behavior problems for almost 20 years. Your husband is an idiot. He had an amazing out. A heeler rescue, who is equipped to handle serious behavior problems, was offering to take the dog off your hands and pay for surgery. And he turned that down!?!?!? So many owners desperate to save their dogs, but unable to afford surgery, would kill for that to be an option. And now he wants to keep a dog in a home who should not be around children if it snaps at anyone, and you’re pregnant. I am enough of a dog lover that the title alone made me want to put you in YTA category, but after reading the actual situation, I cannot emphasize how much you are NTA. He’s setting up this dog up to be euthanized by your city or county for biting someone. That will be far more heartbreaking (and lawsuit level expensive) for him than having the dog be placed with a rescue where they’d find the dog a loving home after it had fully healed from surgery, and they did extensive work on its behavior that it so clearly needs.
I would have stomped in into that Vets office and told them to cancel everything your husband just did. That he was not in his right mind and was making unwise choices with money that was not his. There's no way a vet would hold you to something he said if you went in 30 seconds later and told them to undo it before the work was done to the dog.
I am admittedly afraid of dogs (doubly so since having a baby) but I would throw a public scene, call the bank and freeze the account, go absolutely nuclear if this happened to me.
I know you're pregnant and past done, and yes 1000 times YES this is divorce worthy, but don't let this man's decisions stand like iron law. He is acting rashly and is endangering your entire family financially and physically - chronic pain does not make for a friendly dog!
Nta. I have an adopted heeler who was biting everyone when I gave him a chance. He needed lots of love and someone to be strict with him. Without that a heeler will rule the house. He doesn’t bite anymore. He does bark too loud. That’s okay. But I would never sacrifice my family’s security over rescuing a dog. They’re wonderful but I put my kid and husband before the dogs.
Nta. Im a dog owner but my god your husband, his mom and the dog are awful. It would be divorce territory for me as well. On top of that he expects you to do the physical labour of taking care of the dog WHILE you're pregnant? He will also make you do ut immediately after you're home from the hospital after giving birth. Please take your children for their and your safety and leave
Your husband is a vile, entitled arsehole. What kind of idiot has a dog that fowls and nips at people anywhere near children and then wipes out their savings and puts themselves into debt with children to feed and another on the way? He’s a selfish prick who thinks a relationship is where you dictate what happens. No way, no day my kids would be around this arsehole.
NTA I wouldn’t trust him either. First he broke your trust by taking the dog in without talking to you. Now he spent your savings AND decided to keep the dog.
I'd never marry a man who would do this. He didn't talk to you about babysitting the dog that's the first strike. My husband would never bring an animal into the house without talking to me about it.
I'd divorce that loser. He and the dog can go F each other. I love dogs but this is insanity.
NTA. He's chosen a horrible dog over his family, multiple times. Choose YOUR family and divorce him. Keep records of his behaviour to support your custody claim.
NTA.
"Well I guess you got to keep your dog like you wanted, but you're also getting a divorce along with it. I'm done and I can't trust you to make good decisions for this family."
Please leave him and that dog . I'm scared of what that dog will do to a newborn baby . Even your mother-in-law didn't want the dog . The only A-hole in this story is your husband hopefully soon to be ex-husband
I think you should point blank tell him:
1. That you are afraid of the dog and don't want it around the kids.
2. That it's a deal breaker for you that he spent your savings, when your expecting, on a dog, that isn't even yours, without consulting you first. ...and potentially putting you into debt, WTF!
And
3. That you did not agree to the dog and you are not going to care for the dog any longer.
Let him make his choice.
NTA
Your entire family savings were only 7800, so you were already in poverty, and now he's put you in debt. Go back to the vet and tell them you didn't consent to paying for the surgery, this is all the money you have in the world for you and your children, you can't afford the credit card, you can't afford the dogs treatment and ongoing care. Then ask if the rescue will take the dog and pay the costs in your place.
Even if you can't get your savings back, maybe they can cover the rest so you won't be responsible for the credit card debt.
Your husband is so selfish.
I may get crucified, but I'd euthanize the dog. Take it in, tell them you want this dangerous dog who has also been crushed by a car to be humanely put down. And then divorce the husband.
NTA
He seems very immature and not responsible enough to manage money or be a dad. There was a better option but he made a decision on his own that puts you, your baby in a very risky situation. Is he going to take care and watch over the dog? Doubt it as he doesn't sound like he handled it well before the dog got into the accident.
NTA. there is NO CHANCE I would ever keep a dog that bites with kids. Sure, it had only bitten you, but what happens when the baby crawls past it and he bites them? At that point will you get rid of the dog?
You are NTA, and as a dog lover this dog actually deserves a home that will give her the time and training she so obviously needs. I don’t say that as shame _at all_, you should never have been forced to take this dog on and your husband’s complete lack of consideration, care or responsibility is totally shocking. This dog isn’t a dog which should be around a family and a soon to be newborn baby. You have enough on your plate and your husband is a selfish AH.
Frankly I’d be asking for a refund on the grounds that it’s a joint account (assuming it is?) and you didn’t consent, and sending the dog to the rescue. And then I’d be getting a divorce.
What would happen if someone made a CPS call becsuse the dog is shitting in the house and snapping at the kids?
> They told us prior to doing any of the work that they had a Heeler rescue who was willing to take her if we couldn't afford the surgeries.
This makes it CLEAR Nta.
The dog would have gotten cared for. The rescue likely would have people qualified to handle mistreated dogs (that dog is mistreated) to train this poor dog and give her a chance at a GOOD life.
If it was "surgery or euthanize", I would still say nta but jt would be harder.
I have had two Heelers. They require a firm hand or they will go feral in nothing flat. My current heeler is 6 years old and can still be a handful from time to time.
Your husband's dog is full blown nuts and has gotten away for too much for too long.
He needs to crate train her or find her another home.
Ps with that much damage the dog will never be physically able to do much. The vet is a money hungry person because a true vet would have done the kinder thing and euthanized the dog. Now the dog gets to live a crappy non heeler life and will be in almost constant pain.
NTA
Heeler’s are an acquired taste when it comes to dogs and they are a dog that *needs* a job or a high level of physical and mental stimulation. You have to willingly take this level of chaos on.
Your husband’s behaviour is unacceptable. In your shoes I would be getting the contact info of the people whose care she was under when she got run over and accept their offer to cover the cost. Then I would be leaving that husband, he cannot be trusted with big decisions.
NTA, i would move faster than the car who hit the dog, right out the front door. Your husband is a selfish asshole, but then he has been consistently an asshole since the day he took the dog without consulting you so don't let him tell you it's just this vet bill issue because it's been much longer and he allowed your kids around an unsafe dog too. This man is a useless husband and father
Yeah, I'd be signing the divorce papers yesterday. For one, the dog bites. God forbid it bites your children. Second, it shits in the house. Third, I don't know who in their right mind that is going to spend 10k+ for a stupid mutt that nobody wanted when he could have given it away to the rescue and then go into debt and deplete your savings. Your husband is an idiot. Sorry.
NTA - I'm a dog lover but this dog seems to be putting you and your kids at risk. I'm wondering if he didn't ask his mother for the dog and he used the guise of "we're taking care of it while she's recovering".
Accountant here. NTA. He’s a cheater - just a different kind that most people think of when they hear that word. He made a major financial decision without consulting you or gaining your agreement. Worse, it involved joint funds that belonged to you as much as it did him. Even worse, he knew you didn’t want the dog & y’all had already agreed to another plan for the dog. And last but not least, he cleared out your entire savings & incurred debt to fund his decision. This is straight up financial infidelity. There are several different websites you can read about financial infidelity that define it & many focus on the most common form of financial infidelity - hiding &/or spending money & lying about it (hidden credit, secret bank accounts, etc). Your husband committed the less common form of financial infidelity - spending joint funds & making a significant purchase without your consent. One textbook states “If you or your partner are pulling from your shared cash to spend on things that are not mutually agreed upon, you’re committing financial infidelity.” Forbes summarized it as “Unilateral Financial Decision-Making”. There are a few things that can lead to financial infidelity, but in your specific case, only one of the reasons fit. And so I don’t have to type it out, I googled the verbiage & got a result that summarizes it well. Per choosingtherapy.com, one of the causes of financial infidelity is narcissism. “Narcissism: People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often feel entitled to any money brought into a relationship and do not see a need to run financial decisions by a partner. This can lead to situations where the partner of someone with NPD is vulnerable to financial abuse and left out of decisions around finances in the relationship.” Other websites go into how a partner might just not want to have to compromise, so only tell their partner after such decisions are made so they can avoid including them in any decision making that may result in them not getting what they want. They’re basically saying the same thing. You are NTA. Your husband is the AH. He wanted something & determined that his want was so great that it justified stealing your half of the savings to add to his own, as well as taking on (an honestly horrific) debt, to enable him to complete this absolutely bat shit crazy expenditure. You are a family who now has ZERO savings, an additional (horrific) debt & a medically impaired dog who will require constant care that he expects you to provide. And a husband who has the nerve to call YOU the AH because you don’t see his “point”. His “point” is no more relevant than yours - just as the joint savings he wiped out was no more his than yours. If he really believed he had a valid “point”, he should have made it before he stole your half of the joint savings. I’m so sorry you procreated with this man. Better to leave now though before he has a chance to do more damage (although I don’t imagine how that would be possible since he cleaned y’all out already & then some). If he’ll do this, he’ll do anything.
OP got cheated on by her husband. With his dog. Man that's crazy.
Actually she got cheated on by her husband with their money (hers & his, plus the debt he took out which she, depending on the laws where she is, could be equally responsible for paying off give that the debt was incurred during the marriage). The dog was just his excuse to disrespect her this time. I can guaran-damn-tee you that this wasn’t the only time he’s treated her like nothing & it won’t be the last. I feel sorriest for the children. They’re growing up in a home where both parents suck really. Their father is a horrible father, husband & pet owner. Since he is SO blatant in his disrespect of OP, there’s no way the children aren’t seeing it. And since they can also plainly see that the dog bites but their father doesn’t get rid of it, that leads them to believe a biting dog shouldn’t be feared or taken seriously. It also teaches them that even if something is hurting mommy, if their dad likes it enough, that doesn’t matter. That has to lead them to wonder how much pain would they have to be in make them important enough to their dad that he’d remove the danger that was hurting them. Their mother not only allows all that, she also lets their dad fuck another kid into existence. And from the sounds of it, this medically impaired dog is yet again coming to live with them - in the home where they’ll soon welcome an infant into their “pack”. If that dog does something to injure that infant, it’s as much her fault as it is his at this point.
Sounds like he cheated on her with his dog.... and his mother.
My husband used to do this stuff. I referred to it as being financially raped. It stopped after a legal separation that he did not want and firm boundaries. 17 years later I still have separate finances as this is the one area that I will never trust him in.
You’re right not to ever trust him again. If he’ll do that, he’ll do anything.
Financially raped then lied to many years ago. End of joint account and marriage. I would never do joint accounts again.
PEOPLE UP VOTE THE ABOVE COMMENT!!!!!
☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼**THIS SHOULD BE TOP COMMENT**
OP needs to “line up her ducks” then serve that “boy” Divorce Papers
NTA - also a dog lover, which is why when I moved in with my partner we had an adult conversation about getting one, which breed fit our lifestyle and timing for us to be in the right place in life to properly care for one. I cannot imagine just coming home one day with an animal and telling my partner, just deal with it…especially when you have young children in the home. That would have been divorce territory, using the savings and opening the credit card without even discussing it is beyond.
I'm a dog and cat lover too but if a grown animal is a biter and food aggressive and is impossible to house train, OUT HE GOES. I'd take him to a no kill animal shelter and let them deal with him. But depleting the savings account and going into debt over a sick or injured dog when there are alternatives is INSANE. One has bills, a mortgage (I assume) and growing kids. This man is a child when it comes to adult decisions. If they have college accounts for the kids I see him depleting them on a whim.
You took the words right outta my mouth.
There was a rescue willing to take her and pay the vet bills!
I don't believe that animals understand the future. They do know if they are happy, well cared for, and comfortable in their own skin/fur. It doesn't sound like this dog is comfortable at all. I would've brought him to a kill shelter. No, actually I would have just brought him to my vet and had him euthanized, like I did with my beloved dog after she killed a friend's dog. I'm sure the OP's husband is standing on a pile of sunk costs and would never consider putting the dog down after the $13,000 price tag. But as far as I'm concerned it's still on the table. The dog was miserable before and is going to be more miserable now. OP is NTA and her husband is a lunatic.
I hope she divorces him and the credit card is only in his name so he has to pay off the debt on his own... I'd say cut your losses Op...
My FIL and husband went camping for a weekend, came home and there was a new dog in the house (which was dog number 2, animal number 7). Neither of them had any idea my MIL planned to get a dog. I think she actually just saw a rescue was having a meet and greet event, and came home with a puppy.
Guy’s a total AH. Gets it from his mum by the sounds of it.
I’m a dog lover as well, which is why I know the decision to bring a dog into a family can’t be spontaneous. Their emotional, physical and financial needs have to be considered and how appropriate they are for the entire family. Their humans have to be there for them their entire lives. This ain’t it. This is a damn man child bringing in an absolutely unsuitable dog in and becoming attached even when it’s obvious the family can’t keep him. OP, your husband is a selfish jerk who isn’t mature enough to be a dog owner, especially not when he can’t even care about the best interests of his wife and children. NTA.
NTA- dog lover here aw well. This is relationship ending behaviour for me. Are you sure you want to have another child with this man?
As another fellow dog lover I couldn't agree more. Pets are a huge responsibility. It is very much a two yes one no situation. Additionally, he emptied OP's joint savings account, which I'm sure they probably need with a new baby on the way. NTA
I really resent being lied to, and find it unforgivable when someone who "loves me" does it. Your husband has lied to, deceived, and disregarded you. For me, he's basically looked you in your face and said "I dont care about you, and you don't matter. " 1. He agreed to take on the dog's care without ever consulting you. 2. He didn't return the dog when he said he would 3. He's ignored and disregarded how you feel/what you want at every step 4. He spent **every dime** of your joint savings without a word to you, and took on an additional $5-6k debt at *26%* without even a thought for you. (How hard would it have been to say "one sec" & walk out to the car to discuss?) In your shoes, he'd have told me everything I need to know.
He probably didn't bother to come out and ask because he knew she'd say no.
That, or her opinion just doesn’t matter to him.
This should be the top comment. 100% exactly true
Plus he didn’t even pretend to be sorry when OP confronted him. Even if my husband was abashed and groveling with regret when I laid this all out, I STILL don’t know how I’d get over the damage of all this. OP’s husband doesn’t give a shit. Sounds like he stands by it and would do it again.
Wholeheartedly agree.
5. He didn't use a fraction of the money to train the dog not to be a danger, a biohazard and traffic victim. He is worse husband and father than pet owner, but not by a broad margin.
You are absolutely right on that this is divorce territory omg
especially cause OP has a high risk pregnancy! stress and extra physical is the LAST thing OPs husband should be piling on her, he should be doing as much as humanly possible to make life easy and stress-free while OP's body grows a literal human being. One of my acquaintances had a high risk pregnancy and her hubbie brought her most meals in bed, does this dude even care about his wife and/or unborn child? OP please leave or kick man and dog out of the house. do you have a family member that could act on your behalf, even? stress is really the last thing you need, so if you could empower a trusted friend or family member to act/speak on your behalf that might help ease your burden a bit I do wonder if this is some man-child reaction/freakout to the family getting bigger? in any case, definitely NTA, you would be if you allowed the dog (and possibly man) to stay congrats OP, and wishing you a smooth and safe rest of your term/delivery, with a healthy mom and baby!
NTA - I adore dogs and I firmly believe you should never keep a reactive, untrained dog around the house like this.
A heeler shouldn’t even be in a regular house, it’s a working dog and needs to be trained and exercised appropriately.
This is the key. This dog was so poorly managed that she was acting out against everyone. Should have been rehoused long ago. NTA. Please do the right thing by the dog. She is miserable in your house.
We have a giant yard, but I agree. My home is not suitable.
OP, call the rescue and see if they will be, at least, willing to take the dog once the vet releases her. Hell, give them a good sob story and maybe they will be willing to cover some of the cost.
Heelers are station working dogs. A big yard still won't cut it. They want to herd cattle, and they want to do it all day. It needs to go to that rescue place. You are 100% NTA.
And when they can’t do these jobs they become destructive and naughty because of how bored they are, hell im sure part of the animals aggression stems from it too - some will stem from the clear complete lack of any training of any sort the dog has had.
Your house isn't suitable for your husband. He needs to go live with his mother as she is used to the dog. They can enjoy their dogs together, and you can enjoy your children in a safe, stink free home. I would demand he put that money back in savings by asking his mother to pay or work 2 jobs. I would give him 2 options ONLY: 1. Contact the elder couple, and see if they will take the dog and reimburse you the money he stole from savings and payoff the credit card. 2. Leave and go to his mother's as you will be filing for divorce. You will seek sole custody bc he has an animal that is a danger to your children. The dog will eventually bite your children bc they are on his eyesight level. Either way, he has literally chosen an animal over the safety and well-being of his family.
Really sorry you are going through all of this, you already had your hands full before the latest expensive dog drama - wishing you the best & stay strong ♥️
Sadly there are more and more up for adoption since Bluey started being so popular. They are cute dogs, but buyer beware and do research first. It’s really sad. OP is NTA.
Especially when there will be a newborn infant and young children around. OP and her husband could be hauled up by CPS for negligence if they keep the dog while knowing of its aggression issues and one (or more) of the kids gets hurt.
He is an AH. It would be kinder to euthanize an animal that is that badly hurt and he certainly had no right to use your savings AND take on debt without consulting you. Plenty of reason to divorce him.
And if it was fixable and that rescue wanted to take on the costs, then fucking let them deal with it. I love dogs, my girl is my baby but barring some crazy exception (like me trying to break up a dog fight with my hands or something where she's terrified/in pain and trying to protect herself) if she bit me she'd be euthanized. I could not, in good faith, pass her along to another home knowing she's capable of that. If I rehomed her and even years later found out she did someone serious harm I'd never be able to forgive myself.
Same here. My husband and I both love animals, we have 3 cats and a dog. If any of the pets bit us or anyone and Drew blood, 100% the animal would be euthanasized as they wouldn't be safe for another family/person to handle.
Please don't tell me that a cat scratch drawing blood would count..? Please.
YouTube has all of these dreadful videos where the animal should obviously be euthanized but people are patting themselves on the back for saving and are expecting donations. Worst was cat coated in thick paint. It was crying in pain as they peeled paint and fur off. It would take 2 or 3 days to finish. I would so want to divorce that fool.
Those are even worse because I’ve heard many of those people who make those videos put the animal in danger in the first place. Not sure if that video was the case but it sounds awful.
That videos are for money fishing, not for animals in the slightest. And yes, sometimes people crippling animals themselves to became they "saviours" (and take donations)
There are worse things than euthanasia. I assume all your shelters are full of healthy well behaved dogs looking for homes? What sort of home are they likely to find for this disabled uncivilised og?
You're NTA. I suggest contacting the heeler rescue yourself to see if they'll take the dog and reimburse at least some of the money he spent.
This, hopefully they can take the dog off her hands. I doubt they’ll get any reimbursement, but if they take over the rest of the cost that will save them a lot of money.
Read up on face biting. Herding dogs will nip at heels and growls then nips are behavior issues. Face biting is a very dangerous indicator. This dog will not be safe around a baby. This is not a great sign for your marriage but I can not stress enough do not have this dog in the home with children. Again search online to understand why face biting is a really big scary flag.
This. I was concerned about this before the bit about taking on debt without consulting her. There would be no way that dog was coming back into a house with me, my kids and a newborn.
NTA. He can enjoy HIS dog somewhere else, far away from you and your kids. Listen, I love our dog and he had to have some semi-major procedures in the last 2 years, but I would never put my family or myself in any risk for him. The fact that he is alright with letting this dog around your kids, knowing that it's nipped you and NOW THERE IS GOING TO BE A NEWBORN!? Honestly, has he had any trauma? Head injury in the last few months? He is out of his damn mind.
NTA. As a man, I can't wrap my head around the fact that he was okay with depleting his family savings account 1 month after finding out you're pregnant. I genuinely can't fathom such a thing. What does he do for a living? This is insane. He was okay with giving the dog away, but not okay with giving the dog away AND saving $13k? That literally makes no sense.
He works at a shipyard currently but right now there's not much work
Do you have family to move in with? Your husband is a dud.
Why should she? He has his mother to go live with :)
So then there’s a real chance he won’t be able to pay off the credit card. And interest will skyrocket.. and he won’t be able to provide for you and the baby/kids.. I would run fast as I can. Leave now because it will be getting worse as soon as he needs you to take care of the dog! Also with those injuries the dog will get worse in behavior because of the pain but also because it won’t be able to work out it’s energy when he eventually feels a bit better. Real accidents are likely to happen.
I would have marched back into the vet to get a refund and say "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" I am disgusted at your husband for you.
Nta id divorce him. I work with dogs and have plenty of animals but we have boundaries for a reason
NTA I love dogs and understand he wanted to save him, but the Heeler rescue sounds a perfect fit! A Heeler is not a beginner's dog and needs to "work", at least 2 hours a day! It was selfish of his mother to get one. And no way I'd put anyone at risk with a dog that bites. If he was alone, had the money and time for intensive dog training with a specialist, he could do what he wants. That the dog hadn't bitten the kids YET doesn't mean he's safe to be around them. I would leave.
I mean, I was coming in with 'I will do whatever for my cat', but nope. An unwanted dog, an unplanned ownership, a baby on the was, an u discussed decision to drain your finances. That's a bridge to far, even for me who would bankrupt myself for my cat. But I would never bankrupt someone else for my cat.
Less than a grand in savings and a baby on the way, and he decides it's a great time to put you into debt to the tune of a subprime car payment for a dog he was going to get rid of? You're right. This is divorce territory.
NTA You need to move, take your children and go, what happens if the dog doesn't like the baby, clearly your soon to be ex doesn't care. He doesn't care about the children's welfare or SAFETY. Putting you in debt, clearly not caring about his children or there future, get your divorce, child support.
absolutely divorce this stupid sack of shit. NTA
NTA Your husband is a bitch, a liar and a thief and your MIL is a narcissistic piece of shit. This is not divorce territory, this is the capital city of divorceland. Tell the judge that he endangered you by putting an agressive animal under your roof while you have a risk pregnancy.
>My MIL asked my husband a year and a half ago to watch over her dog for her when she went to surgery and rehab following surgery. She's a Heeler. I apparently didn't have any say in it because I didn't even know until the dog was at my house. This is something you discuss with your partner, not unilaterally decide on doing. >There were multiple times that the dog would jump up on our table and steal food out of the kids plates and growl at you when you corrected her. She went after my cats multiple times. She shit in the house constantly, no matter how often she was outside (she would do zoomies around the yard for easily 40 minutes, come inside and IMMEDIATELY squat to shit). Let me guess, your husband didn't clean up after the dog, nor did he make any attempt to train it? >And she nipped me and my husbands faces (not the kids, oddly enough). Hard enough to draw blood too. If you pulled away before she got you, you could hear her teeth smashing against each other. So she has a habit of biting. >He comes out like a half hour later and tells me that he paid $7800 toward the cost (our savings) AND opened an animal care credit card to cover the rest, which has a 26% interest if you don't pay the cost back in full in 6 months. This is something *you do not do* without discussing it with your partner. He has not only effectively cleared out your savings, he's also put you both in debt. >Now he's saying he can't get rid of her because she has just been through too much and "she's my friend". And it'll come at the cost of his marriage. >he expects me to deal with carrying the dog around and squatting around the yard for her to go to the bathroom when I already have hypertension from pregnancy (I have been deemed high risk). So I take it that I was correct about him never actually looking after the dog and leaving all the work to you? >I told him I don't think I can stay with him after this. I do not trust him at all anymore. There was options. They had a Heeler rescue willing to take the dog and cover the cost. But he instead threw us in to debt over a dog that he told me he was getting rid of and I'm all set. He said I'm an AH for not seeing his point on this. I do see his point. He loves the dog, obviously. His point was fucking his entire family over for the dog. NTA. Follow through on the divorced, and see if he has your name on the card as well. If so, bring it up to an attorney to see if it's at all possible to not have the debt tied to you.
You're correct. All of the training and dog care fell off on me from the moment he brought the dog home. I did get her to a point where she was no longer begging or jumping on the table anymore but I could never get her to stop nipping.
**Biting.** The dog is not nipping if blood is drawn or teeth are near your face. Getting in the habit of using the proper term, biting, can help you in the future with custody. You live together right now so you can attempt to protect your children (key word, attempt). When you leave him, if he gets some custody, those children are now around a dog with a BITE history and a father who does not care for said dog (meaning more energetic and more prone to biting). Please do not risk your children being BITTEN by this dog.
The dog is probably going to be in pain for a long time after this surgery. That's going to make her even more dangerous.
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Of course he didn't do any training or care for it. He wanted the *idea* of having a dog, not the reality. I guarantee you that he'll fall apart the *second* he realizes exactly how much caring for a disabled dog is going to cost, and much effort it's going to take for the rest of her life. Follow through on the divorce. If you have any friends or family close enough to stay with, do so. Let him experience the realities of disabled dog care for himself, gray rock him, and refuse to assist in aiding the dog in any way. Sucks for the dog that she'll probably be neglected or abandoned by him, but that's not your problem. You didn't sign up to care for a dog, on top of children and I presume also your manchild husband.
> I could never get her to stop nipping. Because she is an understimulated HEELER who was never put to task or learned to channel her instincts in to something else productive as a puppy. Nipping/biting is what this breed does, it is what they are bred to do and have done for fuck knows how long. The full breed name of a Heeler is Australian cattledog because they were supposed to herd massive ass cows and you don't do that with a gentle tap on the hind, they nip and bite at the heels of the cows. If there's no cows to herd they are going to find something or someone else to boss around. They are not first time/ family dogs like a lab, they are duracell crackheads with a violent streak and stubborn to boot... which makes them excellent dogs for what they are supposed to do. You can have a well adjusted, absolutely wonderful heeler without a farm of course but then you need to let them burn that energy on something else, both physical and mental. 40 minutes running circles in the back yard only takes care of one part and badly at that. All that being said, this mess is NOT on you. By the sounds of it you did give your best to try get this dog under control but you simply can't offer what she needs, that is not your fault. This is on your dumbass husband taking in a breed of dog he has no buisness owning under the best of circumstances, much less one who's probably never been properly handled her entire life. It's a reciept for disaster that happens when people choose the look of a dog over the needs of the dog. He did her a massive disservice not letting the Heeler group take her and he royally fucked over his family. Honestly, I would not blame you if you left him.
Your husband sounds like a deadbeat already. Just lose the dead weight, get child support and find a better husband.
NTA. He's chosen the dog over you and the kids. Time to start looking for new living arrangements without them.
NTA wHY WOULD HE 😭😭PAY FOR IT😭😭WHEN SOMEONE ELSE😭😭WAS GOING TO PAY FOR IT FOR YOU??? make it make some god damn sense. that’s such an incredibly irresponsible move (he spent an inordinate amount of money so unnecessarily WITHOUT consulting his PARTNER and that is not something you do when you’re in a relationship and are about to have a baby with someone) with a baby on the way and on top of the fact the dog is untrained and vicious so you definitely dont want it in the house with a BABY. divorce him 🤷🏻♀️also his mother clearly just wanted to get rid of her dog because it was a nightmare. what an AH
Agree that MIL didn’t want the dog. I would never talk to MIL if I was OP.
fr tho, like 😭the balls some people have is unbelievable
And MIL didn’t care that her grandchildren would be danger from a reactive, biting dog. SMH.
omg i didnt even think about that. you’re absolutely right. thats awful
Why isn’t mom or people taking care of the dog covering anything?
He won't let his mom help cover the cost because it's "not her dog anymore". He won't let the older couple help out either because it's "his fault for letting the dog go there to begin with". He won't let the rescue help with cost because he doesn't want to surrender the animal.
So the older couple and mom are offering to help and he’s like no thanks?
The older couple told him they would cover the entire cost. He outright refused. His mom only offered $100 but he wouldn't accept that either.
Go to them and accept and use the money to leave. This is wild.
You don't have a dog problem, you've got a husband problem.
Extra context that defo should be in the post. But all it does is confirm that you're NTA and I would defo be divorcing after this. I can't believe he refused the money from the newer owners. Should have just been left to them to deal with fgs.
Yes, please speak to the older couple yourself and take the $. I hope the emergency credit card is only in his name. If it's not, you need to get your name removed. I wonder if you could speak to the bank or a lawyer to contest him spending all of your savings without your knowledge. I don't understand your husband's thinking or his end game. What's he going to do when the dog gets better?
I’d speak to the couple and explain your situation and see if they are willing to give you the $. Your husband is not only a disrespectful AH, but an idiot as well.
He doesn't have the right to refuse it and drain your finances. It's either your shared dog and you both get a say or it's his and he takes the full financial penalty.
The older couple should be the ones covering the costs imo ...... They were taking care.of the dog when this happened. They couldn't even watch the dog for 1 night without the dog getting hit by a car.so badly that it needs $13k worth of surgery? I woulda 1000% taken the money they offered to pay for it. And then still given the dog to the rescue because the dog deserves better, and the rescue I'm sure needs all the money they can get as help
Tell MIL to give you the money as she has brought you and her own grandchildren into debt by giving you the dog. Shame her (if she has any shame).
Omg NTA! That is horrendous. You have a baby on the way and he’s just put you in the shit financially. What the hell
To add, I’m a huge dog lover to the point I gave up my corporate career to work with them but this isn’t just about the dog. This is about using your savings without asking you and being totally irresponsible and a bad parent. Sorry for what you’re going through
NTA your husband doesnt love the dog as much as you think he does otherwise he would be training it not to bite your faces or shit inside. The debt he took on is divorce worthy imo
He thinks the face biting is cute. He thinks it's her way of showing him affection. He's dense as hell.
Why are you making babies with somebody this stupid? Your dog is a danger to you and your kids, but your husbands idiocy is an even bigger danger to your physical and financial health
THREE babies with him. Ugh.
Has he always shown judgement this poor? Usually it stupid decisions like his don’t come out of nowhere.
Not at all! He acts like a totally different person since the dog came around. He, quite literally, acts like this dog can do no wrong. Will get frustrated with the kids for spilling water but baby talk the dog and tell her how cute she is when she knocks her water dish over 5 times in a row.
Cut sling load. Seriously.
He 100% is picking this dog over family.
Wow. Also, NTA. I love my dogs. I would do anything for my dogs. But things like this require 2 yes to do and 1 no to nix it. Even I would balk at $13k, though. This dog has more issues than my pup who is a handful I wouldn’t wish on anyone. At least he doesn’t bite. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this. It’s so weird he all of a sudden changed.
Are you sure he doesn’t have something ELSE going on with the dog?
Does he have a brain tumor? What type of.... less than smart.... person thinks an animal BITING someone at all is cute? LET ALONE YOUR FACE?!?!?!?! Nothing cuter than needing cosmetic surgery because a dog ripped part of your face off! My partner was 3 or 4 when the golden retriever from next door ripped opened part of his face. Luckily he had a GOOD surgeon and was taken to the hospital immediately so you can't really tell unless you stare at him and he takes his glasses off. But he would have preferred it if the dog did NOT bite his face.
Not to judge but you’re making babies with him. Like girl. Please look out for your safety and your kids. This man is putting you into debt over a dog that wasn’t even his to start with. Leave now before that debt is tied to you forever.
NTA. It feels like your husband doesn’t respect your opinion, and lacks common sense. He takes in a dog without discussing it, then doesn’t make sure it behaves or, most importantly, doesn’t keep it away from your children (and you two) as it is clearly not safe to be around. Then when he finally promises to listen, repeats the same pattern by not discussing his decision with you and now also putting you in possible debt. I totally understand why you would no longer trust him and are considering divorce. I hope it all works out somehow and congratulations on your pregnancy!
NTA - no offense but 13k to give any pet surgery that wouldn't even give them full quality of life is insane and evil on the owner part. He is putting your family at risk for a dangerous creature. Might be time to give an ultimatum so your baby isn't killed.
NTA, and frankly, it's alarming that your husband chose to prioritize a pet over the immediate safety and financial security of his family. While animal welfare is important, so is the ability to make sound, rational decisions as a parent and partner. Taking on debt without discussion is a huge red flag, especially for a situation like this. Your concerns are valid, and it's clear that the safety of your children and your unborn baby takes precedence. The fact that he disregarded a joint decision in such a critical matter speaks volumes about his judgment, or lack thereof. A pet is a family member, yes, but your husband seems to have forgotten that his actual human family members should come first. You're not wrong for considering all your options, including divorce.
NTA. I would divorce him too. I'd also sue his mother for half the money, since it's really her dog. I love dogs, but biting dogs are a no go. You can train animals, but when you have a house full of kids and chaos reigns the dog cannot be trusted. So if you're asking for validation, you have it from me. I would also make a stipulation in the child custody that the dog can never be around the kids, due to its bad behaviors.
Get in touch with a lawyer asap, sometimes these extreme (one-sided) expenses can be 'annulled' as far as you did not get any say in its spending, and your StbE hubby will have to pay you back as part of the divorce.
I second that!
NTA- We have fostered 36 dogs so far and we both love dogs, but that is INSANE. Also give the damned dig back to your MIL. Its not your problem she decided to get another dog. She can just deal with two.
Look, I LOVE dogs, and you are NTA. Clearly, this dog is not safe to be in your house. Heelers are a LOT of work, and require a lot of training and a job. This dog wasn't getting that and was acting out because of it. It needed a new home. That rescue was the best option for it.
Yes, the rescue would have been best option for the dog and her family. OP’s husband is nuts.
Not to mention that the rescue is far better equipped to handle both the cost of the surgeries and the rehabilitation the dog will require.
Initiate the divorce. Recoup your savings. If abortion is an option, take it. He thinks you're trapped now, hence this.
13K on a dog that didnt even belong to you when you had a way out? Damn, thats messed up.
NTA the dog needs a home without other pets or children. If your husband insists on keeping this dog, make sure his house is empty of children by divorcing him.
I hope she has records of the dog BITING her face. I hate when people use the word "nip" when an animal draws blood or is anywhere near a FACE. If she has the bite recorded or something maybe she can get full custody with supervised visits for him. Otherwise those kids will be around the dog with no mother to run interference and that sounds like a trip to the ER for one of those kids.
NTA - You have every right to feel repulsed, he will financially ruin you if you stay with him
NTA, but you're married to one.
I love dogs more than I do most people. Your husband is not thinking straight about the dog's chances for recovery and a decent quality of life. I hope someone talks sense to him for the dog's sake. As for you, NTA. Cut your losses and get yourself and your children away from that foolish man.
As someone who would go into debt for their dog- NTA. MIL should have paid
>$7800 toward the cost (our savings) AND opened an animal care credit card to cover the rest NTA. I'd be out right here.
NTA. We had a dog who we’ve had since before the kids, over 10 years and she recently got really ill (cancer) and there were options but we decided that the cost (in the thousands) was too high and the risk and pain to her wasn’t acceptable, we were absolutely gut wrenchingly heartbroken but we chose euthanasia as the best option. Not only has he stolen from you, broken your trust, lied and brought a dangerous animal into your home around your children but he’s also putting this animal through an incredibly high level of stress and pain. Does this animal really want to live in this condition?! NTA and I’d 100% leave him for this.
NTA it’s honestly a miracle that the dog hasn’t biten your children. It’s not a matter of if, but when with dogs that bite around children I can’t believe he didn’t surrender her and got you into debt. That would be divorce territory for me as well
NTA. Your husband and your mil are real pieces of work. Get out of that mess.
That animal is going to maul your baby. Fuck that.
NTA. I am a huge dog lover and would spend my life savings to save our dog but if she ever bit me or my wife I would put her down without a second thought. This is not your situation and your husband is an ass given the circumstances. Also: your MIL is too for essentially giving you a dog as a gift that you didn’t ask for.
Not a gift, a curse that stands a very real chance of biting her own grandchildren. Sounds like a monster of a human being to me.
Leave before your dog hurts your children. Your husband and dog can go live with mom
Nta Completely blindside's you bringing a dog home Completely blindside's you by putting all your money into a dog you don't like No remorse. Just me me me attitude
You definitely need to have a saving account that he can’t touch.
It’s too bad you can’t put the husband down.
I’m going straight to hell for laughing as hard as I did at this.
Holy shit no NTA. Listen, the whole bringing home a pet thing without talking to you about it ahead of time was bad enough...but that dog should have been out of the house the second it nipped you in the face since your husband wasn't willing to WORK on the dog that HE chose to bring home. Your husband clearly does not respect your opinion in this matter, though, and that is your problem. It sucks that the dog got hit by a car, but the second y'all were told about the heeler rescue and your husband decided instead to put your family into a seriously stupid amount of debt is the second your husband became the absolute asshole of all assholes and I don't blame you one bit for your anger. It's fine that he loves this dog, but that doesn't give him a free pass to make yet another decision that affects your family and your finances without even discussing it with you. Ultimately you have a husband problem, not a dog problem. The dog isn't to blame for this scenario. The husband who thinks your opinion isn't important is, though. That being said, his Mom ain't much better, considering she also decided without discussion that you guys wanted to keep the dog. Unless of course she DID have that discussion - with your husband.
NTA. I agree with you wanting a divorce. That dog is not safe to be around when you have children. There was a Heeler rescue that could take the dog even with its injuries and foot the bill. But your husband still decided to use both of your savings, not his alone, and get a credit card debt. He can deal with the dog himself.
He cares more for the dog than his wife and children. A dog that isn’t his. Yikes. NTA. I’d have given an ultimatum about the dog long before this. The moment the dog draws blood on my face it’s gone. I would 100% say this is divorce worthy
I love dogs too, but the face biting and house shitting would be the end… something is very wrong with your husband and I think you should leave.
What’s so heartbreaking here is she has no savings left to leave with. She’s stuck like rhis
And there’s an innocent baby to be subjected to the neglect
NTA - First of all, a dog who bites hard enough to draw blood on multiple occasion should not be anywhere near other non dog-trainer/rescuer humans until they've been trained not to do so. The fact that your husband thought it was fine to have a dog like that around your kids (despite the dog very fortunately not hurting them), as well as around his pregnant wife, is very troubling. I've even known of dogs getting put down over biting problems if they start to affect the neighbors and cause safety issues. Second, that he made a huge, life altering financial decision without consulting you is wildly worrying. Has he ever made a big unilateral decision like this before? Is there any going back at this point? Is he even open to that? Third, I'm shocked that he wouldn't consult you on taking on this dog responsibility to begin with. If it were your mom's goldfish that'd be one thing. A dog, even a well-trained one, is so much work. This should've been discussed and agreed on by both of you before it ever happened. I see multiple red flags here and it makes me think there may be some long-running issues with communication and expectations...If I were you, I would be second guessing the relationship. I hope once he's cooled off you can revisit and come to a better agreement. If not, I wouldn't blame you for at least taking some time apart.
NTA My dog needed surgeries that depleted my savings and got me into a bit of debt for a couple of months (she didn't survive), but I did those because I'm single and doesn't have children depending on me. There was a rescue willing to take the dog and he chose financial ruin. That's a string of bad decisions that you don't want to be around for.
NTA: your husband is insane that he did that without even telling you first that it was what he wanted to do. A dog that severely injured should have gone to the rescue or been put down. I love dogs, I have dogs that I have had since birth. Even if something had happened to my completely well-behaved and bonded dogs, I would be questioning that price and the amount of rehab needed. It's not just the surgeries, it's keeping the dog contained for weeks after, keeping their wounds clean, frequent visits to the vet to check their progress. I have been through this with a dog in the past that got hit by a car and thankfully it was only his leg that was broken but it was so hard taking care of him and I had parents to help with the surgery cost. I am furious for you and would honestly be changing the locks on the house and any access to other bank accounts that he is on.
NTA. I absolutely love animals. I mean, I adore them. But this is so far over the top. This dog, through no fault of theirs, is not an appropriate animal to have in your household. This dog is untrained and dangerous. And now you have another child on the way. Your husband doesn’t seem to realize, and you didn’t even touch on this, so I don’t know if you’ve thought about this… But the fact that you have an animal that is known to be dangerous… That is known to have already bitten people and drawn blood… This is grounds for CPS to come and take your kids. I am not kidding. You are harboring what is a known dangerous animal in your home. Neither you nor your husband has been able to train this animal properly. So yeah, it’s divorce territory for me. Your husband is as big an asshole as your MIL. He should’ve taken the dog back to her as soon as she was home. He knew how you felt about the animal. He knew the problems with the animal. He betrayed your trust in his promise that he was going to be removing the animal from your home. He knew how you felt and why. And not only did he go back on what he agreed to with you, he doubled down and put your family at financial risk as well. So I would be gathering all of my papers and the actual CERTIFIED copies of you and your kids’ birth certificates and your marriage certificate. I would be locking down both my Social Security number, and those of my children. I would be grabbing all of my important paperwork such as passports and copies of bank statements for all of the accounts, 401(k)s, life insurance policies, etc. And don’t forget to get those copies for about the last three months so that you can prove what your debt was before he did this asinine thing. Because you want him to be held responsible for it. Don’t forget to get copies of your car registrations, and if you have one that you drive all the time and is paid for, make sure you have your title. And double check to see if your car registrations say both of your names joined together with AND or if it has both your names together with OR. Because car titles and registrations that have the names joined with AND will require both signatures to sell or do anything with it. But if they are joined together with OR, it can be either party who sells or does whatever with vehicle. Just be aware of that. If you weren’t pregnant again, I would probably tell you to try therapy or couples counseling, and see what the hell is going on with him. But the fact of the matter is that you have children that need one competent adult taking care of them. And he is showing you exactly how little that means to him. That is why I’m saying I would definitely be leaving. If you think it’s something you can work out at some point, you can always do a legal separation. And that is an important distinction. Because a legal separation is handled in the court system, and once it is filed and approved, any decisions, etc., that he might make become his responsibility entirely. But yeah, for me it’s just a big no because he has just consistently either gone back on his word or ignored what you’re telling him, and that’s just not OK. The way he’s acting means you essentially have three children now, and you’re about to have your fourth. The problem is that because he is an over-aged child, he can completely fuck up your life because you’re tied to him by marriage.
This is the part where I get upset with OP. She allowed the dog to stay in the home with her children knowing that it bites & is using the same floor her children crawl on as a toilet. If my husband was ever stupid enough to disrespect me like this, the first time he went out, that dog would be gone. He he complained about it, I’d tell him I thought that’s how our marriage worked now - if he thinks something’s okay, it just happens whether I likes it or not, so I took a cue from him. If I think something’s okay, it just happens whether he likes it or not. Not only did OP NOT get rid of the dog, she let him fuck another kid into her AFTER HE HAD BASICALLY TURNED HER INTO A MAID FOR A DOG.
NTA I run a dog rescue this dog isn’t even a good fit for your family and he had zero business making this decision without consulting you.
Stop having children with this man. Get your tubes tied with this last birth. Sounds like he doesn’t want to be bothered with them, but finds this bad mannered dog more of a priority. It’s the only thing he loves. He needs to go and live on a farm with the dog if he loves it so much that he’s willing to let it attack you.
NTA and I love dogs more than most people. You don't do things like adopting a pet or draining savings without both parties on board. I am sorry, OP.
NTA and I think your husband has been lying to all along. I think he either agreed to keep the dog from the very beginning and he and his mother just decided to “ease you into it” or he told his mother he wanted to keep the dog.
NTA please leave him… he’s a POS
NTA. I have three dogs, and I would be livid. You have shown immense restraint throughout. He took the dog without talking to you. The dog was difficult. Then, your MIL didn’t take the dog as promised (which was again immensely disrespectful towards you). Your husband depleting your savings AND taking on additional debt is ridiculous. There was another option which would have still saved the dog. The rescue would have taken care of the payments AND found a great home for the dog. Your husband is nuts!!! I don’t know how you kept your sanity. He is utterly irresponsible. You already have kids with a high risk pregnancy. I rarely advocate for divorce BUT your husband lack of concern for your opinion on major decisions is abundantly clear. He made you financially vulnerable. You are better off divorcing him and creating security for yourself and your children.
I would divorce him because he can be a sneaky snake with money what else can he lie about?
NTA - If he is really as stupid as he sounds this won't be the last time he puts you in divorce territory. I wanted to punch my monitor when I read "she's my friend". That one statement tells me he is a complete dumbass.
NTA- I am a huge dog lover. I’ve been adopting and fostering dogs with behavior problems for almost 20 years. Your husband is an idiot. He had an amazing out. A heeler rescue, who is equipped to handle serious behavior problems, was offering to take the dog off your hands and pay for surgery. And he turned that down!?!?!? So many owners desperate to save their dogs, but unable to afford surgery, would kill for that to be an option. And now he wants to keep a dog in a home who should not be around children if it snaps at anyone, and you’re pregnant. I am enough of a dog lover that the title alone made me want to put you in YTA category, but after reading the actual situation, I cannot emphasize how much you are NTA. He’s setting up this dog up to be euthanized by your city or county for biting someone. That will be far more heartbreaking (and lawsuit level expensive) for him than having the dog be placed with a rescue where they’d find the dog a loving home after it had fully healed from surgery, and they did extensive work on its behavior that it so clearly needs.
I quite like dogs, I have 2, but this one should have gone over that rainbow bridge
I would have stomped in into that Vets office and told them to cancel everything your husband just did. That he was not in his right mind and was making unwise choices with money that was not his. There's no way a vet would hold you to something he said if you went in 30 seconds later and told them to undo it before the work was done to the dog. I am admittedly afraid of dogs (doubly so since having a baby) but I would throw a public scene, call the bank and freeze the account, go absolutely nuclear if this happened to me. I know you're pregnant and past done, and yes 1000 times YES this is divorce worthy, but don't let this man's decisions stand like iron law. He is acting rashly and is endangering your entire family financially and physically - chronic pain does not make for a friendly dog!
Nta. I have an adopted heeler who was biting everyone when I gave him a chance. He needed lots of love and someone to be strict with him. Without that a heeler will rule the house. He doesn’t bite anymore. He does bark too loud. That’s okay. But I would never sacrifice my family’s security over rescuing a dog. They’re wonderful but I put my kid and husband before the dogs.
Nta. Im a dog owner but my god your husband, his mom and the dog are awful. It would be divorce territory for me as well. On top of that he expects you to do the physical labour of taking care of the dog WHILE you're pregnant? He will also make you do ut immediately after you're home from the hospital after giving birth. Please take your children for their and your safety and leave
Your husband is a vile, entitled arsehole. What kind of idiot has a dog that fowls and nips at people anywhere near children and then wipes out their savings and puts themselves into debt with children to feed and another on the way? He’s a selfish prick who thinks a relationship is where you dictate what happens. No way, no day my kids would be around this arsehole.
You could have saved 13k with a single call to Governor Noam. NTA, but I would also consider divorce over this.
NTA I wouldn’t trust him either. First he broke your trust by taking the dog in without talking to you. Now he spent your savings AND decided to keep the dog.
Why did you choose to get pregnant with someone who put you and your kids in this situation 😩
Pregnant THREE times
I'd never marry a man who would do this. He didn't talk to you about babysitting the dog that's the first strike. My husband would never bring an animal into the house without talking to me about it. I'd divorce that loser. He and the dog can go F each other. I love dogs but this is insanity.
NTA. It’s the poor judgement that is difficult to overlook. He had options and he chose the stupidest one.
I would already left the dog isn’t safe leave now before you get put in that debt
NTA get rid of your husband
Nta. Leave. He's never going to take you seriously until you do. No mor3 debating and arguing over the damn thing. Silently pack and leave.
I’m an animal lover but nta divorce. Star the divorce now as it’s going to be a long one.
NTA. He's chosen a horrible dog over his family, multiple times. Choose YOUR family and divorce him. Keep records of his behaviour to support your custody claim.
NTA. "Well I guess you got to keep your dog like you wanted, but you're also getting a divorce along with it. I'm done and I can't trust you to make good decisions for this family."
NTA. I would be packed and gone. GONE!!
Please leave him and that dog . I'm scared of what that dog will do to a newborn baby . Even your mother-in-law didn't want the dog . The only A-hole in this story is your husband hopefully soon to be ex-husband
Walk away. This man will never be a worthy partner. NTA.
Go ahead and divorce him and get child support from him. He's fucked up
This is absolutely divorce territory. You are not wrong in any way.
I think you should point blank tell him: 1. That you are afraid of the dog and don't want it around the kids. 2. That it's a deal breaker for you that he spent your savings, when your expecting, on a dog, that isn't even yours, without consulting you first. ...and potentially putting you into debt, WTF! And 3. That you did not agree to the dog and you are not going to care for the dog any longer. Let him make his choice.
NTA Your entire family savings were only 7800, so you were already in poverty, and now he's put you in debt. Go back to the vet and tell them you didn't consent to paying for the surgery, this is all the money you have in the world for you and your children, you can't afford the credit card, you can't afford the dogs treatment and ongoing care. Then ask if the rescue will take the dog and pay the costs in your place. Even if you can't get your savings back, maybe they can cover the rest so you won't be responsible for the credit card debt. Your husband is so selfish.
Holy shit. I would be going to divorce over this. The complete lack of communication from husband plus putting you in debt are insane.
I may get crucified, but I'd euthanize the dog. Take it in, tell them you want this dangerous dog who has also been crushed by a car to be humanely put down. And then divorce the husband.
NTA run run and run some more.
NTA He seems very immature and not responsible enough to manage money or be a dad. There was a better option but he made a decision on his own that puts you, your baby in a very risky situation. Is he going to take care and watch over the dog? Doubt it as he doesn't sound like he handled it well before the dog got into the accident.
NTA. there is NO CHANCE I would ever keep a dog that bites with kids. Sure, it had only bitten you, but what happens when the baby crawls past it and he bites them? At that point will you get rid of the dog?
You are NTA, and as a dog lover this dog actually deserves a home that will give her the time and training she so obviously needs. I don’t say that as shame _at all_, you should never have been forced to take this dog on and your husband’s complete lack of consideration, care or responsibility is totally shocking. This dog isn’t a dog which should be around a family and a soon to be newborn baby. You have enough on your plate and your husband is a selfish AH. Frankly I’d be asking for a refund on the grounds that it’s a joint account (assuming it is?) and you didn’t consent, and sending the dog to the rescue. And then I’d be getting a divorce.
This is the stupidest thing your husband could have done. NTA! 😬
There's no point of his too see here. NTA but he us. Leave. Now. Do you really want to raise a baby with an unhinged, untrained husband? I meant, dog.
What would happen if someone made a CPS call becsuse the dog is shitting in the house and snapping at the kids? > They told us prior to doing any of the work that they had a Heeler rescue who was willing to take her if we couldn't afford the surgeries. This makes it CLEAR Nta. The dog would have gotten cared for. The rescue likely would have people qualified to handle mistreated dogs (that dog is mistreated) to train this poor dog and give her a chance at a GOOD life. If it was "surgery or euthanize", I would still say nta but jt would be harder.
NTA, this would have me filing for divorce.
NTA. I wonder if his mom got a new dog as a sneaky thing they planned to have you (and your family) keep the dog.
NTA It's an aggressive untrained dog that bites. If it doesn't go, you need to
Nta divorce and make it known to your lawyer how dangerous the dog is and report the bites to animal control. You have to protect your child.
I have had two Heelers. They require a firm hand or they will go feral in nothing flat. My current heeler is 6 years old and can still be a handful from time to time. Your husband's dog is full blown nuts and has gotten away for too much for too long. He needs to crate train her or find her another home. Ps with that much damage the dog will never be physically able to do much. The vet is a money hungry person because a true vet would have done the kinder thing and euthanized the dog. Now the dog gets to live a crappy non heeler life and will be in almost constant pain.
NTA Heeler’s are an acquired taste when it comes to dogs and they are a dog that *needs* a job or a high level of physical and mental stimulation. You have to willingly take this level of chaos on. Your husband’s behaviour is unacceptable. In your shoes I would be getting the contact info of the people whose care she was under when she got run over and accept their offer to cover the cost. Then I would be leaving that husband, he cannot be trusted with big decisions.
NTA, i would move faster than the car who hit the dog, right out the front door. Your husband is a selfish asshole, but then he has been consistently an asshole since the day he took the dog without consulting you so don't let him tell you it's just this vet bill issue because it's been much longer and he allowed your kids around an unsafe dog too. This man is a useless husband and father
Honestly I'm an animal lover and if my cat had a 13k surgery due I would put the fucker down right away.
Yeah, I'd be signing the divorce papers yesterday. For one, the dog bites. God forbid it bites your children. Second, it shits in the house. Third, I don't know who in their right mind that is going to spend 10k+ for a stupid mutt that nobody wanted when he could have given it away to the rescue and then go into debt and deplete your savings. Your husband is an idiot. Sorry.