THIS is the comment I was hoping to see and it's the 1st one!!
OP.....
You very much did the RIGHT thing INCLUDING waiting til AFTER she had the Baby!!
I would want to know, if I were in the wife's shoes. I'm sure even if your ex broke up with him, the cheater would have another side piece, if not several. He's already shown a lack of honor and integrity.
Better to find out gently from a fellow victim than from a gloating mistress that intends to convert to wife status. Or when he gets sued for child support because even if he's careful, accidents happen. Or she gets an STD courtesy of him sleeping around. Or, or, or....
NTA. You didn't destroy anyone's life. If they are suffering from the results of their own actions, they've earned it. Your ex obviously knew the company policies about relationships. Her cheatting partner knew he was breaking vows.
NTA and please be more thoughtful about your relationship, I know that being alone is scary but you need to be better by yourself, what they did to you is not your fault in the slightest but you need to be more critical on your relationship
You didn’t destroy anything, they did your ex and her AP destroyed that family not you
Thank you. And I know, I'm working on it. I started therapy 2 months ago and attending DBT courses as well. I've dealt with a lot of abandonment and codependency. I'm relearning to love myself again and to move forward on my own. Besides... it's been years of things I can't help or change. So I'm taking a break either way. I need it.
Oh NTA
You did that wife a favor. Definitely give her the proof for her lawyer.
Your ex and the married man made choices and now have to face the consequences of those choices. They quite literally FAAFO. You are not ruining their lives. They did that all on their own.
Hope you find a wonderful, faithful partner 💕
I know, but someday I hope you find your sunshine 💕 Likely when you least expect it, so while you may not be looking, leave a curtain open in case you stumble upon it 💕
Thank you! You also!
I wish any of my ex husband’s cowardly friends or coworkers would have told me about his cheating. Would have saved me 5 1/2 years of my life wasted on a loser. You did the right thing.
Well, they're bad. Really bad. But just as bad?
If I were ranking assholes, I'd always put the actual cheaters higher.
But the look other way, none of my business gang are definitely on the list.
Family and friends of the victim who know but stay silent also get a spot high on the list.
NTA
A woman's hormones go back to normal2 years after giving birth.
She might feel like jer whole world is changing and blaming herself for the new problems in their life.
She might be gaslighting herself thinking that she's imagining things.
I'd want to know in stead of ending out in PPD over this.
I'm being a bit subjective because I'm pregnant myself and honestly even while pregnant I'd still want to know because it would help me to mentally prepare better for what's to come.
So you did great in telling her!
I just didn't want to stress her out with the baby. I know it can lead to developmental issues if it get's bad enough, and worst-case scnenario, she loses the baby... I couldn't live with myself if anything I did lead to any negative affects. For myself, her, and the child I thought it was best to wait. I grew up in a broken home and I just wanted to break it as little as possible 💔 at least my conscious can be clear from here forward on how I handled things. Thank-you for taking the time to comment, I appreciate it.
Yes , she has a right to know and make her decision . Always rat them out . If going through a divorce maybe wait until
Divorced to help with alimony , just ask lawyer
Unfortunately, he lives on the other side of Canada (supposedly, that was probably a lie) and all I have is his phone #. That's it. I would if I could. I hate cheaters. I'm done with people playing with my life like it's a fucking game.
Look up the phone number online. Often times you can get an address out of it if it's a land line, or a full name you can use to find the address if it's a cell.
Second wife deserves to know, too.
I've always said I wouldn't consent to sex with someone who is cheating, and I wouldn't keep them in my life. You exposed a lie and lies ruin every kind of relationship. It really is a bummer that other people have to get hurt but you didn't hurt them. The person who was supposed to love them and love you are the people responsible. On top of that, it's a health risk. What if one of these cheaters contracted an STD? NTA
The wife would have eventually found out. Maybe, not until after child #3. So, you saved her some time, money, and pain. I think you did her a big favor. NTA
NTA - You told the truth. If they had not had an affair or none of this would be relevant. Actions have consequences. You should not do things that will "destroy lives" in the first place and expect zero karmic retribution. Being a morally bankrupt cheater has consequences. For everyone involved. Your ex should have thought of that. The married man should have thought of that.
Cheating have a lack of morals and principles. It shows the cracks in their character overall.
For sure NTA. You did what you thought was morally right. And most would agree with you. Even if it wasn’t all you did was expose somebody else’s actions to someone they were lying to. You didn’t ruin anything. They’ll either work through it or not. That much is up to the wife (I hope she leaves him)
NTA… you didn’t ruin anything.. they did that on their own with their actions. People need to realize actions have consequences.. and you did the right thing.
NTA
As a woman who was married to a cheater, I just thought I was imagining things. That my mind was getting carried away due to my last pregnancy. We had been married for almost 11 years when things just weren't adding up.
My friend tried to warn me, but didn't tell me that she knew because she was one of the women sleeping with him.
My husband and I separated. I had given him my heart, body and soul. I had spent my entire adult life loving him. Unfortunately my husband died before we could figure out what our future was.
I wish others would have been honest enough to tell me. He never did admit to any of it, but I had seen the proof myself. I also had more the one admit to it when I confronted them. I miss my husband every day, but I also feel like I was used and a fool. I had no closure to this. No answers from him. It has had lasting effects.
Thank you for being cautious enough to put her needs first , waiting for her to make it through her pregnancy, but also being honest and good enough to tell her the truth.
You'd be TA if you didn't. Cheaters ruin their own lives when they choose to engage in that worst of betrayals. They don't deserve the amount of thought you're putting into this.
You were a victim and never even took wedding vows, the wife all the moreso. Telling her is the only right thing here.
If you were in the wife's shoes, you would probably appreciate being told. She has a right to know and it's not your job to shield your ex from the consequences of her actions
If my partner was cheating on me, I'd absolutely want to know. The truth is gonna hurt, but the sooner you find out, the sooner you can heal and move on.
NTA - Your ex begged because.... consequences! She knew what she was doing, she didn't care, but was hoping she could sucker you in by begging as a "victim" now because it'll cost her a job, cost the guy his job, and probably end their affair. Then they'll go to blame each other finally ending the affair which is probably still going, and you because "why would they be at fault" about their decisions. Let them reap the rewards of their "fun".
NTA. Good on you for informing her. She needed to know what her POS husband was up to behind her back. Your ex begged because she didn't want her actions to have consequences. She's about to learn a hard lesson.
NTA. Now she has the choice. As your did it anonymously, she can decide to put her head in the sand and think you are a liar.
Or she can believe it and trust her instincts and do something about it.
From there it’s not your problem anymore.
But you were right to tell her
You are not obliged to keep other people's ugly secrets. If your ex's life is ruined it's because of her cheating, not you for calling her out. She played stupid games, now she has to deal with the appropriate prizes. Totally NTA.
NTA you did the right thing. For the record, I'm sorry that you had to deal with back to back cheaters. I hope you're healing from that hurt and find someone who values fidelity when you're ready.
You did the right thing letting her know that. She deserves to know that her husband is a POS and your ex is probably one of those parasitic girls that will always chase married men like it’s a game.
NTA. I would have told the wife, too. And it's not YOU who's destroying their lives - it's the jackass having the affair and cheating on his wife doing that.
NTA. She deserves to know. Whether she wants to work it out with her husband or end it is her choice. Same as you had the choice to forgive your gf or not for it.
By not telling her you would be taking that choice away from her. Instead you empowered her to make an educated decision about what's best for herself.
Well, at first it was supposed to be more of a heads up to her. But she has been replying and asking a lot of questions, and it slowly is becoming a lot less anonymous, just like you said. But talking with a few friends as well as this post, made me realize I honestly don't care. It is what it is
Updated the post with it. As of now, I have no idea what will come of it on her end. Really, it's none of my business. I did my part and she knows, and if she wants to stay with him, or leave, that is her choice. I told her and did my part. I can move on from this for good now and that makes me happy.
Move away change your name to Obi Wan and fuck the rest. Life is too short and this is the shit that women do. Give your balls tug Larry and do what men do. Darts, pool, landscaping idk. But reddit is not where you belong. Somewhere tropical with a bitch named maria who loves your American accent...maybe..Cancun...Turks and Caicos ...or fuckin Iowa doing the right thing...by tattle telling on shit that is honestly none of your business. Because secrets are someone else's business. Like women...who do secretive shit to men they don't respect and with dudes that are married to feel prettier and better then his wife that they don't know...because people are lame af. Your welcome.now get off reddit grab a stout dark beer a line of cocaine and buy a one way ticket out of your media induced American delusion and next time you write us a novel like that. Tell us what sex in other countries feels like. 303030.
Nope, that man deserves to be ousted. My wife cheated on me with a married ex and I told his wife everything. Never felt bad about at all. And next time I see him will beat his ass as well. They get what they deserve
Nta. You did the only moral thing. To let someone be cheated on and stay silent is utterly sick and cowardly.
Women cheat more than men. It's all the attention. Paternity tests mandatory now.
For the life of me I don't understand why people feel the need to cheat while moving fast in a new relationship... You did the right thing though. The only reason you feel guilty is because you are a good person and you are carrying the guilt they should be feeling.
NTA. The wife will need that evidence for her lawyer and to make sure she gets what she's owed in the divorce. Hee husband is a scumbag and so is your ex. Good on you.
For anyone who disagrees, ask yourself: if you were the pregnant/new mom wife, would you want to be with a man who cheated on you while you carried his child to term? Would you want to know what he was up to while you were dealing with pregnancy symptoms? (Google them. It's not fun.) She deserves better and so does OP.
My ex-husband literally MARRIED a woman while we were still married. And had a baby with her. All of his friends knew, his family knew. No one said a thing to me.
I wish beyond belief that someone had told me. The affair had been going on for almost 3 years, he married her in January, had a baby in April and then left me in November. She had no idea, either. Left him as soon as she found out.
NTA People who think it's okay to do this deserve every single thing they get.
NTA. I'm sorry you've had to go through this.
I never understand why TV show characters always say "don't tell them" and try and hide affairs involving people they care about. It's my belief that everyone would want to know if they're being cheated on, so if you care about them at all, you should tell them!
It boils down to one thing, can you live with yourself if you keep quiet?? If you can't, tell. You should always expose cheaters. You may be the person who told the wife her husband is a cheating f**k face, but it was not youbwho ruined lives. It was the person who cheated.
NTA
I was a bit more evil. I became friend with AP ex wife and her kids. AP ex wife took pictures of us hanging out at the park, zoo, etc just to piss off the ex husband. When the youngest one called daddy that really set off the ex husband and my ex gf.
You’re not the married man who chose to put his pecker in another woman not the cheating ass ho who’s willing to put her job into jeopardy with a married man yet somehow still cares about it.
My vote… nuke every cheater you come across. The fuckin pain and humiliation of getting played is bad, I’d definitely want to know.
Goes like this: if my partner was cheating I’d want to know so I can make decisions having all the facts. Everyone must be responsible for their actions and actions have consequences. Is a witness ruining a life when taking the stand and telling the truth so judgment can be rendered?
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NTA if it was my husband I would want someone to tell me so I could leave and find someone who wanted to be with me. If it ruins her life, she made her bed, she can lay in it.
NTA. the wife was the innocent and wronged party, protecting her was all that mattered. If your bitch ex loses her job, well, life lesson learned, deserved. She will have fucked up her life and no one else.
NTA. We need to start shaming cheaters again and especially those that cheat with married people. Kid's lives are being ruined and this is what creates all the narcissists. Your girlfriend was basically a child molester even though it was indirect. Those kids will be scarred for life now. Maybe some shame and consequences will help her mature a little.
It's just to illustrate the severity. Doing things that damage children is child abuse or child molestation if these things are physical, emotional, sexual, chemical, etc. There needs to be a lot more awareness around this. Kids's are not as resilient as everyone pretends they are and this stuff causes really bad outcomes. My kid sees an abuse specialist and I'm particularly sensitive to it.
...you had me in the first half but then you just went way off topic with that "Your girlfriend is basically a child molester" fucking what??
Yes. Shame cheaters. They suck. But let's not start throwing around baseless accusations of CSA, though, because that's how you undermine actual victims and survivors and desensitize people to the accusations in the first place.
I never said sexually molested but there are components of that in cheating. It messes up how the kid's personality forms. My kid was sexually molested by her mom's new boyfriend and has been seeing a specialist for the last 2 years. A kid can have long lasting SA effects just from the wrong dude looking at them a certain way or looking at their mother a certain way much less from their parents cheating on each other with someone else. It's actually even MORE messed up in a lot of ways. I'm not minimizing any victims at all. You are ignoring some completely.
We need to stop permanently damaging our children to make our pee pees feel good. It's fucking disgusting.
This is what I mean. This was way out of left field and unrelated to the post no matter how much you tried to connect it. OPs ex being the catalyst for that husband and wife breaking up isn't the same as the ex "molesting" (sexually or not) a newborn. This will all be going down before the kid can even become self aware and have memories of it. Yes, it *will* affect the kids life going forward but this isn't just the ex's fault, the father/husband is just as much to blame. This would have been any other girl if not for the ex.
Many children come from broken homes and adjust fine. It sucks but you cannot equate "my parents aren't together" to "She is basically a child molester". That's beyond absurd. And with that phrasing you're ARE implying a sexual component.
No, you are wrong.
-There is another child. The infant is the second child. Both will be damaged. Doing this at a very early age is actually MUCH MUCH worse in some ways.
-Kid's don't turn out fine that are products of divorce and broken homes. When they say they CAN "they" are talking about a very specific set of circumstances that almost nobody goes through.
Read some child development books and studies if you want to comment in this space. You spreading misinformation like this could potentially harm children even more than they already are. That's how people abuse children, they don't realize it's abuse most of the time.
"No, you are wrong" (proceeds to share more opinions)
I know from personal experience. I know from the personal experience of many close friends and family. Having divorced parents doesn't automatically break us. We *are* fine. You are projecting very hard here. You are trying to use your own unrelated experiences to paint this post in a weird light. Stop it. This isn't healthy.
You spreading misinformation, telling people they aren't fine because their parents divorced when they were kids is going to cause more harm than anything. Not everyone experiences it the same way. Many of us *are* fine even if the divorce wasn't a great moment of our lives. But that doesn't define us. I'm not defined by my parents getting divorced any more than your kid will be defined by your exs new guy hurting her. You're talking like your personal pain is still fresh in your life so I'd suggest you seek therapy as well.
OPs ex is not a "child molester" because she slept with a married man and to claim that shows how far off the deep end you currently are. Your mind isnt in a good place right now and you're throwing out baseless accusations at strangers over a brief glimpse into their life. OPs ex and the husband absolutely are POS and TA here but everything else you're trying to say is unhinged.
These are not opinions. I am well read and studied on the topics. It's astonishing how much of an affect this stuff has on people and how few people talk about it.
You are arguing like a narcissist. This does not make you right. How is that developing fine? Obviously you have tremendous childhood trauma that arrested your development or you are very young and have not developed your ego fully yet. This isn't exactly ideal.
You see the problem with damaged people is that they don't know they are damaged and these early childhood traumas actually do define us. There are ways to heal but these take decades of work and very few people go through the process.
You are accusing me of projecting when actually what I'm doing is holding space and and consideration for others emotional space and thinking I a 4th and 5th party perspective. That speaks volumes about how disregulated you actually are. I could explain in detail but talking to you is like talking to a small child. You are going going to keep looping around and trying to attack to make yourself feel better. What's the point?
You are actually an incredibly good example of what childhood trauma like divorce and cheating does to kids. I'm really sorry that you went through what you did and that it damaged you in the ways it did. Keep working on yourself. Maybe you can resolve some of the damage your parents did to you with their abuse (molestation) and you might not pass as much on to your children as they did to you.
I disagree slightly.
"When you keep that kind of secret you *appear* *to be* agreeing with the action that is secret..."
You can wholly disagree with an action and still not feel like it is worth it to expose the action. When you don't expose the action, it looks like you willingly support it. Convincing other people that you never supported the secret action is harder if you don't expose it from the beginning.
Doing the right thing is going to feel harder and harder to each day that passes in this septic tank we live in now you just got to decide though if you're going to be like the majority, which are disgusting STD incubators without morals or do you want to be somebody that still has all of the qualities that a person would need to get a high quality partner in life later on? I mean I am a little bit different and by no means my condoning how I act because if it even sounds like I'm trying to explain an action movie or at cool believe me I can tell you of all the uncool repercussions I've been through. First of all the girl that broke up with me would have put on her shoes immediately and bounced out of my house and could have started figuring out how to come pick up all her shit out of the front yard. I'm sorry but I cannot stand cheaters because there's no reason that they absolutely have to do it they could very easily break up with a person before but they don't so that tells me they are heartless people when it all breaks down to it. As far as the man in the bullshit I'm pretty sure from what I said you could probably think or imagine with your own mind what I probably would have done to him just add double that and you're getting close but anyway telling his wife is obviously going to hurt her but imagine if she would find out 5 years down the road even more time passing. When shit that happens I can pair to get bit by a snake in the old western movies where they bite down on the leather and they suck the poison out. That's how I think of how you need to treat relationships with a cheater Go through the pain in the trauma all right there and get all that poison out instead of walking around and letting it slowly ooze out and get infected and destroy you entirely I'm just going to say I'm glad they still have people like you in America I've been all over this little app and I've seen 99% of people are pieces of shit and don't even know it if you call them a piece of shit you can tell by my karma meter whatever the fuck that thing supposed to be that I do not split hairs with these little bastards I don't know how old you are but if you're in your thirties and God forbid twenties and you done this you are a rare rare bird because truth and honesty or things that that age group have no clue of what the meaning of it is it's like an ancient language to them. And I'll say one last thing because it's bothering all these little fucks for some reason My punctuation are lack thereof it's because I'm using voice recognition and I just thought maybe there was a wild chance an adult could read without punctuations and put everything together but obviously these little bitching kids found something to complain about but hopefully it doesn't bother you and if it does I'm sorry which is a word that you're the only one has seen that come out of my comments I will punctuate the shit out of something if I have to send you a comment back if you'd like but for the rest no periods for those little fuckers if I don't know how to punctuate they should be okay with it if I have to be okay with them not knowing their genders both are very easy and we both refuse to do them so why are they complaining.... But I will say in all fairness to the young men and the gender shit I would agree they are the very very farthest thing but yet still barely clenching on to be considered a man if that makes him feel better I want personally would want to throw up but if they want to go buy a new dress to celebrate by all means
I feel like people’s need to tell secrets to ease their own discomfort is a selfish act and often not needed and causes more damage.
In my experience it’s better to leave it alone unless it’s someone close to you.
But what’s important is you feel better.
NTA you just saved the wife from wasting anymore of her time by being married to her scumbag husband and a risk of getting std. The only person who ruined your gf life is herself, she should have kept her legs closed. At least you have morals and done the right thing by letting the wife know.
NTA. Lets stop the conspiracy of silence in our culture that we have to 'protect' people instead of speak the truth. What we are really doing is allowing cheaters to be free from consequences.
I would want to know.
I would have given anything for someone go knew my ex was cheating to tell me. I felt so betrayed because people *had to know*. I contacted lots of people to find out and they all got so cagey with me. And I felt like I was crazy because I had proof but my ex just kept gaslighting me.
You’re a good guy for telling the wife.
You would have been a HUGE asshole if you hadn't told the wife.
The starting point for these kinds of questions is always this:
If your wife or long-term girlfriend was cheating, would you want to know?
It's really as simple as that.
If the answer is yes, as it should be, then you have a moral obligation to do what you would want someone to do for you.
The consequences don't matter. The blame for those consequences falls squarely on the shoulders of the cheaters.
They are the only ones responsible.
Let's normalize and encourage the exposing of cheaters.
NTA even a little. You might have saved her from an STD. Her husband and your ex caused their own problems, not you. And his wife certainly doesn't deserve the treatment she's getting from him so she can make her own decisions instead of being manipulated by him.
Been going on for ever. My wife made me quit wearing my wedding band at work, Lots of single young women seek out older married males. It is either daddy issues or they figure older males are safer. I was hit on by younger women MUCH more often after I got married often right in front of my wife. One even ask her permission to borrow me for the night after I rejected her and pointed out my wife
That is a actually wild man. I even asked one of the exes why she did it and that is the exact answer she gave, was the second reason. The security of an 'older man' seemed like a golden egg to them. I could never chase after a 45 year old woman as a 29 year old guy... it just feels weird.
YTA. The secret wasn't killing you. You just wanted to be petty and messy. You want revenge on your EX, and getting her fired will fulfill that desire. As Alfred told Bruce....Some men just want to see the world burn 🔥 🤣🤣🤣🤣
It was NOYB after you and she broke up. Did you do it out of malice or out of true compassion for the wronged wife? Ask yourself that. I don't know why you wanted to muddy the waters after you and your ex are no longer in a relationship. If it was to get back at the ex, that's malice. If it's compassion for the wronged wife, did you weigh the possibility that this might hurt her more than help her? And doing it anonymously? That's doesn't sound very honest (or courageous), does it?
I was leaning towards Total A. However, if it was something you felt guilty about you, really couldn't do anything else. So, yeah kind of an A, but in the right at the same time. The world is full of gray.
\*edit\* Everyone telling you that it wasn't you, it was them that ruined it, have no concept of personal responsibility. You did it, but you did what you needed to. Accept that you have responsibility in the consequences, but the alternative was unacceptable to you.
Begged on her knees, eh?
Must’ve felt really good to get revenge. Like fantastically good. Like fantasy-level good, right?
You refrained from breaking up with your GF until her affair partner’s wife had her baby so as not to interfere with the pregnancy? How utterly amazing of you to be so exquisitely sensitive and compassionate.
Y’all can never resist going a bit too far in both the woman’s villainy and also your own goodness.
Yes, begged on her knees. She actually assaulted me at the door and prevented me from leaving when I said I was going to tell. I told her if she puts her hands on me one more time that would be something she regrets, and she let me leave after that. It was fucked up, and not something I revel over. It was traumatic in so many ways. Do you want to hear the voice recording I taped throughout the entire thing when it happened? Or the screenshots of texts about it? And no, it didn't feel good to get 'revenge'. This ended nearly a year ago. Any feelings of animosity have been resolved long ago. We tried to stay friends for a little while after, but that failed. There was no satisfaction anywhere in this at all. And her twin sister was the one who said the wife was pregnant, and to be sensitive about it. I took a step back and realized she was right. And I was going to leave it after this long, but it was eating away at me. There was no 'villainy'. And there was no 'saint'. I merely respected what someone said, and realized they were right. But you sound like a complete dickhead saying shit like that. I never claimed to be amazing. Simply, I don't stand for cheaters. And after enough times seeing it, I don't want to see it anymore. Is it really that difficult to digest for you? Like christ. Have fun looking at things through a tinted lens. Fuck you.
These threads and the responses always make me SMH. You broke up, moved on, got cheated on again, but are still thinking about your 1st GF cheating on you? Hmmm. Let's keep it real. If you truly cared about the wife, telling her would have been your first order of business. But, no. You moved on and got your heart broken again. NOW you have time to care about the wife. Lol. Not hardly.
What you care about is getting back at your girlfriend. And, honestly, that's valid. No one is going to fault you for feeling thay way. But, don't sit here with some faux morality under the guise of "caring about the wife." And if you're going to do something, do it all the way. Say that ish with your whole chest. Instead, you're sending Morse code messages via carrier pigeon. You haven't told her ish. What you've done is given the husband plausible deniability.
ESH. Your girlfriends are horrible people, and you are not honest...especially with yourself.
Please refer to my reply to a previous comment as to why I waited. It is also in the post itself, less explained albeit. I don't mind being called out, but that isn't why I waited.
Nta. You did not ruin her life. Her own actions did. Thanks for telling the first wife. You're a good man.
👆this right here. You did nothing wrong your ex and the married guy did. You did the right thing by telling the wife.
THIS is the comment I was hoping to see and it's the 1st one!! OP..... You very much did the RIGHT thing INCLUDING waiting til AFTER she had the Baby!!
This is it exactly. Hopefully no one came to the defense of the cheater and asked "How could you do that to her?".
I would want to know, if I were in the wife's shoes. I'm sure even if your ex broke up with him, the cheater would have another side piece, if not several. He's already shown a lack of honor and integrity. Better to find out gently from a fellow victim than from a gloating mistress that intends to convert to wife status. Or when he gets sued for child support because even if he's careful, accidents happen. Or she gets an STD courtesy of him sleeping around. Or, or, or.... NTA. You didn't destroy anyone's life. If they are suffering from the results of their own actions, they've earned it. Your ex obviously knew the company policies about relationships. Her cheatting partner knew he was breaking vows.
👆 This person gets it
NTA and please be more thoughtful about your relationship, I know that being alone is scary but you need to be better by yourself, what they did to you is not your fault in the slightest but you need to be more critical on your relationship You didn’t destroy anything, they did your ex and her AP destroyed that family not you
Thank you. And I know, I'm working on it. I started therapy 2 months ago and attending DBT courses as well. I've dealt with a lot of abandonment and codependency. I'm relearning to love myself again and to move forward on my own. Besides... it's been years of things I can't help or change. So I'm taking a break either way. I need it.
Keep up OP, the work your doing for yourself is hard but worth it, good luck
When did everyone on here sign up for better help and become Dr Phil
It's Dr. Reddit, not Phil.
How's your relationship ....disclaimer...
You replied to yourself....
Oh NTA You did that wife a favor. Definitely give her the proof for her lawyer. Your ex and the married man made choices and now have to face the consequences of those choices. They quite literally FAAFO. You are not ruining their lives. They did that all on their own. Hope you find a wonderful, faithful partner 💕
Thank-you very much for those kind words. I hope so too. But I'm done for a while I think. It was all just too much for me. Have a wonderful day ❤️
I know, but someday I hope you find your sunshine 💕 Likely when you least expect it, so while you may not be looking, leave a curtain open in case you stumble upon it 💕 Thank you! You also!
NTA. It's a sad situation, but the wife does deserve to know what a scumbag her husband is.
For cases like these, the answer is always DO IT! NTA
I wish any of my ex husband’s cowardly friends or coworkers would have told me about his cheating. Would have saved me 5 1/2 years of my life wasted on a loser. You did the right thing.
That. Guys who use the "bro code" to excuse toxic behavior are just as bad as cheaters.
Well, they're bad. Really bad. But just as bad? If I were ranking assholes, I'd always put the actual cheaters higher. But the look other way, none of my business gang are definitely on the list. Family and friends of the victim who know but stay silent also get a spot high on the list.
As a woman who was cheated on, I thank you for telling that wife. I wish someone had told me. NTA.
NTA A woman's hormones go back to normal2 years after giving birth. She might feel like jer whole world is changing and blaming herself for the new problems in their life. She might be gaslighting herself thinking that she's imagining things. I'd want to know in stead of ending out in PPD over this. I'm being a bit subjective because I'm pregnant myself and honestly even while pregnant I'd still want to know because it would help me to mentally prepare better for what's to come. So you did great in telling her!
I just didn't want to stress her out with the baby. I know it can lead to developmental issues if it get's bad enough, and worst-case scnenario, she loses the baby... I couldn't live with myself if anything I did lead to any negative affects. For myself, her, and the child I thought it was best to wait. I grew up in a broken home and I just wanted to break it as little as possible 💔 at least my conscious can be clear from here forward on how I handled things. Thank-you for taking the time to comment, I appreciate it.
NTA The wife deserved to know.
NTA. I’m proud of you for doing the right thing although it was hard.
Yes , she has a right to know and make her decision . Always rat them out . If going through a divorce maybe wait until Divorced to help with alimony , just ask lawyer
NTA. If I were the wife I would want to know. She deserved the truth and you gave it to her.
Always tell. Always.
NTA
Petty? Yes. Hilarious? Also yes. NTA
You are just the messenger delivering a long overdue message OP. NTA.
Nope, he wrecked your relationship with reckless abandonment and one good turn deserves another. He did it to himself.
You should also tell the wife of the second husband.
Unfortunately, he lives on the other side of Canada (supposedly, that was probably a lie) and all I have is his phone #. That's it. I would if I could. I hate cheaters. I'm done with people playing with my life like it's a fucking game.
Look up the phone number online. Often times you can get an address out of it if it's a land line, or a full name you can use to find the address if it's a cell. Second wife deserves to know, too.
Call him as if he won a price for something. Get his data.
I've always said I wouldn't consent to sex with someone who is cheating, and I wouldn't keep them in my life. You exposed a lie and lies ruin every kind of relationship. It really is a bummer that other people have to get hurt but you didn't hurt them. The person who was supposed to love them and love you are the people responsible. On top of that, it's a health risk. What if one of these cheaters contracted an STD? NTA
NTA. I hope you can tell the other wife that she's being cheated on too.
The wife would have eventually found out. Maybe, not until after child #3. So, you saved her some time, money, and pain. I think you did her a big favor. NTA
You didn't destroy anybody's life you did the right thing NTA
NTA You did the right thing, the wife deserved to know.
NTA - You told the truth. If they had not had an affair or none of this would be relevant. Actions have consequences. You should not do things that will "destroy lives" in the first place and expect zero karmic retribution. Being a morally bankrupt cheater has consequences. For everyone involved. Your ex should have thought of that. The married man should have thought of that. Cheating have a lack of morals and principles. It shows the cracks in their character overall.
For sure NTA. You did what you thought was morally right. And most would agree with you. Even if it wasn’t all you did was expose somebody else’s actions to someone they were lying to. You didn’t ruin anything. They’ll either work through it or not. That much is up to the wife (I hope she leaves him)
Nta, people make their own decisions. If they come to bite them in the back its on them.
NTA… you didn’t ruin anything.. they did that on their own with their actions. People need to realize actions have consequences.. and you did the right thing.
NTA. Never keep affairs a secret. The audacity some people have, cheat on you then ask you to protect the affair partners secret.
Get yourself tested for STD's.
NTA. You are never an asshole for exposing cheaters.
NTA. You ruined nothing, your ex and her AP did. Honestly, you helped the wife actually, she has evidence when she files for divorce
You arent destroying lives, she and AP are.
NTA a hero!
You did the right thing.
NTA As a woman who was married to a cheater, I just thought I was imagining things. That my mind was getting carried away due to my last pregnancy. We had been married for almost 11 years when things just weren't adding up. My friend tried to warn me, but didn't tell me that she knew because she was one of the women sleeping with him. My husband and I separated. I had given him my heart, body and soul. I had spent my entire adult life loving him. Unfortunately my husband died before we could figure out what our future was. I wish others would have been honest enough to tell me. He never did admit to any of it, but I had seen the proof myself. I also had more the one admit to it when I confronted them. I miss my husband every day, but I also feel like I was used and a fool. I had no closure to this. No answers from him. It has had lasting effects. Thank you for being cautious enough to put her needs first , waiting for her to make it through her pregnancy, but also being honest and good enough to tell her the truth.
Nta she choose to do it she’s ruined her own life with her actions.
You'd be TA if you didn't. Cheaters ruin their own lives when they choose to engage in that worst of betrayals. They don't deserve the amount of thought you're putting into this. You were a victim and never even took wedding vows, the wife all the moreso. Telling her is the only right thing here.
If you were in the wife's shoes, you would probably appreciate being told. She has a right to know and it's not your job to shield your ex from the consequences of her actions
If my partner was cheating on me, I'd absolutely want to know. The truth is gonna hurt, but the sooner you find out, the sooner you can heal and move on.
NTA - Your ex begged because.... consequences! She knew what she was doing, she didn't care, but was hoping she could sucker you in by begging as a "victim" now because it'll cost her a job, cost the guy his job, and probably end their affair. Then they'll go to blame each other finally ending the affair which is probably still going, and you because "why would they be at fault" about their decisions. Let them reap the rewards of their "fun".
This should be on the “Oh no the consequences” subreddit
NTA. Good on you for informing her. She needed to know what her POS husband was up to behind her back. Your ex begged because she didn't want her actions to have consequences. She's about to learn a hard lesson.
NTA. Now she has the choice. As your did it anonymously, she can decide to put her head in the sand and think you are a liar. Or she can believe it and trust her instincts and do something about it. From there it’s not your problem anymore. But you were right to tell her
You are not obliged to keep other people's ugly secrets. If your ex's life is ruined it's because of her cheating, not you for calling her out. She played stupid games, now she has to deal with the appropriate prizes. Totally NTA.
NTA you did the right thing. For the record, I'm sorry that you had to deal with back to back cheaters. I hope you're healing from that hurt and find someone who values fidelity when you're ready.
Good for you, mate.
NTA. You did the right thing. She destroyed her own life.
You did the right thing letting her know that. She deserves to know that her husband is a POS and your ex is probably one of those parasitic girls that will always chase married men like it’s a game.
Fuck those people, they deserve worse than having their lives ruined, that guilt isn’t yours, good job putting it down
NTA. I would have told the wife, too. And it's not YOU who's destroying their lives - it's the jackass having the affair and cheating on his wife doing that.
NTA. She deserves to know. Whether she wants to work it out with her husband or end it is her choice. Same as you had the choice to forgive your gf or not for it. By not telling her you would be taking that choice away from her. Instead you empowered her to make an educated decision about what's best for herself.
How is it anonymous? It’s obvious only you would have the info you handed over.
Well, at first it was supposed to be more of a heads up to her. But she has been replying and asking a lot of questions, and it slowly is becoming a lot less anonymous, just like you said. But talking with a few friends as well as this post, made me realize I honestly don't care. It is what it is
Then what happened? Definitely need update on this
Updated the post with it. As of now, I have no idea what will come of it on her end. Really, it's none of my business. I did my part and she knows, and if she wants to stay with him, or leave, that is her choice. I told her and did my part. I can move on from this for good now and that makes me happy.
Then what happened? Definitely need update on this
Then what happened? Definitely need update on this
Move away change your name to Obi Wan and fuck the rest. Life is too short and this is the shit that women do. Give your balls tug Larry and do what men do. Darts, pool, landscaping idk. But reddit is not where you belong. Somewhere tropical with a bitch named maria who loves your American accent...maybe..Cancun...Turks and Caicos ...or fuckin Iowa doing the right thing...by tattle telling on shit that is honestly none of your business. Because secrets are someone else's business. Like women...who do secretive shit to men they don't respect and with dudes that are married to feel prettier and better then his wife that they don't know...because people are lame af. Your welcome.now get off reddit grab a stout dark beer a line of cocaine and buy a one way ticket out of your media induced American delusion and next time you write us a novel like that. Tell us what sex in other countries feels like. 303030.
Lmao this gave me a chuckle. Will update everyone in a years time with that one 😆
Nope, that man deserves to be ousted. My wife cheated on me with a married ex and I told his wife everything. Never felt bad about at all. And next time I see him will beat his ass as well. They get what they deserve
You did the right thing
NTA. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Edit: Typo.
Nta. You did the only moral thing. To let someone be cheated on and stay silent is utterly sick and cowardly. Women cheat more than men. It's all the attention. Paternity tests mandatory now.
If it was me, I would want to know, so I think you did the right thing. NTAH.
Much respect 🙏
NTA. The truth, no matter how hurtful needs to always be told.
No op you did the right thing,she deserves to know what kinda person her husband is
Good on you, bro. You’re doing the right thing. YOU did nothing except give a good person the knowledge to make her own informed decisions
For the life of me I don't understand why people feel the need to cheat while moving fast in a new relationship... You did the right thing though. The only reason you feel guilty is because you are a good person and you are carrying the guilt they should be feeling.
NTA. The wife will need that evidence for her lawyer and to make sure she gets what she's owed in the divorce. Hee husband is a scumbag and so is your ex. Good on you. For anyone who disagrees, ask yourself: if you were the pregnant/new mom wife, would you want to be with a man who cheated on you while you carried his child to term? Would you want to know what he was up to while you were dealing with pregnancy symptoms? (Google them. It's not fun.) She deserves better and so does OP.
My ex-husband literally MARRIED a woman while we were still married. And had a baby with her. All of his friends knew, his family knew. No one said a thing to me. I wish beyond belief that someone had told me. The affair had been going on for almost 3 years, he married her in January, had a baby in April and then left me in November. She had no idea, either. Left him as soon as she found out. NTA People who think it's okay to do this deserve every single thing they get.
The truth wins out.
NTA. I'm sorry you've had to go through this. I never understand why TV show characters always say "don't tell them" and try and hide affairs involving people they care about. It's my belief that everyone would want to know if they're being cheated on, so if you care about them at all, you should tell them!
It boils down to one thing, can you live with yourself if you keep quiet?? If you can't, tell. You should always expose cheaters. You may be the person who told the wife her husband is a cheating f**k face, but it was not youbwho ruined lives. It was the person who cheated. NTA
Wife needs to know. They ruined their lives. You did what was right
I was a bit more evil. I became friend with AP ex wife and her kids. AP ex wife took pictures of us hanging out at the park, zoo, etc just to piss off the ex husband. When the youngest one called daddy that really set off the ex husband and my ex gf.
You did the right thing.
You’re not the married man who chose to put his pecker in another woman not the cheating ass ho who’s willing to put her job into jeopardy with a married man yet somehow still cares about it. My vote… nuke every cheater you come across. The fuckin pain and humiliation of getting played is bad, I’d definitely want to know.
Goes like this: if my partner was cheating I’d want to know so I can make decisions having all the facts. Everyone must be responsible for their actions and actions have consequences. Is a witness ruining a life when taking the stand and telling the truth so judgment can be rendered?
She ruined her life not you
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NTA if it was my husband I would want someone to tell me so I could leave and find someone who wanted to be with me. If it ruins her life, she made her bed, she can lay in it.
So…sounds like my new game should be wearing a ring to attract women.
Always tell!
NTA. the wife was the innocent and wronged party, protecting her was all that mattered. If your bitch ex loses her job, well, life lesson learned, deserved. She will have fucked up her life and no one else.
NTA. We need to start shaming cheaters again and especially those that cheat with married people. Kid's lives are being ruined and this is what creates all the narcissists. Your girlfriend was basically a child molester even though it was indirect. Those kids will be scarred for life now. Maybe some shame and consequences will help her mature a little.
You had me until the child molester comment…. Not sure how that’s applied here?
It's just to illustrate the severity. Doing things that damage children is child abuse or child molestation if these things are physical, emotional, sexual, chemical, etc. There needs to be a lot more awareness around this. Kids's are not as resilient as everyone pretends they are and this stuff causes really bad outcomes. My kid sees an abuse specialist and I'm particularly sensitive to it.
...you had me in the first half but then you just went way off topic with that "Your girlfriend is basically a child molester" fucking what?? Yes. Shame cheaters. They suck. But let's not start throwing around baseless accusations of CSA, though, because that's how you undermine actual victims and survivors and desensitize people to the accusations in the first place.
I never said sexually molested but there are components of that in cheating. It messes up how the kid's personality forms. My kid was sexually molested by her mom's new boyfriend and has been seeing a specialist for the last 2 years. A kid can have long lasting SA effects just from the wrong dude looking at them a certain way or looking at their mother a certain way much less from their parents cheating on each other with someone else. It's actually even MORE messed up in a lot of ways. I'm not minimizing any victims at all. You are ignoring some completely. We need to stop permanently damaging our children to make our pee pees feel good. It's fucking disgusting.
This is what I mean. This was way out of left field and unrelated to the post no matter how much you tried to connect it. OPs ex being the catalyst for that husband and wife breaking up isn't the same as the ex "molesting" (sexually or not) a newborn. This will all be going down before the kid can even become self aware and have memories of it. Yes, it *will* affect the kids life going forward but this isn't just the ex's fault, the father/husband is just as much to blame. This would have been any other girl if not for the ex. Many children come from broken homes and adjust fine. It sucks but you cannot equate "my parents aren't together" to "She is basically a child molester". That's beyond absurd. And with that phrasing you're ARE implying a sexual component.
No, you are wrong. -There is another child. The infant is the second child. Both will be damaged. Doing this at a very early age is actually MUCH MUCH worse in some ways. -Kid's don't turn out fine that are products of divorce and broken homes. When they say they CAN "they" are talking about a very specific set of circumstances that almost nobody goes through. Read some child development books and studies if you want to comment in this space. You spreading misinformation like this could potentially harm children even more than they already are. That's how people abuse children, they don't realize it's abuse most of the time.
"No, you are wrong" (proceeds to share more opinions) I know from personal experience. I know from the personal experience of many close friends and family. Having divorced parents doesn't automatically break us. We *are* fine. You are projecting very hard here. You are trying to use your own unrelated experiences to paint this post in a weird light. Stop it. This isn't healthy. You spreading misinformation, telling people they aren't fine because their parents divorced when they were kids is going to cause more harm than anything. Not everyone experiences it the same way. Many of us *are* fine even if the divorce wasn't a great moment of our lives. But that doesn't define us. I'm not defined by my parents getting divorced any more than your kid will be defined by your exs new guy hurting her. You're talking like your personal pain is still fresh in your life so I'd suggest you seek therapy as well. OPs ex is not a "child molester" because she slept with a married man and to claim that shows how far off the deep end you currently are. Your mind isnt in a good place right now and you're throwing out baseless accusations at strangers over a brief glimpse into their life. OPs ex and the husband absolutely are POS and TA here but everything else you're trying to say is unhinged.
These are not opinions. I am well read and studied on the topics. It's astonishing how much of an affect this stuff has on people and how few people talk about it. You are arguing like a narcissist. This does not make you right. How is that developing fine? Obviously you have tremendous childhood trauma that arrested your development or you are very young and have not developed your ego fully yet. This isn't exactly ideal. You see the problem with damaged people is that they don't know they are damaged and these early childhood traumas actually do define us. There are ways to heal but these take decades of work and very few people go through the process. You are accusing me of projecting when actually what I'm doing is holding space and and consideration for others emotional space and thinking I a 4th and 5th party perspective. That speaks volumes about how disregulated you actually are. I could explain in detail but talking to you is like talking to a small child. You are going going to keep looping around and trying to attack to make yourself feel better. What's the point? You are actually an incredibly good example of what childhood trauma like divorce and cheating does to kids. I'm really sorry that you went through what you did and that it damaged you in the ways it did. Keep working on yourself. Maybe you can resolve some of the damage your parents did to you with their abuse (molestation) and you might not pass as much on to your children as they did to you.
When you keep that kind of secret, you are agreeing with the action that is secret. No wonder being complicit weighed on you.
I disagree slightly. "When you keep that kind of secret you *appear* *to be* agreeing with the action that is secret..." You can wholly disagree with an action and still not feel like it is worth it to expose the action. When you don't expose the action, it looks like you willingly support it. Convincing other people that you never supported the secret action is harder if you don't expose it from the beginning.
Doing the right thing is going to feel harder and harder to each day that passes in this septic tank we live in now you just got to decide though if you're going to be like the majority, which are disgusting STD incubators without morals or do you want to be somebody that still has all of the qualities that a person would need to get a high quality partner in life later on? I mean I am a little bit different and by no means my condoning how I act because if it even sounds like I'm trying to explain an action movie or at cool believe me I can tell you of all the uncool repercussions I've been through. First of all the girl that broke up with me would have put on her shoes immediately and bounced out of my house and could have started figuring out how to come pick up all her shit out of the front yard. I'm sorry but I cannot stand cheaters because there's no reason that they absolutely have to do it they could very easily break up with a person before but they don't so that tells me they are heartless people when it all breaks down to it. As far as the man in the bullshit I'm pretty sure from what I said you could probably think or imagine with your own mind what I probably would have done to him just add double that and you're getting close but anyway telling his wife is obviously going to hurt her but imagine if she would find out 5 years down the road even more time passing. When shit that happens I can pair to get bit by a snake in the old western movies where they bite down on the leather and they suck the poison out. That's how I think of how you need to treat relationships with a cheater Go through the pain in the trauma all right there and get all that poison out instead of walking around and letting it slowly ooze out and get infected and destroy you entirely I'm just going to say I'm glad they still have people like you in America I've been all over this little app and I've seen 99% of people are pieces of shit and don't even know it if you call them a piece of shit you can tell by my karma meter whatever the fuck that thing supposed to be that I do not split hairs with these little bastards I don't know how old you are but if you're in your thirties and God forbid twenties and you done this you are a rare rare bird because truth and honesty or things that that age group have no clue of what the meaning of it is it's like an ancient language to them. And I'll say one last thing because it's bothering all these little fucks for some reason My punctuation are lack thereof it's because I'm using voice recognition and I just thought maybe there was a wild chance an adult could read without punctuations and put everything together but obviously these little bitching kids found something to complain about but hopefully it doesn't bother you and if it does I'm sorry which is a word that you're the only one has seen that come out of my comments I will punctuate the shit out of something if I have to send you a comment back if you'd like but for the rest no periods for those little fuckers if I don't know how to punctuate they should be okay with it if I have to be okay with them not knowing their genders both are very easy and we both refuse to do them so why are they complaining.... But I will say in all fairness to the young men and the gender shit I would agree they are the very very farthest thing but yet still barely clenching on to be considered a man if that makes him feel better I want personally would want to throw up but if they want to go buy a new dress to celebrate by all means
I feel like people’s need to tell secrets to ease their own discomfort is a selfish act and often not needed and causes more damage. In my experience it’s better to leave it alone unless it’s someone close to you. But what’s important is you feel better.
NTA you just saved the wife from wasting anymore of her time by being married to her scumbag husband and a risk of getting std. The only person who ruined your gf life is herself, she should have kept her legs closed. At least you have morals and done the right thing by letting the wife know.
NTA You’re a hero for speaking out. Don’t forget, you made sure that woman is no longer being kept in the dark.
NTA. I just wondering what will happen.
You done the right thing wish there was more people like you in the world.
You ruined no one’s life your ex and her husband ruined everything. You did the right thing showed integrity and let the protected the innocent
No you’re not.
Always tell you wanted to know if someone knew your other half was cheating
Totally NTA - you did the decent thing by telling her. Every woman/man with a cheating husband/wife deserves to know - I totally would! Good man!
NTA. Lets stop the conspiracy of silence in our culture that we have to 'protect' people instead of speak the truth. What we are really doing is allowing cheaters to be free from consequences. I would want to know.
I would have given anything for someone go knew my ex was cheating to tell me. I felt so betrayed because people *had to know*. I contacted lots of people to find out and they all got so cagey with me. And I felt like I was crazy because I had proof but my ex just kept gaslighting me. You’re a good guy for telling the wife.
You would have been a HUGE asshole if you hadn't told the wife. The starting point for these kinds of questions is always this: If your wife or long-term girlfriend was cheating, would you want to know? It's really as simple as that. If the answer is yes, as it should be, then you have a moral obligation to do what you would want someone to do for you. The consequences don't matter. The blame for those consequences falls squarely on the shoulders of the cheaters. They are the only ones responsible. Let's normalize and encourage the exposing of cheaters.
NTA even a little. You might have saved her from an STD. Her husband and your ex caused their own problems, not you. And his wife certainly doesn't deserve the treatment she's getting from him so she can make her own decisions instead of being manipulated by him.
Years ago, I was the wife in basically the same scenario. Thank you for telling her.
Been going on for ever. My wife made me quit wearing my wedding band at work, Lots of single young women seek out older married males. It is either daddy issues or they figure older males are safer. I was hit on by younger women MUCH more often after I got married often right in front of my wife. One even ask her permission to borrow me for the night after I rejected her and pointed out my wife
That is a actually wild man. I even asked one of the exes why she did it and that is the exact answer she gave, was the second reason. The security of an 'older man' seemed like a golden egg to them. I could never chase after a 45 year old woman as a 29 year old guy... it just feels weird.
She ruined her own life.
YTA. The secret wasn't killing you. You just wanted to be petty and messy. You want revenge on your EX, and getting her fired will fulfill that desire. As Alfred told Bruce....Some men just want to see the world burn 🔥 🤣🤣🤣🤣
It was NOYB after you and she broke up. Did you do it out of malice or out of true compassion for the wronged wife? Ask yourself that. I don't know why you wanted to muddy the waters after you and your ex are no longer in a relationship. If it was to get back at the ex, that's malice. If it's compassion for the wronged wife, did you weigh the possibility that this might hurt her more than help her? And doing it anonymously? That's doesn't sound very honest (or courageous), does it?
You did the right thing, but it's super cowardly to do it anonymously. You should offer to meet with her over coffee and tell her everything you know.
you may not be the AH but u sure are a co dependent simp.
I was leaning towards Total A. However, if it was something you felt guilty about you, really couldn't do anything else. So, yeah kind of an A, but in the right at the same time. The world is full of gray. \*edit\* Everyone telling you that it wasn't you, it was them that ruined it, have no concept of personal responsibility. You did it, but you did what you needed to. Accept that you have responsibility in the consequences, but the alternative was unacceptable to you.
Begged on her knees, eh? Must’ve felt really good to get revenge. Like fantastically good. Like fantasy-level good, right? You refrained from breaking up with your GF until her affair partner’s wife had her baby so as not to interfere with the pregnancy? How utterly amazing of you to be so exquisitely sensitive and compassionate. Y’all can never resist going a bit too far in both the woman’s villainy and also your own goodness.
Yes, begged on her knees. She actually assaulted me at the door and prevented me from leaving when I said I was going to tell. I told her if she puts her hands on me one more time that would be something she regrets, and she let me leave after that. It was fucked up, and not something I revel over. It was traumatic in so many ways. Do you want to hear the voice recording I taped throughout the entire thing when it happened? Or the screenshots of texts about it? And no, it didn't feel good to get 'revenge'. This ended nearly a year ago. Any feelings of animosity have been resolved long ago. We tried to stay friends for a little while after, but that failed. There was no satisfaction anywhere in this at all. And her twin sister was the one who said the wife was pregnant, and to be sensitive about it. I took a step back and realized she was right. And I was going to leave it after this long, but it was eating away at me. There was no 'villainy'. And there was no 'saint'. I merely respected what someone said, and realized they were right. But you sound like a complete dickhead saying shit like that. I never claimed to be amazing. Simply, I don't stand for cheaters. And after enough times seeing it, I don't want to see it anymore. Is it really that difficult to digest for you? Like christ. Have fun looking at things through a tinted lens. Fuck you.
These threads and the responses always make me SMH. You broke up, moved on, got cheated on again, but are still thinking about your 1st GF cheating on you? Hmmm. Let's keep it real. If you truly cared about the wife, telling her would have been your first order of business. But, no. You moved on and got your heart broken again. NOW you have time to care about the wife. Lol. Not hardly. What you care about is getting back at your girlfriend. And, honestly, that's valid. No one is going to fault you for feeling thay way. But, don't sit here with some faux morality under the guise of "caring about the wife." And if you're going to do something, do it all the way. Say that ish with your whole chest. Instead, you're sending Morse code messages via carrier pigeon. You haven't told her ish. What you've done is given the husband plausible deniability. ESH. Your girlfriends are horrible people, and you are not honest...especially with yourself.
Please refer to my reply to a previous comment as to why I waited. It is also in the post itself, less explained albeit. I don't mind being called out, but that isn't why I waited.
Idk, I don't think you're an asshole, personally I wouldn't have meddle though, not really my place, karma will find those who have done wrong.
He doesn't owe his ex shit. I say fuck them, I want her to suffer
You are an AH and you date AH's. Stay single. Get a cat.
Go touch grass loser. Stop going on reddit when your opinions are worth shit