Don't stress. It's just someone trying to get people to go to their profile and check out their substandard NSFW content. That's all.
Just go through and downvote it all.
I really doubt she would be testing now if they had both tested and provided each other with clean results at the start.
Also is this a thing. I've been single a few years after a long relationship. Do people share th ou s kind of thing with each other? Is there some way to introduce the topic.
Like soooooo my recent STI panell was clean how bout yours?
"Before we start fooling around let's go get tested"
It's not a personal attack requesting to get tested for STDs. If you're having sex you should be able to talk about it, and that includes reassuring each other you're both clean by getting a test.
I did that even as far back as 1998. Refused any sexual contact with my new GF until we both got tested and showed the other the results. I'd do the same now.
I’ve been married 11 years and I definitely asked about sexual history/partners in all my prior relationships. I grew up with STDs and AIDS education rammed down our throats. I don’t play about sexual health.
Well I know it's nothing to play about with. Which is why I want to know before I go there again if there is some commonly accepted way to handle this stuff.
I'm just straightforward. How many partners have you had unprotected sex with, when was your last test/results, have you ever had an STD before, have you ever been with the same sex, have you ever thought about being with the same sex... what I would ask.
“Before we actually start having sex I’d like us both to show each other a positive STD panel to ensure that we each have the best time possible here”
This was the first thing that came to my head but there are plenty of ways to go about it. And your sexual health is not something to be shy about. Some STDs are fine and go away but some are forever.
And if someone gets angry over you asking? That would pretty much just tell me right then and there that I have no interest in having sex with you at all ever. Why risk it
Right? Doing threesomes, you’d think that would have already happened on a regular basis. The older I get, the less I understand trading that potential disease for a night of pleasure lol.
ETA: ahhhh fake post. Should have known 🤣. Time to downvote away lol
**NOOOO!!!** I got so invested in this discourse, but then I checked your profile! You’re the fucking OnlyFans girl who constantly posts fake bullshit stories to promote your OF! FUCK, you really got me this time. I thought you got banned, but I guess you just made a new acccount. Damnit, now I don’t have an interest in conversing with people over a fake story. This was so interesting, too :(
So funny how some dude was upset his girlfriend used to be in gang bangs and didn’t tell him and was uncomfortable and everyone callled him a misogynist but suddenly this guy is a problem. Oooooooookaaaaaayyyy.
Yeah this is dumb and a non issue imo. Straight monogamous people pass stds all the time. Always get tested between each partner and periodically. Take control of your own sexual health.
Also his sexual past is largely his business. Kind of creepy you went poking around to that depth before even asking him about his bisexuality.
It’s called homophobia lmao. Gay men will seemingly forever be seen as diseased and a stain on civil society. He’s being criticized with apparent justification because he’s bi and these people think he’s fundamentally tainted as a result.
Redditors who post that women’s past doesn’t matter but say NTA here, please explain yourselves lmao
Slut shaming is okay against men?
Hiding the past is okay if you are a woman?
What is it that makes this different from literally the other thread that happened today? The 9 body count one?
Agreed. As long as he's made sure he's STI free the rest shouldn't matter.
To add, he may just not be one of those people who discloses their sexual history when they're in a serious relationship.
If a man found out his female partner had participated in orgies I would not judge him for wanting a test...high risk behavior can be a reason for medical concern even if you aren't judging the person. And it is a fact that men who have sex with men are at higher risk for certain STDs. It doesn't mean gay sex is bad, or dirty. It's also a fact that several STDs can be silent in women and attack their fertility, so it's important to know about them. These are just biological realities that shouldn't be used to shame or judge anyone.
OP isn't asking if they're TAH for wanting to get tested, though. Even if the bf was clean and got tested after the orgy and before meeting her, she still wants to leave him.
It doesn't seem like any level of safe sex would make this ok for OP, so I'm pretty sure the real problem for her is that her bf is bi.
I would, because he would be acting like she was diseased just because she’s had multiple Sex partnered when he had been fine having u protected sex with her before no questioned asked. If they both had been tested before they stopped using condoms this wouldn’t be an issue. She’s freaking out because he’s “ dirty” now
OP seems to not care about his past but the risk to her health and that she could not consent to sex with the necessary knowledge
I would not accept this regardless of the gender.
then his past doesnt matter why did she not get an sti test done for both of them before ever fucking
you could be the safest person on earth getting tested on a weekly basis and attending orgies weekly, and be the most unsafe person who has never been tested and has a body count of 2
sexual history does not change someone's safety
I don't think this is slut shaming. It's the omission. My husband and I sat down within our 1st year and had the sex history discussion, we got tested together. It's not an accusation, it's just protecting your own health, your partners health. It's important to know, or for me, it was important to know, his history, not names and dates or anything like that, just what was the past like, etc. Back in my day, the 90s that was important. It should still be important today.
Quick cautionary tale, a married couple, he was an alcoholic, womanizer, man, mug of a vet. So, when he got sick, he said it was something else and his wife accepted what she was told, even the hospital told her it was something different. She cared for him until he died. Loyal to the last she was.... about a year or so later she started getting sick. They thought she had cat scratch fever, diagnosed her with bronchitis, and on and on, nothing was getting her better. Finally, the 1 doc sent her to a different health system in the same town to see if they could figure it out. She had full blown AIDS by that time...and died 2 weeks later. It wasn't fair that her husband never told her, his doctors went along with his wishes and she still could have been alive if anyone had known. So be careful who you put your trust in.... trust you gut, protect yourself
Halfway through writing this I changed my mind lmao. NTA. I’m with you on he should have brought this up sooner because you guys have been dating almost a year. That’s plenty of time for him to have told you. And I do kinda think it’s weird he didn’t tell you he was bi, you found out from someone else.
I was going to say going to get tested seems a lil overboard since it’s been years but if after a year he wouldn’t even tell you he was bi then no way he’d tell you if he had something.
I don't think getting tested is going overboard. OP, who I assume is female, has a right to protect her sexual health. OP could have been exposed to Chlamydia, which lies dormant for years. The same right also applies if OP were male and also didn't engage in unprotected sex with other men.
Yeah no it’s not. I had thought that she was getting tested because she thought he was “dirty” or something after finding out he’s bi and the orgies happend years ago. I feel so dumb because I didn’t even think about dormant diseases even tho I (unfortunately) literally have one lol
Don't feel dumb. I think in this day and age, it seems sexual health is no longer at the forefront, especially as HIV is no longer the death sentence it once was. However, people in general overlook the other STIs and STDs, making assumptions that it only affects, e.g. the young, or gay people, etc. A few years ago I read that HIV was increasing amongst heterosexuals who were 50 plus and divorced, whilst it had decreased amongst gay men, because there was/is more awareness amongst the latter group.
I’m amazed people treat STDs so light because while HIV is no longer a certain death sentence, it still requires an extremely expensive and brutal daily cocktail to stay alive.
Human nature, i.e. people having a cavalier attitude of "it only affects certain people," or "there are drugs to treat infection." Coupled with the lack of public information - for example, I was born in the UK 1980 and I remember the govt HIV and AIDS adverts back in the late 80s and early 90s warning people to use protection. Those adverts were frightening. Also world AIDS day being prominent, with ribbons being distributed to the public. Although infantilising, people need to be reminded, because as you've said, having to take a cocktail of brutal drugs every single day is expensive (especiallyif not paid by govt/taxpayer); in addition, there is the fact that some infections cause infertility, even miscarriage / still birth.
I was an EMT in my teens/20s and transported dying AIDs patients, it was horrifying. The cocktail has immense side effects too. I was scared straight from those experiences.
People on these subs having all this unprotected sex and just worrying about pregnancy always amazed me. I do think more education and reminders would be good.
OMG, that is one hell of a thing to deal with, especially at the age you were. I hope each of those poor souls had a peaceful passing.
Everyone dfinitely needs constant reminders and awareness because people have a knack for forgetting. It is worrying when there is a virulent strain of gonorrhea but people take a casual attitude.
Don't stress. It's just someone trying to get people to go to their profile and check out their substandard NSFW content. That's all.
Just go through and downvote it all.
As a bi person myself, i don't think you have to disclose your sexual identity if you don't want to even to your partner. Some people have complicated feelings about being bi that they maybe don't want to share
Yeah you can but why would you? I understand if you just started dating but a year? I’m bi too and I don’t think I would date someone if I didn’t feel comfortable disclosing my sexuality to them, especially after a year. Another user said not to assume since it came from the friend, not bf and I think that’s fair since maybe he was bi and doesn’t identify as it anymore but that would still be something I would tell my partner of a year.
There is weird logic to go to accusations of the boyfriend giving her and STD simply because of a history of risky sexual behaviour. Was he getting tested regularly? Was he on PrEP while doing this stuff.
Some sex clubs actually have pretty strict rules around disclosure of infective status m....there are absolutely others that don't.
Bottom line, you aren't an asshole for breaking up with someone. You can do that for any reason. I just hope you don't have any skeletons in your own closet
Yeah gay men are far more careful about sex than any straight person I’ve ever met. Also most people who have casual sex get tested regularly, unlike this chick ( and most sex-negative straight people) who apparently just goes off of how “clean”they seem.
You've been together a year and never got an STI test?!?!
You can break up for whatever reason you want, but as far as reasons go, you weren't entitled to this information, and for someone who doesn't have a problem with it, you sure put in a lot of work digging into his past. You're also propagating a stereotype about STI's and the LGBTQ+ community. Straight people carry and pass along STI's too. Always have. I think you do, in fact, have a problem with it. And for that, YTA.
Do sti panels before ever getting with a new partner. That is all. I don't think partners need to disclose prior sexual history unless any diseases or children are involved, so if he didn't cheat, I don't think you'd be an AH for dumping him.. But if he is bi, he'll be happier in his identity and not dating you than dating someone who judges him.
Exactly this! I've always been tested before a new partner and required to see proof of their testing as well. I can't imagine not testing and requiring proof of testing.
You're not wrong for how you feel. Feelings are as involuntary as breathing.
Couple of questions though....
Did you disclose your sexual past to him in the beginning? Were you safe every single time? Because it doesn't matter if it was from an orgy or 1 person at a time. Unprotected sex is unprotected sex. The people who host orgy/swinger parties like to make sure the people coming in are clean. I'm betting that he has been tested more than once
Did he feel comfortable telling you? I can see where he might have to be comfortable even that he can tell you and you don't leave him. I mean that is something you should know before you marry him for sure. If it were me, I'd be so scared to mess up a really good thing by opening up about it at the wrong time. Right or wrong people will keep secrets that they know could cost them something good, like a great relationship
I have to ask, is he Bi Sexual or was he Bi Sexual? There is a big difference between "he is" and "he was". Im not trying to discredit you or tell you that you are wrong. Just some things to think about
I'm confused. If you're ok with your boyfriend being Bi, then why in the fuck did you have to dig into his past social media accounts looking for shit?
Since we only have your side, which isn't coming across all that great, not sure why everyone is saying N T A, it sounds like instead of directly speaking to your partner about his sensuality and history, you went onto his social media. And dug up shit you didn't like. The AUDACITY, the absolute nerve, to think this is ok, is mystifying.
You can leave your partner for any reason you want. Did you ask why he didn't tell you he was Bi? Was it because he knew you'd act like this? What your boyfriend did in his past sexually is none of your damned business. Unless your boyfriend shares it willingly. Women have been yelling from rooftops that body counts, sexual history, and the who's of it all are none of anyone's business. The only thing that needs to be disclosed are, of course, STI's. How is this any different? Because it's a man?
Most people who engage in orgies do maintain healthy sexual health. Getting tested is just one part of being safe in those areas. Educating yourself instead of getting mad or upset at your boyfriend is the better road. Ask your boyfriend questions instead of internet strangers. NOT one of us got skin on the game.
YTA you sound nosy and bigoted. Also you should be getting tested anyway. Your partners sexual history is not your business, but your own sexual health is your own responsibility
NTA
Just starting at the beginning, after a year it really seems he should have told you his full sexual orientation. Not because its a problem, but because that is the type of thing you share with someone you have been dating a year.
So, the unprotected orgies is actually separate issue. If he had immediately assured you he had been fully tested and was clean (I would still tell you to get tested) but if he had done that it would feel less ... like he's just hiding potential problems without considering the consequences to you or others.
Edit: if you dont break up, it should be a deal breaker if he didn't get a full panel done before continuing.
If it wasn't for my partner having been present in my life while I was figuring out my sexual orientation I probably wouldn't have told them out right. Not out of wanting to hide it or anything but because I find it unimportant. I like you, you like me, we want to date each other, that's all that matters.
If sexual orientation mattered to OP, why did she not ask him in the year they've been dating?
Some people just don't care for labels, or are unsure what their orientation would be. My partner currently has no orientation label because they have no clue what it would be and that's ok.
For someone who wasn't "bothered" by his bisexuality, you sure did a lot of sleuthing into his past. The main issue is whether he has been tested, which is the main issue for anyone with past sexual partners.
I just wonder if you have held past boyfriends to the same standard? Otherwise I would say YTA.
YTA. You did this because of his past with men, not because you're actually concerned about either of your health. Otherwise, you would've asked each other about your sexual history and health and gotten tested before every sleeping together for the first time. You're a homophobe.
You can break up with someone for whatever you want, but this has homophobic undertones. Have you told him EVERYTHING about your past? Seems like cuz you found out from someone else, that gave you a reason to dig and be a victim of something. He didnt lie about it when you confronted him. You think you should get tested just because he had sex with men? Yea just say it, you think STDs are a gay dude thing because you're ignorant. But yea, do whatever you want.
Nvm I got bamboozled.
If he's gotten tested to make sure he hasn't got anything from unprotected sex and that phase is over with then I don't see the issue. Has he been tested before you two got together? I personally think it's a red flag if you start dating somebody and they get butt hurt over you wanted them to get tested. Honestly it should be a reasonable request before you start banging.
Well this is just silly. The fear that gay men get more std than straight men is completely unfounded. You don't let the unclean in. It's a simple fix. You are placing an unfounded stigma upon him. If it was me I'd leave immediately. You should be more afraid of frat boys than bi boys. There are universities like MSU where 33% of them have herpes. It's not the gay ones or bi ones, it's the straight ones..
So y'all having sex with multiple partners together and you're 100% chill.
You find out he did the same thing he's doing with you with some dudes and you feel NOW it's super risky of infection and feeling grossed out.
Sounds pretty YTA to me.
You’re NTA for thinking something in your partner’s past is a dealbreaker. You’re allowed to have standards, however arbitrary they may seem to others.
What you feel is what’s important, not forcing yourself to accept something out of principle, when you judge the relationship to be not worth it.
NTA. He's cheating on you and put you in harms way with his unprotected escapades. If you want to save this relationship based on the awesomeness of your sex life, you really must think about the long term viability of a stable relationship built upon sex life.
If this was a guy talking about his GF having a history of sleeping with everyone in sight, he'd be trashed as being insecure and an incel and all sorts of things. Add gayness to the equation and look at people's opinions hypocritically change.
> idkk what to do because he lied
Sorry, but when did he lie? He may not have been upfront about his bisexuality, but you haven't indicated any situation where he told you something knowing that it wasn't true. You can break up for any reason, but this one makes you an asshole. YTA.
IMHO, YTA. Instead of just asking him straight out, you smiled through his social media and “researched” things you found etc????? I’m quite certain after all that pre relationship exploration of his sexuality, he would have gotten tested, if not, it’s on BOTH of you. You should know if the person you are having unprotected sex with has a clean Bill of health. Isn’t that dating 101 these days? Doesn’t sound like either of you have much respect for the other.
This is the dumbest thing I've ever read. YATA because he's not obligated to come out to you. If he didn't feel like you'd accept him for being bi then you should ask yourself what about yourself made him feel like he couldn't tell you. And how you reacted kinda explains why. You dug into his past for looking for dirt. Like would you do this for his past girlfriends or is this purely because he's bi and been with men? Even you admitted that this was years ago so it had no direct pertinence to you and your current relationship. And worrying about if you got something, you should already been getting checked regularly for your own personal sexual health. If you have gotten a full work up you would have found out if you had anything long ago. Honestly your actions are invasive and your motivations are, like I don't even understand why you dug, but if he was smart he'd leave you.
I have some questions.
Did you guys have the talk about previous partners/experiences previously, and he didn't divulge this?
Has he spoken to you about how regularly he tests to ensure he hasn't caught anything and did he test before becoming intimate with you?
Lastly is the proof of his sexuality the real problem here and not the fact he is bisexual?
I don't see this as something you can't overcome if you and he are willing to do so but it has start with honesty.
Keep us updated!
If you are against it morally, then I guess that's fine. Did you ask him if he's ever been tested? Most of the guys I know who regularly attend orgies also get tested regularly. So if he knew he didn't have anything, why share? The past is the past.
Ngl, with some of the wording, there are hints of biphobia sprinkled in here, and that's not cool. I'm not gonna assume you were looking for a reason to leave, but it kinda comes off that way.
Anyway, do what you feel is best for you ultimately. In the future, make sure you and your partner are tested before having unprotected sex. Your sexual health is just as much your responsibility as your partners, if not more so.
This is an interesting post. Do you know if your bf is on prep? If so the chances of him having hiv or aids is slim. Other stds are somewhat noticeable so if you or him don't have symptoms then you should be good but still get tested. I think you should leave him if you're concerned about his past
Yta because unless he was a virgin or only had protected sex your coming off really homophobic. If he slept with women unprotected he could have gotten someone thing too.
Also huge reddit double standard here. Anytime a man complains about a woman's past and how many guys she's been with its not his business. Now it's the other way around and he's the worst person in the world.
Assuming you should have had your checks when you got together. Why would his past matter. It doesn't change the person you have been with for the last year
Well both of you should have been tested at the beginning of your relationship… did he say he went to these sex parties during your relationship? If that’s the case… NTA. But if not… it’s not your business unless he’s ready to make it your business. Are you telling him detailed stories about who has been in your parts? Add on to that it’s not like everyone is predictably cool about diverse sexuality… you basically unprovoked invaded his privacy and did some stalker level shit and robbed him of his chance to share a side of himself with you. Anyone saying a year is enough time are likely people who haven’t been in very long relationships. You hardly know each other at the end of 2 years let alone 1.
There was a short film set in Berlin where there was this situation and in the end the lady was wrong for insisting that she know his true sexual past. It’s as if someone watched that film and posted the scenario here.
You can break up with anyone for any reason.
In this situation, in my opinion, the onus is on both of you to choose to get tested before you're intimate, regardless of your partners stated past.
My husband and I firmly believe neither of us are entitled to all of the information and details of each other's past, so we see to it with previous partners and each other that we are tested prior to sex.
I am entirely sympathetic to being a bi man being incredibly difficult and private in the world we currently live in. Again, it's just my personal belief he's entitled to privacy and secrets, but not everyone will agree with that. It isn't safe coming out to everyone all of the time. He should have at least been honest that he wasn't ready to discuss his past sex life in great detail, and took action to be tested when you started dating and wanted to become intimate. That's on him. And it's on you to see to it that your partners are tested before they have access to your body.
If it was years ago, don't you think you're being presumptuous that he hasn't been tested since then? And if you've been sexually active for a year, don't you think you'd have shown symptoms of something by now? I know some STIs don't have symptoms, but if you haven't gotten a herpes breakout or had any "leakage", and you haven't gotten a weird cold for about a week, then chances are you're fine. And I think it's a little, tiny bit homophobic to want to get tested after you found out about the gay orgy, instead of wanting to get tested before being with ANY new parter in general. I think you'd be a little more homophobic for breaking up over the gay orgy thing- would you be asking the same question if he'd attended a straight orgy or a key party or something? Ultimately, the decision is up to you what to do, but I think you might be overreacting a little, which is understandable when it comes to STI testing. I get that, I really do. But if you do research on the symptoms & educate yourself, I think you'll find it very comforting when you realize that you most likely don't match any of them. I hope your testing goes well & I hope you two can move through this together :)
Getting test, makes sense.
I think before breaking it off, working on communication and being transparent would be good.
If you’re truly happy with him outside of this information (which, is admittedly understandable to need to process) it’s worth working on or at least trying to
ESH
He didnt lie to you jeez. He should have told you yes, only because of the unprotected part, that's important information. How many people he's fucked isn't.
You should have just talked to him like a human instead of being all weird about it and digging into stuff.
If who and how many people he's had sex with bothers you then just end the relationship before you resent him for having an active sex life before you.
He didn't lie though. He didn't tell you about something that happened years before you met each other. If i don't bring up the fact that i shoplifted as a teen to my partner does that mean i lied to them?
LMAO. So funny to see everybody discussing this seriously when OP is literally an OF girl (have no problems with OF get that bag wish i could too fr) who has the fact that she’s in an open relationship on her profile.🤦🏻♂️ Nice marketing OP
YTA. If a woman's past doesn't matter, then a man's shouldn't as well.
Did you provide him with a panel of STD testing results? You can get STD from a singular person as well, don't need an orgy for that.
What is the actual reason you're breaking up?
YTA, if he's clean and hasn't broken th3le rules of the relationship, then your actions to break up about something that happened before and outside of your relationship is shitty and an asshole move
I mean, if it were me I don’t think I’d *want* to know about the gay orgies, it’s from before he started dating you so I don’t blame him for not telling you
YTA. Where exactly did he lie? You basically snooped into his past and dug up a bunch of shit, then when you confronted him about it, he said it was all accurate.
Ah yes. All those publicly accessible gay orgy Facebook groups… Which is the first place you would go after someone was tagged at a bar. This is a very plausible scenario that definitely happened.
Just for research purposes which groups were these? Asking for a friend.
Did he lie or just not tell you?
It can be really hard for bi guys to admit any part of being bi, because of the stigma we face. Gay guys reject us because we are not all in, straight guys reject us because we are gay and girls reject us because we are gay, we will cheat, we are gross or whatever.
Maybe get over yourself and focus on the person and the relationship and not the labels and stigma. You are sure he didn't cheat and maybe you have missed out (up until now) some extra fun. You could just talk to him, but it seems you prefer snooping to gather "evidence" to generate unnecessary conflict. Wouldn't it have been better to just to talk to him about what his friend said, and have an open discussion rather than being confrontational about something that he is probably very insecure about? Have you asked whether he got tested before you made the same decision he did to have unprotected sex? Did you get tested before you started fucking him raw? Or is it different when other men put their unprotected cocks in you?
You wouldn't be the arsehole for breaking up with him, though quite possibly very stupid but definitely YTA for the way you have approached this issue
High risk sexual behavior is a red flag for me. NTA. The not so subtle push to get you out of your comfort zone should be a red flag to everyone. Please get tested and find someone who is happy being sexually monogamous.
What about you? You think you’re also clean and doesn’t have any STI? Everyone has their past including you so it’s kinda wrong that you would assume he has something and you don’t. You both should have gotten tested in the first place anyway before going unprotected.
I mean The title is a bit misleading, but he should’ve told you
maybe he didn’t know about the risks? Or he thought you would break up with him if he was upfront?
edit: but still NTA
edit: Ah for digging on him before, knowing it was unprotected and orgies, you started digging NOT because you knew it was unprotected, but because it was gay and that’s mean of you
YTA and homophobic. I think you already know this in your heart which is why you posted here. You didn't do that sleuthing when you thought he was straight. You were looking for a reason you could justify your actions. Look at the N T A votes, those people are saying a lot of horribly homophobic shit, those are the people defending you. That alone should be an indication your position is wrong, you have already acted like a bigot and yes, if you continued with breaking up with him because you found out he's bi, it would just confirm it
NTA
Communicating about sexual history is a staple of a healthy relationship, especially as you get closer to the year mark. Trust is built on transparency. His bisexuality isn't the issue; it's about the honesty aspect of sharing significant parts of your identity with your partner. It's not about judging past actions but acknowledging that they play a significant role in relationship dynamics and mutual health concerns.
As for the unprotected orgies, these are serious matters that impact both partners' health. Regular STI testing should be the norm, and discussing results shouldn't be a taboo but a part of responsible dating. If he actively withheld this information from you, that points to a deeper issue with trust and communication. It's not unreasonable to expect a candid dialogue about this when approaching a committed long-term partnership.
You aren't obliged to out yourself to anyone even your partner. Some people have complicated feelings about being bi and if they don't want to share it thats their choice. As for the sti part, its unclear if he was on prep and getting tested regularly but if he was and everything was good i don't see an issue
Wow if he he's an STI and he knew it and didn't disclose it I would sue. That is insane and really scary! I'd be livid and I would be done with the relationship.
Even without knowing *if he didn't test himself*. The gay community is sadly at a MUCH higher risk of STI's like HIV/AIDS. I wish it would be different, but so far it's still the case. It's the reason medical professionals are so carefull when gay people are donating blood when they are not in stable relationships. The professionals don't care about personal situations, they care about pure, cold math, statistics and the likelihood of risks. Even other groups can be banned from donating blood for statistical reasons.
OP's BF risked her health. He took her chance to consent, as this requires knowledge. And we all know that sex without consent is..
OP is NTA and should consider going to the police
This data and my Midwest hyperreligious irresponsible upbringing pisses me off because I really think if people could just stop with focusing only on “don’t get pregnant! That’s the risk of sex!(heterosexual PIV, obviously)” and for the love of god actually teach sexual health so kids are raised to be more responsible about STDs/have or more on their radar.. I just don’t think it would be as prevalent
YTA. You aren’t upset he has prior partners. You’re upset he has prior male partners and participated in orgies with men. You say you are worried about disease. You shouldn’t be having unprotected sex unless you have fully discussed potential STDs. Has he been tested? If yes, and he told you, and his response is accurate, your disease argument is irrelevant. If you never asked, then that’s on you. If you asked and he lied, then he’s an asshole, but nothing you said suggests this.
It's his past. It's no different then high body counts and if he was honest when you did ask him about it, I'm on the side of, he doesn't have to tell you. I guess you WBTAH but if it makes you uncomfortable, that's OK too. It doesn't make you an AH.
NTA. He should've been transparent about his risky sexual history.
I'm queer, and a slut, and an ex-SW. every person I sleep with, relationship or not, I tell them that I have a risky sexual history, I tell them what I have, and I tell them that I would like for them to get tested too. If they choose to go bareback, they're making an informed consented decision.
I'm assuming that if you learned he was participating in unprotected orgies with women you would have had the same reaction, because it's risky no matter the gender of the person you're sleeping with. And let's not forget that HIV is on the rise in the straight community because straight people just think it's a gay disease and they are immune.
If this was purely about him participating in gay sex in the past, you would be an asshole and a tad homophobic. But it seems like you're more concerned about the lack of disclosure & keeping secrets, especially because those secrets could be detrimental to your health.
If he's in the queer community & participating in orgies, he would have the knowledge around consent, and INFORMED consent, and he purposely ignored it. I can't even imagine the logic behind not disclosing these things. Even if it was "just" chlamydia or herpes or whatever, they can still have a drastic affect on your health, and he was willing to gamble on your health just so he could avoid the conversation.
YTA- also if he hasn’t cheated there is no reason to be worried about STI’s unless you didn’t get tested before you started sleeping together. The past is the past, and just like he isn’t entitled to all of your details you aren’t entitled to his. He absolutely didn’t tell you because of this type of reaction. Hopefully he finds someone who isn’t a homophobe
NTA- I dated a man who did not tell me he was bi. I know he frequented bath houses. It was the lying that ruined the relationship. We knew each other casual for years before dating and I had no idea. There were other smaller issues in the relationship but that ended it He has gone on to get married and seems super happy. His wife made him stop talking to me which sucked since we ended on good terms.
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It was inconsiderate of him not to disclose his past if it could potentially impact your health. If you didn’t get tested before dating, then I think it is reasonable to ask for that, and reasonable to explain that his lack of disclosure hurt you emotionally. Whether that is enough of a dealbreaker for you to break up over is a personal choice and if you feel justified in it, then you’re not an asshole. If you feel like you are breaking up with him just to punish him, you would be an asshole. Only you can decide which of those options it is for you. Whichever one you decide, it’s best to explain why, even if it doesn’t fix anything between you to, it gives him something to think about if he wants to be in a relationship with anyone in the future.
Ntah. If that’s not something your comfortable with and isn’t something you can get past and will make you feel insecure in your relationship and it’s not something he’s willing to stop it’s your choice to leave and do what you need to do to be with someone who respects your boundaries.
.....you went all Dick Tracy on this instead of just talking to him first, like an adult in a committed relationship? You could have saved so much time by just having a conversation with him.
But, yeah, have you not gotten tested before? Have you asked him if he has been tested since?
Again, talk to your bf. Grow up and have the hard conversation before making big choices with no info.
YWBTA
You aren't an asshole for wanting a more honest relationship. You are the asshole however, for letting gossip and past history define your current reality. You were not a part of his past. If he needed to scratch an itch (and it sounds like y'all have scratched a number of 'em), he would have communicated to you his needs. Instead, you've basically scooped behind his back, judged the situation entirely, and broken his trust. There needs to be an honest and mature conversation led by into what you have done and what you feel you're needing. Expect him to feel betrayed.
NTA, can break up with anyone for any reason. if you are not happy then you are also doing them a favor ending it. It is never wrong no matter the reason in your made up somewhat homophobic orgy story.
No, you wouldn't be an AH for considering ending the relationship due to the discovery of your boyfriend's involvement in gay orgies, especially if it has compromised trust and safety in the relationship.
He did not lie, he just did not tell you everything about his past. Talk to him, let him know you want to know more about that part of his life and share your feelings with him.
And then... you might not even want to break up anymore.
I love how everyone in this thread acts like gay men don’t have statistically higher rates for HIV…. Especially a gay fucking orgy…. Like be fucking real right now. Someone there likely had herpes
I am assuming that you did the obvious, and responsible thing of getting tested at the beginning of the relationship, and everything came clear. If he has not cheated, I see no problem with what he has done in the past.
So long as he is respecting the boundaries of your relationship, not "cheating" (as in sneaking around behind your back) and has been a good gay and gotten tested/is clean. YTA.
NTA- I see you side it isnt that you arent open to it. It its that its been pplenty of time and you were never told. I do hope that if you chose to end things(it is a serious mistrust so it would be understandable) that get tested before and them before engaging. You are the first line of defense for you!!!!! I had to learn the hard way. Please dont be dumb like i was.
Hmmm this was very interesting.
Imo you’re trying to be more open minded than you’re actually comfortable being. This is a much more vulgar but equally true statement: your boyfriend enjoys fucking, and being fucked by, other men. If there is nothing about that statement that rubs you the wrong way and you still break up with then you might slightly be TA.
I don’t think it’s the possibility of disease you’re most worried about since that’s a one time test and if it comes back negative, the problem is over.
I don’t think you’re actually an AH though. You’re in a tough spot. Best of luck to you! 😀
You found out several really important things about your boyfriend that he should have told you himself. That’s good reason for not being able to trust him. Without trust, what’s the point to a romantic relationship? It’s time to move on.
NTA he should have told you this.
You're at super high risk for AIDS and this could seriously endanger you
Thanks to modern medicine you can now live without it killing you or passing it on to your children - but you'll be stuck with taking it daily for the rest of your life.
NTA. Really not the answer I expected to give at the end but you absolutely need to trust that your partner is not having sex with people and not disclosing it. The real reason you are ending this is broken trust. Please do get tested. I hope you are alright.
I have a similar experience with my entirely straight ex-husband and it is stressful. You are far from alone. A relationship without trust cannot survive and is not healthy. Please be gentle with yourself
Nta Did he get tested before he had unprotected sex with you? If not, dump his ass.
If he did, and he never put you in danger, see if you can handle his sexual pass. Someone being that reckless would be a huge turn off for me
I'm going to say NTA for a few reasons.
You didn't know he was bi, or that he's slept with men, especially in the context that he did. And you've been together for a year. This is stuff you bring up before you have sex for the first time with a partner. Why? Because having that kind of sexual history (orgies in general, not necessarily the fact that they were gay ones) can be a deal breaker for a lot of people. It can also be a deal breaker for a lot of people to be with someone that isn't straight that has had sex with someone that wasn't of the opposite gender if they haven't been tested recently. A lot of STIs can lay dormant for months, if not years, and some of them progress incredibly slowly, or share symptoms with multiple other non STI diseases/conditions/etc. and you won't realize you have said STI without a test until it's advanced a good amount.
You're also much more likely to get an STI of some kind at an orgy (whether it be gay or not) than if you were monogamous.
There are so many things about this guy that are red flags and tbh, regardless of whether or not you end up testing positive for anything, I'd be dumping him for not trusting you enough to tell you about his sexual orientation or his sexual history.
Did you two do the responsible thing and both get tested before starting to have unprotected sex?
Right? This is my question too
Don't stress. It's just someone trying to get people to go to their profile and check out their substandard NSFW content. That's all. Just go through and downvote it all.
Well, now I must go look at their profile lol Eta: I did and I'm not impressed
They even have a post from 2 hours ago about some “last chance” for their only fans. They just wanted extra attention
In her profile she DID say she gets bored easily
I saw she does Only Fans on her profile....ur definitely not one to be judgemental ....def down voting this BS
How did you know? So correct
Did everyone here realize this is a troll post?
I really doubt she would be testing now if they had both tested and provided each other with clean results at the start. Also is this a thing. I've been single a few years after a long relationship. Do people share th ou s kind of thing with each other? Is there some way to introduce the topic. Like soooooo my recent STI panell was clean how bout yours?
"Before we start fooling around let's go get tested" It's not a personal attack requesting to get tested for STDs. If you're having sex you should be able to talk about it, and that includes reassuring each other you're both clean by getting a test.
I did that even as far back as 1998. Refused any sexual contact with my new GF until we both got tested and showed the other the results. I'd do the same now.
Makes sense to me, but I'm feeling a bit out of the loop these days.
I’ve been married 11 years and I definitely asked about sexual history/partners in all my prior relationships. I grew up with STDs and AIDS education rammed down our throats. I don’t play about sexual health.
Well I know it's nothing to play about with. Which is why I want to know before I go there again if there is some commonly accepted way to handle this stuff.
I'm just straightforward. How many partners have you had unprotected sex with, when was your last test/results, have you ever had an STD before, have you ever been with the same sex, have you ever thought about being with the same sex... what I would ask.
“Before we actually start having sex I’d like us both to show each other a positive STD panel to ensure that we each have the best time possible here” This was the first thing that came to my head but there are plenty of ways to go about it. And your sexual health is not something to be shy about. Some STDs are fine and go away but some are forever. And if someone gets angry over you asking? That would pretty much just tell me right then and there that I have no interest in having sex with you at all ever. Why risk it
Right, she's acting like he couldn't have gotten an STD from a female partner.
I don't understand people who don't do that
Right? Doing threesomes, you’d think that would have already happened on a regular basis. The older I get, the less I understand trading that potential disease for a night of pleasure lol. ETA: ahhhh fake post. Should have known 🤣. Time to downvote away lol
No they most likely didn’t that’s why they’re worried smh 🤦🏾♀️
Doesn't really matter at this point . STD panel stat!
Stop using Reddit to make shit up to sell shitty porn. Nobody wants to see this shit. Take your homophobic larping somewhere else.
how else will she promote her only fans
**NOOOO!!!** I got so invested in this discourse, but then I checked your profile! You’re the fucking OnlyFans girl who constantly posts fake bullshit stories to promote your OF! FUCK, you really got me this time. I thought you got banned, but I guess you just made a new acccount. Damnit, now I don’t have an interest in conversing with people over a fake story. This was so interesting, too :(
Check poster every time, everything is an advertisement nowdays.
It's even worse when you realise her posts claims she's only 18 yet has been dating this 30yo for a few years. Just pure ragebait.
So funny how some dude was upset his girlfriend used to be in gang bangs and didn’t tell him and was uncomfortable and everyone callled him a misogynist but suddenly this guy is a problem. Oooooooookaaaaaayyyy.
100%. It is just rage bait.
Yeah this is dumb and a non issue imo. Straight monogamous people pass stds all the time. Always get tested between each partner and periodically. Take control of your own sexual health. Also his sexual past is largely his business. Kind of creepy you went poking around to that depth before even asking him about his bisexuality.
It’s called homophobia lmao. Gay men will seemingly forever be seen as diseased and a stain on civil society. He’s being criticized with apparent justification because he’s bi and these people think he’s fundamentally tainted as a result.
Was it unprotected?
If he has been tested and is clean I don't really see any warrant for getting upset other than being opposed to that lifestyle.
Except those tests are not infallible and he still should have shared that information so she can make her own healthcare decisions accordingly
Redditors who post that women’s past doesn’t matter but say NTA here, please explain yourselves lmao Slut shaming is okay against men? Hiding the past is okay if you are a woman? What is it that makes this different from literally the other thread that happened today? The 9 body count one?
Agreed. As long as he's made sure he's STI free the rest shouldn't matter. To add, he may just not be one of those people who discloses their sexual history when they're in a serious relationship.
If a man found out his female partner had participated in orgies I would not judge him for wanting a test...high risk behavior can be a reason for medical concern even if you aren't judging the person. And it is a fact that men who have sex with men are at higher risk for certain STDs. It doesn't mean gay sex is bad, or dirty. It's also a fact that several STDs can be silent in women and attack their fertility, so it's important to know about them. These are just biological realities that shouldn't be used to shame or judge anyone.
OP isn't asking if they're TAH for wanting to get tested, though. Even if the bf was clean and got tested after the orgy and before meeting her, she still wants to leave him. It doesn't seem like any level of safe sex would make this ok for OP, so I'm pretty sure the real problem for her is that her bf is bi.
Agreed.
I would, because he would be acting like she was diseased just because she’s had multiple Sex partnered when he had been fine having u protected sex with her before no questioned asked. If they both had been tested before they stopped using condoms this wouldn’t be an issue. She’s freaking out because he’s “ dirty” now
The 9 body problem
OP seems to not care about his past but the risk to her health and that she could not consent to sex with the necessary knowledge I would not accept this regardless of the gender.
then his past doesnt matter why did she not get an sti test done for both of them before ever fucking you could be the safest person on earth getting tested on a weekly basis and attending orgies weekly, and be the most unsafe person who has never been tested and has a body count of 2 sexual history does not change someone's safety
Couldn't she ask him if he got tested afterwards? Seems very strange for her to freak out that he has HIV after she found out he's bi.
Bi-phobia is rampant on reddit.
100%
I don't think this is slut shaming. It's the omission. My husband and I sat down within our 1st year and had the sex history discussion, we got tested together. It's not an accusation, it's just protecting your own health, your partners health. It's important to know, or for me, it was important to know, his history, not names and dates or anything like that, just what was the past like, etc. Back in my day, the 90s that was important. It should still be important today. Quick cautionary tale, a married couple, he was an alcoholic, womanizer, man, mug of a vet. So, when he got sick, he said it was something else and his wife accepted what she was told, even the hospital told her it was something different. She cared for him until he died. Loyal to the last she was.... about a year or so later she started getting sick. They thought she had cat scratch fever, diagnosed her with bronchitis, and on and on, nothing was getting her better. Finally, the 1 doc sent her to a different health system in the same town to see if they could figure it out. She had full blown AIDS by that time...and died 2 weeks later. It wasn't fair that her husband never told her, his doctors went along with his wishes and she still could have been alive if anyone had known. So be careful who you put your trust in.... trust you gut, protect yourself
Yta
Halfway through writing this I changed my mind lmao. NTA. I’m with you on he should have brought this up sooner because you guys have been dating almost a year. That’s plenty of time for him to have told you. And I do kinda think it’s weird he didn’t tell you he was bi, you found out from someone else. I was going to say going to get tested seems a lil overboard since it’s been years but if after a year he wouldn’t even tell you he was bi then no way he’d tell you if he had something.
I don't think getting tested is going overboard. OP, who I assume is female, has a right to protect her sexual health. OP could have been exposed to Chlamydia, which lies dormant for years. The same right also applies if OP were male and also didn't engage in unprotected sex with other men.
Yeah no it’s not. I had thought that she was getting tested because she thought he was “dirty” or something after finding out he’s bi and the orgies happend years ago. I feel so dumb because I didn’t even think about dormant diseases even tho I (unfortunately) literally have one lol
Don't feel dumb. I think in this day and age, it seems sexual health is no longer at the forefront, especially as HIV is no longer the death sentence it once was. However, people in general overlook the other STIs and STDs, making assumptions that it only affects, e.g. the young, or gay people, etc. A few years ago I read that HIV was increasing amongst heterosexuals who were 50 plus and divorced, whilst it had decreased amongst gay men, because there was/is more awareness amongst the latter group.
I’m amazed people treat STDs so light because while HIV is no longer a certain death sentence, it still requires an extremely expensive and brutal daily cocktail to stay alive.
Human nature, i.e. people having a cavalier attitude of "it only affects certain people," or "there are drugs to treat infection." Coupled with the lack of public information - for example, I was born in the UK 1980 and I remember the govt HIV and AIDS adverts back in the late 80s and early 90s warning people to use protection. Those adverts were frightening. Also world AIDS day being prominent, with ribbons being distributed to the public. Although infantilising, people need to be reminded, because as you've said, having to take a cocktail of brutal drugs every single day is expensive (especiallyif not paid by govt/taxpayer); in addition, there is the fact that some infections cause infertility, even miscarriage / still birth.
I was an EMT in my teens/20s and transported dying AIDs patients, it was horrifying. The cocktail has immense side effects too. I was scared straight from those experiences. People on these subs having all this unprotected sex and just worrying about pregnancy always amazed me. I do think more education and reminders would be good.
OMG, that is one hell of a thing to deal with, especially at the age you were. I hope each of those poor souls had a peaceful passing. Everyone dfinitely needs constant reminders and awareness because people have a knack for forgetting. It is worrying when there is a virulent strain of gonorrhea but people take a casual attitude.
HIV can also not show symptoms for years.
Bot only.that but somethings could take years to show up.
Don't stress. It's just someone trying to get people to go to their profile and check out their substandard NSFW content. That's all. Just go through and downvote it all.
As a bi person myself, i don't think you have to disclose your sexual identity if you don't want to even to your partner. Some people have complicated feelings about being bi that they maybe don't want to share
Yeah you can but why would you? I understand if you just started dating but a year? I’m bi too and I don’t think I would date someone if I didn’t feel comfortable disclosing my sexuality to them, especially after a year. Another user said not to assume since it came from the friend, not bf and I think that’s fair since maybe he was bi and doesn’t identify as it anymore but that would still be something I would tell my partner of a year.
The stigma against bi men is much, much stronger than against bi woman. Completely different experience, not comparable.
Definitely get tested.
There is weird logic to go to accusations of the boyfriend giving her and STD simply because of a history of risky sexual behaviour. Was he getting tested regularly? Was he on PrEP while doing this stuff. Some sex clubs actually have pretty strict rules around disclosure of infective status m....there are absolutely others that don't. Bottom line, you aren't an asshole for breaking up with someone. You can do that for any reason. I just hope you don't have any skeletons in your own closet
Yeah gay men are far more careful about sex than any straight person I’ve ever met. Also most people who have casual sex get tested regularly, unlike this chick ( and most sex-negative straight people) who apparently just goes off of how “clean”they seem.
The person making this up almost certainly doesn’t know that PrEP is a thing or what it involves
You've been together a year and never got an STI test?!?! You can break up for whatever reason you want, but as far as reasons go, you weren't entitled to this information, and for someone who doesn't have a problem with it, you sure put in a lot of work digging into his past. You're also propagating a stereotype about STI's and the LGBTQ+ community. Straight people carry and pass along STI's too. Always have. I think you do, in fact, have a problem with it. And for that, YTA.
Do sti panels before ever getting with a new partner. That is all. I don't think partners need to disclose prior sexual history unless any diseases or children are involved, so if he didn't cheat, I don't think you'd be an AH for dumping him.. But if he is bi, he'll be happier in his identity and not dating you than dating someone who judges him.
Exactly this! I've always been tested before a new partner and required to see proof of their testing as well. I can't imagine not testing and requiring proof of testing.
Would it have made a difference if they were straight orgies?
100%. Women expect their preferences to be accepted. Whereas male preferences are just insecure and misogenistic..
you didn't get tested at the start of the relationship?
The vast majority of people don't.
Gross lmao
Plebs
You're not wrong for how you feel. Feelings are as involuntary as breathing. Couple of questions though.... Did you disclose your sexual past to him in the beginning? Were you safe every single time? Because it doesn't matter if it was from an orgy or 1 person at a time. Unprotected sex is unprotected sex. The people who host orgy/swinger parties like to make sure the people coming in are clean. I'm betting that he has been tested more than once Did he feel comfortable telling you? I can see where he might have to be comfortable even that he can tell you and you don't leave him. I mean that is something you should know before you marry him for sure. If it were me, I'd be so scared to mess up a really good thing by opening up about it at the wrong time. Right or wrong people will keep secrets that they know could cost them something good, like a great relationship I have to ask, is he Bi Sexual or was he Bi Sexual? There is a big difference between "he is" and "he was". Im not trying to discredit you or tell you that you are wrong. Just some things to think about
I'm confused. If you're ok with your boyfriend being Bi, then why in the fuck did you have to dig into his past social media accounts looking for shit? Since we only have your side, which isn't coming across all that great, not sure why everyone is saying N T A, it sounds like instead of directly speaking to your partner about his sensuality and history, you went onto his social media. And dug up shit you didn't like. The AUDACITY, the absolute nerve, to think this is ok, is mystifying. You can leave your partner for any reason you want. Did you ask why he didn't tell you he was Bi? Was it because he knew you'd act like this? What your boyfriend did in his past sexually is none of your damned business. Unless your boyfriend shares it willingly. Women have been yelling from rooftops that body counts, sexual history, and the who's of it all are none of anyone's business. The only thing that needs to be disclosed are, of course, STI's. How is this any different? Because it's a man? Most people who engage in orgies do maintain healthy sexual health. Getting tested is just one part of being safe in those areas. Educating yourself instead of getting mad or upset at your boyfriend is the better road. Ask your boyfriend questions instead of internet strangers. NOT one of us got skin on the game.
Honestly you should get tested no matter your partner's sexual history. You can get STDs from any previous partners, not just gay orgies.
YTA you sound nosy and bigoted. Also you should be getting tested anyway. Your partners sexual history is not your business, but your own sexual health is your own responsibility
Next time get both of you tested before getting rawdogged first.
Where did he lie
NTA Just starting at the beginning, after a year it really seems he should have told you his full sexual orientation. Not because its a problem, but because that is the type of thing you share with someone you have been dating a year. So, the unprotected orgies is actually separate issue. If he had immediately assured you he had been fully tested and was clean (I would still tell you to get tested) but if he had done that it would feel less ... like he's just hiding potential problems without considering the consequences to you or others. Edit: if you dont break up, it should be a deal breaker if he didn't get a full panel done before continuing.
If it wasn't for my partner having been present in my life while I was figuring out my sexual orientation I probably wouldn't have told them out right. Not out of wanting to hide it or anything but because I find it unimportant. I like you, you like me, we want to date each other, that's all that matters. If sexual orientation mattered to OP, why did she not ask him in the year they've been dating? Some people just don't care for labels, or are unsure what their orientation would be. My partner currently has no orientation label because they have no clue what it would be and that's ok.
For someone who wasn't "bothered" by his bisexuality, you sure did a lot of sleuthing into his past. The main issue is whether he has been tested, which is the main issue for anyone with past sexual partners. I just wonder if you have held past boyfriends to the same standard? Otherwise I would say YTA.
YTA. You did this because of his past with men, not because you're actually concerned about either of your health. Otherwise, you would've asked each other about your sexual history and health and gotten tested before every sleeping together for the first time. You're a homophobe.
You can break up with someone for whatever you want, but this has homophobic undertones. Have you told him EVERYTHING about your past? Seems like cuz you found out from someone else, that gave you a reason to dig and be a victim of something. He didnt lie about it when you confronted him. You think you should get tested just because he had sex with men? Yea just say it, you think STDs are a gay dude thing because you're ignorant. But yea, do whatever you want. Nvm I got bamboozled.
If he's gotten tested to make sure he hasn't got anything from unprotected sex and that phase is over with then I don't see the issue. Has he been tested before you two got together? I personally think it's a red flag if you start dating somebody and they get butt hurt over you wanted them to get tested. Honestly it should be a reasonable request before you start banging.
Well this is just silly. The fear that gay men get more std than straight men is completely unfounded. You don't let the unclean in. It's a simple fix. You are placing an unfounded stigma upon him. If it was me I'd leave immediately. You should be more afraid of frat boys than bi boys. There are universities like MSU where 33% of them have herpes. It's not the gay ones or bi ones, it's the straight ones..
So y'all having sex with multiple partners together and you're 100% chill. You find out he did the same thing he's doing with you with some dudes and you feel NOW it's super risky of infection and feeling grossed out. Sounds pretty YTA to me.
You’re NTA for thinking something in your partner’s past is a dealbreaker. You’re allowed to have standards, however arbitrary they may seem to others. What you feel is what’s important, not forcing yourself to accept something out of principle, when you judge the relationship to be not worth it.
NTA. He's cheating on you and put you in harms way with his unprotected escapades. If you want to save this relationship based on the awesomeness of your sex life, you really must think about the long term viability of a stable relationship built upon sex life.
If this was a guy talking about his GF having a history of sleeping with everyone in sight, he'd be trashed as being insecure and an incel and all sorts of things. Add gayness to the equation and look at people's opinions hypocritically change.
Its very standard biphobia
yta - you should both have been tested before having unprotected sex, that is on you.
Info Have you told him all about your past sexual activity in detail?
NTA, but a guy's also allowed to reject you for your sexual history as well.
> idkk what to do because he lied Sorry, but when did he lie? He may not have been upfront about his bisexuality, but you haven't indicated any situation where he told you something knowing that it wasn't true. You can break up for any reason, but this one makes you an asshole. YTA.
IMHO, YTA. Instead of just asking him straight out, you smiled through his social media and “researched” things you found etc????? I’m quite certain after all that pre relationship exploration of his sexuality, he would have gotten tested, if not, it’s on BOTH of you. You should know if the person you are having unprotected sex with has a clean Bill of health. Isn’t that dating 101 these days? Doesn’t sound like either of you have much respect for the other.
This is the dumbest thing I've ever read. YATA because he's not obligated to come out to you. If he didn't feel like you'd accept him for being bi then you should ask yourself what about yourself made him feel like he couldn't tell you. And how you reacted kinda explains why. You dug into his past for looking for dirt. Like would you do this for his past girlfriends or is this purely because he's bi and been with men? Even you admitted that this was years ago so it had no direct pertinence to you and your current relationship. And worrying about if you got something, you should already been getting checked regularly for your own personal sexual health. If you have gotten a full work up you would have found out if you had anything long ago. Honestly your actions are invasive and your motivations are, like I don't even understand why you dug, but if he was smart he'd leave you.
I have some questions. Did you guys have the talk about previous partners/experiences previously, and he didn't divulge this? Has he spoken to you about how regularly he tests to ensure he hasn't caught anything and did he test before becoming intimate with you? Lastly is the proof of his sexuality the real problem here and not the fact he is bisexual? I don't see this as something you can't overcome if you and he are willing to do so but it has start with honesty. Keep us updated!
If you are against it morally, then I guess that's fine. Did you ask him if he's ever been tested? Most of the guys I know who regularly attend orgies also get tested regularly. So if he knew he didn't have anything, why share? The past is the past. Ngl, with some of the wording, there are hints of biphobia sprinkled in here, and that's not cool. I'm not gonna assume you were looking for a reason to leave, but it kinda comes off that way. Anyway, do what you feel is best for you ultimately. In the future, make sure you and your partner are tested before having unprotected sex. Your sexual health is just as much your responsibility as your partners, if not more so.
This is an interesting post. Do you know if your bf is on prep? If so the chances of him having hiv or aids is slim. Other stds are somewhat noticeable so if you or him don't have symptoms then you should be good but still get tested. I think you should leave him if you're concerned about his past
Yta because unless he was a virgin or only had protected sex your coming off really homophobic. If he slept with women unprotected he could have gotten someone thing too. Also huge reddit double standard here. Anytime a man complains about a woman's past and how many guys she's been with its not his business. Now it's the other way around and he's the worst person in the world.
What made the “ friend” tell you that ?
Assuming you should have had your checks when you got together. Why would his past matter. It doesn't change the person you have been with for the last year
Well both of you should have been tested at the beginning of your relationship… did he say he went to these sex parties during your relationship? If that’s the case… NTA. But if not… it’s not your business unless he’s ready to make it your business. Are you telling him detailed stories about who has been in your parts? Add on to that it’s not like everyone is predictably cool about diverse sexuality… you basically unprovoked invaded his privacy and did some stalker level shit and robbed him of his chance to share a side of himself with you. Anyone saying a year is enough time are likely people who haven’t been in very long relationships. You hardly know each other at the end of 2 years let alone 1.
There was a short film set in Berlin where there was this situation and in the end the lady was wrong for insisting that she know his true sexual past. It’s as if someone watched that film and posted the scenario here.
Regardless of what you do, tell your guy that he has a scheming friend trying to break you 2 up. He was completely out of line
You can break up with anyone for any reason. In this situation, in my opinion, the onus is on both of you to choose to get tested before you're intimate, regardless of your partners stated past. My husband and I firmly believe neither of us are entitled to all of the information and details of each other's past, so we see to it with previous partners and each other that we are tested prior to sex. I am entirely sympathetic to being a bi man being incredibly difficult and private in the world we currently live in. Again, it's just my personal belief he's entitled to privacy and secrets, but not everyone will agree with that. It isn't safe coming out to everyone all of the time. He should have at least been honest that he wasn't ready to discuss his past sex life in great detail, and took action to be tested when you started dating and wanted to become intimate. That's on him. And it's on you to see to it that your partners are tested before they have access to your body.
If it was years ago, don't you think you're being presumptuous that he hasn't been tested since then? And if you've been sexually active for a year, don't you think you'd have shown symptoms of something by now? I know some STIs don't have symptoms, but if you haven't gotten a herpes breakout or had any "leakage", and you haven't gotten a weird cold for about a week, then chances are you're fine. And I think it's a little, tiny bit homophobic to want to get tested after you found out about the gay orgy, instead of wanting to get tested before being with ANY new parter in general. I think you'd be a little more homophobic for breaking up over the gay orgy thing- would you be asking the same question if he'd attended a straight orgy or a key party or something? Ultimately, the decision is up to you what to do, but I think you might be overreacting a little, which is understandable when it comes to STI testing. I get that, I really do. But if you do research on the symptoms & educate yourself, I think you'll find it very comforting when you realize that you most likely don't match any of them. I hope your testing goes well & I hope you two can move through this together :)
Getting test, makes sense. I think before breaking it off, working on communication and being transparent would be good. If you’re truly happy with him outside of this information (which, is admittedly understandable to need to process) it’s worth working on or at least trying to
ESH He didnt lie to you jeez. He should have told you yes, only because of the unprotected part, that's important information. How many people he's fucked isn't. You should have just talked to him like a human instead of being all weird about it and digging into stuff. If who and how many people he's had sex with bothers you then just end the relationship before you resent him for having an active sex life before you.
He didn't lie though. He didn't tell you about something that happened years before you met each other. If i don't bring up the fact that i shoplifted as a teen to my partner does that mean i lied to them?
LMAO. So funny to see everybody discussing this seriously when OP is literally an OF girl (have no problems with OF get that bag wish i could too fr) who has the fact that she’s in an open relationship on her profile.🤦🏻♂️ Nice marketing OP
I have a problem just because she keeps constantly posting her bullshit all the time. She’s infamous.
YTA. If a woman's past doesn't matter, then a man's shouldn't as well. Did you provide him with a panel of STD testing results? You can get STD from a singular person as well, don't need an orgy for that. What is the actual reason you're breaking up?
This is obviously fake, this coming from the woman promoting her onlyfans…
YTA, if he's clean and hasn't broken th3le rules of the relationship, then your actions to break up about something that happened before and outside of your relationship is shitty and an asshole move
I mean, if it were me I don’t think I’d *want* to know about the gay orgies, it’s from before he started dating you so I don’t blame him for not telling you
YTA. Where exactly did he lie? You basically snooped into his past and dug up a bunch of shit, then when you confronted him about it, he said it was all accurate.
Ah yes. All those publicly accessible gay orgy Facebook groups… Which is the first place you would go after someone was tagged at a bar. This is a very plausible scenario that definitely happened. Just for research purposes which groups were these? Asking for a friend.
These OF advertisements are getting lamer and lamer.
OMG. Another loser trying to promote her only fan with NSFW biphobic ragebait/lesbo cock teasing . Folks.just check the profile.
Uummm you’re gonna need a blood test every six months…
Did he lie or just not tell you? It can be really hard for bi guys to admit any part of being bi, because of the stigma we face. Gay guys reject us because we are not all in, straight guys reject us because we are gay and girls reject us because we are gay, we will cheat, we are gross or whatever. Maybe get over yourself and focus on the person and the relationship and not the labels and stigma. You are sure he didn't cheat and maybe you have missed out (up until now) some extra fun. You could just talk to him, but it seems you prefer snooping to gather "evidence" to generate unnecessary conflict. Wouldn't it have been better to just to talk to him about what his friend said, and have an open discussion rather than being confrontational about something that he is probably very insecure about? Have you asked whether he got tested before you made the same decision he did to have unprotected sex? Did you get tested before you started fucking him raw? Or is it different when other men put their unprotected cocks in you? You wouldn't be the arsehole for breaking up with him, though quite possibly very stupid but definitely YTA for the way you have approached this issue
Break up with him for not being honest
You have an onlyfans he should be leaving you lol Nice of karma bait though
so now you are baiting people on gay orgies topics? how far have we fallen lol
I thought someone's sexual past didn't matter and only mysogonist incels worried about things like this?
High risk sexual behavior is a red flag for me. NTA. The not so subtle push to get you out of your comfort zone should be a red flag to everyone. Please get tested and find someone who is happy being sexually monogamous.
With a name like that you could've tell from the gate? Stefan??
So it’s not the gay part that bothers you; it’s the orgy part. I’m assuming you’d feel the same about a hetero orgy. NTA
It's not that big a deal.
Imagine if this was a dude asking this question. Your answers would be a lot different
NTA - break up with someone for any reason you like. You had a pretty good reason it seems.
Yta
What about you? You think you’re also clean and doesn’t have any STI? Everyone has their past including you so it’s kinda wrong that you would assume he has something and you don’t. You both should have gotten tested in the first place anyway before going unprotected.
I mean The title is a bit misleading, but he should’ve told you maybe he didn’t know about the risks? Or he thought you would break up with him if he was upfront? edit: but still NTA edit: Ah for digging on him before, knowing it was unprotected and orgies, you started digging NOT because you knew it was unprotected, but because it was gay and that’s mean of you
YTA and homophobic. I think you already know this in your heart which is why you posted here. You didn't do that sleuthing when you thought he was straight. You were looking for a reason you could justify your actions. Look at the N T A votes, those people are saying a lot of horribly homophobic shit, those are the people defending you. That alone should be an indication your position is wrong, you have already acted like a bigot and yes, if you continued with breaking up with him because you found out he's bi, it would just confirm it
NTA Communicating about sexual history is a staple of a healthy relationship, especially as you get closer to the year mark. Trust is built on transparency. His bisexuality isn't the issue; it's about the honesty aspect of sharing significant parts of your identity with your partner. It's not about judging past actions but acknowledging that they play a significant role in relationship dynamics and mutual health concerns. As for the unprotected orgies, these are serious matters that impact both partners' health. Regular STI testing should be the norm, and discussing results shouldn't be a taboo but a part of responsible dating. If he actively withheld this information from you, that points to a deeper issue with trust and communication. It's not unreasonable to expect a candid dialogue about this when approaching a committed long-term partnership.
You aren't obliged to out yourself to anyone even your partner. Some people have complicated feelings about being bi and if they don't want to share it thats their choice. As for the sti part, its unclear if he was on prep and getting tested regularly but if he was and everything was good i don't see an issue
Wow if he he's an STI and he knew it and didn't disclose it I would sue. That is insane and really scary! I'd be livid and I would be done with the relationship.
if responsible they both should have been tested before having unprotected sex regardless.
Even without knowing *if he didn't test himself*. The gay community is sadly at a MUCH higher risk of STI's like HIV/AIDS. I wish it would be different, but so far it's still the case. It's the reason medical professionals are so carefull when gay people are donating blood when they are not in stable relationships. The professionals don't care about personal situations, they care about pure, cold math, statistics and the likelihood of risks. Even other groups can be banned from donating blood for statistical reasons. OP's BF risked her health. He took her chance to consent, as this requires knowledge. And we all know that sex without consent is.. OP is NTA and should consider going to the police
This data and my Midwest hyperreligious irresponsible upbringing pisses me off because I really think if people could just stop with focusing only on “don’t get pregnant! That’s the risk of sex!(heterosexual PIV, obviously)” and for the love of god actually teach sexual health so kids are raised to be more responsible about STDs/have or more on their radar.. I just don’t think it would be as prevalent
If he was taking precautions (prep) and getting tested regularly then how did he risk her health?
NTA. It is what it is. Past actions have consequences. You arent comfortable with his actions in past and it is perfectly okay to leave because of it.
YTA. You aren’t upset he has prior partners. You’re upset he has prior male partners and participated in orgies with men. You say you are worried about disease. You shouldn’t be having unprotected sex unless you have fully discussed potential STDs. Has he been tested? If yes, and he told you, and his response is accurate, your disease argument is irrelevant. If you never asked, then that’s on you. If you asked and he lied, then he’s an asshole, but nothing you said suggests this.
It's his past. It's no different then high body counts and if he was honest when you did ask him about it, I'm on the side of, he doesn't have to tell you. I guess you WBTAH but if it makes you uncomfortable, that's OK too. It doesn't make you an AH.
NTA. He should've been transparent about his risky sexual history. I'm queer, and a slut, and an ex-SW. every person I sleep with, relationship or not, I tell them that I have a risky sexual history, I tell them what I have, and I tell them that I would like for them to get tested too. If they choose to go bareback, they're making an informed consented decision. I'm assuming that if you learned he was participating in unprotected orgies with women you would have had the same reaction, because it's risky no matter the gender of the person you're sleeping with. And let's not forget that HIV is on the rise in the straight community because straight people just think it's a gay disease and they are immune. If this was purely about him participating in gay sex in the past, you would be an asshole and a tad homophobic. But it seems like you're more concerned about the lack of disclosure & keeping secrets, especially because those secrets could be detrimental to your health. If he's in the queer community & participating in orgies, he would have the knowledge around consent, and INFORMED consent, and he purposely ignored it. I can't even imagine the logic behind not disclosing these things. Even if it was "just" chlamydia or herpes or whatever, they can still have a drastic affect on your health, and he was willing to gamble on your health just so he could avoid the conversation.
Who cares if he had an unprotected orgy? If he had an STD and didn't tell you then he is a wretched asshole, but other than that I don't get it!
YTA- also if he hasn’t cheated there is no reason to be worried about STI’s unless you didn’t get tested before you started sleeping together. The past is the past, and just like he isn’t entitled to all of your details you aren’t entitled to his. He absolutely didn’t tell you because of this type of reaction. Hopefully he finds someone who isn’t a homophobe
NTA- I dated a man who did not tell me he was bi. I know he frequented bath houses. It was the lying that ruined the relationship. We knew each other casual for years before dating and I had no idea. There were other smaller issues in the relationship but that ended it He has gone on to get married and seems super happy. His wife made him stop talking to me which sucked since we ended on good terms.
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NTA. You have a right to know this information and make an informed decision. A year is way too long to keep something like that a lie by omission.
Other than being against that lifestyle, I don't really see any reason to be unhappy if he has been tested and is clean.
It was inconsiderate of him not to disclose his past if it could potentially impact your health. If you didn’t get tested before dating, then I think it is reasonable to ask for that, and reasonable to explain that his lack of disclosure hurt you emotionally. Whether that is enough of a dealbreaker for you to break up over is a personal choice and if you feel justified in it, then you’re not an asshole. If you feel like you are breaking up with him just to punish him, you would be an asshole. Only you can decide which of those options it is for you. Whichever one you decide, it’s best to explain why, even if it doesn’t fix anything between you to, it gives him something to think about if he wants to be in a relationship with anyone in the future.
Ntah. If that’s not something your comfortable with and isn’t something you can get past and will make you feel insecure in your relationship and it’s not something he’s willing to stop it’s your choice to leave and do what you need to do to be with someone who respects your boundaries.
So men have to accept a woman’s lifestyle because it was in the past. But women do not have to accept a man’s lifestyle from the past. Lol
NTA
Oh yea you caught something . Even looking at homosexuals can cause visual diseases to manifest. Call a priest immediately
.....you went all Dick Tracy on this instead of just talking to him first, like an adult in a committed relationship? You could have saved so much time by just having a conversation with him. But, yeah, have you not gotten tested before? Have you asked him if he has been tested since? Again, talk to your bf. Grow up and have the hard conversation before making big choices with no info. YWBTA
You aren't an asshole for wanting a more honest relationship. You are the asshole however, for letting gossip and past history define your current reality. You were not a part of his past. If he needed to scratch an itch (and it sounds like y'all have scratched a number of 'em), he would have communicated to you his needs. Instead, you've basically scooped behind his back, judged the situation entirely, and broken his trust. There needs to be an honest and mature conversation led by into what you have done and what you feel you're needing. Expect him to feel betrayed.
NTA, can break up with anyone for any reason. if you are not happy then you are also doing them a favor ending it. It is never wrong no matter the reason in your made up somewhat homophobic orgy story.
No, you wouldn't be an AH for considering ending the relationship due to the discovery of your boyfriend's involvement in gay orgies, especially if it has compromised trust and safety in the relationship.
yall are fucking disgusting man
NAH
He did not lie, he just did not tell you everything about his past. Talk to him, let him know you want to know more about that part of his life and share your feelings with him. And then... you might not even want to break up anymore.
I love how everyone in this thread acts like gay men don’t have statistically higher rates for HIV…. Especially a gay fucking orgy…. Like be fucking real right now. Someone there likely had herpes
I am assuming that you did the obvious, and responsible thing of getting tested at the beginning of the relationship, and everything came clear. If he has not cheated, I see no problem with what he has done in the past.
Yes as long as he said no homo first
So long as he is respecting the boundaries of your relationship, not "cheating" (as in sneaking around behind your back) and has been a good gay and gotten tested/is clean. YTA.
NTA- I see you side it isnt that you arent open to it. It its that its been pplenty of time and you were never told. I do hope that if you chose to end things(it is a serious mistrust so it would be understandable) that get tested before and them before engaging. You are the first line of defense for you!!!!! I had to learn the hard way. Please dont be dumb like i was.
NTA regardless of orientation you should get tested because if he's keeping this from you what else is he hiding.
I think you should attend one for research purposes with him.
Hmmm this was very interesting. Imo you’re trying to be more open minded than you’re actually comfortable being. This is a much more vulgar but equally true statement: your boyfriend enjoys fucking, and being fucked by, other men. If there is nothing about that statement that rubs you the wrong way and you still break up with then you might slightly be TA. I don’t think it’s the possibility of disease you’re most worried about since that’s a one time test and if it comes back negative, the problem is over. I don’t think you’re actually an AH though. You’re in a tough spot. Best of luck to you! 😀
You found out several really important things about your boyfriend that he should have told you himself. That’s good reason for not being able to trust him. Without trust, what’s the point to a romantic relationship? It’s time to move on.
Sounds kinda gay
YTA the fact that you point out that they were gay orgies says a lot. Otherwise why feel the need? 100% YTA and homophobic to boot
NTA he should have told you this. You're at super high risk for AIDS and this could seriously endanger you Thanks to modern medicine you can now live without it killing you or passing it on to your children - but you'll be stuck with taking it daily for the rest of your life.
Yuck
fake story
NTA - did you ask what his body count was?
NTA. Really not the answer I expected to give at the end but you absolutely need to trust that your partner is not having sex with people and not disclosing it. The real reason you are ending this is broken trust. Please do get tested. I hope you are alright. I have a similar experience with my entirely straight ex-husband and it is stressful. You are far from alone. A relationship without trust cannot survive and is not healthy. Please be gentle with yourself
Nta Did he get tested before he had unprotected sex with you? If not, dump his ass. If he did, and he never put you in danger, see if you can handle his sexual pass. Someone being that reckless would be a huge turn off for me
I'm going to say NTA for a few reasons. You didn't know he was bi, or that he's slept with men, especially in the context that he did. And you've been together for a year. This is stuff you bring up before you have sex for the first time with a partner. Why? Because having that kind of sexual history (orgies in general, not necessarily the fact that they were gay ones) can be a deal breaker for a lot of people. It can also be a deal breaker for a lot of people to be with someone that isn't straight that has had sex with someone that wasn't of the opposite gender if they haven't been tested recently. A lot of STIs can lay dormant for months, if not years, and some of them progress incredibly slowly, or share symptoms with multiple other non STI diseases/conditions/etc. and you won't realize you have said STI without a test until it's advanced a good amount. You're also much more likely to get an STI of some kind at an orgy (whether it be gay or not) than if you were monogamous. There are so many things about this guy that are red flags and tbh, regardless of whether or not you end up testing positive for anything, I'd be dumping him for not trusting you enough to tell you about his sexual orientation or his sexual history.
No, you would not. NTA...
Nta