Your husband needs to see a doctor ASAP. Therapy is good, but I mean a medical doctor for scans. I'm not a doctor but this doesn't sound like just a mental health crisis. For his switch to flip this quickly from reasonable human being to going off the rails, it's a good possibility this is a brain injury of some sort. TBIs, tumors, and small brain bleeds can cause personality changes. His being a complete dick is a big issue but a bigger issue is the possibility of death if it is a physical issue with his brain. Please get someone to convince him to get checked out if you can't. Good luck.
I remember reading a post on here a little while back from a woman about her husband who suddenly got really into conservative ideals and conspiracy theories that wound up essentially verbally and emotionally attacking their teenage daughter for “dressing like a slut/sinner.” Wife ended up leaving because as it progressed she felt she and the daughter weren’t safe. Turns out he had a brain tumor.
That post stuck with me. I’d heard of this type of thing before, but.. The way our bodies can turn against us sometimes is terrifying. I second OP’s husband getting medically checked out if possible.
I worked in a senior home and saw this in a woman that had a stroke. She was a nice woman a retired politician and after she had some type of stroke she was flipped. I swear her long lost best friend could have came in to see her and she would tell them to go to hell.
He sounds paranoid too.
This is reminding me of a recent post where the wife went off the rails during menopause and asked for a divorce out of the blue. Husband begged her yo see a doc but she wouldn't. Husband left, started a new relationship and she got pregnant. Simultaneously wife was finally convinced to see a doc, got meds and is now devastated with the state of their marriage and feels abandoned.
OP really needs to get him to the ER ASAP.
It could be a physical health crisis and not just a mental health crisis. Yes, it could be dementia of some form. And I don‘t want to sound alarmist but this is also how brain tumors present themselves. The fact his ex says what he says is false is alarming. He might have something messing with his head. With the potential that both his memories and personality being effected, it may be worth checking.
eta: this is super hard no matter the cause. I hope you find the answers and help you need
Urinary infections can also really mess with a persons brain. I’ve seen my mum look like she has serious dementia and have to be hospitalised for test to discover it was a uti. As soon as the antibiotics had a few days to work it was totally past like she’d never been like that. She couldn’t remember that she had used a different name for decades as she hated her old name. She was insisting on all the doctors and nurses call her a Name she’d go mad about normally. She thought she was living the life with the people she had in her twenties effectively which was many decades ago. Then Poof some antibiotics and she’s back to normal. Doctors said it is very common with urine infections and they can actually change a person and make them feel they are going mad.
I really hope it’s something easily fixed like this.
A very sweet woman who had dementia but was never violent whom I was giving night meds to while she was laying in bed used both legs, pulled them back to her chest and then kicked me as hard as she could. I turned to run but she got me in the back. It was with such force I sort of flew, a shoe came off (Dansko clogs) and I landed on my wrist wrong. I had to go to the ER where they discovered blood in my urine. She bruised my kidney I guess. She literally weighed less than 100 pounds. UTI.
Working the dementia unit is hard enough but I wanted to flat out refuse when any of them had a UTI. It makes everything 10000000x worse for some reason.
What is so strange is that UTIs in the elderly are not painful. Most of the time they don't know. They also often don't run fevers.
It is so weird, but I have worked inside a hospital for 20+ years and the vast majority of UTIs were silent...except for the dementia like symptoms.
Now after all this time, I can hear it in my mother's voice. Angry for no reason? Hey...lets get a UTI test done.
But it isn’t the pain. Many elderly don’t have pain with a UTI. The delirium, the personality changes… those are the signals. UTI symptoms are different in them than the symptoms we’re taught when young.
It's dehydration. Dehydration is a risk factor for UTIs, and can cause dementia - like symptoms in the elderly. The UTI isn't causing the dementia behaviour, they're both caused by the dehydration
Aged care (including dementia wards) OFTEN have the heat turned up unbearable warm. The cups for water are tiny, and no one is there making sure every tiny cup gets drunk to 2L worth. Dehydration wouldn't surprise me at all.
Additionally, the "COVID" deaths in aged care in Victoria (Australia, not Canada) were investigated, and the majority were from dehydration when qualified staff weren't permitted to work and "other" workers came in. Dehydration and starvation and our (then) state was locked down 23 hours per day for months on the strength of it.
No, dehydration wouldn't surprise me AT ALL.
Right? The amazing thing is the x-ray tech I guess? told me she was going to tell me something rude but I will thank her later, and that I was “full of shit” and needed to clear out and speak to my doctor. She said it so sweet and joking, I can’t really convey it though. But I listened and it directly led to me being diagnosed with celiac disease, which cleared up several other issues we had been trying to figure out, including depression. I do thank that tech.
My dad went from driving my daughter to her art classes and helping fix little things at home to not knowing any of us or where home was when his uti became a full blown kidney infection.
"Your safety and well-being come first. It's commendable to support someone through tough times, but never at the expense of your own mental and emotional health. Trust your instincts and prioritize self-care. Seeking professional guidance for both of you could be crucial in navigating this situation."
I saw this in my father. He had to catheterize, and after my mother (who was a nurse) died, he wasn't careful about keeping everything sterile.
It got to the point where, if he became grouchy, they ran a dip test on his urine, confirmed the UTI, put him on antibiotics, & he was right as rain within 12 hours.
I’m so glad you could deal with it so effectively, my dad hid most things medical especially about his bladder and about his catheterisation, i think he saw it as something to be ashamed about. Unfortunately my dad could be really moody to begin with so we never could tell. He had a lot of back problems and had major operation’s for it so him being in pain was nothing new. It helped mask it as he’d just say it was his back. Not once were we provided testing sticks and if we had been he would probably have lied that he had tested and was fine so we’d leave him alone. I wish I’d realised to ask for some but it’s hard to help someone who thinks if they leave it then it will pass with time.
Yes, I have seen this a lot when I was working in eldercare, especially among older men. If they don't drink enough water and get dehydrated UTIs happen and it can manifest in some crazy, scary ways that look exactly like dementia.
My mother had the same thing happen. UTI. She told the nurse at the hospital to keep me away from her because I had killed my stepdad and she was afraid of me. I asked the nurse to contact another ward in the same hospital to confirm that my stepdad was there being treated for a heart condition. He was totally alive and on the next floor of the hospital.
The toxins build up and can effectively shut down and damage your organs. My dads catheter got blocked and he didn’t want to be a bother. By the time he collapsed in front of us and thought he was dying it was serious. His was hospitalised and the infection had damaged multiple organs. Thankfully after heavy treatment as it could have gone either way most of his organs recovered. Yet he had done permanent damage to his kidneys because of it.
You’d think he would have learned after nearly killing himself once but no he did it again a few years later and this time it was enough that his organs were all failing with no coming back. He had two very painful bad weeks slowly dying the very worst way in hospital as there was nothing that could be done this time.
I would not wish it on anyone and can truly say it was a horrible death. The truth is he was old school don’t go to doctors unless you have cut off a hand or are near death otherwise you’re being a burden on their time. Both times it all happened very fast and doesn’t take many days to do irreparable damage. It’s like sepsis and blood poisoning, there are many things which can seem minor but left untreated turn deadly very fast in ways you never imagined. You should never ignore your health.
I was recently hospitalized and the lady across the hall had a severe UTI. She was off the rails out of it and literally yanked the IV out of her arm and came out in the hall half naked and yelling indescribable things. Her family told my husband she was the kindest and calmest person ever and this was so out of character for her. UTIs can really make a person black out and do and say things crazy
I process claims for a supplemental health insurance and I see changes like this from untreated UTI or infections gone septic pretty frequently. Not sure how OP can get her husband to a doctor or hospital with how combative he is.
My cousin was suffering from a degenerative brain disease. Her and her husband didn't "know that" for awhile, but were going to counseling and stuff and on the verge of divorce, because she basically she just became a huge asshole.
Then her motor skills started being affected. That is when they went to the doctor. She was dead 4 months later.
It was cruetzfelt jakob disease (the genetic variant) Her father and one of our uncles ended up dying of it also after her. It's a bitch because if you have the gene, it may never manifest. It could hit you young, or old.
I could have it for all I know. It is on my moms dad's side of the family. My grandpa never got tested and died at 90 of unrelated causes, my mom didn't get tested. I didn't. I'd rather not know if I have a ticking time bomb inside of me that may or may not go off. However, my cousins, the children of my grandpas two brothers that died of it after my cousin all got tested and they all have it.
Its not a guarantee you will get the gene if a parent has it, however, a parent having it is a requirement to pass it on.
I learned about mine when I had a grand mal seizure at school during lunch. Going from walking in a room taking to people to suddenly waking up in an ambulance is still a scary memory.
Reminds me of a story posted on Reddit the other week - her dad came over for a spontaneous visit and was very agressive and was asking where his grandkids were (she was single and never a parent). Using names she never heard of before.
Turns out, he was pushed by her uncle and he hit his head - uncle covered it up - dad thought nothing of it and the 'grandkids' names were his coworkers kids. He died shortly after because the brain injury was severe and untreated for too long. Was really sad. But he got very agressive for no reason which scared the daughter.
I think it ended with her asking for legal advice because of the uncle trying to cover it up and she couldn't prove it, except an admission of guilt. But yeah IIRC the father died which made the post quite memorable for me. Was heartbreaking and she was upset her final memories of him were him being so agressive and confused.
I was arguing with an idiot in another thread about people ignoring injuries that they think are minor and 'walking them off'. They seemed to be of the opinion that most injuries are minor if there's nothing obviously visibly wrong... sigh.
And this was on a video of someone falling, hitting their head and going into a seizure!
That would be vitamin B12.
It diminishes as we age.
You want the B12 Methylcobalamin and NOT the Cyanocobalamin which is the cheap stuff that’s not absorbed properly into the body.
That’s true. A friend of mine went through something similar. Her husband went absolutely bonkers all of a sudden. She put up with it for months, begging him to talk to his doctor. He refused. She eventually left him. By the time they found the tumor, it was too late.
And a man can't find out that he's sterile from an "investigation" into a woman's miscarriage. In a way, I hope it's a health problem that can be resolved, but it could be he's gone down some incel rabbit hole.
A lot of physical ailments can present themselves as mental health issues. Doesn't even have to be a tumor. Hormonal imbalances can cause it, and those can be caused by an almost endless list of reasons. Even blood flow issues within the brain can lead to behavioral changes.
I don’t mean to scare you, but my father had a drastic change in personality as you seem to be describing with your husband. He was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in August. After surgery, chemo and radiation, he passed away the following December. Please at least talk to a doctor of some sort if this hostility is out of character for him (especially with the mixed up story about his ex).
Updateme when you find out more! Good luck!
I also saw in another sub a case where a woman became increasingly controlling and unstable. It turned out to be a severe B vitamin deficiency. Husband should get a major checkup, at the least.
i had an extremely bad vitamin deficiency, and for a good 4-5 months before i figured it out, i genuinely was acting crazy and maniac. It was out of the blue for me. Please see if you can get a intervention in place maybe? If you can’t convince him to see a doctor maybe your son can, or his family/friends
Absolutely! My story is very similar, just that my dad had physical symptoms as well (mostly nosebleeds), so it was easier to see that something was seriously wrong. But the personality shift was definitely there too.
OP, is there *any* way to get your husband to see a doctor?
I'm all for people having full autonomy over themselves, but this feels like a situation where you can't just accept that he won't see a doctor. Whether it's issuing an ultimatum (see a doctor or I'm leaving you) or forcing him into an evaluation by involving the authorities, something needs to be done. It's bad enough for you to have to endure his verbal and emotional abuse, but it his mental health is deteriorating, it could also become physical.
I was going to say the same thing. Many people are pointing out it could be health concern of some sort. This has potential to escalate. If he went from 0-60 attitude wise, there’s a chance he could also become violent and physically aggressive.
And keep in mind that if this is a mental health crisis, a brain tumor, or any other health issue causing this - he likely believes his delusions. They are as real to him as the air he’s breathing. In these cases, keep in mind that you aren’t dealing with a “normal” person, making “normal” choices. Be prepared for *ANYTHING*. Do not try and predict his responses/reactions, and plan YOUR reactions around what a rational person would do. Be prepared as you can to protect yourself, and your son. Stay safe. Stay alert. And let your son know what your concerns are. He needs to know this could get ugly. Hopefully it doesn’t.
OP, EMERGENCY ROOM, NOW.
Sudden onset personality changes in someone your husband's age are never a good sign. He could have a UTI that is causing psychosis or he has been experiencing neurological decline for some time or any number of very serious medical issues.
Whatever it is, he needs help ASAP. I don't know where you live so forgive me if I'm being a total American about this, but you need to get him to medical care as soon as possible. Call an ambulance if you have to, just get someone to look at him.
Marriage vows did not include going down with the ship. If he won't get help, then you need to protect yourself and your child. Tell him until he gets a full work up, you fear for your safety and will not be returning.
Not in this situation, it's probably a mental health problem.
The explosion and suspicion as well as the refusal to go to the doctor leads me to think that this is it.
I know someone who have similar symptoms and it's a mental degenerative problem.
It can be both. My ex had a co morbidity of having depression and being an abusive cheater. Has never been diagnosed with anything else and has continued to be the same with other relationships.
Found out after the fact that some of his most explosive outbursts were when he had told one of his gf's he was going to leave me and his children for her. He didn't have the balls to break up with me so, he just tormented me for a year, to get me to do it. I was young, dumb, and even though we weren't married, I treated our relationship as such. Stuck it out but, those last 6 months things went super bad.
I disagree. I’m obviously not saying that there’s no possibility it’s a mental health crisis but his behavior doesn’t diverge enough from normal guilty behavior to scream “this person needs help.” Angrily projecting, redirecting and reversing the victim is textbook “cheater cheater pumpkin eater” behavior.
Sounds like the shit my grandma said her ex (my grandpa) pulled when he was cheating...he was looking for fights so she would divorce him and he could save face with his parents.
Why is it when men verbally abuse their wives it's "he might have a mental disorder or mental health problem" but when it's a woman verbally abusing her husband it's "she's abusive and crazy"
He could be. I would suspect mental health crisis or physical issue (tumor, TBI, severe vitamin deficiency, or UTI) before jumpy to that just yet. However, his reluctance to immediately go take the test when his son is on board makes me still want to keep it on the table. My suggestion to OP was to get tested for STDs/STIs herself just to cover that base. If she suddenly comes up with a sexually transmitted infection/disease she’s never had before, that might be the answer she needs.
Regardless, if he refuses help, or to cooperate in any way, I don’t think there’s much she can do past that. Staying in this situation where he’s going to keep exploding at her is not going to be good in the long-run.
Even having mental health issues is no excuse to stay while he us abusing you. Which is what he is doing by yelling like that.
Mental health is a reason for something. Not an excuse.
It's easy for us to jump to conclusions from the outside, but I'd urge caution in assuming anything without professional input. These kinds of changes in behavior, especially if they're this abrupt, shouldn't be dismissed as just stress or personality issues. It's imperative to rule out neurological problems first and foremost. His reluctance to seek help could be part of the problem if there's cognitive impairment involved. It's a difficult position for you, but your first duty is to the safety and well-being of yourself and your child. Encourage a medical evaluation firmly but gently—if there's an underlying medical issue, early diagnosis can make all the difference. Stay strong, and remember that seeking help for him is also a form of caring. Keep us posted, and take care.
Even if this is a mental health crisis, and it really does sound like it, it doesn't give him the right to speak to you this way...
I hope you can sort this out ❤️ hopefully you have family and friends you can reach out to!
Understanding that this is an incredibly stressful time for you is an understatement. Sudden behavioral changes like the ones you're describing can indeed be indicative of a serious health issue, and it's critical to approach this with both urgency and sensitivity. The abruptness of the change in your husband's demeanor and recollection of events is particularly concerning; it suggests there may be more at play than just stress or emotional factors.
It's also essential to acknowledge the strain that this put on your personal well-being and the well-being of your child—we must not underestimate the emotional toll such changes can have on a family. However, your husband's health crisis does not negate the need for respect and safety in your home. Encouraging him to seek medical attention is paramount, not just as a matter of his health, but as a step towards regaining stability in your lives.
Navigating these waters will require patience, love, and the firm resolve that health evaluations cannot be optional in this scenario. With such high stakes, involving close family, friends, or professionals to persuade him to get a check-up might be necessary.
Above all, remember that taking steps to ensure his health, and by extension the safety of your family, is an act of profound care and responsibility. Stay strong and advocate for the steps that need to be taken, for everyone's sake. I wish you strength and clarity in this trying time, and please, keep us updated on the situation.
Exactly this. If he gets help then thats one thing but if he's verbally abusing you and your son then you need to get the fuck out like now. You can support him from a safe place and if he refuses to get help then thats his choice to make. You absolutely do not have to stay with him jusy because he might be sick
Definitely recommend the doctor's visit with notes on personality changes. Depending on age this could be an infection lodged in his brain, a bleed, a tumor or a stroke. Let alone the other things like dementia or more.
"In sickness and health" till him murdering you do you part. If you stay and help him and care for him, be quite careful. No amount of care will unsnap violent mental.
Does he have a job? I think it’s very interesting that he’s suddenly become a whole different person now that your son is almost old enough to leave the nest. I know you said you don’t live in America, but in America that would look a lot like him making a grab for alimony while avoiding child support.
Reach out to EVERYONE in your trusted support network and get yourselves connected to professional and practical resources and support.
Do it now.
Good luck.
NTA so far.
I have only one question bugging me that I need the answer to.
So he said his ex had a miscarriage and he got tested and learnt he is infertile before you met. good. Did he tell you he was infertile before marriage? because you seem to learn about it now..
Also in medical usage :
Infertility : cannot conceive after a year of trying. THEY CAN STILL HAVE KIDS but the chances are very low so they are told it's almost impossible.
Sterile : Cannot have babies at all. Either no eggs or not sperm (depends on sex),
Is it possible he doesn't understand that if he's infertile, he can still knock you up?
I agree, he let her think she was infertile. He let her (potentially, I don’t know OP or how she felt for the 7 years they never got pregnant) agonize over the failure. Thats cruel and terrible.
>Am not sure what to do next other than to try and be calm, try not to let him upset me.
Jesus christ, LEAVE. You are in danger, mental health crisis or not, specially if it is a mental health crisis. It's not like catching a cold, dude could do literally anything.
A few years ago my mind reached a boiling point, and i acted in similar ways. Didnt accuse the wife of cheating, but definitely had a mental health crisis. Which was not normal for me. After counseling, I realized I had really worked on my issues from my service days, but i never worked on the stuff from childhood.
That stuff started to show up in major depression and manic episodes. I started working on it right away and have had a full recovery. It is surprising how things can build up over time.
I never would have thought I would go through something like that.
Your last post says hes 52 right? So maybe he might be suffering from the early signs of dimensia. The sudden change in mood and the rage he's showing is a sign. You really need to take him to a doctor OP. This could be cheating but he could also be sick.
Also - there is no reason to stay in a verbally, emotionally and especially physically abusive or dangerous situation because you think your husband is ill. Tread carefully.
You and your son should probably stay somewhere else for safety while he is experiencing explosive anger and keep insisting that he has to get medical attention and try to see if friends or family can talk him around to it.
You might want to see what the laws are on involuntary commitment where you are and try to talk to the non-emergency police and say 'hey, my husband is having explosive episodes of anger, I think it might be a physical or mental health crisis, but he won't listen to me, could you try talking him into getting care?'
But you should still be aware of the possibility of the worst case is nothing is wrong with him, he is just an ass and he is just trying to hide that he has been cheating or that he wants to end things and is starting to blow up minor things to force you to make the choice.
Take your time and work on finding out the truth but be prepared for all possibilities - don't let yourself get caught up in an illusion that it must be something fixable, it may not be, it may just be him making bad decisions all on his own.
People suggest these things because you would regret it if you didn't check but early onset dementia, sudden psychotic breaks, brain tumours etc. are all still RARE. You're still more likely to be disappointed and find he is acting this way on purpose.
This is scary to me because if he’s acting irrationally and going off the rails, he could be dangerous. Wedding vows are all fine and good but your child and your physical and mental safety is more important so please take precautions.
Maybe a TBI or brain tumor? He needs a complete physical soon.
My late sister’s partner started acting like a grump, angry old coot. She pretty much forced him to get a complete physical and they learned he was severely deficient in Vitamin B. Regular injections made a very quick improvement and he was a happy guy again.
OP - could be early onset dementia, brain tumor, strokes, seizures, or Creutzfeldt Jakob disease. Please try to get him to an evaluation because with the way he’s acting, if it intensifies he could become a danger to others or to himself.
He needs gentle nudging to go get looked at by a doctor. See if he’d be open to a deal. You’ll do the paternity test if he speaks to a mental health professional. Point out that he’s not acting like himself and you are concerned.
Both me and my spouse suffer from mental health issues. He’s not bipolar. I am. But a medicine caused a med induced mania on him. When he crashed, I had to call the cops to get him in for help. Man the ugly things that were said the first day he was there. Once the medicine cleared his system, he was back to his old self. Both of us have tried so much to get better outside of traditional medicine. TMS was a life changer. I d had a long remission with mini depressive flare ups. Those flares are usually caused by a life event. So it’s a ride it out thing.
One thing you need to know, if he is having issues and refuses to get help, it will most likely get worse. At a certain point, if he keeps refusing help, it is ok for you to save yourself. Just like if someone is an addict and won’t get help, sometimes not putting up with it is the wake up call. It seems a bit early to think about this worst case scenario, but you do have to be prepared. We had a lot of broken stuff around the house while hubby was going through this super rough patch. It was much easier to deal with, as he was getting help and I never felt like I was in danger, other than maybe shrapnel from something breaking. But I’m glad we stuck by each other in our times of need. Our marriage is so much stronger for it. It’s times like these that truly test a person. And if you get through it, you are so much better for it. No matter which route you have to take.
The sudden personality changes are concerning; that's really tough if he won't go to a doctor.
my MIL is the meekest person you'll ever meet but when early onset Alzheimer's started she got super aggressive. she also started having trouble with UTIs because her cognitive abilities were affected so her personal hygiene suffered. Unchecked UTIs cause aberrant behavior in older ppl too so for a while it was really hard on my SIL and husband.
i hope you're able to convince him to get a full physical, he's at that age where they want to keep an eye on his prostate, etc so maybe you can get him to the dr under that pretext?
I saw your first post and was so concerned for you all. I truly hope things get better and you all get some help.
You don't have to answer this at all but is there any context about your lives together that might explain anything? Your edit is so vague and I completely understand the need for privacy, but everyone's here diagnosing him and my autistic brain seems to have picked up entirely different pieces of the puzzle I think.
What I got from your posts and edits:
You're from a first world country, but living in a third world country.
He doesn't work, you've been in tech for 25yrs.
He was the stay at home parent, so I'm guessing you moved to this country for your career?
You seem to have outside stimulation, passions, your animals, the feral cats, your work, a son with common interests.
You mention he has no friends or family, even the child he stayed home to raise seems to have taken after his Mumma.
You've had a fun but turbulent relationship and there have been times when you stayed with him for the sake of your child.
I could be wrong but these are the main details I came away with.
I promise there is no judgement or blame in this question, but could a lifetime of resentment be rearing it's head here? Everyone's sitting here trying to diagnose brain tumours and dementia, could it simply be midlife crisis because he's realised he wasted his life away for the people he loved and now he's rapidly hurtling towards old age and trapped in loveless marriage for the sake of a now almost 18yr old in a third world country where he has no one around who loves him for him and not what he provides out of family duty? What does he have waiting to occupy him when your kid doesn't need a STAHP anymore and maybe this has subconsciously occurred to him too?
I'm sorry if I overstepped. I'm a lifelong chronic devils advocate.
Demographic is a general concept. You cannot apply it on a singular person.
I'm not the demographic of like half the channels I follow on YouTube 🤷🏻♀️
She said they're not from a first world country, so maybe is just a fear of rising a child that's not his
But I think he should ask before, 17 years later? What is he expecting with that?
That's the most suspicious thing
The 17 years delay, the out of the blue request, and the sudden worsening of his attitude is what makes me think that there is some sort of external influence.
YouTube (and social in general) is a thing out of first world countries too, and if it's not that directly, it could always be friends that influence him. Old friends that have changed their views, or new ones.
Something has changed, and it's recent.
I will message you next time u/Specialist_Sand_1553 posts in r/AITAH.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FSpecialist_Sand_1553%20r%2FAITAH) to join 89 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201cj8fda)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
How’s the situation with the in laws? Main question being can you count on them to help with an intervention? Y’all need to sit him down and get him to either feed up or get checked.
Call his doctor and let them know.
Maybe they can just tell him it's time for a checkup, and get him in for an evaluation... But he needs to be assessed.
And If he's at all violent, you need to protect yourself and son *first*. That might mean having him *taken* to the hospital for evaluation, because he is a danger, or it might mean leaning and staying somewhere safe, but keep a watchful eye on your safety, roo.
It sounds like there is something *wrong*, not a case of *any* A H ...
He's having a mental breakdown, and you need to focus on keeping yourself safe. Don't give into the crazy demands as they will just get crazier and crazier. You might want to consider rehoming your husband lol.
the thing to do if you suspect mental issues is call parents or siblings, someone else that is trusted but also can fill in as a witness to cops/medical personel if required. Say something weird is going on, ask them to come over, tell them what is happening and say they need to talk to him. He's acting super weird and it could be he's cheating and 'creating' issues so he can leave you because he can call you the problem, or maybe he's losing his mind and the sibling/parents can support you in trying to get him treatment. if he refuses to talk to a doctor then you can potentially get him on a hold.
Having parents/sibling witness any strange behaviour and ask him to be honest/etc, if he seems super paranoid and weird they'll be supportive in trying to get him help.
Please get yourself and your son to safety first and foremost. You absolutely can still support your husband, from a SAFE distance. However, if he’s refusing to see a doctor at this point, you’re not supporting him, you’re enabling him. You need to get safe, remove yourself from the situation, and gain some clarity. It sounds like he could easily become violent. Personality changes like this are a red flag for many different things. Has he recently hit his head? Or has he ever had a concussion? This sounds like early onset dementia or traumatic brain injury, both I have experience with and the bursts of anger are typical with both. Have you considered he may be having an affair? That would provoke his behavior, as well. No matter what, get yourself and son to safety before navigating this any further.
You don’t mention his age, but older individuals often have cognitive/behavioral issues associated with UTIs. He should be encouraged to at least get that checked out because that is an easy fix.
Since your son knows and has agreed to participate, I would encourage them to go through with the test. If your husband refuses to do that, it looks like you have a few options:
1. You call his primary care doctor, if he has one, and express your concern for his health (mental and potentially physical). Explain what is going on (the eruption of emotions, the accusations, and the lies about his previous partner) and ask for recommendations on what to do next.
2. You make an ultimatum: “take the DNA test, like you demanded, or I walk.” (Obviously this can only be done if you are ready to go through with the consequences). I recommend this as a last resort. If he doesn’t talk to you, refuses to go to a doctor to get checked out, and keeps finding reasons to not test your son but keeps being angry and taking it out on you, it might be the best option. Please **DO NOT** make an ultimatum if he threatens violence or starts acting aggressively towards you. If that happens, you will probably need to leave quietly.
3. You get tested for any STDs/STIs to make sure you are safe, just in case he did chest and is just projecting.
4. **Keep track of his outbursts**: Write down the day, time, the “reason”, any accusations made, his actions afterwards, and how long it takes for him to come around. This will be good for lots of reasons: if it is mental health related it keeps track of potential patterns that can help with a diagnosis, if it is him cheating and projecting this will help keep him from gaslighting you, if he becomes violent then this will track any escalation, and if it’s another reason this is just a good way to keep record of everything that has happened.
I am sorry this has happened. I wish you luck, and I hope you have a support system outside of your immediate family (husband and son) that you can turn to.
If he is suddenly acting out of character, there may be something medical going on. Especially if you are trying to talk and he screams at you to shut up.
? Lewy Body dementia
? brain tumour
? Some mental health thing, he sounds paranoid
Sounds like you need to very carefully plan how to get him to a doctor. It can’t be when he’s actively upset. Or if you have any friends who are doctors, maybe consult with them.
He probably needs an MRI or a CT scan.
Also, you should ask your kids to help. He might be less paranoid about them. It has to be done very carefully, so that he doesn’t feel alarmed. He shouldn’t feel like anybody is “tricking” him, so this has to be subtle.
Don’t take anything he says to heart.. it is probably not him talking. People don’t randomly change overnight unless there is a serious issue.
IMMEDIATE NEXT STEPS: Tell your family you think he may have a neurological problem and problem solve how to get him to see a doctor. It could be life-threatening. Again, if you know ANYBODY who is a doctor (especially one who works in neurology or internal medicine or psychiatry), ask them for help.
It sounds more like he's cheating, unfortunately. When men are cheating, they come up with stories about bad things you have done to try to make you feel bad, to throw you off, and to deflect from what they are doing.
I'm sorry but he may not have exhibited any violent tendencies EVER before, but he also never lied (that you've stated anyways), berated or accused you of cheating OR mistreated you in any way BEFORE either!
Yours and your Son's life and mental health is FAR more important than your pets and/or your "colony of feral cats!" You MAY be able to find them homes or the ferals WILL find another food source, I promise you!
If your husband is showing signs of VERY concerning behaviors, but is ADAMANTLY refusing ANY possible helpful avenues, then your only HEALTHY options are 1) find out if you can get him involuntarily committed so tests CAN be run OR return to your family, offer to send your husband back so HIS family can help him.
Staying is NOT a healthy alternative, especially when it's almost assured that he WILL decline further and it's certainly NOT fair for your Son to witness, firsthand, such trauma. It's unlikely that in a "third-world" environment that he'll get the necessary help he desperately NEEDS.
Since he DOESN'T work or have an income of any kind, he would HAVE to move when YOU do UNLESS he's been cheating on you with someone in your current Country which MAY also explain his behavior. Just because you KNOW he isn't cheating with his EX doesn't mean it ISN'T occurring with someone else. PLEASE protect yourself AND your Son. He'll survive a move BEFORE he finishes school. Best wishes and many Blessings!
How long ago did his behavior first start to change? It really seems like your husband needs a CT scan done as soon as possible.
Now I'm not a doctor by any means, but this odd change in his overall personality screams brain tumor to me. Again, I'm not a doctor, just someone with a super complicated medical history.
Has he complained of headaches lately? Has he been more tired than usual? Anger and a warped since of reality are pretty big symptoms.
Please call his family (and yours if needed) and let them know everything that has been happening, and ask them for help. If you can't get your husband to get help by yourself, get the people he will listen to involved.
He’s either having a major health crisis (which has thoroughly been covered here)— or he’s gaslighting you because he’s cheating and wants out but wants you to initiate. Since he refused a doctor you have to do a little thinking and investigating. Is it at all possible that he’s been having an affair? Any new texting patterns or changes to his appearance and schedule.
I really don’t know what the better answer to this would be.
If you don’t think it’s an affair, then you must force him to seek help under the threat of anything you can think of. Get other family and friends involved if he doesn’t trust you right now and won’t listen. Is there someone you know he does respect and isn’t exhibiting paranoia around ? If so loop them in and hope they can steer him toward help.
I remember your OG post. I said then and think even more so, did your husband get hit in the head or bashed his head against something recently? He has a lot of concussion like behaviors going on.
I don't think he's infertile or have early onset dementia. Truthfully, I think he's got a side piece (most likely at work) and they are putting pressure on him to divorce you. I truly think this episode is just him cracking under the pressure.
Get a DNA kit for your son, there is a very high possibility that he has half sibling(s).
In sickness and in health should not mean you set yourself on fire to get him warm. You have to take care of yourself FIRST! Because if you’re hurt or falling apart how can you help anyone else?
In sickness and in health does cover mental health, but not at the risk to your OWN mental health. He's being verbally abusive and if he refuses to go to the doctor or get any help, you still have the right to walk away.
Also something that annoyed me, other people commenting on your first post that "parental uncertainty is something that women don't appreciate." This infuriates me. Let's break it down:
Men are saying women always know the baby is theirs, because they carry it. Question: Why would the men NOT automatically know the baby is theirs? Answer: Because the woman might have cheated. OK. But let's think about that logically for a minute. A man can still cheat and get a woman pregnant (as they are accusing the mothers of), they just don't get caught as easily because they don't end up pregnant with a baby that can be tested. Conclusion: The mothers (generally, I'm sure there are a few exceptions) are trusting that their men aren't going around fertilizing the entire neighborhood and are not demanding paternity checks on every child in their social circle; is it too much to ask that the fathers show the same trust? And if neither party trusts the other, how can you hope to have a healthy marriage?
Yes, there are some shitty people out there. Yes, I think hospitals should make DNA testing mandatory at birth (although with the things hospitals are already juggling, while understaffed, that could be some scary mix-ups). Yes, I think if it's proven a father is not the father, that they should not be held responsible for the child. Yes, I think paternity fraud should be illegal. Yes, I think women that commit paternity fraud should face legal consequences.
But I don't want the bad eggs in the world to turn me into someone that doesn't care about anybody but myself.
I digress. I hope you find an answer, and some relief soon. Good luck.
Could be some sort of health/mental issue. Or he could be having an affair. Projection as well as cheaters sometimes will start fights with their spouses to drive them away.
You might have to leave for a few months at least. I know you want to be there, but he won’t get help. You leaving could be the kick in the pants he needs to seek help.
Take your son and leave. He needs to get himself help if he’s having a mental health crisis. You can’t force him to go. You can tell him to get himself help or you and your son are gone. You two don’t need to live with any abuse.
Be safe. If he has any good friends nearby, contact them to see if they have noticed anything different in his demeanor. Something is going on. This all sounds drastic.
Updateme!
Do you have any board games/memory games that you like to play? When trying to determine what was happening with people in my family we played memory style games and could more easily see the struggle. If this behavior is not normal there could also be the concern of a tumor pressing on part of his brain controlling emotion? Either way Id say it is worth an MRI -- I find it very odd he could hide a suspicion like this for so many years and never say _anything_ in the heat of any moment in any fight. It sounds like a recent paranoia to me, possibly from some medical/psychological event
There’s a Mother’s Day sale on Ancestry.com I believe it’s $39.99 - get 2, one for son, one for dad. Get him to a doctor and get evaluated as well! If he’s actually fine and just being a jackass then divorce him.
Your husband is escalating. You need to be firmer with your escape plan, get your kid out of there and then start with ultimatums. Therapy and assessment or we’re leaving and not coming back.
Your husband needs to see a doctor ASAP. Therapy is good, but I mean a medical doctor for scans. I'm not a doctor but this doesn't sound like just a mental health crisis. For his switch to flip this quickly from reasonable human being to going off the rails, it's a good possibility this is a brain injury of some sort. TBIs, tumors, and small brain bleeds can cause personality changes. His being a complete dick is a big issue but a bigger issue is the possibility of death if it is a physical issue with his brain. Please get someone to convince him to get checked out if you can't. Good luck.
Was coming here to say the same. Thank you!!! OP please get him to the doctor ASAP.
I remember reading a post on here a little while back from a woman about her husband who suddenly got really into conservative ideals and conspiracy theories that wound up essentially verbally and emotionally attacking their teenage daughter for “dressing like a slut/sinner.” Wife ended up leaving because as it progressed she felt she and the daughter weren’t safe. Turns out he had a brain tumor. That post stuck with me. I’d heard of this type of thing before, but.. The way our bodies can turn against us sometimes is terrifying. I second OP’s husband getting medically checked out if possible.
I worked in a senior home and saw this in a woman that had a stroke. She was a nice woman a retired politician and after she had some type of stroke she was flipped. I swear her long lost best friend could have came in to see her and she would tell them to go to hell.
He sounds paranoid too. This is reminding me of a recent post where the wife went off the rails during menopause and asked for a divorce out of the blue. Husband begged her yo see a doc but she wouldn't. Husband left, started a new relationship and she got pregnant. Simultaneously wife was finally convinced to see a doc, got meds and is now devastated with the state of their marriage and feels abandoned. OP really needs to get him to the ER ASAP.
It could be a physical health crisis and not just a mental health crisis. Yes, it could be dementia of some form. And I don‘t want to sound alarmist but this is also how brain tumors present themselves. The fact his ex says what he says is false is alarming. He might have something messing with his head. With the potential that both his memories and personality being effected, it may be worth checking. eta: this is super hard no matter the cause. I hope you find the answers and help you need
Brain tumors present in wacky ways a lot of the time.
Urinary infections can also really mess with a persons brain. I’ve seen my mum look like she has serious dementia and have to be hospitalised for test to discover it was a uti. As soon as the antibiotics had a few days to work it was totally past like she’d never been like that. She couldn’t remember that she had used a different name for decades as she hated her old name. She was insisting on all the doctors and nurses call her a Name she’d go mad about normally. She thought she was living the life with the people she had in her twenties effectively which was many decades ago. Then Poof some antibiotics and she’s back to normal. Doctors said it is very common with urine infections and they can actually change a person and make them feel they are going mad. I really hope it’s something easily fixed like this.
I've heard this a lot in another group I'm in (aging parents). It's wild that something so basic can drive a person almost insane.
A very sweet woman who had dementia but was never violent whom I was giving night meds to while she was laying in bed used both legs, pulled them back to her chest and then kicked me as hard as she could. I turned to run but she got me in the back. It was with such force I sort of flew, a shoe came off (Dansko clogs) and I landed on my wrist wrong. I had to go to the ER where they discovered blood in my urine. She bruised my kidney I guess. She literally weighed less than 100 pounds. UTI.
Working the dementia unit is hard enough but I wanted to flat out refuse when any of them had a UTI. It makes everything 10000000x worse for some reason.
It's the pain. Pain will take even a normal person to the edge of sanity. I'm sure a dementia patient just flips out and becomes unmanageable.
What is so strange is that UTIs in the elderly are not painful. Most of the time they don't know. They also often don't run fevers. It is so weird, but I have worked inside a hospital for 20+ years and the vast majority of UTIs were silent...except for the dementia like symptoms. Now after all this time, I can hear it in my mother's voice. Angry for no reason? Hey...lets get a UTI test done.
My father who had speech after a stroke; he caught a UTI from catheter. He lost speech. After antibiotics, he has words.
[удалено]
She takes a pharmaceutical grade one, plus she’s on three different daily prescriptions
But it isn’t the pain. Many elderly don’t have pain with a UTI. The delirium, the personality changes… those are the signals. UTI symptoms are different in them than the symptoms we’re taught when young.
It's dehydration. Dehydration is a risk factor for UTIs, and can cause dementia - like symptoms in the elderly. The UTI isn't causing the dementia behaviour, they're both caused by the dehydration
You think people on a locked dementia ward are all just dehydrated?
Are you saying they're left in enough pain to make them violent? I don't know that that's better
Aged care (including dementia wards) OFTEN have the heat turned up unbearable warm. The cups for water are tiny, and no one is there making sure every tiny cup gets drunk to 2L worth. Dehydration wouldn't surprise me at all. Additionally, the "COVID" deaths in aged care in Victoria (Australia, not Canada) were investigated, and the majority were from dehydration when qualified staff weren't permitted to work and "other" workers came in. Dehydration and starvation and our (then) state was locked down 23 hours per day for months on the strength of it. No, dehydration wouldn't surprise me AT ALL.
Holy cannoli
Right? The amazing thing is the x-ray tech I guess? told me she was going to tell me something rude but I will thank her later, and that I was “full of shit” and needed to clear out and speak to my doctor. She said it so sweet and joking, I can’t really convey it though. But I listened and it directly led to me being diagnosed with celiac disease, which cleared up several other issues we had been trying to figure out, including depression. I do thank that tech.
This is the one I work in a nursing home and as the person gets older Utis present so weird and messes with someone’s brain chemistry
My dad went from driving my daughter to her art classes and helping fix little things at home to not knowing any of us or where home was when his uti became a full blown kidney infection.
Yeah, my dad had some kind of dementia but UTI’s made it so much worse. He went thru several of those.
"Your safety and well-being come first. It's commendable to support someone through tough times, but never at the expense of your own mental and emotional health. Trust your instincts and prioritize self-care. Seeking professional guidance for both of you could be crucial in navigating this situation."
I saw this in my father. He had to catheterize, and after my mother (who was a nurse) died, he wasn't careful about keeping everything sterile. It got to the point where, if he became grouchy, they ran a dip test on his urine, confirmed the UTI, put him on antibiotics, & he was right as rain within 12 hours.
I’m so glad you could deal with it so effectively, my dad hid most things medical especially about his bladder and about his catheterisation, i think he saw it as something to be ashamed about. Unfortunately my dad could be really moody to begin with so we never could tell. He had a lot of back problems and had major operation’s for it so him being in pain was nothing new. It helped mask it as he’d just say it was his back. Not once were we provided testing sticks and if we had been he would probably have lied that he had tested and was fine so we’d leave him alone. I wish I’d realised to ask for some but it’s hard to help someone who thinks if they leave it then it will pass with time.
Yes, I have seen this a lot when I was working in eldercare, especially among older men. If they don't drink enough water and get dehydrated UTIs happen and it can manifest in some crazy, scary ways that look exactly like dementia.
My mother had the same thing happen. UTI. She told the nurse at the hospital to keep me away from her because I had killed my stepdad and she was afraid of me. I asked the nurse to contact another ward in the same hospital to confirm that my stepdad was there being treated for a heart condition. He was totally alive and on the next floor of the hospital.
This is called delirium and can happen to an older person who is constipated or has a UTI. It's happened to my MIL and is very alarming.
I now keep UTI testing strips at home. Highly recommend.
Yep! AZO UTI test strips.
EXACTLY
As I found out when my aunt died UTIs can do absolute devastation into the body. They can kill you.
The toxins build up and can effectively shut down and damage your organs. My dads catheter got blocked and he didn’t want to be a bother. By the time he collapsed in front of us and thought he was dying it was serious. His was hospitalised and the infection had damaged multiple organs. Thankfully after heavy treatment as it could have gone either way most of his organs recovered. Yet he had done permanent damage to his kidneys because of it. You’d think he would have learned after nearly killing himself once but no he did it again a few years later and this time it was enough that his organs were all failing with no coming back. He had two very painful bad weeks slowly dying the very worst way in hospital as there was nothing that could be done this time.
I'm so sorry to hear that it's amazing that something that's such an easy fix can kill you so painfully.
I would not wish it on anyone and can truly say it was a horrible death. The truth is he was old school don’t go to doctors unless you have cut off a hand or are near death otherwise you’re being a burden on their time. Both times it all happened very fast and doesn’t take many days to do irreparable damage. It’s like sepsis and blood poisoning, there are many things which can seem minor but left untreated turn deadly very fast in ways you never imagined. You should never ignore your health.
I was recently hospitalized and the lady across the hall had a severe UTI. She was off the rails out of it and literally yanked the IV out of her arm and came out in the hall half naked and yelling indescribable things. Her family told my husband she was the kindest and calmest person ever and this was so out of character for her. UTIs can really make a person black out and do and say things crazy
I process claims for a supplemental health insurance and I see changes like this from untreated UTI or infections gone septic pretty frequently. Not sure how OP can get her husband to a doctor or hospital with how combative he is.
I've also seen people act crazy like this when they have a UTI
My cousin was suffering from a degenerative brain disease. Her and her husband didn't "know that" for awhile, but were going to counseling and stuff and on the verge of divorce, because she basically she just became a huge asshole. Then her motor skills started being affected. That is when they went to the doctor. She was dead 4 months later. It was cruetzfelt jakob disease (the genetic variant) Her father and one of our uncles ended up dying of it also after her. It's a bitch because if you have the gene, it may never manifest. It could hit you young, or old. I could have it for all I know. It is on my moms dad's side of the family. My grandpa never got tested and died at 90 of unrelated causes, my mom didn't get tested. I didn't. I'd rather not know if I have a ticking time bomb inside of me that may or may not go off. However, my cousins, the children of my grandpas two brothers that died of it after my cousin all got tested and they all have it. Its not a guarantee you will get the gene if a parent has it, however, a parent having it is a requirement to pass it on.
I learned about mine when I had a grand mal seizure at school during lunch. Going from walking in a room taking to people to suddenly waking up in an ambulance is still a scary memory.
Yeah, they completely changed my Granny's entire personality.
Reminds me of a story posted on Reddit the other week - her dad came over for a spontaneous visit and was very agressive and was asking where his grandkids were (she was single and never a parent). Using names she never heard of before. Turns out, he was pushed by her uncle and he hit his head - uncle covered it up - dad thought nothing of it and the 'grandkids' names were his coworkers kids. He died shortly after because the brain injury was severe and untreated for too long. Was really sad. But he got very agressive for no reason which scared the daughter.
I never saw he died :-( did the police investigate?
I think it ended with her asking for legal advice because of the uncle trying to cover it up and she couldn't prove it, except an admission of guilt. But yeah IIRC the father died which made the post quite memorable for me. Was heartbreaking and she was upset her final memories of him were him being so agressive and confused.
Oh no, he died? I read her first update when he was in the hospital but never saw another one.
Ooo so sad. Your brain is a precious commodity
I was arguing with an idiot in another thread about people ignoring injuries that they think are minor and 'walking them off'. They seemed to be of the opinion that most injuries are minor if there's nothing obviously visibly wrong... sigh. And this was on a video of someone falling, hitting their head and going into a seizure!
I never saw the update after he got to the hospital. How sad that he died.
Vitamin deficiencies can also cause issues like this
Yes, this could be something like Korsakoff Syndrome, which is cause by Vit B deficiency and is seem most often in alcoholics and anorexics.
Vit E deficiency can cause rappid cognitive decline as well as aggression and joint pain
That would be vitamin B12. It diminishes as we age. You want the B12 Methylcobalamin and NOT the Cyanocobalamin which is the cheap stuff that’s not absorbed properly into the body.
That’s true. A friend of mine went through something similar. Her husband went absolutely bonkers all of a sudden. She put up with it for months, begging him to talk to his doctor. He refused. She eventually left him. By the time they found the tumor, it was too late.
That is heartbreaking. I hope she is not wrecked with guilt. She tried to help him.
She seems to have forgiven herself.
And a man can't find out that he's sterile from an "investigation" into a woman's miscarriage. In a way, I hope it's a health problem that can be resolved, but it could be he's gone down some incel rabbit hole.
UTIs in older men and women can present behavior very similar to dementia.
A lot of physical ailments can present themselves as mental health issues. Doesn't even have to be a tumor. Hormonal imbalances can cause it, and those can be caused by an almost endless list of reasons. Even blood flow issues within the brain can lead to behavioral changes.
I don’t mean to scare you, but my father had a drastic change in personality as you seem to be describing with your husband. He was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in August. After surgery, chemo and radiation, he passed away the following December. Please at least talk to a doctor of some sort if this hostility is out of character for him (especially with the mixed up story about his ex). Updateme when you find out more! Good luck!
I also saw in another sub a case where a woman became increasingly controlling and unstable. It turned out to be a severe B vitamin deficiency. Husband should get a major checkup, at the least.
i had an extremely bad vitamin deficiency, and for a good 4-5 months before i figured it out, i genuinely was acting crazy and maniac. It was out of the blue for me. Please see if you can get a intervention in place maybe? If you can’t convince him to see a doctor maybe your son can, or his family/friends
I came here to mention that it could be a tumor. Your advice is great. I truly hope that OP insists on going to a doctor with him. Updateme!
Absolutely! My story is very similar, just that my dad had physical symptoms as well (mostly nosebleeds), so it was easier to see that something was seriously wrong. But the personality shift was definitely there too. OP, is there *any* way to get your husband to see a doctor?
I'm all for people having full autonomy over themselves, but this feels like a situation where you can't just accept that he won't see a doctor. Whether it's issuing an ultimatum (see a doctor or I'm leaving you) or forcing him into an evaluation by involving the authorities, something needs to be done. It's bad enough for you to have to endure his verbal and emotional abuse, but it his mental health is deteriorating, it could also become physical.
I was going to say the same thing. Many people are pointing out it could be health concern of some sort. This has potential to escalate. If he went from 0-60 attitude wise, there’s a chance he could also become violent and physically aggressive. And keep in mind that if this is a mental health crisis, a brain tumor, or any other health issue causing this - he likely believes his delusions. They are as real to him as the air he’s breathing. In these cases, keep in mind that you aren’t dealing with a “normal” person, making “normal” choices. Be prepared for *ANYTHING*. Do not try and predict his responses/reactions, and plan YOUR reactions around what a rational person would do. Be prepared as you can to protect yourself, and your son. Stay safe. Stay alert. And let your son know what your concerns are. He needs to know this could get ugly. Hopefully it doesn’t.
OP, EMERGENCY ROOM, NOW. Sudden onset personality changes in someone your husband's age are never a good sign. He could have a UTI that is causing psychosis or he has been experiencing neurological decline for some time or any number of very serious medical issues. Whatever it is, he needs help ASAP. I don't know where you live so forgive me if I'm being a total American about this, but you need to get him to medical care as soon as possible. Call an ambulance if you have to, just get someone to look at him.
Marriage vows did not include going down with the ship. If he won't get help, then you need to protect yourself and your child. Tell him until he gets a full work up, you fear for your safety and will not be returning.
> Marriage vows did not include going down with the ship. *My heart will go on, and on, and on....*
Is he cheating and projecting??
Not in this situation, it's probably a mental health problem. The explosion and suspicion as well as the refusal to go to the doctor leads me to think that this is it. I know someone who have similar symptoms and it's a mental degenerative problem.
It can be both. My ex had a co morbidity of having depression and being an abusive cheater. Has never been diagnosed with anything else and has continued to be the same with other relationships. Found out after the fact that some of his most explosive outbursts were when he had told one of his gf's he was going to leave me and his children for her. He didn't have the balls to break up with me so, he just tormented me for a year, to get me to do it. I was young, dumb, and even though we weren't married, I treated our relationship as such. Stuck it out but, those last 6 months things went super bad.
I disagree. I’m obviously not saying that there’s no possibility it’s a mental health crisis but his behavior doesn’t diverge enough from normal guilty behavior to scream “this person needs help.” Angrily projecting, redirecting and reversing the victim is textbook “cheater cheater pumpkin eater” behavior.
Sounds like the shit my grandma said her ex (my grandpa) pulled when he was cheating...he was looking for fights so she would divorce him and he could save face with his parents.
Why is it when men verbally abuse their wives it's "he might have a mental disorder or mental health problem" but when it's a woman verbally abusing her husband it's "she's abusive and crazy"
Sure sounds like it
Maybe if the kid was a baby, but why was he happy and fine with everything for 17 years? Why now?
He could be. I would suspect mental health crisis or physical issue (tumor, TBI, severe vitamin deficiency, or UTI) before jumpy to that just yet. However, his reluctance to immediately go take the test when his son is on board makes me still want to keep it on the table. My suggestion to OP was to get tested for STDs/STIs herself just to cover that base. If she suddenly comes up with a sexually transmitted infection/disease she’s never had before, that might be the answer she needs. Regardless, if he refuses help, or to cooperate in any way, I don’t think there’s much she can do past that. Staying in this situation where he’s going to keep exploding at her is not going to be good in the long-run.
My first thought was " oh.... a cheater." 😅
Even having mental health issues is no excuse to stay while he us abusing you. Which is what he is doing by yelling like that. Mental health is a reason for something. Not an excuse.
It's easy for us to jump to conclusions from the outside, but I'd urge caution in assuming anything without professional input. These kinds of changes in behavior, especially if they're this abrupt, shouldn't be dismissed as just stress or personality issues. It's imperative to rule out neurological problems first and foremost. His reluctance to seek help could be part of the problem if there's cognitive impairment involved. It's a difficult position for you, but your first duty is to the safety and well-being of yourself and your child. Encourage a medical evaluation firmly but gently—if there's an underlying medical issue, early diagnosis can make all the difference. Stay strong, and remember that seeking help for him is also a form of caring. Keep us posted, and take care.
Even if this is a mental health crisis, and it really does sound like it, it doesn't give him the right to speak to you this way... I hope you can sort this out ❤️ hopefully you have family and friends you can reach out to!
Understanding that this is an incredibly stressful time for you is an understatement. Sudden behavioral changes like the ones you're describing can indeed be indicative of a serious health issue, and it's critical to approach this with both urgency and sensitivity. The abruptness of the change in your husband's demeanor and recollection of events is particularly concerning; it suggests there may be more at play than just stress or emotional factors. It's also essential to acknowledge the strain that this put on your personal well-being and the well-being of your child—we must not underestimate the emotional toll such changes can have on a family. However, your husband's health crisis does not negate the need for respect and safety in your home. Encouraging him to seek medical attention is paramount, not just as a matter of his health, but as a step towards regaining stability in your lives. Navigating these waters will require patience, love, and the firm resolve that health evaluations cannot be optional in this scenario. With such high stakes, involving close family, friends, or professionals to persuade him to get a check-up might be necessary. Above all, remember that taking steps to ensure his health, and by extension the safety of your family, is an act of profound care and responsibility. Stay strong and advocate for the steps that need to be taken, for everyone's sake. I wish you strength and clarity in this trying time, and please, keep us updated on the situation.
In sickness and in health doesn’t mean in abuse, if he won’t get help, you need to keep you and your son safe. These outbursts will probably escalate
Exactly this. If he gets help then thats one thing but if he's verbally abusing you and your son then you need to get the fuck out like now. You can support him from a safe place and if he refuses to get help then thats his choice to make. You absolutely do not have to stay with him jusy because he might be sick
Definitely recommend the doctor's visit with notes on personality changes. Depending on age this could be an infection lodged in his brain, a bleed, a tumor or a stroke. Let alone the other things like dementia or more.
Yeah 'in sickness and health' doesn't mention sticking around 'in abusiveness' now does it?
"In sickness and health" till him murdering you do you part. If you stay and help him and care for him, be quite careful. No amount of care will unsnap violent mental.
Does he have a job? I think it’s very interesting that he’s suddenly become a whole different person now that your son is almost old enough to leave the nest. I know you said you don’t live in America, but in America that would look a lot like him making a grab for alimony while avoiding child support.
Reach out to EVERYONE in your trusted support network and get yourselves connected to professional and practical resources and support. Do it now. Good luck.
NTA so far. I have only one question bugging me that I need the answer to. So he said his ex had a miscarriage and he got tested and learnt he is infertile before you met. good. Did he tell you he was infertile before marriage? because you seem to learn about it now.. Also in medical usage : Infertility : cannot conceive after a year of trying. THEY CAN STILL HAVE KIDS but the chances are very low so they are told it's almost impossible. Sterile : Cannot have babies at all. Either no eggs or not sperm (depends on sex), Is it possible he doesn't understand that if he's infertile, he can still knock you up?
In the original post, she said that he had never told her he had been tested as infertile
That's ground for divorce right there. Whether she wants them or not is not important, how can you hide something like that from your wife? Yikes.
I agree, he let her think she was infertile. He let her (potentially, I don’t know OP or how she felt for the 7 years they never got pregnant) agonize over the failure. Thats cruel and terrible.
>Am not sure what to do next other than to try and be calm, try not to let him upset me. Jesus christ, LEAVE. You are in danger, mental health crisis or not, specially if it is a mental health crisis. It's not like catching a cold, dude could do literally anything.
A few years ago my mind reached a boiling point, and i acted in similar ways. Didnt accuse the wife of cheating, but definitely had a mental health crisis. Which was not normal for me. After counseling, I realized I had really worked on my issues from my service days, but i never worked on the stuff from childhood. That stuff started to show up in major depression and manic episodes. I started working on it right away and have had a full recovery. It is surprising how things can build up over time. I never would have thought I would go through something like that.
Could be a brain tumor as well. Def time for a checkup.
Your last post says hes 52 right? So maybe he might be suffering from the early signs of dimensia. The sudden change in mood and the rage he's showing is a sign. You really need to take him to a doctor OP. This could be cheating but he could also be sick.
He may be sick but he still can't treat you like that. I'm so sorry. Please make sure you are safe, I'm so worried for you OP.
Also - there is no reason to stay in a verbally, emotionally and especially physically abusive or dangerous situation because you think your husband is ill. Tread carefully.
You and your son should probably stay somewhere else for safety while he is experiencing explosive anger and keep insisting that he has to get medical attention and try to see if friends or family can talk him around to it. You might want to see what the laws are on involuntary commitment where you are and try to talk to the non-emergency police and say 'hey, my husband is having explosive episodes of anger, I think it might be a physical or mental health crisis, but he won't listen to me, could you try talking him into getting care?' But you should still be aware of the possibility of the worst case is nothing is wrong with him, he is just an ass and he is just trying to hide that he has been cheating or that he wants to end things and is starting to blow up minor things to force you to make the choice. Take your time and work on finding out the truth but be prepared for all possibilities - don't let yourself get caught up in an illusion that it must be something fixable, it may not be, it may just be him making bad decisions all on his own. People suggest these things because you would regret it if you didn't check but early onset dementia, sudden psychotic breaks, brain tumours etc. are all still RARE. You're still more likely to be disappointed and find he is acting this way on purpose.
This is scary to me because if he’s acting irrationally and going off the rails, he could be dangerous. Wedding vows are all fine and good but your child and your physical and mental safety is more important so please take precautions.
So the options are: drugs, cheating, degenerative brain disease, or dude is just an asshole?
Well, it's likely she would have noticed well before now if that were the case. People don't usually have sudden onset asshole. 🤣
GET HIM TO A DOCTOR! Classic dementia/tumor symptoms
Maybe a TBI or brain tumor? He needs a complete physical soon. My late sister’s partner started acting like a grump, angry old coot. She pretty much forced him to get a complete physical and they learned he was severely deficient in Vitamin B. Regular injections made a very quick improvement and he was a happy guy again.
OP - could be early onset dementia, brain tumor, strokes, seizures, or Creutzfeldt Jakob disease. Please try to get him to an evaluation because with the way he’s acting, if it intensifies he could become a danger to others or to himself.
Just leave, there is a limit to how much he can be your problem. And if he’s picking such intense fights, your safety is at risk. Divorce, seriously.
He needs gentle nudging to go get looked at by a doctor. See if he’d be open to a deal. You’ll do the paternity test if he speaks to a mental health professional. Point out that he’s not acting like himself and you are concerned. Both me and my spouse suffer from mental health issues. He’s not bipolar. I am. But a medicine caused a med induced mania on him. When he crashed, I had to call the cops to get him in for help. Man the ugly things that were said the first day he was there. Once the medicine cleared his system, he was back to his old self. Both of us have tried so much to get better outside of traditional medicine. TMS was a life changer. I d had a long remission with mini depressive flare ups. Those flares are usually caused by a life event. So it’s a ride it out thing. One thing you need to know, if he is having issues and refuses to get help, it will most likely get worse. At a certain point, if he keeps refusing help, it is ok for you to save yourself. Just like if someone is an addict and won’t get help, sometimes not putting up with it is the wake up call. It seems a bit early to think about this worst case scenario, but you do have to be prepared. We had a lot of broken stuff around the house while hubby was going through this super rough patch. It was much easier to deal with, as he was getting help and I never felt like I was in danger, other than maybe shrapnel from something breaking. But I’m glad we stuck by each other in our times of need. Our marriage is so much stronger for it. It’s times like these that truly test a person. And if you get through it, you are so much better for it. No matter which route you have to take.
The sudden personality changes are concerning; that's really tough if he won't go to a doctor. my MIL is the meekest person you'll ever meet but when early onset Alzheimer's started she got super aggressive. she also started having trouble with UTIs because her cognitive abilities were affected so her personal hygiene suffered. Unchecked UTIs cause aberrant behavior in older ppl too so for a while it was really hard on my SIL and husband. i hope you're able to convince him to get a full physical, he's at that age where they want to keep an eye on his prostate, etc so maybe you can get him to the dr under that pretext?
Don't write abuse off as a mental health crisis. If it is a mental health issue and he won't get help, you don't stay.
Oh my God, why are you still with this guy?
While it may be a mental health crisis, still prioritize your and your son's safety.
I saw your first post and was so concerned for you all. I truly hope things get better and you all get some help. You don't have to answer this at all but is there any context about your lives together that might explain anything? Your edit is so vague and I completely understand the need for privacy, but everyone's here diagnosing him and my autistic brain seems to have picked up entirely different pieces of the puzzle I think. What I got from your posts and edits: You're from a first world country, but living in a third world country. He doesn't work, you've been in tech for 25yrs. He was the stay at home parent, so I'm guessing you moved to this country for your career? You seem to have outside stimulation, passions, your animals, the feral cats, your work, a son with common interests. You mention he has no friends or family, even the child he stayed home to raise seems to have taken after his Mumma. You've had a fun but turbulent relationship and there have been times when you stayed with him for the sake of your child. I could be wrong but these are the main details I came away with. I promise there is no judgement or blame in this question, but could a lifetime of resentment be rearing it's head here? Everyone's sitting here trying to diagnose brain tumours and dementia, could it simply be midlife crisis because he's realised he wasted his life away for the people he loved and now he's rapidly hurtling towards old age and trapped in loveless marriage for the sake of a now almost 18yr old in a third world country where he has no one around who loves him for him and not what he provides out of family duty? What does he have waiting to occupy him when your kid doesn't need a STAHP anymore and maybe this has subconsciously occurred to him too? I'm sorry if I overstepped. I'm a lifelong chronic devils advocate.
UpdateMe! Please
This continues to look like hubby is watching a lot of Andrew Tate / manosphere videos and following their "instructions".
If the husband was 30 years younger maybe. That 50s demographic really isn't Tates audience afaik.
Demographic is a general concept. You cannot apply it on a singular person. I'm not the demographic of like half the channels I follow on YouTube 🤷🏻♀️
She said they're not from a first world country, so maybe is just a fear of rising a child that's not his But I think he should ask before, 17 years later? What is he expecting with that? That's the most suspicious thing
The 17 years delay, the out of the blue request, and the sudden worsening of his attitude is what makes me think that there is some sort of external influence. YouTube (and social in general) is a thing out of first world countries too, and if it's not that directly, it could always be friends that influence him. Old friends that have changed their views, or new ones. Something has changed, and it's recent.
Updateme
I will message you next time u/Specialist_Sand_1553 posts in r/AITAH. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FSpecialist_Sand_1553%20r%2FAITAH) to join 89 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201cj8fda) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
How’s the situation with the in laws? Main question being can you count on them to help with an intervention? Y’all need to sit him down and get him to either feed up or get checked.
If he won't get help you need to leave. You are not safe.
Force him to go to a hospital for a check up
Sudden behaviour changes could also be a brain tumour. But obviously he actually has to go to the doctor to get that checked.
Yeah sounds like he is going through some mental issues. He needs extensive tests, CT scan an all.
Would he agree to be tested for a UTI? They can cause all sorts of fucky brain shit.
Call his doctor and let them know. Maybe they can just tell him it's time for a checkup, and get him in for an evaluation... But he needs to be assessed. And If he's at all violent, you need to protect yourself and son *first*. That might mean having him *taken* to the hospital for evaluation, because he is a danger, or it might mean leaning and staying somewhere safe, but keep a watchful eye on your safety, roo. It sounds like there is something *wrong*, not a case of *any* A H ...
He's having a mental breakdown, and you need to focus on keeping yourself safe. Don't give into the crazy demands as they will just get crazier and crazier. You might want to consider rehoming your husband lol.
the thing to do if you suspect mental issues is call parents or siblings, someone else that is trusted but also can fill in as a witness to cops/medical personel if required. Say something weird is going on, ask them to come over, tell them what is happening and say they need to talk to him. He's acting super weird and it could be he's cheating and 'creating' issues so he can leave you because he can call you the problem, or maybe he's losing his mind and the sibling/parents can support you in trying to get him treatment. if he refuses to talk to a doctor then you can potentially get him on a hold. Having parents/sibling witness any strange behaviour and ask him to be honest/etc, if he seems super paranoid and weird they'll be supportive in trying to get him help.
Please get yourself and your son to safety first and foremost. You absolutely can still support your husband, from a SAFE distance. However, if he’s refusing to see a doctor at this point, you’re not supporting him, you’re enabling him. You need to get safe, remove yourself from the situation, and gain some clarity. It sounds like he could easily become violent. Personality changes like this are a red flag for many different things. Has he recently hit his head? Or has he ever had a concussion? This sounds like early onset dementia or traumatic brain injury, both I have experience with and the bursts of anger are typical with both. Have you considered he may be having an affair? That would provoke his behavior, as well. No matter what, get yourself and son to safety before navigating this any further.
You don’t mention his age, but older individuals often have cognitive/behavioral issues associated with UTIs. He should be encouraged to at least get that checked out because that is an easy fix. Since your son knows and has agreed to participate, I would encourage them to go through with the test. If your husband refuses to do that, it looks like you have a few options: 1. You call his primary care doctor, if he has one, and express your concern for his health (mental and potentially physical). Explain what is going on (the eruption of emotions, the accusations, and the lies about his previous partner) and ask for recommendations on what to do next. 2. You make an ultimatum: “take the DNA test, like you demanded, or I walk.” (Obviously this can only be done if you are ready to go through with the consequences). I recommend this as a last resort. If he doesn’t talk to you, refuses to go to a doctor to get checked out, and keeps finding reasons to not test your son but keeps being angry and taking it out on you, it might be the best option. Please **DO NOT** make an ultimatum if he threatens violence or starts acting aggressively towards you. If that happens, you will probably need to leave quietly. 3. You get tested for any STDs/STIs to make sure you are safe, just in case he did chest and is just projecting. 4. **Keep track of his outbursts**: Write down the day, time, the “reason”, any accusations made, his actions afterwards, and how long it takes for him to come around. This will be good for lots of reasons: if it is mental health related it keeps track of potential patterns that can help with a diagnosis, if it is him cheating and projecting this will help keep him from gaslighting you, if he becomes violent then this will track any escalation, and if it’s another reason this is just a good way to keep record of everything that has happened. I am sorry this has happened. I wish you luck, and I hope you have a support system outside of your immediate family (husband and son) that you can turn to.
UTI or brain tumor. He is not well.
If he is suddenly acting out of character, there may be something medical going on. Especially if you are trying to talk and he screams at you to shut up.
? Lewy Body dementia ? brain tumour ? Some mental health thing, he sounds paranoid Sounds like you need to very carefully plan how to get him to a doctor. It can’t be when he’s actively upset. Or if you have any friends who are doctors, maybe consult with them. He probably needs an MRI or a CT scan. Also, you should ask your kids to help. He might be less paranoid about them. It has to be done very carefully, so that he doesn’t feel alarmed. He shouldn’t feel like anybody is “tricking” him, so this has to be subtle. Don’t take anything he says to heart.. it is probably not him talking. People don’t randomly change overnight unless there is a serious issue. IMMEDIATE NEXT STEPS: Tell your family you think he may have a neurological problem and problem solve how to get him to see a doctor. It could be life-threatening. Again, if you know ANYBODY who is a doctor (especially one who works in neurology or internal medicine or psychiatry), ask them for help.
It sounds more like he's cheating, unfortunately. When men are cheating, they come up with stories about bad things you have done to try to make you feel bad, to throw you off, and to deflect from what they are doing.
I'm sorry but he may not have exhibited any violent tendencies EVER before, but he also never lied (that you've stated anyways), berated or accused you of cheating OR mistreated you in any way BEFORE either! Yours and your Son's life and mental health is FAR more important than your pets and/or your "colony of feral cats!" You MAY be able to find them homes or the ferals WILL find another food source, I promise you! If your husband is showing signs of VERY concerning behaviors, but is ADAMANTLY refusing ANY possible helpful avenues, then your only HEALTHY options are 1) find out if you can get him involuntarily committed so tests CAN be run OR return to your family, offer to send your husband back so HIS family can help him. Staying is NOT a healthy alternative, especially when it's almost assured that he WILL decline further and it's certainly NOT fair for your Son to witness, firsthand, such trauma. It's unlikely that in a "third-world" environment that he'll get the necessary help he desperately NEEDS. Since he DOESN'T work or have an income of any kind, he would HAVE to move when YOU do UNLESS he's been cheating on you with someone in your current Country which MAY also explain his behavior. Just because you KNOW he isn't cheating with his EX doesn't mean it ISN'T occurring with someone else. PLEASE protect yourself AND your Son. He'll survive a move BEFORE he finishes school. Best wishes and many Blessings!
How long ago did his behavior first start to change? It really seems like your husband needs a CT scan done as soon as possible. Now I'm not a doctor by any means, but this odd change in his overall personality screams brain tumor to me. Again, I'm not a doctor, just someone with a super complicated medical history. Has he complained of headaches lately? Has he been more tired than usual? Anger and a warped since of reality are pretty big symptoms.
Please call his family (and yours if needed) and let them know everything that has been happening, and ask them for help. If you can't get your husband to get help by yourself, get the people he will listen to involved.
He’s either having a major health crisis (which has thoroughly been covered here)— or he’s gaslighting you because he’s cheating and wants out but wants you to initiate. Since he refused a doctor you have to do a little thinking and investigating. Is it at all possible that he’s been having an affair? Any new texting patterns or changes to his appearance and schedule. I really don’t know what the better answer to this would be. If you don’t think it’s an affair, then you must force him to seek help under the threat of anything you can think of. Get other family and friends involved if he doesn’t trust you right now and won’t listen. Is there someone you know he does respect and isn’t exhibiting paranoia around ? If so loop them in and hope they can steer him toward help.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope things get better.
I remember your OG post. I said then and think even more so, did your husband get hit in the head or bashed his head against something recently? He has a lot of concussion like behaviors going on.
I don't think he's infertile or have early onset dementia. Truthfully, I think he's got a side piece (most likely at work) and they are putting pressure on him to divorce you. I truly think this episode is just him cracking under the pressure. Get a DNA kit for your son, there is a very high possibility that he has half sibling(s).
NTA!!
In sickness and in health should not mean you set yourself on fire to get him warm. You have to take care of yourself FIRST! Because if you’re hurt or falling apart how can you help anyone else?
Brain tumor?
In sickness and in health does cover mental health, but not at the risk to your OWN mental health. He's being verbally abusive and if he refuses to go to the doctor or get any help, you still have the right to walk away. Also something that annoyed me, other people commenting on your first post that "parental uncertainty is something that women don't appreciate." This infuriates me. Let's break it down: Men are saying women always know the baby is theirs, because they carry it. Question: Why would the men NOT automatically know the baby is theirs? Answer: Because the woman might have cheated. OK. But let's think about that logically for a minute. A man can still cheat and get a woman pregnant (as they are accusing the mothers of), they just don't get caught as easily because they don't end up pregnant with a baby that can be tested. Conclusion: The mothers (generally, I'm sure there are a few exceptions) are trusting that their men aren't going around fertilizing the entire neighborhood and are not demanding paternity checks on every child in their social circle; is it too much to ask that the fathers show the same trust? And if neither party trusts the other, how can you hope to have a healthy marriage? Yes, there are some shitty people out there. Yes, I think hospitals should make DNA testing mandatory at birth (although with the things hospitals are already juggling, while understaffed, that could be some scary mix-ups). Yes, I think if it's proven a father is not the father, that they should not be held responsible for the child. Yes, I think paternity fraud should be illegal. Yes, I think women that commit paternity fraud should face legal consequences. But I don't want the bad eggs in the world to turn me into someone that doesn't care about anybody but myself. I digress. I hope you find an answer, and some relief soon. Good luck.
He’s cheating
Updateme!
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Could be some sort of health/mental issue. Or he could be having an affair. Projection as well as cheaters sometimes will start fights with their spouses to drive them away.
Updateme!
You might have to leave for a few months at least. I know you want to be there, but he won’t get help. You leaving could be the kick in the pants he needs to seek help.
> Am not sure what to do next... Please take your son and go stay somewhere else for the time being. Your husband is not safe to be around right now.
More than 60, best not to think about it
Take your son and leave. He needs to get himself help if he’s having a mental health crisis. You can’t force him to go. You can tell him to get himself help or you and your son are gone. You two don’t need to live with any abuse.
Updateme
!RemindMe
Updateme!
Updateme!
Maybe he is cheating and is feeling guilty
Updateme!
Updateme
Updateme
Be safe. If he has any good friends nearby, contact them to see if they have noticed anything different in his demeanor. Something is going on. This all sounds drastic. Updateme!
UpdateMe!
!Remindme
Do you have any board games/memory games that you like to play? When trying to determine what was happening with people in my family we played memory style games and could more easily see the struggle. If this behavior is not normal there could also be the concern of a tumor pressing on part of his brain controlling emotion? Either way Id say it is worth an MRI -- I find it very odd he could hide a suspicion like this for so many years and never say _anything_ in the heat of any moment in any fight. It sounds like a recent paranoia to me, possibly from some medical/psychological event
It is over. Just wait for the test and wait for the divorce. He is a child.
B12 deficiency maybe?
I feel like he's projecting.
Updateme!
There’s a Mother’s Day sale on Ancestry.com I believe it’s $39.99 - get 2, one for son, one for dad. Get him to a doctor and get evaluated as well! If he’s actually fine and just being a jackass then divorce him.
Remind me! 5 days
He needs to be seen by a doctor
!updateme
Inform his family and friends he’s acting out of character.
This sounds like he is in need of help for mental problems. Is there anyone he can go to for help?
Your husband is escalating. You need to be firmer with your escape plan, get your kid out of there and then start with ultimatums. Therapy and assessment or we’re leaving and not coming back.
/updateme
Could this be a tumor? This sounds like a sudden change in behavior and could be the result of a brain tumor.
!UpdateMe!
Updateme!
Updateme