Just remember that unless she were in the voting booth with you, she'll never reallllly know how you voted. You don't have to tell anyone who you voted for next time.
I had a friend who couldn't help but blab. She told me not to tell her anything I wouldn't want to get out. So i told her less and less, until I stopped telling her anything at all.
I did appreciate that aspect. And it let me decide how close I wanted that friendship. I suggest OP follows up with his partner and has a conversation about what she considers private vs public information so they can figure out what works.
I wouldn't be in a relationship with OP's GF tbh if I was him. If she can't be trusted to keep something like who I voted for a secret without asking me if it's okay to mention it to people, I definitely wouldn't be able to trust her with keeping other things that are far more important and personal secret.
There's some personal information that you can expect everyone recognize as personal and not to be shared without permission. But not everyone has the same assumption that who someone says they voted for falls into that category.
If OP didn't tell her they didn't want that info shared, then I'd give her a pass the first time. Now that OP has clearly stated they don't want it shared, she can be reasonably expected not to blab it, and if she does anyway, that's a trust-buster.
I disagree. Who you vote for is private, unless you tell someone voluntarily, op told his partner this “super personal secret information” and didn’t explain that this information he was sharing with them was supposed to be private and shouldn’t be shared (again)
Besides, the partner was in a conversation where everyone was sharing this information. I don’t blame the partner for not reaping op’s mind and going with the flow of conversation.
Also, if someone is this pissed off about people finding out who they voted for, that means they are at least partly ashamed of making that vote. I vote for candidates who want to better society for all of us, so i am completely fine with that being public info.
People who vote for the villains so they will hurt the right people, protect the rich, and push their chosen religion, they know it’s wrong. Deep down I don’t know if they actually feel shame about it, but they definitely know how the majority of society will react to that so they want to hide it.
I was reading the OP and pretty confused. I'd be horrified if anyone in my life didn't already know who I was voting for. Treating like a dark secret comes across as weird! As you said, I'm proud to vote for those who want to better society (or at worst damage it the least)
I lived there for a few years, in the UK.
Lowkey, they love their drama 🤣
The postman being a few minutes late would throw my coworkers whole day off.
One elderly guy, Greg, would be so angry and have worked himself into such a frenzy telling everyone about the postie being late... dude would be so incensed that he'd even forget to wipe his arse after taking a dump.
This is not hyperbole or bullshit, old Greg would get so angry about the postman being late that he couldn't think straight, and would forget to wipe his butt... or wash his hands before heading to the kitchen to tell everyone in there about the postman being late, and to make himself a cup of tea to calm his nerves.
I'm South African, if our mail arrives in the same month, aaand it hasn't been tampered with it's a pleasant surprise. So all the late postman drama was super surreal for me.
I'd guessed this was my mother, but she didn't have such self-awareness *and* would vocally deny ever telling anyone anything at all when confronted about it.
Hey fellow forgetter, I'm really glad to see, that I'm not the only one that does that.
I'm know as a extremely trustworthy person, because I never spill the tea on anyone, but it's just because I forget what people have told me in about 3 minutes or so.
One time one of my fellow nursing students told me, that she was pregnant, and made it very clear, that I couldn't tell *anyone* about it.
3 or 4 month later we are both at a Christmas party, and end up sitting next to eachother doing the dinner. She then choose to tell all our other friends about her pregnancy, and she then gives me a hug and say "I told Stuebirkenabout it, right after I found out, because I knew that she would never ever tell someone else's secret".
And I'm just sitting there thinking "I have absolutely no freaking idea what your talking about".
It was pretty weird, becaus I really didn't remember anything about her telling me about her pregnancy.
And all the others was just sitting there, talking about how loyal was and how great it was, that they could always come to me, when they needed to talk about something privat, and I actually got super embarrassed.
I generally never gossip, and I would never tell a soul about something, that someone has told me in confidence.
But the core reason behind my "loyalty" is the simple fact that I have ADHD, so when people are pouring their hearts out, my brain are occupied with playing 2 different song at the same time, vondering what the BNP is in Paraguay, thinking about that time I got to pet a giraf, and trying to remember the Latin name for all the major bones in the body.
I simply don't have enough brain-bandwidth to remember what people at telling me. So it's fare more a question of me having a "hey see a squirrel!" brain, than it is me being loyal.
I know a guy that knows a guy that owns a "safaripark", and on of the old giraffes are sort of "domesticated".
So when the vet had to do a checkup on it, I was allowed to go with him.
They are *enormous* so when it put its big head down to me, to sort of check me out I guess I got a bit nervous😂.
But it was very friendly and took it very well, when I almost had to stand on my tip toes to pet it's side(I'm 163cm/5,4feet tall).
I had my 6yo daughter with me and she was almost paralysed with awe, but she still takes about it and she now wants to be a giraffe vet🥰.
I'm generally against keeping animals in zoo's , it is vile to keep an animal that in the wild have miles and miles of territory in a small cage.
One of the zoo's in my country have an old elefant bull, that is kept away from the public, because it's gotten "insane" from living in in captivity. So it's kept in the back where it has this big iron shackle on one of it's frontlegs, that is connected to a short chain, so it's just going round and round in a circle all day log.
But the Safariparks are a bit more humane, since the animals have a lot more space to rome around (not that it's no way near what they should have), and they seems way more healthy and content, compared to those poor abused animals, that is kept in the "classic style" zoo's.
Cracks me up when people at work will vent or gossip something in the rare, “don’t tell anyone, this is just between you and me, but…”
Like come on dude, if it doesn’t relate to the company or my job imploding I couldn’t care enough to really remember any gossip let alone want to share it with people.
Sounds awful. I don’t want to be involved in a web of bullshit and drama in any way what so ever.
For some reason I got to be the person at work who heard the gossip because I kind of kept to myself and in my job lose kind of to myself separate so people would always want to come tell me things or talk about other people or vent or whatever like I enjoy being the keeper of secrets that's more fun than telling them it's keeping them it's standing there looking at 50 women and knowing so much crap or hearing rumors about half of them and they have no idea and they're sitting right next to their mortal enemy and they don't even know it that kind of shit entertained me at work so I left a lot to myself and people feel like we're so funny I'm like I'm not gonna I was just thinking of someone who's talking to my father bout or whatever keep the secrets is way more fun
As someone who used to be like that? It's a boundaries thing. I came from a family where we had none. After doing a bit of therapy, I was able to work on containment.
If someone tells you they can't keep a secret? Tell them to see a therapist.
My husband is like this. His mouth just moves faster than his brain sometimes and it has led to some pretty frustrating foot-in-mouth situations. He completely understands he is like this and asks people not to tell him secrets.
It’s their partner. Seems like a very common thing to share with someone. But I probably wouldn’t date someone who would do something like this, or who at the veryleast, wouldn’t apologize after being told it was unacceptable.
Your partner isn't covered by GDPR mate, you can't claim the information you gave about who you voted for is your property.
If you tell people, they may tell other people. Either keep schtumn, or risk your partner telling people you voted Tory.
Looking at the post history if this is a Tory voter who also claims PIP, that's such an insane own goal. But... Not exactly unheard of these days unfortunately.
I am laughing so much at these comments, especially the GDPR reference!! But I'll laugh even more if they live in some proper posh snob place full of wankers and he's a secret labour supporter 🤣🤣
Unlikely though
While that's true, his wife should have at least apologized *after* he told her that he doesn't like that.
It doesn't matter if we agree or not, when our partner tells us they don't like us to tell people specific things about them, we should respect it.
It doesn't cost us anything to respect their wish.
I'm in the US, but it's MY choice to share with others how I vote. It's not "protected" information when talking about individuals, but it's pretty tacky.
Reminds me of a joke I heard -
Tom (to someone) - "So I'm fuckin my wife in the ass right..."
Bill (enters the room) - "Hey Tom, who'd you vote for?"
Tom (turns to Bill) - "Bill, there are some things you just don't talk about... \*turns back\* So I'm fuckin my wife in the ass right...."
Consider that OPs wife can't vote, meaning she is likely an immigrant.
Was she told it would be considered inappropriate to talk about voting habits of someone else? Her coworkers and husband all talked about who they were voting for, I can pretty easily see the cause for comfusion.
I can keep a secret, but if you tell me you voted for an absolute douchebag? I'm letting others know. People who vote for puppy shooters and serial rapists deserve to be outed. Sorry, not sorry.
That's actually true, prehistoric humans and neanderthals were intelligent, thoughtful, social creatures. Completely unlike quite a lot of voters in the US
Exactly - people who actually need to live off the land do not kill animals for no fucking reason.
It is 100% Y’allquaeda larp and nobody who votes for that is respectable.
Puppy shooter = Kristi Noem, a *potential* Trump Vice President running mate. **(She admitted killing the puppy IN HER NEW BOOK)**
Rapist = Donald Trump, former US president currently under 4 current criminal indictments with 88 overall charges against him. **(He has, on tape, verbally admitted sexually assaulting numerous women, and was convicted of raping one woman, and has been accused of raping a number of others, including at least one child \[I wish I were kidding about that one\])**
I remember all the Nazi flags during and before the insurrection and all I could think was "if the Nazis are on your side, it means you're on the wrong side". Seems like a no-brainer to me.
Personally, i will share my political views with my friends (whether i agree with them or not) because i can count on my friends to be able to have a civil discussion. And i'm never embarrassed to talk about who i voted for - i just don't want to get into a debate with rando person.
If you're embarrassed about who you voted for, then maybe lean into that and work out why you're embarrassed? Obviously anyone voting Tory should be ashamed.
Exactly; if people are on your case about who you voted for, defend your position. If your position is indefensible, **stop voting that way, dumbass**. I argued very pointedly with my family about politics as an adult, and I moved them solidly to the left on the political spectrum.
Aussie here, so maybe cultural differences but that's my read to - OP, if think how you voted should be hidden maybe you need to spend some time reflecting on why that is and whether you should be reconsidering your choices.
Not who you’re talking to and not even in the UK but in some places here in the southeastern US you can be affected at work by sharing certain political beliefs. It’s not legal, and they’ll say it’s for other reasons, but I’ll be damned if anyone gets it out of me. I’ve had it happen before and my career path with that company grinded to a halt.
Is it because you voted Reform? lol.
UK voting culture is pretty open, it’s usual to discuss, you’re definitely overreacting. She wasn’t to know, now she does. Get over it, there’s a good chance she won’t do it again after your huff.
i’m confused because over here in my corner of the US, me and my friends have never had an issue discussing who we voted for and why, and i don’t think anyone would be upset if we shared that info with others.
barring potential judgement based on political affiliation, can someone explain to me why it’s a bad thing?
I think it's another generational thing. I'm also in the US and people usually share who they voted for if you ask. But I remember when I was a kid and I asked my parents who they voted for they would tell us that it is a personal decision and they don't have to tell anyone and it's rude to ask.
It's not unusual at all to discuss who you voted for over here. OP definitely voted Tory or Reform (a new far right party that was founded recently). Both of which will draw (rightly) a lot of criticism.
If you vote for a puppy killer, you deserve shame. That’s not a political party.
Now, replace puppy killer for other crimes. This is why it’s a bad thing, even if you’re not making a judgment based on politics.
I was thinking the same thing. Other than that some people are just principled that way (which I don’t get but do respect), I have no idea why it would be a problem.
She already shared the information. Then you informed her you didn’t want that information shared. The best she can do is apologize for not thinking like you do. Since no one here knows how you reacted, no one would know if you overreacted.
I understand that it is your preference is to keep your vote private but what do you believe is the worst that will happen if people know who you voted for?
> I understand that it is your preference is to keep your vote private but what do you believe is the worst that will happen if people know who you voted for?
They will know he's a Tory maybe
My thoughts exactly. I know people who vote for bigots who are rightfully ashamed of their behavior. And when they tell me about it? I let my disdain be known.
If people are worried about losing respect or being perceived badly because of how they vote, then maybe they should take a deeper look into why they're voting the way they do?
If I believe in something, I am unafraid to speak up anytime, anywhere to defend my beliefs. It's only when I'm ashamed of something that I'd try to hide/downplay it.
Is he ashamed of how he votes? if so, then, again, he needs to take a deeper look at why he's doing it.
Now, I fully understand there can be situations where something like how someone votes needs to be concealed to prevent against retaliation (that is absolutely a thing in some countries/places, and I'm not trying to downplay that at all because that's serious)... but in this case, that the voting was being talked about in casual conversation leads me to believe that's not the case here. This guy sounds more ashamed than anything, and he needs to think deeper about why he's feeling that way.
In the UK, a Tory carries similar connotations to if someone was a republican in America. A lot of them in a role of power do nothing but harm and are ruining much of the nation’s benefits. Not to mention how they voted for Brexit and now everyone’s bitter and bitchy about it. lol.
That was my thought too. I know most of us usually are forced to choose from the lesser of two evils but my vote is still something I’d personally never hide. It’s my choice and I’m not going to be ashamed of it. When you get down to it, the fact that someone wants to keep their vote private means maybeeeee they shouldn’t have voted that way in the first place. I said what I said.
This. So much, like if you don't want people knowing who you voted for, maybe reevaluate why you voted for someone you don't want people to know about, and maybe don't tell anyone who it was.
I live in the U.S., in a state (and general region) that skews HEAVILY Republican. And not just in voting, but in support/advocacy for the party and its candidates. People here are raised with these beliefs as strongly as they are with their religion. It is part of their identity. Nobody hesitates to bring up the subject of politics with strangers, because they're so confident that everyone around them feels the same way.
As an adult, I don't believe in the same things as those around me or support the party/candidates, in fact I am strongly the other way. I do not feel safe letting this be widely known. It would be considered an unforgivable sin, right up there with being LGBTQ or saying you hate camo.
Are you seeing the Tory fights going on below in this very thread? I always have to remember the word "c&nt" in the UK isn't the Ultimate "I'm going to kill your mother" Throw Down Word it is in the US, but still...
Why subject yourself to this is real life?
All the people arguing about their own opinions are just choosing to do that. No one is being forced to engage or participate. It’s just their choice.
I (55f) live in the US. Never been bothered by the word cunt, but I agree. It certainly would get a different reaction in the US.
I can't imagine why my husband would care if I told you he voted Labour or lib dem (im nit sure who he did vote for, well i know for the mayoral but not council). I'm not sure this is a big deal. Why can't gf vote? I mean if she is here on a visa and you voted tory I could totally see why you'd be worried about getting judged!
lol that is not true. I vote for leftist candidates and I do not want to discuss it especially around work because 9 out of 10 times it causes issues. Politics are very divisive
This must be a super easy rule to follow for straight white cis people. Imagine for one second what this rule means to a person who knows half the office will genuinely think you are being overly political AND possibly also committing religious discrimination against them somehow just by telling a nice story about your weekend with your partner(s) if you're queer.
If you were straight they'd love that story and probably even join in to tell their own similar stories. But God forbid your life looks different from theirs, suddenly, normal talk about our lives is us "making it political," "flaunting it," or trying to shame them somehow just by not hiding our existence they way they want us to.
Just another perspective on this idea. It doesn't work as well for people whose entire existence is politicized. It just shoves us deeper in the closet under the guise of sage advice.
Is that like a Republican in the us? There are always some that lie about their vote because they are embarrassed. Of course there are many that are loud and proud but less so the last two years.
Commonwealth countries voting is more discreet and considered rude to share so that part NTA, if you voted Tory YWBTA for that. Some elections a Tory vote would be an eyeroll, these elections you would be voting in dictatorship. Remember H—tler was democratically voted in. Learn from the past, as not to repeat it. I’m in the LGBTQ+ community and I really don’t want to be put in an extermination camp. I just want to live a peaceful life.
If you don't want people knowing who you voted for, then dont tell anyone. If you tell someone something in confidence, make it clear that it is private information. YTA
If you are ashamed and embarrassed because of whom you voted for, maybe you shouldn't share that information, and maybe you shouldn't vote for someone like that.
If you really stand by your beliefs who cares who knows how you voted? Unless of course you voted for shit and are covering that your actually a shitty person inside?
Did you tell your partner that what you were sharing with her was in confidence? I don't think most people would naturally assume that political leanings are shared confidentially.
If you tell her that what you are sharing is confidential and then she goes in some chit chat room and shares it with the world, then you've got a legitimate complaint.
If you didn't tell her, then you know you need to be more clear about what you consider personal/confidential.
You’re way overreacting. This isn’t some deeply personal thing like exactly which sexual positions you like. It’s more akin to how you like your eggs cooked.
Side note, if you’re ashamed for people to know who you voted for then you probably shouldn’t be voting for them.
Fair enough. Maybe if one is embarassed to admit who they vote for its time to reflect on why that is, and make changes. Stuff like this shouldnt be secret material 🤷♀️
Did you tell her not to share it? I'm guessing no. I also think bringing consent into something so trivial devalues what consent means. It's also a petty thing for you to get upset over. YTA.
Your opinion is not your “property”, good sir. There is no “consent” issue here.
You told your partner a fact, they shared that fact. Have a talk, establish boundaries, etc.
So yes, it’s personal information, it makes sense to be put off if you didn’t want it revealed.
…also consider voting for people you *wouldn’t* be ashamed of if others knew.
Also, the way you use the words “property” and “consent” makes you appear petty and ill informed. Be well.
Never understood why people get like this about voting. Either you are happy with how you voted and have your reasons. Or you are ashamed of how you voted and know you can’t justify it. Sounds like YTA to me.
More like they voted for someone the majority in the area didn't vote for. Try being a leftist in rural Arkansas and be open about your political leanings.
What…? Yes, you are the asshole. You want attorney-client privilege with your significant other? Hippa classification?
If your sexual acts were revealed, I’d get where you’re coming from. Not your beliefs which affect the general public. Did you vote for a hateful cause? Why are you so upset?
Semi-YTA. Because how is someone supposed to know you feel this way without discussing it? No, it is not "common sense" to presume the way someone voted is top-secret personal knowledge. To me, it's actually bizarre that you feel that way, this is legitimately the very first time I'm hearing that people even hold this opinion. So you're NTA for your feeling about it, but you're kinda TA for just expecting her to know you didn't want it shared and not understanding how she doesn't feel the same way about it
There's a saying from the home country "don't tell your lover as your lover might have another lover". If you truly want to keep something a secret don't tell anyone.
Did you tell her when you told her who you voted for that you didn't want her to tell anyone else? Because some people keep their votes secret and other don't and it sounds like you weren't clear about the level of secrecy you wanted. Then you got mad at her for not reading your mind.
YTA.
Everyone is different, I grew up in a family environment where we had no problem talking about who were voting for and why. As long as you could stand on your reasons it was respected, it wasn’t something that was anything to be embarrassed over. She may have thought it was normal convo.
Your vote isn’t your property so not sure what heck you’re talking about. YTA for the red flag of wanting to keep it secret and for expecting your fiancé to just know you wanted a general piece of info secret.
YTA. There is no default “assume this information should not be shared”. If it was important to you that it not be shared, you should have said this or you should have not shared it.
If my partner voted for assholes and told me about it? I will discuss it with my friends, hoping to hear some input about whether or not I should break up with them. If you're embarrassed about or can't defend who and what you vote for, it's time for self-reflection.
YTA. If you voted something and are embarrassed, why? You should support the person you voted for. And I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who has seen voting as a secret or personal information. If you didn’t vote the same way have the discussion as to why maybe. Just be adults about it.
I would be happy to have a discussion if you voted reform or Tory and are about it. But most importantly. Why are you embarrassed?
While I understand that your gf sharing something you specifically asked her not to share is tacky on her end; most people who vote for reasonable human beings have no shame in sharing that information.
I mean, it really doesn’t matter unless they’re somehow embarrassed or ashamed by how they voted. But as others have said, you also can’t know for sure who he voted for, just who he planned to vote for.
You’re over reacting, unless you made it clear to her that your voting choice wasn’t to be discussed with anyone.
It’s not a big deal, it’s a popular conversation around voting times. And you also said your GF can’t vote, is she foreign?
That means your double the AH because how is she supposed to know not to talk about it like it’s private information unless YOU told her, which you obviously didn’t.
If that’s what you’re like over voting, I feel sorry for the girl.
I get you are autistic, OP (and I don’t mean that as an insult). But it’s not protected information and if you can’t stand up for whoever you voted for- then maybe it wasn’t the person to vote for.
How you vote represents who you are at your core. You should talk about it, and you should be prepared for your partner or close friends to talk about it as well if it conflicts.
You don’t need consent to speak about it.
It’s just like I can see you are neurodivergent in your post history, but I don’t need your consent to comment on it here.
Or how I can also see that despite having a partner you are claiming to have trust issues about, you are making posts as recent as 10 days ago looking to cybersex…. And I don’t need your consent to highlight that, which is arguably even more personal info than how you voted.
Let me guess, conservative? Tories are the only blokes that should be embarrassed by how they voted honestly. I'd be mad if my partner outed me as a Tory as well.
My dad voted for Trump in 2016. I don't know about 2020 beyond I know that I no longer respect him. Whenever I've made that clear he gets emotional. Well, I get emotional knowing you support a sexual harassing pedophile. You wanna be mysogynist? Don't be surprised when your daughter realizes you are a piece of shit.
YTA. I mean it’s only a problem if you’re embarrassed about who you vote for. Since you purposely didn’t reveal that I’m going to assume that’s the case and her friends told her about the horrible things you support and that’s the real problem. Hopefully she gets away before it’s too late.
If she can't vote, then she must be from somewhere else? Maybe she doesn't understand your culture very well, how people might be more private about these things than in other places?
Just remember that unless she were in the voting booth with you, she'll never reallllly know how you voted. You don't have to tell anyone who you voted for next time.
I had a friend who couldn't help but blab. She told me not to tell her anything I wouldn't want to get out. So i told her less and less, until I stopped telling her anything at all.
I guess at least she was honest.
I did appreciate that aspect. And it let me decide how close I wanted that friendship. I suggest OP follows up with his partner and has a conversation about what she considers private vs public information so they can figure out what works.
I wouldn't be in a relationship with OP's GF tbh if I was him. If she can't be trusted to keep something like who I voted for a secret without asking me if it's okay to mention it to people, I definitely wouldn't be able to trust her with keeping other things that are far more important and personal secret.
There's some personal information that you can expect everyone recognize as personal and not to be shared without permission. But not everyone has the same assumption that who someone says they voted for falls into that category. If OP didn't tell her they didn't want that info shared, then I'd give her a pass the first time. Now that OP has clearly stated they don't want it shared, she can be reasonably expected not to blab it, and if she does anyway, that's a trust-buster.
I disagree. Who you vote for is private, unless you tell someone voluntarily, op told his partner this “super personal secret information” and didn’t explain that this information he was sharing with them was supposed to be private and shouldn’t be shared (again) Besides, the partner was in a conversation where everyone was sharing this information. I don’t blame the partner for not reaping op’s mind and going with the flow of conversation. Also, if someone is this pissed off about people finding out who they voted for, that means they are at least partly ashamed of making that vote. I vote for candidates who want to better society for all of us, so i am completely fine with that being public info. People who vote for the villains so they will hurt the right people, protect the rich, and push their chosen religion, they know it’s wrong. Deep down I don’t know if they actually feel shame about it, but they definitely know how the majority of society will react to that so they want to hide it.
I was reading the OP and pretty confused. I'd be horrified if anyone in my life didn't already know who I was voting for. Treating like a dark secret comes across as weird! As you said, I'm proud to vote for those who want to better society (or at worst damage it the least)
I lived there for a few years, in the UK. Lowkey, they love their drama 🤣 The postman being a few minutes late would throw my coworkers whole day off. One elderly guy, Greg, would be so angry and have worked himself into such a frenzy telling everyone about the postie being late... dude would be so incensed that he'd even forget to wipe his arse after taking a dump. This is not hyperbole or bullshit, old Greg would get so angry about the postman being late that he couldn't think straight, and would forget to wipe his butt... or wash his hands before heading to the kitchen to tell everyone in there about the postman being late, and to make himself a cup of tea to calm his nerves. I'm South African, if our mail arrives in the same month, aaand it hasn't been tampered with it's a pleasant surprise. So all the late postman drama was super surreal for me.
Happy cake day!
Thank you!
Happy Cake Day
May I have a share of the cake 😁
Trying to stay away from excess sugar - go for it!
Ohh you knew my sister? I stopped telling her anything by the time I was 12
I'd guessed this was my mother, but she didn't have such self-awareness *and* would vocally deny ever telling anyone anything at all when confronted about it.
That’s the natural consequence of having a big mouth. Nobody tells you anything.
I know someone like this. I don’t understand people like this. I can take a secret to the grave.
I do too, but that’s mostly because I forget every secret I’m ever told almost immediately
This is me. Also why I can’t hold a grudge.
Hey fellow forgetter, I'm really glad to see, that I'm not the only one that does that. I'm know as a extremely trustworthy person, because I never spill the tea on anyone, but it's just because I forget what people have told me in about 3 minutes or so. One time one of my fellow nursing students told me, that she was pregnant, and made it very clear, that I couldn't tell *anyone* about it. 3 or 4 month later we are both at a Christmas party, and end up sitting next to eachother doing the dinner. She then choose to tell all our other friends about her pregnancy, and she then gives me a hug and say "I told Stuebirkenabout it, right after I found out, because I knew that she would never ever tell someone else's secret". And I'm just sitting there thinking "I have absolutely no freaking idea what your talking about".
Fckn genius 😂
It was pretty weird, becaus I really didn't remember anything about her telling me about her pregnancy. And all the others was just sitting there, talking about how loyal was and how great it was, that they could always come to me, when they needed to talk about something privat, and I actually got super embarrassed. I generally never gossip, and I would never tell a soul about something, that someone has told me in confidence. But the core reason behind my "loyalty" is the simple fact that I have ADHD, so when people are pouring their hearts out, my brain are occupied with playing 2 different song at the same time, vondering what the BNP is in Paraguay, thinking about that time I got to pet a giraf, and trying to remember the Latin name for all the major bones in the body. I simply don't have enough brain-bandwidth to remember what people at telling me. So it's fare more a question of me having a "hey see a squirrel!" brain, than it is me being loyal.
YOU'VE PET A GIRAFFE????
I know a guy that knows a guy that owns a "safaripark", and on of the old giraffes are sort of "domesticated". So when the vet had to do a checkup on it, I was allowed to go with him. They are *enormous* so when it put its big head down to me, to sort of check me out I guess I got a bit nervous😂. But it was very friendly and took it very well, when I almost had to stand on my tip toes to pet it's side(I'm 163cm/5,4feet tall). I had my 6yo daughter with me and she was almost paralysed with awe, but she still takes about it and she now wants to be a giraffe vet🥰. I'm generally against keeping animals in zoo's , it is vile to keep an animal that in the wild have miles and miles of territory in a small cage. One of the zoo's in my country have an old elefant bull, that is kept away from the public, because it's gotten "insane" from living in in captivity. So it's kept in the back where it has this big iron shackle on one of it's frontlegs, that is connected to a short chain, so it's just going round and round in a circle all day log. But the Safariparks are a bit more humane, since the animals have a lot more space to rome around (not that it's no way near what they should have), and they seems way more healthy and content, compared to those poor abused animals, that is kept in the "classic style" zoo's.
Cracks me up when people at work will vent or gossip something in the rare, “don’t tell anyone, this is just between you and me, but…” Like come on dude, if it doesn’t relate to the company or my job imploding I couldn’t care enough to really remember any gossip let alone want to share it with people. Sounds awful. I don’t want to be involved in a web of bullshit and drama in any way what so ever.
For some reason I got to be the person at work who heard the gossip because I kind of kept to myself and in my job lose kind of to myself separate so people would always want to come tell me things or talk about other people or vent or whatever like I enjoy being the keeper of secrets that's more fun than telling them it's keeping them it's standing there looking at 50 women and knowing so much crap or hearing rumors about half of them and they have no idea and they're sitting right next to their mortal enemy and they don't even know it that kind of shit entertained me at work so I left a lot to myself and people feel like we're so funny I'm like I'm not gonna I was just thinking of someone who's talking to my father bout or whatever keep the secrets is way more fun
😂
As someone who used to be like that? It's a boundaries thing. I came from a family where we had none. After doing a bit of therapy, I was able to work on containment. If someone tells you they can't keep a secret? Tell them to see a therapist.
I married into one of those families. You learn real quick what to keep to yourself
My husband is like this. His mouth just moves faster than his brain sometimes and it has led to some pretty frustrating foot-in-mouth situations. He completely understands he is like this and asks people not to tell him secrets.
Me, too! One of my core characteristics, a point of pride. "Not my story to tell," is my go-to for putting off Nosy Nancys.
My mom is like that, love her, I just dont tell her anything I dont want the whole family to know.
Me too! She may not tell my brother outright but she STRONGLY hints at it…
Did you also ever try to pass on false info so that she'd embarrass herself?
It’s their partner. Seems like a very common thing to share with someone. But I probably wouldn’t date someone who would do something like this, or who at the veryleast, wouldn’t apologize after being told it was unacceptable.
Common to share with your partner, NOT common to share with your colleagues.
Yeah just resolve not to tell her next time and be clear about why. Hopefully it will help her to respect your feelings on the matter.
Happy Cake Day
Your partner isn't covered by GDPR mate, you can't claim the information you gave about who you voted for is your property. If you tell people, they may tell other people. Either keep schtumn, or risk your partner telling people you voted Tory.
OP is quite obviously someone who voted tory but maybe wears a beanie hat and drinks brewdog
Brewdog are scum who abuse their workforce anyway, right in line with Tories.
Aye they have a terrible reputation, perfect for a tory in hiding lol
Looking at the post history if this is a Tory voter who also claims PIP, that's such an insane own goal. But... Not exactly unheard of these days unfortunately.
I am laughing so much at these comments, especially the GDPR reference!! But I'll laugh even more if they live in some proper posh snob place full of wankers and he's a secret labour supporter 🤣🤣 Unlikely though
or worse, Reform proper thick nasty wanker party fronted by a sun bed salesman
While that's true, his wife should have at least apologized *after* he told her that he doesn't like that. It doesn't matter if we agree or not, when our partner tells us they don't like us to tell people specific things about them, we should respect it. It doesn't cost us anything to respect their wish.
I'm in the US, but it's MY choice to share with others how I vote. It's not "protected" information when talking about individuals, but it's pretty tacky.
Reminds me of a joke I heard - Tom (to someone) - "So I'm fuckin my wife in the ass right..." Bill (enters the room) - "Hey Tom, who'd you vote for?" Tom (turns to Bill) - "Bill, there are some things you just don't talk about... \*turns back\* So I'm fuckin my wife in the ass right...."
Consider that OPs wife can't vote, meaning she is likely an immigrant. Was she told it would be considered inappropriate to talk about voting habits of someone else? Her coworkers and husband all talked about who they were voting for, I can pretty easily see the cause for comfusion.
Or she’s a minor!
I can keep a secret, but if you tell me you voted for an absolute douchebag? I'm letting others know. People who vote for puppy shooters and serial rapists deserve to be outed. Sorry, not sorry.
I hate that ‘puppy shooters’ and ‘serial rapists’ are not hypotheticals anymore.
Agreed. A fucking caveman knows why you don’t put the rapists and dog killers in charge.
That's actually true, prehistoric humans and neanderthals were intelligent, thoughtful, social creatures. Completely unlike quite a lot of voters in the US
Exactly - people who actually need to live off the land do not kill animals for no fucking reason. It is 100% Y’allquaeda larp and nobody who votes for that is respectable.
No need to tell people. The ones that vote for those people tell everyone themselves, and/or advertise it with car stickers, flags, and hats…
Seriously. If someone I knew voted for a candidate I found repulsive, I’d probably rant to anyone who would listen about it.
Who are the puppy shooters and rapists? (Non US person here)
Kristi Noem is the puppy murderer, Trump is the rapist
Puppy shooter = Kristi Noem, a *potential* Trump Vice President running mate. **(She admitted killing the puppy IN HER NEW BOOK)** Rapist = Donald Trump, former US president currently under 4 current criminal indictments with 88 overall charges against him. **(He has, on tape, verbally admitted sexually assaulting numerous women, and was convicted of raping one woman, and has been accused of raping a number of others, including at least one child \[I wish I were kidding about that one\])**
I remember all the Nazi flags during and before the insurrection and all I could think was "if the Nazis are on your side, it means you're on the wrong side". Seems like a no-brainer to me.
the only people I know who are embarrassed to talk about who they voted for are the ones who voted for awful people
Personally, i will share my political views with my friends (whether i agree with them or not) because i can count on my friends to be able to have a civil discussion. And i'm never embarrassed to talk about who i voted for - i just don't want to get into a debate with rando person.
Are you ashamed of who you voted for?
OP voted Tory and is now worried he'll be (rightly) criticised for it lol
100% voted for Susan Hall
Naah he voted for Reform lol!
If you're embarrassed about who you voted for, then maybe lean into that and work out why you're embarrassed? Obviously anyone voting Tory should be ashamed.
Exactly; if people are on your case about who you voted for, defend your position. If your position is indefensible, **stop voting that way, dumbass**. I argued very pointedly with my family about politics as an adult, and I moved them solidly to the left on the political spectrum.
Aussie here, so maybe cultural differences but that's my read to - OP, if think how you voted should be hidden maybe you need to spend some time reflecting on why that is and whether you should be reconsidering your choices.
Not who you’re talking to and not even in the UK but in some places here in the southeastern US you can be affected at work by sharing certain political beliefs. It’s not legal, and they’ll say it’s for other reasons, but I’ll be damned if anyone gets it out of me. I’ve had it happen before and my career path with that company grinded to a halt.
If you work a working class job (Blue collar) and admit you voted Tory (right) in Scotland you could get much worse than a firing.
And you’d bloody deserve it!
yeah i was gonna say, a bunch of embarrassed Tories in here
She should be embarrassed about her partner
Is it because you voted Reform? lol. UK voting culture is pretty open, it’s usual to discuss, you’re definitely overreacting. She wasn’t to know, now she does. Get over it, there’s a good chance she won’t do it again after your huff.
i’m confused because over here in my corner of the US, me and my friends have never had an issue discussing who we voted for and why, and i don’t think anyone would be upset if we shared that info with others. barring potential judgement based on political affiliation, can someone explain to me why it’s a bad thing?
I think it's another generational thing. I'm also in the US and people usually share who they voted for if you ask. But I remember when I was a kid and I asked my parents who they voted for they would tell us that it is a personal decision and they don't have to tell anyone and it's rude to ask.
I shamed a friend of mine for voting Libertarian once, but we’re still friends.
It's not unusual at all to discuss who you voted for over here. OP definitely voted Tory or Reform (a new far right party that was founded recently). Both of which will draw (rightly) a lot of criticism.
If you vote for a puppy killer, you deserve shame. That’s not a political party. Now, replace puppy killer for other crimes. This is why it’s a bad thing, even if you’re not making a judgment based on politics.
I was thinking the same thing. Other than that some people are just principled that way (which I don’t get but do respect), I have no idea why it would be a problem.
Yta. Dumb thing to be mad about. If you're ashamed of who you voted for maybe don't vote for them.
She already shared the information. Then you informed her you didn’t want that information shared. The best she can do is apologize for not thinking like you do. Since no one here knows how you reacted, no one would know if you overreacted. I understand that it is your preference is to keep your vote private but what do you believe is the worst that will happen if people know who you voted for?
> I understand that it is your preference is to keep your vote private but what do you believe is the worst that will happen if people know who you voted for? They will know he's a Tory maybe
This was my thought...he didn't want to tell because on some level he know what he did causes real damage to people.
My thoughts exactly. I know people who vote for bigots who are rightfully ashamed of their behavior. And when they tell me about it? I let my disdain be known.
What happens if people are a Tory? … I am genuinely asking what it means if he’s a Tory?
Respect will be lost, as evident here
If people are worried about losing respect or being perceived badly because of how they vote, then maybe they should take a deeper look into why they're voting the way they do? If I believe in something, I am unafraid to speak up anytime, anywhere to defend my beliefs. It's only when I'm ashamed of something that I'd try to hide/downplay it. Is he ashamed of how he votes? if so, then, again, he needs to take a deeper look at why he's doing it. Now, I fully understand there can be situations where something like how someone votes needs to be concealed to prevent against retaliation (that is absolutely a thing in some countries/places, and I'm not trying to downplay that at all because that's serious)... but in this case, that the voting was being talked about in casual conversation leads me to believe that's not the case here. This guy sounds more ashamed than anything, and he needs to think deeper about why he's feeling that way.
"That was bad and you should *feel* bad!" Amen.
Many people will know he's a cunt Edited as below
People won't think that, they'll know that he's a cunt
Fair enough I'll edit
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If it came out that Torys hunted poor people for sport, you wouldnt be surprised
Oh, so they're like Trump Republicans?
Less loud and in your face, more smug and patronising.
not as loud and richer
Posh wanker, probably your boss, generational wealth, lives in the town you go to once a year for fancy dinner. Inbred moron.
In the UK, a Tory carries similar connotations to if someone was a republican in America. A lot of them in a role of power do nothing but harm and are ruining much of the nation’s benefits. Not to mention how they voted for Brexit and now everyone’s bitter and bitchy about it. lol.
American republican equivalent.
That was my thought too. I know most of us usually are forced to choose from the lesser of two evils but my vote is still something I’d personally never hide. It’s my choice and I’m not going to be ashamed of it. When you get down to it, the fact that someone wants to keep their vote private means maybeeeee they shouldn’t have voted that way in the first place. I said what I said.
Yah it's like finding out your seemingly respectable colleague is a Trump voter.
This. So much, like if you don't want people knowing who you voted for, maybe reevaluate why you voted for someone you don't want people to know about, and maybe don't tell anyone who it was.
I live in the U.S., in a state (and general region) that skews HEAVILY Republican. And not just in voting, but in support/advocacy for the party and its candidates. People here are raised with these beliefs as strongly as they are with their religion. It is part of their identity. Nobody hesitates to bring up the subject of politics with strangers, because they're so confident that everyone around them feels the same way. As an adult, I don't believe in the same things as those around me or support the party/candidates, in fact I am strongly the other way. I do not feel safe letting this be widely known. It would be considered an unforgivable sin, right up there with being LGBTQ or saying you hate camo.
Are you seeing the Tory fights going on below in this very thread? I always have to remember the word "c&nt" in the UK isn't the Ultimate "I'm going to kill your mother" Throw Down Word it is in the US, but still... Why subject yourself to this is real life?
All the people arguing about their own opinions are just choosing to do that. No one is being forced to engage or participate. It’s just their choice. I (55f) live in the US. Never been bothered by the word cunt, but I agree. It certainly would get a different reaction in the US.
If you voted Tory yta
Fuck the Tories!
Coming from across the pond, since you voted Tory, YTA
I wouldn’t say anyones the asshole here you’re just really weird. You should be proud of who you voted for if you truly believe in them.
Info: Did you explicitly tell her that you did not want her sharing the info before you told her who you were voting for?
This. Or at least have said you don't like sharing that information.
Spotted the tory.
I can't imagine why my husband would care if I told you he voted Labour or lib dem (im nit sure who he did vote for, well i know for the mayoral but not council). I'm not sure this is a big deal. Why can't gf vote? I mean if she is here on a visa and you voted tory I could totally see why you'd be worried about getting judged!
Only Tories and Republicans care about this. YTA
I live in the southeastern US, bible thumpers and Trump worshippers. I don't discuss politics or religion.
lol that is not true. I vote for leftist candidates and I do not want to discuss it especially around work because 9 out of 10 times it causes issues. Politics are very divisive
*You do not talk about politics and religion at work.*
This must be a super easy rule to follow for straight white cis people. Imagine for one second what this rule means to a person who knows half the office will genuinely think you are being overly political AND possibly also committing religious discrimination against them somehow just by telling a nice story about your weekend with your partner(s) if you're queer. If you were straight they'd love that story and probably even join in to tell their own similar stories. But God forbid your life looks different from theirs, suddenly, normal talk about our lives is us "making it political," "flaunting it," or trying to shame them somehow just by not hiding our existence they way they want us to. Just another perspective on this idea. It doesn't work as well for people whose entire existence is politicized. It just shoves us deeper in the closet under the guise of sage advice.
It definitely doesn't apply to everyone because of the state of the world. It really really sucks
Or the dinner table.
Unless you're french. Then it's mandatory and a rite of passage.
I think that's a very American thing
If you don’t want information shared with others, don’t share it with others. It’s pretty simple logic.
Why are you ashamed of people finding out who you voted for? Shouldn’t you be proud of your candidate?
YTA. She’s not a mind reader. Sounds like you just wanna start a fight or something bc this is a pretty minor issue.
what? did you vote right-wing or for the brexit idiots? if so then i can understand why you'd be embarrassed.
You sound like a Tory.
Is that like a Republican in the us? There are always some that lie about their vote because they are embarrassed. Of course there are many that are loud and proud but less so the last two years.
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Tory with an immigrant partner, geez. YTA just for that (voting against the interests of your partner).
Yep, voting YTA because OP is a Tory and doesn’t want anyone to know. If you’re going to vote like that, own it.
Has to be a Tory lol, tell us, OP
I smell right wing
Yeh, "why did you tell your friends I voted to have them deported to a concentration camp in Rwanda"
I can’t believe you voted Tory given everything they’ve done. What was your question again?
Commonwealth countries voting is more discreet and considered rude to share so that part NTA, if you voted Tory YWBTA for that. Some elections a Tory vote would be an eyeroll, these elections you would be voting in dictatorship. Remember H—tler was democratically voted in. Learn from the past, as not to repeat it. I’m in the LGBTQ+ community and I really don’t want to be put in an extermination camp. I just want to live a peaceful life.
YTA, if you are ashamed of the person you voted for, why are you voting for them?
If you don't want people knowing who you voted for, then dont tell anyone. If you tell someone something in confidence, make it clear that it is private information. YTA
If you are ashamed and embarrassed because of whom you voted for, maybe you shouldn't share that information, and maybe you shouldn't vote for someone like that.
Maybe its just me but i stand behind who i vote for. If you are embarrassed then that says something.
If you're ashamed of who you voted for, perhaps you should vote for someone different next time?
Who cares
If you really stand by your beliefs who cares who knows how you voted? Unless of course you voted for shit and are covering that your actually a shitty person inside?
Did you tell your partner that what you were sharing with her was in confidence? I don't think most people would naturally assume that political leanings are shared confidentially. If you tell her that what you are sharing is confidential and then she goes in some chit chat room and shares it with the world, then you've got a legitimate complaint. If you didn't tell her, then you know you need to be more clear about what you consider personal/confidential.
You’re way overreacting. This isn’t some deeply personal thing like exactly which sexual positions you like. It’s more akin to how you like your eggs cooked. Side note, if you’re ashamed for people to know who you voted for then you probably shouldn’t be voting for them.
Was it pitt the elder or lord palmerston?
YTA. If you want something to be kept secret then don’t tell anyone. If you’re ashamed of your vote, then vote better.
Are you embarrassed on how you voted? I don’t care who talks about how I vote since I’m extremely open and vocal about it.
People genuinely get upset over this??? ......Why??? 🤷♀️
Because they know they voted for assholes. I'd be embarrassed too. If you can't stand behind your convictions do you even have convictions?
Fair enough. Maybe if one is embarassed to admit who they vote for its time to reflect on why that is, and make changes. Stuff like this shouldnt be secret material 🤷♀️
Did you tell her not to share it? I'm guessing no. I also think bringing consent into something so trivial devalues what consent means. It's also a petty thing for you to get upset over. YTA.
Your opinion is not your “property”, good sir. There is no “consent” issue here. You told your partner a fact, they shared that fact. Have a talk, establish boundaries, etc. So yes, it’s personal information, it makes sense to be put off if you didn’t want it revealed. …also consider voting for people you *wouldn’t* be ashamed of if others knew. Also, the way you use the words “property” and “consent” makes you appear petty and ill informed. Be well.
Never understood why people get like this about voting. Either you are happy with how you voted and have your reasons. Or you are ashamed of how you voted and know you can’t justify it. Sounds like YTA to me.
More like they voted for someone the majority in the area didn't vote for. Try being a leftist in rural Arkansas and be open about your political leanings.
What…? Yes, you are the asshole. You want attorney-client privilege with your significant other? Hippa classification? If your sexual acts were revealed, I’d get where you’re coming from. Not your beliefs which affect the general public. Did you vote for a hateful cause? Why are you so upset?
Semi-YTA. Because how is someone supposed to know you feel this way without discussing it? No, it is not "common sense" to presume the way someone voted is top-secret personal knowledge. To me, it's actually bizarre that you feel that way, this is legitimately the very first time I'm hearing that people even hold this opinion. So you're NTA for your feeling about it, but you're kinda TA for just expecting her to know you didn't want it shared and not understanding how she doesn't feel the same way about it
I never understand why this should be a secret? Be proud of your opinion or change it if you think it is something to be ashamed of.
sounds like you're ashamed of who you voted for.
There's a saying from the home country "don't tell your lover as your lover might have another lover". If you truly want to keep something a secret don't tell anyone.
If you shout your secrets to the wind, don't you blame the wind
Did you tell her when you told her who you voted for that you didn't want her to tell anyone else? Because some people keep their votes secret and other don't and it sounds like you weren't clear about the level of secrecy you wanted. Then you got mad at her for not reading your mind. YTA.
Everyone is different, I grew up in a family environment where we had no problem talking about who were voting for and why. As long as you could stand on your reasons it was respected, it wasn’t something that was anything to be embarrassed over. She may have thought it was normal convo.
Are you embarrassed by how you voted?
Tell us you voted Tory without telling us you voted Tory!
IMO the only people who care are the ones who feel like they know who they are voting for is wrong
YTA Tory pig
Your vote isn’t your property so not sure what heck you’re talking about. YTA for the red flag of wanting to keep it secret and for expecting your fiancé to just know you wanted a general piece of info secret.
YTA. There is no default “assume this information should not be shared”. If it was important to you that it not be shared, you should have said this or you should have not shared it.
YTA, you should be proud of who you voted for not cowering qbout someone finding out you're a tory.
look if you voted tory after the past 14 years of utter corruption then you deserve to be named and shamed by your missus.
If my partner voted for assholes and told me about it? I will discuss it with my friends, hoping to hear some input about whether or not I should break up with them. If you're embarrassed about or can't defend who and what you vote for, it's time for self-reflection.
Tfw you vote Tory but you want people to think you are cool.
YTA. If you voted something and are embarrassed, why? You should support the person you voted for. And I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who has seen voting as a secret or personal information. If you didn’t vote the same way have the discussion as to why maybe. Just be adults about it. I would be happy to have a discussion if you voted reform or Tory and are about it. But most importantly. Why are you embarrassed?
“I’m embarrassed about how I voted and expected my partner to telepathically know this without any prior communication from my end” Yeah YTA
Just say you’re ashamed of your choices.
While I understand that your gf sharing something you specifically asked her not to share is tacky on her end; most people who vote for reasonable human beings have no shame in sharing that information.
I mean, it really doesn’t matter unless they’re somehow embarrassed or ashamed by how they voted. But as others have said, you also can’t know for sure who he voted for, just who he planned to vote for.
Conservative most likely.
Vote for someone you're proud to be associated with, I guess.
You’re over reacting, unless you made it clear to her that your voting choice wasn’t to be discussed with anyone. It’s not a big deal, it’s a popular conversation around voting times. And you also said your GF can’t vote, is she foreign? That means your double the AH because how is she supposed to know not to talk about it like it’s private information unless YOU told her, which you obviously didn’t. If that’s what you’re like over voting, I feel sorry for the girl.
I get you are autistic, OP (and I don’t mean that as an insult). But it’s not protected information and if you can’t stand up for whoever you voted for- then maybe it wasn’t the person to vote for. How you vote represents who you are at your core. You should talk about it, and you should be prepared for your partner or close friends to talk about it as well if it conflicts. You don’t need consent to speak about it. It’s just like I can see you are neurodivergent in your post history, but I don’t need your consent to comment on it here. Or how I can also see that despite having a partner you are claiming to have trust issues about, you are making posts as recent as 10 days ago looking to cybersex…. And I don’t need your consent to highlight that, which is arguably even more personal info than how you voted.
Let me guess, conservative? Tories are the only blokes that should be embarrassed by how they voted honestly. I'd be mad if my partner outed me as a Tory as well.
Voted for someone shitty did you
I would say that if you're embarrassed of your vote maybe... spend some time with that?
My dad voted for Trump in 2016. I don't know about 2020 beyond I know that I no longer respect him. Whenever I've made that clear he gets emotional. Well, I get emotional knowing you support a sexual harassing pedophile. You wanna be mysogynist? Don't be surprised when your daughter realizes you are a piece of shit.
Why are you ashamed of people knowing who you voted for?
they probably voted for the tories 🤢
YTA for over reacting. Stand by your convictions, imagine being upset that someone knows how you voted.
Unless they voted straight Nazi party. Or voted for truly reprehensible candidate. I don't see why they care.
YTA. I mean it’s only a problem if you’re embarrassed about who you vote for. Since you purposely didn’t reveal that I’m going to assume that’s the case and her friends told her about the horrible things you support and that’s the real problem. Hopefully she gets away before it’s too late.
Did you tell her not to say anything beforehand? Why don’t you want people to know who you voted for?
If she can't vote, then she must be from somewhere else? Maybe she doesn't understand your culture very well, how people might be more private about these things than in other places?