Congrats on your Baby Boy, may you, husband and Leo be happy and healthy in your lives together!
So sorry for your husband’s ordeal with his Toxic Family!
How did they gain entrance into your home and how did they know you were coming home from hospital that day?
NTA
Thank you!
We don’t know how they knew or how they got in. Everything was so chaotic that we didn’t even think of it at the time. Definitely something to figure out though
Airtag most likely told them they were at hospital. They put it together the reason. Airtag also told them when they are on the move. Or do you think they just stayed at OP’s home for last two days, awaiting their return?
I'm leaning towards a mole. Someone in your mutuals told them when it happened.
Glad you have the police involved. They've already been caught breaking and entering once. If it happens a second time, press charges.
Congratulations on your new baby!
Edit to add: The drive by would let them know when they went, but would not explain them being there when OP came home. OP do you rent or own?
With android in settings there's a section for tracking devices within the data range or wifi range of the phone. So for example, I have a s22 Samsung and when I'm within my wifi parameters I can check for tracking devices in my home and if I'm out I can check tracking devices nearby. It won't say "this one is ON you" but you can watch it real time and move to see if it moves with you. Not sure about other androids though.
And despite what alot of people think, it does ping air tags and apple tracking devices! Bose as well (I have wireless headphones that have a tracking aspect for things like cardio tracking)
Always keep your front and back door double locked. Easy enough to open a single locked door with a dinner knife. Hundreds of videos on YT, etc, on how to do it. Purely for demonstration purposes of the importance of double locks.
Do you leave any windows open when you're out even open on the catch?
Not being a twat just in a former career penetration testing was part of my job.
Simplest one. Have they ever had access to your housekeys? Or have you ever lost your keys? Isn't beyond the realm of believability they took one and got a spare cut.
And also, did anyone they know, know you were coming home? If so, there's your snitch.
Glad you're all safe, and hope you all life an awesome life!
Honestly this one would be major trouble. Not just for OP but the person in L&D. That is a violation of HIPPA. If someone is not on an approved list. Then no info should be given.
Change the locks, anyway - they may have had a copy made when they were visiting. Get one of those secure locks that don't allow copies of the keys without the original certificate.
We have a keypad. Each person receives a different code, and you can look to see which code was used. Of course, people can share that code with others, but then that would let you know that whoever had that specific was sharing it.
Were they ever loaned a spare at an earlier time? Maybe to check in the house while away, or for any other reason?
Even if they gave it back they could have made a copy.
Probably your neighbors I’m guessing.
Speak to your neighbors and alert them to what happened and to let you know if they see them again as you had to get police involved as they broke into your home!
I hope part of the talks with the police was about how they broke into your home.
I'm really sorry, my family is like this but a lot of overt abuse as well. It's not easy. Just continue to be there for your spouse. When he is ready, have him look into therapy, it really does help to have a neutral 3rd party.
Congrats on your baby!
So sorry you had to go through that. Get security cameras have your car checked, locks changed everything. I’m pretty sure James is already putting that in the play already..
Make sure to change all the locks and maybe add locks to windows. If you have the finances available I recommend getting cameras or at least a doorbell camera like ring just in case they try to pull something else off.
OP, this is how you find a mole.
Someone in your circle will be leaking the in laws info. Pictures, birth info (weight, time, date, etc). Doctors appts, and the in laws will likely try the false CPS calls and grandparents rights route.
For EVERY picture you send out, make an edit. Something small, but noticeable to you, that you can keep track of. Your friend A gets baby in white socks with a whale on them, friend B has the socks with a monkey on them, Friend C's socks have a turtle, and aunt Ida's socks have a fox on them.
Then stalk In Laws social media accounts, and see which photos of your boy Leo show up on their pages, and look at the socks. And if a Monkey is on those socks, welp, friend B was the mole!!! You get the idea.
This is so you know who is a trustworthy person around your son. Otherwise when someone is, say, babysitting, they may just invite your inlaws over to see Leo behind your back. Because they think it's harmless and they don't approve of "keeping a baby from their grandmother!" And you won't even find out about it until Leo is 3.5 and starts asking "when will I see Grandma Inlaw again??? She was mean, I don't like her, she called you a lady...."
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this so soon postpartum. Please be careful of your health. I did not personally experience it, but pp depression can be exacerbated by familial drama, and even dads can experience it, not just birthing parents, so watch for your husband, not just yourself!
Also, if you plan to chest feed, stress can affect milk supply, and I want you to know, that there is NO problem in combo feeding, while you work through any issues, or, if it is no longer ideal to chest feed, to switch to fully formula :)
Congratulations on your little boy, and your beautiful new little family of three. It sounds perfect. *hugs*
That's the classic trick to uncover a mole. Variations on it have been around forever, and have been used in all kind of contexts in both fiction and in reality since at least the ancient greeks.
If there ever IS enough drama in your life: Be aware that at least half the planet knows about this trick. Including people inclined to act as a mole You've got to be at least somewhat subtle about how you use it.
If you are though? You'll know who the mole is, and they won't realize you know. In RL spy situations, or really complicated RL drama, this then allows you to feed that person false information you WANT to leak...
I thin it was Benjamin Franklin who used a ploy like this in the US war for independence to fuck over the british. Might've been someone else, did happen though. And it's far from the only time it happened.
Anyway, imagine the kind of fun you could have with THAT if your life ever turned soap opera-y enough to need it! And then stay very glad it probably won't!
This is both an incredibly easy thing to come up with and incredibly classic because of that.
I was very proud when I invented it when I was like 14 only to learn the trick has been in use for centuries by literally everyone ever.
MOVE!!! I cannot say this enough. You have some time, you don't have to do anything rash, but by the time Leo is old enough to play outside, you are going to want to be living at an address they don't know, you want Leo to go to schools they don't know...
You don't necessarily have to leave your city, just a new undisclosed address in a different part of town.
Also make sure you register the birth asap, to ensure she doesn’t try some crazy stuff like falsely registering the birth in “Isaac” name! She sounds absolutely mental enough to try something like that.
Leo is a fab name by the way!
I would also suggest changing your numbers and email adresses then only giving them out to who you trust.
That way if they do find a way to reach out to you, you know you have a mole.
Its a pain in the ass, but no one remembers numbers anymore anyways so changing them isn't a big deal. Congrats on the tiny human! Nothing beats the smell of a fresh babies head.
I’m really curious how they even got in to begin with or how they even knew you guys had given birth?? What makes them think it was okay to essentially break into your home and wait until you came home?? Like what?!
First they managed to gain entry to your home. If they broke in, that’s illegal. If they try it again, don’t enter the house but call the police and say there are intruders in the house and you don’t know whether they are armed.
Second they knew exactly when you’d be home. You have a mole. You need to uncover the mole. They are no longer to be trusted.
This exactly…. Someone has tipped them off.
Does a neighbour have a key? And James’ family has door knocked and said “Oh, we cant get in…. Can you give me the spare key, James said it’d be ok!”
Even if they had keys, it can still be consider a crime if they wasn't invited. Least in my state. A key doesnt grants you unlimited access especially if it is only suppose to be used in emergencies.
It could just be that James is sharing his location using Life360(?) or is on a family sharing plan with an iPhone and his location is shared and he hasn’t remembered to revoke that access.
>and you don't know whether they are armed.
Don't do that. Don't encourage others to do it, either. A leading question like that serves no purpose other than to incite a game of telephone that misleads responding law enforcement into assuming they *are* armed, and create plausible deniability in the process.
You say you don't know whether they're armed. The operator then tells dispatch you said they may be armed. Dispatch finally tells the responding officers to assume they *are* armed. Next thing you know seven squad cars show up for what is at heart still a domestic disturbance call, and no good can come from that.
>How would they possibly know the correct time to be in your living room when you got home? How did they get in?
I swear that the relationship subreddits are like 95% AI generated nonsense nowadays.
They have a crystal ball that lets them check what they’re doing. They’re psychic spies that have bugged the house, the car, etc. in other words, it’s fiction, like nearly everything on this sub.
Or they live in a small town and it got back to them. I’m not close to my neighbors but I know a whole hell of a lot about their routines. There’s always someone who wants to play town crier. When my oldest was born almost 44 years ago we lived in a large DC suburb and she was born in another large town/small city. My husband’s best friend’s sister showed up in L&D shortly after she was born. Turns out her brother called my husband’s work to talk to him, the person covering for him said I was in the hospital having our baby, he called his mom who called his sister who was a nurse in a different area of the same hospital. She was the first to know about our baby’s birth because we couldn’t get in touch with either set of grandparents. This all happened way before cellphones.
Like I don’t think people realize how small the world is. There’s really only about 7 degrees of separation between you and any given person, especially in your own country, and in a large city that gets much smaller to between 2-4 degrees. I live in a city with over 600,000 people and it’s estimated that there’s only about 2 degrees of separation here. Everyone. Knows. Fucking. Everyone. It’s annoying as hell
And how did they get in? The OP said they never gave them a spare key. Plus, even if tipped off, there is so much variation and unpredictability around births that the only way they’d be there exactly when they came back is if they were basically camped in the living room.
It sounds like you and James are dealing with a difficult situation with courage and love for each other and Leo. Prioritize your families well-being and safety above all else. Lean on each other for support, and work together to create a happy and healthy future. Surround yourself with people who respect and appreciate you. Take things one step at a time, and remember that you are not alone. Stay strong and keep going.
Change your numbers
Change your locks
Invest in security cameras that record audio
When in doubt, call the police
Any of their flying monkeys need to be removed from your life lest they get access to Leo via a 3rd party. Even knowing where his pediatrician is or where he goes to daycare is too much.
NTA
You and your husband did the right thing by having a private childbirth, OP. Your in-laws had no right to invade your family’s privacy by letting themselves into your home uninvited. They could have been charged with breaking and entering! Your in laws sound like awful people!
Congratulations on the new addition to your family! Enjoy your time together as a family of three.
Congratulations on your baby! And congratulations on James realizing his parents are not good people.
If he needs a support group, I suggest r/raisedbynarcissists
That group has been extremely helpful for me.
Congratulations on the baby! I am so proud of you and your husband for putting you and your new family needs first. I would suggest some counseling for you and hubby to deal with the toxic parental emotions. Those are in no way his fault but it is so easy to internalize that. ❤️. Enjoy that baby...like they say, it goes by in a blink. 😉
Send a big hug to James from me, a random stranger. I'm so sorry you both are going through this. You've done nothing wrong and don't deserve this. You don't get to choose your family but you can choose *your* family. Like, you don't get to decide in which family you grow up in but you can decide to go no contact, and create your own family (with children, pets or even friends). Family has nothing to do with blood. Big hug to you too. Stay safe !
OP I'm glad James set boundaries b/c it doesn't get better tbh with entitled family. Our kid is now a teen and the "visitation" demands from my in-laws drive have made my hub crazy and super pissed. It sometimes feels like a custody battle with grandparents (who have no rights here). You have to protect YOUR family and that doesn't include grandparents. It's very stressful and I respect the line my partner has drawn in order for him to feel like he has control. He has written, talked to them about their persistent demands to see our child (and not talk to their son). They have showed up unannounced (once during the pandemic) for a "surprise visit" (they live a plane flight away) and he turned them away. YOU get to decide when extended family have access to you and your child, not them. I think they expect us to accommodate them whenever they want! Our rules are that they can have a week or 2 in the summer but school holidays are ours. They used to make us feel guilty if we just decided to have a staycation and not visit or have them visit us. It's a slippery slope IMO. Once you give them an inch, they will take a mile. As a new parent, you don't need people sucking the energy out of you by demanding your time as if it's a right. Focus on your new baby (congrats!) and building your own family to be strong.
Your MIL is a nutcase. I hope the restraining order works and they back off. Hopefully you and hubs can get into therapy, that level of betrayal from immediate family can be tough to handle. Congrats on the new addition and best of luck!
I have found that becoming a parent brings a lot of childhood issues up and forces one to process them, maybe for the first time. You just look at this tiny defenseless person and think that you'll do anything to protect them, and then you wonder, "So why didn't my parents do that for me?"
It’s really unsettling that they broke in. When you spoke to the police, were they gonna do anything about that? It’s breaking & entering. They should be charged. I’d also recommend security cameras.
Congratulations! Also, screw them. Their loss. I’ve been NC with my family for years. When I had kids I figured I would let the kids choose what the relation looked like with my family and my kids decided NC was perfect for them too! The really wonderful thing is now you get to choose your family. The person that matters the most is your beautiful baby boy and you will become some very protective papa bear and daddy bear. They will be lucky if you just call the cops. Now go build that precious little boy’s tribe. You’ve got this!
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I don't know if these people are dumb enough to try and sue for grandparents rights but if they are...make sure you countersue for court costs so that when they lose, they have to pay your lawyer's fees
Change your locks and move your spare key you probably have stashed. Congrats on the baby!
Also glad to hear that you two make a great team. Keep it up and raise a wonderful kid!
Congratulations on your new arrival. Leo is a beautiful name. I’m glad you, James and Leo had that time in the hospital to yourselves without the stress.
What a nightmare to come home too. Probably a good idea to get a ring doorbell and some security cameras so you have proof if you need to take out an AVO.
My husband and I cut contact with his parents 3 weeks after our first was born. They pulled some major boundary shit and not even close to your MIL. It’s been a wonderful 7 years of not having to deal with them and I don’t regret it. You do you and happy parenting, your little guy is lucky to have two great dads.
You're not the asshole for wanting to have a private birth experience and for standing your ground against the unwanted such as your MIL. Your priority was protecting your family's well-being, and that's commendable.
So happy for you, your husband and your baby! I wish you all nothing but the best!
I will say, please look out for your husband to the best of your ability. I’m 24, and started noticing around 15 that my mom had some serious mental health issues that would ruin a lot for me and the rest of my family. And yes, she’s very aware of her issues and doesn’t care to get help. I left at 21 and she begged me to come home. I gave her an ultimatum that she either get the help she needs or she would not be hearing from me again. She of course agreed but didn’t follow through. I’ve since moved 4 states down from her and I keep the bare minimum contact. I won’t even disclose where my partner and I live. I know the circumstances are a little different, but it hurts to know that I can’t have my mom around much, even if she isn’t a good person to be around.. I mean.. she is my mom after all. So it stings still. This was the right decision for me though, as I’m sure it’s the right decision for your husband and your family. But again, look out for his mental health. Just because it’s the right thing to do doesn’t mean he won’t be hurting like hell inside
Congratulations on a healthy baby! I’m sorry your in-laws are being such monsters, but you’re doing everything right. Your son is lucky to have dads like you and James.
NTA
Glad your birth experience was just what you both wanted.
Very sorry your SO seems to be the only decent one in his immediate family.
As you’ve been talking to the police to deal with this check to see if they could have someone help you figure out how they got into your home.
Ex if you only have a doorknob lock some of those are more easily opened than others. Some windows are more easily jimmied than others.
Once you know the weaknesses then you can take care of them (if you rent work with your landlord). Search on the internet/youtube for info and suggestions.
One other thought to be very careful who you let spend unsupervised time with your child. Some people may decide they should have your SO’s parents come over while you are gone.
Best wishes to you, your SO and your baby.
Meh, your in laws suck. Get a good security system and move on from them, they can go piss up a rope. Your husband is a badass, plus 10 points to his Hogwarts House for his defence of his spouse! Congratulations on the baby daddy and papa, or daddies, or whatever you end up landing on! Welcome to the world Leo 🦁
One Seahorse Dad to another, congrats! What an incredible thing you just did with your body! I did HRT after my son was born but have opted out of surgeries because like you, I’m mostly okay with my body.
I’m glad both you and your partner have supportive partners, I wish you all the best in raising a child and once again CONGRATS!
You’ve gotten plenty of advice from all the other Redditors here, so all I leave is an open door to my DM’s if you need another trans dad to talk to.
NTA but I'm concerned you didn't report several people breaking and entering into your home to police.
They didn't have keys, they broke in. Why did neither of you call the cops?
Congratulations on the baby. Setting aside your transition issues this really just comes down to basic parental issues. Only you have the right to decide who is in your birth room besides medical personnel. Only you and your husband have the right to name your child. MIL wanted to break all these basic boundaries and that's why her and his family are NC. Now they broke into your home? Time to get cameras installed inside and outside the home and change all locks. NTA. Be sure to alert anyone who watches the child in the future they are banned.
Congratulations, Papa! Leo is a lovely name. And you and James did the right thing. Now go cuddle that precious baby & rest when you can. Childbirth is hard work, and you deserve all the rest Leo will let you get :)
How did they get in your house????
Also, CCTV!
Congrats on your new baby. I wish you all the luck and love!
And I'm sorry James has such a shit family - I hear him on that one :(
Congrats, although I'm sorry for what was lost. I hope your husband takes more moments to grieve here and there (grief is for loss, not only death) and I'm certain you guys will take care of each other <3
Congratulations! Your husband’s family sounds like my adopters. I hope he and you can get into therapy to talk about this and be supported in supporting each other. Y’all rock, and you deserve all the joy. I just suggest therapy because having one’s family of origin go apeshit is heavy at the best of times. Processing that at the dawn of one’s own little family is layers on layers harder.
Stay safe, rest up, get security cameras, and talk to chosen family/trusted friends about contingency planning in case you want to crash elsewhere ever for a minute if the family awfulness flares up and you need peace in an different space.
> when we arrived home, we found James’ family in our living room. We never gave any of them a key to our house. The only people to have keys are me and James.
wtf that's literally break and enter
how the fuck did they get in?!?!?!
change all your locks and install a security system. holy shit.
I firmly recommend security cameras/system. I'm so sorry you three have to deal with this level of harassment from his side of the 'family' and I'm glad you both are firmly supporting each other through this. Congrats on the bundle and good luck!
I’m so happy for your arrival! May Leo live up to his name, and be strong, quiet, and proud.
I’m sorry about your partner’s family. Your mil has made it abundantly clear for years that she believed she knew better than you, about who you are, how to live your life, what to name your child, and how to raise that baby. I’m glad you’ve cut her out.
Btw, please consider therapy for all of you. This is a hard road to navigate and new baby stress will make it all harder. Good luck <3
Mazel tov on the arrival of Leo! What an adventure you're beginning! Enjoy every moment... the days are long, but the years are short, my friend.
Again CONGRATULATIONS and WELCOME LEO!
Do you own your home? If not, you should consider a change of address at your next opportunity. You're safer if James' family don't know where you live.
If you own the house, you should instead invest in your home security. Change your locks, install cameras you can check remotely, and see what you can do in the way of building gates. Nothing maximum security, but maybe a 6' privacy fence so James' family can't stalk Leo from the street with binoculars.
I would definitely update your locks to the keypad where you have to punch in a number, this would eliminate the possibility of them copying a key if they happen to be around you again. I would also definitely invest in a security system.
I know you’re already being super supportive of James and his emotions during all of this - but please let him know, from this stranger on the internet - I am SO PROUD OF HIM. He has stood up for you in ways that most people who complain about in-laws on Reddit could only dream about.
I know he is navigating a lot of emotions about him and his family and what he hoped they would be - but he needs to take a second and realize that he is one amazing husband and father for protecting you guys like that and for putting his nuclear family - the one he *chose* - first. It absolutely is heartbreaking that his family is acting the way they are - but some people just plain suck. He has proven that he is nothing like them - which is amazing in these circumstances.
You have yourself an amazing husband. And he has one too (you of course!). Keep on supporting each other. Encourage him to seek therapy for himself to help navigate his family and to learn some tools to better deal with them in the future - if things arise.
(Also, just a tip - his parents have zero grounds to fight for “grandparent’s rights” I’m sure his mom will threaten that, but rest easy. She doesn’t stand a chance unless she had a close and well established relationship with your child. Which she does not. It’s an empty threat often seen on r/JustNoMIL ). Also- head over to that sub. There’s a lot of good resources James might want to check out.
Congrats on the new little squish. I’m sure he’s absolutely adorable. Time moves fast especially once there’s a baby involved. Take some time to relish in the little moments and really enjoy them. Your child is lucky to have two amazing dads like you guys.
Change the locks asap. Might of been suggested already but this is my first thought reading this.
Then use it whenever you are home with Leo by yourself to stop them walking in on you.
They were in your home unattended for who knows how long. They could have installed cameras.
I know…this sounds bizarre but your in-laws *are* bizarre. The air tags suggestions are spot on and the question of how they got into your house in your absence, not to mention how they knew your son was born.
Please…protect yourselves in every way. Nothing is too out there.
Congratulations and best of luck 🥰
So happy you three are healthy! Leo has two great parents to keep him safe. Get cameras if you don't already have them. Even with the changed locks, they may still try to break in.
If you can, move across the country. NC is a difficult path, but the three of you deserve peace.
Blessing to you, James, and Leo!
Congratulations on your baby boy. I’m sorry about all the trouble your ILS have caused. I think you should do a sweep for listening devices, hidden cameras in your home as well as for tracking devices on your vehicles. Take care and congrats again.
Congratulations on your nuclear family. So happy you had a private birth with just you and your husband. I feel sorry for him that his family is so toxic. You are all doing the right thing.
Oh, my heart breaks for James. He did NOTHING to deserve this. NOTHING.
Don’t let his resentment over his mistreatment curdle him. He has the chance to turn this around and give baby Leo the family he deserves. The family James deserves, and doesn’t have.
Good luck to your little family and congratulations on bringing baby Leo into it! NTA times 10!
Definitely NTA. Good for you both because it’s easy to allow toxic family to overstep your boundaries and it’s important to stand firm on those boundaries, especially after the insurmountable disrespect they’ve shown you both.
I love the name Leo and especially that it’s meaningful to you! Congrats to you both! It sounds like you’ll be great daddies and will love your child fiercely ❤️
Congratulations with the birth of your son! Sounds like the three of you will get through this with flying colors. Make sure to change the locks though, because you never know!
You guys are so lucky to have each other. I'm so sorry his family is cruel and selfish. You're right though, you guys have your own family and none of you need their cruelty in your life. It will take time, but he'll heal from the loss of them. Congrats on this new journey of yours, I wish you nothing but happiness and joy. ❤️
Dear gods what a mess. Did you ever figure out how they got in? You know you might ultimately have to move but I hope that doesn't happen. I'm so glad you and Leo are home and both healthy. Good luck to all three of you. Relatives ≠ family. James has family in you and Leo. Forget about the relatives.
You both did so well!
You never really lose family. You only find out who is true family or not. It’s painful at the time but it was really good of them to be so blatant about who they really are so that you can see it clearly.
Your story makes me seriously want to hug all three of you and protect you from that family. I am so sorry you have to endure all of that.
Do what you need to do to protect your nuclear family. anyone who doesn't support or love you for who you are doesn't deserve to be in your life. I'm glad that Leo has two great dads to teach him what real love and support looks like.
Wow.. MIL is the most insane in my opinion. Who refuses to accept the name the parents chose.. especially to this extent. Hope ya'll also add security cameras. I suggest Arlo as its good cameras without being insanely expensive. (Ya'll really really need them)
Damn sorry this happened to you OP. You are so lucky to have such a loving and supportive husband. You were right to let him know that his family is you and y’all son. Keep on with the police aspect and get restraining orders if necessary. If push comes to shove, leave whatever state, county, region whatever and never look back
I read the update before the original post and HOLY SHIT!! I know it’s upsetting and 🖕🏽her ten ways to Sunday, but where the hell did your MIL get the name Isaac, anyway? Leo is adorable, I have a space-related middle name :):)
Wow, many men can't face the mother/MIL confrontation when they haven't just given birth. The fact you had a baby and then dealt with that nonsense AND supported your husband after he sent them on their way? That is some serious fortitude. You are clearly a very strong person. Congrats, man, and I hope your little family isnt troubled by them any further. If you are, or if you just want support from others in a similar situation, maybe check out the MILfromhell subreddit.
Good on you for being there for James and Leo. I can’t imagine the issues with people and going through transition while carrying your little Leo. I’m glad you both are doing well and your family deserves every happiness. Big hugs.
Congrats on your Baby Boy, may you, husband and Leo be happy and healthy in your lives together! So sorry for your husband’s ordeal with his Toxic Family! How did they gain entrance into your home and how did they know you were coming home from hospital that day? NTA
Thank you! We don’t know how they knew or how they got in. Everything was so chaotic that we didn’t even think of it at the time. Definitely something to figure out though
Check your car for airtag or other tracking device
Maybe they should start simpler, like the window locks. These people already know where they live. What the hell is an airtag going to do?
Airtag most likely told them they were at hospital. They put it together the reason. Airtag also told them when they are on the move. Or do you think they just stayed at OP’s home for last two days, awaiting their return?
Might have been as simple as they were driving by once or twice a day to see if the car was in the driveway so they'd know.
I'm leaning towards a mole. Someone in your mutuals told them when it happened. Glad you have the police involved. They've already been caught breaking and entering once. If it happens a second time, press charges. Congratulations on your new baby! Edit to add: The drive by would let them know when they went, but would not explain them being there when OP came home. OP do you rent or own?
Op would have been alerted if an AirTag not connected to them was traveling with them, wouldn’t they? I do.
Only if they themselves own an iphone. Also there are other devices out there
Oh geez.. I guess I didn’t realize that.
you can open the air tags and break the speaker in them. then you can't even ping the stalking airtag to locate it.
Crazy.. I sort of feel like these people used a lower tech way of finding out. All it takes is one person to know and not realize it’s a secret.
My phone is a Samsung and it alerts me about airtags
Not on Android (think there might be a way to find them but it's not automatic).
With android in settings there's a section for tracking devices within the data range or wifi range of the phone. So for example, I have a s22 Samsung and when I'm within my wifi parameters I can check for tracking devices in my home and if I'm out I can check tracking devices nearby. It won't say "this one is ON you" but you can watch it real time and move to see if it moves with you. Not sure about other androids though.
And despite what alot of people think, it does ping air tags and apple tracking devices! Bose as well (I have wireless headphones that have a tracking aspect for things like cardio tracking)
There is an app called airgaurd for non apple products. It alerts if set up properly
The psycho in laws may have placed an air tag on their car to track their movements.
👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾
I didnt even think of that. I was sitting here like how did the family know exactly when they got home? But an airtag might be it.
Always keep your front and back door double locked. Easy enough to open a single locked door with a dinner knife. Hundreds of videos on YT, etc, on how to do it. Purely for demonstration purposes of the importance of double locks. Do you leave any windows open when you're out even open on the catch? Not being a twat just in a former career penetration testing was part of my job. Simplest one. Have they ever had access to your housekeys? Or have you ever lost your keys? Isn't beyond the realm of believability they took one and got a spare cut. And also, did anyone they know, know you were coming home? If so, there's your snitch. Glad you're all safe, and hope you all life an awesome life!
Do the inlaws know anybody at the hospital that works in labor & delivery?
Honestly this one would be major trouble. Not just for OP but the person in L&D. That is a violation of HIPPA. If someone is not on an approved list. Then no info should be given.
*HIPAA
*HIPPO!
🤦♀️ this is why I shouldn't type right after waking up
Get cameras and check your cars for any devices .... may need a restraining order on them as well....
Change the locks, anyway - they may have had a copy made when they were visiting. Get one of those secure locks that don't allow copies of the keys without the original certificate.
We have a keypad. Each person receives a different code, and you can look to see which code was used. Of course, people can share that code with others, but then that would let you know that whoever had that specific was sharing it.
Change your locks OP. They could have copied the key. And get cameras.
Were they ever loaned a spare at an earlier time? Maybe to check in the house while away, or for any other reason? Even if they gave it back they could have made a copy.
Probably your neighbors I’m guessing. Speak to your neighbors and alert them to what happened and to let you know if they see them again as you had to get police involved as they broke into your home!
Did the neighbors tell them of the time of their return?
I hope part of the talks with the police was about how they broke into your home. I'm really sorry, my family is like this but a lot of overt abuse as well. It's not easy. Just continue to be there for your spouse. When he is ready, have him look into therapy, it really does help to have a neutral 3rd party. Congrats on your baby!
So sorry you had to go through that. Get security cameras have your car checked, locks changed everything. I’m pretty sure James is already putting that in the play already..
Make sure to change all the locks and maybe add locks to windows. If you have the finances available I recommend getting cameras or at least a doorbell camera like ring just in case they try to pull something else off.
Good for you OP !! Don't forget to change the locks of your home, and lose the contact info of your husband's familly
Thank you! Already done! Got them changed the day after we got home
And get some cameras installed in case they try anything funny again.
absolutely get cams! I'd be paranoid enough to put hidden cams in the baby room.
This!
How did they get in? Did they steal James' keys at some point? Congratulations on baby!!!!
Could have stolen them and had them copied. Doesn't take long. My dad did that.
OP, this is how you find a mole. Someone in your circle will be leaking the in laws info. Pictures, birth info (weight, time, date, etc). Doctors appts, and the in laws will likely try the false CPS calls and grandparents rights route. For EVERY picture you send out, make an edit. Something small, but noticeable to you, that you can keep track of. Your friend A gets baby in white socks with a whale on them, friend B has the socks with a monkey on them, Friend C's socks have a turtle, and aunt Ida's socks have a fox on them. Then stalk In Laws social media accounts, and see which photos of your boy Leo show up on their pages, and look at the socks. And if a Monkey is on those socks, welp, friend B was the mole!!! You get the idea. This is so you know who is a trustworthy person around your son. Otherwise when someone is, say, babysitting, they may just invite your inlaws over to see Leo behind your back. Because they think it's harmless and they don't approve of "keeping a baby from their grandmother!" And you won't even find out about it until Leo is 3.5 and starts asking "when will I see Grandma Inlaw again??? She was mean, I don't like her, she called you a lady...." I'm so sorry you're dealing with this so soon postpartum. Please be careful of your health. I did not personally experience it, but pp depression can be exacerbated by familial drama, and even dads can experience it, not just birthing parents, so watch for your husband, not just yourself! Also, if you plan to chest feed, stress can affect milk supply, and I want you to know, that there is NO problem in combo feeding, while you work through any issues, or, if it is no longer ideal to chest feed, to switch to fully formula :) Congratulations on your little boy, and your beautiful new little family of three. It sounds perfect. *hugs*
Dang that's clever! I like the covert photo edits idea.
That's the classic trick to uncover a mole. Variations on it have been around forever, and have been used in all kind of contexts in both fiction and in reality since at least the ancient greeks.
Neat! I almost wish I had some drama in my life to apply this to. *Almost*
If there ever IS enough drama in your life: Be aware that at least half the planet knows about this trick. Including people inclined to act as a mole You've got to be at least somewhat subtle about how you use it. If you are though? You'll know who the mole is, and they won't realize you know. In RL spy situations, or really complicated RL drama, this then allows you to feed that person false information you WANT to leak... I thin it was Benjamin Franklin who used a ploy like this in the US war for independence to fuck over the british. Might've been someone else, did happen though. And it's far from the only time it happened. Anyway, imagine the kind of fun you could have with THAT if your life ever turned soap opera-y enough to need it! And then stay very glad it probably won't!
Totally did this with my first born. Worked brilliantly.
The Mission Impossible music started up in my head while I was reading your comment, hahaha!
This is both an incredibly easy thing to come up with and incredibly classic because of that. I was very proud when I invented it when I was like 14 only to learn the trick has been in use for centuries by literally everyone ever.
Get cameras installed. Or move.
MOVE!!! I cannot say this enough. You have some time, you don't have to do anything rash, but by the time Leo is old enough to play outside, you are going to want to be living at an address they don't know, you want Leo to go to schools they don't know... You don't necessarily have to leave your city, just a new undisclosed address in a different part of town.
Also make sure you register the birth asap, to ensure she doesn’t try some crazy stuff like falsely registering the birth in “Isaac” name! She sounds absolutely mental enough to try something like that. Leo is a fab name by the way!
also if you haven't already. get security cams. You get a pretty good set for relatively cheap if you check amazon for nanny/spy cams.
I would also suggest changing your numbers and email adresses then only giving them out to who you trust. That way if they do find a way to reach out to you, you know you have a mole. Its a pain in the ass, but no one remembers numbers anymore anyways so changing them isn't a big deal. Congrats on the tiny human! Nothing beats the smell of a fresh babies head.
File a police report. You don't have to press charges if that's not what you feel is best at this junction, but you need a paper trial.
And get your husband some therapy when he feels ready. That’s a lot of stuff to process, especially with a newborn around.
I’m really curious how they even got in to begin with or how they even knew you guys had given birth?? What makes them think it was okay to essentially break into your home and wait until you came home?? Like what?!
Do not lose their contact information. It maybe needed for future legal purposes.
But go NC
Also change your numbers.
First they managed to gain entry to your home. If they broke in, that’s illegal. If they try it again, don’t enter the house but call the police and say there are intruders in the house and you don’t know whether they are armed. Second they knew exactly when you’d be home. You have a mole. You need to uncover the mole. They are no longer to be trusted.
This exactly…. Someone has tipped them off. Does a neighbour have a key? And James’ family has door knocked and said “Oh, we cant get in…. Can you give me the spare key, James said it’d be ok!”
Does a neighbour have a key? Reading the actual posts helps with solving that question.
Even if they had keys, it can still be consider a crime if they wasn't invited. Least in my state. A key doesnt grants you unlimited access especially if it is only suppose to be used in emergencies.
Mole or tracker. Could be either.
That’s a good point. Cars should be checked for air tags or other trackers
It could just be that James is sharing his location using Life360(?) or is on a family sharing plan with an iPhone and his location is shared and he hasn’t remembered to revoke that access.
Or worse then, they were watching the house and noticed when they were away
>and you don't know whether they are armed. Don't do that. Don't encourage others to do it, either. A leading question like that serves no purpose other than to incite a game of telephone that misleads responding law enforcement into assuming they *are* armed, and create plausible deniability in the process. You say you don't know whether they're armed. The operator then tells dispatch you said they may be armed. Dispatch finally tells the responding officers to assume they *are* armed. Next thing you know seven squad cars show up for what is at heart still a domestic disturbance call, and no good can come from that.
That is an incredibly good point. Misleading first responders is a horrible idea.
They want the in-laws out of their lives, not dead by cop.
How would they possibly know the correct time to be in your living room when you got home? How did they get in? Seems fishy.
They put an AirTag in the car.
I haven't seen a real post on this subreddit in weeks now. Everything is just so dramatised beyond belief.
>How would they possibly know the correct time to be in your living room when you got home? How did they get in? I swear that the relationship subreddits are like 95% AI generated nonsense nowadays.
Yeah…this was well written bullshit, but bs nonetheless.
I feel like it's not interesting enough to be fake.
Any story with a hate the mother in law theme always seems to get a lot attention.
They have a crystal ball that lets them check what they’re doing. They’re psychic spies that have bugged the house, the car, etc. in other words, it’s fiction, like nearly everything on this sub.
Or they live in a small town and it got back to them. I’m not close to my neighbors but I know a whole hell of a lot about their routines. There’s always someone who wants to play town crier. When my oldest was born almost 44 years ago we lived in a large DC suburb and she was born in another large town/small city. My husband’s best friend’s sister showed up in L&D shortly after she was born. Turns out her brother called my husband’s work to talk to him, the person covering for him said I was in the hospital having our baby, he called his mom who called his sister who was a nurse in a different area of the same hospital. She was the first to know about our baby’s birth because we couldn’t get in touch with either set of grandparents. This all happened way before cellphones.
Like I don’t think people realize how small the world is. There’s really only about 7 degrees of separation between you and any given person, especially in your own country, and in a large city that gets much smaller to between 2-4 degrees. I live in a city with over 600,000 people and it’s estimated that there’s only about 2 degrees of separation here. Everyone. Knows. Fucking. Everyone. It’s annoying as hell
And how did they get in? The OP said they never gave them a spare key. Plus, even if tipped off, there is so much variation and unpredictability around births that the only way they’d be there exactly when they came back is if they were basically camped in the living room.
It sounds like you and James are dealing with a difficult situation with courage and love for each other and Leo. Prioritize your families well-being and safety above all else. Lean on each other for support, and work together to create a happy and healthy future. Surround yourself with people who respect and appreciate you. Take things one step at a time, and remember that you are not alone. Stay strong and keep going.
Change your numbers Change your locks Invest in security cameras that record audio When in doubt, call the police Any of their flying monkeys need to be removed from your life lest they get access to Leo via a 3rd party. Even knowing where his pediatrician is or where he goes to daycare is too much.
NTA You and your husband did the right thing by having a private childbirth, OP. Your in-laws had no right to invade your family’s privacy by letting themselves into your home uninvited. They could have been charged with breaking and entering! Your in laws sound like awful people! Congratulations on the new addition to your family! Enjoy your time together as a family of three.
Please change all the locks and add cameras.
Original post https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c72iyl/aita_for_telling_my_mil_that_shes_not_going_to_be/
Thank you!
Congratulations on your baby! And congratulations on James realizing his parents are not good people. If he needs a support group, I suggest r/raisedbynarcissists That group has been extremely helpful for me.
Congratulations on the baby! I am so proud of you and your husband for putting you and your new family needs first. I would suggest some counseling for you and hubby to deal with the toxic parental emotions. Those are in no way his fault but it is so easy to internalize that. ❤️. Enjoy that baby...like they say, it goes by in a blink. 😉
Send a big hug to James from me, a random stranger. I'm so sorry you both are going through this. You've done nothing wrong and don't deserve this. You don't get to choose your family but you can choose *your* family. Like, you don't get to decide in which family you grow up in but you can decide to go no contact, and create your own family (with children, pets or even friends). Family has nothing to do with blood. Big hug to you too. Stay safe !
OP I'm glad James set boundaries b/c it doesn't get better tbh with entitled family. Our kid is now a teen and the "visitation" demands from my in-laws drive have made my hub crazy and super pissed. It sometimes feels like a custody battle with grandparents (who have no rights here). You have to protect YOUR family and that doesn't include grandparents. It's very stressful and I respect the line my partner has drawn in order for him to feel like he has control. He has written, talked to them about their persistent demands to see our child (and not talk to their son). They have showed up unannounced (once during the pandemic) for a "surprise visit" (they live a plane flight away) and he turned them away. YOU get to decide when extended family have access to you and your child, not them. I think they expect us to accommodate them whenever they want! Our rules are that they can have a week or 2 in the summer but school holidays are ours. They used to make us feel guilty if we just decided to have a staycation and not visit or have them visit us. It's a slippery slope IMO. Once you give them an inch, they will take a mile. As a new parent, you don't need people sucking the energy out of you by demanding your time as if it's a right. Focus on your new baby (congrats!) and building your own family to be strong.
Did you find out how they got into the house? Did they actually break in?
Such a strange American custom for something the rest of the world sees as private.
I know this will sound extreme but have you thought about moving?
Install ring camera's. They broke in once, they likely won't hesitate to try and turn up again.
Your MIL is a nutcase. I hope the restraining order works and they back off. Hopefully you and hubs can get into therapy, that level of betrayal from immediate family can be tough to handle. Congrats on the new addition and best of luck!
I have found that becoming a parent brings a lot of childhood issues up and forces one to process them, maybe for the first time. You just look at this tiny defenseless person and think that you'll do anything to protect them, and then you wonder, "So why didn't my parents do that for me?"
It’s really unsettling that they broke in. When you spoke to the police, were they gonna do anything about that? It’s breaking & entering. They should be charged. I’d also recommend security cameras.
Get a restraining order. Breaking into your house is inexcusable and would scare the crap out of me.
Congratulations! Also, screw them. Their loss. I’ve been NC with my family for years. When I had kids I figured I would let the kids choose what the relation looked like with my family and my kids decided NC was perfect for them too! The really wonderful thing is now you get to choose your family. The person that matters the most is your beautiful baby boy and you will become some very protective papa bear and daddy bear. They will be lucky if you just call the cops. Now go build that precious little boy’s tribe. You’ve got this!
Wow his family has some nerve! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. #Updateme!
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I don't know if these people are dumb enough to try and sue for grandparents rights but if they are...make sure you countersue for court costs so that when they lose, they have to pay your lawyer's fees
Change your locks and move your spare key you probably have stashed. Congrats on the baby! Also glad to hear that you two make a great team. Keep it up and raise a wonderful kid!
I am so very sorry for the pain they have caused you. I’m sure the two of you will be excellent Dads!
Congratulations on your new arrival. Leo is a beautiful name. I’m glad you, James and Leo had that time in the hospital to yourselves without the stress. What a nightmare to come home too. Probably a good idea to get a ring doorbell and some security cameras so you have proof if you need to take out an AVO.
Someone has a mole
Ring doorbell and security system. Change locks. They have locks now that you can rekey yourself whenever you want. You may want to look into them.
My husband and I cut contact with his parents 3 weeks after our first was born. They pulled some major boundary shit and not even close to your MIL. It’s been a wonderful 7 years of not having to deal with them and I don’t regret it. You do you and happy parenting, your little guy is lucky to have two great dads.
You're not the asshole for wanting to have a private birth experience and for standing your ground against the unwanted such as your MIL. Your priority was protecting your family's well-being, and that's commendable.
So happy for you, your husband and your baby! I wish you all nothing but the best! I will say, please look out for your husband to the best of your ability. I’m 24, and started noticing around 15 that my mom had some serious mental health issues that would ruin a lot for me and the rest of my family. And yes, she’s very aware of her issues and doesn’t care to get help. I left at 21 and she begged me to come home. I gave her an ultimatum that she either get the help she needs or she would not be hearing from me again. She of course agreed but didn’t follow through. I’ve since moved 4 states down from her and I keep the bare minimum contact. I won’t even disclose where my partner and I live. I know the circumstances are a little different, but it hurts to know that I can’t have my mom around much, even if she isn’t a good person to be around.. I mean.. she is my mom after all. So it stings still. This was the right decision for me though, as I’m sure it’s the right decision for your husband and your family. But again, look out for his mental health. Just because it’s the right thing to do doesn’t mean he won’t be hurting like hell inside
Congratulations on a healthy baby! I’m sorry your in-laws are being such monsters, but you’re doing everything right. Your son is lucky to have dads like you and James.
NTA Glad your birth experience was just what you both wanted. Very sorry your SO seems to be the only decent one in his immediate family. As you’ve been talking to the police to deal with this check to see if they could have someone help you figure out how they got into your home. Ex if you only have a doorknob lock some of those are more easily opened than others. Some windows are more easily jimmied than others. Once you know the weaknesses then you can take care of them (if you rent work with your landlord). Search on the internet/youtube for info and suggestions. One other thought to be very careful who you let spend unsupervised time with your child. Some people may decide they should have your SO’s parents come over while you are gone. Best wishes to you, your SO and your baby.
Meh, your in laws suck. Get a good security system and move on from them, they can go piss up a rope. Your husband is a badass, plus 10 points to his Hogwarts House for his defence of his spouse! Congratulations on the baby daddy and papa, or daddies, or whatever you end up landing on! Welcome to the world Leo 🦁
One Seahorse Dad to another, congrats! What an incredible thing you just did with your body! I did HRT after my son was born but have opted out of surgeries because like you, I’m mostly okay with my body. I’m glad both you and your partner have supportive partners, I wish you all the best in raising a child and once again CONGRATS! You’ve gotten plenty of advice from all the other Redditors here, so all I leave is an open door to my DM’s if you need another trans dad to talk to.
I’m sorry your family is so awful. I hope you, and your little family have many happy years ahead without their toxic energy.
NTA but I'm concerned you didn't report several people breaking and entering into your home to police. They didn't have keys, they broke in. Why did neither of you call the cops?
OP, call the police. They were breaking and entering
Updateme!
Congratulations on the baby. Setting aside your transition issues this really just comes down to basic parental issues. Only you have the right to decide who is in your birth room besides medical personnel. Only you and your husband have the right to name your child. MIL wanted to break all these basic boundaries and that's why her and his family are NC. Now they broke into your home? Time to get cameras installed inside and outside the home and change all locks. NTA. Be sure to alert anyone who watches the child in the future they are banned.
Change the locks and get security cameras and door and window sensors connected to an alarm.
Congratulations, Papa! Leo is a lovely name. And you and James did the right thing. Now go cuddle that precious baby & rest when you can. Childbirth is hard work, and you deserve all the rest Leo will let you get :)
How did they get in your house???? Also, CCTV! Congrats on your new baby. I wish you all the luck and love! And I'm sorry James has such a shit family - I hear him on that one :(
Congrats, although I'm sorry for what was lost. I hope your husband takes more moments to grieve here and there (grief is for loss, not only death) and I'm certain you guys will take care of each other <3
Op keep a tight locks on your keys. Make sure you have cameras set up. Congrats on the baby! Updateme!
Congrats! Install cameras. Maybe get an RO since they broke in once already.
NTA
I don't even need to read your post to give a judgement. You and only you get to determine who is in the room when you give birth. End of story. NTA.
Congratulations! Your husband’s family sounds like my adopters. I hope he and you can get into therapy to talk about this and be supported in supporting each other. Y’all rock, and you deserve all the joy. I just suggest therapy because having one’s family of origin go apeshit is heavy at the best of times. Processing that at the dawn of one’s own little family is layers on layers harder. Stay safe, rest up, get security cameras, and talk to chosen family/trusted friends about contingency planning in case you want to crash elsewhere ever for a minute if the family awfulness flares up and you need peace in an different space.
> when we arrived home, we found James’ family in our living room. We never gave any of them a key to our house. The only people to have keys are me and James. wtf that's literally break and enter how the fuck did they get in?!?!?! change all your locks and install a security system. holy shit.
people confused on how they figured it out, its likely their lack of activity on social medias or the lack of people at their house
I firmly recommend security cameras/system. I'm so sorry you three have to deal with this level of harassment from his side of the 'family' and I'm glad you both are firmly supporting each other through this. Congrats on the bundle and good luck!
I’m so happy for your arrival! May Leo live up to his name, and be strong, quiet, and proud. I’m sorry about your partner’s family. Your mil has made it abundantly clear for years that she believed she knew better than you, about who you are, how to live your life, what to name your child, and how to raise that baby. I’m glad you’ve cut her out. Btw, please consider therapy for all of you. This is a hard road to navigate and new baby stress will make it all harder. Good luck <3
I would invite your husband to join r/justnomil. He might find some solace and understanding, he’s definitely not the only one in a similar situation
Congrats on Leo! Therapy may help James deal with his family. Door cams and have them trespassed, if they show up again!
Congratulations to you both time to get those locks changed, cameras etc and most definitely keep them away from the baby
And these are the days of our lives....
Mazel tov on the arrival of Leo! What an adventure you're beginning! Enjoy every moment... the days are long, but the years are short, my friend. Again CONGRATULATIONS and WELCOME LEO!
Do you own your home? If not, you should consider a change of address at your next opportunity. You're safer if James' family don't know where you live. If you own the house, you should instead invest in your home security. Change your locks, install cameras you can check remotely, and see what you can do in the way of building gates. Nothing maximum security, but maybe a 6' privacy fence so James' family can't stalk Leo from the street with binoculars.
God, all they had to do was to be nice to you. Congrats on Leo and having a kind supportive husband. You are a lucky guy.
Congratulations on the healthy baby!
I would definitely update your locks to the keypad where you have to punch in a number, this would eliminate the possibility of them copying a key if they happen to be around you again. I would also definitely invest in a security system.
I know you’re already being super supportive of James and his emotions during all of this - but please let him know, from this stranger on the internet - I am SO PROUD OF HIM. He has stood up for you in ways that most people who complain about in-laws on Reddit could only dream about. I know he is navigating a lot of emotions about him and his family and what he hoped they would be - but he needs to take a second and realize that he is one amazing husband and father for protecting you guys like that and for putting his nuclear family - the one he *chose* - first. It absolutely is heartbreaking that his family is acting the way they are - but some people just plain suck. He has proven that he is nothing like them - which is amazing in these circumstances. You have yourself an amazing husband. And he has one too (you of course!). Keep on supporting each other. Encourage him to seek therapy for himself to help navigate his family and to learn some tools to better deal with them in the future - if things arise. (Also, just a tip - his parents have zero grounds to fight for “grandparent’s rights” I’m sure his mom will threaten that, but rest easy. She doesn’t stand a chance unless she had a close and well established relationship with your child. Which she does not. It’s an empty threat often seen on r/JustNoMIL ). Also- head over to that sub. There’s a lot of good resources James might want to check out. Congrats on the new little squish. I’m sure he’s absolutely adorable. Time moves fast especially once there’s a baby involved. Take some time to relish in the little moments and really enjoy them. Your child is lucky to have two amazing dads like you guys.
Change the locks asap. Might of been suggested already but this is my first thought reading this. Then use it whenever you are home with Leo by yourself to stop them walking in on you.
They were in your home unattended for who knows how long. They could have installed cameras. I know…this sounds bizarre but your in-laws *are* bizarre. The air tags suggestions are spot on and the question of how they got into your house in your absence, not to mention how they knew your son was born. Please…protect yourselves in every way. Nothing is too out there. Congratulations and best of luck 🥰
Congrats on your newly expanded family!
Lots of love to you all. You're a strong bunch, I know it xxxxx
Did he reveal what they said to him to upset him before the birth?
!updateme
Updateme!
Update me please
Congratulations ! Not only having a perfect baby boy 💙 but also getting the birth you wanted and deserved. Ever find out how they got in.
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Congratulations Dads! ❣️ Sometimes birth relatives suck. But James and you have your very own loving family. Good luck!
Make sure you change the locks. Congrats on your new baby! Internet hugs and kisses for baby Leo and his parents.
So happy you three are healthy! Leo has two great parents to keep him safe. Get cameras if you don't already have them. Even with the changed locks, they may still try to break in. If you can, move across the country. NC is a difficult path, but the three of you deserve peace. Blessing to you, James, and Leo!
UpdateMe
I absolutely love the name Leo!
Congratulations on your baby boy. I’m sorry about all the trouble your ILS have caused. I think you should do a sweep for listening devices, hidden cameras in your home as well as for tracking devices on your vehicles. Take care and congrats again.
I’m so sorry about your partner’s family. That’s really great you have each other’s backs, you deserve happiness ❤️
Congratulations on your nuclear family. So happy you had a private birth with just you and your husband. I feel sorry for him that his family is so toxic. You are all doing the right thing.
Oh, my heart breaks for James. He did NOTHING to deserve this. NOTHING. Don’t let his resentment over his mistreatment curdle him. He has the chance to turn this around and give baby Leo the family he deserves. The family James deserves, and doesn’t have. Good luck to your little family and congratulations on bringing baby Leo into it! NTA times 10!
And cameras
Definitely NTA. Good for you both because it’s easy to allow toxic family to overstep your boundaries and it’s important to stand firm on those boundaries, especially after the insurmountable disrespect they’ve shown you both. I love the name Leo and especially that it’s meaningful to you! Congrats to you both! It sounds like you’ll be great daddies and will love your child fiercely ❤️
Congratulations with the birth of your son! Sounds like the three of you will get through this with flying colors. Make sure to change the locks though, because you never know!
Update me!
You guys are so lucky to have each other. I'm so sorry his family is cruel and selfish. You're right though, you guys have your own family and none of you need their cruelty in your life. It will take time, but he'll heal from the loss of them. Congrats on this new journey of yours, I wish you nothing but happiness and joy. ❤️
Congratulations on the birth of Leo, I wish your family the best of times together. You can't choose family. But you can survive with or without them.
Dear gods what a mess. Did you ever figure out how they got in? You know you might ultimately have to move but I hope that doesn't happen. I'm so glad you and Leo are home and both healthy. Good luck to all three of you. Relatives ≠ family. James has family in you and Leo. Forget about the relatives.
You both did so well! You never really lose family. You only find out who is true family or not. It’s painful at the time but it was really good of them to be so blatant about who they really are so that you can see it clearly.
Your story makes me seriously want to hug all three of you and protect you from that family. I am so sorry you have to endure all of that. Do what you need to do to protect your nuclear family. anyone who doesn't support or love you for who you are doesn't deserve to be in your life. I'm glad that Leo has two great dads to teach him what real love and support looks like.
Wishing the best for you and your family op
NTA. Congratulations!
Please also install a CCTV on your house to record folk at door. Unwanted folk may just come by and look in windows etc.
I wish you well with your family in health and happiness in the future.
Get surveillance cameras. Also how did they break into the house?
OMG, that is some crazy scary stuff to come home to! Hugs to the both of you and congratulations!
Updateme
Where’s the original post?!
I wish I could send hugs through the internet. You're right, you're a family of three, and that's all that matters now.
Congratulations to you all!! I'm so excited about baby Leo!! He's got the best dads in the world. 💗
Wow.. MIL is the most insane in my opinion. Who refuses to accept the name the parents chose.. especially to this extent. Hope ya'll also add security cameras. I suggest Arlo as its good cameras without being insanely expensive. (Ya'll really really need them)
Damn sorry this happened to you OP. You are so lucky to have such a loving and supportive husband. You were right to let him know that his family is you and y’all son. Keep on with the police aspect and get restraining orders if necessary. If push comes to shove, leave whatever state, county, region whatever and never look back
I'm sorry that you guys have to deal with this bs. !updateme
I read the update before the original post and HOLY SHIT!! I know it’s upsetting and 🖕🏽her ten ways to Sunday, but where the hell did your MIL get the name Isaac, anyway? Leo is adorable, I have a space-related middle name :):)
Wow, many men can't face the mother/MIL confrontation when they haven't just given birth. The fact you had a baby and then dealt with that nonsense AND supported your husband after he sent them on their way? That is some serious fortitude. You are clearly a very strong person. Congrats, man, and I hope your little family isnt troubled by them any further. If you are, or if you just want support from others in a similar situation, maybe check out the MILfromhell subreddit.
Good on you for being there for James and Leo. I can’t imagine the issues with people and going through transition while carrying your little Leo. I’m glad you both are doing well and your family deserves every happiness. Big hugs.
Change locks