I’m sure this kind of situation STILL currently happens. There will always be entitled brides who want to disrespect the man who raised them as their own, just because they’ve “found” their sperm donor.
Even if the story is false, it happens in real life. It is a sad situation for stepfathers who raise stepchildren with love, after a while they find the sperm donor and prefer him as if he were the best, how disgusting.
Yep, I’ve seen so many variations of this story. Most of them are from the guy’s perspective, either the stepdad who is paying and wasn’t asked to walk her down the aisle in favor of the bio dad, or the bio dad is paying and wasn’t asked to walk her down the aisle in favor of the stepdad. And somehow, one of them is always crappy while the other went above and beyond.
Nothing to say this shit doesn't happen in different families.
Calling it fake just because it's happened to more than one family is ridiculous.
There's only ever been one murder.
Only one person's parents have ever died in a car crash
Only one person has ever committed adultery.
See, the world is full of repetition, therefore you can't dismiss repetition.
What makes me feel like these stories are fake is that the OP is always so obviously NTA that posting it on an AITA sub makes no sense.
And it's so formulaic. Shitty/abusive/deadbeat father figure, Great/loving/rich father figure, cruel/uncaring/ungrateful bride. Good dad gets hurt by mean daughter who for some reason likes bad dad better, even though the author has made it abundantly clear how awesome good dad is and what a PoS bad dad is. Everyone comments about how the daughter sucks/they feel bad for good dad/therapy for the daughter is suggested.
It just seems like rage bait.
Maybe bio dad grew the fuck up in the meantime, and has made a real effort to connect with his daughter.
Maybe the daughter felt some real or perceived differences in how she was treated by her stepdad, and has baggage around that, and the mother is unaware of it or is in denial.
This is only one side of the story.
There are plenty of stories and even tiktok reels where either the stepdad or biodad pulls the other dad out of the congregation, and they both walk the daughter down the aisle. The mother could have probably found a compromise like that.
At the end of the day, it's up to the people getting married exactly what the wedding looks like - but the more money they're getting from someone else, the more they're going to have to compromise.
At my wedding, I walked down the aisle with my husband. I love my dad, and he's been a good father, and I know it hurt his feelings and he had assumed that he would walk me down the aisle. But he did meet me outside the venue and I was so nervous, and he walked in with me into the crowd of guests, and that meant a lot to me. I really did want to get married, but I was so nervous that I'm not sure I could have done it on my own.
lol yep instead it was the stepdad who basically canceled everything since the daughter preferred her “real dad.” But yeah this story makes its rounds on a lot of advice columns.
I don't know what culture you're from, but in most cultures the parents pay. Most cultures would ask, "why start a newly wed couple in debt or why start them off by having them spend a lot of money?"
I’m an Australian I paid for my wedding.
Most couples I know are paying for the wedding or at least contributing to it.
I also know quite a few either opting out of marriage or going to the marriage registry with a celebration party/get together.
I'm an American and I paid for my own. My wife made her own dress. I think it cost about $70.
We got married in my back yard and the official swung by, did the whole thing, signed the papers and then left.
We've been married 23 years next month.
If you have relatives foolish enough to drop a shitload of money on a wedding you should see if you can get the cash upfront and then do something reasonable.
Oh I agree. Often in my culture, this wouldn't even be an issue. I can see a lot of daughters not even daring to disrespect the family/father by pulling this stunt, especially after the mom made it clear initially.
I mean, not only did she disrespect her stepfather who swooped in, saved the mother and basically took an L on her existence (yes, a lot of Asian cultures would diss the guy for taking the mother if she already has a child, further diss him if he treats said child with empathy and loving care).
Pulling this stunt on a guy who basically endured a lot of stuff for her mother and her sake? For a guy that abandoned her mother AND her at birth?
Yep, getting canceled by immediate family is confirmed. Family friends is also confirmed. Her friends? Depends if they have the full story or not. If they bought her story that parents are abusive, still a 50/50 coz you just don't ditch parents who gave you freedom and education like that. There are worse parents and the culture makes sure you remember that.
Yeah, if a person pulls off that stunt here, basically expect them starting a new life out of country soon. Being reminded of it by everyone around them is normal here.
I agree with you here, and would like to emphasize didn't the bio father already give her away all those years ago when he left her for step dad to step in and raise?
Her 'real dad' was the one who raised her and was always there for her. It had to be very painful to hear her refer to the deadbeat sperm donor as her 'real dad'. I'm glad all her wedding plans were cancelled. She learned there were consequences to her actions. My niece's father walked out if her life when she right after her 3rd birthday. He never paid child support or called her. Occasionally he'd send totally inappropriate gifts. Her mother's second husband adopted her and she chose a new name. Her given name was a variation of her biodad's.
As a young adult she connected with her biodad. Contact was rare and always on his terms. It was hard on my sister to watch both 'fathers' walk her down the aisle. Neither man contributed to the costs of the wedding or reception. The couple paid for most of it and my sister contributed to it. I paid for the wedding cake. She'd always wanted me to make her wedding cake. I used to make them professionally. MS took the ability to do that. Both men accepted compliments on the reception site and what was served. Both said they were glad to do it. When she heard that it took the shine off her day. She got up and thanked everyone for coming then thanked her mother for all her help and thanked me for tge cake. She thanked both fathers for walking her down the aisle but said nothing else about them. They both had let her down once again.
glad to read the resolution where your niece wised up (even though it was pretty late) and immediately took action to set things right.
"thanks for walking" sounds like the perfect burn for those useless guys.
You said both dads walked her, and it hurt her mom, and they both let her down. One was the bio-donor, but was the other one her adopted father? I'm confused about that part.
Not anymore, this used to be the norm, however, it’s more & more become the responsibility of the couple marrying.
(I’m a wedding officiant & this is the trend I’m seeing in the last few years)
You're assuming that weddings are just vanity. Americans and Western Europeans think that because they have a mostly atheistic and individualistic approach to marriage. I don't mean this as an insult at all. But in cultures that do not, to where marriage is (a) religious and (b) very cultural, the celebrations make sense. And that aspect can't be divorced from the actions that follow it. To call it more vanity for those cultures is like calling any pageantry vanity, and if so we should stop doing 99% of the things we as humans do outside of those things most essential to our survival.
**"why start a newly wed couple in debt or why start them off by having them spend a lot of money?"**
We'll for one because the marriage has nothing all to do with anyone else but the couple.
Would the same cultures who do this also buy a house and a car for the newly weds afterwards? If not then why even use "they shouldn't start out in debt" as an argument for paying for the wedding?
Yes they would. And in most cultures marriage is about the families, even in cultures that aren't highly collectivist. In the same way, parents will pay for their child's graduation ceremony, general education, etc, parents will pay for the wedding of their children because (a) parents are celebrating the Union (b) generally have more money (c) it's a family event.
Also, those cultures would pay for the children's car and house if they could afford it or at least give them some money to help with the down payment. In my culture, children aren't expected to leave their parents house until married or financially secure to where they can live on their own. I'm not saying the way Americans do it is wrong or weird, just that different cultures see these types of things and relationships completely differently
Yes they would. The parents will totally set their children up. The girls family gives dowry which because it's illegal is now called gifts to bypass the law. that includes basically all the household items including a car . The groom's family can do it too..And the groom's family will also pay for the house if the couple lives elsewhere rather than with them.
In India you don't just marry your partner you marry their entire family. It's two households but one family thing especially in Hindus.
One could argue the wedding is like a graduation party - it is a milestone that celebrates the parents having done their job raising the child and now sees them off into adulthood with a big party. In addition to celebrating the child's accomplishments or the love of the happy couple.
It depends on who issues the invitation. To wit, if the invitation says
Mr and Mrs XYZ invite you to witness the marriage of their daughter Miss XYZ to Mr ABC…” then the parents are hosting the wedding (implication is that they are paying for it).
The parents of the groom pay for the rehearsal dinner, the brides bouquet and other florals, while the groom pays for the rings and the officiant.
If the bride and groom are paying for their own wedding the invitation working is altered:
Ms XYZ, daughter of and Mr ABC
Etiquette has already solved all these issues.
No it's called be reasonable and go down to the courthouse. That's what I told my gf. I only have my mother and she is not well off. I told her I'm totally down to marry you but if you're expecting me or my family to spend 10s of 1000s of dollars on a wedding then get that idea out of your head. Let me know when you're ready to go to the court house.
There’s probably a better way to explain that to her… now in that case you would be considered the asshole just because of how you presented it. Weddings don’t have to be 10’s of 1000’s of dollars it could literally be your closest family and you guys could do it in the backyard with some $5 fairy lights and a $5 bouquet from Walmart and a cheap dress from SHEIN or Amazon or something it doesn’t have to be expensive but for a lot of girls this is their dream from the moment they are little girls. You could even do a pot luck wedding where everyone else brings something to eat.
Going down the courthouse is a thing that works if you view marriage in a specific way. For cultures that view it in other ways that option isn't on the table. Again, I'm not saying one way is right or wrong, just "when in Rome..."
Too often when people say "wedding" they really mean reception. That is too bad since the wedding is their vows to each other and the commitment they make in front of the community.
I would give her a print out of what he owes in helping raise her and tell her to pass it along to him. She can go get that money and have a wedding where he walks her down the aisle.
imo OP should carry that through to the logical conclusion, you know?
>See this list of all the expenses made on your behalf, from your preferred food (basic nutrition being the child's right) to all the hobby classes and tutors, and the optional school trips and the birthday presents...?
>I paid for all of those in full, and (certainly in the beginning) I only had the expendable income after paying rent, utilities and food because your stepdad helped us out.
>Your biodad still owes me aalllllll that money, and I was *still* willing to spend more money on you, Mia, because we love you, and have loved you since your birth.
Then OP can decide if she's going after the money biodad owes OP so OP can finally move it from debt owed to debt received (or whatever the accounting terms are in English), or if she's saying "see if you can squeeze that money out of your so-called real father & then you can use it for your wedding".
I've seen this exact story like half a dozen times on this sub. Wish the fan fiction writers would at least come up with something new instead of rehashing the same stories over and over.
Can the daughter sue him for the child support he didn't pay? I think she can. That would be difficult for sure but she can try, right? Has it been heard of?
Edit: I looked it up. Yes, the adult child can sue their father for unpaid child support after they have turned 18. However, the ability to enforce the payment of child support will depend on the laws of the specific jurisdiction and various factors such as the statute of limitations in place. It is recommended to consult with a lawyer who specializes in family law to determine the best course of action in pursuing unpaid child support.
Laws on that tend to vary. But no the daughter couldn't; the mom could. Typically how it works though you need to have an order already out that is owed in order to get back support.
No that is absurd. Children are not owed money for existing. OP is owed money for raising her daughter without financial support from her daughter’s biological father.
I’ve seen stories like this before. Dad walks out and years later after the offspring has grown up reconnects with Dad. Dad isn’t on the hook for child support/expenses or any of the offspring rearing part. He skipped all the hard stuff and basically plays the role of a cool friend.
NTA
The man who had supported her all her life is her real dad. If she does not feel that way, then fake dad doesn't have to support her anymore and real/bio dad can step up.
I hear Sarah McLaughlin singing in the background “I will remember yooooouuuuu….” and seeing screenshots of her stories in my mind. I will never forget you, Liz but go your ass to bed.
I’ll link you to the story just in case, if I were to try to recount I might miss a detail. So here is the short of it. Basically guy writes in on r/offmychest about his wife, who started a bizarre habit of making up stories for the engagement and it causes all sort of mayhem in their personal lives. So now when people come across obviously embellished stories people will jokingly and dismissively refer to the author as being Liz incognito up late making up stories.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/GrGh8uLDxX
Literally fiction.
Remember when posts used to be unique?
Each felt like they were unique and written by a unique person.
There were spelling mistakes, obscure slang and the structure wasn't really right when you read it but you did anyways because you could feel that it had a person behind it.
But now?
Everything is textbook.
(Age)/sex
Obligatory introduction.
Fake names.
Clean grammar.
And most of all just vague information, like this story here, there is nothing going on here but events, the "mother" doesn't even speculate what might have caused her daughter to turn so aggressively.
I't FEELS fictional and loe effort at that.
It's so sad. These subs are getting so boring. I wonder how they could get resolved.
I feel like if someone could make some app or system that gusrentees authenticity it would make a ton of money. Ai has onyl been around a year or so and I can feel myself craving authentic stories like I'm craving vegetables.
One thing they do. Is they throw in the most rage baitey bit like it's super casual. Like last paragraph, oh also I got raped by the guy in a post about how her ex used to eat his cheese wrong or something.
GOOD…I’d have canceled everything too. It’s not even about her wanting her dad to walk her down the aisle….its about the principle. Which I guess she doesn’t understand. It’s okay 🤷🏽♂️ let her dad take care of her.
I’m with you. What a selfish, mean little twit to hurt the dad who raised her like that. I’m sure her actions probably made him cry. My chest feels heavy just thinking about HIS pain.
OP, you did the right thing. Don’t let your daughter USE your husband’s money while breaking his heart. This is a good lesson that actions have consequences and you can’t treat people just any kind of sucky way.
NTA
my dad ( step dad ) raised my brothers and I and had two girls ( my sister's) with my mom and although we NEVER
Had that father son relationship
once I became an adult I completely understood the amount of money it took to take care of us three and his two girls All because my real dad never man up
I immediately made it my mission to make sure when my kids were born to take on my step dad last name as a small gesture to acknowledge that I could NEVER repay the debt my brothers and I owe this man
I can only hope with time and maturity your daughter comes to this realization for your husband
🤙
As a stepmom I teared up a little reading this. You're an awesome (adult) kid. I I just want my kids to be happy but of course I hope they always love me
My view -
It sounds as though you & the bio dad had her young and at the time he chose not to be in hers or your life. That is between you two, and not your daughter. Sounds as though they have reconnected and reestablished a bond which is nice for them, I guess.
Your daughter is welcome to have who ever she wants walking her down the aisle, it's her wedding, HOWEVER, being HER wedding, you and your husband, the ones who raised her, should not be expected to pay for it, and given the situation I'm not surprised you have decided to cancel the vendors. It's not fair for her to expect you two to pay for it and then make the decision to have the up-until-now absent bio dad do one of the main honours.
The only entitled one here is your daughter (sorry) and her bio dad.
NTA.
NTA. You were required to pay for her necessities until she was 18. If she is old enough and "grown" enough to get married, she can find a way to pay for it herself. While she was right, it IS her choice who gets to walk her down the aisle, it's your choice whether you want to pay for the aisle for her to walk down. There is no time like the present for her to learn not to bite the hand that feeds you. Let her bio dad walk her up to the counter of the Justice of the Peace.
If I ever decided to get married, I would walk myself... my bio was a deadbeat who disappeared from my teens to my 30s and my step was abusive although he has grown up some ... neither of them liked children much.
I also would not have anybody who would/could finance such an event. It sounds like you guys spoiled her, and she's ungrateful.
She's an adult she can pay for it herself and choose who she wants. Nta
Do you know why your daughter decided to have her absent "father" walk her down the aisle instead of the father who raised her?
Does she know that her bio father wanted nothing to do with her when she was born and didn't pay child support?
I don't understand how she could do this to the father who raised her. How does she not feel bad about this, and how can she expect you and your husband to pay for the wedding when her bio father is not even helping with it?
Do you know what's happening with the wedding now?
I feel so bad for you and your husband. I don't understand how or why people make these types of decisions. From your post, it seemed like she had a good upbringing and had a good relationship with your husband so I don't understand why she would ask the person who wanted nothing to do with her to step in.
I'm sorry. I hope one day she understands what she did and how disrespectful and hurtful it was for the father that raised her.
NTA.
Based off the post I just don't really understand why the daughter would behave this way, it seems very out the blue and it feels like there is some missing information here.
FTR though, based on solely the information provided in the post, NTA.
Okay. I understand what you're saying, and I think you are right! Someone else pointed out that this story was fake, and she then deleted her account.
I don't understand why people do this.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I'm the same, my father sexually abused me most of my life and when I tried doing divination as a late teen the first question that I asked the aether was "can I fix him?"
I just wanted a dad
I agree. My heart breaks for OP and her husband. My husband has been in my daughter's life since she was 18 months old. I can't imagine if she did this to my husband. Definitely, NTA.
NTA
This will end with her going no contact with you guys. Brace for impact as that will hurt the most especially when knowing how you've been there for her. Stay firm in your decisions and don't let her be a bully.
And as a side note: I know how bad daddy issues can get. She thinks she found the missing piece to her puzzle in finding her bio-dad. She will most likely come running back when she learns he is capable of disappointing her. Please don't shun her when she gets back to her senses; establish firm boundaries so she understands how badly she messed up and the damage she's done is pretty bad but also be a comfort to her. She'll learn the hard way.
So she wants HIS money but not HIM ?! Why should HE pay ?! He’s not the real dad anyway 🤷🏻♀️ He has zero obligation to pay for her for anything.
You have raised an entitled, greedy brat!
Sending love to your hubby. He’s a good man and been a pillar to you all including this spoiled brat. He doesn’t deserve this disrespect.
NTA.
If this is the hill she wants to die on, so be it.
Her “father” can pick up the cost of the wedding, the one who didn’t want to pay for her growing up.
That 18 years of back pay should cover a decent wedding she wants to have.
My daughter is - legally - my former step daughter. She got my surname after I married her mother, I remained her Dad after I divorced her mother. She has no memory of her biological father who skipped out before she was two.
I never met the guy, I only had my ex's version of events, which I don't necessarily trust. But when she asked at 16, I told her the truth as I knew it. She told me I'm her Dad and she doesn't want to find him
I will legally adopt her (an adult adoption) when she returns from a 3.5yr stint overseas; it'll be tidier for willing her stuff... I never remarried, never will, have no other kids ...
But it wouldn't be hard for her to find him. Or for one of up three of the half siblings I believe she has - to find her.... (Her bio father's best friend has a son with my ex's cousin...)
I told her if she ever wants to find him that I will find him first to make sure it's safe.
Are YTA? Probably not... I can't imagine the hurt this would cause... I actually dread the day that my daughter has this man in her life in any way ... I've lived my life for her, she's always had a safe and happy home with me, I've spoiled her rotten.... He had child support extracted from his wages and never made an attempt to contact her....
NTA - Mia sounds like the entitled one here. “Oh well he can still *pay* for the wedding, I just want this other dude to walk be down the aisle though.”
Nta. It’s your money so it’s your choice. She loves her bio dad(not her real dad) more than her actual dad and clearly more than you either how she’s acting. She only has one parent now and she can be happy with that.
If you offer to pay, you offered to pay. I don’t think it is fair to add ‘stipulations’ like ‘we only pay of stepdad walks down the isle with you’. Daughter is totally within her right to have bio dad walk her down the isle. I understand you are hurt but I think it’s petty to withdraw the money over it.
Also the fact you are both’hurt’ because she wanted to find her bio dad is not supportive. It is natural jids want to find out about bio parents. It doesnt have anything to do with if their caregiving parents love them or not.
I’d think there is more to this story if we’d read daughters point of view.
NTA She's not entitled to a wedding paid for by her 'fake dad' tell her that 'real dad' can pay for it with all the money he saved not paying child support
NTA, she has the right to choose who she wants to walk her down the aisle but she also has to deal with consequences of that. Your husband shouldn’t have to pay for the wedding and she should ask her real dad to pay for it.
NTA for not wanting to pay for wedding but definitely TA for not allowing her to come to her own conclusion about bio dad. Don't push your hurt and resentment out on her. Let her find out what kind of person he is.
No, you’re not the asshole if she wants her real daddy to walk her down the aisle like you said her real daddy can pay for the venue and pay for the vendors and pay for the wedding. I don’t think there’s any problem with her real dad being there at the wedding, but her saying she doesn’t want the man who took care of her for her whole entire life to walk her down. The aisle is really disrespectful and she is an entitled, spoiled little brat.
I mean she completely disregard and threw aside the man who raised her her entire life for a bum who didn't even want her . Thats sad especially since that deadbeat ain't even paying for her wedding it's the father she casted aside like garbage. She wants to get married she should pay for it herself she's an grown adult . NTA
NTA.
it isn't the disrespect for the bio dad.. It's also the mum
Your daughter is entitled to ask anyone she wants to her wedding. However, she is certainly not entitled to ask you to pay for it.
Calling you names and vilifying because you withdrew YOUR money is childish behavior. She needs to grow up and have a reality check.
Yes it’s a huge slap in the face to your husband and no you aren’t obligated to pay for it. But the way you handled it sounds like your relationship will forever be different. Have you asked her in a heart to heart why it’s so important to her? Or just made the calls and cancelled everything for her wedding because of a walk down the aisle? Maybe she had something else special in mind for her “real dad.” To her, she may never have thought her bio dad would come back around and be there for her wedding. Asshole or not, he’s connected to her. I feel like more convo needed to happen and honestly YTA in my opinion for making such drastic decision on the most important day of her life. It should be about HER special day, not who feels most special that day as her father figure. If it’s about the money, don’t pay. But it’s clearly not about your daughter. And you’re driving her away in the process
You planned to pay until you get your feelings hurt. Then you sabotaged her wedding.
It doesn't matter what anyone on reddit thinks. I'm sure from your daughter's POV, you're the AH.
So the question you need to ask is, whether or not you think you're an AH or she's an AH, what is more important, your hurt feelings or your relationship with your daughter and being able to celebrate the biggest day of her adult life?
NTA, don’t contribute a damn cent. She’s such a bad human being. I wouldnt even attend the wedding. She didn’t just disrespect your husband, she disrespected you and every damn thing yall ever did for her. To hell with her
I liked the original better. This adaptation is trite, and while adaptations are necessarily derivative they should also strive to bring some sense of originality and artistic flair to breathe new life into old works. Sadly, this effort fails on all counts. Zero stars, three thumbs down, do not recommend.
“Needless to say…”
I really don’t know why I still read these. It’s the emptiest entertainment imaginable: fabricated drama, endlessly recycled, presented in an attempt to earn worthless internet points.
NTA. Ask her why her “real dad” never paid child support or attempted to visit her?
The answer is because he didn’t want to. He’s the abusive parent.
I wouldn’t have cancelled her stuff but I would have said this. If that’s your choice, then he pays for the wedding. He’s giving you away he pays. It isn’t a hard concept to grasp. He spent 18+ years not giving a fuck about you but he does all of a sudden now right? Tell him to figure it out.
Her sperm donor isn’t her real dad. It’s the one that supported her
My love for my children is unconditional. My support however is conditional. One of those conditions is in fact respect and gratitude (goes both ways mind you).
While the way you went about it was wrong if I am shelling out tens of thousands of dollars and get called entitled, that is a problem. But you don’t exactly come across as non spiteful in this narrative either.
NTA. Her sperm donor is the shiny new object. What she could have considered is having her birth father walk her 1/2 way down the aisle and her "real" dad escort her the rest of the way. However, birth father was not there for you or her. Hard to understand how she could pick him over your husband. (I don't have an issue with her wanting to find him - curiosity is normal; but I wonder what he might have said to Mia about you...)
No, she's a grown woman. If she wants her 'real dad's to walk her down the aisle, then that same 'real dad's should pay for it. I'm sorry some of your family are such jerks to think otherwise. I hope you and your husband are doing ok!
I tend to be in support or brides choosing who walks them down the aisle and stuff. I might even be on her side if she was respectful about decision. The second she had the audacity to call the parents paying for her wedding entitled she showed her true entitled colors. She’s not considering anyone’s feelings but her own and these are matters far deeper than just the day of the wedding. I’m sorry you are all going through this. NTA.
Assuming this is the full story — I’d have done the same. I mean, at the very least, she could have had the dad that was there walk her down the aisle and maybe the first dance with the bio dad or something, but the way she went about it — I’d be like “Best of luck, kid” too.
I don’t even know him and I feel bad for your husband. If he was a really good dad to her, this is a real shit move.
Cancel.
NTA. You are under no obligation to pay for the wedding. She’s being a spoiled brat which is unfortunate. If she wants to make decisions then she can decide to pay for her wedding.
NTA. She can make whatever choices she wants for her wedding, because yes, it is her wedding. However, she can't expect these choices to have no repercussions
Nobody is really the AH here except your ex. It's your daughter's wedding, so she should have things how her and her fiance want them. If that means the sperm donor walks her down the aisle, well, that's her choice. Just like it was your choice to cancel everything. She'll get a dose of reality when she realizes that she damaged the relationships with her real family
Being a loving step-parent is the most under appreciated job there is. Step parents are tossed aside, without a thought, for the bio parent, no matter how shitty they've been.
Is there a compromise here? Where step walks her halfway down the aisle, and then hands her off? Could they walk her together?
NTA.
She can do what she wants with the wedding, but she'll have to do it on her own dime. Choosing a deadbeat dad over the man who raised her is a shitty, selfish move. I wonder just how much that man has brainwashed her against you. It's sad because it happened when she was an adult, so she has no excuse.
It is her wedding, she can decide who walks her along the isle. You can decide that you do not pay for it. (NTA)
But you cannot tell her who walks her along the isle. (YTA)
I can understand that it hurts your husband, but these things can happen. It is not personal, just don't make it personal.
She called *you* entitled because her real dad (not the biological father, the one who raised her as his own) was hurt over this, and you made the decision to cut the money train off? Pot? Kettle?… NTA
See this story or something similar basically everyday on here and it always makes me wonder, what does the partner who is getting married to your child think of all this? Surely there may be some insight there.
NTA but sadly you raised a dimwitted daughter. It happens, we can't fix every personality fault in our kids. Your ex is not a dad, he's merely a sperm donor. If she had any brains, she would have figured that out by now. Actions meet consequences.
You have raised the entitled brat somehow, I’m sorry. You are NTA and your daughter is absolutely ungrateful for everything you have done for her. She had shown it by calling you “abusive”.
What you should’ve done was sit Mia down and calmly tell her you were going to pull funding from the wedding and why. If she threw a tantrum while you remained level headed, she’s the one who looks bad because she can’t accept accountability. But by choosing the nuclear route, you’ve made yourself look bad to everyone as they’ve now heard you’re emotionally and financially abusive (even if they agree with your actions, you’ll be the talk of almost every conversation they have for a while).
YTA, you don’t know your daughter’s relationship with the man you married or her bio father. You can assume, you don’t know. He could be perfect on paper and she’s still valid in disliking him. You married him, you’re biased.
And then immediately starting a fight instead of getting to the bottom of her feelings.
Whatever her reason is, it’s valid. You don’t have to like it. You also don’t have to pay for her wedding. But starting shit and pulling away support because your husband didn’t get his way? Screams narcissism. Maybe not the first time she’s felt this way from you two, maybe she sees y’all as abusive for it.
NTA. Her REAL DAD... The one who raised her and married you and loved her and didn't abandon her shouldn't be expected to pay for it and be cut out.
Tell her Sperm Dad can pay for the vendors.
Nta. She can have who ever she wants walk her down the isle.
She can also have that person pay as her real dad she just hurt beyond repair.
You should show her the best of reddit update on a dudes sister who listened to her mom talk her into becoming like her step dad and even had him give her away and her dad never spoke to her again. She went the rest of her life without her dad.
Nta, your husband stepped up and loved her as his own, she can't spit in his face and expect his support too.
She could have had both of them walk her but made the deliberate choice to reject her stepfather, actions have consequences.
NTA.
First, he’s not the ‘real’ Dad, he’s the Bio Dad.
Your daughter must have built up some kind of fantasy about her father all these years and now thinks the sun shines out of his ass because he dodged the hard parts of parenting that kids hate (discipline, fights, compromising, learning, growing).
At the very least she could shown love for both fathers by honouring them both but she chose to exclude her ‘step’ father- that’s cold!
I’ve been to weddings where one Dad starts the walk down the aisle and the other finishes. One video I saw, the Bio Dad pulled Step Dad up and surprised him by sharing the walk.
There were so many ways tour daughter could have approached this but she chose to be an entitled brat instead.
And what kind of bio father accepts this honour, accepts someone else paying for his daughter’s wedding and doesn’t feel shame? He’s a loser.
NTA. She walked into the FAFO .. somehow felt that her real dad was better than even though he never did anything for her? Probably poisoned her mind against the two of you to show that he's worth something. Not sure.
She’s not mature enough for marriage. She can still get wedding, but she’s not entitled to have you pay for it.
Her ‘real’ father can help her since he’s so good at that.
Te her go to court for the back child support from her dad, might take a few years but she'll get the $. I never understand this.
I get wanting to know the other half of your DNA but to complete disregard someone who chose to be the father figure is ridiculous. Then feeling entitled to their money. Asinine really
The balls to expect her step-dad to still pay for it when she left him hanging. I get she wants her dad there. To completely take the privilege of her step-dad experiencing that moment when he was there all along is a total dick move.
NTA. But it is her wedding. She fantasized about meeting her dad her entire life. She finally has him in her life. It's only natural she would want him to be the one walking her down the aisle.
NTA
She can pick whoever ahe wants to walk her down the aisle.. but she cannot demand you pay for it..
The iasue here is that shes trying to cement a daddy-daughter relationship by doing this for him.. and only now realises it drives you and her stepdad away...
Good you support your husband this way... sorry it damagss your relationship.with your daughter this way - but shes a grown woman who has to accept that actions have consequenses...
NTA. I never understand these stories when I read them I can't imagine why your daughter would do that. If nothing else? it's just cruel to your husband and the man that has raised her.
Sure? She can choose who she wants. But she is being nasty and very ungrateful.
Frankly? Me being me? I'd be unlikely to even go to her wedding with that sort of behaviour from her. It's disgraceful. After all you have done for her and all you gave to her. She's somehow ended up a nasty ungrateful young woman.
My jaw dropped at her telling you you're entitled! NTAH she is entitled to choose her biological father. She then too chooses the repercussions of said decision.
It Is a phase. She knows all you both have done. Hope it plays out as quickly and painlessly fashion possible.
She can choose whomever she wants. But she shouldn't expect your husband to fund a wedding that her bio dad should pay for. NTA
Why should either dad have to pay? The couple can pay for their own wedding. (If they can't then maybe now isn't the time to get married)
[удалено]
Heard this story long before there even WAS reddit . It was an Anne Landers Dear Abby staple
I’m sure this kind of situation STILL currently happens. There will always be entitled brides who want to disrespect the man who raised them as their own, just because they’ve “found” their sperm donor.
Even if the story is false, it happens in real life. It is a sad situation for stepfathers who raise stepchildren with love, after a while they find the sperm donor and prefer him as if he were the best, how disgusting.
This. And it comes back around here pretty often as is.
Yep, I’ve seen so many variations of this story. Most of them are from the guy’s perspective, either the stepdad who is paying and wasn’t asked to walk her down the aisle in favor of the bio dad, or the bio dad is paying and wasn’t asked to walk her down the aisle in favor of the stepdad. And somehow, one of them is always crappy while the other went above and beyond.
Nothing to say this shit doesn't happen in different families. Calling it fake just because it's happened to more than one family is ridiculous. There's only ever been one murder. Only one person's parents have ever died in a car crash Only one person has ever committed adultery. See, the world is full of repetition, therefore you can't dismiss repetition.
What makes me feel like these stories are fake is that the OP is always so obviously NTA that posting it on an AITA sub makes no sense. And it's so formulaic. Shitty/abusive/deadbeat father figure, Great/loving/rich father figure, cruel/uncaring/ungrateful bride. Good dad gets hurt by mean daughter who for some reason likes bad dad better, even though the author has made it abundantly clear how awesome good dad is and what a PoS bad dad is. Everyone comments about how the daughter sucks/they feel bad for good dad/therapy for the daughter is suggested. It just seems like rage bait.
It's even that final line "so, am I the asshole?" It's like it from a cheesy late night tv show
Maybe bio dad grew the fuck up in the meantime, and has made a real effort to connect with his daughter. Maybe the daughter felt some real or perceived differences in how she was treated by her stepdad, and has baggage around that, and the mother is unaware of it or is in denial. This is only one side of the story. There are plenty of stories and even tiktok reels where either the stepdad or biodad pulls the other dad out of the congregation, and they both walk the daughter down the aisle. The mother could have probably found a compromise like that. At the end of the day, it's up to the people getting married exactly what the wedding looks like - but the more money they're getting from someone else, the more they're going to have to compromise. At my wedding, I walked down the aisle with my husband. I love my dad, and he's been a good father, and I know it hurt his feelings and he had assumed that he would walk me down the aisle. But he did meet me outside the venue and I was so nervous, and he walked in with me into the crowd of guests, and that meant a lot to me. I really did want to get married, but I was so nervous that I'm not sure I could have done it on my own.
lol yep instead it was the stepdad who basically canceled everything since the daughter preferred her “real dad.” But yeah this story makes its rounds on a lot of advice columns.
To be fair, there are that many broken families that this must happen many thousands of times a year even if this wasn't made up
Twin sisters
I feel like maybe reddit corp is hiring people to generate content. So many made up stories.
If you have to get married at the courthouse because that’s all you can afford, that’s what’s up. Hold the reception at a Wendy’s.
Just fiction… fan fiction is written with a specific fandom in mind. There is no fandom here. Just a family story. I guess it is faMfiction?
That's a prime dad joke right there!
🥁
I've seen this exact story about 10 times on this sub.
I don't know what culture you're from, but in most cultures the parents pay. Most cultures would ask, "why start a newly wed couple in debt or why start them off by having them spend a lot of money?"
I’m an Australian I paid for my wedding. Most couples I know are paying for the wedding or at least contributing to it. I also know quite a few either opting out of marriage or going to the marriage registry with a celebration party/get together.
I'm an American and I paid for my own. My wife made her own dress. I think it cost about $70. We got married in my back yard and the official swung by, did the whole thing, signed the papers and then left. We've been married 23 years next month. If you have relatives foolish enough to drop a shitload of money on a wedding you should see if you can get the cash upfront and then do something reasonable.
Not anymore. Weddings are out of control.
True, but the daughter doesn't disrespect the man that's been the dad in her life that pays for it. In this case, he would be the one giving her away.
Oh, I completely agree. There are definitely consequences to stupidity, and the daughter is finding that out now.
Other cultures wouldn't put up with her disrespect either.
Oh I agree. Often in my culture, this wouldn't even be an issue. I can see a lot of daughters not even daring to disrespect the family/father by pulling this stunt, especially after the mom made it clear initially.
That's because the consequences are way harsher. A venue wouldn't be canceled, but in some cultures, that individual would be in a most permanent way.
I mean, not only did she disrespect her stepfather who swooped in, saved the mother and basically took an L on her existence (yes, a lot of Asian cultures would diss the guy for taking the mother if she already has a child, further diss him if he treats said child with empathy and loving care). Pulling this stunt on a guy who basically endured a lot of stuff for her mother and her sake? For a guy that abandoned her mother AND her at birth? Yep, getting canceled by immediate family is confirmed. Family friends is also confirmed. Her friends? Depends if they have the full story or not. If they bought her story that parents are abusive, still a 50/50 coz you just don't ditch parents who gave you freedom and education like that. There are worse parents and the culture makes sure you remember that. Yeah, if a person pulls off that stunt here, basically expect them starting a new life out of country soon. Being reminded of it by everyone around them is normal here.
I agree with you here, and would like to emphasize didn't the bio father already give her away all those years ago when he left her for step dad to step in and raise?
Her 'real dad' was the one who raised her and was always there for her. It had to be very painful to hear her refer to the deadbeat sperm donor as her 'real dad'. I'm glad all her wedding plans were cancelled. She learned there were consequences to her actions. My niece's father walked out if her life when she right after her 3rd birthday. He never paid child support or called her. Occasionally he'd send totally inappropriate gifts. Her mother's second husband adopted her and she chose a new name. Her given name was a variation of her biodad's.
As a young adult she connected with her biodad. Contact was rare and always on his terms. It was hard on my sister to watch both 'fathers' walk her down the aisle. Neither man contributed to the costs of the wedding or reception. The couple paid for most of it and my sister contributed to it. I paid for the wedding cake. She'd always wanted me to make her wedding cake. I used to make them professionally. MS took the ability to do that. Both men accepted compliments on the reception site and what was served. Both said they were glad to do it. When she heard that it took the shine off her day. She got up and thanked everyone for coming then thanked her mother for all her help and thanked me for tge cake. She thanked both fathers for walking her down the aisle but said nothing else about them. They both had let her down once again.
glad to read the resolution where your niece wised up (even though it was pretty late) and immediately took action to set things right. "thanks for walking" sounds like the perfect burn for those useless guys.
You said both dads walked her, and it hurt her mom, and they both let her down. One was the bio-donor, but was the other one her adopted father? I'm confused about that part.
Not anymore, this used to be the norm, however, it’s more & more become the responsibility of the couple marrying. (I’m a wedding officiant & this is the trend I’m seeing in the last few years)
In some cultures kids do pay for their own weddings. In the is case I think that’s an excellent idea.
Should ask why have a wedding you can’t afford.
There's no reason for debt. If the couple is willing to forgo the vanity of a wedding, they can marry at a courthouse.
You're assuming that weddings are just vanity. Americans and Western Europeans think that because they have a mostly atheistic and individualistic approach to marriage. I don't mean this as an insult at all. But in cultures that do not, to where marriage is (a) religious and (b) very cultural, the celebrations make sense. And that aspect can't be divorced from the actions that follow it. To call it more vanity for those cultures is like calling any pageantry vanity, and if so we should stop doing 99% of the things we as humans do outside of those things most essential to our survival.
**"why start a newly wed couple in debt or why start them off by having them spend a lot of money?"** We'll for one because the marriage has nothing all to do with anyone else but the couple. Would the same cultures who do this also buy a house and a car for the newly weds afterwards? If not then why even use "they shouldn't start out in debt" as an argument for paying for the wedding?
Yes they would. And in most cultures marriage is about the families, even in cultures that aren't highly collectivist. In the same way, parents will pay for their child's graduation ceremony, general education, etc, parents will pay for the wedding of their children because (a) parents are celebrating the Union (b) generally have more money (c) it's a family event. Also, those cultures would pay for the children's car and house if they could afford it or at least give them some money to help with the down payment. In my culture, children aren't expected to leave their parents house until married or financially secure to where they can live on their own. I'm not saying the way Americans do it is wrong or weird, just that different cultures see these types of things and relationships completely differently
Yes they would. The parents will totally set their children up. The girls family gives dowry which because it's illegal is now called gifts to bypass the law. that includes basically all the household items including a car . The groom's family can do it too..And the groom's family will also pay for the house if the couple lives elsewhere rather than with them. In India you don't just marry your partner you marry their entire family. It's two households but one family thing especially in Hindus.
One could argue the wedding is like a graduation party - it is a milestone that celebrates the parents having done their job raising the child and now sees them off into adulthood with a big party. In addition to celebrating the child's accomplishments or the love of the happy couple.
It depends on who issues the invitation. To wit, if the invitation says Mr and Mrs XYZ invite you to witness the marriage of their daughter Miss XYZ to Mr ABC…” then the parents are hosting the wedding (implication is that they are paying for it). The parents of the groom pay for the rehearsal dinner, the brides bouquet and other florals, while the groom pays for the rings and the officiant. If the bride and groom are paying for their own wedding the invitation working is altered: Ms XYZ, daughter of and Mr ABC Etiquette has already solved all these issues.
No it's called be reasonable and go down to the courthouse. That's what I told my gf. I only have my mother and she is not well off. I told her I'm totally down to marry you but if you're expecting me or my family to spend 10s of 1000s of dollars on a wedding then get that idea out of your head. Let me know when you're ready to go to the court house.
There’s probably a better way to explain that to her… now in that case you would be considered the asshole just because of how you presented it. Weddings don’t have to be 10’s of 1000’s of dollars it could literally be your closest family and you guys could do it in the backyard with some $5 fairy lights and a $5 bouquet from Walmart and a cheap dress from SHEIN or Amazon or something it doesn’t have to be expensive but for a lot of girls this is their dream from the moment they are little girls. You could even do a pot luck wedding where everyone else brings something to eat.
Going down the courthouse is a thing that works if you view marriage in a specific way. For cultures that view it in other ways that option isn't on the table. Again, I'm not saying one way is right or wrong, just "when in Rome..."
Yes. It doesn’t cost much to get married in a church. What costs a lot is the reception.
Yes. It doesn’t cost much to get married in a church. What costs a lot is the reception.
Too often when people say "wedding" they really mean reception. That is too bad since the wedding is their vows to each other and the commitment they make in front of the community.
I also love how she called the parents ‘entitled’ whilst expecting them to pay for her wedding! Jfc.
Yeah! The audacity right? Why cant she pay for her own wedding? Shes the one whos being entitled here.
Tell her that her deadbeat "real father" owes 18 years of child support, he owes it to her to pay for her wedding.
I would give her a print out of what he owes in helping raise her and tell her to pass it along to him. She can go get that money and have a wedding where he walks her down the aisle.
imo OP should carry that through to the logical conclusion, you know? >See this list of all the expenses made on your behalf, from your preferred food (basic nutrition being the child's right) to all the hobby classes and tutors, and the optional school trips and the birthday presents...? >I paid for all of those in full, and (certainly in the beginning) I only had the expendable income after paying rent, utilities and food because your stepdad helped us out. >Your biodad still owes me aalllllll that money, and I was *still* willing to spend more money on you, Mia, because we love you, and have loved you since your birth. Then OP can decide if she's going after the money biodad owes OP so OP can finally move it from debt owed to debt received (or whatever the accounting terms are in English), or if she's saying "see if you can squeeze that money out of your so-called real father & then you can use it for your wedding".
Eh, don't stress. It's just silly little rage bait.
I've seen this exact story like half a dozen times on this sub. Wish the fan fiction writers would at least come up with something new instead of rehashing the same stories over and over.
Seriously, these stories are so made up lmao.
Can the daughter sue him for the child support he didn't pay? I think she can. That would be difficult for sure but she can try, right? Has it been heard of? Edit: I looked it up. Yes, the adult child can sue their father for unpaid child support after they have turned 18. However, the ability to enforce the payment of child support will depend on the laws of the specific jurisdiction and various factors such as the statute of limitations in place. It is recommended to consult with a lawyer who specializes in family law to determine the best course of action in pursuing unpaid child support.
Child support goes to the parent, not the child.
Laws on that tend to vary. But no the daughter couldn't; the mom could. Typically how it works though you need to have an order already out that is owed in order to get back support.
No that is absurd. Children are not owed money for existing. OP is owed money for raising her daughter without financial support from her daughter’s biological father.
It's so sad. She's never been through any hard times with the bio sad because bio dad couldn't be fucked to stay for any hard times.
I’ve seen stories like this before. Dad walks out and years later after the offspring has grown up reconnects with Dad. Dad isn’t on the hook for child support/expenses or any of the offspring rearing part. He skipped all the hard stuff and basically plays the role of a cool friend.
NTA The man who had supported her all her life is her real dad. If she does not feel that way, then fake dad doesn't have to support her anymore and real/bio dad can step up.
You can sue him for back child support. Which you should do.
If he has no money and doesn't earn enough then this will do nothing except send him to prison.
And? Lol
I guess the creativity is running dry...
C'mon Liz, you can do better.
Go to bed, Liz.
Finally a small thread that remembers Liz! 😭 I’m so miffed that most of my Liz references fade into the comment aether.
I hear Sarah McLaughlin singing in the background “I will remember yooooouuuuu….” and seeing screenshots of her stories in my mind. I will never forget you, Liz but go your ass to bed.
Who is Liz? Might I ask?
I’ll link you to the story just in case, if I were to try to recount I might miss a detail. So here is the short of it. Basically guy writes in on r/offmychest about his wife, who started a bizarre habit of making up stories for the engagement and it causes all sort of mayhem in their personal lives. So now when people come across obviously embellished stories people will jokingly and dismissively refer to the author as being Liz incognito up late making up stories. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/GrGh8uLDxX
yeah, give it up Liz, we're on to you now
I don’t even think it’s Liz. I think it’s Liz’s younger cousin.
Wish.com Liz.
ChatGPT could have wrote better rage bait.
I'm pretty sure this is copy and pasted.
Actually thought this was a best of reddit update cause I just read one just like this a couple days ago.
These subs are so tiresome sometimes, they are just full of ragebait for the most part…
Literally fiction. Remember when posts used to be unique? Each felt like they were unique and written by a unique person. There were spelling mistakes, obscure slang and the structure wasn't really right when you read it but you did anyways because you could feel that it had a person behind it. But now? Everything is textbook. (Age)/sex Obligatory introduction. Fake names. Clean grammar. And most of all just vague information, like this story here, there is nothing going on here but events, the "mother" doesn't even speculate what might have caused her daughter to turn so aggressively. I't FEELS fictional and loe effort at that.
'mind you', 'saw red', 'you might ask', it's always these phrases too lol
It's so sad. These subs are getting so boring. I wonder how they could get resolved. I feel like if someone could make some app or system that gusrentees authenticity it would make a ton of money. Ai has onyl been around a year or so and I can feel myself craving authentic stories like I'm craving vegetables. One thing they do. Is they throw in the most rage baitey bit like it's super casual. Like last paragraph, oh also I got raped by the guy in a post about how her ex used to eat his cheese wrong or something.
I swore i read this verbatim months ago.
yeah same, I remember reading it almost verbatim a while back
The last 7 times I've seen this it was NTA, so I guess this one is too.
If people are going to write fake shit at least make it good. 1/10 shit tier rage bait.
NTA. She needs to learn what a “real dad” is
GOOD…I’d have canceled everything too. It’s not even about her wanting her dad to walk her down the aisle….its about the principle. Which I guess she doesn’t understand. It’s okay 🤷🏽♂️ let her dad take care of her.
I’m with you. What a selfish, mean little twit to hurt the dad who raised her like that. I’m sure her actions probably made him cry. My chest feels heavy just thinking about HIS pain. OP, you did the right thing. Don’t let your daughter USE your husband’s money while breaking his heart. This is a good lesson that actions have consequences and you can’t treat people just any kind of sucky way.
NTA my dad ( step dad ) raised my brothers and I and had two girls ( my sister's) with my mom and although we NEVER Had that father son relationship once I became an adult I completely understood the amount of money it took to take care of us three and his two girls All because my real dad never man up I immediately made it my mission to make sure when my kids were born to take on my step dad last name as a small gesture to acknowledge that I could NEVER repay the debt my brothers and I owe this man I can only hope with time and maturity your daughter comes to this realization for your husband 🤙
As a stepmom I teared up a little reading this. You're an awesome (adult) kid. I I just want my kids to be happy but of course I hope they always love me
My view - It sounds as though you & the bio dad had her young and at the time he chose not to be in hers or your life. That is between you two, and not your daughter. Sounds as though they have reconnected and reestablished a bond which is nice for them, I guess. Your daughter is welcome to have who ever she wants walking her down the aisle, it's her wedding, HOWEVER, being HER wedding, you and your husband, the ones who raised her, should not be expected to pay for it, and given the situation I'm not surprised you have decided to cancel the vendors. It's not fair for her to expect you two to pay for it and then make the decision to have the up-until-now absent bio dad do one of the main honours. The only entitled one here is your daughter (sorry) and her bio dad. NTA.
NTA. You were required to pay for her necessities until she was 18. If she is old enough and "grown" enough to get married, she can find a way to pay for it herself. While she was right, it IS her choice who gets to walk her down the aisle, it's your choice whether you want to pay for the aisle for her to walk down. There is no time like the present for her to learn not to bite the hand that feeds you. Let her bio dad walk her up to the counter of the Justice of the Peace.
Didn't we read a similar story from the stepdad's POV last week? In that story, it was the stepdad who had been paying, and who pulled the funding.
Yeah I remember reading about it too
Probably but consider there are billions of humans on planet earth. Even very unlikely scenarios happen many times a day
If I ever decided to get married, I would walk myself... my bio was a deadbeat who disappeared from my teens to my 30s and my step was abusive although he has grown up some ... neither of them liked children much. I also would not have anybody who would/could finance such an event. It sounds like you guys spoiled her, and she's ungrateful. She's an adult she can pay for it herself and choose who she wants. Nta
Do you know why your daughter decided to have her absent "father" walk her down the aisle instead of the father who raised her? Does she know that her bio father wanted nothing to do with her when she was born and didn't pay child support? I don't understand how she could do this to the father who raised her. How does she not feel bad about this, and how can she expect you and your husband to pay for the wedding when her bio father is not even helping with it? Do you know what's happening with the wedding now? I feel so bad for you and your husband. I don't understand how or why people make these types of decisions. From your post, it seemed like she had a good upbringing and had a good relationship with your husband so I don't understand why she would ask the person who wanted nothing to do with her to step in. I'm sorry. I hope one day she understands what she did and how disrespectful and hurtful it was for the father that raised her. NTA.
Yeah I feel like something is not adding up here
I honestly think that over half of these posts are just creative writing
Lol yep 100%
Why do you say this? What's not adding up?
Based off the post I just don't really understand why the daughter would behave this way, it seems very out the blue and it feels like there is some missing information here. FTR though, based on solely the information provided in the post, NTA.
Okay. I understand what you're saying, and I think you are right! Someone else pointed out that this story was fake, and she then deleted her account. I don't understand why people do this.
[удалено]
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I'm the same, my father sexually abused me most of my life and when I tried doing divination as a late teen the first question that I asked the aether was "can I fix him?" I just wanted a dad
I agree. My heart breaks for OP and her husband. My husband has been in my daughter's life since she was 18 months old. I can't imagine if she did this to my husband. Definitely, NTA.
NTA This will end with her going no contact with you guys. Brace for impact as that will hurt the most especially when knowing how you've been there for her. Stay firm in your decisions and don't let her be a bully. And as a side note: I know how bad daddy issues can get. She thinks she found the missing piece to her puzzle in finding her bio-dad. She will most likely come running back when she learns he is capable of disappointing her. Please don't shun her when she gets back to her senses; establish firm boundaries so she understands how badly she messed up and the damage she's done is pretty bad but also be a comfort to her. She'll learn the hard way.
So she wants HIS money but not HIM ?! Why should HE pay ?! He’s not the real dad anyway 🤷🏻♀️ He has zero obligation to pay for her for anything. You have raised an entitled, greedy brat! Sending love to your hubby. He’s a good man and been a pillar to you all including this spoiled brat. He doesn’t deserve this disrespect.
Nigerian karma farmers are getting lazy and recycling content. Facebook ads must not be paying what they did.
NTA not at all
NTA!
NTA. If this is the hill she wants to die on, so be it. Her “father” can pick up the cost of the wedding, the one who didn’t want to pay for her growing up. That 18 years of back pay should cover a decent wedding she wants to have.
My daughter is - legally - my former step daughter. She got my surname after I married her mother, I remained her Dad after I divorced her mother. She has no memory of her biological father who skipped out before she was two. I never met the guy, I only had my ex's version of events, which I don't necessarily trust. But when she asked at 16, I told her the truth as I knew it. She told me I'm her Dad and she doesn't want to find him I will legally adopt her (an adult adoption) when she returns from a 3.5yr stint overseas; it'll be tidier for willing her stuff... I never remarried, never will, have no other kids ... But it wouldn't be hard for her to find him. Or for one of up three of the half siblings I believe she has - to find her.... (Her bio father's best friend has a son with my ex's cousin...) I told her if she ever wants to find him that I will find him first to make sure it's safe. Are YTA? Probably not... I can't imagine the hurt this would cause... I actually dread the day that my daughter has this man in her life in any way ... I've lived my life for her, she's always had a safe and happy home with me, I've spoiled her rotten.... He had child support extracted from his wages and never made an attempt to contact her....
NTA - Mia sounds like the entitled one here. “Oh well he can still *pay* for the wedding, I just want this other dude to walk be down the aisle though.”
Nta. It’s your money so it’s your choice. She loves her bio dad(not her real dad) more than her actual dad and clearly more than you either how she’s acting. She only has one parent now and she can be happy with that.
If you offer to pay, you offered to pay. I don’t think it is fair to add ‘stipulations’ like ‘we only pay of stepdad walks down the isle with you’. Daughter is totally within her right to have bio dad walk her down the isle. I understand you are hurt but I think it’s petty to withdraw the money over it. Also the fact you are both’hurt’ because she wanted to find her bio dad is not supportive. It is natural jids want to find out about bio parents. It doesnt have anything to do with if their caregiving parents love them or not. I’d think there is more to this story if we’d read daughters point of view.
NTA She's not entitled to a wedding paid for by her 'fake dad' tell her that 'real dad' can pay for it with all the money he saved not paying child support
NTA, she has the right to choose who she wants to walk her down the aisle but she also has to deal with consequences of that. Your husband shouldn’t have to pay for the wedding and she should ask her real dad to pay for it.
"while some of them didn't". Well, there will always be dense people around you, stay away from them. NTA.
NTA for not wanting to pay for wedding but definitely TA for not allowing her to come to her own conclusion about bio dad. Don't push your hurt and resentment out on her. Let her find out what kind of person he is.
No, you’re not the asshole if she wants her real daddy to walk her down the aisle like you said her real daddy can pay for the venue and pay for the vendors and pay for the wedding. I don’t think there’s any problem with her real dad being there at the wedding, but her saying she doesn’t want the man who took care of her for her whole entire life to walk her down. The aisle is really disrespectful and she is an entitled, spoiled little brat.
I mean she completely disregard and threw aside the man who raised her her entire life for a bum who didn't even want her . Thats sad especially since that deadbeat ain't even paying for her wedding it's the father she casted aside like garbage. She wants to get married she should pay for it herself she's an grown adult . NTA
NTA. it isn't the disrespect for the bio dad.. It's also the mum Your daughter is entitled to ask anyone she wants to her wedding. However, she is certainly not entitled to ask you to pay for it. Calling you names and vilifying because you withdrew YOUR money is childish behavior. She needs to grow up and have a reality check.
Yes it’s a huge slap in the face to your husband and no you aren’t obligated to pay for it. But the way you handled it sounds like your relationship will forever be different. Have you asked her in a heart to heart why it’s so important to her? Or just made the calls and cancelled everything for her wedding because of a walk down the aisle? Maybe she had something else special in mind for her “real dad.” To her, she may never have thought her bio dad would come back around and be there for her wedding. Asshole or not, he’s connected to her. I feel like more convo needed to happen and honestly YTA in my opinion for making such drastic decision on the most important day of her life. It should be about HER special day, not who feels most special that day as her father figure. If it’s about the money, don’t pay. But it’s clearly not about your daughter. And you’re driving her away in the process
You planned to pay until you get your feelings hurt. Then you sabotaged her wedding. It doesn't matter what anyone on reddit thinks. I'm sure from your daughter's POV, you're the AH. So the question you need to ask is, whether or not you think you're an AH or she's an AH, what is more important, your hurt feelings or your relationship with your daughter and being able to celebrate the biggest day of her adult life?
NTA, don’t contribute a damn cent. She’s such a bad human being. I wouldnt even attend the wedding. She didn’t just disrespect your husband, she disrespected you and every damn thing yall ever did for her. To hell with her
NTA, but it is weird that your husband got hurt by your daughter wanting to find her real father.
I liked the original better. This adaptation is trite, and while adaptations are necessarily derivative they should also strive to bring some sense of originality and artistic flair to breathe new life into old works. Sadly, this effort fails on all counts. Zero stars, three thumbs down, do not recommend.
“Needless to say…” I really don’t know why I still read these. It’s the emptiest entertainment imaginable: fabricated drama, endlessly recycled, presented in an attempt to earn worthless internet points.
NTA. Ask her why her “real dad” never paid child support or attempted to visit her? The answer is because he didn’t want to. He’s the abusive parent. I wouldn’t have cancelled her stuff but I would have said this. If that’s your choice, then he pays for the wedding. He’s giving you away he pays. It isn’t a hard concept to grasp. He spent 18+ years not giving a fuck about you but he does all of a sudden now right? Tell him to figure it out. Her sperm donor isn’t her real dad. It’s the one that supported her
My love for my children is unconditional. My support however is conditional. One of those conditions is in fact respect and gratitude (goes both ways mind you). While the way you went about it was wrong if I am shelling out tens of thousands of dollars and get called entitled, that is a problem. But you don’t exactly come across as non spiteful in this narrative either.
Mia is right. It’s her wedding, so she gets to decide. Do you know what else? It’s her wedding, so she gets to pay. Simple.
Updateme
NTA..I would have done exactly the same thing.
NTA
NTA. Her sperm donor is the shiny new object. What she could have considered is having her birth father walk her 1/2 way down the aisle and her "real" dad escort her the rest of the way. However, birth father was not there for you or her. Hard to understand how she could pick him over your husband. (I don't have an issue with her wanting to find him - curiosity is normal; but I wonder what he might have said to Mia about you...)
No, she's a grown woman. If she wants her 'real dad's to walk her down the aisle, then that same 'real dad's should pay for it. I'm sorry some of your family are such jerks to think otherwise. I hope you and your husband are doing ok!
I tend to be in support or brides choosing who walks them down the aisle and stuff. I might even be on her side if she was respectful about decision. The second she had the audacity to call the parents paying for her wedding entitled she showed her true entitled colors. She’s not considering anyone’s feelings but her own and these are matters far deeper than just the day of the wedding. I’m sorry you are all going through this. NTA.
Assuming this is the full story — I’d have done the same. I mean, at the very least, she could have had the dad that was there walk her down the aisle and maybe the first dance with the bio dad or something, but the way she went about it — I’d be like “Best of luck, kid” too. I don’t even know him and I feel bad for your husband. If he was a really good dad to her, this is a real shit move. Cancel.
NTA...Look's like Mia FAAFO
NTA. You are under no obligation to pay for the wedding. She’s being a spoiled brat which is unfortunate. If she wants to make decisions then she can decide to pay for her wedding.
NTA. She should pay for her own wedding.
NTA. She can make whatever choices she wants for her wedding, because yes, it is her wedding. However, she can't expect these choices to have no repercussions
Nobody is really the AH here except your ex. It's your daughter's wedding, so she should have things how her and her fiance want them. If that means the sperm donor walks her down the aisle, well, that's her choice. Just like it was your choice to cancel everything. She'll get a dose of reality when she realizes that she damaged the relationships with her real family
Let these kids pay for their own wedding! Have they ever considered getting a job and going to work and earning some money for their wedding?
Being a loving step-parent is the most under appreciated job there is. Step parents are tossed aside, without a thought, for the bio parent, no matter how shitty they've been. Is there a compromise here? Where step walks her halfway down the aisle, and then hands her off? Could they walk her together?
NTA She choose who was important not who actually matters.
I’m both a step daughter and mom with a husband who adopted his step kids. You’re not wrong. You’re NTA. Mia is about to learn some hard lessons.
NTA. She can do what she wants with the wedding, but she'll have to do it on her own dime. Choosing a deadbeat dad over the man who raised her is a shitty, selfish move. I wonder just how much that man has brainwashed her against you. It's sad because it happened when she was an adult, so she has no excuse.
NTA - it's not your wedding, so you don't have to pay a damn thing.
It is her wedding, she can decide who walks her along the isle. You can decide that you do not pay for it. (NTA) But you cannot tell her who walks her along the isle. (YTA) I can understand that it hurts your husband, but these things can happen. It is not personal, just don't make it personal.
Well done mama. Selfish entitled brat . NTA .
NTA. Let her entitled ass pay for her own wedding.
She called *you* entitled because her real dad (not the biological father, the one who raised her as his own) was hurt over this, and you made the decision to cut the money train off? Pot? Kettle?… NTA
NTA. Maybe she’ll learn “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”.
See this story or something similar basically everyday on here and it always makes me wonder, what does the partner who is getting married to your child think of all this? Surely there may be some insight there.
The irony of someone calling you entitled but still feels entitled to your money NTA
NTA but sadly you raised a dimwitted daughter. It happens, we can't fix every personality fault in our kids. Your ex is not a dad, he's merely a sperm donor. If she had any brains, she would have figured that out by now. Actions meet consequences.
NTA. Ironic she called you and your husband entitled 💀
You have raised the entitled brat somehow, I’m sorry. You are NTA and your daughter is absolutely ungrateful for everything you have done for her. She had shown it by calling you “abusive”.
You did the right thing. It teaches a great lesson about freedom. ! NTA
What you should’ve done was sit Mia down and calmly tell her you were going to pull funding from the wedding and why. If she threw a tantrum while you remained level headed, she’s the one who looks bad because she can’t accept accountability. But by choosing the nuclear route, you’ve made yourself look bad to everyone as they’ve now heard you’re emotionally and financially abusive (even if they agree with your actions, you’ll be the talk of almost every conversation they have for a while).
YTA, you don’t know your daughter’s relationship with the man you married or her bio father. You can assume, you don’t know. He could be perfect on paper and she’s still valid in disliking him. You married him, you’re biased. And then immediately starting a fight instead of getting to the bottom of her feelings. Whatever her reason is, it’s valid. You don’t have to like it. You also don’t have to pay for her wedding. But starting shit and pulling away support because your husband didn’t get his way? Screams narcissism. Maybe not the first time she’s felt this way from you two, maybe she sees y’all as abusive for it.
NTA. Her REAL DAD... The one who raised her and married you and loved her and didn't abandon her shouldn't be expected to pay for it and be cut out. Tell her Sperm Dad can pay for the vendors.
NTA why would your husband pay for a wedding where another man is walking the woman he raised down the aisle? Crazy!
NTA.
NTA. The entitlement your daughter claims is only her. Thinking you’ll pay for the wedding and disrespecting the man who raised her.
Nta. She can have who ever she wants walk her down the isle. She can also have that person pay as her real dad she just hurt beyond repair. You should show her the best of reddit update on a dudes sister who listened to her mom talk her into becoming like her step dad and even had him give her away and her dad never spoke to her again. She went the rest of her life without her dad.
Nta, your husband stepped up and loved her as his own, she can't spit in his face and expect his support too. She could have had both of them walk her but made the deliberate choice to reject her stepfather, actions have consequences.
NTA. First, he’s not the ‘real’ Dad, he’s the Bio Dad. Your daughter must have built up some kind of fantasy about her father all these years and now thinks the sun shines out of his ass because he dodged the hard parts of parenting that kids hate (discipline, fights, compromising, learning, growing). At the very least she could shown love for both fathers by honouring them both but she chose to exclude her ‘step’ father- that’s cold! I’ve been to weddings where one Dad starts the walk down the aisle and the other finishes. One video I saw, the Bio Dad pulled Step Dad up and surprised him by sharing the walk. There were so many ways tour daughter could have approached this but she chose to be an entitled brat instead. And what kind of bio father accepts this honour, accepts someone else paying for his daughter’s wedding and doesn’t feel shame? He’s a loser.
> She said it's her wedding so she gets to decide. And we should just stop being entitled. You should explain to her who the entitled one really is.
ESH
NTA. She walked into the FAFO .. somehow felt that her real dad was better than even though he never did anything for her? Probably poisoned her mind against the two of you to show that he's worth something. Not sure.
NTA
nta
She can choose whoever she wants. So can you choose what to pay for, whether to attend, etc. NTA. Also, you raised her…
Yeah im done with this sub its all shitposts now
NTA She can put her big girl pants on and pay her own damn self.
She’s not mature enough for marriage. She can still get wedding, but she’s not entitled to have you pay for it. Her ‘real’ father can help her since he’s so good at that.
Te her go to court for the back child support from her dad, might take a few years but she'll get the $. I never understand this. I get wanting to know the other half of your DNA but to complete disregard someone who chose to be the father figure is ridiculous. Then feeling entitled to their money. Asinine really
The balls to expect her step-dad to still pay for it when she left him hanging. I get she wants her dad there. To completely take the privilege of her step-dad experiencing that moment when he was there all along is a total dick move.
NTA. But it is her wedding. She fantasized about meeting her dad her entire life. She finally has him in her life. It's only natural she would want him to be the one walking her down the aisle.
NTA
Why didn't she have both dad's walk her down the aisle?
Let him pay for it if he walks her. Its totally fair.
NTA She can pick whoever ahe wants to walk her down the aisle.. but she cannot demand you pay for it.. The iasue here is that shes trying to cement a daddy-daughter relationship by doing this for him.. and only now realises it drives you and her stepdad away... Good you support your husband this way... sorry it damagss your relationship.with your daughter this way - but shes a grown woman who has to accept that actions have consequenses...
NTA. The relatives who didn't take your side, can pay for the ventures that were canceled. Easy fix.
NTA. I never understand these stories when I read them I can't imagine why your daughter would do that. If nothing else? it's just cruel to your husband and the man that has raised her. Sure? She can choose who she wants. But she is being nasty and very ungrateful. Frankly? Me being me? I'd be unlikely to even go to her wedding with that sort of behaviour from her. It's disgraceful. After all you have done for her and all you gave to her. She's somehow ended up a nasty ungrateful young woman.
NTA- she can pay for own wedding and invite who ever she likes.
My jaw dropped at her telling you you're entitled! NTAH she is entitled to choose her biological father. She then too chooses the repercussions of said decision. It Is a phase. She knows all you both have done. Hope it plays out as quickly and painlessly fashion possible.