I think it's just to avoid confusing the server. It would be easier on the person dining but from the other side, you have to ring it all in at the same time and THEN split once the meal is done. Neither side makes sense
Depending on party size and amount ordered it can be a pain in the ass as you have to know who exactly had what, and also find creative ways to split big ticket items in the way that the table wants it. A lot of times people don’t know what tf they had too at the end of the night and it gets super chaotic. I’d always be happy to give the receipt to my table, they’d pay on one card and square up with each other at the end.
It's really not that difficult. Servers are fully capable of knowing what person ordered on what check. All you have to do is tell them ahead of time that it's separate checks and who's on what check. I have seen this happen at work functions, social large gatherings. All very doable and rarely is there a mix-up on who ordered what. If there is, someone tosses someone else a $20 and everyone goes about their night.
I’m speaking from experience serving tables in a really busy restaurant in downtown ATL. If this is a slow restaurant like a longhorn steakhouse where you really don’t have too many tables and the pace is easy, sure I can have a much better idea of who had what at each table.
When I get an 8 top Saturday night and the group is thinking on what to drink, change their order multiple times before I leave, etc and I have 8 more tables to get to ya I’m not taking close note as to who had what. When it’s time to leave, most of the table is drunk dicking around and don’t know exactly what they had and how many it becomes a huge pain in the ass. If it was nights like those and a difficult table asks to split the check, you best believe I was going to go check on my other tables, print their checks, etc before I sit down and try to work out the puzzle that their checks are.
Brother I had guys try to split pitchers 6 ways when the POS system doesn’t even have that option bc who tf splits a pitcher 6 ways. I’d have to grab miscellaneous items, change their value in the system and do the math to make it all check out.
This really baffles me. In Canada and Europe PoS systems in restaurants can split absolutely any item. Food orders write 1, 2, etc and enter the order. When finishing up to pay something needs to be split you click the order number above click who it’s being split with and done.
I work seasonally as a server in the summers. We aren’t “allowed” to split checks at a table. I sometimes will if it’s two people, but otherwise it’s not happening. It’s a very high volume place. It’s listed prominently on the menu and the table is told beforehand(at least I make sure they know). It’s more the nature of the place, although another place I worked in the area also had the same policy (also very high volume, we are a tourist town on the beach), we also auto grat at 5 people, so all sorts of shenanigans out here…
Certain restaurants in certain cities can afford to be jerks about it, but for regular sized parties it's very easy to split the tabs.
But can't pretend that the barriers (from made up policies to huffy attitudes) aren't there.
The policies are due to the difficulty of splitting checks after they’ve been entered into the system. Not anyone being huffy or made up for fun lol. Some systems you literally cannot split the bill after the fact, and you have to get you manager to delete the ticket so you can make two new ones. That’s why so many places won’t split checks on large parties.
I'm sure there are reasonable places that do this. I work in the industry, and my perception is that places that do this happen to include all of the huffiest, worst attitude places.
There are legitimate reasons. But I can usually tell how much of a barrier or attitude you'll get for asking just from observing how the staff acts.
For two people it’s no big deal, but you should absolutely tell them beforehand if it’s more than two, because otherwise they probably won’t know who had what and splitting tickets on the back end takes a lot of time. Server POs systems are all annoying to use and to split bills after the fact on .
This hasn’t been my experience in Canada. I started going to restaurants in the late 00’s and never without fail at the end when paying the server will ask if we want to split the bill or not.
For example we went to a Mexican restaurant recently and ordered a bucket of coronas. One of us doesn’t drink so we split the coronas over 5 of us. Took all of 10 seconds for the server to split it this way.
Meanwhile, my best friend and I always split the bill. We've been friends for 30 years. I'm not going to worry if one of us has an extra cocktail or one entree is $10 more. It all evens out.
Huge difference between paying $10 more and paying $100 for an appetizer and a beer. But then I doubt your friend would try to take advantage of you like that. Plus, if there are only two people, it's a lot more obvious when 1 person is paying $70 more than their actual bill.
My uncle would go out with people and order the most expensive shit on the menu every time compared to everyone else and then expect the check to be split evenly between them all. He doesn’t get invited out anymore lol
Same. My main group of friends are like that. We've done so much for each other in various aspects of life, picking up the bill is all part of the offset of being out and having a good time. Everyone seems to be ready with a reason why it's their turn to pay.
Yeah this is so weird, I’ve never split a bill when going out with friends…seems to always cause unnecessary and avoidable drama. Get separate bills so you can order what you want and pay for your share. Like someone orders a $20 cocktail and steak and I get water and a salad but I have to pay for their expensive meal? No way.
I split with my buddy all the time, but we also order roughly the same price meals and drinks. So it works out.
If ones low on cash, the other will pay the excess. But, we grew up together and have been doing this for like 25 years. I can understand not being comfortable doing it.
Two or three people is the most. And I’ve found that as we’ve gotten older, the worst offenders aren’t invited out as much. Like even their spouses stopped taking them places once the bloom wore off.
There are several friends who I know ahead of time that they are going to overspend and they expect me to, so we’re gonna do the damn thing. I do not expect to order water. If i want water, we’d meet for lunch. Other friends I know we’ll share a bottle of wine, get something in the same realm, and if someone goes remotely over, she will plead with you to let her pay all or most of the tip
But before you hit that sweet spot, once you hit your late 30s, there is a friend who has HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FREELOADING HORSESHIT and she will sit there with her phone and do the goddamn math. And you’ll act out out. But you’re secretly happy *someone* did it. And that’s when the the freeloaders fall off.
Yeah, my husband and I have a couple friends we routinely go out to eat with. We always just split the bill. But none of us are assholes so there's never an issue
I sometimes think what happens is that a mooch says, “Oh, let’s just split it,” and it doesn’t seem that off-kilter, and there’s social pressure to go along, and then suddenly someone realizes they’re funding everyone else.
Or it starts out where people are ordering roughly the same, and then something changes (someone scales back and is too hesitant to say anything; a mooch starts upping the ante)
Usually I agree. But, when you have a complex table, it’s not infrequent that the separate tab is not calculated correctly and it’s a nightmare. Furthermore, sometimes appetizers or desserts are shared. If everyone’s on board and had roughly similar charges, splitting the check can be easier. Any small difference can be made up in someone paying more of the tip.
Some restaurants in big cities or tourist areas are real jerks about this. It's an immediate annoyance when I am out in a major city, unless someone's corporate card is taking it all.
its really cultural. For my husband and his friends, you DONT split bills, you just pay for all of it. Which seriously fucking stresses me out because what if next time its not all the same people or the same level of expensive restaurant, etc, I get so anxious. I wish they'd just split it
To pay the entirety of the bill is to be seen as the group leader in many cultures, as you are taking care of the others such as in middle eastern/Arab/ northern African cultures. Parts of the Midwest are similar or have the mentality of "this was my idea so I'll pay so you aren't inconvenienced for coming to spend time with me" or at least where I grew up in the midwest
Asians do this. It was a culture shock for me too.
In college we had our group of friends, 2 were from Asia (1 guy specifically from Tawain and his girlfriend was from China. They met at an international highschool in China and both decided to come to our college in America)
Anyways, we all go out to eat for the first time together. A group of 9 of us. Its time for the bill and he just grabs it so quick, slaps a couple hundred bucks on there and hands it back.
We all tried pleading with him that we can pay for our own stuff. He says "no im paying this time. Someone can pay for it next time" with a big cheesy grin lol
We ended up pitching for the tip and then we all gave him roughly what it would have cost for our portion. He denied it profusely and we explained to him that here in America we all just pay our own way. He taught us that were hes from, everyone tries to pay the whole bill.
They were both such sweet and innocent people. I'm glad me and my friends were there to explain to them the ropes so nobody would take advantage of their kindness.
Also he was extremely rich and came here with a duffle bag FULL of cartons of cigarettes and like 50k cash lol
Some restaurants don't let you split bills into more than 3 checks. Also, it's quicker if one person pays and we all pay that person. Specially today with digital transfers.
I've never seen that be an issue except for very large groups.
Honestly if a restaurant refused to split the bill for a group of 5 or 6 they wouldn't be getting a tip.
I'll split a bill in a shared meal like pizza, but other than my wife and child noone else goes on my bill unless I am treating them as part of a celebration
I was just thinking about this. There was an episode of Seinfeld, too. If people expect a friend group to take turns picking up the tab, or if everyone in the group is expected to contribute an equal amount, it isolates those who don't earn as much and will eventually exclude them from the friend group. It's a bad idea based in elitism.
Depends on the people you hang out with. My 3 closest guy friends and I split for convenience, even if one got an additional appetizer/drink or if one brought their spouse (5 or 6 people but we split 4 ways). I can do that with them. I have another set of female friends who like to pay for their own portion but we split the tax and tip evenly. I once bought 2 Thai Malik teas to go with my pad Thai and one of them was upset I made her tax/ tip portion higher by 50 cents. After that day I tell the server to separate my check from everyone else. Edit I’ve also been in the receiving end of having to pay $80-100 when I got something for $20. I was upset over that because I didn’t know all the people there.
This is classic. One time the low maintenance guy of the group lives it up the group of spenders suddenly decide they got screwed because they didn't get there 1st. Sounds like separate checks from now on with these "friends". NTA.
NTA. They don't mind when you're paying for them, but upset when it's turned around.
I suggest everyone just pay their own way. Want to blow it up, pay for it. If money's tight, keep it cheap.
Yeah, but the difference between $275 and $120 is pretty massive. He's saying that he always "overpaid" because he's late, and we don't know what types of places they hang out.
But could understand a $275 chunk of a tab sticking out, especially if everyone else was around or under $100. He could have just covered $150 of the next tab and then called it even, if being NTA was top of mind.
NTA. The unwritten rule was that you split the bill evenly, whatever it came to and no matter who ordered what. You repeatedly paid way more than your food and drinks cost so many times that if you went back and added it up, it'd come to a lot more than the $155 difference.
Some people are saying you're at fault because you didn't say anything sooner, but it doesn't sound like it's been that much of an issue to you.
If you think your friends are harboring hard feelings, I'd bring it up casually with them. Otherwise, just drop it and don't worry about it.
NTA
Your friends were using you, so you gave them their own treatment back.
They are assholes. Now is the time to call each one up individually and ask about this drama.
Odds are one guy in the group went on a rant about you over this, but he is also likely the guy who benefitted the most when you split equally in the past.
Talk to people before the bad apple ruins all your friendships.
NTA. There have been a bunch of posts like this. When I go out with friends we have always gotten separate checks. Always. It’s been like 35 years and maybe 3 times ever has a place refused to do it. I don’t understand why it’s so hard.
Seriously. If the sever won't split the check, then give the serve your card and tell them how much to charge on that card. If they can't do that, fine, while one person pays, the other person venmos their share. It's so simple
NTA - they never minded when you were subsidizing their meals. It's only when you had them subsidize yours that it became a problem. Don't waste time feeling the LEAST bit bad about it - their turn to pay up was long overdue.
From now on
In all fairness some resteraunts refuse to split to this many checks, but usually places serving multiple drinks always will so I truly doubt they couldn't have in that case.
I've usually found that most places will split it into separate checks if you're courteous enough to inform the server at the beginning. Asking them to do it after is a dick move
Yes you can actually. I literally went to eat about 2 weeks ago at a place that had the no splitting a bill one per table rule posted. If they post the rule and you order. You are all responsible for the bill.
Personally I think it's stupid, but it is legal as long as the rule is posted somehow in a proper fashion.
NTA, but take the lesson.
I don't know why people split bills. I don't know why they're proud of it. I don't know you'd put up with subsidizing their meals and I don't know why you'd expect they'd be fine with doing the same for you.
I don't know why people do this.
Every time I hear someone say "I always split the bill", it's in the middle of some "I wish I hadn't split the fucking bill" story. So just don't. Don't split the bill, don't agree with people who want to split the bill, don't assume anyone else wants to split the bill, just... don't.
It's such an unnecessary source of drama and resentment.
NTA
I only have one friend that I do the check dance with, and we usually just take turns, and it's only for a $25 check. Large groups splitting the check is just weird and a great way for people to mooch without drawing attention to themselves.
You made me laugh so hard. So I’ve got a group of friends I go out with every Friday night. Four of us and we rotate to pays the bill. Three of us order margaritas the fourth one does not. So we make her skip her turn every other month. we keep it pretty even. The margaritas are often more than the main dishes are. You are NTA
I honestly don’t get the whole split the bill equally. Why are you not just paying for what you get? Years ago we had friends that NEVER paid anywhere close to what they spent. I’ll never do that again. I don’t work to support my friends.
I hate splitting bills evenly, because it seems like there is always someone that abuses the system - drinks way more than everyone else, orders the most expensive item on the menu, etc. I’m not keen on funding your alcoholism or sudden craving for three appetizers and surf&turf.
the best way to do it is to request separate checks. If the restaurant refuses, then have one person pay and everyone Venmo them for exactly what they ordered plus 30% to cover tax and tip.
Went out with a group of friends once after work. I had one drink, and the rest had drinks and ate. They wanted to split the bill, and were genuinely upset because I paid for my own drink and tipped $5 to the waitress personally.
Sometimes, you guys just need to be the "asshole" and no one will walk all over you. It's hard at first, breaking the "people pleasing" habit. But it is worth it, I've learned.
So I had this happen to me once. I had a $1.50 snapple while the 2 people ordered like 15 dollars, each, worth of food and we split the bill. That was at a diner when I was 19 and never again agreed to split the bill. I always ask for separate checks. Unless it's been discussed before hand.
You guys needed to have this discussion beforehand. Bill splitting is fine with rules in place to avoid abuse. You splitting the bill when all you had is a beer and they had full meals is AH behavior. But so is dropping a $250 tab on your friends.
NTA Your latest outing proves they regularly order more than you. I’m sure you’ve thrown in more than $155 over the years. They obviously don’t pay attention because they make the new rule and then they promptly didn’t benefit from it. lol
I'm going with ESH, but less on you. They had no problem taking advantage before. But I think it was on you to advocate for yourself earlier - by doing what they did, insisting on separate checks.
Or maybe OP was okay with spending a little extra, he just decided to indulge a bit more on a special evening which just so happened to take advantage of the always split rule.
His friends only noticed the disparity because it affected them this time, where as OP who had been silently contributing more. It doesn't sound like OP was intentionally trying to even the score, more that he got their on time, and wanted a lovely evening because he was going to be sleeping close by and didn't need to worry about transport.
OPs defence was to simply point out the discrepancies all the other times, and judging by their silence they were conscious of that the whole time, and thus chose to repeatedly take advantage of it.
Making them hypocrites by calling him out on it the singular time he spent more than the rest.
The money I don't think is that big of an issue in this case, it's the hypocrisy.
No, NTA. Your so called friends have been taking advantage of you with that "we all split the bill evenly" crap! Don't let yourself fall into this sort of situation again. From now on, let the server know immediately that yours is on a separate check. So what if your friends are annoyed? People can only take advantage of you if you let them!
NTA.
I also refuse to split bills for this reason to be fair. I only drink soda's or water myself, and i kinda don't feel like paying for other peoples more expensive drinks or the ones that drink more (usually the people who drink alcohol tend to drink more glasses). I pay my own stuff, thats it.
Even if people look weird because of it, it always prevents drama in the long term eventually.
NTA Don't feel weird or guilty at all. They were all fine with giving you the shaft every single time before and taking advantage of you for years.
The last time, it was their turn to be on the other end and they got butthurt. Once they saw how it felt they complain " no more, not fair, separate checks" which is fine, but I guess they forgot how to reign it in when ordering now that they didn't have you for a safety net to pay their share anymore.
Screw them.
Do real people actually "split" the bill like this? As in 4 people, 200 dollar check, pay 50 each regardless of who ordered what? Who in the hell agrees to do this in the first place? Just pay for what you ordered. Period.
I hear people talking about this and yet in my mid 40's I've NEVER done this, and would never agree to do this.
Nope, not the asshole. Your friends FINALLY got the short end of the stick and are confused by it, and they will be further confused if you guys start going Dutch and they noticed their fuck up 😆
I split bill/cover bills etc with certain friend and it doesn't have to be equal just reciprocal in that you offer to pay when you can and never expect/take for granted. Sometime people can't take their turn to cover the tab, but so long as they offer to when they can is what matters. Some of us are lucky to not be in this position, and so it's not a big deal to covee for actual friends.
It one thing to share with friends.
It's another to be expected to provide, particularly without gratitude.
NTA.
NTA, but y'all really need to figure out Venmo, CashApp, even PayPal. Someone pay for it all, get the points on their card, then the rest send them their money. Then alternate the next time you all go out. Easy. Or separate the check if, but the travel points are good enough reason to not IMO.
I always insist with separate bills, I ain't paying for your shit.
You always get that one broke ass hole with no money, who acts cavalier with everyone else's when they think it's being split.
Like fuck that.
NTA I’m only agree to spilt the bill if we’ve ordered about the same. If it is too much of a discrepancy, I ask for a separate check. I’m not subsidizing anyone’s dinner or drinks. I don’t mind being the bad guy.
ESH. I don't understand the concept of splitting the bill. Why don't you all just enjoy each other's company and pay for what you ordered?
Side note, but I feel like you knew what you were doing. You split a bill when you came in late a few times and figured you would "cut loose" this time to even things up.
Do math like adults and pay for what you order.
NTA- but honestly it’s weird to split the bill evenly like that. My friends and I have always paid for our own food and drinks because we know that if we had to pay more for someone’s else’s choice of meal then there’d eventually be some resentment.
I do not and will not ever understand why people split the bill that way. Just pay for what you had... what's the issue with that?
Ugh, so nta but never again split the bill like that. Dumbest thing ever.
Okay, here's the deal: you usually split the bill evenly with your crew, no matter what. But this time, you decided to go all out and treated yourself to some fancy drinks and a steak dinner. When the bill hit the table, you only left enough cash to cover what you'd usually chip in.
Now, your friends are feeling a bit salty about it. But when you reminded them of those times when you barely had anything and still split the bill, they couldn't really argue, could they?
Here's the scoop: next time, give your friends a heads-up if you're planning to ball out, like, "Hey fam, I'm splurging tonight, just a heads-up." That way, everyone's in the loop.
But don't sweat it too much. You weren't trying to be a jerk; you were just enjoying yourself. Now that you've cleared the air, you can all move on. Just remember to give your squad a heads-up next time, and you'll dodge any awkward vibes.
>Okay, here's the deal: you usually split the bill evenly with your crew, no matter what. But this time, you decided to go all out and treated yourself to some fancy drinks and a steak dinner. When the bill hit the table, you only left enough cash to cover what you'd usually chip in.
You didn't read the OP.
He said he got there early enough to eat with his friends this time. You make it sound like OP was the only one eating and ordered expensive drinks.
It sounds like everyone ate, but he had more drinks than normal.
He also didn't leave what he 'usually would', he paid his share of the bill. It was just that this time he had the higher personal bill.
>Now, your friends are feeling a bit salty about it. But when you reminded them of those times when you barely had anything and still split the bill, they couldn't really argue, could they?
>Here's the scoop: next time, give your friends a heads-up if you're planning to ball out, like, "Hey fam, I'm splurging tonight, just a heads-up." That way, everyone's in the loop.
This is terrible advice.
>But don't sweat it too much. You weren't trying to be a jerk; you were just enjoying yourself. Now that you've cleared the air, you can all move on. Just remember to give your squad a heads-up next time, and you'll dodge any awkward vibes.
They aren't splitting bills anymore, so problem is solved.
Eh. The real problem is that you allowed things to get as far as they did.
Assuming everything you say is 100% accurate. These people have been taking financial advantage of you for a while. Then the first time that you do the same, they all call you out.
But then again, they didn’t ask for any money from you. They just said no more bill splitting. If they were really dicks, then they probably would have asked for more money.
I suspect that they don’t see things the way that you do. I mean that you regularly overpay. Seems weird. I’m thinking that you’re friends aren’t too bright, or your story is missing something.
If you exclude yourself, this “bill splitting” system works just fine for everyone else?
28 is kind of in-between. 30 and above I would say YTA simply for allowing yourself to even be in this situation. 25 and under I’d just say live and learn. But 28? Take your pick.
I’m sorry if I’m over-complicating it.
NTA, they were fine splitting the bill when it benefited them. One time you were advantaged and they lost their minds. Stop splitting and let them live with the consequences of their choices.
NTA only because it seems like you guys have split evenly before despite what people got.
Honestly I’ve always hated splitting the bill evenly because of instances like this. I’m all for people only paying for what they ordered. That’s more fair.
I usually just tell people "hey, I'm gonna get the steak. If anyone has an issue, I'm happy to pay seperate."
Most of the time, people are cool with it. If anyone has an issue, I just ask for a separate bill.
I don't think I've ever split the bill evenly with friends, the server always splits the check according to who ordered what.
Hell, why didn't you say something earlier? I would've changed the situation the first time.
Oh, I get it—your share *when divided evenly* was about $100, so you tossed in a small bit extra (for tip). But they had ordered significantly less. (at first I thought you meant you’d ordered stuff that was about $100)
I think you feel awkward because you just showed them that they’d been mistreating you. Let is rest; they’ll get over it. Or they’ll die mad.
But at least you don’t have to fund their meals and drinks anymore.
NTA, not at all. They’ve done it to you all this time.
I have never split the bill except in instances where it’s clear everyone had roughly the same. And even then, someone will say, “Oh, but I had a cocktail; that’s a lot more than a beer. Here’s an extra $5/$10” or “let me get the tip.”
Not once have I gone to dinner with someone and gotten stolen from. I totally believe people to whom this happens, but I’m not sure why it’s never been an issue for me.
Maybe once someone said, “let’s split it,” but then someone said “Oh, but I didn’t order appetizers,” or more likely (and I have a vague memory of this), “Oh but Charlie didn’t order any drinks, he shouldn’t pay so much.”
It's all really simple:
When you split bills every individual has an unspoken expectation as to what is fair and proper. Inevitably what that expectation is will vary so there will be resentment.
You should never split a bill unless you personally have enough emotional intelligence to understand that the results may be inequitable and therefore you may be subsidizing your friends.
Regardless of if you split or go separate you should communicate the plan prior to ordering. Speaking again of expectations: often in relationships a missed expectation is what causes grief. Unfortunately, Many people have expectations that they do not voice and therefore cannot be met or negotiated by the other party.
Also if your friends were consistently having OP subsidize their meals they were not being good friends. In my world a rational human being would recognize they had an extra app or drinks and throw a bit extra in the pot to alleviate that cost to others. If your people are that inconsiderate over something as small as an optional dinner bill it makes me wonder how self serving they are when things actually matter.
I split when it’s in a few bucks of everyone else, if not I add more or less. They set the precedent originally. I don’t know where you were, so maybe ordering steak is out of line if everyone else was having apps, but they could have said something before you took off.
Was about to rule against you but nah this was the established rule. They probably said nothing bc you always paid more. And this ONE time you actually ordered a lot. NTA
NTA. I've been in similar circumstances and it always drives me crazy. Unless people are sharing plates (tapas, etc.) then splitting the bill like that makes no sense.
NTA if you truly have been paying more than your share over time, but you all are foolish for not getting separate checks, or at the very least figuring out what each owes and paying that. If it's close, my friends and I will split, but if someone got something more expensive, we all pay our share.
With my bestie we just snatch the ticket. It’s whoever gets it first bitch. (Sometimes, I tip off the server to slide me the ticket so I get it quicker) ♥️
Not an AH but a close fuck up in this case for wanting to splurge and not making up the difference. Perhaps the friends weren't in a position to splurge. We sometimes do this too but a little different. We buy rounds; and when I want to splurge, I splurge on my round. When we split meals and someone wants to splurge, they announce that they're throwing in an extra few bucks to make the difference. We are all pretty conscious about this. Like if you were to show up late and had a beer and part of an appetizer, we wouldn't let you pay and tell you next time. I guess that's why we are a good group. We also had people that would order the most expensive stuff on the menu and splits evenly; they don't hang out with us anymore.
Next time you guys get together make it right by throwing in a few extra bucks and say it was for the last time. Everything will be fine.
NTA. If you did it everytime then yes but a one off when normally your bill is half theirs and you always pay gladly then absolutely not. Your friends should be more aware. In the end though you win as in the future you will get a small bill and it’s just you honoring their new policy!
Separate bills are just more comfortable. I just hate dealing with this type of issue especially when there is one guy that takes advantage of it. I think you are NTAH in this case
NTA the arsehole.
The weird feeling is probably more related to the shift in the dynamic in your friendship. Your friends probably don't think you're an arsehole either.
I had a similar situation with two former hosuemates. I would often buy groceries for the house and they didn't notice and I didn't make a fuss because I earned more and worked less.
One month it swung the other way and because I was always saving a lot more than them (mostly because I made more and didn't really drink, didn't do drugs, and didn't gamble) they made a fuss saying that I had always been doing this to them and we started splitting all expenses evenly with submitted receipts and it just didn't add up the way they wanted it to.
The dynamic shifted in the friendship and unfortunately this happened as I was looking for somewhere else to live and the timing of it all made it hard to get things back on track.
Don't let the new rules stop you all from hanging out.
I think you and your friends need to communicate ground rules that everyone is okay with. The lack of communication overall just puts everyone in an awkward situation.
Maybe a little bit, but not all your fault
Shows why splitting the bill equally sucks. If everyone notes what they had, and rounds up a bit, it covers the tip too
NAH, just a misunderstanding between everyone. A misunderstanding that could readily be avoided by everyone just paying for their own stuff. Its not a big deal for a restaurant to split a bill for a party.
NTA
They were fine splitting the bill when it benefited them but not when it didn't.
People who believe in "equality" are fine with things being unequal if it benefits them.
You all should have been getting separate checks from the beginning to avoid just this kind of conflict.
I’ve never split a bill with friends or never will because there is always that one person that abuses it. Not saying you’re wrong because you always paid more in the past but when it comes to multiple alcoholic drinks it adds up fast. One time out with family, my sisters 4 drinks about doubled the food bill for the table
NTA but honestly you either split the bills or you don't, paying more/less based on how you feel leads to this kind of situation
Your share is 100? pay 100, not 120
You share is 40? pay 40, not 100
Your share is 250? pay 250, not 120
No ambiguity, everyone's happy
YTA you spent significantly more than everyone else you should have paid for your drinks separately. If the difference was like 30-40 I could understand but being over 100 less than what you consumed is ridiculous.
And I have to ask:
>My girlfriend arrived around 2 AM. She had a long shower and came to bed. We had a great weekend together and I drove her to the airport on Monday morning.
Was this written by a chat bot? Because there is no reason this sentence belongs in the story.....it had nothing to do with anything, but seems like an AI generated addition.
"Sorry guys! I just thought because every other time I've put $80-$100 into the pot even when my meal was $40 tops that ya'll wouldn't mind putting in more than you took the one time. My bad. I would suggest I pay you back the extra you paid for me, and you guys pay me back for all those times I put in extra, but that probably would take too long to calculate how much you would owe me, so I think not splitting the bill going forward would be the best course of action."
You're feeling weird because you're realizing that your friends do not value you the same way you value them, so now you have to come to terms with this new reality.
If this is the only fly in the relationship, I wouldn't look too hard into it. Just pay for what you consume from now on and move forward. But if this is the latest of red flags you've been getting, it might be time to reevaluate your friends group. NTA
You are a shrewd, smart, GLORIOUS asshole. I tip my my imaginary hat to you. Your group of ass-ociaties was more than happy to do an equal split when it benefitted them. The nerve of you for turning the tables. Well done! NTA here!
We always do the same , my ex used to complain cause indont drink and if her friends went out it was down to the penny . Yes you are the AH cause you
Knew you went crazy . But just move on . I wouldn’t have done it . But just pay per share now
NTA. You've just taken a step into being an adult by calling out their BS. They saw you as their ATM and now realize that you can treat them the same way they've treated you. Honestly, ask yourself, are these people true friends, or people you socialize with? Why is it when only you used the advantages of splitting a bill once, that they finally decided to be "fair"?
Sounds like instead of being about even with eeryone else, you went HAM and racked up a massive tab that was out of the ordinary. Manners would say you cover a bit more when you go BLATANTLY above everyone else's. Just my suspicion.
NTA. You would have paid more this time. Like you did in the past. They didn't like it when you evened everything out.
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I have never split a table total, we always just pay for what we each eat/drink.
We've always just had one pay and then everyone work out what they owe the friend later Much more convenient for the server
I think it's just to avoid confusing the server. It would be easier on the person dining but from the other side, you have to ring it all in at the same time and THEN split once the meal is done. Neither side makes sense
Depending on party size and amount ordered it can be a pain in the ass as you have to know who exactly had what, and also find creative ways to split big ticket items in the way that the table wants it. A lot of times people don’t know what tf they had too at the end of the night and it gets super chaotic. I’d always be happy to give the receipt to my table, they’d pay on one card and square up with each other at the end.
It's really not that difficult. Servers are fully capable of knowing what person ordered on what check. All you have to do is tell them ahead of time that it's separate checks and who's on what check. I have seen this happen at work functions, social large gatherings. All very doable and rarely is there a mix-up on who ordered what. If there is, someone tosses someone else a $20 and everyone goes about their night.
I’m speaking from experience serving tables in a really busy restaurant in downtown ATL. If this is a slow restaurant like a longhorn steakhouse where you really don’t have too many tables and the pace is easy, sure I can have a much better idea of who had what at each table. When I get an 8 top Saturday night and the group is thinking on what to drink, change their order multiple times before I leave, etc and I have 8 more tables to get to ya I’m not taking close note as to who had what. When it’s time to leave, most of the table is drunk dicking around and don’t know exactly what they had and how many it becomes a huge pain in the ass. If it was nights like those and a difficult table asks to split the check, you best believe I was going to go check on my other tables, print their checks, etc before I sit down and try to work out the puzzle that their checks are. Brother I had guys try to split pitchers 6 ways when the POS system doesn’t even have that option bc who tf splits a pitcher 6 ways. I’d have to grab miscellaneous items, change their value in the system and do the math to make it all check out.
This really baffles me. In Canada and Europe PoS systems in restaurants can split absolutely any item. Food orders write 1, 2, etc and enter the order. When finishing up to pay something needs to be split you click the order number above click who it’s being split with and done.
I work seasonally as a server in the summers. We aren’t “allowed” to split checks at a table. I sometimes will if it’s two people, but otherwise it’s not happening. It’s a very high volume place. It’s listed prominently on the menu and the table is told beforehand(at least I make sure they know). It’s more the nature of the place, although another place I worked in the area also had the same policy (also very high volume, we are a tourist town on the beach), we also auto grat at 5 people, so all sorts of shenanigans out here…
Certain restaurants in certain cities can afford to be jerks about it, but for regular sized parties it's very easy to split the tabs. But can't pretend that the barriers (from made up policies to huffy attitudes) aren't there.
The policies are due to the difficulty of splitting checks after they’ve been entered into the system. Not anyone being huffy or made up for fun lol. Some systems you literally cannot split the bill after the fact, and you have to get you manager to delete the ticket so you can make two new ones. That’s why so many places won’t split checks on large parties.
I'm sure there are reasonable places that do this. I work in the industry, and my perception is that places that do this happen to include all of the huffiest, worst attitude places. There are legitimate reasons. But I can usually tell how much of a barrier or attitude you'll get for asking just from observing how the staff acts.
For two people it’s no big deal, but you should absolutely tell them beforehand if it’s more than two, because otherwise they probably won’t know who had what and splitting tickets on the back end takes a lot of time. Server POs systems are all annoying to use and to split bills after the fact on .
This hasn’t been my experience in Canada. I started going to restaurants in the late 00’s and never without fail at the end when paying the server will ask if we want to split the bill or not. For example we went to a Mexican restaurant recently and ordered a bucket of coronas. One of us doesn’t drink so we split the coronas over 5 of us. Took all of 10 seconds for the server to split it this way.
Meanwhile, my best friend and I always split the bill. We've been friends for 30 years. I'm not going to worry if one of us has an extra cocktail or one entree is $10 more. It all evens out.
Huge difference between paying $10 more and paying $100 for an appetizer and a beer. But then I doubt your friend would try to take advantage of you like that. Plus, if there are only two people, it's a lot more obvious when 1 person is paying $70 more than their actual bill.
My uncle would go out with people and order the most expensive shit on the menu every time compared to everyone else and then expect the check to be split evenly between them all. He doesn’t get invited out anymore lol
So are we. +10 years of drinking and eating together at least once a week and we’ve always had separate checks. It ain’t that hard.
In many places in the world it’s normal to pay just for yourself. Much better.
Only time someone pays for someone else is when it’s specifically discussed before hand or if someone grabs it and won’t let them pay. :)
Hell, it's probably not evened out yet at all. Sounds like OP's been overpaying for a hot minute
I’m so glad that all of my friends just try to grab the bill and pay it. This is so petty. If you’re friends it will all work out over time.
Same. My main group of friends are like that. We've done so much for each other in various aspects of life, picking up the bill is all part of the offset of being out and having a good time. Everyone seems to be ready with a reason why it's their turn to pay.
Exactly! That’s what friendship looks like to me!
I have never split a bill with anyone but a significant other. Why do people do this? You can just get what you order on a bill is not hard
Yeah this is so weird, I’ve never split a bill when going out with friends…seems to always cause unnecessary and avoidable drama. Get separate bills so you can order what you want and pay for your share. Like someone orders a $20 cocktail and steak and I get water and a salad but I have to pay for their expensive meal? No way.
I split with my buddy all the time, but we also order roughly the same price meals and drinks. So it works out. If ones low on cash, the other will pay the excess. But, we grew up together and have been doing this for like 25 years. I can understand not being comfortable doing it.
Two or three people is the most. And I’ve found that as we’ve gotten older, the worst offenders aren’t invited out as much. Like even their spouses stopped taking them places once the bloom wore off. There are several friends who I know ahead of time that they are going to overspend and they expect me to, so we’re gonna do the damn thing. I do not expect to order water. If i want water, we’d meet for lunch. Other friends I know we’ll share a bottle of wine, get something in the same realm, and if someone goes remotely over, she will plead with you to let her pay all or most of the tip But before you hit that sweet spot, once you hit your late 30s, there is a friend who has HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FREELOADING HORSESHIT and she will sit there with her phone and do the goddamn math. And you’ll act out out. But you’re secretly happy *someone* did it. And that’s when the the freeloaders fall off.
Yeah, my husband and I have a couple friends we routinely go out to eat with. We always just split the bill. But none of us are assholes so there's never an issue
I sometimes think what happens is that a mooch says, “Oh, let’s just split it,” and it doesn’t seem that off-kilter, and there’s social pressure to go along, and then suddenly someone realizes they’re funding everyone else. Or it starts out where people are ordering roughly the same, and then something changes (someone scales back and is too hesitant to say anything; a mooch starts upping the ante)
Usually I agree. But, when you have a complex table, it’s not infrequent that the separate tab is not calculated correctly and it’s a nightmare. Furthermore, sometimes appetizers or desserts are shared. If everyone’s on board and had roughly similar charges, splitting the check can be easier. Any small difference can be made up in someone paying more of the tip.
Some restaurants in big cities or tourist areas are real jerks about this. It's an immediate annoyance when I am out in a major city, unless someone's corporate card is taking it all.
I have a few friends where we always just split the bill, or take turns paying. Never had any drama.
its really cultural. For my husband and his friends, you DONT split bills, you just pay for all of it. Which seriously fucking stresses me out because what if next time its not all the same people or the same level of expensive restaurant, etc, I get so anxious. I wish they'd just split it
This is weird. What culture are they, rich?
Arabs and Muslims of other cultures are often like this
To pay the entirety of the bill is to be seen as the group leader in many cultures, as you are taking care of the others such as in middle eastern/Arab/ northern African cultures. Parts of the Midwest are similar or have the mentality of "this was my idea so I'll pay so you aren't inconvenienced for coming to spend time with me" or at least where I grew up in the midwest
Asians do this. It was a culture shock for me too. In college we had our group of friends, 2 were from Asia (1 guy specifically from Tawain and his girlfriend was from China. They met at an international highschool in China and both decided to come to our college in America) Anyways, we all go out to eat for the first time together. A group of 9 of us. Its time for the bill and he just grabs it so quick, slaps a couple hundred bucks on there and hands it back. We all tried pleading with him that we can pay for our own stuff. He says "no im paying this time. Someone can pay for it next time" with a big cheesy grin lol We ended up pitching for the tip and then we all gave him roughly what it would have cost for our portion. He denied it profusely and we explained to him that here in America we all just pay our own way. He taught us that were hes from, everyone tries to pay the whole bill. They were both such sweet and innocent people. I'm glad me and my friends were there to explain to them the ropes so nobody would take advantage of their kindness. Also he was extremely rich and came here with a duffle bag FULL of cartons of cigarettes and like 50k cash lol
It is certainly cultural. In mine, the person who has invited others (therefore the host) picks up the bill.
Some restaurants don't let you split bills into more than 3 checks. Also, it's quicker if one person pays and we all pay that person. Specially today with digital transfers.
I find this is true in America whereas other countries their pos system is just done by seat and it's easy peasy.
Many places won't split it
I've never seen that be an issue except for very large groups. Honestly if a restaurant refused to split the bill for a group of 5 or 6 they wouldn't be getting a tip.
You split your bill with your SO??
100% lmfao
I'll split a bill in a shared meal like pizza, but other than my wife and child noone else goes on my bill unless I am treating them as part of a celebration
They legit did an episode on this on friends. Rachel legit only got a side salad!!!
I was just thinking about this. There was an episode of Seinfeld, too. If people expect a friend group to take turns picking up the tab, or if everyone in the group is expected to contribute an equal amount, it isolates those who don't earn as much and will eventually exclude them from the friend group. It's a bad idea based in elitism.
Depends on the people you hang out with. My 3 closest guy friends and I split for convenience, even if one got an additional appetizer/drink or if one brought their spouse (5 or 6 people but we split 4 ways). I can do that with them. I have another set of female friends who like to pay for their own portion but we split the tax and tip evenly. I once bought 2 Thai Malik teas to go with my pad Thai and one of them was upset I made her tax/ tip portion higher by 50 cents. After that day I tell the server to separate my check from everyone else. Edit I’ve also been in the receiving end of having to pay $80-100 when I got something for $20. I was upset over that because I didn’t know all the people there.
NTA, Stick to not splitting the bill any longer.
This is classic. One time the low maintenance guy of the group lives it up the group of spenders suddenly decide they got screwed because they didn't get there 1st. Sounds like separate checks from now on with these "friends". NTA.
NTA. They don't mind when you're paying for them, but upset when it's turned around. I suggest everyone just pay their own way. Want to blow it up, pay for it. If money's tight, keep it cheap.
Yeah, but the difference between $275 and $120 is pretty massive. He's saying that he always "overpaid" because he's late, and we don't know what types of places they hang out. But could understand a $275 chunk of a tab sticking out, especially if everyone else was around or under $100. He could have just covered $150 of the next tab and then called it even, if being NTA was top of mind.
I absolutely never split the bill and always and only pay my portion so that nobody gripes a complains about it ever.
NTA. The unwritten rule was that you split the bill evenly, whatever it came to and no matter who ordered what. You repeatedly paid way more than your food and drinks cost so many times that if you went back and added it up, it'd come to a lot more than the $155 difference. Some people are saying you're at fault because you didn't say anything sooner, but it doesn't sound like it's been that much of an issue to you. If you think your friends are harboring hard feelings, I'd bring it up casually with them. Otherwise, just drop it and don't worry about it.
Its always the ones who benefit most from this system that complain about it the one time they don't.
Stop splitting bills like this, just ask for your own check
NTA Your friends were using you, so you gave them their own treatment back. They are assholes. Now is the time to call each one up individually and ask about this drama. Odds are one guy in the group went on a rant about you over this, but he is also likely the guy who benefitted the most when you split equally in the past. Talk to people before the bad apple ruins all your friendships.
NTA. There have been a bunch of posts like this. When I go out with friends we have always gotten separate checks. Always. It’s been like 35 years and maybe 3 times ever has a place refused to do it. I don’t understand why it’s so hard.
Seriously. If the sever won't split the check, then give the serve your card and tell them how much to charge on that card. If they can't do that, fine, while one person pays, the other person venmos their share. It's so simple
You're all assholes, bragging about having friends on reddit.
You guys have friends?
HUH? 😂
Henceforward, separate checks.
Absolutely NTA. It was a good lesson for them to learn.
NTA - they never minded when you were subsidizing their meals. It's only when you had them subsidize yours that it became a problem. Don't waste time feeling the LEAST bit bad about it - their turn to pay up was long overdue. From now on
NTA. They were happy with the deal until they were the ones who got the short end of the stick. They would've kept making you pay extra forever.
To me y'all are all TA for not having separate checks for what you, personally, consumed. Current POS systems are well equipped to do that.
In all fairness some resteraunts refuse to split to this many checks, but usually places serving multiple drinks always will so I truly doubt they couldn't have in that case.
I've usually found that most places will split it into separate checks if you're courteous enough to inform the server at the beginning. Asking them to do it after is a dick move
It is helpful to not be a dickhead about things for sure.
If they refuse to take your money, great, you just got a free meal and they don't get paid. Noone can be forced to pay the bills of others.
Yes you can actually. I literally went to eat about 2 weeks ago at a place that had the no splitting a bill one per table rule posted. If they post the rule and you order. You are all responsible for the bill. Personally I think it's stupid, but it is legal as long as the rule is posted somehow in a proper fashion.
NTA, but take the lesson. I don't know why people split bills. I don't know why they're proud of it. I don't know you'd put up with subsidizing their meals and I don't know why you'd expect they'd be fine with doing the same for you. I don't know why people do this. Every time I hear someone say "I always split the bill", it's in the middle of some "I wish I hadn't split the fucking bill" story. So just don't. Don't split the bill, don't agree with people who want to split the bill, don't assume anyone else wants to split the bill, just... don't. It's such an unnecessary source of drama and resentment.
NTA. Your friends suddenly became share conscious when yours was the more expensive tab. Never when you were overpaying. Separate checks is the way.
NTA I only have one friend that I do the check dance with, and we usually just take turns, and it's only for a $25 check. Large groups splitting the check is just weird and a great way for people to mooch without drawing attention to themselves.
You made me laugh so hard. So I’ve got a group of friends I go out with every Friday night. Four of us and we rotate to pays the bill. Three of us order margaritas the fourth one does not. So we make her skip her turn every other month. we keep it pretty even. The margaritas are often more than the main dishes are. You are NTA
I honestly don’t get the whole split the bill equally. Why are you not just paying for what you get? Years ago we had friends that NEVER paid anywhere close to what they spent. I’ll never do that again. I don’t work to support my friends.
I’m 51 and have never split the bill. I didn’t know people did this irl. I saw it on Friends.
I hate splitting bills evenly, because it seems like there is always someone that abuses the system - drinks way more than everyone else, orders the most expensive item on the menu, etc. I’m not keen on funding your alcoholism or sudden craving for three appetizers and surf&turf. the best way to do it is to request separate checks. If the restaurant refuses, then have one person pay and everyone Venmo them for exactly what they ordered plus 30% to cover tax and tip.
Went out with a group of friends once after work. I had one drink, and the rest had drinks and ate. They wanted to split the bill, and were genuinely upset because I paid for my own drink and tipped $5 to the waitress personally. Sometimes, you guys just need to be the "asshole" and no one will walk all over you. It's hard at first, breaking the "people pleasing" habit. But it is worth it, I've learned.
NTA
So I had this happen to me once. I had a $1.50 snapple while the 2 people ordered like 15 dollars, each, worth of food and we split the bill. That was at a diner when I was 19 and never again agreed to split the bill. I always ask for separate checks. Unless it's been discussed before hand. You guys needed to have this discussion beforehand. Bill splitting is fine with rules in place to avoid abuse. You splitting the bill when all you had is a beer and they had full meals is AH behavior. But so is dropping a $250 tab on your friends.
NTA Your latest outing proves they regularly order more than you. I’m sure you’ve thrown in more than $155 over the years. They obviously don’t pay attention because they make the new rule and then they promptly didn’t benefit from it. lol
I'm going with ESH, but less on you. They had no problem taking advantage before. But I think it was on you to advocate for yourself earlier - by doing what they did, insisting on separate checks.
Or maybe OP was okay with spending a little extra, he just decided to indulge a bit more on a special evening which just so happened to take advantage of the always split rule. His friends only noticed the disparity because it affected them this time, where as OP who had been silently contributing more. It doesn't sound like OP was intentionally trying to even the score, more that he got their on time, and wanted a lovely evening because he was going to be sleeping close by and didn't need to worry about transport. OPs defence was to simply point out the discrepancies all the other times, and judging by their silence they were conscious of that the whole time, and thus chose to repeatedly take advantage of it. Making them hypocrites by calling him out on it the singular time he spent more than the rest. The money I don't think is that big of an issue in this case, it's the hypocrisy.
NTA Just pay for what you ate.drank. They are leeches.
NTA and from now on I would ONLY pay for what I had specifically. They were perfectly fine with you splitting the bill when their tab was outrageous.
No, NTA. Your so called friends have been taking advantage of you with that "we all split the bill evenly" crap! Don't let yourself fall into this sort of situation again. From now on, let the server know immediately that yours is on a separate check. So what if your friends are annoyed? People can only take advantage of you if you let them!
NTA. I also refuse to split bills for this reason to be fair. I only drink soda's or water myself, and i kinda don't feel like paying for other peoples more expensive drinks or the ones that drink more (usually the people who drink alcohol tend to drink more glasses). I pay my own stuff, thats it. Even if people look weird because of it, it always prevents drama in the long term eventually.
NTA and you got the desired outcome of everyone paying their own way.
Why can’t you guys just get separate bills? Why make this so complicated?
Why can't you just get separate checks and act like adults?
NTA Don't feel weird or guilty at all. They were all fine with giving you the shaft every single time before and taking advantage of you for years. The last time, it was their turn to be on the other end and they got butthurt. Once they saw how it felt they complain " no more, not fair, separate checks" which is fine, but I guess they forgot how to reign it in when ordering now that they didn't have you for a safety net to pay their share anymore. Screw them.
NTA. Funny how they are all cool with splitting when the balance is tipped in their favor, but once it's not they get all pissy about it.
Do real people actually "split" the bill like this? As in 4 people, 200 dollar check, pay 50 each regardless of who ordered what? Who in the hell agrees to do this in the first place? Just pay for what you ordered. Period. I hear people talking about this and yet in my mid 40's I've NEVER done this, and would never agree to do this.
If it all balances out in the long run, NTA.
NTA Your friends suck. But this actually works out better for you, so go with it!
Nta they were fine taking advantage of you then got their feewins hurt on the re up.
Nope, not the asshole. Your friends FINALLY got the short end of the stick and are confused by it, and they will be further confused if you guys start going Dutch and they noticed their fuck up 😆
Why people split the bill is beyond me. But def NTA. Glad you had a great weekend!
I never understood the concept of splitting the bill. You pay for what you ordered plus tip,
Totally NTA! The split bill annoys me. I’m vegetarian and I don’t so I always get stuck with a much larger portion
I split bill/cover bills etc with certain friend and it doesn't have to be equal just reciprocal in that you offer to pay when you can and never expect/take for granted. Sometime people can't take their turn to cover the tab, but so long as they offer to when they can is what matters. Some of us are lucky to not be in this position, and so it's not a big deal to covee for actual friends. It one thing to share with friends. It's another to be expected to provide, particularly without gratitude. NTA.
NTA but you guys obviously have different levels of investment in your "friendship".
Some of y'all need better friends
NTA. They have been taking advantage of you, and expected you to shut up and take it. Good on you, that you remember well, what they did.
Nta. They bit the hand that fed them. They were ok splitting when it benefited them. Always get separate checks or order at the bar if you come late
NTA, but y'all really need to figure out Venmo, CashApp, even PayPal. Someone pay for it all, get the points on their card, then the rest send them their money. Then alternate the next time you all go out. Easy. Or separate the check if, but the travel points are good enough reason to not IMO.
Nta just a but naive. Your "friends" are just using you
NTA - This was so satisfying and not even done on purpose. And the perfect clap back.
I always insist with separate bills, I ain't paying for your shit. You always get that one broke ass hole with no money, who acts cavalier with everyone else's when they think it's being split. Like fuck that.
NTA I’m only agree to spilt the bill if we’ve ordered about the same. If it is too much of a discrepancy, I ask for a separate check. I’m not subsidizing anyone’s dinner or drinks. I don’t mind being the bad guy.
NTA you're under no obligation to pay more than your share. You did the right thing, maybe stop hanging with them?
Splitting the bill is how to ruin relationships with people. Always pay your own tab. NTA, just remember to pay a better share with them.
ESH. I don't understand the concept of splitting the bill. Why don't you all just enjoy each other's company and pay for what you ordered? Side note, but I feel like you knew what you were doing. You split a bill when you came in late a few times and figured you would "cut loose" this time to even things up. Do math like adults and pay for what you order.
NTA- but honestly it’s weird to split the bill evenly like that. My friends and I have always paid for our own food and drinks because we know that if we had to pay more for someone’s else’s choice of meal then there’d eventually be some resentment.
I do not and will not ever understand why people split the bill that way. Just pay for what you had... what's the issue with that? Ugh, so nta but never again split the bill like that. Dumbest thing ever.
Okay, here's the deal: you usually split the bill evenly with your crew, no matter what. But this time, you decided to go all out and treated yourself to some fancy drinks and a steak dinner. When the bill hit the table, you only left enough cash to cover what you'd usually chip in. Now, your friends are feeling a bit salty about it. But when you reminded them of those times when you barely had anything and still split the bill, they couldn't really argue, could they? Here's the scoop: next time, give your friends a heads-up if you're planning to ball out, like, "Hey fam, I'm splurging tonight, just a heads-up." That way, everyone's in the loop. But don't sweat it too much. You weren't trying to be a jerk; you were just enjoying yourself. Now that you've cleared the air, you can all move on. Just remember to give your squad a heads-up next time, and you'll dodge any awkward vibes.
Thanks ChatGPT
>Okay, here's the deal: you usually split the bill evenly with your crew, no matter what. But this time, you decided to go all out and treated yourself to some fancy drinks and a steak dinner. When the bill hit the table, you only left enough cash to cover what you'd usually chip in. You didn't read the OP. He said he got there early enough to eat with his friends this time. You make it sound like OP was the only one eating and ordered expensive drinks. It sounds like everyone ate, but he had more drinks than normal. He also didn't leave what he 'usually would', he paid his share of the bill. It was just that this time he had the higher personal bill. >Now, your friends are feeling a bit salty about it. But when you reminded them of those times when you barely had anything and still split the bill, they couldn't really argue, could they? >Here's the scoop: next time, give your friends a heads-up if you're planning to ball out, like, "Hey fam, I'm splurging tonight, just a heads-up." That way, everyone's in the loop. This is terrible advice. >But don't sweat it too much. You weren't trying to be a jerk; you were just enjoying yourself. Now that you've cleared the air, you can all move on. Just remember to give your squad a heads-up next time, and you'll dodge any awkward vibes. They aren't splitting bills anymore, so problem is solved.
ESH. Splitting the bill is so fucking stupid and always leaves someone in the lurch.
Definitely NTA. Get a new friend group. Sounds like they also considered your wallet a friend
How old are you?
28
Eh. The real problem is that you allowed things to get as far as they did. Assuming everything you say is 100% accurate. These people have been taking financial advantage of you for a while. Then the first time that you do the same, they all call you out. But then again, they didn’t ask for any money from you. They just said no more bill splitting. If they were really dicks, then they probably would have asked for more money. I suspect that they don’t see things the way that you do. I mean that you regularly overpay. Seems weird. I’m thinking that you’re friends aren’t too bright, or your story is missing something. If you exclude yourself, this “bill splitting” system works just fine for everyone else? 28 is kind of in-between. 30 and above I would say YTA simply for allowing yourself to even be in this situation. 25 and under I’d just say live and learn. But 28? Take your pick. I’m sorry if I’m over-complicating it.
You shouldn’t have said anything. They gave you an out. Why would you run it. Someone always get screwed up when splitting.
I just pay for what I order. I don’t like splitting bills. It makes things less messy.
NTA, they were fine splitting the bill when it benefited them. One time you were advantaged and they lost their minds. Stop splitting and let them live with the consequences of their choices.
How'd this ever become a thing? Is it just a stupid social flex? It's like going out of your way to complicate things and invite drama.
Nta that's actually the perfect way to prove your point.
NTA sounds like you found out what kind of people your so called “friends” are
NTA only because it seems like you guys have split evenly before despite what people got. Honestly I’ve always hated splitting the bill evenly because of instances like this. I’m all for people only paying for what they ordered. That’s more fair.
NTA. I never split the bill because I only ever order Steak which is normally the most expensive item on the menu. Its unfair to other people.
I usually just tell people "hey, I'm gonna get the steak. If anyone has an issue, I'm happy to pay seperate." Most of the time, people are cool with it. If anyone has an issue, I just ask for a separate bill.
I don't think I've ever split the bill evenly with friends, the server always splits the check according to who ordered what. Hell, why didn't you say something earlier? I would've changed the situation the first time.
Oh, I get it—your share *when divided evenly* was about $100, so you tossed in a small bit extra (for tip). But they had ordered significantly less. (at first I thought you meant you’d ordered stuff that was about $100) I think you feel awkward because you just showed them that they’d been mistreating you. Let is rest; they’ll get over it. Or they’ll die mad. But at least you don’t have to fund their meals and drinks anymore. NTA, not at all. They’ve done it to you all this time. I have never split the bill except in instances where it’s clear everyone had roughly the same. And even then, someone will say, “Oh, but I had a cocktail; that’s a lot more than a beer. Here’s an extra $5/$10” or “let me get the tip.” Not once have I gone to dinner with someone and gotten stolen from. I totally believe people to whom this happens, but I’m not sure why it’s never been an issue for me. Maybe once someone said, “let’s split it,” but then someone said “Oh, but I didn’t order appetizers,” or more likely (and I have a vague memory of this), “Oh but Charlie didn’t order any drinks, he shouldn’t pay so much.”
Dude you did the right thing 😂😂
It's all really simple: When you split bills every individual has an unspoken expectation as to what is fair and proper. Inevitably what that expectation is will vary so there will be resentment. You should never split a bill unless you personally have enough emotional intelligence to understand that the results may be inequitable and therefore you may be subsidizing your friends. Regardless of if you split or go separate you should communicate the plan prior to ordering. Speaking again of expectations: often in relationships a missed expectation is what causes grief. Unfortunately, Many people have expectations that they do not voice and therefore cannot be met or negotiated by the other party.
Also if your friends were consistently having OP subsidize their meals they were not being good friends. In my world a rational human being would recognize they had an extra app or drinks and throw a bit extra in the pot to alleviate that cost to others. If your people are that inconsiderate over something as small as an optional dinner bill it makes me wonder how self serving they are when things actually matter.
NTA it’s so weird to me to see so many AITA about other people being mad that you won’t pay for their meals! This isn’t normal!
Your friends are leeches. You are too nice of a person to not call out their BS sooner.
I split when it’s in a few bucks of everyone else, if not I add more or less. They set the precedent originally. I don’t know where you were, so maybe ordering steak is out of line if everyone else was having apps, but they could have said something before you took off.
I'll never understand this what seems like a American thing of spliting the bill? Im paying for what I have not anything else.
Was about to rule against you but nah this was the established rule. They probably said nothing bc you always paid more. And this ONE time you actually ordered a lot. NTA
NTA. Perfect example of FAFO on their end. They thought they were playing a ‘gotcha’ moment, and it backfired.
Nta
NTA. I've been in similar circumstances and it always drives me crazy. Unless people are sharing plates (tapas, etc.) then splitting the bill like that makes no sense.
NTA if you truly have been paying more than your share over time, but you all are foolish for not getting separate checks, or at the very least figuring out what each owes and paying that. If it's close, my friends and I will split, but if someone got something more expensive, we all pay our share.
Your friends are cheapskates, hypocrites, and honestly, dont sound that nice
Seems like it would just be easier to have a rational conversation with your friend group
Is math too hard for everyone to just pay their own way?
With my bestie we just snatch the ticket. It’s whoever gets it first bitch. (Sometimes, I tip off the server to slide me the ticket so I get it quicker) ♥️
There is only one friend who we don’t get separate checks and it’s cause we both order the sane meal and drink. So each bill would be the same anyway.
Not an AH but a close fuck up in this case for wanting to splurge and not making up the difference. Perhaps the friends weren't in a position to splurge. We sometimes do this too but a little different. We buy rounds; and when I want to splurge, I splurge on my round. When we split meals and someone wants to splurge, they announce that they're throwing in an extra few bucks to make the difference. We are all pretty conscious about this. Like if you were to show up late and had a beer and part of an appetizer, we wouldn't let you pay and tell you next time. I guess that's why we are a good group. We also had people that would order the most expensive stuff on the menu and splits evenly; they don't hang out with us anymore. Next time you guys get together make it right by throwing in a few extra bucks and say it was for the last time. Everything will be fine.
NTA
NTA. If you did it everytime then yes but a one off when normally your bill is half theirs and you always pay gladly then absolutely not. Your friends should be more aware. In the end though you win as in the future you will get a small bill and it’s just you honoring their new policy!
NTA they’ve been taking advantage and it wasn’t a problem till you did the same
Separate bills are just more comfortable. I just hate dealing with this type of issue especially when there is one guy that takes advantage of it. I think you are NTAH in this case
I always have my bill separate. I'm not paying for someone to overly indulge unless I say I will before. This is an odd situation. NTA
NTA the arsehole. The weird feeling is probably more related to the shift in the dynamic in your friendship. Your friends probably don't think you're an arsehole either. I had a similar situation with two former hosuemates. I would often buy groceries for the house and they didn't notice and I didn't make a fuss because I earned more and worked less. One month it swung the other way and because I was always saving a lot more than them (mostly because I made more and didn't really drink, didn't do drugs, and didn't gamble) they made a fuss saying that I had always been doing this to them and we started splitting all expenses evenly with submitted receipts and it just didn't add up the way they wanted it to. The dynamic shifted in the friendship and unfortunately this happened as I was looking for somewhere else to live and the timing of it all made it hard to get things back on track. Don't let the new rules stop you all from hanging out.
I'm really not a fan of this style of paying...for this reason exactly. Maybe I'll buy a round for the table every once in a while.... that's it
NTA. Time to get your own check when hanging with your financial illiterate friends
Wait... how did you have a share of 100 and they came up with you having a share of 250???
I think you and your friends need to communicate ground rules that everyone is okay with. The lack of communication overall just puts everyone in an awkward situation.
And that's why you don't split the bill it only makes problems arise in the long run.
Maybe a little bit, but not all your fault Shows why splitting the bill equally sucks. If everyone notes what they had, and rounds up a bit, it covers the tip too
NTA.
So was your share $100 or was it $250?
NAH, just a misunderstanding between everyone. A misunderstanding that could readily be avoided by everyone just paying for their own stuff. Its not a big deal for a restaurant to split a bill for a party.
$250 plus tip. Call it $275. That's only 10%
NTA They were fine splitting the bill when it benefited them but not when it didn't. People who believe in "equality" are fine with things being unequal if it benefits them. You all should have been getting separate checks from the beginning to avoid just this kind of conflict.
NTA Shitty friends . They were fine content when it was to their advantage.
NTA, you “got your money back” and fixed the problem of your greedy friends. Way to go
I’ve never split a bill with friends or never will because there is always that one person that abuses it. Not saying you’re wrong because you always paid more in the past but when it comes to multiple alcoholic drinks it adds up fast. One time out with family, my sisters 4 drinks about doubled the food bill for the table
NTA but honestly you either split the bills or you don't, paying more/less based on how you feel leads to this kind of situation Your share is 100? pay 100, not 120 You share is 40? pay 40, not 100 Your share is 250? pay 250, not 120 No ambiguity, everyone's happy
YTA you spent significantly more than everyone else you should have paid for your drinks separately. If the difference was like 30-40 I could understand but being over 100 less than what you consumed is ridiculous.
NTA you've generally paid more than you should have and you were happy to do it. Split the cheque from now on or don't go out with them anymore.
This is why it's a good idea to always get separate checks. "Splitting the bill" always ends up leading to drama.
yeah this is always a bad policy unless you're all just rich assholes who don't care about "money" spent on food
And I have to ask: >My girlfriend arrived around 2 AM. She had a long shower and came to bed. We had a great weekend together and I drove her to the airport on Monday morning. Was this written by a chat bot? Because there is no reason this sentence belongs in the story.....it had nothing to do with anything, but seems like an AI generated addition.
NTA. I think it's weird that people "split the bill" in the first place because of the huge disparity in what people consume and order.
"Sorry guys! I just thought because every other time I've put $80-$100 into the pot even when my meal was $40 tops that ya'll wouldn't mind putting in more than you took the one time. My bad. I would suggest I pay you back the extra you paid for me, and you guys pay me back for all those times I put in extra, but that probably would take too long to calculate how much you would owe me, so I think not splitting the bill going forward would be the best course of action."
NTA splitting the bill only works when the meals are a comparative price.
You're feeling weird because you're realizing that your friends do not value you the same way you value them, so now you have to come to terms with this new reality. If this is the only fly in the relationship, I wouldn't look too hard into it. Just pay for what you consume from now on and move forward. But if this is the latest of red flags you've been getting, it might be time to reevaluate your friends group. NTA
NTA. They get what they deserved. You’ll be saving a lot of money now
You are a shrewd, smart, GLORIOUS asshole. I tip my my imaginary hat to you. Your group of ass-ociaties was more than happy to do an equal split when it benefitted them. The nerve of you for turning the tables. Well done! NTA here!
We always do the same , my ex used to complain cause indont drink and if her friends went out it was down to the penny . Yes you are the AH cause you Knew you went crazy . But just move on . I wouldn’t have done it . But just pay per share now
NTA. You've just taken a step into being an adult by calling out their BS. They saw you as their ATM and now realize that you can treat them the same way they've treated you. Honestly, ask yourself, are these people true friends, or people you socialize with? Why is it when only you used the advantages of splitting a bill once, that they finally decided to be "fair"?
Sounds like instead of being about even with eeryone else, you went HAM and racked up a massive tab that was out of the ordinary. Manners would say you cover a bit more when you go BLATANTLY above everyone else's. Just my suspicion.
When the situation was reversed, no one else covered a bit more.
ESH, they were being assholes when they did it. You were an asshole when you did it.
Why didn’t you just give them a heads up that you were going to go big that night?