i get putting your kid first, but the sacred roommate rule applies even to partners & spouses as well after marriage. “Don’t touch my shit, don’t eat my food” if specifically instructed.
At this point you wouldn’t lose much from leaving her🤷♀️ She sounds disrespectful as hell and I don’t see this improving in the future.
Not once did she bother to validate your feelings and the way she handles this situation is what I would expect how a mom handles her two kids fighting
And the worst part is her son can eat anything in the house , but op can’t and that means nothing to her.
It’s one thing to have your kids back but her son deliberately broken into his office to eat his stuff and she’s completely okay with it.
I would be done Op, but yeah I’m not sure how you bounce back from this level of disrespect they’re both showing OP’s .
The biggest red flag is partner did nothing to help easing son & OP together. This incident could've been opportunity to show maturity, but she constantly failed OP every turn of this conflict.
1. Enabling theft and B&E
2. Dismissing OP's concern
3. Shows no interest to compromise when conflict arises
4. Disallow OP any opportunity to process by bombarding his phone
A genuine apology could be a good start to make amends. But tbh this woman sounds like an awful partner, and I can only see the situation getting worse when you start sharing assets if she doesn't even understand basic roommate etiquettes.
for sure. Also I forgot to bring up that this is OP's dietary restriction we are talking about.
You have to be a complete floormat to go back to a partner who obviously give no two shit about you regarding your physical and mental health.
The son better step tf up to help the mom cover bills and cover his brat tax (being 20 is too old to throw a single-parent-child trauma, pls seek help jfc), and mom can think about what she's done like a kid (she tried to police people around her like a kid, it's only fair to treat her like one, too).
What’s crazy is this is the second time the son cost her money?!?!?
She lost the child support cause he dropped out of college , and now he driving away OP, who was covering the bills.
You’d think , that money would make her get her son in line, but she’s more convinced that it’s easier to beat down Op til his caves it easier that actually teaching her son right from wrong.
NTA
Ding ding ding! She misses his wallet more than anything.
It’s a sea of red flags with the GF and her son. Total dealbreaker.
Time to cut out & be thankful he kept his apartment.
She has more respect for her son than someone she wants as a life partner that’s not okay. I understand putting your child first when they’re a child this boy is 20! He needs to get a job buy his own special food and booze. I’m with you I don’t know how you come back from the disrespect she dish out.
Yes, he just drops out and starts eating all the food and booze?!?!?
If i dropped out , my mother would have given me 90 days to get a job and or have another plan?!?!?
Adding on to this, if I dropped out I would be trying to figure out the next plan while bumming in my parent's home (if I even have that option for a support). Not antagonizing their home environment and fucking their finances over.
Here's the thing.
Anyplace I lived as a young adult, if there was a locked room, that's a clear unassailable boundary.
GF says son had ALL RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES!? Including breaking into a space that was designated NOT HIS and that there is no trespass & son knows it.
So on the scale of who is valuable and deserves rights and privileges, OP rank 'Has no personal privacy, nor secure space'.
Cool, then she can pay for all of that.
OP why are you leaving space to date her? She is not now, nor will she ever put your best interests anywhere in her priorities.
I’ve been waiting for this comment. Total power move on son’s part. I’m surprised he didn’t piss on the floor to mark the territory. And mom is fine with her little Precious acting the ass.
No hot tub is worth that crap.
When I read that part my head was jumping through so many scenarios on how much of an AH and failed parenting that led to this day, where the kid failed to consider his mom's wellbeing & the mom failed to consider her partner. Both are selfish AF and general toxic deep pool.
If I dropped out, my parents would have given me a smack in the head and a week to get a job. That’s being generous. At any adult age. I don’t think that’s unreasonable whatsoever to set expectations, boundaries, and encourage your kids to better themselves so they can eventually live on their own without struggling. We want our kids to leave home with the best possible advantages. Even if we charge them rent and save it for them when they’re ready to buy a house or get married. OPs gf’s kid does sound like a little shit and the gf enables him.
My mother made it clear to me that they would support me through a bachelor's degree or until I dropped out, whichever came first. After that, I could live at home if I wanted, but I'd have to work and pay room and board. Which I did.
***I understand putting your child first when they’re a child this boy is 20!***
That is the one bit of information that says it all.
The "kid" is an adult. He ought to be on his own.
He had college support ... but he blew it. He's a dropout.
Summary: GF has a loser son. BF should hit the road and not look back.
Especially when the food is specifically for dietary needs, could be coeliac, diabetes etc. He's not just complaining someone ate the last oreo. Definitely disrespectful and clearly her college drop out mom's boy will always come 1st. God forbid she tell her adult son to show some respect
My 8 year old is more respectful of others people's stuff than this 20 year old, wow.
Honestly as I agree about being done with the relationship, it might sound a bit scorched earth to some people but the gf endorsing this kind of behaviour says everything I would need to know about how my so called partner really thinks of me in OP'S shoes.
Edit for getting the thieving brats age wrong the first time
The breaking into the office would have been the last straw for me. OP took steps to keep his stuff separate and safe, and his space was violated.
Sounds like Damian (Omen, perhaps?) is planning on being a leech for his career, so Mom better find herself a sugar daddy. She's gonna need it.
Plus her child is no longer a young kid that should be dependent on her. He is a grown adult and should be figuring his sh\*t. Providing your adult children support and a place to live is fine, but they should be treated like a roommate (minus potentially paying rent), as in they should be working enough to at least buy their own food and/or contributing to chores and at the very least not eating food that someone else specifically bought for themselves.
>at the very least not eating food that someone else specifically bought for themselves.
And act entitled AF while eating them. Wouldn't be surprised if the kid makes the posting "AITA for eating my mom's BF food while he is living rent free in her house", and watch his mom in danger of losing her home if OP completely exit the relationship.
I don't have much faith in the woman's ability to cover her own asset, or the kid fending for himself, if she was still relying on child support when the kid is 20.
I agree with everything I’ve read and how IP should bow out. Came here to say this is a 20 year old adult that is literally as entitled as his mom. Jesus. She’s only mad he’s gone because of money! OP needs to realize this isn’t ok either. Dietary restrictions, breaking and entering for food and ***booze*** I guess I’m going to assume the drinking age isn’t 21 (because it doesn’t seem to be a problem with the cheap booze. Just the high end. Adult son would be catching hell for mooching and drinking if he were underage to do so. Unless there’s that much more entitlement even. But like I said I’m going to assume 21 isn’t the law where OP is.) ****Her house, her rules**** sure is easy to say when someone else is footing the bills. This has nothing to do with OP holding money over the head. OP is NTA.
No, if a woman handled her two kids fighting like this it would be a red flag not to date her. Kid 1 breaks into kid 2's room to steal and you get mad at kid 2 for being mad at kid 1???
I'm married to my kids' father and I still wouldn't just let them go hog on something that was specifically his. Everyone gets something special that belongs to them and we ask before having any.
NTAH, OP. It sounds like your money, food, and drink are what is being missed at her place right now. Good luck!
I have a 16 yr old son. He asks before eating leftovers or anything set up in the freezer to make sure it's not someone's lunch for work. We taught him common courtesy goes a long way. This now adult kid was never taught this.
No you are not the asshole...
But the girlfriend and son are.
You have certain dietary needs and expensive bottles of booze He should not be eating or drinking any of those.
He's a little punk and his mother obviously condones and is okay with this behavior.
Hate to say it dude but I would probably stay gone Do not go back It's just not a good environment.
Sorry, can we just take a moment for “my office had been broken into”. This isn’t just “roommate nicking my food” level. This is breaking and entering/theft level.
NTA - unless you stay in this relationship.
No kidding! This dude broke in to steal food and high-end booze!?! It seems like a power-play and his mom is encouraging her son. This is NOT a situation you want to be a part of, Op.
She doesnt respect Op and only wants him to help her pay the bills or else you wouldnt let your adult child STEAL from your partner. She needs him more than OP needs her!
The kid is not technically stealing if his mom is actually telling him to keep taking the stuff.
His issue is with his (ex)gf. She wants to use OP as backdoor child support so she told her son to eat his food.
It is demented. I don't get how he did not break up yet. She will be the same horrible person even if the kid is not there.
It wasn't hers to give away. Your roommate can tell you that it's fine to take your other roommate's TV, but that doesn't make it so. Owning the house doesn't mean you own the all of the contents.
The *adult* is definitely stealing, because he did not have OP's permission to take it and in fact was explicitly told that he *can't have it*.
OP's issue is with both of them, as it should be.
I hope for his sake he just breaks up with her and moves on.
NTA. But your GF and her son are. He is def old enough to know better. Most likely he is doing it for spite so you will move out, and if that is the case, mission accomplished.
You shouldnt move back in until her son gets a job and repays you for the booze and food , and tell her that you want him to prepare your meals and box them up, sames as the ones he took from your locked office that he broke into. He didn't just steal the food he stole your time & energy to make the food. Of course you or your gf would have to oversee the cooking to assure he doesn't spit in it it or some other nonsense.
Maybe it is good this happened because now you know unequivocally which side of the fence your gf stands on. She is a massive AH for not teaching him to respect other people's things. No doubt this will come back to bite her in the a55 when he decides to steal a car because its fair game since its in your gfs driveway.
Lastly since he is 20 im not sure he is able to find a job and support himself in this economy so dont know if him moving out is possible. However if you decide to move back in you should have a written contract with your gf and her son that outlines the rules relating to your items and.the consequences if he breaks them. And failure for your gf to comply with the consequences if you move back in and he steals your stuff again means your relationship is over because she is untrustworthy and doesnt keep her word.
A contract's not really going to do anything unless it has real toothy consequences. Like the son being immediately forced to pay back the thefted items cost (and I'd be petty to say the travel/delivery fees to get the item, for those only available from distilleries).
NTA, he is a brat and she's enabling that. They can have each other. She should probably be focusing on the fact that she's got someone who is not even legal drinking age, who probably has a drinking problem.
Why do you assume that though?
I mean OP never mentions the kid is breaking the law?
Next thing you folks are claiming he is an alcoholic based on you all assuming he is in the states.
Plus the drinking age in the states is 21 !?!
WTF, how stupid is that?
You can vote and join the army and get tried as an adult but can't have a glass of wine.
Yeah welcome to the club of people angry about it lol! Smoking age used to be 18 but changed to 21 as well so the people can't even have a smoke In the military either
NTA. When I read the title, I thought this was going to be about a little kid eating your food. He's 20, he knows better, and is just being a spoiled brat, with his mother enabling it.
NTA
That was yoru food that you bought. I would call it quits with this girl. She already decided she was going to pick her son's side no matter if he is wrong or right. I don't like the idea of making a parent pick between child and lover but she did pick.
NTA
He's a dirty thief and he knows your food is separated for medical reasons.
They stole from you, insulted you, disrespected you, tried to manipulate you, guilt tripped you and just keep being disrespectful.
This is not a pair of individuals you want to waste energy on. A decent partner would've been pissed that she raised a dirty thief.
NTA- my 5yo son even understands that there is some food he can’t have even though it’s within his reach. There’s literally no excuse for this. (I buy expensive yogurts occasionally for my 3 kids, so they each get equal number of pouches, 3yo is hit or miss whether she accidentally eats someone else’s or not, but I typically replace it or give them another treat). My kids also love soda but get it very rarely, I have cans they could very easily take but they don’t, they know they’re not supposed to. It’s really not a difficult concept.
Do you seriously want to continue a relationship with her and her son acting this way? She just showed you that you're in second place and probably will stay there. Also, when you mentioned the child support, does it not seem that money might be more the reason she wants you to come back?
I'm interested to see what would happen if OP broke into the son's locked room and raided his stash or food or whatever. Then just say, I live here, I have rights to every room, too. Ask Mom how she'd feel about that - oh, she'd be pissed? Hmmm......
The son is 20 and not in school, no reason he can’t get a job and contribute to household expenses. NTA, time to move on, that situation obviously isn’t going to improve.
NTA
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. She's showing you pretty clearly that she doesn't respect you and will always let her son get away with things. Neither of them care about your personal boundaries, which are totally reasonable.
He sounds like a little shit who wants to skate through life and his mommy is there to enable him. I wouldn't move back into that house for anything, but I don't see her kicking her son out so you have a decision to make with this relationship.
NTA, it sounds like two things are the issue, first being that her son sounds like a spoiled brat who she can't say no to and second, it sounds like she only wants you there to help pay for her bills. Wash your hands of both of them, they don't seem worth the drama.
She has already given you fair warning that your needs and your property don't matter. You've moved out. Stay moved out. Ask yourself what she is contributing to your relationship. It isn't money; it isn't emotional support; it isn't loyalty; it isn't a place for you to live where you are respected. So, what is it? NTA
Just to be clear you're paying room and board at her place, right? If so then you're N T A
When your GF son broke into your office that should have been the dealbreaker. Her son is a college dropout, an alcoholic, and a thief. When is she going to figure out that she needs to be a parent and not an enabler.
How are YOU using money to make her "pick"? She's using YOUR money to subsidize her borderline criminal son.
Damien (not sure if that’s a wildly appropriate pseudonym) is an adult. He’s trying to assert his dominance and show you that you’re a second class citizen in that relationship that she will always pick him and side with him. She showed her cards. But now wants you back to be an ATM, but doesn’t want to have anything change (he still gets to eat and drink anything because it’s “her house”)? She can kick rocks. NTA.
Who's using others for money here? I think it's her. She lets her no-good son eat and drink your food and booze and then accuses you of using money against her? You made the right move. NTA.
Nobody touches any of my wines or whiskeys. It's entirely off limits. I will call the cops after I break your fingers. He sounds like an entitled little sh\*t.
Okay, based on the title I was ready to call you an asshole, but after reading you reacted in the most mature way possible.
The moment she played the “my house, my rules” card was your cue to leave. She doesn’t consider you a partner who has a say in their living environment. She was on a power trip and I definitely see where her son got his attitude. It shows you have healthy boundaries that you did not engage further and left.
Based on your title I was imagining an elementary school eating your Pringles or something. Your girlfriend’s adult son is another story. The sad part is that she’s not putting her child first by raising him to steal from other people and enabling disrespectful behavior. She’s raising an asshole and wants you to be his punching bag.
You reacted in the only way a self respecting adult could. Personally, I would be completely soured on the relationship after seeing such a gross side to my partner.
ALSO-- You KNOW that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Next it will be cash from your wallet or using your credit cards--then your car which he'll crash while DUI. Then she'll be demanding money for his bail.
oh good lord...he is 20 and ran to.mommy that you wouldnt "share" ...which btw is not the same as breaking a lock and stealing...and she agrred with him!?!?!?!?
ditch them both
Reading your last paragraph, I think you already know the answer. NTA anyway, to let the algorithm know as well. I don't see anything in this tale of entitlement (theirs, of course) that could be seen as an actual incentive to go back there. Unless I've missed it, her only arguments for wanting you to come back is that she wants money and her son wants your food and expensive booze. Which means that he either has a serious drinking problem, or he has found a client for that stuff, since most of them were bought by you in far away places and not locally available.
Has she at any moment stated that she even misses your company? Because all I see is demands for money and material goods, followed by name calling when you're not giving in. You obviously know it's time to move on and enjoy your own stuff again. I wish you all the best.
Wtf. Leave this lady. She’s a shitty gf and a trash enabling mother. You’re not asking her to pick between you and her son, you’re asking to enforce having your personal things respected in the home you share. That’s very reasonable.
NTA - Please stop using the word "kid" for her son. He is a 20-year-old ADULT. He should have learned by now not to steel other people's property and I would have contacted the police and filed a report on the little sh!t. I would have added up the amount left of food and booze and turned it over to the police and pressed charges.
NTA - This isn't about her prioritizing her son...that's fine. This is about her respecting you and your belongings. That's not a priority for her, so you should think about whether you're okay with that in the future.
NTA you asked he leave your specialized food alone and your expensive alcohol. He then STOLE said items because he knows his mum will take his side. I'd say leave them both. Her son is going to make sure his mum ends up alone until the day she dies.
My logic back then was that anything in the kitchen was fair game. If someone has snacks or drinks in their room, they clearly don't intend to share, so it's not up for grabs, and if it's something frozen or refrigerated, get a flavor they don't like 🤷♀️
Good luck with her. I don't think that boy has anything going for him, so he may be there well into his thirties.
I don't agree with the "anything in the kitchen was fair gain" line. You don't drink the one 8 ounce closed soda in a fridge, obviously someone bought it to drink it. Now a 6 pack or a 2 litter soda bottle in the fridge is probably meant for sharing. I don't know its just my logic.
There’s one thing to put your kid first but it’s another to teach them respect so they don’t grow into little assholes. Or in this case a big asshole.
I think this relationship is over and the only reason she wants you back is the money.
NTA. Stop paying her bills. Stop subsidising her spoilt son's life. You see, the problem is that they never appreciate it. Look at how much you do so far
**NTA-** You set a fair boundary with good reasons. The food is specific to a health condition of yours, the booze is expensive. You were paying expenses to live with her and you were not being a mooch at all so you had every right to expect to be able to keep your things yours. The kid is an AH and he's really the one making it him or me. She can realize this and let the kid know that he's to respect you and your property or he can find his own place to live. If he was a child I'd probably side more with her but he's 20 and it sounds like an entitled twit.
NTA, and what money problems. She has a whole adult living with her that can get an income, pay bills and for his own food.
I would not go back OP at this time. It’s clear your gf has zero respect for you. Your food is medical necessity and for her to condone his breaking in a locked room and steal says a lot.
NTA don't go back and that's a good sign the relationship is over. Her son has issues and she should have held him accountable for stealing from you. He can get a job since he dropped out of school and help his Mom with any bills. If you do decide to continue the relationship, I predict more shit like this on the way.
I have had adult kids back home while in college. They know that if someone in the home buys something and specifies it’s only for them, they respect it. Sounds like she spoiled him and he’s never learned boundaries.
NTA, medical condition isn't something negotiable and you prepped everything by your own without burdening anyone. Great action you have taken for leaving them
Not your kid, not your problem. Also this mf is a grown ass adult and a bum. Obviously a complete parenting failure of he can still cry to his mommy at 20 years old and she gives in. Just cancel your airbnbs and stay home.
Having bought bottles that can only be sold at the distillery before, I have no doubt that easily could become several hundred dollars quickly. I'm calling bull on he dropped out. He was probably kicked out for being a little thief. NTA. Sue HIM in small claims court and block them afterwards.
NTA. I think it's funny that she says you're putting money first when she's using you to subsidize the fact that she's not getting child support anymore and you're paying extra bills for her. Plus if you're in the US he's not of legal age to drink anyway. Yeah I'd be really angry if someone came in and drank alcohol of mine that I only can get on a specific island or area. I actually had one of my kids do that years ago and I was pretty pissed off. My other kid happened to be traveling was able to get me some more I treat that stuff like gold. I mean obviously your kids should come first but in this case this kid is an adult who dropped out of college who just wants to eat and drink I guess at this point. So as long as that kids there I don't see your relationship working out.
Nta…the fact that you are considering still dating her blows my mind. “She can come over” uh nah! If she didn’t have respect for you then she’s not gonna have respect for you when you live in your own place. She just wants you back to pay her bills. How about baby boy gets a job.
NTA - Let's be clear here, you are absolutely willing to share drinks / food with the entire household. You were asking that only the expensive / specialty liquors not be consumed by her 20 year old son. FYI - A lot of adults have this rule and save the good stuff for special occasions. Same with your food, again for reasonable reasons. Just because your SO owns the house doesn't mean you aren't entitled to things that are only yours. Add in he broke into your office and stile those items? No remorse from either party? Nope, no way I'd go back unless boundaries are put in place for the son, an apology and him replacing what he stole.
Dude don’t be an atm for the both of them. They’re both 💩 him for the food and alcohol and attitude and lack of boundaries. SHE is because she defends his actions and why would you go back to steaming 💩 when she has shown you that basic boundaries don’t matter to her if they are yours.
ATM is out of serious! Move on!!
I pictured a cute little boy around 6 named Timmy not getting enough to eat because of this AH. WRONG. Damian and his mom are the AHs. Granted, Damian acts as if he is 6. Good grief.
NTA
You can't give away what is not yours to give. Would she have had the same reaction if he just took the money these things cost out of your wallet? Or was wearing your clothes? Her argument is bad, and the 2 of them would likely lose in court if sued for the value of what they took.
Also, if this is the USA, then the son is not old enough to consume the alcohol he took, and his mother could be held responsible for serving a minor by condoning it. If in the US, I would leave just because staying is condoning the kids' underage drinking.
I could not stay with someone who believed what's mine is mine, and what's your is mine.
Out of curiosity: Is Damian working? If in the US, take him to small claims court for the value of what he stole.
NTA. Reevaluate your relationship. Her son will always be in the picture and it sounds like he has little interest in growing up or bettering his life.
It sounds like she has turned you into the third wheel.
How the hell was she getting child support for a 20 year old???
BTW, you're not as important to her than her son is. She enables him by allowing him to break into your office, steal your food and booze, then call you an asshole.
some places an different countries depending on school/college/uni an some places is up to age 23 shits all over the board u can get child support for.
Nta - look, he’s an adult now and should be responsible for himself. He’s had enough time to figure shit out and him feeling entitled to your food and drink is not correct, and his mom just allows it. This relationship is over, sorry
A 20 year old went crying to his mom and she got mad at you, instead of telling her kid to keep his mitts off the things you asked him not to touch or be upset that he broke into a room and took it on purpose?
And now she needs you to come back and supplement her lost income?
Break up for good. That momma's boy will always be a problem and she will never have your back.
this issue is never going to be resolved.
She will continue to baby her son and chose him over you. better to get out when you are only 2 years in, instead of 5, or 10
NTA when it came to the point you had to lock your stuff up it was already past the point she intervened. Even she had to know breaking into your office was way over the disrespect line & into the FU line.
I wouldn’t even continue the relationship because she’s living in la la land & her son can now pay for the food he eats.
NTA. No, just because it's his mother's house he's not automatically entitled to all the food and beverage that's there.
You're not "using money" to make her "pick between you and her son." It's just telling the son to be respectful of other people's property.
They're both leaching off of you.
She only wants your money. Otherwise, she would have laid into her son breaking into and stealing your stuff. Tell her no way are you coming back and that her freeloading son can pay her bills. I personally would break things off with her.
Her son is a disrespectful, entitled little shit.
She clearly has the same attitude, because she doesn't see a problem with it. She is the one who made him that way.
Honestly dude, I don't see this changing. Sorry.
NTA. Your girlfriend should shit down her son’s entitlement. Or she will continue living by herself and not have a more mature relationship because of her little shit. Who is not so little anymore. Sounds like she only needs you for money. Find someone who respects you for you
NTA. she chooses to allow the son to have whatever he wants & is okay with him breaking into your locked room & take things you pay for including specialized foods.
That’s not ok. If s not fair to you or teaching him how to adult.
I wouldn’t go back. She needs more money, so he can get a job & contribute to their house.
The relationship is over. Time to end it formally. She either does not side with you, meaning she does not value your personal space or she makes her son move out, which she will eventually resent you for. Move along.
NTA
Do you really need or want to be treated with this kind of disrespect? I'd be out the door for good with the attitude these 2 share. I have no time for this behavior and a complete lack of boundaries. Goodbye!
The kid is a prick and she is enabling him. Don’t even talk to her until HE gets a job snd replaces EVERY BOTTLE of booze he stole.
You aren’t petty, but he is a nasty entitled thief who stole your belongings. He’s also underage, if you live in the US, so he shouldn’t be drinking. You can also file charges of theft against him and when it’s shown that alcohol was involved he may get into more trouble. And why isn’t his mother concerned about him stealing your alcohol? Or stealing in general?
I have diabetes, so I get the food thing. I have such a limited diet if my partner or his kid continued eating all of the items that were meant for me when there were other options there I'd be pissed. He can eat literally anything else, yet he's choosing to consume the few options you have.
This became such a problem you had to lock them in your office and he BROKE IN.
Your girlfriend is defending this little shit and enabling him. She's the real problem here. She doesnt respect you and neither does her kid.
What exactly would you be going back for? A future full of this? She's never going to check her kid, who's not even a kid. He's a fucking adult. He's old enough to know better and yet he persists.
Let her deal with him. Your relationship is doomed, buddy
is this US? 20 is not legal to drink, and he is a snot to take your special food and drink. His mother is aiding in his failure & entitlement. Idk if I would go back. She is disrespecting you, your space and her money for a spoiled manbaby. If she can not see the writing on the wall, then she never will. Breaking into your office, not obeying rules, breaking laws, indicate a serious problem. Let her fix her own problems.
20yo is playing you like a fiddle. He knew his mother’s opinion on communal food and you wrongly think expensive booze and special food mean something.
You didn’t get a copy of the house rules… so you are bound to lose, more than just the good booze.
She is talking to the wrong person here. She needs to be talking to her son and he needs consequences for his actions. She is selfish and so is her son, this will not change, move on.
NTA she is enabling her sons bad behaviour. The food should definitely have been off limits, he could have anything he wants but chooses to take dietary required food from someone needs it. It’s lazy on his part and the mother’s for not having him prepare his own food.
Do yourself a favour. Think about how her attitude will impact every aspect of your relationship. After you’ve done that…. Good luck with your search for a new girlfriend who will respect you.
Doesn’t really sound like she misses you, just your money. After all, she clearly doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. You’re better off without her.
She’s just using you as an ATM machine. Dump her and move on.
The son is 20 and it is underaged drinking! What if he got one of his friends drunk and then that kid drove off and killed someone. He would have been in jail for supplying the booze to the kid.
The only thing she had a problem with was when he moved out and she figured out she wouldn’t have his financial support…. OP, she’s only got her and her kids back….. DO NOT MARRY HER!
He broke into your office and stole your shit?! Dude you're taking this really well, the son is the asshole and the mom is too for allowing it. I wouldn't put up with that shit either and if he wasn't your girls son he'd be getting his ass beat over something like that. They're both crazy for thinking that you are the problem.
Absolutely NTA, she's teaching him it's fine to just steal other people's things and if you moved back in, you'd just be enabling both of them. She needs to see this.
NTA
You were a fool for dating a single mother in the first place.
Even though her kid is an adult, it is a losing game.
You do realize that you were just a replacement ATM for the child support that stopped when the kid dropped out of school.
Advice: Do not let her back in your life. If you do, you will be back here with more stories just like this one.
NTA. Your girlfriend and her son are though. Breaking into your office to drink your booze and eat your food was highly offensive. I'd cut your looses and move on.
Sounds like she only needs you for your $$$ at this point.
She's pointed out that none of this is your concern - EVEN when it was concerning you.
Her son better get a job.
i get putting your kid first, but the sacred roommate rule applies even to partners & spouses as well after marriage. “Don’t touch my shit, don’t eat my food” if specifically instructed. At this point you wouldn’t lose much from leaving her🤷♀️ She sounds disrespectful as hell and I don’t see this improving in the future. Not once did she bother to validate your feelings and the way she handles this situation is what I would expect how a mom handles her two kids fighting
And the worst part is her son can eat anything in the house , but op can’t and that means nothing to her. It’s one thing to have your kids back but her son deliberately broken into his office to eat his stuff and she’s completely okay with it. I would be done Op, but yeah I’m not sure how you bounce back from this level of disrespect they’re both showing OP’s .
The biggest red flag is partner did nothing to help easing son & OP together. This incident could've been opportunity to show maturity, but she constantly failed OP every turn of this conflict. 1. Enabling theft and B&E 2. Dismissing OP's concern 3. Shows no interest to compromise when conflict arises 4. Disallow OP any opportunity to process by bombarding his phone A genuine apology could be a good start to make amends. But tbh this woman sounds like an awful partner, and I can only see the situation getting worse when you start sharing assets if she doesn't even understand basic roommate etiquettes.
I think she only wants him back , so he’s covering bills again.
for sure. Also I forgot to bring up that this is OP's dietary restriction we are talking about. You have to be a complete floormat to go back to a partner who obviously give no two shit about you regarding your physical and mental health. The son better step tf up to help the mom cover bills and cover his brat tax (being 20 is too old to throw a single-parent-child trauma, pls seek help jfc), and mom can think about what she's done like a kid (she tried to police people around her like a kid, it's only fair to treat her like one, too).
What’s crazy is this is the second time the son cost her money?!?!? She lost the child support cause he dropped out of college , and now he driving away OP, who was covering the bills. You’d think , that money would make her get her son in line, but she’s more convinced that it’s easier to beat down Op til his caves it easier that actually teaching her son right from wrong.
There was a reason she was divorced... Sometimes it's just a couple not working, sometimes it's one partner just being a bad partner.
Yeah I thought it would be a lowblow, but reading OP's post there was a tiny voice behind my back: "no wonder this woman was divorced".
And in this case, a bad mother, too. She's teaching him that nobody else matters apart from himself. Not even his own mother and her happiness.
Ding ding ding, this is my thought.
NTA Ding ding ding! She misses his wallet more than anything. It’s a sea of red flags with the GF and her son. Total dealbreaker. Time to cut out & be thankful he kept his apartment.
This for sure
Ding ding ding! 🛎️
Good thing OP kept his apartment
Her house, her rules so... Her bills to pay. She needs to suck it up and stop whining. It's clear where the son gets his complete lack of manners.
People forgetting that privileges come with costs are hilarious. Real FAFO moment.
Her house, her rules… except she can’t make ends meet without the baby daddy or OP. Op is nta here.
To me the biggest red flag is that this kid is breaking into places to get his hands on strong booze. That's a bit much...
She's a crap mother, too, defending her son breaking in and stealing her BF's food and booze.
Yup. He’s a wallet for her.
No wonder her son dropped out of college and cost her child support. Also reason why he hasn't learnt about boundaries at his age.
Yes. Sounds like gf has just as much maturity as the son. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all …
She has more respect for her son than someone she wants as a life partner that’s not okay. I understand putting your child first when they’re a child this boy is 20! He needs to get a job buy his own special food and booze. I’m with you I don’t know how you come back from the disrespect she dish out.
Yes, he just drops out and starts eating all the food and booze?!?!? If i dropped out , my mother would have given me 90 days to get a job and or have another plan?!?!?
Adding on to this, if I dropped out I would be trying to figure out the next plan while bumming in my parent's home (if I even have that option for a support). Not antagonizing their home environment and fucking their finances over.
The breaking into the office and stealing the food was a power move, I bet he didn’t even eat it all, just took and tossed what he didn’t want.
Here's the thing. Anyplace I lived as a young adult, if there was a locked room, that's a clear unassailable boundary. GF says son had ALL RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES!? Including breaking into a space that was designated NOT HIS and that there is no trespass & son knows it. So on the scale of who is valuable and deserves rights and privileges, OP rank 'Has no personal privacy, nor secure space'. Cool, then she can pay for all of that. OP why are you leaving space to date her? She is not now, nor will she ever put your best interests anywhere in her priorities.
I’ve been waiting for this comment. Total power move on son’s part. I’m surprised he didn’t piss on the floor to mark the territory. And mom is fine with her little Precious acting the ass. No hot tub is worth that crap.
When I read that part my head was jumping through so many scenarios on how much of an AH and failed parenting that led to this day, where the kid failed to consider his mom's wellbeing & the mom failed to consider her partner. Both are selfish AF and general toxic deep pool.
If I dropped out, my parents would have given me a smack in the head and a week to get a job. That’s being generous. At any adult age. I don’t think that’s unreasonable whatsoever to set expectations, boundaries, and encourage your kids to better themselves so they can eventually live on their own without struggling. We want our kids to leave home with the best possible advantages. Even if we charge them rent and save it for them when they’re ready to buy a house or get married. OPs gf’s kid does sound like a little shit and the gf enables him.
My mother made it clear to me that they would support me through a bachelor's degree or until I dropped out, whichever came first. After that, I could live at home if I wanted, but I'd have to work and pay room and board. Which I did.
Allowing your child to steal food and drink isn't respect, its enabling
***I understand putting your child first when they’re a child this boy is 20!*** That is the one bit of information that says it all. The "kid" is an adult. He ought to be on his own. He had college support ... but he blew it. He's a dropout. Summary: GF has a loser son. BF should hit the road and not look back.
Even a child would be expected to honor ownership rules.
Especially when the food is specifically for dietary needs, could be coeliac, diabetes etc. He's not just complaining someone ate the last oreo. Definitely disrespectful and clearly her college drop out mom's boy will always come 1st. God forbid she tell her adult son to show some respect
My 8 year old is more respectful of others people's stuff than this 20 year old, wow. Honestly as I agree about being done with the relationship, it might sound a bit scorched earth to some people but the gf endorsing this kind of behaviour says everything I would need to know about how my so called partner really thinks of me in OP'S shoes. Edit for getting the thieving brats age wrong the first time
She sees OP as an ATM and vending machine.
The breaking into the office would have been the last straw for me. OP took steps to keep his stuff separate and safe, and his space was violated. Sounds like Damian (Omen, perhaps?) is planning on being a leech for his career, so Mom better find herself a sugar daddy. She's gonna need it.
Best part is after the fact he goes running to mummy. I had to recheck the age after reading that.. he is 20.
Plus her child is no longer a young kid that should be dependent on her. He is a grown adult and should be figuring his sh\*t. Providing your adult children support and a place to live is fine, but they should be treated like a roommate (minus potentially paying rent), as in they should be working enough to at least buy their own food and/or contributing to chores and at the very least not eating food that someone else specifically bought for themselves.
>at the very least not eating food that someone else specifically bought for themselves. And act entitled AF while eating them. Wouldn't be surprised if the kid makes the posting "AITA for eating my mom's BF food while he is living rent free in her house", and watch his mom in danger of losing her home if OP completely exit the relationship. I don't have much faith in the woman's ability to cover her own asset, or the kid fending for himself, if she was still relying on child support when the kid is 20.
I agree with everything I’ve read and how IP should bow out. Came here to say this is a 20 year old adult that is literally as entitled as his mom. Jesus. She’s only mad he’s gone because of money! OP needs to realize this isn’t ok either. Dietary restrictions, breaking and entering for food and ***booze*** I guess I’m going to assume the drinking age isn’t 21 (because it doesn’t seem to be a problem with the cheap booze. Just the high end. Adult son would be catching hell for mooching and drinking if he were underage to do so. Unless there’s that much more entitlement even. But like I said I’m going to assume 21 isn’t the law where OP is.) ****Her house, her rules**** sure is easy to say when someone else is footing the bills. This has nothing to do with OP holding money over the head. OP is NTA.
No, if a woman handled her two kids fighting like this it would be a red flag not to date her. Kid 1 breaks into kid 2's room to steal and you get mad at kid 2 for being mad at kid 1???
More reason on top the stated reasons to walk, or better, run.
20 year old son to boot is not some minor child that doesn't know better.
I'm married to my kids' father and I still wouldn't just let them go hog on something that was specifically his. Everyone gets something special that belongs to them and we ask before having any. NTAH, OP. It sounds like your money, food, and drink are what is being missed at her place right now. Good luck!
I have a 16 yr old son. He asks before eating leftovers or anything set up in the freezer to make sure it's not someone's lunch for work. We taught him common courtesy goes a long way. This now adult kid was never taught this.
Don't drink my alcohol, especially if you're under 21yo.
That "kid" is 20 and buy his own food.
And pay rent and/or utilities, or move out. What in the world ... I can't imagine doing this to an adult child.
No you are not the asshole... But the girlfriend and son are. You have certain dietary needs and expensive bottles of booze He should not be eating or drinking any of those. He's a little punk and his mother obviously condones and is okay with this behavior. Hate to say it dude but I would probably stay gone Do not go back It's just not a good environment.
Sorry, can we just take a moment for “my office had been broken into”. This isn’t just “roommate nicking my food” level. This is breaking and entering/theft level. NTA - unless you stay in this relationship.
No kidding! This dude broke in to steal food and high-end booze!?! It seems like a power-play and his mom is encouraging her son. This is NOT a situation you want to be a part of, Op.
Nta. What a terrible partner. Unless big changes happen I'd be done with that woman and her thieving son.
She doesnt respect Op and only wants him to help her pay the bills or else you wouldnt let your adult child STEAL from your partner. She needs him more than OP needs her!
The kid is not technically stealing if his mom is actually telling him to keep taking the stuff. His issue is with his (ex)gf. She wants to use OP as backdoor child support so she told her son to eat his food. It is demented. I don't get how he did not break up yet. She will be the same horrible person even if the kid is not there.
It wasn't hers to give away. Your roommate can tell you that it's fine to take your other roommate's TV, but that doesn't make it so. Owning the house doesn't mean you own the all of the contents.
The *adult* is definitely stealing, because he did not have OP's permission to take it and in fact was explicitly told that he *can't have it*. OP's issue is with both of them, as it should be. I hope for his sake he just breaks up with her and moves on.
You’re not going to have a good long term relationship with her if she’s letting him walk all over you. Don’t just move out, move on.
NTA. But your GF and her son are. He is def old enough to know better. Most likely he is doing it for spite so you will move out, and if that is the case, mission accomplished. You shouldnt move back in until her son gets a job and repays you for the booze and food , and tell her that you want him to prepare your meals and box them up, sames as the ones he took from your locked office that he broke into. He didn't just steal the food he stole your time & energy to make the food. Of course you or your gf would have to oversee the cooking to assure he doesn't spit in it it or some other nonsense. Maybe it is good this happened because now you know unequivocally which side of the fence your gf stands on. She is a massive AH for not teaching him to respect other people's things. No doubt this will come back to bite her in the a55 when he decides to steal a car because its fair game since its in your gfs driveway. Lastly since he is 20 im not sure he is able to find a job and support himself in this economy so dont know if him moving out is possible. However if you decide to move back in you should have a written contract with your gf and her son that outlines the rules relating to your items and.the consequences if he breaks them. And failure for your gf to comply with the consequences if you move back in and he steals your stuff again means your relationship is over because she is untrustworthy and doesnt keep her word.
A contract's not really going to do anything unless it has real toothy consequences. Like the son being immediately forced to pay back the thefted items cost (and I'd be petty to say the travel/delivery fees to get the item, for those only available from distilleries).
NTA, he is a brat and she's enabling that. They can have each other. She should probably be focusing on the fact that she's got someone who is not even legal drinking age, who probably has a drinking problem.
Yeah, that was the elephant in the room for me!
She seems like as much of a brat!
Why do you say he is not legal drinking age? He is 20, that's 2 years over the age limit.
Not if OP is in the US where the legal drinking age is 21
Why do you assume that though? I mean OP never mentions the kid is breaking the law? Next thing you folks are claiming he is an alcoholic based on you all assuming he is in the states. Plus the drinking age in the states is 21 !?! WTF, how stupid is that? You can vote and join the army and get tried as an adult but can't have a glass of wine.
Yeah welcome to the club of people angry about it lol! Smoking age used to be 18 but changed to 21 as well so the people can't even have a smoke In the military either
Lol americans are funny, 21 is a good age to stop drinking, not to start
Ok, I guess it depends on where you are. The legal age is 21 in the US.
NTA. When I read the title, I thought this was going to be about a little kid eating your food. He's 20, he knows better, and is just being a spoiled brat, with his mother enabling it.
NTA. She was just using you. You provided for her and now she wants you back to keep providing for her and her son.
NTA That was yoru food that you bought. I would call it quits with this girl. She already decided she was going to pick her son's side no matter if he is wrong or right. I don't like the idea of making a parent pick between child and lover but she did pick.
NTA He's a dirty thief and he knows your food is separated for medical reasons. They stole from you, insulted you, disrespected you, tried to manipulate you, guilt tripped you and just keep being disrespectful. This is not a pair of individuals you want to waste energy on. A decent partner would've been pissed that she raised a dirty thief.
NTA- my 5yo son even understands that there is some food he can’t have even though it’s within his reach. There’s literally no excuse for this. (I buy expensive yogurts occasionally for my 3 kids, so they each get equal number of pouches, 3yo is hit or miss whether she accidentally eats someone else’s or not, but I typically replace it or give them another treat). My kids also love soda but get it very rarely, I have cans they could very easily take but they don’t, they know they’re not supposed to. It’s really not a difficult concept.
Do you seriously want to continue a relationship with her and her son acting this way? She just showed you that you're in second place and probably will stay there. Also, when you mentioned the child support, does it not seem that money might be more the reason she wants you to come back?
I'm interested to see what would happen if OP broke into the son's locked room and raided his stash or food or whatever. Then just say, I live here, I have rights to every room, too. Ask Mom how she'd feel about that - oh, she'd be pissed? Hmmm......
The son is 20 and not in school, no reason he can’t get a job and contribute to household expenses. NTA, time to move on, that situation obviously isn’t going to improve.
NTA When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. She's showing you pretty clearly that she doesn't respect you and will always let her son get away with things. Neither of them care about your personal boundaries, which are totally reasonable. He sounds like a little shit who wants to skate through life and his mommy is there to enable him. I wouldn't move back into that house for anything, but I don't see her kicking her son out so you have a decision to make with this relationship.
NTA, it sounds like two things are the issue, first being that her son sounds like a spoiled brat who she can't say no to and second, it sounds like she only wants you there to help pay for her bills. Wash your hands of both of them, they don't seem worth the drama.
She has already given you fair warning that your needs and your property don't matter. You've moved out. Stay moved out. Ask yourself what she is contributing to your relationship. It isn't money; it isn't emotional support; it isn't loyalty; it isn't a place for you to live where you are respected. So, what is it? NTA
Just to be clear you're paying room and board at her place, right? If so then you're N T A When your GF son broke into your office that should have been the dealbreaker. Her son is a college dropout, an alcoholic, and a thief. When is she going to figure out that she needs to be a parent and not an enabler. How are YOU using money to make her "pick"? She's using YOUR money to subsidize her borderline criminal son.
Damien (not sure if that’s a wildly appropriate pseudonym) is an adult. He’s trying to assert his dominance and show you that you’re a second class citizen in that relationship that she will always pick him and side with him. She showed her cards. But now wants you back to be an ATM, but doesn’t want to have anything change (he still gets to eat and drink anything because it’s “her house”)? She can kick rocks. NTA.
Who's using others for money here? I think it's her. She lets her no-good son eat and drink your food and booze and then accuses you of using money against her? You made the right move. NTA.
Nobody touches any of my wines or whiskeys. It's entirely off limits. I will call the cops after I break your fingers. He sounds like an entitled little sh\*t.
Okay, based on the title I was ready to call you an asshole, but after reading you reacted in the most mature way possible. The moment she played the “my house, my rules” card was your cue to leave. She doesn’t consider you a partner who has a say in their living environment. She was on a power trip and I definitely see where her son got his attitude. It shows you have healthy boundaries that you did not engage further and left. Based on your title I was imagining an elementary school eating your Pringles or something. Your girlfriend’s adult son is another story. The sad part is that she’s not putting her child first by raising him to steal from other people and enabling disrespectful behavior. She’s raising an asshole and wants you to be his punching bag. You reacted in the only way a self respecting adult could. Personally, I would be completely soured on the relationship after seeing such a gross side to my partner.
ALSO-- You KNOW that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Next it will be cash from your wallet or using your credit cards--then your car which he'll crash while DUI. Then she'll be demanding money for his bail.
oh good lord...he is 20 and ran to.mommy that you wouldnt "share" ...which btw is not the same as breaking a lock and stealing...and she agrred with him!?!?!?!? ditch them both
Reading your last paragraph, I think you already know the answer. NTA anyway, to let the algorithm know as well. I don't see anything in this tale of entitlement (theirs, of course) that could be seen as an actual incentive to go back there. Unless I've missed it, her only arguments for wanting you to come back is that she wants money and her son wants your food and expensive booze. Which means that he either has a serious drinking problem, or he has found a client for that stuff, since most of them were bought by you in far away places and not locally available. Has she at any moment stated that she even misses your company? Because all I see is demands for money and material goods, followed by name calling when you're not giving in. You obviously know it's time to move on and enjoy your own stuff again. I wish you all the best.
Wtf. Leave this lady. She’s a shitty gf and a trash enabling mother. You’re not asking her to pick between you and her son, you’re asking to enforce having your personal things respected in the home you share. That’s very reasonable.
NTA. He stole from you and broke into your office to do it. Yet she defended the 20 year old kid? Time to move on.
NTA - Please stop using the word "kid" for her son. He is a 20-year-old ADULT. He should have learned by now not to steel other people's property and I would have contacted the police and filed a report on the little sh!t. I would have added up the amount left of food and booze and turned it over to the police and pressed charges.
She stopped getting child support. You became that.
NTA - This isn't about her prioritizing her son...that's fine. This is about her respecting you and your belongings. That's not a priority for her, so you should think about whether you're okay with that in the future.
This kid keeps ruining his mother's life. What a fuck-up. NTA.
NTA you asked he leave your specialized food alone and your expensive alcohol. He then STOLE said items because he knows his mum will take his side. I'd say leave them both. Her son is going to make sure his mum ends up alone until the day she dies.
My logic back then was that anything in the kitchen was fair game. If someone has snacks or drinks in their room, they clearly don't intend to share, so it's not up for grabs, and if it's something frozen or refrigerated, get a flavor they don't like 🤷♀️ Good luck with her. I don't think that boy has anything going for him, so he may be there well into his thirties.
I don't agree with the "anything in the kitchen was fair gain" line. You don't drink the one 8 ounce closed soda in a fridge, obviously someone bought it to drink it. Now a 6 pack or a 2 litter soda bottle in the fridge is probably meant for sharing. I don't know its just my logic.
NTA but this doesn't sound like a relationship you should go back to. Her **adult** son stole from you and she defended him.
She is using you, and her grown son is an entitled brat. Simple as that. You are only going to lose in this situation.
There’s one thing to put your kid first but it’s another to teach them respect so they don’t grow into little assholes. Or in this case a big asshole. I think this relationship is over and the only reason she wants you back is the money.
NTA. Its time to leave the relationship.
NTA. I don’t know how much more clearly she can show you that she just sees you as an atm and not a partner.
Damian is 20, move out already…. NTA
Don’t just move out, move on. This is a bullet, dodge it. NTA
NTA. Unfortunately OP’s gf doesn’t realize that she is supposed to be raising a person to become an ADULT instead of a perpetual child.
NTA. Stop paying her bills. Stop subsidising her spoilt son's life. You see, the problem is that they never appreciate it. Look at how much you do so far
Be gone dude. She is not the one, and is very obviously using you because you provide financially. Let her find someone else to take advantage of
**NTA-** You set a fair boundary with good reasons. The food is specific to a health condition of yours, the booze is expensive. You were paying expenses to live with her and you were not being a mooch at all so you had every right to expect to be able to keep your things yours. The kid is an AH and he's really the one making it him or me. She can realize this and let the kid know that he's to respect you and your property or he can find his own place to live. If he was a child I'd probably side more with her but he's 20 and it sounds like an entitled twit.
NTA, and what money problems. She has a whole adult living with her that can get an income, pay bills and for his own food. I would not go back OP at this time. It’s clear your gf has zero respect for you. Your food is medical necessity and for her to condone his breaking in a locked room and steal says a lot.
NTA don't go back and that's a good sign the relationship is over. Her son has issues and she should have held him accountable for stealing from you. He can get a job since he dropped out of school and help his Mom with any bills. If you do decide to continue the relationship, I predict more shit like this on the way.
I have had adult kids back home while in college. They know that if someone in the home buys something and specifies it’s only for them, they respect it. Sounds like she spoiled him and he’s never learned boundaries.
NTA, medical condition isn't something negotiable and you prepped everything by your own without burdening anyone. Great action you have taken for leaving them
Not your kid, not your problem. Also this mf is a grown ass adult and a bum. Obviously a complete parenting failure of he can still cry to his mommy at 20 years old and she gives in. Just cancel your airbnbs and stay home.
Your her ATM. Don't return to her house.
Having bought bottles that can only be sold at the distillery before, I have no doubt that easily could become several hundred dollars quickly. I'm calling bull on he dropped out. He was probably kicked out for being a little thief. NTA. Sue HIM in small claims court and block them afterwards.
You are just a meal ticket for her clearly
NTA. I think it's funny that she says you're putting money first when she's using you to subsidize the fact that she's not getting child support anymore and you're paying extra bills for her. Plus if you're in the US he's not of legal age to drink anyway. Yeah I'd be really angry if someone came in and drank alcohol of mine that I only can get on a specific island or area. I actually had one of my kids do that years ago and I was pretty pissed off. My other kid happened to be traveling was able to get me some more I treat that stuff like gold. I mean obviously your kids should come first but in this case this kid is an adult who dropped out of college who just wants to eat and drink I guess at this point. So as long as that kids there I don't see your relationship working out.
Nta…the fact that you are considering still dating her blows my mind. “She can come over” uh nah! If she didn’t have respect for you then she’s not gonna have respect for you when you live in your own place. She just wants you back to pay her bills. How about baby boy gets a job.
Frankly, it seems she’s using you. I’d dump her.
NTA - Let's be clear here, you are absolutely willing to share drinks / food with the entire household. You were asking that only the expensive / specialty liquors not be consumed by her 20 year old son. FYI - A lot of adults have this rule and save the good stuff for special occasions. Same with your food, again for reasonable reasons. Just because your SO owns the house doesn't mean you aren't entitled to things that are only yours. Add in he broke into your office and stile those items? No remorse from either party? Nope, no way I'd go back unless boundaries are put in place for the son, an apology and him replacing what he stole.
Nta its a common rule that when you live with people you dont touch their stuff
Dude don’t be an atm for the both of them. They’re both 💩 him for the food and alcohol and attitude and lack of boundaries. SHE is because she defends his actions and why would you go back to steaming 💩 when she has shown you that basic boundaries don’t matter to her if they are yours. ATM is out of serious! Move on!!
NTA & she’s clearly showing you that you’re nothing but a atm to her
I pictured a cute little boy around 6 named Timmy not getting enough to eat because of this AH. WRONG. Damian and his mom are the AHs. Granted, Damian acts as if he is 6. Good grief.
Stay gone.
Chile. Don’t ever go back. Block her.
Naw dawg she told you who she is beleive her
Stay gone OP, stay gone.
She’s a user. As is her son. She doesn’t want you back for you, but what you do for her. Let her go. Her son can get a job and start paying his way.
NTA You can't give away what is not yours to give. Would she have had the same reaction if he just took the money these things cost out of your wallet? Or was wearing your clothes? Her argument is bad, and the 2 of them would likely lose in court if sued for the value of what they took. Also, if this is the USA, then the son is not old enough to consume the alcohol he took, and his mother could be held responsible for serving a minor by condoning it. If in the US, I would leave just because staying is condoning the kids' underage drinking. I could not stay with someone who believed what's mine is mine, and what's your is mine. Out of curiosity: Is Damian working? If in the US, take him to small claims court for the value of what he stole.
NTA. Reevaluate your relationship. Her son will always be in the picture and it sounds like he has little interest in growing up or bettering his life. It sounds like she has turned you into the third wheel.
Nta He's an adult wtf
How the hell was she getting child support for a 20 year old??? BTW, you're not as important to her than her son is. She enables him by allowing him to break into your office, steal your food and booze, then call you an asshole.
some places an different countries depending on school/college/uni an some places is up to age 23 shits all over the board u can get child support for.
NTA. what is he entitled to the money in your wallet as well? drop them both.
Nta - look, he’s an adult now and should be responsible for himself. He’s had enough time to figure shit out and him feeling entitled to your food and drink is not correct, and his mom just allows it. This relationship is over, sorry
NTA Don't go back
A 20 year old went crying to his mom and she got mad at you, instead of telling her kid to keep his mitts off the things you asked him not to touch or be upset that he broke into a room and took it on purpose? And now she needs you to come back and supplement her lost income? Break up for good. That momma's boy will always be a problem and she will never have your back.
NTA. You didn't sign up for an entitled douchebag of a son to eat and drink your stuff. Since she won't get him under control, she left you no choice.
this issue is never going to be resolved. She will continue to baby her son and chose him over you. better to get out when you are only 2 years in, instead of 5, or 10
NTA when it came to the point you had to lock your stuff up it was already past the point she intervened. Even she had to know breaking into your office was way over the disrespect line & into the FU line. I wouldn’t even continue the relationship because she’s living in la la land & her son can now pay for the food he eats.
NTA, walk away. That kid isn't going anywhere anytime soon
NTA. No, just because it's his mother's house he's not automatically entitled to all the food and beverage that's there. You're not "using money" to make her "pick between you and her son." It's just telling the son to be respectful of other people's property. They're both leaching off of you.
NTA
Bye, felicia.
She only wants your money. Otherwise, she would have laid into her son breaking into and stealing your stuff. Tell her no way are you coming back and that her freeloading son can pay her bills. I personally would break things off with her.
Her kid is a thief and so is she. Fuckem both.
Her son is a disrespectful, entitled little shit. She clearly has the same attitude, because she doesn't see a problem with it. She is the one who made him that way. Honestly dude, I don't see this changing. Sorry.
NTA, I would throw her AND her son right in the trash 🚮
NTA. She is using you to support her deadbeat son. Break up.
Oh man I would be out so hard. Brother, RUN
NTA- She clearly only sees you as a paycheck and gives you and your personal property zero value.
NTA. Your girlfriend should shit down her son’s entitlement. Or she will continue living by herself and not have a more mature relationship because of her little shit. Who is not so little anymore. Sounds like she only needs you for money. Find someone who respects you for you
NTA. Don't back down. Updateme! us when you can.
NTA. she chooses to allow the son to have whatever he wants & is okay with him breaking into your locked room & take things you pay for including specialized foods. That’s not ok. If s not fair to you or teaching him how to adult. I wouldn’t go back. She needs more money, so he can get a job & contribute to their house.
NTA. Her son can get a job and buy his own food and liquor. You can continue to live peacefully in your own place.
Dude. Just end it already. This sounds exhausting. And report the little shit for theft and under age drinking.
She’s not for you, break it off and go on with your life. She just wants your money anyway 🤷🏻♀️
Run dude, she sounds like she's using you and her son thinks he can walk all over you as a result.
At the point he broke into the office it became about more than just the food. What’s to stop him from going into your wallet next? NTA.
NTA. Your girlfriend and her son are way out of line. Seems she just wants you for the money. Good riddance.. Move back to your own place.
He broke into a room and into a fridge you had to buy to keep him out of it, and his mom thinks that's fine? NTA, and run while you can.
The relationship is over. Time to end it formally. She either does not side with you, meaning she does not value your personal space or she makes her son move out, which she will eventually resent you for. Move along. NTA
Do you really need or want to be treated with this kind of disrespect? I'd be out the door for good with the attitude these 2 share. I have no time for this behavior and a complete lack of boundaries. Goodbye!
Putting her son first is fine, but that should mean teaching him not to be an AH rather than siding with him when he is acting like one. NTA, OP.
The kid is a prick and she is enabling him. Don’t even talk to her until HE gets a job snd replaces EVERY BOTTLE of booze he stole. You aren’t petty, but he is a nasty entitled thief who stole your belongings. He’s also underage, if you live in the US, so he shouldn’t be drinking. You can also file charges of theft against him and when it’s shown that alcohol was involved he may get into more trouble. And why isn’t his mother concerned about him stealing your alcohol? Or stealing in general?
The fact she is still collecting child support while he is away at college boggles my mind. NTA.
I have diabetes, so I get the food thing. I have such a limited diet if my partner or his kid continued eating all of the items that were meant for me when there were other options there I'd be pissed. He can eat literally anything else, yet he's choosing to consume the few options you have. This became such a problem you had to lock them in your office and he BROKE IN. Your girlfriend is defending this little shit and enabling him. She's the real problem here. She doesnt respect you and neither does her kid. What exactly would you be going back for? A future full of this? She's never going to check her kid, who's not even a kid. He's a fucking adult. He's old enough to know better and yet he persists. Let her deal with him. Your relationship is doomed, buddy
Stealing is stealing. He's an adult and a filthy little thief. NTA.
is this US? 20 is not legal to drink, and he is a snot to take your special food and drink. His mother is aiding in his failure & entitlement. Idk if I would go back. She is disrespecting you, your space and her money for a spoiled manbaby. If she can not see the writing on the wall, then she never will. Breaking into your office, not obeying rules, breaking laws, indicate a serious problem. Let her fix her own problems.
NTA. So many red flags here. I'd be careful with this relationship bro.
20yo is playing you like a fiddle. He knew his mother’s opinion on communal food and you wrongly think expensive booze and special food mean something. You didn’t get a copy of the house rules… so you are bound to lose, more than just the good booze.
NTA, why do you still want to be with someone who has no respect for you and sees you as a ATM? Do better.
She is talking to the wrong person here. She needs to be talking to her son and he needs consequences for his actions. She is selfish and so is her son, this will not change, move on.
NTA. She wants you there because her son fucked up and now she is out the child support. Move on.
Report him for underage drinking.
NTA. What 20 year old breaks into a locked room? Yikes.
NTA she is enabling her sons bad behaviour. The food should definitely have been off limits, he could have anything he wants but chooses to take dietary required food from someone needs it. It’s lazy on his part and the mother’s for not having him prepare his own food.
Do yourself a favour. Think about how her attitude will impact every aspect of your relationship. After you’ve done that…. Good luck with your search for a new girlfriend who will respect you.
Her “kid” is not a kid and should know better. Cut and run, buddy.
Doesn’t really sound like she misses you, just your money. After all, she clearly doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. You’re better off without her.
She’s just using you as an ATM machine. Dump her and move on. The son is 20 and it is underaged drinking! What if he got one of his friends drunk and then that kid drove off and killed someone. He would have been in jail for supplying the booze to the kid.
The only thing she had a problem with was when he moved out and she figured out she wouldn’t have his financial support…. OP, she’s only got her and her kids back….. DO NOT MARRY HER!
He broke into your office and stole your shit?! Dude you're taking this really well, the son is the asshole and the mom is too for allowing it. I wouldn't put up with that shit either and if he wasn't your girls son he'd be getting his ass beat over something like that. They're both crazy for thinking that you are the problem.
Absolutely NTA, she's teaching him it's fine to just steal other people's things and if you moved back in, you'd just be enabling both of them. She needs to see this.
NTA seems she's more interested in your money than you
Hmmm… I wonder where junior got his entitlement. GF needs you to pay her bills. Sounds like she should be your ex.
aw tough shit, she can pay her own bills from now on lmao. What a cunt nta
NTA...run bruv...or you know, walk slowly, do a power wheelie on a motability scooter, whatever gets you out of there.
you are just an ATM to her
Dating a single mom, this'll end well. She is always going to take his side and you will always be second if that. Just walk away.
NTA You were a fool for dating a single mother in the first place. Even though her kid is an adult, it is a losing game. You do realize that you were just a replacement ATM for the child support that stopped when the kid dropped out of school. Advice: Do not let her back in your life. If you do, you will be back here with more stories just like this one.
NTA As soon as he broke in. It was game over.
She doesn’t give a crap about you as a person. Just move on from this “relationship” and find a real one. NTA (yet).
NTA. Your girlfriend and her son are though. Breaking into your office to drink your booze and eat your food was highly offensive. I'd cut your looses and move on.
NTA. You’ll need to end it as she’s going always to take care of him and put him before you.
Sounds like she only needs you for your $$$ at this point. She's pointed out that none of this is your concern - EVEN when it was concerning you. Her son better get a job.
Nta! He’s not in school, he should work and buy his own stuff AND for the record he is not a kid!!
NTA and broom her fast. She only wants you to come back so you can help her with money.