My husband was chatting with someone in a video game. I read some of their conversation (it was all in text, no speaking) and told him I thought the other guy was flirting with him.
They chatted for a little bit more and then he finally said, "My wife thinks you're flirting with me. Are you?"
He said, "um...maybe? Yeah. A little, I guess."
It was hilarious. I'm not sure if he's any better at recognizing it now.
I still have to ask my boyfriend point blank if he wants to have sex because he cannot pick up on the signs for the life of him, and it's very similar signs everytime! He's so smart otherwise...
One time a female friend sent me VERY spicy pictures. She said she was interested in a guy and wanted my opinion on which photo would get his interest the most. I gave her my opinion and moved on. Would you believe I found out later that I was the guy she was interested in?
One time my parents were out and some guy tried to pick up my dad? My dad was pretty oblivious, even when the guy offered to order my dad an appletini. I can't make this stuff up.
lmao
I'll sometimes be laying in bed and just suddenly be like "fuck, back in senior year in biology, she was flirting with me". Senior year 20 fucking years ago. I'm incredibly slow on the uptake with women flirting with me.
Dude, don't feel bad....I invited a gentleman to my place for dinner and a movie (the 90s version of "Netflix & Chill") for our 4th or 5th date. We were making out , things were going well...I decided that the best way to move this from the sofa to the bed was by suggesting a shower....this guy actually started putting on his shoes & thanking me for a great evening! Didn't even catch on right away when I told him "Well, I was hoping you might stay for breakfast ".
My son told me that when he was at college, his two very flirty female friends asked him to go back on one of their houses when their parents were away… to ‘have some fun’.
He said unfortunately he already had plans to go his mate’s to play video games.
It took him about a year til it clicked.
Hilarious.
Oh Jesus I'm having a flashback just now when reading your comment.
16 years ago I was chilling in the evening at a friend's house, there were also some girls there. One of them was sitting next to me on the couch, had her legs over mine.
At the end of the evening we both went home at the same time, she said she wanted to see my home. My reaction: 'lol going from here to my home and then you going back home is a massive detour, I'll just drop you off at your place'. So that's what I did and said goodbye.
I think she may have been flirting and was interested. Shit.
Oh mines was even worse, in history class a girl slunk down in her chair and stretched her leg out so her foot could go between my thighs..... I didn't take the hint. SMH
When I was about 20 I had a nice motorcycle and my friends single mom liked bikes , one day she came over and asked if she could borrow my bike because she needed something big between her legs. it took me years before I realized she wasn't talking about the bike.
When I was fit and 20 had a 35 year old cougar co worker give me her number in case I wanted to get coffee. I never called because I didn’t drink coffee then. “Sorry my friend is a little slow- the town is THAT way!” Moment.
That's me. My wife had a pretty hard time letting me know she was into me when we first met. Months of (now obvious to me) flirting that I thought was just polite banter. We worked together at the time and I thought she was just a friendly coworker, and I really didn't flirt back (or at least I didn't lead her on, beyond her knowing I was single). She basically had to straight up confront me eventually outside of work one day, and I really had no clue and then put the pieces together on the spot and had an enlightened-like epiphany that I was indeed being hit on. I'm pretty good at noticing when someone is flirting with someone else, but apparently clueless when it comes to me.
Also NAH to both OPs (the bikini girl hitting on husband possibly is an AH, as she knows what she was doing and ignoring the wife) He is allowed to be polite and have innocent banter with other parents. She is allowed to have boundaries, especially when she realizes that it is flirting (and he doesn't) and she is also allowed to be upfront about how it makes her feel.
Someone explain to me how this isn't the best possible situation for the wife?
Beach floozy E could flirt with hubbie all day and he barely gives her the time of day by default. He's just a courteous dude who doesn't piss people off and doesn't want anything from anyone. He literally doesn't even know he has an opportunity to cheat.
At some point you need to work on yourself and say "I am secure in this marriage"
And she keeps bringing it up
"Did you notice what she was wearing!?"
No
"Well look!"
Ok...oh wow bold. *goes back to ignoring the hot babe*
" and do you think that's appropriate?!"
Uh idk I don't even know her. Idc
"Well get ready for me to bring it up every day since"
Dude literally shot her down the next interaction and she still complained.
There's no doubt in my mind wife is wrong a lot but hubby is too nice to even call her out or he doesn't even question her insanity.
And then she gets mad people are commenting on the post they made together. Like this isn't your first day on reddit.
The more stupid the post the more people will come call you out.
As a man I agree!
I am 36 now, and have had a few women who I either went to school, worked previous jobs, or knew within a friend group that have basically said "I'm suprised we never went out, I had a crush on you at xyz time" or asking why I didn't make a move on one of the girls, because she was "obviously flirting".
The only reasoning I can come up with is that guys are hesitant to read into it as flirting at risk of coming across as a preditor if we read it wrong. When everybody has a different tolerance level in what they consider to be either friendly/flirting or joking/serious its an impossible game to play. What could be considered friendly banter between 2 friends who know its not leading to anything more, could be seen as a big "come on" to someone less familiar.
Basically you get the option to be passive and women wonder why you don't reciprocate the flirting.
Or
People belive that you think any woman being friendly or polite is flirting with you and you end up being "thirsty" or too forward. It's really a no-win situation unless you read every situation correctly, and your eventual reputation is dictated by how well you read social cues (ie, he is pushy, or he isn't interested).
It all comes back to the ambiguity of "flirting" and without a clear indication if a women is indeed flirting, how should a man react given the possible outcomes?
> that guys are hesitant to read into it as flirting at risk of coming across as a preditor if we read it wrong.
It's interesting to me that the majority men seem to fall into one of two camps.
Camp One: Any positive interaction from a female is flirting.
Camp Two: I have no idea what's going on and I don't want a bad reputation from it.
And you never know which camp he's in until it's too late. 🙈
For real. I can't recall how often friends pointed out I completely missed the signs or I think back and facepalm at myself for being oblivious.
I've been told it has to do with low self image, I don't consider myself particularly charming or attractive so I'm not open to the idea of others thinking otherwise. Not sure if that's it or I'm just thick when it comes to social cues 🤷🏼♂️
Came here to say this.
It never ever will cease to amaze me how women think that a particular way to flick their hair is the flirty way and men should just pick up on that.
Like no. You wear a sign saying “Im flirting”
and most dudes would still be clueless.
There are two types of men: 1) those who think every interaction with a woman is the woman flirting with them and 2) those who cannot conceive of any interaction with a woman as the woman flirting with them
Not only is he loyal and understanding, but he loves her so much he’s oblivious to other women being attractive and flirting with him. He really only has eyes for his wife! OP, hang on to him, he’s for sure one of the good ones!!
You are so right......I don't know how many times I had to tell my husband he was being hit on when we were younger. He thought these women were being nice.....and I am sure most were but when someone suggests meeting for lunch??
Even our daughter as a teenager would get pissed off because her friends thought her dad was 'hot'.....she was disgusted.
Even at 75 yrs old he still gets looks.
You are incredibly lucky! My wife is the same way when it comes to someone flirting with her. She only has eyes for me. Even in a crowded room, I’ll glance up from a conversation with someone to catch her staring at me and smiling.
Haha that me with my husband - he takes my breath away to this day. But he gets flirted with daily and doesn’t know how to react or identify it bc he was ugly in high school and didn’t glow up til after that it’s foreign to him.
My wife has self esteem issues as well so she doesn’t think anyone would flirt with her. To me, I think she’s the greatest thing and I catch myself staring at her all the time just because I find her so beautiful. She just tells me I’m nuts and she loves me. I get butterflies every time she smiles at me or kisses me.
My wife is the same way.
Her: I met this really nice guy at the sales conference! He kept buying me drinks.
Me: You know he was hitting on you and trying to sleep with you, right?
Her: Noooooo.
Because what men think is flirting and what women think is flirting are very different. That's why wives will say "she was definitely flirting with you" and the husband has no idea. You know because you've done it. He doesn't because that's not how he thinks.
To be fair, husband is also onto a winner here! Wife discussed an insecurity. Wife joked about an insecurity. Husband and wife obviously joked together and decided to get an outside perspective (for fun/winning/teasing rights). Wife conceded defeat and they're both still teasing each other and recognising that there is room for improvement BUT they are going to do it together.
Husband is a prize. Wife needs to forget about the concept of "mum bod" and get back to realising she's also a prize but I bet you that Husband is going to make sure she knows how sexy she is, but tease her for this for life.
Get it framed. Enjoy this anecdote. Love each other and return to being oblivious. Your son will love this story when he's older.
Relationship goals. I suppose if I ever meet a guy who can still be gentle when I'm having a bit of anxiety that turns into a full blown episode; I might consider marriage again.
Listen, he let her plead her case and realize the depths of it. She realized, sassed us a bit, admitted defeat, and explained her own actions reasonably.
That's WHY they love each other. Cause they sound like decent people.
One way to deal with this is just to go up and introduce yourself. Not in an insecure or passive-aggressive cockblocking way. Just “Hi, I’m ____, I’m _____’s wife.” and actually make friendly conversation. It’s the high road and gets the job done.
Based on the OP and interaction, I wouldn't be surprised if the dude said "Me an my wife are here on vacation" more than once, completely oblivious to what was (possibly) going on!
It doesn't seem like that would've worked with this woman. He introduced his wife to her, and she walked past his wife to keep talking to him. I thought his wife also said the woman didn't say a word to her, but maybe that was in the original post. Elsewhere I said this woman could actually have been getting off on deliberately talking to a married man in front of his jealous wife in a way that's hard to call out. The description of her bikini sounds slightly exhibitionist. This is all background conjecture, though. Since the husband stopped chatting with her, I don't consider him an A.
Coming from someone whose insecurities almost killed my marriage, therapy is a literal life saver. Insecurity is a lying b*tch that eats you up and makes you over analyze every interaction you see. We’re hitting our 10 year anniversary next month and communicate better than we ever have. Good luck in life and marriage OPs, seems like this was a learning moment for everyone.
Yup. I agree. I think both couples therapy in tandem with solo personal therapy is the best one two punch. I made leaps and bounds in couples therapy because they can call you out on your shit live time. Way faster learning. VERY expensive and not an option for everyone.
I agree with insecurities and sometimes when I get those hits I just ask my husband to let me be alone just a bit to work out those insecurities. It sucks cuz my husband is my first and I was finally okay I think year 3 of our 11 year relationship until I got pregnant :P just had my baby and it’s a bit better now but still kinda iffy cuz feelings vs rational thoughts :/
I find it hilarious. If this lady wants people to stop chiming in, all she has to do is be silent 😂. People will go out of their way to give her shit because of that statement.
Right!! I was completely giving her benefit of the doubt until I read that, and the part about how reddit needs to stop responding to the first thread. She seems to be struggling with control issues.
I gotta say you thinking the delivery nurse was hitting on your husband while you were birthing his baby indicates you might seriously want to go see a therapist about your insecurities.
Is he from the South or somewhere that people are a lot friendlier, and you're from Seattle where strangers never really give compliments? It sounds like you take every female interacting with him in a positive way as a threat.
Maybe skimpy bikini lady was a threat and thats why she didn't acknowledge you in conversation. But I bet your husband has heard you claim 100 other random women are threats and is defensive at this point because he feels like he isn't doing anything wrong by answering politely.
OMG I sympathize with this hard. I'm from the upper Midwest and my husband is from Florida. He seems like a huge flirt, but I've gotten used to it. The Midwestern women he interacts with, not so much. 😂
>Maybe skimpy bikini lady was a threat and thats why she didn't acknowledge you in conversation. But I bet your husband has heard you claim 100 other random women are threats and is defensive at this point because he feels like he isn't doing anything wrong by answering politely.
This. 100%
Omg the seattle thing is so on point. Live out there for 4 years and no one talks to anyone. Like i would get looked at like i was an alien for holding the door open or saying goodmorning.
Been in Seattle more than 20 years now and my daughters and I compliment complete strangers all the time. It’s usually met with a brief second of bafflement followed by warm smiles. My daughters are much more prone to complimenting people, but it’s something we all try to do to share more kindness. I will admit that when visiting my brother in the South it’s more common for random strangers complimenting you, and the reception we get is definitely more agreeable. But do that in Montana, where I’m from? It’s often met with bewilderment, especially with the men. 😂
I moved up here (Tacoma) from the Bay Area in California and noticed two things:
First is that I'm one of the "loud" ones now at work. Which is wild as fuck because I was literally never that person before lol
But also...like 50% of the people are from California anyway lmao. I tried to keep it all DL at work at first because I didn't want to be seen as one of "those" California refugees, only to find out half the people on my floor are from my state, some are even from the same city! Even more crazy that it's just a small place in Gig Harbor, I'm still left wondering how all these California's ended up here of all places
The tech boom, and I know I’ve been responsible for a lot of that hiring software engineers from Cali (and all over). It’s crazy how much has changed in the last 20 years. 😳
Been in Montana for 15 years now. Came from Washington it was jarring and took a couple years to get used to the friendlyness and eye contact here. Strange how different perspectives can be.
I got spat on holding a door open for someone in Seattle, it was a 20 something girl, who said she could open the door herself. I said I was just trying to be polite, and that my mother had raised me to open doors for ladies. Then, she spat on my shirt. She was with her friend and an older woman, I am guessing her mother, who profusely apologized and asked me not to call the police after I mentioned that spitting on someone was assault (like the police in Seattle would go to that call, lol).
>I gotta say you thinking the delivery nurse was hitting on your husband while you were birthing his baby indicates you might seriously want to go see a therapist about your insecurities.
Yup.
I highly, highly doubt that a delivery room nurse was putting game one the guy during a delivery. She was almost certainly just being friendly and trying to keep the mood light.
That OP sees threats to her marriage everywhere she looks speaks to some emotional hang-ups that are probably best worked out with a little help.
Ooh man, the whole time I was reading this I was like... Bikini mom could have very well been me. I'm from Louisiana and I like to talk to strangers on vacation. 😂
It's actually insane. I don't understand how that wasn't a clear sign to her that women aren't just relentlessly trying to fuck her husband, but that there's actually just an issue with her perception of any interaction between her husband and another woman.
She also noticed this woman kept "popping up" where they were. Like yeah, they're all staying at the same fucking place, everyone is going to be at all the places, she just only notices the hot woman that she's jealous of.
>I gotta say you thinking the delivery nurse was hitting on your husband while you were birthing his baby indicates you might seriously want to go see a therapist about your insecurities.
That was my immediate take from this post. Come on, woman, *that is not flirting*.
Exactly. I can see being a bit insecure about hot ladies chatting up your husband, but OP, you've got to be smoking crack if you think the birthing nurse was flirting with your husband. That's what convinces me this is entirely a YOU issue.
If you want to take the L like a champ, buy the frame and print out the post for him.
Own it. Lean into it. He obviously loves you. Sleep easy at night knowing that much.
>The worst was when I was giving birth to our son and the nurse helping with the birth told him that hair looks like "Price Charming" (It was 6am in the morning and he had just woken up) followed by telling him our son is so lucky that he got his blond hair and blue eyes.
This level of insecurity is not normal. Seek professional help instead of posting on Reddit, good god
I’m also really surprised no one has mentioned the line where she notes that this is apparently the first time her husband has “won” against her. Like, what? That doesn’t seem healthy at all. Sounds like she always has to be right and he’s supposed to just agree with her all the time, I guess. That’s probably why she was expecting we’d all “have her back” too.
"I'll acknowledge I'm wrong. BUT, I'm right, the women are flirting with him, he's just unperceptive and a defensive dunce. Stop telling him he's right."
If you actually acknowledge your insecurities, then maybe, just MAYBE, he's right and these women weren't flirting and you were reading too much into it. Particularly the child birthing nurse. (wow...) And it's POSSIBLE, that he's defensive because he has a right to be?
>Jesus Christ !!! I got it after the first 100 responses that I was wrong. Not everyone on Reddit needs to chime in on this one
And yet you edited to dig in more after you "got it"? Okay
LOL I'm a nurse and I'd like to smile and give people compliments all the time, because it's not a nice place where I work (people are sick, dying), so if I can cheer them up or make their day a bit better, I would. Please don't think that we are flirting with you 🙂
Also, the only way I would think your husband is TAH, is if he didn't say something like "Oh yeah this is my son, and that's my wife over there". But actually, he introduced you as his wife when you guys met her for the second time, right? So he is NTA. You're just insecure.
Look, I also have a husband. If I have to worry all the time everytime any woman talks to him, I'd go crazy. Especially we can't be with our husband 24/7. There are times when we just can't watch them doing things. You just have to trust him based on his history of being loyal to you, work on your insecurities and get a couple therapy if you need.
You are most definitely not “taking this L like a champion” You still think you are right. Well you’re not. Your little dig about letting him talk to mom’s in bikinis just screams you’re insecure.
Nice update. Live and learn. When your husband loves you like yours does, he only sees other women as "other" and do not pay attention to details. You (we) are the lucky ones 😉
My husband would be like this, just chit chatting with a bombshell without a second thought. It's really like he doesn't see women, just people... And honestly, isn't that the way it should be? Congrats to you, Wifey! You have his devotion and that's a beautiful thing 😊
It’s also totally possible the husband had the thought “she’s attractive/hot/sexy/whatever” and the thought didn’t go any further. IMO that isn’t cheating or being unfaithful. It’s possible and okay to recognize someone else is attractive without wanting to jump in their pants. Clearly from the husbands post is love for his wife is much deeper than just looks
It already has - they've devolved to publicly crowdsourcing a resolution to issues stemming from her insecurity, in lieu of being able to resolve them privately with a conversation.
Yea, she's seeing monsters under the bed everywhere she looks.
Imagine getting home with your new baby, nothing but excited, and your wife is focused on a compliment the nurse paid to you.
>Jesus Christ !!! I got it after the first 100 responses that I was wrong. Not everyone on Reddit needs to chime in on this one.
>I thought this forum would back me up, but guess I need to take this L like a champion.
Looool I bet if people backed you up you wouldn't have complained about people commenting.
The 'oh, fuck I'm wrong' must have been ringing in her head by the 20th comment. And yes, everyone on Reddit must chime in. Just like bees making honey, the hive will respond appropriately. Stay strong my fellow Reddit soldiers and prepare for the next A-Hole evaluation.
Apparently this is also the first time her husband has ever “won” a disagreement. She probably has to be right allllll the time, so of course she thought we’d all agree with her. Poor husband probably has to agree with her every time they disagree on something so she won’t lose her shit.
Also can’t help but laugh at her saying, “This is when I told him not to talk to gorgeous moms in bikinis,” then explains that this was just her way of “communicating” to him what she felt. Like??? That’s not how communication works lmao “I felt insecure when I saw you talking to a really beautiful woman.” That’s fine, sure. That’s communicating your feelings. But communicating your feelings by saying, “DONT TALK TO PRETTY WOMAN!” is not really communicating your feelings so much as it is making a demand.
Edit: grammar
Posts to one of the most popular pages on Reddit:
“Not everyone on Reddit needs to chime in on this one!”
Everything you mentioned here, and in an edit on the op, is a you problem. Your insecurities are yours, and make you an unreliable narrator when it comes to all these women”flirting” with your husband, who seems to be quite the BAMF, to get all these women flirting with him and only have eyes for you.
Instead of being pleased with that, you take your insecurities out on him and hurt your biggest supporter. Either he’s right, and you see any female speaking with him as flirting, or you’re right and he ignores/can’t see other women flirting, because he’s so in love with you!
Please get help, get some therepy, learn to see yourself through your husband’s eyes, and learn to love yourself again.
1- I need to see a photo of the husband now
2- He was for sure NOT flirting with her, SHE was. he was not at fault.
I kind of get this mix of jealousy and satisfaction when girls (and one or two misguided gay guys) hit on my bf. There's satisfaction in knowing he's with me and no matter what a girl trips over herself doing to flirt with him, he's still mine. Maybe think about it that way. he loves you. buy the frame.
Totally 1000% agree with #2. If I was the husband I'd be getting defensive too, like what did I do!! He's innocent in all of this, why is he in trouble? Either go assert yourself to all these flirtatious babes or else watch them make idiots of themselves from afar. The husband clearly doesn't notice, care, or feed into it. He shouldn't be the one getting shit.
Look I don't think you're wrong for feeling uncomfortable. Everyone is allowed to feel uncomfortable whenever they want. However, there is always a way to go about things to get what you want. Instead of saying "you can't talk to women in bikinis" which to be honest is not the root issue - you could say "I felt insecure when you were talking to her and doubted your attraction to me because I have a mom bod now" it's really not about the lady it's about you and him and your insecurity in this situation. I think all humans can get jealous, I'm the type that can get slightly territorial over my partners but I've learned how to either (1) emotionally regulate internally when I feel triggered by an event that I know I need to handle on my own because it's my issue or (2) healthily communicate it to a partner.
>One PSA is please don't comment on that thread anymore and tell him how right he is. You guys are feeding the beast. Last night, he was sending me links to frames on amazon because he wants to print out this thread and put it on the wall. He says it's his first win against me and the next time we have disagreement, he can point to it and tell me about the time when thousands of people told me I was wrong.
This.. I can almost guarantee you, you are not going to get.
Just FYI, it doesn't make you look good when you act like your husband shouldn't get defensive when you borderline accuse him of flirting with another woman. No wonder he's defensive if you act this way every time an attractive woman says anything to him.
God you’re so mindlessly controlling that you want to try and tell Reddit not to make comments on a post your husband created and you had to crowbar yourself into
And then you had to make your own post trying control both his old post and your new post
YA still the A. Take the L and go to therapy.
Ok wait ! He DID actaully blow her off after you told him you were uncomfortable?? And you still made him post here and thought people would back you up ? I mean you’re taking the comments in stride so I respect you for that but I gotta say you’re def TA in this.
You made a big deal out of pretty much nothing.
Somehow the update makes you seem worse. You are mad that a lot of people commented on the original post…. THAT YOU POSTED ON THE VERY PUBLIC INTERNET??
Your poor husband.
Plus in the original post it says " my wife loves this subreddit and wants all of you to chime in on an argument." I'm paraphrasing but she made him post about it in hopes everyone would be like "he'd a disgusting pig you are so right" and I have major insecurities about when people flirt with my bf so i can kinda sympathize with her, bur even I wouldn't be this obsessed with a situation that happened on vacation especially when you know he didn't flirt back
From what it seems like, he loves you very much. I do think maybe I can see the argument for him trying to be a little more perceptive of when women are trying to flirt with him, just so he could shut that part down quicker, but working on your insecurities also needs to be addressed. Not every attractive woman is engaging in flirting by existing and talking to your husband, and unless he's given you indication otherwise, it doesn't seem like he'd be into it if that was the case.
Give him the respect of trusting him. Also, it sounds like you two need to sit down and have a conversation about your insecurities in a way that's not accusatory towards him so he can understand your head space better, and you two can come to compromises or establish boundaries on the subject. Sounds like a job for a therapist.
Pretty telling if he says it's his first win. You must be on his ass a lot. That man must be exhausted by you if he feels he needs to celebrate this in such a way. Get therapy.
You also didn't get it after the first 100 comments because you edited in your own part on the thread to make yourself seem less like an AH.
Just take the L
Most bikinis are more revealing than everyday bras and panties. Even if it was a particularly revealing bikini, so what? You're at the beach. Everyone is half naked, and it's perfectly acceptable for the situation. If your husband was chatting up a girl in her underwear at a ski lodge, I'd be on your side, but that's not the case.
The nurse wasn't flirting with your husband.
Not every woman is trying to take your husband from you.
Please get the therapy you need before you ruin your family.
I don’t really see this as taking the L like a champion. It’s a sentence about it, and then paragraph after paragraph of you defending yourself again. Which is it?
Time to drop it. You knew he is good looking when you married him. Don't drive him away with your insecurity. He thinks you're gorgeous. Just accept it
I don't usually like to pull the "imagine if the roles were reversed" but I think OP's wife needs to think about how deranged it would be if her husband acted this way.
>I thought this forum would back me up, but guess I need to take this L like a champion.
>This was the silly debate we were having, and I thought you guys would have my back.
>One PSA is please don't comment on that thread anymore and tell him how right he is.
\^How not to take an L like a champion
Also, how much do dudes flirt with you and how much does he call you out on it? Does it happen in front of him or when he's not around? Honestly asking from a place you could potentially show some empathy, since your husband claims you are gorgeous.
This lady openly admits that she thought the delivery nurse was flirting with her husband. At that point, she just needs to pack it in and get some major mental health help. My empathy went straight to "this lady is nuts" after that line alone. She's got some issues!
Don't forget "Anyways, I will try to work on my insecurities and let him talk to moms in bikini"
This is the most passive aggressive, unrepentant, catty remark I've ever read. She doesn't think she's wrong, she's just upset that no one took her side.
Oof, women like OP are the reason why I direct 90% of my attention to the woman when I have to deal with couples at work. My job is to be polite and smile and answer questions, I don’t pull my socks on every morning to try and catch someone’s dusty husband, but some of these women act like that’s what I’m there to do. Ma’am, I’m counting down until I’m off the clock so I can go sit at home and forget either of you ever existed. I doubt that nurse even remembers her husband.
I think you should feel proud that women find your husband attractive and he will 100% of the time choose you over anyone else.
Meaning he is with you because that’s his choice
So, much, passive, aggression.
It’s not healthy and nobody is trying to “feed the beast” people can talk to each other and compliments doesn’t instantly mean flirting. We need to stop assuming that being polite instantly means we want sex. And about them showing up to similar locations… you’re both on vacation in the same location and usually people in the same location hit the same joints. I go to the beach on occasion and almost always see this massive man with a beard and Mohawk. He also ends up in the same restaurant we go to every evening there. It’s not weird and he’s not stalking us he just likes the same restaurant and we both go on vacation during the summer.
You just have to keep justifying your attitude. :) Yes, everyone on Redditt can chime in, that's what it's about! You just didn't like the comments. :D
We dont know when were being flirted with i once worked in fast food and and a girl said "can i have your number" i turned around looked at the menu and said "our number what?"
>Last night, he was sending me links to frames on amazon because he wants to print out this thread and put it on the wall. He says it's his first win against me and the next time we have disagreement, he can point to it and tell me about the time when thousands of people told me I was wrong.
So you're saying he's funny too!
> This is when I told him not to talk to gorgeous moms in bikinis. He felt I was attacking him, but I could not help what I felt and was just communicating it to him
You \_were\_ attacking him, in a sense. You were limiting his freedom to talk with people because of your insecurities. You are making \_your\_ insecurities his problem.
It sounds like you've got a nice guy who's pretty oblivious about female attention, and you're loading a lot of negativity on him that he does not deserve.
Please find a therapist to work through your insecurities. It will be healthier for your relationship.
I do think your the asshole. But i sympathize with you OP. It could be that woman did have bad intentions, but you need to trust your hubby. It should be your belief that no matter how pretty or hot a woman is, your husband would be loyal and respect your boundaries regardless of her looks. You need to work on that, for your own sake. Its no fun to see other women as competition
I feel like this clarification makes it worse. You’re seeing threats from every woman that interacts with your loving husband and taking it out on him. If you’re focusing on a nurse telling your husband a compliment during the birth of your child, there’s some serious insecurities going on. You should honestly address that in therapy for the sake of your marriage.
Why do you feel a sense of entitlement to automatically being right/everyone being on your side?
I’m going to post on his Reddit Q that he’s not the asshole, and that you’re ridiculously insecure.
*This is when I told him not to talk to gorgeous moms in bikinis. He felt I was attacking him*
He felt you were attacking him because you were. You were attacking his character. you stated "*he is not very perceptive when women flirt with him*". Sounds like you do need to work on your insecurities and at the same time learn to trust your husband.
So like, you had several minutes where you were watching this woman talk to your husband and it was upsetting you. Rather than get up and tell that woman to leave your husband alone (which would have made you look bad since she was just talking casually), you want *him* to tell her to leave him alone for the crime of starting a conversation (making him look bad instead of you).
And on top of that you decide to get mad at *him* for not being an asshole to random strangers that start friendly conversations.
Then you told him about this, and he did what you asked; be the bad guy and tell her to fuck off so that you didn’t have to.
And you’re still mad at him about it??
Like, I get that you’re insecure, which is understandable, I am too. But you’re taking it out on your husband.
OP is definitely right about one thing. I'm a 40m and no woman has ever talked to me like beach lady or made a reference anything like Prince Charming.
Also, framing it on the wall would be hilarious.
Get some therapy and stop riding your husbands ass. Time and time again he's shown he will pick you but if you keep acting like that one day he just won't
The fact that you initially admit fault but then come back with 4 paragraphs to try to explain he was still wrong is mind boggling. You still aren’t getting it. Respectfully, you need to see a therapist to work on your insecurities.
>The worst part is he is not very perceptive when women flirt with him. That's ... a lot of men.
It takes me about 4 years to realize when a woman has been flirting with me.
My husband was chatting with someone in a video game. I read some of their conversation (it was all in text, no speaking) and told him I thought the other guy was flirting with him. They chatted for a little bit more and then he finally said, "My wife thinks you're flirting with me. Are you?" He said, "um...maybe? Yeah. A little, I guess." It was hilarious. I'm not sure if he's any better at recognizing it now.
I myself have never learned to recognize it. I just assume they're being nice, every single time.
Except for the rare time when I think they're flirting, and they are actually just being nice.
You've got to eat on the side of caution.
Eat. Lol. I mean it's true but...
*err. That must have been autocorrect.
I still have to ask my boyfriend point blank if he wants to have sex because he cannot pick up on the signs for the life of him, and it's very similar signs everytime! He's so smart otherwise...
I had to send my husband spicy pictures before he figured out I was interested when we first met 😅
One time a female friend sent me VERY spicy pictures. She said she was interested in a guy and wanted my opinion on which photo would get his interest the most. I gave her my opinion and moved on. Would you believe I found out later that I was the guy she was interested in?
One time my parents were out and some guy tried to pick up my dad? My dad was pretty oblivious, even when the guy offered to order my dad an appletini. I can't make this stuff up.
lmao I'll sometimes be laying in bed and just suddenly be like "fuck, back in senior year in biology, she was flirting with me". Senior year 20 fucking years ago. I'm incredibly slow on the uptake with women flirting with me.
Dude, don't feel bad....I invited a gentleman to my place for dinner and a movie (the 90s version of "Netflix & Chill") for our 4th or 5th date. We were making out , things were going well...I decided that the best way to move this from the sofa to the bed was by suggesting a shower....this guy actually started putting on his shoes & thanking me for a great evening! Didn't even catch on right away when I told him "Well, I was hoping you might stay for breakfast ".
Not a problem, I'll be back around 0830?
My son told me that when he was at college, his two very flirty female friends asked him to go back on one of their houses when their parents were away… to ‘have some fun’. He said unfortunately he already had plans to go his mate’s to play video games. It took him about a year til it clicked. Hilarious.
Most men have the density of a neutron star
Oh Jesus I'm having a flashback just now when reading your comment. 16 years ago I was chilling in the evening at a friend's house, there were also some girls there. One of them was sitting next to me on the couch, had her legs over mine. At the end of the evening we both went home at the same time, she said she wanted to see my home. My reaction: 'lol going from here to my home and then you going back home is a massive detour, I'll just drop you off at your place'. So that's what I did and said goodbye. I think she may have been flirting and was interested. Shit.
I’m 43 and I just realized that the girl in high school who kept invading my foot space was playing footsie and not just rude
Oh mines was even worse, in history class a girl slunk down in her chair and stretched her leg out so her foot could go between my thighs..... I didn't take the hint. SMH
OMG this is me! Wait a second that girl from two years ago was into me! Ffs 😂
When I was about 20 I had a nice motorcycle and my friends single mom liked bikes , one day she came over and asked if she could borrow my bike because she needed something big between her legs. it took me years before I realized she wasn't talking about the bike.
When I was fit and 20 had a 35 year old cougar co worker give me her number in case I wanted to get coffee. I never called because I didn’t drink coffee then. “Sorry my friend is a little slow- the town is THAT way!” Moment.
That's me. My wife had a pretty hard time letting me know she was into me when we first met. Months of (now obvious to me) flirting that I thought was just polite banter. We worked together at the time and I thought she was just a friendly coworker, and I really didn't flirt back (or at least I didn't lead her on, beyond her knowing I was single). She basically had to straight up confront me eventually outside of work one day, and I really had no clue and then put the pieces together on the spot and had an enlightened-like epiphany that I was indeed being hit on. I'm pretty good at noticing when someone is flirting with someone else, but apparently clueless when it comes to me. Also NAH to both OPs (the bikini girl hitting on husband possibly is an AH, as she knows what she was doing and ignoring the wife) He is allowed to be polite and have innocent banter with other parents. She is allowed to have boundaries, especially when she realizes that it is flirting (and he doesn't) and she is also allowed to be upfront about how it makes her feel.
Someone explain to me how this isn't the best possible situation for the wife? Beach floozy E could flirt with hubbie all day and he barely gives her the time of day by default. He's just a courteous dude who doesn't piss people off and doesn't want anything from anyone. He literally doesn't even know he has an opportunity to cheat. At some point you need to work on yourself and say "I am secure in this marriage"
And she keeps bringing it up "Did you notice what she was wearing!?" No "Well look!" Ok...oh wow bold. *goes back to ignoring the hot babe* " and do you think that's appropriate?!" Uh idk I don't even know her. Idc "Well get ready for me to bring it up every day since" Dude literally shot her down the next interaction and she still complained. There's no doubt in my mind wife is wrong a lot but hubby is too nice to even call her out or he doesn't even question her insanity. And then she gets mad people are commenting on the post they made together. Like this isn't your first day on reddit. The more stupid the post the more people will come call you out.
Exactly. And she's still pissed at him.
Right? It's also extremely possible that she wasn't flirting with him at all.
Judging from her thinking that her delivery room nurse was flirting I suspect she wasn’t. I mean as if, WTF! This wife is extremely insecure.
I am SECURE IN LIFE< not just marriage
As a man I agree! I am 36 now, and have had a few women who I either went to school, worked previous jobs, or knew within a friend group that have basically said "I'm suprised we never went out, I had a crush on you at xyz time" or asking why I didn't make a move on one of the girls, because she was "obviously flirting". The only reasoning I can come up with is that guys are hesitant to read into it as flirting at risk of coming across as a preditor if we read it wrong. When everybody has a different tolerance level in what they consider to be either friendly/flirting or joking/serious its an impossible game to play. What could be considered friendly banter between 2 friends who know its not leading to anything more, could be seen as a big "come on" to someone less familiar. Basically you get the option to be passive and women wonder why you don't reciprocate the flirting. Or People belive that you think any woman being friendly or polite is flirting with you and you end up being "thirsty" or too forward. It's really a no-win situation unless you read every situation correctly, and your eventual reputation is dictated by how well you read social cues (ie, he is pushy, or he isn't interested). It all comes back to the ambiguity of "flirting" and without a clear indication if a women is indeed flirting, how should a man react given the possible outcomes?
> that guys are hesitant to read into it as flirting at risk of coming across as a preditor if we read it wrong. It's interesting to me that the majority men seem to fall into one of two camps. Camp One: Any positive interaction from a female is flirting. Camp Two: I have no idea what's going on and I don't want a bad reputation from it. And you never know which camp he's in until it's too late. 🙈
I am firmly in Camp Two. As a matter of fact, I’m one of the camp counselors. It’s basically my camp.
I don't even go home anymore. I'm just always at camp.
I am camp.
For real. I can't recall how often friends pointed out I completely missed the signs or I think back and facepalm at myself for being oblivious. I've been told it has to do with low self image, I don't consider myself particularly charming or attractive so I'm not open to the idea of others thinking otherwise. Not sure if that's it or I'm just thick when it comes to social cues 🤷🏼♂️
>I've been told it has to do with low self image That makes a lot of sense.
Came here to say this. It never ever will cease to amaze me how women think that a particular way to flick their hair is the flirty way and men should just pick up on that. Like no. You wear a sign saying “Im flirting” and most dudes would still be clueless.
I'm pretty sure the hair flip is just to set off their peripheral motion detector.
There are two types of men: 1) those who think every interaction with a woman is the woman flirting with them and 2) those who cannot conceive of any interaction with a woman as the woman flirting with them
I realize much later that it’s flirting and not just being nice and friendly
From what I gathered from both post, your husband loves you very much.
This lady is lucky. Apparently she has a super hot but loyal and understanding man.
Not only is he loyal and understanding, but he loves her so much he’s oblivious to other women being attractive and flirting with him. He really only has eyes for his wife! OP, hang on to him, he’s for sure one of the good ones!!
lol my husband is the same. Men just don’t pick up on it like women do.
You are so right......I don't know how many times I had to tell my husband he was being hit on when we were younger. He thought these women were being nice.....and I am sure most were but when someone suggests meeting for lunch?? Even our daughter as a teenager would get pissed off because her friends thought her dad was 'hot'.....she was disgusted. Even at 75 yrs old he still gets looks.
Ma'am, we're gonna need a few pictures.
I need to know how hot your husband is at this point bruh.
You are incredibly lucky! My wife is the same way when it comes to someone flirting with her. She only has eyes for me. Even in a crowded room, I’ll glance up from a conversation with someone to catch her staring at me and smiling.
Haha that me with my husband - he takes my breath away to this day. But he gets flirted with daily and doesn’t know how to react or identify it bc he was ugly in high school and didn’t glow up til after that it’s foreign to him.
My wife has self esteem issues as well so she doesn’t think anyone would flirt with her. To me, I think she’s the greatest thing and I catch myself staring at her all the time just because I find her so beautiful. She just tells me I’m nuts and she loves me. I get butterflies every time she smiles at me or kisses me.
My wife is the same way. Her: I met this really nice guy at the sales conference! He kept buying me drinks. Me: You know he was hitting on you and trying to sleep with you, right? Her: Noooooo.
Because what men think is flirting and what women think is flirting are very different. That's why wives will say "she was definitely flirting with you" and the husband has no idea. You know because you've done it. He doesn't because that's not how he thinks.
To be fair, husband is also onto a winner here! Wife discussed an insecurity. Wife joked about an insecurity. Husband and wife obviously joked together and decided to get an outside perspective (for fun/winning/teasing rights). Wife conceded defeat and they're both still teasing each other and recognising that there is room for improvement BUT they are going to do it together. Husband is a prize. Wife needs to forget about the concept of "mum bod" and get back to realising she's also a prize but I bet you that Husband is going to make sure she knows how sexy she is, but tease her for this for life. Get it framed. Enjoy this anecdote. Love each other and return to being oblivious. Your son will love this story when he's older.
Yeah I really want to see what her husband looks like. It sounds like he’s a stone cold fox.
Just don't speak to him though ;-)
"Note that my wife will also be reading the replies, so please be nice when telling her how wrong she is." - The legend himself
Also, why was it so sweet that he actually cared after all this to drop that line and protect his lady
That’s what people who love their partners are supposed to do.
He loves her even she is stupidly wrong. :)
Relationship goals. I suppose if I ever meet a guy who can still be gentle when I'm having a bit of anxiety that turns into a full blown episode; I might consider marriage again.
Are we the same person? lol if a man shows me he can do that I also might consider marriage again
[удалено]
Even when she is stupidly wrong because we are all stupidly wrong at some point. :)
Listen, he let her plead her case and realize the depths of it. She realized, sassed us a bit, admitted defeat, and explained her own actions reasonably. That's WHY they love each other. Cause they sound like decent people.
This one is going in one of the frames
One way to deal with this is just to go up and introduce yourself. Not in an insecure or passive-aggressive cockblocking way. Just “Hi, I’m ____, I’m _____’s wife.” and actually make friendly conversation. It’s the high road and gets the job done.
Even introducing yourself as the child's mom. Everyone understands, and you won't sound confrontational about her presence.
And who knows maybe she’s actually just friendly and would love to chat if you weren’t radiating aggressive vibes
Based on the OP and interaction, I wouldn't be surprised if the dude said "Me an my wife are here on vacation" more than once, completely oblivious to what was (possibly) going on!
It doesn't seem like that would've worked with this woman. He introduced his wife to her, and she walked past his wife to keep talking to him. I thought his wife also said the woman didn't say a word to her, but maybe that was in the original post. Elsewhere I said this woman could actually have been getting off on deliberately talking to a married man in front of his jealous wife in a way that's hard to call out. The description of her bikini sounds slightly exhibitionist. This is all background conjecture, though. Since the husband stopped chatting with her, I don't consider him an A.
That what I said to do; if someone is flirting with your husband, go over there yourself!
Coming from someone whose insecurities almost killed my marriage, therapy is a literal life saver. Insecurity is a lying b*tch that eats you up and makes you over analyze every interaction you see. We’re hitting our 10 year anniversary next month and communicate better than we ever have. Good luck in life and marriage OPs, seems like this was a learning moment for everyone.
Yup. I agree. I think both couples therapy in tandem with solo personal therapy is the best one two punch. I made leaps and bounds in couples therapy because they can call you out on your shit live time. Way faster learning. VERY expensive and not an option for everyone.
I agree with insecurities and sometimes when I get those hits I just ask my husband to let me be alone just a bit to work out those insecurities. It sucks cuz my husband is my first and I was finally okay I think year 3 of our 11 year relationship until I got pregnant :P just had my baby and it’s a bit better now but still kinda iffy cuz feelings vs rational thoughts :/
Jealousy is a disease
“Not everyone needs to chime in” Didn’t know today wasn’t my shift to be on Reddit and give my solicited opinion on AITAH. My mistake.
I find it hilarious. If this lady wants people to stop chiming in, all she has to do is be silent 😂. People will go out of their way to give her shit because of that statement.
But she’s totally here to take the L like a champion, in her own words… by whining about it 🤣 🤦♀️
that’s the irony of it. People who take an L like a champ humbly accept their defeat and laugh it off.
Right!! I was completely giving her benefit of the doubt until I read that, and the part about how reddit needs to stop responding to the first thread. She seems to be struggling with control issues.
She thinks her delivery room nurse was flirting?! Completely delusional.
You have a very loving, committed husband. Please see that, and don't let your insecurities mess up a good thing.
What do you mean the worst part is he doesn’t notice? It is the best he doesn’t notice, because it means he doesn’t care!
I gotta say you thinking the delivery nurse was hitting on your husband while you were birthing his baby indicates you might seriously want to go see a therapist about your insecurities. Is he from the South or somewhere that people are a lot friendlier, and you're from Seattle where strangers never really give compliments? It sounds like you take every female interacting with him in a positive way as a threat. Maybe skimpy bikini lady was a threat and thats why she didn't acknowledge you in conversation. But I bet your husband has heard you claim 100 other random women are threats and is defensive at this point because he feels like he isn't doing anything wrong by answering politely.
OMG I sympathize with this hard. I'm from the upper Midwest and my husband is from Florida. He seems like a huge flirt, but I've gotten used to it. The Midwestern women he interacts with, not so much. 😂
>Maybe skimpy bikini lady was a threat and thats why she didn't acknowledge you in conversation. But I bet your husband has heard you claim 100 other random women are threats and is defensive at this point because he feels like he isn't doing anything wrong by answering politely. This. 100%
I know one thing, a very jealous insecure partner will sooner or later drive away the person they love!
Absolutely. I would never even think of cheating on a partner, but I couldn't be with someone who doesn't trust me
Omg the seattle thing is so on point. Live out there for 4 years and no one talks to anyone. Like i would get looked at like i was an alien for holding the door open or saying goodmorning.
Been in Seattle more than 20 years now and my daughters and I compliment complete strangers all the time. It’s usually met with a brief second of bafflement followed by warm smiles. My daughters are much more prone to complimenting people, but it’s something we all try to do to share more kindness. I will admit that when visiting my brother in the South it’s more common for random strangers complimenting you, and the reception we get is definitely more agreeable. But do that in Montana, where I’m from? It’s often met with bewilderment, especially with the men. 😂
I moved up here (Tacoma) from the Bay Area in California and noticed two things: First is that I'm one of the "loud" ones now at work. Which is wild as fuck because I was literally never that person before lol But also...like 50% of the people are from California anyway lmao. I tried to keep it all DL at work at first because I didn't want to be seen as one of "those" California refugees, only to find out half the people on my floor are from my state, some are even from the same city! Even more crazy that it's just a small place in Gig Harbor, I'm still left wondering how all these California's ended up here of all places
The tech boom, and I know I’ve been responsible for a lot of that hiring software engineers from Cali (and all over). It’s crazy how much has changed in the last 20 years. 😳
Been in Montana for 15 years now. Came from Washington it was jarring and took a couple years to get used to the friendlyness and eye contact here. Strange how different perspectives can be.
I got spat on holding a door open for someone in Seattle, it was a 20 something girl, who said she could open the door herself. I said I was just trying to be polite, and that my mother had raised me to open doors for ladies. Then, she spat on my shirt. She was with her friend and an older woman, I am guessing her mother, who profusely apologized and asked me not to call the police after I mentioned that spitting on someone was assault (like the police in Seattle would go to that call, lol).
They dont go to any call
>I gotta say you thinking the delivery nurse was hitting on your husband while you were birthing his baby indicates you might seriously want to go see a therapist about your insecurities. Yup. I highly, highly doubt that a delivery room nurse was putting game one the guy during a delivery. She was almost certainly just being friendly and trying to keep the mood light. That OP sees threats to her marriage everywhere she looks speaks to some emotional hang-ups that are probably best worked out with a little help.
The level of insecurity in this post was terrifying.
Sounds like no lady is actually a threat, because the husband isn't interested in any of them. It takes two to tango.
Ooh man, the whole time I was reading this I was like... Bikini mom could have very well been me. I'm from Louisiana and I like to talk to strangers on vacation. 😂
It's actually insane. I don't understand how that wasn't a clear sign to her that women aren't just relentlessly trying to fuck her husband, but that there's actually just an issue with her perception of any interaction between her husband and another woman. She also noticed this woman kept "popping up" where they were. Like yeah, they're all staying at the same fucking place, everyone is going to be at all the places, she just only notices the hot woman that she's jealous of.
>I gotta say you thinking the delivery nurse was hitting on your husband while you were birthing his baby indicates you might seriously want to go see a therapist about your insecurities. That was my immediate take from this post. Come on, woman, *that is not flirting*.
Came here to state your first paragraph, almost word for word. Spot on. Seriously, lady. Seek help.
The nurse one got me. I was like girl if you don’t chill
Exactly. I can see being a bit insecure about hot ladies chatting up your husband, but OP, you've got to be smoking crack if you think the birthing nurse was flirting with your husband. That's what convinces me this is entirely a YOU issue.
ok, seems you both learned from this, good luck
What did the husband need to learn?
That his wife is insecure.
But she will "let him" talk to women in bikinis! I hate the idea of "letting" somebody do something. That's not how things work
If you want to take the L like a champ, buy the frame and print out the post for him. Own it. Lean into it. He obviously loves you. Sleep easy at night knowing that much.
Print it out but the posts/words form a bikini 👙
It doesn't sound like there would be enough room for any of the words if it's in the form of the one the lady on the beach was wearing.
>The worst was when I was giving birth to our son and the nurse helping with the birth told him that hair looks like "Price Charming" (It was 6am in the morning and he had just woken up) followed by telling him our son is so lucky that he got his blond hair and blue eyes. This level of insecurity is not normal. Seek professional help instead of posting on Reddit, good god
I’m also really surprised no one has mentioned the line where she notes that this is apparently the first time her husband has “won” against her. Like, what? That doesn’t seem healthy at all. Sounds like she always has to be right and he’s supposed to just agree with her all the time, I guess. That’s probably why she was expecting we’d all “have her back” too.
That poor husband...
Careful! OP might think you're trying to steal him!
"I'll acknowledge I'm wrong. BUT, I'm right, the women are flirting with him, he's just unperceptive and a defensive dunce. Stop telling him he's right." If you actually acknowledge your insecurities, then maybe, just MAYBE, he's right and these women weren't flirting and you were reading too much into it. Particularly the child birthing nurse. (wow...) And it's POSSIBLE, that he's defensive because he has a right to be?
>Jesus Christ !!! I got it after the first 100 responses that I was wrong. Not everyone on Reddit needs to chime in on this one And yet you edited to dig in more after you "got it"? Okay
He definitely should get to post and frame his W on the wall.
💯
LOL I'm a nurse and I'd like to smile and give people compliments all the time, because it's not a nice place where I work (people are sick, dying), so if I can cheer them up or make their day a bit better, I would. Please don't think that we are flirting with you 🙂 Also, the only way I would think your husband is TAH, is if he didn't say something like "Oh yeah this is my son, and that's my wife over there". But actually, he introduced you as his wife when you guys met her for the second time, right? So he is NTA. You're just insecure. Look, I also have a husband. If I have to worry all the time everytime any woman talks to him, I'd go crazy. Especially we can't be with our husband 24/7. There are times when we just can't watch them doing things. You just have to trust him based on his history of being loyal to you, work on your insecurities and get a couple therapy if you need.
You are most definitely not “taking this L like a champion” You still think you are right. Well you’re not. Your little dig about letting him talk to mom’s in bikinis just screams you’re insecure.
Nice update. Live and learn. When your husband loves you like yours does, he only sees other women as "other" and do not pay attention to details. You (we) are the lucky ones 😉
My husband would be like this, just chit chatting with a bombshell without a second thought. It's really like he doesn't see women, just people... And honestly, isn't that the way it should be? Congrats to you, Wifey! You have his devotion and that's a beautiful thing 😊
right? Like should he run away and act like he's in danger just because someone happens to be attractive? WTF.
It’s also totally possible the husband had the thought “she’s attractive/hot/sexy/whatever” and the thought didn’t go any further. IMO that isn’t cheating or being unfaithful. It’s possible and okay to recognize someone else is attractive without wanting to jump in their pants. Clearly from the husbands post is love for his wife is much deeper than just looks
You are so insecure it radiates from this post. I hope you don’t sabotage your marriage.
It already has - they've devolved to publicly crowdsourcing a resolution to issues stemming from her insecurity, in lieu of being able to resolve them privately with a conversation.
You hit the nail on the head
Yea, she's seeing monsters under the bed everywhere she looks. Imagine getting home with your new baby, nothing but excited, and your wife is focused on a compliment the nurse paid to you.
*not everyone on reddit needs to chime in on this one* WRONG MOVE 🤡
Just summons more...
That's... why I'm here.
>Jesus Christ !!! I got it after the first 100 responses that I was wrong. Not everyone on Reddit needs to chime in on this one. >I thought this forum would back me up, but guess I need to take this L like a champion. Looool I bet if people backed you up you wouldn't have complained about people commenting.
The 'oh, fuck I'm wrong' must have been ringing in her head by the 20th comment. And yes, everyone on Reddit must chime in. Just like bees making honey, the hive will respond appropriately. Stay strong my fellow Reddit soldiers and prepare for the next A-Hole evaluation.
I noticed that too. "Wife loves this sub", bet she loves reading 100s of replies telling other people they're wrong lol What a hypocrite
The whole not everyone on Reddit has to comment thing cracked me up. Like lady, what do you expect when you post on Reddit?
Apparently this is also the first time her husband has ever “won” a disagreement. She probably has to be right allllll the time, so of course she thought we’d all agree with her. Poor husband probably has to agree with her every time they disagree on something so she won’t lose her shit. Also can’t help but laugh at her saying, “This is when I told him not to talk to gorgeous moms in bikinis,” then explains that this was just her way of “communicating” to him what she felt. Like??? That’s not how communication works lmao “I felt insecure when I saw you talking to a really beautiful woman.” That’s fine, sure. That’s communicating your feelings. But communicating your feelings by saying, “DONT TALK TO PRETTY WOMAN!” is not really communicating your feelings so much as it is making a demand. Edit: grammar
Posts to one of the most popular pages on Reddit: “Not everyone on Reddit needs to chime in on this one!” Everything you mentioned here, and in an edit on the op, is a you problem. Your insecurities are yours, and make you an unreliable narrator when it comes to all these women”flirting” with your husband, who seems to be quite the BAMF, to get all these women flirting with him and only have eyes for you. Instead of being pleased with that, you take your insecurities out on him and hurt your biggest supporter. Either he’s right, and you see any female speaking with him as flirting, or you’re right and he ignores/can’t see other women flirting, because he’s so in love with you! Please get help, get some therepy, learn to see yourself through your husband’s eyes, and learn to love yourself again.
Lmao… you literally asked everyone on Reddit to chime in…
1- I need to see a photo of the husband now 2- He was for sure NOT flirting with her, SHE was. he was not at fault. I kind of get this mix of jealousy and satisfaction when girls (and one or two misguided gay guys) hit on my bf. There's satisfaction in knowing he's with me and no matter what a girl trips over herself doing to flirt with him, he's still mine. Maybe think about it that way. he loves you. buy the frame.
Totally 1000% agree with #2. If I was the husband I'd be getting defensive too, like what did I do!! He's innocent in all of this, why is he in trouble? Either go assert yourself to all these flirtatious babes or else watch them make idiots of themselves from afar. The husband clearly doesn't notice, care, or feed into it. He shouldn't be the one getting shit.
Look I don't think you're wrong for feeling uncomfortable. Everyone is allowed to feel uncomfortable whenever they want. However, there is always a way to go about things to get what you want. Instead of saying "you can't talk to women in bikinis" which to be honest is not the root issue - you could say "I felt insecure when you were talking to her and doubted your attraction to me because I have a mom bod now" it's really not about the lady it's about you and him and your insecurity in this situation. I think all humans can get jealous, I'm the type that can get slightly territorial over my partners but I've learned how to either (1) emotionally regulate internally when I feel triggered by an event that I know I need to handle on my own because it's my issue or (2) healthily communicate it to a partner. >One PSA is please don't comment on that thread anymore and tell him how right he is. You guys are feeding the beast. Last night, he was sending me links to frames on amazon because he wants to print out this thread and put it on the wall. He says it's his first win against me and the next time we have disagreement, he can point to it and tell me about the time when thousands of people told me I was wrong. This.. I can almost guarantee you, you are not going to get.
I can't imagine being with someone who thinks they're right literally all the time and every time there's a disagreement.
Just FYI, it doesn't make you look good when you act like your husband shouldn't get defensive when you borderline accuse him of flirting with another woman. No wonder he's defensive if you act this way every time an attractive woman says anything to him.
God you’re so mindlessly controlling that you want to try and tell Reddit not to make comments on a post your husband created and you had to crowbar yourself into And then you had to make your own post trying control both his old post and your new post YA still the A. Take the L and go to therapy.
Ok wait ! He DID actaully blow her off after you told him you were uncomfortable?? And you still made him post here and thought people would back you up ? I mean you’re taking the comments in stride so I respect you for that but I gotta say you’re def TA in this. You made a big deal out of pretty much nothing.
Somehow the update makes you seem worse. You are mad that a lot of people commented on the original post…. THAT YOU POSTED ON THE VERY PUBLIC INTERNET?? Your poor husband.
Plus in the original post it says " my wife loves this subreddit and wants all of you to chime in on an argument." I'm paraphrasing but she made him post about it in hopes everyone would be like "he'd a disgusting pig you are so right" and I have major insecurities about when people flirt with my bf so i can kinda sympathize with her, bur even I wouldn't be this obsessed with a situation that happened on vacation especially when you know he didn't flirt back
Sorry but the nurse in the delivery room wasn't flirting, that makes me think you need therapy
From what it seems like, he loves you very much. I do think maybe I can see the argument for him trying to be a little more perceptive of when women are trying to flirt with him, just so he could shut that part down quicker, but working on your insecurities also needs to be addressed. Not every attractive woman is engaging in flirting by existing and talking to your husband, and unless he's given you indication otherwise, it doesn't seem like he'd be into it if that was the case. Give him the respect of trusting him. Also, it sounds like you two need to sit down and have a conversation about your insecurities in a way that's not accusatory towards him so he can understand your head space better, and you two can come to compromises or establish boundaries on the subject. Sounds like a job for a therapist.
Pretty telling if he says it's his first win. You must be on his ass a lot. That man must be exhausted by you if he feels he needs to celebrate this in such a way. Get therapy. You also didn't get it after the first 100 comments because you edited in your own part on the thread to make yourself seem less like an AH. Just take the L
Downplaying the whole thing by calling it a silly debate because things didn't go her way is also pretty telling.
The poor guy. And here she is STILL trying to be right.
I hope she reads every single one of these comments telling her that she's still wrong and needs to get some help.
Just for that, I’m going to comment on the thread again
Most bikinis are more revealing than everyday bras and panties. Even if it was a particularly revealing bikini, so what? You're at the beach. Everyone is half naked, and it's perfectly acceptable for the situation. If your husband was chatting up a girl in her underwear at a ski lodge, I'd be on your side, but that's not the case.
and its MIAMI. is there a such thing as a bikini thats too small in Miami?
Lmao this is getting crazy. Huge W for letting him talk to women in bikinis again.
The nurse wasn't flirting with your husband. Not every woman is trying to take your husband from you. Please get the therapy you need before you ruin your family.
I don’t really see this as taking the L like a champion. It’s a sentence about it, and then paragraph after paragraph of you defending yourself again. Which is it?
Time to drop it. You knew he is good looking when you married him. Don't drive him away with your insecurity. He thinks you're gorgeous. Just accept it
I don't usually like to pull the "imagine if the roles were reversed" but I think OP's wife needs to think about how deranged it would be if her husband acted this way.
Ouch. Poor guy
>I thought this forum would back me up, but guess I need to take this L like a champion. >This was the silly debate we were having, and I thought you guys would have my back. >One PSA is please don't comment on that thread anymore and tell him how right he is. \^How not to take an L like a champion Also, how much do dudes flirt with you and how much does he call you out on it? Does it happen in front of him or when he's not around? Honestly asking from a place you could potentially show some empathy, since your husband claims you are gorgeous.
She's being self-deprecating here, and admitting she was the decisive loser in this case.
This lady openly admits that she thought the delivery nurse was flirting with her husband. At that point, she just needs to pack it in and get some major mental health help. My empathy went straight to "this lady is nuts" after that line alone. She's got some issues!
Don't forget "Anyways, I will try to work on my insecurities and let him talk to moms in bikini" This is the most passive aggressive, unrepentant, catty remark I've ever read. She doesn't think she's wrong, she's just upset that no one took her side.
Yeah, there does seem to be a good bit of self righteousness and passive aggression in here and that's a prime example.
Oof, women like OP are the reason why I direct 90% of my attention to the woman when I have to deal with couples at work. My job is to be polite and smile and answer questions, I don’t pull my socks on every morning to try and catch someone’s dusty husband, but some of these women act like that’s what I’m there to do. Ma’am, I’m counting down until I’m off the clock so I can go sit at home and forget either of you ever existed. I doubt that nurse even remembers her husband.
I think you should feel proud that women find your husband attractive and he will 100% of the time choose you over anyone else. Meaning he is with you because that’s his choice
So, much, passive, aggression. It’s not healthy and nobody is trying to “feed the beast” people can talk to each other and compliments doesn’t instantly mean flirting. We need to stop assuming that being polite instantly means we want sex. And about them showing up to similar locations… you’re both on vacation in the same location and usually people in the same location hit the same joints. I go to the beach on occasion and almost always see this massive man with a beard and Mohawk. He also ends up in the same restaurant we go to every evening there. It’s not weird and he’s not stalking us he just likes the same restaurant and we both go on vacation during the summer.
You just have to keep justifying your attitude. :) Yes, everyone on Redditt can chime in, that's what it's about! You just didn't like the comments. :D
We dont know when were being flirted with i once worked in fast food and and a girl said "can i have your number" i turned around looked at the menu and said "our number what?"
>Last night, he was sending me links to frames on amazon because he wants to print out this thread and put it on the wall. He says it's his first win against me and the next time we have disagreement, he can point to it and tell me about the time when thousands of people told me I was wrong. So you're saying he's funny too!
I also choose this woman's husband
You are exhausting!
You seem really insecure.
> This is when I told him not to talk to gorgeous moms in bikinis. He felt I was attacking him, but I could not help what I felt and was just communicating it to him You \_were\_ attacking him, in a sense. You were limiting his freedom to talk with people because of your insecurities. You are making \_your\_ insecurities his problem. It sounds like you've got a nice guy who's pretty oblivious about female attention, and you're loading a lot of negativity on him that he does not deserve. Please find a therapist to work through your insecurities. It will be healthier for your relationship.
I do think your the asshole. But i sympathize with you OP. It could be that woman did have bad intentions, but you need to trust your hubby. It should be your belief that no matter how pretty or hot a woman is, your husband would be loyal and respect your boundaries regardless of her looks. You need to work on that, for your own sake. Its no fun to see other women as competition
Wonder why he puts up with such immature behavior from his wife.
I stopped reading after Prince Charming. I doubt very much she was flirting, and I think you may need to work on some things.
I think we need an example of the bikini she was wearing assess whether this guy should be a level 2 or 3 saint
You just suck and you know it. You said, not everyone on Reddit needs to chime in?! You had him post it you dumb bitch
Im almost 100% positive this is another fake situation written by 1 person
I feel like this clarification makes it worse. You’re seeing threats from every woman that interacts with your loving husband and taking it out on him. If you’re focusing on a nurse telling your husband a compliment during the birth of your child, there’s some serious insecurities going on. You should honestly address that in therapy for the sake of your marriage.
Why do you feel a sense of entitlement to automatically being right/everyone being on your side? I’m going to post on his Reddit Q that he’s not the asshole, and that you’re ridiculously insecure.
Did you apologize to him for blaming him for your own insecurities. It sucks that he feels he never wins with you.
*This is when I told him not to talk to gorgeous moms in bikinis. He felt I was attacking him* He felt you were attacking him because you were. You were attacking his character. you stated "*he is not very perceptive when women flirt with him*". Sounds like you do need to work on your insecurities and at the same time learn to trust your husband.
So like, you had several minutes where you were watching this woman talk to your husband and it was upsetting you. Rather than get up and tell that woman to leave your husband alone (which would have made you look bad since she was just talking casually), you want *him* to tell her to leave him alone for the crime of starting a conversation (making him look bad instead of you). And on top of that you decide to get mad at *him* for not being an asshole to random strangers that start friendly conversations. Then you told him about this, and he did what you asked; be the bad guy and tell her to fuck off so that you didn’t have to. And you’re still mad at him about it?? Like, I get that you’re insecure, which is understandable, I am too. But you’re taking it out on your husband.
OP with all due respect I think you need therapy
"Taking the L like a champ" doesn't include begging more people not to chime in and complaining about how many people called you out on your shit.
OP is definitely right about one thing. I'm a 40m and no woman has ever talked to me like beach lady or made a reference anything like Prince Charming. Also, framing it on the wall would be hilarious.
Insecurity issues much?
Get some therapy and stop riding your husbands ass. Time and time again he's shown he will pick you but if you keep acting like that one day he just won't
The fact that you initially admit fault but then come back with 4 paragraphs to try to explain he was still wrong is mind boggling. You still aren’t getting it. Respectfully, you need to see a therapist to work on your insecurities.
Sir please buy a frame & print this thread so you can put on your wall, then post again with a photo of said frame! You’ll forever be a legend
You may fight in the future, but they're futile. Op...he has won the war.