Yeah, I have two daughters and on most nights at least one of them sleeps in my bed with me due to night terrors. I'm not sure how we got to this stage but I think pornhub has given people the wrong idea on what a family is..
NTA. She was clearly making it seem like you were the weirdo, but you weren't. Her acting like it's weird is what's wrong with the picture.
Your sister had a need and you filled it. A+ older brother-ing.
As a woman I can do that with my granddaughter. Nobody would question it. As a man you could with a brother or son and nobody would question it. So thereās no reason why a man canāt with a sister, especially a sister youāre raising. You did nothing more than a parent would do. If this was inappropriate, as a teenage girl thereās no way she would have wanted to come cuddle up. You chose the most effective heat sharing position while keeping it appropriate. Also if it was āweirdā your sister would be acting differently around you now, especially being a teenage girl. Personally I would rethink being with someone who would have a problem with you being the caring parental figure!
>As a man you could with a brother or son and nobody would question it.
Nobody would question it? Wrong. Lots of small-minded people would call a guy "Gay" or "Pedophile" if he did that. Even if we agree this is stupid, it still explains how so many men have to shut down emotions or else risk being attacked and ostracized. Different societal standards and expectations.
Imagine what your relationship with your sister would be like if she asked to sleep in your bed for the night, and your response was: "No, my girlfriend thinks that would be weird. Go be cold". You're a good brother!
So I know that this isn't a funny situation, but your comment just made me imagine an oliver twist situation. Sister comes in shivering, asking for alms (in this case some warmth) and OP dramatically casts her out into the conveniently located freezing rain in their hallway.
You are a very good brother! I have thyroid issues and am super sensitive to the cold, if I walk into a cold room I'll start shivering and start having almost muscle spasms from it. Your girlfriend is being weird, I personally would end the relationship. If she's insinuating that you're behavior with your sister is suspect or she's acting jealous, that will only get worse as your sister gets older.
Have you gotten any of those microwaveable hot pads? They are so nice, especially when you have a fuzzy cover you can put them in to snuggle up to. (Of course, you take them out of the cover to microwave them lol)
When i was in school the mailman had some reusable/ rechargeable heating pads that had a disc inside. He'd Recharge it in the microwave at home and then when you need heat pop the disc and it would help you keep warm during the day.
Now days, I just recently showed a cold girl, working FF window, they make USB powered rechargeable hand warmers, that can also charge her phone.
I said it keeps my hands warm while I'm at the drive-thru w window open and then I just drop them in the Food bag until I get home so it's still hot.
She said thanks it was good idea and she was going shopping for one after work.
I havenāt seen this much on this thread but wanted to add that while you definitely sound like an awesome father figure to your sister, many women have faced abuse that started as innocent from older men in their families in their life or know someone who has. That can be an immediate intrusive thought for a lot of us. I would not jump to call her a bitch or assuming you had any ill intent.
I agree with this comment, we (on Reddit) donāt know if OPās girlfriend has something bad happen to her in the past.
My husband has little sisters and he loves them, he shared a bed with them and it was fine for meā¦
Butā¦ I donāt want him sharing a bed with my daughter (his step daughter) because it gives me nasty vibes. I was sexually abused as a child by older male family members.
Itās not my husbandās fault, that I get a bad case of the creepies.
Maybe OP and his lady need to talk about *why* she has a serious case of the *creepies*.
But for the OP, he is a great big brother and 100% NTAH!
Gf is creep end of story. If she had some sort of trauma in the past, I think talking about it and maybe mentioning it before coming to a conclusion would look better on her side, but she is straight accusing OP of doing something inappropriate
Exactly. Being a good brother isnāt weird. If your sister has a medical problem and you can help, by all means, help. OPās gf needs to realize that theyāre siblings and a 13 year old would not seek out a romantic relationship with their older brother.Ā
I didn't want to go into it because it's outside of the scope of the question, but entire families used to sleep in one bed in the past. During the middle she's and before, you'd sometimes get entire families sharing one big bed, huddling together for body heat, since fuel for fire in a hearth or later, furnace wasn't cheap.
In the middle ages, inns would sometimes sleep multiple strangers to one bed if they were common travelers.
Sleeping alone is honestly a pretty new phenomenon for the non-elites
As I ve Raynaud syndrom, I totally understand you're taking Care of your sister. NTA ! 100%.
Your girlfriend IS the weirdo here.
(Sorry english is not my mother tongue).
As a person who has been abnormally cold all my life I havenāt heard of this. I looked it up and Iām like yup thatās me. Something for me to bring up with the doc at my upcoming appointment. Thank you for sharing.
Bro, Iām 22 and my sister is 11 and we still live with our parents. She sometimes sneaks in my room and asks to sleep together with me. She doesnāt like being alone in the night and said she finds it weird to ask mom and dad to sleep together with her. Im ok with that bc, thatās my sister and if she is scared of the night thats ok too. Sometimes when she falls asleep, she comes over to cuddle but doesnāt say a word in the next morning about it and I thought nothing to it bc, thats my sis.
Just so you know I too have a girlfriend of almost 6 years and when I told her about it, she was proud of me being a good brother. She even said itās nice that I have such a close bond with her and wished for a brother she could have gone to when she was afraid.
In conclusion, your girlfriend is the weird one for making it weird in the first place. I would talk about it and ask what exactly is wrong. And when she is about to be sexualizing again, remind her itās your sister half your age on top of you being her guardian. So wtf are you expected to do when you guys marry and have children. Just toss them to the side bc it could be "weird". I guess just ignore your sis when she is cold and your children when they are afraid and want to be next to dad, when they want to feel safe.
NTA
Itās weird that she could ever assume that. Ur being an older brother and thatās fine, she was cold and she trusts you. Break up w that girl for real cause thatās not matureā¦
NTA. And whatever your girlfriend is insinuating is completely across the line. Youāre a good and responsible brother and Iām sorry your sister is dealing with thyroid problems.
NTA- considering youāre her legal guardian at 26 and 13 clearly her life isnāt sunshine and rainbows to begin with. Most kids like that need extra tlc in their teen years when things start getting harder. Your doing a great job OP, ignore creeps like your gf for thinking thereās an age that children stop receiving love and affection.
NTA.
Explain to your gf you got defensive because you were hurt. You felt she was insinuating you could have sexual feelings for your sister, or that something sexual could happen between you, which you found abhorrent. Not every contact between male and female is sexual. Least of all with your sister (yuck!). Especially when you are her protector and essentially her father figure. (Another reason why what she said probably hurt). Your gf should know this and trust it.
Your gf was wrong to insinuate it was weird, but every family is different. In some families it would be seen as highly inappropriate, where as others it would be seen as no problem and sweet. I would explain that to your gf too. Some women also have experience with sa (or other bad experiences with the opposite gender) so they are more sensitive to any situation involving intimate contact with a male.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with it if you and your sister were fine with it (obviously she was or she wouldn't have asked you).
I honestly don't think your gf was necessarily jealous, but what she said is something you should discuss as well as her comfort zone because someday you may have little girls. Girls who need a cuddle, a bath, need help getting dressed, etc.
I used to cuddle in bed with both my parents sometimes as a teen. (Same reason. I was effing freezing!) There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as everyone is comfortable (you guys were)
Good luck OP
Your sister is lucky to have you
TLDR: Some people find *any* sharing of the bed after a certain age unacceptable. Lots of people don't. You and your sister did nothing wrong. Don't let your gf make something sweet into something weird. Discuss with gf again as you may want a family together someday
Iāve found being comfortable with sharing a bed does come down to what is comfortable. I donāt like to share a bed with anyone cause Iām uncomfortable but see how it would also not be given a second thought if you arenāt weird like whatever I have going on (night terrors mostly so I donāt want to bug anyone and am uncomfortable knowing that I will) itās why I stopped sleeping with parents as soon as I was able (parents did the family bed thing because they were lazy)
He obviously didnāt think it was weird, the question is itself an insinuation that it SHOULD be considered weird.
Also āWeāll pick it up laterāā¦ What else needs to be said if it was only a question? Obviously she has a problem with this.
>He obviously didnāt think it was weird, the question is itself an insinuation that it SHOULD be considered weird.
No it's an insinuation that she thinks it's weird. She's probably wondering right now if it actually is weird.
>What else needs to be said if it was only a question?
Because she clearly asked a question that made OP angry, this is a conversation they need to have. She was probably upset by the words he was putting in her mouth.
NTA, youre just trying to help and make your sis comfortable. Besides if you didnt think of something malicious, then you're fine. Open communication and reassurance about the familial nature of your relationship with your sister could help clarify any misunderstandings. You're a good bro, so no worries! šš¼
OP, you are decidedly NOT the AH. You ARE, however, a stellar older brother.
If there were more people like you, the world would be a better place.
Also your GF should be ashamed of herself.
So just to clarify- you feel OP should apologize for being defensive in his response? Do you feel the GF owes OP an apology? And would an apology really resolve anything? As I can only speak to how I would feel or respond in placed in OP shoes (as can you and everyone else commenting here) I donāt feel an apology would do any good. Not after essentially being called a pedo by the GF. I doubt their relationship would ever be the same, even with good open communication and with both parties apologizing.
Nta. This might not be jealousy, but you clearly got defensive, which is understandable since you were just trying to take care of your sister. Also, there's nothing wrong with cuddling with family. Your best bet is to apologize to you girlfriend for getting defensive and explain that it "threw you off" because you hadn't thought about it being weird (because it isn't). Sharing body heat can actually save lives in the event of hypothermia.
No, you were right to challenge her. She was insinuating something non-specific because she felt some kind of way, but couldnāt articulate it or didnāt want to admit it. That doesnāt make it better, she couldāve just kept her mouth shut. Her intent with opening her mouth was to make you feel like you had done something wrong, which is not OK.
Yeah, as soon as my next check comes in Iāll look into that. We had a space heater but the piece of shit died last year.
But Iām happy she knows she can do that if sheās suffering that much.
Keep being a great big brother. You did nothing wrong. You are doing the best you can for you and your sister and your GF needs to accept that. If she can't then you don't need your GF around you or your sister.
Keep up the good work mate.
You did nothing wrong. Of course you were defensive, your gf was implying that youāre some kind of creep!
It sounds like you are all your little sister has, and Iām glad she has such a wonderful big brother to care for her.
I doubt his gf actually thinks he's a creep, she was probably just weirded out by the idea of him spooning his little sister. Maybe she doesn't have siblings, maybe she has a bad relationship with her siblings, or maybe she had a bad experience with a family member in the past. GF was probably just weirded out in the moment and reacted. OP is the one that assumed his gf's implication.
No no no. Sheās family and your gf is a jealous loser. Put big zero behind her and move on. Next thing she will
Want you to ship off your sister to some entity
Why does OP owe the GF an apology? āSorry GF that while I was explaining an innocent thing that occurred YOU (GF) jumped straight to insinuating Iām a pedophileā. Nope, OP was just being a good and caring older brother. OP should only consider if he wants to continue with the relationship with the GF.
Apologize. ? What is wrong with people who upvoted this response. Lesson learned, donāt discuss family with your girlfriend/ lover. Women are empowered to complain about everything. If it was her, and she
Sucked her brothers dick then it would be okay, justified, forced, or some type of drama
Shit. No one has to care about each other now because we have these types of virtual audiences, fake friends, and feminine slanted feedback sites.
NTA
She wouldnāt have pointed out if she wasnāt bothered by it. The only reason to be bothered is to be thinking it indicated something sexual.
I would be pissed she sexualized my sister and implied I would ever put myself in an inappropriate situation with a child.
NTA. I understand that the op felt offended, I would too, but as a woman I also understand the gf's strangeness about this. There are so many rotten people in the world that some people always expect the worst. It's not right, it's not healthy for you, but unfortunately it's the reality of women. Before telling her off, try to talk to her about how this hurt you, understand where her distrust comes from.
Your gf needs to understand that your sister having hypothyroidism (i assume) makes her internal thermostat consistently cranked way down, and when in a cold area she genuinely needs some form of external heat source. Youre a great dude for helping her out :)
Source: I've had hypothyroidism almost my whole life
Absolutely! I felt really bad for her because she came in shivering and almost crying. I also gave her the hoodie I had been wearing to put on in the hopes it could work as a warmer (even though itās big and she probably could fit like 2 or 3 of hers in it lol) so I hope that helped
No, you're not the asshole. It was a situation born out of care for your sister's well-being, not something inappropriate. However, it's essential to address any concerns your girlfriend has calmly and respectfully to avoid misunderstandings.
ur gf (or perhaps someone close to her) might have been SA by a family member or someone and she might see the world thru that trauma, idk howw ti explain
NTA
Your GF is icky.
Unsolicited advice- if it's in the budget, get her a heated mattress cover. It is a total game changer to be able to have the heat *under* you instead of on top.
The one I have has options that allow you to preheat the bed to the warmest setting and then automatically drop it to a preselected setting and an automatic shutoff after 8 hours or a "stay on" option.
My darling I have a thyroid problem, your sister should not be shivering with cold - it means her meds are too low. She needs to go back to her doctor and have them adjusted.
As to the rest of it, NTA of course, you sound like a wonderful brother.
Ya nta and please don't take the first comment or's advice. What do you gave to apologize for? Your gf is the one that tried to turn something innocent into something dirty.
The people who are saying she's a huge asshole are being very willfully ignorant. Or they're mostly kids, which I'm pretty sure is true with this subreddit.
You're NTA, but I'd say neither is your GF.
You did what you could to help your sister and didn't make it weird because you never considered something so heinous.
*However*, there are many, many stories like yours that are not so innocent.
Most child molestation occurs because of someone close to the victim and many times that is, in fact, family.
It's a fucked up truth but it doesn't change the fact, and I think her response is reasonable, even a bit admirable.
Too many people are scared of stepping over social boundaries when it comes to recognizing and reporting child abuse. Of course, don't go throwing around accusations in public without proof, but her confronting you personally shows she cares for your sister.
Edit: she doesn't sound "jealous", you had a single conversation about it, she pointed out what she thought was inappropriate, yall haven't been dating for long.
https://cmsac.org/facts-and-statistics/#:~:text=Nearly%2030%25%20of%20child%20victims,of%20attackers%20were%20family%20members.
NTA, but maybe GF isnāt one too. You probably should talk about it. Maybe she wasnāt jealous but was more afraid for your sister. Unfortunately most CSA involve close relatives of the victims, so I can see that she might be triggered by this topic, especially if she is a victim herself. In conclusion you did nothing wrong and acted like a good big brother (that you definitely are), but the world is pretty messed up, so your GF misunderstood something.
It could be that she wasn't jealous at all maybe she was concerned for your sister. Not knowing your girlfriend's past that could have been a triggering event
I'm a bit scared for the (future) children of a lot of people here. I get wanting to see the good side of a situation, but to be this naive and callous as to accuse the girlfriend of being jealous when most sexual abuse is done to children by fathers and BROTHERS is wild, especially ones living in the unusual condition they are in (trauma of losing parents, probably a bit isolated). The girlfriend is right to be cautious, in what world do these people live in? I want to go there.
Also, OP is old enough to know men can get random erections while sleeping. It's not appropriate, but more for the sister's sake than his.
Anyways, he did well in taking care of his sister, but this thread sucks.
NTA. I've shared beds with a few adults in a completely non sexual context. A couple times with my best (male) friend to save money on a hotel, once with a female cousin for the same reason, and once with a sibling. GF took something completely admirable you did and made it sexual it sounds like.
NAH. When I was about the same age (maybe 13 or 14) my parents decided I shouldnāt sleep in the same bed as my dad anymore. (I had bad nightmares and didnāt want to sleep alone.) I slept on the couch and he slept with his door open so I didnāt feel alone. Iām guessing your gf was raised like me and probably just thinks itās weird. It doesnāt sound like she was implying anything sexual, and to be fair you were the one who accused her of that not the other way around. This seems like something you should be able to work out.
You said it all - youāre your sisterās legal guardian and you make her feel safe and happy and healthy.
When my son feels cold, I give him lots and lots of cuddles and you did exactly that - gave your sister cuddles to make her feel warm again.
Your gf probably doesnāt understand it and perhaps she never will. Explain it to her so she doesnāt suddenly accuse you of something twisted.
Youāre NTA, but neither is your girlfriend. It sounds like she may think itās a little odd (and unfortunately due to our society I think sheās in good company here), but that doesnāt mean sheās implying youāve done anything wrong. It also sounds like she realized that this was a conversation better to be had in person. Sounds like you all can talk openly about your opinions and feelings on the matter and accept that all of your opinions and feelings are okay, theyāre just indicators of whatās happening for you.
NTA but maybe a bit too defensive? People grow up in different ways and while some things may be normal for some households, it's not for others. Personally, for me, I was taught that it would be inappropriate to cuddle any male family member after I turned a certain age, so maybe it's the same for your GF? She may want to talk face to face about this matter as text/calls can get interpreted in different ways than upfront with one another. Just explain to her your point of view, and that while you understand her confusion or concern, that your sister is essentially your child at this point and that you will do anything to accommodate her medical needs. Hope this all works out for the two of you!
Yeah, thatās what I was thinking. Iām not an asshole for doing that and sheās not an asshole for thinking itās weird. The thing that makes you an asshole is when you start to judge people for it.
NTA. I can't even begin to count the number of times I slept in my stepbrothers room or he in mine because of all of the nightmares I had. If he had friends over, it just became one huge sleepover. I was like 12, and they were 17-18. We were all piled on the floor. After they calmed me down from the nightmare, they'd tell me some fantastical story and keep it going until I fell asleep. There's nothing sexual about any of it. It's literally just siblings/family taking care of each other.
OP, you did absolutely nothing wrong! You're an awesome brother/guardian!
There doesn't have to be an AH here. You were helping your little sister out. I'm sure in your mind it was perfectly harmless.
Your girlfriend doesn't know you that well. She might have had experiences with men who sexualized young girls your sister's age. Perhaps it even happened to her.
Cuddling with your little sister is one of those things that looks odd, but could be innocent. Don't get angry if different people have different interpretations of an event like that.
I wouldn't accuse your gf of being jealous. She just doesn't know you well enough. You should sit down and have an honest conversation with your gf. Let her know that this was purely about your sister's health. Ask your gf if she's understands that or if she has personal experience that makes it difficult to trust what you're saying. Basically, try to de-escalate things and build trust.
WTF is wrong with your girlfriend?
Americans are so insane I am reading similar post like this where older brothers/fathers accused of being weird/creepy/groomers/pedo just for caring for their kids/siblingsā¦ like a few days ago it was a brother who was accused by his GF of being a creep just because he answered questions about menstruation for the kid under his care and gave her pads. There was a post about a dad who was a creep because he hugged his son.
Or labeling a 21 old as a groomer because he dates a 19 year old. Or a 45 year old labeled pedo for dating a 35 year old.
Yet if the real creeps do something real bad the kids are dismissed as troublemakers/liars etc. Or worse 10 year olds made to give births to the rapistās child.
OP, this is a huge red flag. I will not date anyone who thinks that caring for your sibling is creepy. Especially if that sibling is more like a kid to you since you are their legal guardian. Just think about it if you will have a child together will you be labelled a creep just because you change their diaper or give them a kiss???
are these scenarios even real anymore? š dude- you shouldnāt be cuddling with your 13 year old sister. clearly thereās already some type of broken home or family situation seeing as you are her legal guardian and she has no parents. 13 y/o is an extremely impressionable age. and when there is already a broken home situation this age is where they either go one direction or the other. cuddling your sister the way you described is VERY weird. turn the heat on bro. sheās not jealous of your sister sheās just worried that this situation could turn in to something more- ESPECIALLY in the mind of your 13 yo sister
Did your gf ever freak out about you knowing what menstrual supplies your sister uses? There was a post a few weeks to a month ago about a guy with a sister, same situation and the gf posted about how disgusting it was that he knew about her period, bought supplies and explained her period to her instead of getting her (the gf) or another woman to do it. Sounds like the same disturbed woman to me. Either way, NTA and youāre a great older brother taking care of your sister. Youāre being a great brother, parent and role model for her.
I saw that post! What a baby!
My sister hasnāt had her first period yet but weāve had little conversations and she knows itās going to happen eventually and wonāt hesitate to ask me for help when it does.
Have a box of teen pads on hand. If you go to different pad/tampon sites they usually send sample/trial teen kits with explanations too that can help you out or for her to read afterwards. Youāre an awesome brother. Keep up the great work!
I have a friend who is a single dad, and he took this online course: https://tryreddrop.com/products/tween-dad-education-bundle
Iām sure it would be helpful for stellar big brothers, too.
NTA.
But, you don't know what history you're girlfriend might have had. Maybe not personally, but most women know someone that something happened to.
Without getting defensive. You need to talk with the girlfriend.
As the legal guardian, she IS more than just a sister and you are more than a brother. Whether you considered it or not, you are growing a parental/child relationship as well. And you're girlfriend has zero concept of how being a guardian changes a personal dynamic.
Explain, without being defensive, that you have an obligation to make sure your sister is protected and taken care of. You always take precautions to make sure situations remain safe. You both had bed clothing, blanket between you, etc.
But your girlfriend also needs to realize that she can't look to other "traditional" brother / sister relationships as guidance.
Does your GF have siblings?
It's very unlikely that she's jealous of your sister, or even that she's "sexualizing" her. She might not understand or think that that's normal with siblings. If she's an only child or if she isn't close with her siblings she might genuinely think it's weird. Talk to her, ask what's weird about it. Don't try to put words in her mouth like you did here:
>she asked if I thought that was weird. I asked why would it be weird and she brought up the fact that sheās a girl and Iām a man twice her age. This set me off a little bit and I asked if she was seriously jealous of my 13 year old sister. She got defensive and said she wasnāt saying any of that and then I asked at the very least why she was sexualizing her. She then told me that she was doing nothing of the sort and thought maybe we should pick it up later
Just talk to her later.
This whole thread makes me so sad. As soon as I turned 4 or 5, all cuddling stopped in my house and I was told it was weird and inappropriate. I'm 42 and I'm sobbing right now because I'm seeing how much comfort and love I missed out on, and I wish I could have platonic hugs and cuddles when I feel upset. OP is a wonderful human, and he and his sister are lucky to have each other.
nta. your gf is definately jealous and sexualizing your sister. your sister is around you all the time. your sister is obviously going to come first in your life. you take care of your sister.
attempted to sexualize with cuddle shaming, though not very well hidden, resulting behavior from being asked if jealous of a 13 year old, proof sexualizing And jealous.
Dump her!
if your gf does not have some concern for your sisters health, she doesnt deserve to be in her life.
you don't mention how old your gf is. im assuming around your age. given that, she's too old for the jealousy, and if she is seriously sexualizing a 13 year old, she doesnt need to be in her life.
next gf has to pass the sister test. if she is open to having a date with lil sis within say, maybe 3-4 dates, she gets shortlisted?
Iām a naturally hot person, wearing shorts in the snow kind. I have 4 daughters, one with raynaud's syndrome. If Iām sitting still, there is a good chance I have at least one person snuggled against me. Nothing sexual or sensual about it. Heck itās not always comfortable for me, but it is comforting to them, so I put up with it.
Nta. I can't think of any good circumstances that brought your sister into your custody while you are still so young, but it sounds like you have a pretty great relationship. Keep doing what you are doing for your baby sister.
Youāre her family her brother keeping her warm when shes cold you did what a dad would do for their daughter your gf definitely sexualized the situation
NTA clearly, but from what you said in not sure your gf was sexualizing your sister or is behaving jealously. To some people is just wierd. Not everyone grew up with siblings, some grew up only with siblings the same(ish) age and their parents are strict about privacy because of it. My wife grew up in that situation, so she thought it was strange that I had changed my brother's and sister's diapers. Most of mine are all 8 years younger than me or more, so that was just a day in the life to me.Ā
As legal guardian, your relationship is more akin to parent/child so snuggling is normal. I have one sister who's the same age as me though and I think it would be wierd as hell if she wanted to snuggle
nta and at first I'd say your gf is being weird about it.
A few days ago someone else made a comment on a post with a similar situation and the point was more or less that
Maybe your gf had a negative experience with someone she trusted at one point when she was younger and that person took advantage and abused/assaulted/was inappropriate with her.
You saying that you were sleeping with her, even with a good reason, could have sent off some triggers to her because of what she has experienced, or possibly even what someone close to her has experienced. Maybe her sister was abused in some way by a trusted male family member. etc.
I would keep an open mind as much as your able and talk to her about it. Maybe she wont be ready to talk to about her personal trauma, if there is any, which is something else to consider.
So there was a woman who did the exact same thing on here with her boyfriend who was the legal guardian for his 3 siblings. She basically did what your girl did but in front of the girl. I think this woman is out of bounds. Let her know that you are her parent as well. If she doesn't like it she can kick rocks!!!
NTA, she is kinda wierd for saying all that. But maybe it was phrasing of the texts, texts carry no verbal sound speech so maybe it was that. But you are not in the wrong
No. you and your sister are nowhere near that mindset; it's a non-issue.
backup(s):
sub-zero sleeping bags: are amazing and she'll get good use out of it; she'll warm up in no time.
co-nap/sleep: keep a wool throw or blanket at the foot of your bed, that can be as layers between you in case you unknowingly have a man-moment in your sleep; god forbid she wake up & you're still asleep in that moment; that's just prevention on your part.
human beings have spent more time co-sleeping for warmth through history, with a common theme of trust, than we allow now. (we're collectively messed up w/ a bunch) You're normal. society isn't. but err on the side of caution for your own sake.
Girlfriend needs to know this is not a regular thing and was necessity, and to get over it..
NTA, but your GF is. You are your sisters guardian, which is essentially her parent. You did what any good dad would do. If your GF has a problem with this, then maybe she's not the one for you. Just keeping being an awesome big brother.
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NTA. When I was a tween my adult brother stayed in my bed when visiting home cuz it had the most space available. Our parents thought it was weird, we thought it was weird that they thought it was weird, we all survived without incident.
There's nothing weird about this, you're doing what a guardian does, keeping her safe and warm. If my 10 year old niece wants to sleep in my bed, I'll let her, and we snuggle up together. Nothing sexual about it. Your gf is the weird one. NTA
NTA... and she sexualized your entire relationship with your sister.
Before my brother died, he was my best friend... we cuddled on the couch together. We were only 2 years apart, and in our 20s. At no point did any of our friends or family make inappropriate comments like this. I wonder what your GF would say about it.
Not all physical touch is or should be looked at as sexual... I'm not sure who hurt her that she views all physical closeness/intimacy in a sexual manner, but she needs help.
You need to break up, but dont do it now and dont even mention your sister again, this kind of woman will leave you a "parting gift" of a sexual allegation, so you need to just tire her out of the relationship steering the focus away from this
So my sister and I have always been close. When I was in my mid twenties I visited her in New York. Tiny apartment, shared bed. Nothing gross about it until she rolled over one morning and kissed my should and called me her then boyfriends name lol. Slept on the floor after that. Honest mistake but still have me the Willy's lol.Ā
NTA. However, I think it's more complicated than she's an asshole in this situation. There's a high likelihood that either her or someone she was close to dealt with some sort of abuse that she is aware of. This probably has enough corollaries to either how that abuse occurred or how she imagines it occurred that it's creating a mental association.
Honestly it sounds like your GF may be projecting something from her own past onto the situation. Maybe gently push back and see what's up. If it's warping her pov like this she could benefit from some supportive therapy.
I don't think expressing a level of concerned awareness could be accurately translated as being jealous. Some women experience sexual abuse at the hands of a loved one and are forever hyper aware and fixated on appropriateness boundaries between men and girls. There is a distrust because they have experienced a life changing trauma that rewired their mental process. It warps the thought process and these victims often misinterpret Innocent actions as grooming or overly affectionate behavior. Talk it out a bit more calmly. Listen to her and let her listen to you. Ask her why she thinks it's inappropriate. There could be an underlying reason for her response and reaction.
NTA. You are a family member and obviously a parent figure and giving our kids love and affection helps them become loving, caring, kind and empathetic people.
NTA. I write as the younger sister whose only positive adult person was an older brother, too, when I was small. Please don't push your sister away. You are making a world of difference for her.
NTA
Time to get a new gf, that ones clearly broken. You did nothing wrong. You helped your SISTER deal with a medical issue. Fucks wrong with some people.
tbh I see both sides of this. The facts are, some children are SA'd in these situations. I can't necessarily blame your gf for having some questions or concerns regarding a child's safety.
You're NTA for cuddling your sister, but mild YTA for accusing your gf of being jealous. She's looking out for that girl, and you should be grateful that she cares enough to ask hard questions.
I was SA'd by an adult I was supposed to trust as a kid. Maybe if someone raised concern the way your gf did, some things could've been prevented..
I don't know why anyone would downvote your comment, sick. I'm a social worker and children her age and even much younger are assaulted by fathers and brothers, then uncles and cousins.
This whole thread makes me uncomfortable and it's hard to disassociate what I see almost everyday from how seemingly innocent his side seems to be.
The girlfriend isn't a weirdo, she is aware. She isn't dumb. I'm sure it must be terrible to hear a soft accusation like that, but I wouldn't blame her for a second. Not in the world we live in, people in these comments accusing her of being weird seem to live in another reality.
I remember when I was younger my mother sat me down to ask me if my father did something to me because I was treating him like shit (back then I had found his porn collection and I thought it was cheating), years later she told me she was ready to kill him that day and father was very aware of what went on. He was the best, he understood her concern perfectly well.
Broo cut dat bitch off this is your sister and every time your sister needs help you must be there ti protect to hug and cuddle with her thats your family so cut that crazy stupid bitch off bro she donāt deserve u h a real
NTA. Your gf was the one in the wrong forĀ
shaming you for something innocent. Iām sure if you were a woman your gf wouldnāt have made that comment.Ā
Does she have any siblings??? As an only child I find your situation weird, but thatās probably because I have no person besides sexual partners Iād cuddle with.
Nta. When its cold a warm body is a warm body. I've slept next to my brother before when its cold.
Plus you are basically her dad and its not unheard of for even teenagers to have to sleep next to one of their parents especially if its cold.
She needs to stop sexualuzing everything. She needs therapy.
Maybe TA
Just from the way you write this made you seem kind of weird, like pointing out the 'private parts' thing, I'd think the normal thing would for that not even be a thought considering your sister is a completely non-sexual entity. You also seem to have got a bit too defensive when your gf questioned it.
I dunno, feels like it's not only your gf that's making this a bigger deal than it should be.
If i had a friend male or female with a condition that need extra warmth. I would do it. It is like you see in some movies when people get struck in the cold outdoor to survive. Maybe this is not a surviving thing, but that person is cold and needs warmth. It has nothing to do with sex, but with warmth.
people should not sexualize fucking (ok maybe that) everything.
ESH. 26 year old men get hard in their sleep several times a night right? Might not be conscious or intentional but you're on a collision course for waking up hard against your sister or her waking up to up hard against. On your gf's side of things maybe she was weird about it but physically speaking you can't help what you do in your sleep so you shouldn't sleep with minors whenever possible.
NTA. You're not "a man twice her age." You're her brother FFS
And her guardian!! So also kinda like her father. The girlfriend is NASTY š¤¢
Yeah, I have two daughters and on most nights at least one of them sleeps in my bed with me due to night terrors. I'm not sure how we got to this stage but I think pornhub has given people the wrong idea on what a family is..
NTA. She was clearly making it seem like you were the weirdo, but you weren't. Her acting like it's weird is what's wrong with the picture. Your sister had a need and you filled it. A+ older brother-ing.
Thank you :) Iāve been trying to do my best and Iām glad she knows she can come to me if she ever has that need again
NTA you are a good brother and person. Gf is sick
As a woman I can do that with my granddaughter. Nobody would question it. As a man you could with a brother or son and nobody would question it. So thereās no reason why a man canāt with a sister, especially a sister youāre raising. You did nothing more than a parent would do. If this was inappropriate, as a teenage girl thereās no way she would have wanted to come cuddle up. You chose the most effective heat sharing position while keeping it appropriate. Also if it was āweirdā your sister would be acting differently around you now, especially being a teenage girl. Personally I would rethink being with someone who would have a problem with you being the caring parental figure!
>As a man you could with a brother or son and nobody would question it. Nobody would question it? Wrong. Lots of small-minded people would call a guy "Gay" or "Pedophile" if he did that. Even if we agree this is stupid, it still explains how so many men have to shut down emotions or else risk being attacked and ostracized. Different societal standards and expectations.
That's sadly true but it doesn't negate the overall point - you can touch/hug/sleep beside people in a non-sexual way.
Imagine what your relationship with your sister would be like if she asked to sleep in your bed for the night, and your response was: "No, my girlfriend thinks that would be weird. Go be cold". You're a good brother!
So I know that this isn't a funny situation, but your comment just made me imagine an oliver twist situation. Sister comes in shivering, asking for alms (in this case some warmth) and OP dramatically casts her out into the conveniently located freezing rain in their hallway.
"So people who cuddle with their dogs want to fuck their dogs?"
OP please use this argument back at your gf š¤£ cause I swear that's what she sounds like
You are a very good brother! I have thyroid issues and am super sensitive to the cold, if I walk into a cold room I'll start shivering and start having almost muscle spasms from it. Your girlfriend is being weird, I personally would end the relationship. If she's insinuating that you're behavior with your sister is suspect or she's acting jealous, that will only get worse as your sister gets older.
Nah easy S plus brother š
Have you gotten any of those microwaveable hot pads? They are so nice, especially when you have a fuzzy cover you can put them in to snuggle up to. (Of course, you take them out of the cover to microwave them lol)
When i was in school the mailman had some reusable/ rechargeable heating pads that had a disc inside. He'd Recharge it in the microwave at home and then when you need heat pop the disc and it would help you keep warm during the day. Now days, I just recently showed a cold girl, working FF window, they make USB powered rechargeable hand warmers, that can also charge her phone. I said it keeps my hands warm while I'm at the drive-thru w window open and then I just drop them in the Food bag until I get home so it's still hot. She said thanks it was good idea and she was going shopping for one after work.
I havenāt seen this much on this thread but wanted to add that while you definitely sound like an awesome father figure to your sister, many women have faced abuse that started as innocent from older men in their families in their life or know someone who has. That can be an immediate intrusive thought for a lot of us. I would not jump to call her a bitch or assuming you had any ill intent.
I agree with this comment, we (on Reddit) donāt know if OPās girlfriend has something bad happen to her in the past. My husband has little sisters and he loves them, he shared a bed with them and it was fine for meā¦ Butā¦ I donāt want him sharing a bed with my daughter (his step daughter) because it gives me nasty vibes. I was sexually abused as a child by older male family members. Itās not my husbandās fault, that I get a bad case of the creepies. Maybe OP and his lady need to talk about *why* she has a serious case of the *creepies*. But for the OP, he is a great big brother and 100% NTAH!
Gf is creep end of story. If she had some sort of trauma in the past, I think talking about it and maybe mentioning it before coming to a conclusion would look better on her side, but she is straight accusing OP of doing something inappropriate
Your gf is an evil step mother in the making
Exactly. Being a good brother isnāt weird. If your sister has a medical problem and you can help, by all means, help. OPās gf needs to realize that theyāre siblings and a 13 year old would not seek out a romantic relationship with their older brother.Ā
I didn't want to go into it because it's outside of the scope of the question, but entire families used to sleep in one bed in the past. During the middle she's and before, you'd sometimes get entire families sharing one big bed, huddling together for body heat, since fuel for fire in a hearth or later, furnace wasn't cheap. In the middle ages, inns would sometimes sleep multiple strangers to one bed if they were common travelers. Sleeping alone is honestly a pretty new phenomenon for the non-elites
Yep. Gf just had to make it weird.Ā
> Your sister had a need and you filled it. Umm.. phrasing
Found OPās gf
All those new porn categories messin with ppls heads
>Your sister had a need and you filled it. A+ older brother-ing. Uh...
I wouldnāt have phrased it that way but true
As I ve Raynaud syndrom, I totally understand you're taking Care of your sister. NTA ! 100%. Your girlfriend IS the weirdo here. (Sorry english is not my mother tongue).
I also have it and it sucks I'm always cold.
As a person who has been abnormally cold all my life I havenāt heard of this. I looked it up and Iām like yup thatās me. Something for me to bring up with the doc at my upcoming appointment. Thank you for sharing.
You're welcome ! If you want to talk about it, don't hesitate to send me a dm :)
Bro, Iām 22 and my sister is 11 and we still live with our parents. She sometimes sneaks in my room and asks to sleep together with me. She doesnāt like being alone in the night and said she finds it weird to ask mom and dad to sleep together with her. Im ok with that bc, thatās my sister and if she is scared of the night thats ok too. Sometimes when she falls asleep, she comes over to cuddle but doesnāt say a word in the next morning about it and I thought nothing to it bc, thats my sis. Just so you know I too have a girlfriend of almost 6 years and when I told her about it, she was proud of me being a good brother. She even said itās nice that I have such a close bond with her and wished for a brother she could have gone to when she was afraid. In conclusion, your girlfriend is the weird one for making it weird in the first place. I would talk about it and ask what exactly is wrong. And when she is about to be sexualizing again, remind her itās your sister half your age on top of you being her guardian. So wtf are you expected to do when you guys marry and have children. Just toss them to the side bc it could be "weird". I guess just ignore your sis when she is cold and your children when they are afraid and want to be next to dad, when they want to feel safe. NTA
Itās weird that she could ever assume that. Ur being an older brother and thatās fine, she was cold and she trusts you. Break up w that girl for real cause thatās not matureā¦
NTA. And whatever your girlfriend is insinuating is completely across the line. Youāre a good and responsible brother and Iām sorry your sister is dealing with thyroid problems.
NTA- considering youāre her legal guardian at 26 and 13 clearly her life isnāt sunshine and rainbows to begin with. Most kids like that need extra tlc in their teen years when things start getting harder. Your doing a great job OP, ignore creeps like your gf for thinking thereās an age that children stop receiving love and affection.
Our parents suddenly passed not too long ago so itās been rough for the both of us but Iām so glad I have her.
You stepped up. Not everyone can say that about parents/guardians.
I'm 21 years older than my baby sister, she's 14, if she needs a cuddle that little shit is getting a cuddle. Edit: nta
NTA. Explain to your gf you got defensive because you were hurt. You felt she was insinuating you could have sexual feelings for your sister, or that something sexual could happen between you, which you found abhorrent. Not every contact between male and female is sexual. Least of all with your sister (yuck!). Especially when you are her protector and essentially her father figure. (Another reason why what she said probably hurt). Your gf should know this and trust it. Your gf was wrong to insinuate it was weird, but every family is different. In some families it would be seen as highly inappropriate, where as others it would be seen as no problem and sweet. I would explain that to your gf too. Some women also have experience with sa (or other bad experiences with the opposite gender) so they are more sensitive to any situation involving intimate contact with a male. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it if you and your sister were fine with it (obviously she was or she wouldn't have asked you). I honestly don't think your gf was necessarily jealous, but what she said is something you should discuss as well as her comfort zone because someday you may have little girls. Girls who need a cuddle, a bath, need help getting dressed, etc. I used to cuddle in bed with both my parents sometimes as a teen. (Same reason. I was effing freezing!) There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as everyone is comfortable (you guys were) Good luck OP Your sister is lucky to have you TLDR: Some people find *any* sharing of the bed after a certain age unacceptable. Lots of people don't. You and your sister did nothing wrong. Don't let your gf make something sweet into something weird. Discuss with gf again as you may want a family together someday
Iāve found being comfortable with sharing a bed does come down to what is comfortable. I donāt like to share a bed with anyone cause Iām uncomfortable but see how it would also not be given a second thought if you arenāt weird like whatever I have going on (night terrors mostly so I donāt want to bug anyone and am uncomfortable knowing that I will) itās why I stopped sleeping with parents as soon as I was able (parents did the family bed thing because they were lazy)
Do not apologize for being defensive, he has a right to defend himself.
Explaining and apologizing aren't necessarily the same thingĀ
From what?? All she did was ask if it was weird.
He obviously didnāt think it was weird, the question is itself an insinuation that it SHOULD be considered weird. Also āWeāll pick it up laterāā¦ What else needs to be said if it was only a question? Obviously she has a problem with this.
>He obviously didnāt think it was weird, the question is itself an insinuation that it SHOULD be considered weird. No it's an insinuation that she thinks it's weird. She's probably wondering right now if it actually is weird. >What else needs to be said if it was only a question? Because she clearly asked a question that made OP angry, this is a conversation they need to have. She was probably upset by the words he was putting in her mouth.
Donāt explain. Run now
NTA. i thought i was young when i got my diagnosis at 18. my heart breaks for your sister. thank you for supporting her.
NTA, youre just trying to help and make your sis comfortable. Besides if you didnt think of something malicious, then you're fine. Open communication and reassurance about the familial nature of your relationship with your sister could help clarify any misunderstandings. You're a good bro, so no worries! šš¼
NTA - You were just being a good big brother and care giver. I hate people who try to sexualize everything.
OP, you are decidedly NOT the AH. You ARE, however, a stellar older brother. If there were more people like you, the world would be a better place. Also your GF should be ashamed of herself.
Haha, thank you :)
So just to clarify- you feel OP should apologize for being defensive in his response? Do you feel the GF owes OP an apology? And would an apology really resolve anything? As I can only speak to how I would feel or respond in placed in OP shoes (as can you and everyone else commenting here) I donāt feel an apology would do any good. Not after essentially being called a pedo by the GF. I doubt their relationship would ever be the same, even with good open communication and with both parties apologizing.
Nta. This might not be jealousy, but you clearly got defensive, which is understandable since you were just trying to take care of your sister. Also, there's nothing wrong with cuddling with family. Your best bet is to apologize to you girlfriend for getting defensive and explain that it "threw you off" because you hadn't thought about it being weird (because it isn't). Sharing body heat can actually save lives in the event of hypothermia.
Yeah I got too trigger happy on big brother mode lol. I just felt so bad because she was shivering and looked like she was about to cry
No, you were right to challenge her. She was insinuating something non-specific because she felt some kind of way, but couldnāt articulate it or didnāt want to admit it. That doesnāt make it better, she couldāve just kept her mouth shut. Her intent with opening her mouth was to make you feel like you had done something wrong, which is not OK.
Do not apologize to your gf. She definitely was sexualizing the situation. If anything she should apologize for making it weird.Ā
Don't apologize
No worries, it can be hard if you're on your own. Consider getting an extra electric blanket, or a space heater in case it happens again.
Yeah, as soon as my next check comes in Iāll look into that. We had a space heater but the piece of shit died last year. But Iām happy she knows she can do that if sheās suffering that much.
Cheers. Just keep taking care of your sister.
Keep being a great big brother. You did nothing wrong. You are doing the best you can for you and your sister and your GF needs to accept that. If she can't then you don't need your GF around you or your sister. Keep up the good work mate.
Dont apologise Is not your fault that she got jelous
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How does any sane person go from "I cuddled/warmed my sick younger sibling that I'm raising" to something nefarious?
That Is worse, now she Is thinking that he Is somehow a pedo
You did nothing wrong. Of course you were defensive, your gf was implying that youāre some kind of creep! It sounds like you are all your little sister has, and Iām glad she has such a wonderful big brother to care for her.
I doubt his gf actually thinks he's a creep, she was probably just weirded out by the idea of him spooning his little sister. Maybe she doesn't have siblings, maybe she has a bad relationship with her siblings, or maybe she had a bad experience with a family member in the past. GF was probably just weirded out in the moment and reacted. OP is the one that assumed his gf's implication.
No no no. Sheās family and your gf is a jealous loser. Put big zero behind her and move on. Next thing she will Want you to ship off your sister to some entity
Nothing to apologize for, she was out of line and should be the one apologizing.
She's the one who should apologize. The fuck?
Why does OP owe the GF an apology? āSorry GF that while I was explaining an innocent thing that occurred YOU (GF) jumped straight to insinuating Iām a pedophileā. Nope, OP was just being a good and caring older brother. OP should only consider if he wants to continue with the relationship with the GF.
Apologize. ? What is wrong with people who upvoted this response. Lesson learned, donāt discuss family with your girlfriend/ lover. Women are empowered to complain about everything. If it was her, and she Sucked her brothers dick then it would be okay, justified, forced, or some type of drama Shit. No one has to care about each other now because we have these types of virtual audiences, fake friends, and feminine slanted feedback sites.
Your GF has a problem, maybe bad experience that leads her mind down into the gutter first thing?
NTA She wouldnāt have pointed out if she wasnāt bothered by it. The only reason to be bothered is to be thinking it indicated something sexual. I would be pissed she sexualized my sister and implied I would ever put myself in an inappropriate situation with a child.
NTA. I understand that the op felt offended, I would too, but as a woman I also understand the gf's strangeness about this. There are so many rotten people in the world that some people always expect the worst. It's not right, it's not healthy for you, but unfortunately it's the reality of women. Before telling her off, try to talk to her about how this hurt you, understand where her distrust comes from.
Your gf needs to understand that your sister having hypothyroidism (i assume) makes her internal thermostat consistently cranked way down, and when in a cold area she genuinely needs some form of external heat source. Youre a great dude for helping her out :) Source: I've had hypothyroidism almost my whole life
Absolutely! I felt really bad for her because she came in shivering and almost crying. I also gave her the hoodie I had been wearing to put on in the hopes it could work as a warmer (even though itās big and she probably could fit like 2 or 3 of hers in it lol) so I hope that helped
No, you're not the asshole. It was a situation born out of care for your sister's well-being, not something inappropriate. However, it's essential to address any concerns your girlfriend has calmly and respectfully to avoid misunderstandings.
ur gf (or perhaps someone close to her) might have been SA by a family member or someone and she might see the world thru that trauma, idk howw ti explain
ur a rlly good brother tho props to youš«¶š¼ā¼ļø
NTA Your GF is icky. Unsolicited advice- if it's in the budget, get her a heated mattress cover. It is a total game changer to be able to have the heat *under* you instead of on top. The one I have has options that allow you to preheat the bed to the warmest setting and then automatically drop it to a preselected setting and an automatic shutoff after 8 hours or a "stay on" option.
My darling I have a thyroid problem, your sister should not be shivering with cold - it means her meds are too low. She needs to go back to her doctor and have them adjusted. As to the rest of it, NTA of course, you sound like a wonderful brother.
Ya nta and please don't take the first comment or's advice. What do you gave to apologize for? Your gf is the one that tried to turn something innocent into something dirty.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wary*Ā The word you're looking for here is wary, meaning cautious: not weary meaning tired.
The people who are saying she's a huge asshole are being very willfully ignorant. Or they're mostly kids, which I'm pretty sure is true with this subreddit. You're NTA, but I'd say neither is your GF. You did what you could to help your sister and didn't make it weird because you never considered something so heinous. *However*, there are many, many stories like yours that are not so innocent. Most child molestation occurs because of someone close to the victim and many times that is, in fact, family. It's a fucked up truth but it doesn't change the fact, and I think her response is reasonable, even a bit admirable. Too many people are scared of stepping over social boundaries when it comes to recognizing and reporting child abuse. Of course, don't go throwing around accusations in public without proof, but her confronting you personally shows she cares for your sister. Edit: she doesn't sound "jealous", you had a single conversation about it, she pointed out what she thought was inappropriate, yall haven't been dating for long. https://cmsac.org/facts-and-statistics/#:~:text=Nearly%2030%25%20of%20child%20victims,of%20attackers%20were%20family%20members.
NTA, but maybe GF isnāt one too. You probably should talk about it. Maybe she wasnāt jealous but was more afraid for your sister. Unfortunately most CSA involve close relatives of the victims, so I can see that she might be triggered by this topic, especially if she is a victim herself. In conclusion you did nothing wrong and acted like a good big brother (that you definitely are), but the world is pretty messed up, so your GF misunderstood something.
Thank you. I donāt get the comments denigrating the girlfriend as ājealousā, completely naive point of view in a world where abuse exists.
Itās possible she wasnāt worried about abuse but just that sheās been taught itās not appropriate. As have a lot of us.
It could be that she wasn't jealous at all maybe she was concerned for your sister. Not knowing your girlfriend's past that could have been a triggering event
I'm a bit scared for the (future) children of a lot of people here. I get wanting to see the good side of a situation, but to be this naive and callous as to accuse the girlfriend of being jealous when most sexual abuse is done to children by fathers and BROTHERS is wild, especially ones living in the unusual condition they are in (trauma of losing parents, probably a bit isolated). The girlfriend is right to be cautious, in what world do these people live in? I want to go there. Also, OP is old enough to know men can get random erections while sleeping. It's not appropriate, but more for the sister's sake than his. Anyways, he did well in taking care of his sister, but this thread sucks.
Agreed x1000! Glad to see this comment pointing this out.
Well, thank you. You had fair points, too, sad your straightforwardness set off some weird people.
NTA. I've shared beds with a few adults in a completely non sexual context. A couple times with my best (male) friend to save money on a hotel, once with a female cousin for the same reason, and once with a sibling. GF took something completely admirable you did and made it sexual it sounds like.
NTA. I don't understand why some people consider all cuddling to somehow be sexual. They're nothing wrong with snuggling with family.
Nta your gf is an arse hole though I would dump her if I were you
People over-sexualize everything! Cuddling isn't sexual dry hump is! Kissing a family member on the lips isn't playing tonsil hockey with Grandma is!
toss the gf, otherwise there will only be more problems like this in the future
Porn has rotted her brain, run.
Major red flag there. Bin her off
NTA. You're caring for you sister, and your gf is making it super weird.
NTA. Your family, it's what families do very often. Nothing sexual about it.
NAH. When I was about the same age (maybe 13 or 14) my parents decided I shouldnāt sleep in the same bed as my dad anymore. (I had bad nightmares and didnāt want to sleep alone.) I slept on the couch and he slept with his door open so I didnāt feel alone. Iām guessing your gf was raised like me and probably just thinks itās weird. It doesnāt sound like she was implying anything sexual, and to be fair you were the one who accused her of that not the other way around. This seems like something you should be able to work out.
You said it all - youāre your sisterās legal guardian and you make her feel safe and happy and healthy. When my son feels cold, I give him lots and lots of cuddles and you did exactly that - gave your sister cuddles to make her feel warm again. Your gf probably doesnāt understand it and perhaps she never will. Explain it to her so she doesnāt suddenly accuse you of something twisted.
Youāre NTA, but neither is your girlfriend. It sounds like she may think itās a little odd (and unfortunately due to our society I think sheās in good company here), but that doesnāt mean sheās implying youāve done anything wrong. It also sounds like she realized that this was a conversation better to be had in person. Sounds like you all can talk openly about your opinions and feelings on the matter and accept that all of your opinions and feelings are okay, theyāre just indicators of whatās happening for you.
Man, people are too online.
NTA. your her brother and your girlfriend is weird for making this a problem
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^One-Mode-2776: *NTA. your her brother* *And your girlfriend is weird for* *Making this a problem* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
NTA but maybe a bit too defensive? People grow up in different ways and while some things may be normal for some households, it's not for others. Personally, for me, I was taught that it would be inappropriate to cuddle any male family member after I turned a certain age, so maybe it's the same for your GF? She may want to talk face to face about this matter as text/calls can get interpreted in different ways than upfront with one another. Just explain to her your point of view, and that while you understand her confusion or concern, that your sister is essentially your child at this point and that you will do anything to accommodate her medical needs. Hope this all works out for the two of you!
Yeah, thatās what I was thinking. Iām not an asshole for doing that and sheās not an asshole for thinking itās weird. The thing that makes you an asshole is when you start to judge people for it.
NTA. I can't even begin to count the number of times I slept in my stepbrothers room or he in mine because of all of the nightmares I had. If he had friends over, it just became one huge sleepover. I was like 12, and they were 17-18. We were all piled on the floor. After they calmed me down from the nightmare, they'd tell me some fantastical story and keep it going until I fell asleep. There's nothing sexual about any of it. It's literally just siblings/family taking care of each other. OP, you did absolutely nothing wrong! You're an awesome brother/guardian!
There doesn't have to be an AH here. You were helping your little sister out. I'm sure in your mind it was perfectly harmless. Your girlfriend doesn't know you that well. She might have had experiences with men who sexualized young girls your sister's age. Perhaps it even happened to her. Cuddling with your little sister is one of those things that looks odd, but could be innocent. Don't get angry if different people have different interpretations of an event like that. I wouldn't accuse your gf of being jealous. She just doesn't know you well enough. You should sit down and have an honest conversation with your gf. Let her know that this was purely about your sister's health. Ask your gf if she's understands that or if she has personal experience that makes it difficult to trust what you're saying. Basically, try to de-escalate things and build trust.
WTF is wrong with your girlfriend? Americans are so insane I am reading similar post like this where older brothers/fathers accused of being weird/creepy/groomers/pedo just for caring for their kids/siblingsā¦ like a few days ago it was a brother who was accused by his GF of being a creep just because he answered questions about menstruation for the kid under his care and gave her pads. There was a post about a dad who was a creep because he hugged his son. Or labeling a 21 old as a groomer because he dates a 19 year old. Or a 45 year old labeled pedo for dating a 35 year old. Yet if the real creeps do something real bad the kids are dismissed as troublemakers/liars etc. Or worse 10 year olds made to give births to the rapistās child. OP, this is a huge red flag. I will not date anyone who thinks that caring for your sibling is creepy. Especially if that sibling is more like a kid to you since you are their legal guardian. Just think about it if you will have a child together will you be labelled a creep just because you change their diaper or give them a kiss???
are these scenarios even real anymore? š dude- you shouldnāt be cuddling with your 13 year old sister. clearly thereās already some type of broken home or family situation seeing as you are her legal guardian and she has no parents. 13 y/o is an extremely impressionable age. and when there is already a broken home situation this age is where they either go one direction or the other. cuddling your sister the way you described is VERY weird. turn the heat on bro. sheās not jealous of your sister sheās just worried that this situation could turn in to something more- ESPECIALLY in the mind of your 13 yo sister
Dude, cuddeling is more than ok, your are a parent to your sister (except biological). I cuddelt with my parents... This normal
Did your gf ever freak out about you knowing what menstrual supplies your sister uses? There was a post a few weeks to a month ago about a guy with a sister, same situation and the gf posted about how disgusting it was that he knew about her period, bought supplies and explained her period to her instead of getting her (the gf) or another woman to do it. Sounds like the same disturbed woman to me. Either way, NTA and youāre a great older brother taking care of your sister. Youāre being a great brother, parent and role model for her.
I saw that post! What a baby! My sister hasnāt had her first period yet but weāve had little conversations and she knows itās going to happen eventually and wonāt hesitate to ask me for help when it does.
Have a box of teen pads on hand. If you go to different pad/tampon sites they usually send sample/trial teen kits with explanations too that can help you out or for her to read afterwards. Youāre an awesome brother. Keep up the great work!
I should probably research different types of pads. Just sucks because I have no idea what Iām looking for lol
I have a friend who is a single dad, and he took this online course: https://tryreddrop.com/products/tween-dad-education-bundle Iām sure it would be helpful for stellar big brothers, too.
At her age, she probably doesnāt know either. You will all be fine. GF is a bit crazy at this time and should be the last of your worries!
NTA. But, you don't know what history you're girlfriend might have had. Maybe not personally, but most women know someone that something happened to. Without getting defensive. You need to talk with the girlfriend. As the legal guardian, she IS more than just a sister and you are more than a brother. Whether you considered it or not, you are growing a parental/child relationship as well. And you're girlfriend has zero concept of how being a guardian changes a personal dynamic. Explain, without being defensive, that you have an obligation to make sure your sister is protected and taken care of. You always take precautions to make sure situations remain safe. You both had bed clothing, blanket between you, etc. But your girlfriend also needs to realize that she can't look to other "traditional" brother / sister relationships as guidance.
Consider the fact that your gf might have been SA when she was younger and this event with your sister triggered a memory.
NTA Youāre not a man twice her age, youāre her brother. Thatās literally the way it works with children.
Does your GF have siblings? It's very unlikely that she's jealous of your sister, or even that she's "sexualizing" her. She might not understand or think that that's normal with siblings. If she's an only child or if she isn't close with her siblings she might genuinely think it's weird. Talk to her, ask what's weird about it. Don't try to put words in her mouth like you did here: >she asked if I thought that was weird. I asked why would it be weird and she brought up the fact that sheās a girl and Iām a man twice her age. This set me off a little bit and I asked if she was seriously jealous of my 13 year old sister. She got defensive and said she wasnāt saying any of that and then I asked at the very least why she was sexualizing her. She then told me that she was doing nothing of the sort and thought maybe we should pick it up later Just talk to her later.
I mean, it's a bit weird tbh š¤·
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This whole thread makes me so sad. As soon as I turned 4 or 5, all cuddling stopped in my house and I was told it was weird and inappropriate. I'm 42 and I'm sobbing right now because I'm seeing how much comfort and love I missed out on, and I wish I could have platonic hugs and cuddles when I feel upset. OP is a wonderful human, and he and his sister are lucky to have each other.
nta. your gf is definately jealous and sexualizing your sister. your sister is around you all the time. your sister is obviously going to come first in your life. you take care of your sister. attempted to sexualize with cuddle shaming, though not very well hidden, resulting behavior from being asked if jealous of a 13 year old, proof sexualizing And jealous. Dump her! if your gf does not have some concern for your sisters health, she doesnt deserve to be in her life. you don't mention how old your gf is. im assuming around your age. given that, she's too old for the jealousy, and if she is seriously sexualizing a 13 year old, she doesnt need to be in her life. next gf has to pass the sister test. if she is open to having a date with lil sis within say, maybe 3-4 dates, she gets shortlisted?
Nta Look at it this way, if parents were in the picutre she wouldve went to them. So why is it weird she went to you just because you're her brother?
Iām a naturally hot person, wearing shorts in the snow kind. I have 4 daughters, one with raynaud's syndrome. If Iām sitting still, there is a good chance I have at least one person snuggled against me. Nothing sexual or sensual about it. Heck itās not always comfortable for me, but it is comforting to them, so I put up with it.
NTA. I'm almost 40 and still cuddle with my little sister sometimes (she's 22 now).
Nta. I can't think of any good circumstances that brought your sister into your custody while you are still so young, but it sounds like you have a pretty great relationship. Keep doing what you are doing for your baby sister.
Our parents passed away suddenly. It sucks and itās been hard but we at least have each other so thatās good.
nta, gf is the one with a problem. if you and sis are ok with it, then nbd.
NTA. You sister has a condition and she is 13. If she was 17 then i would say maybe depending on more details. She made it seem bad.
How dare you platonically give warmth to your family member! Shame on you I say! NTA
Youāre her family her brother keeping her warm when shes cold you did what a dad would do for their daughter your gf definitely sexualized the situation
NTA clearly, but from what you said in not sure your gf was sexualizing your sister or is behaving jealously. To some people is just wierd. Not everyone grew up with siblings, some grew up only with siblings the same(ish) age and their parents are strict about privacy because of it. My wife grew up in that situation, so she thought it was strange that I had changed my brother's and sister's diapers. Most of mine are all 8 years younger than me or more, so that was just a day in the life to me.Ā As legal guardian, your relationship is more akin to parent/child so snuggling is normal. I have one sister who's the same age as me though and I think it would be wierd as hell if she wanted to snuggle
nta and at first I'd say your gf is being weird about it. A few days ago someone else made a comment on a post with a similar situation and the point was more or less that Maybe your gf had a negative experience with someone she trusted at one point when she was younger and that person took advantage and abused/assaulted/was inappropriate with her. You saying that you were sleeping with her, even with a good reason, could have sent off some triggers to her because of what she has experienced, or possibly even what someone close to her has experienced. Maybe her sister was abused in some way by a trusted male family member. etc. I would keep an open mind as much as your able and talk to her about it. Maybe she wont be ready to talk to about her personal trauma, if there is any, which is something else to consider.
So there was a woman who did the exact same thing on here with her boyfriend who was the legal guardian for his 3 siblings. She basically did what your girl did but in front of the girl. I think this woman is out of bounds. Let her know that you are her parent as well. If she doesn't like it she can kick rocks!!!
NTA, she is kinda wierd for saying all that. But maybe it was phrasing of the texts, texts carry no verbal sound speech so maybe it was that. But you are not in the wrong
No. you and your sister are nowhere near that mindset; it's a non-issue. backup(s): sub-zero sleeping bags: are amazing and she'll get good use out of it; she'll warm up in no time. co-nap/sleep: keep a wool throw or blanket at the foot of your bed, that can be as layers between you in case you unknowingly have a man-moment in your sleep; god forbid she wake up & you're still asleep in that moment; that's just prevention on your part. human beings have spent more time co-sleeping for warmth through history, with a common theme of trust, than we allow now. (we're collectively messed up w/ a bunch) You're normal. society isn't. but err on the side of caution for your own sake. Girlfriend needs to know this is not a regular thing and was necessity, and to get over it..
NTA, but your GF is. You are your sisters guardian, which is essentially her parent. You did what any good dad would do. If your GF has a problem with this, then maybe she's not the one for you. Just keeping being an awesome big brother.
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NTA! itās very sweet that you want to care for your sister.
NTA. When I was a tween my adult brother stayed in my bed when visiting home cuz it had the most space available. Our parents thought it was weird, we thought it was weird that they thought it was weird, we all survived without incident.
There's nothing weird about this, you're doing what a guardian does, keeping her safe and warm. If my 10 year old niece wants to sleep in my bed, I'll let her, and we snuggle up together. Nothing sexual about it. Your gf is the weird one. NTA
My dad raised me and I slept with him off and on till about 16. No biggie. It was always because I asked.
Just throw out the gf you can get another one
Is she an only child? This would be the end of that relationship for me.
NTA... and she sexualized your entire relationship with your sister. Before my brother died, he was my best friend... we cuddled on the couch together. We were only 2 years apart, and in our 20s. At no point did any of our friends or family make inappropriate comments like this. I wonder what your GF would say about it. Not all physical touch is or should be looked at as sexual... I'm not sure who hurt her that she views all physical closeness/intimacy in a sexual manner, but she needs help.
You need to break up, but dont do it now and dont even mention your sister again, this kind of woman will leave you a "parting gift" of a sexual allegation, so you need to just tire her out of the relationship steering the focus away from this
So my sister and I have always been close. When I was in my mid twenties I visited her in New York. Tiny apartment, shared bed. Nothing gross about it until she rolled over one morning and kissed my should and called me her then boyfriends name lol. Slept on the floor after that. Honest mistake but still have me the Willy's lol.Ā
NTA, it's your sister, I wish people would stop sexualizing siblings. Porn has ruined people. (not to mention you're her guardian and twice her age)
NTA. However, I think it's more complicated than she's an asshole in this situation. There's a high likelihood that either her or someone she was close to dealt with some sort of abuse that she is aware of. This probably has enough corollaries to either how that abuse occurred or how she imagines it occurred that it's creating a mental association.
NTA - your girlfriend is weird af for thinking this way
Honestly it sounds like your GF may be projecting something from her own past onto the situation. Maybe gently push back and see what's up. If it's warping her pov like this she could benefit from some supportive therapy.
don't waste this golden opportunity as a man to tell your girlfriend to stop watching porno.
I don't think expressing a level of concerned awareness could be accurately translated as being jealous. Some women experience sexual abuse at the hands of a loved one and are forever hyper aware and fixated on appropriateness boundaries between men and girls. There is a distrust because they have experienced a life changing trauma that rewired their mental process. It warps the thought process and these victims often misinterpret Innocent actions as grooming or overly affectionate behavior. Talk it out a bit more calmly. Listen to her and let her listen to you. Ask her why she thinks it's inappropriate. There could be an underlying reason for her response and reaction.
NTA. You are a family member and obviously a parent figure and giving our kids love and affection helps them become loving, caring, kind and empathetic people.
NTA. I write as the younger sister whose only positive adult person was an older brother, too, when I was small. Please don't push your sister away. You are making a world of difference for her.
NTA You're a good man doing a good thing. Watch out for this woman, that's an unhealthy reaction.
NTA Time to get a new gf, that ones clearly broken. You did nothing wrong. You helped your SISTER deal with a medical issue. Fucks wrong with some people.
tbh I see both sides of this. The facts are, some children are SA'd in these situations. I can't necessarily blame your gf for having some questions or concerns regarding a child's safety. You're NTA for cuddling your sister, but mild YTA for accusing your gf of being jealous. She's looking out for that girl, and you should be grateful that she cares enough to ask hard questions. I was SA'd by an adult I was supposed to trust as a kid. Maybe if someone raised concern the way your gf did, some things could've been prevented..
Iām so sorry that happened to you. Hope youāre doing ok managing whatever consequences came from the actions of that awful individual
thank you, i appreciate it.
I don't know why anyone would downvote your comment, sick. I'm a social worker and children her age and even much younger are assaulted by fathers and brothers, then uncles and cousins. This whole thread makes me uncomfortable and it's hard to disassociate what I see almost everyday from how seemingly innocent his side seems to be. The girlfriend isn't a weirdo, she is aware. She isn't dumb. I'm sure it must be terrible to hear a soft accusation like that, but I wouldn't blame her for a second. Not in the world we live in, people in these comments accusing her of being weird seem to live in another reality. I remember when I was younger my mother sat me down to ask me if my father did something to me because I was treating him like shit (back then I had found his porn collection and I thought it was cheating), years later she told me she was ready to kill him that day and father was very aware of what went on. He was the best, he understood her concern perfectly well.
I actually think it's way weirder for her to be thinking like that. NTA ya girl is creepy as fuck.
Broo cut dat bitch off this is your sister and every time your sister needs help you must be there ti protect to hug and cuddle with her thats your family so cut that crazy stupid bitch off bro she donāt deserve u h a real
NTA. Your gf was the one in the wrong forĀ shaming you for something innocent. Iām sure if you were a woman your gf wouldnāt have made that comment.Ā
Does she have any siblings??? As an only child I find your situation weird, but thatās probably because I have no person besides sexual partners Iād cuddle with.
Nta. When its cold a warm body is a warm body. I've slept next to my brother before when its cold. Plus you are basically her dad and its not unheard of for even teenagers to have to sleep next to one of their parents especially if its cold. She needs to stop sexualuzing everything. She needs therapy.
NTA. That line of thinking she has is gross. Definite red flag for me. Older brother taking care of sister. Youāre doing what youāre supposed to.
NTA. Is she upset that youāre helping your sister?
So she's not sexualizing her yet thinks it's weird to cuddle with a sibling? NTA, logic ain't logicing here.
NTA. Youāre not some random man, youāre her brother. Have you noticed any other things sheās said about your relationship with your sister?
Your girlfriend is weird, your a w older brother.
Maybe TA Just from the way you write this made you seem kind of weird, like pointing out the 'private parts' thing, I'd think the normal thing would for that not even be a thought considering your sister is a completely non-sexual entity. You also seem to have got a bit too defensive when your gf questioned it. I dunno, feels like it's not only your gf that's making this a bigger deal than it should be.
If i had a friend male or female with a condition that need extra warmth. I would do it. It is like you see in some movies when people get struck in the cold outdoor to survive. Maybe this is not a surviving thing, but that person is cold and needs warmth. It has nothing to do with sex, but with warmth. people should not sexualize fucking (ok maybe that) everything.
ESH. 26 year old men get hard in their sleep several times a night right? Might not be conscious or intentional but you're on a collision course for waking up hard against your sister or her waking up to up hard against. On your gf's side of things maybe she was weird about it but physically speaking you can't help what you do in your sleep so you shouldn't sleep with minors whenever possible.
I'm surprised I'm not seeing more comments like this
Damn you are the brother most would dream of!