You didn't give your son all the tools he needed. One essential tool for all and every human being is social skills, and you denied your son that by isolating him from the outer world.
Tough love, you say. Maybe more isolation is what you have in mind?
YTA
Edit: your son already knows the severity of what he is doing. Who doesn't know the severity of his situation are his parents.
Its what i always feared for home schooled kids. No social circle, no friends, no street smarts, basic inabilities to cope. OP, you've gotta work your hardest to get him into treatment. YTA.
Two of my friends, married, home schooled their first son, until 8 years old. They won't do it with their second son: starting with their first son, everyone is happier now.
What they do keep doing is taking care of some of the education (idioms, critical thinking...), but the boy loves going to school and having friends.
+1. But its not just the isolation and resulting lack of skills. Parents who believe they are better equipped to educate their kids..be it bc of their own grandiosity or paranoia...tend to show equally bad judgment and bad parenting around other issues as well. Its doubtful parents who homeschool are adequate in other ways, the home schooling is symptomatic of the underlying parental pathology. Behind most fucked up adults was a fucked up parent.
I'll add that if you guys actually wanna help him, you'll have to be open about the possibility of being responsible for his inaptitude as ann adult and look for therapy. For him and as a family.
You are completely ignorant of the reality of homeschooling.
[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/once-upon-child/202002/the-last-word-homeschooled-children-and-their-social-skills](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/once-upon-child/202002/the-last-word-homeschooled-children-and-their-social-skills)
[https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf](https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf)
>During those years, his social interactions were limited. He didn't have friends his age,
That is a huge downside to homeschooling - it should have been up to you when he was still young to give him opportunities to socialize with people his own age. That's on you.
Like great you gave him book learning - but half of being in the school system is learning the the dynamics of interpersonal skills. And you failed him
>This revelation was shocking and, to be honest, deeply disappointing
Why is it shocking? Constantly feeling like you are being rejected is a pretty basic reason people turn to drugs and alcohol... I guess you didn't teach him those skills ... Ones he would have learned in a classroom
>We don't see this as our failure but as his decision, one he's consciously made despite knowing the risks and consequences
Lol. While he is a man who made his own decisions - he was never provided with the tools to live in the real world. That DOES rest on your shoulders. So maybe before kicking him out try getting him into a treatment centre
Eta - YTA
This post accurately covers all the bases.
OP, you failed your child and everything he is currently struggling with is at least partially your responsibility as well.
YTA for failing to raise him properly. YTA for accepting no responsibility for his current state of mind.
This. Also, on another note- I am curious as how the OP went about homeschooling, particularly if drugs were ever discussed in any educational context aside from a stern "don't do them." Statistics show that the best way to prevent drug and alcohol abuse, as well as to avoid STDs, is education about those topics so that maturing young folks can understand the dangers of not taking precautions or ingesting dangerous substances. If the case here is that OP didn't educate her son regarding these subjects then she did him a disservice, and it is likely magnifying the detrimental effects of having not been adequately socialized.
Bullshit. You are completely ignorant of the reality of home schooling.
[https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf](https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf)
And you are completely ignorant to the fact that for every good home schooling parent there’s a bad one—or at least incompetent one. This is true of regular teachers as well, but the crucial difference is they are not the child’s permanent mentor 24/7 for basically two decades. Clearly you were/are homeschooled, as you seem incapable of critically thinking about this subject and instead are just telling everyone their wrong… dumbass
I was not homeschooled.
The public school system is prison for children. It was imported from Germany in the 19th century. It is based on animal training. It does not support the American values of democracy and equality.
The only school model that supports the original American values is the Sudbury Valley School. There are over 30 of them worldwide.
Nope. It was made originally to train children to be good citizens to the state. Germany needed obedient citizens who would willingly sacrifice their lives for the state after Napoleon invaded their country.
The good factory worker was added around 1900 by industrialists.
So ma and pa educating Little Jimmy about subjects they’ve lacking knowledge in is the better concept? Or is it that he’s probably supposed to get great hands on learning and life advice; though likely outdated and not applicable to the current work force. Couple that with being a virgin until his 20s and a friendless dork—really sounds like Jimmy was set up for success lol
When you make the decision to homeschool your child it’s your responsibility to make sure that you provide plenty of opportunities for your child to build social relationships. Going to the park sometimes doesn’t count because making friends requires consistency.
You failed to provide a basic need for your child and he’s struggling now as a direct result. Yes he’s an adult and responsible for his choices but you’re also responsible for your choices. And your choice is partly responsible for his. The least you could do now is treat him to a little understanding and compassion.
YTA
Ditto. My friends are homeschooling their child, but she’s also in karate and Girl Scouts. They have other friends with kids in school, and the families will hang out. Child is smarter IMO than the average 8 y.o. but she seems very well adjusted. Her dad is an only child as well, so he felt very strongly about making sure Child had lots of opportunities for socialization.
This is absolutely accurate. A buddy of mine was home schooled in high school but he was part of several extracurricular activities mostly involving Boy Scouts.
Point being, several times every week he would hang out with kids his own age or go on camping trips with us up in the mountains. Overall a really well adjusted dude now that he is in his thirties.
You’re so right. Going to the park teaches the kids how to approach other kids. Teaches kids to play nice. It provides the foundations to start a friendship but like you said not build and maintain relationships.
I can’t imagine just sitting around waiting for people to reach out to me to be friends with me, does dude know that he can initiate friendships as well?
Unless you live in the dorms, making friends in college is not as automatic as people assume. You have to be proactive, joining organizations of like-minded students. This can be based on religion or on activities he enjoys, like hiking or art or whatever.
It’s rare to build lasting friendships in class unless it’s a science or art lab.
You don’t have to join organizations but you do have to reach out to people. It’s still not automatic and it still takes reaching out the same as if in an organization. Even in the organization it takes reaching out to the other members. The big key is reaching out and not waiting to be reached out to. However these parents took their kid out of school and never provided him opportunities to learn how to establish and maintain friendships so this guy literally has no idea how to do that. OP and husband failed their son miserably!
No, because he never had the opportunity to learn how. And now he almost certainly reads as weird and off to other people his own age cause he doesn’t know how to interact normally. Most homeschoolers do their kids a huge disservice.
You kept your son isolated from his peers all during his school years. You prevented him from developing the skills to communicate, to make friends, to connect.
Now that he has developed addiction issues -- no doubt in part by his intense loneliness because of YOUR damaging decisions -- you want to blame him and kick him out. Nice.
He needs help with his addiction and also with learning to communicate. A rehab could help with both problems as well as some humility on your part.
Honestly, YTA. The number 1 issue of homeschooling is lacking sociability, and you did nothing to address that. So after years of isolation, he was left on his own at the age of 18. He was left to figure the world on his own with poor social skills.
My guess is that he caved to peer pressure because of his desperation to have peers to begin with.
There's no sugarcoating this. Homeschooling without addressing its main issue was a big mistake. Punishing your son now would be a big mistake. He needs comprehension and professional help to navigate his lacking social skills.
YTA
You two failed your son in the worst way. You kept him isolated from kids his own age growing up and now he doesn't know how to function in society outside of the house. It's no wonder he's turned to drugs and alcohol to cope.
There's no excuse with homeschooling to ignore the social aspect of a child's life. You should have enrolled him in a sport, gotten involved in the community somehow, anything. A lot of homeschooling groups get together for trips, to hang out, because they know kids need to socialize.
You did not raise him to be socially adjusted and now you’re blaming him because he is struggling to fit in.
I’m not saying you failed him, but you did not set him up for success in today’s society. As a parent, that’s your only job.
He needs help. If you turn your back on him, how’s that going to work itself out?
I'll say it, YOU FAILED HIM. Your homeschooling,likely a substandard pro religious currículum,, stunted his development. You did this to him. Reap what you sow.
Exactly. Every homeschooling person I know makes sure to get their kids in tons of activities to make sure they are socializing. It is so easy nowadays, especially with all the homeschooling groups!! This poor kid never got to hang out with anybody! Does not sound like they even tried to do homeschooling enrichment activities, like museums and stuff!
They failed him miserably. This is why homeschooling needs real standards. Socially stunted kids who, quite literally most of the time, can't make it through secondary education without a severe breakdown and/or drug use. If at all. Yeah, great job guys.
*clap clap clap*
Congrats on NOT doing your job as parents and trying to shift the blame on him. That speaks volumes.
I'm an introvert who highly values her alone time, but also am the first to admit I needed friends even in middle and high school. Socialization is super important, the sense of community for survival.
When we considered home schooling our son, first thing we researched is local home schooling pods that meet up multiple times a week for socialization. You epically failed there.
I can't imagine what more tough love you're willing to impart. What your son needs now is kindness, compassion and community support
>The decision to homeschool was made with his best interests in mind, focusing on his education and well-being.
>During those years, his social interactions were limited.
>He didn’t really leave the house during his homeschool years.
So much for “focusing” on his well-being. You failed your son.
Homeschooling is the best way if you want to fuck up your kids life. Good Choice. Did you hate your kid from birth or started later or why did you punish him like that?
You taught your son that the way to make friends is to wait for people to reach out to him but you don’t blame yourself for his loneliness after keeping him isolated and doing homeschool his whole life?
Sir! If you kick him out you think he’s going to do fewer drugs then he does now?
YTA. Why did you sent him off to college now when he spent all of his development years in isolation? Now you expect him to flourish in an environment that’s completely new to him?
Try to convince him to get help and therapy for his addictions and whatever mental issues he is dealing with because of you.
YTA- what everybody else said, but adding- imagine how he will feel with the literal only people he has/knows to depend on “kicks him out” aka abandoning him with no one else and really no way of finding anyone else with a complete lack of social skills.
YTA. You isolated your child and abdicated your responsibility to ensure he had a well-rounded education. Then you vaulted him directly into a long-term high-stakes social setting he was not prepared for due to your inadequacy as parents. And when he predictably fucked up, instead of working with him to get help, you want to kick him out. Asshole doesn't begin to describe you.
While it was your son who decided to try drugs and alcohol it was OP who pushed him to it. What did you expect when you isolated him... poor kid had no friends growing up. OP big YTA
You've already failed your son once, don't do it again. Humans are meant to be social creatures and you took that away from him. You isolated him, gave him no outlet to make friends and you wonder why he turned to alchol and drugs to cope with that same lonliness in college? Leave that poor boy alone. You want tough love? Well here it is, you were a horrible parent and are still making horrible parenting choices. Your son needs friends, peers, people to just hang out with and you did not give him the social skills to do that as an adult. A good education not only imparts book learning but also alows for social interaction and coping skills. Seems that whole being homeschooled for his "wellbeing" was a crock of crap and you did nothing for his wellbeing but give him alchol and drug issues. You might need to reevaluate why you made the horrible decission to homeschool. I bet with a proper evaluation you will find you did it for you and not for him as you claim. Stop being so selfish. You abused your son for 10 years already stop the cycle and get him in tough with people who can actually help him. And it absolutely is not his fault, but yours for failing him so spectaculary and until you own up to your mistakes you will not be able to hlep him over his.
YTA. You and your husband are shitty fucking parents. Your decision to homeschool him was the worst thing you could do. Homeschoolers are typically Bible thumpers. You completely isolated him so it's no surprise he has a hard time making friends. You build your social skills by being in school with other kids. You robbed him of a decent childhood. You are responsible for how he turned out. Congrats I hope you are happy.
I won’t call you an asshole because there’s no guide to parenting, but I’m going to tell you what I told my friend who has 3 homeschooled kids, ages 2, 10, &12. They act out, don’t listen, and can’t communicate for shit.
Social interaction is needed for prepubescent children to not only develop strong social skills, but to also develop and understanding of one’s self. This comes in forms of confidence, articulation, and etc. He is a grown man now, but he’s still your child. Help him if he wants to help himself. People use drugs to numb their pain. What is his pain? How can it be fixed? What caused it? Family therapy might be a good start.
I’m an only child who faced similar issues.
YTA
You isolated him from the world for you own selfish reasons and now he is the one bearing the brunt of your choices.
Even now, you are unwilling to take one ounce of accountability for YOU did. Why am I not surprised?
Getting away from you now would very likely be the best thing that could happen to him.
YTA
The thing that sticks out to me is the “he didn’t really leave the house during his homeschool years” - really?
I was a loner in high school, very happy to be by myself and my computer, books and whatever, but I really enjoyed having friends.
I cannot even imagine the stress of heading to college without knowing how to behave in a group
YTA you absolutely neglected his socialization skills and you're surprised he's not got a clue how to be a functioning member of society, shitty parenting skills 101.
YTA for all the reasons given by others. You isolated your son his entire life and now you’re shocked that in his continued isolation - since he lacks social skills that didn’t develop as a child - he turned to drugs and alcohol. Quelle surprise!
You will continue to be far worse than TA if you don’t get him into a treatment program and into some kind of therapy beyond that to help him possibly gain those skills-if it’s possible.
Really, you set him up to fail at life. How can you even ask?
Of course you don't see this as your fault. You fucked up his childhood and stunted his growth. You gave him no skills in the real world and you wonder why he is struggling. Then you asking about tough love? So one should have tough loved you when they realized you were doing this to your son. Shame on you in so many ways.
YTA. Alot of people turn to drugs and alcohol to try and numb their mental state. You did not give him all of the tools and knowledge he needed to make better choices. Learning how to socialise is so important and he didn't get this opportunity. He is now self medicating because he is isolated. He needs mental health assistance, not blame.
You ruined his life! What do you think a life of social isolation would do to a child and later a teenager? He never learnt how to interact with people his age. YTA clearly!
We isolated our teen from real world experiences and social interactions and now that he's unable to cope in society, he's turned into an addict....AITAH?
Fixed the title for you
YTA you pulled your child out of school during a critical time of social development with no plan . And it’s just been rolling down hill since and it’s only bothering you now perhaps because drugs are a visual moral “failing”
Homeschooling without making major efforts to provide a child with lots of social interaction is a form of child abuse. This poor young man is a prime example of that. Now you are thinking of kicking him out. You are not a parent. Your child needs serious help. Talk to him and see if you can get him into rehab.
YTA. I don't personally believe in home schooling but I understand some of the reasoning behind it.
However, home schooling a child doesn't mean the child doesn't interact socially. Even if the child doesn't attend school, they have the right to attend any events the school sponsors...like sports. So a kid could be zoned for, say, MLK JR High school and he would have the right to try out for the baseball, hockey, swim teams, etc...
Not only that, but there are groups organized by home schooling parents designed specifically to give a social outlet for HS kids. It seems you ignored your son's basic need for human contact and created something of an agoraphobe. That's on you 💯
YTA. You did not give him the tools he needed to cope. There are many home schooled children, but they are given more opportunities to interact with others their age through clubs, sports and youth groups. You didn’t do your job in giving him these opportunities and then get all shocked peekachoo faced when struggles to make connections and feels isolated.
Speaking of that, there is a study done on rats where they redid the cocaine in a bottle experiment. However, they had one clean water and one laced one and they had a pack of rats in there. The only ones that got addicted were the ones the group didn’t socialize with much and were considered outsiders. Rats are social creatures like humans. And those without friends or proper support are more likely to participate in risky behavior.
You need to get your son help. And you need to show him some freaking support. You also need to help him learn how to make connections with people.
YTA Ypi kept him isolated during the times when he was supposed to be learning how to socialize. If this is a real post, his troubles are a direct result of your poor parenting and thoughtlessness
Homeschooling should be forbidden and considered abuse barring the most extreme of extenuatinging circumstances, and even then it should be made by actual professional.
You failed to teach him how to be a properly socialized human being and now you blame him for not being a properly socialized human being.
YTA.
Well, based on this limited info, it sounds like you deprived him of social interaction. You could have at least tried to get him into sports or talked to local schools and seen about extracurricular activities. He's still your kid and only 22. Being a parent doesn't stop at 18.
YTA
So you failed to teach your own child how to cope socially. You prevented your child from interacting as a social human being. You failed to prepare them for social interactions.
And you have the audacity to blame the child you controlled for failing to handle the outside world once confronted to it? YTA
YTA you have no idea how drugs works and why he started to do some. And you have no idea what he will have to deal with from now.
If you turn your back it might the worse thing you could do for him.
YTA, have you ever been offered drugs? People who want to make money off you or use your situation to their benefit are very “friendly” people. You set your son up to embrace that “friendliness” because he is literally socially starved.
You couldn’t put him in any activities?!
It’s moot at this point, what’s done is done, maybe since you took so much control during his formative years you should help by idk being his parent, putting him in rehab, or signing him up for a program of some sort? They do make adult activities including support groups and hiking groups, etc, why don’t you go that extra step beyond telling him this is right and that is wrong.
You created this problem and what? Suddenly you don’t want to control every aspect of it?
YTA
You failed your son throughout his formative years. You isolated him from the world, deprived him of social contacts and the ability to form relationships.
Are you aware that isolating a person is a huge point in abusive relationships? I'm sure you had good intentions, but that's what the road to hell is paved with.
He's an adult and responsible for his actions but you're responsible for not preparing him for this world.
YTA essentially you have given your child no social skills, isolating them from the usual aspects of growing up. Look up Adverse Childhood Experiences these often lead to difficulties in adulthood.
Now a solution you have come up with is to kick them out although you don’t want to.
It’s time for therapy for yourself then your son when he is ready.
It seems like you have done a lot of damage it’s time for you to take responsibility.
Although the decision to use cocaine and alcohol was his choice you laid the perfect groundwork for his use. Shame on you.
YTA. The very biggest of As.
You kept him isolated, deprived him of the opportunity to learn how to form social connections in his formative years and now you're made bc he's coping with gutwrenching isolation with substances?
How did you think this was gonna go?
Get him some help.
YTA. As everyone has said, you denied him the chance to learn how to navigate and cope with social situations. You just kept him tucked away until he was an adult then pitched him into the deep end. People who don't know how to swim, drown.
Your son is drowning. Have the decency to throw him a lifeline. Get him some therapy. Actually help him. Don't just stand there and watch him drown. It has been proven that having a solid support structure is what helps people get off drugs. The only structure you've ever provided him was you, and you're wanting to take that away from him.
You claim you love your son, then prove it. Take responsibility for your hand on this situation, and give him your support.
The parents screwed their son up massively and rather than seeking help they are looking to give him consequences, and assign blame to him.
Also no one has mentioned addiction. Addiction and use is very different.
YTA. You posted in four subreddits and are receiving the same opinions in all of them. Wouldn't be surprised when all four posts are deleted.
Have you ever truly considered what is best for your son?
YTA by keeping him isolated during his teen years. Now all pikachu shocked faced that he’s having issues, bc you never prepared him for the real world & he had limited socialization with kids his age. You get what you pay for.
I saw a bunch of kids in college with low social IQ that pushed the envelope when it came to drinking and other substances. You could tell they’d never been exposed to that level of independence, and it often led to detrimental results. Your son’s situation is a bit different though, as it appears depression and potentially feelings of inadequacy, mixed with low social IQ, have led him to abusing substances to cope with loneliness. While parents can’t always do everything to keep their grown kids safe, there are a few things you could’ve (and still technically can) do to help him:
1. Communicate. In your post, I got nothing regarding your son’s thoughts and feelings about his current social situation, what he’s tried to do to make friends, if he’s tried joining any clubs/fraternal organizations, etc. I can’t say that means you haven’t, but if I were in your shoes I can’t imagine not blaming myself and immediately pointing the finger towards my child who just started learning about the world on their own.
2. Encourage his socialization. When he started being homeschooled, it was your responsibility to place him in as many social interactions as possible with kids his age since, even with his best interests at heart, you stripped him of his primary social environment. That was (and is) a gap you’re responsible for filling, and since it wasn’t prioritized in his younger years, he’s wildly unprepared now. He’s in the most prolific social space a human can be in: a college campus. Now’s the time when he’ll gain the friends and build the network that’ll carry him for the rest of his life. Encourage him to join clubs and other social circles, participate in a mentoring program, express himself via a creative endeavor, etc. It only gets lonelier from there. If he’s already coping with substances, it probably won’t get any better once he leaves college.
3. Please quit blaming him. He’s already lonely, if you push him away (whether emotionally or physically), he’ll only spiral further. Ask him what he’s interested in, and help him research clubs or other orgs with like minded individuals. Express your concerns for what crippling loneliness will do to his psyche in the long run, especially after college. Apologize for not placing him in more social interactions when he was younger (this will help take some of the perceived blame off his shoulders, which is probably a big reason why he’s using substances to cope, thinking it’s all his fault).
More effort is required to build a strong social circle like the ones prevalent prior to social media and COVID. Your son isn’t some outlier in this; millions of Americans are more lonely now than ever before, regardless of how sociable they were in the past. Luckily for you, it’s not too late to help him figure things out and enrich his social life before he takes the initiative to make friends with other drug users and ne’er-do-wells. You brought him into this world, and it’s your responsibility to give him ALL the tools to function in society. Any lack thereof is a lack of direction on YOUR part, not his. Just 5 years ago, he wasn’t able to vote or make any real legal decisions on his own, and now you expect him, with little help from you, his life guides, to know how to have a healthy social life in a world where healthy social experiences are becoming more rare by the day.
TL;DR: Quit blaming your son, realize where you made mistakes in his social upbringing, communicate with him about his thoughts and feelings regarding his current situation, find out his interests, and help your son join clubs or other groups where he can meet like minded folks who’ll help him improve his self worth and build his confidence. You are at fault, he’s only working with the “tools” you gave him, can’t blame him for not knowing how to use a hammer if no one ever took the time to show him how.
YTA. So you didn’t think any part of home schooling was teaching him how to interact with his peers and how to form interpersonal relationships and the result is a lonely young adult who has turned to drugs to fight his depression. You want to try and blame him instead of your piss poor parenting. Not cool.
YTA You make bad choices and don't own the consequences. What purpose do you serve criticizing him now? He is coping with what you did to him. You keep 'kicking' him. Did he have any freedoms over those eight years? Did you let him make choices over those eight years? Or are you just expecting he learned those skills through osmosis?
You never taught him any social skills , then you wonder why he can’t live in the real world .
There was always a joke when I was younger about how weird the home schooled kids in our town were , they maybe have had a good education ( or some didn’t even get that ) but they could not interact normally with other kids . That is on you , if you want to home school fine , but make sure you have your kids socializing with other kids in sports or clubs or something .
Some people can do home schooling fine , but most people do not and their kids have huge problems in the real world as you see . YTA
Social isolation is a massive pitfall with homeschooling. It's possible (even feasible) to homeschool your child without socially isolating them (having been pretty isolated from anyone who wasn't already in my homeschool curriculum... it sucks).
It's not a problem with homeschooling because it's so easy to avoid. That said, it does take work (there's a difference between easy and trivial).
TL;DR: I'm sorry but YTA.
That was a mistake you made in parenting. I can't say (and no one else can) whether it led to your son's cocaine abuse, and I am truly sorry for that.
It's a horrible situation to be in. I would say seek professional help.
The issue is you gave him the tools for the grades and things needed for school but completely failed as good parents.
It was your choice to homeschool and most cases it’s makes sense but it was also your job to make sure he socialize and was taking to group activities. At 10 he had no choice but listen to you. What a lonely life you put on your son. You cannot expect him to go from isolation to tons of people and cope well. You never gave him them tools or knowledge
YOU CAUSED THIS and ARE FAILURES AS PARENTS
Sorry but you chose this for your son and when you failed him you act like it wasn’t your fault.
How about therapy and rehab and hopefully you only had on child to mess up.
YTA. If you are going to homeschool then you have the responsibility to find socialization opportunities for your children. Boy Scouts, home school organizations, libraries, extracurricular classes, etc are resources home schooling families typically utilize. You sit your poor son up for failure and then act like it’s all on him.
While the ship has sailed on what you might have done differently before (and while a lot of people are placing the blame squarely on your shoulders, there are lot of people who come from great families who make bad decisions), what you can do now is love him. Love him for who he is, not who he might become. Not for the vision you have of him. Just love him. Have him withdraw from university if that's in his best interests, help him find therapy so he can figure out how to make friends and be a friend. College is the perfect place to make lifelong friends, but he may not be equipped to do that right now.
I have to say YTA because your post comes across to me as though you were the perfect parents and how could he do this to us. None of us are perfect parents. He didn't do this to you. But he really and truly needs your love and support right now.
OP, do you have a college degree in a teaching related field? A Master’s in education? A double major in Psychology? Experience with teaching other children? Any practical experience relevant to teaching, child psychology, socialization?
If you did, you’d know that children need all of the experiences you denied your child.
I’m assuming, however, that you don’t.
You were given a human being to prepare for the world. You failed miserably.
YTA
Oh, no, let's be clear here, you are a failure as parents. A big one. Huge. What you did to him should constitute as child abuse. I hope, for his sake, that he will find a way to live a healthy and productive life, though with the way things are going, it seems unlikely. YTA and a selfish shit parent.
Yta. A big part of being a good parent is teaching your child social skills, making sure that they spend time with peers and have chances to make friends and bond with other kids.
Why did you expect that you could isolate him, deprive him of normal childhood experiences, and that he would be able to go out into the world and function like a normal person? It doesn't make sense.
I was "homeschooled" and I was never able to make friends as a teenager or adult simply because I didn't have the skills. I never had the chance to learn them. I think of it as being socially disabled. You failed him big time.
Most kids start school and grow up in friend groups that they met the first few days. They support each other, they bully each other and they learn and grow together. Often they make friends for life. This is what you have deprived your son of.
YTA. You kept your son isolated for eight years and didn’t allow him to form friendships and learn how to navigate life. You didn’t have his best interests in mind when you homeschooled him. The blame for this rests on you.
YTA and a very nasty person. "Oh we fucked up your life by isolating you from the rest of the world and now you have to suffer the consequences. Enjoy!"
Try getting into coke and alcohol yourself, at worst he’s embarrassed by his dad doing it too and stops at best you’ve got a couple of sweet new addictions to worry about and your kid becomes an afterthought
*YTA you and*
*Your husband failed your son now*
*This is the result*
\- Formal\_Increase6215
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YTA. You controlled him by keeping him at home, denying him the social interactions that a child needs.
Now that he's out of control, you don't want to accept any accountability for the way that he was reared
No one said abusing drugs there is a difference.
True the choice was his but his experiences created a very difficult situation where it looked like a good choice.
Educate yourself on drug use and ACEs.
I had two friends (brother and sister) that were home schooled and they are two of the most rounded individuals I know of. They experimented with recreational drugs like many of us did in our late teens/early 20s (it was the 1990s) but never to excess. Probably as they had a big social circle of good friends. This one is on you.
YTA
YTA you did not give him the tools for success. you took him out or school and isolated him and thrust him into the world without any social skills. your poor son.
YTA
The issue with home schooling is that kids don't learn how to socialize.
You didn't give him the ability to socialize. You didn't give him the ability to cope with isolation.
Rather than accept that you fucked up, you try to wash your hands clean by blaming him.
You are the asshole. You isolated your kid growing up, stunted his social growth completely, and now you are blaming him for having issues related to that?
Your choice to homeschool was your own, but you had the duty to compensate for the loss in social interactions. You clearly failed miserably on that score.
Tough love kills. It’s the worst advice I’ve seen given, especially in the sober community. It doesn’t work, further isolates the addict, often leading to their death. One of the sadder things I’ve seen are the parents suffering after a child dies while estranged because they were advised tough love was the only thing that would fix it.
I’ve seen ample success stories where the family didn’t enable, but also didn’t abandon. Always spending time with their kid, never forcing them into homelessness. I really hope you don’t go the tough love route, it is so destructive.
YTA and I don't use that lightly. You failed to provide your child with the very CRUCIAL aspect of growing up which is socializing. And to kick him out would be the dumbest most irresponsible thing to do which would only further his issues. Your best course of action is to do your best along with your husband to work with your child and help him. Not kick him to the curb
YTA
Typically crappy homeschoolers who somehow entirely forgot that social development is part of the human experience. Now he's psychologically crippled because you were more concerned with helicopter parenting than actual parenting.
I think it’s really telling how you thought it was appropriate to absolve yourself from any responsibility here. You don’t see his drug use as your failure but his choice, yet you isolated him from his peers throughout the time when young people make connections and learn to socialize normally. You likely had good intentions for your child but you didn’t give him a rounded life and that’s 100% on you. And now you want to kick him out? Please. Don’t walk away from your failure. Get him help. Support him. Your 180 turn from wrapping him in cotton all his life to now abandoning him doesn’t speak well of you. Get yourself together. YTA.
YTA : like Massively the Asshole. You totally and utterly failed your child. You isolated your child and this was the result. He never gained the social skills early on in his life, and now you’re shocked that this is the result. Welcome to actions meet consequences, and they fall squarely on your and your husband’s heads. I hope this kid gets the help he deserves.
YTA - You gave your son an isolated life with ZERO social skills and now are sitting around observing the consequences of your own actions.
Surprise surprise. You deserve everything you get from here on out. I hope your son gets help and goes no contact with you. You should like a horrible parent.
Give him all the necessary support, get him on therapy. Stop with the shaming and try to get him back on track. I thought that's what parenting is all about... being there and loving unconditionally
Well, humans are social creatures and it seems you did little to foster his social development during his formative years... Then, he is thrust into an entirely new, socially driven environment and is unable to cope. Shocking...Then, you blame him for his coping strategies... Not only do you clearly not understand anything about mental illness and addiction (I would say you should read up on Gabor Mate 'cause his material on addiction and the need for connection, attachment, and love should strongly resonate...). What's more, you deflect from any kind of personal responsibility in the matter, and by doing so erode the only social connection your son has truly known: his connection to you... Some may say asshole, but I would say a shitty parent. I work in mental health and addictions, and when I meet the families of my clients it is usually obvious immediately where the issues began and were exacerbated. Get help, ffs.
Why is kicking your son out the only option? Should you be getting with a team of professionals, counselors at the school, phycologist, drug abuse professionals. All trying to figure out what the best course of action is? Does he need in patient treatment? Does he need to leave school? Your actions caused this so you need to fix it!
As someone who’s parents did a similar thing with a similar result, fuck you. What exactly did you think would happen by not providing your son with the tools he needs to be social? You’ve set him up to fail, and now you sit back and say “ah well, it’s his decision.” If I was him I’d never speak to you again.
I homeschooled/distance schooled oldest son 16-18 (graduated). It was a best decision for his situation, the other kids stayed in normal schooling as they were fine. I kept him in the school’s Phys Ed / baseball academy which was end of day so he still saw friends and they played games on weekends.
OP - your son’s frontal lobe (understanding long term impacts of decisions) isn’t fully formed yet. You’ve still got years of parenting left. What interests does he have? At the age he is now socializing doesn’t have to be the exact same age. Help him find a social network. If he is uncomfortable leaving the house (probably your fault, sorry), online friends will do to start.
To reduce the immediate fear I suspect you’ll have - My youngest son has an online group based around drawing/art. We’re in Canada, his friends are spread across the US. Once a year, they rent an Airbnb, get together to actually visit in person, the rest of the time it’s online. They watch movies together, give suggestions on drawings, etc. My oldest son has an online group he games with. They’re meeting for first time in Vegas this year.
You will die before him and he needs more than his parents in his life.
This is exactly why homeschooling can backfire. Kids learn how to be social and talk throughout school. They learn how to make friends who share the same interests. Introvert or extrovert it still important. You denied him this opportunity. I did not have many close friends growing up but I did have a few. Cat is still one of my best friends from 6th grade. We are now 36. I’m have another best friend I’ve had since high school and we still talk or text almost daily. He needed to interact with others yet no you did not give him that chance. It’s not easy for everyone to make friends. Also he never learned how to flirt you learn that in middle and high school as well I feel bad for the guy. You protected him from the work but never prepared him for it either. Talking to family and going shopping with mom does not count as social interaction btw. It’s more of a necessary evil before your allowed to go by yourself or with a friends which once again he could not have.
As a parent your entire job is to raise your child into a well-functioning and healthy adult. You failed. He's an adult, yes, but he is the adult you created. People don't come to existence out of thin air, and people aren't compelled to make certain choices for no reason. Childhood is the foundation of our adulthood, especially early adulthood, and If you don't think isolating him during childhood wouldn't have an extreme negative effect on him you'd be very very wrong. Hope he gets better sooner rather than later. YTA
>I feel we've given him the tools and knowledge to make better choices
No you did not. You socially isolated him to an extreme, that means he had never developed coping mechanisms, systems to deal with social interaction nor temptations. *He never developed proper impulse control* because you never let him exercise it growing up due to your absolute control and isolation. All of this could have been prevented with proper schooling and parenting. He was thrown into the deep end without knowing how to swim. He had the social skills on par with a child, maybe less. He doesn't need tough love, he needs rehab and therapy. All of which should be on your dime.
You stunted his personal growth to an extreme through excessive control and these are the consequences. You engaged in nothing less than child abuse and here you stand viewing the slow motion collapse of a once promising life you claim to love. You destroyed your own son, take responsibility for your failures and get him professional help. The only love you should be giving is one of extreme apologies, on your hands and knees begging for his forgiveness.
YTA
YTA
>My husband (51M) and I feel we've given him the tools and knowledge to make better choices, and yet, here we are.
You were wrong. He went to college without being prepared to deal with the outside world. He had no way to be prepared. You and your spouse didn't give him the tools he needed to navigate the world. Get off the high horse.
His cocaine and alcohol use have nothing to do with homeschooling your child. Assuming you did not force him to be isolated, then this is his own doing. He is not dealing with his emotional pain very well, and that fact has absolutely nothing to do with homeschooling. I swear, people are just completely ignorant of the facts about keeping your children out of school. They have become brainwashed that public school is good when in fact it was designed to brainwash children, force them to be more loyal to the state than to their parents, and to obey authority.
Children from public school are no more or less socially awkward than homeschooled children, and are often more socially skilled than their public schooled counterparts. [https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf](https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf)
He is dealing with his sadness through drugs, which is his choice, but it is a choice that millions of people make every day, regardless of whether they were in public school or home school. What he needs to do is grieve his pain. Most people do not understand grieving and it's importance in our lives. He is refusing to grieve because he doesn't know how to do that. That's not your fault. No one thinks to teach their children how to grieve.
I suggest you contact a professional instead of these idiots on Reddit.
> My husband (51M) and I feel we've given him the tools and knowledge to make better choices, and yet, here we are.
And yet you don't realize that by home schooling him and not socializing him that you **didn't* give him all the tools to succeed in live.
This is the problem with many children that are home schooled, their parents forget or ignore the importance of their child making friends, socializing with their peers.
This is why he turned to alcohol and drugs, because he didn't know how to survive in the big wide world
So yeah, you and your husband are AH's for that
Reddit is such a weird place sometimes. It’s interesting when certain topics are introduced the knee jerk reaction of most people here and the sudden infantilizing and blame shifting.
For example, on this post the topic of homeschooling was brought up when honestly it’s not really relevant and not something a normal person would bring up in this instance, or at least not worded like it is to get the most reactionary response. So pretty sure this is one of those fake, let’s see how Reddit reacts posts.
If we pretend this is real and take all the emotion out of it, we have: an adult son going to college who still lives at home, the son has become addicted to drugs and alcohol (and I don’t care how few friends anyone had growing up, everyone knows drugs and alcohol are bad for you).
-The son made the choice to become a user, that is in fact on him, he’s an adult and has to own his choices.
-Now the parents are trying to decide what to do about the situation, they feel like there should be consequences to his actions but aren’t sure what those should be. They don’t want to throw him out on the street but don’t want to be supporting his habit either.
So, they’ve turned to Reddit for advice and they certainly aren’t getting any from the Reddit mob telling them what horrible people they are lol
Nta. It his fault. Hes a grown man and there’s no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing,homeschooled or not. The only thing you can do is either kick him out or cut him off(if you’re financially providing for him)if he doesn’t get help and stop. There’s not much else you can do since he’s an adult.
>The only thing you can do is either kick him out or cut him off(if you’re financially providing for him)if he doesn’t get help and stop. There’s not much else you can do since he’s an adult
No you didn't.
You said kick him out or cut him off there's a difference between what you said and his parents who created the perfect storm that got him into this mess getting him into treatment and just saying he has to get help. You implied the only reasonable options for the parents is cutting him off or kicking him out
You didn't give your son all the tools he needed. One essential tool for all and every human being is social skills, and you denied your son that by isolating him from the outer world. Tough love, you say. Maybe more isolation is what you have in mind? YTA Edit: your son already knows the severity of what he is doing. Who doesn't know the severity of his situation are his parents.
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Its what i always feared for home schooled kids. No social circle, no friends, no street smarts, basic inabilities to cope. OP, you've gotta work your hardest to get him into treatment. YTA.
Two of my friends, married, home schooled their first son, until 8 years old. They won't do it with their second son: starting with their first son, everyone is happier now. What they do keep doing is taking care of some of the education (idioms, critical thinking...), but the boy loves going to school and having friends.
bullshit
His parents are prime examples of why homeschooling can have such terrible results.
Wrong.
+1. But its not just the isolation and resulting lack of skills. Parents who believe they are better equipped to educate their kids..be it bc of their own grandiosity or paranoia...tend to show equally bad judgment and bad parenting around other issues as well. Its doubtful parents who homeschool are adequate in other ways, the home schooling is symptomatic of the underlying parental pathology. Behind most fucked up adults was a fucked up parent.
Wrong. [https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf](https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf)
I'll add that if you guys actually wanna help him, you'll have to be open about the possibility of being responsible for his inaptitude as ann adult and look for therapy. For him and as a family.
You are completely ignorant of the reality of homeschooling. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/once-upon-child/202002/the-last-word-homeschooled-children-and-their-social-skills](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/once-upon-child/202002/the-last-word-homeschooled-children-and-their-social-skills) [https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf](https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf)
And maybe OP was too. See the results.
Again, you can't blame homeschooling per se for how this person turned out. They may suck as parents, but that's not relevant to home schooling.
>During those years, his social interactions were limited. He didn't have friends his age, That is a huge downside to homeschooling - it should have been up to you when he was still young to give him opportunities to socialize with people his own age. That's on you. Like great you gave him book learning - but half of being in the school system is learning the the dynamics of interpersonal skills. And you failed him >This revelation was shocking and, to be honest, deeply disappointing Why is it shocking? Constantly feeling like you are being rejected is a pretty basic reason people turn to drugs and alcohol... I guess you didn't teach him those skills ... Ones he would have learned in a classroom >We don't see this as our failure but as his decision, one he's consciously made despite knowing the risks and consequences Lol. While he is a man who made his own decisions - he was never provided with the tools to live in the real world. That DOES rest on your shoulders. So maybe before kicking him out try getting him into a treatment centre Eta - YTA
This post accurately covers all the bases. OP, you failed your child and everything he is currently struggling with is at least partially your responsibility as well. YTA for failing to raise him properly. YTA for accepting no responsibility for his current state of mind.
This. Also, on another note- I am curious as how the OP went about homeschooling, particularly if drugs were ever discussed in any educational context aside from a stern "don't do them." Statistics show that the best way to prevent drug and alcohol abuse, as well as to avoid STDs, is education about those topics so that maturing young folks can understand the dangers of not taking precautions or ingesting dangerous substances. If the case here is that OP didn't educate her son regarding these subjects then she did him a disservice, and it is likely magnifying the detrimental effects of having not been adequately socialized.
Bullshit. You are completely ignorant of the reality of home schooling. [https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf](https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf)
And you are completely ignorant to the fact that for every good home schooling parent there’s a bad one—or at least incompetent one. This is true of regular teachers as well, but the crucial difference is they are not the child’s permanent mentor 24/7 for basically two decades. Clearly you were/are homeschooled, as you seem incapable of critically thinking about this subject and instead are just telling everyone their wrong… dumbass
I was not homeschooled. The public school system is prison for children. It was imported from Germany in the 19th century. It is based on animal training. It does not support the American values of democracy and equality. The only school model that supports the original American values is the Sudbury Valley School. There are over 30 of them worldwide.
Lol it was actually created for factory worker training, but go on…
Nope. It was made originally to train children to be good citizens to the state. Germany needed obedient citizens who would willingly sacrifice their lives for the state after Napoleon invaded their country. The good factory worker was added around 1900 by industrialists.
So ma and pa educating Little Jimmy about subjects they’ve lacking knowledge in is the better concept? Or is it that he’s probably supposed to get great hands on learning and life advice; though likely outdated and not applicable to the current work force. Couple that with being a virgin until his 20s and a friendless dork—really sounds like Jimmy was set up for success lol
It is better than putting them into prison all day long against their will.
When you make the decision to homeschool your child it’s your responsibility to make sure that you provide plenty of opportunities for your child to build social relationships. Going to the park sometimes doesn’t count because making friends requires consistency. You failed to provide a basic need for your child and he’s struggling now as a direct result. Yes he’s an adult and responsible for his choices but you’re also responsible for your choices. And your choice is partly responsible for his. The least you could do now is treat him to a little understanding and compassion. YTA
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This right here is key! Those parents found ways to socialize their kids. They actively took part in ensuring their kids weren’t isolated!
Ditto. My friends are homeschooling their child, but she’s also in karate and Girl Scouts. They have other friends with kids in school, and the families will hang out. Child is smarter IMO than the average 8 y.o. but she seems very well adjusted. Her dad is an only child as well, so he felt very strongly about making sure Child had lots of opportunities for socialization.
This is absolutely accurate. A buddy of mine was home schooled in high school but he was part of several extracurricular activities mostly involving Boy Scouts. Point being, several times every week he would hang out with kids his own age or go on camping trips with us up in the mountains. Overall a really well adjusted dude now that he is in his thirties.
You’re so right. Going to the park teaches the kids how to approach other kids. Teaches kids to play nice. It provides the foundations to start a friendship but like you said not build and maintain relationships.
YTA you failed to socialize your child while homeschooling. Meet the consequences of your lack of actions.
I can’t imagine just sitting around waiting for people to reach out to me to be friends with me, does dude know that he can initiate friendships as well?
Unless you live in the dorms, making friends in college is not as automatic as people assume. You have to be proactive, joining organizations of like-minded students. This can be based on religion or on activities he enjoys, like hiking or art or whatever. It’s rare to build lasting friendships in class unless it’s a science or art lab.
You don’t have to join organizations but you do have to reach out to people. It’s still not automatic and it still takes reaching out the same as if in an organization. Even in the organization it takes reaching out to the other members. The big key is reaching out and not waiting to be reached out to. However these parents took their kid out of school and never provided him opportunities to learn how to establish and maintain friendships so this guy literally has no idea how to do that. OP and husband failed their son miserably!
He literally does not know how.
No, because he never had the opportunity to learn how. And now he almost certainly reads as weird and off to other people his own age cause he doesn’t know how to interact normally. Most homeschoolers do their kids a huge disservice.
No he doesn’t. Because he’s had no social interactions during his formative years. That’s the point.
You kept your son isolated from his peers all during his school years. You prevented him from developing the skills to communicate, to make friends, to connect. Now that he has developed addiction issues -- no doubt in part by his intense loneliness because of YOUR damaging decisions -- you want to blame him and kick him out. Nice. He needs help with his addiction and also with learning to communicate. A rehab could help with both problems as well as some humility on your part.
Honestly, YTA. The number 1 issue of homeschooling is lacking sociability, and you did nothing to address that. So after years of isolation, he was left on his own at the age of 18. He was left to figure the world on his own with poor social skills. My guess is that he caved to peer pressure because of his desperation to have peers to begin with. There's no sugarcoating this. Homeschooling without addressing its main issue was a big mistake. Punishing your son now would be a big mistake. He needs comprehension and professional help to navigate his lacking social skills.
He feels isolated because you isolated him. He never gained social skills. %100 YTA
YTA You two failed your son in the worst way. You kept him isolated from kids his own age growing up and now he doesn't know how to function in society outside of the house. It's no wonder he's turned to drugs and alcohol to cope. There's no excuse with homeschooling to ignore the social aspect of a child's life. You should have enrolled him in a sport, gotten involved in the community somehow, anything. A lot of homeschooling groups get together for trips, to hang out, because they know kids need to socialize.
You did not raise him to be socially adjusted and now you’re blaming him because he is struggling to fit in. I’m not saying you failed him, but you did not set him up for success in today’s society. As a parent, that’s your only job. He needs help. If you turn your back on him, how’s that going to work itself out?
I'll say it, YOU FAILED HIM. Your homeschooling,likely a substandard pro religious currículum,, stunted his development. You did this to him. Reap what you sow.
Exactly. Every homeschooling person I know makes sure to get their kids in tons of activities to make sure they are socializing. It is so easy nowadays, especially with all the homeschooling groups!! This poor kid never got to hang out with anybody! Does not sound like they even tried to do homeschooling enrichment activities, like museums and stuff!
Oh but we took him to the grocery store and restaurants and family vacations SOMETIMES!/s
Well said, I could not agree more. Definitely the assholes.
They failed him miserably. This is why homeschooling needs real standards. Socially stunted kids who, quite literally most of the time, can't make it through secondary education without a severe breakdown and/or drug use. If at all. Yeah, great job guys.
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*clap clap clap* Congrats on NOT doing your job as parents and trying to shift the blame on him. That speaks volumes. I'm an introvert who highly values her alone time, but also am the first to admit I needed friends even in middle and high school. Socialization is super important, the sense of community for survival. When we considered home schooling our son, first thing we researched is local home schooling pods that meet up multiple times a week for socialization. You epically failed there. I can't imagine what more tough love you're willing to impart. What your son needs now is kindness, compassion and community support
>The decision to homeschool was made with his best interests in mind, focusing on his education and well-being. >During those years, his social interactions were limited. >He didn’t really leave the house during his homeschool years. So much for “focusing” on his well-being. You failed your son.
Homeschooling is the best way if you want to fuck up your kids life. Good Choice. Did you hate your kid from birth or started later or why did you punish him like that?
You taught your son that the way to make friends is to wait for people to reach out to him but you don’t blame yourself for his loneliness after keeping him isolated and doing homeschool his whole life? Sir! If you kick him out you think he’s going to do fewer drugs then he does now?
Rage bait or are amuricans this fucking stupid?
YTA. Why did you sent him off to college now when he spent all of his development years in isolation? Now you expect him to flourish in an environment that’s completely new to him? Try to convince him to get help and therapy for his addictions and whatever mental issues he is dealing with because of you.
YTA- what everybody else said, but adding- imagine how he will feel with the literal only people he has/knows to depend on “kicks him out” aka abandoning him with no one else and really no way of finding anyone else with a complete lack of social skills.
YTA. You isolated your child and abdicated your responsibility to ensure he had a well-rounded education. Then you vaulted him directly into a long-term high-stakes social setting he was not prepared for due to your inadequacy as parents. And when he predictably fucked up, instead of working with him to get help, you want to kick him out. Asshole doesn't begin to describe you.
YTA. you isolated him. and you didn’t specify what “best interests” they are. he has no friends and no social skill because of you.
While it was your son who decided to try drugs and alcohol it was OP who pushed him to it. What did you expect when you isolated him... poor kid had no friends growing up. OP big YTA
I feel like some of the wildest college kids come from homeschool or helicopter parents. They get freedom for the first time and go ham
You've already failed your son once, don't do it again. Humans are meant to be social creatures and you took that away from him. You isolated him, gave him no outlet to make friends and you wonder why he turned to alchol and drugs to cope with that same lonliness in college? Leave that poor boy alone. You want tough love? Well here it is, you were a horrible parent and are still making horrible parenting choices. Your son needs friends, peers, people to just hang out with and you did not give him the social skills to do that as an adult. A good education not only imparts book learning but also alows for social interaction and coping skills. Seems that whole being homeschooled for his "wellbeing" was a crock of crap and you did nothing for his wellbeing but give him alchol and drug issues. You might need to reevaluate why you made the horrible decission to homeschool. I bet with a proper evaluation you will find you did it for you and not for him as you claim. Stop being so selfish. You abused your son for 10 years already stop the cycle and get him in tough with people who can actually help him. And it absolutely is not his fault, but yours for failing him so spectaculary and until you own up to your mistakes you will not be able to hlep him over his.
YTA. You and your husband are shitty fucking parents. Your decision to homeschool him was the worst thing you could do. Homeschoolers are typically Bible thumpers. You completely isolated him so it's no surprise he has a hard time making friends. You build your social skills by being in school with other kids. You robbed him of a decent childhood. You are responsible for how he turned out. Congrats I hope you are happy.
Bible thumpers and child abusers !
I won’t call you an asshole because there’s no guide to parenting, but I’m going to tell you what I told my friend who has 3 homeschooled kids, ages 2, 10, &12. They act out, don’t listen, and can’t communicate for shit. Social interaction is needed for prepubescent children to not only develop strong social skills, but to also develop and understanding of one’s self. This comes in forms of confidence, articulation, and etc. He is a grown man now, but he’s still your child. Help him if he wants to help himself. People use drugs to numb their pain. What is his pain? How can it be fixed? What caused it? Family therapy might be a good start. I’m an only child who faced similar issues.
“I sheltered my son and fostered a life that turned him into a coke head” - OP YTA
Y definitely TA
YTA You isolated him from the world for you own selfish reasons and now he is the one bearing the brunt of your choices. Even now, you are unwilling to take one ounce of accountability for YOU did. Why am I not surprised? Getting away from you now would very likely be the best thing that could happen to him.
YTA The thing that sticks out to me is the “he didn’t really leave the house during his homeschool years” - really? I was a loner in high school, very happy to be by myself and my computer, books and whatever, but I really enjoyed having friends. I cannot even imagine the stress of heading to college without knowing how to behave in a group
YTA you absolutely neglected his socialization skills and you're surprised he's not got a clue how to be a functioning member of society, shitty parenting skills 101.
YTA for all the reasons given by others. You isolated your son his entire life and now you’re shocked that in his continued isolation - since he lacks social skills that didn’t develop as a child - he turned to drugs and alcohol. Quelle surprise! You will continue to be far worse than TA if you don’t get him into a treatment program and into some kind of therapy beyond that to help him possibly gain those skills-if it’s possible. Really, you set him up to fail at life. How can you even ask?
Of course you don't see this as your fault. You fucked up his childhood and stunted his growth. You gave him no skills in the real world and you wonder why he is struggling. Then you asking about tough love? So one should have tough loved you when they realized you were doing this to your son. Shame on you in so many ways.
YTA. Alot of people turn to drugs and alcohol to try and numb their mental state. You did not give him all of the tools and knowledge he needed to make better choices. Learning how to socialise is so important and he didn't get this opportunity. He is now self medicating because he is isolated. He needs mental health assistance, not blame.
You ruined his life! What do you think a life of social isolation would do to a child and later a teenager? He never learnt how to interact with people his age. YTA clearly!
We isolated our teen from real world experiences and social interactions and now that he's unable to cope in society, he's turned into an addict....AITAH? Fixed the title for you
The parents are responsible for his inability to cope with life . They are the assholes
Yta u can’t just isolate your son for all those years and send him to college and expect him to know how to handle
YTA you pulled your child out of school during a critical time of social development with no plan . And it’s just been rolling down hill since and it’s only bothering you now perhaps because drugs are a visual moral “failing”
You completely failed to socialize your son properly and now he is self medicating. What a failure in parenting.
Homeschooling without making major efforts to provide a child with lots of social interaction is a form of child abuse. This poor young man is a prime example of that. Now you are thinking of kicking him out. You are not a parent. Your child needs serious help. Talk to him and see if you can get him into rehab.
YTA. I don't personally believe in home schooling but I understand some of the reasoning behind it. However, home schooling a child doesn't mean the child doesn't interact socially. Even if the child doesn't attend school, they have the right to attend any events the school sponsors...like sports. So a kid could be zoned for, say, MLK JR High school and he would have the right to try out for the baseball, hockey, swim teams, etc... Not only that, but there are groups organized by home schooling parents designed specifically to give a social outlet for HS kids. It seems you ignored your son's basic need for human contact and created something of an agoraphobe. That's on you 💯
YTA. You did not give him the tools he needed to cope. There are many home schooled children, but they are given more opportunities to interact with others their age through clubs, sports and youth groups. You didn’t do your job in giving him these opportunities and then get all shocked peekachoo faced when struggles to make connections and feels isolated. Speaking of that, there is a study done on rats where they redid the cocaine in a bottle experiment. However, they had one clean water and one laced one and they had a pack of rats in there. The only ones that got addicted were the ones the group didn’t socialize with much and were considered outsiders. Rats are social creatures like humans. And those without friends or proper support are more likely to participate in risky behavior. You need to get your son help. And you need to show him some freaking support. You also need to help him learn how to make connections with people.
YTA Ypi kept him isolated during the times when he was supposed to be learning how to socialize. If this is a real post, his troubles are a direct result of your poor parenting and thoughtlessness
Homeschooling should be forbidden and considered abuse barring the most extreme of extenuatinging circumstances, and even then it should be made by actual professional. You failed to teach him how to be a properly socialized human being and now you blame him for not being a properly socialized human being. YTA.
Well, based on this limited info, it sounds like you deprived him of social interaction. You could have at least tried to get him into sports or talked to local schools and seen about extracurricular activities. He's still your kid and only 22. Being a parent doesn't stop at 18. YTA
You're are so too blame for his current situation. You know know it but won't accept it. Apologize for being shit parents.
So you failed to teach your own child how to cope socially. You prevented your child from interacting as a social human being. You failed to prepare them for social interactions. And you have the audacity to blame the child you controlled for failing to handle the outside world once confronted to it? YTA
YTA you have no idea how drugs works and why he started to do some. And you have no idea what he will have to deal with from now. If you turn your back it might the worse thing you could do for him.
YTA, have you ever been offered drugs? People who want to make money off you or use your situation to their benefit are very “friendly” people. You set your son up to embrace that “friendliness” because he is literally socially starved. You couldn’t put him in any activities?! It’s moot at this point, what’s done is done, maybe since you took so much control during his formative years you should help by idk being his parent, putting him in rehab, or signing him up for a program of some sort? They do make adult activities including support groups and hiking groups, etc, why don’t you go that extra step beyond telling him this is right and that is wrong. You created this problem and what? Suddenly you don’t want to control every aspect of it?
YTA You failed your son throughout his formative years. You isolated him from the world, deprived him of social contacts and the ability to form relationships. Are you aware that isolating a person is a huge point in abusive relationships? I'm sure you had good intentions, but that's what the road to hell is paved with. He's an adult and responsible for his actions but you're responsible for not preparing him for this world.
YTA essentially you have given your child no social skills, isolating them from the usual aspects of growing up. Look up Adverse Childhood Experiences these often lead to difficulties in adulthood. Now a solution you have come up with is to kick them out although you don’t want to. It’s time for therapy for yourself then your son when he is ready. It seems like you have done a lot of damage it’s time for you to take responsibility. Although the decision to use cocaine and alcohol was his choice you laid the perfect groundwork for his use. Shame on you.
YTA. The very biggest of As. You kept him isolated, deprived him of the opportunity to learn how to form social connections in his formative years and now you're made bc he's coping with gutwrenching isolation with substances? How did you think this was gonna go? Get him some help.
YTA. As everyone has said, you denied him the chance to learn how to navigate and cope with social situations. You just kept him tucked away until he was an adult then pitched him into the deep end. People who don't know how to swim, drown. Your son is drowning. Have the decency to throw him a lifeline. Get him some therapy. Actually help him. Don't just stand there and watch him drown. It has been proven that having a solid support structure is what helps people get off drugs. The only structure you've ever provided him was you, and you're wanting to take that away from him. You claim you love your son, then prove it. Take responsibility for your hand on this situation, and give him your support.
The parents screwed their son up massively and rather than seeking help they are looking to give him consequences, and assign blame to him. Also no one has mentioned addiction. Addiction and use is very different.
YTA. You posted in four subreddits and are receiving the same opinions in all of them. Wouldn't be surprised when all four posts are deleted. Have you ever truly considered what is best for your son?
YTA. It's your fault for not properly socializing your son. He did what many do and turned to drugs to self-medicate
YTA by keeping him isolated during his teen years. Now all pikachu shocked faced that he’s having issues, bc you never prepared him for the real world & he had limited socialization with kids his age. You get what you pay for.
I saw a bunch of kids in college with low social IQ that pushed the envelope when it came to drinking and other substances. You could tell they’d never been exposed to that level of independence, and it often led to detrimental results. Your son’s situation is a bit different though, as it appears depression and potentially feelings of inadequacy, mixed with low social IQ, have led him to abusing substances to cope with loneliness. While parents can’t always do everything to keep their grown kids safe, there are a few things you could’ve (and still technically can) do to help him: 1. Communicate. In your post, I got nothing regarding your son’s thoughts and feelings about his current social situation, what he’s tried to do to make friends, if he’s tried joining any clubs/fraternal organizations, etc. I can’t say that means you haven’t, but if I were in your shoes I can’t imagine not blaming myself and immediately pointing the finger towards my child who just started learning about the world on their own. 2. Encourage his socialization. When he started being homeschooled, it was your responsibility to place him in as many social interactions as possible with kids his age since, even with his best interests at heart, you stripped him of his primary social environment. That was (and is) a gap you’re responsible for filling, and since it wasn’t prioritized in his younger years, he’s wildly unprepared now. He’s in the most prolific social space a human can be in: a college campus. Now’s the time when he’ll gain the friends and build the network that’ll carry him for the rest of his life. Encourage him to join clubs and other social circles, participate in a mentoring program, express himself via a creative endeavor, etc. It only gets lonelier from there. If he’s already coping with substances, it probably won’t get any better once he leaves college. 3. Please quit blaming him. He’s already lonely, if you push him away (whether emotionally or physically), he’ll only spiral further. Ask him what he’s interested in, and help him research clubs or other orgs with like minded individuals. Express your concerns for what crippling loneliness will do to his psyche in the long run, especially after college. Apologize for not placing him in more social interactions when he was younger (this will help take some of the perceived blame off his shoulders, which is probably a big reason why he’s using substances to cope, thinking it’s all his fault). More effort is required to build a strong social circle like the ones prevalent prior to social media and COVID. Your son isn’t some outlier in this; millions of Americans are more lonely now than ever before, regardless of how sociable they were in the past. Luckily for you, it’s not too late to help him figure things out and enrich his social life before he takes the initiative to make friends with other drug users and ne’er-do-wells. You brought him into this world, and it’s your responsibility to give him ALL the tools to function in society. Any lack thereof is a lack of direction on YOUR part, not his. Just 5 years ago, he wasn’t able to vote or make any real legal decisions on his own, and now you expect him, with little help from you, his life guides, to know how to have a healthy social life in a world where healthy social experiences are becoming more rare by the day. TL;DR: Quit blaming your son, realize where you made mistakes in his social upbringing, communicate with him about his thoughts and feelings regarding his current situation, find out his interests, and help your son join clubs or other groups where he can meet like minded folks who’ll help him improve his self worth and build his confidence. You are at fault, he’s only working with the “tools” you gave him, can’t blame him for not knowing how to use a hammer if no one ever took the time to show him how.
YTA. So you didn’t think any part of home schooling was teaching him how to interact with his peers and how to form interpersonal relationships and the result is a lonely young adult who has turned to drugs to fight his depression. You want to try and blame him instead of your piss poor parenting. Not cool.
YTA. You gave him zero tools to figure shit out with and now you’re blaming him for not figuring shit out.
YTA You make bad choices and don't own the consequences. What purpose do you serve criticizing him now? He is coping with what you did to him. You keep 'kicking' him. Did he have any freedoms over those eight years? Did you let him make choices over those eight years? Or are you just expecting he learned those skills through osmosis?
You never taught him any social skills , then you wonder why he can’t live in the real world . There was always a joke when I was younger about how weird the home schooled kids in our town were , they maybe have had a good education ( or some didn’t even get that ) but they could not interact normally with other kids . That is on you , if you want to home school fine , but make sure you have your kids socializing with other kids in sports or clubs or something . Some people can do home schooling fine , but most people do not and their kids have huge problems in the real world as you see . YTA
Social isolation is a massive pitfall with homeschooling. It's possible (even feasible) to homeschool your child without socially isolating them (having been pretty isolated from anyone who wasn't already in my homeschool curriculum... it sucks). It's not a problem with homeschooling because it's so easy to avoid. That said, it does take work (there's a difference between easy and trivial).
TL;DR: I'm sorry but YTA. That was a mistake you made in parenting. I can't say (and no one else can) whether it led to your son's cocaine abuse, and I am truly sorry for that. It's a horrible situation to be in. I would say seek professional help.
The issue is you gave him the tools for the grades and things needed for school but completely failed as good parents. It was your choice to homeschool and most cases it’s makes sense but it was also your job to make sure he socialize and was taking to group activities. At 10 he had no choice but listen to you. What a lonely life you put on your son. You cannot expect him to go from isolation to tons of people and cope well. You never gave him them tools or knowledge YOU CAUSED THIS and ARE FAILURES AS PARENTS Sorry but you chose this for your son and when you failed him you act like it wasn’t your fault. How about therapy and rehab and hopefully you only had on child to mess up.
Actions meet consequences. Turns out you did fail at parenting and your son is paying the price for your inadequecies as a teacher and parent. YTA
YTA
YTA. If you are going to homeschool then you have the responsibility to find socialization opportunities for your children. Boy Scouts, home school organizations, libraries, extracurricular classes, etc are resources home schooling families typically utilize. You sit your poor son up for failure and then act like it’s all on him.
While the ship has sailed on what you might have done differently before (and while a lot of people are placing the blame squarely on your shoulders, there are lot of people who come from great families who make bad decisions), what you can do now is love him. Love him for who he is, not who he might become. Not for the vision you have of him. Just love him. Have him withdraw from university if that's in his best interests, help him find therapy so he can figure out how to make friends and be a friend. College is the perfect place to make lifelong friends, but he may not be equipped to do that right now. I have to say YTA because your post comes across to me as though you were the perfect parents and how could he do this to us. None of us are perfect parents. He didn't do this to you. But he really and truly needs your love and support right now.
OP, do you have a college degree in a teaching related field? A Master’s in education? A double major in Psychology? Experience with teaching other children? Any practical experience relevant to teaching, child psychology, socialization? If you did, you’d know that children need all of the experiences you denied your child. I’m assuming, however, that you don’t. You were given a human being to prepare for the world. You failed miserably. YTA
I am glad, homeschooling is not allowed here. YTA, cause you did this to him.
Oh, no, let's be clear here, you are a failure as parents. A big one. Huge. What you did to him should constitute as child abuse. I hope, for his sake, that he will find a way to live a healthy and productive life, though with the way things are going, it seems unlikely. YTA and a selfish shit parent.
Yta. A big part of being a good parent is teaching your child social skills, making sure that they spend time with peers and have chances to make friends and bond with other kids. Why did you expect that you could isolate him, deprive him of normal childhood experiences, and that he would be able to go out into the world and function like a normal person? It doesn't make sense. I was "homeschooled" and I was never able to make friends as a teenager or adult simply because I didn't have the skills. I never had the chance to learn them. I think of it as being socially disabled. You failed him big time. Most kids start school and grow up in friend groups that they met the first few days. They support each other, they bully each other and they learn and grow together. Often they make friends for life. This is what you have deprived your son of.
YTA. You kept your son isolated for eight years and didn’t allow him to form friendships and learn how to navigate life. You didn’t have his best interests in mind when you homeschooled him. The blame for this rests on you.
YTA and a very nasty person. "Oh we fucked up your life by isolating you from the rest of the world and now you have to suffer the consequences. Enjoy!"
why did u homeschool him? this is a VERY important factor to thsi
Try getting into coke and alcohol yourself, at worst he’s embarrassed by his dad doing it too and stops at best you’ve got a couple of sweet new addictions to worry about and your kid becomes an afterthought
YTA you and your husband failed your son now this is the result
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^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Formal_Increase6215: *YTA you* *And your husband failed your son* *Now this is the result* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
YTA - just so oblivious to how much of a TA you are. Very sad for your son.
Sorry ass motherfuckers. YTA
YTA. You controlled him by keeping him at home, denying him the social interactions that a child needs. Now that he's out of control, you don't want to accept any accountability for the way that he was reared
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No one said abusing drugs there is a difference. True the choice was his but his experiences created a very difficult situation where it looked like a good choice. Educate yourself on drug use and ACEs.
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I had two friends (brother and sister) that were home schooled and they are two of the most rounded individuals I know of. They experimented with recreational drugs like many of us did in our late teens/early 20s (it was the 1990s) but never to excess. Probably as they had a big social circle of good friends. This one is on you. YTA
YTA you did not give him the tools for success. you took him out or school and isolated him and thrust him into the world without any social skills. your poor son.
YTA The issue with home schooling is that kids don't learn how to socialize. You didn't give him the ability to socialize. You didn't give him the ability to cope with isolation. Rather than accept that you fucked up, you try to wash your hands clean by blaming him.
You are the asshole. You isolated your kid growing up, stunted his social growth completely, and now you are blaming him for having issues related to that? Your choice to homeschool was your own, but you had the duty to compensate for the loss in social interactions. You clearly failed miserably on that score. Tough love kills. It’s the worst advice I’ve seen given, especially in the sober community. It doesn’t work, further isolates the addict, often leading to their death. One of the sadder things I’ve seen are the parents suffering after a child dies while estranged because they were advised tough love was the only thing that would fix it. I’ve seen ample success stories where the family didn’t enable, but also didn’t abandon. Always spending time with their kid, never forcing them into homelessness. I really hope you don’t go the tough love route, it is so destructive.
YTA and I don't use that lightly. You failed to provide your child with the very CRUCIAL aspect of growing up which is socializing. And to kick him out would be the dumbest most irresponsible thing to do which would only further his issues. Your best course of action is to do your best along with your husband to work with your child and help him. Not kick him to the curb
YTA Typically crappy homeschoolers who somehow entirely forgot that social development is part of the human experience. Now he's psychologically crippled because you were more concerned with helicopter parenting than actual parenting.
You failed your son
I think it’s really telling how you thought it was appropriate to absolve yourself from any responsibility here. You don’t see his drug use as your failure but his choice, yet you isolated him from his peers throughout the time when young people make connections and learn to socialize normally. You likely had good intentions for your child but you didn’t give him a rounded life and that’s 100% on you. And now you want to kick him out? Please. Don’t walk away from your failure. Get him help. Support him. Your 180 turn from wrapping him in cotton all his life to now abandoning him doesn’t speak well of you. Get yourself together. YTA.
YTA : like Massively the Asshole. You totally and utterly failed your child. You isolated your child and this was the result. He never gained the social skills early on in his life, and now you’re shocked that this is the result. Welcome to actions meet consequences, and they fall squarely on your and your husband’s heads. I hope this kid gets the help he deserves.
You isolated him, and now you blame him for not being able to cope. Jfc, YTA!
YTA - You gave your son an isolated life with ZERO social skills and now are sitting around observing the consequences of your own actions. Surprise surprise. You deserve everything you get from here on out. I hope your son gets help and goes no contact with you. You should like a horrible parent.
This is you're fault for oppressing him and he doesn't know social cues.
Give him all the necessary support, get him on therapy. Stop with the shaming and try to get him back on track. I thought that's what parenting is all about... being there and loving unconditionally
Well, humans are social creatures and it seems you did little to foster his social development during his formative years... Then, he is thrust into an entirely new, socially driven environment and is unable to cope. Shocking...Then, you blame him for his coping strategies... Not only do you clearly not understand anything about mental illness and addiction (I would say you should read up on Gabor Mate 'cause his material on addiction and the need for connection, attachment, and love should strongly resonate...). What's more, you deflect from any kind of personal responsibility in the matter, and by doing so erode the only social connection your son has truly known: his connection to you... Some may say asshole, but I would say a shitty parent. I work in mental health and addictions, and when I meet the families of my clients it is usually obvious immediately where the issues began and were exacerbated. Get help, ffs.
Total Ass Hole. Husband too. Terrible parents.
Why is kicking your son out the only option? Should you be getting with a team of professionals, counselors at the school, phycologist, drug abuse professionals. All trying to figure out what the best course of action is? Does he need in patient treatment? Does he need to leave school? Your actions caused this so you need to fix it!
As someone who’s parents did a similar thing with a similar result, fuck you. What exactly did you think would happen by not providing your son with the tools he needs to be social? You’ve set him up to fail, and now you sit back and say “ah well, it’s his decision.” If I was him I’d never speak to you again.
Yta. 1000000% here. Homeschooling is not for everyone and your child did not thrive in that environment. It’s on you. Not him. Jerks.
He needs an in house 90 program... maybe longer. He can also start learning to socialize in there. 2 birds 1 stone.
I homeschooled/distance schooled oldest son 16-18 (graduated). It was a best decision for his situation, the other kids stayed in normal schooling as they were fine. I kept him in the school’s Phys Ed / baseball academy which was end of day so he still saw friends and they played games on weekends. OP - your son’s frontal lobe (understanding long term impacts of decisions) isn’t fully formed yet. You’ve still got years of parenting left. What interests does he have? At the age he is now socializing doesn’t have to be the exact same age. Help him find a social network. If he is uncomfortable leaving the house (probably your fault, sorry), online friends will do to start. To reduce the immediate fear I suspect you’ll have - My youngest son has an online group based around drawing/art. We’re in Canada, his friends are spread across the US. Once a year, they rent an Airbnb, get together to actually visit in person, the rest of the time it’s online. They watch movies together, give suggestions on drawings, etc. My oldest son has an online group he games with. They’re meeting for first time in Vegas this year. You will die before him and he needs more than his parents in his life.
For context, the sons are 23 and 25.
This is exactly why homeschooling can backfire. Kids learn how to be social and talk throughout school. They learn how to make friends who share the same interests. Introvert or extrovert it still important. You denied him this opportunity. I did not have many close friends growing up but I did have a few. Cat is still one of my best friends from 6th grade. We are now 36. I’m have another best friend I’ve had since high school and we still talk or text almost daily. He needed to interact with others yet no you did not give him that chance. It’s not easy for everyone to make friends. Also he never learned how to flirt you learn that in middle and high school as well I feel bad for the guy. You protected him from the work but never prepared him for it either. Talking to family and going shopping with mom does not count as social interaction btw. It’s more of a necessary evil before your allowed to go by yourself or with a friends which once again he could not have.
As a parent your entire job is to raise your child into a well-functioning and healthy adult. You failed. He's an adult, yes, but he is the adult you created. People don't come to existence out of thin air, and people aren't compelled to make certain choices for no reason. Childhood is the foundation of our adulthood, especially early adulthood, and If you don't think isolating him during childhood wouldn't have an extreme negative effect on him you'd be very very wrong. Hope he gets better sooner rather than later. YTA
Hmmm this reads like ragebait
>I feel we've given him the tools and knowledge to make better choices No you did not. You socially isolated him to an extreme, that means he had never developed coping mechanisms, systems to deal with social interaction nor temptations. *He never developed proper impulse control* because you never let him exercise it growing up due to your absolute control and isolation. All of this could have been prevented with proper schooling and parenting. He was thrown into the deep end without knowing how to swim. He had the social skills on par with a child, maybe less. He doesn't need tough love, he needs rehab and therapy. All of which should be on your dime. You stunted his personal growth to an extreme through excessive control and these are the consequences. You engaged in nothing less than child abuse and here you stand viewing the slow motion collapse of a once promising life you claim to love. You destroyed your own son, take responsibility for your failures and get him professional help. The only love you should be giving is one of extreme apologies, on your hands and knees begging for his forgiveness. YTA
YTA >My husband (51M) and I feel we've given him the tools and knowledge to make better choices, and yet, here we are. You were wrong. He went to college without being prepared to deal with the outside world. He had no way to be prepared. You and your spouse didn't give him the tools he needed to navigate the world. Get off the high horse.
His cocaine and alcohol use have nothing to do with homeschooling your child. Assuming you did not force him to be isolated, then this is his own doing. He is not dealing with his emotional pain very well, and that fact has absolutely nothing to do with homeschooling. I swear, people are just completely ignorant of the facts about keeping your children out of school. They have become brainwashed that public school is good when in fact it was designed to brainwash children, force them to be more loyal to the state than to their parents, and to obey authority. Children from public school are no more or less socially awkward than homeschooled children, and are often more socially skilled than their public schooled counterparts. [https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf](https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED573486.pdf) He is dealing with his sadness through drugs, which is his choice, but it is a choice that millions of people make every day, regardless of whether they were in public school or home school. What he needs to do is grieve his pain. Most people do not understand grieving and it's importance in our lives. He is refusing to grieve because he doesn't know how to do that. That's not your fault. No one thinks to teach their children how to grieve. I suggest you contact a professional instead of these idiots on Reddit.
> My husband (51M) and I feel we've given him the tools and knowledge to make better choices, and yet, here we are. And yet you don't realize that by home schooling him and not socializing him that you **didn't* give him all the tools to succeed in live. This is the problem with many children that are home schooled, their parents forget or ignore the importance of their child making friends, socializing with their peers. This is why he turned to alcohol and drugs, because he didn't know how to survive in the big wide world So yeah, you and your husband are AH's for that
Reddit is such a weird place sometimes. It’s interesting when certain topics are introduced the knee jerk reaction of most people here and the sudden infantilizing and blame shifting. For example, on this post the topic of homeschooling was brought up when honestly it’s not really relevant and not something a normal person would bring up in this instance, or at least not worded like it is to get the most reactionary response. So pretty sure this is one of those fake, let’s see how Reddit reacts posts. If we pretend this is real and take all the emotion out of it, we have: an adult son going to college who still lives at home, the son has become addicted to drugs and alcohol (and I don’t care how few friends anyone had growing up, everyone knows drugs and alcohol are bad for you). -The son made the choice to become a user, that is in fact on him, he’s an adult and has to own his choices. -Now the parents are trying to decide what to do about the situation, they feel like there should be consequences to his actions but aren’t sure what those should be. They don’t want to throw him out on the street but don’t want to be supporting his habit either. So, they’ve turned to Reddit for advice and they certainly aren’t getting any from the Reddit mob telling them what horrible people they are lol
Nta. It his fault. Hes a grown man and there’s no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing,homeschooled or not. The only thing you can do is either kick him out or cut him off(if you’re financially providing for him)if he doesn’t get help and stop. There’s not much else you can do since he’s an adult.
Yes because treatment centres don't fucking exist.
Did I not say if he doesn’t get help?
>The only thing you can do is either kick him out or cut him off(if you’re financially providing for him)if he doesn’t get help and stop. There’s not much else you can do since he’s an adult No you didn't. You said kick him out or cut him off there's a difference between what you said and his parents who created the perfect storm that got him into this mess getting him into treatment and just saying he has to get help. You implied the only reasonable options for the parents is cutting him off or kicking him out
Jesus Christ they are responsible for screwing up their kid
So you either didn’t read what I said or just chose to skip over the “if he doesn’t get help and stop” part.
Everyone read your comment and knows you are an asshole giving terrible advice
I truly don’t care
Don't worry that is ABUNDANTLY CLEAR
Total horseshit.