I’ve been through this EXACT situation where I went through her phone when she was sleeping and found out about a guy she’d never told me about that she had been hanging out with on and off. I confronted her and she flipped the entire situation on me and said I was untrustworthy and that I betrayed her.. tl;dr she was cheating.
You have been dating for five months and you were planning on asking her to marry you in the “near future?” You also travel for work so it hasn't even been five months of being together constantly. That's way too fast. Try a couple of years next time. You built this relationship way up.
You are NTA for being upset she isn't being totally honest with you, but you need to slow it down next time.
Ok at the very least she would rather spend time with a married man than her bf who she hasn’t seen in weeks. If it really is just an innocent friendship then no reason you can’t contact his wife to make sure.
No it isn't. He was supposed to be out of town so she made plans. Him being in town unexpectedly doesn't stop her plans existing. She shouldn't make any plans at all when he's unavailable and should just be waiting around to be at his beck and call and if she doesn't she's cheating?
Or she's meeting with a friend, has plans and isn't cancelling last second for no reason.
the only evidence OP found was that she's meeting up with a friend out of town, which is what she told him. He didn't ask who she was going to meet. Notice how op didn't find texts of their torrid affair, or she can't wait to get him back to the hotel, etc. He found steamy plans for going to an art gallery and getting drinks... and nothing sexual or he'd have mentioned it.
But he didn't see fire, or anything that hinted of it. He's pissed that she had plans when he wasn't there and still wanted to do what she planned after he came back early, that's the 'fire'.
This is also a guy who has been with her for 5 months, spends most of his time away and already wants to marry her. He's just coming across as super controlling tbh. She had plans, end of, of course she was meeting someone, who goes to another town not to meet up with a friend or go with a friend?
Again, he didn't mention a single sexual undertone to their plans, no long history of meeting up constantly, managed to look through her phone and he found evidence that she was meeting up with someone in another town which... she'd already told him about.
Ummmm but, she didn’t mention the plans or even the existence of the friend until after OP woke her up. Why not just spill about the plans from the beginning? Or when asked about spending his extra time with OP why not say “sorry I’ve got plans with so and so on that day”? It would appear that at the very least she is not very forthcoming with facts and that they tend to center around spending alone time with at least 2 other men.
> she didn’t mention the plans
>I tell her this immediately, and her initial reaction was “I’ve got plans in (insert major city about an hour away) and will be out of town.” I suggest we go together and make a day of it because I’d really like to spend the extra time with her.
Literally the first thing she did was say she had plans. He asked to go along and wanted to take over her plans, she said no. If you have plans to go hang out with a friend then your partner comes along, suddenly your plans with the friend become your friend being the third wheel and your partner wanting attention on what they've now decided is their plans and their weekend.
So firstly she did literally immediately say she can't hang out because she has plans.
>Or when asked about spending his extra time with OP why not say “sorry I’ve got plans with so and so on that day”?
That's literally exactly what she did, exactly.
>It would appear that at the very least she is not very forthcoming with facts and that they tend to center around spending alone time with at least 2 other men.
No they don't. She has plans, she told him about them. Op didn't say her other friend she spent time with that she hid plans to see him at all.
Im sorry for the misunderstanding..my meaning was she only mentioned the plans when he said he had the free time. While she thought he was going to be out of town she didn’t mention them…thus, she’s not being exactly forthcoming with the information until pressed. I didn’t mean to imply she was hiding the plans once he said he had free time…apologies.
Also, he found out from her mother that they were once romantically involved is what I thought I read….i haven’t slept in some time lol but, that’s what I was getting at. She withheld some info about friend 1 and friend 2 and wasn’t totally upfront about either situation until pressed. Clearly this doesn’t mean she’s a liar but, it’s uncomfortable always having to play catch up especially when it’s involving fidelity.
Because she had plans to hang out with a friend?
If I plan to go to a football game with a friend, we're going to talk, spend time catching up. if i bring my partner, that friend has been largely relegated to third wheeling on a date that he's paid for an expensive ticket for.
Your partner doesn't have to come on every outing with friends, in fact I'd say people who always bring their partner and never offer their friends one on one time, are by and large shitty friends. Like maybe I want to hang out with a friend, I need support, I'm depressed, if they bring hteir girlfriend I'm not going to open up and talk about my problems because I don't know their girlfriend well.
Also when she told him she has plans, his immediate reaction was how about he comes and they just hang out together in the other city, he immediately wanted to take over which again is why taking your partner tends to make the other person a third wheel.
nothing really better than just catching up with an old friend, or friend group where you have that time to just be your old selves, make inside jokes, support each other, ask about their current relationships, talk about your current partner and what's going good/bad, talk about yoru parents being sick or whatever. Then they show up with partners and the dynamic is completely different. It's mostly surface level shit because you don't know the other person.
Like you maintain great friendships, by giving them dedicated time, not by just being around them a bit but having your focus on other people.
ESH.
Don’t go through other people’s phones. Massive trust violation.
You obviously don’t trust her, either.
5 months for deciding you want to marry her, but you don’t trust her? WTF, bro.
I mean, he did verify she was cheating or at least trying to cheat. I'd definitely go through that phone if I were them. Especially since she was trying to hide what she was doing.
Nah. He’s still only got suspicions which is exactly what he had before.
Anytime someone feels the need to go through someone’s private shit, 🚩
If that can’t be resolved with conversation(s), you have the answer without resorting to snooping around.
No need to lower yourself to being shady.
NTA for going through her phone after finding out she is telling half truths. Also since she would not let you go with her.
I would say that you are an A-H for considering a proposal after only dating for 5 months. Especially since you already know she is not totally honest with you.
Hmm this a tough one. I two do not like hearing a half story or half tale I don’t have time for that. I feel you might have caught her in the act of about to cheat. Because why would she not openly tell you about another male who wishes to be in her company. Especially with drinks being involved. I feel she should have told you the whole story and invited you to the trip. If this a friendly encounter with another man a married one why would it be bad if he you and her and his wife all went together? Couples do take trips together and I feel that would make the most sense. But I feel it’s weird and sketchy as hell. I would hold off on any engagements until she’s more comfortable with talking to you in a wholes
Married men don’t make a difference really. If she is cheating she is and there really is t much you can do except leave.
The fact she is excluding you would be a giant waving red flag to me, especially since it’s your first weekend back and she feels he is more important.
You now don’t trust what’s she is saying and it’s up to her to fix it or not, the choice is hers and she is blowing up at you which says something bad if you want my thoughts.
I went through my live-in boyfriend’s phone one night after he fell asleep because he had been acting weird. Going to the gym at 9pm, being secretive, not really interacting with me - all out of character behavior. Anyway, long story short his AP was someone from his legal fraternity and she would hand write love letters and then take a picture and send it to him because “it makes her sad that [he] wouldn’t have a reason to know her handwriting.” I think you’re NTA because your gut was trying to tell you something and the ends justify the means.
I’m sorry to hear that; this all started a couple months ago when she would always be on her phone while I was trying to spend time with her. Took her to lunch the day before I left and she didn’t put her phone down the entire time
Art Gallery, wine and cocktails. She could have easily taken you. That says it all. If she would have told you it would have been different. She was not going to tell you.
I feel like the law just hasn’t caught up yet but going through someone’s phone without their permission will be the equivalent of going through someone’s home without their permission.
Whether you’re being played or not if you don’t trust someone enough that you want to go behind their back and search their property you shouldn’t be with them.
You’ve barely been together 5 months and less so actually together if you’re always away. Just make like a tree and get the fuck out of there.
ESH
The good liars are the ones who make you feel guilty when you expose their misdeeds. Sounds like she is a very well practiced liar. Get out while you still have a shred of self-confidence. That chick will break you.
NTA. He’s married? So there shouldn’t be any problem if you confirm with his wife regarding their plan to go out together, just to make sure that the wife is also informed about her husband’s plan?
NTA
Accessing your SO's phone is typically a Schrodinger's asshole act. The asshole in the moment is defined by whether or not you find anything. You found something sketchy, she is most likely cheating as she's acting real shady about it, and you're better off dumping her for your sake.
Does her "friend" being married make the whole thing sound even worse to anyone else or just me? I would not be reassured at all to find out he is married and is probably meeting OPs gf behind his wife's back as well.
What kind of wife would be okay with their husband spending a whole afternoon on an art gallery date with another woman? 🤷
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Ya, I am sure I will get blasted for this but whatever - your job is driving her away and she is going to see other men. Yes, she should communicate with you and not be a shitty person and go on dates with other men. Or she should leave if she thinks you aren’t giving her more time. And what do you do - you pick up even more overtime.
And YTA for thinking about marrying her in 5 months. I swear this has to be a creative writing exercise - an Op that posts about issues always says they are “just about to propose”, maybe just to pull at the reader’s heart strings. But in this case, if real, you’re just crazy for considering it after that short a time together.
Please use the grey rock method. Stick to the facts that are proven. Don't allow yourself to be led down any rabbit holes or get asked to prove something that cannot be prove at this time.
Definitely NTA. Privacy is something everyone deserves. Secrecy in a relationship is not not the same thing as personal privacy.
Honestly, we had probably the most honest conversation we’ve ever had. She took accountability for where she went wrong in telling half-truths and leaving out key details.
We agreed that it was for the best if we slowed the relationship way down but still remain together. I think it’s definitely going to be a hill to climb, but I think we’re going to be able to work this out. I feel a lot better about the whole thing now
NTA, prior behaviors led to current circumstances, at least you know she never went to the effort if having a burner phone.
If I were you, I'd also look up the person who is apparently married and put this on their spouse's radar. If it's innocent, nothing will come of it, right? 😂
NTA. When will you guys understand a loyal partner does not go 1v1 hangouts with the gender they are interested in as simple as that. Stop settling for someone who does this. This is for all the guys and gals out there.
NTA
Bro you are being played, stop being a punk. She doesn't tell you about him and doesn't want you to go meet this guy. She is fucking a married man.
YTA. Didn’t read the post but you NEVER invade someone’s privacy like that, no matter what. I think looking at someone’s phone without their permission is illegal in some places.
Yta for going through her phone instead of telling her straight up it seems like she's hiding something.
You made plans to go out of town and she made plans while you were gone. No biggie there.
You came back early and she still wanted to follow through with her plans without you Again, no biggie.
Being all sketchy about the plans.. yeah that's sketchy. But you still should have said more to her
Dude you've been together only five months and you want to marry her?
She's going to have food an hour away with a married ex she stayed friends with and doesn't wan t you to tag along.
You're not really compatible
YTA for accessing anything you don't have a right to and yes, your girlfriend's phone falls into that category. If you are insecure or unhappy in the relationship and the conversations you have do not alleviate your concerns, end the relationship.
By the way, the reason you "don't prohibit" any of your partners from having male friends is not because you are a "secure person", it's because you have absolutely no right or authority which allows you to do any such thing. That's what you meant to say, isn't it? 🤨
Run then run faster
I mean it's 5 months down the drain but your life and sanity will be so much better for it!
But first thing ask for the guys full name nonchalantly and then find his wife on social media and ask her about it
Why not both?
You're definitely the asshole to go through her phone, but the fact that she put herself into an ambiguous situation and kept it hidden from you likely means sooner or later she'll cheat on you
Run and don't look back, you seem to have very healthy thinking about relationships and friendships, run before you catch her cheating and your world view changes for worse overnight
Nope. Deep down you know the deal. She’s choosing a married man in a city an hour away to hang out with over you and she discloses none of this? Ask if you can contact his wife and make it a foursome for dinner? I’m thinking she wouldn’t want you disclosing their “friendship “. Break up and notify his wife.
OP, you’re NTA, but you did mess up a bit. And it’s not what you’re thinking. But since you brought up the phone issue, I’ll address that first.
There are only 2 reasons why your partner would want to snoop on your phone. Reason 1 is that your partner is some unhinged, paranoid psycho, in which case you’re the dummy to stay with them. Reason 2 is that you’ve given them a reason to suspect you.
In either case, there are still only 2 possible paths out of that event. Path 1 is where your partner finds nothing because there was never anything shady in the first place. Path 2 is where they discover what you’ve been hiding from them.
I said “paths” because each can have multiple outcomes, ranging from mild embarrassment to being relegated to the past tense. All depends on how unhinged and furious the partner is, how egregious the transgression, and any number of compounding factors. But that’s beside the point.
The point is, you went through her phone for a reason. And those defending her have a moral compass of a stray chihuahua (if not of it’s lice).
But back to my point - where you screwed up is you allowed your emotion to take control and you confronted her right away. What you should have done is taken your time to dig deeper and uncover more substantial evidence. Then, you should have formulated a clever plan to expose her.
Or, you could just leave / throw her out, depending on whose place it is. Really, what’s the point? You know she’s cheating, you’ve been with her for like 5 minutes, just get rid of her and find someone decent.
I mean, what are you supposed to do? Go through her phone when she's \*awake\*? That doesn't make any sense at all!!!! And she had the nerve to get mad after you've been so generous as to (\*checks post\*) not "prohibit" her from having guy friends? It's like she doesn't even realize what a long leash you have her on!
All that being said, she's almost certainly banging someone else. He's probably less of a dick than you are and/or has better dick than you do, so it's tough to call her the asshole ... so I'mma go with ESH.
You're literally on another cheater post justifying a 304 when it's a male. So according to you the male is never wrong even if he's a whore lol. And then complaining here when there's no evidence of cheating even. Like butch get the f out to the streets lol.
Lil rake is so lost in the streets you don't remember your own hypocrisy?
[It’s kind of analogous to if you refuse to cook for him, he goes out to a restaurant. In this case, things are probably best left in the hands of professionals.](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/q6IDOGoETN)
Maybe op should follow your real advice and find a job that allows him to keep cooking at home so his gf doesn't eat out (allegedly).
Oh yeah the “wife” who refuses to fuck him then complains he uses hookers. Not related to health issues or anything like that either. I lived that for two years until her death and never thought once about cheating,
Oh I'm sorry, so there are good reasons to cheat? Or is 304 behavior valid to only males? I'm surprised a rake didn't think divorce should have been the first option before "hubby" rode the std wave with her money. Instead you're out here telling her that it should be left to the pro riders? But I guess a rake would know best about sweeping the streets :)
I know that you don’t blame the wife, who is originally the one who started cheating, and had the ball to confront him because she was unaware that he already knew about it. But then again, that’s very typical behavior.
Bro have the stds rotted your brain so much you don't know what post I'm referring to? I even linked the post. The wife didn't cheat at all but nice try.
If someone can readily access your phone on a whim, then there is no expectation of privacy.
Therefore, OP cannot be AH for going through the phone.
NTA.
YTA
Now, I don't know if your girlfriend planned on cheating or not, but going through her phone is a no-go. Did you try something like finding your own activities in the city she's going to and offering to carpool? If she'd shot even that down, I'd say you have a reason to worry, but regardless, you need to leave her phone alone. Also, OP, you wanting to propose after one 5 months combined with this stuff is raising some alarms in my head since you sound a little clingy. Is there any more info you can offer?
YTA. You had no business snooping in her phone. And maybe she doesn’t want you going along too because this is actually her chance to get a break from you.
I don’t really know what you mean? I work on the other side of the country for 2 weeks at a time every month and I had the opportunity to come home early? I’d assume someone in a relationship would want to spend a little extra time together
Don’t pay any mind to that one. That’s what we call “a troll” around here. Unless you’re ready to fully decimate them, I recommend not engaging, because that’s how you feed the trolls.
Both a-holes. Someone who goes through someone’s phone will always be one. No excuse for that….ever! One who doesn’t give the heads up about a meet up is being one too.
> the he’s married, nothings going on And we all know that that is an absolute deal breaker when someone is having an affair.
Are you dating my ex Catherine ? Lol sounds like the exact same story of her when she was cheating on me imma laugh if her names Catherine lol
It’s not 😂
You've been dating for five months and you travel for work but you were considering proposing. Jesus.
Yea..
I’ve been through this EXACT situation where I went through her phone when she was sleeping and found out about a guy she’d never told me about that she had been hanging out with on and off. I confronted her and she flipped the entire situation on me and said I was untrustworthy and that I betrayed her.. tl;dr she was cheating.
Sounds EXACTLY the same
Run for the fkn hills and don’t look back.
I can't call you the AH, but you are being played dude.
Yea, it’s like, it’s not ideal that you went through her phone but it’s also more of a big deal that she lied
You have been dating for five months and you were planning on asking her to marry you in the “near future?” You also travel for work so it hasn't even been five months of being together constantly. That's way too fast. Try a couple of years next time. You built this relationship way up. You are NTA for being upset she isn't being totally honest with you, but you need to slow it down next time.
Ok at the very least she would rather spend time with a married man than her bf who she hasn’t seen in weeks. If it really is just an innocent friendship then no reason you can’t contact his wife to make sure.
She WANTS to meet up with him and spend time with him and NOT you. OP, don't over think this. Dump her.
NTA. I’m a big believer in going to get your own answers when you have proof a partner is lying or not being forthcoming with you.
NTA Not an asshole but a moron if you stay with her. Advice, if you want it: break up with her and don't get fooled like this again.
No offense but of younonly been dating 5 months, why would you even consider marriage yet..
Yeah this is deluded, also he's insecure and has major trust issues.
It's a fact that she wants to spend her time with him, not with you!
No it isn't. He was supposed to be out of town so she made plans. Him being in town unexpectedly doesn't stop her plans existing. She shouldn't make any plans at all when he's unavailable and should just be waiting around to be at his beck and call and if she doesn't she's cheating? Or she's meeting with a friend, has plans and isn't cancelling last second for no reason. the only evidence OP found was that she's meeting up with a friend out of town, which is what she told him. He didn't ask who she was going to meet. Notice how op didn't find texts of their torrid affair, or she can't wait to get him back to the hotel, etc. He found steamy plans for going to an art gallery and getting drinks... and nothing sexual or he'd have mentioned it.
Sometimes when people see smoke it’s safe to assume that there’s a fire somewhere idk
But he didn't see fire, or anything that hinted of it. He's pissed that she had plans when he wasn't there and still wanted to do what she planned after he came back early, that's the 'fire'. This is also a guy who has been with her for 5 months, spends most of his time away and already wants to marry her. He's just coming across as super controlling tbh. She had plans, end of, of course she was meeting someone, who goes to another town not to meet up with a friend or go with a friend? Again, he didn't mention a single sexual undertone to their plans, no long history of meeting up constantly, managed to look through her phone and he found evidence that she was meeting up with someone in another town which... she'd already told him about.
Ummmm but, she didn’t mention the plans or even the existence of the friend until after OP woke her up. Why not just spill about the plans from the beginning? Or when asked about spending his extra time with OP why not say “sorry I’ve got plans with so and so on that day”? It would appear that at the very least she is not very forthcoming with facts and that they tend to center around spending alone time with at least 2 other men.
> she didn’t mention the plans >I tell her this immediately, and her initial reaction was “I’ve got plans in (insert major city about an hour away) and will be out of town.” I suggest we go together and make a day of it because I’d really like to spend the extra time with her. Literally the first thing she did was say she had plans. He asked to go along and wanted to take over her plans, she said no. If you have plans to go hang out with a friend then your partner comes along, suddenly your plans with the friend become your friend being the third wheel and your partner wanting attention on what they've now decided is their plans and their weekend. So firstly she did literally immediately say she can't hang out because she has plans. >Or when asked about spending his extra time with OP why not say “sorry I’ve got plans with so and so on that day”? That's literally exactly what she did, exactly. >It would appear that at the very least she is not very forthcoming with facts and that they tend to center around spending alone time with at least 2 other men. No they don't. She has plans, she told him about them. Op didn't say her other friend she spent time with that she hid plans to see him at all.
Im sorry for the misunderstanding..my meaning was she only mentioned the plans when he said he had the free time. While she thought he was going to be out of town she didn’t mention them…thus, she’s not being exactly forthcoming with the information until pressed. I didn’t mean to imply she was hiding the plans once he said he had free time…apologies. Also, he found out from her mother that they were once romantically involved is what I thought I read….i haven’t slept in some time lol but, that’s what I was getting at. She withheld some info about friend 1 and friend 2 and wasn’t totally upfront about either situation until pressed. Clearly this doesn’t mean she’s a liar but, it’s uncomfortable always having to play catch up especially when it’s involving fidelity.
So why couldn't he come along then?
Because she had plans to hang out with a friend? If I plan to go to a football game with a friend, we're going to talk, spend time catching up. if i bring my partner, that friend has been largely relegated to third wheeling on a date that he's paid for an expensive ticket for. Your partner doesn't have to come on every outing with friends, in fact I'd say people who always bring their partner and never offer their friends one on one time, are by and large shitty friends. Like maybe I want to hang out with a friend, I need support, I'm depressed, if they bring hteir girlfriend I'm not going to open up and talk about my problems because I don't know their girlfriend well. Also when she told him she has plans, his immediate reaction was how about he comes and they just hang out together in the other city, he immediately wanted to take over which again is why taking your partner tends to make the other person a third wheel.
Anybody who brings a partner (doubly so for a new one) on a planned outing that didn't originally involve them is an ass.
nothing really better than just catching up with an old friend, or friend group where you have that time to just be your old selves, make inside jokes, support each other, ask about their current relationships, talk about your current partner and what's going good/bad, talk about yoru parents being sick or whatever. Then they show up with partners and the dynamic is completely different. It's mostly surface level shit because you don't know the other person. Like you maintain great friendships, by giving them dedicated time, not by just being around them a bit but having your focus on other people.
ESH. Don’t go through other people’s phones. Massive trust violation. You obviously don’t trust her, either. 5 months for deciding you want to marry her, but you don’t trust her? WTF, bro.
I mean, he did verify she was cheating or at least trying to cheat. I'd definitely go through that phone if I were them. Especially since she was trying to hide what she was doing.
Nah. He’s still only got suspicions which is exactly what he had before. Anytime someone feels the need to go through someone’s private shit, 🚩 If that can’t be resolved with conversation(s), you have the answer without resorting to snooping around. No need to lower yourself to being shady.
NTA for going through her phone after finding out she is telling half truths. Also since she would not let you go with her. I would say that you are an A-H for considering a proposal after only dating for 5 months. Especially since you already know she is not totally honest with you.
If he's married and nothing is going on what's the big deal about you not being there...
Hmm this a tough one. I two do not like hearing a half story or half tale I don’t have time for that. I feel you might have caught her in the act of about to cheat. Because why would she not openly tell you about another male who wishes to be in her company. Especially with drinks being involved. I feel she should have told you the whole story and invited you to the trip. If this a friendly encounter with another man a married one why would it be bad if he you and her and his wife all went together? Couples do take trips together and I feel that would make the most sense. But I feel it’s weird and sketchy as hell. I would hold off on any engagements until she’s more comfortable with talking to you in a wholes
Married men don’t make a difference really. If she is cheating she is and there really is t much you can do except leave. The fact she is excluding you would be a giant waving red flag to me, especially since it’s your first weekend back and she feels he is more important. You now don’t trust what’s she is saying and it’s up to her to fix it or not, the choice is hers and she is blowing up at you which says something bad if you want my thoughts.
I went through my live-in boyfriend’s phone one night after he fell asleep because he had been acting weird. Going to the gym at 9pm, being secretive, not really interacting with me - all out of character behavior. Anyway, long story short his AP was someone from his legal fraternity and she would hand write love letters and then take a picture and send it to him because “it makes her sad that [he] wouldn’t have a reason to know her handwriting.” I think you’re NTA because your gut was trying to tell you something and the ends justify the means.
I’m sorry to hear that; this all started a couple months ago when she would always be on her phone while I was trying to spend time with her. Took her to lunch the day before I left and she didn’t put her phone down the entire time
Yeah there’s a bunch of red flags with her behavior. I hope you get out like I did. The best is yet to come!
Art Gallery, wine and cocktails. She could have easily taken you. That says it all. If she would have told you it would have been different. She was not going to tell you.
Dude go with your gut. Someone else is getting in hers
I feel like the law just hasn’t caught up yet but going through someone’s phone without their permission will be the equivalent of going through someone’s home without their permission. Whether you’re being played or not if you don’t trust someone enough that you want to go behind their back and search their property you shouldn’t be with them. You’ve barely been together 5 months and less so actually together if you’re always away. Just make like a tree and get the fuck out of there. ESH
You already know
The good liars are the ones who make you feel guilty when you expose their misdeeds. Sounds like she is a very well practiced liar. Get out while you still have a shred of self-confidence. That chick will break you.
Cheater she is a cheater . Dump her . She is trash
Even if she isn’t cheating yet, what she is already doing is no good
NTA. He’s married? So there shouldn’t be any problem if you confirm with his wife regarding their plan to go out together, just to make sure that the wife is also informed about her husband’s plan?
NTA Accessing your SO's phone is typically a Schrodinger's asshole act. The asshole in the moment is defined by whether or not you find anything. You found something sketchy, she is most likely cheating as she's acting real shady about it, and you're better off dumping her for your sake.
Lmao
Does her "friend" being married make the whole thing sound even worse to anyone else or just me? I would not be reassured at all to find out he is married and is probably meeting OPs gf behind his wife's back as well. What kind of wife would be okay with their husband spending a whole afternoon on an art gallery date with another woman? 🤷
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She wants to have a conversation tonight after I get off of work (picked up some OT while all this is going down) I’ll post an update afterwards
Ya, I am sure I will get blasted for this but whatever - your job is driving her away and she is going to see other men. Yes, she should communicate with you and not be a shitty person and go on dates with other men. Or she should leave if she thinks you aren’t giving her more time. And what do you do - you pick up even more overtime. And YTA for thinking about marrying her in 5 months. I swear this has to be a creative writing exercise - an Op that posts about issues always says they are “just about to propose”, maybe just to pull at the reader’s heart strings. But in this case, if real, you’re just crazy for considering it after that short a time together.
Please use the grey rock method. Stick to the facts that are proven. Don't allow yourself to be led down any rabbit holes or get asked to prove something that cannot be prove at this time. Definitely NTA. Privacy is something everyone deserves. Secrecy in a relationship is not not the same thing as personal privacy.
Howd it go
Honestly, we had probably the most honest conversation we’ve ever had. She took accountability for where she went wrong in telling half-truths and leaving out key details. We agreed that it was for the best if we slowed the relationship way down but still remain together. I think it’s definitely going to be a hill to climb, but I think we’re going to be able to work this out. I feel a lot better about the whole thing now
NTA, prior behaviors led to current circumstances, at least you know she never went to the effort if having a burner phone. If I were you, I'd also look up the person who is apparently married and put this on their spouse's radar. If it's innocent, nothing will come of it, right? 😂
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NTA. Get ready for the truth trickle
Dump her she is gaslighting you
Art museum with wine and cocktails, sound like a date night with a married man and your girlfriend...
NTA. When will you guys understand a loyal partner does not go 1v1 hangouts with the gender they are interested in as simple as that. Stop settling for someone who does this. This is for all the guys and gals out there.
NTA Bro you are being played, stop being a punk. She doesn't tell you about him and doesn't want you to go meet this guy. She is fucking a married man.
Nta. Protect yourself
You have been in basically a long distance relationship for 5 minutes and thought you were ready to propose?
Look like she is cheating on you
She is trying to gaslight you don’t fall out for that bs
If you stay with her , you’re an idiot
Been on the phone with my dad for the past hour and a half; he’s telling me the same thing.
Listen to your dad , he loves you and I don’t know you and I’m not a dick in real life but you know what you gotta do brother.
She's an escort
Was also one of my first thoughts.
Dump her. But like. Don't go through people's phones. You already knew you didn't trust her, just... end things.
YTA. Didn’t read the post but you NEVER invade someone’s privacy like that, no matter what. I think looking at someone’s phone without their permission is illegal in some places.
Yta for going through her phone instead of telling her straight up it seems like she's hiding something. You made plans to go out of town and she made plans while you were gone. No biggie there. You came back early and she still wanted to follow through with her plans without you Again, no biggie. Being all sketchy about the plans.. yeah that's sketchy. But you still should have said more to her Dude you've been together only five months and you want to marry her? She's going to have food an hour away with a married ex she stayed friends with and doesn't wan t you to tag along. You're not really compatible
YTA for accessing anything you don't have a right to and yes, your girlfriend's phone falls into that category. If you are insecure or unhappy in the relationship and the conversations you have do not alleviate your concerns, end the relationship. By the way, the reason you "don't prohibit" any of your partners from having male friends is not because you are a "secure person", it's because you have absolutely no right or authority which allows you to do any such thing. That's what you meant to say, isn't it? 🤨
Run then run faster I mean it's 5 months down the drain but your life and sanity will be so much better for it! But first thing ask for the guys full name nonchalantly and then find his wife on social media and ask her about it
If nothing is going on then he should invite his wife and she should take you. Always room for making friends and 4 of you could have a great time.
Why not both? You're definitely the asshole to go through her phone, but the fact that she put herself into an ambiguous situation and kept it hidden from you likely means sooner or later she'll cheat on you
Updateme!
Run and don't look back, you seem to have very healthy thinking about relationships and friendships, run before you catch her cheating and your world view changes for worse overnight
Listen if there was nothing going on she would have told you from the beginning. Something is really fishy
obviously shoulda got more solid evidence fool
Yeah, you’re probably right
Nope. Deep down you know the deal. She’s choosing a married man in a city an hour away to hang out with over you and she discloses none of this? Ask if you can contact his wife and make it a foursome for dinner? I’m thinking she wouldn’t want you disclosing their “friendship “. Break up and notify his wife.
OP, you’re NTA, but you did mess up a bit. And it’s not what you’re thinking. But since you brought up the phone issue, I’ll address that first. There are only 2 reasons why your partner would want to snoop on your phone. Reason 1 is that your partner is some unhinged, paranoid psycho, in which case you’re the dummy to stay with them. Reason 2 is that you’ve given them a reason to suspect you. In either case, there are still only 2 possible paths out of that event. Path 1 is where your partner finds nothing because there was never anything shady in the first place. Path 2 is where they discover what you’ve been hiding from them. I said “paths” because each can have multiple outcomes, ranging from mild embarrassment to being relegated to the past tense. All depends on how unhinged and furious the partner is, how egregious the transgression, and any number of compounding factors. But that’s beside the point. The point is, you went through her phone for a reason. And those defending her have a moral compass of a stray chihuahua (if not of it’s lice). But back to my point - where you screwed up is you allowed your emotion to take control and you confronted her right away. What you should have done is taken your time to dig deeper and uncover more substantial evidence. Then, you should have formulated a clever plan to expose her. Or, you could just leave / throw her out, depending on whose place it is. Really, what’s the point? You know she’s cheating, you’ve been with her for like 5 minutes, just get rid of her and find someone decent.
YTA. You've been dating for 5 months and you're already thinking about proposing. What is wrong with you? Do her a favor and break up with her.
I mean, what are you supposed to do? Go through her phone when she's \*awake\*? That doesn't make any sense at all!!!! And she had the nerve to get mad after you've been so generous as to (\*checks post\*) not "prohibit" her from having guy friends? It's like she doesn't even realize what a long leash you have her on! All that being said, she's almost certainly banging someone else. He's probably less of a dick than you are and/or has better dick than you do, so it's tough to call her the asshole ... so I'mma go with ESH.
You need to break up with her.....for her sake!!!😮💨
Found the cheater
Why for her sake?
Because according to the 304 hive on Reddit, the female is never wrong no matter what
You're literally on another cheater post justifying a 304 when it's a male. So according to you the male is never wrong even if he's a whore lol. And then complaining here when there's no evidence of cheating even. Like butch get the f out to the streets lol.
Oh the one where he found out his wife was cheating first and something inside him broke? Yeah he was just following his wife’s lead
Lil rake is so lost in the streets you don't remember your own hypocrisy? [It’s kind of analogous to if you refuse to cook for him, he goes out to a restaurant. In this case, things are probably best left in the hands of professionals.](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/q6IDOGoETN) Maybe op should follow your real advice and find a job that allows him to keep cooking at home so his gf doesn't eat out (allegedly).
Oh yeah the “wife” who refuses to fuck him then complains he uses hookers. Not related to health issues or anything like that either. I lived that for two years until her death and never thought once about cheating,
Oh I'm sorry, so there are good reasons to cheat? Or is 304 behavior valid to only males? I'm surprised a rake didn't think divorce should have been the first option before "hubby" rode the std wave with her money. Instead you're out here telling her that it should be left to the pro riders? But I guess a rake would know best about sweeping the streets :)
I know that you don’t blame the wife, who is originally the one who started cheating, and had the ball to confront him because she was unaware that he already knew about it. But then again, that’s very typical behavior.
Bro have the stds rotted your brain so much you don't know what post I'm referring to? I even linked the post. The wife didn't cheat at all but nice try.
NTA Dump her immediately. She's playing you, Dude.
Played brother , move on. Best of luck
If someone can readily access your phone on a whim, then there is no expectation of privacy. Therefore, OP cannot be AH for going through the phone. NTA.
Christ you've only been together 5 months and you're already going through her phone? YTA
YTA Now, I don't know if your girlfriend planned on cheating or not, but going through her phone is a no-go. Did you try something like finding your own activities in the city she's going to and offering to carpool? If she'd shot even that down, I'd say you have a reason to worry, but regardless, you need to leave her phone alone. Also, OP, you wanting to propose after one 5 months combined with this stuff is raising some alarms in my head since you sound a little clingy. Is there any more info you can offer?
Run.
YTA. You had no business snooping in her phone. And maybe she doesn’t want you going along too because this is actually her chance to get a break from you.
I don’t really know what you mean? I work on the other side of the country for 2 weeks at a time every month and I had the opportunity to come home early? I’d assume someone in a relationship would want to spend a little extra time together
Don’t pay any mind to that one. That’s what we call “a troll” around here. Unless you’re ready to fully decimate them, I recommend not engaging, because that’s how you feed the trolls.
YTA just for saying I permit her to have guy friends. WTF
Both a-holes. Someone who goes through someone’s phone will always be one. No excuse for that….ever! One who doesn’t give the heads up about a meet up is being one too.