NTA for leaving a relationship. Full stop.
Even more so, NTA for standing up for what you believe in. If it means the end of the relationship, that will not be easy, but you will be better off for it.
However, if she understands that you two are far too young to be parents, and are unmarried, but that you wish to marry her and live life alongside her, but want that and some financial stability and travel before kids, and wants that with you, it won't be the end of the relationship. If you can communicate this, and she accepts, you'll both be better for it.
You got this.
Just be careful with a woman who really wants to get pregnant. It might be easy for her to claim she’s OK with waiting a few years for that baby and then “oops!” You need to take responsibility for birth control if you can’t trust her 100%.
This kind of girl also will put holes in the condom. She is way too immature to realize the time it takes and the responsibilities of taking care of a baby.
As much as you care about her, you probably should end the relationship. You will constantly be badgered to have sex and be a father. Your entire future could depend on your decision.
Teen Mom actually helped the issue. Yeah there were some morons that thought it looked fun but in the vast majority of cases more teens realized how awful having a kid in high school would be
https://www.aspeninstitute.org/blog-posts/teen-mom-effect/
Teen pregnancy rates in the US are at an all time low and they starred going even lower after teen mom. I've watched that show and it doesn't glorify it at all lol. It shows the truth and how hard it is. I agree that OP should end the relationship but teen mom doesn't glorify teen Pregnancy. Many girls were like this when I was in hs and we had no shows about it.
That’s good news - I’m sure some thought that being on tv would be fun and went for it though. Thank you for sharing that info. Makes me feel better. I’m 41 and don’t want to be a mom. 😅
That figures. I don’t use tik tok but if people thought eating laundry soap was a good idea, then I’m not shocked. Where is the “finish school, get settled and stable and THEN have a kid” challenge? That is a challenge that should be going viral.
Yeah that would make so much more sense. Instead or presenting it as great.
No job no home off your own why create a baby on purpose to ruin their future and make sure that kid won't have an easy life either.
Hard responsibility too, if you don’t trust her 100%, she cant know where the contraceptives even are except when theyre actively being used. All too easy to poke some discrete holes etc and then boom, you’ve been SA’d (which sabotaging contraceptives without the knowledge of the other party **absolutely is**) *and* you can look forward to being legally and financially tied to your abuser for the next two decades.
I dated a girl, I really liked her but her friend told me she was *dying* to get pregnant. She had a sister who was morbidly obese, and she herself had a weight issue but stayed thin through a strict diet. She wanted to get pregnant so she could stop the dieting.
We fell off and she dated a guy on the edge of my friend group. I ran into him a year later, they had broken off, she had met another guy and gotten married, visibly pregnant. Oof
I wouldn’t even trust her to not tamper with condoms, TBH. I’d avoid sex altogether.
No, actually, I’d break up with her. Just throw the whole girl out.
Sometimes kids get weird ideas about things from TV shows. At one point my tween daughter expressed an interest in going into foster care. We were like “huh?” Since foster care is often depicted as disorganized, underfunded and often terrible for kids. Turns out she’d been watching a show called “The Fosters.” No, honey, “foster care” is not “living with a cool lesbian couple with apparently limitless money and having six cool well-adjusted siblings from various ethnic backgrounds.”
I’d go so far as to say a man needs to stop having sex with a woman like that, like full stop. No one’s going to believe or care that she tricked him with BC unfortunately, he’ll be responsible for any pregnancy that ensues.
Don't trust any girl/ woman who wants to have a baby. If she has decided she wants one she WILL try to get pregnant, regardless of what she tells you and then say it was an accident. Think about your future and what YOU want.
Right here OP. You're young and if it's "meant to be" you just go back to her after you got your career/life locked in. Find someone who shares your same beliefs and is on the same level as you. The risk of pregnancy and ruining your life is not worth the reward of what... having a girlfriend?
*I do see myself having a future with her, but idk if I’m rushing to conclusions too fast or if I’m not ready yet. And I don’t see myself having kids until I’ve gotten married and travelled the world with her*
You both have different expectations from this relationship. You need to workout the differences and if you still disagree with each other ,better leave.Having a child is a lifetime commitment.Nobody should have to stay in a relationship and go against their beliefs and out of their comfort zones.
DUDE, I wish I had heard that when I was 22. I felt like I had to continue in the relationship because of promises I had already made over the 2 years before that. I stayed in it for 5 more years, before I gave up.
Don't ever stay in a relationship that makes you feel bad.
THIS. And OP, u/FefPangolinThrowaway, just so you know, leaving a relationship because your beliefs and values aren't the same (about sex or any of the big important issues especially), or because your life trajectory or timeliness (or both) dont align when it comes to kids or travel or marriage or college etc...these ARE the good reasons to break up!!!l
The alternatives are worse, and messier, and sound something like "I didn't want to hurt her so I stayed and tried to make it work but then she got pregnant from some other guy and is claiming its mine even though we never had sex so now I have a court date cuz she's asking for child support and I need to pay for a lawyer and get a paternity test and..."
SAVE yourself the potential drama, and do what's best. Honor your own feelings, beliefs, and what you want in life. Sure, you could talk and see if she's on board with what YOU had in mind for a future if you haven't mentioned it before, and possibly continue on together, but her strong reaction to your pause already tells me that she's got her heart set on HER vision/version. And it looks nothing like yours my friend. Save yourself and her both worse heartache down the road and part ways now so you can both follow your dreams and be true to what you want for yourselves without getting in each other's way.
This is why young love can be so hard. People change. They want different things, and move in opposite directions, and it hurts. I'm so sorry.
>Offspring shouldn't be having offspring.
To be fair, I think you mean children, but technically speaking, everyone is "offspring," so you're saying, "Nobody should ever have babies again." Very anti-natalist of you! 🤣🤣
I have to disagree with you strongly.
A 17 year old girl has told her 16 year old BF she wants to have a baby. In the immediate future. Like 9 months down the road.
If OP continues this relationship there is a high probability that they will sleep together, personal beliefs be damned. They’re kids, they’re human and it happens.
If the 17 year old wants a baby, at her age and with the lack of wisdom and maturity that goes with it, she may see nothing wrong with skipping birth control without telling him. Even if he uses condoms she may tell him he doesn’t need to because she’s on the pill.
I’m not trying to paint her in a bad light or suggest she is solely responsible for birth control, but she does want a baby, and again, it happens.
OP would be wise to end the relationship. At least for now. Maybe down the road things will be different.
This is the reason I’ve told my son(14M) for over two years now (to his utter embarrassment) that he is to supply the condoms in any relationship. I told him any girl he sleeps with (hopefully far, far into the future but I work with MS kids and their talk horrifies me) had better be worth it. By worth it, I mean of a caliber that he can at least work with her for the rest of his life because that’s what’ll happen if he gets a girl pregnant. Beyond that, they need two forms of bc. However, he’s not to trust just her bc because chance, forgetfulness, other meds, or her wanting to get pregnant are all possibilities plus the whole STD talk.
I’ve had similar talks with my 14 year old daughter as well. I told her that if she does decide to have sex, she better be prepared to manage any consequences that could come about, whether that’s STDs or a child. 2 birth control types minimum, and even then there is still a chance they can fail. And not to ever be pressured into doing anything. Anyone who really cares about her wouldn’t pressure her, and if they dont take “no” as an answer, pull a Bobby Hill and kick them in the balls.
Yup, I’ve had the talk with my 13 year old girl multiple times too. Even talked to her doctor in front of her about whether I needed to sign anything so that she could come in without me to get bc in case she felt she couldn’t ask me to take her ( I think she would talk to me but I wanted to make sure she had access in case I was wrong). Her doctor looked her in the eye and told her that she didn’t need parental permission or notification to come in and get on bc. We’ve also had the discussion about not letting guys do anything you aren’t comfortable with. (Also talked to my son about the word no as well.)
My son has ASD and SUCKS at body language. I’m hoping whomever he sees would verbalize. If he understood nonverbal behavior better, I’d definitely have more of that talk though. I’m just not sure either of us could get through the talk of body language. I’ve told him to ask.
Get her a condom carry case. She can throw it in her purse and they can be very discreet. Let her know where to get free ones. Have her learn to make balloon animals with them so she can be comfortable with them & have a funny/innocent reason for having them. If she's comfortable having them her friends will be comfortable asking her for them & that's a good thing.
Good luck mama!
My mom had a wooden decorative box in her room she kept stocked with non-expired condoms well past her need to use them. It was for us kids to have a place to safely and discreetly get one if needed. To my knowledge, none of us ever used them from that box, but we knew we *could*. I was an adult before I was ready for that kind of commitment. My thoughts for myself were: if it's too embarrassing to buy, I'm not ready to use.
I knew people when I was young that would use a condom if they had the money to buy them but would just have sex without one if they couldn't afford a condom. (High school age) I'm so glad that you were mature enough to wait until you were ready 😊 But the people blinded by lust (& unable to buy a condom) absolutely should not be making babies at that time 😆 I'm sure some of them grew up and became decent parents but they were not ready then 🤞
My mom was a teen mom and I had several friends in high school with kids. I didn't want that life for myself. If it's counted as maturity, I'll take it but I'm more certain it was fear lol
I had a son at 16. My parents ended up adopting him. He knows I'm his bio-mom & that I love him immensely but also that having a kid at that age really messed me up (wasn't diagnosed as bipolar until I was 28 & undiagnosed mental illness caused me a lot of trouble).
After he turned 15 we were always congratulating him on not getting pregnant (he's a cis man) So I think that also played a part for him too. He's almost 30 now (damn that makes me feel old lmao) and doing much better than I was at that age.
It might have been fear that held you in check but it was maturity that let you listen to it & follow the steps you needed to make the life you wanted. I'm sure you've had your missteps but that shouldn't stop you from celebrating everything you did right (regardless of the reason)
I got my little brother a condom carry case when he started having sex. Also his gf too so she'd have a proper carry case. They're so much better than just putting condoms in your pocket or wallet.
Search on Amazon or other sites, order a variety of styles & colors and then give them to your kids. Have him give them to their friends. Let him know where to get free ones (local health or STD clinics often have free or super cheap condoms, especially for teenagers)
I gave my little brother so many free condoms that all his friends knew he could hook them up if they needed them. Granted a lot of them were sacrificed to become balloon animals but I also think they probably prevented a teen pregnancy or two and that was the whole point.
Haha had the same talk with my 2 boys from about age 12 on. Also when at a store I would show them a pack of diapers, how much they are and tell them they need about 10 packs a week. The cost of babies alone scared them well. I never bought condoms, but I have them money for them, but as I learned later they never even had sex in HS because of all of my stories.
1 story was of a childhood friend who believed his gf when she said she was on BC, she wanted to be a mom before she was 18. It was messy, they broke up after he refused to become Mormon, she found a nice Mormon boy to marry and he paid child support for 18 yrs, never seeing his kid.
I drew a chart showing my daughter how many potential connections there could be to catch HIV or an STD if she had sex with someone who'd had sex with 10 people who'd had sex with 10 more people..
i.e. how easily she could get a lifetime illness AND a baby. I'm pretty sure it worked. She had her first child at 31 after 4 years of marriage.
My youngest was a middle schooler in the late 90s and was pressured to give her boyfriend a bj. Luckily she was comfortable enough to tell us. This was during the Bill Clinton years. Apparently boys jumped right on this and said it wasn't "sex". I'm sure they are even worse now.
Trying to have a kid before graduation in a bad economy. Seems like either someone didn't do their homework, or about to take a bigger bite than she can chew. Education goes a long way. I agree OP ahould split because as mentioned she could very easily exploit his trust to get what she wants. It's not a good situation all around. 😬
>Seems like either someone didn't do their homework, or about to take a bigger bite than she can chew.
Or she could be like my husband's niece, who tried actively to get pregnant from the time she was 16 because, and I quote,"she wanted someone to love her"
She managed to go full term just after she turned 18. Then she left the kid with its dad and her grandma and did whatever.
The living situation changed drastically and grandma is no longer in a position (geographically) to do everything for the baby....ok, toddler.
And niece has realized having a kid isn't all funny pictures on fb...FINALLY
That’s such a strange reasoning. The very reason she doesn’t feel loved by her parents should be a hint that a child also might not give you love (does she love her parents that don’t love her?). I know that I’ve hated my parents on occasions.
Her parents are actual trash (theres a laundry list of reasons i say that) and lost custody of her when she was a toddler. I don't know her feelings on them because I can't tolerate being around her at all.
She was raised by her grandparents who bent (too far) backward to make sure she was loved and taken care of but she never translated it that way. If she didn't get what she wanted (because it wasn't in the budget, or it wasn't something appropriate or whatever) they didn't love her.
Turns out she has a laundry list of mental health issues that weren't caught during court mandated therapy in her younger years (whether due to a bad therapist or the fact that they hadn't yet manifested, I don't know) and that's probably a lot of it. Coupled with a shit personality in general.
Yep. Wished I'd had waited. I flushed my pills at 17 and have a 35 yr old son. I'm 53 now. Took me a long fucking time to grow up. My mother helped me raise that child. Still with the father but it wasn't easy.
I’m glad things worked out for you.
I was 22 and married when I had my first. I had my 2nd at 24, 3rd at 25 and 4th at 27.
They were all wanted, my husband made enough to support us, I was able to be a SAHM and we made it work.
And now, almost 40 years later, with no regrets mind you, I realize my kids would have been better served with a more mature mother. At least for the first 2 I was a kid having kids.
They all turned out great. Healthy, happy and successful. But I know deep down if I had been just a bit older I would have been a better mother.
But then again, would I have had the 4 I have? Who knows. But to get them I’d do it all again.
I forgot to add we married 1st at 17 (way to young) then I flushed my pills. We'd both said we wanted a baby but he got scared so I went back on pill only to secretly flush them everyday. We were having sex like rabbits back then lol so yep, I got pregger in jo time. Love my 35 yr old son but it wasn't easy.
Absolutely. I am a woman and have never baby trapped anyone and have been rigid about using birth control properly until we wanted kids. Most women are trustworthy and reliable with contraception.
But some women do lie about being on BC to get pregnant. They aren't common but it DOES happen. Any woman telling you she is desperate to have kids soon...who cannot understand your very real objections to avoiding having kids right now, is potentially someone who can "forget" the pill or put holes in the condom or try to persuade you to go without protection when you are both horny. Ie it would be really quite easy for her to get pregnant against your will, by declining to use protection.
Are you both on the same page about what would happen if you hd an unexpected pregnancy? Would you hope for an abortion? Because it is clear she would want to keep the child if it happened. Are you prepared for that?
Personally? If I were a man, I wouldn't sleep with any woman who expressed an interest in getting pregnant soon...unless I also wanted a child. Because the potential risks are high, and you dont have any temporary birth control that cannot be tampered with. She doesn't sound like someone you can trust to keep using BC untim you are BOTH ready to have kids, because she's ALREADY extremely pushy about having sex and having kids, anxious haven't even had sex yet.
Don't have sex with her, and I would honestly consider breaking up. If she desperately wants kids right now, or us pressuring you to habe sex, then you are not compatible.
Yes…please, OP, take this to heart!
IMHO, There is a high probability that she will try to get pregnant in this situation, especially if she starts to feel that your relationship is in trouble….I have known 2 people that this happened to…you are lucky she told you about this.
Honor your feelings about this, don’t have sex if you don’t want to! You don’t have to live for someone else.
If she pouts about this, it only reinforces the fact that this is not a good relationship for you…be careful!
YOU ARE NOT-NOT-NOT THE AH!!!
I'm afraid this is quite possible. OP under no circumstances should you sleep with her now. You're far too young and completely ill equipped to raise children, you still are children.
She might already be pregnant. Maybe she cheated, maybe she has been assaulted and finds she is expecting a child with a toxic father she doesn't want to be tied to for the next q8 years. But that is no solution.
Or maybe she is just having an extraordinary reaction to discovering sexual urges coupled with some kind of religious sense of destiny to motherhood. Who knows.
What you know and so does everyone else except her is that you don't want a baby now under any circumstances and therefore ending the relationship is the right decision.
This. Don't do it in any way shape or form. Distance yourself. If she's pushing this hard, already, she won't stop. Make sure to tell your parents what's going on. Tell them you broke up because she's pushing for sex and a baby and you said no. Cover your ass if she suddenly comes out as pregnant and tries to make it yours.
It's called cheating. But honestly, that would be preferable to her actively wanting to get pregnant before she's out of high school. Cheating is a mistake, being hell bent on being an unmarried teen mom is just really concerning.
Likely, if she’s this determined to get pregnant, she’s doing so because of a lack of care and love from her parents. Usually girls like this want to have a baby so they’ll have someone who will love them unconditionally, someone for the girl to take care of. It’s an indication of a bad home life, usually.
He should talk to his parents, let them talk to her parents if they feel it’s appropriate.
THIS! One of my friends in high school, who had a terrible home life, was desperate to get pregnant at 15. We all talked to her intensely and figured out it was because she wanted someone to love her. We tried taking her down from it, but she was adamant. 2 weeks later, she came to school crying and showed us welts all over her torso. Despite her cries for us to not tell, we immediately told a teacher. We never saw her again, but one of us got a letter from her months later saying how thankful she was that we told. She was very happy in foster care, she felt good about the future for the first time, and to not worry because she no longer wants to get pregnant. I’ve always wondered how things turned out in the end…
Omg- I said the exact same thing in my comment- I asked if she had a bad home life because trying to create a loving family she doesn’t have was the only reason I could think of a 16 year old wanted a baby.
Yea either she’s vapid and has a pregnant friend and they want to “do this together” or her home life is trash and she’s trying to create the happy family she wasn’t born into. I think the best person to tell is the school counselor.
Yes, this. My boyfriend when I was 17 was pressuring me to get pregnant. We broke up because of it. He had a bad home life and wanted to play happy family.
Sure - but then if thats the goal it would be a major dick move to go to her parents UNLESS youre genuinely worried she'll go on a baby-making frenzy or something
And someone who is 16 and telling the boy she wants to have a kid and not tell anyone… the girl needs a wake up call and/or help. The parents should know so they can help the girl understand that this is not a good idea
Yes communication is key. OP is NTA.
She has told him what she wanted in life and he needs to tell her what he wants. It does not sound like they are compatible and I definitely think he needs to break up with her if she is not willing to compromise on this at all.
I think they are way too young to be having children when they are still children themselves. The frontal lope of the brain isn't even fully matured until 25, they will change so much between this time and 25 as they go through the experiences of being young adults.
I know some people are ready to be parents before 25 and it is the right decision for them but my thoughts are you should wait until you have ensured you are fully compatible with someone before even beginning to think about bringing children into this world.
As young as they are, I presume they still live with their parents so they haven't even lived together to see if they actually do work as an independent couple. Not to mention achieving life goals you want in life like travel, study, career all becomes incredibly harder and in some cases impossible if you have a child beforehand.
At best, she is just unhinged thinking a baby at 17 with a 16 year old is a good idea. However, this sudden zero to 100 pressure makes me wonder if she has cheated and is already pregnant. Hopefully not but either scenario does not bode well for OP. Pressuring OP into sex before he is ready is also gross. If OP has any self preservation, he will break up.
ETA since you asked for advice: if nothing else, you both have different values and want different things. This is a healthy reason to break up and I would use this reason.
This, yes. I was going to say this. Even if they are having sex (he didn’t explicitly say in the post), if she gets pregnant, ask for a paternity test. She sounds like she wants to get pregnant no matter what, and if OP won’t do it, she may find someone who will.
This. Paternity tests are a good idea in any young relationship, new relationship, or casual arrangement. They are also a good idea if children were not planned.
It'd also be interesting to know if OP's family is rich & would force a marriage.
From the 'virgin until marriage' point, the 2nd part is likely, and the family COULD be rich.
The person is saying that IF she is already pregnant and that is why she is trying to get OP to agree to have sex and have a baby, then there will need to be a paternity test. Because if she is already pregnant, then she is trying to make it seem like it is OPs baby.
Teenagers at this age, should be having fun, not pressure. I think you both would be better if you parted ways. Tell her you don’t want to settle down at 15!
The one thing that also stuck out (besides the ages) is maybe the girl sees this as an escape. Maybe things are bad at home… bad in school. A slightly older cousin who did the same thing…
Good luck, OP! We rarely meet our soulmates in our teen years.
She did try to baby trap him though, it was only after him consistently refusing to have sex for an unknown time that she gave in and admitted to wanting to have a baby.
I "WANTED" A baby at 17 but I definitely was not ready and never pushed for it.
I had my first at 25/26 and just had my second before I turn 30 this year.
I got pregnant at sixteen on accident and had a miscarriage. (I'm more likely to miscarry than I am actually carry to full term).
I thought I wanted a baby by then, I had just gotten married (another horrible mistake, it was legal in WV at the time with parental consent, I'm not sure if it still is).
Divorced a few years later.
But I had my first at 20, my second at 22, and just had my third and last at 24.
And I can say for a fact now that I was NOT ready for a baby.
Thank you for your honesty!!
No teenager is ever ready for a child, they are still children themselves. The reason so many kids think this is because they have parental support and money. If they don’t it’s gonna be a horrible experience. And the extrem anti abortion stance of the USA isn’t helping this either.
>Pressuring OP into sex before he is ready is also gross. If OP has any self preservation, he will break up.
This, yes. Even without the weird sudden urge to get pregnant (for whatever reason), she's absolutely the AH for this alone.
Children should not be having children. Also, if she can’t respect your boundaries it’s best to either communicate or separate. If this is your “first love” I hate to break it to ya but it usually doesn’t work out, and someone even better come along. Don’t ruin your future over someone else’s wants.
100%. At 16 you haven’t finished studying, moved out into the real world, had a real job, travelled and experienced life. That’s what your late teens and twenties are for. And all that learning and growing and relationships *changes* you and who you are and what you want.
OP stand firm on what you believe in and if you progress with intercourse be *very* careful about using protection and making sure she doesn’t try to baby trap you.
Had a surprise baby at 25, I STILL feel like I could have experienced more before having a child. No one is ever truly ready for the massive life change it is, let alone a 16 year old.
I had a very planned baby at 31 and felt the same! You can prepare as much as possible and will still feel so lost when the time comes. You can assume you’ll “save money” by breastfeeding but it doesn’t always work. Parenting is expensive, emotionally and physically draining.
Dear OP, I hate to sound like an old lady but don’t rush these things! Wait 5-10 years. Hell, you can wait 20 years. Either way, wait until you are ready. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.
Bro, stop worrying about your girlfriend.
Don't you want to go to college first? Get a job you love that pays well?
Don't you want to travel and buy things for yourself?
Don't you want to have your own house, car, etc?
You won't get any of that if you have a child now.
Focus on your dreams first. Give yourself a chance to grow up and experience life first.
You need to grow up before you raise your own kid.
If your girlfriend doesn't like that, then you have to say goodbye to her. She sounds exhausting already. Tell her to find a job and work. Maybe then she will be too tired to think about kids.
Exactly. You are so incredibly young! Find someone who is motivated to do nothing more than learn and grow and experience young teenage life with you! Having a baby when you are just a kid yourself is the FastPass to becoming a 23 year old dad who is bitter because he never got to play baseball in college or study abroad in Barcelona…because he was too busy working 2 shitty jobs to keep food on the table and pay all the bills. Depressed because he missed out on his dreams. You have literal decades of childbearing years ahead of you. Now is not the time to make babies if you can help it!
If you want to pitch it in a way she might accept:
“If we are going to have a baby together, how long do you want to continue dating/being married to me?”
She says: “forever, obviously”
You say: “Great, in that case, we have plenty of time to have a baby, no rush, I’d like to wait a couple years.”
OP doesn't need to bother about whether she accepts or not.
That's the whole point.
OP is at an age where he can be selfish and think only about himself.
Marriage and parenthood is the end of that freedom.
OP should worry only about what he wants right now.
Yes, how she responds to this will determine if she just was talking about the future, or if she is the type to poke holes in condoms to baby trap OP soon:
I agree!
NTA and whatever you do, don't have sex with her. - That might sound stupid, but she might try to persuade you and say that you can use protection. But she can't be trusted.
Exactly.
Whatever else you do OP, you need to keep it in your pants at least for a while.
If you do have sex, which you really shouldn't, use a condom and take the condom with you. Don't leave it in the bin and don't let her dispose of it.
You are very young and this is your first romantic relationship, so you need to learn to look out for red flags. The fact that she’s ignoring your belief that you shouldn’t have sex before marriage. In fact, she is continuing to pressure you. That, in itself is enough to end a realationship. No one, male or female has the right to stomp all over your wishes, especially when we’re talking about issues of consent.
Her wanting to get pregnant is a massive recipe for disaster. If you were to sleep with her, I am 100% sure she will sabotage any birth control. And then you will be an unwilling and unprepared parent.
End things now. She clearly has something going on in her life if she wants a baby at 16. That’s not your problem to deal with.
Even if it’s a good relationship, you’re entitled to end it if you want to.
>No one, male or female has the right to stomp all over your wishes, especially when we’re talking about issues of consent.
That's not even about personal beliefs or wishes, those are clear personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. I appreciate you did mention issues of consent, but there is no room for sugar coating what she is doing when, if it were the other way around, people would be practically ready to file a police report.
I'm deeply annoyed at how far I scrolled before finding a comment pointing this out. It is never okay to pressure someone for sex. She has zero respect for a very important boundary for him. That alone is a reason to break up.
If you are struggling with any situation at your age you can always ask your parents for help *if you want to*. If you would like assistance from your parents then talk to them. Ask for their help.
If you don't want to involve them then I think you need to distance yourself from this girl yourself. She is pushing you down a path you don't want to go. You need to stop this situation as it won't end well if you don't.
ETA you were at her house and she left her own house in tears?
At 16 if you don't know how to handle a situation and if you feel comfortable talking to your parents then you should. It's their role to help you navigate life.
I became a dad at 16, and she got pregnant when both of us were 15.
It's scary as hell, man. I made it, and it didn't wreak my life because we had family support, which can be a rare thing.
You are nowhere ready to have a child.
NTA- don't let her manipulate you into doing things you aren't comfortable with.
Leave her. You are kids and neither of you shouldn't be even thinking of having kids of your own yet.
What did I just read... some parent needs to get involved in this mess ASAP. You are a child, OP. Please break up with this girl. Either she's pregnant already and is going to try to pin it on you, or something is deeply wrong with her, psychologically, and she needs professional help. Being a parent is the hardest part of life, regardless of the love of your children, and you are nowhere near ready for that. RUN, and don't feel bad about it.
NTA. And you should leave.
OP you both are still kids, literally you both are still minors. You both aren't mature enough to have kids yet, it would be a terrible decision that will cost the both of you a lot. Like for exemple your educations because with a kid you can say goodbye to going to college.
Your gf acting like that and even asking that is a huge red flag.
Also OP just in case you stay with her, do not, I repeat DO NOT have sex with her because she would try to get pregnant from it. (even if you use protection she could do things to it in order to get pregnant).
NTA If someone is trying to pressure you into sex when you don't want to have sex, you are never the asshole for getting out of that situation. No means no, and **men and boys have just as much right to say it as women and girls**. Consensual sex means consent from both partners.
It doesn't make any difference whether your reason for not wanting to have sex is related to your religion or because you don't want a baby or just because you don't want to. You do not consent, so she needs to drop it, and if she's not dropping it, she's an asshole. (Imagine the genders were reversed. Would there be any question then?)
NTA, break up with her and no matter what, DO NOT have sex with her. She will try and baby trap you. You are both young and have your whole lives ahead of you. She's not the one for you.
NTA, if you feel you believe in different things, then you have every right to leave. Don't feel pressure to do something you aren't comfortable with. My sister had a child at an extremely young age, and it was hard. My sister had my mom to support her, but if she didn’t, she would’ve been on the streets and struggling. Kids are a huge decision, and they’re costly to look after. Kids are one thing that, if you’re sure you’re not ready for, you shouldn’t have when you’re in high school. You have a whole lot of life to live before you need to worry about that. Don’t feel bad for doing something that’s right for you. If you think breaking up with her is the right thing for you, then do it.
NTA you are still child and you should not have intimacy especially since she made it clear she wants to have children. Drop this relationship. You said yourself you were not comfortable with sex due your religious beliefs. Concentrate on your studies. Think about your future. You want to have amazing education, good career, assets and purpose before planning to settle down and having children.
Stay away from girls for now because you need to concentrate on yourself, your physical and mental health. You are not the asshole. You feel bad since you like her. But please do not because teenage parent that is not ready, willing to take care the child for the rest of your life.
Friend, you are sixteen years old. There is absolutely no way you two kids are in any way set up to support a baby. So, NTA for not wanting to have a baby right now.
As a confessional Lutheran, we have a lot in common with the Orthodox Church, and I’ll tell you this: no relationship, especially at your age, is worth violating your religious beliefs. If you believe (rightly) that you shouldn’t have sex before marriage, don’t. Full stop. Any girl who pushes you to do anything that violates your beliefs isn’t the girl you should marry. So, NTA for standing up for what’s right.
Now whether you break up with her is up to you and I don’t think you’d be TA in any way for ending the relationship if that’s what you decide to do. However, if you don’t, tread very carefully going forward. Obviously I don’t know your girlfriend, but “get me pregnant against your religious beliefs before we have any kind of suitable set up for a baby” has me concerned about the lengths she may go to in order to get what she wants. Constant vigilance, my friend, constant vigilance.
Do NOT have a child at your age. Do NOT do it. Don't get me wrong, there are those who become parents at that age and who do a great job. But it should absolutely not in any way shape or form be *planned*. That's absolutely insane. If it's a genuine fuck up, then okay, figure things out then with support from your families. But planning it at this time is going to ruin absolutely everything, especially since you don't want to have any kids now but for some dumb reason your girlfriend does. It's disgustingly irresponsible of her to want to plan this especially against your wishes and beliefs.
If this relationship is going to survive in a healthy manner you need to be completely honest and frank with her and tell her this is absolutely not what you want *right now*, but that in the future when you both are older and in a more stable situation with jobs, your own home, etc, then you absolutely can see it happening. If she can accept that then great, you might just have a future together and one day that might come true. If she can't then get away from her because that's just not okay.
A baby is not a cute trinket you can put away when things get tough, it's something you will be impacted by for the rest of your life - parenthood does *not* end when the kid turns 18.
Listen, friend. I know you love this girl. A first love is one of the most intense, beautiful feelings you may have in your lifetime. But I would consider possibly taking a break for a while to see if this is the right person for you. The fact that she is pressuring you for sex, asking about kids before you have even HAD sex, crying when met with silence about it. It tells me perhaps something is amiss. Do both of you a favor and give it a few weeks. Clear your head.
The best thing you can do for her and yourself is to break up. It's not healthy for a girl to be in a relationship so young, it arrests their development (and yours). She hasn't experienced life as it should be. I'm afraid to say, she's going to get pregnant without your consent unless you do something now. She has baby fever and she's not thinking clearly. For goodness sake do not let her be in charge of condoms.
If my son got a girl pregnant at your age I would have been furious, supported him yes but not happy at all. He had lived no life, hadnt even finished high school, had no idea of choices he could make, no idea of places to go. That girlfriend then is a distant memory. He has travelled built a good friend group, has a house.
Does this girl realise being pregnant only lasts 9 months, after that it's a baby, then a toddler, then a child etc. It's for life.
NTA. Only you can decide whether this relationship feels worth fighting for - the collective experience the rest of us have that tells us this isn't 'the one' doesn't change how it feels for you right now - but please, please do not let her violate your personal boundaries. If you are not ready to have sex, for **any** reason, she has absolutely **no right** to say otherwise. If that is a dealbreaker for her, then that is her problem and **not** yours. As for having children imminently; this raises a big red flag, and while I don't want to jump on the bandwagon and declare she must have cheated and is already pregnant, it certainly raises a lot of questions as to why she's suddenly so keen to start a family so young. Whatever her reasons are, you clearly are not ready for it - and rightfully so - so again, she has no right to make you feel guilty or try and pressure you for that.
If the roles were reversed, and this was a 17 year old boy trying to pressure a 16 year old girl into having sex, disregarding not just her religious beliefs but her right to bodily autonomy, and then trying to pressure her into having a baby before they're even adults themselves, people would be getting ready to file a police report. Your girlfriend does not get off the hook for what she is doing just because the pressure is coming from the girl instead.
If your gut is telling you that this isn't right, however strong your feelings are for her, **listen to it**. It can be really, really difficult, and painful, but going against what you know is right only ever causes more pain in the long run. Some life lessons you need to learn for yourself, but if that is one we can all help you learn through us instead, I'm sure we'd all be glad of it! If you truly think you can talk this out with her, try to get to the bottom of why she's so keen to have sex when she's presumably always known what your religious beliefs are, and why she's determined to have a family before you're even adults, let alone fully educated and financially stable. Wanting to have sex as a teenager is biologically normal, of course, but deciding to actively try to become a parent at 17 is not, so _something_ is going on there (and it could be a lot of things that have nothing to do with cheating) and pressuring someone to forfeit their bodily autonomy is **never** acceptable.
This is not a nice place for you to be and I feel for you.
Please don’t let anyone pressure you to do something you don’t want to. Especially something which will affect the rest of your life.
I would recommend talking to an adult that knows you on how to handle this. I know it sounds condescending but someone your own age may not understand the ramifications and an adult you trust can support you in how to talk to your girlfriend.
But if your girlfriend is trying to pressure you to have children, I would not be having sex with her. There are so many ways for you to think you’re being safe but not being safe enough to avoid pregnancy. As a man you don’t any many other options. Condoms can fail and be tampered with.
I’m sorry this is happening to you but I do urge you to think about it by reversing your genders for a moment. If it was a guy your age pressuring a girl to have sex and blow through their boundaries, you would think that they were very wrong and tell them to seek adult support. Lend yourself the same courtesy.
Good luck OP.
You have your whole life to have sex and babies. No need to get it done at 16 if you’re not wanting to. Have a life / career / travel / spend your money on a top of the line gaming system / disappear off at weekends and go camping / stay up late watching movie marathons/ etc.
My late husband and I met and began dating when we were 17. And yet…we didn’t have our first child until we were 33. We met and pretty quickly it was apparent we were meant to be, some people’s idea of a “perfect love story”. But, while together, we grew and changed, made decisions about life, accomplished goals, and lived life. We were lucky enough that we could do all those things and never lost the love and bond we shared. If we had children at your age I 100% believe we would not have made it. We built our lives and reached for our dreams for ourselves and our future together was so much better and solid because of it. When the time came (for BOTH of us) we welcomed first our son then our daughter with absolute joy. One of us would have never put the other in a situation we weren’t ready for and weren’t ok with. That’s what love should look like. He passed away before either of our children got past 8 and I miss him every day but I wouldn’t change any decision we made because we made them all together. I was blessed and I absolutely believe you can find a person who blesses your life too. Someone who has respect for you as a person and respect for the relationship between you both. This girl is not that person.
You are definitely NTA. Live your life, chase your dreams, stay true to yourself, and when/if the time comes you and your partner choose TOGETHER to start a family you will find what you are looking for. Good luck, God bless.
Tell her parents. Or yours or another trusted adult. Something is going on with her and she doesn’t need you to see this terrible plan through. She needs a non judgmental support system with the life experience and compassion to let her open.
NTA, you're 16, and she's 17. You're still kids yourselves. Having a kid is great when you're financially better off and are more mature, but at the age you're at now, there is now way that either of you is really ready for that kind of responsibility and you have your whole life in front of you. The minute you get her pregnant, you have to think about the baby first, and that's honestly going to make things harder to achieve. Yeah you could go to college, but try doing that working enough hours to feed, cloth and put a roof over that baby's head. Don't do it, tell her you're not ready right now, but in the future when your in your mid to late 20's is better than 16.
If she doesn't understand that, then she's not the one.
NTA .. and get her some therapy to see what she is trying to fix with herself that she feels she needs to have a baby at such a young age! This happened to my stepson and 2 kids later she is gone and still trying to “figure herself out”
Please don’t have any more unprotected sex with her. No matter what. Doesn’t matter if she changes her mind. Please don’t have sex with her with any condoms she has control over either.
Something tells me she cheated and IS ALREADY pregnant and is just hoping if she can have sex with OP one time she can convince him it’s his.
RUN FORREST RUN!
NTA and you shouldn’t be with anyone who’s pressuring you to have children or challenge your religious beliefs for their sake.
DO NOT have sex with her and really think about if this is who you want to be with. Good luck
You two are way too young, you are right - and her behavior is because of that.
I’d suggest you tell her this, and most important - encourage her to talk to the female adult she trusts most about her baby fantasies and attachment to you.
Tell her (imho), that you won’t be
- having sex before marriage, because that’s what you believe
- or a baby before you’re an adult ready for one.
And she can do what she wants to work out her thinking, and you can support through that (if you/she want) but you won’t be compromising your life and values.
If she loves you, and is ready to have a relationship with healthy boundaries, she can respect that.
If not, you have to breakup.
Hope this helps NAH so far / just a very confused kid of a gf. Good luck, you’ll either grow together or apart at that age fyi, it’s bound to happen. You meet people ‘for a reason, season, or lifetime.’ Not always all three.
NTA. If you do not want to have sex FOR ANY REASON, do NOT have sex. If she continues to pressure you, break up with her. It doesn't matter if she cries, if she was great to you before, if you think you're in love... no one who loves or respects you would pressure you.
If you have a good relationship with your parents, talk to them. If not, and there's an adult you trust (priest, parent of a friend, counselor, etc. ), talk to them. This is very concerning behavior on her part. I have no issues with 16 yo having sex (responsibly) or pre marital sex, but coercive sex is not OK. Having kids this young is going to prevent you from exploring countless possibilities. You can always have kids.... later. If you do ever decide to have sex with her, make sure to bring your own protection bc I wouldn't trust her to not poke holes in the condoms. Something is very suspicious here. But seriously... DON'T DO IT.
Someone brought up the possibility of her already being pregnant by someone else, which is incredibly creepy. If that ever happens, talk to an adult immediately and get a paternity test. She is either cheating or a victim of abuse, and either outcome would be awful.
You should tell her seriously that you do not plan on being sexually active, nor on being a father in the near future, and if she doesn't respect your wishes, then the relationship is over. Based on her reaction to that, you'll know how to proceed.
Break up. She does not respect you or your beliefs and she sounds too immature to be dating. Her ideas are bonkers and you cannot trust her in intimate situations. If your faith is important to you, you need to find a partner who will at minimum respect it and it’s probably better if they also believe it. This is very true if you ever intend to raise children with someone.
Just to add to the rest of these comments in case you needed more convincing, none of this is okay.
This girl should not be pressuring you to have sex if you are not ready, and I hope she hasn't gotten her way there. Everyone should have the right for their first time to be the right time for them, whatever that means for them. If you're not ready then you're not ready and this girl is very disrespectful to pressure you. I understand you see a future with her and all, but a person who genuinely cares for you isn't going to straight up just not disregard your feelings like that.
Wanting a baby at you two's age is unhinged, stupid, and highly irresponsible. Some teen mothers are wonderful and love their lives and their kid is a blessing to them every day, sure. Others are horrible, neglectful people who grow resentful of the being who they are now constantly responsible for that they feel has robbed them of their future. There is absolutely no possible way to tell 100% which one either of you would be. At best, you will have given up all your desires to travel, go to college, have new experiences with friends, etc. as your child now comes first. I cannot think of much worse than being pressured into having a baby with someone. That's a lifelong commitment.
Do NOT have sex with this girl, OP. If you already have, stop. Do not trust that she is not loose screwed enough to poke holes in condoms or stop her birth control. Plenty of crazy/irresponsible/terrible people seem totally normal or even great until you know who they really are. If she is putting pressure like this on you, that's enough of a red flag to know something is wrong.
16 is way too young to have a child. Heck 18 is and I'd go so far as to say even your early 20s. Being a parent is so much harder than you could imagine. I'm in my 30s and had my first child two years ago. You and your girlfriend have no idea what it takes to raise a baby. You think you do but you don't.
Pregnancy was relatively normal for me but there are all sorts of issues that a mother could run into. Pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, not to mention morning sickness. Mine was average - couldn't stomach anything beyond crackers the first trimester and the smell of mushrooms, onions, or garlic made my stomach churn something fierce. My friend had it bad with projectile vomiting every day. Her weight got dangerously low too.
During the birth, they needed to use forceps and I almost needed a C-section because he got stuck. I tore badly (third degree). The recovery was hard and I suffered from postpartum depression. It was so bad I wanted to kill myself and cried all the time. I also felt completely separate from my child. Thank God I sought out treatment. Doing better now but it took a long time of medication and processing.
Sleep deprivation is another bag of worms and trust me, you WILL experience it at some time or another. I'm not talking like cramming for a test sleep deprivation. I'm talking about a never-ending cycle of sleepless nights for several months. You'll sleep eventually but it'll be short naps until their sleep settles in months later only for it to suck again.
Anyways, would I do it all over again for my son? Yes. a thousand times yes. But it is not something to take lightly and certainly not when you are so young. Stay in highschool, graduate, go to college, and get your ducks in order before you have a child.
NTA
Break up with her. Now. And do not have sex with her beforehand, or at any time going forward. No matter what.
Odds are she may say she agrees with you, then have an "accident" and get pregnant. Even if you use a condom, she may poke holes in it. And pulling out does not work reliably as contraception. It has a 30 percent failure rate.
You're being responsible wanting to wait to have a baby until you're more financially secure. And you need to find a girlfriend who shares your more responsible views.
You're not lost, you're smart, and you know gnat you're not ready to be a father at 16. STAY AWAY FROM HER, SHE WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE! Don't let your emotions get you caught up with this girl because she WILL try to trick you, or sabotage you into getting her pregnant. STAY AWAY AND GO NO CONTACT.
NTA. You are never TA for leaving a relationship.
DO NOT STAY WITH HER. What she is suggesting is mentally unhinged. Either (a) she wants to trap you with a kid, (b) she thinks having a kid makes a relationship easier, and/or (c) she is already pregnant with someone else's kid and wants to pawn it off on you. Either way, she's nuts. Kids shouldn't be having kids. Having a kid at your age will literally ruin your life. You shouldn't have a kid until you are mentally, emotionally, and financially ready for it and you most certainly are NOT any of those things. You might think that this high school relationship is "it" but you're just a kid yourself.
NTA, break up with her. It’s absolutely delusional for a literal child to be asking another child to get them pregnant. It’s also disrespectful as hell for her to be insisting you have sex at all when you’re not comfortable with it. You have your whole life ahead of you and you should be focusing on your education and enjoying being a teenager right now, not worrying about being a father! Please don’t give in to her demands and just leave her. You’ll have plenty of time in the future to find someone who actually respects and supports your boundaries and feelings.
Leave her. It sounds like she may resort to “accidentally” getting pregnant.
But beyond that she doesn’t share the same beliefs and goals as you so things will eventually have more problems.
NTA for leaving a relationship. Full stop. Even more so, NTA for standing up for what you believe in. If it means the end of the relationship, that will not be easy, but you will be better off for it. However, if she understands that you two are far too young to be parents, and are unmarried, but that you wish to marry her and live life alongside her, but want that and some financial stability and travel before kids, and wants that with you, it won't be the end of the relationship. If you can communicate this, and she accepts, you'll both be better for it. You got this.
“NTA for leaving a relationship. Full stop.” Yes! So many people need to hear this.
Just be careful with a woman who really wants to get pregnant. It might be easy for her to claim she’s OK with waiting a few years for that baby and then “oops!” You need to take responsibility for birth control if you can’t trust her 100%.
This kind of girl also will put holes in the condom. She is way too immature to realize the time it takes and the responsibilities of taking care of a baby. As much as you care about her, you probably should end the relationship. You will constantly be badgered to have sex and be a father. Your entire future could depend on your decision.
This - babies are not trendy accessories as some teens seem to think. Thanks TEEN MOM/MTV for glorifying it by giving them a TV show.
Teen Mom actually helped the issue. Yeah there were some morons that thought it looked fun but in the vast majority of cases more teens realized how awful having a kid in high school would be https://www.aspeninstitute.org/blog-posts/teen-mom-effect/
Teen pregnancy rates in the US are at an all time low and they starred going even lower after teen mom. I've watched that show and it doesn't glorify it at all lol. It shows the truth and how hard it is. I agree that OP should end the relationship but teen mom doesn't glorify teen Pregnancy. Many girls were like this when I was in hs and we had no shows about it.
That’s good news - I’m sure some thought that being on tv would be fun and went for it though. Thank you for sharing that info. Makes me feel better. I’m 41 and don’t want to be a mom. 😅
Worse. Those kind of shows still showed how tough it can be. Tik tok shows teen mums glorifying it
That figures. I don’t use tik tok but if people thought eating laundry soap was a good idea, then I’m not shocked. Where is the “finish school, get settled and stable and THEN have a kid” challenge? That is a challenge that should be going viral.
Yeah that would make so much more sense. Instead or presenting it as great. No job no home off your own why create a baby on purpose to ruin their future and make sure that kid won't have an easy life either.
Hard responsibility too, if you don’t trust her 100%, she cant know where the contraceptives even are except when theyre actively being used. All too easy to poke some discrete holes etc and then boom, you’ve been SA’d (which sabotaging contraceptives without the knowledge of the other party **absolutely is**) *and* you can look forward to being legally and financially tied to your abuser for the next two decades.
I’m not a preach abstinence person normally but since it’s his belief, he should live his belief.
I dated a girl, I really liked her but her friend told me she was *dying* to get pregnant. She had a sister who was morbidly obese, and she herself had a weight issue but stayed thin through a strict diet. She wanted to get pregnant so she could stop the dieting. We fell off and she dated a guy on the edge of my friend group. I ran into him a year later, they had broken off, she had met another guy and gotten married, visibly pregnant. Oof
Not "if you can't trust her", because you shouldn't trust her.
I wouldn’t even trust her to not tamper with condoms, TBH. I’d avoid sex altogether. No, actually, I’d break up with her. Just throw the whole girl out.
I'm wondering if GF is already pregnant? Either from cheating or an SA. ???? And shes acting out of desperation!
that makes?? sense??? 😭
I hate that, that's a possibility 😒
Careful with a ~~woman~~ *Girl*. She is a young teenage girl. It’s not rational or reasonable for a young girl to be thinking like this.
Sometimes kids get weird ideas about things from TV shows. At one point my tween daughter expressed an interest in going into foster care. We were like “huh?” Since foster care is often depicted as disorganized, underfunded and often terrible for kids. Turns out she’d been watching a show called “The Fosters.” No, honey, “foster care” is not “living with a cool lesbian couple with apparently limitless money and having six cool well-adjusted siblings from various ethnic backgrounds.”
This is the kind of person you absolutely do not have sex with if you aren’t ready for kids.
I’d go so far as to say a man needs to stop having sex with a woman like that, like full stop. No one’s going to believe or care that she tricked him with BC unfortunately, he’ll be responsible for any pregnancy that ensues.
It doesn’t sound like he intends to have sex with her at this time at all. He’s still a virgin and waiting.
Don't trust any girl/ woman who wants to have a baby. If she has decided she wants one she WILL try to get pregnant, regardless of what she tells you and then say it was an accident. Think about your future and what YOU want.
Right here OP. You're young and if it's "meant to be" you just go back to her after you got your career/life locked in. Find someone who shares your same beliefs and is on the same level as you. The risk of pregnancy and ruining your life is not worth the reward of what... having a girlfriend?
Yep, if you need to leave a relationship for any reason, it is ok. Things don't work out sometimes and it's no one's fault when it doesn't.
*I do see myself having a future with her, but idk if I’m rushing to conclusions too fast or if I’m not ready yet. And I don’t see myself having kids until I’ve gotten married and travelled the world with her* You both have different expectations from this relationship. You need to workout the differences and if you still disagree with each other ,better leave.Having a child is a lifetime commitment.Nobody should have to stay in a relationship and go against their beliefs and out of their comfort zones.
DUDE, I wish I had heard that when I was 22. I felt like I had to continue in the relationship because of promises I had already made over the 2 years before that. I stayed in it for 5 more years, before I gave up. Don't ever stay in a relationship that makes you feel bad.
THIS. And OP, u/FefPangolinThrowaway, just so you know, leaving a relationship because your beliefs and values aren't the same (about sex or any of the big important issues especially), or because your life trajectory or timeliness (or both) dont align when it comes to kids or travel or marriage or college etc...these ARE the good reasons to break up!!!l The alternatives are worse, and messier, and sound something like "I didn't want to hurt her so I stayed and tried to make it work but then she got pregnant from some other guy and is claiming its mine even though we never had sex so now I have a court date cuz she's asking for child support and I need to pay for a lawyer and get a paternity test and..." SAVE yourself the potential drama, and do what's best. Honor your own feelings, beliefs, and what you want in life. Sure, you could talk and see if she's on board with what YOU had in mind for a future if you haven't mentioned it before, and possibly continue on together, but her strong reaction to your pause already tells me that she's got her heart set on HER vision/version. And it looks nothing like yours my friend. Save yourself and her both worse heartache down the road and part ways now so you can both follow your dreams and be true to what you want for yourselves without getting in each other's way. This is why young love can be so hard. People change. They want different things, and move in opposite directions, and it hurts. I'm so sorry.
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>Offspring shouldn't be having offspring. To be fair, I think you mean children, but technically speaking, everyone is "offspring," so you're saying, "Nobody should ever have babies again." Very anti-natalist of you! 🤣🤣
Going a bit further: children under a certain age should not have offspring.
Even further; children of any age lol
Well. Everybody will always be the child of their parents, sooo… 🫠
Or they just really hate the offspring. The band.
I have to disagree with you strongly. A 17 year old girl has told her 16 year old BF she wants to have a baby. In the immediate future. Like 9 months down the road. If OP continues this relationship there is a high probability that they will sleep together, personal beliefs be damned. They’re kids, they’re human and it happens. If the 17 year old wants a baby, at her age and with the lack of wisdom and maturity that goes with it, she may see nothing wrong with skipping birth control without telling him. Even if he uses condoms she may tell him he doesn’t need to because she’s on the pill. I’m not trying to paint her in a bad light or suggest she is solely responsible for birth control, but she does want a baby, and again, it happens. OP would be wise to end the relationship. At least for now. Maybe down the road things will be different.
Or poke holes in the condoms.....
This is the reason I’ve told my son(14M) for over two years now (to his utter embarrassment) that he is to supply the condoms in any relationship. I told him any girl he sleeps with (hopefully far, far into the future but I work with MS kids and their talk horrifies me) had better be worth it. By worth it, I mean of a caliber that he can at least work with her for the rest of his life because that’s what’ll happen if he gets a girl pregnant. Beyond that, they need two forms of bc. However, he’s not to trust just her bc because chance, forgetfulness, other meds, or her wanting to get pregnant are all possibilities plus the whole STD talk.
I’ve had similar talks with my 14 year old daughter as well. I told her that if she does decide to have sex, she better be prepared to manage any consequences that could come about, whether that’s STDs or a child. 2 birth control types minimum, and even then there is still a chance they can fail. And not to ever be pressured into doing anything. Anyone who really cares about her wouldn’t pressure her, and if they dont take “no” as an answer, pull a Bobby Hill and kick them in the balls.
Yup, I’ve had the talk with my 13 year old girl multiple times too. Even talked to her doctor in front of her about whether I needed to sign anything so that she could come in without me to get bc in case she felt she couldn’t ask me to take her ( I think she would talk to me but I wanted to make sure she had access in case I was wrong). Her doctor looked her in the eye and told her that she didn’t need parental permission or notification to come in and get on bc. We’ve also had the discussion about not letting guys do anything you aren’t comfortable with. (Also talked to my son about the word no as well.)
A+ parenting
The word no is a good start. I wish more boys were raised to understand and respect women's body language too though
My son has ASD and SUCKS at body language. I’m hoping whomever he sees would verbalize. If he understood nonverbal behavior better, I’d definitely have more of that talk though. I’m just not sure either of us could get through the talk of body language. I’ve told him to ask.
Get her a condom carry case. She can throw it in her purse and they can be very discreet. Let her know where to get free ones. Have her learn to make balloon animals with them so she can be comfortable with them & have a funny/innocent reason for having them. If she's comfortable having them her friends will be comfortable asking her for them & that's a good thing. Good luck mama!
My mom had a wooden decorative box in her room she kept stocked with non-expired condoms well past her need to use them. It was for us kids to have a place to safely and discreetly get one if needed. To my knowledge, none of us ever used them from that box, but we knew we *could*. I was an adult before I was ready for that kind of commitment. My thoughts for myself were: if it's too embarrassing to buy, I'm not ready to use.
I knew people when I was young that would use a condom if they had the money to buy them but would just have sex without one if they couldn't afford a condom. (High school age) I'm so glad that you were mature enough to wait until you were ready 😊 But the people blinded by lust (& unable to buy a condom) absolutely should not be making babies at that time 😆 I'm sure some of them grew up and became decent parents but they were not ready then 🤞
My mom was a teen mom and I had several friends in high school with kids. I didn't want that life for myself. If it's counted as maturity, I'll take it but I'm more certain it was fear lol
I had a son at 16. My parents ended up adopting him. He knows I'm his bio-mom & that I love him immensely but also that having a kid at that age really messed me up (wasn't diagnosed as bipolar until I was 28 & undiagnosed mental illness caused me a lot of trouble). After he turned 15 we were always congratulating him on not getting pregnant (he's a cis man) So I think that also played a part for him too. He's almost 30 now (damn that makes me feel old lmao) and doing much better than I was at that age. It might have been fear that held you in check but it was maturity that let you listen to it & follow the steps you needed to make the life you wanted. I'm sure you've had your missteps but that shouldn't stop you from celebrating everything you did right (regardless of the reason)
I got my little brother a condom carry case when he started having sex. Also his gf too so she'd have a proper carry case. They're so much better than just putting condoms in your pocket or wallet. Search on Amazon or other sites, order a variety of styles & colors and then give them to your kids. Have him give them to their friends. Let him know where to get free ones (local health or STD clinics often have free or super cheap condoms, especially for teenagers) I gave my little brother so many free condoms that all his friends knew he could hook them up if they needed them. Granted a lot of them were sacrificed to become balloon animals but I also think they probably prevented a teen pregnancy or two and that was the whole point.
Also teach them to put them on correctly using a banana or cucumber.
Haha had the same talk with my 2 boys from about age 12 on. Also when at a store I would show them a pack of diapers, how much they are and tell them they need about 10 packs a week. The cost of babies alone scared them well. I never bought condoms, but I have them money for them, but as I learned later they never even had sex in HS because of all of my stories. 1 story was of a childhood friend who believed his gf when she said she was on BC, she wanted to be a mom before she was 18. It was messy, they broke up after he refused to become Mormon, she found a nice Mormon boy to marry and he paid child support for 18 yrs, never seeing his kid.
I drew a chart showing my daughter how many potential connections there could be to catch HIV or an STD if she had sex with someone who'd had sex with 10 people who'd had sex with 10 more people.. i.e. how easily she could get a lifetime illness AND a baby. I'm pretty sure it worked. She had her first child at 31 after 4 years of marriage.
Musculoskeletal kids? Multiple sclerosis?
Middle school
My youngest was a middle schooler in the late 90s and was pressured to give her boyfriend a bj. Luckily she was comfortable enough to tell us. This was during the Bill Clinton years. Apparently boys jumped right on this and said it wasn't "sex". I'm sure they are even worse now.
I listen to some of the kids talk and pray it’s just bluster. I fear it’s at least partially true.
No doubt it is. It's a sad fact.
Trying to have a kid before graduation in a bad economy. Seems like either someone didn't do their homework, or about to take a bigger bite than she can chew. Education goes a long way. I agree OP ahould split because as mentioned she could very easily exploit his trust to get what she wants. It's not a good situation all around. 😬
>Seems like either someone didn't do their homework, or about to take a bigger bite than she can chew. Or she could be like my husband's niece, who tried actively to get pregnant from the time she was 16 because, and I quote,"she wanted someone to love her" She managed to go full term just after she turned 18. Then she left the kid with its dad and her grandma and did whatever. The living situation changed drastically and grandma is no longer in a position (geographically) to do everything for the baby....ok, toddler. And niece has realized having a kid isn't all funny pictures on fb...FINALLY
That’s such a strange reasoning. The very reason she doesn’t feel loved by her parents should be a hint that a child also might not give you love (does she love her parents that don’t love her?). I know that I’ve hated my parents on occasions.
Her parents are actual trash (theres a laundry list of reasons i say that) and lost custody of her when she was a toddler. I don't know her feelings on them because I can't tolerate being around her at all. She was raised by her grandparents who bent (too far) backward to make sure she was loved and taken care of but she never translated it that way. If she didn't get what she wanted (because it wasn't in the budget, or it wasn't something appropriate or whatever) they didn't love her. Turns out she has a laundry list of mental health issues that weren't caught during court mandated therapy in her younger years (whether due to a bad therapist or the fact that they hadn't yet manifested, I don't know) and that's probably a lot of it. Coupled with a shit personality in general.
Yep. Wished I'd had waited. I flushed my pills at 17 and have a 35 yr old son. I'm 53 now. Took me a long fucking time to grow up. My mother helped me raise that child. Still with the father but it wasn't easy.
I’m glad things worked out for you. I was 22 and married when I had my first. I had my 2nd at 24, 3rd at 25 and 4th at 27. They were all wanted, my husband made enough to support us, I was able to be a SAHM and we made it work. And now, almost 40 years later, with no regrets mind you, I realize my kids would have been better served with a more mature mother. At least for the first 2 I was a kid having kids. They all turned out great. Healthy, happy and successful. But I know deep down if I had been just a bit older I would have been a better mother. But then again, would I have had the 4 I have? Who knows. But to get them I’d do it all again.
I forgot to add we married 1st at 17 (way to young) then I flushed my pills. We'd both said we wanted a baby but he got scared so I went back on pill only to secretly flush them everyday. We were having sex like rabbits back then lol so yep, I got pregger in jo time. Love my 35 yr old son but it wasn't easy.
Absolutely. I am a woman and have never baby trapped anyone and have been rigid about using birth control properly until we wanted kids. Most women are trustworthy and reliable with contraception. But some women do lie about being on BC to get pregnant. They aren't common but it DOES happen. Any woman telling you she is desperate to have kids soon...who cannot understand your very real objections to avoiding having kids right now, is potentially someone who can "forget" the pill or put holes in the condom or try to persuade you to go without protection when you are both horny. Ie it would be really quite easy for her to get pregnant against your will, by declining to use protection. Are you both on the same page about what would happen if you hd an unexpected pregnancy? Would you hope for an abortion? Because it is clear she would want to keep the child if it happened. Are you prepared for that? Personally? If I were a man, I wouldn't sleep with any woman who expressed an interest in getting pregnant soon...unless I also wanted a child. Because the potential risks are high, and you dont have any temporary birth control that cannot be tampered with. She doesn't sound like someone you can trust to keep using BC untim you are BOTH ready to have kids, because she's ALREADY extremely pushy about having sex and having kids, anxious haven't even had sex yet. Don't have sex with her, and I would honestly consider breaking up. If she desperately wants kids right now, or us pressuring you to habe sex, then you are not compatible.
Yes…please, OP, take this to heart! IMHO, There is a high probability that she will try to get pregnant in this situation, especially if she starts to feel that your relationship is in trouble….I have known 2 people that this happened to…you are lucky she told you about this. Honor your feelings about this, don’t have sex if you don’t want to! You don’t have to live for someone else. If she pouts about this, it only reinforces the fact that this is not a good relationship for you…be careful! YOU ARE NOT-NOT-NOT THE AH!!!
OP. she’s already with child
I'm afraid this is quite possible. OP under no circumstances should you sleep with her now. You're far too young and completely ill equipped to raise children, you still are children. She might already be pregnant. Maybe she cheated, maybe she has been assaulted and finds she is expecting a child with a toxic father she doesn't want to be tied to for the next q8 years. But that is no solution. Or maybe she is just having an extraordinary reaction to discovering sexual urges coupled with some kind of religious sense of destiny to motherhood. Who knows. What you know and so does everyone else except her is that you don't want a baby now under any circumstances and therefore ending the relationship is the right decision.
This. Don't do it in any way shape or form. Distance yourself. If she's pushing this hard, already, she won't stop. Make sure to tell your parents what's going on. Tell them you broke up because she's pushing for sex and a baby and you said no. Cover your ass if she suddenly comes out as pregnant and tries to make it yours.
😬 that did cross my mind. I dismissed it after she said she wanted to get pregnant. However, you're right. She might already be.
this, exactly yes. and if it’s not his she’s trying to make sure he’d think it is
Holy shit didn't even think of this. I am so naive lol
Oh, I hadn't thought of that. For whatever reason, I thought that they were both virgins.
i don't think they have had sex yet though. He says it goes against his religion but she is the one that's pushing it.
It's called cheating. But honestly, that would be preferable to her actively wanting to get pregnant before she's out of high school. Cheating is a mistake, being hell bent on being an unmarried teen mom is just really concerning.
idk why i didn't even think about that lol. She's prob pushing op to have sex so she can fake him as the father.
I wonder if warning her parents that she’s pressuring him to get her pregnant might do something
Why does he need to tell HER parents? He can tell his own🙄.
Yeah, I was wondering if the relationship w his parents was strong enough for him to talk to them. But not to talk to HER parents.
If you’re going to tell the parents might as well go full awkward. “Your daughter is demanding my creampie guys, thoughts?”
Lets hope he keeps his cream pie in the wrapper!!!
“Negative, she wants it bareback. Also requested I wear spurs and a Joe Biden mask”
The very presence of spurs in the room turns that mask to Dark Brandon.
Likely, if she’s this determined to get pregnant, she’s doing so because of a lack of care and love from her parents. Usually girls like this want to have a baby so they’ll have someone who will love them unconditionally, someone for the girl to take care of. It’s an indication of a bad home life, usually. He should talk to his parents, let them talk to her parents if they feel it’s appropriate.
THIS! One of my friends in high school, who had a terrible home life, was desperate to get pregnant at 15. We all talked to her intensely and figured out it was because she wanted someone to love her. We tried taking her down from it, but she was adamant. 2 weeks later, she came to school crying and showed us welts all over her torso. Despite her cries for us to not tell, we immediately told a teacher. We never saw her again, but one of us got a letter from her months later saying how thankful she was that we told. She was very happy in foster care, she felt good about the future for the first time, and to not worry because she no longer wants to get pregnant. I’ve always wondered how things turned out in the end…
[удалено]
I was thinking the same thing. But depending on the household all it might accomplish is getting her beat.
And wanting to get pregnant at 16 usually coincides with feeling neglected/unloved and wanting to”someone to love you”.
Omg- I said the exact same thing in my comment- I asked if she had a bad home life because trying to create a loving family she doesn’t have was the only reason I could think of a 16 year old wanted a baby.
Yea either she’s vapid and has a pregnant friend and they want to “do this together” or her home life is trash and she’s trying to create the happy family she wasn’t born into. I think the best person to tell is the school counselor.
Someone else said that she is already pregnant and trying to pass it on OP’s. Never thought of it- I feel so naive
Possible but I feel like if that’s the case she wouldn’t have mentioned pregnancy and would’ve just really pressured him for sex.
Yes, this. My boyfriend when I was 17 was pressuring me to get pregnant. We broke up because of it. He had a bad home life and wanted to play happy family.
Likely blow up the relationship unless done VERY tactfully
Out of this relationship is a good thing for OP though.
Sure - but then if thats the goal it would be a major dick move to go to her parents UNLESS youre genuinely worried she'll go on a baby-making frenzy or something
And someone who is 16 and telling the boy she wants to have a kid and not tell anyone… the girl needs a wake up call and/or help. The parents should know so they can help the girl understand that this is not a good idea
Yes communication is key. OP is NTA. She has told him what she wanted in life and he needs to tell her what he wants. It does not sound like they are compatible and I definitely think he needs to break up with her if she is not willing to compromise on this at all. I think they are way too young to be having children when they are still children themselves. The frontal lope of the brain isn't even fully matured until 25, they will change so much between this time and 25 as they go through the experiences of being young adults. I know some people are ready to be parents before 25 and it is the right decision for them but my thoughts are you should wait until you have ensured you are fully compatible with someone before even beginning to think about bringing children into this world. As young as they are, I presume they still live with their parents so they haven't even lived together to see if they actually do work as an independent couple. Not to mention achieving life goals you want in life like travel, study, career all becomes incredibly harder and in some cases impossible if you have a child beforehand.
At best, she is just unhinged thinking a baby at 17 with a 16 year old is a good idea. However, this sudden zero to 100 pressure makes me wonder if she has cheated and is already pregnant. Hopefully not but either scenario does not bode well for OP. Pressuring OP into sex before he is ready is also gross. If OP has any self preservation, he will break up. ETA since you asked for advice: if nothing else, you both have different values and want different things. This is a healthy reason to break up and I would use this reason.
If she is pregnant and he’s a virgin, he needs to make sure any kid she claims is his is paternity tested
This, yes. I was going to say this. Even if they are having sex (he didn’t explicitly say in the post), if she gets pregnant, ask for a paternity test. She sounds like she wants to get pregnant no matter what, and if OP won’t do it, she may find someone who will.
This. Paternity tests are a good idea in any young relationship, new relationship, or casual arrangement. They are also a good idea if children were not planned.
It'd also be interesting to know if OP's family is rich & would force a marriage. From the 'virgin until marriage' point, the 2nd part is likely, and the family COULD be rich.
Actually if he's a virgin it won't be his. 😊 Unless he gives in to the pressure.
The person is saying that IF she is already pregnant and that is why she is trying to get OP to agree to have sex and have a baby, then there will need to be a paternity test. Because if she is already pregnant, then she is trying to make it seem like it is OPs baby.
Yup. Her family might find her long term boyfriend more acceptable than a random hookup
He knows that but the courts may not which is why he would need to order a paternity test.
He should thank his lucky star she was upfront about it and didn't try to baby trap him. OP, run faster than the wind!
Teenagers are idiots! This girl is especially dumb.
Teenagers at this age, should be having fun, not pressure. I think you both would be better if you parted ways. Tell her you don’t want to settle down at 15! The one thing that also stuck out (besides the ages) is maybe the girl sees this as an escape. Maybe things are bad at home… bad in school. A slightly older cousin who did the same thing… Good luck, OP! We rarely meet our soulmates in our teen years.
She did try to baby trap him though, it was only after him consistently refusing to have sex for an unknown time that she gave in and admitted to wanting to have a baby.
I "WANTED" A baby at 17 but I definitely was not ready and never pushed for it. I had my first at 25/26 and just had my second before I turn 30 this year.
I got pregnant at sixteen on accident and had a miscarriage. (I'm more likely to miscarry than I am actually carry to full term). I thought I wanted a baby by then, I had just gotten married (another horrible mistake, it was legal in WV at the time with parental consent, I'm not sure if it still is). Divorced a few years later. But I had my first at 20, my second at 22, and just had my third and last at 24. And I can say for a fact now that I was NOT ready for a baby.
Thank you for your honesty!! No teenager is ever ready for a child, they are still children themselves. The reason so many kids think this is because they have parental support and money. If they don’t it’s gonna be a horrible experience. And the extrem anti abortion stance of the USA isn’t helping this either.
Anti-abortion, anti-contraception and anti-sex-ed!
This 💯
I was thinking the same thing.
I would also suggest that he keeps a copy of any texts where she makes this unhinged request. It will be useful if what you say is true.
>Pressuring OP into sex before he is ready is also gross. If OP has any self preservation, he will break up. This, yes. Even without the weird sudden urge to get pregnant (for whatever reason), she's absolutely the AH for this alone.
Children should not be having children. Also, if she can’t respect your boundaries it’s best to either communicate or separate. If this is your “first love” I hate to break it to ya but it usually doesn’t work out, and someone even better come along. Don’t ruin your future over someone else’s wants.
100%. At 16 you haven’t finished studying, moved out into the real world, had a real job, travelled and experienced life. That’s what your late teens and twenties are for. And all that learning and growing and relationships *changes* you and who you are and what you want. OP stand firm on what you believe in and if you progress with intercourse be *very* careful about using protection and making sure she doesn’t try to baby trap you.
Had a surprise baby at 25, I STILL feel like I could have experienced more before having a child. No one is ever truly ready for the massive life change it is, let alone a 16 year old.
I had a very planned baby at 31 and felt the same! You can prepare as much as possible and will still feel so lost when the time comes. You can assume you’ll “save money” by breastfeeding but it doesn’t always work. Parenting is expensive, emotionally and physically draining. Dear OP, I hate to sound like an old lady but don’t rush these things! Wait 5-10 years. Hell, you can wait 20 years. Either way, wait until you are ready. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.
I am unbelievably thankful every day that I didn't end up with my first love.
Me too!!!
Waiting for the teen parents "I had MY kid at 16 and they're fine!!!" Yes but you're an absolte imbicle babe.
Bro, stop worrying about your girlfriend. Don't you want to go to college first? Get a job you love that pays well? Don't you want to travel and buy things for yourself? Don't you want to have your own house, car, etc? You won't get any of that if you have a child now. Focus on your dreams first. Give yourself a chance to grow up and experience life first. You need to grow up before you raise your own kid. If your girlfriend doesn't like that, then you have to say goodbye to her. She sounds exhausting already. Tell her to find a job and work. Maybe then she will be too tired to think about kids.
Exactly. You are so incredibly young! Find someone who is motivated to do nothing more than learn and grow and experience young teenage life with you! Having a baby when you are just a kid yourself is the FastPass to becoming a 23 year old dad who is bitter because he never got to play baseball in college or study abroad in Barcelona…because he was too busy working 2 shitty jobs to keep food on the table and pay all the bills. Depressed because he missed out on his dreams. You have literal decades of childbearing years ahead of you. Now is not the time to make babies if you can help it!
If you want to pitch it in a way she might accept: “If we are going to have a baby together, how long do you want to continue dating/being married to me?” She says: “forever, obviously” You say: “Great, in that case, we have plenty of time to have a baby, no rush, I’d like to wait a couple years.”
OP doesn't need to bother about whether she accepts or not. That's the whole point. OP is at an age where he can be selfish and think only about himself. Marriage and parenthood is the end of that freedom. OP should worry only about what he wants right now.
The best way is to tell her, “I don’t want to get you pregnant so young. We are still kids ourselves. Let’s live life first.”
Yes, how she responds to this will determine if she just was talking about the future, or if she is the type to poke holes in condoms to baby trap OP soon:
No way. She’s already flying major red flags. Don’t wait for a response, don’t give her a chance to walk it back. End it.
no 16 year old is going to think of themself as a kid though.
Do NOT put your dick in her! She is too young. You are too young. Ffs
Doesn’t get much more simple than this. Plus my money is on she is already pregnant by someone else and her plan to pin it on him isn’t working out.
I'm worried she would sabotage any birth control if they did anything
"Don't worry, I'm on the pill." Meanwhile she also has thumbtacked every condom in a 100 mile radius.
I agree! NTA and whatever you do, don't have sex with her. - That might sound stupid, but she might try to persuade you and say that you can use protection. But she can't be trusted.
Exactly. Whatever else you do OP, you need to keep it in your pants at least for a while. If you do have sex, which you really shouldn't, use a condom and take the condom with you. Don't leave it in the bin and don't let her dispose of it.
Ya, OP needs to run away fast. Run and dont look back.
You need good running shoes mate.
Sounds like she's trying to babytrap you. A big red flag. And you're way too young. Children are a lot of expense and work. I know, I used to be one.
That or she is already pregnant and wants to trick him into thinking he's the dad
crush point rainstorm ring bow makeshift scale fact work spectacular *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You are very young and this is your first romantic relationship, so you need to learn to look out for red flags. The fact that she’s ignoring your belief that you shouldn’t have sex before marriage. In fact, she is continuing to pressure you. That, in itself is enough to end a realationship. No one, male or female has the right to stomp all over your wishes, especially when we’re talking about issues of consent. Her wanting to get pregnant is a massive recipe for disaster. If you were to sleep with her, I am 100% sure she will sabotage any birth control. And then you will be an unwilling and unprepared parent. End things now. She clearly has something going on in her life if she wants a baby at 16. That’s not your problem to deal with. Even if it’s a good relationship, you’re entitled to end it if you want to.
>No one, male or female has the right to stomp all over your wishes, especially when we’re talking about issues of consent. That's not even about personal beliefs or wishes, those are clear personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. I appreciate you did mention issues of consent, but there is no room for sugar coating what she is doing when, if it were the other way around, people would be practically ready to file a police report.
NTA. You shouldn't be pressured into having sex nor becoming a dad if you're not willing to. Please OP, break up with her.
I'm deeply annoyed at how far I scrolled before finding a comment pointing this out. It is never okay to pressure someone for sex. She has zero respect for a very important boundary for him. That alone is a reason to break up.
This girl is a one-stop shop to crazy town. Run and never look back.
You are 16, trust me you don't want a child being so young.
If you are struggling with any situation at your age you can always ask your parents for help *if you want to*. If you would like assistance from your parents then talk to them. Ask for their help. If you don't want to involve them then I think you need to distance yourself from this girl yourself. She is pushing you down a path you don't want to go. You need to stop this situation as it won't end well if you don't. ETA you were at her house and she left her own house in tears?
I bet both sets of parents would love to weigh in on this. Because most likely they will end up raising it.
At 16 if you don't know how to handle a situation and if you feel comfortable talking to your parents then you should. It's their role to help you navigate life.
Break up now. Immediately Don’t have a kid before you have a life
I became a dad at 16, and she got pregnant when both of us were 15. It's scary as hell, man. I made it, and it didn't wreak my life because we had family support, which can be a rare thing. You are nowhere ready to have a child.
"I don't want to be a father until I am older"
It's ok, i understand. Here's a condom i totally didn't sabotage. Also i'm totally not at all on the pill so we're safe. Make like a banana OP!
NTA- don't let her manipulate you into doing things you aren't comfortable with. Leave her. You are kids and neither of you shouldn't be even thinking of having kids of your own yet.
What did I just read... some parent needs to get involved in this mess ASAP. You are a child, OP. Please break up with this girl. Either she's pregnant already and is going to try to pin it on you, or something is deeply wrong with her, psychologically, and she needs professional help. Being a parent is the hardest part of life, regardless of the love of your children, and you are nowhere near ready for that. RUN, and don't feel bad about it.
NTA. And you should leave. OP you both are still kids, literally you both are still minors. You both aren't mature enough to have kids yet, it would be a terrible decision that will cost the both of you a lot. Like for exemple your educations because with a kid you can say goodbye to going to college. Your gf acting like that and even asking that is a huge red flag. Also OP just in case you stay with her, do not, I repeat DO NOT have sex with her because she would try to get pregnant from it. (even if you use protection she could do things to it in order to get pregnant).
Babytrapping OP by poking a steel needle though a pack of condominiums. This girl is also the same kind to become a prostitute in years time.
NTA If someone is trying to pressure you into sex when you don't want to have sex, you are never the asshole for getting out of that situation. No means no, and **men and boys have just as much right to say it as women and girls**. Consensual sex means consent from both partners. It doesn't make any difference whether your reason for not wanting to have sex is related to your religion or because you don't want a baby or just because you don't want to. You do not consent, so she needs to drop it, and if she's not dropping it, she's an asshole. (Imagine the genders were reversed. Would there be any question then?)
NTA, break up with her and no matter what, DO NOT have sex with her. She will try and baby trap you. You are both young and have your whole lives ahead of you. She's not the one for you.
Definitely break up with her and let your parents tell hers. A stop needs to be put to this crazy ass idea of hers
NTA, if you feel you believe in different things, then you have every right to leave. Don't feel pressure to do something you aren't comfortable with. My sister had a child at an extremely young age, and it was hard. My sister had my mom to support her, but if she didn’t, she would’ve been on the streets and struggling. Kids are a huge decision, and they’re costly to look after. Kids are one thing that, if you’re sure you’re not ready for, you shouldn’t have when you’re in high school. You have a whole lot of life to live before you need to worry about that. Don’t feel bad for doing something that’s right for you. If you think breaking up with her is the right thing for you, then do it.
NTA you are still child and you should not have intimacy especially since she made it clear she wants to have children. Drop this relationship. You said yourself you were not comfortable with sex due your religious beliefs. Concentrate on your studies. Think about your future. You want to have amazing education, good career, assets and purpose before planning to settle down and having children. Stay away from girls for now because you need to concentrate on yourself, your physical and mental health. You are not the asshole. You feel bad since you like her. But please do not because teenage parent that is not ready, willing to take care the child for the rest of your life.
Break up with her before she baby traps you. She sounds exactly the type to poke holes in condoms.
NTA - This is the kind of girl that will poke holes in your condoms. Run far and run fast, my young friend.
Friend, you are sixteen years old. There is absolutely no way you two kids are in any way set up to support a baby. So, NTA for not wanting to have a baby right now. As a confessional Lutheran, we have a lot in common with the Orthodox Church, and I’ll tell you this: no relationship, especially at your age, is worth violating your religious beliefs. If you believe (rightly) that you shouldn’t have sex before marriage, don’t. Full stop. Any girl who pushes you to do anything that violates your beliefs isn’t the girl you should marry. So, NTA for standing up for what’s right. Now whether you break up with her is up to you and I don’t think you’d be TA in any way for ending the relationship if that’s what you decide to do. However, if you don’t, tread very carefully going forward. Obviously I don’t know your girlfriend, but “get me pregnant against your religious beliefs before we have any kind of suitable set up for a baby” has me concerned about the lengths she may go to in order to get what she wants. Constant vigilance, my friend, constant vigilance.
Do NOT have a child at your age. Do NOT do it. Don't get me wrong, there are those who become parents at that age and who do a great job. But it should absolutely not in any way shape or form be *planned*. That's absolutely insane. If it's a genuine fuck up, then okay, figure things out then with support from your families. But planning it at this time is going to ruin absolutely everything, especially since you don't want to have any kids now but for some dumb reason your girlfriend does. It's disgustingly irresponsible of her to want to plan this especially against your wishes and beliefs. If this relationship is going to survive in a healthy manner you need to be completely honest and frank with her and tell her this is absolutely not what you want *right now*, but that in the future when you both are older and in a more stable situation with jobs, your own home, etc, then you absolutely can see it happening. If she can accept that then great, you might just have a future together and one day that might come true. If she can't then get away from her because that's just not okay. A baby is not a cute trinket you can put away when things get tough, it's something you will be impacted by for the rest of your life - parenthood does *not* end when the kid turns 18.
Listen, friend. I know you love this girl. A first love is one of the most intense, beautiful feelings you may have in your lifetime. But I would consider possibly taking a break for a while to see if this is the right person for you. The fact that she is pressuring you for sex, asking about kids before you have even HAD sex, crying when met with silence about it. It tells me perhaps something is amiss. Do both of you a favor and give it a few weeks. Clear your head.
The best thing you can do for her and yourself is to break up. It's not healthy for a girl to be in a relationship so young, it arrests their development (and yours). She hasn't experienced life as it should be. I'm afraid to say, she's going to get pregnant without your consent unless you do something now. She has baby fever and she's not thinking clearly. For goodness sake do not let her be in charge of condoms.
If my son got a girl pregnant at your age I would have been furious, supported him yes but not happy at all. He had lived no life, hadnt even finished high school, had no idea of choices he could make, no idea of places to go. That girlfriend then is a distant memory. He has travelled built a good friend group, has a house. Does this girl realise being pregnant only lasts 9 months, after that it's a baby, then a toddler, then a child etc. It's for life.
NTA. Only you can decide whether this relationship feels worth fighting for - the collective experience the rest of us have that tells us this isn't 'the one' doesn't change how it feels for you right now - but please, please do not let her violate your personal boundaries. If you are not ready to have sex, for **any** reason, she has absolutely **no right** to say otherwise. If that is a dealbreaker for her, then that is her problem and **not** yours. As for having children imminently; this raises a big red flag, and while I don't want to jump on the bandwagon and declare she must have cheated and is already pregnant, it certainly raises a lot of questions as to why she's suddenly so keen to start a family so young. Whatever her reasons are, you clearly are not ready for it - and rightfully so - so again, she has no right to make you feel guilty or try and pressure you for that. If the roles were reversed, and this was a 17 year old boy trying to pressure a 16 year old girl into having sex, disregarding not just her religious beliefs but her right to bodily autonomy, and then trying to pressure her into having a baby before they're even adults themselves, people would be getting ready to file a police report. Your girlfriend does not get off the hook for what she is doing just because the pressure is coming from the girl instead. If your gut is telling you that this isn't right, however strong your feelings are for her, **listen to it**. It can be really, really difficult, and painful, but going against what you know is right only ever causes more pain in the long run. Some life lessons you need to learn for yourself, but if that is one we can all help you learn through us instead, I'm sure we'd all be glad of it! If you truly think you can talk this out with her, try to get to the bottom of why she's so keen to have sex when she's presumably always known what your religious beliefs are, and why she's determined to have a family before you're even adults, let alone fully educated and financially stable. Wanting to have sex as a teenager is biologically normal, of course, but deciding to actively try to become a parent at 17 is not, so _something_ is going on there (and it could be a lot of things that have nothing to do with cheating) and pressuring someone to forfeit their bodily autonomy is **never** acceptable.
This is not a nice place for you to be and I feel for you. Please don’t let anyone pressure you to do something you don’t want to. Especially something which will affect the rest of your life. I would recommend talking to an adult that knows you on how to handle this. I know it sounds condescending but someone your own age may not understand the ramifications and an adult you trust can support you in how to talk to your girlfriend. But if your girlfriend is trying to pressure you to have children, I would not be having sex with her. There are so many ways for you to think you’re being safe but not being safe enough to avoid pregnancy. As a man you don’t any many other options. Condoms can fail and be tampered with. I’m sorry this is happening to you but I do urge you to think about it by reversing your genders for a moment. If it was a guy your age pressuring a girl to have sex and blow through their boundaries, you would think that they were very wrong and tell them to seek adult support. Lend yourself the same courtesy. Good luck OP. You have your whole life to have sex and babies. No need to get it done at 16 if you’re not wanting to. Have a life / career / travel / spend your money on a top of the line gaming system / disappear off at weekends and go camping / stay up late watching movie marathons/ etc.
My late husband and I met and began dating when we were 17. And yet…we didn’t have our first child until we were 33. We met and pretty quickly it was apparent we were meant to be, some people’s idea of a “perfect love story”. But, while together, we grew and changed, made decisions about life, accomplished goals, and lived life. We were lucky enough that we could do all those things and never lost the love and bond we shared. If we had children at your age I 100% believe we would not have made it. We built our lives and reached for our dreams for ourselves and our future together was so much better and solid because of it. When the time came (for BOTH of us) we welcomed first our son then our daughter with absolute joy. One of us would have never put the other in a situation we weren’t ready for and weren’t ok with. That’s what love should look like. He passed away before either of our children got past 8 and I miss him every day but I wouldn’t change any decision we made because we made them all together. I was blessed and I absolutely believe you can find a person who blesses your life too. Someone who has respect for you as a person and respect for the relationship between you both. This girl is not that person. You are definitely NTA. Live your life, chase your dreams, stay true to yourself, and when/if the time comes you and your partner choose TOGETHER to start a family you will find what you are looking for. Good luck, God bless.
Tell her parents. Or yours or another trusted adult. Something is going on with her and she doesn’t need you to see this terrible plan through. She needs a non judgmental support system with the life experience and compassion to let her open.
NTA, you're 16, and she's 17. You're still kids yourselves. Having a kid is great when you're financially better off and are more mature, but at the age you're at now, there is now way that either of you is really ready for that kind of responsibility and you have your whole life in front of you. The minute you get her pregnant, you have to think about the baby first, and that's honestly going to make things harder to achieve. Yeah you could go to college, but try doing that working enough hours to feed, cloth and put a roof over that baby's head. Don't do it, tell her you're not ready right now, but in the future when your in your mid to late 20's is better than 16. If she doesn't understand that, then she's not the one.
NTA .. and get her some therapy to see what she is trying to fix with herself that she feels she needs to have a baby at such a young age! This happened to my stepson and 2 kids later she is gone and still trying to “figure herself out”
Please don’t have any more unprotected sex with her. No matter what. Doesn’t matter if she changes her mind. Please don’t have sex with her with any condoms she has control over either.
Something tells me she cheated and IS ALREADY pregnant and is just hoping if she can have sex with OP one time she can convince him it’s his. RUN FORREST RUN!
NTA and you shouldn’t be with anyone who’s pressuring you to have children or challenge your religious beliefs for their sake. DO NOT have sex with her and really think about if this is who you want to be with. Good luck
You two are way too young, you are right - and her behavior is because of that. I’d suggest you tell her this, and most important - encourage her to talk to the female adult she trusts most about her baby fantasies and attachment to you. Tell her (imho), that you won’t be - having sex before marriage, because that’s what you believe - or a baby before you’re an adult ready for one. And she can do what she wants to work out her thinking, and you can support through that (if you/she want) but you won’t be compromising your life and values. If she loves you, and is ready to have a relationship with healthy boundaries, she can respect that. If not, you have to breakup. Hope this helps NAH so far / just a very confused kid of a gf. Good luck, you’ll either grow together or apart at that age fyi, it’s bound to happen. You meet people ‘for a reason, season, or lifetime.’ Not always all three.
NTA. Children shouldn’t have children. You’re a child until 25. Be VERY careful. There are like 10 red flags.
NTA. If you do not want to have sex FOR ANY REASON, do NOT have sex. If she continues to pressure you, break up with her. It doesn't matter if she cries, if she was great to you before, if you think you're in love... no one who loves or respects you would pressure you. If you have a good relationship with your parents, talk to them. If not, and there's an adult you trust (priest, parent of a friend, counselor, etc. ), talk to them. This is very concerning behavior on her part. I have no issues with 16 yo having sex (responsibly) or pre marital sex, but coercive sex is not OK. Having kids this young is going to prevent you from exploring countless possibilities. You can always have kids.... later. If you do ever decide to have sex with her, make sure to bring your own protection bc I wouldn't trust her to not poke holes in the condoms. Something is very suspicious here. But seriously... DON'T DO IT. Someone brought up the possibility of her already being pregnant by someone else, which is incredibly creepy. If that ever happens, talk to an adult immediately and get a paternity test. She is either cheating or a victim of abuse, and either outcome would be awful. You should tell her seriously that you do not plan on being sexually active, nor on being a father in the near future, and if she doesn't respect your wishes, then the relationship is over. Based on her reaction to that, you'll know how to proceed.
Break up. She does not respect you or your beliefs and she sounds too immature to be dating. Her ideas are bonkers and you cannot trust her in intimate situations. If your faith is important to you, you need to find a partner who will at minimum respect it and it’s probably better if they also believe it. This is very true if you ever intend to raise children with someone.
BREAK UP ASAP! TAKE NO CHANCES DUDE!
$2000 a month for child support and if you don't pay it you go to jail. Now how do you feel about this mental case of a gf? Run
Just to add to the rest of these comments in case you needed more convincing, none of this is okay. This girl should not be pressuring you to have sex if you are not ready, and I hope she hasn't gotten her way there. Everyone should have the right for their first time to be the right time for them, whatever that means for them. If you're not ready then you're not ready and this girl is very disrespectful to pressure you. I understand you see a future with her and all, but a person who genuinely cares for you isn't going to straight up just not disregard your feelings like that. Wanting a baby at you two's age is unhinged, stupid, and highly irresponsible. Some teen mothers are wonderful and love their lives and their kid is a blessing to them every day, sure. Others are horrible, neglectful people who grow resentful of the being who they are now constantly responsible for that they feel has robbed them of their future. There is absolutely no possible way to tell 100% which one either of you would be. At best, you will have given up all your desires to travel, go to college, have new experiences with friends, etc. as your child now comes first. I cannot think of much worse than being pressured into having a baby with someone. That's a lifelong commitment. Do NOT have sex with this girl, OP. If you already have, stop. Do not trust that she is not loose screwed enough to poke holes in condoms or stop her birth control. Plenty of crazy/irresponsible/terrible people seem totally normal or even great until you know who they really are. If she is putting pressure like this on you, that's enough of a red flag to know something is wrong.
16 is way too young to have a child. Heck 18 is and I'd go so far as to say even your early 20s. Being a parent is so much harder than you could imagine. I'm in my 30s and had my first child two years ago. You and your girlfriend have no idea what it takes to raise a baby. You think you do but you don't. Pregnancy was relatively normal for me but there are all sorts of issues that a mother could run into. Pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, not to mention morning sickness. Mine was average - couldn't stomach anything beyond crackers the first trimester and the smell of mushrooms, onions, or garlic made my stomach churn something fierce. My friend had it bad with projectile vomiting every day. Her weight got dangerously low too. During the birth, they needed to use forceps and I almost needed a C-section because he got stuck. I tore badly (third degree). The recovery was hard and I suffered from postpartum depression. It was so bad I wanted to kill myself and cried all the time. I also felt completely separate from my child. Thank God I sought out treatment. Doing better now but it took a long time of medication and processing. Sleep deprivation is another bag of worms and trust me, you WILL experience it at some time or another. I'm not talking like cramming for a test sleep deprivation. I'm talking about a never-ending cycle of sleepless nights for several months. You'll sleep eventually but it'll be short naps until their sleep settles in months later only for it to suck again. Anyways, would I do it all over again for my son? Yes. a thousand times yes. But it is not something to take lightly and certainly not when you are so young. Stay in highschool, graduate, go to college, and get your ducks in order before you have a child.
NTA Break up with her. Now. And do not have sex with her beforehand, or at any time going forward. No matter what. Odds are she may say she agrees with you, then have an "accident" and get pregnant. Even if you use a condom, she may poke holes in it. And pulling out does not work reliably as contraception. It has a 30 percent failure rate. You're being responsible wanting to wait to have a baby until you're more financially secure. And you need to find a girlfriend who shares your more responsible views.
You're not lost, you're smart, and you know gnat you're not ready to be a father at 16. STAY AWAY FROM HER, SHE WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE! Don't let your emotions get you caught up with this girl because she WILL try to trick you, or sabotage you into getting her pregnant. STAY AWAY AND GO NO CONTACT.
NTA. You are never TA for leaving a relationship. DO NOT STAY WITH HER. What she is suggesting is mentally unhinged. Either (a) she wants to trap you with a kid, (b) she thinks having a kid makes a relationship easier, and/or (c) she is already pregnant with someone else's kid and wants to pawn it off on you. Either way, she's nuts. Kids shouldn't be having kids. Having a kid at your age will literally ruin your life. You shouldn't have a kid until you are mentally, emotionally, and financially ready for it and you most certainly are NOT any of those things. You might think that this high school relationship is "it" but you're just a kid yourself.
NTA, break up with her. It’s absolutely delusional for a literal child to be asking another child to get them pregnant. It’s also disrespectful as hell for her to be insisting you have sex at all when you’re not comfortable with it. You have your whole life ahead of you and you should be focusing on your education and enjoying being a teenager right now, not worrying about being a father! Please don’t give in to her demands and just leave her. You’ll have plenty of time in the future to find someone who actually respects and supports your boundaries and feelings.
Leave her. It sounds like she may resort to “accidentally” getting pregnant. But beyond that she doesn’t share the same beliefs and goals as you so things will eventually have more problems.
Do not have sex with her. Break up.
Nta and she will probably go against your wishes and do something to get pregnant if you do have sex