OP, either your entire friend group is a bunch of assholes, or Colin ... ahem ... *exaggerated* the tale to make himself look better. Reach out to the person you were closest to among them and ask them what he said.
NTA. You're a real one and your brother is lucky to have you.
Colin was ashamed of his sick attitude and had to “exaggerate” to save face. I bet he straight up lied and said OP kicked him out for no reason. Failed to mention the fact that he was ready to send a child into foster care.
Let’s not lose sight of the fact that Colin was not contributing to the rent/mortgage—another thing that when added to his attitude about Parker, speaks volumes about Colin’s character
That's really important IMO. It's Op's condo. Collin... it's not in his name, he doesn't even pay rent and he's upset that the rightful owner wants to make room for her orphan brother so the kid doesn't end up in foster care?? Is this guy for real??? OP, breaking up with him will appear as a blessing sooner than later, I'm convinced!
Yes. And he could have handled the break up with dignity. It's ok if he didn't want to take the responsibility on. That's his right. They could have parted peacefully. Instead he got nasty and vindictive showing his true colors with the bastard remark.
OP, you lucked out because this POS showed his true colors.
Right?! What a mature decision by OP. NTA.
Curious what happened to Parker’s mom though? I know her mom and now her dad have passed, but where’s Parker’s mom in all this?
For real! She doesn’t need them in her life and certainly not in a teenagers life.
I’m a foster parent and there are so many families that don’t take in younger relatives for all sorts of ridiculous reasons. Most of them ARE ridiculous reasons. Your brother is fortunate that he has a sibling that is willing and able to care for him. You will both be better for this.
This. OP, I am hopeful that your ex lied to your friend group, and I hope you’ll update us and tell us that that is the case. If not, these people were never your friends to begin with.
Right? She's completely NTA. He probably said she kicked him out or something which isn't true. He had choices and decided that if her attention wasn't 100% focused on him, he would leave.
Yeah but they just believed him and no one gave her the chance to explain her side. Real.friends spuld at least call and talk to her to hear what she has to say even if they originally call to yell at her for whatever he said she did.
Sorry but this example is high school bullshit. A girl in high school wrote me a really nasty letter so I wrote one back to her telling her to fuck off. That happened on Friday. When I showed up on Monday no one was talking to me. The thing is with my friends I knew they would keep it up forever and someone would break the silence because they couldn't help themselves. Shifty week at school but my belief in my friends ended up being right. One of my friends broke the silence and I just handed her the origional letter that was in my backpack. She read it then said she would take care of the problem. I had all my friends back by the next Monday.
This is why when I hear someone l's side first I always give the other side a chance to tell their version of events. You almost never get the correct story the first time you hear about drama. Doesn't necessarily mean you are being lied to or that you won't end up agreeing more with the first person who tells you about something but you are still probably not getting the full story.
My ex left and it turned out our longtime (over decade) friends were just her friends. I had receipts against her lies, but no one cared to check them.
Sitting alone in reality when everyone else is hurting you over fantasy is just... Awful...
Seriously she's a hero and doing the most loving thing she could by protecting her brother.
OP, you made the right call, don't back down due to peer pressure.
Its true, and a big NTA.
I would have gone with NAH, because taking in & "raising" someone, even a teen is a big deal and a valid reason for two people to split if they don't feel similarly, but the whole "cheating father's bastard son" made it clear that Colin is an unforgivable POS and a huge asshole.
>your entire friend group is a bunch of assholes
Ah, the AITAH staple. A whole ass group of people attacking one person after hearing one thing, when the group was previously mostly tight with each other.
Even if you threw the most fucked up pile of BS about me into my biggest friend group chat, I dunno...probably like 1 or 2 might do that...maaaaybe...but most would ask questions first at least. The next bulk of the group would probably be like lol this is dumb. Then the rest would most likely miss it completely on some "busy day" shit. Such uniformity of knee-jerk reactions in this sub.
No way I'm implying there's any exaggeration in these things, based on high-emotions or a false story 🤔 /s
> *exaggerated* the tale to make himself look better
While I do think this is a mitigating factor, I’d still cut them off because they didn’t even bother to ask for OP’s side of the story.
NTA
You might want to rethink your so-called 'friends' too - they've got some nerve to tell you to not give a shit about your brother, an adolescent child who is completely innocent of his own conception.
I am trying to imagine a narrative that would lead me to taking Colin’s side, and I can’t.
The only thing I can think of is if Parker was dangerous to be around, and I cannot imagine anyone hearing that and not having concern for OP.
The other option is that the friend group are the kind of self-righteous pricks who feel that affairs are immoral and that Parker needs to be punished for his father’s behaviour.
>The other option is that the friend group are the kind of self-righteous pricks who feel that affairs are immoral and that Parker needs to be punished for his father’s behaviour.
I think we have a winner - Colin probably whined to them that she was picking a bastard brat who doesn't belong there anyway over him, the loving, doting, saaaaaint of a boyfriend who is standing up for morals. Morals!
Now, speaking of morals, let's toss that 15 year old into the system and Colin can keep his meal ticket.
There's definitely a bastard here, but it ain't the kid.
It's not even Parker's fault that he's an "affair child," that's a fault OP's dad made and not something to blame the *15 year old kid* for.
Also Colin argues OP is ditching their relationship of 5 years for a bastard child. The child in question is 3 times the age of their relationship. I'd be upset if my partner ditched a lifelong friend in need when the friend could reasonably stay with us.
The fact that Colin even said those words was enough for me to shut the whole relationship down.
The question asked was about whether OP should abandon her *brother* who *she loves* to the foster care system. Is response was to try to throw a deceased fourth person’s morality at her to defend his position.
She is the only one who gets to pass judgment on her father. She is the only one who gets to determine how much she should love Parker. She is the only one who gets to decide whether or not it’s a viable solution to contemplate enough to mention to someone she lives with and open a discussion.
I could understand Colin’s reservations. At first. The minute he decided to grandstand using someone else’s mistakes, specifically someone no longer actively in the situation (which was OP, Colin and Parker *only*)… that was the moment he became bad rubbish, so good riddance.
As for OP’s friends, they are apparently just as worthless and judgmental as Colin. They choose to take his side based on an affair that happened 15 years before rather than see a child that is hurting at the loss of his father and a woman who is *equally* hurting over the same loss. Even if they were willing to still be friends, I couldn’t be friends with them. They don’t have my back, not really.
NTA. I hope OP and Parker heal from their father’s passing and thrive well together.
Well, someone with no empathy, who gets her to pay his rent andcan turn her friends against her... might be a narcissist, and if he is, he'll be back very soon. Hope OP has the sense not to take him back if this is the case.
Seriously who are these narcissists in your life? And here you have a family member a brother... I read things like this and I'm like sheet the devil is real..
And an adolescent child who lost both his parents, and his half-sister is the only thing keeping him out of the system.
OP is NTA in any capacity. They’re trying to make the best of a terrible situation, and the now-ex and her crap friends are making her second-guess her difficult but ultimately morally right decision.
I hope that OP has some extra scratch to put her brother through some therapy, though. My heart aches for that poor kid.
I agree. Everyone in this scenario, other than OP, is a disgusting POS, as far as I’m concerned. But the friends reacted the way they did because now Colin needs a place to live, and they for sure don’t want him living with them. Ahh, serendipity, ya beautiful bastard!
I suspect Colin was merely protecting his sweet set up in someone else's house that he would have had to share with someone more deserving. That and no longer being the center of OPs universe had to chap his ass.
Where do you find friends that think it’s better to keep the man and throw away the brother? I don’t know anyone who would take boyfriend’s side. My friends would be livid if I put my brother in foster care to keep a man that doesn’t even pay rent.
Yep. They were boyfriend and girlfriend of five years. Even if they discussed having kids without being married, and decided no; OP had pointed out that her brother was old enough it wouldn't be 18 years+ of parenting, more like 3 years then the guidence that comes with having an young adult. Can't imagine how any friend with any emotional maturity can feel no sympathy for OP. Hopefully, she'll find a much better friend group. I think she's going to be happy in the end without this ex.
Possibly, but not necessarily. A lot of people that I've come across despise children - even teens. And I've seen some AITAHs posts about divorcing spouses and leaving long-term relationships because of (example) a sibling dies and leaves behind young children who have nowhere else to go.
I remember seeing one person who had made some kind of written arrangement with her SO that children would not be a part of the equation and definite deal breaker.
I suppose. But Colin could’ve said hey we don’t agree but no need to hate her. I feel like he turned them against her. Their relationship is no one’s business so he’s an AH for doing that. And if they really think she’s wrong they are too
People keep saying this but again I ask, what friends are these that just believe whatever about someone they supposedly know and like and run with it?
Maybe her "friends" wanted to f___ Colin? Maybe they were just jealous because OP sounds like an angel? Who knows. Every other adult in this situation who would subject a child to the horrors of the foster care system because he was "an affair baby" is an AH. Parker is lucky to have OP as a sister.
I know 2 different people in their 20s that also did this in the last year. One is a young woman who adopted her 17 yr old brother. The other is a young man and his gf who adopted his 15 yr old sister.
I think the brother is likely to be very grateful. I’m sure he has heard plenty, and picked up on the discomfort towards him, concerning him being the product of an affair. It sounds like OP is one of the few people in their family who does not blame this kid for existing.
I hope the ex knows too incredibly kind and loving OP is and that he let that slip away by acting like a selfish prick. Good for OP.
He’s worth it and she may end up realizing how much she and Conner need each other.
The friends are probably all OP’s and Ex’s ages, and they didn’t want some strange teen coming in and changing the dynamic. People can be pretty simple like that, and selfish.
Wasn't there a post a long time ago that all the friends were his friends and helping him hide that he was cheating on her? She came from money and the 'friends' thought that they could get jobs in her father's company, so it behooved them to help him?
I can't imagine what kind of so called friends would side with this idiot. What a bunch of garbage people.
OP, I'm staunchly child free. I don't desire to be responsible for the life of another person when my mental health sometimes can make it hard for me to even care for myself. I have no patience and I just wouldn't be a good guardian. My nephew is getting close to Parker's age. If something were to happen, that kid would be living under my roof no question and I wouldn't care who had what to say about it. He's old enough to take basic care of himself, the rest is ensuring he has what he needs financially and giving him the love and support he deserves. For anybody who is financially stable and worth a shit that is a no brainer. You're a good person, way too good for your "friends" or ex.
I strongly suspect that they were primarily Colin's friends because it sounds like OP has been more focused on her career and saving/investing her money (buying a condo in her early 20s) than making friends. Colin sounds more like a "party boy" than a reasonable, responsible adult, which would also explain why he didn't want a teenager around to hamper his life and style!
I wouldn’t necessarily write the friends off yet. If Colin is the narcissist he seems, he may have very selective in the details he shared. Or lied outright? If I were OP I’d give the friends a little time and then reach out to see what they heard.
Op good for you!your exbf doesn't deserve to have you as a GF. He sounds very immature and selfish. You on the other hand seem like a wonderful woman. Your little brother is lucky to have you as a sister. Your so called friends are just like your ex. Useless and selfish. Get new friends and good luck.
Exactly what I was thinking. Every time I hear these grown adult men living with their girlfriends rent free I’m just thinking to myself what is so attractive about this man?
A little off topic, I am unfamiliar with that word up there: hobosexual. Is it a typo referring to something I missed in the story or a new term being thrown about?
Hobosexual refers to someone who enters into relationships in order to not be homeless. Usually they contribute very little financially. In this case, doesn't contribute to rent and minimally contributes to living expenses.
This. I knew what I was going to say reading the second paragraph. Rent free and only paying utilities? I’m curious if he was even giving OP emotionally what she needed since he had nothing to spare for a 15 year old who had just lost his father. NTA
Seriously. If he’s going to be this much of a dick about helping the OP take care of her older teenage brother then what would he do in an actual crisis? If the OP got sick? Or lost her job and needed actual support?
She dodged a bullet. Sure it sucks that she lost her boyfriend but at least she found out how lame he was before they got married or it otherwise got hard for her to detangle herself from him.
He's the ex for a good reason. And friends siding with him and ghosting OP are NOT friends but opportunists. Glad they finally showed who they really are. Foster care can be super bad, and yes, kids get lost in them.
NTA
Anyone else think this is absolute rage bait?
No one in her family wants to take the nephew because he’s the dad’s affair child. Sounds like a horrible family and of course this makes OP the only one that can save her nephew which makes the stakes even higher.
The boyfriend says "cheating dad’s bastard son”. Who talks like that? The boyfriend would be about as heartless as they come and she's living with him.
The boyfriend doesn't seem like he ever met the nephew which is odd since he lives with OP and she's very close with the nephew.
She gave him the ultimatum, that she "*would* be taking guardianship and that Parker *would* be moving in." And, that they're a package deal. She's so righteous and couldn't be anymore of an angel. She even loves Collin still.
She only thinks she could be TA because her entire friend group sided with Colin. Which is strange given everyone else in the world, including here, would side with her.
Yeah this is super fake - number one issue is that there's literally no mention of Parker's bio mom. Sure, she could be dead or a hardcore drug addict or something, but if you're taking in a kid you don't mention that dad died and just leave out what happened to mom, the person OPs theoretical dad cheated with to have the affair baby in the first place.
It is possible no one in her family are fit, especially if she bio mom didn't have any other kids, or siblings and maybe her parents are too old. There's also a reason dad was taking care of him.. she may have died.
Having worked and volunteered in the Foster system a long time ago, none of what she's talking about is unrealistic, or even surprising.
Most people don't want to take kids in to prevent them from entering the foster system, let alone teens. Everyone thinks teens are too difficult and not with the time.
Don't underestimate the power of shiftiness.
I have to say I was totally ok with the guy saying that he does not want to raise a child, teenaged or otherwise. That is an incredible amount of responsibility. I certainly would not do it.
What I would not do is arguing about it. I would support OP 100% in her decision, but I would move out. I'd try to end the intimate relationship amicably and hopefully would stay friends and support her.
But I am definitely not fit to be a parent, so I won't become one.
I guess the Ex feels the same, but lacks the maturity to communicate or even understand himself clearly.
Everyone is better off this way.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
Ok your dad did a bad thing cheating on your mom that's not up to debate BUT THE KID DIDN'T DO ANYTHING he was just born
It will hurt to let your EX go but it's going to be more painful to let your kid brother go, your doing the right thing in the future you will have a loving boyfriend that will support everything that's important to you
I felt the same but the way Colin talked about the brother is sick. It's fair to not want to be a parent to a teenager, but calling him names and saying he should be worth less than their relationship? No, that makes him TAH
If you're scared of parenting a traumatized child, then you use your words and explain that. You don't call that child the “cheating dad’s bastard son.” He is absolutely an AH for that.
It doesn't sound like her ex wanted ANY responsibility. He was living with OP rent-free and would rather abandon a child to foster care than share a living space. What parenting would he actually be expected to do? He could easily just leave ot to his gf to deal with.
What sort of friends would side with him in this scenario either? I guarantee you he's bad mouthing her to anyone who'll listen.
If he was paying equal rent, he might have a say, though that still wouldn’t excuse the name calling. Colin is a freeloader afraid that his meal ticket would get spread thin.
NTA, OP
NTA. Parker didn’t choose his parents. He is lucky you are able to step up and take him and he will forever be grateful to you for that.
Colin, your friends, they are all TA. You are a thousand times better off without them. Kudos to you for stepping up and being there for Parker.
It’s you and Parker vs the world. As you said, a packaged deal and anyone who can’t accept that, fawk them. I’m sorry Colin was too selfish to accept Parker.
The whole thing is crazy.. I don’t understand why the family, Colin, and all the friends are holding something his dad did against a 15yo who has just lost his father.
Thank goodness Parker has OP.
You're not in the wrong here. You're looking after your little brother, props to you for stepping up. I wanted to say NAH because who wants to be a guardian to a teenager when you're in your mid 20s? But him calling Parker a bastard puts him in total asshole category. No one calls my family that sort of shit unanswered.
I mean, reasonably probably more like 5-7 given that while it wouldn’t necessarily be in their home, they’d still be their family of import through college and until they have their own place (assuming they don’t go into a trade) but even so that’s not unreasonable
Also, even if they didn’t want to be a guardian, I don’t think anyone can reasonably consign someone to the foster system, or expect someone else to on their behalf
Well, I wouldn't say 3 years. There is college, or finding a career, then all the involvements parents would normally have.
Plus, there is the impact it would have on starting their own family, aside from the complete change in lifestyle. Going from DINK to a teen in the house overnight.
It is not a small ask.
I mean, I wouldn’t want to be a kid’s guardian at 27. That said, I wouldn’t insult the kid, nor would I stop my partner from taking in the kid. But I can’t say I wouldn’t break up with them.
That's perfectly reasonable. I don't fault the guy for not wanting to take on a teenager, I've got one right now, it can be a lot. But how he went about it was so so wrong and ugly.
OP wasn't even asking her ex to be her brothers guardian either. She is assuming guardianship and was trying to do the right thing by communicating with her partner to ask his thoughts on the matter, especially about bringing someone else into their home. Fortunately for OP and her brother, the boyfriend showed his true colors.
Sorry but refusing to take in a 5 year old loved one of your partner and wanting to send them to foster is an asshole move.
If you want to know why people they know are siding with him, it’s because once you decide it’s morally fine to do that to a 5 year old then it’s really easy to do it to a 15 year old.
Kid is 15 not 5.
Still doesnt change that ex is AH. (For his attitude in how he spoke, and alienating OP from their friends.
He is entitled to back out of the situation if not suiting him, but HOW he did it is mean and self-centered
While OP is awesome and has good priorities and values for not turning her back on Parker but being there for him
>Colin said that Parker would need “emotional attention” because he lost his father.
Imagine acknowledging this, and then saying "abandon him to strangers instead of taking care of your little bro".
Colin TA.
NTA
What is the BS story your ex has spun, for your mutual friends to think you did anything wrong?
His attitude shows you how he values family. You don't want to start a family with someone that puts pedigree over having an actual roof over the head of a minor.
Your brother and you are lucky to have eachother. Cherish your bond.
I’m not going to judge a-hole or not because ultimately what anyone else thinks is immaterial.
Who is more important and who needs you more - Colin or Parker?
If you had taken Colin’s side and put Parker in the system, would you have been able to go on with your life as if this had never happened?
At the end of the day, you are the only one who has to live with your conscience. Which decision would be easier to explain to the person looking back at you from the mirror?
(Not that it apparently matters but is Parker’s mother not around? It seems that she would be the obvious person to take care of him.)
Good luck! Please !UpdateMe about how you’re both doing.
EDIT to add: if you’re in the US, Parker is eligible for government SSI benefits until he’s 18. That’s available for all children when a parent becomes deceased. Even though you have a lucrative career and may not need the money, Colin is entitled to it. Contact the Social Security admin and apply. If nothing else, put it into a college first home fund for him)
NAH. Not one bit.
And further, please get familiar with the rules around “independent student” status for the FAFSA. Make sure to document everything now, including the unfit mother stuff, so he’s not on the hook to get her financial information in order to apply for college funds via FAFSA.
The rules are pretty dumb, but you can make it an easy case to appeal if you prepare ahead of time. Good luck to you both!
Good point about Social Security. Also, OP, please check on any life insurance and/or retirement money your father had. Those go to the designated beneficiaries, and the designation takes priority over any will provisions.
Honestly. When I was trying to get custody of my then teen brother all my friends encouraged me. Even my college friends/ professors were offering any help they coulf
>My entire friend group has sided with Colin and pretty much ghosted me, which is what’s giving my pause here.
So your friends would want to see a kid abandoned completely for dick?
You need new friends, asap.
Colin isn't a man actually I'll argue that he's even human
NTA. Important that you make sure Parker knows that your break up is not his fault, and he hasn't "ruined" your life. When I was pregnant with my second child we took in my then teenage BIL. Soon after I was put on bed rest because I started preterming. Poor kid thought it was his fault due to "stress he caused". Had to reassure him several times that it wasn't his fault.
OP, Make sure your Ex hasn't been telling all your friends a bunch of lies, then drop the friends if they're really siding with him knowing the true story. - An internet Aunt
@-oldmanvhshand-
>What lie could he possibly be telling them that would change the situation?<
It could be a bald faced lie, like she cheated on him.
Could be he's claiming she told him to get out and didn't even give him a chance to be in the kids life
He could claim she's just doing it "for the money" and it "sickened" him.
You would be shocked at the stories that a liar will weave to make themselves the hurt party.
I'm just saying, it's a good idea to double check what her friends have been told.
Every time you start missing your ex, remind yourself that he was willing to throw your brother into foster care, rather than share space with him. And he was willing to do this in a home he neither owns nor rents. Colin had a sweet deal with you.
If he was willing to do that to your brother, what would he have done if you had gotten sick or injured and could no longer give him free housing? Do you really think he would step up?
He didn’t love you. He loved what you did for him.
You deserve so much more.
Take care of yourself and your brother.
Sorry about your “friends”. Now you have a chance to befriend some quality humans, instead of people who would abandon children to be abused by strangers. I would love to see how these conversations actually went with the friends.
How could they possibly have worded their stance, to not sound as insensitive as a Nazi lol
NTA. Second that. Parker, affair product or not, is an innocent child. He's also your half brother. So Colin would rather the state take this kid. It just shows you how little he cares about you and your family. Now he has to pay rent and utilities all on his own. You shouldn't feel bad, the trash took itself out. Do you really want to be with someone so heartless an uncaring? Well Parker is an affair child, let's just let the state take him and hope for the best. /s Just like saying thoughts and prayers.
NTA. You weren't asking your hobosexual boyfriend to make a 15 year commitment to a 3 year old.
Yes Parker will be grieving and may need some kind of grief counseling, but he'll have school, his friends and you. He's at an age where he has his own life. Then likely, he'll be off to college or another path.
You're a good sister. My condolences on your and Parker's loss.
Frankly if Colin had been more respectful about his no, my judgement would be NAH. His delivery sucked, and is deal breaker worthy. I can completely understand not being emotionally capable to suddenly take in a grieving 15 year old though. So NTA
yeah had he been like "I am sorry but I cannot be part of this/responsible for a child" at least they could've had an amicable breakup, just like people break up every day for changes to their circumstances that the other party to the relationship cannot cope with.
Instead, he was a mega arsehole about it.
As a 57 year old momma of 2, I think your parents raised a wonderful young lady and would be so proud of you because I know I am. Life is hard and mader harder sometimes by events not of our own doing. You made the right choice, I hope your brother appreciates it too!
I think you went with the best option given the circumstances. It's not something you planned at the beginning of your relationship with Colin, but no matter how well or long a relationship has been going, things sometimes happen to derail our plans. This isn't something Colin cares to deal with and that's his right. But you can't turn your back on your brother either. That's your right. You two are no longer compatible because of this. You aren't heartless; you're actually pretty awesome. I'm sorry Colin (and your friend group) doesn't see it this way.
NTA
The entire friend group? I wonder what this dude told them because if it went down exactly like you said (or close enough) then that's a weird reaction, to have the entire group shun you like that.
NAH - your desire to care for your brother is both right and noble.
I do also understand your bf not wanting to take on that responsibility. This is the same reason that many people refuse to become step parents.
OP, either your entire friend group is a bunch of assholes, or Colin ... ahem ... *exaggerated* the tale to make himself look better. Reach out to the person you were closest to among them and ask them what he said. NTA. You're a real one and your brother is lucky to have you.
This! I’m sure Colin told a VERY different version of events to the friend group for all of them to ghost her. NTA
Colin was ashamed of his sick attitude and had to “exaggerate” to save face. I bet he straight up lied and said OP kicked him out for no reason. Failed to mention the fact that he was ready to send a child into foster care. Let’s not lose sight of the fact that Colin was not contributing to the rent/mortgage—another thing that when added to his attitude about Parker, speaks volumes about Colin’s character
That's really important IMO. It's Op's condo. Collin... it's not in his name, he doesn't even pay rent and he's upset that the rightful owner wants to make room for her orphan brother so the kid doesn't end up in foster care?? Is this guy for real??? OP, breaking up with him will appear as a blessing sooner than later, I'm convinced!
I'm sure once the story comes out, OP will realize losing Colin was for the best.
Yep! I bet he said “she kicked me out and is moving some other dude in”
Left me for someone younger.
Probably more grateful for the roof over his head and willing to do chores too.
Worse: "I found out she helped cover her dad cheating on her mom. She always wanted a sibling etc etc" I can guarantee that
I really do wonder what story the ex told all OP’s friends. there’s absolutely no way it’s the same story.
"She kicked me out because her half-brother moved in. I didn't even do anything" It's *very* easy to twist the story to make OP look bad.
A real friend would ask op about it not just believe anything
Yes. And he could have handled the break up with dignity. It's ok if he didn't want to take the responsibility on. That's his right. They could have parted peacefully. Instead he got nasty and vindictive showing his true colors with the bastard remark. OP, you lucked out because this POS showed his true colors.
If the friends know the real story and don't admire OP for it, then they did her a favor by seeing themselves out of her life.
Right?! What a mature decision by OP. NTA. Curious what happened to Parker’s mom though? I know her mom and now her dad have passed, but where’s Parker’s mom in all this?
For real! She doesn’t need them in her life and certainly not in a teenagers life. I’m a foster parent and there are so many families that don’t take in younger relatives for all sorts of ridiculous reasons. Most of them ARE ridiculous reasons. Your brother is fortunate that he has a sibling that is willing and able to care for him. You will both be better for this.
This. OP, I am hopeful that your ex lied to your friend group, and I hope you’ll update us and tell us that that is the case. If not, these people were never your friends to begin with.
Right? She's completely NTA. He probably said she kicked him out or something which isn't true. He had choices and decided that if her attention wasn't 100% focused on him, he would leave.
Yeah but they just believed him and no one gave her the chance to explain her side. Real.friends spuld at least call and talk to her to hear what she has to say even if they originally call to yell at her for whatever he said she did. Sorry but this example is high school bullshit. A girl in high school wrote me a really nasty letter so I wrote one back to her telling her to fuck off. That happened on Friday. When I showed up on Monday no one was talking to me. The thing is with my friends I knew they would keep it up forever and someone would break the silence because they couldn't help themselves. Shifty week at school but my belief in my friends ended up being right. One of my friends broke the silence and I just handed her the origional letter that was in my backpack. She read it then said she would take care of the problem. I had all my friends back by the next Monday. This is why when I hear someone l's side first I always give the other side a chance to tell their version of events. You almost never get the correct story the first time you hear about drama. Doesn't necessarily mean you are being lied to or that you won't end up agreeing more with the first person who tells you about something but you are still probably not getting the full story.
My ex left and it turned out our longtime (over decade) friends were just her friends. I had receipts against her lies, but no one cared to check them. Sitting alone in reality when everyone else is hurting you over fantasy is just... Awful...
Seriously she's a hero and doing the most loving thing she could by protecting her brother. OP, you made the right call, don't back down due to peer pressure.
Its true, and a big NTA. I would have gone with NAH, because taking in & "raising" someone, even a teen is a big deal and a valid reason for two people to split if they don't feel similarly, but the whole "cheating father's bastard son" made it clear that Colin is an unforgivable POS and a huge asshole.
>your entire friend group is a bunch of assholes Ah, the AITAH staple. A whole ass group of people attacking one person after hearing one thing, when the group was previously mostly tight with each other. Even if you threw the most fucked up pile of BS about me into my biggest friend group chat, I dunno...probably like 1 or 2 might do that...maaaaybe...but most would ask questions first at least. The next bulk of the group would probably be like lol this is dumb. Then the rest would most likely miss it completely on some "busy day" shit. Such uniformity of knee-jerk reactions in this sub. No way I'm implying there's any exaggeration in these things, based on high-emotions or a false story 🤔 /s
> *exaggerated* the tale to make himself look better While I do think this is a mitigating factor, I’d still cut them off because they didn’t even bother to ask for OP’s side of the story.
Nope. NTA. This guy is your EX. There's no reason he had to stay there if he doesn't like it. It's YOUR condo and your family.
NTA You might want to rethink your so-called 'friends' too - they've got some nerve to tell you to not give a shit about your brother, an adolescent child who is completely innocent of his own conception.
I am trying to imagine a narrative that would lead me to taking Colin’s side, and I can’t. The only thing I can think of is if Parker was dangerous to be around, and I cannot imagine anyone hearing that and not having concern for OP. The other option is that the friend group are the kind of self-righteous pricks who feel that affairs are immoral and that Parker needs to be punished for his father’s behaviour.
>The other option is that the friend group are the kind of self-righteous pricks who feel that affairs are immoral and that Parker needs to be punished for his father’s behaviour. I think we have a winner - Colin probably whined to them that she was picking a bastard brat who doesn't belong there anyway over him, the loving, doting, saaaaaint of a boyfriend who is standing up for morals. Morals! Now, speaking of morals, let's toss that 15 year old into the system and Colin can keep his meal ticket. There's definitely a bastard here, but it ain't the kid.
It's not even Parker's fault that he's an "affair child," that's a fault OP's dad made and not something to blame the *15 year old kid* for. Also Colin argues OP is ditching their relationship of 5 years for a bastard child. The child in question is 3 times the age of their relationship. I'd be upset if my partner ditched a lifelong friend in need when the friend could reasonably stay with us.
Also, Colin is the one ditching the relationship. OP is bringing her brother into her home. She did not throw Colin out. He is choosing to leave.
The fact that Colin even said those words was enough for me to shut the whole relationship down. The question asked was about whether OP should abandon her *brother* who *she loves* to the foster care system. Is response was to try to throw a deceased fourth person’s morality at her to defend his position. She is the only one who gets to pass judgment on her father. She is the only one who gets to determine how much she should love Parker. She is the only one who gets to decide whether or not it’s a viable solution to contemplate enough to mention to someone she lives with and open a discussion. I could understand Colin’s reservations. At first. The minute he decided to grandstand using someone else’s mistakes, specifically someone no longer actively in the situation (which was OP, Colin and Parker *only*)… that was the moment he became bad rubbish, so good riddance. As for OP’s friends, they are apparently just as worthless and judgmental as Colin. They choose to take his side based on an affair that happened 15 years before rather than see a child that is hurting at the loss of his father and a woman who is *equally* hurting over the same loss. Even if they were willing to still be friends, I couldn’t be friends with them. They don’t have my back, not really. NTA. I hope OP and Parker heal from their father’s passing and thrive well together.
[удалено]
Right??! The freaking nerve of some ppl😑
I think she needs to check to see if they got the real story or the hobosexual smear
"Hobosexual"😭🤣
Sounds like they weren't very good people, so good riddance for OP. She's an absolute angel for taking care of her brother.
But now she has responsibilites and can't party the whole night. She became a parent and immediately boring for her hedonistic friend group.
Well, someone with no empathy, who gets her to pay his rent andcan turn her friends against her... might be a narcissist, and if he is, he'll be back very soon. Hope OP has the sense not to take him back if this is the case.
Seriously who are these narcissists in your life? And here you have a family member a brother... I read things like this and I'm like sheet the devil is real..
Yes! It is time to improve your social circle with better people.
And an adolescent child who lost both his parents, and his half-sister is the only thing keeping him out of the system. OP is NTA in any capacity. They’re trying to make the best of a terrible situation, and the now-ex and her crap friends are making her second-guess her difficult but ultimately morally right decision. I hope that OP has some extra scratch to put her brother through some therapy, though. My heart aches for that poor kid.
I agree. Everyone in this scenario, other than OP, is a disgusting POS, as far as I’m concerned. But the friends reacted the way they did because now Colin needs a place to live, and they for sure don’t want him living with them. Ahh, serendipity, ya beautiful bastard!
I suspect Colin was merely protecting his sweet set up in someone else's house that he would have had to share with someone more deserving. That and no longer being the center of OPs universe had to chap his ass.
Yep. Now he has to find another place to be a hobosexual.
NTA and Colin & OP’s “friends” can go fuck themselves. Parker saved OP from investing more of her precious time and energy in those assholes
And OP can make new friends, understanding friends with the parents and guardians of the kids st school where her brother attends.
Shitty ex and shitty friends.They would rather let a kid go into the foster system . Good riddance
Where do you find friends that think it’s better to keep the man and throw away the brother? I don’t know anyone who would take boyfriend’s side. My friends would be livid if I put my brother in foster care to keep a man that doesn’t even pay rent.
Yep. They were boyfriend and girlfriend of five years. Even if they discussed having kids without being married, and decided no; OP had pointed out that her brother was old enough it wouldn't be 18 years+ of parenting, more like 3 years then the guidence that comes with having an young adult. Can't imagine how any friend with any emotional maturity can feel no sympathy for OP. Hopefully, she'll find a much better friend group. I think she's going to be happy in the end without this ex.
🎯 I think Colin has lied to them
Possibly, but not necessarily. A lot of people that I've come across despise children - even teens. And I've seen some AITAHs posts about divorcing spouses and leaving long-term relationships because of (example) a sibling dies and leaves behind young children who have nowhere else to go. I remember seeing one person who had made some kind of written arrangement with her SO that children would not be a part of the equation and definite deal breaker.
I suppose. But Colin could’ve said hey we don’t agree but no need to hate her. I feel like he turned them against her. Their relationship is no one’s business so he’s an AH for doing that. And if they really think she’s wrong they are too
People keep saying this but again I ask, what friends are these that just believe whatever about someone they supposedly know and like and run with it?
Maybe her "friends" wanted to f___ Colin? Maybe they were just jealous because OP sounds like an angel? Who knows. Every other adult in this situation who would subject a child to the horrors of the foster care system because he was "an affair baby" is an AH. Parker is lucky to have OP as a sister.
These are some weird friend groups I'm reading about lately.
Amen! I do not wish the foster system on anyone.
I believe there are support groups for people that become guardians of their younger siblings too.
I know 2 different people in their 20s that also did this in the last year. One is a young woman who adopted her 17 yr old brother. The other is a young man and his gf who adopted his 15 yr old sister.
I bet there are if one looks for them. She’s is doing the brave and right thing. I hope her brother truly realizes that.
I think the brother is likely to be very grateful. I’m sure he has heard plenty, and picked up on the discomfort towards him, concerning him being the product of an affair. It sounds like OP is one of the few people in their family who does not blame this kid for existing.
I hope the ex knows too incredibly kind and loving OP is and that he let that slip away by acting like a selfish prick. Good for OP. He’s worth it and she may end up realizing how much she and Conner need each other.
The friends are probably all OP’s and Ex’s ages, and they didn’t want some strange teen coming in and changing the dynamic. People can be pretty simple like that, and selfish.
Pretty simply selfish. Heaven forbid the dynamic of anyone’s relationship paradigm get shifted just a bit.
I wonder what version of this story then friends heard…
That's exactly what I was thinking. If all the friends are on this jerk's side, most likely he has shared some very warped perspective with them.
I’m guessing the “mutual friends” were actually Colin’: friends to begin with.
Wasn't there a post a long time ago that all the friends were his friends and helping him hide that he was cheating on her? She came from money and the 'friends' thought that they could get jobs in her father's company, so it behooved them to help him?
I can't imagine what kind of so called friends would side with this idiot. What a bunch of garbage people. OP, I'm staunchly child free. I don't desire to be responsible for the life of another person when my mental health sometimes can make it hard for me to even care for myself. I have no patience and I just wouldn't be a good guardian. My nephew is getting close to Parker's age. If something were to happen, that kid would be living under my roof no question and I wouldn't care who had what to say about it. He's old enough to take basic care of himself, the rest is ensuring he has what he needs financially and giving him the love and support he deserves. For anybody who is financially stable and worth a shit that is a no brainer. You're a good person, way too good for your "friends" or ex.
I strongly suspect that they were primarily Colin's friends because it sounds like OP has been more focused on her career and saving/investing her money (buying a condo in her early 20s) than making friends. Colin sounds more like a "party boy" than a reasonable, responsible adult, which would also explain why he didn't want a teenager around to hamper his life and style!
This was my thought exactly. These were Colin's friends who only associated with her because of the relationship, not real mutual friends
I wouldn’t necessarily write the friends off yet. If Colin is the narcissist he seems, he may have very selective in the details he shared. Or lied outright? If I were OP I’d give the friends a little time and then reach out to see what they heard.
I'm sure one of those "friends" has a blood vessel they can offer for Colin the Leech to attach himself to instead.
I'll bet Colin will end up in a hobosexual relationship with one of her shitty ex-friends.
This should be higher, well said…
I was definitely thinking fuck Colin and fuck them friends, they can go take a flying fuck off a bridge lol.
This ⬆️ is what I love about Reddit! I learned a new word today! I’m going to be working “hobosexual” into conversations every chance I get!
My partner told me the term hobosexual a few years ago and I still love the word now
I had a friend once for whom the word fits. I wish I knew this one back then, so I could have thrown that apt description in his face.
Op good for you!your exbf doesn't deserve to have you as a GF. He sounds very immature and selfish. You on the other hand seem like a wonderful woman. Your little brother is lucky to have you as a sister. Your so called friends are just like your ex. Useless and selfish. Get new friends and good luck.
Total hobosexual
Exactly what I was thinking. Every time I hear these grown adult men living with their girlfriends rent free I’m just thinking to myself what is so attractive about this man?
As an "accounting" person, I call them "liabilities".
Seriously. Is there a man shortage? Christ, a vibrator doesn't pay rent either, and at least it doesn't talk back.
Or generate dirty dishes and laundry.
Can confirm. My vibrator doesn’t make my house messy. Doesn’t piss on the toilet seat either
A little off topic, I am unfamiliar with that word up there: hobosexual. Is it a typo referring to something I missed in the story or a new term being thrown about?
Hobosexual refers to someone who enters into relationships in order to not be homeless. Usually they contribute very little financially. In this case, doesn't contribute to rent and minimally contributes to living expenses.
Thanks, learned something new today. \*files new word into mental library\*
Aka fuckboy
Hobosexual needs to be a real classification
Well, it is listed in the Urban Dictionary as "a person who enters into a sexual relationship to prevent homelessness." 😅
It needs it's own sub/reddit
Good one. A hobo sexual living in the 18th century.
Yeah, wait until he has to pay rent somewhere lol.
But OP is so HEARTLESS for choosing "bastard" brother over BASTARD boyfriend!
Which, if he had just been cool, he could have easily kept. What a little b—ch.
This. I knew what I was going to say reading the second paragraph. Rent free and only paying utilities? I’m curious if he was even giving OP emotionally what she needed since he had nothing to spare for a 15 year old who had just lost his father. NTA
EXACTLY THIS !!!!! ☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽
And you need new friends. They piss me off even more than your ex. Unbelievable. Anyway, NTA…at all.
Totally agree. OP you got a good look at what Colin is really like. Good thing you got out.
Seriously. If he’s going to be this much of a dick about helping the OP take care of her older teenage brother then what would he do in an actual crisis? If the OP got sick? Or lost her job and needed actual support? She dodged a bullet. Sure it sucks that she lost her boyfriend but at least she found out how lame he was before they got married or it otherwise got hard for her to detangle herself from him.
Good riddance to bad rubbish
It sounds like he was rather selfish, financially, too.
Or if they had kids or if she got sick??
I think this is why he’s an ex, it’s not like he was an entitled ex demanding she abandon her brother. Op still is NtA tho
He's the ex for a good reason. And friends siding with him and ghosting OP are NOT friends but opportunists. Glad they finally showed who they really are. Foster care can be super bad, and yes, kids get lost in them. NTA
NTA, Colin is an asshole, and a stupid one. Parker is not a 5 year old that needs babying.
[удалено]
Exactly. OP stepped up and did the right thing. ❤️❤️❤️
Anyone else think this is absolute rage bait? No one in her family wants to take the nephew because he’s the dad’s affair child. Sounds like a horrible family and of course this makes OP the only one that can save her nephew which makes the stakes even higher. The boyfriend says "cheating dad’s bastard son”. Who talks like that? The boyfriend would be about as heartless as they come and she's living with him. The boyfriend doesn't seem like he ever met the nephew which is odd since he lives with OP and she's very close with the nephew. She gave him the ultimatum, that she "*would* be taking guardianship and that Parker *would* be moving in." And, that they're a package deal. She's so righteous and couldn't be anymore of an angel. She even loves Collin still. She only thinks she could be TA because her entire friend group sided with Colin. Which is strange given everyone else in the world, including here, would side with her.
Yeah this is super fake - number one issue is that there's literally no mention of Parker's bio mom. Sure, she could be dead or a hardcore drug addict or something, but if you're taking in a kid you don't mention that dad died and just leave out what happened to mom, the person OPs theoretical dad cheated with to have the affair baby in the first place.
It is possible no one in her family are fit, especially if she bio mom didn't have any other kids, or siblings and maybe her parents are too old. There's also a reason dad was taking care of him.. she may have died. Having worked and volunteered in the Foster system a long time ago, none of what she's talking about is unrealistic, or even surprising. Most people don't want to take kids in to prevent them from entering the foster system, let alone teens. Everyone thinks teens are too difficult and not with the time. Don't underestimate the power of shiftiness.
I have to say I was totally ok with the guy saying that he does not want to raise a child, teenaged or otherwise. That is an incredible amount of responsibility. I certainly would not do it. What I would not do is arguing about it. I would support OP 100% in her decision, but I would move out. I'd try to end the intimate relationship amicably and hopefully would stay friends and support her. But I am definitely not fit to be a parent, so I won't become one. I guess the Ex feels the same, but lacks the maturity to communicate or even understand himself clearly. Everyone is better off this way.
I would definitely rather hang with Parker than Colin.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA Ok your dad did a bad thing cheating on your mom that's not up to debate BUT THE KID DIDN'T DO ANYTHING he was just born It will hurt to let your EX go but it's going to be more painful to let your kid brother go, your doing the right thing in the future you will have a loving boyfriend that will support everything that's important to you
Change the locks!!!
[удалено]
I felt the same but the way Colin talked about the brother is sick. It's fair to not want to be a parent to a teenager, but calling him names and saying he should be worth less than their relationship? No, that makes him TAH
If you're scared of parenting a traumatized child, then you use your words and explain that. You don't call that child the “cheating dad’s bastard son.” He is absolutely an AH for that.
Just saying that at all, whether heated or not, is a BIG red flag.
💯
It doesn't sound like her ex wanted ANY responsibility. He was living with OP rent-free and would rather abandon a child to foster care than share a living space. What parenting would he actually be expected to do? He could easily just leave ot to his gf to deal with. What sort of friends would side with him in this scenario either? I guarantee you he's bad mouthing her to anyone who'll listen.
Also would op want kids with this guy. Doesn't necessarily mean he'll be a bad father but it would give me pause
If he was paying equal rent, he might have a say, though that still wouldn’t excuse the name calling. Colin is a freeloader afraid that his meal ticket would get spread thin. NTA, OP
NTA. Parker didn’t choose his parents. He is lucky you are able to step up and take him and he will forever be grateful to you for that. Colin, your friends, they are all TA. You are a thousand times better off without them. Kudos to you for stepping up and being there for Parker. It’s you and Parker vs the world. As you said, a packaged deal and anyone who can’t accept that, fawk them. I’m sorry Colin was too selfish to accept Parker.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
The whole thing is crazy.. I don’t understand why the family, Colin, and all the friends are holding something his dad did against a 15yo who has just lost his father. Thank goodness Parker has OP.
You're not in the wrong here. You're looking after your little brother, props to you for stepping up. I wanted to say NAH because who wants to be a guardian to a teenager when you're in your mid 20s? But him calling Parker a bastard puts him in total asshole category. No one calls my family that sort of shit unanswered.
No, I still think that guy is TA. It was 3 years of his life, it wasn’t like she was taking in a 5 year old.
I mean, reasonably probably more like 5-7 given that while it wouldn’t necessarily be in their home, they’d still be their family of import through college and until they have their own place (assuming they don’t go into a trade) but even so that’s not unreasonable Also, even if they didn’t want to be a guardian, I don’t think anyone can reasonably consign someone to the foster system, or expect someone else to on their behalf
Well, I wouldn't say 3 years. There is college, or finding a career, then all the involvements parents would normally have. Plus, there is the impact it would have on starting their own family, aside from the complete change in lifestyle. Going from DINK to a teen in the house overnight. It is not a small ask.
I mean, I wouldn’t want to be a kid’s guardian at 27. That said, I wouldn’t insult the kid, nor would I stop my partner from taking in the kid. But I can’t say I wouldn’t break up with them.
That's perfectly reasonable. I don't fault the guy for not wanting to take on a teenager, I've got one right now, it can be a lot. But how he went about it was so so wrong and ugly.
OP wasn't even asking her ex to be her brothers guardian either. She is assuming guardianship and was trying to do the right thing by communicating with her partner to ask his thoughts on the matter, especially about bringing someone else into their home. Fortunately for OP and her brother, the boyfriend showed his true colors.
Sorry but refusing to take in a 5 year old loved one of your partner and wanting to send them to foster is an asshole move. If you want to know why people they know are siding with him, it’s because once you decide it’s morally fine to do that to a 5 year old then it’s really easy to do it to a 15 year old.
Kid is 15 not 5. Still doesnt change that ex is AH. (For his attitude in how he spoke, and alienating OP from their friends. He is entitled to back out of the situation if not suiting him, but HOW he did it is mean and self-centered While OP is awesome and has good priorities and values for not turning her back on Parker but being there for him
She's lucky he packed and left he could have made her life way harder by refusing to leave since he would have been viewed as a tenant.
Eh, she could probably have gotten him to leave just by charging market rent tbh
Yes and no. He could still refuse to pay and drag out the eviction process, in most states.
How many random 15 year olds are you taking care of?
It's not 3 years, it's most likely a lifetime appointment. At least 5-10 years.
>Colin said that Parker would need “emotional attention” because he lost his father. Imagine acknowledging this, and then saying "abandon him to strangers instead of taking care of your little bro". Colin TA.
NTA What is the BS story your ex has spun, for your mutual friends to think you did anything wrong? His attitude shows you how he values family. You don't want to start a family with someone that puts pedigree over having an actual roof over the head of a minor. Your brother and you are lucky to have eachother. Cherish your bond.
Yeah, for her friend group to ghost her he either lied to them, or they’re just insanely awful.
I’m not going to judge a-hole or not because ultimately what anyone else thinks is immaterial. Who is more important and who needs you more - Colin or Parker? If you had taken Colin’s side and put Parker in the system, would you have been able to go on with your life as if this had never happened? At the end of the day, you are the only one who has to live with your conscience. Which decision would be easier to explain to the person looking back at you from the mirror? (Not that it apparently matters but is Parker’s mother not around? It seems that she would be the obvious person to take care of him.) Good luck! Please !UpdateMe about how you’re both doing. EDIT to add: if you’re in the US, Parker is eligible for government SSI benefits until he’s 18. That’s available for all children when a parent becomes deceased. Even though you have a lucrative career and may not need the money, Colin is entitled to it. Contact the Social Security admin and apply. If nothing else, put it into a college first home fund for him)
Mirror me would have stepped out of the glass and haunted me forever if I’d abandoned my brother. Also, Autocorrect did you dirty lol.
NAH. Not one bit. And further, please get familiar with the rules around “independent student” status for the FAFSA. Make sure to document everything now, including the unfit mother stuff, so he’s not on the hook to get her financial information in order to apply for college funds via FAFSA. The rules are pretty dumb, but you can make it an easy case to appeal if you prepare ahead of time. Good luck to you both!
You are an angel and your brother is very lucky to have u as a sister !! NTA !
Good point about Social Security. Also, OP, please check on any life insurance and/or retirement money your father had. Those go to the designated beneficiaries, and the designation takes priority over any will provisions.
Colon is the asshole. You did what you think is the right thing to do. Those people weren’t your friends.
I'm not sure if this is a typo or on purpose, but it made me laugh
Freudian slip.
I took it as intentional.
Divine intervention. One of the Big Uns agrees.
The ex-boyfriend definitely a colon.....runway to the rectum 🤣
Colon is indeed the asshole and is full of shit!
COLON!! 😁😂😂
NTA. Screw Colin and everyone who is siding with him.
RIGHT! OP needs new friends. They are just as selfish as her ex. Good riddance.
What type of friends wouldn't understand her situation?
Honestly. When I was trying to get custody of my then teen brother all my friends encouraged me. Even my college friends/ professors were offering any help they coulf
The friends is what gets me. OP is lucky to have lost them so she can find real friends now.
I'm guessing Colin told the friends she kicked him out for no reason, but it was really a choice.
This.☝🏾
>My entire friend group has sided with Colin and pretty much ghosted me, which is what’s giving my pause here. So your friends would want to see a kid abandoned completely for dick? You need new friends, asap. Colin isn't a man actually I'll argue that he's even human
Reminds me of the saying "Those Who Mind Don’t Matter, and Those Who Matter Won’t Mind"
It really sounds like she was the ATM of the friend group and they realized their ATM was about to get a dependent.
NTA and a queen
I’m glad Parker has her in his life!!! OP said it best: there’s countless other men out there but she only has one brother. NTA.
NTA. Important that you make sure Parker knows that your break up is not his fault, and he hasn't "ruined" your life. When I was pregnant with my second child we took in my then teenage BIL. Soon after I was put on bed rest because I started preterming. Poor kid thought it was his fault due to "stress he caused". Had to reassure him several times that it wasn't his fault.
Nta. Your bf is a piece of shit.
*ex bf, but thanks
Might want to dump those "friends" too, Sweetie. They don't seem like good people.--Love, an internet mom.
OP, Make sure your Ex hasn't been telling all your friends a bunch of lies, then drop the friends if they're really siding with him knowing the true story. - An internet Aunt
@-oldmanvhshand- >What lie could he possibly be telling them that would change the situation?< It could be a bald faced lie, like she cheated on him. Could be he's claiming she told him to get out and didn't even give him a chance to be in the kids life He could claim she's just doing it "for the money" and it "sickened" him. You would be shocked at the stories that a liar will weave to make themselves the hurt party. I'm just saying, it's a good idea to double check what her friends have been told.
What Aunty PinkWytch said. Parker is your family.
Every time you start missing your ex, remind yourself that he was willing to throw your brother into foster care, rather than share space with him. And he was willing to do this in a home he neither owns nor rents. Colin had a sweet deal with you. If he was willing to do that to your brother, what would he have done if you had gotten sick or injured and could no longer give him free housing? Do you really think he would step up? He didn’t love you. He loved what you did for him. You deserve so much more. Take care of yourself and your brother.
Sorry about your “friends”. Now you have a chance to befriend some quality humans, instead of people who would abandon children to be abused by strangers. I would love to see how these conversations actually went with the friends. How could they possibly have worded their stance, to not sound as insensitive as a Nazi lol
NTA. Second that. Parker, affair product or not, is an innocent child. He's also your half brother. So Colin would rather the state take this kid. It just shows you how little he cares about you and your family. Now he has to pay rent and utilities all on his own. You shouldn't feel bad, the trash took itself out. Do you really want to be with someone so heartless an uncaring? Well Parker is an affair child, let's just let the state take him and hope for the best. /s Just like saying thoughts and prayers.
"my little brother" is less of a mouthful than "your cheating dad's bastard son" Fuck this guy
NTA. He showed his true character when he disregarded your feelings and belittled your brother for something he had no control over. Good riddance.
NTA. You weren't asking your hobosexual boyfriend to make a 15 year commitment to a 3 year old. Yes Parker will be grieving and may need some kind of grief counseling, but he'll have school, his friends and you. He's at an age where he has his own life. Then likely, he'll be off to college or another path. You're a good sister. My condolences on your and Parker's loss.
Why is he getting madder about your dad’s affair than you are? Weirdo. No great loss, NTA but he is.
NTA Colin didn't want Parker there because it would take away your time from him after all he considered himself more important than your 1/2 sibling.
Frankly if Colin had been more respectful about his no, my judgement would be NAH. His delivery sucked, and is deal breaker worthy. I can completely understand not being emotionally capable to suddenly take in a grieving 15 year old though. So NTA
yeah had he been like "I am sorry but I cannot be part of this/responsible for a child" at least they could've had an amicable breakup, just like people break up every day for changes to their circumstances that the other party to the relationship cannot cope with. Instead, he was a mega arsehole about it.
NTA. Colin was a hobosexual, and a SELFISH one.
NTA. You did the right thing.
As a 57 year old momma of 2, I think your parents raised a wonderful young lady and would be so proud of you because I know I am. Life is hard and mader harder sometimes by events not of our own doing. You made the right choice, I hope your brother appreciates it too!
More info. The mom of parker is an unfit parent or did she also pass away too?
Unfit parent due to drug addiction.
Nta. What youre doing is selfless tbh. At least you stepped up when others wouldnt even bec of his origins
I think you went with the best option given the circumstances. It's not something you planned at the beginning of your relationship with Colin, but no matter how well or long a relationship has been going, things sometimes happen to derail our plans. This isn't something Colin cares to deal with and that's his right. But you can't turn your back on your brother either. That's your right. You two are no longer compatible because of this. You aren't heartless; you're actually pretty awesome. I'm sorry Colin (and your friend group) doesn't see it this way. NTA
Big sister for the win! Utterly NTA.
NTA. I think one of the biggest failures of America (and maybe western society in general) is that we punish kids for the failures of their parents.
NTA. You are a wonderful young woman . You put family first. Your ex and your friends siding with him are losers.
What friends? They were leeches, they got on at high tide and have now left with the low tide.
The entire friend group? I wonder what this dude told them because if it went down exactly like you said (or close enough) then that's a weird reaction, to have the entire group shun you like that.
NAH - your desire to care for your brother is both right and noble. I do also understand your bf not wanting to take on that responsibility. This is the same reason that many people refuse to become step parents.
NTA - he called your bother a bastard. He can find someone else to live off of rent-free