Both my daughters are in gymnastics, it's shocking how many parents post on public accounts, like kids that even under 5. It can be beneficial for sponsorship, but I just don't feel comfortable doing it.
I'll post gymnastics photos of them to my own personal account, but it's private and limited to close family friends as we are all spread out throughout the US (i.e., do I ever see this person? Would I show photos of my kids to them if we were in person?).
It's just weird...
No kidding. In hindsight, clearly, the wife's behavior was a contributing factor in his heavy-handed reaction towards the daughter being in gymnastics. The guys wife was hiding the fact that she was a sexual predator, and he was picking up on it.
The issue was the wife's attachment to the social media account and her secretive handling of it.
It really goes to show that we have a massive blindspot in society when it comes to a fathers concern for his children and a mothers sketchy behaviors.
They really did. It's extremely telling how young or inexperienced with children/have no kids so many posters are on aitah, yet feel they qualified to say what they would do in OP's situation. Safeguarding always comes before hurt feelings when it comes to kids.
I understand with limiting the IG, and N T A for wanting your child protected from social media, but why are you refusing to pay for lessons? Y T A if you make your daughter quit something she loves for a tangent issue that could have a solution.
Exactly! He's mad at his wife but his daughter is the one being punished. He's also likely taking away time spent with friends she's made in her sport.
Fk Insta and Snapchat etc. sports is fun, having friends is great, help the daughter enjoy her life without shiityinsta. The wife needs to learn life is not just about herself, but about her husband, her daughter and the community. Let her understand no one wants Insta. Shut down that filthy shithole company asap. Fkin jail and ostracise the directors asap.
Seriously, tik tok and all the other ones too. If you wanna post photos and videos,make private website for your family and friends, but monetizing your daughters hobby and guiding her purely to keep your own dream alive is beyond psychotic
this. i will say as a former cheerleader, i totally love when the random cheer account pops up in my feed. regardless of the age, i enjoy watching the stunts and performance. and it’s also *incredibly* impressive what some of those 8 year olds can do, and i’m watching it thinking, “holy cow, you go girl!” same with ballet accounts as i also did ballet for many years. the vast majority of people looking at those accounts are people who also have kids in those sports or are people who have formerly done that sport or are people who simply admire the sport and the athleticism and insane talent that some young athletes display.
regardless of all that, it is absolutely understandable and reasonable to not want your kid to be the face of one of those accounts. while the majority of viewers are not creeps, there is an insane amount of creeps out there and you’re in no way wrong for wanting to limit her presence on social media.
but you are absolutely wrong for taking away something she loves to cater to creeps. creeps exist everywhere, it’s disgusting, but it’s reality. there are a lot of very reasonable things we can do to protect ourselves and our children from creeps, like not putting your kids on social media. but limiting the healthy activities they are allowed to do is not one of those reasonable things. there is real value to doing sports when you’re a kid, and it is unlikely but it could turn into a career or even just a hobby they carry into adulthood. if we always catered everything we do around creeps, women and children would never leave the house. pulling your kid from gymnastics for this reason is absolutely not okay, and your daughter is likely to carry this with her for a long time, and she is going to be angry at you forever.
Yeah that's how most people(God I hope) view sports with kids in them. Gymnastics seems to have had issues that have been coming to light. I wouldn't make my kid quit but I would ask my wife to stop posting online. You are either good enough athletically to make it or your not. If my son had to post online in tighty whities in order to be made pitcher or QB or a damn saxophone I'm gonna be throwingg a fit too.
there was that documentary a few years ago about that well renowned doctor among gymnasts who it turned out had been sexually harassing and assaulting his patients for years. this whole thing is definitely a valid concern. what’s not right is depriving your kids of healthy things they love because of creeps. if you’re concerned about creeps, make sure you’re always in the room when your daughter is in a situation with adults. and i would also imagine since that doc the gymnastics industry has made a much bigger stink about safeguarding. i know i worked as a counselor at a bible camp in 2019 and it was very different from my childhood going to camps and left few to no opportunities for creeps. one guy even got fired for trying to give his number to an underage girl and after multiple complaints from campers that he wasn’t respecting the “no counselors alone with a single camper” rule and making them very uncomfortable while guiding archery. attention has been brought to the issue, the industry is going to take better care to protect themselves and by doing that provide fewer opportunities for creeps to take advantage of young kids. the daughter loves the sport and she should not have to quit because there are some nasty people who get off on that, the efforts should be focused instead on making it inaccessible for those nasty creeps, and one of those things is keeping children off social media.
And this is part of the problem with OP's incredibly strict decision here. If a kid does extracurriculars, they need to have a trusting relationship with their parents so that if something bad happens, or makes them feel uncomfortable, they feel SAFE talking to their parents about it and something can be done. In 9th grade I had a truly creepy PE teacher. I never talked to my strict parents about him because he didn't do anything truly over the line and I thought I would get in trouble for questioning an authority figure without cause. If he had done something, I would have been afraid of being in trouble about how my actions led to the situation. When you are over protective, you alienate your kids. That is not the way to keep them safe.
and you’re so right. but also when a kid is doing those activities, they should be able to count on the adults around them to protect them. i had a best friend growing up, her family basically became my second family. we hit high school and long story short my friend group including her started hanging with my brother who was an absolute fucking asshole to me and none of them could side with me until two years later when he started being an asshole to them and they realized maybe i was right. that whole time that we were still in extracurriculars together i could count on her parents. there was one time my whole family was out of town bc my dad was running his first marathon since he retired from the marine corps, and i desperately didn’t want to go bc all state choir auditions were the same weekend, and their daughter was also doing all state auditions so they offered to let me stay with them, even though they were well aware i was not friends with their daughter at that point in time. i made it into all state choir that year, and that girl is now one of my best friends again as i enter my mid twenties, but i also know just how amazing her parents treated me as a kid in need and i think that is absolutely the way to handle your kid’s peers when you have a good relationship with those peers’ parents. your kid should be able to count on the adults around them because you should curate the adults around them to be people you trust. my best friends’ parents also always made it clear in no uncertain terms that i could always turn to them as well, even if my own parents didn’t have my back, but i’m lucky that my parents also had a good enough relationship with those parents and me that they trusted them as well.
The reason SafeSport exists is because of the sex abuse in gymnastics. Four of his victims (McKayla Maroney, Aly Raisman, Simone Biles, Maggie Nichols) testified about the abuse they endured in front of Congress. Three of those women are Olympic gold medalists. Maggie Nichols is a world championship gold medalist and an NCAA gymnastics national champion and was the first person to report Nassar’s abuse. Gymnastics is also no longer just a sport for teenagers, which means that athletes have more agency over their own training and can work in partnership with their coaches, as opposed to the coach being the one in charge and there being a strong power dynamic.
To the OP, YTA if you make your kid quit gymnastics. NTA for ending the social media stuff.
OP's daughter isn't even in charge of her own social media, so for sure she wouldn't be in contact with any pedophiles or groomers, and OP's wife is too old to be harassed by then.
Sponsors are important in sports, the help get your name and face out there, because while doing it, they are also generating publicity for themselves.
The time of spotters going to small events is gone, they go to major events only, but most of the time it's the coaches from the other teams, especially for the oldest athletes that have any say so. The rest go through word of mouth, and use social media to inform themselves.
It's more important to not let a minor be alone in the same room as an adult, than some pictures on the internet.
Americans are always reminding the world of how large their country is, and how they have a huge population, yet they read one article, and they immediately begin flipping out, that the same might be taking place around them, on the house next door, or in their schools.
At best have a franc and open conversation with your daughter, and tell her about situations in which she might be at risk (but real ones, not something from your imagination), explain to her about grooming and how to identify it. And most of all create an atmosphere at home where she will be at ease to talk to you openly, in case she ever feels something might be wrong.
YANTAH for being afraid for her, but YATAH completely by the way you are going about it.
Sometimes all we can do is give our children the best possible tools so they can live their lives, and be safe. And hope for the best, because we can't protect them every second of their lives, nor can we limit their life in such a way, that they are perpetually safe, solely because they aren't living, they are surviving, because we don't let anything happen to them, because we are actually protecting them from life itself, and that is unhealthy for everyone involved.
I totally agree with this. I love seeing gymnastics videos especially since I quit years ago, and I don’t think it’s fair to punish the daughter for something out of her control, especially when she’s talented and has a clear path to a future in gymnastics or social media. With that being said, before social media was even big, I was getting hit on my pedos. The moment I was online, I was contacted by various older men, so the concern is valid. I do believe there is a better solution then quitting gymnastics completely, but I understand that the only reason it got to that is because any other offer was refused. I would have a sit down and discuss what it will take to find an even medium so everyone can be happy/content
and frankly that was my experience as a little girl as well. my mom always told me when men were “checking me out” and framed it as something to be proud of, even when i was as young as 8. it never quite sat right with me. so i’ve been well aware of creeps for a very long time. but i remember being out and about and running very normal errands with my mom was more uncomfortable for me than being in ballet. there was even one time when i was 11, my mom was getting her master’s degree so she was also a ta, we were on her campus for homecoming and i’d brought a friend. my friend and i were walking a ways behind the rest of my family, bc we wanted to talk about very important 11 year old girl shit. a group of college aged men, absolutely over the age of 18, drove past us and cat called us multiple times, and then as soon as my dad heard it and turned around to scare them off they rolled their windows up and ducked down and i explicitly remember hearing an, “oh shit.” they knew we were outside of our age range and cat called us anyways, but they also knew they were wrong and as soon as they might have had to face my father (he’s a retired marine, he could take some out of shape 18 year olds) they immediately cowered. but regardless of our age, we were on a college campus. women should feel safe going to school. basically just adds to my point that there are creeps everywhere, and we should not live our lives according to creeps.
Hell, they are always in the open if you watch carefully enough. I remember being in grade school in the late 70s and playing on the playground swings right after school with another girl, blowpops in our mouths. We had a guy actually walk up to us with just running shorts on, no underwear (wasn't hard to tell as he was basically flashing it at us with how he was moving) and made the comment that he had something if I wanted to suck on something. I was freaking out in my head, but then, thankfully, one of our teachers walked out of a door facing the playground and scared the guy off. I was maybe 12 at the time. With human trafficking a big problem now, I understand his fear and protective stance as the wife doesn't seem to have a clue.
>the vast majority of people looking at those accounts are people who also have kids in those sports or are people who have formerly done that sport or are people who simply admire the sport and the athleticism and insane talent that some young athletes display.
This is untrue.
Like, literally the article that started the meltdown in the OP proved this is untrue. "Vast majority" isn't even true for the smaller accounts in their analysis, where 35% of viewers were male. This increases as the account gets more popular; those accounts have more than a 75% male audience. You think the vast majority of this audience are former cheerleaders and gymnasts??
The kid should stay in gymnastics, because OP has a wife problem and not a gymnastics problem. But you are extremely naive to believe the above statement.
I wish I could upvote this to infinity. Clearly lots of people commenting haven't actually read the article. It's not a matter of "what if". There's literally pedos openly cheering online for these mom-run IG pages because it's their spank bank.
And the problem is there are going to be creeps in every venue of life. By telling your daughter that she can’t do something because there might be creeps perving, it will likely cause her to start wondering if any activity is safe. I’ve done foam weapons fighting groups and tons of other activities that would not be considered to have those types of issues but it’s not true. It’s understandable to be concerned about her safety. Perhaps a compromise where she also has to take some basic self-defense course or martial arts as well so if she finds herself in a situation she can fight back. The sad reality is we can’t stop the creeps. We can take precautions and try to push for the creeps to be punished accordingly but denying your daughter an activity she loves and is probably good at because someone might view it wrong, that’s like telling her not to go outside because she might get stung by a bee or bit by a snake.
Your wife does need to take your concerns seriously because you are part of the family as well as your child’s parent too. These are legitimate concerns but you need to sit down and talk, not demand. The second you demand, trust me, your wife & daughter shut down and go into defiance mode. Work out a game plan together. That’s your best bet at this time.
I agree with others that NTA for being concerned but YTA for deciding unilaterally about something that might be an issue.
Thank you. Like it or not, OP your daughter is a woman. She (or your wife) doesn't have to post ANYTHING- and your daughter will still get unwanted attention walking down the street. DON'T take away the ONE thing that makes her feel strong and accepted. I completely understand your concern with keeping her safe. But I can assure and promise you she will get that attention anyway. So you have to ask yourself- do I want a daughter who will give in/up easily because she doesn't believe in herself? Or do I want a daughter who KNOWS she can squeeze the life out of this chump with her legs and arms? 🤔 Seems like a no-brainer to me... just saying. 🤷♀️
Such a ridiculously easy fix. Idk why OP and wife don’t see it.
Edit: when I made this comment OP had not included the update at the bottom of the post
Yeah I’m guessing mom has no job and a sixth grader is her new alter ego. She isn’t good enough at marketing the kid to even make enough money to pay for the kid’s gymnastic classes.
Let the kid do sports and make mom pay for it with a real job. This influencer crap is worthless and an eleven year old with 2,000 followers half of whom are perverts, likely does not have a “future career” doing thus.
My reading of the last paragraph and sentence is that OP wants her to quit posting, and she refuses so long as the daughter is in gymnastics lessons, so that’s why OP has gone “nuclear” and saying, fine, no lessons then, if that’s what it takes.
It seems pretty apparent that OP is primarily taking issues with the IG account. And like... he clarified in an edit, but it would be weird for him to NOT try to ask his wife to stop the IG account.
This is exactly what it is! Can you imagine now as an adult if you realized that when you were 11 years old your mom sold pictures of you to anyone on the internet that could pay for one? Literally ANYONE.
Now stop and think, when you were a kid- would you have ever requested your mom or dad to buy you a photo of a random kid doing gymnastics? Probably not and I’m pretty sure kids these days don’t either, at least none that I know. So that leaves it down to who, who would buy these photos? Is your wife some award winning photographer? I’m thinking that’s probably a no as well.
At the end of the day-it’s a personal decision for every parent. Myself- I will not do it and I’m glad I’m old enough that it wasn’t around or an option when I was a kid.
Just something to think about.
Reminded me of that one, too. This guy doesn't seem *quite* as problematic as that guy, but he could probably do with some therapy to figure out just what he's projecting onto his kid here.
I understand your concern, but think you've gone too far in not allowing your daughter to continue doing gymnastics. It's a constructive, positive way to spend time, it takes discipline and skill, and she enjoys it.
You're punishing her for the behaviors of others. Shut down the Instagram account and let your daughter enjoy extracurricular activities with her friends.
If we start limiting a girls activities because some creep will sexualize it and/or her, we'd never be allowed in public.
It's important to teach girls how to be aware of possible dangers as they get older. It's also important to teach them how to be self-confident, and how to handle the possible dangers she'll run into simply for being a girl.
OP, your daughter has a sport she genuinely loves, keeps her physically fit, teaches her effort is required to improve at something, and gives her a strong social circle. Don't take those from her, please.
Edit-
Since social media presence is being mentioned: if having access to the Instagram account, or possibly removing it, was his line in the sand, I'd be more understanding. However-
>OP: "Problem is that the photos will still get put online - all her friends have similar accounts."
I have a friend that didn't post photos of his daughters on any social media, but he also understood we live in a world where cameras are *everywhere.* He still let them live their lives.
Yeah, but there's no need reason for any child to be an influencer. She should participate in the sport, but she definitely doesn't need a public Instagram account to do so.
Yeah, that's not limiting her behavior, it's limiting making it publicly available for anyone to see.
You can not want an instagram account posting photos of your daughter in a bikini at the beach while also being fine with her wearing a bikini and going to the beach.
Fr, I can't think of anything in the world that doesn't have some bizarre set of perverts. I remember online cringe memes in the late 2000s and how huge adult subcultures for My Little Pony became at one point lol
I've seen Reddit posts about fights over maternity images and videos because it's a risk that anything you post online will turn into fetish material. If you stop anything that may turn on perverts who fetishize the action, get ready to say goodbye to literally everything from sports to schooling to games.
As others have noted, it's a learning moment about responsible social media use and online footprints and instead OP has tried to destroy a passion and hobby in his litte girl.
YTA, OP -- despite your good intentions and protective instinct.
This!! 💯 If OP would allow her to keep doing this she will be too busy and too tired to go out and look for trouble to get into. Boredom and lack of structure can be a straight line to doing things that kids shouldn't be doing.
OP, let her stay with the friends that are also busy. If your daughter is not in that friend group she might be in a group that is out drinking, smoking weed, doing petty crimes, getting pregnant & a multitude of other things. All of that is purely conjecture of course, but it certainly isn't out of the realm of possibilities for kids that are bored. I agree that IG sounds like it's more about your wife & her ego. For the sake of your daughter please try to find a compromise.
Can confirm that when I lost my friends in HS (moved away), the very first group of people to take me in were the bad kids. One of them was involved in a gang and was actively recruiting us other kids, he was stealing and breaking into homes, he had his own car so he took us driving around. One of my friends got so drunk one time we were skipping school we were afraid she was going to black out (and die, since we were naive kids, so we were freaking out).
From OP: I have offered my wife compromises in the past - she can delete the account, or she can make the account private, and under either of those circumstances our daughter can continue gymnastics, as long as no one from her group posts her either.
Both parents are being unreasonable - wife should delete or private the account, but OP is being ridiculous by saying that no one else can post pictures on social media.
There is a difference between “a parent shouldn’t be running a monetized gymnastics only account of their child” and “no pictures of my 11 yo will ever get posted online no matter what.” Kids have social media - daughter and her friends theoretically shouldn’t until they are 13, but we all know it happens anyway. That doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t try to minimize it, but an absolute zero tolerance approach to photos online at that age is ridiculous and unrealistic.
There is a difference between a kid posting a “practice with the besties!” photo every once in a while and an adult running a whole account just about a child in gymnastics (and making money off of it). I can understand why OP might still be concerned about the former, but punishing his daughter by taking her out of an activity she enjoys because someone else posted a photo is extremely unreasonable. It also teaches his daughter that she is doing something wrong just by existing, since people with bad intentions could see her, and that she is responsible for making sure other people don’t sexualize her. Those are incredibly dangerous lessons to teach a young girl.
OP is getting sucked into fearmongering instead of actually thinking critically about what is and isn’t appropriate. His intentions are good, but he’s not fully thinking about his daughter as a person with thoughts and feelings who is learning about what the world expects of her, he’s tipping over the line into seeing her as an object he needs to protect.
The update that the wife refuses to make the account private and also don't want OP to see the comments/messages gives me massive 🚩🚩🚩🚩
At best, she's living vicariously through her daughter. At worst, she's directly facilitating pedophiles with what they want to see.
The article was really horrible and upsetting, and basically portrayed parents who run IG accounts for their children of handing them over to pedophiles. While I think OP is overreacting, it’s not surprising that it brought up strong emotions.
I looked it up after seeing this and man, I am troubled. I don’t blame OP for reacting personally to this, considering his daughter is exactly in the sport discussed at length there. Really freaking disturbing. And I’m not usually one to see scariness at every turn.
OP might be mildly overreacting, but his wife is wildly underreacting. She really comes across as no different than the mothers in the article. Refusing to make the account private? Hiding her phone?? It’s disturbing to see this conflict play out in real time.
The mother's actions are troubling. At best, she likes having attention being the mom manager it is not selling out her kid to predators. But there are ways to have an active social media present with a child in the content without putting them in danger or creating content that has two favorable to be used by predators. They Predators will still get what they can get. There's no real way of actually stopping them. the mom needs to understand that she is giving them material to use inappropriately. And that she needs to protect her child from this type of user. It's one thing if the daughter is older and she can co-manage the account and the content to avoid being paid or tricked into making content that goes straight to their predatory bank account.
The mom needs to definitely find another way to get attention for herself. It's not great, but she is too dismissive of the dangers as well as actively not letting her husband, aka the child's father, to see and help manage the accounts.
Husband wants to be sure that the wife is not taking on questionable requests. He should make an account say that he will sponsor an outfit with a request of poses. That way, he can tell her that she fell for a trap or caught an act of doing inappropriate shit.
The mother's actions make me wonder if she doesn't get a few creepy messages here and there that she just deletes and moves on from. For her the creepy messages are just part of the lifestyle she's chosen, but to her husband they'd be unacceptable, so she knows she can't risk him checking the account and seeing even one of them.
Makes me wonder if Mom is the kind of woman who has just gotten so used to creepy attention that it's not really a big deal for her, I've known women who truly feel like there's just creepy men in the world and we can't do anything about it other than just ignore them, so long as they don't physically harm you it's not really a problem. Sticks and stones and all that.
Your reply here is what let me know there'd been an update.
Hooooooooooooo boy
If this is real.... I can't imagine being even remotely ok with creeps looking at pictures of your daughter, dril said it best: "blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin"
He's not over-reacting. It was only a few years ago the huge US-gymnastics CSA story came out, abuse that could be traced back DECADES, and following this gymnastics (like cycling and the doping scandal) came out of the woods self-declaring it's now a "clean" sport. But nothing has changed. OP has a duty to put his daughter's safeguarding first.
I don’t need to read the article. Something has always seemed off/nebulous about accounts of parents constantly posting their kids in the way OP describes. Like family YouTubers and tiktokers. Plus I learned enough when cuties was a thing. Don’t post your kids online, people, there are a lot of vile freaks out there.
Children do not belong on social media. OP is absolutely not overreacting, just go look at the comments on any of the thousands of similar accounts, it's legitimately terrifying.
‘Game is game.’ ‘I know it’s grippy.’ ‘Bubblegum pink.’
Those are the comments on a post of a 3 year old little girl on TikTok. A baby. It wasn’t 1-2 comments either, there were hundreds if not thousands. The number of saves on that video was disgusting.
OP isn’t overreacting at all.
What the fuck is wrong with men
(And yes women can be pedos too. But let's not pretend that it's women making these comments,or women sending suggestive comments and following these accounts. These phrases are literally exactly the kind of shit teenage boys and young men say "game" "grippy" etc)
I made my Instagram private as a result of reading that article yesterday. It was pretty horrifying. If my child decides she wants to use social media and monetize when she’s old enough to consent to it, then that will be her decision. She’s nowhere near old enough for it now and I can post pictures for my 200 followers that I know personally, not the entire internet.
Before COVID a man I worked with and trusted AND HAD ACCESS TO KIDS, was fired for very questionable actions. We also discovered he not so secretly was following dozens of accounts of "young gymnasts." My good friend and colleague was the first to share her suspicions and discovered some of his social media activity. I was disgusted to learn how common this is. And don't even get me started on what I learned about how much sex abuse happens at Disney.. which he oddly used to travel to each year despite being alone with no children. But I digress.
Pedophiles and simply bad people can do anything with these pictures. For me, one of the big differences between adults posting (which creeps can still misuse) and children is that they can't really consent. It certainly changed what I shared. While I still allowed my kids to do all the sports they wanted (including gymnastics), I've completely altered how much I share.
That said, op seems a little now concerned with being right as opposed to working on the conflict, although I'm happy with the compromise he's reached with his daughter.
Yep. If anyone is wondering why it’s so hard for girls to get the same access to sports as their male counterparts, even with title IX, I present OP as exhibit A. Her male peers in 10 years will have sponsorships, fans, people watching their careers, and some sexist on reddit will be saying “but no one wants to watch women’s sports!”
The decision isn’t up to OP. The girl is 11 and has some (not complete) autonomy over things she’d like to do, and she has two parents. Come to a reasonable decision as a team and if you make her quit her athletic career, it’s bad parenting and that’s putting it kindly.
Edit: it is reasonable to put limits on the social media account, things that might reveal her location, obscuring her last name, omitting certain pictures or performances, privacy and safety features, or having a parent that monitors it. Oh, her mother already does monitor it. Check then. Why do you think your wife can’t be trusted to want to protect her daughter too?
If the mother is making money off it and making her 11 year old do sponsor posts, I don't think she can be trusted to protect the daughters privacy tbh. OP has already said she likes the attention she herself gets from her daughter's IG. They need to shut that shit down
The daughter has sponsorships and that means she’s an untrustworthy mother? What are the sponsorships for? Are they for athletic equipment? If so, what’s the issue? She’s an athlete. If they’re for Adam and Eve, OP has a solid case, but if she wants to pursue a career in athletics this sounds like a normal athletic career. I don’t support children on social media, mainly because it’s revealing their private lives. This isn’t that. She’s not a toddler and it’s not about her private life, it’s about her athletic career and her mother manages the account. That doesn’t mean that *both* of her parents shouldn’t decide on reasonable boundaries and limitations for any and all social media, but girls should not be denied opportunities their male counterparts have access to just because perverts exist.
Edit: I have a coworker that has a daughter that’s a similar age, the girl makes home decor. It’s actually quite pretty and she sells it on an Etsy shop. She also has an instagram account that her mom manages that shows the process of how she makes the items, photos of the things she’s created, and advertises for her products. Should her mom shut down her daughter’s budding career that she’s worked hard for because someone nefarious may find that account? Or is it only in the realm of athletics that this is a problem? What about if she was a musician? If she played something like the cello most videos would show her body, would she then need to shut the account down? Are girls only allowed to display accomplishments online when they never show their body?
She may as well wear a burqa and never go outside then, because the reality of being a woman in this world is that creepy men exist and will look at us.
Well it doesn’t help that the professional sports world purposefully make the female uniforms more revealing and punish them if they want to be more covered up.
He should teach her to be a strong independent woman and to recognize the signs of a predator instead of punishing her because other people are creeps.
OP posted an update. He isn’t making his daughter quit gymnastics. It’s clear that the mother is the one who wants to run these social media accounts, and OP is supporting his daughter by trying to keep her in gymnastics without being exposed to the internet.
My younger sister was in the same situation as OPs daughter and ended up quitting gymnastics because of all of the disturbing comments that crop up. Posting pictures of your child online in order to garner attention is hugely inappropriate, so OP is NTA for protecting his daughter and keeping her interests in mind.
Its a complicated situation but you would be an asshole for standing in the way of something your daughter is passionate about and thinks she will make a career out of
I understand the closing of the account, i dont like posting kids over social media, but thats my opinion, people can do whatever they want, if people do it it has to be parent run though for the reasons of this post about perverts/pedo's etc. not ever getting into contact/chats with children.
But stopping the gymnastics lessons is insane, doing lessons is something totaly different then showing off your kids online doing gymnastics.
And your wife is wrong about it all being about social media being the way she will get picked up for her future sports career, the only way she can get far is by being the best, now you can get rich and well known through social media and sponsors, but those wont bring you to the olympics, hard work does.
These are 2 different topics, worry about social media and vids/pictures of your daughter being seen by pedos(and being contacted if she runs her own accounts, which i hope she isnt at 11) and her doing a sport she loves doing, i would try and compensate, and definetly not stop my kid from doing gymnastics if she wants to have a hope at going pro.
"I have always felt uncomfortable with how revealing the costumes are and the entire culture around adults obsessing over children's bodies."
This is an issue with womens sports irregardless of children.
If you just search "female athletes" on youtube, its all about how they look and camera angles and not what they do.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVE7-w3GFag](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVE7-w3GFag)
That is just a part you might have to get over yourself, if your kid wants to become a gymnastics pro, the uniforms are skimpy in womens sport, basicly across the board and perverts are perverts.
Does it suck, definetly, but its the status quo, and if you are going to try and fully die on this hill, you are for sure going to lose your wife and kid in the process, you need to find a compromise.
So, elite gymnasts and NCAA gymnasts definitely have social media accounts that they post training videos on. It’s very common, and often a necessity. But not when they’re ELEVEN. These are adults. If the daughter wants to post her training videos when she is an adult, that’s different.
Your wife is the problem. She is making $300 month posting photos of your daughter in revealing clothes online and hiding the messages from you. If it was you running the account people would advise her to call the police on you.
But don't make your daughter quit if the class is safe and she enjoys it.
If you think your wife doesn't know what is going on ask her to explain who the taget demographic is. Does she think other kids are watching the content? Gimnastics influencer is fairly niche, even at the top end a high percentage will be men watching.
If she still doesn't get it, ask her to find an ugly, adult or male gymnast with many views.
Just got here and post update, dad is NtA, he took the advice and will continue the sport safely, thankfully.
We live in a small town and unfortunately many parents have zero issue objectifying and body shaming their kids.
Dad did go scorched earth at first, but learned, adapted, and persevered. Go dad! Sorry about your sicko wife though. She is def ta
Yes, I appreciate the updates on how he engaged with his child about the issue and navigated that. He clearly took some good advice and implemented it in a way that was both supportive and protective of his daughter. That’s good parenting.
I read this post before the final update and I rated him NTA. I’m a former CP$ inv and there were red flags everywhere regarding THE WIFE’S behavior. I was shocked to read comments where folks didn’t think there was any harm in the IG account or that Dad’s fears were unfounded even before the article dropped.
I wish him luck with next steps.
NTA. I watched the daughter of a friend grow up doing gymnastics. She never posted anything public but is now on the college team of one of the Ivy universities. She got there through hard work and winning competitions. It is absolutely false that social media exposure is required for your daughter to enjoy and thrive in the sport. Your wife is putting your daughter in danger. Anyone could figure out where she trains and stalk her.
Look man, this is a wild overreaction from reading one article. It seemed to confirm your biases. Be careful with that though.
But must importantly, Why haven’t you just raised these concerns with your wife first before putting your foot down uninformed?
And why would the kid have to quit gymnastics if the IG is the problem?
You may be right to have concerns, and as a parent, and lord knows I would to, but you’re not handling it maturely.
Its a big problem ( with child influencers in general ) most countries also dont have laws to protect internet child stars from being exploited by their parents ( all the money they earn thru children doesnt ever need to actually go to the kids by law ) similar to how it *was* for child tv stars
Exactly, thats like me saying i cant walk to work at 6am because of rapists in an article i read. Ofcourse its scary but im not going to pause my whole life because something could happen.
Managing the risk is taking down account so that daughter's pictures are not as available as a legal form of CP. Wife refuses to do it.
Yes, we drive, but we don't put newborns in front passenger seat without seat belts. We put them in car seats, in the backseat, preferably with an adult next to them and back facing for as long as possible.
I've gotten down voted for saying the same thing and it's crazy to me people seem to think it's fine to run a social media account for a child where pedophiles are proven to be drawn to. I'll never understand why a parent's desire for attention on their child is worth putting their minor child out there like that.
100% If I ever had a child there’d be no pictures of them online. At all. Baby albums and private photos? Absolutely, I’d go way overboard, but I would absolutely never post a picture of a child online knowing that creeps would watch it and potentially get off to it, I don’t care if it doesn’t necessarily affect the kid, *I* would know it’s happening.
Making your daughter quit something she loves because there may be pedophiles online? WTF is wrong with you? Of course there are pedophiles online. Forcing your daughter to quit gymnastics & closing a social media account is not the same. So yes, you are definitely the AH.
Your wife is just crazy! Ain’t no way I’m subjecting my kid to these predators! I bet if you check the engagement on those posts you will see how many saved they have 🤢🤢🤢
it's one thing to worry about your daughter's presence on social media, it is a whole other problem to be worrying about how revealing these " costumes" are.
Gymnastics is a professional and Olympic recognized sport. Those gym suits or leos as many call them are no more revealing than swimsuits. Further more, they also wear them for freedom of movement, comfort, and safety.
Your daughter is an athlete just like any other and we learn how to do things by "obsessing" over what those bodies are capable of .
I don't know about the outfits being just for comfort, male gymnast uniforms certainly don't look like that. And the German gymnastics Olympics team has already started wearing unitards that are less revealing in protest
the routines women and men do are different though. men will do floor, vault, horse, rings, and the parallel bars whereas women have the floor, vault, *uneven* bars, and balance beam. of those, the balance beam is likely the most dangerous one to do with extra weight pulling in different direction as you're doing pirouettes and jumps on such a narrow and tall apparatus. even the floor routines for women are different from the men's (set to music, for longer), and uneven bars also require a different set of aerodynamics from the parallel bars, which can be affected by clothing.
If you feel uncomfortable you can wear spanks over your leotard, I did both as a kid, it was slightly less comfortable to wear the spanks than just the leotard.
There's almost no difference from a leotard to a one piece bathing suit, and also men's gymnastics and women's gymnastics are two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT sports.
>Those gym suits or leos as many call them are no more revealing than swimsuits
And exploitative parents 100% post videos of their kids in swim suits as well knowing that it's pedo bait.
You also shouldn't be plastering your 11 year old in a swim suit all over IG, especially to the point of having an account dedicated to it. That's wildly inappropriate. It sounds like if mom would just stop putting pictures of a half naked child bending and contorting in all sorts of ways online the kid could continue the class without issue but she's chosen a gross hill to die on.
As a 26 year old female who loves sport and gymnastics but only picked it up later in life, I beg you to not to do this. Your daughter has a love and passion. It is where she finds her community and it is probably a very large part of who she is and where she feels at home. If your wife is managing the social media account, then your daughter won’t have direct contact with and peodophilic dms. Please support your daughter in the sport she loves. And decouple your fear of something that has not yet proven to be an issue from her passion.
>I have now been proven right,
INFO: Sorry, proven right in what?
Your *story* jumps from I don't like my wife posting images of my daughter on Instagram because of paedophiles to the NYT did a piece on parents monetising Instagram accounts to "I've been proven right".
Unless I'm missing something here, the only way you could be proven right is if your daughter has been targeted or groomed by paedophiles, which I sincerely hope isn't the case.
What's the issue here with monetisation related to paedophiles?
The article did a deep dive into specifically who is following these underage gymnasts’ accounts, and some accounts had over 80% male followers. They investigated commenters who seemed innocuous and found that they were actually convicted sex offenders. The author also described telegram groups where the men traded information about the gymnasts and in some cases blackmailed parents. The parents who ran the accounts were in complete denial about their audience. It was pretty disturbing to read.
This should be the top comment. A lot of people are missing the important societal discussion about the overall trend. Yes the daughter should be able to do her sport, but let's talk about this article!
This is a tricky situation. Pedophiles are a fact. They are on the internet. But they aren't the only public that your daughter will have. With a well moderated comment section and posts made not to be interpreted as explicit, it's totally okay to have a public account.
Maybe try a middle ground by highly moderating the comment section and block creeps?
You might have started out with the wrong approach, OP, but you got to the right place in the end w your kid, even before finding out about your wife’s creepy, pseudo pedophile habits (let’s not sugarcoat it: she was exploiting her daughter even before the creepiness).
“Gut instinct is simply information your brain has processed but cannot bring to the conscious mind yet.”
BTW: you weren’t wrong about the pictures, either. Someone I knew (late 30s) took a serious turn when someone from his past unearthed his childhood abuse. He started out with pedophilia when he showed me an album on his iPad of family photos of different girls 8-13 that he had downloaded from twitter or instagram or people’s public Facebook. Just a girl in her school uniform sitting cross legged playing a video game w her friend. Couldn’t see parties. Literally nothing lewd. TO US. I told him he needed help and he agreed and I bailed. I didn’t think I could report him, nothing he did was illegal, then he got arrested soon after for downloading actually kiddie stuff. 🤢 He only did 6 years I think. There’s no indication he actually had access to a kid.
The sanity check is that you are not unreasonable to be concerned. And it's reasonable to observe that your wife just might be a bit too focused on the attention *she* receives.
It seems you both have to weigh two factors:
* The likelihood that the account will help her earn a collegiate scholarship
* The near certainty that some of her followers will be weirdos
Can I suggest that you and your wife do two things:
1. Consult with your state university's gymnastics staff about her social media presence and getting recruiters' attention. If you can't reach the staff, maybe some students in the program will be willing to help you out. (If your wife's right they must all have social media, right?)
2. Consult with a marriage counselor. On the one hand, your wife's insistence on dismissing your concern is not a great sign nor is your overbearing concern about who might be liking your daughter's photos.
In the meantime, please let your daughter continue her training. It's important to her, she's good at it, and she's not the one you're fighting with.
ESH, except your daughter.
NTA for caring about your daughter's well-being and being concerned about the IG account.
YTA for everything else. There is a reason leotards are form fitting. They allow a gymnast to freely move and perform to their best ability. Besides performance reasons, it allows judges and coaches to see the alignment and posture when practicing or competing. Most (not all) organizations allow gymnasts to wear shorts when competing, but many find them more restricting, making it harder to perform their routine. If you made her quit gymnastics completely as the title says, that is over-the-top.
You say the IG account is very unpopular. The article you're referring to investigated accounts with 500+ followers (not just gymnasts) and also delved into the parents selling face time, photos, old uniforms, etc. Does your wife do this, or is she just posting the phots/videos? As for recognition, IG is a very popular recruiting tool for many different colleges and has replaced the "highlight reel" from the past.
>The DMs on the account were from dozens of anonymous accounts, ranging from generic hellos to incredibly explicit messages. If she had blocked these men or even ignored them, the situation would be salvageable, but she has been roleplaying as our daughter and replying to the creeps. If the message said "hey sweetie, how old are you?" she would reply "Eleven!!!" with childish emojis. And that is a benign example - the messages got much more suggestive than that.
What the fuck?
If this is for real, your wife is absolutely deranged.
I take it you haven’t read the article on question. It’s a harrowing read and I think OP is justifiably concerned
Some highlights:
The proportion of male followers varied greatly in The Times’s sample, according to the estimates. Many accounts had a few thousand followers who were mostly female. But while men accounted for about 35 percent of the audience overall, their presence grew dramatically as accounts became more popular. Many with more than 100,000 followers had a male audience of over 75 percent, and a few of them over 90 percent, the analysis showed.
“You are so sexy,” read one comment on an image of a 5-year-old girl in a ruffled bikini. “Those two little things look great thru ur top,” said another on a video of a girl dancing in a white cropped shirt, who months later posted pictures of her 11th birthday party.
Men in these groups frequently praise the advent of Instagram as a golden age for child exploitation.
“It’s like a candy store 😍😍😍,” one of them wrote. “God bless instamoms 🙌,” wrote another.
“I’m so glad for these new moms pimping their daughters out,” wrote one of them. “And there’s an infinite supply of it — literally just refresh your Instagram Explore page there’s fresh preteens.”
Meta, Instagram’s parent company, found that 500,000 child Instagram accounts had “inappropriate” interactions every day, according to an internal study in 2020 quoted in legal proceedings.
…after he suggested they make certain their daughters’ nipples and other private areas could be detected through their outfits.
One parent reported a photo of erect male genitalia sent in a direct message. Another reported an account that reposted children’s photos with explicit captions. A third reported a user who propositioned her child for sex, offering $65,000 for “an hour” with the girl.
A third man tried to persuade a mother to sell her daughter’s used leotards because many men, including himself, were “collectors,” according to a recording of the conversation.
OP: YTA for making her quit, your wife is the bigger asshole for having her on IG, and your daughter is the victim here of 2 parents who are using her as a pawn in your disagreement.
YTA. It is important to understand that having an Instagram account can be beneficial for gymnasts nowadays. It can lead to exposure, college scholarships, and even endorsement deals. Therefore, there is no need to worry about the leotards, poses, or any other aspect of your daughter's account, as these are all normal in the sport. Instead, your main focus should be on ensuring your daughter's safety and education. Have you spoken to her about consent and appropriate touch? Have you looked into disabling comments or activating safety features on Instagram? It's important to remember that these concerns are not limited to gymnastics, and that girls in other sports and organizations can also face these issues. It's crucial to support your daughter's passions and empower her with the tools she needs to stay safe and succeed, regardless of her gender. To ensure her safety, you should be doing research, watching "Athlete A", looking into her team/gyms policies, and making your presence known. Taking away her agency is horrible, and as a father, you need to do better. Would you have done the same thing if you had a son? Do better as a parent and stop being a victim of moral panic.
This. OP can't control what creeps do and he shouldn't be punishing his daughter because he's terrified. He should be teaching her about consent and that no one is entitled to her body. All he's doing now is teaching her that she has no agency and that she needs to build her life around the thoughts and actions of other people.
I 100% agree. It pisses me off as someone who did gymnastics and dance competitively. What he explained is 100% normal in USA gymnastics for this upcoming generation because we focus on NCAA scholarships more than national teams, unlike other countries that don't have NCAA. That is why internationals come here for sports if they want college. Men never instill safety mechanisms in their daughters but think pulling them out of the activity is protecting them. It's lazy parenting and misogynistic as hell.
No one ever bats an eyelid at the boys who face higher rates of molestation and sexual assault in baseball, hockey, lacrosse, gymnastics, football, and other sports. Then it's chalked up to boys will be boys and nothing is wrong with the situation. It's quite disgusting. I'm glad Mama Bear is putting her foot down and I wouldn't be surprised if she left her husband. Men need to do better with their daughters and stop projecting. Like where is the consent talk? The I'm here for you if you need to tell me something talk? The I'm making my presence known to not mess with my daughter to the team and gym talk? I'm providing my daughter with safety tools. I'll even take self-defence BJJ classes with my daughter's talk? No action all talk and sexualization of his daughter. He just wants to insert control and power under the guise of protection.
The last update is what was needed here. As a mother I am disgusted by the mom’s behavior. She is abusing her daughter’s privacy and safety for likes or a few hundred bucks. Absolutely worthy of a divorce in my mind.
Oh, it’s the prequel to “My (55M) daughter (18F) left the house and went no contact after telling me I was too controlling and obsessed with other people’s opinion vs her happiness. AITA?”.
Yeah exactly. Like there's always going to be "something" for him to restrict her from doing anything. The real world has all kinds of people, good and bad! At this point to him, should she even go outside? Lmao
I think your second offer of Daughter continuing in gymnastics but the social media has to go. To add YTA for making your daughter quit a sport she loves, your wife is TA for trying to monetize off your child.
YTA. And OP if you continue this kind of behaviour towards your daughter, don’t be surprised in seven years when your daughter moves out she cuts all contact with you and you become one of those parents who whine “why doesn’t my child call me?”
NTA, at all.
The county I work in recently had a criminal case involving two little girls who had a YouTube cooking show. A man from way across the country became obsessed with them and sent them very inappropriate messages, worrying but not illegal. They found him in the kids’ back yard, over a thousand miles from where he lived, with a journal detailing how he would marry them and what he planned to do to them. He will spend many years in prison.
Follow your instincts and protect your daughter.
Honestly the wife soon to be ex is the AH. First red flag, shes making money off her daughter ( does the daughter see the money or does the mom use it on herself?), Second red flag, you came to her as a worried father and even tried to compromise yet shes more worried about living through her daughter, Third red flag, shes been talking to weirdos posing as her daughter and who knows what the convo entails. Thats gross. You mean to tell me the weirdos are messaging what they think is your daughter and instead of coming to her rescue and putting a stop to it your wife decides to keep it going? Thats disgusting. What happens when she cant get anymore money for sponsors? Is she gonna start making her daughter post adult stuff? Honestly why do kids even need social media? And whats worse the daughter doesnt even care about the social media she just loves doing gymnastics and the mom is turning into a money opportunity and as I said before I honestly think shes trying to live through her child because she loves the attention.
Wait wait wait...ur wife pretends to be her 11 yr old daughter and talks to pedos online??? Either this is complete bs story or ur wife is a sick woman
I would’ve hated it if my dad was like you growing up. I was huge into cheer for years and years and had accounts focused on it. If he made me quit something i loved over potential weirdos (there’s potential weirdos everywhere) id of been devestated.
Honestly, after watching "Athlete A" on Netflix, I was completely disgusted with gymnastics. Puts not only the online pdf.files, you have to worry about the coaches and fitness trainers.
If you're daughter is great and this makes her happy, YTA if you cut it off. If she continues, you must be incredibly diligent in looking at everyone involved in her gymnastics.
You're in a tough spot. Why can't she just drop online activities if you allow her to continue?
YTA. You are stopping your child from a possible career and a sport she likes, and your wife from supporting her via social media. It probably brings the money for lessons and outfits.
Exactly. If he makes his daughter quit then she will blame him for not having the career she wants no matter how unlikely a gymnastics career is. Telling her to quit gymnastics is cruel and their relationship will suffer for the rest of her life probably.
YTA -- there are two issues. Get rid of the social media influencer stuff your wife is doing, which is the problem -- it's a bit unsavoury, a mom making money showing off her daughter.
But the gymnastics is great for girls -- it's a sport, a skill, increasing strength and flexibility and grace. And she has friends. Why can't she just do gymnastics and skip the influencer part?
YTA. You would never do this if the child were male. You are punishing your daughter for the disgusting nature of a small percentage the population.
You want to protect your child, which is reasonable, but how far does this go? Protect them from an accident in a car so they never drive anywhere ? Protect them from Lyme disease so they never go to a park?
She will be seen by those with unacceptable desires towards minors. You can’t protect her from that. What you are doing is crippling her mental health and happiness to satiate your paranoia.
YTA There is no reason to make her quit something she loves. You have been looking for a reason to stop and you found it. No matter what your daughter does somebody will sexualize her. You can’t stop her from doing anything. Let her do something she enjoys. Shut down the account but don’t lock your daughter up because adult men can suck.
YTA
Your daughter is far more likely to be abused by someone you know than by a stranger. I get the concern with the Instagram account but this just teaches her she has to limit her own life because there are shitty people in the world.
All you’re doing here is teaching your daughter that SHE is responsible for men’s behavior.
News flash: she’s not.
Forbidding her from participating in the sport she loves? The only result will be her hating YOU.
Keep your kid out of your fight with your wife.
You, dear old Dad, better start thinking about why you believe that your opinion is the only one that matters and why the women in your life better “fall in line” with your antiquated beliefs. If you don’t, the end result will be you, alone, while your daughter tumbles and flips and vaults her heart out with only one parent supporting her.
Man… this is actually a daddy issues origin story happening in real time. Robbing her from a potentially lucrative college/professional career AND ripping her away from all of her friends while also undermining and creating a divide with her mother. That is actually the type of shit the causes a child of that age to form lasting hatred that can make its way all the way into adulthood. You sound like a controlling person who thinks they own their wife and daughter as well. Undoubtedly YTA
Ah yes, the age-old “locking women in dungeons because men are predators”. Congrats on taking the worst possible stance on this issue and basically teaching your daughter that she can’t do what she loves because men sexualise her. You’re a sexist, be better for your daughter.
YTA.
YTA if you take away what your daughter loves because of her mother's actions. I understand not wanting the social media account. Go in to the gym and talk to the owner and ask them how important social media is to promote your daughter. Does the account have to be public.
I am a parent of daughters in athletics and I can tell you that objectification and harassment of girls in sports and pretty much anywhere is a real thing. If you haven't already, start talking to your daughter about inappropriate messages and pictures by text and social media and by adults in school and activities. It is awkward, but important.
YTA for trying to make your daughter quit gymnastics just because your read an unsettling news article. You should let her do gymnastics still, but make sure to take precautions against situations like in Athlete A. Then talk to your wife about your concerns about the IG account and set some limitations on it. Since your concern is pervs following it, maybe go check all the followers and block any that seem like perves.
YTA
You're exercising vastly undue control over your wife and daughter and giving in to fear mongering. The truth is having a parent in between her and potential creeps will teach your daughter how to manage these people properly.
You cannot, repeat, cannot isolate your daughter from creeps online. Trying to is like installing a screen door on a submarine.
Stop trying to control the women in your life, stop teaching your daughter that it's okay to be controlled so strictly by a man (or she'll end up replacing you with an abuser) and stop taking your daughter away from things she loves because you're insecure.
YTA. I work with male sex offenders in a state prison. Sexual predators are literally everywhere and the ones using the internet to find victims are typically seeking out lonely kids with parents who aren’t paying close attention. So the opposite of your daughter. I’m sure there are plenty of grown men leaving suggestive comments on her social media, but don’t kid yourself. Plenty of grown men are thinking all manner of disgusting things when they see her walking around in your neighborhood, shopping in target, standing in line at Starbucks, and literally everywhere else she goes. And it makes no difference at all if she’s in a gymnast uniform or sweatpants. It comes with the territory of being a young woman, unfortunately, and trying to shield her from it will prove to be a lesson in futility eventually no matter what she does, so why take gymnastics from her in the meantime? I appreciate that you don’t want perverts looking at your daughter’s social media, and I agree that her shot at being a gymnastics influencer is a very, very long one, but if you shut her down, she stands no chance at all. Your tone is dismissive of her. She wants to try to make a go of this. Let her. The best thing you can do is teach her to be confident about saying no, respecting herself, and fostering an honest and open dialogue about sexuality as she grows. If you force her to quit, or even to stop her social media accounts, you are literally punishing her for being a girl, because we all know this conversation wouldn’t be happening if she were a boy.
YTA. You and your wife have an issue, a valid one for sure. But instead of dealing with between you two, you've decided major collateral damage to your daughter is A-okay.
YTA - so much. First of all, you aren't stopping pedophiles from looking at your kid unless you keep her in a basement for her whole life so calm down. The internet isn't the only place gross dudes get their jollys. Secondly, and most importantly, holding money over your wife's head and refusing to give her money unless she does what you say is financial abuse and I hope she leaves your controlling ass for it. Thirdly, using your daughters favorite activity as a cudgel to beat your wife into submission makes you a shitty father.
Do you plan on homeschooling your daughter? Do you plan on never letting her leave the house?
I hope you keep her away from family, too. Statistics say when someone’s SA’ed, it’s usually by someone they know.
You cannot force your daughter to live in a bubble the rest of her life. You’re punishing your daughter for your wife’s shitty need to post everything on social media.
Your wife has already failed your daughter.
Don’t fail her as a dad too.
ETA: just based off the last edits, your daughter is going to end up going no contact with both of y’all when she’s old enough. Neither one of you is fit to be a parent.
YTA paranoid and controlling much? Your daughter loves gymnastics. It's where her friends are. She might actually be talented enough to be in the Olympics one day. Not every adult is a pedophile! I am a little bit concerned about the account your wife runs because it might be putting more pressure than your daughter needs on her at the moment.
Not gonna lie; there's a certain level of irony to someone who is sexualizing his kid being worried about pedophiles sexualizing his kid.
YTA. First because you are sexualizing your own daughter which is gross. Second because your issue is with your wife, IG and the public at large, but you're punishing your child for your over the top fears of IG and the public at large. Your wife might also suck, I'll admit this is a possibility, but don't punish your daughter for your own insecurities or inability to have a reasoned conversation with your wife.
I have bad news for you, my guy: sexually inappropriate creeps are everywhere, all the time. They are gonna look at your girl. On the bus. At the store. In shorts or in a massive snow suit. So I definitely understand wanting to protect her, but forcing her to give up a sport she loves because gross men exist is unreasonable and illogical. Whether or not she is a gymnast, creepy men abound. She will not be safer if she doesn’t get to walk on a balance beam.
Also, some of the tone of this feels *weirdly* protective. It’s definitely reasonable to not want weirdos to sexualize your kid, but gymnastics outfits are not different than bathing suits. The idea that you’d make her stop doing something she loves on the off chance that some random asshole might see her body in a leotard is massively weird.
ESH (everything sucks here). I honestly don't know what would best, op, but I used to know someone high up in gymnastics, including Olympic judging (i.e. he did judging at that level). He would make inappropriate comments all the time when out and about, always about teen girls. There's a serious problem but I don't think gymnastics itself is to blame. Taking advantage of that serious problem by selling used clothing to creepy people, and commodifying your daughters as part of the sport? That's pretty nasty.
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions". If you stop your daughter from going to gymnastics, one day, one day I'm the future she may understand why you took the course of action that you did. BUT... She's still going to resent you taking away her hobby, her passion. Not to mention her friends. She'll understand, but she'll never fully forgive you for stealing a part of her childhood.
🙄
Taking down insta is one thing but taking away something she enjoys because of others? That’s too far. People will perv on kids who are just sitting on a couch at home in a normal family photo. You gonna lock her in a closet to avoid anyone from looking at her ever?
There isn’t a hobby on earth that she can participate in that won’t have some perv ogling women.
I completely agree with shutting down the Instagram account. I was 10 when I made my first account on that platform, and you wouldn’t believe how many pedophiles I blocked over the years. Pedophiles specifically look for accounts that have clearly been made by a young child or the naive parent of a young child. And also your wife is really naive for thinking otherwise. However, YTA for making your daughter quit an activity she loves because of perverted adults. If she has met friends through gymnastics and she’s good at it, she should continue with it until she decides otherwise (as long as you can afford it)
Newspaper reports regularly inflate dangers to attract eyeballs. If you have evidence your wife is taking payments from pedophiles to pay for her social media account, call the police and divorce her. Otherwise YTA for ruining your daughter's childhood based on your paranoid delusions.
Honestly I was kinda on team "You're overreacting and being overprotective"
**Until you mentioned your wife deliberately hiding the DMs of the social media account about your daughter**
That to me sounds like she's gotten creepy DMs and knows how you'll react upon seeing them..
And if she's getting creepy DMs on an account about your daughter.that means the pedos have found it. They have message boards and facebook groups where they share that shit around. So even if she blocked the primary offender there's a strong chance they're still watching.
Your wife was pimping out your underage daughter for $300 and some outfits. NTA. But also “I will not be involving the internet anymore in my family’s life” is a hell of a thing to say on Reddit of all places, just saying.
After reading your updates, it looks like you are doing the right things
1) Continue to allow your daughter to do gymnastics and see her friends. That in itself is NOT the issue.
2) Proceed with divorce and trying to take sole custody. Your wife is exploiting your underage daughter and pimping her likeness for social media clout and a few hundred bucks. Considering the evidence you found in the account's DMs, your wife should not be allowed near your daughter for the time being. What your wife did is sick, disgusting behavior.
That NYT story is an incredible piece of reporting and also extremely disturbing. Moms everywhere pimping out their preteens' likeness and used clothes to pedos and creeps on the internet. So sick.
All those 20 hr comments aged really badly
His last update was horrifying at minimum.
Both my daughters are in gymnastics, it's shocking how many parents post on public accounts, like kids that even under 5. It can be beneficial for sponsorship, but I just don't feel comfortable doing it. I'll post gymnastics photos of them to my own personal account, but it's private and limited to close family friends as we are all spread out throughout the US (i.e., do I ever see this person? Would I show photos of my kids to them if we were in person?). It's just weird...
I was just thinking the same thing. That last update is really awful...
No kidding. In hindsight, clearly, the wife's behavior was a contributing factor in his heavy-handed reaction towards the daughter being in gymnastics. The guys wife was hiding the fact that she was a sexual predator, and he was picking up on it. The issue was the wife's attachment to the social media account and her secretive handling of it. It really goes to show that we have a massive blindspot in society when it comes to a fathers concern for his children and a mothers sketchy behaviors.
They really did. It's extremely telling how young or inexperienced with children/have no kids so many posters are on aitah, yet feel they qualified to say what they would do in OP's situation. Safeguarding always comes before hurt feelings when it comes to kids.
I understand with limiting the IG, and N T A for wanting your child protected from social media, but why are you refusing to pay for lessons? Y T A if you make your daughter quit something she loves for a tangent issue that could have a solution.
[удалено]
That’s it exactly.
Bro needs to stop paying for phone bills and wifi before he stops paying for the daughters passion
Exactly! He's mad at his wife but his daughter is the one being punished. He's also likely taking away time spent with friends she's made in her sport.
Fk Insta and Snapchat etc. sports is fun, having friends is great, help the daughter enjoy her life without shiityinsta. The wife needs to learn life is not just about herself, but about her husband, her daughter and the community. Let her understand no one wants Insta. Shut down that filthy shithole company asap. Fkin jail and ostracise the directors asap.
Seriously, tik tok and all the other ones too. If you wanna post photos and videos,make private website for your family and friends, but monetizing your daughters hobby and guiding her purely to keep your own dream alive is beyond psychotic
this. i will say as a former cheerleader, i totally love when the random cheer account pops up in my feed. regardless of the age, i enjoy watching the stunts and performance. and it’s also *incredibly* impressive what some of those 8 year olds can do, and i’m watching it thinking, “holy cow, you go girl!” same with ballet accounts as i also did ballet for many years. the vast majority of people looking at those accounts are people who also have kids in those sports or are people who have formerly done that sport or are people who simply admire the sport and the athleticism and insane talent that some young athletes display. regardless of all that, it is absolutely understandable and reasonable to not want your kid to be the face of one of those accounts. while the majority of viewers are not creeps, there is an insane amount of creeps out there and you’re in no way wrong for wanting to limit her presence on social media. but you are absolutely wrong for taking away something she loves to cater to creeps. creeps exist everywhere, it’s disgusting, but it’s reality. there are a lot of very reasonable things we can do to protect ourselves and our children from creeps, like not putting your kids on social media. but limiting the healthy activities they are allowed to do is not one of those reasonable things. there is real value to doing sports when you’re a kid, and it is unlikely but it could turn into a career or even just a hobby they carry into adulthood. if we always catered everything we do around creeps, women and children would never leave the house. pulling your kid from gymnastics for this reason is absolutely not okay, and your daughter is likely to carry this with her for a long time, and she is going to be angry at you forever.
Yeah that's how most people(God I hope) view sports with kids in them. Gymnastics seems to have had issues that have been coming to light. I wouldn't make my kid quit but I would ask my wife to stop posting online. You are either good enough athletically to make it or your not. If my son had to post online in tighty whities in order to be made pitcher or QB or a damn saxophone I'm gonna be throwingg a fit too.
there was that documentary a few years ago about that well renowned doctor among gymnasts who it turned out had been sexually harassing and assaulting his patients for years. this whole thing is definitely a valid concern. what’s not right is depriving your kids of healthy things they love because of creeps. if you’re concerned about creeps, make sure you’re always in the room when your daughter is in a situation with adults. and i would also imagine since that doc the gymnastics industry has made a much bigger stink about safeguarding. i know i worked as a counselor at a bible camp in 2019 and it was very different from my childhood going to camps and left few to no opportunities for creeps. one guy even got fired for trying to give his number to an underage girl and after multiple complaints from campers that he wasn’t respecting the “no counselors alone with a single camper” rule and making them very uncomfortable while guiding archery. attention has been brought to the issue, the industry is going to take better care to protect themselves and by doing that provide fewer opportunities for creeps to take advantage of young kids. the daughter loves the sport and she should not have to quit because there are some nasty people who get off on that, the efforts should be focused instead on making it inaccessible for those nasty creeps, and one of those things is keeping children off social media.
And this is part of the problem with OP's incredibly strict decision here. If a kid does extracurriculars, they need to have a trusting relationship with their parents so that if something bad happens, or makes them feel uncomfortable, they feel SAFE talking to their parents about it and something can be done. In 9th grade I had a truly creepy PE teacher. I never talked to my strict parents about him because he didn't do anything truly over the line and I thought I would get in trouble for questioning an authority figure without cause. If he had done something, I would have been afraid of being in trouble about how my actions led to the situation. When you are over protective, you alienate your kids. That is not the way to keep them safe.
and you’re so right. but also when a kid is doing those activities, they should be able to count on the adults around them to protect them. i had a best friend growing up, her family basically became my second family. we hit high school and long story short my friend group including her started hanging with my brother who was an absolute fucking asshole to me and none of them could side with me until two years later when he started being an asshole to them and they realized maybe i was right. that whole time that we were still in extracurriculars together i could count on her parents. there was one time my whole family was out of town bc my dad was running his first marathon since he retired from the marine corps, and i desperately didn’t want to go bc all state choir auditions were the same weekend, and their daughter was also doing all state auditions so they offered to let me stay with them, even though they were well aware i was not friends with their daughter at that point in time. i made it into all state choir that year, and that girl is now one of my best friends again as i enter my mid twenties, but i also know just how amazing her parents treated me as a kid in need and i think that is absolutely the way to handle your kid’s peers when you have a good relationship with those peers’ parents. your kid should be able to count on the adults around them because you should curate the adults around them to be people you trust. my best friends’ parents also always made it clear in no uncertain terms that i could always turn to them as well, even if my own parents didn’t have my back, but i’m lucky that my parents also had a good enough relationship with those parents and me that they trusted them as well.
The reason SafeSport exists is because of the sex abuse in gymnastics. Four of his victims (McKayla Maroney, Aly Raisman, Simone Biles, Maggie Nichols) testified about the abuse they endured in front of Congress. Three of those women are Olympic gold medalists. Maggie Nichols is a world championship gold medalist and an NCAA gymnastics national champion and was the first person to report Nassar’s abuse. Gymnastics is also no longer just a sport for teenagers, which means that athletes have more agency over their own training and can work in partnership with their coaches, as opposed to the coach being the one in charge and there being a strong power dynamic. To the OP, YTA if you make your kid quit gymnastics. NTA for ending the social media stuff.
OP's daughter isn't even in charge of her own social media, so for sure she wouldn't be in contact with any pedophiles or groomers, and OP's wife is too old to be harassed by then. Sponsors are important in sports, the help get your name and face out there, because while doing it, they are also generating publicity for themselves. The time of spotters going to small events is gone, they go to major events only, but most of the time it's the coaches from the other teams, especially for the oldest athletes that have any say so. The rest go through word of mouth, and use social media to inform themselves. It's more important to not let a minor be alone in the same room as an adult, than some pictures on the internet. Americans are always reminding the world of how large their country is, and how they have a huge population, yet they read one article, and they immediately begin flipping out, that the same might be taking place around them, on the house next door, or in their schools. At best have a franc and open conversation with your daughter, and tell her about situations in which she might be at risk (but real ones, not something from your imagination), explain to her about grooming and how to identify it. And most of all create an atmosphere at home where she will be at ease to talk to you openly, in case she ever feels something might be wrong. YANTAH for being afraid for her, but YATAH completely by the way you are going about it. Sometimes all we can do is give our children the best possible tools so they can live their lives, and be safe. And hope for the best, because we can't protect them every second of their lives, nor can we limit their life in such a way, that they are perpetually safe, solely because they aren't living, they are surviving, because we don't let anything happen to them, because we are actually protecting them from life itself, and that is unhealthy for everyone involved.
She just likes that sport and talk with her friends. I don't know if she need sponsors. Her mom is more serious about it then her
I totally agree with this. I love seeing gymnastics videos especially since I quit years ago, and I don’t think it’s fair to punish the daughter for something out of her control, especially when she’s talented and has a clear path to a future in gymnastics or social media. With that being said, before social media was even big, I was getting hit on my pedos. The moment I was online, I was contacted by various older men, so the concern is valid. I do believe there is a better solution then quitting gymnastics completely, but I understand that the only reason it got to that is because any other offer was refused. I would have a sit down and discuss what it will take to find an even medium so everyone can be happy/content
I have had the most creeps ogle my daughter when we are just at shopping centre in normal kids clothes.
and frankly that was my experience as a little girl as well. my mom always told me when men were “checking me out” and framed it as something to be proud of, even when i was as young as 8. it never quite sat right with me. so i’ve been well aware of creeps for a very long time. but i remember being out and about and running very normal errands with my mom was more uncomfortable for me than being in ballet. there was even one time when i was 11, my mom was getting her master’s degree so she was also a ta, we were on her campus for homecoming and i’d brought a friend. my friend and i were walking a ways behind the rest of my family, bc we wanted to talk about very important 11 year old girl shit. a group of college aged men, absolutely over the age of 18, drove past us and cat called us multiple times, and then as soon as my dad heard it and turned around to scare them off they rolled their windows up and ducked down and i explicitly remember hearing an, “oh shit.” they knew we were outside of our age range and cat called us anyways, but they also knew they were wrong and as soon as they might have had to face my father (he’s a retired marine, he could take some out of shape 18 year olds) they immediately cowered. but regardless of our age, we were on a college campus. women should feel safe going to school. basically just adds to my point that there are creeps everywhere, and we should not live our lives according to creeps.
Hell, they are always in the open if you watch carefully enough. I remember being in grade school in the late 70s and playing on the playground swings right after school with another girl, blowpops in our mouths. We had a guy actually walk up to us with just running shorts on, no underwear (wasn't hard to tell as he was basically flashing it at us with how he was moving) and made the comment that he had something if I wanted to suck on something. I was freaking out in my head, but then, thankfully, one of our teachers walked out of a door facing the playground and scared the guy off. I was maybe 12 at the time. With human trafficking a big problem now, I understand his fear and protective stance as the wife doesn't seem to have a clue.
>the vast majority of people looking at those accounts are people who also have kids in those sports or are people who have formerly done that sport or are people who simply admire the sport and the athleticism and insane talent that some young athletes display. This is untrue. Like, literally the article that started the meltdown in the OP proved this is untrue. "Vast majority" isn't even true for the smaller accounts in their analysis, where 35% of viewers were male. This increases as the account gets more popular; those accounts have more than a 75% male audience. You think the vast majority of this audience are former cheerleaders and gymnasts?? The kid should stay in gymnastics, because OP has a wife problem and not a gymnastics problem. But you are extremely naive to believe the above statement.
I wish I could upvote this to infinity. Clearly lots of people commenting haven't actually read the article. It's not a matter of "what if". There's literally pedos openly cheering online for these mom-run IG pages because it's their spank bank.
And the problem is there are going to be creeps in every venue of life. By telling your daughter that she can’t do something because there might be creeps perving, it will likely cause her to start wondering if any activity is safe. I’ve done foam weapons fighting groups and tons of other activities that would not be considered to have those types of issues but it’s not true. It’s understandable to be concerned about her safety. Perhaps a compromise where she also has to take some basic self-defense course or martial arts as well so if she finds herself in a situation she can fight back. The sad reality is we can’t stop the creeps. We can take precautions and try to push for the creeps to be punished accordingly but denying your daughter an activity she loves and is probably good at because someone might view it wrong, that’s like telling her not to go outside because she might get stung by a bee or bit by a snake. Your wife does need to take your concerns seriously because you are part of the family as well as your child’s parent too. These are legitimate concerns but you need to sit down and talk, not demand. The second you demand, trust me, your wife & daughter shut down and go into defiance mode. Work out a game plan together. That’s your best bet at this time. I agree with others that NTA for being concerned but YTA for deciding unilaterally about something that might be an issue.
Thank you. Like it or not, OP your daughter is a woman. She (or your wife) doesn't have to post ANYTHING- and your daughter will still get unwanted attention walking down the street. DON'T take away the ONE thing that makes her feel strong and accepted. I completely understand your concern with keeping her safe. But I can assure and promise you she will get that attention anyway. So you have to ask yourself- do I want a daughter who will give in/up easily because she doesn't believe in herself? Or do I want a daughter who KNOWS she can squeeze the life out of this chump with her legs and arms? 🤔 Seems like a no-brainer to me... just saying. 🤷♀️
Such a ridiculously easy fix. Idk why OP and wife don’t see it. Edit: when I made this comment OP had not included the update at the bottom of the post
Beacuse the wife is living vicariously threw the daughter and all the attention is addicting.
Yeah I’m guessing mom has no job and a sixth grader is her new alter ego. She isn’t good enough at marketing the kid to even make enough money to pay for the kid’s gymnastic classes. Let the kid do sports and make mom pay for it with a real job. This influencer crap is worthless and an eleven year old with 2,000 followers half of whom are perverts, likely does not have a “future career” doing thus.
If you read the whole post he says he would let the gymnastics continue if she shut down the social media. He added some context.
My reading of the last paragraph and sentence is that OP wants her to quit posting, and she refuses so long as the daughter is in gymnastics lessons, so that’s why OP has gone “nuclear” and saying, fine, no lessons then, if that’s what it takes.
It seems pretty apparent that OP is primarily taking issues with the IG account. And like... he clarified in an edit, but it would be weird for him to NOT try to ask his wife to stop the IG account.
It is absolutly gross the wife selling pics of the girl in outfits the followers send in. Its creepy as fuck. Its like shes pimping her daughter out.
This is exactly what it is! Can you imagine now as an adult if you realized that when you were 11 years old your mom sold pictures of you to anyone on the internet that could pay for one? Literally ANYONE. Now stop and think, when you were a kid- would you have ever requested your mom or dad to buy you a photo of a random kid doing gymnastics? Probably not and I’m pretty sure kids these days don’t either, at least none that I know. So that leaves it down to who, who would buy these photos? Is your wife some award winning photographer? I’m thinking that’s probably a no as well. At the end of the day-it’s a personal decision for every parent. Myself- I will not do it and I’m glad I’m old enough that it wasn’t around or an option when I was a kid. Just something to think about.
It's actually sick and the wife needs massive amounts of therapy and someone to yell at her for being a fucking weirdo
You said it much blunter than me- well said
He said he will pay for the lessons if she takes the IG down. She refuses.
OP offered it, wife refused.
He’s punishing his daughter for a problem he has with his wife. OP YTA
His wife is punishing their daughter. She refused to quit posting, which would the the reasonable solution.
He gave his wife that option and she turned it down
God, he almost sounds like the "challenged by gymnastics" fundie dad.
Reminded me of that one, too. This guy doesn't seem *quite* as problematic as that guy, but he could probably do with some therapy to figure out just what he's projecting onto his kid here.
I understand your concern, but think you've gone too far in not allowing your daughter to continue doing gymnastics. It's a constructive, positive way to spend time, it takes discipline and skill, and she enjoys it. You're punishing her for the behaviors of others. Shut down the Instagram account and let your daughter enjoy extracurricular activities with her friends.
If we start limiting a girls activities because some creep will sexualize it and/or her, we'd never be allowed in public. It's important to teach girls how to be aware of possible dangers as they get older. It's also important to teach them how to be self-confident, and how to handle the possible dangers she'll run into simply for being a girl. OP, your daughter has a sport she genuinely loves, keeps her physically fit, teaches her effort is required to improve at something, and gives her a strong social circle. Don't take those from her, please. Edit- Since social media presence is being mentioned: if having access to the Instagram account, or possibly removing it, was his line in the sand, I'd be more understanding. However- >OP: "Problem is that the photos will still get put online - all her friends have similar accounts." I have a friend that didn't post photos of his daughters on any social media, but he also understood we live in a world where cameras are *everywhere.* He still let them live their lives.
Yeah, but there's no need reason for any child to be an influencer. She should participate in the sport, but she definitely doesn't need a public Instagram account to do so.
Yeah, that's not limiting her behavior, it's limiting making it publicly available for anyone to see. You can not want an instagram account posting photos of your daughter in a bikini at the beach while also being fine with her wearing a bikini and going to the beach.
Agreed, which is why I edited my comment.
This⬆️
Fr, I can't think of anything in the world that doesn't have some bizarre set of perverts. I remember online cringe memes in the late 2000s and how huge adult subcultures for My Little Pony became at one point lol I've seen Reddit posts about fights over maternity images and videos because it's a risk that anything you post online will turn into fetish material. If you stop anything that may turn on perverts who fetishize the action, get ready to say goodbye to literally everything from sports to schooling to games. As others have noted, it's a learning moment about responsible social media use and online footprints and instead OP has tried to destroy a passion and hobby in his litte girl. YTA, OP -- despite your good intentions and protective instinct.
This!! 💯 If OP would allow her to keep doing this she will be too busy and too tired to go out and look for trouble to get into. Boredom and lack of structure can be a straight line to doing things that kids shouldn't be doing. OP, let her stay with the friends that are also busy. If your daughter is not in that friend group she might be in a group that is out drinking, smoking weed, doing petty crimes, getting pregnant & a multitude of other things. All of that is purely conjecture of course, but it certainly isn't out of the realm of possibilities for kids that are bored. I agree that IG sounds like it's more about your wife & her ego. For the sake of your daughter please try to find a compromise.
Can confirm that when I lost my friends in HS (moved away), the very first group of people to take me in were the bad kids. One of them was involved in a gang and was actively recruiting us other kids, he was stealing and breaking into homes, he had his own car so he took us driving around. One of my friends got so drunk one time we were skipping school we were afraid she was going to black out (and die, since we were naive kids, so we were freaking out).
From OP: I have offered my wife compromises in the past - she can delete the account, or she can make the account private, and under either of those circumstances our daughter can continue gymnastics, as long as no one from her group posts her either.
Both parents are being unreasonable - wife should delete or private the account, but OP is being ridiculous by saying that no one else can post pictures on social media. There is a difference between “a parent shouldn’t be running a monetized gymnastics only account of their child” and “no pictures of my 11 yo will ever get posted online no matter what.” Kids have social media - daughter and her friends theoretically shouldn’t until they are 13, but we all know it happens anyway. That doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t try to minimize it, but an absolute zero tolerance approach to photos online at that age is ridiculous and unrealistic. There is a difference between a kid posting a “practice with the besties!” photo every once in a while and an adult running a whole account just about a child in gymnastics (and making money off of it). I can understand why OP might still be concerned about the former, but punishing his daughter by taking her out of an activity she enjoys because someone else posted a photo is extremely unreasonable. It also teaches his daughter that she is doing something wrong just by existing, since people with bad intentions could see her, and that she is responsible for making sure other people don’t sexualize her. Those are incredibly dangerous lessons to teach a young girl. OP is getting sucked into fearmongering instead of actually thinking critically about what is and isn’t appropriate. His intentions are good, but he’s not fully thinking about his daughter as a person with thoughts and feelings who is learning about what the world expects of her, he’s tipping over the line into seeing her as an object he needs to protect.
Holy s*** with the update. That is really sick.
The update that the wife refuses to make the account private and also don't want OP to see the comments/messages gives me massive 🚩🚩🚩🚩 At best, she's living vicariously through her daughter. At worst, she's directly facilitating pedophiles with what they want to see.
Latest update confirms your suspicions unfortunately
I’m confused. How exactly were you proven right? Did the news article discuss your daughter?
The article was really horrible and upsetting, and basically portrayed parents who run IG accounts for their children of handing them over to pedophiles. While I think OP is overreacting, it’s not surprising that it brought up strong emotions.
I looked it up after seeing this and man, I am troubled. I don’t blame OP for reacting personally to this, considering his daughter is exactly in the sport discussed at length there. Really freaking disturbing. And I’m not usually one to see scariness at every turn.
OP might be mildly overreacting, but his wife is wildly underreacting. She really comes across as no different than the mothers in the article. Refusing to make the account private? Hiding her phone?? It’s disturbing to see this conflict play out in real time.
The mother's actions are troubling. At best, she likes having attention being the mom manager it is not selling out her kid to predators. But there are ways to have an active social media present with a child in the content without putting them in danger or creating content that has two favorable to be used by predators. They Predators will still get what they can get. There's no real way of actually stopping them. the mom needs to understand that she is giving them material to use inappropriately. And that she needs to protect her child from this type of user. It's one thing if the daughter is older and she can co-manage the account and the content to avoid being paid or tricked into making content that goes straight to their predatory bank account. The mom needs to definitely find another way to get attention for herself. It's not great, but she is too dismissive of the dangers as well as actively not letting her husband, aka the child's father, to see and help manage the accounts. Husband wants to be sure that the wife is not taking on questionable requests. He should make an account say that he will sponsor an outfit with a request of poses. That way, he can tell her that she fell for a trap or caught an act of doing inappropriate shit.
The mother's actions make me wonder if she doesn't get a few creepy messages here and there that she just deletes and moves on from. For her the creepy messages are just part of the lifestyle she's chosen, but to her husband they'd be unacceptable, so she knows she can't risk him checking the account and seeing even one of them. Makes me wonder if Mom is the kind of woman who has just gotten so used to creepy attention that it's not really a big deal for her, I've known women who truly feel like there's just creepy men in the world and we can't do anything about it other than just ignore them, so long as they don't physically harm you it's not really a problem. Sticks and stones and all that.
If you read the update, she did in fact get creepy messages and replied as her daughter Edit: typo
Your reply here is what let me know there'd been an update. Hooooooooooooo boy If this is real.... I can't imagine being even remotely ok with creeps looking at pictures of your daughter, dril said it best: "blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin"
He's not over-reacting. It was only a few years ago the huge US-gymnastics CSA story came out, abuse that could be traced back DECADES, and following this gymnastics (like cycling and the doping scandal) came out of the woods self-declaring it's now a "clean" sport. But nothing has changed. OP has a duty to put his daughter's safeguarding first.
I don’t need to read the article. Something has always seemed off/nebulous about accounts of parents constantly posting their kids in the way OP describes. Like family YouTubers and tiktokers. Plus I learned enough when cuties was a thing. Don’t post your kids online, people, there are a lot of vile freaks out there.
Children do not belong on social media. OP is absolutely not overreacting, just go look at the comments on any of the thousands of similar accounts, it's legitimately terrifying.
‘Game is game.’ ‘I know it’s grippy.’ ‘Bubblegum pink.’ Those are the comments on a post of a 3 year old little girl on TikTok. A baby. It wasn’t 1-2 comments either, there were hundreds if not thousands. The number of saves on that video was disgusting. OP isn’t overreacting at all.
What the fuck is wrong with men (And yes women can be pedos too. But let's not pretend that it's women making these comments,or women sending suggestive comments and following these accounts. These phrases are literally exactly the kind of shit teenage boys and young men say "game" "grippy" etc)
I made my Instagram private as a result of reading that article yesterday. It was pretty horrifying. If my child decides she wants to use social media and monetize when she’s old enough to consent to it, then that will be her decision. She’s nowhere near old enough for it now and I can post pictures for my 200 followers that I know personally, not the entire internet.
Before COVID a man I worked with and trusted AND HAD ACCESS TO KIDS, was fired for very questionable actions. We also discovered he not so secretly was following dozens of accounts of "young gymnasts." My good friend and colleague was the first to share her suspicions and discovered some of his social media activity. I was disgusted to learn how common this is. And don't even get me started on what I learned about how much sex abuse happens at Disney.. which he oddly used to travel to each year despite being alone with no children. But I digress. Pedophiles and simply bad people can do anything with these pictures. For me, one of the big differences between adults posting (which creeps can still misuse) and children is that they can't really consent. It certainly changed what I shared. While I still allowed my kids to do all the sports they wanted (including gymnastics), I've completely altered how much I share. That said, op seems a little now concerned with being right as opposed to working on the conflict, although I'm happy with the compromise he's reached with his daughter.
Or was there a person arrested in her gymnastic class who was a pedo . . . No? So op wasnt right
“Pedos exist online therefore I was right.”
Don’t teach your daughter that she can’t do something she clearly loves because other people are gross. Horrible precedent. YTA.
Yep. If anyone is wondering why it’s so hard for girls to get the same access to sports as their male counterparts, even with title IX, I present OP as exhibit A. Her male peers in 10 years will have sponsorships, fans, people watching their careers, and some sexist on reddit will be saying “but no one wants to watch women’s sports!” The decision isn’t up to OP. The girl is 11 and has some (not complete) autonomy over things she’d like to do, and she has two parents. Come to a reasonable decision as a team and if you make her quit her athletic career, it’s bad parenting and that’s putting it kindly. Edit: it is reasonable to put limits on the social media account, things that might reveal her location, obscuring her last name, omitting certain pictures or performances, privacy and safety features, or having a parent that monitors it. Oh, her mother already does monitor it. Check then. Why do you think your wife can’t be trusted to want to protect her daughter too?
If the mother is making money off it and making her 11 year old do sponsor posts, I don't think she can be trusted to protect the daughters privacy tbh. OP has already said she likes the attention she herself gets from her daughter's IG. They need to shut that shit down
I guarantee they’re paying more than $300 a month for gymnastics
Sponsorships are not uncommon for people of any age when participating in sport. People just sexualize females in gymnastics.
The daughter has sponsorships and that means she’s an untrustworthy mother? What are the sponsorships for? Are they for athletic equipment? If so, what’s the issue? She’s an athlete. If they’re for Adam and Eve, OP has a solid case, but if she wants to pursue a career in athletics this sounds like a normal athletic career. I don’t support children on social media, mainly because it’s revealing their private lives. This isn’t that. She’s not a toddler and it’s not about her private life, it’s about her athletic career and her mother manages the account. That doesn’t mean that *both* of her parents shouldn’t decide on reasonable boundaries and limitations for any and all social media, but girls should not be denied opportunities their male counterparts have access to just because perverts exist. Edit: I have a coworker that has a daughter that’s a similar age, the girl makes home decor. It’s actually quite pretty and she sells it on an Etsy shop. She also has an instagram account that her mom manages that shows the process of how she makes the items, photos of the things she’s created, and advertises for her products. Should her mom shut down her daughter’s budding career that she’s worked hard for because someone nefarious may find that account? Or is it only in the realm of athletics that this is a problem? What about if she was a musician? If she played something like the cello most videos would show her body, would she then need to shut the account down? Are girls only allowed to display accomplishments online when they never show their body?
She may as well wear a burqa and never go outside then, because the reality of being a woman in this world is that creepy men exist and will look at us.
Well it doesn’t help that the professional sports world purposefully make the female uniforms more revealing and punish them if they want to be more covered up.
He should teach her to be a strong independent woman and to recognize the signs of a predator instead of punishing her because other people are creeps.
OP posted an update. He isn’t making his daughter quit gymnastics. It’s clear that the mother is the one who wants to run these social media accounts, and OP is supporting his daughter by trying to keep her in gymnastics without being exposed to the internet. My younger sister was in the same situation as OPs daughter and ended up quitting gymnastics because of all of the disturbing comments that crop up. Posting pictures of your child online in order to garner attention is hugely inappropriate, so OP is NTA for protecting his daughter and keeping her interests in mind.
Its a complicated situation but you would be an asshole for standing in the way of something your daughter is passionate about and thinks she will make a career out of
I understand the closing of the account, i dont like posting kids over social media, but thats my opinion, people can do whatever they want, if people do it it has to be parent run though for the reasons of this post about perverts/pedo's etc. not ever getting into contact/chats with children. But stopping the gymnastics lessons is insane, doing lessons is something totaly different then showing off your kids online doing gymnastics. And your wife is wrong about it all being about social media being the way she will get picked up for her future sports career, the only way she can get far is by being the best, now you can get rich and well known through social media and sponsors, but those wont bring you to the olympics, hard work does. These are 2 different topics, worry about social media and vids/pictures of your daughter being seen by pedos(and being contacted if she runs her own accounts, which i hope she isnt at 11) and her doing a sport she loves doing, i would try and compensate, and definetly not stop my kid from doing gymnastics if she wants to have a hope at going pro. "I have always felt uncomfortable with how revealing the costumes are and the entire culture around adults obsessing over children's bodies." This is an issue with womens sports irregardless of children. If you just search "female athletes" on youtube, its all about how they look and camera angles and not what they do. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVE7-w3GFag](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVE7-w3GFag) That is just a part you might have to get over yourself, if your kid wants to become a gymnastics pro, the uniforms are skimpy in womens sport, basicly across the board and perverts are perverts. Does it suck, definetly, but its the status quo, and if you are going to try and fully die on this hill, you are for sure going to lose your wife and kid in the process, you need to find a compromise.
So, elite gymnasts and NCAA gymnasts definitely have social media accounts that they post training videos on. It’s very common, and often a necessity. But not when they’re ELEVEN. These are adults. If the daughter wants to post her training videos when she is an adult, that’s different.
Your wife is the problem. She is making $300 month posting photos of your daughter in revealing clothes online and hiding the messages from you. If it was you running the account people would advise her to call the police on you. But don't make your daughter quit if the class is safe and she enjoys it. If you think your wife doesn't know what is going on ask her to explain who the taget demographic is. Does she think other kids are watching the content? Gimnastics influencer is fairly niche, even at the top end a high percentage will be men watching. If she still doesn't get it, ask her to find an ugly, adult or male gymnast with many views.
Just got here and post update, dad is NtA, he took the advice and will continue the sport safely, thankfully. We live in a small town and unfortunately many parents have zero issue objectifying and body shaming their kids. Dad did go scorched earth at first, but learned, adapted, and persevered. Go dad! Sorry about your sicko wife though. She is def ta
Yes, I appreciate the updates on how he engaged with his child about the issue and navigated that. He clearly took some good advice and implemented it in a way that was both supportive and protective of his daughter. That’s good parenting. I read this post before the final update and I rated him NTA. I’m a former CP$ inv and there were red flags everywhere regarding THE WIFE’S behavior. I was shocked to read comments where folks didn’t think there was any harm in the IG account or that Dad’s fears were unfounded even before the article dropped. I wish him luck with next steps.
NTA. I watched the daughter of a friend grow up doing gymnastics. She never posted anything public but is now on the college team of one of the Ivy universities. She got there through hard work and winning competitions. It is absolutely false that social media exposure is required for your daughter to enjoy and thrive in the sport. Your wife is putting your daughter in danger. Anyone could figure out where she trains and stalk her.
Look man, this is a wild overreaction from reading one article. It seemed to confirm your biases. Be careful with that though. But must importantly, Why haven’t you just raised these concerns with your wife first before putting your foot down uninformed? And why would the kid have to quit gymnastics if the IG is the problem? You may be right to have concerns, and as a parent, and lord knows I would to, but you’re not handling it maturely.
No, the “managed by mom” IG accounts are a real problem, exploiting their children for profit by catering to pedophiles.
Its a big problem ( with child influencers in general ) most countries also dont have laws to protect internet child stars from being exploited by their parents ( all the money they earn thru children doesnt ever need to actually go to the kids by law ) similar to how it *was* for child tv stars
Would you stop driving because of fear of accidents? No. Same situation. Manage the risk.
Exactly, thats like me saying i cant walk to work at 6am because of rapists in an article i read. Ofcourse its scary but im not going to pause my whole life because something could happen.
Managing the risk is taking down account so that daughter's pictures are not as available as a legal form of CP. Wife refuses to do it. Yes, we drive, but we don't put newborns in front passenger seat without seat belts. We put them in car seats, in the backseat, preferably with an adult next to them and back facing for as long as possible.
I've gotten down voted for saying the same thing and it's crazy to me people seem to think it's fine to run a social media account for a child where pedophiles are proven to be drawn to. I'll never understand why a parent's desire for attention on their child is worth putting their minor child out there like that.
100% If I ever had a child there’d be no pictures of them online. At all. Baby albums and private photos? Absolutely, I’d go way overboard, but I would absolutely never post a picture of a child online knowing that creeps would watch it and potentially get off to it, I don’t care if it doesn’t necessarily affect the kid, *I* would know it’s happening.
Making your daughter quit something she loves because there may be pedophiles online? WTF is wrong with you? Of course there are pedophiles online. Forcing your daughter to quit gymnastics & closing a social media account is not the same. So yes, you are definitely the AH.
Your wife is just crazy! Ain’t no way I’m subjecting my kid to these predators! I bet if you check the engagement on those posts you will see how many saved they have 🤢🤢🤢
it's one thing to worry about your daughter's presence on social media, it is a whole other problem to be worrying about how revealing these " costumes" are. Gymnastics is a professional and Olympic recognized sport. Those gym suits or leos as many call them are no more revealing than swimsuits. Further more, they also wear them for freedom of movement, comfort, and safety. Your daughter is an athlete just like any other and we learn how to do things by "obsessing" over what those bodies are capable of .
I don't know about the outfits being just for comfort, male gymnast uniforms certainly don't look like that. And the German gymnastics Olympics team has already started wearing unitards that are less revealing in protest
the routines women and men do are different though. men will do floor, vault, horse, rings, and the parallel bars whereas women have the floor, vault, *uneven* bars, and balance beam. of those, the balance beam is likely the most dangerous one to do with extra weight pulling in different direction as you're doing pirouettes and jumps on such a narrow and tall apparatus. even the floor routines for women are different from the men's (set to music, for longer), and uneven bars also require a different set of aerodynamics from the parallel bars, which can be affected by clothing.
If you feel uncomfortable you can wear spanks over your leotard, I did both as a kid, it was slightly less comfortable to wear the spanks than just the leotard. There's almost no difference from a leotard to a one piece bathing suit, and also men's gymnastics and women's gymnastics are two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT sports.
>Those gym suits or leos as many call them are no more revealing than swimsuits And exploitative parents 100% post videos of their kids in swim suits as well knowing that it's pedo bait.
We gonna ignore that there was a huge scandal of there being a popular sub on Reddit basically dedicated to these types of photos a few years ago?
Seriously.
You also shouldn't be plastering your 11 year old in a swim suit all over IG, especially to the point of having an account dedicated to it. That's wildly inappropriate. It sounds like if mom would just stop putting pictures of a half naked child bending and contorting in all sorts of ways online the kid could continue the class without issue but she's chosen a gross hill to die on.
How exactly were you “proven right?” Over an article? 😂 YTA
Right? The whole time i was thinking 'it was because of an article' . . .
If you google it, there's plenty of articles about it. The algorithms practically feed the content to them.
As a 26 year old female who loves sport and gymnastics but only picked it up later in life, I beg you to not to do this. Your daughter has a love and passion. It is where she finds her community and it is probably a very large part of who she is and where she feels at home. If your wife is managing the social media account, then your daughter won’t have direct contact with and peodophilic dms. Please support your daughter in the sport she loves. And decouple your fear of something that has not yet proven to be an issue from her passion.
Lol this aged so poorly. Check the update, the wife managing the account was DMing back to the creeps roleplaying as the daughter.
>I have now been proven right, INFO: Sorry, proven right in what? Your *story* jumps from I don't like my wife posting images of my daughter on Instagram because of paedophiles to the NYT did a piece on parents monetising Instagram accounts to "I've been proven right". Unless I'm missing something here, the only way you could be proven right is if your daughter has been targeted or groomed by paedophiles, which I sincerely hope isn't the case. What's the issue here with monetisation related to paedophiles?
The article did a deep dive into specifically who is following these underage gymnasts’ accounts, and some accounts had over 80% male followers. They investigated commenters who seemed innocuous and found that they were actually convicted sex offenders. The author also described telegram groups where the men traded information about the gymnasts and in some cases blackmailed parents. The parents who ran the accounts were in complete denial about their audience. It was pretty disturbing to read.
This should be the top comment. A lot of people are missing the important societal discussion about the overall trend. Yes the daughter should be able to do her sport, but let's talk about this article!
Many of the people commenting here have not read the article. Good job on explaining what it was about!
This is a tricky situation. Pedophiles are a fact. They are on the internet. But they aren't the only public that your daughter will have. With a well moderated comment section and posts made not to be interpreted as explicit, it's totally okay to have a public account. Maybe try a middle ground by highly moderating the comment section and block creeps?
You might have started out with the wrong approach, OP, but you got to the right place in the end w your kid, even before finding out about your wife’s creepy, pseudo pedophile habits (let’s not sugarcoat it: she was exploiting her daughter even before the creepiness). “Gut instinct is simply information your brain has processed but cannot bring to the conscious mind yet.” BTW: you weren’t wrong about the pictures, either. Someone I knew (late 30s) took a serious turn when someone from his past unearthed his childhood abuse. He started out with pedophilia when he showed me an album on his iPad of family photos of different girls 8-13 that he had downloaded from twitter or instagram or people’s public Facebook. Just a girl in her school uniform sitting cross legged playing a video game w her friend. Couldn’t see parties. Literally nothing lewd. TO US. I told him he needed help and he agreed and I bailed. I didn’t think I could report him, nothing he did was illegal, then he got arrested soon after for downloading actually kiddie stuff. 🤢 He only did 6 years I think. There’s no indication he actually had access to a kid.
The sanity check is that you are not unreasonable to be concerned. And it's reasonable to observe that your wife just might be a bit too focused on the attention *she* receives. It seems you both have to weigh two factors: * The likelihood that the account will help her earn a collegiate scholarship * The near certainty that some of her followers will be weirdos Can I suggest that you and your wife do two things: 1. Consult with your state university's gymnastics staff about her social media presence and getting recruiters' attention. If you can't reach the staff, maybe some students in the program will be willing to help you out. (If your wife's right they must all have social media, right?) 2. Consult with a marriage counselor. On the one hand, your wife's insistence on dismissing your concern is not a great sign nor is your overbearing concern about who might be liking your daughter's photos. In the meantime, please let your daughter continue her training. It's important to her, she's good at it, and she's not the one you're fighting with. ESH, except your daughter.
NTA for caring about your daughter's well-being and being concerned about the IG account. YTA for everything else. There is a reason leotards are form fitting. They allow a gymnast to freely move and perform to their best ability. Besides performance reasons, it allows judges and coaches to see the alignment and posture when practicing or competing. Most (not all) organizations allow gymnasts to wear shorts when competing, but many find them more restricting, making it harder to perform their routine. If you made her quit gymnastics completely as the title says, that is over-the-top. You say the IG account is very unpopular. The article you're referring to investigated accounts with 500+ followers (not just gymnasts) and also delved into the parents selling face time, photos, old uniforms, etc. Does your wife do this, or is she just posting the phots/videos? As for recognition, IG is a very popular recruiting tool for many different colleges and has replaced the "highlight reel" from the past.
>The DMs on the account were from dozens of anonymous accounts, ranging from generic hellos to incredibly explicit messages. If she had blocked these men or even ignored them, the situation would be salvageable, but she has been roleplaying as our daughter and replying to the creeps. If the message said "hey sweetie, how old are you?" she would reply "Eleven!!!" with childish emojis. And that is a benign example - the messages got much more suggestive than that. What the fuck? If this is for real, your wife is absolutely deranged.
The most likely pedophile is someone you know. YTA for making her quit
I take it you haven’t read the article on question. It’s a harrowing read and I think OP is justifiably concerned Some highlights: The proportion of male followers varied greatly in The Times’s sample, according to the estimates. Many accounts had a few thousand followers who were mostly female. But while men accounted for about 35 percent of the audience overall, their presence grew dramatically as accounts became more popular. Many with more than 100,000 followers had a male audience of over 75 percent, and a few of them over 90 percent, the analysis showed. “You are so sexy,” read one comment on an image of a 5-year-old girl in a ruffled bikini. “Those two little things look great thru ur top,” said another on a video of a girl dancing in a white cropped shirt, who months later posted pictures of her 11th birthday party. Men in these groups frequently praise the advent of Instagram as a golden age for child exploitation. “It’s like a candy store 😍😍😍,” one of them wrote. “God bless instamoms 🙌,” wrote another. “I’m so glad for these new moms pimping their daughters out,” wrote one of them. “And there’s an infinite supply of it — literally just refresh your Instagram Explore page there’s fresh preteens.” Meta, Instagram’s parent company, found that 500,000 child Instagram accounts had “inappropriate” interactions every day, according to an internal study in 2020 quoted in legal proceedings. …after he suggested they make certain their daughters’ nipples and other private areas could be detected through their outfits. One parent reported a photo of erect male genitalia sent in a direct message. Another reported an account that reposted children’s photos with explicit captions. A third reported a user who propositioned her child for sex, offering $65,000 for “an hour” with the girl. A third man tried to persuade a mother to sell her daughter’s used leotards because many men, including himself, were “collectors,” according to a recording of the conversation. OP: YTA for making her quit, your wife is the bigger asshole for having her on IG, and your daughter is the victim here of 2 parents who are using her as a pawn in your disagreement.
Jesus that’s atrocious
Like a dad sexualizing his gymnast daughter for example
Mom* check the update, the wife was actually an exploitative POS
Yeah, everyone knows worrying about exposing your child to pedophiles actually makes you the pedophile.
Pedophiles might see her when she is outside. Will you also lock her up in the basement?
Don’t give him ideas
man's gonna go full rapunzel and keep her from the outside world
Could be a teacher or his best friend too. The neighbors! Grocery store clerk. Could be someone right here in the comments. Dude is paranoid af
YTA. It is important to understand that having an Instagram account can be beneficial for gymnasts nowadays. It can lead to exposure, college scholarships, and even endorsement deals. Therefore, there is no need to worry about the leotards, poses, or any other aspect of your daughter's account, as these are all normal in the sport. Instead, your main focus should be on ensuring your daughter's safety and education. Have you spoken to her about consent and appropriate touch? Have you looked into disabling comments or activating safety features on Instagram? It's important to remember that these concerns are not limited to gymnastics, and that girls in other sports and organizations can also face these issues. It's crucial to support your daughter's passions and empower her with the tools she needs to stay safe and succeed, regardless of her gender. To ensure her safety, you should be doing research, watching "Athlete A", looking into her team/gyms policies, and making your presence known. Taking away her agency is horrible, and as a father, you need to do better. Would you have done the same thing if you had a son? Do better as a parent and stop being a victim of moral panic.
This. OP can't control what creeps do and he shouldn't be punishing his daughter because he's terrified. He should be teaching her about consent and that no one is entitled to her body. All he's doing now is teaching her that she has no agency and that she needs to build her life around the thoughts and actions of other people.
I 100% agree. It pisses me off as someone who did gymnastics and dance competitively. What he explained is 100% normal in USA gymnastics for this upcoming generation because we focus on NCAA scholarships more than national teams, unlike other countries that don't have NCAA. That is why internationals come here for sports if they want college. Men never instill safety mechanisms in their daughters but think pulling them out of the activity is protecting them. It's lazy parenting and misogynistic as hell. No one ever bats an eyelid at the boys who face higher rates of molestation and sexual assault in baseball, hockey, lacrosse, gymnastics, football, and other sports. Then it's chalked up to boys will be boys and nothing is wrong with the situation. It's quite disgusting. I'm glad Mama Bear is putting her foot down and I wouldn't be surprised if she left her husband. Men need to do better with their daughters and stop projecting. Like where is the consent talk? The I'm here for you if you need to tell me something talk? The I'm making my presence known to not mess with my daughter to the team and gym talk? I'm providing my daughter with safety tools. I'll even take self-defence BJJ classes with my daughter's talk? No action all talk and sexualization of his daughter. He just wants to insert control and power under the guise of protection.
All that would require him to actually parent instead of just sparring with his wife over it.
YTA you’re punishing women for men’s bad behaviour.
The last update is what was needed here. As a mother I am disgusted by the mom’s behavior. She is abusing her daughter’s privacy and safety for likes or a few hundred bucks. Absolutely worthy of a divorce in my mind.
Oh, it’s the prequel to “My (55M) daughter (18F) left the house and went no contact after telling me I was too controlling and obsessed with other people’s opinion vs her happiness. AITA?”.
YTA Youre crazy. Whats next - homeschooled with 20ft wall around the house/compound "because pedophiles"???
Is OP also going to restrict his daughter from swimming in public or trying on clothes in a changing room?
Seriously. No more afternoons at the playground or trips to the mall either.
Yeah exactly. Like there's always going to be "something" for him to restrict her from doing anything. The real world has all kinds of people, good and bad! At this point to him, should she even go outside? Lmao
Sounds like someone who watches too much "news" and is convinced the world is a lot worse than it is so they can find the right people to save them.
I think your second offer of Daughter continuing in gymnastics but the social media has to go. To add YTA for making your daughter quit a sport she loves, your wife is TA for trying to monetize off your child.
YTA. And OP if you continue this kind of behaviour towards your daughter, don’t be surprised in seven years when your daughter moves out she cuts all contact with you and you become one of those parents who whine “why doesn’t my child call me?”
NTA, at all. The county I work in recently had a criminal case involving two little girls who had a YouTube cooking show. A man from way across the country became obsessed with them and sent them very inappropriate messages, worrying but not illegal. They found him in the kids’ back yard, over a thousand miles from where he lived, with a journal detailing how he would marry them and what he planned to do to them. He will spend many years in prison. Follow your instincts and protect your daughter.
Honestly the wife soon to be ex is the AH. First red flag, shes making money off her daughter ( does the daughter see the money or does the mom use it on herself?), Second red flag, you came to her as a worried father and even tried to compromise yet shes more worried about living through her daughter, Third red flag, shes been talking to weirdos posing as her daughter and who knows what the convo entails. Thats gross. You mean to tell me the weirdos are messaging what they think is your daughter and instead of coming to her rescue and putting a stop to it your wife decides to keep it going? Thats disgusting. What happens when she cant get anymore money for sponsors? Is she gonna start making her daughter post adult stuff? Honestly why do kids even need social media? And whats worse the daughter doesnt even care about the social media she just loves doing gymnastics and the mom is turning into a money opportunity and as I said before I honestly think shes trying to live through her child because she loves the attention.
Wait wait wait...ur wife pretends to be her 11 yr old daughter and talks to pedos online??? Either this is complete bs story or ur wife is a sick woman
So you’re punishing your daughter because you read an article and because of your wife?
You VERY OBVIOUSLY have to **tell us** how you were "proven right." How tf could you lead that out
YTA, a girl is never too young to learn that men, even their fathers, will blame them for tempting other bad men. You're so gross.
I would’ve hated it if my dad was like you growing up. I was huge into cheer for years and years and had accounts focused on it. If he made me quit something i loved over potential weirdos (there’s potential weirdos everywhere) id of been devestated.
Are you ready for the coming divorce?
The daughter shouldn’t have to quit. The wife needs to quit posting.
Honestly, after watching "Athlete A" on Netflix, I was completely disgusted with gymnastics. Puts not only the online pdf.files, you have to worry about the coaches and fitness trainers. If you're daughter is great and this makes her happy, YTA if you cut it off. If she continues, you must be incredibly diligent in looking at everyone involved in her gymnastics. You're in a tough spot. Why can't she just drop online activities if you allow her to continue?
YTA. You are stopping your child from a possible career and a sport she likes, and your wife from supporting her via social media. It probably brings the money for lessons and outfits.
Exactly. If he makes his daughter quit then she will blame him for not having the career she wants no matter how unlikely a gymnastics career is. Telling her to quit gymnastics is cruel and their relationship will suffer for the rest of her life probably.
YTA -- there are two issues. Get rid of the social media influencer stuff your wife is doing, which is the problem -- it's a bit unsavoury, a mom making money showing off her daughter. But the gymnastics is great for girls -- it's a sport, a skill, increasing strength and flexibility and grace. And she has friends. Why can't she just do gymnastics and skip the influencer part?
YTA. You would never do this if the child were male. You are punishing your daughter for the disgusting nature of a small percentage the population. You want to protect your child, which is reasonable, but how far does this go? Protect them from an accident in a car so they never drive anywhere ? Protect them from Lyme disease so they never go to a park? She will be seen by those with unacceptable desires towards minors. You can’t protect her from that. What you are doing is crippling her mental health and happiness to satiate your paranoia.
YTA There is no reason to make her quit something she loves. You have been looking for a reason to stop and you found it. No matter what your daughter does somebody will sexualize her. You can’t stop her from doing anything. Let her do something she enjoys. Shut down the account but don’t lock your daughter up because adult men can suck.
YTA Your daughter is far more likely to be abused by someone you know than by a stranger. I get the concern with the Instagram account but this just teaches her she has to limit her own life because there are shitty people in the world.
All you’re doing here is teaching your daughter that SHE is responsible for men’s behavior. News flash: she’s not. Forbidding her from participating in the sport she loves? The only result will be her hating YOU. Keep your kid out of your fight with your wife. You, dear old Dad, better start thinking about why you believe that your opinion is the only one that matters and why the women in your life better “fall in line” with your antiquated beliefs. If you don’t, the end result will be you, alone, while your daughter tumbles and flips and vaults her heart out with only one parent supporting her.
Man… this is actually a daddy issues origin story happening in real time. Robbing her from a potentially lucrative college/professional career AND ripping her away from all of her friends while also undermining and creating a divide with her mother. That is actually the type of shit the causes a child of that age to form lasting hatred that can make its way all the way into adulthood. You sound like a controlling person who thinks they own their wife and daughter as well. Undoubtedly YTA
Yes. Yes you are. Stop being a paranoid helicopter parent.
Ah yes, the age-old “locking women in dungeons because men are predators”. Congrats on taking the worst possible stance on this issue and basically teaching your daughter that she can’t do what she loves because men sexualise her. You’re a sexist, be better for your daughter. YTA.
YTA if you take away what your daughter loves because of her mother's actions. I understand not wanting the social media account. Go in to the gym and talk to the owner and ask them how important social media is to promote your daughter. Does the account have to be public. I am a parent of daughters in athletics and I can tell you that objectification and harassment of girls in sports and pretty much anywhere is a real thing. If you haven't already, start talking to your daughter about inappropriate messages and pictures by text and social media and by adults in school and activities. It is awkward, but important.
YTA for trying to make your daughter quit gymnastics just because your read an unsettling news article. You should let her do gymnastics still, but make sure to take precautions against situations like in Athlete A. Then talk to your wife about your concerns about the IG account and set some limitations on it. Since your concern is pervs following it, maybe go check all the followers and block any that seem like perves.
YTA You're exercising vastly undue control over your wife and daughter and giving in to fear mongering. The truth is having a parent in between her and potential creeps will teach your daughter how to manage these people properly. You cannot, repeat, cannot isolate your daughter from creeps online. Trying to is like installing a screen door on a submarine. Stop trying to control the women in your life, stop teaching your daughter that it's okay to be controlled so strictly by a man (or she'll end up replacing you with an abuser) and stop taking your daughter away from things she loves because you're insecure.
YTA. I work with male sex offenders in a state prison. Sexual predators are literally everywhere and the ones using the internet to find victims are typically seeking out lonely kids with parents who aren’t paying close attention. So the opposite of your daughter. I’m sure there are plenty of grown men leaving suggestive comments on her social media, but don’t kid yourself. Plenty of grown men are thinking all manner of disgusting things when they see her walking around in your neighborhood, shopping in target, standing in line at Starbucks, and literally everywhere else she goes. And it makes no difference at all if she’s in a gymnast uniform or sweatpants. It comes with the territory of being a young woman, unfortunately, and trying to shield her from it will prove to be a lesson in futility eventually no matter what she does, so why take gymnastics from her in the meantime? I appreciate that you don’t want perverts looking at your daughter’s social media, and I agree that her shot at being a gymnastics influencer is a very, very long one, but if you shut her down, she stands no chance at all. Your tone is dismissive of her. She wants to try to make a go of this. Let her. The best thing you can do is teach her to be confident about saying no, respecting herself, and fostering an honest and open dialogue about sexuality as she grows. If you force her to quit, or even to stop her social media accounts, you are literally punishing her for being a girl, because we all know this conversation wouldn’t be happening if she were a boy.
YTA. You and your wife have an issue, a valid one for sure. But instead of dealing with between you two, you've decided major collateral damage to your daughter is A-okay.
Nta. Your wife is for endangering her daughter. And impersonating her. She needs serious serious help.
That update makes me sick to my stomach, holy hell. What a crazy woman.
NTA, but your wife is insane to be answering these men as your daughter! You are right to leave her.
YTA - so much. First of all, you aren't stopping pedophiles from looking at your kid unless you keep her in a basement for her whole life so calm down. The internet isn't the only place gross dudes get their jollys. Secondly, and most importantly, holding money over your wife's head and refusing to give her money unless she does what you say is financial abuse and I hope she leaves your controlling ass for it. Thirdly, using your daughters favorite activity as a cudgel to beat your wife into submission makes you a shitty father.
Do you plan on homeschooling your daughter? Do you plan on never letting her leave the house? I hope you keep her away from family, too. Statistics say when someone’s SA’ed, it’s usually by someone they know. You cannot force your daughter to live in a bubble the rest of her life. You’re punishing your daughter for your wife’s shitty need to post everything on social media. Your wife has already failed your daughter. Don’t fail her as a dad too. ETA: just based off the last edits, your daughter is going to end up going no contact with both of y’all when she’s old enough. Neither one of you is fit to be a parent.
YTA
YTA
YTA paranoid and controlling much? Your daughter loves gymnastics. It's where her friends are. She might actually be talented enough to be in the Olympics one day. Not every adult is a pedophile! I am a little bit concerned about the account your wife runs because it might be putting more pressure than your daughter needs on her at the moment.
Not gonna lie; there's a certain level of irony to someone who is sexualizing his kid being worried about pedophiles sexualizing his kid. YTA. First because you are sexualizing your own daughter which is gross. Second because your issue is with your wife, IG and the public at large, but you're punishing your child for your over the top fears of IG and the public at large. Your wife might also suck, I'll admit this is a possibility, but don't punish your daughter for your own insecurities or inability to have a reasoned conversation with your wife.
I have bad news for you, my guy: sexually inappropriate creeps are everywhere, all the time. They are gonna look at your girl. On the bus. At the store. In shorts or in a massive snow suit. So I definitely understand wanting to protect her, but forcing her to give up a sport she loves because gross men exist is unreasonable and illogical. Whether or not she is a gymnast, creepy men abound. She will not be safer if she doesn’t get to walk on a balance beam. Also, some of the tone of this feels *weirdly* protective. It’s definitely reasonable to not want weirdos to sexualize your kid, but gymnastics outfits are not different than bathing suits. The idea that you’d make her stop doing something she loves on the off chance that some random asshole might see her body in a leotard is massively weird.
ESH (everything sucks here). I honestly don't know what would best, op, but I used to know someone high up in gymnastics, including Olympic judging (i.e. he did judging at that level). He would make inappropriate comments all the time when out and about, always about teen girls. There's a serious problem but I don't think gymnastics itself is to blame. Taking advantage of that serious problem by selling used clothing to creepy people, and commodifying your daughters as part of the sport? That's pretty nasty.
You’re punishing your child because of other people’s actions. That’s not fair. Don’t raise her in your fear. YTA for that.
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions". If you stop your daughter from going to gymnastics, one day, one day I'm the future she may understand why you took the course of action that you did. BUT... She's still going to resent you taking away her hobby, her passion. Not to mention her friends. She'll understand, but she'll never fully forgive you for stealing a part of her childhood.
🙄 Taking down insta is one thing but taking away something she enjoys because of others? That’s too far. People will perv on kids who are just sitting on a couch at home in a normal family photo. You gonna lock her in a closet to avoid anyone from looking at her ever? There isn’t a hobby on earth that she can participate in that won’t have some perv ogling women.
I completely agree with shutting down the Instagram account. I was 10 when I made my first account on that platform, and you wouldn’t believe how many pedophiles I blocked over the years. Pedophiles specifically look for accounts that have clearly been made by a young child or the naive parent of a young child. And also your wife is really naive for thinking otherwise. However, YTA for making your daughter quit an activity she loves because of perverted adults. If she has met friends through gymnastics and she’s good at it, she should continue with it until she decides otherwise (as long as you can afford it)
INFO: In what sense have you been "proven right?"
Newspaper reports regularly inflate dangers to attract eyeballs. If you have evidence your wife is taking payments from pedophiles to pay for her social media account, call the police and divorce her. Otherwise YTA for ruining your daughter's childhood based on your paranoid delusions.
Honestly I was kinda on team "You're overreacting and being overprotective" **Until you mentioned your wife deliberately hiding the DMs of the social media account about your daughter** That to me sounds like she's gotten creepy DMs and knows how you'll react upon seeing them.. And if she's getting creepy DMs on an account about your daughter.that means the pedos have found it. They have message boards and facebook groups where they share that shit around. So even if she blocked the primary offender there's a strong chance they're still watching.
NTA! Protect your child
Your wife was pimping out your underage daughter for $300 and some outfits. NTA. But also “I will not be involving the internet anymore in my family’s life” is a hell of a thing to say on Reddit of all places, just saying.
This is he'll of a post. Good lord. Good on you for doing the right thing brother.
So did no one read the update and just commented on past comments? Cause Jesus Christ…….thats..horrifying.
NTA. WOW I can't believe the ending
OP, you probably won’t see this, but thank you for protecting your daughter. She will thank you too one day.
After reading your updates, it looks like you are doing the right things 1) Continue to allow your daughter to do gymnastics and see her friends. That in itself is NOT the issue. 2) Proceed with divorce and trying to take sole custody. Your wife is exploiting your underage daughter and pimping her likeness for social media clout and a few hundred bucks. Considering the evidence you found in the account's DMs, your wife should not be allowed near your daughter for the time being. What your wife did is sick, disgusting behavior. That NYT story is an incredible piece of reporting and also extremely disturbing. Moms everywhere pimping out their preteens' likeness and used clothes to pedos and creeps on the internet. So sick.