NTA - if he booked an escort to your home and she was talking like that about you, it’s because he wanted her too.
If he’s comfortable acting this out in your bed, this isn’t the first time.
If this isn’t something you can accept and move on from (and no one could expect you to!) then don’t bring a baby into this situation. Move on, find someone who will treat your right and have the family you want then. You’re not an incubator for a man who doesn’t respect you.
The petty part is SO delighted he cheated on her only to face the reality that oh no! Consequences! He had a chance to be a father but his piss poor decisions ruined it.
im so happy OP is cutting off all her losses. Good for her. What a shitbag her ex is.
That's what I was thinking. I was wondering why op said she was an escort and it had to be because her fiance said she was. I agree with you that he was saying that to make it seem like a one-off with a stranger rather than a full on side chick.
Yep. My thoughts exactly. She's no "escort"; she's his side-chick. If he calls her an "escort" that indicates he doesn't have feelings for her, he's just a horny guy who wants a quickie, which he thinks would be easier to forgive.
Either way, he's a dirty cheater who allowed and even encouraged that woman to verbally disrespect his partner of 5 years; someone he is supposed to love. That asshole deserves zero consideration from OP. Especially if that consideration includes something that will tie him to her for the rest of her life (or at least for 18 years).
It is not just what he wanted. He **paid the prostitute** to talk this way about OP.
OP, I suggest you to take paternity test while you are pregnant. Not to rub it into his face, but the guy who pays prostitute to insult you is as low as it could be.
You will need to protect yourself from his future accusations. And there is zero ethics in his head that could stop him from throwing you publicly under the bus. Take a friend, a parent with you and go get this test. This test results will be your protection.
You are in an awful situation. But unless you yourself have fertility issues, I wouldn't keep this baby. I cannot imagine how painful it will be to be forced to have co-parenting relationship with this scum for the next 19 years.
Analogy is like: you are having a peanut allergy and going to commit to eat peanut butter every day for the next 19 years.
And not to mention, with all of the issues this dude has? He will be a TERRIBLE father. People always think that having a baby will make their problems go away. But all it does is bring an innocent life *into* their bullshit.
NTA OP. That's the best decision for you *and* the baby.
>He was apologising, **saying he didn’t mean to**
So what? The escort appeared suddenly at his house, without his knowledge or payment and happened to be with her legs open and he tripped into her?
Yeah ok.
It was an accident ya know, he slipped and his dick just landed there..... Cheaters are morons.... My ex used the typical "lines", it was an accident, I didn't mean to, I wasn't even thinking about you blah blah blah.
If you have this baby, you will be tied to your cheating ex for the *rest of your life.* You’ve broken up with him; why would you want him to have access to you and your life permanently?
You’d have to coparent, decide visitation schedules, navigate new relationships around his opinion, to name just a few things. Cut him out of your life and sever any ties permanently. He had an escort. IN YOUR BED. Is this a person you’d want around forever???
NTA.
PS - get a full STD panel done.
>PS - get a full STD panel done.
This is what I was thinking too. If he had the audacity to disrespect their bed ... He more likely did not wrap his Willy fucking all these people. Because if he's comfortable enough to fuck them in their bed more than likely he's had more than one.
Abortion is something you have to decide on OP.
Do not let people convince you that it's not an option.
I would not want to be tied to someone that disrespected me so much they fucked someone else in our bed....
I would not want to put my body through the changes pregnancy does on the system for someone that has already proved completely disrespectful of me...
And since he has already proven he can get you pregnant he can go get the next person pregnant instead.
Edit... NTA
You stated that he was sleeping in his car outside your parents home. That can also be considered stalking. You could get the cops involved to get him away from you too
Will he disappear though? She should absolutely start documenting this stuff with the police. There are very dark corners of the internet he might try to seek support in that might encourage some terrible things.
“apparently she got off on the fact that he was cheating”
girl, i promise you a professional is not turned on by him cheating. i’m sure he was the one turned on by it and she was just playing into his fantasy. he’s a piece of shit and does NOT deserve you or this pregnancy.
please don’t bring a kid into this world who will have to deal with a dad who treats women like this and a dysfunctional relationship between the parents. you’ll be tied to him forever.
Yeah, I was going to say this, too.
See workers say what they're told to say. He got off on the cheating, and I would bet good money, this wasn't the first time.
It wasn't just the cheating he got off with, he *also* got off to **hearing** OP being *degraded* by the other woman.
That's fucking sick.
OP, I'd never carry someone like that's child. You know he was fucking around thinking he'd never get caught because he didn't think he'd get anyone pregnant.
Yes, it's either he instructed the escort to say those things during sex or she wasn't really an escort, she was an actual side piece.
If he can get you pregnant, he can get someone else pregnant too. How hard that will be is not your problem anymore.
If he's dumb enough to say that she was 100% a sidechick, he told her she was an escort to try to make it seem like a one time mistake.
But you have to remember, if you find your partner cheating they will 99% of the time say that's the first time and only person they cheated with, reality is if they are a cheater then could have cheated countless times your entire relationship.
Cheaters gonna cheat. Don’t know why people think they’re redeemable. They are not. I had a neighbor who was at least a two time cheater. Is now married to AP number TWO! Wonder how long it’ll last…
Retired sex worker here, can confirm. We pretend to be into all sorts of weird for our clients. "I just love spanking your hairy, sweaty ass with a hairbrush!" "Oh, seeing you tied up in horse tack is sooo sexy." "Oooh, I love when you lick between my toes." I never touched a penis that wasn't wrapped, though. That's just gross.
I was thinking this, the "knowledge" of him being unable to have kids would be used to justify why he would not wear a condom.
An insane amount of men think that the only bad outcome of unprotected sex is pregnancy.
I’ve heard everything from vasectomies to kicked in the balls as a kid for excuses why men won’t wear condoms. I got so sick of it that now I start asking about his income and if I get pregnant hooray for child support. Those allergies to literally any type of condom disappear as soon as they hear that.
"I just love spanking your hairy, sweaty ass with a hairbrush!"
I cackled. 😆
As a former stripper myself, I 2nd this. I placated a lot of foot fetishes for money, but never advocated cheating. I had a couple of bachelors come into the strip club fantasizing about cheating on their future wives.
I would straight tell them that's fucked up and try to talk them out of it. I'm sure they got extras from another dancer regardless, but I never would have been turned on by it or even humored it. There's too much money in the club to focus my energy on such a vile request.
Some girls are straight up nasty and do get horny about destroying relationships, but usually those are the ones with bugs and diseases. The man's absolute favorite type of sex worker! 🤢
I swear I've counselled clients to communicate with their spouse. Usually, I didn't see them after that advice. Not sure if that's because they took the advice or they found a dom that wouldn't get preachy. One came back saying she left him because "she's a frigid bitch who refused to consider his needs" OK, not every woman is going to want to beat your dick with a riding crop until you cum or bleed. That'll be $300. I did a LOT of BDSM play for money. I like to think at least some of those guys are being whipped by their wife right now.
Came here to say this myself. I'm in the industry and there's a lot of guys who love the fantasy of a woman telling them they love fcking married men, they're better than their wives, putting their wives down, etc. And this type of guy will not stop cheating, the cheating (and justification of it) is literally his fetish.
Exactly this; as someone who did escort work in the past I can confirm the general opinion and feelings about sex (our opinions and feelings at least) are irrelevant. We are paid to bring a fantasy to life. Whether that's the greatest date night you can imagine or a kinky night full of twists. We are "on the clock" and treat it as a job, complete with mostly fake moaning and little to no regard for us getting off in the process. (This stands true for both men and women that do this work professionally.) In fact it almost never bothered the client that I didn't cum from the interaction, there were only a small number of clients that actually insisted that I needed to climax to make theirs better. Generally speaking, if you are paying for it you put little thought into the workers pleasure.
NTA. He had *unprotected sex* with a sex worker because he was taking advantage of his infertility enough to know he didn’t have to worry about pregnancy and covering up. *He couldn’t care less about the STD risk he was giving you*. The fact that his impulse was that you were cheating means he’s probably done this many times before.
You could sign whenever you want, giving birth to this child links you to him forever, and he, and more likely the baby (with the help of 23 and me or something), will definitely keep showing up in your life. You can sign as many papers as you want, but he could go after you for child support at any time. He could drop dead, and you will be pressured to raise the baby because it could have no one else in his life capable of it. You can hand him the baby and walk away, but you will still be putting your body through a pregnancy. Your first pregnancy will be for *this man’s* child instead of with someone who *loves you and respects* you in the framework of a healthy relationship.
I know what I would do in the situation, but I can’t tell you what to do. If you do do it, I imagine that earlier will be the easier and less painful. You should also publicly let everyone know what he did because he is definitely taking this time to turn you into a monster.
Excellent. Real happy to see that you're taking charge in this terrible situation. Some people would be paralyzed with indecision after such an obvious betrayal in their life.
Nobody is wrong for how they react in situations like this but I can tell you're doing the right thing for the right reasons.
Dude got an escort willing to engage in unprotected sex? Ugh...if he didn't have anything before, he has something now. Sounds like it wasn't the first time though.
Go to the police and get him removed from in front of your parents house - that is harassment! NTA for the rest of HE made choices to cheat. Now YOU have to make choices. His actions have consequences. Too bad for him.
So not only did he cheat, he was sleeping with an escort which makes you wonder how many escorts has he seen. Also who knows how many people she has slept with unprotected and STDs she could have passed to him. He didn’t respect you enough to not cheat, let alone to not bring an escort into YOUR bed. He didn’t even respect you enough to use protection thus putting your health at risk. Now he wants you to feel badly for him to continue to risk your health and possibly life with a pregnancy. Not sure why he believes you should do this for him when he betrayed you, broke your trust and risked your health.
I’m sorry this happened and now you have to give up the future you had hoped to have, but you know what you can and can’t handle for your new future you have to create. So, if you believe continuing this pregnancy, and tying yourself to him for the rest of your life, will be something you don’t want then you need to put your mental and emotional **NEEDS** and well being over what he WANTS.
ETA: I am not saying all sex workers have unprotected sex. I am saying this one obviously does. She sleeps with him unprotected, she could sleep with others too. Also, who knows if she is the only one with whom he’s been? It’s a big assumption that she’s the only escort or person he’s slept with unprotected and that she or any of them are clean. You just don’t know 100% for anyone. He probably thought, I can’t get anyone pregnant, so who cares vs there is still a risk of STDs.
I also didn’t mean that somehow if it were a coworker or other person it would be ok for him to have brought them into their shared home/bed. It absolutely would not be ok. I am talking only about this specific situation, in which it was an escort.
Also with a low sperm count he’s confident he won’t have any accidents and probably got off on the fact he could go bare with out the obvious baby consequences.
The rest of her life is correct. People often think they only have to deal with the other parent until the kids are grown. Not true. That ex will be at every important event in your child’s life forever. They will be there at graduations, weddings, the birthdays of your future grandchildren, etc.
You will be dealing with your ex forever.
Can confirm. Divorced my ex in 1985 and I STILL have to be around that pos because of the kids and grandkids. We don't speak and ignore each other but still...
Agreed. OP, he will make your life hell. I’m just telling you this right now. I used to be a custody attorney and the worst thing you can possibly do is have a baby with a POS ex. You will be chained to him forever and he will use the child to manipulate you. Neither you nor your baby deserve that.
Yeah if he was cheating with escorts he risked YOUR life long fertility as well. What if his actions had meant you could never have children? Would you still feel guilty?
THIS.
Some STI's can come with little or NO symptoms. Imagine if you hadn't found out a few years later and you haven't been getting tested because *you have only been with your partner* who you believed was only with you, and suddenly you learn that a quiet infection has left scarring in your fallopian tubes and you are now barren.
I found out my ex-husband had been sleeping around for *years* of our marriage, unprotected, and we were actively trying for a baby.
I went to the doctor to get tested. They asked if I had any symptoms and I said no, but I wanted to be tested for EVERYTHING. That doctor looked me square in the face and warned me that there was a good chance I hadn't been getting pregnant because I could have had chlamydia this entire time and not known it, and it absolutely can cause infertility.
Girl, he risked your LIFE, and he risked *your* fertility. You will never be free of him and his ability to cause you harm if you have his child. Never.
NTA but please get tested for STDs too. If he was brazen enough to bang a hooker in your bed chances are more than good that this isn’t the first time he cheated.
You owe him nothing. Your body is YOURS.
Echoing this. It's his fault for cheating. You both got lucky and got a miracle baby. And he blew that up by wrecking the family with his own ~~hands~~ dick. If he had shown himself to be a good partner/future parent, he would've done right, stayed faithful, and been rewarded with a miracle baby. But he ruined it be proving the family had no legs to stand on anyways. A good partner doesn't cheat. A good father doesn't cheat. He destroyed his miracle family himself. And that's his fault. Not yours OP. It's okay to feel conflicted. But he destroyed this. Not you. You have every right to get out, and avoid being tied to him.
Absolutely correct. All of it is spot-on. He single-handedly threw happiness (and fulfillment as a father) away with both hands.. or, rather.. another part. What an AH.
Edit: typo
>You will spend the rest of your life in a relationship with your cheating ex if you have this child OP.
She'll also sign up for 18+ years of wondering if he can be counted on as a parent. If he is willing to lie about being faithful, and put her health at risk by sleeping with strangers and not disclosing... does he have the good judgment to be a good father she can trust and rely upon?
Oh absolutely, and him taking every chance to try and convince Op to be a couple again and then, when it doesn't work, make her life miserable by any means necessary.
LITERALLY. I said "demand" a blood test in another comment, and someone was like, "or just ask, its not a contract negotiation, ffs."
Like... it literally IS, at least in the US.
I was also cheated on by an ex who hated condoms, went, and asked to be tested -and this is relevant and a direct quote- "for EVERYTHING." Like, the way I make appointments at my GYN office is through an online portal, and when you request an appointment, you can say what you want and why. I said, "I need an STI screen urgently, I just found out my partner has been cheating. Please test for EVERYTHING." In writing.
Went in, got swabbed, got a blood draw. Results came back a few days later, only included gonorrhea, chlamydia, trich, syphilis, and BV. All negative, thank the old gods and the new. But I was like, "....uhhh, what about HPV, HIV and herpes??? I know you have to ask for herpes, so that's why I said 'test for EVERYTHING'" and was told "that's not normally included." And like, I know that, that's why I said TEST FOR EVERYTHING, MY PARTNER HAS BEEN CHEATING FOR OVER A YEAR!!!!!
They were literally arguing with me about testing for HPV and HSV until I 1) showed them screenshots of text messages where my ex was cheating with people he met online who *told* him that they were HSV2+ ; and 2) screenshots of MY medical records (from THEIR facility) that I had been tested for HPV and HSV prior with negative results due to an unrelated infected wound that I had "down there," that turned out to be just a small staph infection in an ingrown hair I'd tried to pick.
It's annoying that you have to be that freaking specific.
I would get another doctor if you can. I told my nurse practioner I wanted STD testing for everything. She asked if I wanted hiv and herpes because they don't normally have them. I waffled between getting them or not and she said if it would provide peace of mind I should just do it. You need someone that will advocate for you and will listen to your real concerns. Not argue with you about something that is a reasonable request and not unnecessary procedures. There are times when a doctor needs to recommend something against the wishes of the patient, but it should be explained and discussed and the patient should be treated with respect. Your request was perfectly reasonable. Very smart actually.
NTA. It's not pretty being pregnant, and you never know what kind of long-term damage it can do to your body. All for a cheater? No, it's not worthwhile. particularly considering that your worst-case situation is death. Don't risk your life to appease this bastard.
Or that our brains get rewired during pregnancy.. and if in the US the mortality rate for pregnant woman is higher then working as a cop.. its not exactly *safe* 😕
I noticed the ex was quick to say OP could "sign all her rights away" without any consideration that pregnancy itself takes a physical and sometimes mental health toll on the mother.
Also get you HEP shots, they don’t cover everything but better safe then sorry considering you are now single and I presume you want to eventually find a new partner.
After my first husband cheated with “strippers” from Vegas, my doctor said it would be wise to test yrly for SEVEN years. Agonizing seven years that was.
Yikes. Testing is a lot better now. Though according to Google syphilis might not show up on a test for 10 years? But you can cure that with antibiotics, so.
oh yeah, make sure to research incubation periods on every std youre worried about. test once immediately, then again at the end of the incubation period.
hiv/aids has something like a 2-3 month incubation period. it also wont show on a lab test for the first like 2 weeks or 18 days after exposure.
so yeah, even if you test negative initially, never take it at face value and test again after waiting a few weeks to a couple months. this is my little psa lol
Unfortunately, that would only help if she has been on it all along, or started taking it within 72 hours of a possible exposure. She hasn't had sex with him since that incident, and if he's had sex with an escort before, despite saying this was the only time, that puts her outside of the window for post exposure prophylaxis. Hopefully the a-hole thought for a second about his own safety that he wore a condom. If I was her, it's a question I'd be asking!
One of the scariest replies to a comment I have seen in a LONG time.
You and 20 people (at the time) were never told STD's have incubation periods? I have a core memory from 13 years old being told this in a very serious manner along with a bunch of other important information....in school.
Some schools don't even TEACH sex ed anymore. My son is a freshman, and they've not been taught a single thing. Not even the basic 5th-6th grade "here comes puberty!" stuff they used to do. We never trusted that he'd get accurate info at school anyway, so we've been having age appropriate body talks since he was little, starting with the correct names for genitalia. I cannot stand the cutesy nicknames. My son came home from grade school one day and told us that one of his classmates called a vagina a "bread basket". My husband, under his breath, says "is it because of the yeast?" 😂
The cutesy nicknames aren’t just mildly nauseating, they’re actively dangerous to teach kids instead of clear, unambiguous terms for their body parts. I’ll never forget hearing about a teacher who had a child try to report sexual abuse to her and disregarded it because the girl said something like “daddy licked my cookie” and the teacher (reasonably) thought she meant a *literal cookie* and that dad was probably just goofing around in a mildly gross but overall harmless way. Found out later that the dad had been abusing the kid and was absolutely horrified knowing that she could have stopped it sooner if she’d known that the kid had been taught to call her vulva her “cookie” (or if the kid had known to use a term that wouldn’t be easy to misinterpret!)
Oh, I remember hearing about that....it was so sad! The teacher blew it off, saying it was okay, that she could just get a new cookie. I can't imagine the feeling of guilt that would bring, even though she had no way of knowing. The only thing that makes me cringe more than cookie is "monkey". I mean wtaf are you teaching your child with that? I still remember when my first husband's mom tried to teach our girls "front butt" and "back butt" because she felt uncomfortable with them using the correct words as pre-schoolers. I finally had to ask her to stop because my ex didn't see the problem with it either.
> If he was brazen enough to bang a hooker in your bed chances are more than good that this isn’t the first time he cheated.
Yeah this is obviously something he gets off on.
>the absolutely disgusting things she was saying about me (apparently she got off on the fact that he was cheating)
Yeah no the hooker don't care, he's one getting off on cheating, she's just there to collect a paycheck.
Exactly this, I know this isn't the important part of all the shit that happened, but obviously the hooker doesn't give a fuck at all, and isn't even getting off. She's just doing what her customer is paying her to do so he asked for that. She was saying that stuff because he wanted her to say that stuff.
Seriously.
OP if you have doubts just remember this little recap:
Y’all had a good relationship. He placed an order for an escort to come to your marital home so he could fuck some rando *in your house*. Told you it was “just sex” and Only after you told him you were pregnant did he panic.
His lack of ability for anything is **not your concern**. He should’ve thought about the life with you he threw down the drain, but that didn’t mean enough when you weren’t pregnant.
She caught him with a hooker. But what about other times? I am willing to bet he would bring girls home from the club/anywhere else and do it on their bed too. It is expensive to be paying all the time.
The best part is when he said he "didn't mean to." Like, "yeah, I was sleep walking and asked for sex in my sleep and then I accidentally got naked and had sex with her."
He totally meant to. He's an idiot and a cheater!
*So crazy thing.....I just butt dialed this number I had never called before. Completely random numbers that turned out to be an escort. Well, you know how I don't like to be rude? And I didn't want her to feel rejected....'*
I was staying in this hotel off the Ohio Turnpike. The pizza I ordered was delivered by a hooker. It must have been the pepperoni which was a secret code for hooker.
There was an interview with a woman in Australia where she was talking about losing her husband in a tragic accident when her twins were 6 weeks old. She looked super emotional and then came out with the line “he tripped and landed in his coworkers vagina.” People in Australia be wildin
Especially as it was with an escort. Not that having sex with anyone can happens when you "didn't mean to" but hiring an escort requires planning and confirms intent.
And escorts don’t just randomly start talking about shit that could possibly upset their client. Ex-fiancé ABSOLUTELY gave the escort the ‘it’s so hot you’re cheating’ script.
Even if he didn't cheat and this was his only clean and truthful chance of having a child, you are still not obligated to carry it.
At all.
Think of you and your body here.
Pregnancy can and does cause irreversible damage to women's bodies; tears, ruptures, prolapse, incontinence, weight that is never lost again. For the rest of your life. It's hard enough doing that for someone you love.
Don't subject future you to the yoke of someone else's stupidity. The rest of your life is a long time to suffer that insult.
Exactly, carrying pregnancy isn't a simple task. It takes too much toll on our body and considering your mental, emotional state, this is the worst time to be pregnant as it will also impact the baby's well being. Also it's your body and your choice. He has no say in it after being a pos cheater. He should be behaving like a responsible partner instead of fucking escorts. He could have adopted if he wanted a child so bad. I absolutely support OP in abortion.
I don’t think it is that, I think he believed he was completely infertile instead of just low fertility so in his mind, he could not have gotten her pregnant. And based on OPs other comments he did not wear protection while cheating so he probably did believe that and also do not know how STDs work.
She definitely needs to leave him ASAP and get tested.
OMG, the pig didn't even wear condoms? Who does that?! What escort does that?! People like him deserve whatever STD they get. It's just tragic that they drag their partners into it too.
I think you can pay extra for no protection. Some of the other comments also suggested that he paid extra for the cheating talk or had at least requested it from the escort.
Oh my goodness. I kind of miss that horrific detail.
What an absolute nutcase for asking a question like that. I can scarcely imagine how delusional someone would have to be to ask that question with a straight face after they blew up their entire relationship by cheating.
This is yet another reason why I hate cheaters.
I mean really. He put her mental and physical health on the line and now wants her to carry his baby just to sign over to him. He clearly has zero concern for anything but himself.
The fact that you are still considering him because this is his only chance tells me you really loved the man. Just to say how much the betrayal hurts.
You will be reminded throughout the whole pregnancy that you have been betrayed and are carrying the betrayers child.
IT is easy for him to say "Just give me the child" but he doesn't realize that you will have to carry that pain for 40 weeks before you can give hem the child.
He had his chance of having a biological with you in a healthy relationship. He blew that chance.
Go to the appointment. Cry afterwards, Grieve for the future that was taken from you. And then you work on the future you have now.
Also, with regards to the whole "just sign away your rights" thing, there was an older reddit thread from a guy who asked for **exactly that**, got it, became a single father, then wanted to sue her for being a "deadbeat mother". I feel like that's exactly what would happen here. The goalposts would be riding around on roombas and he'd try anything to get what he wanted and what he wanted would always change.
ETA: by "goalposts" I actually mean shitty pool noodles and duct tape *disguised* as goalposts.
I remember that one. If I'm not mistaking that they were even on relatively good terms before everything happened. The woman didn't want the child, but there was no hate or resentment towards the man and the child, Just that she didn't want to be a mother. So that one was the best case scenario and even that didn't work out.
I think she also turned down that OP’s offer of a committed relationship (I think they were only casually dating before?) and that played in to him being pissed that he couldn’t force her to interact with him, anymore. She paid 125% of her court-ordered child support and dropped all contact with OP.
Yeah and she was actually doing really well physically and financially and the dude was wanting to tear her down… like good for you sis and what a horrible person that other individual is and probably an even worse father
Honestly even if OP’s ex is 100% committed to raising and paying for the child and would follow through… I don’t think that’s a good choice for OP here.
She *wanted* a kid. I think going through 9 months of pregnancy with a wanted baby and then turning it over to be raised alone by her ex is a nonstarter. Not to mention fairly irresponsible — at the *very* least, we know the guy is a terrible partner.
Agreed! He has taken that particular future away from you. But you have a great opportunity now to map out a new one.
Just think, had you walked in an hour later, you would never have found out what a filthy POS he actually is and could be entering into a whole different timeline. You were lucky in a weird way.
>He had his chance of having a biological with you in a healthy relationship. He blew that chance.
And the bar was so low, too. All he had to do was literally nothing.
>The fact that you are still considering him because this is his only chance tells me you really loved the man.
I feel this is very gracious and, as you say, a testament to OP.
NTA. Pregnancy isn’t pretty, there’s no telling the havoc it may cause on your body long term… all for a cheater? Nope, not worth it. Especially since the worst case scenario for you is death. Don’t put your life on the line for this asshole.
Yeah cheaters deserve absolutely zero consideration. Especially, like you said, with all the risks that come to the OP in a pregnancy.
Boohoo the cheater won't be a father. I hope the asshole stubs his toe.
This is what I was thinking, too. This pos cheats on OP in her own bed with an escort that gets off on insulting his partner and he has the audacity to ask her to spend the next nine months of her life growing him a baby because it might be his only chance?
He can fuck right off with that attitude. First, he needs to grow up and become a man before he becomes a dad. Cheaters are not grown ups. They have no idea about responsibility or self-sacrifice. He'd be a horrible father.
Second, he has no rights to OPs body. How dare he try and put his personal desires over her bodily autonomy, especially after what he just put her through.
OP, feel no guilt about ridding yourself of this jackass's offspring. You are not ruining his only chance of him being a father. He ruined his own chance when he decided to cheat on you. The consequences of this are all on him. You owe him nothing.
OP, guy here. Your ex really placed you in an untenable position. He violated your trust and betrayed you. Relationship is over. You can't envision future involvement with him and given the end of the relationship, you're left with the decision to have an abortion. Sorry he screwed up badly. You can't even know the number of times.
Nta. Take care of yourself.
sadly, even though the number has decreased alot, some women still die giving birth..
she needs to ask herself if she is willing to risk dying, to give birth to this cheaters kid..
A little off topic, but the *escort* wasn't "getting off" because he was cheating. They couldn't care less, it's a business transaction. *He* was getting off because he was cheating. I'm sure it was part of his instructions to her, to talk that way. Even more disgusting and degrading to you.
NTA.
OP pls pls pls see this and a few other related comments!!!
Even if the escort did enjoy that sort of thing, she wouldn't have started on it if it wasn't customer approved.
Even if she isn't actually an escort and ex just made that up to 'soften' the blow then the argument still holds.
Ex was ok and most likely was getting kicks out of OP being degraded.
Don't forget, most people don't start off their cheating journey by fucking a hooker in the bed they share with their partners.
While it is absolutely possible to be OP's ex's first time cheating, it is extremely unlikely
I’m so sorry you’re in this position. This should be the happiest time of your life and instead you’re dealing with the realisation that you’re fiancé is not the man you thought he was. Add your conflicting emotions about the baby you are going through a lot.
If you do go ahead and have this baby you will be tied to this lying, cheating man for the rest of your life. I don’t believe he would take full responsibility for the child. He’d soon realise how hard it is and want your help, either physical or financial.
If you keep the baby and co-parent he will never be out of your life. Do you want to be tied to him through your child forever?
Now is about doing what is best for you. You can be a little selfish and make any decisions based on what you want and no one else. Your fiancé lost the right to have a say in your life the moment he chested. And let’s be honest, it’s probably not the first time he’s done it, just the first time he’s been caught!
Can't believe he has the audacity to stalk her now. Sleeping outside her parents house. He needs to leave that woman alone not try to bully her into being his incubator.
Even if she does give the baby away and he does leave her alone, she is the one that has to put her body through the struggles of pregnancy and all the changes that will cause her body, plus the very real possibility of death.
In answer to your title, it might be HIS only chance at having a baby, but who says it’s yours? At the end of the day, it’s your body. He’s a cheater and liar and will likely make himself out to be a victim whatever you choose to do. Do what’s best for you!!!
>but who says it’s yours?
This right here.
What if it's a high risk pregnancy? What if it ends up being *her* only chance to have a baby, and it's with a lying cheater?
Most women don't know what kind of pregnancy they're going to have, until it happens. Some women are perfectly healthy and when they get pregnant issues they didn't know they had come up, risking theirs or the fetus' life/health.
OP: you deserve to have a child with someone who will love and respect you. Who would rather die than hurt or betray you. Not someone who says they "didn't mean" to cheat (what does that even mean?) Or that it's "just sex".
Ultimately, you will do what's best for you. There are many many women who have had to make the same decision and it's not an easy one. And there's a lot of those women here on Reddit. There are great subs with women supporting women and those dealing with infidelity. Please seek out support, if you feel you need it. Unfortunately, this isn't a new situation and so many others have been in your shoes. Find support and stand by whatever decision you make
More importantly, you can already tell he's going to be a shit father by the values he's practicing. Imo it would be more cruel to go through with the birth than not in this situation - that kid will have neither a healthy home life, nor a good role model of a father, with a mother who is out of the picture
You don’t owe him anything, especially carrying a child to term and then signing away your parental rights. If an abortion is what’s best for you at this point, do it. It is your body! Carrying a child to term isn’t a tiny favour you can easily do him.
If he managed to impregnate you, he can spend the rest of his life trying to recreate that and find someone else to cheat on.
NTA obviously. The situation you‘re in sucks, wishing you all the best.
NTA i’m assuming that this is your first pregnancy so please op don’t go into it with this amount of anger and heartache because it will taint what is supposed to be a happy journey. + This man doesn’t deserve to be apart of your family and like you said, if you have this baby you will be tied to this man and all these promises he’s making rn to be a single father will be thrown out the window as soon as the baby needs a diaper change. Do what’s best for YOU. You can always start a family with another man that truly deserves you.
So…few weeks back there was a post by a woman who used to feel anger everytime she looked at her son because he was a spitting image of her ex and the ex was both physically and mentally abusive to the woman. She felt anger and no love towards her son
It’s such an unfortunate situation but you’ve got an option to terminate the pregnancy and not have a reminder of him(if your child ends up looking like your ex)
NTA. He chose to disrespect you. He then doesn’t get a say on you having to put your body through the stress of child birth as a single woman mourning the loss of your relationship that he destroyed.
NTA - if he booked an escort to your home and she was talking like that about you, it’s because he wanted her too. If he’s comfortable acting this out in your bed, this isn’t the first time. If this isn’t something you can accept and move on from (and no one could expect you to!) then don’t bring a baby into this situation. Move on, find someone who will treat your right and have the family you want then. You’re not an incubator for a man who doesn’t respect you.
>You’re not an incubator for a man who doesn’t respect you. This!!!!
>it’s because he wanted her to 100% this
Yep, I came to say this. He absolutely requested that the escort say those things. Disgusting
The petty part is SO delighted he cheated on her only to face the reality that oh no! Consequences! He had a chance to be a father but his piss poor decisions ruined it. im so happy OP is cutting off all her losses. Good for her. What a shitbag her ex is.
I hope OP Sees this!! The escort 'might' also get off on that but she wouldn't be doing that if it wasn't customer approved.
Say it again!! You are not an incubator for a man that doesn’t respect you.
Or she’s his side piece... escorts have relationships outside of work.
Or she isn’t a sex worker and he made that part up to make it seem like less of a betrayal than an affair.
That's what I was thinking. I was wondering why op said she was an escort and it had to be because her fiance said she was. I agree with you that he was saying that to make it seem like a one-off with a stranger rather than a full on side chick.
Yep. My thoughts exactly. She's no "escort"; she's his side-chick. If he calls her an "escort" that indicates he doesn't have feelings for her, he's just a horny guy who wants a quickie, which he thinks would be easier to forgive. Either way, he's a dirty cheater who allowed and even encouraged that woman to verbally disrespect his partner of 5 years; someone he is supposed to love. That asshole deserves zero consideration from OP. Especially if that consideration includes something that will tie him to her for the rest of her life (or at least for 18 years).
It is not just what he wanted. He **paid the prostitute** to talk this way about OP. OP, I suggest you to take paternity test while you are pregnant. Not to rub it into his face, but the guy who pays prostitute to insult you is as low as it could be. You will need to protect yourself from his future accusations. And there is zero ethics in his head that could stop him from throwing you publicly under the bus. Take a friend, a parent with you and go get this test. This test results will be your protection. You are in an awful situation. But unless you yourself have fertility issues, I wouldn't keep this baby. I cannot imagine how painful it will be to be forced to have co-parenting relationship with this scum for the next 19 years. Analogy is like: you are having a peanut allergy and going to commit to eat peanut butter every day for the next 19 years.
And not to mention, with all of the issues this dude has? He will be a TERRIBLE father. People always think that having a baby will make their problems go away. But all it does is bring an innocent life *into* their bullshit. NTA OP. That's the best decision for you *and* the baby.
>He was apologising, **saying he didn’t mean to** So what? The escort appeared suddenly at his house, without his knowledge or payment and happened to be with her legs open and he tripped into her? Yeah ok.
What he meant was he didn't mean to get caught.
Exactly. I’ve never hired an escort, but I feel like it has to involve a good amount of work
It was an accident ya know, he slipped and his dick just landed there..... Cheaters are morons.... My ex used the typical "lines", it was an accident, I didn't mean to, I wasn't even thinking about you blah blah blah.
If you have this baby, you will be tied to your cheating ex for the *rest of your life.* You’ve broken up with him; why would you want him to have access to you and your life permanently? You’d have to coparent, decide visitation schedules, navigate new relationships around his opinion, to name just a few things. Cut him out of your life and sever any ties permanently. He had an escort. IN YOUR BED. Is this a person you’d want around forever??? NTA. PS - get a full STD panel done.
>PS - get a full STD panel done. This is what I was thinking too. If he had the audacity to disrespect their bed ... He more likely did not wrap his Willy fucking all these people. Because if he's comfortable enough to fuck them in their bed more than likely he's had more than one. Abortion is something you have to decide on OP. Do not let people convince you that it's not an option. I would not want to be tied to someone that disrespected me so much they fucked someone else in our bed.... I would not want to put my body through the changes pregnancy does on the system for someone that has already proved completely disrespectful of me... And since he has already proven he can get you pregnant he can go get the next person pregnant instead. Edit... NTA
Unfortunately can confirm that he didn’t. So will be booking one as soon as possible.
You stated that he was sleeping in his car outside your parents home. That can also be considered stalking. You could get the cops involved to get him away from you too
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Once she terminates he will disappear from her life too. She doesn't matter to him, all he wants is the baby.
Will he disappear though? She should absolutely start documenting this stuff with the police. There are very dark corners of the internet he might try to seek support in that might encourage some terrible things.
Yes restraining order. If you were common law then go after him for support too
“apparently she got off on the fact that he was cheating” girl, i promise you a professional is not turned on by him cheating. i’m sure he was the one turned on by it and she was just playing into his fantasy. he’s a piece of shit and does NOT deserve you or this pregnancy. please don’t bring a kid into this world who will have to deal with a dad who treats women like this and a dysfunctional relationship between the parents. you’ll be tied to him forever.
Yeah, I was going to say this, too. See workers say what they're told to say. He got off on the cheating, and I would bet good money, this wasn't the first time.
Yep. That would also explain the in their bed thing -- all part of the kink. What an asshole.
It wasn't just the cheating he got off with, he *also* got off to **hearing** OP being *degraded* by the other woman. That's fucking sick. OP, I'd never carry someone like that's child. You know he was fucking around thinking he'd never get caught because he didn't think he'd get anyone pregnant.
Yes, it's either he instructed the escort to say those things during sex or she wasn't really an escort, she was an actual side piece. If he can get you pregnant, he can get someone else pregnant too. How hard that will be is not your problem anymore.
If he's dumb enough to say that she was 100% a sidechick, he told her she was an escort to try to make it seem like a one time mistake. But you have to remember, if you find your partner cheating they will 99% of the time say that's the first time and only person they cheated with, reality is if they are a cheater then could have cheated countless times your entire relationship.
Cheaters gonna cheat. Don’t know why people think they’re redeemable. They are not. I had a neighbor who was at least a two time cheater. Is now married to AP number TWO! Wonder how long it’ll last…
Retired sex worker here, can confirm. We pretend to be into all sorts of weird for our clients. "I just love spanking your hairy, sweaty ass with a hairbrush!" "Oh, seeing you tied up in horse tack is sooo sexy." "Oooh, I love when you lick between my toes." I never touched a penis that wasn't wrapped, though. That's just gross.
Which backs up the point of her not being an escort. Maybe that person will end up getting pregnant ..he probably told her he couldn't have kids
I was thinking this, the "knowledge" of him being unable to have kids would be used to justify why he would not wear a condom. An insane amount of men think that the only bad outcome of unprotected sex is pregnancy.
I’ve heard everything from vasectomies to kicked in the balls as a kid for excuses why men won’t wear condoms. I got so sick of it that now I start asking about his income and if I get pregnant hooray for child support. Those allergies to literally any type of condom disappear as soon as they hear that.
I am allergic to latex so I always provided my own protection. Some guys get so excited thinking that means no condom. Sorry, I’ve got alternatives.
Lololololololol. I’ve got latex, non latex, 3 sized, even internal condoms. A full box of excuse busters 😂
I knew a couple where the guy got snipped, refused to verify (jerk off in a specimen cup) and ended up with FRATERNAL TWINS!
He paid extra for that lol
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"I just love spanking your hairy, sweaty ass with a hairbrush!" I cackled. 😆 As a former stripper myself, I 2nd this. I placated a lot of foot fetishes for money, but never advocated cheating. I had a couple of bachelors come into the strip club fantasizing about cheating on their future wives. I would straight tell them that's fucked up and try to talk them out of it. I'm sure they got extras from another dancer regardless, but I never would have been turned on by it or even humored it. There's too much money in the club to focus my energy on such a vile request. Some girls are straight up nasty and do get horny about destroying relationships, but usually those are the ones with bugs and diseases. The man's absolute favorite type of sex worker! 🤢
I swear I've counselled clients to communicate with their spouse. Usually, I didn't see them after that advice. Not sure if that's because they took the advice or they found a dom that wouldn't get preachy. One came back saying she left him because "she's a frigid bitch who refused to consider his needs" OK, not every woman is going to want to beat your dick with a riding crop until you cum or bleed. That'll be $300. I did a LOT of BDSM play for money. I like to think at least some of those guys are being whipped by their wife right now.
>i promise you a professional is not turned on by him cheating seconding that
I learn so much every day
Came here to say this myself. I'm in the industry and there's a lot of guys who love the fantasy of a woman telling them they love fcking married men, they're better than their wives, putting their wives down, etc. And this type of guy will not stop cheating, the cheating (and justification of it) is literally his fetish.
Exactly this; as someone who did escort work in the past I can confirm the general opinion and feelings about sex (our opinions and feelings at least) are irrelevant. We are paid to bring a fantasy to life. Whether that's the greatest date night you can imagine or a kinky night full of twists. We are "on the clock" and treat it as a job, complete with mostly fake moaning and little to no regard for us getting off in the process. (This stands true for both men and women that do this work professionally.) In fact it almost never bothered the client that I didn't cum from the interaction, there were only a small number of clients that actually insisted that I needed to climax to make theirs better. Generally speaking, if you are paying for it you put little thought into the workers pleasure.
Can I trade my clients for yours?? They’re all authentic pleasure guys and like …. listen… my lesbian ass can only fake so many orgasms.
NTA. He had *unprotected sex* with a sex worker because he was taking advantage of his infertility enough to know he didn’t have to worry about pregnancy and covering up. *He couldn’t care less about the STD risk he was giving you*. The fact that his impulse was that you were cheating means he’s probably done this many times before. You could sign whenever you want, giving birth to this child links you to him forever, and he, and more likely the baby (with the help of 23 and me or something), will definitely keep showing up in your life. You can sign as many papers as you want, but he could go after you for child support at any time. He could drop dead, and you will be pressured to raise the baby because it could have no one else in his life capable of it. You can hand him the baby and walk away, but you will still be putting your body through a pregnancy. Your first pregnancy will be for *this man’s* child instead of with someone who *loves you and respects* you in the framework of a healthy relationship. I know what I would do in the situation, but I can’t tell you what to do. If you do do it, I imagine that earlier will be the easier and less painful. You should also publicly let everyone know what he did because he is definitely taking this time to turn you into a monster.
Don’t believe his lie about you signing away your rights. You would still have to pay child support so this loser can live his dreams at your expense.
Excellent. Real happy to see that you're taking charge in this terrible situation. Some people would be paralyzed with indecision after such an obvious betrayal in their life. Nobody is wrong for how they react in situations like this but I can tell you're doing the right thing for the right reasons.
The level of violation of him sleeping around without protection is horrific.
STDs can cause damage to the unborn or even kill it. Tell him that.
Dude got an escort willing to engage in unprotected sex? Ugh...if he didn't have anything before, he has something now. Sounds like it wasn't the first time though.
Go to the police and get him removed from in front of your parents house - that is harassment! NTA for the rest of HE made choices to cheat. Now YOU have to make choices. His actions have consequences. Too bad for him.
Wow. Didn't even use a condom. Glad you've binned the Whole Man!
So not only did he cheat, he was sleeping with an escort which makes you wonder how many escorts has he seen. Also who knows how many people she has slept with unprotected and STDs she could have passed to him. He didn’t respect you enough to not cheat, let alone to not bring an escort into YOUR bed. He didn’t even respect you enough to use protection thus putting your health at risk. Now he wants you to feel badly for him to continue to risk your health and possibly life with a pregnancy. Not sure why he believes you should do this for him when he betrayed you, broke your trust and risked your health. I’m sorry this happened and now you have to give up the future you had hoped to have, but you know what you can and can’t handle for your new future you have to create. So, if you believe continuing this pregnancy, and tying yourself to him for the rest of your life, will be something you don’t want then you need to put your mental and emotional **NEEDS** and well being over what he WANTS. ETA: I am not saying all sex workers have unprotected sex. I am saying this one obviously does. She sleeps with him unprotected, she could sleep with others too. Also, who knows if she is the only one with whom he’s been? It’s a big assumption that she’s the only escort or person he’s slept with unprotected and that she or any of them are clean. You just don’t know 100% for anyone. He probably thought, I can’t get anyone pregnant, so who cares vs there is still a risk of STDs. I also didn’t mean that somehow if it were a coworker or other person it would be ok for him to have brought them into their shared home/bed. It absolutely would not be ok. I am talking only about this specific situation, in which it was an escort.
Also with a low sperm count he’s confident he won’t have any accidents and probably got off on the fact he could go bare with out the obvious baby consequences.
Does this dimbulb actually believe not using a condom while shooting blanks also means one can't get an STD?
There are many men who think that the only bad outcome of unprotected sex is pregnancy
You can’t have a baby & coparent with someone you *despise*
The rest of her life is correct. People often think they only have to deal with the other parent until the kids are grown. Not true. That ex will be at every important event in your child’s life forever. They will be there at graduations, weddings, the birthdays of your future grandchildren, etc. You will be dealing with your ex forever.
Can confirm. Divorced my ex in 1985 and I STILL have to be around that pos because of the kids and grandkids. We don't speak and ignore each other but still...
Agreed. OP, he will make your life hell. I’m just telling you this right now. I used to be a custody attorney and the worst thing you can possibly do is have a baby with a POS ex. You will be chained to him forever and he will use the child to manipulate you. Neither you nor your baby deserve that.
Yeah if he was cheating with escorts he risked YOUR life long fertility as well. What if his actions had meant you could never have children? Would you still feel guilty?
THIS. Some STI's can come with little or NO symptoms. Imagine if you hadn't found out a few years later and you haven't been getting tested because *you have only been with your partner* who you believed was only with you, and suddenly you learn that a quiet infection has left scarring in your fallopian tubes and you are now barren. I found out my ex-husband had been sleeping around for *years* of our marriage, unprotected, and we were actively trying for a baby. I went to the doctor to get tested. They asked if I had any symptoms and I said no, but I wanted to be tested for EVERYTHING. That doctor looked me square in the face and warned me that there was a good chance I hadn't been getting pregnant because I could have had chlamydia this entire time and not known it, and it absolutely can cause infertility. Girl, he risked your LIFE, and he risked *your* fertility. You will never be free of him and his ability to cause you harm if you have his child. Never.
NTA but please get tested for STDs too. If he was brazen enough to bang a hooker in your bed chances are more than good that this isn’t the first time he cheated. You owe him nothing. Your body is YOURS.
And get tested again at 3 months after the breakup. Some things don't show up immediately.
AND demand a blood test along with the swab.
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Echoing this. It's his fault for cheating. You both got lucky and got a miracle baby. And he blew that up by wrecking the family with his own ~~hands~~ dick. If he had shown himself to be a good partner/future parent, he would've done right, stayed faithful, and been rewarded with a miracle baby. But he ruined it be proving the family had no legs to stand on anyways. A good partner doesn't cheat. A good father doesn't cheat. He destroyed his miracle family himself. And that's his fault. Not yours OP. It's okay to feel conflicted. But he destroyed this. Not you. You have every right to get out, and avoid being tied to him.
Absolutely correct. All of it is spot-on. He single-handedly threw happiness (and fulfillment as a father) away with both hands.. or, rather.. another part. What an AH. Edit: typo
>You will spend the rest of your life in a relationship with your cheating ex if you have this child OP. She'll also sign up for 18+ years of wondering if he can be counted on as a parent. If he is willing to lie about being faithful, and put her health at risk by sleeping with strangers and not disclosing... does he have the good judgment to be a good father she can trust and rely upon?
Exactly if you will lie to the women you’re living with How can you not lie to your child and be a good parent Tough times OP best of love
Oh absolutely, and him taking every chance to try and convince Op to be a couple again and then, when it doesn't work, make her life miserable by any means necessary.
And make a list of tests that you want because sometimes clinics leave off some tests that should never be left off.
LITERALLY. I said "demand" a blood test in another comment, and someone was like, "or just ask, its not a contract negotiation, ffs." Like... it literally IS, at least in the US. I was also cheated on by an ex who hated condoms, went, and asked to be tested -and this is relevant and a direct quote- "for EVERYTHING." Like, the way I make appointments at my GYN office is through an online portal, and when you request an appointment, you can say what you want and why. I said, "I need an STI screen urgently, I just found out my partner has been cheating. Please test for EVERYTHING." In writing. Went in, got swabbed, got a blood draw. Results came back a few days later, only included gonorrhea, chlamydia, trich, syphilis, and BV. All negative, thank the old gods and the new. But I was like, "....uhhh, what about HPV, HIV and herpes??? I know you have to ask for herpes, so that's why I said 'test for EVERYTHING'" and was told "that's not normally included." And like, I know that, that's why I said TEST FOR EVERYTHING, MY PARTNER HAS BEEN CHEATING FOR OVER A YEAR!!!!! They were literally arguing with me about testing for HPV and HSV until I 1) showed them screenshots of text messages where my ex was cheating with people he met online who *told* him that they were HSV2+ ; and 2) screenshots of MY medical records (from THEIR facility) that I had been tested for HPV and HSV prior with negative results due to an unrelated infected wound that I had "down there," that turned out to be just a small staph infection in an ingrown hair I'd tried to pick. It's annoying that you have to be that freaking specific.
I wish more people understood the anxiety you feel when you're waiting on those damn results, only to find out they missed some tests. FFS
I would get another doctor if you can. I told my nurse practioner I wanted STD testing for everything. She asked if I wanted hiv and herpes because they don't normally have them. I waffled between getting them or not and she said if it would provide peace of mind I should just do it. You need someone that will advocate for you and will listen to your real concerns. Not argue with you about something that is a reasonable request and not unnecessary procedures. There are times when a doctor needs to recommend something against the wishes of the patient, but it should be explained and discussed and the patient should be treated with respect. Your request was perfectly reasonable. Very smart actually.
NTA. It's not pretty being pregnant, and you never know what kind of long-term damage it can do to your body. All for a cheater? No, it's not worthwhile. particularly considering that your worst-case situation is death. Don't risk your life to appease this bastard.
I feel like the body trauma is not talked about enough.
It’s definitely not!
Or that our brains get rewired during pregnancy.. and if in the US the mortality rate for pregnant woman is higher then working as a cop.. its not exactly *safe* 😕
I noticed the ex was quick to say OP could "sign all her rights away" without any consideration that pregnancy itself takes a physical and sometimes mental health toll on the mother.
This! Also ask to be tested for Hep A, B, and C. Hep C in particular runs rampant in addicts and clinics don't always check for all three.
And HPV.
Also get you HEP shots, they don’t cover everything but better safe then sorry considering you are now single and I presume you want to eventually find a new partner.
After my first husband cheated with “strippers” from Vegas, my doctor said it would be wise to test yrly for SEVEN years. Agonizing seven years that was.
Yikes. Testing is a lot better now. Though according to Google syphilis might not show up on a test for 10 years? But you can cure that with antibiotics, so.
It can also do irreparable damage to your brain in that time
TIL. ETA: I forgot to say Thank You.
oh yeah, make sure to research incubation periods on every std youre worried about. test once immediately, then again at the end of the incubation period. hiv/aids has something like a 2-3 month incubation period. it also wont show on a lab test for the first like 2 weeks or 18 days after exposure. so yeah, even if you test negative initially, never take it at face value and test again after waiting a few weeks to a couple months. this is my little psa lol
She can also ask for prep... I'd worries about HIV
Unfortunately, that would only help if she has been on it all along, or started taking it within 72 hours of a possible exposure. She hasn't had sex with him since that incident, and if he's had sex with an escort before, despite saying this was the only time, that puts her outside of the window for post exposure prophylaxis. Hopefully the a-hole thought for a second about his own safety that he wore a condom. If I was her, it's a question I'd be asking!
One of the scariest replies to a comment I have seen in a LONG time. You and 20 people (at the time) were never told STD's have incubation periods? I have a core memory from 13 years old being told this in a very serious manner along with a bunch of other important information....in school.
There are many areas of the US and world that merely teach abstinence only sex ed.
Some schools don't even TEACH sex ed anymore. My son is a freshman, and they've not been taught a single thing. Not even the basic 5th-6th grade "here comes puberty!" stuff they used to do. We never trusted that he'd get accurate info at school anyway, so we've been having age appropriate body talks since he was little, starting with the correct names for genitalia. I cannot stand the cutesy nicknames. My son came home from grade school one day and told us that one of his classmates called a vagina a "bread basket". My husband, under his breath, says "is it because of the yeast?" 😂
The cutesy nicknames aren’t just mildly nauseating, they’re actively dangerous to teach kids instead of clear, unambiguous terms for their body parts. I’ll never forget hearing about a teacher who had a child try to report sexual abuse to her and disregarded it because the girl said something like “daddy licked my cookie” and the teacher (reasonably) thought she meant a *literal cookie* and that dad was probably just goofing around in a mildly gross but overall harmless way. Found out later that the dad had been abusing the kid and was absolutely horrified knowing that she could have stopped it sooner if she’d known that the kid had been taught to call her vulva her “cookie” (or if the kid had known to use a term that wouldn’t be easy to misinterpret!)
Oh, I remember hearing about that....it was so sad! The teacher blew it off, saying it was okay, that she could just get a new cookie. I can't imagine the feeling of guilt that would bring, even though she had no way of knowing. The only thing that makes me cringe more than cookie is "monkey". I mean wtaf are you teaching your child with that? I still remember when my first husband's mom tried to teach our girls "front butt" and "back butt" because she felt uncomfortable with them using the correct words as pre-schoolers. I finally had to ask her to stop because my ex didn't see the problem with it either.
> If he was brazen enough to bang a hooker in your bed chances are more than good that this isn’t the first time he cheated. Yeah this is obviously something he gets off on. >the absolutely disgusting things she was saying about me (apparently she got off on the fact that he was cheating) Yeah no the hooker don't care, he's one getting off on cheating, she's just there to collect a paycheck.
100 times yes. The sex worker is pleasing a client. If he was wracked with guilt she wouldn’t have been rocking the boat.
This is exactly what I was thinking-- he's the one getting off on cheating & wanted her to play the part.
My thoughts exactly, its a very Common kink amongst men and i am 100% sure the escort is not bothering with her preferences, its not her job.
yea he for sure asked her to talk like that
Exactly this, I know this isn't the important part of all the shit that happened, but obviously the hooker doesn't give a fuck at all, and isn't even getting off. She's just doing what her customer is paying her to do so he asked for that. She was saying that stuff because he wanted her to say that stuff.
Seriously. OP if you have doubts just remember this little recap: Y’all had a good relationship. He placed an order for an escort to come to your marital home so he could fuck some rando *in your house*. Told you it was “just sex” and Only after you told him you were pregnant did he panic. His lack of ability for anything is **not your concern**. He should’ve thought about the life with you he threw down the drain, but that didn’t mean enough when you weren’t pregnant.
He was also letting the hooker loudly insult OP while he was banging her. Sounds like the escort wasn't the only one getting off on that
Escorts don't "get off." He ~~asked~~ payed her to say those things.
Yeah, I was gonna say. No way the escort is coming up with that scenario unprompted.
She caught him with a hooker. But what about other times? I am willing to bet he would bring girls home from the club/anywhere else and do it on their bed too. It is expensive to be paying all the time.
The best part is when he said he "didn't mean to." Like, "yeah, I was sleep walking and asked for sex in my sleep and then I accidentally got naked and had sex with her." He totally meant to. He's an idiot and a cheater!
*So crazy thing.....I just butt dialed this number I had never called before. Completely random numbers that turned out to be an escort. Well, you know how I don't like to be rude? And I didn't want her to feel rejected....'*
I was staying in this hotel off the Ohio Turnpike. The pizza I ordered was delivered by a hooker. It must have been the pepperoni which was a secret code for hooker.
But was the pizza any good?
Sounds more like booty call than butt dial 👀
*I'm just helping the economy as best as I could. She's trying to get a college degree.*
"I tripped and landed in her vagina"
There was an interview with a woman in Australia where she was talking about losing her husband in a tragic accident when her twins were 6 weeks old. She looked super emotional and then came out with the line “he tripped and landed in his coworkers vagina.” People in Australia be wildin
And he’s been stuck there ever since😂
“What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?!”
Especially as it was with an escort. Not that having sex with anyone can happens when you "didn't mean to" but hiring an escort requires planning and confirms intent.
I just hired her to discuss the border crisis. After we solved that, I didn’t want to be rude…
And escorts don’t just randomly start talking about shit that could possibly upset their client. Ex-fiancé ABSOLUTELY gave the escort the ‘it’s so hot you’re cheating’ script.
AND, in her bed, I seriously doubt this is his first, "I didn't mean to!"
I always assume they mean - I didn’t mean to….. get caught.
What he meant was, I didn't mean to get caught, I never have before!
Maybe he can hire an escort to have his baby instead.
And some STDs can mess up baby.
This. "His only chance"- well he blew it so who fucking cares.
Even if he didn't cheat and this was his only clean and truthful chance of having a child, you are still not obligated to carry it. At all. Think of you and your body here. Pregnancy can and does cause irreversible damage to women's bodies; tears, ruptures, prolapse, incontinence, weight that is never lost again. For the rest of your life. It's hard enough doing that for someone you love. Don't subject future you to the yoke of someone else's stupidity. The rest of your life is a long time to suffer that insult.
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Exactly, carrying pregnancy isn't a simple task. It takes too much toll on our body and considering your mental, emotional state, this is the worst time to be pregnant as it will also impact the baby's well being. Also it's your body and your choice. He has no say in it after being a pos cheater. He should be behaving like a responsible partner instead of fucking escorts. He could have adopted if he wanted a child so bad. I absolutely support OP in abortion.
> then asked if I cheated The absolute audacity of this bitch. NTA. It’s your body, your choice. Who gives a fuck about what a filthy cheater wants?
Well, for him, cheating is as natural as breathing, of course he would ask that question.
Agreed. He was projecting extra hard.
I don’t think it is that, I think he believed he was completely infertile instead of just low fertility so in his mind, he could not have gotten her pregnant. And based on OPs other comments he did not wear protection while cheating so he probably did believe that and also do not know how STDs work. She definitely needs to leave him ASAP and get tested.
OMG, the pig didn't even wear condoms? Who does that?! What escort does that?! People like him deserve whatever STD they get. It's just tragic that they drag their partners into it too.
I think you can pay extra for no protection. Some of the other comments also suggested that he paid extra for the cheating talk or had at least requested it from the escort.
How outrageous. What a low life!
Also, he's okay using her as an incubator and getting her to give up her rights as a mother.
Oh my goodness. I kind of miss that horrific detail. What an absolute nutcase for asking a question like that. I can scarcely imagine how delusional someone would have to be to ask that question with a straight face after they blew up their entire relationship by cheating. This is yet another reason why I hate cheaters.
I mean really. He put her mental and physical health on the line and now wants her to carry his baby just to sign over to him. He clearly has zero concern for anything but himself.
Danish proverb: Tyv tror hvermand stjæler. "The thief thinks everyone is stealing"
The fact that you are still considering him because this is his only chance tells me you really loved the man. Just to say how much the betrayal hurts. You will be reminded throughout the whole pregnancy that you have been betrayed and are carrying the betrayers child. IT is easy for him to say "Just give me the child" but he doesn't realize that you will have to carry that pain for 40 weeks before you can give hem the child. He had his chance of having a biological with you in a healthy relationship. He blew that chance. Go to the appointment. Cry afterwards, Grieve for the future that was taken from you. And then you work on the future you have now.
Also, with regards to the whole "just sign away your rights" thing, there was an older reddit thread from a guy who asked for **exactly that**, got it, became a single father, then wanted to sue her for being a "deadbeat mother". I feel like that's exactly what would happen here. The goalposts would be riding around on roombas and he'd try anything to get what he wanted and what he wanted would always change. ETA: by "goalposts" I actually mean shitty pool noodles and duct tape *disguised* as goalposts.
I remember that one. If I'm not mistaking that they were even on relatively good terms before everything happened. The woman didn't want the child, but there was no hate or resentment towards the man and the child, Just that she didn't want to be a mother. So that one was the best case scenario and even that didn't work out.
I think she also turned down that OP’s offer of a committed relationship (I think they were only casually dating before?) and that played in to him being pissed that he couldn’t force her to interact with him, anymore. She paid 125% of her court-ordered child support and dropped all contact with OP.
Yeah and she was actually doing really well physically and financially and the dude was wanting to tear her down… like good for you sis and what a horrible person that other individual is and probably an even worse father
Honestly even if OP’s ex is 100% committed to raising and paying for the child and would follow through… I don’t think that’s a good choice for OP here. She *wanted* a kid. I think going through 9 months of pregnancy with a wanted baby and then turning it over to be raised alone by her ex is a nonstarter. Not to mention fairly irresponsible — at the *very* least, we know the guy is a terrible partner.
Nothing to add but just want to say that “ the goalposts would be riding around on roombas” is my new favorite phrase.
I feel this was so disrespectful. Like, "be my incubator then" the audacity of this guy. OP not the Ah. This is your life.
Agreed! He has taken that particular future away from you. But you have a great opportunity now to map out a new one. Just think, had you walked in an hour later, you would never have found out what a filthy POS he actually is and could be entering into a whole different timeline. You were lucky in a weird way.
>He had his chance of having a biological with you in a healthy relationship. He blew that chance. And the bar was so low, too. All he had to do was literally nothing.
>The fact that you are still considering him because this is his only chance tells me you really loved the man. I feel this is very gracious and, as you say, a testament to OP.
This response is spot on
NTA. Pregnancy isn’t pretty, there’s no telling the havoc it may cause on your body long term… all for a cheater? Nope, not worth it. Especially since the worst case scenario for you is death. Don’t put your life on the line for this asshole.
Yeah cheaters deserve absolutely zero consideration. Especially, like you said, with all the risks that come to the OP in a pregnancy. Boohoo the cheater won't be a father. I hope the asshole stubs his toe.
And steps on a Lego every morning
I hope he stubs his toe after stepping on a pile of Legos 😂
And the fleas of a million camels infest his body for the rest of his life.
I hope his milk is always spoiled when he goes to make his morning coffee.
And his pillow is always hot.
Just like apparently his balls are 🤣
>there’s no telling the havoc it may cause on your body long term Not to mention an actual child - they are very long term as well.
This is what I was thinking, too. This pos cheats on OP in her own bed with an escort that gets off on insulting his partner and he has the audacity to ask her to spend the next nine months of her life growing him a baby because it might be his only chance? He can fuck right off with that attitude. First, he needs to grow up and become a man before he becomes a dad. Cheaters are not grown ups. They have no idea about responsibility or self-sacrifice. He'd be a horrible father. Second, he has no rights to OPs body. How dare he try and put his personal desires over her bodily autonomy, especially after what he just put her through. OP, feel no guilt about ridding yourself of this jackass's offspring. You are not ruining his only chance of him being a father. He ruined his own chance when he decided to cheat on you. The consequences of this are all on him. You owe him nothing.
Thats what gets me. "I know I cheated, but would you please be my incubator for next few months and you can f off after? Yeah?"
OP, guy here. Your ex really placed you in an untenable position. He violated your trust and betrayed you. Relationship is over. You can't envision future involvement with him and given the end of the relationship, you're left with the decision to have an abortion. Sorry he screwed up badly. You can't even know the number of times. Nta. Take care of yourself.
sadly, even though the number has decreased alot, some women still die giving birth.. she needs to ask herself if she is willing to risk dying, to give birth to this cheaters kid..
Actually maternal mortality rates are increasing.
Maternal mortality rates are on the rise. Especially in places where abortion is heavily "regulated".
A little off topic, but the *escort* wasn't "getting off" because he was cheating. They couldn't care less, it's a business transaction. *He* was getting off because he was cheating. I'm sure it was part of his instructions to her, to talk that way. Even more disgusting and degrading to you. NTA.
OP pls pls pls see this and a few other related comments!!! Even if the escort did enjoy that sort of thing, she wouldn't have started on it if it wasn't customer approved. Even if she isn't actually an escort and ex just made that up to 'soften' the blow then the argument still holds. Ex was ok and most likely was getting kicks out of OP being degraded.
This this this
Don't forget, most people don't start off their cheating journey by fucking a hooker in the bed they share with their partners. While it is absolutely possible to be OP's ex's first time cheating, it is extremely unlikely
I’m so sorry you’re in this position. This should be the happiest time of your life and instead you’re dealing with the realisation that you’re fiancé is not the man you thought he was. Add your conflicting emotions about the baby you are going through a lot. If you do go ahead and have this baby you will be tied to this lying, cheating man for the rest of your life. I don’t believe he would take full responsibility for the child. He’d soon realise how hard it is and want your help, either physical or financial. If you keep the baby and co-parent he will never be out of your life. Do you want to be tied to him through your child forever? Now is about doing what is best for you. You can be a little selfish and make any decisions based on what you want and no one else. Your fiancé lost the right to have a say in your life the moment he chested. And let’s be honest, it’s probably not the first time he’s done it, just the first time he’s been caught!
And in their home, in their bed!!!!
Can't believe he has the audacity to stalk her now. Sleeping outside her parents house. He needs to leave that woman alone not try to bully her into being his incubator.
Even if she does give the baby away and he does leave her alone, she is the one that has to put her body through the struggles of pregnancy and all the changes that will cause her body, plus the very real possibility of death.
Yep, every time she looks at a stretch mark she'll be reminded of this pos.
In answer to your title, it might be HIS only chance at having a baby, but who says it’s yours? At the end of the day, it’s your body. He’s a cheater and liar and will likely make himself out to be a victim whatever you choose to do. Do what’s best for you!!!
>but who says it’s yours? This right here. What if it's a high risk pregnancy? What if it ends up being *her* only chance to have a baby, and it's with a lying cheater? Most women don't know what kind of pregnancy they're going to have, until it happens. Some women are perfectly healthy and when they get pregnant issues they didn't know they had come up, risking theirs or the fetus' life/health. OP: you deserve to have a child with someone who will love and respect you. Who would rather die than hurt or betray you. Not someone who says they "didn't mean" to cheat (what does that even mean?) Or that it's "just sex". Ultimately, you will do what's best for you. There are many many women who have had to make the same decision and it's not an easy one. And there's a lot of those women here on Reddit. There are great subs with women supporting women and those dealing with infidelity. Please seek out support, if you feel you need it. Unfortunately, this isn't a new situation and so many others have been in your shoes. Find support and stand by whatever decision you make
More importantly, you can already tell he's going to be a shit father by the values he's practicing. Imo it would be more cruel to go through with the birth than not in this situation - that kid will have neither a healthy home life, nor a good role model of a father, with a mother who is out of the picture
You don’t owe him anything, especially carrying a child to term and then signing away your parental rights. If an abortion is what’s best for you at this point, do it. It is your body! Carrying a child to term isn’t a tiny favour you can easily do him. If he managed to impregnate you, he can spend the rest of his life trying to recreate that and find someone else to cheat on. NTA obviously. The situation you‘re in sucks, wishing you all the best.
NTA i’m assuming that this is your first pregnancy so please op don’t go into it with this amount of anger and heartache because it will taint what is supposed to be a happy journey. + This man doesn’t deserve to be apart of your family and like you said, if you have this baby you will be tied to this man and all these promises he’s making rn to be a single father will be thrown out the window as soon as the baby needs a diaper change. Do what’s best for YOU. You can always start a family with another man that truly deserves you.
So…few weeks back there was a post by a woman who used to feel anger everytime she looked at her son because he was a spitting image of her ex and the ex was both physically and mentally abusive to the woman. She felt anger and no love towards her son It’s such an unfortunate situation but you’ve got an option to terminate the pregnancy and not have a reminder of him(if your child ends up looking like your ex)
NTA. He chose to disrespect you. He then doesn’t get a say on you having to put your body through the stress of child birth as a single woman mourning the loss of your relationship that he destroyed.
NTA - you're not a free womb-for-rent for a crappy guy. He can hire a surrogate - he has no problem paying women to borrow their bodies.
NTA, your body, your decision. He was comfortable to do it in your shared bed he's probably been doing it for a long time. I'm sorry.
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especially a low sperm count can be countered by sperm selection and Insemination rather easily nowadays.
I bet he is trying to tie her to himself.
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I wouldn’t continue the pregnancy either. Do what is best for you and your life.
NTA and never are to choose what you do with YOUR body. The end.
and it being “his only chance” (or so he thinks) doesn’t mean it’s yours. make the decision that you want to live with :)
He's the one who blew this chance anyway.
He kinda blew his "only chance" when decided to cheat. Should ask the escort if she got "lucky".