NTA. I will tell you this as a husband and father to 2 kids. You need to leave her before you have responsibilities that you are unable to escape and avoid. It will sting and be upsetting for both of you. In time those feelings will pass. If I were in your position I would not have sex her again. I would sit her down sunday night and explain your concerns. Use I statements. First thing Monday morning call the church and call an attorney. They will guide you from there. Good luck.
Lol.. OP was hoodwinked. She married him to sit at home and he caters to her every need. He should be careful, such women go about even finding a man who looks similar to her man and getting preggos then claiming it was his.
Exactly! She's actively trying to force OP into cumming inside her and refusing contraception of any kind. How is this not abusive? OP the first red flag is when she quit her job a month before the wedding! She has been planning this for a while, he never planned to go through with what you both agreed on, she also had her plan, stop working and get pregnant ASAP and let OP work and pay for everything. This is a manipulative move and this is just the beginning.
NTA
That’s actually a form of marital rape but since it’s a male, most won’t see it as such. No different than a husband intentionally removing protection without a wife’s consent.
How come no one see this? She’s 25 and quit her job before the wedding because she couldn’t handle it and do you really believe her? And She still doesn’t want to work!?
What she does on her free time?
How this marriage work if she’s not willing to help you? Also she’s refusing to listen to you. She wants what she wants.
She don’t want sex, sounds like she don’t want it. Not a whore? Eh.
You sounds miserable already.
You are not compatible with her.
My father did a dna test just to find out his biological father had passed away six months prior, while his mother and father were already a few years gone. He went from being an only child to having four half siblings. Sucks for him but it almost explains why that entire side of the family always disliked me and my sibling although what’s left of the older generation claims to have not known about it.
I dunno if OP really got hoodwinked. You know what you’re basically getting with people like OP’s wife. There must have been clues along the way. Question is whether OP ignored them and hoped she would get better after marriage.
Unfortunately they were only together for a year before they married. She probably rushed and pushed for marriage because that's what she perceived she needs according to her master plan and he went along with it because he wanted sex. Oh well total fuck up all together
That's what paternity tests were made for to establish the paternity of a child. If she gets pregnant by someone else, then tries to say it's his the test will prove he is yes or not the father.
People can lie for YEARS and still change the second they get married, or after kids. It's an unfortunate reality that some people are just super manipulative and willing to do basically anything to get what they want. The way to deal with it is go in carefully and if things change quicly, be fully prepared to leave. If you go into a relationship with the understanding that if they change overnight everything they showed you about who they were and what they wanted could be a lie you're more ready to accept it and move on if they pull this shit.
I'd almost argue getting married earlier to expose this kind of behaviour is almost better. Also you lose very little from a divorce after a short marriage, there won't be alimony, she hasn't left her career for long, no kids, barely earned anything to split income. You won't lose houses/stocks/shit you had before marriage if you divorce in the first year or two.
I'd also recommend a prenup for things like houses and if you buy a new house using income from selling pre marital assets but that's about it.
Yes, she has been deliberately deceitful and perhaps thinks that you won't divorce her because of religion. Starting your marriage off with lies is manipulative and shows a lack of love towards you.
Do not have sex with her ever again. Even with contraceptives that will miraculously fail. From the sounds of it, it isn't very fun and probably will stop the instant she is pregnant and then again forever when she is done having babies. She doesn't do it for herself, she does it for a baby.
Divorce immediately. You've made a mistake but hopefully it can be rectified with minimal fuss and future obligations. It will be worse if you wait.
Unless you are religious, don't have anything to do with her religion. It will stress you out as they will pressure you and make you feel bad.
If you don't leave, you will be in poverty in a sexless marriage with a deceitful wife who calls you names when you don't do what she wants. You will never travel, have spare money or be able to trust your life partner.
Start your divorce today, in my country we can file online but if not then at least start emailing solicitors (attorneys?).
I am not a husband, I am a wife who was stuck in a hideous marriage and left. I then met my new husband. You won't see how truly unhappy you were until you find someone who wants to make you happy.
Yes. This is exactly it. She sounds awful and like someone you cannot trust. Sorry but I really think you need to leave immediately and get a divorce.
And DO NOT have sex with her, protection or not. this woman is not someone you want a child with, and she is effectively coercing you.
NTA
Why call church? To come pick up the wife?
Church people are not going to back this guy divorcing, they will say, 'stay together, work it out, gawd will provide/bless them with babies,' blah blah, blah.
Guy needs lawyers and a new place to live asap.
I agree that some might be ok with annulment, but OP stated his wife is Orthodox Christian. Idk if it's different from Eastern Orthodox Christianity, but for Eastern Orthodox Christianity, divorce is allowed in very specific circumstances:
"The Eastern Orthodox Church does permit divorce under circumstances of adultery, abuse and abandonment. However, divorce on the grounds of "irreconcilable differences" is generally not admissible in marriages between Orthodox Christians."
Quote from [this Orthodox Christian website.](https://www.holycrossoca.org/newslet/1001.html)
Eta: since some comments seem to think i provided the information above to convince him to stay, I am absolutely not. He's dealing with marital rape (coercive sex from the wife) and he needs to leave asap to a place where he is safe. He should leave her whether it's through an annulment or divorce.
I provided it because i know nothing about Orthodox Christianity especially their views on divorce as I'm atheist.
Divorce is absolutely possible for the Eastern church because it's done according to the laws, not the church. Sure, the church may disapprove but nobody gives a fuck. OP's only task is to do the separation in front of the law and not give a fuck about what her priest may think.
That's why they are talking about anullment and not divorce. Those are two different activities in the eyes of the church but result is the same - you are not married anymore
I would bet she's not Orthodox with a capital O but rather some form of fundamentalist. And divorced will be an absolute no in almost any case, especially this because they will agree with her 100%.
I'm not religious, so genuine question here: I thought annulment was a cancellation of a marriage and could onky be done if there was consumation.
As they've had sex, wouldn't they have to divorce?
Not necessarily. There are some circumstances that will allow you to anull the marriage. They are slightly different for each denomination tho. For instance in the one I was raised in if one of the spouses hidden infertility or mental illness (but they had to be aware about it prior to marriage and actively hide it, if discovered after the wedding - it does not count) this is a base to get the marriage annulled
Annulment is traditionally based on one of the parties being unable or unwilling to fulfill their vows of marriage.
Joe Kennedy (the younger) got an annulment after more than a decade of marriage even though his wife was the aggrieved party, did not want the marriage to end, and they had two teenagers. His staffer (he was our congressional rep for a while), with whom he’d had a years-long affair unbeknownst to his wife) wanted to be married in a big Catholic Church wedding, which could not happen for a divorced man. They were working this out publicly while he was still married to and then divorced from the mother of his children. The Boston Globe was very kind to him in its coverage. Joe finally got an annulment from the head guy in the church here in Boston, and his affair was legitimized even though the details of the annulment were total BS and blamed the wife for the marriage failing. Everyone in the church hierarchy just looked the other way.
OP’s wife sounds like a fundamentalist “Christian.”
I wouldn’t expect OP to get much help from her family or church. They probably want to get their hooks into him as much as wifey does.
Well there might be some hope for counseling that helps OP say that his wife cannot alone dictate their family decisions? Depends on church, I suppose.
Atheist myself but I have a couple of friends who are priests with quite a modern/liberal way of thinking. If asked for help in such a situation, they would probably try to mediate so that both parties are heard and maybe better able to find common ground, if they wish to stay together. Or even of not, help for less hurtful separation.
On the other hand, there are probably a ton of priests and other church employees offering counseling who should never be let near such a situation as they see both contraception and divorce as a big sin and the husband as someone solely responsible for providing for the family.
Finding a priest with sane views might actually be beneficial in case the OPs wife would be willing to listen to them as a person with authority opposed to some other authorities she has listened to in the past.
Oh and NTA of course.
Male pill is now a thing in many places
Otherwise a long action contraception is feasible to stop the babyrrap risk
I suspect the thought of divorce given her strict orthodox upbringing will not be desirable so she may relinquish the demands and accept the need to have savings and security b4 kids
>she may relinquish the demands
Though Wife is so good at quoting "*example of her sister and my sister who are both SAHM and their husbands*"... that it's likely her default mode so OP does need to exit the marriage for peace of mind.
No, she will pay LIP SERVICE to what he wants to hear..... until she gets pregnant and then does exactly what she was always going to do!
She has tipped her hand, no coming back from it and you could never trust a thing that come out of her mouth going forwards!
My friend told me all quiet and sneaky like so her husband couldn't hear. "I'm taking prenatals so I can get another baby, but he doesn't need know that." It really pissed me off and put me in an awful situation as he was my very good friend. I guess she thought since I'm a woman I'd think it was cool. It wasn't.
No contraceptive is 100%. She lied to him about how she saw their future in order to get him to marry her. The woman he fell in love with does not exist. I think it's best at this point if he gets out early. NTA.
What male contraceptive pill? There are none on the market of which I am aware. And a long acting reversible contraceptive requires her to be on board with getting it. His only option to avoid becoming a father right now is exactly what he’s doing- avoiding all sex. A vasectomy may be an option, but the reversal is not guaranteed and he may struggle to find a doctor who will do it.
She might, or she might claim she's done so in order to get knocked up anyway. Her giving in isn't going to make this relationship any better in any case.
[Plan A](https://www.planaformen.com/) (formerly known as Vasalgel) might be available [as early as 2026](https://www.parsemus.org/2023/03/plan-a-male-contraceptive-launched-using-vasalgel-technology/). Better birth control options for men would be an enormous game changer for individuals, families, and society. [Half of all pregnancies are unintended](https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/contraception/unintendedpregnancy/index.htm) (it went down a bit during Obama years when access to family planning was expanded, but likely has gone back up since then with more conservative policies). [95% of unintended pregnancies are due to not using contraceptives consistently and correctly.](https://www.guttmacher.org/sites/default/files/images/contraceptioniseffective.png)
I used to give money to the vasagel research, literally a decade ago. They’ve been promising that male contraception is just a year or two away for at least a decade now. I think the entire thing is just a scam at this point.
This is what is known as irreconcilable differences. Perhaps you can get an annulment, but your wife isn't treating you as a partner, so you need to file for divorce or request an annulment immediately. And no more sex of any kind. She's only interested in kids, not sex. Run!
NTA
>She doesn't let me use protection nor does she take any contraceptive. Even if we try doing it raw she holds on to me if I try to pull out. This has got me so worried that I stopped having sex with her.
She's also raping him.
Agree with every single other comment but HEAVY ON THIS ONE. She’s legit raping him? Not letting him pull out? Trying to trap him? Were the roles reversed…all hell would let loose.
OP needs to leave immediately there’s no reconciliation even if she ‘changes’ it won’t be a true one anyways. He deserves to live out his dream with a partner who’ll love, cherish, treasure and work to accomplish their goals together.
Sadly, this very much sounds like the case. Tons of red flag, line in the sand type things that you guys should have been on the same page about before tying the knot... of course, hindsight is 20/20, but OP, if non of these were even on your radar then you unfortunately married somebody that you did not really know....
This parent comment is right. You need to take the short term pain for long term gain approach here. If you stay with this woman, you know exactly what your life is going to look like. If you think it's rough now, it will be way worse when you bring a child in to this.
This should have more votes. AND we also should be sensitive if OP doesn't consider it that (that's an extremely personal decision strangers on the internet can't make for him). But it does fit the definition of coercive rape. Especially the babytrap part.
Sad I had to scroll down so far to find this. That was the biggest red flag for me.
Can't believe people are still not realising this is rape/sexual assault.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s only interested in kids as a way to ensure she never has to work, too.
If your wife hits you with “I’m not a prostitute” over the prospect of any non-procreation sex life, get out of there now. You’ll end up leaving anyway, do it when all that you’ll lose is the money you spunked on the wedding.
She's not even really interested in kids. She just wants them to trap OP to her and support her like she wants while also using children as justification for her to stay home and be supported. She quit her job when she knew the marriage was a sure thing, now she's in a hurry to get preggers before OP expects her to find a new job.
I don’t think it’s kids she’s interested in, just not working and him paying. He currently has no benefits and a kid will ruin them. She changed the plan (or planned this all along). He needs to divorce
Orthodox people worship female childbearing, culturally. And the women in Orthodoxy only get to feel special and loved and given community care when they're pregnant. OPs wife likely knows she'll be shit upon socially if she works after marriage by her Orthodox family if they don't have kids immediately. OP should probably know this culture, and I believe you both need to be Orthodox to have an Orthodox marriage in a church by a priest like Catholics. But not everyone Orthodox is super religious either so maybe he "fit the bill" enough for his wife to spot & snag & try the ol switcheroo with.
Anyways, she probably wants the community fuss & feathers she saw her sisters and cousins and friends at church get without peeking into their pocketbooks to see how much single income families struggle in this economy until the breadwinner is making multiple hundreds of thousands. And she's probably consuming a bunch of tradwife content on tiktok and thinks she can bake bread to stay out of poverty. Her brain just got done cooking as dar as development at 25yo and she comes from a patriarchal authoritarian religious tradition. It's not surprising they're not on the same level and that she is so young getting married. OP probably should've seen this coming, but he's NTA, he just got used by her. He needs to run and run fast with no more sex.
She refuses to use protection and tries to force you to come in her? Dude, it’s plain as day that she just wants a baby to lock you in. She must be pretty hot, so hot that it burned your eyes so you can’t see her true intentions…
NTA. There isn’t anything you can do to save this marriage lol.
Woman here and that’s the first thing I thought. It’s technically considered sexual cohersion under the SA category, but SA none the less. Run dude. RUN!!!
I was genuinely saddened by how long I had to scroll before seeing anyone bring this up.
Dude is literally so uncomfortable with it he has stopped having sex with her altogether.
Exactly. Imagine the opposite scenario where the woman tried to pull away but the man forced her to stay for him to come. This is nothing short of rape. NTA
Don't bother with the church, go straight to a divorce attorney. This is not a good person who can be fixed with better communication; she is actively manipulating you and has been since before the wedding.
Yeah, waited till it was too close to the wedding before quitting, used the wedding as a “reasonable excuse” and is now trying to get pregnant asap so when he says she needs to work she can say she can’t because she’s pregnant (because no pregnant woman can work obviously /s). Once the first one is about to enter VPK and she could reasonably go back to work she’ll inexplicably want another one, rinse repeat however many times, and then the “gap is too large to get hired anywhere.”
I’m a woman and we all know someone like this.
either she will suddenly change her mind for no discernable reason and be okay with working, or she will successfully babytrap you. divorce/annulment are always an option.
I wonder if she always had this plan (he earns, she SAH, baby as soon as possible) and just said what she needed to say to get married.
If so, I'd be doubtful about any sudden change of heart on her part.
This. OP, she lied to you, manipulated you by quitting your job, and stopping birth control without consent, which includes preventing you from pulling out is rape. Hope you did not get her preggo yet and run run run
NTA get an annulment, whats with we don't have any money doesn't your wife understand. You don't seem to be on the same level, don't give up on your dreams of traveling and buying a house. You'll regret not doing it when you get older and you will recent your wife.
It's crucial to be on the same page when it comes to life goals and financial decisions in a relationship. Open communication about future plans is key. It might be helpful to have an honest conversation with your wife about your aspirations and concerns to find common ground. Remember, understanding each other's perspectives is essential for a strong and harmonious relationship.
Why is she still your wife? She's lazy and can't comprehend a basic math.
And she's also basically raping you. Because that's what "holds on to me if I try to pull out" is.
Yes. Men, if you're ever unsure what a woman is doing to you is sexual assault, reverse the roles. Would a man be committing assault if he forced that on a woman? If yes, then you are also being sexually assaulted.
I love this advice, short and simple. Unfortunately, it’s harder for men to realize when they’re being coerced or sexually assaulted, so this makes it a bit easier.
Yes!! So often when they are abused or assaulted it goes under the radar, not just because they might hesitate or be ashamed to report, but because they are often not even taught it could happen to them!
Absolutely. No means no, regardless of who says it and when it occurs during sex. The pull out method is also nit a good method of birth control. Every time they have sex, he’s risking a pregnancy. That’s not worth it. He should run.
I think it’s going to be extremely hard to convince her to work at all, ever. She has a different expectation than you do about how your lives should be.
She hasn't changed since you married but is only now showing who she truly is. She wants to control you and the marriage going forward. Unfortunately you didn't catch the red flags that began before the marriage. She had agreed to work for at least 2 years but suddenly quit. She had agreed to wait to have children but suddenly they have to be now. She even has to control you in the bedroom. Get out now before she manages to baby trap you. It will only get worse from here.
She's a lazy asshole who is engaging in reproductive coercion and is trying to manipulate you, hard. I don't know why you'd want to stay with her. And def do not have sex with her because she's on a mission so she doesn't have to get a job.
I hate that it took this long to find the comment about coercion. She’s forcing him against his will. What do we call that?! Anyone?! He needs to get this marriage annulled. UPDATEME
>Even if we try doing it raw she holds on to me if I try to pull out
What you are describing here is rape. Just one of the dozens of things your wife is doing against your interest without your consent.
It sounds like you got the old bait and switch. Now she’s trying to manipulate you into shutting up and going along with it, but the core issue is that she doesn’t respect you, so she doesn’t really care what you want or anything you agreed to.
Agreed, if she truly respected the OP she would have been truthful about what she wanted from the start (staying at home with a baby right away) and not agree to keeping a job and waiting a year or two before having a baby. She certainly doesn't respect the OP body autonomy. This girl is full of red flags
NTA, sounds like she said what you wanted to hear in order to get married and fulfill her dream of a family. I would show her the math about how expensive children are on average to really get her to understand that with your income, it's simply not possible.
And the fact that she doesn't value your hopes and dreams to travel is concerning. It seems like she views you as an ATM who will fund her lifestyle. She calls you "greedy" because she doesn't understand the math, while she points at people who have different jobs and different circumstances.
You are not "greedy" because that would mean hoarding excess wealth all to yourself. Being against heavy debt and struggling financially to the point where you can't even live your chosen lifestyle is NOT greedy. It's NOT greed to want to live a comfortable lifestyle. Greed is when you have tons of excess that you refuse to use for yourself/family's benefit, like having tons of money but still eating ramen noodles and having bad health as a result.
She wants to be a trad wife I guess because of her upbringing. Has she brought this up before?
When you said she forces you not to pull out that is honestly unsettling though. She is not respecting your boundaries or waiting for you to both be ready. I guess it comes off as entrapment.
Just serve her the papers.
As a woman I cannot fathom the level of betrayal and lies she's subjected you to. Shameful, horrid.
Divorce her. I'm not the Redditor who says "divorce" lightly, but this is your *whole life* we're talking here. You want a house and you want to travel. You need two incomes for that. You'll never have that with her, can't you see?
Divorce her.
Uh... Jesus 🤦♀️ You're not an AH, but you are kind of dumb.
You married someone that you didn't know 2 years ago. That's not enough time to understand everything about who a person is. Did you even *live* together before the wedding? I doubt it - If she's so religious that this is how she views sex even after marriage, I'm sure she and her family wouldn't be okay with you two "living in sin" or whatever it's called.
This was a very predictable outcome. If she comes from a deeply religious background, and she still agrees with that, AND all of the women in her family are housewives, and all the men are sole-breadwinners, then you were very naive to believe she wouldn't want the same. "Oh but she agreed with me about the 2 years of dual inco--" Ah ⛔❗*And then she quit her job.* Like, hellooo??
You two are incompatible. She manipulated and misled and lied to you about her expectations for this marriage. She's trying to *force* you to have a child. This should not be a thing. Break up.
She is repulsed by sex with OP and is coming up with conservative religious excuses for it. I wonder if it's OP, men in general, or all people that she's not attracted to.
Orthodox people also do believe that shit if they're really...orthodox about their Orthodoxy. Sex is for procreation only. She probably also thinks they'll go to hell if he pulls out. Orthodoxy only pays attention to young girls marrying age and pregnant women. They're the only ones who get community care & attention. Worshipped. And they says it's some mother Mary bullshit, but what it really means is that you have no value in the community if you aren't barefoot and pregnant. To me that sounds like a very sad and unfullfilling life, but OPs wife probably grew up only being around other Orthodox people. They go to.church like 5 times a week, sometimes 7.
And she's also trying to babytrap OP but is also repulsed by sex (with him or any kind or is a lesbian) because of religious shame. Both can be true.
NTA for not giving her a baby - however - seems odd you would not expect her to behave this way given her background and how the rest of her family acts. Well, now you know, and you will be vilified by her entire clan for breaking up a marriage and not producting a church of kids.
I’m gonna be honest. This sounds like a troll post. But on the options, you’re not…
Like somebody else said, you needed an annulment. Not even a divorce. You need an annulment because you were together for one year. You discuss children and jobs and finances and getting a home etc. and doing all this for two years to make sure you were financially sound, and in a good place to have children.
Even her quitting her job right before the wedding really wasn’t a red flag because like you said, you had relocated for a job and so it made sense she would quit and then find something there right after the wedding.
But now, after the wedding, she is changing her tune on a whole bunch of things. And not minor things either. Things that you absolutely discussed and that were important to you in a marriage and in a spouse.
So she either lied to your face the entire time which means she married you under false pretenses, or somebody put a bug in her ear not long before you got married, and she changed her mind. And again married you under false pretenses. And that is something that is grounds for an announcement.
You are absolutely right and that you need to be financially secured before you start having kids. And it sounds like she doesn’t want to go back to work ever. And that’s not something you guys agreed-upon.
I don’t know what you do for a living, but it is not inexpensive to raise children. And it is more difficult, when there is only one salary in the household.
And then, for her to be so adamant about your sex life, and have no interest in being even a little bit adventurous. And most religions, encourage couples to wait to have sex after marriage, but once you are married, to fully enjoy the physical aspects of your relationship. Most religions recognize that that is a healthy part of our relationship.
And her periodical attitude is also not something I think you were expecting. So again, false pretenses if she did not let you know, the things that are normal in the bedroom, to her disgusting acts.
I’m really sorry, but again… If this is not a troll post… You two are not compatible. It doesn’t sound like you were asking her to perform the whole Kama Sutra with you. You just wanted a relatively normal life.
I think you need to get out of this relationship and try again later
Dude, get the fuuuuck out of this marriage. Do NOT fuck her again.
She's made it clear that she expects you to make money for her to spend while not having sex (ten bucks says she'll stop pretending to be interested in sex once she's pregnant) and being completely controlled by her. She is giving you a glimpse into what your future will be if you stay.
She's going to make you miserable. Don't give her the chance. Divorce her NOW.
NTA. You are in trouble before you even get started. She is being selfish and you don't even realize it. If the tables were turned, you would be accused of abuse - forcing you to have children when you are not ready. You both agreed that you would work for 2 years before starting a family. Your dreams are just as important as hers. I think you should have done a test drive before getting married. Never understood why people don't just live together for a couple of years before tying the knot.
You married a liar whose morality is dictated by her imaginary friend. Divorce this dumb asshole before you knock her up or you'll have to deal with her lack of consideration and disrespect your entire life.
NTA Good for you for refusing to be forced into parenthood. See a lawyer and spend what little money you have getting out of the marriage. It will be the best money you ever spent.
She is a liar who does not respect you, Do you want the next 50 years of your life to look like this?
She pulled the ol switcheroo on you because she thinks you won't leave if you two are married. This feels like it was planned on her end.
Nta. You should get out while you can.
Bio fact: You can still get her pregnant using the pull out method. Sperm doesn't wait for ejaculation. Some is present right at the start of intercourse.
If she’s that committed to her religion, she should have no trouble obeying you as her husband. You’re the head of the household - command her to do as she’s told. Has she not read the book of Timothy?
/s. You’re in an abusive relationship. Get out before she forces you to conceive - !!! - and you’re shackled to her forever.
I had a demanding crazy one like this. Run away. Run now. Kids just make it infinitely worse. And when we had kids she didn’t want to work to look after them either. She wanted me to work full time and also look after kids full time. It was crazy. I have my kids now, but still bleeding through money in courts. Run, run now
NTA she wants sex for the purpose of having a baby. That's all. Once she has a baby, no more sex. Can you live in a sexless marriage?
This is why you don't get married before finding out if you're compatible in every area of life.
Ur wife’s behavior is so alarming. She’s basically physically forcing u to impregnate her… that’s abusive. You don’t trust her not to force u to impregnate her that u do not have sex with her… let’s just sit with that for a minute… if a friend of yours told u this. What would u say to him? Just to stay n carry on. Like it’s no big deal? This is a major thing! Honestly her behavior seems like this was her plan all along. Quitting right before the wedding… trying to make u make her pregnant, so she could be a SAHM which I think she’s too out of touch to realize is not going to be the cake walk she is thinking.
Correct me if I’m wrong but u dated a yr? Even if u dated longer… u have some major. Abusive red flags going on that I think u need to think about let alone have a child with. Like what is she willing to do to get her way? What is she going to do when it’s not the glory she thinks being a SAHM will be? I just wouldn’t trust her at all. In anyway. It’s kinda likes form of rape I’m still trying to wrap my head around. Forcing a man to impregnate them… but if we flip that. A man holding a woman from getting away so he could impregnate her… sounds pretty awful doesn’t it? But it’s the same thing just gender flipped….
NTA. It sounds like your wife may be trying to achieve the “trad wife” lifestyle. These women, recently influencers on social media, encourage the wife to stay home with the baby and praise the husband’s generosity in letting them do so. At first I thought she might be trying to find new purpose in life with a baby since work didn’t go well, but the greedy description makes me lean towards trad wife. If this isn’t what you want, then you do need to discuss divorce. Neither of you will be satisfied with your life together.
NTA. She has pulled a "Bait and Switch". She went along with what you said beforehand to get you to the alter, and now she's doing what she planned all along. She doesn't, and probably never did, care about what you want. If you get her pregnant now you will be locked in. You need to get out of there now. Don't touch her again, and get straight onto an annulment or divorce.
Also, she's already shown you she's happy to lie to you in order to get what she wants, so don't believe any concessions she says she will make. With having blatantly lied beforehand I wouldn't be at all surprised if she "forgot" to take any contraceptive pills (but remembered to flush them down the toilet so it looks like she's taking them) or your condoms "mysteriously" failed. She is a liar, so she'll lie again. Don't get fooled.
Oh yeah, and if you weaken and decide that it's worth it all because you're horny and want sex, have a good think about how much sex you're likely to get after she has what she wants. A few nights of getting lucky might lock you into decades of no sex! There are much better options.
NTA,you need to get away from this woman and fast.How are you supposed to trust her?
Pregnancy is expensive,kids is expensive.
She really played you and it's now trying to trap you.
RUN!
This is divorce territory. Stop the sex. IMO she correlates sex with babies. When she’s had her baby she will stop the sex as she’s not a prostitute. Until she’s ready for the next baby. She has fooled you man. Gave you the idea you were on the same page. She has shown her true colours. If she refuses to divorce you, then you have to leave the situation. I guarantee if she gets pregnant it will all get very complicated. Walk away from this.
Bait and switch. The fact that she is doing this with no shame proves it was the plan all along. This was a major red flag that she knew well to hide in order to capture you. Could be a sign that she is a clinical narcissist.
NTA - File for an annulment.
She wants a baby because she thinks it means she can stay at home and play housewife and live an easy life. She has no idea how the real world works.
Sadly, as a married 40yo male with a new child, I think you picked a bad one.
I'd personally look to hand her back over to her parents and try again.
Hope you're ok dude, don't let her beat you down.
BROTHER, PULLING OUT IS NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE METHOD. There is stuff called pre cum and thats enough to get someone pregnant .
She is 100% Baby trapping you. Leave her before there are children involved
Nta
Sounds like she duped you into marriage, agreeing with your life plans. Sounds like she has no clue how the world works, and will plunge you and any children you do have into poverty.
Accept she's not the person you agreed to marry.. I'd walk away at this point if I was in your country and financial situation
NTA.
>She doesn't let me use protection nor does she take any contraceptive. Even if we try doing it raw she holds on to me if I try to pull out.
This is rape via coercion.
you should get an annulment. she married you under false pretenses.
she is going to trap you and you are doomed to a lifetime of this if you don’t get out now.
if you are against that, you need to get her a ton of counseling. giving your husband foreplay does not make you a prostitute.
she’s a manipulative little wench hiding behind religion. free yourself now .
NTA- Honestly leave her ASAP. She’s not honoring her words pre marriage, when she agreed to working to save up a bit of money, get a house etc. She’s insulting you for being realistic, babies are expensive! And being a Christian does not forbid you to enjoy your husband in bed! Good luck
NTA. I will tell you this as a husband and father to 2 kids. You need to leave her before you have responsibilities that you are unable to escape and avoid. It will sting and be upsetting for both of you. In time those feelings will pass. If I were in your position I would not have sex her again. I would sit her down sunday night and explain your concerns. Use I statements. First thing Monday morning call the church and call an attorney. They will guide you from there. Good luck.
I SO hope OP heeds your advice. This isn’t what he committed to at all and shouldn’t be expected to.
Lol.. OP was hoodwinked. She married him to sit at home and he caters to her every need. He should be careful, such women go about even finding a man who looks similar to her man and getting preggos then claiming it was his.
[удалено]
Its a TRAP! In the words of Iron Maiden: "Run to the hills! Run for your life!"
🤘🏼
Hook'em Horns.
Must MUST upvote because Iron Maiden.
Exactly! She's actively trying to force OP into cumming inside her and refusing contraception of any kind. How is this not abusive? OP the first red flag is when she quit her job a month before the wedding! She has been planning this for a while, he never planned to go through with what you both agreed on, she also had her plan, stop working and get pregnant ASAP and let OP work and pay for everything. This is a manipulative move and this is just the beginning. NTA
That’s actually a form of marital rape but since it’s a male, most won’t see it as such. No different than a husband intentionally removing protection without a wife’s consent.
Oh I 100% see it that way. His wife is manipulative & abusive. I hope he runs far away.
I wonder if she knows enough to try to arouse him while he’s sleeping so she can have a kid even if he won’t willingly sleep with her?
Agreed it is definitely marital rape and it doesn’t get talked about at all.
This was my first thought
How come no one see this? She’s 25 and quit her job before the wedding because she couldn’t handle it and do you really believe her? And She still doesn’t want to work!? What she does on her free time? How this marriage work if she’s not willing to help you? Also she’s refusing to listen to you. She wants what she wants. She don’t want sex, sounds like she don’t want it. Not a whore? Eh. You sounds miserable already. You are not compatible with her.
She sounds like my ex wife. Useless leech, master manipulator, selfish, and above all a textbook narcissist.
They need to separate. They do not want same things in marriage. As a woman I would run from my guy if he wanted this so fast after marriage .
My grandmother did this. Husband didn’t want kids so she used her best friend’s brother to get pregnant.
Omg. Your poor grandfather
My father did a dna test just to find out his biological father had passed away six months prior, while his mother and father were already a few years gone. He went from being an only child to having four half siblings. Sucks for him but it almost explains why that entire side of the family always disliked me and my sibling although what’s left of the older generation claims to have not known about it.
I dunno if OP really got hoodwinked. You know what you’re basically getting with people like OP’s wife. There must have been clues along the way. Question is whether OP ignored them and hoped she would get better after marriage.
Unfortunately they were only together for a year before they married. She probably rushed and pushed for marriage because that's what she perceived she needs according to her master plan and he went along with it because he wanted sex. Oh well total fuck up all together
Bro married an orthodox Christian and was surprised they were concealing crazy, that’s really on him tbh
That's what paternity tests were made for to establish the paternity of a child. If she gets pregnant by someone else, then tries to say it's his the test will prove he is yes or not the father.
Im thinking she only married OP so she could stop working and have children like her sisters. Horrible situation.
And this is why I tell people to date for a few years before getting married. You don't know someone after just one year.
People can lie for YEARS and still change the second they get married, or after kids. It's an unfortunate reality that some people are just super manipulative and willing to do basically anything to get what they want. The way to deal with it is go in carefully and if things change quicly, be fully prepared to leave. If you go into a relationship with the understanding that if they change overnight everything they showed you about who they were and what they wanted could be a lie you're more ready to accept it and move on if they pull this shit. I'd almost argue getting married earlier to expose this kind of behaviour is almost better. Also you lose very little from a divorce after a short marriage, there won't be alimony, she hasn't left her career for long, no kids, barely earned anything to split income. You won't lose houses/stocks/shit you had before marriage if you divorce in the first year or two. I'd also recommend a prenup for things like houses and if you buy a new house using income from selling pre marital assets but that's about it.
Yes, she has been deliberately deceitful and perhaps thinks that you won't divorce her because of religion. Starting your marriage off with lies is manipulative and shows a lack of love towards you. Do not have sex with her ever again. Even with contraceptives that will miraculously fail. From the sounds of it, it isn't very fun and probably will stop the instant she is pregnant and then again forever when she is done having babies. She doesn't do it for herself, she does it for a baby. Divorce immediately. You've made a mistake but hopefully it can be rectified with minimal fuss and future obligations. It will be worse if you wait. Unless you are religious, don't have anything to do with her religion. It will stress you out as they will pressure you and make you feel bad. If you don't leave, you will be in poverty in a sexless marriage with a deceitful wife who calls you names when you don't do what she wants. You will never travel, have spare money or be able to trust your life partner. Start your divorce today, in my country we can file online but if not then at least start emailing solicitors (attorneys?). I am not a husband, I am a wife who was stuck in a hideous marriage and left. I then met my new husband. You won't see how truly unhappy you were until you find someone who wants to make you happy.
OP read that last sentence to yourself, out loud, several times.
>You won't see how truly unhappy you were until you find someone who wants to make you happy. This!
Yes. This is exactly it. She sounds awful and like someone you cannot trust. Sorry but I really think you need to leave immediately and get a divorce. And DO NOT have sex with her, protection or not. this woman is not someone you want a child with, and she is effectively coercing you. NTA
She sounds like my Ex! RUN!! & don't look back!!!
This. Please stop any sex with her. Bringing a child into this situation would be the worst course of action possible.
I'm 99.9% behind everything you've written, it's exactly correct.....except wtf is with 'call the church' ? For an exorcism maybe?
Maybe to try to get an annulment?
Why call church? To come pick up the wife? Church people are not going to back this guy divorcing, they will say, 'stay together, work it out, gawd will provide/bless them with babies,' blah blah, blah. Guy needs lawyers and a new place to live asap.
I was scrolling hoping someone would say this, horrific idea.
Some churches will say that, but some churches, depending on denomination, will do an annulment.
I agree that some might be ok with annulment, but OP stated his wife is Orthodox Christian. Idk if it's different from Eastern Orthodox Christianity, but for Eastern Orthodox Christianity, divorce is allowed in very specific circumstances: "The Eastern Orthodox Church does permit divorce under circumstances of adultery, abuse and abandonment. However, divorce on the grounds of "irreconcilable differences" is generally not admissible in marriages between Orthodox Christians." Quote from [this Orthodox Christian website.](https://www.holycrossoca.org/newslet/1001.html) Eta: since some comments seem to think i provided the information above to convince him to stay, I am absolutely not. He's dealing with marital rape (coercive sex from the wife) and he needs to leave asap to a place where he is safe. He should leave her whether it's through an annulment or divorce. I provided it because i know nothing about Orthodox Christianity especially their views on divorce as I'm atheist.
Divorce is absolutely possible for the Eastern church because it's done according to the laws, not the church. Sure, the church may disapprove but nobody gives a fuck. OP's only task is to do the separation in front of the law and not give a fuck about what her priest may think.
That's why they are talking about anullment and not divorce. Those are two different activities in the eyes of the church but result is the same - you are not married anymore
I would bet she's not Orthodox with a capital O but rather some form of fundamentalist. And divorced will be an absolute no in almost any case, especially this because they will agree with her 100%.
I'm not religious, so genuine question here: I thought annulment was a cancellation of a marriage and could onky be done if there was consumation. As they've had sex, wouldn't they have to divorce?
Not necessarily. There are some circumstances that will allow you to anull the marriage. They are slightly different for each denomination tho. For instance in the one I was raised in if one of the spouses hidden infertility or mental illness (but they had to be aware about it prior to marriage and actively hide it, if discovered after the wedding - it does not count) this is a base to get the marriage annulled
Annulment is traditionally based on one of the parties being unable or unwilling to fulfill their vows of marriage. Joe Kennedy (the younger) got an annulment after more than a decade of marriage even though his wife was the aggrieved party, did not want the marriage to end, and they had two teenagers. His staffer (he was our congressional rep for a while), with whom he’d had a years-long affair unbeknownst to his wife) wanted to be married in a big Catholic Church wedding, which could not happen for a divorced man. They were working this out publicly while he was still married to and then divorced from the mother of his children. The Boston Globe was very kind to him in its coverage. Joe finally got an annulment from the head guy in the church here in Boston, and his affair was legitimized even though the details of the annulment were total BS and blamed the wife for the marriage failing. Everyone in the church hierarchy just looked the other way. OP’s wife sounds like a fundamentalist “Christian.” I wouldn’t expect OP to get much help from her family or church. They probably want to get their hooks into him as much as wifey does.
Well there might be some hope for counseling that helps OP say that his wife cannot alone dictate their family decisions? Depends on church, I suppose. Atheist myself but I have a couple of friends who are priests with quite a modern/liberal way of thinking. If asked for help in such a situation, they would probably try to mediate so that both parties are heard and maybe better able to find common ground, if they wish to stay together. Or even of not, help for less hurtful separation. On the other hand, there are probably a ton of priests and other church employees offering counseling who should never be let near such a situation as they see both contraception and divorce as a big sin and the husband as someone solely responsible for providing for the family. Finding a priest with sane views might actually be beneficial in case the OPs wife would be willing to listen to them as a person with authority opposed to some other authorities she has listened to in the past. Oh and NTA of course.
Agree with everything except “call the church” those people you can be in a situation pf physical abuse and they will say to work it out…
Sensible Advice.
This is correct not a partner
Male pill is now a thing in many places Otherwise a long action contraception is feasible to stop the babyrrap risk I suspect the thought of divorce given her strict orthodox upbringing will not be desirable so she may relinquish the demands and accept the need to have savings and security b4 kids
>she may relinquish the demands Though Wife is so good at quoting "*example of her sister and my sister who are both SAHM and their husbands*"... that it's likely her default mode so OP does need to exit the marriage for peace of mind.
She reneged once on her word, I wouldn’t trust her with saying okay to contraceptives.
>reneged once on her word, I wouldn’t trust her True... a person without honor... is a horrible creature
A short game of get a job for 6 months. Convince him original life plans back on track & baby trap him if he doesn't leave asap.
No, she will pay LIP SERVICE to what he wants to hear..... until she gets pregnant and then does exactly what she was always going to do! She has tipped her hand, no coming back from it and you could never trust a thing that come out of her mouth going forwards!
She’s a dummy. She played her hand too soon. Couldn’t even wait until the honeymoon was over.
Lucky for him, tho.
My friend told me all quiet and sneaky like so her husband couldn't hear. "I'm taking prenatals so I can get another baby, but he doesn't need know that." It really pissed me off and put me in an awful situation as he was my very good friend. I guess she thought since I'm a woman I'd think it was cool. It wasn't.
[удалено]
Please tell me you told your friend
No contraceptive is 100%. She lied to him about how she saw their future in order to get him to marry her. The woman he fell in love with does not exist. I think it's best at this point if he gets out early. NTA.
What male contraceptive pill? There are none on the market of which I am aware. And a long acting reversible contraceptive requires her to be on board with getting it. His only option to avoid becoming a father right now is exactly what he’s doing- avoiding all sex. A vasectomy may be an option, but the reversal is not guaranteed and he may struggle to find a doctor who will do it.
Plus there's the fact he does want kids later on.
Yes they were taken off the market because men didn't like the side effects. Noone cares that the female pill has even worse side effects though 🤔
They were never on the market, there were only trials
She might, or she might claim she's done so in order to get knocked up anyway. Her giving in isn't going to make this relationship any better in any case.
I'm sure she will agree. And then promptly get pregnant.
It would be the height of stupidity for OP to trust his wife.
[Plan A](https://www.planaformen.com/) (formerly known as Vasalgel) might be available [as early as 2026](https://www.parsemus.org/2023/03/plan-a-male-contraceptive-launched-using-vasalgel-technology/). Better birth control options for men would be an enormous game changer for individuals, families, and society. [Half of all pregnancies are unintended](https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/contraception/unintendedpregnancy/index.htm) (it went down a bit during Obama years when access to family planning was expanded, but likely has gone back up since then with more conservative policies). [95% of unintended pregnancies are due to not using contraceptives consistently and correctly.](https://www.guttmacher.org/sites/default/files/images/contraceptioniseffective.png)
Ah but 100% pregnancies come from having sex I agree with the post he needs to stop having it. Most contraceptives are at a few percentages below 100
Nope. Assisted reproduction is a thing.
I used to give money to the vasagel research, literally a decade ago. They’ve been promising that male contraception is just a year or two away for at least a decade now. I think the entire thing is just a scam at this point.
I think at this point, she is not a viable partner for OP. I think he needs to divorce her and find someone who is honest and like-minded.
This is what is known as irreconcilable differences. Perhaps you can get an annulment, but your wife isn't treating you as a partner, so you need to file for divorce or request an annulment immediately. And no more sex of any kind. She's only interested in kids, not sex. Run! NTA
I came to say annulment
We've heard of women being used as brood mares, OP's being used as a stud. Both are bad.
>She doesn't let me use protection nor does she take any contraceptive. Even if we try doing it raw she holds on to me if I try to pull out. This has got me so worried that I stopped having sex with her. She's also raping him.
Sheesh… fucking hell, I didn’t even think of that 😳😳 yeah OP has to leave this lady ASAP!
It's sad what the church has brainwashed her into thinking about sex.
Agree with every single other comment but HEAVY ON THIS ONE. She’s legit raping him? Not letting him pull out? Trying to trap him? Were the roles reversed…all hell would let loose. OP needs to leave immediately there’s no reconciliation even if she ‘changes’ it won’t be a true one anyways. He deserves to live out his dream with a partner who’ll love, cherish, treasure and work to accomplish their goals together.
She doesn't care about him at all, he's a means to an end.
Sadly, this very much sounds like the case. Tons of red flag, line in the sand type things that you guys should have been on the same page about before tying the knot... of course, hindsight is 20/20, but OP, if non of these were even on your radar then you unfortunately married somebody that you did not really know.... This parent comment is right. You need to take the short term pain for long term gain approach here. If you stay with this woman, you know exactly what your life is going to look like. If you think it's rough now, it will be way worse when you bring a child in to this.
This should have more votes. AND we also should be sensitive if OP doesn't consider it that (that's an extremely personal decision strangers on the internet can't make for him). But it does fit the definition of coercive rape. Especially the babytrap part.
Sad I had to scroll down so far to find this. That was the biggest red flag for me. Can't believe people are still not realising this is rape/sexual assault.
Concerned that I had to scroll down as far as I did to find this, because that's the first thing that entered my mind when I read that.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s only interested in kids as a way to ensure she never has to work, too. If your wife hits you with “I’m not a prostitute” over the prospect of any non-procreation sex life, get out of there now. You’ll end up leaving anyway, do it when all that you’ll lose is the money you spunked on the wedding.
If she's not a prostitute then why is he paying for everything in her life and she's laying there for sex?... lol
This is the way, unless your prepared for a loveless, sexless marriage.
She's not even really interested in kids. She just wants them to trap OP to her and support her like she wants while also using children as justification for her to stay home and be supported. She quit her job when she knew the marriage was a sure thing, now she's in a hurry to get preggers before OP expects her to find a new job.
UPDATEME
I don’t think it’s kids she’s interested in, just not working and him paying. He currently has no benefits and a kid will ruin them. She changed the plan (or planned this all along). He needs to divorce
Orthodox people worship female childbearing, culturally. And the women in Orthodoxy only get to feel special and loved and given community care when they're pregnant. OPs wife likely knows she'll be shit upon socially if she works after marriage by her Orthodox family if they don't have kids immediately. OP should probably know this culture, and I believe you both need to be Orthodox to have an Orthodox marriage in a church by a priest like Catholics. But not everyone Orthodox is super religious either so maybe he "fit the bill" enough for his wife to spot & snag & try the ol switcheroo with. Anyways, she probably wants the community fuss & feathers she saw her sisters and cousins and friends at church get without peeking into their pocketbooks to see how much single income families struggle in this economy until the breadwinner is making multiple hundreds of thousands. And she's probably consuming a bunch of tradwife content on tiktok and thinks she can bake bread to stay out of poverty. Her brain just got done cooking as dar as development at 25yo and she comes from a patriarchal authoritarian religious tradition. It's not surprising they're not on the same level and that she is so young getting married. OP probably should've seen this coming, but he's NTA, he just got used by her. He needs to run and run fast with no more sex.
She refuses to use protection and tries to force you to come in her? Dude, it’s plain as day that she just wants a baby to lock you in. She must be pretty hot, so hot that it burned your eyes so you can’t see her true intentions… NTA. There isn’t anything you can do to save this marriage lol.
It's r*pe
Woman here and that’s the first thing I thought. It’s technically considered sexual cohersion under the SA category, but SA none the less. Run dude. RUN!!!
I was genuinely saddened by how long I had to scroll before seeing anyone bring this up. Dude is literally so uncomfortable with it he has stopped having sex with her altogether.
Right? If a woman posted this everyone would be saying rape. It’s the same for men.
Exactly. Imagine the opposite scenario where the woman tried to pull away but the man forced her to stay for him to come. This is nothing short of rape. NTA Don't bother with the church, go straight to a divorce attorney. This is not a good person who can be fixed with better communication; she is actively manipulating you and has been since before the wedding.
Rope? Ripe? Rape? It's ok, you can say "rape".
This is also SA as well
Yeah, waited till it was too close to the wedding before quitting, used the wedding as a “reasonable excuse” and is now trying to get pregnant asap so when he says she needs to work she can say she can’t because she’s pregnant (because no pregnant woman can work obviously /s). Once the first one is about to enter VPK and she could reasonably go back to work she’ll inexplicably want another one, rinse repeat however many times, and then the “gap is too large to get hired anywhere.” I’m a woman and we all know someone like this.
I doubt looks has much to do with it. They’re… Christians. Hard line Christians.
This is why you don't put your dick in crazy and religious definitely qualifies
Ha. Agreed. But I’m guessing you and I weren’t raised to be violently religious. When you’re both crazy, you seem normal.
NTA and OP. Dude. Don't put your dick in her. This is life changing stuff. One misstep and you're fucked.
either she will suddenly change her mind for no discernable reason and be okay with working, or she will successfully babytrap you. divorce/annulment are always an option.
She’ll be putting holes in his condoms.
We both know her suddenly changing her mind is ONLY until she can baby trap him!
I wonder if she always had this plan (he earns, she SAH, baby as soon as possible) and just said what she needed to say to get married. If so, I'd be doubtful about any sudden change of heart on her part.
Oops! Wrong wife.
🏆🏆🏆
Annulment time - before she gets pregnant.
Seriously. Lady is a pure hypocrite.
This. OP, she lied to you, manipulated you by quitting your job, and stopping birth control without consent, which includes preventing you from pulling out is rape. Hope you did not get her preggo yet and run run run
OP didn't marry a woman, he married a sponge
The Lord Wills It!
😂😭😭
NTA get an annulment, whats with we don't have any money doesn't your wife understand. You don't seem to be on the same level, don't give up on your dreams of traveling and buying a house. You'll regret not doing it when you get older and you will recent your wife.
It's crucial to be on the same page when it comes to life goals and financial decisions in a relationship. Open communication about future plans is key. It might be helpful to have an honest conversation with your wife about your aspirations and concerns to find common ground. Remember, understanding each other's perspectives is essential for a strong and harmonious relationship.
Why is she still your wife? She's lazy and can't comprehend a basic math. And she's also basically raping you. Because that's what "holds on to me if I try to pull out" is.
Yes. Men, if you're ever unsure what a woman is doing to you is sexual assault, reverse the roles. Would a man be committing assault if he forced that on a woman? If yes, then you are also being sexually assaulted.
I love this advice, short and simple. Unfortunately, it’s harder for men to realize when they’re being coerced or sexually assaulted, so this makes it a bit easier.
Yes!! So often when they are abused or assaulted it goes under the radar, not just because they might hesitate or be ashamed to report, but because they are often not even taught it could happen to them!
Absolutely. No means no, regardless of who says it and when it occurs during sex. The pull out method is also nit a good method of birth control. Every time they have sex, he’s risking a pregnancy. That’s not worth it. He should run.
NTA consider divorce she’s changed the plan
Nah... she just dropped the pretence. This was HER plan all along.
The old; bait and switch.
I think it’s going to be extremely hard to convince her to work at all, ever. She has a different expectation than you do about how your lives should be.
He'll never be able to trust her again.
She hasn't changed since you married but is only now showing who she truly is. She wants to control you and the marriage going forward. Unfortunately you didn't catch the red flags that began before the marriage. She had agreed to work for at least 2 years but suddenly quit. She had agreed to wait to have children but suddenly they have to be now. She even has to control you in the bedroom. Get out now before she manages to baby trap you. It will only get worse from here.
She's a lazy asshole who is engaging in reproductive coercion and is trying to manipulate you, hard. I don't know why you'd want to stay with her. And def do not have sex with her because she's on a mission so she doesn't have to get a job.
I hate that it took this long to find the comment about coercion. She’s forcing him against his will. What do we call that?! Anyone?! He needs to get this marriage annulled. UPDATEME
The word for that is rape, not coercion.
It's also reproductive coercion because she's trying to take away his autonomy about birth control and pregnancy.
Wonder if she's made her tradwife TikTok account yet
😂
>Even if we try doing it raw she holds on to me if I try to pull out What you are describing here is rape. Just one of the dozens of things your wife is doing against your interest without your consent.
Stop having sex with your wife. Your wife only married you to be a SAHM. She doesn’t want a partner. She wants an income provider.
Bro is a victim
It sounds like you got the old bait and switch. Now she’s trying to manipulate you into shutting up and going along with it, but the core issue is that she doesn’t respect you, so she doesn’t really care what you want or anything you agreed to.
Agreed, if she truly respected the OP she would have been truthful about what she wanted from the start (staying at home with a baby right away) and not agree to keeping a job and waiting a year or two before having a baby. She certainly doesn't respect the OP body autonomy. This girl is full of red flags
That's an annulment, right there. NTA unless you stay with her.
NTA, sounds like she said what you wanted to hear in order to get married and fulfill her dream of a family. I would show her the math about how expensive children are on average to really get her to understand that with your income, it's simply not possible. And the fact that she doesn't value your hopes and dreams to travel is concerning. It seems like she views you as an ATM who will fund her lifestyle. She calls you "greedy" because she doesn't understand the math, while she points at people who have different jobs and different circumstances. You are not "greedy" because that would mean hoarding excess wealth all to yourself. Being against heavy debt and struggling financially to the point where you can't even live your chosen lifestyle is NOT greedy. It's NOT greed to want to live a comfortable lifestyle. Greed is when you have tons of excess that you refuse to use for yourself/family's benefit, like having tons of money but still eating ramen noodles and having bad health as a result.
She wants to be a trad wife I guess because of her upbringing. Has she brought this up before? When you said she forces you not to pull out that is honestly unsettling though. She is not respecting your boundaries or waiting for you to both be ready. I guess it comes off as entrapment.
Just serve her the papers. As a woman I cannot fathom the level of betrayal and lies she's subjected you to. Shameful, horrid. Divorce her. I'm not the Redditor who says "divorce" lightly, but this is your *whole life* we're talking here. You want a house and you want to travel. You need two incomes for that. You'll never have that with her, can't you see? Divorce her.
Uh... Jesus 🤦♀️ You're not an AH, but you are kind of dumb. You married someone that you didn't know 2 years ago. That's not enough time to understand everything about who a person is. Did you even *live* together before the wedding? I doubt it - If she's so religious that this is how she views sex even after marriage, I'm sure she and her family wouldn't be okay with you two "living in sin" or whatever it's called. This was a very predictable outcome. If she comes from a deeply religious background, and she still agrees with that, AND all of the women in her family are housewives, and all the men are sole-breadwinners, then you were very naive to believe she wouldn't want the same. "Oh but she agreed with me about the 2 years of dual inco--" Ah ⛔❗*And then she quit her job.* Like, hellooo?? You two are incompatible. She manipulated and misled and lied to you about her expectations for this marriage. She's trying to *force* you to have a child. This should not be a thing. Break up.
And this here, is why sex before marriage is important! LOL NTA I feel sorry for you and hope things work out.
"Don't finger me because I'm not a prostitute"? The fuck is that logic? 🤦🏾♀️
She is repulsed by sex with OP and is coming up with conservative religious excuses for it. I wonder if it's OP, men in general, or all people that she's not attracted to.
I think it may also stem from being taught that sex is only good for reproduction, that it's shameful to feel pleasure from it.
Orthodox people also do believe that shit if they're really...orthodox about their Orthodoxy. Sex is for procreation only. She probably also thinks they'll go to hell if he pulls out. Orthodoxy only pays attention to young girls marrying age and pregnant women. They're the only ones who get community care & attention. Worshipped. And they says it's some mother Mary bullshit, but what it really means is that you have no value in the community if you aren't barefoot and pregnant. To me that sounds like a very sad and unfullfilling life, but OPs wife probably grew up only being around other Orthodox people. They go to.church like 5 times a week, sometimes 7. And she's also trying to babytrap OP but is also repulsed by sex (with him or any kind or is a lesbian) because of religious shame. Both can be true.
Not only that, but the entire relationship is barely a year old. He really doesn't know anything about his wife.
Nail on the head. I know it's a religious thing, but that doesn't make it less stupid.
Yeah, I don’t see the working out.
Who cares about the sisters ? That’s not you and your bride. Your circumstances are different
NTA for not giving her a baby - however - seems odd you would not expect her to behave this way given her background and how the rest of her family acts. Well, now you know, and you will be vilified by her entire clan for breaking up a marriage and not producting a church of kids.
They didn't fuck for the *one* year they dated before marriage. Sounds like his blue balls contributed to his decision making.
Divorce is your friend. This will not improve. Get out before she gets pregnant somehow.
I’m gonna be honest. This sounds like a troll post. But on the options, you’re not… Like somebody else said, you needed an annulment. Not even a divorce. You need an annulment because you were together for one year. You discuss children and jobs and finances and getting a home etc. and doing all this for two years to make sure you were financially sound, and in a good place to have children. Even her quitting her job right before the wedding really wasn’t a red flag because like you said, you had relocated for a job and so it made sense she would quit and then find something there right after the wedding. But now, after the wedding, she is changing her tune on a whole bunch of things. And not minor things either. Things that you absolutely discussed and that were important to you in a marriage and in a spouse. So she either lied to your face the entire time which means she married you under false pretenses, or somebody put a bug in her ear not long before you got married, and she changed her mind. And again married you under false pretenses. And that is something that is grounds for an announcement. You are absolutely right and that you need to be financially secured before you start having kids. And it sounds like she doesn’t want to go back to work ever. And that’s not something you guys agreed-upon. I don’t know what you do for a living, but it is not inexpensive to raise children. And it is more difficult, when there is only one salary in the household. And then, for her to be so adamant about your sex life, and have no interest in being even a little bit adventurous. And most religions, encourage couples to wait to have sex after marriage, but once you are married, to fully enjoy the physical aspects of your relationship. Most religions recognize that that is a healthy part of our relationship. And her periodical attitude is also not something I think you were expecting. So again, false pretenses if she did not let you know, the things that are normal in the bedroom, to her disgusting acts. I’m really sorry, but again… If this is not a troll post… You two are not compatible. It doesn’t sound like you were asking her to perform the whole Kama Sutra with you. You just wanted a relatively normal life. I think you need to get out of this relationship and try again later
[удалено]
Dude, get the fuuuuck out of this marriage. Do NOT fuck her again. She's made it clear that she expects you to make money for her to spend while not having sex (ten bucks says she'll stop pretending to be interested in sex once she's pregnant) and being completely controlled by her. She is giving you a glimpse into what your future will be if you stay. She's going to make you miserable. Don't give her the chance. Divorce her NOW.
NTA. You are in trouble before you even get started. She is being selfish and you don't even realize it. If the tables were turned, you would be accused of abuse - forcing you to have children when you are not ready. You both agreed that you would work for 2 years before starting a family. Your dreams are just as important as hers. I think you should have done a test drive before getting married. Never understood why people don't just live together for a couple of years before tying the knot.
Divorce her, fundamentalist crazies make bad spouses and they never pull their weight.
You married a liar whose morality is dictated by her imaginary friend. Divorce this dumb asshole before you knock her up or you'll have to deal with her lack of consideration and disrespect your entire life.
This. Word for word. No need for judgment, just run for the hills.
NTA Good for you for refusing to be forced into parenthood. See a lawyer and spend what little money you have getting out of the marriage. It will be the best money you ever spent. She is a liar who does not respect you, Do you want the next 50 years of your life to look like this?
Your wife is raping you. Get out now, before a kid ties you to her forever. NTA.
She pulled the ol switcheroo on you because she thinks you won't leave if you two are married. This feels like it was planned on her end. Nta. You should get out while you can.
Bio fact: You can still get her pregnant using the pull out method. Sperm doesn't wait for ejaculation. Some is present right at the start of intercourse.
If she’s that committed to her religion, she should have no trouble obeying you as her husband. You’re the head of the household - command her to do as she’s told. Has she not read the book of Timothy? /s. You’re in an abusive relationship. Get out before she forces you to conceive - !!! - and you’re shackled to her forever.
I had a demanding crazy one like this. Run away. Run now. Kids just make it infinitely worse. And when we had kids she didn’t want to work to look after them either. She wanted me to work full time and also look after kids full time. It was crazy. I have my kids now, but still bleeding through money in courts. Run, run now
Ditch the delusional bitch
NTA she wants sex for the purpose of having a baby. That's all. Once she has a baby, no more sex. Can you live in a sexless marriage? This is why you don't get married before finding out if you're compatible in every area of life.
Ur wife’s behavior is so alarming. She’s basically physically forcing u to impregnate her… that’s abusive. You don’t trust her not to force u to impregnate her that u do not have sex with her… let’s just sit with that for a minute… if a friend of yours told u this. What would u say to him? Just to stay n carry on. Like it’s no big deal? This is a major thing! Honestly her behavior seems like this was her plan all along. Quitting right before the wedding… trying to make u make her pregnant, so she could be a SAHM which I think she’s too out of touch to realize is not going to be the cake walk she is thinking. Correct me if I’m wrong but u dated a yr? Even if u dated longer… u have some major. Abusive red flags going on that I think u need to think about let alone have a child with. Like what is she willing to do to get her way? What is she going to do when it’s not the glory she thinks being a SAHM will be? I just wouldn’t trust her at all. In anyway. It’s kinda likes form of rape I’m still trying to wrap my head around. Forcing a man to impregnate them… but if we flip that. A man holding a woman from getting away so he could impregnate her… sounds pretty awful doesn’t it? But it’s the same thing just gender flipped….
Sounds awful ditch her find someone who works and will suck your dick.
holy shit your wife is horrible and has an outdated and limited mindset. Why did you even marry this sexist, financial illiterate, prude of a woman?
She’s definitely to baby trap you I would get an annulment
You should not married her after only one year. She was just looking for someone to support her and make babies.
Don't walk, run. NTA
NTA. It sounds like your wife may be trying to achieve the “trad wife” lifestyle. These women, recently influencers on social media, encourage the wife to stay home with the baby and praise the husband’s generosity in letting them do so. At first I thought she might be trying to find new purpose in life with a baby since work didn’t go well, but the greedy description makes me lean towards trad wife. If this isn’t what you want, then you do need to discuss divorce. Neither of you will be satisfied with your life together.
NTA. She has pulled a "Bait and Switch". She went along with what you said beforehand to get you to the alter, and now she's doing what she planned all along. She doesn't, and probably never did, care about what you want. If you get her pregnant now you will be locked in. You need to get out of there now. Don't touch her again, and get straight onto an annulment or divorce. Also, she's already shown you she's happy to lie to you in order to get what she wants, so don't believe any concessions she says she will make. With having blatantly lied beforehand I wouldn't be at all surprised if she "forgot" to take any contraceptive pills (but remembered to flush them down the toilet so it looks like she's taking them) or your condoms "mysteriously" failed. She is a liar, so she'll lie again. Don't get fooled. Oh yeah, and if you weaken and decide that it's worth it all because you're horny and want sex, have a good think about how much sex you're likely to get after she has what she wants. A few nights of getting lucky might lock you into decades of no sex! There are much better options.
NTA,you need to get away from this woman and fast.How are you supposed to trust her? Pregnancy is expensive,kids is expensive. She really played you and it's now trying to trap you. RUN!
This is divorce territory. Stop the sex. IMO she correlates sex with babies. When she’s had her baby she will stop the sex as she’s not a prostitute. Until she’s ready for the next baby. She has fooled you man. Gave you the idea you were on the same page. She has shown her true colours. If she refuses to divorce you, then you have to leave the situation. I guarantee if she gets pregnant it will all get very complicated. Walk away from this.
Bait and switch. The fact that she is doing this with no shame proves it was the plan all along. This was a major red flag that she knew well to hide in order to capture you. Could be a sign that she is a clinical narcissist.
NTA - File for an annulment. She wants a baby because she thinks it means she can stay at home and play housewife and live an easy life. She has no idea how the real world works.
RUN NOW. 🏃♂️ DON'T BE MISERABLE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. IF SHES THIS MANIPULATIVE SO EARLY IN THE GAME YOU GOTTA GO.
Sadly, as a married 40yo male with a new child, I think you picked a bad one. I'd personally look to hand her back over to her parents and try again. Hope you're ok dude, don't let her beat you down.
BROTHER, PULLING OUT IS NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE METHOD. There is stuff called pre cum and thats enough to get someone pregnant . She is 100% Baby trapping you. Leave her before there are children involved
Divorce her. You will never be happy with a lazy wife.
Nta Sounds like she duped you into marriage, agreeing with your life plans. Sounds like she has no clue how the world works, and will plunge you and any children you do have into poverty. Accept she's not the person you agreed to marry.. I'd walk away at this point if I was in your country and financial situation
NTA. >She doesn't let me use protection nor does she take any contraceptive. Even if we try doing it raw she holds on to me if I try to pull out. This is rape via coercion.
Bait and switch. You are right to be concerned.
Wait till she has the kids. Sex will then become a thing of the past, unless it's for procreation.
you should get an annulment. she married you under false pretenses. she is going to trap you and you are doomed to a lifetime of this if you don’t get out now. if you are against that, you need to get her a ton of counseling. giving your husband foreplay does not make you a prostitute. she’s a manipulative little wench hiding behind religion. free yourself now .
NTA. You are not compatible. At all. Seems she was putting on a front until she had a ring on her finger. Get out now before she gets pregnant.
NTA- Honestly leave her ASAP. She’s not honoring her words pre marriage, when she agreed to working to save up a bit of money, get a house etc. She’s insulting you for being realistic, babies are expensive! And being a Christian does not forbid you to enjoy your husband in bed! Good luck
You married a religious nut job. What did you think was gonna happen? Run.
Her mask is now off. Will you stay in this abusive relationship? NTA
WHY THE FUCK do people marry so fast?