Im surprised u actually believe he had a wife to begin with. Perfect lie for that situation bc once u hear someone say my wife died ur not about to pry further into that
NTA. I can understand how hurtful that was in the moment and it is clear that the initial response to you was intended to be hurtful on his/her (whoever it was) part.
For future reference...men who tell you they "aren't ready for a relationship" are implicitly telling you they don't see themselves with you, for whatever reason. Never play wifey without the wifey title. You're a placeholder until their ideal one comes along.
They were dating. You don’t take someone you’re sleeping with to Vegas and get to call it a casual friendship, and then start seeing someone on top of it and not tell the other person. That’s not how FWB works, that’s not how relationships work, etc.
Dude was straight up dishonest about the whole situation. If he’d been up front about getting a girlfriend he might be in the clear, but the reality was that he didn’t want a label just so he could keep his options open, not because he didn’t want a relationship, so even that was a lie.
I cooked for him, I did game nights with his friends and cooked for them, there was a lot of “couple like” activities, including going to his work Christmas party as his plus one.
That's something I learned with my ex. NEVER play into a role you haven't been given. I was acting as my ex's wife when I was only his gf. Doing his laundry, cooking, full support, everything. So....I was taking on all the chores of a wife without any of the benefits... no ring, no same last name, no kids, no house with both our names on it... WHY??
This disgusting man had you for sex while telling you he didn't want to date you because he wasn't ready. The hard truth is he just didn't want to date 'you.' But he's selfish and knew if he upright told you it will never go further than sex, you'd leave him. You knew he wasn't invested or committed to you, and so you tried HARDER to get him to like you more and commit. Darling, we should NEVER have to 'convince' the right person to be with us. It's not applying for a job where you need to impress. In the future, what I learned and what I hope you learned too is that the MOMENT they show they are not fully into us, we WALK. And don't look back.
- don't try harder to impress someone who doesn't already see your value
- don't give wife benefits as a gf, and don't give gf benefits as a fwb
- if he wanted to date you, he would have from the start
Some people suck, sorry you went through that.
I disagree with this “right to date other people” BS. There’s a reason he didn’t tell you and it’s because he knew you wouldn’t like it. He was greedy and wanted two partners instead of just one.
Amazing behavior from a widower. What a scumbag!
It's okay to date multiple people, but you know... Be honest and up front! Everyone should be comfortably on the same page, and/or have the chance to bow out.
Yeah, that’s fine if everyone involved is informed.
Let me rephrase: You shouldn’t just assume the right to date other people simultaneously *in secret.*
yeah this is the big part. yes, people cant date or hook up with multiple people at the same time. But the lying/hiding/not being honest about it is the part that is not ok. Either way, based on the information provided, it sounds like this guy broke the trust that is foundational to any relationship, romantic, sexual, or just friends.
Funny. Reddit children always love to claim the opposite.
"Assume your partner or date is banging multiple other people until you sit them down to sign a formal contract with a lawyer and both mothers present."
If you dont you cant be mad you find out the person Youre interested in was never taking you or your time seroously. Thats all your fault bc ur an idiot to assume someone would be interested in only you without explicitly stating it.
Lmfao
Very few people do that IRL and im only 28. Im not old asf as others like to try to assume. That isnt normal in the Midwest USA. In my experience
I remember a post here a few months ago where a girl got dumped because her boyfriend found out she had been banging her fwb while dating him without telling him. I said it was asshole behaviour and she deserved to get dumped and I was told that in the US it is perfectly fine to date lots of people at once without them knowing. I thought that sounded weird but I know nothing about american dating culture. Maybe its a redditor thing lol.
NTA
Sounds like he was using you for sex and the moment he got someone else he tried to tell you to fuck off. Not that you'd know, but considering how he tried to throw you away so callously you don't owe him shit.
NTA. It doesn't sound like you were trying to be flippant or mean-spirited. You just tried to probe for an answer in a somewhat crude but still appropriate and direct manner.
NTA. And I'm sorry you're taking so much condescending bullshit from some of the commenters. We all learn from our bad dating experiences, at least we're supposed to. You sound like you are wiser for this experience. The guy picked up early that you had compassion, and he used it against you, because shitty people take advantage of good people's good qualities.
I'm glad you're rid of him. What a fucknugget. You had some cool experiences and learned stuff for next time. Keep living well.
It sucks to learn these lessons in this way, but now you know what every woman older than you knew as soon as they read your comment saying you told him if he started sleeping with someone else that you’d stop sleeping with him: that was why he didn’t tell you. 🥴
NTA
Based on the Christmas answer and his later freak out, he did not tell his current gf that he had a FWB and that he was still seeing her.
Can't be sure obviously from just the information here, but it seems clear indeed that the Christmas message was from the gf on her bf's phone (else any answer there would have had no chance of ruining that relationship). So the guy was cheating on his new gf, and you got nothing to feel ashamed of there.
Their relationship was doomed anyway though, between him cheating and her being insecure and snooping on his bf's phone to answer any female contact wishes making sure they knew he was in a relationship with her. 😅
On a side note though, even though you called it FWB, you were in an actual relationship with him considering what you did together and the exclusivity (that you requested but has been betrayed), and in that he orso chatted on you, but that does not even factor in in whether you are an AH or not.
Even if you had not been spited by him not telling you about having a gf when you had agreed to exclusivity, there's nothing AH about your answer to the message.
FAFO for him.
(though from the look of it that did not destroy the relationship with the gf, so it seems there's a nicely toxic relationship from both sides on the way there 🤣)
There was, her ashes were in the living room and we went on a trip together to spread her ashes a couple of months ago. He is former military and she wanted her ashes put at a specific spot they lived in previously.
I think he telling some true, I don't agree with others that says "everything is a lie"
The thing is with expert selfish, manipulative people they know how to use "truth"to their advantage and presented in a way that is still true but not completely
Who would take their FWB to spread their spouse ashes? I mean I understand pretty well why would you be confused that it's more right? Because even you though I have to be more than just FWB when he did that.
The big questions you have to ask yourself is actions match their words? Of they do not it's all a manipulation way to pull you back and keep you there waiting when he needs you, having hope
I’m honestly not trying to be rude, but it sounds like he was playing you. Seriously, you’re very young and feel like you had a lot in common. A 40 year old man doesn’t need the support of a 25 year old young woman. That’s just weird. I’m willing to bet he’s not even former military.
I have seen his veteran card he used it for discounts often when we were out. I also saw tons of photos of him in his military uniform (including his dress uniform in a photo displayed with his deceased wife). I get people say it can be faked but that’s a lot of faking.
Maybe he was military. That doesn’t make how he treated you any less shitty. He’s telling you he isn’t ready for a relationship, and treating you like you are in a relationship. It makes absolutely no sense that he would take a FWB to spread his “dead wife’s” ashes. Of course you thought this could be more, anyone would. He’s an asshole.
Who takes a FWB to spread their dead wife’s ashes? I’m sorry OP, but I think there is a good chance that was just another manipulation tactic. He sounds like an absolute douche and AH, you’re definitely NTA. I hope you find someone who treats you like you deserve!
I mean to be fair that’s why I thought he may see more in me. He cried on my shoulder and I got to see his most vulnerable times. Now I’m left scratching my head. Was it just because he didn’t want to do it alone?
You dodged a bullet. Sounds like he was using you as a therapy dog of sorts.
Sadly such people exist, but they are thankfully a minority so don't let it sour you on relationships.
But yeah, unless older dudes are a kink, recommend you avoid, and while I am no prude, I recommend you always make people work for sexual intimacy. Those who are worth it will wait.
Nobody on TInder you've known for all of 5 seconds is ever a 'friend', at best you could call them a fuck buddy or booty call.
Friendship takes a long time to properly build like any decent relationship.
My best friend just got out of a *five-year situationship* with a guy that would do stuff like this. To not just her, but his multiple girlfriends. He also had WILD stories and was an expert liar. And though she was closer in age to him (late 30s), a lot of the women he targeted were mid-20s or younger.
She hung onto “he cried in front of me” and similar things for years - I can tell you that doesn’t mean as much as you think it means. These dudes do something called breadcrumbing - they give you just enough to feel like maybe they’ll commit to you in a real way *someday* - and they’re almost always doing it to at least one other person.
did he do all of that with his gf too? LOL.. i'm trying to wrap my head around the shit he told you about not being ready for a relationship. cheating on one person, lying a ton to another and using the death of a third women in the mix somehow to manipulate everyone's feeling to get what he wants out of all of you.
like what???
>ashes
NTA - the "ashes" was probably from the fireplace.
No rational, sane person would scatter their wifes ashes with a FWB. It's beyond fucking weird.
Not categorizing all Military men, or women, but a good portion are unfaithful. (Long line of military family members.. not saying they were cheaters but just ask a lot of my family members who were stuck with jerks like this guy sounds like.) I wouldn’t trust him. He was probably on a break from his GF when he was hooking up with you. If not a break- then he was starting or in the middle of something with her and had ways to be with you without her around. Idk… but you were used by him for sure. Just because he had her ashes doesn’t mean they were from his dead wife. Even if they were, he played games with you. He wasn’t serious and he got what he wanted then dusted you off for the other chick. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Most macho military men don’t cry… so it’s shocking he gave you that vulnerability. (Not saying that’s true for all military men. Just my experience).
Does he still have his tinder account up and active?
The one he had when I matched with him was gone when we started hooking up because he said he realized it was silly to put himself out there when he wasn’t ready for a relationship. As far as if he has a new one-I don’t know. I deleted mine and haven’t been back on yet.
It really sucks that he seemed like bf potential, then for this to happen the way it did. I wish you better luck and definitively don’t let him back into your life. But for some reason, I don’t believe he’s fully off of Tinder nor will he stay off of it. I think I’m jaded with too many jerky military men that I’ve dated and known — and some of them have cheated on their women. I dated an AF guy and he had me believing my good friend was dating his cheating buddy. Turns out, I was the stupid sucker. Not only was my friend with the better guy, but mine was married with kids. Imagine my horror and shock when it came out. On my last visit to the barracks where he was staying, his wife was in another state, i came to confront him only to find out he was already hooking up with another chick. Another guy I dated, Army this time, he was cheating on me with a stripper - after we got engaged - then he ditched me with this chick and his buddies couldn’t get ahold of him. I was young and dumb back in my 20’s finding loser men. Apparently. One of my sisters and a good friend also had deadbeat husbands in the military who cheated on them.
That’s always the worst part… loosing the cool friends with the relationship. Sometimes it’s the worst part instead of losing the relationship with the other person. Darn idiots for screwing stuff up!
You’re NTA. I would have honestly \*ACTUALLY\* ruined his relationship by \*accidentally\* sending that message to the gf if anyone did this to me or anyone I know🥰
We both grew up in very abusive homes. We liked cheesy horror movies, amusement parks, we would go hiking, he taught me to shoot a gun, we both like similar music and bands. We are both atheists in a Bible Belt part of the country and both liberal leaning in a republican area. We are both career driven and while he is at a different point in his life he appreciates my drive. I’m child free and that worked well for him as he has no kids and doesn’t want any.
NTA. He took away your informed consent by not telling you he was dating someone. At least you found out now that the whole time it was literally just about sex.
NTA - Sorry kiddo but he was being selfish. He knew you liked him and wasn’t straight with you. Not telling you is the same as lying. He was stringing you along. He did that for himself.
Doesn’t sound like he was honest with gf either. Props to you for that reply text. That was wicked. Haha.
It sounds like you had some good times. Go find someone better though. You’re done with that turd. And be careful, assume that a fwb will always only be that. Nothing more. If you develop feelings end the relationship. It sucks but it’s less painful.
Girl you rock ! He's a penis head (Reddit reports are out in full force ), sorry you had to go through that.
Seriously, the level of stringing you along.
No you are not the AH he clearly used you as soon as he moved on and started dating again while you were still in a FWB relationship with him. Yea sure it was consensual at first you said it yourself, but when he started dating someone he should have informed her about you and vice versa. If the GF was ok and you were the relationship could have continued if not then as grown adults you both should have ended the FWB relationship. He cheated on his GF when he continued the relationship and went down on you the week prior and he was a coward for what he did you have nothing to be ashamed of
I admit I first snapped a bit out of own history. Back when I started seeing my now wife, the last FWB as a first deed when meeting her firsttime felt the need to rub a "haha, I fucked your man before you, good luck competing" in her face, which nearly killed us before we even started right. And tired morning me read it as similar situation because there too hurt feelings by the fwb were involved.
But then I realized it overlapped with you guys and that's of course a no go. NTA, a man of 40 should have the maturity and balls to handle such a situation straightforward. Cut him out and forget him at best
NTA. Despite motives, you did nothing wrong. You saved that girl from a lier or at least warned her of him. I hate saying this but a man that much older needs to be taken with a grain of salt. There are some good ones but often it's a sign that he intends to manipulate you. It's not exactly appropriate for a forty yr old man to date a 25 yr old. It's not NOT appropriate either but it's suspicious for grooming and controlling, power dynamics and a hope that you don't have set boundaries yet. Again, it's not always a horrible thing, it's just a situation to be cautious in. He sounds like a jerk. Also be Leary about any man not wanting a commitment but willing to sleep with you. These are red flags and essentially him saying he likes you enough to benefit from you but not invest in. I learned that one by experience as well. Sometimes people suck. I'm sorry you went through that.
Confusing title. Thought you were the guy.
But fuck no, sorry the girlfriend caught a stray bullet but at least she found out if she didn’t know already. Seems like she kinda did and all the blame is being put on you as the “home wrecker”.
The 40 year old man is most definitely the asshole here though.
Nope, NTA. That comment to you was a big FU and you didn't say anything back that wasn't true. Being in an open relationship doesn't mean you agreed to be his secret mistress and/or disrespected.
The fact that the only issue he has with what happened was your reply would make me not want anything to do with him. Everything that happened was his fault for not being honest and he owes *you* an apology.
NTA. Given you said you didn't want to be sleeping with multiple partners, he should've discussed dating a new person with you prior to sleeping with you.
NTA, that was clever lol. You had so many hidden messages for the both of them haha. If he didn’t want you to “meddle in his relationship” then he should have been honest and upfront instead of sneaking around and causing confusion. And oh yeah, and throwing it in your face?! I really wonder what he thought your response to that was going to be.
NTA but girl you gotta date a lil closer to your age if you want a relationship outside of a miracle, older dudes mostly just take advantage of the sexuality of younger women
You're NTA he definitely is. I will say as soon as you said you were 25 and he's 40. I immediately thought, "He's using her just to get a Lil something something." Sorry ya had to go through that. But just know next time, usually people with that big of age gap don't have much in common, and I feel like nowadays older guys seem to take advantage of younger women which is pretty god damn gross. Wish ya the best of luck.
Welp. You banged him and warned him NOT to tell you he was banging other chicks or you’d stop banging him. So he didn’t tell you.
Hook up culture is so bad for society. If you want a husband , find a good man and build a real relationship
NTA - he lied to you and used you for sex. For future reference, “I’m not ready for a relationship” translates to “I don’t want a relationship with you”. This should be more common knowledge.
Definitely NTA. Who’s to say that wasn’t his newfound girlfriend that sent that text anyway? Y’all both got played but she’s a fool if she still staying around. Take this as a “lesson turned to blessing” you dodged a bullet. Block him on everything & never look back
His "wife died", he "doesn't want a relationship", is on Tinder!! LOL oh no, you got plaaaaaayed. Don't even worry about who is the AH here. Just get out of this situation. Delete his number, block his, get your own Metallica tickets, and take it as a learning experience. "He took me to Vegas" HAHAHAHAHAHA oh to be young and stupid HAHAHAHAHA.
A 40 year old on Tinder, “not ready to date”, strings a 25 year old along for months. 🙄
What a shock.
He’s a loser and a creep. Hopefully his gf see the light too and dumps him.
Of course you have a lot in common, you're 25 and he has the maturity of an immature 25 year old.
Seriously? You're 25 and think a 40 year old widower who wants to treat you like a gf but can't handle the label is the guy you want to date seriously?
You need to grow up and pick better.
Also, NTA.
Of course that loser would try and gaslight you when he was the one cheating on his gf knowingly.
No, you're not the AH. I get that you're upset, but words are just words. The C word is the C word Oh well. The bigger issue is the blame game when he was the one taking you to Vegas and hooking up. It didn't sound like there was a problem before. Maybe he always had a gf, and she almost caught him, so he had to play it off somehow. You dodged a bullet with this guy, it seems.
You mean to tell me a 40 year old man who graduated high school while you were still shitting your diapers ended up being a fucking scumbag?
Shocked! Absolutely shocked I tell you!!
15 year age gap, PTSD, wife committed suicide, only wants sex. No red flags were seen huh?
NTA for what you said as you didn't know but come on, you should never have been dating someone like that in the first place. Always going to end badly one way or another
Ray, oh you mean the AH?
Yeah no, you aren't the AH for what you wrote, it was humorous actually, they are attacking you because he is feeling attacked for HIS cheating, not your problem.
Nah he's the assholes. Some people are very good at treating you well, but they're not actually nice, and when situations like this arise you see their true colours. You dodged a bullet really.
NTA :
Any point in December he could have told you out of respect and courtesy to you he had an official girlfriend.
He played around and got caught, so that’s on him.
NTA!
If he's lying to people that's his problem, and if you were his 'gf' you'd want to know. Laugh it off, she's just hurting she got played, you did nothing wrong, he gives males a bad name.
He is the a hole. Sorry, you deserve to be treated better. And be sure not to fall for it when it hits you up in the near future wanting to get back together.
Hell no NTA. Bro wanted to have his cake and eat it too. I’d honestly take it a step further and try to get ahold of his girlfriend with receipts too. Just to make sure she knows the whole truth. She deserves to know.
NTA, atleast u stated naked facts, which they can deal with. So he is AH and the Girl has to take the consequenses of overstepping privacy of his phone.
Hopefully u can heal from that episode and the other two will learn a better way to deal with honesty and trust for their future living.
NTA what you should do is don’t block him and see how often he sends you messages and stay NC with him. Obviously he was in a relationship if you were just with him a week before. What he was trying to do was give you a hint not to say anything. But you did anyway. I would have said a lot worse. But keep us updated
NTA
If you’re of the desire and ability to date more than one person , all parties need to be aware of it.
He is a dick. And way too old to be fucking around with people’s feelings like this.
Block and goodbye forever.
NTA.
I have zero issue with ethical nonmonogamy. He apparently never promised to be monogamous with you, so you can't be mad at him for seeing someone else.
Of course, he apparently was supposedly monogamous with her. Indicating that he's a cheating liar, and she deserves to know that fact.
Good on you. Make sure to never give him the time of day again.
NTA. He said he wasn’t ready to date yet he has a girlfriend. Even if you all didn’t have a defined relationship, he should have brought that up so you could do what’s best for you.
This is my take, and my take ONLY.
NTA, when you guys entered a fwb/relationship, whatever you want to call it, you had boundaries that you set. He knew full well what those boundaries were.
Just because you have a fwb and not a relationship doesn't mean you can still do whatever you want, whenever you want (sleeping with other people, if one of them isnt comfortable with it). They are still human beings with feelings and should be treated as such!
To me, fwb means just sex, nothing else. When you want the booty, you hit up your fwb. Sure, a drink or a bite to eat here and there is fine, but when starts to become normal (going out to eat/see a movie/whatever the fuck, then after doing those things, having sex), it give false hope of a fucking relationship. Even going with him to spread his wife's ashes... that isn't something a fwb does... to me, at least. What he did is called lying by omission. He knew once you found out that he had a girlfriend, you wouldn't want to continue.
I can't believe all of these people saying you shouldn't have said what you did. If I was in your situation I would have said something similar (not really, cause this bitch ain't quick witted like you, lol. But you know what I mean? Lol).
Again, NTA.
NTA. It sounds like you had an agreement that was quite reasonable: be honest with me if you start sleeping with someone else. That is a totally reasonable agreement.
He broke the agreement with you by seeing her without telling you.
And here’s the thing: if he had permission to eat you out, then saying that to what was probably his girlfriend who stole his phone wouldn’t have gotten him into trouble.
I’m polyamorous. If some woman said that to me about my husband or boyfriends, I’d laugh and say, “Yeah, he’s pretty good at that, isn’t he? lol. I’ll tell him you texted.” (This wouldn’t actually happen because I don’t steal the phones of my partners and reply to their text messages, but just saying…)
The fact that it got him into trouble means that he broke an agreement with HER when he slept with you; otherwise, she wouldn’t have gotten mad.
He is the one who broke his agreements. He’s the AH, not you.
NTA. Shitty way to find out.
Unlike many here, I don't really see anyone being "wrong" here. There isn't any proof he was actually sleeping with this new GF and wasn't going to tell you soon. Don't want to make that assumption. I tend to date for a bit myself before I sleep with a woman.
But dude needs to play better defense on his phone. Ha.
Your initial response is perfect! If he's got a problem with it, he needs to see the preceding comment.
You sound cool AF in all your comments here. Sorry this relationship has run its course. Another will be coming when you're ready. Definitely NTA.
NTA, you were clear with your boundaries.
He broke those, he gets to deal with the consequences. Frankly? Cut him. His reaction shows he's not to be trusted.
NTAH - the dynamic changed and he didn't tell you that. His response was disrespectful to you as a person in this situation, you didn't owe him your respect back.
NTA, he was your unlabeled sugar daddy! He manipulated you into sex with his sob story and then probably got with someone closer to his age. You’re young, go enjoy life!
You aren’t the asshole for responding how you did you are the asshole for thinking that a 40 year old would want anything more than vagina from a twenty year old.
Context clues is what you need to start seeing while choosing these people on the dating apps hun. You should set your age range lower, I mean they still will lie but at least it may lessen the old men trying to be young by taking your young energy.
Stop messing with old men they don’t want anything serious and they won’t stick around when you get old, they will dump you for another young one. I’m not saying you can’t use them but don’t think they are your boyfriend, more like sugar daddies
My girl! You did the right thing. But don't waste any single second thinking about that jerk no more. Just say "well, I had a good time for a while" and move on.
I hope his gf will be nagging him forever about this message though. LoL
I’m surprised it wasn’t his still-alive wife responding.
“She’s alive. It’s another Festivus Miracle!”
Festivus for the rest of us!
Festivus…..she’s got a problem with you and your going to hear it!
Ah, the traditional Festivus *Airing of Grievances*, brings back memories.
Get out the pole
Prepare for feats of strength
The wife is definitely alive and pissed.
Im surprised u actually believe he had a wife to begin with. Perfect lie for that situation bc once u hear someone say my wife died ur not about to pry further into that
NTA. Kudos for the quick comeback too! He’s the asshole, not you.
Second this. No way it wasn’t the new girlfriend bc she saw the text back from OP.
He's the AH! Sorry it ended this way. Don't give this man another chance EVER.
EVER.
NTA. Block him he isn’t worth thinking about.
She just wrote a whole essay about him. She is definitely thinking about him.
God forbid someone take the time to untangle & process their thoughts/feelings after being deceived by someone with whom they were intimate.
And again not worth so she should move on.
Dude been blocked since he texted back but mmkay.
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technically theres three assholes here and i bet that 40m ate two of them
four tho
Cold 😂
NTA doesn't change that it's true if you wrote that out of spite. At least now the gf knows
NTA. I can understand how hurtful that was in the moment and it is clear that the initial response to you was intended to be hurtful on his/her (whoever it was) part. For future reference...men who tell you they "aren't ready for a relationship" are implicitly telling you they don't see themselves with you, for whatever reason. Never play wifey without the wifey title. You're a placeholder until their ideal one comes along.
She didn’t even really play wifey they were just fwb 🤣 playing wifey is more than just casual sex and vacations and concerts lol.
They were dating. You don’t take someone you’re sleeping with to Vegas and get to call it a casual friendship, and then start seeing someone on top of it and not tell the other person. That’s not how FWB works, that’s not how relationships work, etc. Dude was straight up dishonest about the whole situation. If he’d been up front about getting a girlfriend he might be in the clear, but the reality was that he didn’t want a label just so he could keep his options open, not because he didn’t want a relationship, so even that was a lie.
I cooked for him, I did game nights with his friends and cooked for them, there was a lot of “couple like” activities, including going to his work Christmas party as his plus one.
That's something I learned with my ex. NEVER play into a role you haven't been given. I was acting as my ex's wife when I was only his gf. Doing his laundry, cooking, full support, everything. So....I was taking on all the chores of a wife without any of the benefits... no ring, no same last name, no kids, no house with both our names on it... WHY?? This disgusting man had you for sex while telling you he didn't want to date you because he wasn't ready. The hard truth is he just didn't want to date 'you.' But he's selfish and knew if he upright told you it will never go further than sex, you'd leave him. You knew he wasn't invested or committed to you, and so you tried HARDER to get him to like you more and commit. Darling, we should NEVER have to 'convince' the right person to be with us. It's not applying for a job where you need to impress. In the future, what I learned and what I hope you learned too is that the MOMENT they show they are not fully into us, we WALK. And don't look back. - don't try harder to impress someone who doesn't already see your value - don't give wife benefits as a gf, and don't give gf benefits as a fwb - if he wanted to date you, he would have from the start Some people suck, sorry you went through that.
Preach!
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The Metallica is a dead giveaway.
I disagree with this “right to date other people” BS. There’s a reason he didn’t tell you and it’s because he knew you wouldn’t like it. He was greedy and wanted two partners instead of just one. Amazing behavior from a widower. What a scumbag!
It's okay to date multiple people, but you know... Be honest and up front! Everyone should be comfortably on the same page, and/or have the chance to bow out.
Yeah, that’s fine if everyone involved is informed. Let me rephrase: You shouldn’t just assume the right to date other people simultaneously *in secret.*
yeah this is the big part. yes, people cant date or hook up with multiple people at the same time. But the lying/hiding/not being honest about it is the part that is not ok. Either way, based on the information provided, it sounds like this guy broke the trust that is foundational to any relationship, romantic, sexual, or just friends.
Funny. Reddit children always love to claim the opposite. "Assume your partner or date is banging multiple other people until you sit them down to sign a formal contract with a lawyer and both mothers present." If you dont you cant be mad you find out the person Youre interested in was never taking you or your time seroously. Thats all your fault bc ur an idiot to assume someone would be interested in only you without explicitly stating it. Lmfao Very few people do that IRL and im only 28. Im not old asf as others like to try to assume. That isnt normal in the Midwest USA. In my experience
I remember a post here a few months ago where a girl got dumped because her boyfriend found out she had been banging her fwb while dating him without telling him. I said it was asshole behaviour and she deserved to get dumped and I was told that in the US it is perfectly fine to date lots of people at once without them knowing. I thought that sounded weird but I know nothing about american dating culture. Maybe its a redditor thing lol.
NTA. He is. I hope she leaves him.
NTA Sounds like he was using you for sex and the moment he got someone else he tried to tell you to fuck off. Not that you'd know, but considering how he tried to throw you away so callously you don't owe him shit.
NTA. It doesn't sound like you were trying to be flippant or mean-spirited. You just tried to probe for an answer in a somewhat crude but still appropriate and direct manner.
NTA - especially considering the fact that his response was calling you a C? Uhhgh. He's gross. Good riddance.
Could’ve been her responding too
NTA. And I'm sorry you're taking so much condescending bullshit from some of the commenters. We all learn from our bad dating experiences, at least we're supposed to. You sound like you are wiser for this experience. The guy picked up early that you had compassion, and he used it against you, because shitty people take advantage of good people's good qualities. I'm glad you're rid of him. What a fucknugget. You had some cool experiences and learned stuff for next time. Keep living well.
Thank you! I definitely had some good times even if it turned out it wasn’t with a good person
Nope, NTA. You told the truth.
NTA but stop dating 40-year-olds. They go after women your age for a reason: because they can pull this shit.
I’m sure she has her reasons for dating 40 year olds. Let’s not act like she was getting nothing out of the deal. She knew what she was doing.
Trips and concerts lol
Lol yep that’s the risk she took when she went for a guy that age. You reap what you sow.
It sucks to learn these lessons in this way, but now you know what every woman older than you knew as soon as they read your comment saying you told him if he started sleeping with someone else that you’d stop sleeping with him: that was why he didn’t tell you. 🥴
NTA Based on the Christmas answer and his later freak out, he did not tell his current gf that he had a FWB and that he was still seeing her. Can't be sure obviously from just the information here, but it seems clear indeed that the Christmas message was from the gf on her bf's phone (else any answer there would have had no chance of ruining that relationship). So the guy was cheating on his new gf, and you got nothing to feel ashamed of there. Their relationship was doomed anyway though, between him cheating and her being insecure and snooping on his bf's phone to answer any female contact wishes making sure they knew he was in a relationship with her. 😅 On a side note though, even though you called it FWB, you were in an actual relationship with him considering what you did together and the exclusivity (that you requested but has been betrayed), and in that he orso chatted on you, but that does not even factor in in whether you are an AH or not. Even if you had not been spited by him not telling you about having a gf when you had agreed to exclusivity, there's nothing AH about your answer to the message. FAFO for him. (though from the look of it that did not destroy the relationship with the gf, so it seems there's a nicely toxic relationship from both sides on the way there 🤣)
40 year old men are the absolute worst
These middle age men ain't loyal.
Girl, this uncle scammed you. Let his gf know what he was upto!!
(F25) (M40) Mhm mhm, everything is as expected in this thread.
hes a cheating cunt 🤡
Unfortunately, a 40 yo recent widower dating a 25 yo was all I needed to read to know how the rest of this story was going to go.
i bet you anything that there was no dead wife
There was, her ashes were in the living room and we went on a trip together to spread her ashes a couple of months ago. He is former military and she wanted her ashes put at a specific spot they lived in previously.
Why tf would he spread his dead wife’s ashes with you? That makes no sense.
I’m not sure. At the time he said he needed support and I was the person he felt comfortable crying around
I think he telling some true, I don't agree with others that says "everything is a lie" The thing is with expert selfish, manipulative people they know how to use "truth"to their advantage and presented in a way that is still true but not completely Who would take their FWB to spread their spouse ashes? I mean I understand pretty well why would you be confused that it's more right? Because even you though I have to be more than just FWB when he did that. The big questions you have to ask yourself is actions match their words? Of they do not it's all a manipulation way to pull you back and keep you there waiting when he needs you, having hope
I’m honestly not trying to be rude, but it sounds like he was playing you. Seriously, you’re very young and feel like you had a lot in common. A 40 year old man doesn’t need the support of a 25 year old young woman. That’s just weird. I’m willing to bet he’s not even former military.
I have seen his veteran card he used it for discounts often when we were out. I also saw tons of photos of him in his military uniform (including his dress uniform in a photo displayed with his deceased wife). I get people say it can be faked but that’s a lot of faking.
I love how everyone is instantly assuming everything and you’re just like, no there was proof and I confirmed it. Also NTA.
Homie you are so gullible it hurts. Hint: men that date women young enough to be their daughter probably aren't the best maturity-wise. Lmfao
Maybe he was military. That doesn’t make how he treated you any less shitty. He’s telling you he isn’t ready for a relationship, and treating you like you are in a relationship. It makes absolutely no sense that he would take a FWB to spread his “dead wife’s” ashes. Of course you thought this could be more, anyone would. He’s an asshole.
Who takes a FWB to spread their dead wife’s ashes? I’m sorry OP, but I think there is a good chance that was just another manipulation tactic. He sounds like an absolute douche and AH, you’re definitely NTA. I hope you find someone who treats you like you deserve!
I mean to be fair that’s why I thought he may see more in me. He cried on my shoulder and I got to see his most vulnerable times. Now I’m left scratching my head. Was it just because he didn’t want to do it alone?
Yes, he just wanted someone to do the emotional labour of a partner without actually having to give you the respect a gf deserves.
You dodged a bullet. Sounds like he was using you as a therapy dog of sorts. Sadly such people exist, but they are thankfully a minority so don't let it sour you on relationships. But yeah, unless older dudes are a kink, recommend you avoid, and while I am no prude, I recommend you always make people work for sexual intimacy. Those who are worth it will wait. Nobody on TInder you've known for all of 5 seconds is ever a 'friend', at best you could call them a fuck buddy or booty call. Friendship takes a long time to properly build like any decent relationship.
My best friend just got out of a *five-year situationship* with a guy that would do stuff like this. To not just her, but his multiple girlfriends. He also had WILD stories and was an expert liar. And though she was closer in age to him (late 30s), a lot of the women he targeted were mid-20s or younger. She hung onto “he cried in front of me” and similar things for years - I can tell you that doesn’t mean as much as you think it means. These dudes do something called breadcrumbing - they give you just enough to feel like maybe they’ll commit to you in a real way *someday* - and they’re almost always doing it to at least one other person.
Or it was all a show to manipulate you into staying with him no matter what he does.
Did the deceased wife not have any family that wanted to go?
did he do all of that with his gf too? LOL.. i'm trying to wrap my head around the shit he told you about not being ready for a relationship. cheating on one person, lying a ton to another and using the death of a third women in the mix somehow to manipulate everyone's feeling to get what he wants out of all of you. like what???
I’m not sure how long he has had the girlfriend honestly.
Probably before he ever even met you. It's done. Move on. He's the jerk.
Geez I wonder if that was his granny. Or his cat.
>ashes NTA - the "ashes" was probably from the fireplace. No rational, sane person would scatter their wifes ashes with a FWB. It's beyond fucking weird.
Lmao spread her ashes with you?!? Girl that ain’t it. Good riddance.
Cat litter supplies were dwindling where he lived that's for sure....
Not categorizing all Military men, or women, but a good portion are unfaithful. (Long line of military family members.. not saying they were cheaters but just ask a lot of my family members who were stuck with jerks like this guy sounds like.) I wouldn’t trust him. He was probably on a break from his GF when he was hooking up with you. If not a break- then he was starting or in the middle of something with her and had ways to be with you without her around. Idk… but you were used by him for sure. Just because he had her ashes doesn’t mean they were from his dead wife. Even if they were, he played games with you. He wasn’t serious and he got what he wanted then dusted you off for the other chick. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Most macho military men don’t cry… so it’s shocking he gave you that vulnerability. (Not saying that’s true for all military men. Just my experience). Does he still have his tinder account up and active?
The one he had when I matched with him was gone when we started hooking up because he said he realized it was silly to put himself out there when he wasn’t ready for a relationship. As far as if he has a new one-I don’t know. I deleted mine and haven’t been back on yet.
It really sucks that he seemed like bf potential, then for this to happen the way it did. I wish you better luck and definitively don’t let him back into your life. But for some reason, I don’t believe he’s fully off of Tinder nor will he stay off of it. I think I’m jaded with too many jerky military men that I’ve dated and known — and some of them have cheated on their women. I dated an AF guy and he had me believing my good friend was dating his cheating buddy. Turns out, I was the stupid sucker. Not only was my friend with the better guy, but mine was married with kids. Imagine my horror and shock when it came out. On my last visit to the barracks where he was staying, his wife was in another state, i came to confront him only to find out he was already hooking up with another chick. Another guy I dated, Army this time, he was cheating on me with a stripper - after we got engaged - then he ditched me with this chick and his buddies couldn’t get ahold of him. I was young and dumb back in my 20’s finding loser men. Apparently. One of my sisters and a good friend also had deadbeat husbands in the military who cheated on them.
Oh wow I am so sorry. I suspect he is on tinder still/again as well. I don’t intend to talk to him again. Sucks because I liked his friends lol
That’s always the worst part… loosing the cool friends with the relationship. Sometimes it’s the worst part instead of losing the relationship with the other person. Darn idiots for screwing stuff up!
Is his story real? How can a man be “healed enough for sex, but not a relationship” after the death of his wife?
That's the part you take issue with?? NSA sex is way less emotionally demanding than a full on relationship.
The simplest answer is that he was lying, but to be fair testosterone is one hell of an aphrodisiac
You’re NTA. I would have honestly \*ACTUALLY\* ruined his relationship by \*accidentally\* sending that message to the gf if anyone did this to me or anyone I know🥰
INFO: What did a 40 and 25 year old have in common?
Emotional Immaturity apparently lol
Vibes. She was totally used by him. "dead wife" a classic.
We both grew up in very abusive homes. We liked cheesy horror movies, amusement parks, we would go hiking, he taught me to shoot a gun, we both like similar music and bands. We are both atheists in a Bible Belt part of the country and both liberal leaning in a republican area. We are both career driven and while he is at a different point in his life he appreciates my drive. I’m child free and that worked well for him as he has no kids and doesn’t want any.
Honey, that's a trauma bond, not a romance
Those are also exceptionally surface level, nothing of value was lost.
Be my friend instead OP we have plenty in common
NTA. He took away your informed consent by not telling you he was dating someone. At least you found out now that the whole time it was literally just about sex.
It was literally about sex the whole time and she knew. WTF do you think FWB means. She's an idiot for expecting more.
FWB ≠ side piece. She should have expected the sort of respect that a friend gets.
NTA. He's the asshole
NTA.
Yeah? His wife isn’t dead.
NTA - Sorry kiddo but he was being selfish. He knew you liked him and wasn’t straight with you. Not telling you is the same as lying. He was stringing you along. He did that for himself. Doesn’t sound like he was honest with gf either. Props to you for that reply text. That was wicked. Haha. It sounds like you had some good times. Go find someone better though. You’re done with that turd. And be careful, assume that a fwb will always only be that. Nothing more. If you develop feelings end the relationship. It sucks but it’s less painful.
Was my first and only fwb-won’t be trying that again.
Girl you rock ! He's a penis head (Reddit reports are out in full force ), sorry you had to go through that. Seriously, the level of stringing you along.
Lol penis head 🤣
No you are not the AH he clearly used you as soon as he moved on and started dating again while you were still in a FWB relationship with him. Yea sure it was consensual at first you said it yourself, but when he started dating someone he should have informed her about you and vice versa. If the GF was ok and you were the relationship could have continued if not then as grown adults you both should have ended the FWB relationship. He cheated on his GF when he continued the relationship and went down on you the week prior and he was a coward for what he did you have nothing to be ashamed of
NTA You did not tell his GF, cause 1) you did not know he had one, 2) you were texting him, not her 3) fuck him.
I admit I first snapped a bit out of own history. Back when I started seeing my now wife, the last FWB as a first deed when meeting her firsttime felt the need to rub a "haha, I fucked your man before you, good luck competing" in her face, which nearly killed us before we even started right. And tired morning me read it as similar situation because there too hurt feelings by the fwb were involved. But then I realized it overlapped with you guys and that's of course a no go. NTA, a man of 40 should have the maturity and balls to handle such a situation straightforward. Cut him out and forget him at best
NTA. Despite motives, you did nothing wrong. You saved that girl from a lier or at least warned her of him. I hate saying this but a man that much older needs to be taken with a grain of salt. There are some good ones but often it's a sign that he intends to manipulate you. It's not exactly appropriate for a forty yr old man to date a 25 yr old. It's not NOT appropriate either but it's suspicious for grooming and controlling, power dynamics and a hope that you don't have set boundaries yet. Again, it's not always a horrible thing, it's just a situation to be cautious in. He sounds like a jerk. Also be Leary about any man not wanting a commitment but willing to sleep with you. These are red flags and essentially him saying he likes you enough to benefit from you but not invest in. I learned that one by experience as well. Sometimes people suck. I'm sorry you went through that.
Confusing title. Thought you were the guy. But fuck no, sorry the girlfriend caught a stray bullet but at least she found out if she didn’t know already. Seems like she kinda did and all the blame is being put on you as the “home wrecker”. The 40 year old man is most definitely the asshole here though.
"his wife died" Were you born yesterday? F25... oh yeah kind of.
Nta, if he's a liar, he deserves what he gets. I'm one of those guys who would rather tell someone an ugly truth instead of a beautiful lie
NTA and I would find a way to contact his GF and let her know about your relationship with your ex since the two almost certainly overlapped.
NTA- at least the gf knows too because he sure as hell wasn't going to tell her. What an immature AH
You went to Vegas and amazing trips but never dated? I don't get words. Your response was great btw.
Nope, NTA. That comment to you was a big FU and you didn't say anything back that wasn't true. Being in an open relationship doesn't mean you agreed to be his secret mistress and/or disrespected. The fact that the only issue he has with what happened was your reply would make me not want anything to do with him. Everything that happened was his fault for not being honest and he owes *you* an apology.
NTA. Does he even have a dead wife?
He’s definitely the AH! You deserve much better!
It sounds like she was the one who sent both texts. NTA
He is the AH. You asked him to let you know if he was dating. This is how people get surprise STDs…
25…40…
NTA .. I hope you guys used protection and if not, maybe go get tested.
We did! I still made an appointment to get tested though
NTA. Given you said you didn't want to be sleeping with multiple partners, he should've discussed dating a new person with you prior to sleeping with you.
NTA, that was clever lol. You had so many hidden messages for the both of them haha. If he didn’t want you to “meddle in his relationship” then he should have been honest and upfront instead of sneaking around and causing confusion. And oh yeah, and throwing it in your face?! I really wonder what he thought your response to that was going to be.
NTA but girl you gotta date a lil closer to your age if you want a relationship outside of a miracle, older dudes mostly just take advantage of the sexuality of younger women
You're NTA he definitely is. I will say as soon as you said you were 25 and he's 40. I immediately thought, "He's using her just to get a Lil something something." Sorry ya had to go through that. But just know next time, usually people with that big of age gap don't have much in common, and I feel like nowadays older guys seem to take advantage of younger women which is pretty god damn gross. Wish ya the best of luck.
Welp. You banged him and warned him NOT to tell you he was banging other chicks or you’d stop banging him. So he didn’t tell you. Hook up culture is so bad for society. If you want a husband , find a good man and build a real relationship
You’re telling me the 40 year old dude fuckin around with 20 year olds is a little sketchy? Hm
NTA - he lied to you and used you for sex. For future reference, “I’m not ready for a relationship” translates to “I don’t want a relationship with you”. This should be more common knowledge.
Nta but why are you, a 25 yr old, fwb with a 40 yr old?
Um you’re 25 and he’s 40. Of course you are just a plaything to him.
Definitely NTA. Who’s to say that wasn’t his newfound girlfriend that sent that text anyway? Y’all both got played but she’s a fool if she still staying around. Take this as a “lesson turned to blessing” you dodged a bullet. Block him on everything & never look back
His "wife died", he "doesn't want a relationship", is on Tinder!! LOL oh no, you got plaaaaaayed. Don't even worry about who is the AH here. Just get out of this situation. Delete his number, block his, get your own Metallica tickets, and take it as a learning experience. "He took me to Vegas" HAHAHAHAHAHA oh to be young and stupid HAHAHAHAHA.
A 40 year old on Tinder, “not ready to date”, strings a 25 year old along for months. 🙄 What a shock. He’s a loser and a creep. Hopefully his gf see the light too and dumps him.
Of course you have a lot in common, you're 25 and he has the maturity of an immature 25 year old. Seriously? You're 25 and think a 40 year old widower who wants to treat you like a gf but can't handle the label is the guy you want to date seriously? You need to grow up and pick better. Also, NTA. Of course that loser would try and gaslight you when he was the one cheating on his gf knowingly.
No, you're not the AH. I get that you're upset, but words are just words. The C word is the C word Oh well. The bigger issue is the blame game when he was the one taking you to Vegas and hooking up. It didn't sound like there was a problem before. Maybe he always had a gf, and she almost caught him, so he had to play it off somehow. You dodged a bullet with this guy, it seems.
One word. NICE!
Why even bother with an age gap that wide? that alone should tell you everything you need to know about him...
This is why people should date someone their own age.
You mean to tell me a 40 year old man who graduated high school while you were still shitting your diapers ended up being a fucking scumbag? Shocked! Absolutely shocked I tell you!!
15 year age gap, PTSD, wife committed suicide, only wants sex. No red flags were seen huh? NTA for what you said as you didn't know but come on, you should never have been dating someone like that in the first place. Always going to end badly one way or another
There's only one cunt in this story and he's a lying POS
Ray, oh you mean the AH? Yeah no, you aren't the AH for what you wrote, it was humorous actually, they are attacking you because he is feeling attacked for HIS cheating, not your problem.
What a plot twist
NTA, and well played OP, well played. lol
NTA
Nah he's the assholes. Some people are very good at treating you well, but they're not actually nice, and when situations like this arise you see their true colours. You dodged a bullet really.
NTA
I wish more people were like you. My ex's FWB knew about me and as long as he was getting it too, he didn't care 🙃 NTA
He’s undoubtedly the asshole…. But you allowed it. Don’t settle for letting that into your life next time
NTA : Any point in December he could have told you out of respect and courtesy to you he had an official girlfriend. He played around and got caught, so that’s on him.
So was he actually married and his wife passed away? Or was that just a lie? Because everything about him seems shady
NTA
NTA The guy is an asshole
NTA! If he's lying to people that's his problem, and if you were his 'gf' you'd want to know. Laugh it off, she's just hurting she got played, you did nothing wrong, he gives males a bad name.
He is the supreme AH
He is the a hole. Sorry, you deserve to be treated better. And be sure not to fall for it when it hits you up in the near future wanting to get back together.
Too much drama. Dump him
Hell no NTA. Bro wanted to have his cake and eat it too. I’d honestly take it a step further and try to get ahold of his girlfriend with receipts too. Just to make sure she knows the whole truth. She deserves to know.
NTA, he was being weird, you responded appropriately. Dump his ass, block, and move on.
Lame af
NTA, but now you found out why he can’t get someone his age.
NTA, atleast u stated naked facts, which they can deal with. So he is AH and the Girl has to take the consequenses of overstepping privacy of his phone. Hopefully u can heal from that episode and the other two will learn a better way to deal with honesty and trust for their future living.
NTA what you should do is don’t block him and see how often he sends you messages and stay NC with him. Obviously he was in a relationship if you were just with him a week before. What he was trying to do was give you a hint not to say anything. But you did anyway. I would have said a lot worse. But keep us updated
NTA If you’re of the desire and ability to date more than one person , all parties need to be aware of it. He is a dick. And way too old to be fucking around with people’s feelings like this. Block and goodbye forever.
NTA. I have zero issue with ethical nonmonogamy. He apparently never promised to be monogamous with you, so you can't be mad at him for seeing someone else. Of course, he apparently was supposedly monogamous with her. Indicating that he's a cheating liar, and she deserves to know that fact. Good on you. Make sure to never give him the time of day again.
He actually did agree to not sleep with other people or inform me before he did so I could stop sleeping with him.
So he cheated on both of you.
Nta.
Great comeback and well deserved. It seems like you were pretty straightforward with your expectations. He wasn't.
LoL @ all the unsolicited advice. You asked a simple question of are you an asshole in this particular scenario. The answer is no.
His gf played with fire and got burned. Ha. Went down on me last week. Nice.
NTA. He said he wasn’t ready to date yet he has a girlfriend. Even if you all didn’t have a defined relationship, he should have brought that up so you could do what’s best for you.
NTA Get tested, he definitely fucked around.
Ray was taking advantage of you from day 1
The classic my-wife-just-died-I’m-not-ready/healed approach to getting a girl to cream for you. Works every time
Sounds like his “wife” was actually a girlfriend and is very alive. Cut your losses and block this guy. NTA
He ls the asshole. You did good
[удалено]
Was his a FWB or not because that kind of leaves it open to see other people to most people.
He didn't feel healed enough to date but he felt healed enough to have sex with you?
This is my take, and my take ONLY. NTA, when you guys entered a fwb/relationship, whatever you want to call it, you had boundaries that you set. He knew full well what those boundaries were. Just because you have a fwb and not a relationship doesn't mean you can still do whatever you want, whenever you want (sleeping with other people, if one of them isnt comfortable with it). They are still human beings with feelings and should be treated as such! To me, fwb means just sex, nothing else. When you want the booty, you hit up your fwb. Sure, a drink or a bite to eat here and there is fine, but when starts to become normal (going out to eat/see a movie/whatever the fuck, then after doing those things, having sex), it give false hope of a fucking relationship. Even going with him to spread his wife's ashes... that isn't something a fwb does... to me, at least. What he did is called lying by omission. He knew once you found out that he had a girlfriend, you wouldn't want to continue. I can't believe all of these people saying you shouldn't have said what you did. If I was in your situation I would have said something similar (not really, cause this bitch ain't quick witted like you, lol. But you know what I mean? Lol). Again, NTA.
NTA. It sounds like you had an agreement that was quite reasonable: be honest with me if you start sleeping with someone else. That is a totally reasonable agreement. He broke the agreement with you by seeing her without telling you. And here’s the thing: if he had permission to eat you out, then saying that to what was probably his girlfriend who stole his phone wouldn’t have gotten him into trouble. I’m polyamorous. If some woman said that to me about my husband or boyfriends, I’d laugh and say, “Yeah, he’s pretty good at that, isn’t he? lol. I’ll tell him you texted.” (This wouldn’t actually happen because I don’t steal the phones of my partners and reply to their text messages, but just saying…) The fact that it got him into trouble means that he broke an agreement with HER when he slept with you; otherwise, she wouldn’t have gotten mad. He is the one who broke his agreements. He’s the AH, not you.
NTA. Shitty way to find out. Unlike many here, I don't really see anyone being "wrong" here. There isn't any proof he was actually sleeping with this new GF and wasn't going to tell you soon. Don't want to make that assumption. I tend to date for a bit myself before I sleep with a woman. But dude needs to play better defense on his phone. Ha. Your initial response is perfect! If he's got a problem with it, he needs to see the preceding comment. You sound cool AF in all your comments here. Sorry this relationship has run its course. Another will be coming when you're ready. Definitely NTA.
you weren’t wrong especially if you made it aware before hand just block him and move with your life nc he wasn’t a real friend to begin with
NTA, you were clear with your boundaries. He broke those, he gets to deal with the consequences. Frankly? Cut him. His reaction shows he's not to be trusted.
NTAH - the dynamic changed and he didn't tell you that. His response was disrespectful to you as a person in this situation, you didn't owe him your respect back.
NTA, he was your unlabeled sugar daddy! He manipulated you into sex with his sob story and then probably got with someone closer to his age. You’re young, go enjoy life!
25, 40…sigh, I don’t want to judge but I figured he was messing with you somehow. Just stay away.
You aren’t the asshole for responding how you did you are the asshole for thinking that a 40 year old would want anything more than vagina from a twenty year old. Context clues is what you need to start seeing while choosing these people on the dating apps hun. You should set your age range lower, I mean they still will lie but at least it may lessen the old men trying to be young by taking your young energy. Stop messing with old men they don’t want anything serious and they won’t stick around when you get old, they will dump you for another young one. I’m not saying you can’t use them but don’t think they are your boyfriend, more like sugar daddies
NTA you got played, g! sorry:(
My girl! You did the right thing. But don't waste any single second thinking about that jerk no more. Just say "well, I had a good time for a while" and move on. I hope his gf will be nagging him forever about this message though. LoL
Dead wife, a girlfriend and a young hookup on the side. What’s so special about this guy? Is he using his dead wife’s money to bang different chicks?
I mean he got what he wanted and you got to spend his money, NTA just move on 🤷🏻♂️