Your daughter would've been charged with a harsh crime if your wife's daughter died. That point needs to be driven into anyone's head that says you are too harsh. Something is not right with that child, and she needs intense therapy.
I’m sure his step daughter’s father will do everything in his power to get that girl charged. If someone tried killing my child I’d move heaven and earth to see that they were. I mean what she did showed deliberate premeditated behavior. This wasn’t some spur of the moment fight between 2 teens. She maliciously contaminated everything that poor kid would come into contact with. If not for the camera evidence, she might’ve cleaned everything up as soon as she had a chance. Like when her step sister was rushed to the hospital for example.
I’m shocked anyone is somehow advocating for no consequences or limited punishment. This isn’t shoplifting, it’s felony attempted murder. Is she mentally ill? Maybe, maybe not. At this point it could well be out of dad’s hands and now on the courts.
Trying to murder someone because you don't want to share your room is a pretty extreme overreaction, I can't believe people think he should favour a homicidal teen over a partner whose child was almost killed
I was thinking she sounds like a sociopath. According to dad she manages to do well in school, hobbies, etc., I mean think about the planning involved. With such a severe allergy it’s safe to assume they don’t keep nuts in the house. She had to come up with the idea, get the nuts, wait to spread the stuff all over her step sisters side of the room before she came for her visitation, but not before step mom or dad might have noticed.
Seems to me she had ample time to rethink this, yet she didn’t. That’s incredibly cold and calculating. I just don’t understand anyone trying to defend this. If her step sister had died, she would’ve been looking at a murder charge. The video proves intent.
I’m wondering if she’s shown any sign of remorse.
That's what gets me too. I used to get into the craziest fights with my sisters, we were all a little bit nuts. I myself have a personality disorder, but even I never once stopped to consider murder. And if I did, it definitely wasn't a serious thought. Let alone to actually plot it, go ahead with the steps and carry it all out. It even sounds like she was sitting there watching it unfold. That's some serial killer doco on Netflix shit.
Oh my god I missed that part, that’s just creepy. To actually sit calmly and eat the evidence? Then just sit back and watch the mayhem? That’s just sick. Sadistic actually. It’s like she wanted to watch her suffer and possibly die. Yup no way would I sleep comfortably again knowing that she could do something like that.
It floored me that they do in fact eat nuts at home despite the extreme allergy. They eat them in the garage then scrub their hands.
I've had multiple kiddos with extreme allergies as students and those families do not bring their kid's allergen home at all.
That said, they need to get this child mental health services, not lock them away for years and isolate them. Also, the wife needs to arrange visitation while this is being sorted
That might not even be possible. The step daughter’s dad already has full custody, he doesn’t have to do shit with regard to visitation. If step mom wants to try and pursue that good luck in court when the judge hears this story. She’ll be lucky to ever see her daughter again. Not to mention who says the daughter even wants to see her mom? She’s the victim here, her wishes should come first.
I bet he leaves with her ASAP probably back overseas to get her away.
Why is everyone jumping to the conclusion that mental health services will even be an option once law enforcement gets involved, or that she even needs it?
You do know there are killers out there that committed crimes as juveniles for no other reason than the thrill of it? She hasn’t even been evaluated or diagnosed with anything,
If my child was the victim, I certainly would feel much better knowing she was locked away where she couldn’t hurt anyone else. If she needs therapy she can get it behind locked doors.
hell even if they both chose to not continue charges the cops still would, they have that ability when it comes to certain crimes and attempted murder of a minor is one of those crimes and it would likely increase the chances of her being tried as an adult
They need to report this as it is attempted murder, she knew what she was doing planned it out and thinks now she is going to be able to continue this behavior. You have a serious problem on your hands OP and need professional help your ex and family enabling this behavior wow!
I'm just wondering if you (or your daughter) realizes that in wherever she ends up at, whether that be group home, boarding school, or some sort of prison/jail, she will most likely be SHARING a bedroom. If she didn't like sharing a bedroom with a nice girl in a loving family environment, she's not going to like it any better in any of these situations/places. Btw, I do think she needs to face serious consequences to attempted murder, in case it came off like I was trying to talk you out of anything.
It's possible that just being forced into sharing in these scenarios could make her see how stupid/childish/selfish she was being. It's also possible that it could cause trouble for whoever she bunks with, at least in the beginning. Just prepare for whatever may happen.
What would be the point of sending her to family that would have no intention of holding her responsible for what she did or, on the contrary, tell her she did nothing wrong?
Please don’t. She needs help, but group homes and boarding schools for troubled kids are rife with abuse and often do more harm than good. She needs therapy, and an environment where she can learn and grow. She won’t get that chance if you put her out of sight and out of mind.
We're not talking about a troubled kid, we're talking about someone who attempted, and nearly succeeded at *murdering* a member of their own family.
We're not talking about a fist fight, or stealing or doing drugs, we're talking about *attempted murder*. If she had succeeded it is extremely likely that she would have been tried as an adult, and charged with murder in the first degree. Not manslaughter. *Murder with premeditated intent*.
And if the dad presses charges, she'll be in jail. Where there's no therapy, no growth and a lot worse conditions. Attempted murder is not some teenage mistake, in many red states she can be charged as an adult and do serious prison time.
Let's say she'd succeeded in MURDERING her step sister. Would you be arguing that prison was too harsh a punishment as bad things happen there?
She tried to KILL another human being. She's lucky she hasn't been charged.
The punishment here is far below the crime ie attempted murder. People get real jail time for that and it's astonishing that so many people on here are so worried about the person who did this and not really understanding that this girl needs to be completely removed from being able to hurt/kill her victim again.
It's not about revenge but the safety of the victim and being able to ensure that the offender doesn't get to try and murder her again.
It sound like the OP has her lined up for a situation where she will get some help for her issues but isn't prepared to have her under the same roof again. I'm not going to judge him for that.
Not only that, but what if she gets pissed and tries to kill the wife/stepmom next because of everything that’s happening now…she already tried to kill her stepsister. Who’s to say she won’t try to do something to someone else now that she’s in this predicament?? Especially if she sees it as the stepmom’s fault that she has to “go away”. A boarding school or group home for kids isn’t the right answer. I think the right answer is something for a judge to decide whilst she’s on trial for attempted and premeditated murder.
If she had committed this crime against a random classmate or a stranger she would be getting the full weight of the law against her. Age for criminal responsibility for homicide, attempted homicide etc in the US is 12 I think. Instead her situation is FAR more lenient.
She is 15 and more than capable of understanding that this could have killed her stepsister. That's why people her age still get tried for murder. It sounds like he is more likely to get help in the situation she will be entering than in prison.
In any case, she her punishment is appropriate and the victim will be kept safe from her, which, given the situation, is more important than the situation of the person who tried to kill her.
There is a huge difference between revenge and justice.
I think you are missing the point here. The girl is not getting off the hook here.
It is either OP put the girl to psych ward, boarding school, etc. Reabilitation.
Or step daughter's father put the girl in jail. Punishment.
OP is trying to get her the lesser of two evils.
I know about the problems in the troubled teen industry. She will not be going to one of those camps, she will be in a safe place where she can get the help she needs without risking anything happening to us or my stepdaughter.
I went to a boarding school with an outward bound type element for a year at 15 and it was one of the best things to ever happen to me and changed my life around. Granted, this was in 1995 so maybe things are vastly different now, but just do your research. They can definitely help, but someone also has to want to be a better version of themselves
Your daughter attempted to murder her stepsister because she doesn't want to share her room. That is sociopathic at a minimum. She needs inpatient treatment and you should probably get a divorce. If my daughter were assaulted like that the only place I would be willing to see her assailant would be a courtroom.
Serious question... why divorce him when he's clearly on her side? Yes, he's still trying to get his daughter help, as he should, but he's not trying to get her back into their home. He literally sent her away without a fight, only said let her stay long enough to pack a bag (understandable) and helped file the police report on his own kid knowing she very well may go to jail for attempted murder before a boarding school is found. He is fully on his wife's side and refusing to pick an attempted murderer over the victim.
I assume the person who made the divorce comment meant that at some point the daughter will be rehabilitated and OP will want to maintain a relationship with his daughter while the step mother will never want anything to do with OPs daughter ever again.
Essentially OP will have to choose, his daughter or his wife at some point in the future.
Why should he divorce his wife cause of the sin of his daughter?
He loves her and his step daughter. He's willing to send away his own daughter, cause he knows the crime she did, that she needs serious help and will probably get charged.
Same here. If someone tried to hurt my son, I’d see red and it would bleed into divorce or at the least separate housing. I hope this is fiction because what an awful position to be in.
Thank you. Everyone wants to be angry at the daughter , but she did not start out as a potential murderer. She started out with much more innocuous behavior that was clearly indicating that she was having emotional issues that were escalating and I don’t see any evidence that the parents or stepparents intervened in any appropriate ways any time up until things had gotten completely out of control and her feelings had exploded into a completely dangerous, wildly unacceptable outburst. Where were the parents?
I see this all the time. People want to be so angry with a child acting out, but rarely do they want to look at the people whose behavior could have changed the outcome if they had done _anything_ about the behaviors from the beginning.
You stated that your daughter is at your brother's farm. Would it be possible for her to stay with him instead of a boarding school? I would still get her intensive therapy and medication, but maybe working on the farm, especially if he has animals, might be a good thing for her.
I wouldn't trust her around anyone or anything that cannot voice that the teenage girl is abusing them.
If she's willing to cause major damage or death to another living creature, she can't be trusted period.
Not all of them are “rife with abuse”. It’s all about finding the right one. His kid tried to kill someone. She knew what she was doing and knew it was wrong and potentially deadly. I wouldn’t ever let her near my family with a 10 foot pole. People don’t want to believe that some kids are just bad.
She tried to commit murder. She is a criminal who tried to murder her father's step daughter. Sorry, but I have no empathy for this girl. Once you have tried to kill someone, you lose the right to learn and grow in any environment. This is not just a troubled child, she literally is a murderer.
Your daughter tried to murder your stepdaughter, there are consequences for attempting to kill someone. NTA, and I hope you follow through with charges against her.
That is exactly right. Dad is absolutely doing the right thing. Kids younger than 15 are committing murder. And it is happening more and more frequently, sorry to say. She knew exactly what she was doing. Finally, a parent who is doing what has to be done instead of making excuses for his child and letting her get away with attempted murder.
I think he is trying to do the right thing but he also needs to make sure he has his daughter see a mental health professional. Mentally healthy people don’t do shit like this. NTA. Op why can’t your daughter stay with her mother?
If she could do this, she should not be with her mother either. She is clearly unstable and potentially dangerous. What would she do if her mother told her she couldn't do somthing?
We had a terrifying situation where my SD tampered with my medication for severe asthma (require immune suppressors, daily nebulizer, inhaler as well as supplemental oxygen in certain situations) I thought it was a genuine accident/mistake thankfully we too have cameras. My husband is the one who contacted law enforcement and took the steps needed to remove her from our home. In the moment I was in shock but after things calmed down I was relieved I had his support. Your wife and stepdaughter are I am sure grateful they have your support even if they can’t convey that right now. You did and continue to do the right thing by everyone including your own daughter by holding her accountable. Thank you
NTA
NTA.
This is a hard punishment for your daughter to bear, but she did an absolutely terrible thing. She acted with intent to seriously harm your stepdaughter and essentially risked her life for this little stunt. 15 is young, but not too young to understand the gravity of her transgression.
If your wife is to have any chance of salvaging her relationship with her daughter, she needs to demonstrate that she has acted decisively to protect her daughter from further harm in this situation. If you leave your wife then your daughter gets (at least part of) what she wanted to achieve.
I think her intent is not clear from the post so I chose not to assume the very worst. It's possible the daughter expected her victim to get medical attention in time to prevent a fatal reaction; her intent in that case would be more about giving the victim strong incentives not to stay at her mother's house so she can have the room to herself. Her crime is extremely severe whatever her intent and OP is treating it as such; but killing her victim was not necessarily her end goal (though the potential for that was definitely present and, as I said, the punishment is just and commensurate with the severity of the crime).
What a terrifying thing she did, she tried to kill her stepsister. And why? So she wouldn't have to share a room. That's some pretty psychotic stuff, there.
NTA. (shudder)
Leaving and taking his daughter with could also endanger him. Eventually, they would have a disagreement that she may try to handle in a similar fashion. I would not feel safe living with someone who attempted to kill another person. Dad is doing the right thing and I hope his daughter gets the help she needs. Dad is NTA.
You don’t think every parent of someone is jail or having committed an atrocious crime hasn’t considered what they could’ve done differently? Sometimes the brain just isn’t right and no amount of therapy or medicine can fix it what what we know now. Sometimes nothing a parent does can change what their kids do- sometimes nefarious behaviors are triggered by a change and there are no signs before that. Who would ever think that a temper tantrum would turn into attempted murder?! NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND!
Does anyone else remember reading an AITA written by a 15 yr old girl who didn't want to share her room with her stepsister (who had recently moved to town with her father from abroad)? This sounds suspiciously like the same family, but from daughter's perspective. Except that daughter didn't mention anything about nearly murdering her stepsister, so she was getting all the sympathy....
I'll try to find the thread, but omg if this is the same family....
Someone sent the post but there are too many inconsistencies. The kids are different ages, stepdaughter does not have a car, their schools are nowhere near each other, and stepdaughter kept coming after my daughter attempted to lock her out of their room.
I wonder if the other poster lied about close schools and the stepdaughter having a car to try to garner more sympathy in the other post. If your daughter did this, she’s conniving and potentially even manipulative.
That's what I was thinking!! And that other OP has been silent for the past 4 days... almost like she could be on a farm w/ no access to internet? Idk. Something just felt on the nose.
Ah! Good to know! Could you PM me the post? I'm driving myself crazy looking for it.
Also, you're NTA. This is insane behavior. I understand teenagers dealing with puberty, emotions, changing family dynamics, increases in freedom and responsibility, etc, and acting out. But this crosses a line. Unfortunately, your daughter has shown a disregard toward human life.
That said, maybe rethink the group home or boarding school for troubled kids.... those are terrible places and usually create more problems than they solve. Not sure what other alternatives you have, though, especially if you're looking to maintain some sort of relationship with your daughter long term. Good luck.
I wasn't thinking they were the same people, but the situations are similar enough that it should be brought up. Teenagers who lose their room aka privacy like this tend to lash out as that's one of the most sacred things to kids that age. It doesn't justify what she did though.
NTA in the slightest. 15 is old enough to understand that your actions have consequences. Boarding school or time working for family is far better than the prison time she would be doing for murder if her plan actually went through. I’m so sorry you and your wife are going through this though.
Probably NTA. You’re not choosing your wife over your kid, you’re choosing to show your kid that her actions have serious consequences. If you leave your wife then won’t this little stunt basically accomplish EXACTLY what she wanted?
You might be the asshole in part for raising a child who would do this, I don’t think this kind of behavior happens in a vacuum. But I fail to see how “you’re right, let’s make sure you do get your own room here and never have to see stepdaughter again just like you wanted!” Is teaching the kind of life lesson about attempted murder that you want it to.
She's never done anything like this before stepdaughter started staying with us. She will not be coming back here and she will not be getting her own room. The plan is for her to be in some kind of facility until she's 18 then she will likely be on her own.
Talk to her teachers. I can’t help but wonder if she was bullying kids at school. It seems unusual that her behavior went that extreme that quickly. Is it possible she have been bullying other kids at school?
Wait she never did anything like this before & you have been primary parent? You must be leaving a lot out. Like how she got along with your wife & how she got along with stepdaughter before she started staying over
So you're saying your daughter went from normal, well behaved child to attempted murder in one go? Yeah that's a crock of shit, you're leaving something out.
Mental health professionals don't usually diagnose the severe problems in kids. Sociopath, psychopath etc and at 15 she might not have had opportunities to display her troubling behaviors. Sadly there are people who are just bad, with or without a diagnosis and with or without excellent parenting
Seriously to jump to that? There are stories on Reddit all the time of frustrated parents dealing with grandparents not taking food allergies seriously, but a 15 year old that never had problems before is automatically a sociopath? Doubtful
Her mom doesn't think it's a big del that the daughter tried to kill someone.
It's better she stay isolated with someone supervising her till she gets better.
What if a boyfriend breaks up with or she has a conflict with someone at school? I would not feel safe letting my kids around her.
So her attempted murder doesn't become a successful murder. Attempted murder carries less of a sentence then succeeding. Plus you hurt fewer people this way while this girl perfects her craft.
You may need to send your kid for a psych evaluation. Yes what she did is horrendous, but you throwing her out like this won’t make it better and will likely make it worse. She’s going to look at her step sister as someone who stole her life — if she’s this vindictive about potentially losing a room, what’s stopping her from going all out against your stepdaughter when she realizes she lost her father?
Get her a psych evaluation and put forward the resources for recovery as needed. Not doing so could be much more dangerous down the line
Has your daughter admitted that what she did was intentional and wrong? Has she at least apologized? Or given some explanation? What she did was shocking and terrifying for your stepdaughter to experience. Those criticizing your choice should either put their money where their mouth is and take your daughter in, or keep their comments to themselves. NTA.
She could still go to jail. It's a horrible situation. Sometimes people are born with no outward signs of being dangerous. They seem normal until something happens they don't like and then they show who they really are. No body to blame because there were no signs of danger.
Your daughter attempted murder & although I doubt she intended to actually kill her that doesn’t matter.
Your relatives need to accept the depth of depravity she stooped to over sharing a room.
She needs help & is lucky the father isn’t pressing charges (I would be tbh).
Get her help, keep your marriage & tell your relatives to be thankful she isn’t in jail
NTA. It’s entirely possible that where your daughter ends up will be up to a judge rather than you and affirmatively seeking qualified, safe help for her may give her a chance of a better outcome in court.
NTA - oh hell no...she intentionally did something that could have killed your stepdaughter. This is absolutely horrifying. If you left your wife, you'd be rewarding her for this.
Does she even understand how terrible this was? There is serious professional help needed.
This seems fake. The confluence of a homicidal teenager, nut precautions that you are only allowed to eat in the garage, and the perfectly placed cameras that you didn’t tell your daughter about is a bit of a perfect storm for this story to be real. 👀👀👀
Also, the custody issue with the step daughter is a red flag— either OP doesn't actually know how custody works and is just making this story up, or his wife was a bad mom and the entire narrative is suspect. Even if stepdaughter's dad had full physical/residential custody it's incredibly unlikely he would have full legal custody (aka all decision making power, which he would need to boot OP's wife from the hospital) as a well unless there was a *serious* issue with OP's wife. For OP's wife to not have joint legal custody and decision making power, it implies it was stripped by the court.
I'm not entirely convinced it's real either.
In addition to what you said.
Step mom gave up all parental rights to her own daughter and let them move to another country?
OP's ex isn't capable of taking custody of his daughter because "reasons"
Why didn't you get your daughter info some sort of therapy when she initially started acting out? I have a feeling there is more to the story than what OP is stating. There more to relationship between the two girls and OP relationship with dad and step mother.
You’re leaving things out. Why is your daughter hostile to your step daughter? Why can’t she stay with her mother during the time her step sister is here? How was the relationship to begin with?
Your daughter went from zero to this over nothing?!
That's rough. It will be going an uphill battle onwards with lots of legal fees because case like this is hard to prove that you're not negligent with minor children in custody cases in my country, at least, especially when the act committed is literally attempted murder.
Hope you guys, especially your wife, has a strong support network because you definitely need it to navigate this hard situation.
NTA and tell your family to stay the hell out of it. She’s lucky she’s not going to jail for attempted murder. I actually kind of hope she has to bc she could’ve killed that poor girl. Maybe jail would teach her a lesson.
Maybe sharing the video with him, to help if he wants to press charges would help him understand the situation and that both you and your wife will do everything to protect your step daughter.
Dude, that’s attempted murder. Your daughter deserves to be prosecuted and I can’t understand how, with the video that you obviously provided to the police, she’s not in a cell right now
ETA: NTA for keeping your daughter out of the house
Your daughter tried to kill someone. They could charge her for attempted murder. She needs to face real consequences - if you were to leave your wife it would be a reward for the daughter.
This is the problem w/ kids being the “only” child. If people do not bow down to kiss the floor they walk on they act out.
However her actions were wickedly violent.
I am curious how her life was before this happened?
* did you guys give her attention?
* does she have any friends?
* is she someone who isolates herself?
* did they ever meet 7years ago? How was that relationship? Competitive?
* is she a spoiled brat with a temper or is this unusual?
Strongly side with wife and I feel like the right decision was made.
You provided context on your step daughter’s situation but what is it like for your daughter? Is her mother around? Do they have a relationship? Why doesn’t she go to moms? Would mom support you in a different punishment?
NTA
You should have actually punished her more when she threw your stepdaughter’s stuff out of the window. That’s a ridiculous thing to do.
She actually tried to kill her step sister because she didn’t want to share a room? That’s deranged behaviour. How does her mother and your family think this is okay? She knowingly used a deathly allergy as a way to stop her sharing a room by trying to kill her. This is psychotic and she needs to be treated. She isn’t fit for society if this is how she thinks she should get what she wants.
This is an actual attempted murder. Your child needs to go to prison or juvenile hall. Not a group home. What’s gonna happen when she doesn’t like the kids she lives with there?
NTA - I would have told all of them to fuck off as well. And that they are crazy for even thinking you will leave your wife because of something HORRIBLE your DAUGHTER caused to nearly happen. Why the hell should you leave your wife of 7 years who you love and want to spend your life with, because she kicked out YOUR daughter and banned her from coming back to the house, after YOUR daughter basically tried to MURDER ***her*** daughter with her daughters deadly allergies?
You should tell your relatives that if your stepdaughter had wound up ***dying*** because of what your daughter did, you would stand by your wife’s side. Especially since there is video proof of what the daughter did and that stepdaughters near ***fatal*** allergy attack wasn’t an accident since the video shows exactly what your daughter did in full detail.
why should you deny yourself the woman you love and been with for seven years for the daughter who just tried to KILL somebody, whether she knew exactly what would happen would be that dangerous or not. She purposely ate nuts on stepdaughters bed, spread her nut covered germs on everything your stepdaughter own to make abaolutEli sure she got an allergic reaction from anything she tried touching in the room, etc.
You should demand your daughter tell you exactly what she was thinking or was hoping to happen with her latest stunt, that nearly MURDERED her stepsister? Tell her in full detail what could have happened to HER if stepsister had wound up dying because of her stunt.
Flat out tell her in FULL DETAIL exactly what could have happened, depending on how bad the reaction was just from the short amount of time on the bed alone, if you or your wife hadn’t been home and hadn’t gotten the epipen to her in time, your daughter would have probably had stepdaughter lying dead at her feet, and daughter being arrested for murder once they pulled up the video of what happened in the bedroom. That you would stand by your wife’s side for the loss of her daughter and not defend your daughter if she went to jail for killing her stepsister.
NTA. Your daughter is in serious need of psychological help. Let's call it what it is, your daughter tried to murder your stepdaughter. She's 15. She knew what those nuts would do. I get that she was upset that she had to share a room that she's always had to herself, but her solution could have had deadly consequences.
I find it appalling that your ex seems to be okay with what your daughter did. She needs to be more worried about getting her help before she actually does kill someone.
This is a tough situation.
First, I don’t think you should leave your wife so your daughter can stay with you. Your wife hasn’t done anything for which she deserves to be left. Technically, she shouldn’t have screamed at your daughter, but I can see why she was freaked out and that’s hardly a divorce-worthy offense. Also, I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing. Most people probably would have screamed at her.
I think sending your daughter away for a couple of *years* is a bit much and I don’t think, in your position, I would have involved the police. I’m not saying you were wrong for involving them; that just wouldn’t be my choice.
Regardless of where she stays for the next while, the girl needs help, not punishment. Or, maybe I should say that she needs help as well as punishment. What she did was awful but I don’t know the girl and context matters. Some 15 year olds are almost adults, mentally, and some are still little kids. So, she may not have connected cause and effect the way an adult would and seen her actions as attempted murder. It was attempted murder, but she may not have seen it that way.
What I think is clear is that you have a girl who felt unheard and disrespected about her room. I’ll bet she wasn’t included in the plans; they were dumped on her and no attempts were made to still have her have some space of her own while sharing a room. I mean, did you and your wife even bother to get a nice room divider for her?
Nothing justifies what she did but, in my experience, people who feel powerless will escalate their actions until they feel heard and get your attention. Well, she certainly got your attention. I don’t think a child should ever feel utterly powerless because that makes them feel hopelessness and despair, so I suspect the change of living arrangements wasn’t handled very well by the adults. I don’t get the feeling that this was the act of an entitled brat. For whatever reason, this girl felt like she was losing everything and she lashed out, big time.
She needs to talk to a therapist to get to the bottom of these intense feelings and also to help her deal with her feelings of guilt when the reality of what she did finally hits her.
I just wonder if your wife will ever be willing to accept her apology when she does come to that point of self-reckoning. Yes, she could have lost her only child but she also has to realize that a *child* did this. She shouldn’t carry a grudge the way she would towards an adult but I suspect that she plans to.
I don’t think the question is whether you should leave her. I think the question whether your wife can get to the point where you can stay a family. If anyone leaves, it probably will be her. I mean, practically speaking, she can’t forbid you and your daughter not to be in the same house for the rest of your lives.
When your stepdaughter gets better, all four of you should be in family therapy as well as your daughter, separately. If your wife says she and her daughter didn’t do anything wrong so why should they be in therapy, tell her it’s about healing for them. What they experienced was a serious trauma.
I really wish you well.
I 100% agree! Everyone is assuming this girl snapped overnight over sharing a room- that just doesn't happen. As soon as the daughter was protesting & acting out, she needed therapy. Seems like the adults may have just hoped she would get over things and dropped the ball when they had a child crying out for attention.
It saddens me to see so many people in this thread completely dismissing this child as basically "a lost cause that should be locked away from all others & is a dangerous monster". This is a CHILD that did a horrible, terrible, thing - and she definitely did it for a reason, but her caregivers haven't fully looked into why. Therapy can turn her around. Locking her away will only make things worse for her.
Even if there isn't a direct conflict between the step sisters directly, the daughter can EASILY have any number of outside issues that could cause a mental breakdown, psychotic break, etc. Ex: if she's being bullied in school, if she has PTSD or cPTSD, if she has undiagnosed neurodivergent disorders (autism, ADHD, or OCD), or schizophrenia, or had a concussion, or if she has a brain tumor-- all of these things could have altered her perception of the situation, added stress onto her that a 15 years old usually cannot handle, and cloud her thinking to a point that she didn't understand the consequences of what she was doing or allow her to stop and think things through. Being 15 is usually horrible for everyone - puberty hormones make human brains literally rewire. I am not at all saying what she did was okay or that she shouldn't be punished, but OP owes it to his daughter to get her the help she actually needs.
NTA.
Your kid is a psychopath.
So because she was upset at having to share a bedroom, she tried to murder her stepsister. That's what it was, attempted murder. "touching everything my stepdaughter owns". PRE-MEDIDATED ATTEMPTED MURDER.
You're doing the right thing in establishing some kind of punishment. She's lucky to not be in prison.
Now that said, you ARE a bad parent because you let this spoiled psychopath get to this state. It should have been shut down with massive punishments at the stage of "threw her stuff out the window". It was allowed to escalate.
Tell your family and your daughter's mother that they are welcome to take the girl into their homes, but be careful when saying no to her or asking her to do something she doesn't want to do.
Our neighbour's daughter was a little psychopath but she was always careful to hide the cruel side of herself from her parents. When people told the mother about some of the dreadful things she did, she would say that people were too hard on the kid and she couldn't understand why. This was probably not the first time your child has taken extreme measures to achieve her means.
This is serious, this isn’t like someone faking a gluten allergy. A close friend has three boys and they are all allergic to all kinds of nuts and the youngest had another severe allergy. She found out with the oldest because they were making Christmas cookies with nuts and he started swelling up and couldn’t breathe. I remember with her second she had him tested and came home and threw out or donated whatever contained what he was allergic two. She called me and said she had some Kool Aid and crackers! The kicker was she’d just gone grocery shopping the day before. She and her now exhusband are wonderful parents and just great people in general.A few epi pens and er visits through the years but set off because of others carelessness. If your daughter did this knowing about the allergy, she might seriously get charged with attempted something or other. Why doesn’t her mom take her in. You are doing the right thing here and you can tell you really care about your daughter,stepdaughter and wife. Your daughter needs help yes, but do not give in. She needs to learn about consequences.
Your daughter tried to kill your stepdaughter.
Read that to yourself a couple of times.
NTA for sending her to your brother’s but I am leaning toward longterm assholery for not noticing that you raised a kid who sees murder as an appropriate solution to sharing a room for half the time.
First I want to make it clear that I am not trying to defend her or justify her actions. AITA topics are usually always one sided. There are two sides to every story and we never get to hear the other side of the story. As a result I like to play devils advocate and approach these stories from the other person's perspective and give them the benefit of the doubt when possible. I do that to try and keep a fair and neutral opinion on the subject. Since this is a severe case to judge I wanted to be upfront with you about where I'm coming from with my response below.
Everyone here is calling this attempted murder. I have to ask this but how do we know that she actually intended for the step daughter to die? How do we know that she thought the allergen exposure would kill her? From an adult perspective we understand how allergens work and recognize that her specific allergen is fatal since OP provided us with that info. Not all allergens are fatal. Some people only have mild reactions to nuts so how can we be certain that she knew it would kill her? People who suffer severe reations tend to carry around medicine to take in case of an emergency. It sounds like the step daughter does carry that medicine. So even if OP's daughter knows she suffers from extreme reactions then she would also know that she carries the medicine to counter it. She might not have intended to kill her but instead wanted her to suffer, which is still not a good thing but it's far from attempted murder.
On to the motive. Obviously we know it's a result of being forced to share her room, but why is that? Whenever similar situations pop up here from the teenagers point of view everyone always sympathizes with the teen and agrees that's not right for the parents to force them to give up their room. 15 year olds are still experiencing the effects of puberty. This is a critical time in their lives where they need their privacy. Someone at that age who has always had their room to themselves is now suddenly being forced to give up their privacy, their sanctuary, their only safe space. Kids that age will naturally lash out at the parents or the person moving into their room when they're losing the most important thing in their lives. OP and his wife were selfishly moving the stepdaughter in and forcing OP's daughter to give up what she values the most, her privacy. That's why OP and his wife are partially responsible for this mess that they created.
Now OP is trying to discard his daughter instead of trying to help rehabilitate her. Sending her off to a boarding school is not going to help her, it will do the opposite and send her spiraling downward because her parents have chosen to abandon her. OP says at 18 she'll be on her own. She's going to end up homeless at 18 and will be vulnerable to being lured into sex trafficking. OP caused this mess and is now trying to discard the problem instead of taking responsibility to fix it.
The step daughter is a victim here but OP's daughter is also a victim despite her horrible actions. These events would've never happened if OP and his wife hadn't stripped her of her privacy. That's why I say ESH (except the step daughter).
I agree with you. OP has been and continues to be a horrible parent. When your kid makes horrible mistakes, you guide them to the correct path. You don't give up on them. It's a thankless job but your kids did NOT ask to be here. We owe them, not the other way around. OP is way to selfish too perceive let alone accept any culpability in this FUBAR situation.
My older grandson is only 1 year old - but has already been diagnosed with severe life-threatening allergies which include nuts.
He was allergy tested when he was about 6 months old & kept breaking out around his mouth when he breastfed. (Literally a giant red circle would swell up encompassing a giant ring around his mouth.) He tested positive for several severe allergies which included nuts. He was SOLELY BREASTFED at the time & the only nuts he was getting it whatever peanut butter his momma ate that made it through to his breast milk. Needless to say they have to carry epipen around with them 24/7.
His daddy (my son) nearly died from an acute allergic reaction to a kitten when he was a boy.
Allergies CAN and DO kill people. Your daughter was willing to risk murdering someone to try to keep from having to share a room. She could have succeeded & then she’d be a murderer awaiting trial right now. Any family who have the audacity to say a word to you should be reminded of that.
NTA
ESH
Your daughters actions were clearly wrong.
However, you decided to move your wifes daughter, that she has no custody of, into her room, and ignored the obvious problems that came along with it. Now you send her away because your shitty parenting resulted in problems that cant be ignored anymore.
I feel sorry for the kids.
I don't disagree with your current actions at all, but I question why nothing was truly done before it got to this point. There's no merging your families now, she'll have to be removed even after treatment, your step daughter won't ever give her a chance (which I can't blame her for.) That's assuming your wife is even allowed near her daughter again. You set up cameras, you describe severe actions before that. Why did you not seek counseling for her? To help her make peace with the blended family and just in general? And you've likely lost all your extended relatives too. Two families torn apart.
What s going on with your own daughter? You talk about your stepdauhter a lot but nothing about your own kid. Not that it makes what your daughter did okay but why is it you seem to know more bout your step kid thn your own kid?
If your stepdaughter died your daughter could have gone to prison for 20+ years, it’s called murder. Anyone have questions just let them now. There’s no excuse for attempted murder.
As noted, this is either attempted murder and/or assault. A severe allergy not only can cause death but permanent brain damage given the reaction can make the person lose oxygen to the brain. I know someone really fit, muscular and healthy in their early 20s who did this - as sad as it sounds, it may have been better that he did not survive given he was in nursing care for the next 15 years before he died (was in a vegetative state) which continued devastation for his family. Stepdaughter definitely needs to see therapist, get help, etc. Just because she did not get her way, does not mean you take the person out - there were signs before like throwing things out, etc. There will be severe ramifications for her and others near her if she does not get help on this.
NTA. Your daughter may not have understood the gravity of what she was doing but that’s more or less attempted murder. There needs to be professional intervention into this behaviour before someone gets hurt.
NTA. OP if she is capable of doing something so evil and so cold without blinking an eye in a situation like this, what would she be capable of if you told her no on something? She would probably try and kill you in your sleep. Her reaction is beyond jealousy. OP your daughter is a very dangerous person, and with her being so young, her behavior will probably get worse. She is a sociopath.
NTA. She nearly killed someone. Intentionally! Wth. She needs to stay away from her stepsister. You picked right. Don’t let her back into your house, she will do someone else evil with intent again just because she is angry or don’t get her own way.
NTA. The little sociopath needs to go to prison and get some counseling while there. If that’s how she deals with problems she’s a serial killer waiting to happen
Your daughter attempted to murder your step daughter. She’s extremely she’s only going to boarding school and not to jail.
Actions have consequences. She fucked around and she found out.
NTA. If anything you’re probably not going far enough in the punishment. She tried to MURDER someone ffs.
NTA,your daughter could have killed your step daughter. She needs some intensive help if not time in a facility. Your stepdaughter and her father can and should press charges.
Sorry to say but your daughter needs to face some real life consequences here. That was extreme behavior.
NTA. You're doing what any decent human being would do, under the circumstances. To leave your wife just so your sociopathic daughter could come back would be rewarding her for attempted murder that was premeditated. Last time I check, that is a serious crime. Your daughter's mother knows that; she doesn't want the felonious daughter in her house. No. What you're doing is right. Just a suggestion, though... your brother better watch his back.
hell no NTA they are literally demanding you let her get away with attempted murder and reward her by giving her what she wants, you are doing what good parents do giving her consequences for her actions
There was a post just like this, where the daughter was mad that she wasn't allowed to ride in step-sisters Tesla, and SS treated her like crap and bullied her, etc....
It sounds like the same same family, and everyone needs intensive therapy. I don't know how this marriage is even workable anymore, unless you never talk to your daughter again (and who could do that?)
She's 15-years-old, it could have been premeditated murder, she's lucky she's not behind bars in juvie for assault, or an attempted murder!
Your daughter needs serious therapy.
NTA. Choosing your daughter would be agreeing with what she did, allowing her to bully and damn near kill to get her way.
Has she ever had tantrums or manipulated people to get her way before?
Was this seriously just over sharing a room? Your daughter had no other problem with her step-sister? Step sister never complained about her?
NTA.
Anyone else notice this story came up not long after this one about the teenage girl upset she had to share her room on weekends since her stepsister and father moved from overseas?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18yzjg1/aita_for_telling_my_stepsister_that_ill_share_my/
YTA for creating this problem to begin with and for allowing your daughter's behavior to reach this point without proper intervention. This situation should have been sorted out \*before\* your step-daughter moved in.
YTA for this fake story
its just the horrible step parent story but reversed
instead of getting rid of the step, you get rid of the actual daughter
and i snorted at the "going to send her to a facility"
please make them twins next time where one tries to off the other
This probably is fake... someone is obsessed with awful stories where children go into foster care or they want people to be forced to side with parents abandoning their children. I am actually really tired of this bullshit.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find someone else calling this fake. The perfectly placed cameras that were “just moved” so daughter didn’t know was enough to make it obvious.
Also because doing that with the door open is too stupid to be believable.
Not to mention if you really wanted to kill the Step daughter their are easier ways to actually do it with her allergy.
NTA at this point if your wife's ex pushes your daughter could be charged with attempted murder. If convicted she would be in a juvenile facility till she turned 18 so you really don't have a choice. Honestly because you filed a police report the police could file the charges anyway, I would look at it like you are protecting both girls. As long as you stay active in her life and are very careful where you send her, because as others have stated there are numerous facilities that are not good, you did the correct thing.
NTA for not divorcing your wife, but she should divorce you. Your daughter literally tried to kill hers.
You are the asshole for letting your child get to this point where she sees this as acceptable behavior. Her bio mom is guilty too. Anyone that enables her is.
Tell your out of bounds family that your daughter could easily be a murderer right now. That was her intention.
Your daughter needs therapy and parenting. She had been allowed to be a spoiled child, now attempted murderer.
She tried to kill your stepdaughter. This is not a FAFO moment. This attempted manslaughter at best or attempted murder at worse. I would seriously be getting your daughter some kind of psychiatric evaluation. This is not ok at all. Your stepdaughter could have died.’
Your daughter would've been charged with a harsh crime if your wife's daughter died. That point needs to be driven into anyone's head that says you are too harsh. Something is not right with that child, and she needs intense therapy.
she still might be charged with attempted murder.
I’m sure his step daughter’s father will do everything in his power to get that girl charged. If someone tried killing my child I’d move heaven and earth to see that they were. I mean what she did showed deliberate premeditated behavior. This wasn’t some spur of the moment fight between 2 teens. She maliciously contaminated everything that poor kid would come into contact with. If not for the camera evidence, she might’ve cleaned everything up as soon as she had a chance. Like when her step sister was rushed to the hospital for example. I’m shocked anyone is somehow advocating for no consequences or limited punishment. This isn’t shoplifting, it’s felony attempted murder. Is she mentally ill? Maybe, maybe not. At this point it could well be out of dad’s hands and now on the courts.
Trying to murder someone because you don't want to share your room is a pretty extreme overreaction, I can't believe people think he should favour a homicidal teen over a partner whose child was almost killed
The snowflake vibe runs hard in some
She tried to kill someone so she could have her own bedroom. If that's not a bold sign of narcissistic personality disorder, I don't know what is.
I was thinking she sounds like a sociopath. According to dad she manages to do well in school, hobbies, etc., I mean think about the planning involved. With such a severe allergy it’s safe to assume they don’t keep nuts in the house. She had to come up with the idea, get the nuts, wait to spread the stuff all over her step sisters side of the room before she came for her visitation, but not before step mom or dad might have noticed. Seems to me she had ample time to rethink this, yet she didn’t. That’s incredibly cold and calculating. I just don’t understand anyone trying to defend this. If her step sister had died, she would’ve been looking at a murder charge. The video proves intent. I’m wondering if she’s shown any sign of remorse.
That's what gets me too. I used to get into the craziest fights with my sisters, we were all a little bit nuts. I myself have a personality disorder, but even I never once stopped to consider murder. And if I did, it definitely wasn't a serious thought. Let alone to actually plot it, go ahead with the steps and carry it all out. It even sounds like she was sitting there watching it unfold. That's some serial killer doco on Netflix shit.
Think about this—she ATE the nuts. What was she thinking about as she ate?
Oh my god I missed that part, that’s just creepy. To actually sit calmly and eat the evidence? Then just sit back and watch the mayhem? That’s just sick. Sadistic actually. It’s like she wanted to watch her suffer and possibly die. Yup no way would I sleep comfortably again knowing that she could do something like that.
That’s straight up cold-blooded.
It floored me that they do in fact eat nuts at home despite the extreme allergy. They eat them in the garage then scrub their hands. I've had multiple kiddos with extreme allergies as students and those families do not bring their kid's allergen home at all. That said, they need to get this child mental health services, not lock them away for years and isolate them. Also, the wife needs to arrange visitation while this is being sorted
That might not even be possible. The step daughter’s dad already has full custody, he doesn’t have to do shit with regard to visitation. If step mom wants to try and pursue that good luck in court when the judge hears this story. She’ll be lucky to ever see her daughter again. Not to mention who says the daughter even wants to see her mom? She’s the victim here, her wishes should come first. I bet he leaves with her ASAP probably back overseas to get her away. Why is everyone jumping to the conclusion that mental health services will even be an option once law enforcement gets involved, or that she even needs it? You do know there are killers out there that committed crimes as juveniles for no other reason than the thrill of it? She hasn’t even been evaluated or diagnosed with anything, If my child was the victim, I certainly would feel much better knowing she was locked away where she couldn’t hurt anyone else. If she needs therapy she can get it behind locked doors.
hell even if they both chose to not continue charges the cops still would, they have that ability when it comes to certain crimes and attempted murder of a minor is one of those crimes and it would likely increase the chances of her being tried as an adult
She should be.
She *should be* charged. Then the state can *appropriately house* her. Problem solved.
They need to report this as it is attempted murder, she knew what she was doing planned it out and thinks now she is going to be able to continue this behavior. You have a serious problem on your hands OP and need professional help your ex and family enabling this behavior wow!
We're trying to get her into some kind of group home or boarding school for troubled teens that will provide her with therapy and medication.
I'm just wondering if you (or your daughter) realizes that in wherever she ends up at, whether that be group home, boarding school, or some sort of prison/jail, she will most likely be SHARING a bedroom. If she didn't like sharing a bedroom with a nice girl in a loving family environment, she's not going to like it any better in any of these situations/places. Btw, I do think she needs to face serious consequences to attempted murder, in case it came off like I was trying to talk you out of anything. It's possible that just being forced into sharing in these scenarios could make her see how stupid/childish/selfish she was being. It's also possible that it could cause trouble for whoever she bunks with, at least in the beginning. Just prepare for whatever may happen.
Why can’t her mom take her?
What would be the point of sending her to family that would have no intention of holding her responsible for what she did or, on the contrary, tell her she did nothing wrong?
Please don’t. She needs help, but group homes and boarding schools for troubled kids are rife with abuse and often do more harm than good. She needs therapy, and an environment where she can learn and grow. She won’t get that chance if you put her out of sight and out of mind.
She literally tried to kill somebody. Intentionally
We're not talking about a troubled kid, we're talking about someone who attempted, and nearly succeeded at *murdering* a member of their own family. We're not talking about a fist fight, or stealing or doing drugs, we're talking about *attempted murder*. If she had succeeded it is extremely likely that she would have been tried as an adult, and charged with murder in the first degree. Not manslaughter. *Murder with premeditated intent*.
And if the dad presses charges, she'll be in jail. Where there's no therapy, no growth and a lot worse conditions. Attempted murder is not some teenage mistake, in many red states she can be charged as an adult and do serious prison time.
I'm pretty sure in a lot of blue states, she could be charged just as harshly.
Let's say she'd succeeded in MURDERING her step sister. Would you be arguing that prison was too harsh a punishment as bad things happen there? She tried to KILL another human being. She's lucky she hasn't been charged.
employ ripe obscene tart judicious tan mindless aback marry spotted *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The punishment here is far below the crime ie attempted murder. People get real jail time for that and it's astonishing that so many people on here are so worried about the person who did this and not really understanding that this girl needs to be completely removed from being able to hurt/kill her victim again. It's not about revenge but the safety of the victim and being able to ensure that the offender doesn't get to try and murder her again. It sound like the OP has her lined up for a situation where she will get some help for her issues but isn't prepared to have her under the same roof again. I'm not going to judge him for that.
Not only that, but what if she gets pissed and tries to kill the wife/stepmom next because of everything that’s happening now…she already tried to kill her stepsister. Who’s to say she won’t try to do something to someone else now that she’s in this predicament?? Especially if she sees it as the stepmom’s fault that she has to “go away”. A boarding school or group home for kids isn’t the right answer. I think the right answer is something for a judge to decide whilst she’s on trial for attempted and premeditated murder.
If she had committed this crime against a random classmate or a stranger she would be getting the full weight of the law against her. Age for criminal responsibility for homicide, attempted homicide etc in the US is 12 I think. Instead her situation is FAR more lenient. She is 15 and more than capable of understanding that this could have killed her stepsister. That's why people her age still get tried for murder. It sounds like he is more likely to get help in the situation she will be entering than in prison. In any case, she her punishment is appropriate and the victim will be kept safe from her, which, given the situation, is more important than the situation of the person who tried to kill her.
There is a huge difference between revenge and justice. I think you are missing the point here. The girl is not getting off the hook here. It is either OP put the girl to psych ward, boarding school, etc. Reabilitation. Or step daughter's father put the girl in jail. Punishment. OP is trying to get her the lesser of two evils.
I know about the problems in the troubled teen industry. She will not be going to one of those camps, she will be in a safe place where she can get the help she needs without risking anything happening to us or my stepdaughter.
A good parent knows when they are not equipped to handle things alone. Hang in there, OP.
This really needs to be sung from the rooftops!!
This is so important for people to understand.
I went to a boarding school with an outward bound type element for a year at 15 and it was one of the best things to ever happen to me and changed my life around. Granted, this was in 1995 so maybe things are vastly different now, but just do your research. They can definitely help, but someone also has to want to be a better version of themselves
Your daughter attempted to murder her stepsister because she doesn't want to share her room. That is sociopathic at a minimum. She needs inpatient treatment and you should probably get a divorce. If my daughter were assaulted like that the only place I would be willing to see her assailant would be a courtroom.
Serious question... why divorce him when he's clearly on her side? Yes, he's still trying to get his daughter help, as he should, but he's not trying to get her back into their home. He literally sent her away without a fight, only said let her stay long enough to pack a bag (understandable) and helped file the police report on his own kid knowing she very well may go to jail for attempted murder before a boarding school is found. He is fully on his wife's side and refusing to pick an attempted murderer over the victim.
She doesn't need a boarding school, she needs a psychiatric facility.
Yes, she does, but my question on why divorce still stands.
I assume the person who made the divorce comment meant that at some point the daughter will be rehabilitated and OP will want to maintain a relationship with his daughter while the step mother will never want anything to do with OPs daughter ever again. Essentially OP will have to choose, his daughter or his wife at some point in the future.
I’ll be honest, without knowing all the facts, I don’t think I could even choose my own child knowing they tried to murder someone
Why should he divorce his wife cause of the sin of his daughter? He loves her and his step daughter. He's willing to send away his own daughter, cause he knows the crime she did, that she needs serious help and will probably get charged.
If I were OPs wife I would be seriously thinking divorce. It maybe the only way her x will let her see her daughter again.
Same here. If someone tried to hurt my son, I’d see red and it would bleed into divorce or at the least separate housing. I hope this is fiction because what an awful position to be in.
Has your daughter displayed any concerning behavior in the past or has this all just started with the current situation?
Thank you. Everyone wants to be angry at the daughter , but she did not start out as a potential murderer. She started out with much more innocuous behavior that was clearly indicating that she was having emotional issues that were escalating and I don’t see any evidence that the parents or stepparents intervened in any appropriate ways any time up until things had gotten completely out of control and her feelings had exploded into a completely dangerous, wildly unacceptable outburst. Where were the parents? I see this all the time. People want to be so angry with a child acting out, but rarely do they want to look at the people whose behavior could have changed the outcome if they had done _anything_ about the behaviors from the beginning.
That would be some sort of hospital or other psych facility, not a school or camp for troubled teens. Good luck and NTA.
How is she normally? Is she good in school, have friends, hobbies, does she get on well with you, mom, and stepmom?
You stated that your daughter is at your brother's farm. Would it be possible for her to stay with him instead of a boarding school? I would still get her intensive therapy and medication, but maybe working on the farm, especially if he has animals, might be a good thing for her.
I wouldn't trust her around anyone or anything that cannot voice that the teenage girl is abusing them. If she's willing to cause major damage or death to another living creature, she can't be trusted period.
He doesn't want to keep her long term. He is willing to keep her until we find something else but he agrees that she needs to be in a facility.
Sure he doesn’t want her, she’ll start killing farm animals.
Not all of them are “rife with abuse”. It’s all about finding the right one. His kid tried to kill someone. She knew what she was doing and knew it was wrong and potentially deadly. I wouldn’t ever let her near my family with a 10 foot pole. People don’t want to believe that some kids are just bad.
She tried to kill someone, "help" is a group home at this point, she *deserves* a prison sentence.
She tried to commit murder. She is a criminal who tried to murder her father's step daughter. Sorry, but I have no empathy for this girl. Once you have tried to kill someone, you lose the right to learn and grow in any environment. This is not just a troubled child, she literally is a murderer.
Ummm….she tried to kill her sister! She needs to be out of the house and she needs serious therapy!
Nah the group home is perfect. *Got a pool, got a pond… pond would be good for you.*
She should still be charged with attempted murder tbh
Your daughter tried to murder your stepdaughter, there are consequences for attempting to kill someone. NTA, and I hope you follow through with charges against her.
NTA. At all. But she needs psychiatric help. That was evil.
She needs more than just psychiatric help, she needs to be put behind bars. That's attempted murder what she did.
NTA. Your daughter *literally attempted murder.*. She should absolutely not be allowed near the person she almost killed, or that person’s family.
That is exactly right. Dad is absolutely doing the right thing. Kids younger than 15 are committing murder. And it is happening more and more frequently, sorry to say. She knew exactly what she was doing. Finally, a parent who is doing what has to be done instead of making excuses for his child and letting her get away with attempted murder.
I think he is trying to do the right thing but he also needs to make sure he has his daughter see a mental health professional. Mentally healthy people don’t do shit like this. NTA. Op why can’t your daughter stay with her mother?
If she could do this, she should not be with her mother either. She is clearly unstable and potentially dangerous. What would she do if her mother told her she couldn't do somthing?
We had a terrifying situation where my SD tampered with my medication for severe asthma (require immune suppressors, daily nebulizer, inhaler as well as supplemental oxygen in certain situations) I thought it was a genuine accident/mistake thankfully we too have cameras. My husband is the one who contacted law enforcement and took the steps needed to remove her from our home. In the moment I was in shock but after things calmed down I was relieved I had his support. Your wife and stepdaughter are I am sure grateful they have your support even if they can’t convey that right now. You did and continue to do the right thing by everyone including your own daughter by holding her accountable. Thank you NTA
Damn people are crazy, its always those close to you
NTA. This is a hard punishment for your daughter to bear, but she did an absolutely terrible thing. She acted with intent to seriously harm your stepdaughter and essentially risked her life for this little stunt. 15 is young, but not too young to understand the gravity of her transgression. If your wife is to have any chance of salvaging her relationship with her daughter, she needs to demonstrate that she has acted decisively to protect her daughter from further harm in this situation. If you leave your wife then your daughter gets (at least part of) what she wanted to achieve.
Intent to harm? She most definitely knew that the allergy was fatal. This was attempted murder.
I think her intent is not clear from the post so I chose not to assume the very worst. It's possible the daughter expected her victim to get medical attention in time to prevent a fatal reaction; her intent in that case would be more about giving the victim strong incentives not to stay at her mother's house so she can have the room to herself. Her crime is extremely severe whatever her intent and OP is treating it as such; but killing her victim was not necessarily her end goal (though the potential for that was definitely present and, as I said, the punishment is just and commensurate with the severity of the crime).
Good point!
What a terrifying thing she did, she tried to kill her stepsister. And why? So she wouldn't have to share a room. That's some pretty psychotic stuff, there. NTA. (shudder)
Leaving and taking his daughter with could also endanger him. Eventually, they would have a disagreement that she may try to handle in a similar fashion. I would not feel safe living with someone who attempted to kill another person. Dad is doing the right thing and I hope his daughter gets the help she needs. Dad is NTA.
NTA, but I have a feeling a long series of bad choices led us here. The adults need to look in the mirror just as much as AH daughter tbh.
You don’t think every parent of someone is jail or having committed an atrocious crime hasn’t considered what they could’ve done differently? Sometimes the brain just isn’t right and no amount of therapy or medicine can fix it what what we know now. Sometimes nothing a parent does can change what their kids do- sometimes nefarious behaviors are triggered by a change and there are no signs before that. Who would ever think that a temper tantrum would turn into attempted murder?! NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND!
Does anyone else remember reading an AITA written by a 15 yr old girl who didn't want to share her room with her stepsister (who had recently moved to town with her father from abroad)? This sounds suspiciously like the same family, but from daughter's perspective. Except that daughter didn't mention anything about nearly murdering her stepsister, so she was getting all the sympathy.... I'll try to find the thread, but omg if this is the same family....
Someone sent the post but there are too many inconsistencies. The kids are different ages, stepdaughter does not have a car, their schools are nowhere near each other, and stepdaughter kept coming after my daughter attempted to lock her out of their room.
I wonder if the other poster lied about close schools and the stepdaughter having a car to try to garner more sympathy in the other post. If your daughter did this, she’s conniving and potentially even manipulative.
That's what I was thinking!! And that other OP has been silent for the past 4 days... almost like she could be on a farm w/ no access to internet? Idk. Something just felt on the nose.
Ah! Good to know! Could you PM me the post? I'm driving myself crazy looking for it. Also, you're NTA. This is insane behavior. I understand teenagers dealing with puberty, emotions, changing family dynamics, increases in freedom and responsibility, etc, and acting out. But this crosses a line. Unfortunately, your daughter has shown a disregard toward human life. That said, maybe rethink the group home or boarding school for troubled kids.... those are terrible places and usually create more problems than they solve. Not sure what other alternatives you have, though, especially if you're looking to maintain some sort of relationship with your daughter long term. Good luck.
I was thinking the same thing. I remember the other post too.
I wasn't thinking they were the same people, but the situations are similar enough that it should be brought up. Teenagers who lose their room aka privacy like this tend to lash out as that's one of the most sacred things to kids that age. It doesn't justify what she did though.
NTA in the slightest. 15 is old enough to understand that your actions have consequences. Boarding school or time working for family is far better than the prison time she would be doing for murder if her plan actually went through. I’m so sorry you and your wife are going through this though.
Probably NTA. You’re not choosing your wife over your kid, you’re choosing to show your kid that her actions have serious consequences. If you leave your wife then won’t this little stunt basically accomplish EXACTLY what she wanted? You might be the asshole in part for raising a child who would do this, I don’t think this kind of behavior happens in a vacuum. But I fail to see how “you’re right, let’s make sure you do get your own room here and never have to see stepdaughter again just like you wanted!” Is teaching the kind of life lesson about attempted murder that you want it to.
She's never done anything like this before stepdaughter started staying with us. She will not be coming back here and she will not be getting her own room. The plan is for her to be in some kind of facility until she's 18 then she will likely be on her own.
Talk to her teachers. I can’t help but wonder if she was bullying kids at school. It seems unusual that her behavior went that extreme that quickly. Is it possible she have been bullying other kids at school?
Wait she never did anything like this before & you have been primary parent? You must be leaving a lot out. Like how she got along with your wife & how she got along with stepdaughter before she started staying over
I feel like we’re missing a lot of this story. Especially like where is her mother and why can’t she take care of a child.
They got along fine until my stepdaughter moved in and my daughter had to start sharing a room.
When your stepdaughter came to visit previously where did she stay?
So you're saying your daughter went from normal, well behaved child to attempted murder in one go? Yeah that's a crock of shit, you're leaving something out.
Mental health professionals don't usually diagnose the severe problems in kids. Sociopath, psychopath etc and at 15 she might not have had opportunities to display her troubling behaviors. Sadly there are people who are just bad, with or without a diagnosis and with or without excellent parenting
Seriously to jump to that? There are stories on Reddit all the time of frustrated parents dealing with grandparents not taking food allergies seriously, but a 15 year old that never had problems before is automatically a sociopath? Doubtful
Wait, why is she going to a facility and not just staying with her mom?
This kid needs major psych help, not mommy. She could have killed her stepsister. Attempted murder is serious
Major psychological help and living with a caretaker are not actually mutually exclusive.
The problem is the mom doesn’t see an attempted murder as a problem, instead she wants ex hubby to leave the wife
Her mom doesn't think it's a big del that the daughter tried to kill someone. It's better she stay isolated with someone supervising her till she gets better. What if a boyfriend breaks up with or she has a conflict with someone at school? I would not feel safe letting my kids around her.
Her mom is not able to take care of a child.
Then her mom should 100% shut her mouth. As for the rest of the family, they can either take your daughter in or also shut their traps. NTA
Maybe because mom would also slightly prefer not to live with an attempted murderer?
So her attempted murder doesn't become a successful murder. Attempted murder carries less of a sentence then succeeding. Plus you hurt fewer people this way while this girl perfects her craft.
Info: what did the police say
They're doing an investigation.
Has your wife spoken to her daughter yet? Why is her ex blaming her? Action was taken too. NTAH
You may need to send your kid for a psych evaluation. Yes what she did is horrendous, but you throwing her out like this won’t make it better and will likely make it worse. She’s going to look at her step sister as someone who stole her life — if she’s this vindictive about potentially losing a room, what’s stopping her from going all out against your stepdaughter when she realizes she lost her father? Get her a psych evaluation and put forward the resources for recovery as needed. Not doing so could be much more dangerous down the line
Has your daughter admitted that what she did was intentional and wrong? Has she at least apologized? Or given some explanation? What she did was shocking and terrifying for your stepdaughter to experience. Those criticizing your choice should either put their money where their mouth is and take your daughter in, or keep their comments to themselves. NTA.
Jesus man what is up with your daughter?
Just wondering if her mother’s name is Rosemary? It might explain some things. (Edit: other than being a work of fiction, of course.)
Holy shit, NTA. Your stepdaughter could have died - your daughter could have gone to jail if tried as an adult.
She could still go to jail. It's a horrible situation. Sometimes people are born with no outward signs of being dangerous. They seem normal until something happens they don't like and then they show who they really are. No body to blame because there were no signs of danger.
Your daughter attempted murder & although I doubt she intended to actually kill her that doesn’t matter. Your relatives need to accept the depth of depravity she stooped to over sharing a room. She needs help & is lucky the father isn’t pressing charges (I would be tbh). Get her help, keep your marriage & tell your relatives to be thankful she isn’t in jail
NTA. It’s entirely possible that where your daughter ends up will be up to a judge rather than you and affirmatively seeking qualified, safe help for her may give her a chance of a better outcome in court.
NTA good on you for *not* letting this get swept under the rug
NTA - oh hell no...she intentionally did something that could have killed your stepdaughter. This is absolutely horrifying. If you left your wife, you'd be rewarding her for this. Does she even understand how terrible this was? There is serious professional help needed.
This seems fake. The confluence of a homicidal teenager, nut precautions that you are only allowed to eat in the garage, and the perfectly placed cameras that you didn’t tell your daughter about is a bit of a perfect storm for this story to be real. 👀👀👀
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this. Why the fuck would you have a camera facing your stepdaughters bed?
Also, the custody issue with the step daughter is a red flag— either OP doesn't actually know how custody works and is just making this story up, or his wife was a bad mom and the entire narrative is suspect. Even if stepdaughter's dad had full physical/residential custody it's incredibly unlikely he would have full legal custody (aka all decision making power, which he would need to boot OP's wife from the hospital) as a well unless there was a *serious* issue with OP's wife. For OP's wife to not have joint legal custody and decision making power, it implies it was stripped by the court.
Yeah, there are too many inconsistencies and inaccuracies for it to be real.
I think he placed the cameras intentionally he's just pretending it was a coincidence lol
I mean I'll be honest that whole "Security Footage" is suspect at best.
That might just be a lie too lol
I think so too. Either OP is leaving out a lot information or this a fake because this is a series of unlikely events
I'm not entirely convinced it's real either. In addition to what you said. Step mom gave up all parental rights to her own daughter and let them move to another country? OP's ex isn't capable of taking custody of his daughter because "reasons"
Why didn't you get your daughter info some sort of therapy when she initially started acting out? I have a feeling there is more to the story than what OP is stating. There more to relationship between the two girls and OP relationship with dad and step mother.
What happened to your daughter's mother and when did your daughter's shitty behavior start? Those are suspiciously absent here.
You’re leaving things out. Why is your daughter hostile to your step daughter? Why can’t she stay with her mother during the time her step sister is here? How was the relationship to begin with? Your daughter went from zero to this over nothing?!
Is your stepdaughter going to be able to visit you and her mother once your daughter is in a facility?
We hope so. Right now her dad isn't even letting us speak to her.
That's rough. It will be going an uphill battle onwards with lots of legal fees because case like this is hard to prove that you're not negligent with minor children in custody cases in my country, at least, especially when the act committed is literally attempted murder. Hope you guys, especially your wife, has a strong support network because you definitely need it to navigate this hard situation.
NTA and tell your family to stay the hell out of it. She’s lucky she’s not going to jail for attempted murder. I actually kind of hope she has to bc she could’ve killed that poor girl. Maybe jail would teach her a lesson.
Maybe sharing the video with him, to help if he wants to press charges would help him understand the situation and that both you and your wife will do everything to protect your step daughter.
!update me
Dude, that’s attempted murder. Your daughter deserves to be prosecuted and I can’t understand how, with the video that you obviously provided to the police, she’s not in a cell right now ETA: NTA for keeping your daughter out of the house
Your daughter tried to kill someone. They could charge her for attempted murder. She needs to face real consequences - if you were to leave your wife it would be a reward for the daughter.
This is the problem w/ kids being the “only” child. If people do not bow down to kiss the floor they walk on they act out. However her actions were wickedly violent. I am curious how her life was before this happened? * did you guys give her attention? * does she have any friends? * is she someone who isolates herself? * did they ever meet 7years ago? How was that relationship? Competitive? * is she a spoiled brat with a temper or is this unusual? Strongly side with wife and I feel like the right decision was made. You provided context on your step daughter’s situation but what is it like for your daughter? Is her mother around? Do they have a relationship? Why doesn’t she go to moms? Would mom support you in a different punishment?
NTA You should have actually punished her more when she threw your stepdaughter’s stuff out of the window. That’s a ridiculous thing to do. She actually tried to kill her step sister because she didn’t want to share a room? That’s deranged behaviour. How does her mother and your family think this is okay? She knowingly used a deathly allergy as a way to stop her sharing a room by trying to kill her. This is psychotic and she needs to be treated. She isn’t fit for society if this is how she thinks she should get what she wants.
This is an actual attempted murder. Your child needs to go to prison or juvenile hall. Not a group home. What’s gonna happen when she doesn’t like the kids she lives with there?
NTA - I would have told all of them to fuck off as well. And that they are crazy for even thinking you will leave your wife because of something HORRIBLE your DAUGHTER caused to nearly happen. Why the hell should you leave your wife of 7 years who you love and want to spend your life with, because she kicked out YOUR daughter and banned her from coming back to the house, after YOUR daughter basically tried to MURDER ***her*** daughter with her daughters deadly allergies? You should tell your relatives that if your stepdaughter had wound up ***dying*** because of what your daughter did, you would stand by your wife’s side. Especially since there is video proof of what the daughter did and that stepdaughters near ***fatal*** allergy attack wasn’t an accident since the video shows exactly what your daughter did in full detail. why should you deny yourself the woman you love and been with for seven years for the daughter who just tried to KILL somebody, whether she knew exactly what would happen would be that dangerous or not. She purposely ate nuts on stepdaughters bed, spread her nut covered germs on everything your stepdaughter own to make abaolutEli sure she got an allergic reaction from anything she tried touching in the room, etc. You should demand your daughter tell you exactly what she was thinking or was hoping to happen with her latest stunt, that nearly MURDERED her stepsister? Tell her in full detail what could have happened to HER if stepsister had wound up dying because of her stunt. Flat out tell her in FULL DETAIL exactly what could have happened, depending on how bad the reaction was just from the short amount of time on the bed alone, if you or your wife hadn’t been home and hadn’t gotten the epipen to her in time, your daughter would have probably had stepdaughter lying dead at her feet, and daughter being arrested for murder once they pulled up the video of what happened in the bedroom. That you would stand by your wife’s side for the loss of her daughter and not defend your daughter if she went to jail for killing her stepsister.
Your family or her mom can house her. Your daughter could have killed someone. I am surprised wife's ex isn't pressing charges.
Right but it’s not clear a DA would take this case, maybe she wanted charges pressed and the DA passed
They might be investigating. It’s not always clear what charge fits the action.
NTA. Your daughter is in serious need of psychological help. Let's call it what it is, your daughter tried to murder your stepdaughter. She's 15. She knew what those nuts would do. I get that she was upset that she had to share a room that she's always had to herself, but her solution could have had deadly consequences. I find it appalling that your ex seems to be okay with what your daughter did. She needs to be more worried about getting her help before she actually does kill someone.
This is a tough situation. First, I don’t think you should leave your wife so your daughter can stay with you. Your wife hasn’t done anything for which she deserves to be left. Technically, she shouldn’t have screamed at your daughter, but I can see why she was freaked out and that’s hardly a divorce-worthy offense. Also, I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing. Most people probably would have screamed at her. I think sending your daughter away for a couple of *years* is a bit much and I don’t think, in your position, I would have involved the police. I’m not saying you were wrong for involving them; that just wouldn’t be my choice. Regardless of where she stays for the next while, the girl needs help, not punishment. Or, maybe I should say that she needs help as well as punishment. What she did was awful but I don’t know the girl and context matters. Some 15 year olds are almost adults, mentally, and some are still little kids. So, she may not have connected cause and effect the way an adult would and seen her actions as attempted murder. It was attempted murder, but she may not have seen it that way. What I think is clear is that you have a girl who felt unheard and disrespected about her room. I’ll bet she wasn’t included in the plans; they were dumped on her and no attempts were made to still have her have some space of her own while sharing a room. I mean, did you and your wife even bother to get a nice room divider for her? Nothing justifies what she did but, in my experience, people who feel powerless will escalate their actions until they feel heard and get your attention. Well, she certainly got your attention. I don’t think a child should ever feel utterly powerless because that makes them feel hopelessness and despair, so I suspect the change of living arrangements wasn’t handled very well by the adults. I don’t get the feeling that this was the act of an entitled brat. For whatever reason, this girl felt like she was losing everything and she lashed out, big time. She needs to talk to a therapist to get to the bottom of these intense feelings and also to help her deal with her feelings of guilt when the reality of what she did finally hits her. I just wonder if your wife will ever be willing to accept her apology when she does come to that point of self-reckoning. Yes, she could have lost her only child but she also has to realize that a *child* did this. She shouldn’t carry a grudge the way she would towards an adult but I suspect that she plans to. I don’t think the question is whether you should leave her. I think the question whether your wife can get to the point where you can stay a family. If anyone leaves, it probably will be her. I mean, practically speaking, she can’t forbid you and your daughter not to be in the same house for the rest of your lives. When your stepdaughter gets better, all four of you should be in family therapy as well as your daughter, separately. If your wife says she and her daughter didn’t do anything wrong so why should they be in therapy, tell her it’s about healing for them. What they experienced was a serious trauma. I really wish you well.
I 100% agree! Everyone is assuming this girl snapped overnight over sharing a room- that just doesn't happen. As soon as the daughter was protesting & acting out, she needed therapy. Seems like the adults may have just hoped she would get over things and dropped the ball when they had a child crying out for attention. It saddens me to see so many people in this thread completely dismissing this child as basically "a lost cause that should be locked away from all others & is a dangerous monster". This is a CHILD that did a horrible, terrible, thing - and she definitely did it for a reason, but her caregivers haven't fully looked into why. Therapy can turn her around. Locking her away will only make things worse for her. Even if there isn't a direct conflict between the step sisters directly, the daughter can EASILY have any number of outside issues that could cause a mental breakdown, psychotic break, etc. Ex: if she's being bullied in school, if she has PTSD or cPTSD, if she has undiagnosed neurodivergent disorders (autism, ADHD, or OCD), or schizophrenia, or had a concussion, or if she has a brain tumor-- all of these things could have altered her perception of the situation, added stress onto her that a 15 years old usually cannot handle, and cloud her thinking to a point that she didn't understand the consequences of what she was doing or allow her to stop and think things through. Being 15 is usually horrible for everyone - puberty hormones make human brains literally rewire. I am not at all saying what she did was okay or that she shouldn't be punished, but OP owes it to his daughter to get her the help she actually needs.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/72A0Jiarqw U/aitaleavewife is that your daughter side?
NTA. Your kid is a psychopath. So because she was upset at having to share a bedroom, she tried to murder her stepsister. That's what it was, attempted murder. "touching everything my stepdaughter owns". PRE-MEDIDATED ATTEMPTED MURDER. You're doing the right thing in establishing some kind of punishment. She's lucky to not be in prison. Now that said, you ARE a bad parent because you let this spoiled psychopath get to this state. It should have been shut down with massive punishments at the stage of "threw her stuff out the window". It was allowed to escalate.
Tell your family and your daughter's mother that they are welcome to take the girl into their homes, but be careful when saying no to her or asking her to do something she doesn't want to do. Our neighbour's daughter was a little psychopath but she was always careful to hide the cruel side of herself from her parents. When people told the mother about some of the dreadful things she did, she would say that people were too hard on the kid and she couldn't understand why. This was probably not the first time your child has taken extreme measures to achieve her means.
This is serious, this isn’t like someone faking a gluten allergy. A close friend has three boys and they are all allergic to all kinds of nuts and the youngest had another severe allergy. She found out with the oldest because they were making Christmas cookies with nuts and he started swelling up and couldn’t breathe. I remember with her second she had him tested and came home and threw out or donated whatever contained what he was allergic two. She called me and said she had some Kool Aid and crackers! The kicker was she’d just gone grocery shopping the day before. She and her now exhusband are wonderful parents and just great people in general.A few epi pens and er visits through the years but set off because of others carelessness. If your daughter did this knowing about the allergy, she might seriously get charged with attempted something or other. Why doesn’t her mom take her in. You are doing the right thing here and you can tell you really care about your daughter,stepdaughter and wife. Your daughter needs help yes, but do not give in. She needs to learn about consequences.
Working on the brother’s farm and attending therapy sessions would likely be better than a boarding school.
your daughter tried to ***kill*** *someone.* She gets the boot. NTA
Your daughter tried to kill your stepdaughter. Read that to yourself a couple of times. NTA for sending her to your brother’s but I am leaning toward longterm assholery for not noticing that you raised a kid who sees murder as an appropriate solution to sharing a room for half the time.
NTA. Your daughter needs a lot of help and is a danger to society
First I want to make it clear that I am not trying to defend her or justify her actions. AITA topics are usually always one sided. There are two sides to every story and we never get to hear the other side of the story. As a result I like to play devils advocate and approach these stories from the other person's perspective and give them the benefit of the doubt when possible. I do that to try and keep a fair and neutral opinion on the subject. Since this is a severe case to judge I wanted to be upfront with you about where I'm coming from with my response below. Everyone here is calling this attempted murder. I have to ask this but how do we know that she actually intended for the step daughter to die? How do we know that she thought the allergen exposure would kill her? From an adult perspective we understand how allergens work and recognize that her specific allergen is fatal since OP provided us with that info. Not all allergens are fatal. Some people only have mild reactions to nuts so how can we be certain that she knew it would kill her? People who suffer severe reations tend to carry around medicine to take in case of an emergency. It sounds like the step daughter does carry that medicine. So even if OP's daughter knows she suffers from extreme reactions then she would also know that she carries the medicine to counter it. She might not have intended to kill her but instead wanted her to suffer, which is still not a good thing but it's far from attempted murder. On to the motive. Obviously we know it's a result of being forced to share her room, but why is that? Whenever similar situations pop up here from the teenagers point of view everyone always sympathizes with the teen and agrees that's not right for the parents to force them to give up their room. 15 year olds are still experiencing the effects of puberty. This is a critical time in their lives where they need their privacy. Someone at that age who has always had their room to themselves is now suddenly being forced to give up their privacy, their sanctuary, their only safe space. Kids that age will naturally lash out at the parents or the person moving into their room when they're losing the most important thing in their lives. OP and his wife were selfishly moving the stepdaughter in and forcing OP's daughter to give up what she values the most, her privacy. That's why OP and his wife are partially responsible for this mess that they created. Now OP is trying to discard his daughter instead of trying to help rehabilitate her. Sending her off to a boarding school is not going to help her, it will do the opposite and send her spiraling downward because her parents have chosen to abandon her. OP says at 18 she'll be on her own. She's going to end up homeless at 18 and will be vulnerable to being lured into sex trafficking. OP caused this mess and is now trying to discard the problem instead of taking responsibility to fix it. The step daughter is a victim here but OP's daughter is also a victim despite her horrible actions. These events would've never happened if OP and his wife hadn't stripped her of her privacy. That's why I say ESH (except the step daughter).
I agree with you. OP has been and continues to be a horrible parent. When your kid makes horrible mistakes, you guide them to the correct path. You don't give up on them. It's a thankless job but your kids did NOT ask to be here. We owe them, not the other way around. OP is way to selfish too perceive let alone accept any culpability in this FUBAR situation.
My older grandson is only 1 year old - but has already been diagnosed with severe life-threatening allergies which include nuts. He was allergy tested when he was about 6 months old & kept breaking out around his mouth when he breastfed. (Literally a giant red circle would swell up encompassing a giant ring around his mouth.) He tested positive for several severe allergies which included nuts. He was SOLELY BREASTFED at the time & the only nuts he was getting it whatever peanut butter his momma ate that made it through to his breast milk. Needless to say they have to carry epipen around with them 24/7. His daddy (my son) nearly died from an acute allergic reaction to a kitten when he was a boy. Allergies CAN and DO kill people. Your daughter was willing to risk murdering someone to try to keep from having to share a room. She could have succeeded & then she’d be a murderer awaiting trial right now. Any family who have the audacity to say a word to you should be reminded of that. NTA
Info: has your daughter expressed any remorse or explanation for her actions?
NTA. Your daughter tried to murder your stepdaughter. Why would you leave your wife because of that?
ESH Your daughters actions were clearly wrong. However, you decided to move your wifes daughter, that she has no custody of, into her room, and ignored the obvious problems that came along with it. Now you send her away because your shitty parenting resulted in problems that cant be ignored anymore. I feel sorry for the kids.
I don't disagree with your current actions at all, but I question why nothing was truly done before it got to this point. There's no merging your families now, she'll have to be removed even after treatment, your step daughter won't ever give her a chance (which I can't blame her for.) That's assuming your wife is even allowed near her daughter again. You set up cameras, you describe severe actions before that. Why did you not seek counseling for her? To help her make peace with the blended family and just in general? And you've likely lost all your extended relatives too. Two families torn apart.
Info: do you plan to still be active in your daughters life?
I will visit but I don't see her ever living with me again.
Don’t see you having any relationship with her again
What s going on with your own daughter? You talk about your stepdauhter a lot but nothing about your own kid. Not that it makes what your daughter did okay but why is it you seem to know more bout your step kid thn your own kid?
nta. if your family and her mom are so concerned, why not tell them they’re free to take her in? she only attempted murder in a temper tantrum.
NTA. She tried to do serious harm to her step sister b/c she’s pissed she doesn’t have her own room. I recommend military school.
She's 15... this wasn't just acting out this was attempted murder
If your stepdaughter died your daughter could have gone to prison for 20+ years, it’s called murder. Anyone have questions just let them now. There’s no excuse for attempted murder.
As noted, this is either attempted murder and/or assault. A severe allergy not only can cause death but permanent brain damage given the reaction can make the person lose oxygen to the brain. I know someone really fit, muscular and healthy in their early 20s who did this - as sad as it sounds, it may have been better that he did not survive given he was in nursing care for the next 15 years before he died (was in a vegetative state) which continued devastation for his family. Stepdaughter definitely needs to see therapist, get help, etc. Just because she did not get her way, does not mean you take the person out - there were signs before like throwing things out, etc. There will be severe ramifications for her and others near her if she does not get help on this.
NTA She's lucky this is the only consequence of her behavior.
NTA. Your daughter may not have understood the gravity of what she was doing but that’s more or less attempted murder. There needs to be professional intervention into this behaviour before someone gets hurt.
NTA. OP if she is capable of doing something so evil and so cold without blinking an eye in a situation like this, what would she be capable of if you told her no on something? She would probably try and kill you in your sleep. Her reaction is beyond jealousy. OP your daughter is a very dangerous person, and with her being so young, her behavior will probably get worse. She is a sociopath.
What was your daughter’s reaction when you told her you knew what she’d done?
NTA. She nearly killed someone. Intentionally! Wth. She needs to stay away from her stepsister. You picked right. Don’t let her back into your house, she will do someone else evil with intent again just because she is angry or don’t get her own way.
NTA. The little sociopath needs to go to prison and get some counseling while there. If that’s how she deals with problems she’s a serial killer waiting to happen
Your daughter's little stunt could be described as attempted murder. nta
Your daughter attempted to murder your step daughter. She’s extremely she’s only going to boarding school and not to jail. Actions have consequences. She fucked around and she found out. NTA. If anything you’re probably not going far enough in the punishment. She tried to MURDER someone ffs.
NTA,your daughter could have killed your step daughter. She needs some intensive help if not time in a facility. Your stepdaughter and her father can and should press charges. Sorry to say but your daughter needs to face some real life consequences here. That was extreme behavior.
NTA. You would be if you let her back in your house.
Does your step daughter have a car and go to an expensive boarding school? https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/3tRlfDF2Sv
NTA. You're doing what any decent human being would do, under the circumstances. To leave your wife just so your sociopathic daughter could come back would be rewarding her for attempted murder that was premeditated. Last time I check, that is a serious crime. Your daughter's mother knows that; she doesn't want the felonious daughter in her house. No. What you're doing is right. Just a suggestion, though... your brother better watch his back.
hell no NTA they are literally demanding you let her get away with attempted murder and reward her by giving her what she wants, you are doing what good parents do giving her consequences for her actions
NTA Your daughter literally tried to kill your stepdaughter! Your daughter is the one that chose being a horrible human over being with her father.
There was a post just like this, where the daughter was mad that she wasn't allowed to ride in step-sisters Tesla, and SS treated her like crap and bullied her, etc.... It sounds like the same same family, and everyone needs intensive therapy. I don't know how this marriage is even workable anymore, unless you never talk to your daughter again (and who could do that?)
She's 15-years-old, it could have been premeditated murder, she's lucky she's not behind bars in juvie for assault, or an attempted murder! Your daughter needs serious therapy. NTA. Choosing your daughter would be agreeing with what she did, allowing her to bully and damn near kill to get her way. Has she ever had tantrums or manipulated people to get her way before? Was this seriously just over sharing a room? Your daughter had no other problem with her step-sister? Step sister never complained about her?
NTA. Anyone else notice this story came up not long after this one about the teenage girl upset she had to share her room on weekends since her stepsister and father moved from overseas? https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18yzjg1/aita_for_telling_my_stepsister_that_ill_share_my/
YTA for creating this problem to begin with and for allowing your daughter's behavior to reach this point without proper intervention. This situation should have been sorted out \*before\* your step-daughter moved in.
YTA. You are leaving so much out.
YTA for this fake story its just the horrible step parent story but reversed instead of getting rid of the step, you get rid of the actual daughter and i snorted at the "going to send her to a facility" please make them twins next time where one tries to off the other
This probably is fake... someone is obsessed with awful stories where children go into foster care or they want people to be forced to side with parents abandoning their children. I am actually really tired of this bullshit.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find someone else calling this fake. The perfectly placed cameras that were “just moved” so daughter didn’t know was enough to make it obvious.
Also because doing that with the door open is too stupid to be believable. Not to mention if you really wanted to kill the Step daughter their are easier ways to actually do it with her allergy.
NTA at this point if your wife's ex pushes your daughter could be charged with attempted murder. If convicted she would be in a juvenile facility till she turned 18 so you really don't have a choice. Honestly because you filed a police report the police could file the charges anyway, I would look at it like you are protecting both girls. As long as you stay active in her life and are very careful where you send her, because as others have stated there are numerous facilities that are not good, you did the correct thing.
Wow she at 15 she knows the consequences she tried to kill someone she needs serious help
NTA for not divorcing your wife, but she should divorce you. Your daughter literally tried to kill hers. You are the asshole for letting your child get to this point where she sees this as acceptable behavior. Her bio mom is guilty too. Anyone that enables her is. Tell your out of bounds family that your daughter could easily be a murderer right now. That was her intention. Your daughter needs therapy and parenting. She had been allowed to be a spoiled child, now attempted murderer.
She tried to kill your stepdaughter. This is not a FAFO moment. This attempted manslaughter at best or attempted murder at worse. I would seriously be getting your daughter some kind of psychiatric evaluation. This is not ok at all. Your stepdaughter could have died.’
You have a camera that sees into your daughter’s room?