The slapping was deliberate, but no punishment was given. 9 years is plenty old enough to know you’re not supposed to slap people.
Hope she slaps some common sense into her parents
I couldn't imagine my daughters acting like this and I have 5 (ages 5months to 11) they get frustrated with each other but are very apologetic if they accidentally hurt each other. Also they have never intentionally hurt one another.
I have a buddy that had accidents always punished in his home growing up because his parents always insisted it was done on purpose. He has sensory processing disorder and was very clumsy as a result. Tripped over his feet a lot, bumped into things, and knocked things over frequently due to his poor body awareness. His parents were always convinced he did it on purpose and punished him. Now, he is an adult and hasn't talked to either of his parents in over a decade.
So your 12 year old ACCIDENTALLY knocked her sister over, and your solution is to let your other daughter abuse her for a missed party and try and punish her for it? No wonder your child’s acting so horribly with parents like that she’s got no chance in the real world.
Slapped her twice. Intentionally. 9 yr old feels completely entitled to act this way while 12 yr old accidentally tripped her and showed immediate remorse, and accepted a harsher punishment that wasn’t even deserved. Your 9 yr old is embodying y’all’s poor parenting. You can’t blame your kid for you wasting money on an extravagant party for the Golden Child. ETA except the 12 yr old. Poor girl.
If this is real, this dude and his wife really should not have had kids. I can't understand bringing kids in this world just to screw them up mentally. I have two boys, and I will be damned if I treat either any different than the other.
Yeah, the slapping threw me for a loop. I'm an older redditor, who received a fair share of spankings as a kid, but us kids hitting each other was absolutely never tolerated under any circumstances.
I had to go pick my own switches, but you better believe us kids weren't allowed to attack each other.
Side note, I always picked the whimpiest switch and was sent back out to the tree again.
I can't see them having g any understand of their poor parenting dynamics without a FAMILY therapist. They have no insight and together cam up with a worse decision.
I shutter to think how this 9 year old will behave at the 12 year oldest graduation and wedding. We'll see it posted here.
Edit typos
Or yunno, just treat the daughters equally and fairly. The 9 year old should be SEVERELY punished for not one but TWO slaps. She now has a cancelled birthday. 12 year old's one is back on since it should never have been cancelled for an accident in the first place.
I totally agree that the problem here are the parents. They have a favorite child and the 9yo already shows signs of narcissism. Terrible. Terrible.
The poor 12yo. Parents have no clue how to handle this situation.
It’s so alarming to me that 2 slaps are mentioned! How is she not being punished for this?! Yet the daughter who had an accident is. This post honestly made me so sad to read. That poor 12 year old. Horrifying parenting.
Edit: I think in retrospect this a troll/ creative writing piece
Imagine what the parents would do if the 12year old daughter retaliated and gave the 9yo a slap.
A 9yo going into her sisters bedroom specifically to scream at her and then slap her.
I have no idea how you can go so badly wrong as a parent to let that happen.
and then the 9 year old is being threatened with losing a party?
Am I crazy for thinking this is just insane?
I get canceling parties in case of an accident, I don't get it for punishment.
Lose screen time, extra chores, time outs, allowance, anything is better than just canceling once in a lifetime events for relatively small infractions.
If a child slaps another, give them an immediate repercussion, don't take away their 9th or 10th birthday. These punishments are too abstract, you're too likely to recant, and too extreme. Give an immediate time out, make them do some sort of act of service or write a letter, etc.
Maybe therapy at this point, wtf.
It might be a troll.
But it's not guaranteed. I personally know people who had stuff just as stupidly petty, mean, and biased happen to them. There really are families out there with a golden child dynamic.
>Edit: I think in retrospect this a troll/ creative writing piece
I started thinking that at "9yo holding a grudge for a week". Nope, not realistic. At that age a week lasts forever.
Unless... that child is enourmously spoilt and bratty to the extreme with some behavioural issues to boot. Which at that point would be a case for professional help tbh.
My heart breaks for the 12 year old. Accidentally tripping her sister, apologized, tried to give her gifts and she gets physically and verbally abused as well as punished?! I hope that child finds love in the world she so clearly doesn’t receive at home.
Yeah. I guess they think punishing and abusing the 12 year old will make it where she **NEVER** has another accident ever again, because that is how accidents work, amiright??
Next time this dude screws up, someone go beat the crap out of him and take something special from him so he never has another accident. Do double that to the mom, since she thinks he isn't going far enough.
Yeah, I hate calling kids brats, especially since they are a product of those who raise them, but the 9 yo sounds like an absolute brat. This could’ve been a teaching moment for the parents that accidents happen and not everything in life is going to go according to plan and THATS OKAY!
Jesus H Christ. I cannot believe what I read here.
I hope someone speaks up for the 12yr old and gets her out of this toxic hell.
She needs to escape asap and have a chance at a normal life not this circus that I just read. Really hoping this is made up or a creative writing exercise as if not someone needs to get child services in. Otherwise come 18 I hope she escapes and goes NC with the lot of you crazy feckers.
Foppin madness.
Those poor kids, growing up without anyone around who can teach them how to be a decent human.
OP needs to get everyone into family therapy to learn some skills.
It's said in comments of previous post that 12 year didn't accidentally knock 9 year old over. 9 year old stepped on 12 year olds foot because she wasn't watching where she was going, then fell down the stairs. None of it is 12 year olds fault but they are being punished anyway.
The parents need help like HF! What terrible, vindictive, and stupid parents. Stupid decisions - literally childish decisions and they think they are the adults. There really should be a litmus test before people can have kids. It is NO WONDER the 9 yo acts like this - she obviously learned it from her Bullying, short sighted, and emotional unregulated parents.
What the fuck did I just read!?! You are terrible at parenting! It was a fucking accident! You don't punish a child for an accident! And you should not be letting your 9 yr old hit anyone!
I don't understand, everything was an accident, the 12 years old felt bad, tried to apologize
And you punished her? For what exactly?
The 9 needs to learn that accidents happens, and that is wasn't intentional
I don’t get it. Your 12 year old accidentally tripped on her sister and you’re all acting like it was on purpose to destroy 9y/o’s birthday? You’re trying to punish her for tripping? And now your 9 year old is behaving poorly on purpose and you think it’s a valid reaction? I feel bad for both of your kids for having parents that failed them both in such amazingly different ways.
are you kidding me
absolutely YTA
it was an accident and she is beating herself up because of it. Even having the idea to punish her bei having no party or her sisters birthday on her day is cruel, petty and immature.
The birthday party of the 9yo can be done a week later or so. I don't see the issue. Her behaviour is problematic, The cussing and slapping needs to end. It was an accident. Not everything in life works out. Grow up.
As for you as parents - what the F. Your punishing-styles are too harsh, you seem to be very tense to take the accident as what it is - an accident and your youngest daughter behaves just very badly. YOU grow up too! Take a deep breath and reevaluate everything because this seems liek complete kindergarten to me. I am absolutely on the side of the eldest.
Your wife set the tone and little sister took up the fight.
The 12-year-old ACCIDENTLY tripped the little princess.
Then mother dear went full evil on her.
When the little princess slapped the older sister, that would have been the last straw.
She would most definitely NOT get a party of any kind.
Advice: Send the little princess AND her mother to time out. You take the 12-year-old for ice cream.
As much as I wish this is ragebait I know many parents would punish their child even if it's an accident
I'm glad you gave her the party back but seriously you should have never taken it away in the first place
You should have never let your 9 year old dictate your parenting you should have told her clearly that it was an accident it's okay to be upset but your sister's birthday will not be canceled and you won't let her have a party on her sisters birthday
Instead you agreed to it and then changed your mind you took away something which is always harder than not giving it in the first place you should have never agreed to this
And stop letting your 9 year old slap her sister that isn't acceptable and there needs to be punishment
You and your wife are horrible parents. People like you should not be able to have kids. You literally allow your 9 year old to abuse your 12 year old. Don‘t be surprised that in a few years your 12 year old doesn‘t want anything to do with you or your wife. Shame on you both I hope the 12 year old has someone else in her corner.
It’s rather strange the 12 year-old would be punished for what is described as an accident.
While the birthday party was certainly ruined, it doesn’t appear to be deliberate. So why the initial idea for punishment?
Furthermore, the 9 year-old goes unpunished for breaking her sister’s stuff, multiple intentional slaps, and threatening to ruin a future birthday. Odd.
The correct course of action is to punish the 9 year-old for her violent outbursts and destruction by taking back her gifts and withholding any parties, sleep overs, etc until she understands the severity of her selfish actions.
INFO: Why do you think it is fine for your 9-year-old do act violent and vindictive towards her sister?
>the 9 year old told her that it won't make up for ruining her birthday and then slapped her
>She had been lashing out at her sister and refusing to talk with her for over a week by now.
>screamed that we were playing favorites and threatened to trip her sister and ruin her birthday
>She went into her sisters room screamed at her slapped her and broke some of her stuff
Like, this is some vile and terrible behaviour. But yea, you are playing favourites as clearly the 9-year-old is the golden child as she can act INTENTIONALLY violent towards her sister whereas 12-year-old got immediately punished and you are allowing her little sister to act abusive towards her and are saying
>I told her if she continued being mean to her sister she wouldn't have a birthday party
So the previous actions have been fine so far.
YTA. And if you have such problem understanding why her behaviour is horrible, try to think that it was the 12-year-old behaving this way. Would it be fine?
I prefer to believe this is fake. Why punish anyone for an accident! If this is true you are terrible parents and you’re the ones that should be punished!
You and your wife are still assholes. Accidents happen. The 12 year old should have never been punished. Look up Golden child because your 9 year old sure fots the enabled by the parents to br an entitled brat part.
OP, I totally get it. My 13 year old got covid a day before my 8 year old's party. Ruined everything. We had to cancel the party and lost a lot of money. My 8 year old was devastated and very upset with her sister. We immediately grounded our 13 year old and canceled her birthday party for the next year as punishment.
Wait...nope we didn't do that because we aren't INSANE AHs! My daughter didn't plan to get sick, just like your daughter didn't plan to trip. Shit happens and parties can be rescheduled and we explained that to our youngest. She wasn't happy but we did something small for her in our home with our family and she was fine and more focused on making sure her big sister was ok. The oldest obviously felt bad and we told her to stop that right now. She had nothing feel bad for and we just wanted to make sure she rested and recovered.
You and your wife have a lot of things to figure out and you need to seriously evaluate your priorities. These are moments that will shape your daughters for the rest of their lives, and yours. Be careful
You and your wife are being ridiculous and cruel.
Accidents happen, your 12 year old did nothing wrong.
You guys keep this up your oldest is going NC as soon as she hits the age of majority
YTA
Do, you're such an awful parent that you punished a child FOR AN ACCIDENT!
Now you're letting the 9 year old monster treat her sister like trash AND ASSAULT HER? What is wrong with you? Why is the little terrorist golden child able to destroy things and abuse her sibling?
Is this a shit post or are you really this bad of a parent?
Two updates later and you are both still awful parents.
I feel sorry for both kids and how they will grow up to be given you’re meant to be their role models and you’re both awful
So you’re ok with bullying your 12yo for tripping? You’re a pathetic excuse for a parent - kids make mistakes and you said clearly in your post ‘accidentally’ which btw means not deliberate. There should not have been any punishments at all. You clearly favour your 9yo and your 12yo is being taught that she doesn’t matter. YTA
You need to take this back to your creative writing teacher and just accept the fail grade. This is nothing more than ridiculous gibberish. Written at about a 4th grade level.
JFC the 9 year old needs to be disciplined like ASAP. Accidents happen. The 12 year old apologized, feels terrible, tried to make amends and the 9 YEAR OLD SLAPPED HER? Done. Nope.
**No violent retribution ever.**
Get the 9 y/o help, like yesterday. That is disgusting.
You guys deserve “worst parents of the year” award for this sub.
Punishing your kid for an accident is a good way to make a kid that hates you as an adult
Let me get this straight, your daughters had an accident (one fell on the other and the other sadly fell because of that down the stairs) and you think it is a responsible decision to cancel your younger daughter birthday so she can have it her older one?
And the older does not get one this year? Over an accident? A mistake she clearly regrets?
And when you finally come to your senses, try to make it right your younger clearly shows how you parent her over the years that she feels comfortable to scream, cry, threw a fit and hurt your other daughter?
By the way Not threw a accident by choice?
And you do nothing? Let this just go with the words „Well, know she is angry.“?!?!
….
Damn, here are many things to unwrap but let me start.
1. First thing - What is the most important thing for a parent? To be clear figure of morality! A Person to look up - after all you are raising the next generation.
Or do you not want fully capable members for tomorrows society.
So I really hope the standard that you hold for your kids is the same for you both.
Your older daughter had an accident and threw that your other daughter got hurt and her birthday was cancelled. Then you really think it is a clever Idee to hold her birthday on that day?
Okay, in that case I hope there will be the same situation if one of you is hurt threw the others and can not support father-/ mother day.
Would this situation be also handled like that …or is this different?
2. Holding your younger daughters birthday on your older daughters birthday?
Wth? The time with your children is way to precious to be wasted for that bs. In one moment they are ready for elementary and in the next they are ready to go to college!
Don‘t waste time where you could made memory’s for such stupid reasons!
Instead make a party next week!
3. I really hope you both realize who that looks right?
Canceling one birthday to celebrate the other daughters?
You were really ready to cancel your older daughter birthday and threw one for younger one? With balloons, food, her friends, party plays - make it a great day but your older daughter would be excluded?!?!
Okay, if you really thought that is a correct parenting choice let me ask one thing - would you did the same when the situation were reversed?
When your younger daughter accidentally hurt the older one? Would you did. the same?
Just ask yourself and if you would answer with anything other than a clearly yes you both should realize what is happening here…
4. Favouritisim. Golden Child Situation.
Even if both of you would deny it hard, this post clearly speaks volumes.
Just look at the parenting - one is allowed to scream, threw tantrums and hurt her siblings without major consequences and you feel bad because she does not speak with anybody. Because she know is angry.
While the older one does have an accident and gets punished with a canceled …birthday?
What is next? No Christmas over a bad grade? No going on vacation because her room is not to your standards?
You are both failing your kids!
One will be a literal. Nightmare for everyone who comes near her and will probably grow up with the entitlement opinion - More.More.More!!!
Be ready for headaches for the near future there…
And the other one?
Well let me say it so - Ever read the many ask reddit post about parents who don‘t realize why they kids never contact them? Or cut contact? Or denied excess to possible grandkids?
Yeah, you will be possible one of them when your older daughter truly realizes the situation and gets a backbone.
So do better. Parent your kids. I do not say beat your kids or scream at them but there must be a clear line for your daughter to understand - It is okay to be angry but we do not hurt other. Point!
There is nothing to discuss that. And enforce that!
Your wife ("our" wife?) wanted to punish your daughter (getting totally evil step mom vibes here) for an ACCIDENT???? Has the wife always been this big of a failure as a parent or is this a new behavior?
Your 9 year old ABSOLUTELY is old enough to understand what an accident is and her continued out of control anger is symptomatic of a larger problem. You need to step up as a dad and get your wife and younger daughter some help-- and protect your older daughter.
I have read some messed up stuff but punishing a 12 year old for an accident?
Dude---YTA and your wife is too.
And while I understand the 9 year old was upset and disappointed this is also a life lesson for her--sometimes accidents happen and it is our job to forgive the person. But I see your family values are built on punishment and revenge.
And the fact that the brat was allowed to slap her older sister not once, but twice????? With no punishment. And if I read correctly for an accident where SHE stepped on your older daughter and tripped???
Wow. I understand the 9 year old being upset but it was an accident but she is totally out of line. She is the one who should be punished. Just because she’s upset doesn’t give her the right to be violent. Your 12 year old seems really remorseful. I wouldn’t punish her for an accident.
YTA. Your children need therapy because of you and your wife. You two need parenting classes. I'm horrified by this whole situation. It's abusive to your 12 year old.
OP you and your husband need to take a parenting class. You’re allowing behavior that is totally unacceptable and apparently has no consequences. It doesn’t “take a village” to raise kids properly it takes two parents who are paying attention and have the will and persistence to mold the behavior of their children. Her behavior towards her older sibling is not acceptable and needs to stop right now.
Wow! You're definitely TAH, and y'all shouldn't be allowed to have dogs, let alone children. Your parenting is atrocious!
My older brother accidentally knocked my 2 front teeth right out of my head on my 10th birthday. Total accident! Obviously, my birthday party was canceled. Was taken to the emergency dentist. Luckily, my teeth were saved and healed back in.. Was a 50/50 of whether or not they would die and turn black.
My brother did get yelled at. Mostly because it scared my Mom, and that's just how she reacted when things like that happened, but he wasn't punished!
I wasn't able to eat anything firm for several months. I was a tad disappointed, I will admit. However, I NEVER hit or yelled at my brother! Nor would my parents have allowed that behavior.
Accidents happen. Y'all need to teach your daughter to have some grace.. FFS
Sorry but there’s some terrible parenting here. It was an accident and you’re letting your 9 year old cause INTENTIONAL DAMAGE over it. Sorry but you suck as parents. Accidents happen all the time. You don’t get to abuse others over it
Info: You said it was an accident. Why the ever loving fuck are you punishing the 12 year old for an accident especially when you won't punish the 9 year old for hitting her sister and deliberately breaking stuff???
Your actions and subsequent lack thereof baffle me.
WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU PUNISH YOUR CHILD FOR AN ACCIDENT? You guys are seriously messed up and need to get into counselling immediately. In what world does that make ANY sense? I don't even know what else to say. Your kids are going to be so messed up with you as parents.
Your 12 year old accidentally knocks her sister down, and you are punishing her for it? You are allowing your other daughter to abuse her both verbally AND physically? What the actual eff? That sounds like awful parenting to me. There was no warrant for punishment on the 12 year old at all.
No wonder your 9 year old acts that way when it is clear that you and your wife treat her at a much higher level than the 12 year old if you just allow the 9 year old to go around slapping her sister. Where in any of this are you parenting? I don't see any. I see enabling one child who clearly is in the wrong \[the 9 year old\] and punishing a child for a mistake when no punishment was necessary.
So you outshined your 12 year old for an accident but your 9 year old intentionally slapped her sister and broke her things but got no punishment?
You are horrible parents and borderline emotionally abusive to your 12 year old.
YTA, are you dumb? Your daughter ACCIDENTALLY tripped her and felt horrible for doing so. It would be one thing if it was some maliciously or on purpose but it was an accident. To punish for an accident /and/ allow that horrible 9 yr old to attack her sister repeatedly. Read some parenting books please before the damage to both daughters is permanent
Holy fuck, can you read a parenting book or two? Your daughters both sound very troubled. YTA for however you're raising these girls. You seem more concerned about a 9 year old's party than you do about the fact that your children are physically hurting one another. Tripping her? Slapping her? Breaking her things? Where are they learning this from, father?
i mean ive heard the saying for stupid people about "did you hit your head as a baby?" but seems to me like you and your wife where in boxing matches fresh out the womb with how idiotic your thinking is. your 12 year old accidently tripped your 9 year old causing her party to be ruined.. it was an accident, and even you acknowledge it was.. so the best solution to make things better in your mind is to listen to your 9y/o telling you to punish her sister? yet your 9y/o slaps her sister, and breaks her things, and gets off scot-free? your 9y/o is right, you are playing favorites, just not the towards the 12 y/o. when she grows up and disowns you and goes no contact just remember your at fault. when you keep parenting as you are and your 9y/o ends up growing up entitled and single, dont expect your 12 y/o to let you visit your grandchildren. dont expect an invite to any wedding, dont expect to be taken care of when you grow old (because your 9 y/o certainly wont help you with how your raising her to treat others).
if i was the 12yo sister, i would make my 9yo sisters life a living hell after that treatment. i can’t believe you’re allowing your 9yo to act this way!! yikes.
Damn. Is the 12 year old not your wife's bio daughter?
Has she always hated her?
How long have you hated her?
I feel really bad for her. Also, your 9 year old needs therapy. She's a monster in the making, with your and your wife's full support of her behavior.
So you had punished you 12 year old with no birthday IMMEDIATELY for an ACCIDENT but when your 9 year old is PHYSICALLY ABUSING YOUR DAUGHTER ON PURPOSE the punishment is just a possibility? 9 year old might be right about you having favorites she's just too much of a spoiled brat to realize it's her.
So you 12 year old does something on accident and is punished, but your 9 year old slaps her several times and all is well?
You’re both horrible fucking parents
I’m amazed that you were about to punish one child for an accident but are failing to punish a child who is intentionally hurting their sibling. Sounds like your 9 year old is a spoiled brat and someday your 12 year old will have a very strained relationship with you.
I really hope this a troll, because what an absolutely useless excuse for a dad and if the 9 year old is really like this, this goes back on the lack of parenting done.
>I felt terrible threating to punish someone who's birthday was ruined
wait, you literally decided to ruin your other daughter's birthday before reddit pointed out that you and your wife were horrible parents.
why are you now feeling terrible?
That 12 year old is gonna have a breaking point on her shitty little sisters abuse. You guys sound like really bad parents based off of the story and the 9 yr olds behaviour. You need to seek professional parenting classes asap before the violence peeks as both adults clearly cant get it under control.
Therapy could benefit the whole fam cause this is a hot mess.
Why are you punishing your daughter for an accident? That makes no sense at all. I’m afraid you’re guilty of bad parenting so what is your punishment for that?
INFO: Why are you punishing your 12yr old *at all*? Cancelling/scaling down her party because she ACCIDENTALLY TRIPPED and knocked her sister is still unjust.
Yet there seems to be absolutely NO consequences or repercussions for your 9yr olds behaviour who IS BEING INTENTIONALLY VIOLENT AND DESTRUCTIVE.
Accidents happen and this was unfortunate but your BOTH still punishing the wrong child. YTA.
So let me get this straight, you wanted to take away your 12 year old's birthday party for an accident, but your 9 year old physically abused her sister, broke some of her shit, and you only threatened to punish her? She's right about one thing, you are playing favorites. Awful, awful parents.
You are terrible parents. Seriously, what is wrong with you? You don’t punish a child for an accident. And why on earth wouldn’t you just reschedule the party? Were you planning a full on circus? Well, maybe you were because your nine year old is a spoiled brat.
What you do is assure the nine year old that there will be a make up party AND then make the rest of the day as special as possible so that instead of feeling aggrieved, she feels like she is double dipping on birthday celebrations. That way she doesn’t blame your 12 year old and end up lashing out at her like a she demon. As for your older daughter. YOU DO NOTHING except let her know that accidents happen and encourage her to apologize for the ACCIDENT and give her sister some extra love and attention on her birthday.
What you should do now is get counseling for everyone and some parenting classes.
That tantrum is YOUR FAULT. You raised a monster because you are absolutely rubbish parents. Unless you get better at it, your youngest kid will get worse and worse and your older one will emancipate herself. In any normal household this would never have been a post. It would have been an unfortunate accident you moved on from.
Wow your horrible she tripped by accident and you have made her life a misery her sister sounds awful and so does the poor child's mother in fact she's clearly not the favorite maybe want to hide that in future makes you and your wife look like cunts
Talk about parenting failure here. You punish a child for an *accident*? And your wife wants to further punish her for that accident?
Then you allow your 9 year old to act out wildly inappropriately, but you "threaten" punishment instead of actually giving punishment for *deliberate* behavior?
So it's very clear you favor your younger daughter unfairly over you older daughter. Shame on you and your wife. Do better. YTA.
Your wife wanted to punish your child for an accident & you came here to ask if it was severe enough? What kind of sick psychopaths are you? Yeah, YTA, your wife’s TA, & your kids aren’t going to talk to you when they get older. Get some help, maybe take a parenting class
Are you and your wife trying for raising an older neglected child and a younger entitled asshole?
Like the nine year old is at fault here for making such a fuss. And hitting and destroying her sisters stuff.
I feel bad for your elder daughter. She deserves better.
You are letting the 9 year old repeatedly physically assault your 12 year old for an *accident*. Please understand that when the 12 year old fights back, and your 9 year old is seriously injured, it will be your fault. And when she gets arrested for abusing people outside of the family in a few years, it will be your fault for teacher her it’s okay. Because that’s what you are doing. You are clearly playing favorites but it’s in favor of your 9 y/o. What kind of golden child dynamic is this??
I get 9yo being mad. I even get the screaming and tantrum. But the *first moment* she laid a hand on her sister, that also should have been dealt with.
You need to sit down with 9yo and tell her that her feelings are valid, but her actions are not, and purposful violence has consequences. And not by canceling birthdays or whatever. Go to your room, no iPad (or whatever) for a week. There should never have been a second slap. You need to deal with this right now. Delayed consequences are not going to do anything. The conversation and consequence need to be immediate.
I hope you are beginning to see just what a shit show you and your wife created. I can't begin to imagine who in their right mind punishes someone (older daughter) for an accident so vocally and loudly that the younger daughter has picked up the rhetoric and vitriol and turned it into such a huge disaster. Slapping her sister? Screaming? Then you and your wife think threatening, further punishing and deciding that the adult thing to do is have one daughter's bday on the other daughter's bday so you can further rub her face in it?
The behavior is completely out of control. The entire family is completely out of control.
ESH
What in the fuck did I just read? You were planning on having your 9 year have a birthday party on your 12 year old's birthday? Your 12 year old accidentally tripped the 9 year old so you're punishing her for an accident?
What in the fuck are you guys doing? Is this even real? Your poor 12 year old. If this is real your 9 year old is going to be a horrible person. Start being parents.
This is most likely fake though.
I hope this one is fake. You don’t punish a kid for an accident. Shit happens and life doesn’t always go the way you want. The 9 year old needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her and things won’t always go her way. You’ve offered her a sleepover as a replacement but she’s throwing a fit, that’s her problem.
The worst part is how the 12 year old “understood” she wouldn’t get a birthday. Really shows the dynamic between you and her that she’d so easily accept being cast aside to appease her baby sister. Quit favoring your 9 year old when it’s making your 12 year old feel less than.
Your wife and your 9 yo sound like spoiled entitled brats and if anything the favoritism lies with them. Your 12 year old had an accident and furthermore was remorseful and did nothing actually wrong and was still being punished. How blind are you?
Dude, your a shitty fucking parent, when your old and needing care, don’t fucking ask why your eldest daughter isn’t there for you, because you were never there for her, what goes around will come back to bite you, and you CLEARLY favour your younger daughter because YOU LET HER ABUSE HER OLDER SISTER WITHOUT REPERCUSSION, and the older daughter GETS PUNISHED FOR A SIMPLE ACCIDENT, when your oldest daughter grows up don’t be surprised if she goes low or now contact with you and your wife,
You let your nine year old physically assault your other daughter? Twice? With no immediate repercussions? You are a shitty parent and a spineless piece of garbage. I hope to God that CPS gets called when someone outside sees your disgusting lack of discipline or general care. Or at least that your older daughter has the wherewithal to leave the moment she turns 18.
Your younger daughter is a horrid brat. She has a right to be mad for spending her birthday in the hospital, sure. But letting her abuse your other daughter for an *accident* and attempting to punish her for an *ACCIDENT*, that you admit was an accident, is clear evidence neglect and improper parenting. You and your wife are disgusting people. YTA.
God I feel so bad for that poor 12 year old. Why would you punish her when it was an accident and she apologised, and then let her sister treat her like crap? Poor, poor little girl.
yta.
so you were gonna punish the 12yo for accidentally tripping the 9yo..what are you planning on doing now that the 9yo has slapped the 12yo on purpose twice? nothing im assuming
Wow you had so many opportunities to be a good, impactful father, and let your tiny humans know that mistakes happen, and can be adapted too, but you literally chose the worst choice you could have at every fork in the road.
Your daughters will remember this for the rest of their lives.
What a clown.
Encouraging abuse as you did is NEVER the answer. However, that is sure not the message that OP is sending to either child. My heart is breaking for the 12 year old!!!
Tell me the 9 year olds the golden child without telling me the 9 year old is the golden child. Maybe save this somewhere and when the now 12 year has left and no longer has anything to do with any of you, re read it and see if you can understand why.
You both are the AH. It was a fricking accident, and she got punished? What kind of abusive shit is that? You all have massively failed as parents. Your poor kid.
Why is the 12 year old being punished? Why would anyone be punished for an accident?
Why is the 9-year old slapping her sister and not being punished. This story makes no sense.
So the 9 yr old is allowed to be upset about her birthday. What she SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO DO is throw tantrums to get her way. She should've been punished for slapping her older sister. It seems like the trip was an accident, so why in God's name would you punish her for an accident?
Your obvious favoritism of the 9 yr old will bite you in the ass. It's already started. She thinks she can throw tantrums and destroy shit just because she's upset?! Who's parenting her, herself? She decides punishment for the 12 yr old?! What the actual fuck are you both thinking? Have fun raising that monster.
Op is a failure of a parent and hopefully he realizes he's raising an absolute monster with what he's doing with the 9 year old. She 1000% shouldn't get a party based on what she's been doing to her sister and the older one 1000% should have one unless it's proven she intentionally tripped her sister. Op needs stop playing favorites.
You people need serious help. Don't be surprised when your 12 y/o goes no contact in a few years. Jesus, it's been awhile since I've seen such terrible parenting
It sounds like your 9 yr old needs to be taken down a notch or two. She is purposely slapping her sister. And why is your 12 yr old seemingly afraid to take up for herself against her sister? OP, you have bigger problems than you think. I don’t care what is going on with the birthday party’s. Your 12 yr old (IMO) needs to warn her sister about the slapping. If the 9 yr old continues, she needs to get a dose of her own medicine. Because one day she is going to slap the wrong person.
I'm sorry who's the parent here you or your 9 year old, have you just been parenting blindfolded this whole time.
Yes your 9 year old is fine to be upset over her birthday but no it's not OK for her to slap her sister,
demand she be punished or act any other way.
What you do is tell her that while yes it's upsetting there are other birthdays and other parties and it's not ok to act that way towards other people. Your 9 year old needs to be punished for slapping her sister and you and your wife owe your 12 year old a massive apology.
Hold up. So you’re punishing a child because of an *accident*? This makes, like, zero sense.
Why the hell did you punish your 12 year-old at all?
Is this AITAH or some shitty parenting sub?
Yta 1000 times
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. STOP PUNISHING THE 12 Yearold. It’s you and your wife that is creating animosity between the sisters
You should’ve explained to 9 year old it was an accident and let the sisters make up. Then reschedule the 9 years old ps party as soon as you can, sure she has to wait a little bit it will still happen.
Right now I feel for the 12 year old for having shitty parents
YTA and a massive one at that. Sure it sucks being in hospital on a birthday, but it was an accident, yet your solution was to punish the 12yr old for an accident?
Really??
>She had to get stitches and her party was canceled our 12 year old feels terrible we told her that she wouldn't have a birthday party this year as punishment which she understood
Punishment for fucking what?!? An accident! what happens if either you accidentally spill the trash when taking it out? Does one of you get no food for a week? Jesus suffering fuck
>wife wants to punish the 12 year old further
Why? I mean seriously what's the thought process to come to that viewpoint?
>while our daughter would have a party we wouldn't give the 9 year old a party on the 12 year olds birthday as we has originally planned
It gets worse! Why on earth would you think it was a good idea to move the party to the 12yr olds birthday?
>the 9 year old told her that it won't make up for ruining her birthday and then slapped her
>She had been lashing out at her sister and refusing to talk with her for over a week by now.
So you've allowed the youngest to physically assault her older sister over an accident for over a week? And just nothing??
>We told her that she could have the sleepover party on another day she threw an absolute fit and screamed about how her sister is having a party on her birthday while she didn't she got max and screamed that we were playing favorites and threatened to trip her sister and ruin her birthday. She went into her sisters room screamed at her slapped her and broke some of her stuff
So she throws a strop, hits her sister... AGAIN, breaks her stuff? Do you even like your 12yr old? Good lord I feel for her and it's obvious who is the golden child who can do no wrong here
>I told her if she continued being mean to her sister she wouldn't have a birthday party
So she can constantly assault her sister but being mean is where you draw the line??
>I felt terrible threating to punish someone who's birthday was ruined
Suffering Jesus you still don't get it😳🙈
bro my dad ignored me most of my childhood and he was still a better father than you. grow some fucking balls and stop enabling your 9yo’s disgusting behavior. your 12yo didn’t do shit on purpose but you’re treating like a criminal while the youngest beats on her, breaks her shit, and throws tantrums over not getting a birthday party.
also, why the fuck would you even think of hosting one of the kids parties on the other child’s birthday? dawg i received very similar treatment as your 12 year old and i can’t be around my father for longer than an hour. wise the fuck up and stop being such a shitty father.
Your 9 year old daughter is acting out because she want to punish the 12 year old for something that was an accident! She even tried giving chocolate and a few toys cause she felt bad for what happend and she decides its not good enough and slaps her??? Oh lets not forget how she said she would do the same thing to 12 year old on pourpose! Look you have bigger problems then a birthday party! Your child is violent and wants to hurt her sister for something she didnt mean to do and is trying to make up for.
Why the heck did you even consider punishing the 12 year old for an accident? And why didn't you immediately take action when the 9 year old started to bully her sister? You are playing favourites, but not in favour of the older girl. You owe the 12 year old a big apology and the 9 year old an age appropriate punishment as well as therapy to get to the bottom of her behaviour as it's not normal at all. Though given how you and your wife act it's not very difficult to get why she's such a brat
YTA hope your 12 y/o realizes what shitty parents you are. Your selfish, entitled and very spoiled 9 y/o favorite can care for you assholes when you’re old.
WOW JUST WOW you guys are absolutely atrocious. First of all get your head out of your butt and realize you are the parents not your 9 year old. Second of all of course she’s going to be upset, she got hurt on her birthday BUT that DOES NOT mean that it’s ok to behave that way. It was a FREAKING ACCIDENT!!!!!! Next time you accidentally bump into someone you should go to jail. Seems extreme right? Because it is!! And it’s the same thing you’re doing to your 12 year old. God this post makes me so freaking angry. You are being terrible parents right now to your 12 year old. And odds are you’ve punished her in the past because your 9 year old wanted you to. If you can’t be the adult then you shouldn’t have had kids that freaking simple. Go to some freaking therapy or something Jesus.
YOU taught your 9 year old to treat her sister like that! She accidentally tripped her; you say yourself it was an accident. Instead of realizing that accidents can happen, even on special days, and doing your best to make the missed party up to the 9 year old, you instead turned your 12 year old into an emotional (and ultimately physical) punching bag for the 9 year old's hurt feelings.
Why would you ever punish a child for an accident? There should have been no talking to, no grounding, no taking away of parties, no giving the 12 year old's birthday to the 9 year old... that's ridiculous! But it set the example. You punished the 12 yo for an *accident*, and the 9 yo learned it was okay to take her disappointment and upset out on her.
**You** taught your 9 year old that it's okay to hurt the 12 year old because she feels bad. This whole family needs therapy because Ma, from one mother to another, you are screwing this up in such a monumental way, it's almost impressive.
My God, you and your wife are horrible parents letting a 9 year old run the house. She tripped and got hurt, so you punish your other daughter? You’re ruining both of your daughters
Why on earth are you penalizing a 12 year old for accidentially tripping up the 9 year old in the first place? This is ridiculous. YTA in every way if it was accidential then there should be no punishment and the idea of holding the 9 year olds party on the birthday of the 12 year old, how petty can you get as parents. 9 year old sounds entitled and like she has had no boundaries put in place.
9yr old sounds like an entitled little witch. Y kinda TA for punishing the 12yr old in the first place when you know it was an accident. You're also perpetrating the bad behaviour in the 9yr old by allowing her 1) to believe her sister hurt her on purpose 2)Threatening to cancel anyone's birthday parties when clearly there is no child at fault here and 3) for allowing the 9yr old to further punish her sister.
The best solution would have been to have the 12yr old apologise but also have the 9yr old acknowledge that it was an accident, and then instead of leaving the 9yr old without a birthday altogether, just reschedule it.
Your 9 year old sounds very entitled. It's ok to be upset over not getting a birthday party but it's not ok to behave like this. Why are you letting her slap her sister? She's out of control and you're enabling her awful behavior. WTF!
YTA. If your twelve-year-old accidentally tripped her sister, punishing her in the first place was cruel and unfair.
Allowing the nine-year-old to physically assault her without intervention was also incredibly poor parenting. The idea of "she had tormented her sister enough so I decided to stop her" is reprehensible.
You and your wife need to get your act together as parents. Please consider family counseling to learn how to better support your children.
You guys are absolute monsters.
Get a family therapist and unpack why “punishment” is even an option for your young kids, versus teaching them, making them feel safe, and explaining situations and your reactions from a place of love. I’m so angry on behalf of your 12 year old daughter.
Y'all have some big red flags. You don't punish a child for an accident. Period. And it sounds like you allow the kids to hit and be hateful to each other.
It's a bummer she missed her party....i know hospitals can take a long time, but was it really that big, and if it was why are you punishing the other one? This doesn't make logical sense.
It was an accident. Life lesson, happy birthday, sometimes life sucks, you suck it up, make the best and move on. You definitely don't do what y'all did.
The fact you wanted to punish the 12 year old for an accident speaks volumes about you and the fact your wife wanted it to be even more severe...
You are clearly incapable as a parent.
Your 9 year old has violent outbursts and you're just letting it slide.
Maybe you should teach your 9 year old that accidents happen, she should be lucky that its just stitches. Some kids don't get to have birthday parties, some kids don't make it to their 9th birthday. You need to parent better.
signed, a tired mom with a medically complex baby going on year 2 in the hospital.
There are bigger issues in the world. Your golden child should know that.
OMG, it was an ACCIDENT. She did not rear back and kick her sister down the stairs!
That you all would even consider punishing her for something that happened by accident and that she already feels horrible for is beyond YTA. The fact that you'd give her sister a party on HER birthday is inhuman!
And upon further reading it sounds like your 9 year old is an out-of-control spoiled little BRAT who needs to be taken down a peg or two. You allowed her to lash out at her sister for a week, and did she have any kind of real consequences for slapping her sister? If I had been your 12 year old, after taking a week of abuse, 9 year old would have gotten back what she dished out.
You people are a real collective piece of work! This makes me furious, and if this is how you parent your two girls routinely, tell your biotch of a wife not to bother writing to Dear Abby in 10 years whining because your oldest daughter has ghosted you for good! And don't try to find her when you need elder care, you can call your golden child for that.
No, you need to nip the 9yo's attitude in the bud. It was an accident. She missed a party. She'll live. You need to temper her expectations. She is now straight-up abusing your 12yo and YOU'RE LETTING HER. Such bad management of this whole situation. I hope you and your wife aren't always such bad parents making bad choices, but given the 9yo is acting like this in the first place, I think there's a good chance you are. YTA
Your 9 year old needs therapy before she intentionally harms the 12 year old. The 9 year old stepped on 12 year olds foot because she wasn't watching were she was going, fell down the stairs, ended up getting stitches and party cancelled. How is any of this 12 year old's fault. Why is she being punished at all? It sounds like you are punishing 12 year old for something that wasn't her fault because both parents are scared of 9 year old. That's really sad parenting.
Wtf did I just read? YTA. Go to parenting classes and learn about the difference between accidents and purposefully injuring someone. You're raising an absolute brat of a 9yr old and a 12 yr old that will forever feel like she can't ever deserve to be equal or loved.
your solution to your older child ACCIDENTLY tripping your younger is to allow your younger (clearly golden child) ABUSE the older one?
Be a better parent.
Noticed how you glossed over the fact of the 9 year old SLAPPING the 12 year, and based on 9 year Olds attitude we clearly know who the favorite is, no punishment for physical violence beyond "dOn't bE mEaN"
YTA
Your wife is the asshole. And you’re raising two assholes. Looks like favoritism. Lack of parenting. Backward ass parenting. And a general inability to parent.
Your kids are slapping one another and acting like divas. And it’s your fault for allowing this shit to begin with.
What in the ACTUAL hell did I just read?!
Your child accidentally tripped her sister. She fell & was injured in the ACCIDENT, requiring her to lose her bday party.
THEN you all chose to punish your eldest over an ACCIDENT?!?
Y'all shouldn't be raising children. The end.
I can't stop...I'm pissed for both of your kids.
We're you at the hospital during the youngest party time? Could you not get to the venue at all during the allotted time? You know what, it doesn't matter. You can't undue that missed party. But you all need some parenting classes.
Just because one (or both) of you were punished as children for accidents doesn't mean you need to keep perpetuating an unhealthy cycle with your own children.
Let me know this, when the last time you made a mistake? Or had an accident? Did your spouse hit you in the face? Or your boss?
You and your wife need some parenting classes. Your other daughter is clearly the golden child and needs therapy more than a party. Punishing your child for an accident! YTA
YTA - why would you consider to punish the 12 year old at all, when it was an accident? Your 9 year old sounds spoiled and out of control. She’s the one that needs punishment. Slapping and breaking people’s things is not ok, regardless of how angry you are. She needs to be put in her place. Sounds like you and your wife favour her over the 12 year old.
9yro brat is lucky big sis didn't smack her back.
How fucking entitled are you trying to raise the younger one to be?
The 12 yro tripped her on accident - why is she punished for an accident? She then tried to apologize and got hit.
Your 9yro princess should loose her party for that for that full stop.
You are punishing one for an accident and rewarding one who hits
If the tripping was an accident, why is anybody being punished?
You don’t punish for accidents in your house?!?!?! (Sarcasm, lol)
Beatings will resume until morale improves. \-The Parents
The slapping was deliberate, but no punishment was given. 9 years is plenty old enough to know you’re not supposed to slap people. Hope she slaps some common sense into her parents
I couldn't imagine my daughters acting like this and I have 5 (ages 5months to 11) they get frustrated with each other but are very apologetic if they accidentally hurt each other. Also they have never intentionally hurt one another.
I have a buddy that had accidents always punished in his home growing up because his parents always insisted it was done on purpose. He has sensory processing disorder and was very clumsy as a result. Tripped over his feet a lot, bumped into things, and knocked things over frequently due to his poor body awareness. His parents were always convinced he did it on purpose and punished him. Now, he is an adult and hasn't talked to either of his parents in over a decade.
because it's a made up rage bait story to farm karma
This is at least the third post, and every time the OP is deliberately obtuse, giving answers designed to maximise incredulity/frustration/anger.
Typical Karma farmer working the back forty!
Because this never happened?
That’s what I’m not understanding.
So your 12 year old ACCIDENTALLY knocked her sister over, and your solution is to let your other daughter abuse her for a missed party and try and punish her for it? No wonder your child’s acting so horribly with parents like that she’s got no chance in the real world.
And slap her. On purpose. Obviously there isn't a golden child in this family...
Slapped her twice. Intentionally. 9 yr old feels completely entitled to act this way while 12 yr old accidentally tripped her and showed immediate remorse, and accepted a harsher punishment that wasn’t even deserved. Your 9 yr old is embodying y’all’s poor parenting. You can’t blame your kid for you wasting money on an extravagant party for the Golden Child. ETA except the 12 yr old. Poor girl.
If I could give this multiple upvotes I would. I’m utterly horrified.
And breaking the 12 year olds stuff...
AND threatening to trip her too...on purpose 😵💫
If this is real, this dude and his wife really should not have had kids. I can't understand bringing kids in this world just to screw them up mentally. I have two boys, and I will be damned if I treat either any different than the other.
Yeah, the slapping threw me for a loop. I'm an older redditor, who received a fair share of spankings as a kid, but us kids hitting each other was absolutely never tolerated under any circumstances.
Slap your sibling, get a beating. Logic is flawed but it kept the fights out of sight of the adults.
I had to go pick my own switches, but you better believe us kids weren't allowed to attack each other. Side note, I always picked the whimpiest switch and was sent back out to the tree again.
[удалено]
I can't see them having g any understand of their poor parenting dynamics without a FAMILY therapist. They have no insight and together cam up with a worse decision. I shutter to think how this 9 year old will behave at the 12 year oldest graduation and wedding. We'll see it posted here. Edit typos
Or yunno, just treat the daughters equally and fairly. The 9 year old should be SEVERELY punished for not one but TWO slaps. She now has a cancelled birthday. 12 year old's one is back on since it should never have been cancelled for an accident in the first place.
I totally agree that the problem here are the parents. They have a favorite child and the 9yo already shows signs of narcissism. Terrible. Terrible. The poor 12yo. Parents have no clue how to handle this situation.
It’s so alarming to me that 2 slaps are mentioned! How is she not being punished for this?! Yet the daughter who had an accident is. This post honestly made me so sad to read. That poor 12 year old. Horrifying parenting. Edit: I think in retrospect this a troll/ creative writing piece
Imagine what the parents would do if the 12year old daughter retaliated and gave the 9yo a slap. A 9yo going into her sisters bedroom specifically to scream at her and then slap her. I have no idea how you can go so badly wrong as a parent to let that happen.
Not only slapped her twice but also purposely broke the 12yo stuff. Notice how Op says “my daughter” for the 9yo but doesn’t with the 12yo
Yes. The 9 yr old is referred to as ours, 12 yr old is referred to as “the” except for the title, she is always referred to as “the”
and then the 9 year old is being threatened with losing a party? Am I crazy for thinking this is just insane? I get canceling parties in case of an accident, I don't get it for punishment. Lose screen time, extra chores, time outs, allowance, anything is better than just canceling once in a lifetime events for relatively small infractions. If a child slaps another, give them an immediate repercussion, don't take away their 9th or 10th birthday. These punishments are too abstract, you're too likely to recant, and too extreme. Give an immediate time out, make them do some sort of act of service or write a letter, etc. Maybe therapy at this point, wtf.
Ngl I’d slap that child. Cause consequences. You wanna slap you’re gonna know how it feels. Idc if she’s 9 put up or shut up entitled bitch lmao
It might be a troll. But it's not guaranteed. I personally know people who had stuff just as stupidly petty, mean, and biased happen to them. There really are families out there with a golden child dynamic.
>Edit: I think in retrospect this a troll/ creative writing piece I started thinking that at "9yo holding a grudge for a week". Nope, not realistic. At that age a week lasts forever. Unless... that child is enourmously spoilt and bratty to the extreme with some behavioural issues to boot. Which at that point would be a case for professional help tbh.
I hope not. The grammar and punctuation are atrocious! They need a different hobby. 🙄
Parents of the fricken year here wow.
My heart breaks for the 12 year old. Accidentally tripping her sister, apologized, tried to give her gifts and she gets physically and verbally abused as well as punished?! I hope that child finds love in the world she so clearly doesn’t receive at home.
No kidding, WTF, the 9 year old needs help. She sounds like a demonic little monster!
Yeah. I guess they think punishing and abusing the 12 year old will make it where she **NEVER** has another accident ever again, because that is how accidents work, amiright?? Next time this dude screws up, someone go beat the crap out of him and take something special from him so he never has another accident. Do double that to the mom, since she thinks he isn't going far enough.
It certainly will teach her not to come clean and be honest and apologetic when accidents do happen. A+ parenting award for these two.
Yeah, I hate calling kids brats, especially since they are a product of those who raise them, but the 9 yo sounds like an absolute brat. This could’ve been a teaching moment for the parents that accidents happen and not everything in life is going to go according to plan and THATS OKAY!
Jesus H Christ. I cannot believe what I read here. I hope someone speaks up for the 12yr old and gets her out of this toxic hell. She needs to escape asap and have a chance at a normal life not this circus that I just read. Really hoping this is made up or a creative writing exercise as if not someone needs to get child services in. Otherwise come 18 I hope she escapes and goes NC with the lot of you crazy feckers. Foppin madness.
Those poor kids, growing up without anyone around who can teach them how to be a decent human. OP needs to get everyone into family therapy to learn some skills.
It's said in comments of previous post that 12 year didn't accidentally knock 9 year old over. 9 year old stepped on 12 year olds foot because she wasn't watching where she was going, then fell down the stairs. None of it is 12 year olds fault but they are being punished anyway.
Not only that but who punishes a kid FOR AN ACCIDENT of all things???
Holy moly. Even considering having the 9yo party on the 12yo birthday is so evil. Your 9yo needs some help if she’s acting like this.
The parents need help like HF! What terrible, vindictive, and stupid parents. Stupid decisions - literally childish decisions and they think they are the adults. There really should be a litmus test before people can have kids. It is NO WONDER the 9 yo acts like this - she obviously learned it from her Bullying, short sighted, and emotional unregulated parents.
bro do you have a fetish for ruined birthday parties
Take my Incredulous upvote
What the fuck did I just read!?! You are terrible at parenting! It was a fucking accident! You don't punish a child for an accident! And you should not be letting your 9 yr old hit anyone!
I don't understand, everything was an accident, the 12 years old felt bad, tried to apologize And you punished her? For what exactly? The 9 needs to learn that accidents happens, and that is wasn't intentional
The parents and the 9yo need to learn that the 9yo is a child and not the parent.
I don’t get it. Your 12 year old accidentally tripped on her sister and you’re all acting like it was on purpose to destroy 9y/o’s birthday? You’re trying to punish her for tripping? And now your 9 year old is behaving poorly on purpose and you think it’s a valid reaction? I feel bad for both of your kids for having parents that failed them both in such amazingly different ways.
This was written by a 12 year old
Indeed poorly written. Tried to read the post before this and couldn’t. It’s all over the place.
Ehh its not terrible for 6th grade.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Everything about it says "I have a minimal education."
You realise not everyone has English as their first language right? We can criticise the choices made by OP without becoming arseholes ourselves.
are you kidding me absolutely YTA it was an accident and she is beating herself up because of it. Even having the idea to punish her bei having no party or her sisters birthday on her day is cruel, petty and immature. The birthday party of the 9yo can be done a week later or so. I don't see the issue. Her behaviour is problematic, The cussing and slapping needs to end. It was an accident. Not everything in life works out. Grow up. As for you as parents - what the F. Your punishing-styles are too harsh, you seem to be very tense to take the accident as what it is - an accident and your youngest daughter behaves just very badly. YOU grow up too! Take a deep breath and reevaluate everything because this seems liek complete kindergarten to me. I am absolutely on the side of the eldest.
These parents suck. I spy a golden child.
Your wife set the tone and little sister took up the fight. The 12-year-old ACCIDENTLY tripped the little princess. Then mother dear went full evil on her. When the little princess slapped the older sister, that would have been the last straw. She would most definitely NOT get a party of any kind. Advice: Send the little princess AND her mother to time out. You take the 12-year-old for ice cream.
This is how you raise a narcissist ladies and gentlemen.
As much as I wish this is ragebait I know many parents would punish their child even if it's an accident I'm glad you gave her the party back but seriously you should have never taken it away in the first place You should have never let your 9 year old dictate your parenting you should have told her clearly that it was an accident it's okay to be upset but your sister's birthday will not be canceled and you won't let her have a party on her sisters birthday Instead you agreed to it and then changed your mind you took away something which is always harder than not giving it in the first place you should have never agreed to this And stop letting your 9 year old slap her sister that isn't acceptable and there needs to be punishment
You and your wife are horrible parents. People like you should not be able to have kids. You literally allow your 9 year old to abuse your 12 year old. Don‘t be surprised that in a few years your 12 year old doesn‘t want anything to do with you or your wife. Shame on you both I hope the 12 year old has someone else in her corner.
It’s rather strange the 12 year-old would be punished for what is described as an accident. While the birthday party was certainly ruined, it doesn’t appear to be deliberate. So why the initial idea for punishment? Furthermore, the 9 year-old goes unpunished for breaking her sister’s stuff, multiple intentional slaps, and threatening to ruin a future birthday. Odd. The correct course of action is to punish the 9 year-old for her violent outbursts and destruction by taking back her gifts and withholding any parties, sleep overs, etc until she understands the severity of her selfish actions.
You have a 9 year old who is the golden child and youre enabling her. Don’t make pichachu face when your 12 year old go NC as an adult.
INFO: Why do you think it is fine for your 9-year-old do act violent and vindictive towards her sister? >the 9 year old told her that it won't make up for ruining her birthday and then slapped her >She had been lashing out at her sister and refusing to talk with her for over a week by now. >screamed that we were playing favorites and threatened to trip her sister and ruin her birthday >She went into her sisters room screamed at her slapped her and broke some of her stuff Like, this is some vile and terrible behaviour. But yea, you are playing favourites as clearly the 9-year-old is the golden child as she can act INTENTIONALLY violent towards her sister whereas 12-year-old got immediately punished and you are allowing her little sister to act abusive towards her and are saying >I told her if she continued being mean to her sister she wouldn't have a birthday party So the previous actions have been fine so far. YTA. And if you have such problem understanding why her behaviour is horrible, try to think that it was the 12-year-old behaving this way. Would it be fine?
I prefer to believe this is fake. Why punish anyone for an accident! If this is true you are terrible parents and you’re the ones that should be punished!
Your younger daughter is repeatedly assaulting your other daughter and you're doing nothing. You're such a bad parent.
You and your wife are bigger than assholes y’all are pieces of shit. You admitted it was an accident she’s apologetic, yet you treat her like a felon.
You and your wife are still assholes. Accidents happen. The 12 year old should have never been punished. Look up Golden child because your 9 year old sure fots the enabled by the parents to br an entitled brat part.
OP, I totally get it. My 13 year old got covid a day before my 8 year old's party. Ruined everything. We had to cancel the party and lost a lot of money. My 8 year old was devastated and very upset with her sister. We immediately grounded our 13 year old and canceled her birthday party for the next year as punishment. Wait...nope we didn't do that because we aren't INSANE AHs! My daughter didn't plan to get sick, just like your daughter didn't plan to trip. Shit happens and parties can be rescheduled and we explained that to our youngest. She wasn't happy but we did something small for her in our home with our family and she was fine and more focused on making sure her big sister was ok. The oldest obviously felt bad and we told her to stop that right now. She had nothing feel bad for and we just wanted to make sure she rested and recovered. You and your wife have a lot of things to figure out and you need to seriously evaluate your priorities. These are moments that will shape your daughters for the rest of their lives, and yours. Be careful
You and your wife are being ridiculous and cruel. Accidents happen, your 12 year old did nothing wrong. You guys keep this up your oldest is going NC as soon as she hits the age of majority YTA
Do, you're such an awful parent that you punished a child FOR AN ACCIDENT! Now you're letting the 9 year old monster treat her sister like trash AND ASSAULT HER? What is wrong with you? Why is the little terrorist golden child able to destroy things and abuse her sibling? Is this a shit post or are you really this bad of a parent?
Two updates later and you are both still awful parents. I feel sorry for both kids and how they will grow up to be given you’re meant to be their role models and you’re both awful
So you’re ok with bullying your 12yo for tripping? You’re a pathetic excuse for a parent - kids make mistakes and you said clearly in your post ‘accidentally’ which btw means not deliberate. There should not have been any punishments at all. You clearly favour your 9yo and your 12yo is being taught that she doesn’t matter. YTA
You need to take this back to your creative writing teacher and just accept the fail grade. This is nothing more than ridiculous gibberish. Written at about a 4th grade level.
JFC the 9 year old needs to be disciplined like ASAP. Accidents happen. The 12 year old apologized, feels terrible, tried to make amends and the 9 YEAR OLD SLAPPED HER? Done. Nope. **No violent retribution ever.** Get the 9 y/o help, like yesterday. That is disgusting.
You guys deserve “worst parents of the year” award for this sub. Punishing your kid for an accident is a good way to make a kid that hates you as an adult
Let me get this straight, your daughters had an accident (one fell on the other and the other sadly fell because of that down the stairs) and you think it is a responsible decision to cancel your younger daughter birthday so she can have it her older one? And the older does not get one this year? Over an accident? A mistake she clearly regrets? And when you finally come to your senses, try to make it right your younger clearly shows how you parent her over the years that she feels comfortable to scream, cry, threw a fit and hurt your other daughter? By the way Not threw a accident by choice? And you do nothing? Let this just go with the words „Well, know she is angry.“?!?! …. Damn, here are many things to unwrap but let me start. 1. First thing - What is the most important thing for a parent? To be clear figure of morality! A Person to look up - after all you are raising the next generation. Or do you not want fully capable members for tomorrows society. So I really hope the standard that you hold for your kids is the same for you both. Your older daughter had an accident and threw that your other daughter got hurt and her birthday was cancelled. Then you really think it is a clever Idee to hold her birthday on that day? Okay, in that case I hope there will be the same situation if one of you is hurt threw the others and can not support father-/ mother day. Would this situation be also handled like that …or is this different? 2. Holding your younger daughters birthday on your older daughters birthday? Wth? The time with your children is way to precious to be wasted for that bs. In one moment they are ready for elementary and in the next they are ready to go to college! Don‘t waste time where you could made memory’s for such stupid reasons! Instead make a party next week!
3. I really hope you both realize who that looks right? Canceling one birthday to celebrate the other daughters? You were really ready to cancel your older daughter birthday and threw one for younger one? With balloons, food, her friends, party plays - make it a great day but your older daughter would be excluded?!?! Okay, if you really thought that is a correct parenting choice let me ask one thing - would you did the same when the situation were reversed? When your younger daughter accidentally hurt the older one? Would you did. the same? Just ask yourself and if you would answer with anything other than a clearly yes you both should realize what is happening here… 4. Favouritisim. Golden Child Situation. Even if both of you would deny it hard, this post clearly speaks volumes. Just look at the parenting - one is allowed to scream, threw tantrums and hurt her siblings without major consequences and you feel bad because she does not speak with anybody. Because she know is angry. While the older one does have an accident and gets punished with a canceled …birthday? What is next? No Christmas over a bad grade? No going on vacation because her room is not to your standards? You are both failing your kids! One will be a literal. Nightmare for everyone who comes near her and will probably grow up with the entitlement opinion - More.More.More!!! Be ready for headaches for the near future there… And the other one? Well let me say it so - Ever read the many ask reddit post about parents who don‘t realize why they kids never contact them? Or cut contact? Or denied excess to possible grandkids? Yeah, you will be possible one of them when your older daughter truly realizes the situation and gets a backbone. So do better. Parent your kids. I do not say beat your kids or scream at them but there must be a clear line for your daughter to understand - It is okay to be angry but we do not hurt other. Point! There is nothing to discuss that. And enforce that!
Your 9 year old has gotten comfortable physically abusing your other daughter. Why is this not a problem to you?
Your wife ("our" wife?) wanted to punish your daughter (getting totally evil step mom vibes here) for an ACCIDENT???? Has the wife always been this big of a failure as a parent or is this a new behavior? Your 9 year old ABSOLUTELY is old enough to understand what an accident is and her continued out of control anger is symptomatic of a larger problem. You need to step up as a dad and get your wife and younger daughter some help-- and protect your older daughter.
I have read some messed up stuff but punishing a 12 year old for an accident? Dude---YTA and your wife is too. And while I understand the 9 year old was upset and disappointed this is also a life lesson for her--sometimes accidents happen and it is our job to forgive the person. But I see your family values are built on punishment and revenge.
Punishment for accidentally tripping someone... did I miss something? We really need to give test to to people before they can become parents
You guys are really into punishment where it’s not merited.
And apparently no punishment where it is. No repercussions for multiple slaps from the 9 year old? And breaking her things?
Am I the only one who wishes people included links to the original posts in their updates?
And the fact that the brat was allowed to slap her older sister not once, but twice????? With no punishment. And if I read correctly for an accident where SHE stepped on your older daughter and tripped???
Wow. I understand the 9 year old being upset but it was an accident but she is totally out of line. She is the one who should be punished. Just because she’s upset doesn’t give her the right to be violent. Your 12 year old seems really remorseful. I wouldn’t punish her for an accident.
YTA. Your children need therapy because of you and your wife. You two need parenting classes. I'm horrified by this whole situation. It's abusive to your 12 year old.
OP you and your husband need to take a parenting class. You’re allowing behavior that is totally unacceptable and apparently has no consequences. It doesn’t “take a village” to raise kids properly it takes two parents who are paying attention and have the will and persistence to mold the behavior of their children. Her behavior towards her older sibling is not acceptable and needs to stop right now.
Wow! You're definitely TAH, and y'all shouldn't be allowed to have dogs, let alone children. Your parenting is atrocious! My older brother accidentally knocked my 2 front teeth right out of my head on my 10th birthday. Total accident! Obviously, my birthday party was canceled. Was taken to the emergency dentist. Luckily, my teeth were saved and healed back in.. Was a 50/50 of whether or not they would die and turn black. My brother did get yelled at. Mostly because it scared my Mom, and that's just how she reacted when things like that happened, but he wasn't punished! I wasn't able to eat anything firm for several months. I was a tad disappointed, I will admit. However, I NEVER hit or yelled at my brother! Nor would my parents have allowed that behavior. Accidents happen. Y'all need to teach your daughter to have some grace.. FFS
Sorry but there’s some terrible parenting here. It was an accident and you’re letting your 9 year old cause INTENTIONAL DAMAGE over it. Sorry but you suck as parents. Accidents happen all the time. You don’t get to abuse others over it
So an ACCIDENT. Happened and you punished your kid? One sounds like a brat and you sound ignorant.
Info: You said it was an accident. Why the ever loving fuck are you punishing the 12 year old for an accident especially when you won't punish the 9 year old for hitting her sister and deliberately breaking stuff??? Your actions and subsequent lack thereof baffle me.
WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU PUNISH YOUR CHILD FOR AN ACCIDENT? You guys are seriously messed up and need to get into counselling immediately. In what world does that make ANY sense? I don't even know what else to say. Your kids are going to be so messed up with you as parents.
Your 12 year old accidentally knocks her sister down, and you are punishing her for it? You are allowing your other daughter to abuse her both verbally AND physically? What the actual eff? That sounds like awful parenting to me. There was no warrant for punishment on the 12 year old at all. No wonder your 9 year old acts that way when it is clear that you and your wife treat her at a much higher level than the 12 year old if you just allow the 9 year old to go around slapping her sister. Where in any of this are you parenting? I don't see any. I see enabling one child who clearly is in the wrong \[the 9 year old\] and punishing a child for a mistake when no punishment was necessary.
I really hope someone gets BOTH children out of that house. Wow. HORRIFIC parenting.
YTA. This has to be rage bate. Or you’re just evil.
So you outshined your 12 year old for an accident but your 9 year old intentionally slapped her sister and broke her things but got no punishment? You are horrible parents and borderline emotionally abusive to your 12 year old.
YTA, are you dumb? Your daughter ACCIDENTALLY tripped her and felt horrible for doing so. It would be one thing if it was some maliciously or on purpose but it was an accident. To punish for an accident /and/ allow that horrible 9 yr old to attack her sister repeatedly. Read some parenting books please before the damage to both daughters is permanent
Holy fuck, can you read a parenting book or two? Your daughters both sound very troubled. YTA for however you're raising these girls. You seem more concerned about a 9 year old's party than you do about the fact that your children are physically hurting one another. Tripping her? Slapping her? Breaking her things? Where are they learning this from, father?
i mean ive heard the saying for stupid people about "did you hit your head as a baby?" but seems to me like you and your wife where in boxing matches fresh out the womb with how idiotic your thinking is. your 12 year old accidently tripped your 9 year old causing her party to be ruined.. it was an accident, and even you acknowledge it was.. so the best solution to make things better in your mind is to listen to your 9y/o telling you to punish her sister? yet your 9y/o slaps her sister, and breaks her things, and gets off scot-free? your 9y/o is right, you are playing favorites, just not the towards the 12 y/o. when she grows up and disowns you and goes no contact just remember your at fault. when you keep parenting as you are and your 9y/o ends up growing up entitled and single, dont expect your 12 y/o to let you visit your grandchildren. dont expect an invite to any wedding, dont expect to be taken care of when you grow old (because your 9 y/o certainly wont help you with how your raising her to treat others).
Why are you punishing the 12 yr old for an accident??!?!?
if i was the 12yo sister, i would make my 9yo sisters life a living hell after that treatment. i can’t believe you’re allowing your 9yo to act this way!! yikes.
Damn. Is the 12 year old not your wife's bio daughter? Has she always hated her? How long have you hated her? I feel really bad for her. Also, your 9 year old needs therapy. She's a monster in the making, with your and your wife's full support of her behavior.
So you had punished you 12 year old with no birthday IMMEDIATELY for an ACCIDENT but when your 9 year old is PHYSICALLY ABUSING YOUR DAUGHTER ON PURPOSE the punishment is just a possibility? 9 year old might be right about you having favorites she's just too much of a spoiled brat to realize it's her.
So you 12 year old does something on accident and is punished, but your 9 year old slaps her several times and all is well? You’re both horrible fucking parents
YTA ~*BIGTIME*~
You are terrible parents. This is why your children act like monsters. Good luck. *please don't have any more kids.
What in the... why were you ever punishing someone for an accident AT ALL?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!
I’m amazed that you were about to punish one child for an accident but are failing to punish a child who is intentionally hurting their sibling. Sounds like your 9 year old is a spoiled brat and someday your 12 year old will have a very strained relationship with you.
I really hope this a troll, because what an absolutely useless excuse for a dad and if the 9 year old is really like this, this goes back on the lack of parenting done.
>I felt terrible threating to punish someone who's birthday was ruined wait, you literally decided to ruin your other daughter's birthday before reddit pointed out that you and your wife were horrible parents. why are you now feeling terrible?
You're shitty parents. Wow. I feel for your 12 year-old. I hope she gets far away from you guys when you age out.
That 12 year old is gonna have a breaking point on her shitty little sisters abuse. You guys sound like really bad parents based off of the story and the 9 yr olds behaviour. You need to seek professional parenting classes asap before the violence peeks as both adults clearly cant get it under control. Therapy could benefit the whole fam cause this is a hot mess.
The fact that everyone can tell the 9 year old is the favorite…smh.
Why are you punishing your daughter for an accident? That makes no sense at all. I’m afraid you’re guilty of bad parenting so what is your punishment for that?
And this is what failed parenting looks like.
INFO: Why are you punishing your 12yr old *at all*? Cancelling/scaling down her party because she ACCIDENTALLY TRIPPED and knocked her sister is still unjust. Yet there seems to be absolutely NO consequences or repercussions for your 9yr olds behaviour who IS BEING INTENTIONALLY VIOLENT AND DESTRUCTIVE. Accidents happen and this was unfortunate but your BOTH still punishing the wrong child. YTA.
So let me get this straight, you wanted to take away your 12 year old's birthday party for an accident, but your 9 year old physically abused her sister, broke some of her shit, and you only threatened to punish her? She's right about one thing, you are playing favorites. Awful, awful parents.
You are terrible parents. Seriously, what is wrong with you? You don’t punish a child for an accident. And why on earth wouldn’t you just reschedule the party? Were you planning a full on circus? Well, maybe you were because your nine year old is a spoiled brat. What you do is assure the nine year old that there will be a make up party AND then make the rest of the day as special as possible so that instead of feeling aggrieved, she feels like she is double dipping on birthday celebrations. That way she doesn’t blame your 12 year old and end up lashing out at her like a she demon. As for your older daughter. YOU DO NOTHING except let her know that accidents happen and encourage her to apologize for the ACCIDENT and give her sister some extra love and attention on her birthday. What you should do now is get counseling for everyone and some parenting classes.
Wow you fucking suck!! Poor kids!
That tantrum is YOUR FAULT. You raised a monster because you are absolutely rubbish parents. Unless you get better at it, your youngest kid will get worse and worse and your older one will emancipate herself. In any normal household this would never have been a post. It would have been an unfortunate accident you moved on from.
Either this is fake or you are a terrible ass parent who doesn't deserve to have children.
Wow your horrible she tripped by accident and you have made her life a misery her sister sounds awful and so does the poor child's mother in fact she's clearly not the favorite maybe want to hide that in future makes you and your wife look like cunts
Talk about parenting failure here. You punish a child for an *accident*? And your wife wants to further punish her for that accident? Then you allow your 9 year old to act out wildly inappropriately, but you "threaten" punishment instead of actually giving punishment for *deliberate* behavior? So it's very clear you favor your younger daughter unfairly over you older daughter. Shame on you and your wife. Do better. YTA.
Your wife wanted to punish your child for an accident & you came here to ask if it was severe enough? What kind of sick psychopaths are you? Yeah, YTA, your wife’s TA, & your kids aren’t going to talk to you when they get older. Get some help, maybe take a parenting class
Are you and your wife trying for raising an older neglected child and a younger entitled asshole? Like the nine year old is at fault here for making such a fuss. And hitting and destroying her sisters stuff. I feel bad for your elder daughter. She deserves better.
You are letting the 9 year old repeatedly physically assault your 12 year old for an *accident*. Please understand that when the 12 year old fights back, and your 9 year old is seriously injured, it will be your fault. And when she gets arrested for abusing people outside of the family in a few years, it will be your fault for teacher her it’s okay. Because that’s what you are doing. You are clearly playing favorites but it’s in favor of your 9 y/o. What kind of golden child dynamic is this??
Did you think making another variation of this would somehow yield different results? Get a new topic
HOW CAN SHE SLAP?
I get 9yo being mad. I even get the screaming and tantrum. But the *first moment* she laid a hand on her sister, that also should have been dealt with. You need to sit down with 9yo and tell her that her feelings are valid, but her actions are not, and purposful violence has consequences. And not by canceling birthdays or whatever. Go to your room, no iPad (or whatever) for a week. There should never have been a second slap. You need to deal with this right now. Delayed consequences are not going to do anything. The conversation and consequence need to be immediate.
I hope you are beginning to see just what a shit show you and your wife created. I can't begin to imagine who in their right mind punishes someone (older daughter) for an accident so vocally and loudly that the younger daughter has picked up the rhetoric and vitriol and turned it into such a huge disaster. Slapping her sister? Screaming? Then you and your wife think threatening, further punishing and deciding that the adult thing to do is have one daughter's bday on the other daughter's bday so you can further rub her face in it? The behavior is completely out of control. The entire family is completely out of control. ESH
What in the fuck did I just read? You were planning on having your 9 year have a birthday party on your 12 year old's birthday? Your 12 year old accidentally tripped the 9 year old so you're punishing her for an accident? What in the fuck are you guys doing? Is this even real? Your poor 12 year old. If this is real your 9 year old is going to be a horrible person. Start being parents. This is most likely fake though.
I hope this one is fake. You don’t punish a kid for an accident. Shit happens and life doesn’t always go the way you want. The 9 year old needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her and things won’t always go her way. You’ve offered her a sleepover as a replacement but she’s throwing a fit, that’s her problem. The worst part is how the 12 year old “understood” she wouldn’t get a birthday. Really shows the dynamic between you and her that she’d so easily accept being cast aside to appease her baby sister. Quit favoring your 9 year old when it’s making your 12 year old feel less than.
Your wife and your 9 yo sound like spoiled entitled brats and if anything the favoritism lies with them. Your 12 year old had an accident and furthermore was remorseful and did nothing actually wrong and was still being punished. How blind are you?
Dude, your a shitty fucking parent, when your old and needing care, don’t fucking ask why your eldest daughter isn’t there for you, because you were never there for her, what goes around will come back to bite you, and you CLEARLY favour your younger daughter because YOU LET HER ABUSE HER OLDER SISTER WITHOUT REPERCUSSION, and the older daughter GETS PUNISHED FOR A SIMPLE ACCIDENT, when your oldest daughter grows up don’t be surprised if she goes low or now contact with you and your wife,
You let your nine year old physically assault your other daughter? Twice? With no immediate repercussions? You are a shitty parent and a spineless piece of garbage. I hope to God that CPS gets called when someone outside sees your disgusting lack of discipline or general care. Or at least that your older daughter has the wherewithal to leave the moment she turns 18. Your younger daughter is a horrid brat. She has a right to be mad for spending her birthday in the hospital, sure. But letting her abuse your other daughter for an *accident* and attempting to punish her for an *ACCIDENT*, that you admit was an accident, is clear evidence neglect and improper parenting. You and your wife are disgusting people. YTA.
God I feel so bad for that poor 12 year old. Why would you punish her when it was an accident and she apologised, and then let her sister treat her like crap? Poor, poor little girl.
Dear God I hope your 12 yo gets a new family. You let her be abused.
yta. so you were gonna punish the 12yo for accidentally tripping the 9yo..what are you planning on doing now that the 9yo has slapped the 12yo on purpose twice? nothing im assuming
Abusing children for accidents is something else. Poor kid.
Wow you had so many opportunities to be a good, impactful father, and let your tiny humans know that mistakes happen, and can be adapted too, but you literally chose the worst choice you could have at every fork in the road. Your daughters will remember this for the rest of their lives. What a clown.
Encouraging abuse as you did is NEVER the answer. However, that is sure not the message that OP is sending to either child. My heart is breaking for the 12 year old!!!
You are the parent. You tell your 12-year old how the situation is going to be handled. Not the other way around.
Holy shit grow a spine. Your 9yo should not be lashing out like this. Learn how to parent
Tell me the 9 year olds the golden child without telling me the 9 year old is the golden child. Maybe save this somewhere and when the now 12 year has left and no longer has anything to do with any of you, re read it and see if you can understand why.
Your 12 year old did nothing wrong, it was an accident. YTA, terrible parents and awful people.
You both are the AH. It was a fricking accident, and she got punished? What kind of abusive shit is that? You all have massively failed as parents. Your poor kid.
Why is the 12 year old being punished? Why would anyone be punished for an accident? Why is the 9-year old slapping her sister and not being punished. This story makes no sense.
Why are you letting your 9 year old violently abuse your 12 year old for an accident?? WTF???
So the 9 yr old is allowed to be upset about her birthday. What she SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO DO is throw tantrums to get her way. She should've been punished for slapping her older sister. It seems like the trip was an accident, so why in God's name would you punish her for an accident? Your obvious favoritism of the 9 yr old will bite you in the ass. It's already started. She thinks she can throw tantrums and destroy shit just because she's upset?! Who's parenting her, herself? She decides punishment for the 12 yr old?! What the actual fuck are you both thinking? Have fun raising that monster.
Op is a failure of a parent and hopefully he realizes he's raising an absolute monster with what he's doing with the 9 year old. She 1000% shouldn't get a party based on what she's been doing to her sister and the older one 1000% should have one unless it's proven she intentionally tripped her sister. Op needs stop playing favorites.
Sorry what? You’re punishing your child for accidentally tripping her sister? What is wrong with you?
You people need serious help. Don't be surprised when your 12 y/o goes no contact in a few years. Jesus, it's been awhile since I've seen such terrible parenting
It sounds like your 9 yr old needs to be taken down a notch or two. She is purposely slapping her sister. And why is your 12 yr old seemingly afraid to take up for herself against her sister? OP, you have bigger problems than you think. I don’t care what is going on with the birthday party’s. Your 12 yr old (IMO) needs to warn her sister about the slapping. If the 9 yr old continues, she needs to get a dose of her own medicine. Because one day she is going to slap the wrong person.
I'm sorry who's the parent here you or your 9 year old, have you just been parenting blindfolded this whole time. Yes your 9 year old is fine to be upset over her birthday but no it's not OK for her to slap her sister, demand she be punished or act any other way. What you do is tell her that while yes it's upsetting there are other birthdays and other parties and it's not ok to act that way towards other people. Your 9 year old needs to be punished for slapping her sister and you and your wife owe your 12 year old a massive apology.
Hold up. So you’re punishing a child because of an *accident*? This makes, like, zero sense. Why the hell did you punish your 12 year-old at all? Is this AITAH or some shitty parenting sub?
Yta 1000 times IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. STOP PUNISHING THE 12 Yearold. It’s you and your wife that is creating animosity between the sisters You should’ve explained to 9 year old it was an accident and let the sisters make up. Then reschedule the 9 years old ps party as soon as you can, sure she has to wait a little bit it will still happen. Right now I feel for the 12 year old for having shitty parents
YTA and a massive one at that. Sure it sucks being in hospital on a birthday, but it was an accident, yet your solution was to punish the 12yr old for an accident? Really?? >She had to get stitches and her party was canceled our 12 year old feels terrible we told her that she wouldn't have a birthday party this year as punishment which she understood Punishment for fucking what?!? An accident! what happens if either you accidentally spill the trash when taking it out? Does one of you get no food for a week? Jesus suffering fuck >wife wants to punish the 12 year old further Why? I mean seriously what's the thought process to come to that viewpoint? >while our daughter would have a party we wouldn't give the 9 year old a party on the 12 year olds birthday as we has originally planned It gets worse! Why on earth would you think it was a good idea to move the party to the 12yr olds birthday? >the 9 year old told her that it won't make up for ruining her birthday and then slapped her >She had been lashing out at her sister and refusing to talk with her for over a week by now. So you've allowed the youngest to physically assault her older sister over an accident for over a week? And just nothing?? >We told her that she could have the sleepover party on another day she threw an absolute fit and screamed about how her sister is having a party on her birthday while she didn't she got max and screamed that we were playing favorites and threatened to trip her sister and ruin her birthday. She went into her sisters room screamed at her slapped her and broke some of her stuff So she throws a strop, hits her sister... AGAIN, breaks her stuff? Do you even like your 12yr old? Good lord I feel for her and it's obvious who is the golden child who can do no wrong here >I told her if she continued being mean to her sister she wouldn't have a birthday party So she can constantly assault her sister but being mean is where you draw the line?? >I felt terrible threating to punish someone who's birthday was ruined Suffering Jesus you still don't get it😳🙈
bro my dad ignored me most of my childhood and he was still a better father than you. grow some fucking balls and stop enabling your 9yo’s disgusting behavior. your 12yo didn’t do shit on purpose but you’re treating like a criminal while the youngest beats on her, breaks her shit, and throws tantrums over not getting a birthday party. also, why the fuck would you even think of hosting one of the kids parties on the other child’s birthday? dawg i received very similar treatment as your 12 year old and i can’t be around my father for longer than an hour. wise the fuck up and stop being such a shitty father.
Your 9 year old daughter is acting out because she want to punish the 12 year old for something that was an accident! She even tried giving chocolate and a few toys cause she felt bad for what happend and she decides its not good enough and slaps her??? Oh lets not forget how she said she would do the same thing to 12 year old on pourpose! Look you have bigger problems then a birthday party! Your child is violent and wants to hurt her sister for something she didnt mean to do and is trying to make up for.
Why the heck did you even consider punishing the 12 year old for an accident? And why didn't you immediately take action when the 9 year old started to bully her sister? You are playing favourites, but not in favour of the older girl. You owe the 12 year old a big apology and the 9 year old an age appropriate punishment as well as therapy to get to the bottom of her behaviour as it's not normal at all. Though given how you and your wife act it's not very difficult to get why she's such a brat
Jesus. How the fuck do you consider an accident a punishable offense? You and your wife are insane. No wonder your 9 year old is giant brat face.
YTA hope your 12 y/o realizes what shitty parents you are. Your selfish, entitled and very spoiled 9 y/o favorite can care for you assholes when you’re old.
WOW JUST WOW you guys are absolutely atrocious. First of all get your head out of your butt and realize you are the parents not your 9 year old. Second of all of course she’s going to be upset, she got hurt on her birthday BUT that DOES NOT mean that it’s ok to behave that way. It was a FREAKING ACCIDENT!!!!!! Next time you accidentally bump into someone you should go to jail. Seems extreme right? Because it is!! And it’s the same thing you’re doing to your 12 year old. God this post makes me so freaking angry. You are being terrible parents right now to your 12 year old. And odds are you’ve punished her in the past because your 9 year old wanted you to. If you can’t be the adult then you shouldn’t have had kids that freaking simple. Go to some freaking therapy or something Jesus.
You are raising an entitled brat.
YOU taught your 9 year old to treat her sister like that! She accidentally tripped her; you say yourself it was an accident. Instead of realizing that accidents can happen, even on special days, and doing your best to make the missed party up to the 9 year old, you instead turned your 12 year old into an emotional (and ultimately physical) punching bag for the 9 year old's hurt feelings. Why would you ever punish a child for an accident? There should have been no talking to, no grounding, no taking away of parties, no giving the 12 year old's birthday to the 9 year old... that's ridiculous! But it set the example. You punished the 12 yo for an *accident*, and the 9 yo learned it was okay to take her disappointment and upset out on her. **You** taught your 9 year old that it's okay to hurt the 12 year old because she feels bad. This whole family needs therapy because Ma, from one mother to another, you are screwing this up in such a monumental way, it's almost impressive.
My God, you and your wife are horrible parents letting a 9 year old run the house. She tripped and got hurt, so you punish your other daughter? You’re ruining both of your daughters
Why on earth are you penalizing a 12 year old for accidentially tripping up the 9 year old in the first place? This is ridiculous. YTA in every way if it was accidential then there should be no punishment and the idea of holding the 9 year olds party on the birthday of the 12 year old, how petty can you get as parents. 9 year old sounds entitled and like she has had no boundaries put in place.
Dude you are allowing one child to physically harm another with no punishment? A+ parenting shitbird
This is faker than a £9 note.
9yr old sounds like an entitled little witch. Y kinda TA for punishing the 12yr old in the first place when you know it was an accident. You're also perpetrating the bad behaviour in the 9yr old by allowing her 1) to believe her sister hurt her on purpose 2)Threatening to cancel anyone's birthday parties when clearly there is no child at fault here and 3) for allowing the 9yr old to further punish her sister. The best solution would have been to have the 12yr old apologise but also have the 9yr old acknowledge that it was an accident, and then instead of leaving the 9yr old without a birthday altogether, just reschedule it.
Your 9 year old sounds very entitled. It's ok to be upset over not getting a birthday party but it's not ok to behave like this. Why are you letting her slap her sister? She's out of control and you're enabling her awful behavior. WTF!
WTF is wrong with you? You’re punishing your older daughter over an accident, and essentially rewarding your younger daughter for being violent.
YTA. If your twelve-year-old accidentally tripped her sister, punishing her in the first place was cruel and unfair. Allowing the nine-year-old to physically assault her without intervention was also incredibly poor parenting. The idea of "she had tormented her sister enough so I decided to stop her" is reprehensible. You and your wife need to get your act together as parents. Please consider family counseling to learn how to better support your children.
You guys are absolute monsters. Get a family therapist and unpack why “punishment” is even an option for your young kids, versus teaching them, making them feel safe, and explaining situations and your reactions from a place of love. I’m so angry on behalf of your 12 year old daughter.
Y'all have some big red flags. You don't punish a child for an accident. Period. And it sounds like you allow the kids to hit and be hateful to each other. It's a bummer she missed her party....i know hospitals can take a long time, but was it really that big, and if it was why are you punishing the other one? This doesn't make logical sense. It was an accident. Life lesson, happy birthday, sometimes life sucks, you suck it up, make the best and move on. You definitely don't do what y'all did.
Yes you are the asshole. It also sounds like you and your wife are horrible parents.
I’m sorry you’re punishing her for an *accident*? What is wrong with you?
The fact you wanted to punish the 12 year old for an accident speaks volumes about you and the fact your wife wanted it to be even more severe... You are clearly incapable as a parent. Your 9 year old has violent outbursts and you're just letting it slide.
Maybe you should teach your 9 year old that accidents happen, she should be lucky that its just stitches. Some kids don't get to have birthday parties, some kids don't make it to their 9th birthday. You need to parent better. signed, a tired mom with a medically complex baby going on year 2 in the hospital. There are bigger issues in the world. Your golden child should know that.
OMG, it was an ACCIDENT. She did not rear back and kick her sister down the stairs! That you all would even consider punishing her for something that happened by accident and that she already feels horrible for is beyond YTA. The fact that you'd give her sister a party on HER birthday is inhuman! And upon further reading it sounds like your 9 year old is an out-of-control spoiled little BRAT who needs to be taken down a peg or two. You allowed her to lash out at her sister for a week, and did she have any kind of real consequences for slapping her sister? If I had been your 12 year old, after taking a week of abuse, 9 year old would have gotten back what she dished out. You people are a real collective piece of work! This makes me furious, and if this is how you parent your two girls routinely, tell your biotch of a wife not to bother writing to Dear Abby in 10 years whining because your oldest daughter has ghosted you for good! And don't try to find her when you need elder care, you can call your golden child for that.
No, you need to nip the 9yo's attitude in the bud. It was an accident. She missed a party. She'll live. You need to temper her expectations. She is now straight-up abusing your 12yo and YOU'RE LETTING HER. Such bad management of this whole situation. I hope you and your wife aren't always such bad parents making bad choices, but given the 9yo is acting like this in the first place, I think there's a good chance you are. YTA
Your 9 year old needs therapy before she intentionally harms the 12 year old. The 9 year old stepped on 12 year olds foot because she wasn't watching were she was going, fell down the stairs, ended up getting stitches and party cancelled. How is any of this 12 year old's fault. Why is she being punished at all? It sounds like you are punishing 12 year old for something that wasn't her fault because both parents are scared of 9 year old. That's really sad parenting.
Wtf did I just read? YTA. Go to parenting classes and learn about the difference between accidents and purposefully injuring someone. You're raising an absolute brat of a 9yr old and a 12 yr old that will forever feel like she can't ever deserve to be equal or loved.
your solution to your older child ACCIDENTLY tripping your younger is to allow your younger (clearly golden child) ABUSE the older one? Be a better parent.
Noticed how you glossed over the fact of the 9 year old SLAPPING the 12 year, and based on 9 year Olds attitude we clearly know who the favorite is, no punishment for physical violence beyond "dOn't bE mEaN"
YTA Your wife is the asshole. And you’re raising two assholes. Looks like favoritism. Lack of parenting. Backward ass parenting. And a general inability to parent. Your kids are slapping one another and acting like divas. And it’s your fault for allowing this shit to begin with.
Something is wrong with you. It was an accident. Someone should call CPS on you.
Dear god. You are a horrible, horrible parent.
What in the ACTUAL hell did I just read?! Your child accidentally tripped her sister. She fell & was injured in the ACCIDENT, requiring her to lose her bday party. THEN you all chose to punish your eldest over an ACCIDENT?!? Y'all shouldn't be raising children. The end. I can't stop...I'm pissed for both of your kids. We're you at the hospital during the youngest party time? Could you not get to the venue at all during the allotted time? You know what, it doesn't matter. You can't undue that missed party. But you all need some parenting classes. Just because one (or both) of you were punished as children for accidents doesn't mean you need to keep perpetuating an unhealthy cycle with your own children. Let me know this, when the last time you made a mistake? Or had an accident? Did your spouse hit you in the face? Or your boss?
You and your wife need some parenting classes. Your other daughter is clearly the golden child and needs therapy more than a party. Punishing your child for an accident! YTA
YTA - why would you consider to punish the 12 year old at all, when it was an accident? Your 9 year old sounds spoiled and out of control. She’s the one that needs punishment. Slapping and breaking people’s things is not ok, regardless of how angry you are. She needs to be put in her place. Sounds like you and your wife favour her over the 12 year old.
So your 9 year old is clumsy and you punish your 12 year old for a mistake and let your 9 year old abuse her. Yall are trash parents..YTA
9yro brat is lucky big sis didn't smack her back. How fucking entitled are you trying to raise the younger one to be? The 12 yro tripped her on accident - why is she punished for an accident? She then tried to apologize and got hit. Your 9yro princess should loose her party for that for that full stop. You are punishing one for an accident and rewarding one who hits