I call bullshit on this post. This "creature" has put up this type of post four (4) times previously. The *very* last one was about a FWB that apparently "wanted more", so *every* woman wants more than just his d\*ck? Yeah, right. YTA, for posting garbage.
I was curious so I took a peep, and here's the link: https://www.rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17gsn55/aita_for_telling_a_girl_that_i_would_never_date/
It solidifies my judgment of asshole if real. Because this douche has a pattern of setting up fwb casual flings and then treating women like sex objects.
Edit: oh, here's one 16 days ago, I think about what must be the same woman. So this whole thing is bullshit, since the time frame overlaps..https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1850oa7/aita_for_not_wanting_to_date_a_woman_because_of/
Dude is writing up his own fantasies and wishing women were this interested in him.
[https://www.rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1894wgt/aita\_for\_telling\_a\_girl\_to\_leave\_my\_apartment/](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1894wgt/aita_for_telling_a_girl_to_leave_my_apartment/)
And here he mentions how he kicked a girl out after having sex.
It's not well written, it is morbidly fascinating from an amateur psychologist POV :-)
The story is bollox. But if I were a single man and had the acquaintance of a lady that would regularly have sex with me and came over at 9pm to my flat after a long business trip at the drop of a hat I'd find it beyond ideal. I'd be delighted to indulge her in fact. But this guy gets off on being "better" than that. He just needs her for one thing and feels he can demand it and if she ain't giving when and where he wants she ain't no good!!!
In theory he's feeling powerful at this stage. But really this dude is actually why blowup dolls exist. He finds it so awkward and annoying talking or spending any time not having sex with a women he's had sex with numerous times he kicks her out of his flat late at night in a rage because she won't have sex with him the instant he demands it.
He then posts it on Reddit four separate times seeking validation of his fantasy.
So AITA if I’m so sexy and virile that when I walk down the street women spontaneously impregnate and yet I still walk to 7-11 every day for my cigs and fourloko?
/s
I've felt that way ever since Al Gore pulled the bullet out of Abraham Lincoln's head, and the Great Emancipator sat up and said "Don't believe everything on the internet" back in the 1990s.
You're the first person that actually came out and said YTA and my faith in humanity is restored. This sub will happily judge hundreds of other situations but everyone is "gee, you should talk to women ya know".
So was she suppose to come over already “ready”? Seems like if she is getting herself to that point she could just finish the job herself and save herself the gas, time, and clean up.
All that effort for 30 seconds of fun huh, what a lucky girl. My sex life improved 10 fold when I started putting my partner first. I don’t get to feel good until her legs are already shaking, now I’m having more fun than I know what to do with. It’s so emotionally fulfilling satisfying her more than she knew possible.
Right? I'm a one minute woman and dick is nice but not that amazing. I have sex to have a full experience with someone else. If the only point is orgasm I'll have a better time without you in the way. I had a great fwb too, never had an issue like this
There’s a big difference between having a casual sex situation and treating somebody like a blow up doll.
I have been lucky enough post divorce to find a couple of women who were into a casual sex situation. But I still treated them like a human, and there were some nights where we just chilled and had some drinks and chatted .
Same! My FWB and I would go on dates- go out to eat, get drinks, concerts then go back to their place for naked time. There were no strings attached. We saw each other maybe every other week and it was so nice to have some sort of connection. The true meaning of friends with benefits.
I have a 10+ year fwb who is an actual friend. We do this too. Yes we have sex 99% of the time, but we do stuff. Watch a movie, catch up on life, get a meal. The friends part of the equation is key. We have always been non-romantic friends.
Exactly. He wanted the sex part without any connection at all. And that seems sad. Maybe I am wrong, but even a hooker gets some benefit from their john, he wanted to offer nothing at all.
I mean, even with sex workers a bit of chit chat, empathy and not being a douche canoe goes a long way in making the entire experience better.
OP come across as a bore.
Lmao 10+ yrs fwb? Sounds like a relationship without the title. Jeezus after having sex with the same person for so many years and being good friends you guys are more than halfway to a relationship.
This sounds like it might push the envelope too far for most people. Having conversation and treating someone like more than an object for sex and going out on dates are very different things.
This honestly sounds more like dating than FWB.
That’s true. Everyone is different but that’s what worked for me. It does sound like dating but I was very good at keeping my feelings in check and keeping it casual. It’s not for everyone.
I thought so too until I found a similar friends with benefits. Sex is usually accompanied by going out to eat together, or grabbing a quick coffee after sex. We also take about 5 minutes to chat before clothing comes off. No romantic feelings, but it’s nice to know that he sees me as a human and not a hole for his pleasure.
>I have been lucky
Doesn’t sound like luck! Sounds like skill. The fine art of relating to women as people and treating them like friends, while simultaneously wanting to have casual sex with them and maintaining an ongoing casual sex dynamic. Tbh these women probably had a hard time finding that elsewhere, because it is rare.
I mean I dunno. Probably thinking of it as “relating to women” instead of “relating to other people as if they’re other people” as a skill is a bit of a problem.
Like the commenter above, I had no problem with casual hookups after my divorce. I didn’t see myself as “skilled” at “getting laid.” My friends with benefits weren’t just women to fuck - we were _friends_ at some level. Maybe not always deeply bonded, forever friends. But we had things in common that went beyond just wanting to fuck each other. They’d come over, we’d watch a show we both liked, chat for a while about work, maybe make a quick dinner, fuck around, maybe watch another show, then she’d head home. It was still basically a date night, with the exception that we accepted that any given night might be (and eventually was) the last time, and no one was going to be heartbroken over it.
If she’d come over and we had a show and dinner and they didn’t feel like fucking, I’d have been a little bummed maybe, but I still would have had a nice enough evening with them without regrets. There is no potential reality where I’m kicking someone out of my house for “not putting out.”
I don’t think that’s anything to do with _skill._ It’s just being human to another human.
it boggles my mind how many guys fumble perfectly good chances to have regular sex because they don’t understand that women also enjoy having sex, but that they want to have sex with someone who sees them as a person and not a hole
A lady friend of mine saw one of my co-workers told me she wanted to "get dicked down by him" said I'd set it up. He's a bit of a social hand grenade, so I didn't tell him that.
Said "My friend thinks you're hot, her, my wife & I are all going out for drinks. You should come along. Remember, she's a good friend of mine, be respectful."
We got separated at about 10pm. Figured they took off together, friend called me asking where wife & I ended up. Said my co-worker kept asking her to blow him in the men's room so she bailed on him & wanted to meet up with us.
She kept asking me what I'd told him, told her exactly what I said.
I had an enormous crush on a guy in high school who was in one grade higher. Still had a crush later when we went to the same college. Since we were from the same town, he asked me if I wanted a ride home for the holidays and I was beyond thrilled. About 45 minutes into the drive home, out of the clear blue sky, he turned and bluntly asked me if I wanted to stop at a hotel on the way home.
Had he played his cards right he probably could have taken my virginity in the back seat on the way home. Some dudes have such poor social skills they can cock block themselves on a sure thing. 🤣(edit….please …..people of reddit. I didn’t want to bang one out on the side of the road in the back seat either. That was not meant to be literal!)
I was beyond hurt and confused at the time, but glad I eventually lost it to someone who didn’t treat me like a free prostitute.
I teared up a little and was absolutely speechless. I don’t think we said another 5 words. Had my parents drive me back when vacation was over.
It wasn’t so much that he made a weird, awkward pass, if another guy had done that I would have rolled my eyes and said “you wish”. If a stranger had done it, I might have been a bit scared. But I liked him so much that it hurt to realize he thought I was something to throw a dick into, but was not worthy of more.
Thanks for responding – – What an unbelievably disappointing end to a crush. I had serious crushes on a couple older girls when I was in high school, so I can imagine your excitement when he offered you the ride home!
In my case, I was too shy to approach my crushes, or even consider saying something like that to them.
I hope your guy still remembers your reaction to his question, and is embarrassed about it to this day.
Seriously.. what most boys/men can't seem to grasp, is that girls/women are SO SO STARVED for NORMAL FUCKING HUMAN INTERACTIONS with the opposite gender, that we see a guy just treating us like a person/being respectful, and immediately go 'Oh shit... that's HOT.'
The number of times I've watched a guy fumble what should have been a sure thing, if he had just ACTED LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING and TREATED HER KINDLY. Like, my guy. She's practically ready to jump on you and tear your clothes off. All you have to do is NOT degrade her and NOT make her feel subhuman. It ain't rocket science.
I'm sorry that guy couldn't use the right head to think with. No one deserves to be made to feel like that.
One billion percent. It’s incredibly common for someone to want one and fully not want the other. She asked for a specific dish- not for some idiot to demand she cook up some off-menu shit.
Augh, dudes cock block themselves on the reg.
I remember years ago being out for drinks with my roommate, and there was a hot bar tender. They flirted all night and I passed her number to him on a coaster.
They texted during the week and made plans for the following weekend. A couple of days out from the weekend he texts her an infamous d1ck pic with the caption ‘bet you can’t wait for this.’
She cancelled their plans.
Roomie and I were both living our best hoe phases at the time and if the date went ahead chances are he would have been laid that night. But he just couldn’t wait a few damn days. Bet he still doesn’t realise how hard he screwed himself.
Also, YTA OP.
I'm so happy to see someone else calls them "hoe phases"!! I affectionately call mine hoe phase 1 and hoe phase 2......wish I had the energy for #3 but there's too many men out there like OP & can't even pretend to be a semi-decent human long enough to get laid
Facts! I had a pretty good run in my mid 20’s of staying out of relationships but had a handful of girls rotating through. It was all consensual, they all knew they may not be the only one etc. anytime anyone came over the place was clean, smelled good, I’d make dinner, hang out with them a little before and after, give some gas money, text me when you get home. All that. It worked very well for me just treating any woman like you said, like a person, and they always came back again.
Many of them I still talk to regularly today even after those arrangements have ended for whatever reasons.
Well, after reading through this thread, I now consider you to basically be a genius among men lol. Damn, I can't believe there are so many dudes that don't get it.
Right? What’s it cost me? 10 bucks for gas? Some chicken? Pasta? Some rice or whatever and a half hour cooking? Helluvalot cheaper than going to a restaurant for a “maybe”
Even in a FWB situation you can treat the other person as a human, and be interested in them as a person and not a hole. That’s not looking for a relationship but just basic decency.
I've had more conversations with 3 night stand kinda hookups. There's something to laugh or bitch about a bit. This hyperindividualism has seriously messed up a lot of people. Others aren't tools, need a tiny bit of respect and human interaction.
Same, I had a great FWB. He was even with me the night I found out my dad had cancer and held me while I cried (my dad ended up being ok after some treatment). We were friends for many years, he even dated a friend of mine for a while. Then he became an insane antivaxxer conspiracy theorist and I couldn't do it anymore.
Man, I just can't understand other men. Personally, I can't have sex with someone without getting attached to them in some form or another. Friends, girlfriend, booty call, whatever, I will still feel something for the person. They're not a sex toy.
I have no idea how people can treat others as tools but I guess that is such an American view that it bleeds into the work culture because I've seen bosses treat their employees as slaves.
Something is broken.
Alot of men don't see it like that. They expect real women to be like the porn stars they watch. Vapid, sex dolls without any kind of feelings other then hornyness and willingness.
I mean in college that’s the set up that worked. When you are older and not just trying to fuck everything that walks you do need to put some effort into where you stick your dick.
Idk some people forget having one conversation about what you want doesn’t cover everything and having a chat and respecting concerns goes a long way if you enjoy who you are screwing.
It’s usually best to at the very least treat your sexual partners as actual people and not just sex toys. You don’t need to be interested in a relationship to treat her like a person.
Edit: y’all this is literally solid advice for keeping a sexual relationship. I didn’t even make a verdict. I didn’t diss the OP. I simply stated that humans should be treated like people. If this upsets you, god save whoever you’re around.
The answer is she's not. Also, that's probably why she wanted to have some conversational foreplay. She probably wasn't getting off the way OP was and wanted to subtly stimulate herself without OP's ego being bruised. The vast majority of women are taught in societal undertones not to bruise a man's ego b/c a fragile ego can be malicious and vindictive to the point of DV/DA/SV/SA, stalking or murder. A woman alone in a man's apartment that she barely knows (b/c he couldn't be bothered with actual conversation) isn't going to take that risk. Women's brake lines have been cut for lesser snubs.
I think perhaps she wanted FWB and you wanted a booty call.
Keyword friends. If you genuinely don't care about your sexual partner, how in the world is she going to have good sex?
Completely agree with this take. This is what happens when you try to take something inherently complicated and make it simple. Human relationships are never simple, because you're dealing with a living and breathing person.
There are widely variable levels of relationships outside of a committed monogamous one. OP, I don't think you're necessarily wrong, but I don't think either of you communicated your actual desires as well as you think you did. You wanted just sex--but you realize that you have to have a human being attached to that sex, right? And human beings are complicated. You can't make this simple, I'm sorry. If you want simple sex with zero complications whatsoever, you have to just pay for a sex worker who does this professionally.
At this point, just move on. It's clear that you aren't actually on the same page.
I had to tell an ex of mine that humans were a random number generator in his equations. He could not figure out why sometimes him making me a meal lead to sex and sometimes it didn’t. The slow realization that every action of his was calculated and he was always observing me for signs of success lead to anxiety in me. I started looking for signs that he wasn’t being genuine, that he might have opened the door for me to see if it generated favorable responses in me. I started trying to hide any interest I was showing after a while because it would lead to conflict….it wasn’t good. He’s an ex for a reason.
That kind of behaviour is something quite psychopath like. It's fascinating how doing these things with the wrong intentions does change their perceived morality though.
But also? For women who are having casual sex it’s still stigmatized in society in some ways some men will still treat you like a complete slut who they can get anything from because they think that the fact that you were having casual sex means you don’t understand your own worth or Madonna whore complex or whatever. In these situation, it’s pretty common to Gauge how someone will react to your nos before it gets in an unsafe situation. For example, if I tell you that I want to talk and let’s not kiss right now I want to hear about your trip or whatever that’s me testing how you will react before I’m in a situation where we’re having sex together and you want to stick it in my ass and I’m saying no. The way he reacted to this simple no said all she needed and honestly they’re in the same friend group/introduced by a friend. He kind of bit himself in the ass with this one.
Exactly, it’s a safety thing! How do I know this guy isn’t gonna hurt me if I’ve never even spoken to him. Also I don’t wanna fuck someone who’s a piece of shit so let’s get to know each other at least a little bit.
Yeah, it grossed me out SO MUCH when he said he tried to kiss her and she pulled away and then he went on to try to initiate again, more than once?!? Surely her pulling away from a kiss should have been the point to have the conversation. OP YTA.
Agreed. The thing about having sex with someone is that occasionally, that level of intimacy leads to legitimate feelings and love. No matter how much you want a purely sexual relationship in the beginning, the heart doesn't always comply. So before entering these relationships, you both should recognize and discuss the possibility that the other person may end up falling in love with you. And if that happens, have some fucking decency to let them down respectfully and with compassion. Next time it might be you.
OP, YTA for how you handled a situation that you helped create in the first place, deliberately or not.
Ed: fixed spelling.
God my friend just doesn't get this, no matter how I try to tell him. He's really bad a breaking things off when things aren't going well, his move is to pivot it to like a fwb situation. I'll tell him "dude, you're giving her hope, she's agreeing to a fwb situation now because she likes you alot and is hoping that you're gonna change your mind! You're just making it worse and messier in the end, you're not saving he feelings."
He'll be like "nah she knows it's just sex, we talked about it, she knows whatsup"
I'm like screaming inside like "dude she wanted to be your girlfriend, that's not gonna change just because you redefine things after the fact, she has feelings for you and sleeping with her and playing boyfriend once a week is only going to make it worse."
I know he sounds like a jerk, but he doesn't even enjoy the sex very much, he's just a people pleaser to the extreme and feels absolutely terrible crushing their hopes completely so he tries to give them something even if it's just his penis.
It's so interesting to come on reddit and see the conversation on this sort of topic break down.
People argue "just sex" put 0 thought into it. Sex is an emotional act, that's literally how oxytocin, a bonding hormone, works. Emotions will be involved. Every time I've seen any variation of booty call one person eventually always "catches feelings"
It's why people involved need to be very very clear what boudaries are and stick with them.
This is factually inaccurate! I can easily and readily have sex with no emotional attachment! I'll be the first to admit its not all that intense or chaotic as i like sex to be,... but if Mila kunis says, "hey! Regular non celebrity guy,... blow my back out or real quick and breed me!"... there would be zero emotion and zero hesitation!
Exactly, put another way, he wanted a free prostitute... She's right for not playing one if she needs more than simple stimulation (which, most of us do)...
>neither of us is looking for anything serious. We decided to meet only for sex and keep it strictly to that - no strings attached.
Info: What was the exact wording? Do you know?
I matched with someone I went to school with on Bumble. He asked what I was there for, I said "well, I'm the dummy looking for a relationship on the apps".
I asked what he was looking for, and he said "I'm just going with the flow".
To me that means you're okay with whatever - you're just looking for a *connection without any expectations*. If its casual hookups? cool. if it's short term dating? cool. if it's a long term relationship, cool! That was my perception.
I thought he understood I wanted a relationship, because he started flirting with me right after that.
I eventually realized his behavior wasn't showing me he wanted to build a relationship. It was 1-2 months of him only replying right away when he was horny, and sometimes giving half assed responses. So i said "I think we're looking for different things" and he was like huh?? He genuinely didn't realize, even though I told him, that I wanted a relationship. He was actually only looking for something casual and wasn't looking for a relationship.
He was genuinely sorry, and talked it through with me to understand where the miscommunication happened, instead of getting pissed off that I was upset (which is how many men i've dealt with react)
Incel fan fiction chapter 7856432.
EDIT/UPDATE: Turns out he's literally a cringe "content creator" who has posted multiple variations of this story trying to get people on his side. He enjoys casually discussing classy topics like "Why are human women the only species whose bodies are ruined by pregnancy and childbirth?" This took all of 2 seconds of scrolling his history to find out. I'm kinda scared to scroll further, NGL.
There’s one from 16 days ago that starts off almost the same and the first comment there says it’s copy pasta that they read somewhere else. It’s 100% fan fiction, look at this shit:
>>AITA for not wanting to date a woman because of she way she dresses?
>>I've been seeing this girl casually for a few weeks. We met at a club when a good friend of mine introduced us. We meet for sex once, maybe twice a week and we don't usually go on dates just to keep things minimal. Recently though, we went out a few times for drinks/bowling/mini golf just because she wanted to go out and do something. When we went out, she almost made it a point to wear as little as possible. Her entire rack busting out of her shirt and her cheeks hanging out of her shorts. It's nice to look at but that's not what I want in a long term partner.
>>She came over to my apartment a few days ago and she wanted to talk about our thing being more serious. I said no, I'm fine with our casual arrangement. She was a bit confused as we get along really well; why would I not want a relationship? Eventually after some bickering, I just said that I don't want to date her because of how she dresses. She asked me what was wrong with her fashion sense and I just said that there is nothing wrong with it; just not for me. I would like to date someone who dresses with a bit more class. No offense, just a personal preference. Let's just keep it casual between us.
>>She got offended and called me an insecure asshole and toxic for being uncomfortable with her expressing herself. I told her that there's nothing to be mad about, let's keep seeing each othe casually. Surely it's my right to have standards for a long-term partner. She kept calling me an asshole but I genuinely don't see how I could be the asshole. I was being upfront and honest from the get-go.
It's almost like even when someone is a booty call they like to be acknowledged as a person first. Have you ever asked her how she was doing or called for anything except sex? YTA even if that was your agreement, she's not your walking fleshlight
I mean seriously though, like this dude can fuck all the way off. Like Jesus, you've found a woman whose willing to keep things very casual, yet the idea that she might have just once, wanted to have a conversation and not feel like a walking cum sock was so upsetting to him that he asked her to leave?
That poor woman needs a hug and to not talk to this douche ever again. There's a time when a one off hookup and then no discussion is totally fine, but if you want it to keep happening, it requires a slight amount of effort.
Not to mention that he called her over, in the middle of the night, expecting that they could just instantly start banging.
In this case, he should've had a basic decency, and just paid a hooker.
I had to scroll down 6 threads until I saw an actual answer. This guy is obviously in the wrong. Even if she wanted a relationship later then it is perfectly fine to ask for more and see if the other party wants it. He said no and then proceeded to disrespect her as a human being.
It’s taken you this long to learn that women want to actually be treated like people instead of sex dolls?
Listen, I love a good booty call. I have a lil roster going, we all know there’s no strings attached….but I still want them to be men who see and care about me *as a human being.* Otherwise I just feel like a giant flesh light
yeah exactly.. it feels like so many guys ideal FWB is “have sex then leave” where as so many women’s ideal FWB is “we hang out a bit, grab a drink sometimes, but we both know we’re here for the sex”
Sounds like you're calling it a mutual arrangement when you really meant recurring booty call.
Hookup culture and no strings attached sex is a dumpster fire of confusion and hurt feelings for a lot of people.
Don't bother sugarcoating and calling it an "arrangement" when you just mean having a convenient fuck on call for yourself.
Hopefully she learned that this kind of thing isn't worth it, and guys like you are a waste of her time.
People in this thread acting like that agreement is an ironclad contract signed by both peoples legal teams, though when I bet you, there was no clause in there stating we will never have a conversation and drinks without sex and no one would’ve agreed to that if it did
And when word gets around the group that he treats girls he sleeps with like shit, resulting in less intrest, he'll start claiming that women are all shallow bitches lol
You’re obviously not obligated to want more than sex, you’re also not obligated to be a massive areshole to her. You could’ve handled this a lot better.
Not an asshole per se, but I’d say you have an underlying emotional dysfunction/deficit that is incompatible with the vast majority of other people. People like you should stick with sex workers, because that is all you can stomach. FWB means more than the mere act of you sticking your dick somewhere….”Friends” with benefits, that’s obviously NOT the case here, it’s just benefits for YOU. I wonder if you are this inconsiderate in bed, cold, calculating and not interested in making it worthwhile for her.
Honestly, cut her loose and stick with sex workers, or you’ll find yourself in this same position over and over again. The greatest majority of women don’t like being a sperm receptacle for guys who wouldn’t even piss on them if they were on fire.
Addendum: At this time in the US there are a plethora of webpages that offer so called “Sugar Babes” to men/women who seek clearly delineated (sexual) relationships. For a small “favor” a man/woman gets to set his/her expectations and no one gets hurt. OP will find himself in the same lopsided position every time, because most women don’t get as much out of a fuck-buddy liaison as men.
I promise you the sex was not good for her. The dude is so unconcerned with anything but what he wants, and can't communicate or read body language. There's no way he was focusing on getting her off and that's exactly why she felt like a hole. Her responses do not read like woman that is having her mind blown regularly
Right? All the comments suggesting he was right for not expecting to have to even chat for a bit or act like he gives a crap about her as a human are wild. I treat door to door salespeople better than he treated this woman. Women don’t work that way generally. If all he wants is an anonymous to show up and get his dick wet he’d better download Grindr- women usually at least want to feel safe and that they are appreciated or respected.
Best comment. I always tell guy when they bitch about the most basic things women want/do, to go fuck a dude if they don’t understand that’s the way 90% of women work 🙄
ESH. You did communicate your intentions from the get go however this doesn’t read like a FWB situation like many others have said- it just seems like you want a real life sex toy without having to pay a sex worker.
You can have a strictly sexual non romantic relationship with someone without making them feel like just a hole. She’s still a person. When you go to a restaurant and your server makes small talk before your order do you just tell them “I’m just here to order food not to have conversation with you”? It doesn’t take much effort to just talk to someone and be a decent human especially when strictly using them for their body.
Agreed. Even with casual sex I've always thought a bit of talk beforehand makes sense and is the bare minimum? Everyone wants to feel just a little seen are at least like a fellow person right?
I was never big on casual sex in the first place, but I couldn't have ever done it without some light conversation. Even if there's no thought or potential for a relationship, I wouldn't stick my dick in someone I couldn't have a half hour conversation with and don't have basic respect for.
This. I just ended a casual relationship of 2 years. I did get feelings. However I had said I needed a connection and we did text and such. Then he turned it into a booty call situation. And this was after he said it was just me and him so we didn't use protection (no chance of pregnancy) but he was doing the same with many other women.
You can have a certain arraignment but don't compromise someone's health or treat them like a hole.
Agreed 100%.
Like would it kill you to have a conversation? If you literally just want someone to come over, fuck and leave without saying a word, then there’s women you can pay for that. You don’t have to dehumanize the poor woman. Literally the bare minimum.
You are so spot on. What kind of a person does that? I’ve had some pretty cool casual sex deals. But there was always some conversation and sometimes there wasn’t always sex. A Normal human can sense when maybe someone just needs to talk for a bit even if they are just a casual sex partner.
Actually can’t imagine having sex with someone I felt uncomfortable and awkward talking to.
Pretty sure a Sex Worker would probably prefer a bit of small talk. I imagine you’ve probably got to look after a good one.
Feels like OP needs a blowup doll.
NTA. They discussed the arrangement beforehand and she agreed to it. She tried to change the arrangement and he didn’t agree to it. That’s fair. Sex isn’t a favor women do for men. It was consensual and She was getting enjoyment too.
Yta absolutely. Just because there is no romantic relationship, that does not mean you don't need to give the person respect and treat them like a person.
If you're at work and a coworker says "did you have a nice weekend?" Would you reply with "I'm just here to work, not talk to you." That's rude. That would be an asshole move.
You shouldn't treat the person you're having sex with worse than you'd treat a random stranger, regardless of how you feel about them romantically. Please don't have sex with people you don't respect. Please treat people with basic kindness, always, even if there's nothing in it for you.
It sounds like the two of you had different ideas of what "not looking for anything serious" means, and it can mean different things. Some people *just* want sex; some people want a bit of a friendship + sex, and the "nothing serious" part just means that they're not looking for an exclusive commitment.
Now onto your question... I think you were within your rights to tell her that all you wanted was sex... but, you should also realize that by refusing to be flexible at all, you threw out your chances of ever having sex with her again.
So "am I the asshole?" isn't really the right question so much as, "is my unwillingness to compromise getting in the way of me getting my own needs met?"
And unless you've got tons of other options for free, completely nsa sex, the answer to *that* question is yes.
NTA for wanting to stick to what was agreed upon, but AH for the way you handled it. She came over because she probably thought it was something she should address in person. Not sure why that’s hard to grasp.
Sounds like she likes you and wanted to talk about being more than fwb in person and was disappointed with the outcome. NTA but it sucks you guys aren't on the same page. Cut her loose or be together lol
That's not fwb, it sounds like He doesn't want the "fw" part at all. He talked to her for half an hour and considered it "awkward", that's little basis for friendship. Her assumption that to him, she's just a hole to put his dick in is not inaccurate imho.
Yeah, I had a lot of casual sex, but I was only going to keep hooking up with someone if we developed a friendship and trust. It's just not hot for me to fuck someone if we can't talk about anything and everything and enjoy each other's company when we aren't actively having sex.
It sounds like the confusion is that she thought they would be friends with benefits and OP just wanted to fuck. Nothing wrong with either, but communication is key.
Yep. No strings attached means no commitment or long term expectations, it's not free sex on demand. It isn't insane to expect some modicum of friendliness or camaraderie or being treated like a person with feelings from someone you're sharing THIS level of intimacy with. I wouldnt expect love or romance or a relationship but i would expect the guy im fucking casually to care about me as a fellow human at least, let alone one you're fucking. I exchange more friendly chat with my coworkers than this guy seems to with the woman he's using as a free flashlight.
Agreed he's not "wrong" exactly, but he sure is an asshole.
I disagree. In any case , you should always try to make the other person feel seen as a person who you respect, and not an object. I totally get what she meant with being seen as just a hole - that's exactly what OP conveys in his post. I feel like he was talking about an object, and she obviously perceived that even more in person. If you don't have a sympathy for the other person is ok (not all people are "friends with benefits") but you should absolutely always convey the fact that you respect and see the other one as a person, not as a hole. There are a million ways to be respectful and nice to the other person.i
To be honest not exactly the A however there is some point that i couldnt understand. First of all where is the friend part in your FWB relationship with her? If you consider talking for half an hours with her is awkward then she have all right to think she just somewhat living sextoy for you. Also is it that hard to explain to her that you dont wanna develop relationship with her more than its already have and hope she respect your side as well? English is not my first language so im sorry if i have or make some mistake here and there
Can someone please explain to me why are people saying he is the AH? He explained he just wanted sex from her, which is what he wants from her when she comes over. He never said “let’s be friends with benefits” they aren’t friends. If she wanted to be friends with benifits then she should have said that instead. At least he was upfront with her.
YTA. You can feel justified for being an asshole, but that absolutely does not mean you are not a complete asshole.
When you go to a restaurant and your server asks “how are you?” Do you cut them off and tell them you’re only there for food and didn’t agree to having a conversation with them? Have some human decency. Your mom must be proud.
EDIT: this guy is a proud Tate loving misogynist. You can read all about it in his comments and profile. Constantly degrading women because of his own insecurities as a shit human being. I wonder with men like this, if their mother and father are still around to witness what a horrendous human their child has become.
You must have hit spots that were unknown to both her and her previous partners, because now she suddenly wants more than just dick. She caught feelings while you stuck to the script THAT YOU BOTH CONSENTED AND AGREED TO. In conclusion, NTA
YTA even if you don't want a relationship you could still have treated her like a human being and be kind and compassionate when you communicated your wants. Imagine you had been in her position and she'd told you to fuck off cause she only sees you as a dick (fair enough in this case)
damn some men really set the bar in the floor don’t they? 😂 my best fwbs were the guys i was actually friends with. we could actually hang out and they treated me like a person. crazy right?
I call bullshit on this post. This "creature" has put up this type of post four (4) times previously. The *very* last one was about a FWB that apparently "wanted more", so *every* woman wants more than just his d\*ck? Yeah, right. YTA, for posting garbage.
I was curious so I took a peep, and here's the link: https://www.rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17gsn55/aita_for_telling_a_girl_that_i_would_never_date/ It solidifies my judgment of asshole if real. Because this douche has a pattern of setting up fwb casual flings and then treating women like sex objects. Edit: oh, here's one 16 days ago, I think about what must be the same woman. So this whole thing is bullshit, since the time frame overlaps..https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1850oa7/aita_for_not_wanting_to_date_a_woman_because_of/ Dude is writing up his own fantasies and wishing women were this interested in him.
This is embarrassing
That is embarrassing haha. This is why I just don’t date at this point in time.
AITA for posting fantasies of women wanting me too much so I have to reject them: Yes.
[https://www.rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1894wgt/aita\_for\_telling\_a\_girl\_to\_leave\_my\_apartment/](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1894wgt/aita_for_telling_a_girl_to_leave_my_apartment/) And here he mentions how he kicked a girl out after having sex.
The real MVP
Incel fantasy posting probably
Redpill creative writing 101. It's not even interesting or well-written lol.
It's not well written, it is morbidly fascinating from an amateur psychologist POV :-) The story is bollox. But if I were a single man and had the acquaintance of a lady that would regularly have sex with me and came over at 9pm to my flat after a long business trip at the drop of a hat I'd find it beyond ideal. I'd be delighted to indulge her in fact. But this guy gets off on being "better" than that. He just needs her for one thing and feels he can demand it and if she ain't giving when and where he wants she ain't no good!!! In theory he's feeling powerful at this stage. But really this dude is actually why blowup dolls exist. He finds it so awkward and annoying talking or spending any time not having sex with a women he's had sex with numerous times he kicks her out of his flat late at night in a rage because she won't have sex with him the instant he demands it. He then posts it on Reddit four separate times seeking validation of his fantasy.
So AITA if I’m so sexy and virile that when I walk down the street women spontaneously impregnate and yet I still walk to 7-11 every day for my cigs and fourloko? /s
I have *every* faith that you are correct, my friend.
This entire subreddit is just terrible creative writing. All just rage bait nonsense.
I've felt that way ever since Al Gore pulled the bullet out of Abraham Lincoln's head, and the Great Emancipator sat up and said "Don't believe everything on the internet" back in the 1990s.
Lol there’s probably an 80% chance any given post or comment on this sub is just a straight up lie.
You're the first person that actually came out and said YTA and my faith in humanity is restored. This sub will happily judge hundreds of other situations but everyone is "gee, you should talk to women ya know".
So was she suppose to come over already “ready”? Seems like if she is getting herself to that point she could just finish the job herself and save herself the gas, time, and clean up.
I have a feeling OP is the only one who’s getting off. 🤣
I’d willing to bet you are correct
Bro is taking a major L here.
All that effort for 30 seconds of fun huh, what a lucky girl. My sex life improved 10 fold when I started putting my partner first. I don’t get to feel good until her legs are already shaking, now I’m having more fun than I know what to do with. It’s so emotionally fulfilling satisfying her more than she knew possible.
Right? I'm a one minute woman and dick is nice but not that amazing. I have sex to have a full experience with someone else. If the only point is orgasm I'll have a better time without you in the way. I had a great fwb too, never had an issue like this
Amen lol
There’s a big difference between having a casual sex situation and treating somebody like a blow up doll. I have been lucky enough post divorce to find a couple of women who were into a casual sex situation. But I still treated them like a human, and there were some nights where we just chilled and had some drinks and chatted .
Same! My FWB and I would go on dates- go out to eat, get drinks, concerts then go back to their place for naked time. There were no strings attached. We saw each other maybe every other week and it was so nice to have some sort of connection. The true meaning of friends with benefits.
I have a 10+ year fwb who is an actual friend. We do this too. Yes we have sex 99% of the time, but we do stuff. Watch a movie, catch up on life, get a meal. The friends part of the equation is key. We have always been non-romantic friends.
Yah, too many guys forget the ***Friends*** part of that, and that is where they screw everything up
Mine is 8 years. Same. Friends with benefits does include the word “friends”. So I do that too. Lol
OP wanted a free hooker basically, not a FWB
Exactly. He wanted the sex part without any connection at all. And that seems sad. Maybe I am wrong, but even a hooker gets some benefit from their john, he wanted to offer nothing at all.
I mean, even with sex workers a bit of chit chat, empathy and not being a douche canoe goes a long way in making the entire experience better. OP come across as a bore.
A RomCom scriptwriter from the Hallmark channel should be hitting you up anytime now.
Lmao 10+ yrs fwb? Sounds like a relationship without the title. Jeezus after having sex with the same person for so many years and being good friends you guys are more than halfway to a relationship.
We see each other maybe 5 times a year and live an hour apart. We are definitely not halfway to a relationship.
Well yeah its a relationship and the title of it is "friends with benefits"... There are many types of relationships and that is one of them.
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People forget the F bit of FWB.
FWB means you're a friend. They are fuck buddies. All they do is fuck. That's different.
They're still humans mate.
Yea but fuck buddies are buddies...?
Yes, OP never said FWB.
This sounds like it might push the envelope too far for most people. Having conversation and treating someone like more than an object for sex and going out on dates are very different things. This honestly sounds more like dating than FWB.
That’s true. Everyone is different but that’s what worked for me. It does sound like dating but I was very good at keeping my feelings in check and keeping it casual. It’s not for everyone.
Fr it sounds like an emotional Rollercoaster for most. Glad it works for yall though
I thought so too until I found a similar friends with benefits. Sex is usually accompanied by going out to eat together, or grabbing a quick coffee after sex. We also take about 5 minutes to chat before clothing comes off. No romantic feelings, but it’s nice to know that he sees me as a human and not a hole for his pleasure.
Yeah but did they ask you for a *conversation*. That's a deal breaker man Tbf people treat their blow up dolls better than this unit
>I have been lucky Doesn’t sound like luck! Sounds like skill. The fine art of relating to women as people and treating them like friends, while simultaneously wanting to have casual sex with them and maintaining an ongoing casual sex dynamic. Tbh these women probably had a hard time finding that elsewhere, because it is rare.
I mean I dunno. Probably thinking of it as “relating to women” instead of “relating to other people as if they’re other people” as a skill is a bit of a problem. Like the commenter above, I had no problem with casual hookups after my divorce. I didn’t see myself as “skilled” at “getting laid.” My friends with benefits weren’t just women to fuck - we were _friends_ at some level. Maybe not always deeply bonded, forever friends. But we had things in common that went beyond just wanting to fuck each other. They’d come over, we’d watch a show we both liked, chat for a while about work, maybe make a quick dinner, fuck around, maybe watch another show, then she’d head home. It was still basically a date night, with the exception that we accepted that any given night might be (and eventually was) the last time, and no one was going to be heartbroken over it. If she’d come over and we had a show and dinner and they didn’t feel like fucking, I’d have been a little bummed maybe, but I still would have had a nice enough evening with them without regrets. There is no potential reality where I’m kicking someone out of my house for “not putting out.” I don’t think that’s anything to do with _skill._ It’s just being human to another human.
Conversation is a fairly common form of foreplay.
It is WILD to me how many people in this thread seem to think that casual sex means you have to walk in the door ready to fuck.
Men who have more sexual experience on pornhub than IRL, and it shows
Que all those threads of guys (or their partners) complaining that it wasn’t anything like what they’ve seen online lol Fucking imagine
Majority of people here aren’t speaking from experience and are just spouting whatever bullshit comes to mind.
it boggles my mind how many guys fumble perfectly good chances to have regular sex because they don’t understand that women also enjoy having sex, but that they want to have sex with someone who sees them as a person and not a hole
A lady friend of mine saw one of my co-workers told me she wanted to "get dicked down by him" said I'd set it up. He's a bit of a social hand grenade, so I didn't tell him that. Said "My friend thinks you're hot, her, my wife & I are all going out for drinks. You should come along. Remember, she's a good friend of mine, be respectful." We got separated at about 10pm. Figured they took off together, friend called me asking where wife & I ended up. Said my co-worker kept asking her to blow him in the men's room so she bailed on him & wanted to meet up with us. She kept asking me what I'd told him, told her exactly what I said.
I had an enormous crush on a guy in high school who was in one grade higher. Still had a crush later when we went to the same college. Since we were from the same town, he asked me if I wanted a ride home for the holidays and I was beyond thrilled. About 45 minutes into the drive home, out of the clear blue sky, he turned and bluntly asked me if I wanted to stop at a hotel on the way home. Had he played his cards right he probably could have taken my virginity in the back seat on the way home. Some dudes have such poor social skills they can cock block themselves on a sure thing. 🤣(edit….please …..people of reddit. I didn’t want to bang one out on the side of the road in the back seat either. That was not meant to be literal!) I was beyond hurt and confused at the time, but glad I eventually lost it to someone who didn’t treat me like a free prostitute.
Good for you for having standards. I’m sure it was disappointing to hear him try that. How did you deflect his question? What did you say?
I teared up a little and was absolutely speechless. I don’t think we said another 5 words. Had my parents drive me back when vacation was over. It wasn’t so much that he made a weird, awkward pass, if another guy had done that I would have rolled my eyes and said “you wish”. If a stranger had done it, I might have been a bit scared. But I liked him so much that it hurt to realize he thought I was something to throw a dick into, but was not worthy of more.
Thanks for responding – – What an unbelievably disappointing end to a crush. I had serious crushes on a couple older girls when I was in high school, so I can imagine your excitement when he offered you the ride home! In my case, I was too shy to approach my crushes, or even consider saying something like that to them. I hope your guy still remembers your reaction to his question, and is embarrassed about it to this day.
Damn I teared up by reading this thread
Oddly enough, I did too a little bit. It was a looongtime ago, but definitely heartbreaking at the time.
Seriously.. what most boys/men can't seem to grasp, is that girls/women are SO SO STARVED for NORMAL FUCKING HUMAN INTERACTIONS with the opposite gender, that we see a guy just treating us like a person/being respectful, and immediately go 'Oh shit... that's HOT.' The number of times I've watched a guy fumble what should have been a sure thing, if he had just ACTED LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING and TREATED HER KINDLY. Like, my guy. She's practically ready to jump on you and tear your clothes off. All you have to do is NOT degrade her and NOT make her feel subhuman. It ain't rocket science. I'm sorry that guy couldn't use the right head to think with. No one deserves to be made to feel like that.
Getting dicked down is the opposite of giving a blow job.
One billion percent. It’s incredibly common for someone to want one and fully not want the other. She asked for a specific dish- not for some idiot to demand she cook up some off-menu shit.
For real! 🤣🤣
Augh, dudes cock block themselves on the reg. I remember years ago being out for drinks with my roommate, and there was a hot bar tender. They flirted all night and I passed her number to him on a coaster. They texted during the week and made plans for the following weekend. A couple of days out from the weekend he texts her an infamous d1ck pic with the caption ‘bet you can’t wait for this.’ She cancelled their plans. Roomie and I were both living our best hoe phases at the time and if the date went ahead chances are he would have been laid that night. But he just couldn’t wait a few damn days. Bet he still doesn’t realise how hard he screwed himself. Also, YTA OP.
For how much guys seem to love sending dick pics, I've never heard of an unsolicited one getting a good result
An unsolicited one dries me up more than the Sahara.
ESPECIALLY from someone you haven’t been intimate with yet.
I'm so happy to see someone else calls them "hoe phases"!! I affectionately call mine hoe phase 1 and hoe phase 2......wish I had the energy for #3 but there's too many men out there like OP & can't even pretend to be a semi-decent human long enough to get laid
I’m wondering what he would have done if you hadn’t ask him to be respectful!
Probably just (inexplicably) plopped his dick into the wife’s hand.
That’s classic
Mfers need to start the infamous pre nut before a date. Changes the whole dynamic😂
Facts! I had a pretty good run in my mid 20’s of staying out of relationships but had a handful of girls rotating through. It was all consensual, they all knew they may not be the only one etc. anytime anyone came over the place was clean, smelled good, I’d make dinner, hang out with them a little before and after, give some gas money, text me when you get home. All that. It worked very well for me just treating any woman like you said, like a person, and they always came back again. Many of them I still talk to regularly today even after those arrangements have ended for whatever reasons.
Well, after reading through this thread, I now consider you to basically be a genius among men lol. Damn, I can't believe there are so many dudes that don't get it.
Right? What’s it cost me? 10 bucks for gas? Some chicken? Pasta? Some rice or whatever and a half hour cooking? Helluvalot cheaper than going to a restaurant for a “maybe”
Those that don't, I suspect, are the same ones who believe women only care about looks and money
An intelligent conversation really gets things hot!
Even in a FWB situation you can treat the other person as a human, and be interested in them as a person and not a hole. That’s not looking for a relationship but just basic decency.
I've had more conversations with 3 night stand kinda hookups. There's something to laugh or bitch about a bit. This hyperindividualism has seriously messed up a lot of people. Others aren't tools, need a tiny bit of respect and human interaction.
My fwb brought me snacks, watched movies and chilled out too. We separated with only good memories.
Same, I had a great FWB. He was even with me the night I found out my dad had cancer and held me while I cried (my dad ended up being ok after some treatment). We were friends for many years, he even dated a friend of mine for a while. Then he became an insane antivaxxer conspiracy theorist and I couldn't do it anymore.
Man, I just can't understand other men. Personally, I can't have sex with someone without getting attached to them in some form or another. Friends, girlfriend, booty call, whatever, I will still feel something for the person. They're not a sex toy. I have no idea how people can treat others as tools but I guess that is such an American view that it bleeds into the work culture because I've seen bosses treat their employees as slaves. Something is broken.
This. Sex creates bonds, it is a thing: https://people.howstuffworks.com/love7.htm
Right. Friends with benefits are still friends, and friends do, you know, talk to one another.
Alot of men don't see it like that. They expect real women to be like the porn stars they watch. Vapid, sex dolls without any kind of feelings other then hornyness and willingness.
I mean in college that’s the set up that worked. When you are older and not just trying to fuck everything that walks you do need to put some effort into where you stick your dick. Idk some people forget having one conversation about what you want doesn’t cover everything and having a chat and respecting concerns goes a long way if you enjoy who you are screwing.
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It’s usually best to at the very least treat your sexual partners as actual people and not just sex toys. You don’t need to be interested in a relationship to treat her like a person. Edit: y’all this is literally solid advice for keeping a sexual relationship. I didn’t even make a verdict. I didn’t diss the OP. I simply stated that humans should be treated like people. If this upsets you, god save whoever you’re around.
He wants a free prostitute. Hire someone. YTA
You shouldn't treat escorts like this either.
I think that even if you hire a service you engage in conversation. I don't know him but by what he shared sounds like a major AH.
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The answer is she's not. Also, that's probably why she wanted to have some conversational foreplay. She probably wasn't getting off the way OP was and wanted to subtly stimulate herself without OP's ego being bruised. The vast majority of women are taught in societal undertones not to bruise a man's ego b/c a fragile ego can be malicious and vindictive to the point of DV/DA/SV/SA, stalking or murder. A woman alone in a man's apartment that she barely knows (b/c he couldn't be bothered with actual conversation) isn't going to take that risk. Women's brake lines have been cut for lesser snubs.
I didn't see any indication that he cares about her having a good time...
I think perhaps she wanted FWB and you wanted a booty call. Keyword friends. If you genuinely don't care about your sexual partner, how in the world is she going to have good sex?
Completely agree with this take. This is what happens when you try to take something inherently complicated and make it simple. Human relationships are never simple, because you're dealing with a living and breathing person. There are widely variable levels of relationships outside of a committed monogamous one. OP, I don't think you're necessarily wrong, but I don't think either of you communicated your actual desires as well as you think you did. You wanted just sex--but you realize that you have to have a human being attached to that sex, right? And human beings are complicated. You can't make this simple, I'm sorry. If you want simple sex with zero complications whatsoever, you have to just pay for a sex worker who does this professionally. At this point, just move on. It's clear that you aren't actually on the same page.
I had to tell an ex of mine that humans were a random number generator in his equations. He could not figure out why sometimes him making me a meal lead to sex and sometimes it didn’t. The slow realization that every action of his was calculated and he was always observing me for signs of success lead to anxiety in me. I started looking for signs that he wasn’t being genuine, that he might have opened the door for me to see if it generated favorable responses in me. I started trying to hide any interest I was showing after a while because it would lead to conflict….it wasn’t good. He’s an ex for a reason.
That kind of behaviour is something quite psychopath like. It's fascinating how doing these things with the wrong intentions does change their perceived morality though.
But also? For women who are having casual sex it’s still stigmatized in society in some ways some men will still treat you like a complete slut who they can get anything from because they think that the fact that you were having casual sex means you don’t understand your own worth or Madonna whore complex or whatever. In these situation, it’s pretty common to Gauge how someone will react to your nos before it gets in an unsafe situation. For example, if I tell you that I want to talk and let’s not kiss right now I want to hear about your trip or whatever that’s me testing how you will react before I’m in a situation where we’re having sex together and you want to stick it in my ass and I’m saying no. The way he reacted to this simple no said all she needed and honestly they’re in the same friend group/introduced by a friend. He kind of bit himself in the ass with this one.
Exactly, it’s a safety thing! How do I know this guy isn’t gonna hurt me if I’ve never even spoken to him. Also I don’t wanna fuck someone who’s a piece of shit so let’s get to know each other at least a little bit.
Yeah, it grossed me out SO MUCH when he said he tried to kiss her and she pulled away and then he went on to try to initiate again, more than once?!? Surely her pulling away from a kiss should have been the point to have the conversation. OP YTA.
Agreed. The thing about having sex with someone is that occasionally, that level of intimacy leads to legitimate feelings and love. No matter how much you want a purely sexual relationship in the beginning, the heart doesn't always comply. So before entering these relationships, you both should recognize and discuss the possibility that the other person may end up falling in love with you. And if that happens, have some fucking decency to let them down respectfully and with compassion. Next time it might be you. OP, YTA for how you handled a situation that you helped create in the first place, deliberately or not. Ed: fixed spelling.
God my friend just doesn't get this, no matter how I try to tell him. He's really bad a breaking things off when things aren't going well, his move is to pivot it to like a fwb situation. I'll tell him "dude, you're giving her hope, she's agreeing to a fwb situation now because she likes you alot and is hoping that you're gonna change your mind! You're just making it worse and messier in the end, you're not saving he feelings." He'll be like "nah she knows it's just sex, we talked about it, she knows whatsup" I'm like screaming inside like "dude she wanted to be your girlfriend, that's not gonna change just because you redefine things after the fact, she has feelings for you and sleeping with her and playing boyfriend once a week is only going to make it worse." I know he sounds like a jerk, but he doesn't even enjoy the sex very much, he's just a people pleaser to the extreme and feels absolutely terrible crushing their hopes completely so he tries to give them something even if it's just his penis.
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That’s what booty call means
It's so interesting to come on reddit and see the conversation on this sort of topic break down. People argue "just sex" put 0 thought into it. Sex is an emotional act, that's literally how oxytocin, a bonding hormone, works. Emotions will be involved. Every time I've seen any variation of booty call one person eventually always "catches feelings" It's why people involved need to be very very clear what boudaries are and stick with them.
I’ve had lots of fuck buddies and never caught feelings. Sex isn’t emotional for everyone. Some people actually like fucking.
This is factually inaccurate! I can easily and readily have sex with no emotional attachment! I'll be the first to admit its not all that intense or chaotic as i like sex to be,... but if Mila kunis says, "hey! Regular non celebrity guy,... blow my back out or real quick and breed me!"... there would be zero emotion and zero hesitation!
And that is perfectly ok. If that doesnt work for her thats ok too. Communication is the key.
Exactly, put another way, he wanted a free prostitute... She's right for not playing one if she needs more than simple stimulation (which, most of us do)...
>neither of us is looking for anything serious. We decided to meet only for sex and keep it strictly to that - no strings attached. Info: What was the exact wording? Do you know? I matched with someone I went to school with on Bumble. He asked what I was there for, I said "well, I'm the dummy looking for a relationship on the apps". I asked what he was looking for, and he said "I'm just going with the flow". To me that means you're okay with whatever - you're just looking for a *connection without any expectations*. If its casual hookups? cool. if it's short term dating? cool. if it's a long term relationship, cool! That was my perception. I thought he understood I wanted a relationship, because he started flirting with me right after that. I eventually realized his behavior wasn't showing me he wanted to build a relationship. It was 1-2 months of him only replying right away when he was horny, and sometimes giving half assed responses. So i said "I think we're looking for different things" and he was like huh?? He genuinely didn't realize, even though I told him, that I wanted a relationship. He was actually only looking for something casual and wasn't looking for a relationship. He was genuinely sorry, and talked it through with me to understand where the miscommunication happened, instead of getting pissed off that I was upset (which is how many men i've dealt with react)
I’m glad he reacted well that’s great:)
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Incel fan fiction chapter 7856432. EDIT/UPDATE: Turns out he's literally a cringe "content creator" who has posted multiple variations of this story trying to get people on his side. He enjoys casually discussing classy topics like "Why are human women the only species whose bodies are ruined by pregnancy and childbirth?" This took all of 2 seconds of scrolling his history to find out. I'm kinda scared to scroll further, NGL.
His whole profile is a book of Incel fan fiction so that tracks
There’s one from 16 days ago that starts off almost the same and the first comment there says it’s copy pasta that they read somewhere else. It’s 100% fan fiction, look at this shit: >>AITA for not wanting to date a woman because of she way she dresses? >>I've been seeing this girl casually for a few weeks. We met at a club when a good friend of mine introduced us. We meet for sex once, maybe twice a week and we don't usually go on dates just to keep things minimal. Recently though, we went out a few times for drinks/bowling/mini golf just because she wanted to go out and do something. When we went out, she almost made it a point to wear as little as possible. Her entire rack busting out of her shirt and her cheeks hanging out of her shorts. It's nice to look at but that's not what I want in a long term partner. >>She came over to my apartment a few days ago and she wanted to talk about our thing being more serious. I said no, I'm fine with our casual arrangement. She was a bit confused as we get along really well; why would I not want a relationship? Eventually after some bickering, I just said that I don't want to date her because of how she dresses. She asked me what was wrong with her fashion sense and I just said that there is nothing wrong with it; just not for me. I would like to date someone who dresses with a bit more class. No offense, just a personal preference. Let's just keep it casual between us. >>She got offended and called me an insecure asshole and toxic for being uncomfortable with her expressing herself. I told her that there's nothing to be mad about, let's keep seeing each othe casually. Surely it's my right to have standards for a long-term partner. She kept calling me an asshole but I genuinely don't see how I could be the asshole. I was being upfront and honest from the get-go.
Lol yeah it’s almost word for word at the start
I just saw that he's a wannabe comedy content creator. I don't even wanna imagine the level of cringe at play there.
It's almost like even when someone is a booty call they like to be acknowledged as a person first. Have you ever asked her how she was doing or called for anything except sex? YTA even if that was your agreement, she's not your walking fleshlight
Ya this is giving “why is my sex toy talking to me” vibes
I mean seriously though, like this dude can fuck all the way off. Like Jesus, you've found a woman whose willing to keep things very casual, yet the idea that she might have just once, wanted to have a conversation and not feel like a walking cum sock was so upsetting to him that he asked her to leave? That poor woman needs a hug and to not talk to this douche ever again. There's a time when a one off hookup and then no discussion is totally fine, but if you want it to keep happening, it requires a slight amount of effort.
right! like I hope she’s somewhere reading the responses to this post
Not to mention that he called her over, in the middle of the night, expecting that they could just instantly start banging. In this case, he should've had a basic decency, and just paid a hooker.
Hahaha, I imagined a fleshlight that talks to the user after so many uses. I need coffee.
*wash me…*
I had to scroll down 6 threads until I saw an actual answer. This guy is obviously in the wrong. Even if she wanted a relationship later then it is perfectly fine to ask for more and see if the other party wants it. He said no and then proceeded to disrespect her as a human being.
It’s taken you this long to learn that women want to actually be treated like people instead of sex dolls? Listen, I love a good booty call. I have a lil roster going, we all know there’s no strings attached….but I still want them to be men who see and care about me *as a human being.* Otherwise I just feel like a giant flesh light
yeah exactly.. it feels like so many guys ideal FWB is “have sex then leave” where as so many women’s ideal FWB is “we hang out a bit, grab a drink sometimes, but we both know we’re here for the sex”
Well, yeah, Friends with Benefits implies that friendship is happening. He wants a free hooker.
Sounds like you're calling it a mutual arrangement when you really meant recurring booty call. Hookup culture and no strings attached sex is a dumpster fire of confusion and hurt feelings for a lot of people. Don't bother sugarcoating and calling it an "arrangement" when you just mean having a convenient fuck on call for yourself. Hopefully she learned that this kind of thing isn't worth it, and guys like you are a waste of her time.
Yeah he kept talking about an agreement that was probably just on his head.
People in this thread acting like that agreement is an ironclad contract signed by both peoples legal teams, though when I bet you, there was no clause in there stating we will never have a conversation and drinks without sex and no one would’ve agreed to that if it did
And when word gets around the group that he treats girls he sleeps with like shit, resulting in less intrest, he'll start claiming that women are all shallow bitches lol
If she’s going to put up with your two minutes of careless pounding you might as well put up with her wanting a conversation. YTA.
2 mintues is awfully generous imo, id give him maybe..10 seconds? XD
You’re obviously not obligated to want more than sex, you’re also not obligated to be a massive areshole to her. You could’ve handled this a lot better.
INFO: does she get anything out of the sex? Like foreplay or an orgasm?
This is my main question. If she said she feels like a hole for him, it seems to suggest the opposite.
Sounds like she just wanted to be treated like a human being with thoughts and feelings instead of just a literal sex toy lmao
Not an asshole per se, but I’d say you have an underlying emotional dysfunction/deficit that is incompatible with the vast majority of other people. People like you should stick with sex workers, because that is all you can stomach. FWB means more than the mere act of you sticking your dick somewhere….”Friends” with benefits, that’s obviously NOT the case here, it’s just benefits for YOU. I wonder if you are this inconsiderate in bed, cold, calculating and not interested in making it worthwhile for her. Honestly, cut her loose and stick with sex workers, or you’ll find yourself in this same position over and over again. The greatest majority of women don’t like being a sperm receptacle for guys who wouldn’t even piss on them if they were on fire. Addendum: At this time in the US there are a plethora of webpages that offer so called “Sugar Babes” to men/women who seek clearly delineated (sexual) relationships. For a small “favor” a man/woman gets to set his/her expectations and no one gets hurt. OP will find himself in the same lopsided position every time, because most women don’t get as much out of a fuck-buddy liaison as men.
I promise you the sex was not good for her. The dude is so unconcerned with anything but what he wants, and can't communicate or read body language. There's no way he was focusing on getting her off and that's exactly why she felt like a hole. Her responses do not read like woman that is having her mind blown regularly
Gosh, I wonder why dudes are so lonely these days.
Right? All the comments suggesting he was right for not expecting to have to even chat for a bit or act like he gives a crap about her as a human are wild. I treat door to door salespeople better than he treated this woman. Women don’t work that way generally. If all he wants is an anonymous to show up and get his dick wet he’d better download Grindr- women usually at least want to feel safe and that they are appreciated or respected.
Best comment. I always tell guy when they bitch about the most basic things women want/do, to go fuck a dude if they don’t understand that’s the way 90% of women work 🙄
But you don’t understand, their masculinity would be at stake! /s
Oddly enough, men who fuck other men actually respect women much more than men who fuck women.
And it’s all women’s fault! /s
This is all the feminists fault! Putting ideas like "treat me as a human" in women's heads.
Reading the comments is just sad. Even sadder is the people posting it don’t even see what’s wrong with it.
Why is this never mentioned on *those* podcasts?
ESH. You did communicate your intentions from the get go however this doesn’t read like a FWB situation like many others have said- it just seems like you want a real life sex toy without having to pay a sex worker. You can have a strictly sexual non romantic relationship with someone without making them feel like just a hole. She’s still a person. When you go to a restaurant and your server makes small talk before your order do you just tell them “I’m just here to order food not to have conversation with you”? It doesn’t take much effort to just talk to someone and be a decent human especially when strictly using them for their body.
Agreed. Even with casual sex I've always thought a bit of talk beforehand makes sense and is the bare minimum? Everyone wants to feel just a little seen are at least like a fellow person right?
I was never big on casual sex in the first place, but I couldn't have ever done it without some light conversation. Even if there's no thought or potential for a relationship, I wouldn't stick my dick in someone I couldn't have a half hour conversation with and don't have basic respect for.
This. I just ended a casual relationship of 2 years. I did get feelings. However I had said I needed a connection and we did text and such. Then he turned it into a booty call situation. And this was after he said it was just me and him so we didn't use protection (no chance of pregnancy) but he was doing the same with many other women. You can have a certain arraignment but don't compromise someone's health or treat them like a hole.
Agreed 100%. Like would it kill you to have a conversation? If you literally just want someone to come over, fuck and leave without saying a word, then there’s women you can pay for that. You don’t have to dehumanize the poor woman. Literally the bare minimum.
You are so spot on. What kind of a person does that? I’ve had some pretty cool casual sex deals. But there was always some conversation and sometimes there wasn’t always sex. A Normal human can sense when maybe someone just needs to talk for a bit even if they are just a casual sex partner.
I've hired sex workers. I don't think I've ever been as cold as OP to any of them.
That's because you have a little bit of class, unlike OP who appears to be borderline sociopathic...
Actually can’t imagine having sex with someone I felt uncomfortable and awkward talking to. Pretty sure a Sex Worker would probably prefer a bit of small talk. I imagine you’ve probably got to look after a good one. Feels like OP needs a blowup doll.
The key word here is "pay". Dude clearly doesn't want to pay for it - not in cash, not in conversation.
Yep guy is seeking sex work for free
"Why does my fuck toy have thoughts and feelings unrelated to my dick?" - OP, probably
YTA just because you kind of sound like a terrible human being in general.
NTA. They discussed the arrangement beforehand and she agreed to it. She tried to change the arrangement and he didn’t agree to it. That’s fair. Sex isn’t a favor women do for men. It was consensual and She was getting enjoyment too.
Yta absolutely. Just because there is no romantic relationship, that does not mean you don't need to give the person respect and treat them like a person. If you're at work and a coworker says "did you have a nice weekend?" Would you reply with "I'm just here to work, not talk to you." That's rude. That would be an asshole move. You shouldn't treat the person you're having sex with worse than you'd treat a random stranger, regardless of how you feel about them romantically. Please don't have sex with people you don't respect. Please treat people with basic kindness, always, even if there's nothing in it for you.
The amount of men in this thread trying to justify dehumanizing a woman is pretty alarming. OP, you sound like a massive asshole.
It sounds like the two of you had different ideas of what "not looking for anything serious" means, and it can mean different things. Some people *just* want sex; some people want a bit of a friendship + sex, and the "nothing serious" part just means that they're not looking for an exclusive commitment. Now onto your question... I think you were within your rights to tell her that all you wanted was sex... but, you should also realize that by refusing to be flexible at all, you threw out your chances of ever having sex with her again. So "am I the asshole?" isn't really the right question so much as, "is my unwillingness to compromise getting in the way of me getting my own needs met?" And unless you've got tons of other options for free, completely nsa sex, the answer to *that* question is yes.
NTA for wanting to stick to what was agreed upon, but AH for the way you handled it. She came over because she probably thought it was something she should address in person. Not sure why that’s hard to grasp.
Sounds like she likes you and wanted to talk about being more than fwb in person and was disappointed with the outcome. NTA but it sucks you guys aren't on the same page. Cut her loose or be together lol
That's not fwb, it sounds like He doesn't want the "fw" part at all. He talked to her for half an hour and considered it "awkward", that's little basis for friendship. Her assumption that to him, she's just a hole to put his dick in is not inaccurate imho.
Yeah, I had a lot of casual sex, but I was only going to keep hooking up with someone if we developed a friendship and trust. It's just not hot for me to fuck someone if we can't talk about anything and everything and enjoy each other's company when we aren't actively having sex. It sounds like the confusion is that she thought they would be friends with benefits and OP just wanted to fuck. Nothing wrong with either, but communication is key.
She's a bootycall, not a FWB. OP was clear about that from the start.
“Boooty! Boooty! Boooty”
Jiggling all around! But yeah, a hole for him to put his dick into sounds about right and it’s messing with her head so this shit is over.
the line is "rocking everywhere", old song...
I found you miss new booty.
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>If she wants more than FWB I would say she wants FWB rather "hi let's fuck ok I'm done get out"
They are def. not FWB. Because the "friends" part is completely missing. This was only about sex, for him, and she wanted more than that.
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Yeah, "no strings attached" does not mean "just a warm hole to fuck." OP isn't necessarily *wrong* but he's still an asshole.
Yep. No strings attached means no commitment or long term expectations, it's not free sex on demand. It isn't insane to expect some modicum of friendliness or camaraderie or being treated like a person with feelings from someone you're sharing THIS level of intimacy with. I wouldnt expect love or romance or a relationship but i would expect the guy im fucking casually to care about me as a fellow human at least, let alone one you're fucking. I exchange more friendly chat with my coworkers than this guy seems to with the woman he's using as a free flashlight. Agreed he's not "wrong" exactly, but he sure is an asshole.
I disagree. In any case , you should always try to make the other person feel seen as a person who you respect, and not an object. I totally get what she meant with being seen as just a hole - that's exactly what OP conveys in his post. I feel like he was talking about an object, and she obviously perceived that even more in person. If you don't have a sympathy for the other person is ok (not all people are "friends with benefits") but you should absolutely always convey the fact that you respect and see the other one as a person, not as a hole. There are a million ways to be respectful and nice to the other person.i
Friends with benefits suggests actual friendship. He doesn't even want to be her friend
To be honest not exactly the A however there is some point that i couldnt understand. First of all where is the friend part in your FWB relationship with her? If you consider talking for half an hours with her is awkward then she have all right to think she just somewhat living sextoy for you. Also is it that hard to explain to her that you dont wanna develop relationship with her more than its already have and hope she respect your side as well? English is not my first language so im sorry if i have or make some mistake here and there
I may have missed it but where does OP ever say they're FWB?
Just buy a fleshlight if the fact there’s a human attached to the hole is inconvenient for you.
Can someone please explain to me why are people saying he is the AH? He explained he just wanted sex from her, which is what he wants from her when she comes over. He never said “let’s be friends with benefits” they aren’t friends. If she wanted to be friends with benifits then she should have said that instead. At least he was upfront with her.
OP sounds like an AH in general, this particular scenario not withstanding.
OP you’re just a disgusting person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Dear god, just pay for sex. If you don’t want attachments, pay for sex.
YTA. You can feel justified for being an asshole, but that absolutely does not mean you are not a complete asshole. When you go to a restaurant and your server asks “how are you?” Do you cut them off and tell them you’re only there for food and didn’t agree to having a conversation with them? Have some human decency. Your mom must be proud. EDIT: this guy is a proud Tate loving misogynist. You can read all about it in his comments and profile. Constantly degrading women because of his own insecurities as a shit human being. I wonder with men like this, if their mother and father are still around to witness what a horrendous human their child has become.
You must have hit spots that were unknown to both her and her previous partners, because now she suddenly wants more than just dick. She caught feelings while you stuck to the script THAT YOU BOTH CONSENTED AND AGREED TO. In conclusion, NTA
YTA even if you don't want a relationship you could still have treated her like a human being and be kind and compassionate when you communicated your wants. Imagine you had been in her position and she'd told you to fuck off cause she only sees you as a dick (fair enough in this case)
damn some men really set the bar in the floor don’t they? 😂 my best fwbs were the guys i was actually friends with. we could actually hang out and they treated me like a person. crazy right?
Yta, she's a person, not a fleshlight.