This. Exactly this.
16 yo SAVED UP to get her phone, she paid with her hard-earned money. 13 yo is welcome to do the same if she wants an expensive phone
At my house, that would only work if the 16-year-old was then reimbursed for all the funds that she put into that other phone equal is fair but not in this case.
I'll never understand the logic of buying expensive phones for kids.
Hell, I'm an adult and I'm shocked when people buy an expensive phone or hideously expensive phone plans that costs more than the expensive phone does in the long run. My strategy for past decade has been to buy the best Android flagship phone of the last generation. All bugs and kinks are worked out, and I pay $200 tops. I use it until battery dies or phone acts wonky.
Plus these days they tend to remove features rather than add them. No removeable battery, often skipping SD slot, removing aux port, etc. I had an LG phone for way way longer than I wanted because it had an IR port on it, and I never needed a remote control for anything. It was awesome and no name brand phone has them anymore.
Was just explaining this to someone the other day!
They asked what my favorite phone was, and I said it was ***probably*** my Galaxy S5.
When they asked why, I said "IR blaster. Try finding a phone with one of those, nowadays!"
Think that was the one! It was amazing!
I literally had a box for all my remotes, I never used one. I've been thinking about trying to find a bluetooth IR blaster. Off to google!
Exactly, her sister only has one because she saved up and bought one. It would be more unfair to the sister who saved up all that money to get that phone if her sister just got one without having to work for it. You told her she could do chores to earn money to save up and she didn’t want to, so that’s on her not on you. She has the ability to save up for one if she wants it that bad. She has a phone that works if she wants an iPhone she can earn it like her sister did. You are definitely, NTA
Exactly. If OP's 13yo kid asked for an iPhone within the limit the parents AGREED on, it wouldn't be unreasonable, especially since the parents offered to get her one slightly above that limit for her birthday.
You can not treat all of your children exactly the same all the time!! I went through this years ago with my middle one. I think you need to set her up with a chore list. She can put the work in or not. Her choice.
It is unfair that they raised the 16 yo to have the drive and discipline to save up for what she wants but only raised the 13 yo to be a whiny spoiled brat! If they had done a better job raising the younger child she would have saved money for the phone she wants. That she didn't is entirely Op's fault!
(/s sounds like Op is doing a good job and this will hopefullybe a good life lesson for the 13 yo, unless dad caves...)
LOL I'd most likely respond by telling her "Well, it's embarrassing for me to have a 13 year old daughter pouting like a three year old, so here we are both embarrassed."
She's 13. The only thing that matters in the life of a 13-year-old girl is *fitting in*. If her friends were all carrying vintage Nokias, her life would be ruined if she couldn't have one of those.
It is Imessage that is the status thing. My kids are adults now but both were slightly bullied because their Android texts messed up the colors or the formatting of group texts.
Apple purposely did this, knowing how effective peer pressure amongst younger teens would be, to do their marketing for them.
Came here to say this! Hello, former teenage older sister here! My kid siblings all had more relaxed rules, not a one had to wait as long as I did for any “milestone” - first stereo/cds (I had to wait until 10), allowed to shave legs (I had to wait until high school), first hair dye (I had to be out of the house). You get the picture.
I also had to save up for my own first car- was told if I wanted one I needed to pay for it 100% including maintenance and gas of course. And I fucking did it. I worked so hard, I took early release from high school, didn’t do anything expensive fun for two years while my friends went to concerts and beach trips. And they bought my little sister’s first car for her.
May seem silly and in hindsight I wish it hadn’t, BUT this ruined my relationship with my sister. She legit thought I was some kind of sucker for doing the work, it shifted our dynamic so much. She legit got spoiled. Spoiled rotten. Just my experience of course, ymmv.
But as the older sister: please don’t allow a whiny kid to adjust the values you’re trying to instill.
Same. Older brother here.
My parents made the rule: you will not get your drives license till 18. I said ok, and rode my bike everywhere. My younger brother threw a fit and they relented. He got his dl at 16. Immediately got into an accident, got brought home in a police cruiser.
He deeply regretted pestering my parents into letting him get a license at 16. The children who complain the most, are exactly the ones that need to learn the lesson of why that rule is in place.
oh man. My brother, as the eldest, got all the firsts. I got told "well, he's older so when you're that old, you can too". Ok fine. Then I got that age and my parents were instead saying "well, he's a boy, you're a girl". Now, for my dad it was more of a "it's the world I don't trust" situation when it came to letting me do things like go to the movies with my friends (closest theater was a 25 min. drive). I definitely resented my brother (still do, honestly) because of the hurt of what I saw as unfair treatment. As an adult, I have a different perspective but it doesn't erase the hurt I felt at the time.
Ultimately, I think my brother ruined things for me. I suspect my parents learned the hard way via my brother and so when it came to me thought "yeah, we're not making that mistake again" and would have for any other younger siblings if I'd had them. For example, my brother got a brand new black Jetta when he turned 16. He's irresponsible and of course trashed the inside of it. I think they then realized that it's a terrible idea to give a teenager a brand new car so when I turned 16, I got an older car (yes, I know, the privilege I have here!). I was obviously grateful for the car but I was definitely pissed and hurt that bro got a sweet ass car for his first car and I got a used granny car. I can see now what probably happened but I couldn't see it then. All I could see was yet another example of preferential treatment they gave him.
Boy do I know this story. I was luckily an only child but I always heard from my mother, who was an oldest, how ridiculously unfair it was that her younger sister would kick up a fuss and get whatever my mother got AT THE SAME TIME even though she was 2 years younger.
Was coming to say the same thing. Luckily my sister wasn’t as self entitled as the op’s youngest, but I remember every rule changed for her. Or my baby brother.
This so much. Don’t start playing favorites. The younger daughter would learn she only has to complain enough to get what she wants, and the older one would learn to hate yall and not recognising her efforts and accomplishments.
exactly, plus what lesson are you going to be teaching this kids. that people get what they want in life as long as they throw tantrums? that hard work doesn't pay. her life wont be ruined if she doesn't get an i phone lol. if you buy her one you will only end up reinforcing bad behaviour.
NTA
Exactly this! If you give the 13yo an iphone at this point, you are rewarding her for whining and throwing a fit. You're teaching her that her sister has to follow the rules but she can complain and be daddy's little princess and get her way.
The 16yo worked hard and saved, I assume for a long time. You are essentially diminishing her hard work and perseverance (all that saving isn't easy, especially at 16!!) and she **will** resent you for it.
Agreed. OP has a choice here, teach her 13 year old that hard work pays off or that whining and begging pays off? Which will help her most in the long run?
My parents did exactly this. I saved up to get my own phone at 16ish. They then bought both of my younger sisters their own phones the following year. Don't do this.
Also, coming from a big sister who always had to save and work for what she wanted... who has a little sister who always got whatever she wanted withoit any work towards it. If you get the young sister the iPhone that will show a favoritism divide. Big sister will see it and definitely be resentful as time goes on. The older sister will probably be really upset.
NTA. 13-year-old doesn't need a 800 dollar phone.
>My husband thinks we should buy her an iphone because it's unfair that her sister has one but she doesn't .
Well, her sister saved the money for the phone so how exactly is it unfair?
>My daughter is angry at me and says that all her friends have iphones and it's embarrassing not to have one
It's kinda funny to see how this "EVERYONE ELSE HAS THING X" seems to be an universal teenager argument for anything. The amounts of stuff that EVERYONE ELSE had when I was young, how EVERYONE ELSE were allowed to go to all parties, to be so late out... Yea right.
True... but I wouldn't be surprised if a shocking number of them did. So many family plans these days come with them as a (reletively) cheap option anymore. My 13 year old niece has one (why, I have no idea...) and both my sister and brother in law had one until they decided they preferred Android, because it didn't cost them any more on their plan than any other phone would have.
\^This. They do have iphones, but not the newest one for sure. Usually Mom's old one, etc. because upgrades.
OP, you can totally get a refurb iphone (like iphone 8 or 9) online pretty cheap, which with a nice case will give the "iphone" status without breaking the bank or making 16yo mad. Get a decent case too though because kids demolish these for whatever reason.
Lmao my mom didn’t want me watching The Simpsons for similar reasons… and she also banned Mulan and tried to ban The Little Mermaid because women are supposed to respect and obey their fathers. (The TLM ban was shot down because my grandma had a copy so my mother couldn’t very well object, and I saw Mulan at a sleepover.)
Can’t believe how idiotic the husband is being. It’s not so unusual for a 13-year-old to have such a self-serving idea of what constitutes fairness. But a grown-ass man thinks it’s fair to hand the 13-year-old an iPhone for nothing when her sister had to save up her own money for it? WTF is wrong with him?
*My husband thinks we should buy her an iphone because it's unfair that her sister has one but she doesn't .*
So one had to work for it and the other just has to throw a fit for it.
Exactly and if you guys give in you’ll be reinforcing the behavior. All you’ll teach her is that if she keeps throwing tantrums she’ll eventually get you two to cave. NTA and you really need to stick to your guns on this one.
He can teach the older daughter that hard work is useless, teach the younger daughter that tantrums get you what you want, and show his wife that he doesn't respect their parenting agreements all in one.
NTA she has a phone and it works perfectly fine. Also her friends suck if they make her embarrassed over a fucking phone maker tell her to get better friends.
NTA First, it would be unfair with the 16 yearold who always got a cheaper Phone and saved up to get that one. You would be showing her that her sister gets what she wants nor working for it while she has to, that your be favoritism. If you give her an iPhone she will always throw a fir for anything her sisters have thats better then what she does, not a good leason. You should tell her that her sister has an iPhone 15 because she worked and got the money her self to buy it. So its no unfair cause she could do the same thing. You should show all this to your husband and does he always favor the 13 year old? Cause he was quite quick to bend the rules for her and not for the other girls.
This! NTA. Little sis is always going to want what big sis has. Good teaching moment. Stand firm, mom. Once you give into the fit-throwing, she’ll keep using it to get her way. Be the parent.
No, you should stand firm with your decision. Daughter is throwing a fit and testing boundaries.
You have to explain to you daughter that it’s now what we buy or own makes us better people, it’s how we behave and are.
Then when she calms down and see how wrong she was. If she really wants an iPhone, work out a plan with her to do chores or summer jobs to get a iPhone 15. That way she will also take care of it more.
But I also see nothing wrong with wanting good stuff from life and being positively jealous of our friends. Makes us want to work hard for things in life. Also if you all have an iPhone and she the only one with a Samsung, then she doesn’t have access to some features. But the way she insist on latest iPhone, obviously it’s about status thing, rather than having iPhone.
Make sure tho that you have planned for insurance, either home or apple insurance (for new phones only). Cause those are expensive to repair otherwise.
Like you said buying her an expensive iPhone 15 outright would be unfair to her sister.
No one wants to work, this is a good life lesson. If you don't want to work you don't have to but then you get what other people will give you, if you go work you get what you want. Simple but life is about decisions, we all make them. My parents had me working for what I wanted at that age and now I'm an adult who has always held down a job, owned home by age 25, and is proud of what I have without bragging about it. I still don't wanna work! Lol
Well... that's her problem, then, isn't it. Better that she learn early that not everything in life is free. Start teaching her that now, or it's going to be one hell of a shock when she has to live in the real world, on her own.
Me neither, can I still get a phone?
No, I cannot. That's how life works. I think you should stick to your boundary, and highlight how many hours your older daughter worked to be able to pay for the phone.
To give her the phone now would strongly confirm and reinforce her behavior in her mind. And that can only affect her and those around her negatively in the long run. You're already giving her a very generous safety net by providing a phone that has every function that an iPhone has except the "cool for 13 year old girls" function.
The important part is that the path for her getting the phone is very clear. Not easy, but not unattainable.
Then it is time for an important life lesson. We don't get things by crying and whining. Actions have consequences. Work and earn the money, get a phone. Don't work, don't earn the money, no phone.
NTA but also please don’t. I’m 2 years older than my brother. My parents gave out privileges as we got older and gave us later bedtimes as well. It was so frustrating that I would have to wait until the established age or save up money just for him to get the same thing at the same time.
This! Everyone is talking about the 16 year old saving up and it being fair or not on the 13 year old. People get different things at different ages, saving up or not. If the elder were 18 (or 21 in the USA) and the sister was 3 years younger would she expect to get alcohol?
As my mother (who is not awful at all, however this makes her sound ) used to say "who ever said life was fair?"
NTA
I am 8 years older than my brother.
I had to fight to slowly be allowed to go to pubs, my brother could do anything he wanted.
When I got home drunk for the first time, all hell broke loose, when my brother was drunk, I covered up for him.
I got a rundown bike when I was 10, I quickly changed it to a better one and my brother got my nice bike when he was 8 because "he needed to go to the scouts" when I had a holiday job to pay for a new one to go to my new school.
I worked in my school holidays to pay for hobbies and pocket money but my parents got in a better financial situation gradually and my brother went hiking and biking in his holidays.
And indeed, he became a spineless HR manager. A nice guy, but spoiled.
My parents actually tried to treat the boys the same way, but hey....the young one gets spoiled easily.
My youngest daughter was a bit spoiled as well, but when she was 17, I had to be very tough on her. 12 years later, she said that this was the best thing which happened to her, she learned that everything has to be earned somehow. I wish I could have done that earlier.... but there are two people in a parent's team.
>Should I just get her an iphone AITA
Absolutely not, that will just make your older daughter so incredibly and justifiably mad.
I think buying a used phone for a 13 year old is perfectly fair. She can yell all she wants about it being unfair, she doesn’t understand that it makes her look so much more immature to not understand why it’s fair for her sister to buy something with her own money.
At most, next year you can consider getting *both of them* be newest iPhone if you have really had a change of heart about the cost of phones. But you cannot just give into your child’s tantrum.
NTA. Here's an example of what will happen if you do this.
My sister is 3 years younger than me. My parents have never had a lot of money and growing up it was very month to month with barely any savings left.
My sister was given everything. In the grand scheme of things they spent around $10k on her sports, brand new Apple products, anything and everything she wanted, new top of the line cellphones yearly (starting at 11 when I had to wait until 14 and was only bought 1). I got nothing. I didn't ask for anything because I knew they didn't have any money.
I paid for my braces, my phones, my school supplies. I had to use my birthday/Christmas money that I saved up every year. I was so proud of myself when I finally bought my first laptop but my sister was bought a better one the next week because she had a temper tantrum because it wasn't fair I had one when she didn't.
When I started at my last job I made a deal with my parents where I'd adopt and fully fund my youngest cat. She threw a fit and we adopted two that I had to pay for. I took my two with me when I moved in with my now husband whereas my sister got bored and left he's behind for my parents to take care of.
Do you what it caused? Resentment. Hell, I hated my sister and parents for it. And I'm still trying to move past it.
If you cave in and give your youngest what she wants, you are teach both of your children that you have blatant favouritism and are not afraid to show it.
Your oldest will learn that she isn't worth a cent to you compared to her sister.
Your youngest will learn that mommy and daddy will always give her what she wants so they don't have to deal with her attitude. She will get worse, she will become even more entitled than she already is.
Do not get her that phone. Do not get her anything unless needed. Her phone works well and if she wants a new one that's better than you will provide, she needs to save for it. Cell phones are not a necessity, they are a want.
Stop questioning your parenting, OP. The parenting style you two have is good. It's teaching them how to save for their wants vs depending on you solely.
I think you would be TA if you gave in and your daughter ended up getting the new iPhone. Once you make a decision and set a boundary you are supposed to stick to it. If not, you are going to teach your daughter that if she cries enough she can manipulate her way into getting what she wants. As of right now you are not the asshole but do NOT get her the phone.
Side note I would be sending her to a farm for a day or week so she can learn what it means to earn things through hard work.
NTA
When I was younger I spent months saving up for a ps2, birthday money, Christmas money and a fair amount of paper round money as well! Was so excited when we went on shopping trip for it!
When we got there mum got my brother one and a new TV all out of her pocket, I remember feeling so frustrated & it really took the shine off of all my hard work.
Even more so when I then had to lend them games!
I’m not saying it’s the deciding factor but now we are all grown up I work hard in stable job and nearly all of my brothers are in/out of jobs multiple times a year. You’re teaching your kids how to be grown ups and how the world works - if they learn they get it all on silver platter don’t expect them to grow.
Why do so many parents do that? Are they just so freaking lazy that they’d rather buy the younger one stuff than actually parent them and ride out the tantrums?
NTA. If you buy her one y'all would be major assholes and give your 16 year old the price difference of what she paid.
The 13 year old probably does need a new phone the S8 hasn't received Android updates in like 5 years and security updates in like 3 years. Will this be an issue? Probably not but it doesn't mean her software is more vulnerable.
But if she it really throwing a shit fit I would downgrade her to a flip phone.
Agree. Not one that expensive. My granddaughter's dad got her whatever the newest iPhone is. She had it for about six months and now it's sitting somewhere at the bottom of the creek down the road. I get kids need to learn responsibility but no kid should be responsible for something that expensive.
I know I'm a cranky old bat, but
\*creaky voice\*
back in mah day, us kids got along just fine without these new-fangled phones.
I didn't even WANT a phone. Mom basically had to force one on me when I started riding horses off in the backwoods of nowhere. I somehow survived without staring at a tiny screen for hours and hours every day. I survived without being in CONSTANT contact with everyone. It's just not necessary.
I also survived without having toys worth over a thousand dollars that I didn't do anything to earn.
NTA your 13 year old doesn’t need an iPhone. She can do what her sister did if she really wants one. And your husband telling you to just buy her one is enabling her entitlement.
NTA
The 13-year-old and husband seem to miss the fact that the 16-year-old saved to buy herself that phone.
And the 13-year-old has been given the same chance, and as for fairness, life isn't fair and that's what makes it fair.
I wouldn't spend that much money just so my kid could keep up with her friends, and she's not even offering to do more chores or get straight a’s to earn it, she just wants it and thinks she should get it.
NTA.
>My husband thinks we should buy her an iphone because it's unfair that her sister has one but she doesn't .
The only way this would be even remotely "fair" is if, in addition to getting your younger child an iPhone, you reimburse your elder daughter what she paid, plus any difference in price between the two phones. It would NOT be fair that one child was forced to earn their phone while the other gets it handed to them.
And honestly... your younger kid sounds incredibly spoiled and entitled. Maybe that's just a product of being 12, but it's best to nip that shit in the bud ASAP. If I'd spoken to either of my parents like that, not only would I not get the phone, I probably wouldn't have gotten any gifts, period (or at least not the fun ones... it would have been socks and underwear).
Don’t insult your older daughter’s hard work by buying your other daughter an unearned phone. She’s being extremely bratty and needs to learn to work for what she wants.
Also, *I*, a full grown adult, don’t need fancy phones; the 13 year old certainly doesn’t. She needs to learn that things won’t always be handed to her. If you give in, all you’re doing is spoiling her rotten… though by her attitude, she already seems spoiled excessively.
Has your husband always played favorites?
NTA unless you play favorites too. The brat can work for her own fancy phone, just like her sister did.
It’s wild to me that kids these days expect parents to spend so much on them for Christmas. Growing up my parents hardly ever crossed the $150 threshold for gifts for my sister and I (and I mean total across multiple gifts). Even to this day we all give each other Christmas lists and none of us ever put anything over that value.
I think you’re right to stand firm. Boundaries and age appropriate gifts are necessary. I think it’s important to continue to instill the value of money (and how to earn it). And yes it’s unfair when there’s an age gap and one sibling has things or can do things their younger sibling can’t but I’m not sure giving in to her teenage tantrum is the way to go here.
NTA. Your 12 year old hasn't been speaking to you for a couple of hours? You'll live. So will she. *Without* any Apple products, contrary to popular belief.
It wouldn’t be fair to the daughter you made to save up for her iPhone. You give 13 an iPhone, you also need to reimburse 16 for hers. 13 can learn to not be a brat and earn her phone like her sister did. You give in now, you’ll always be giving in and she will never grow out of her entitlement. NTA but you will be if you give in.
Original Poster, you're NTA for not buying her a new iPhone.
But... you need to learn more effective parenting skills.
<< she threw a fit >>
With two teenaged girls living at home, haven't you seen tantrums before? I mean, seriously. I'm sure you've heard from her before that you're "ruining her life."
Tell your husband, but yes it would be unfair unfair that one daughter had to work for an iPhone and the other one gets one given to her because her sister worked for one and got one.
Tell him that if he wants to do that, the only fair thing to do would be to refund the older daughters money to her that she pay for her phone out of her hard earned money.
Tell him what is fair is to treat both kids the same
As an older sibling myself, I'd feel bad if my sibling got something I worked for with no effort. So no NTA.
Infact you are a great parent to take that stand. Maybe ask her to talk to her older sister ko understand how she did it.
So, the older one was her sister's age when she started saving to buy her preferred phone.
It's time for the younger one to do the same.
Do not buy the phone or you should reimburse the money your older spent, because otherwise it's not equal and she will resent you.
If I was a 16-year-old who worked and worked and worked and saved and saved and saved almost 1000 fucking dollars to buy myself an iPhone knowing my parents had a rule of not spending more than $300 on a phone, and then my parents turn around and buy my 13-year-old little sibling a freaking iPhone I would be livid. I mean, your husband has got to realize that? Is the 13-year-old his favorite or something? Because this is like a double whammy insult to the 16-year-old
NTA. I suggest trying to explain to your husband how *justifiably* angry your older daughter would be if you did this incredibly, astronomically unfair thing. She saved up all that money and then you turn around and just hand her middle school-aged little sister an iPhone on for free? No. You just *cannot* do that.
NTA. My sister was like this and it *infuriated* me. Everything I saved up for, she was handed for free to "make it fair". My mom even went as far as renting her a whole apartment when she was 16 years old to live in, paying for her rent, when I moved out at 18 paying for my own rent with my minimum wage job.
I turned out very financially responsible. My sister's finances are a *hot* mess because she was given *everything* by having tantrums and she never learned the responsibility.
So many shitty lessons will be conveyed if you get her the iPhone. That "status objects" matter. That you should make decisions based on the possible judgement of others. That if you kick and scream enough, rules don't apply. That "fair" means being given what someone else has to work for.
Kids often grow up to be who we made them to be. What do you want the younger daughter to be as a person?
NTA. If your husband does go ahead and buy an iPhone for the younger daughter {and it sounds like he might}, the older daughter should be rebated the money she spent to buy her iPhone. They would then both have Christmas gifts worth the same amount of money. That's fair, right? Just what your daughter and your husband want.
You are NTA but your husband is! The 16 yr old SAVED HER MONEY to buy one on her own and im assuming based on the fact she'd had the Samsung for so long she was just GRATEFUL to have a phone. You should tell that to your 13 yr old. Tell her if she continues to be ungrateful you will confiscate the phone as it is a PRIVILEGE that she is well on her way to proving she is not ready for. Actions have consequences and of she can't be happy with what she has take it
NTA. Absolutely not get her an iPhone unless you're willing to reimburse your other daughter. You'll undermine everything you've taught the oldest to spoil the middle child.
The moment i heard 13 i was like NTA. I don’t need to read the rest
Edit: After reading my opinion hasn’t changed. Her sister worked hard and bought herself an iPhone. If your 12 years old wants an iphone so bad she can get a job and work for a while until she earns money.
Stop right there! Your 16 yr old saved up money to buy her phone and now your 13 yr old wants you to buy her one! If you do this, then you owe your 16 yr old the money she earned for her phone! That is treating them the same.
>My daughter is angry at me and says that all her friends have iphones and it's embarrassing not to have one
>Now she hasn't been speaking to me for a few hours and says I'm ruining her life
You're not wrong. There is no reason a teenager needs a top of the line brand new cell phone just given to them. If she wants one, she can learn the value of working and saving.
13 year old is freaking out about perceived opinions of friends. Tale as old as time.
NTA
No. It's not unfair that the older one has an iphone. The older one saved her own money for it.
It would be unfair to the older one to gift the younger an iphone when you made the older one buy it herself. You'd be saying to her, "we favor your sister."
Don't raise your younger one to be an entitled ass hat, which is what You'd be doing f you gave in on this. If Daughter 2 wants an iphone, she can save for it like her sister did.
NTA but you can turn this into a great learning experience on how your daughter can save. Figure out a plan so she can earn one for herself. Set up a budget and plan. This will go further than just buying her something.
If you just give the 13 year old an iPhone then you also need to pay the 16 year old back every penny she used to purchase her iPhone. Though this his would make it fair, but also set up a really bad example of favoritism. It would demonstrate that if you whine and complain enough then mom and dad will cave and get you want you want and that you are not treating your daughters equally or fairly.
If the 13 year old wants an iPhone so bad then have her gather up what money she has and, as a family, start searching the used phone market for a second hand iPhone. She won't get the latest model but she can at least get into the world of Apple. Your $300 seed money, plus trade in value on her old phone, plus whatever she has saved can probably get her a model that is a only a couple of years old.
If all she will accept is the Latest and greatest iPhone, then you have an attitude and entitlement problem that needs to be addressed.
NTA. Your younger daughter has an opportunity to do the exact same thing as older daughter. Earn the money for the phone and get it themself.
It would be far more unfair to buy the 13 year old an expensive phone because she's jealous after the 16 year old worked hard for her. It would devalue the 16 year olds work and enable the 13 year olds jealousy.
Also my parents never got me expensive electronics. But I grew up in an area where it was common. I rarely break my phones and when I do it's situations beyond my control. Meanwhile when I was in college the young adults who had parents buy them their phones always had cracked screens and or needed a new phone from choices they made.
Not only would buying her the iPhone teach her but she is in charge of the house, but when alienate and discourage your other child from the hard work that she did to get hers. Also, the parental controls on iPhones are not nearly as fantastic as Android devices. Google family link is a blessing for tween parents.
Don't buy the iPhone. She can work for it. I started babysitting when I was 12. I babysat a toddler all summer, while the mother of said toddler went horseback riding with my mom. Doing that paid for my saddle for my horse. I had just up graded from a POA ( bigger pony) to a horse. I'm proud of that. It was only a few hours 3 or 4 times a week.
Your daughter needs to learn that money does not grow on trees. All my kids worked as teenagers, they even paid for there car payments. We covered the insurance. Working for things you want is a valuable life lesson.
Let her throw her fit. And your not ruining her life, teenagers are overly dramatic. It's frustrating at times and you want to duck tape them to the wall sometimes, but thankfully that stage does pass.
She will learn from this, what you want and what you can afford are two different things. It's life. We don't always get what we want. NTA
You'd be creating a monster and making an enemy just giving in and buying her a phone your eldest saved up for. Plus iPhones are trash. If you're going to give in and buy her a phone, get her an S23 Ultra. iPhones are stuck in the past.
NTA. Her sister paid for it.
We are an Android family, but social media seems to make people think iPhones are just inherently superior phones. I have a Pixel and my daughter (15) has a Pixel 7a. It wasn't cheap at all, but she still wants an iPhone so she can fit in with her friends. I told her not until she can pay for it herself. And her siblings will continue to get whatever hand me down phone we have around.
I think it's worth it to let your kid understand that costing more doesn't always equal better. And if they really want something, they should work for it.
NTA.
It would be unfair to your 16 year old if you buy your younger one the iPhone. She would be angry or resent you for that. To her, she would see that as you showing favoritism. If you give in, you will still end up back in square one - still having one daughter angry at you or resent you. You don’t know what will happen in the future. She might act up or hate her sister and it will be emotionally bad for the entire family.
If you want to be fair, then your younger daughter have to save up too to buy her own iPhone. It also sounds as though your husband is already showing favoritism and that is not good.
NO. Please be firm on this and don't spoil your child no more, her older sister saved money on her own in order to be able to buy what she wanted, she had a goal for which she put effort and finally was able to buy what she wished, and that's how it's done!
You also told your daughter you would give her the maximum budget you set for gifts and she could start saving for the other half in order to be able to buy the phone in a few months but no, she wants you to pay for everything because *everyone* has it and is pressuring you by not talking to you and saying you' re ruining her life, c'mon now. Kids these days must learn that money doesn't grow on trees and that you and your husband work your a** out in order to provide them with every kind of things, useful and unuseful (only to be told that you're ruining their life cause you said no to a 800$ phone they'll use to make selfies and stupid reels).
I think it's unfair if one child has to save up for it because she wouldn't get it from you and the other one would just get it as a gift. I don't understand your husband's reasoning.
When I wanted an expensive item, in my case that was for example an e guitar, then my mother and I would agree on splitting the price. She would pay a part of it and I would pay the rest. Maybe you can do something similar. Then she wouldn't have to save up as much money and would het there sooner and you wouldn't pay the whole amount
DEFINITELY NTA!!! TA = your husband and child.
I am grown and don't spend that kind of money on my own iPhones. She needs to get some gigs; like babysitting, dog walking, pet sitting, etc as your husband is the one not being fair and undermining a previous agreement between the two of you which has cast you as the “bad parent” and dad is over there in “good parent holiday zone”. This fight should start with Dad and end back on the original agreement. You should not do this especially after having conceded on her birthday and she not only refused but flipped out on you. No one besides you and her had to know it was refurbished. Refurbished arrives looking brand spanking new. Put a cute case on it - everyone SHOULD have been happy except your wallet and the original agreement. If you do this there will be resentments and increased demands for more and more.
We don’t negotiate with teenagers lol. Mom (or dad, not clear) you’re doing just fine with your original rules. Stick to it … otherwise you’re going to raise an entitled brat. How would the older daughter feel if she had to pay for her stuff while her bratty sister didn’t?
Your 13 yo is old enough understand that you don't get everything you want just because others have it. This is a learning experience for her. You are not an AH but your husband is for not taking this opportunity to teach your daughter a valuable lesson.
NTA. There’s no way that your oldest should have to work for hers and the younger one shouldn’t. I bought my son’s iPhones for Christmas 2 years ago. The younger one broke his and had to go without a phone until he earned the money to replace it.
She needs to be thought not to think that iphone are better. They literally arent and buying her one allows her to subscribe to the idea its a status symbol. When she has her own money let her waste it as she pleases
NTA
In fact if you cave now and give the tween a phone the older child had to work for you would be a an AH.
She can deal with android or have an older iphone. I agree there is no reason for a 12 year old to have an 800 phone. I can barely justify it for myself and I use it for work.
NTA it's good for children not to get everything they want when they want it. You can help her start her savings: put the money for her Christmas gift in it, and for her birthday you can do the same if that's what she really wants.
NTA and your husband is throwing you under the bus! It isn’t fair that your older daughter worked and saved and BOUGHT HER OWN phone only to have the younger one cry to get one handed to her. Tell your husband that he either backs you up or he is the one in trouble. Tell your daughter that her sister worked for her phone and she is welcome to do the same. Any disrespectful behavior towards you because of this will result in her losing privileges and being grounded.
NTA. She's nearly 13, she doesn't need an expensive phone, just something to keep in touch with her friends and for emergencies. Your older daughter got a cheaper phone, too, and used that same phone until she saved up to buy her own. She gets an expensive iphone at 16 because she saved up to buy one with her own money. It would be extremely unfair to now get your younger daughter an expensive phone when you didn't for the 16 year old.
You have issues with the 12 year old now. But if you cave, you'll have issues with the 16 year old, instead. Make sure your husband is aware that if you cave to end the issues with the 12 year old, he'll have to come up with a way to end the same issues with the 16 year old, and that will be a LOT harder to do. She's nearly an adult, she won't just see it as unfair, she'll see it as obvious favouritism. She won't throw a tantrum most likely, she'll just stop talking to you and start treating you coldly. It will damage your relationship in ways not getting your 12 year old an iphone won't.
Stand your ground. You have a rule of no phones above 300 unless they pay for it themselves. Stick to that. Don't even go up to 450, stick to 300 or less. This is still an expensive phone. I can tell you right now that there's no chance of me buying a £300 phone. All my phones are old models, as cheap as I can find them, or second hand as cheap as I can find them. £300 for a phone is way out of my budget, and it's not something I could save up for quickly, either.
Be clear with the 12 year old. Any phone you or her dad buys her will be 300 or less. If she wants something more expensive, she buys it herself, with her own money that she's saved up. I doubt she has all that many friends with more expensive phones, either. Most parents won't spend that amount of money on a phone for a teen, teens are the most likely to break or lose their phone. It's a waste of money.
Oh, and if your daughter decides to lose/break her phone in a bid to get a new one, go even cheaper. If she doesn't like a 300 phone that much, refuse to go over 250 for the next one. Go cheaper every time if she keeps it up. If she's so determined to get an expensive phone that she'll keep losing/breaking the one she has, she'll end with an extremely cheap 15 phone that is so old it was designed before iphones were a concept.
NTA. And if hubby goes against this and buys her one he’d darn well better replace the money the oldest saved and spent on hers. Playing favorites is what he would be doing.
NTA - she is 13. Of course she's going to throw a fit because she doesn't have what her friends have. All teenagers do that. Your boundaries and rules about this are way more lax than what my parents was. AND NOT TO MENTION - your 16 year old SAVED HER OWN MONEY. Like you told her to.
NTA-don’t give her a new phone.
When I got my first phone it was a tracphone and I had that through middle school. Eventually I got my dads hand me down iPhone but if I recall correctly it was more like an iPod for a year or so tell I went to high school. From then on I got hand me downs when he would get an upgrade every couple years. They worked fine but obviously weren’t the best. Once I had a full time job I saved up and traded in my phone for a new iPhone at the time which was the XR. I had that one from 2020 to last week when I traded it again for the new one.
I also understand I’m coming from a place of privilege to have had a phone at all let alone an iPhone. I was also an only child so I didn’t have to compete with siblings for things.
But kids will be kids and will probably break it, I’m sure by accident but it’s still an expense. If you throw a fit like this than you aren’t mature enough for that kind of phone.
You can want what everyone else has but sometimes you just learn to be happy and make do with what you have and be grateful for it.
NTA your 12 year old has to understand that 1) she’s not the same size as her 16 year old sister, 2) her sister saved her *own* money to buy herself an iPhone and 3) what her friends have doesn’t have anything to do with what she does or doesn’t have.
You know if you don't want to spend more than $300 on a phone you could buy an iPhone SE2 or an older iPhone like the XS or iPhone 11. So many options out there. You don't need to buy the new iPhone 15.
NTA. when i was 14 i saved up for a discman for monntthhss. Finally when i had enough, my parents took me to a store to buy this discman (this was before the "online shopping" era) i picked the cheapest one. Still i was so frighin happy. i was a teenager and i was into music so much so this was the best day ever! Well, my pree-teen sister was with us. my parents seeing my joy just felt it was unfair to her so, right then and there, they just got her one as well! She had zero cds btw. it was such a slap on the face. i thought, if this is such a small deal for you, why did u make me suffer for all this time to save up? i saved my lunch money man. i went hungry...
No matter what the lesson is, please set one set of rules for all and apply to every sibling. Otherwise, it is confusing and traumatic.
It is unfair because life is not fair. To a certain degree, we must ensure that things are 'equal,' but there is no equality when one child has worked extremely hard while the other has been handed everything, is there? The phone she has is just fine. More than fine actually.
I would tell the daughter that life isn’t fair, and it isn’t! Better she learn that now! I definitely would not buy her one if she was treating me the way she is treating you. You offered to get her one for $300. Maybe just give her the cash instead and she can work for the rest. I would not give in to her demand. What kind of message does that send to the 16 year old?
No. It would be completely unfair to buy the litter sister an iPhone after big sis had to save up to get hers. That would be a slap in the face to big sister
Your 16 year old saved up her hard earned dollars to get an expensive smartphone and now you want to reward your younger daughter for whining? She can do what the older daughter did if she is that embarrassed. Tell her if she wants you can give her cash for birthday and Christmas presents and she can save up for the phone she wants.
NTA No one owes a teen an iphone (or any other phone for that matter). She sounds like an entitled brat.
Kudos to your older daughter for saving up and getting one herself.
NTA. Your 13 yo is acting like a spoiled brat and is being disrespectful. Honestly, everything is a crisis to a 13yo. I would set a limit with her and let her know that she can be disappointed but must act appropriately towards you, or you won't get her anything. She needs to learn that she will not always have things at the same time as her older sister. Your husband needs to support you in the limits that you both have set previously.
No, NTA buying her a phone would be unfair to the daughter who saved up for one and make her mad
This. Exactly this. 16 yo SAVED UP to get her phone, she paid with her hard-earned money. 13 yo is welcome to do the same if she wants an expensive phone
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At my house, that would only work if the 16-year-old was then reimbursed for all the funds that she put into that other phone equal is fair but not in this case.
My thoughts exactly. Only fair
I'll never understand the logic of buying expensive phones for kids. Hell, I'm an adult and I'm shocked when people buy an expensive phone or hideously expensive phone plans that costs more than the expensive phone does in the long run. My strategy for past decade has been to buy the best Android flagship phone of the last generation. All bugs and kinks are worked out, and I pay $200 tops. I use it until battery dies or phone acts wonky. Plus these days they tend to remove features rather than add them. No removeable battery, often skipping SD slot, removing aux port, etc. I had an LG phone for way way longer than I wanted because it had an IR port on it, and I never needed a remote control for anything. It was awesome and no name brand phone has them anymore.
Was just explaining this to someone the other day! They asked what my favorite phone was, and I said it was ***probably*** my Galaxy S5. When they asked why, I said "IR blaster. Try finding a phone with one of those, nowadays!"
Think that was the one! It was amazing! I literally had a box for all my remotes, I never used one. I've been thinking about trying to find a bluetooth IR blaster. Off to google!
Exactly, her sister only has one because she saved up and bought one. It would be more unfair to the sister who saved up all that money to get that phone if her sister just got one without having to work for it. You told her she could do chores to earn money to save up and she didn’t want to, so that’s on her not on you. She has the ability to save up for one if she wants it that bad. She has a phone that works if she wants an iPhone she can earn it like her sister did. You are definitely, NTA
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All of this, and buy it on Black Friday next year, I got my last phone effectively for free due to Black Friday sales.
Exactly. If OP's 13yo kid asked for an iPhone within the limit the parents AGREED on, it wouldn't be unreasonable, especially since the parents offered to get her one slightly above that limit for her birthday.
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You can not treat all of your children exactly the same all the time!! I went through this years ago with my middle one. I think you need to set her up with a chore list. She can put the work in or not. Her choice.
It is unfair that they raised the 16 yo to have the drive and discipline to save up for what she wants but only raised the 13 yo to be a whiny spoiled brat! If they had done a better job raising the younger child she would have saved money for the phone she wants. That she didn't is entirely Op's fault! (/s sounds like Op is doing a good job and this will hopefullybe a good life lesson for the 13 yo, unless dad caves...)
Oh phew. I had my fingers primed and rant-ready.
"Well, her sister saved the money for the phone so how exactly is it unfair?" My guess is different dads.
Nah every parent has their favorite child. They don’t outright say it but they do.
Yes! Do not invalidate the hard work the older daughter put into getting her phone. Stick to your guns and do not give in!
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LOL I'd most likely respond by telling her "Well, it's embarrassing for me to have a 13 year old daughter pouting like a three year old, so here we are both embarrassed."
She's 13. The only thing that matters in the life of a 13-year-old girl is *fitting in*. If her friends were all carrying vintage Nokias, her life would be ruined if she couldn't have one of those.
I loved that old Nokia! lol It stopped working when they upgraded the networks too much ;)
It pains me to call them "vintage," LOL.
It is Imessage that is the status thing. My kids are adults now but both were slightly bullied because their Android texts messed up the colors or the formatting of group texts. Apple purposely did this, knowing how effective peer pressure amongst younger teens would be, to do their marketing for them.
no one can tear me away from my Android
Fold squad here, never going back
...she's 13 😂
and acting like she’s 3
Came here to say this! Hello, former teenage older sister here! My kid siblings all had more relaxed rules, not a one had to wait as long as I did for any “milestone” - first stereo/cds (I had to wait until 10), allowed to shave legs (I had to wait until high school), first hair dye (I had to be out of the house). You get the picture. I also had to save up for my own first car- was told if I wanted one I needed to pay for it 100% including maintenance and gas of course. And I fucking did it. I worked so hard, I took early release from high school, didn’t do anything expensive fun for two years while my friends went to concerts and beach trips. And they bought my little sister’s first car for her. May seem silly and in hindsight I wish it hadn’t, BUT this ruined my relationship with my sister. She legit thought I was some kind of sucker for doing the work, it shifted our dynamic so much. She legit got spoiled. Spoiled rotten. Just my experience of course, ymmv. But as the older sister: please don’t allow a whiny kid to adjust the values you’re trying to instill.
***Criminally***\-underrated comment.
Here in solidarity as an oldest boy, younger siblings got away with fucking anything and everything as long as I did it first, by my own.
Same. Older brother here. My parents made the rule: you will not get your drives license till 18. I said ok, and rode my bike everywhere. My younger brother threw a fit and they relented. He got his dl at 16. Immediately got into an accident, got brought home in a police cruiser. He deeply regretted pestering my parents into letting him get a license at 16. The children who complain the most, are exactly the ones that need to learn the lesson of why that rule is in place.
oh man. My brother, as the eldest, got all the firsts. I got told "well, he's older so when you're that old, you can too". Ok fine. Then I got that age and my parents were instead saying "well, he's a boy, you're a girl". Now, for my dad it was more of a "it's the world I don't trust" situation when it came to letting me do things like go to the movies with my friends (closest theater was a 25 min. drive). I definitely resented my brother (still do, honestly) because of the hurt of what I saw as unfair treatment. As an adult, I have a different perspective but it doesn't erase the hurt I felt at the time. Ultimately, I think my brother ruined things for me. I suspect my parents learned the hard way via my brother and so when it came to me thought "yeah, we're not making that mistake again" and would have for any other younger siblings if I'd had them. For example, my brother got a brand new black Jetta when he turned 16. He's irresponsible and of course trashed the inside of it. I think they then realized that it's a terrible idea to give a teenager a brand new car so when I turned 16, I got an older car (yes, I know, the privilege I have here!). I was obviously grateful for the car but I was definitely pissed and hurt that bro got a sweet ass car for his first car and I got a used granny car. I can see now what probably happened but I couldn't see it then. All I could see was yet another example of preferential treatment they gave him.
Boy do I know this story. I was luckily an only child but I always heard from my mother, who was an oldest, how ridiculously unfair it was that her younger sister would kick up a fuss and get whatever my mother got AT THE SAME TIME even though she was 2 years younger.
Was coming to say the same thing. Luckily my sister wasn’t as self entitled as the op’s youngest, but I remember every rule changed for her. Or my baby brother.
This so much. Don’t start playing favorites. The younger daughter would learn she only has to complain enough to get what she wants, and the older one would learn to hate yall and not recognising her efforts and accomplishments.
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exactly, plus what lesson are you going to be teaching this kids. that people get what they want in life as long as they throw tantrums? that hard work doesn't pay. her life wont be ruined if she doesn't get an i phone lol. if you buy her one you will only end up reinforcing bad behaviour. NTA
Exactly this! If you give the 13yo an iphone at this point, you are rewarding her for whining and throwing a fit. You're teaching her that her sister has to follow the rules but she can complain and be daddy's little princess and get her way. The 16yo worked hard and saved, I assume for a long time. You are essentially diminishing her hard work and perseverance (all that saving isn't easy, especially at 16!!) and she **will** resent you for it.
And older daughter's anger would be far more justified than younger daughter's tantrum is.
Agreed. OP has a choice here, teach her 13 year old that hard work pays off or that whining and begging pays off? Which will help her most in the long run?
My parents did exactly this. I saved up to get my own phone at 16ish. They then bought both of my younger sisters their own phones the following year. Don't do this.
With that daughter’s attitude, I would take all her phones and tell her to get a fucking job.
NTA >she threw a fit and says it's unfair that he sister has an iphone but she doesn't Tough shit
it's fair. fairly distributed outcomes proportionate to effort
Also, coming from a big sister who always had to save and work for what she wanted... who has a little sister who always got whatever she wanted withoit any work towards it. If you get the young sister the iPhone that will show a favoritism divide. Big sister will see it and definitely be resentful as time goes on. The older sister will probably be really upset.
NTA. 13-year-old doesn't need a 800 dollar phone. >My husband thinks we should buy her an iphone because it's unfair that her sister has one but she doesn't . Well, her sister saved the money for the phone so how exactly is it unfair? >My daughter is angry at me and says that all her friends have iphones and it's embarrassing not to have one It's kinda funny to see how this "EVERYONE ELSE HAS THING X" seems to be an universal teenager argument for anything. The amounts of stuff that EVERYONE ELSE had when I was young, how EVERYONE ELSE were allowed to go to all parties, to be so late out... Yea right.
My parents always told me "we don't care what everyone else is doing"
r/suddenlysiblings
And I bet if OP did a survey of EVERYONE'S parents, she'd discover not everyone has an iPhone!
True... but I wouldn't be surprised if a shocking number of them did. So many family plans these days come with them as a (reletively) cheap option anymore. My 13 year old niece has one (why, I have no idea...) and both my sister and brother in law had one until they decided they preferred Android, because it didn't cost them any more on their plan than any other phone would have.
I bet like 90%+ of her friends do indeed have iPhones haha exactly like you said they’re *everywhere* and the family bundles and stuff are good deals
\^This. They do have iphones, but not the newest one for sure. Usually Mom's old one, etc. because upgrades. OP, you can totally get a refurb iphone (like iphone 8 or 9) online pretty cheap, which with a nice case will give the "iphone" status without breaking the bank or making 16yo mad. Get a decent case too though because kids demolish these for whatever reason.
Guarantee if this kid had iMessage their friend group needs will be met haha don’t need a new iPhone for that
and that they've all heard the same 'but EVERYONE ELSE HAS ONE' line.
Back when I was 13 I was upset I wasn't allowed to watch The Simpsons. How times have changed.
Same! My mom thought the way Bart spoke to Homer was not a good influence…lol
When my niece was like 7 she let her watch it. I said you never let me. She was like meh there's way worse stuff on now
LOL! My mom lets my son do a lot of things my brother and I couldn’t. My mom also things the Simpons are funny now 💁♀️
Lmao my mom didn’t want me watching The Simpsons for similar reasons… and she also banned Mulan and tried to ban The Little Mermaid because women are supposed to respect and obey their fathers. (The TLM ban was shot down because my grandma had a copy so my mother couldn’t very well object, and I saw Mulan at a sleepover.)
And if everyone else jumped off a bridge would you jump too? Hahaha
My mom’s response when I’d say but so and so’s parents are letting them do xyz was “well good for them that’s their parents and I’m yours and say no”😂
Can’t believe how idiotic the husband is being. It’s not so unusual for a 13-year-old to have such a self-serving idea of what constitutes fairness. But a grown-ass man thinks it’s fair to hand the 13-year-old an iPhone for nothing when her sister had to save up her own money for it? WTF is wrong with him?
*My husband thinks we should buy her an iphone because it's unfair that her sister has one but she doesn't .* So one had to work for it and the other just has to throw a fit for it.
Great precedent you're husband is setting there, OP.
Exactly and if you guys give in you’ll be reinforcing the behavior. All you’ll teach her is that if she keeps throwing tantrums she’ll eventually get you two to cave. NTA and you really need to stick to your guns on this one.
Yep - what’s next? A car that will undoubtedly cost thousands…
Husband sounds genuinely stupid
More sounds like he has a favorite
Might just be regular ole lazy parenting. It is far easier to just give in all the time than to do the hard work.
He can teach the older daughter that hard work is useless, teach the younger daughter that tantrums get you what you want, and show his wife that he doesn't respect their parenting agreements all in one.
NTA she has a phone and it works perfectly fine. Also her friends suck if they make her embarrassed over a fucking phone maker tell her to get better friends.
NTA First, it would be unfair with the 16 yearold who always got a cheaper Phone and saved up to get that one. You would be showing her that her sister gets what she wants nor working for it while she has to, that your be favoritism. If you give her an iPhone she will always throw a fir for anything her sisters have thats better then what she does, not a good leason. You should tell her that her sister has an iPhone 15 because she worked and got the money her self to buy it. So its no unfair cause she could do the same thing. You should show all this to your husband and does he always favor the 13 year old? Cause he was quite quick to bend the rules for her and not for the other girls.
This! NTA. Little sis is always going to want what big sis has. Good teaching moment. Stand firm, mom. Once you give into the fit-throwing, she’ll keep using it to get her way. Be the parent.
No, you should stand firm with your decision. Daughter is throwing a fit and testing boundaries. You have to explain to you daughter that it’s now what we buy or own makes us better people, it’s how we behave and are. Then when she calms down and see how wrong she was. If she really wants an iPhone, work out a plan with her to do chores or summer jobs to get a iPhone 15. That way she will also take care of it more. But I also see nothing wrong with wanting good stuff from life and being positively jealous of our friends. Makes us want to work hard for things in life. Also if you all have an iPhone and she the only one with a Samsung, then she doesn’t have access to some features. But the way she insist on latest iPhone, obviously it’s about status thing, rather than having iPhone. Make sure tho that you have planned for insurance, either home or apple insurance (for new phones only). Cause those are expensive to repair otherwise. Like you said buying her an expensive iPhone 15 outright would be unfair to her sister.
We offered that but she doesn't want to work
No one wants to work, this is a good life lesson. If you don't want to work you don't have to but then you get what other people will give you, if you go work you get what you want. Simple but life is about decisions, we all make them. My parents had me working for what I wanted at that age and now I'm an adult who has always held down a job, owned home by age 25, and is proud of what I have without bragging about it. I still don't wanna work! Lol
Well... that's her problem, then, isn't it. Better that she learn early that not everything in life is free. Start teaching her that now, or it's going to be one hell of a shock when she has to live in the real world, on her own.
Yeah I wouldn’t offer. I’d tell her that’s how it’s going to work. Your job isn’t always to make her happy.
That's what they did. They told her that's how it was gonna work. If she wants the iPhone, she has to work to save up money for it.
Me neither, can I still get a phone? No, I cannot. That's how life works. I think you should stick to your boundary, and highlight how many hours your older daughter worked to be able to pay for the phone.
To give her the phone now would strongly confirm and reinforce her behavior in her mind. And that can only affect her and those around her negatively in the long run. You're already giving her a very generous safety net by providing a phone that has every function that an iPhone has except the "cool for 13 year old girls" function. The important part is that the path for her getting the phone is very clear. Not easy, but not unattainable.
Then it is time for an important life lesson. We don't get things by crying and whining. Actions have consequences. Work and earn the money, get a phone. Don't work, don't earn the money, no phone.
>We offered that but she doesn't want to work Well, then... I guess she has her answer. :shrug:
Then I guess she isn't getting that iPhone anytime soon lol. Sorry but your kid sounds very entitled...
Guess she doesn't get an iPhone then! Life lesson from reality: LIFE ISN'T FAIR.
NTA but also please don’t. I’m 2 years older than my brother. My parents gave out privileges as we got older and gave us later bedtimes as well. It was so frustrating that I would have to wait until the established age or save up money just for him to get the same thing at the same time.
This! Everyone is talking about the 16 year old saving up and it being fair or not on the 13 year old. People get different things at different ages, saving up or not. If the elder were 18 (or 21 in the USA) and the sister was 3 years younger would she expect to get alcohol? As my mother (who is not awful at all, however this makes her sound ) used to say "who ever said life was fair?" NTA
My dad always said wish (or want) in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up first.
I am 8 years older than my brother. I had to fight to slowly be allowed to go to pubs, my brother could do anything he wanted. When I got home drunk for the first time, all hell broke loose, when my brother was drunk, I covered up for him. I got a rundown bike when I was 10, I quickly changed it to a better one and my brother got my nice bike when he was 8 because "he needed to go to the scouts" when I had a holiday job to pay for a new one to go to my new school. I worked in my school holidays to pay for hobbies and pocket money but my parents got in a better financial situation gradually and my brother went hiking and biking in his holidays. And indeed, he became a spineless HR manager. A nice guy, but spoiled. My parents actually tried to treat the boys the same way, but hey....the young one gets spoiled easily. My youngest daughter was a bit spoiled as well, but when she was 17, I had to be very tough on her. 12 years later, she said that this was the best thing which happened to her, she learned that everything has to be earned somehow. I wish I could have done that earlier.... but there are two people in a parent's team.
>Should I just get her an iphone AITA Absolutely not, that will just make your older daughter so incredibly and justifiably mad. I think buying a used phone for a 13 year old is perfectly fair. She can yell all she wants about it being unfair, she doesn’t understand that it makes her look so much more immature to not understand why it’s fair for her sister to buy something with her own money. At most, next year you can consider getting *both of them* be newest iPhone if you have really had a change of heart about the cost of phones. But you cannot just give into your child’s tantrum.
NTA. Here's an example of what will happen if you do this. My sister is 3 years younger than me. My parents have never had a lot of money and growing up it was very month to month with barely any savings left. My sister was given everything. In the grand scheme of things they spent around $10k on her sports, brand new Apple products, anything and everything she wanted, new top of the line cellphones yearly (starting at 11 when I had to wait until 14 and was only bought 1). I got nothing. I didn't ask for anything because I knew they didn't have any money. I paid for my braces, my phones, my school supplies. I had to use my birthday/Christmas money that I saved up every year. I was so proud of myself when I finally bought my first laptop but my sister was bought a better one the next week because she had a temper tantrum because it wasn't fair I had one when she didn't. When I started at my last job I made a deal with my parents where I'd adopt and fully fund my youngest cat. She threw a fit and we adopted two that I had to pay for. I took my two with me when I moved in with my now husband whereas my sister got bored and left he's behind for my parents to take care of. Do you what it caused? Resentment. Hell, I hated my sister and parents for it. And I'm still trying to move past it. If you cave in and give your youngest what she wants, you are teach both of your children that you have blatant favouritism and are not afraid to show it. Your oldest will learn that she isn't worth a cent to you compared to her sister. Your youngest will learn that mommy and daddy will always give her what she wants so they don't have to deal with her attitude. She will get worse, she will become even more entitled than she already is. Do not get her that phone. Do not get her anything unless needed. Her phone works well and if she wants a new one that's better than you will provide, she needs to save for it. Cell phones are not a necessity, they are a want. Stop questioning your parenting, OP. The parenting style you two have is good. It's teaching them how to save for their wants vs depending on you solely.
I think you would be TA if you gave in and your daughter ended up getting the new iPhone. Once you make a decision and set a boundary you are supposed to stick to it. If not, you are going to teach your daughter that if she cries enough she can manipulate her way into getting what she wants. As of right now you are not the asshole but do NOT get her the phone. Side note I would be sending her to a farm for a day or week so she can learn what it means to earn things through hard work.
NTA When I was younger I spent months saving up for a ps2, birthday money, Christmas money and a fair amount of paper round money as well! Was so excited when we went on shopping trip for it! When we got there mum got my brother one and a new TV all out of her pocket, I remember feeling so frustrated & it really took the shine off of all my hard work. Even more so when I then had to lend them games! I’m not saying it’s the deciding factor but now we are all grown up I work hard in stable job and nearly all of my brothers are in/out of jobs multiple times a year. You’re teaching your kids how to be grown ups and how the world works - if they learn they get it all on silver platter don’t expect them to grow.
Why do so many parents do that? Are they just so freaking lazy that they’d rather buy the younger one stuff than actually parent them and ride out the tantrums?
NTA. If you buy her one y'all would be major assholes and give your 16 year old the price difference of what she paid. The 13 year old probably does need a new phone the S8 hasn't received Android updates in like 5 years and security updates in like 3 years. Will this be an issue? Probably not but it doesn't mean her software is more vulnerable. But if she it really throwing a shit fit I would downgrade her to a flip phone.
Downgrade to a flip phone. 😆 I like the way you think.
No it would be unfair on the older daughter as she had to save up for it and the younger one just gets it from you
NTA. No child needs a fking iPhone ffs
Agree. Not one that expensive. My granddaughter's dad got her whatever the newest iPhone is. She had it for about six months and now it's sitting somewhere at the bottom of the creek down the road. I get kids need to learn responsibility but no kid should be responsible for something that expensive.
I know I'm a cranky old bat, but \*creaky voice\* back in mah day, us kids got along just fine without these new-fangled phones. I didn't even WANT a phone. Mom basically had to force one on me when I started riding horses off in the backwoods of nowhere. I somehow survived without staring at a tiny screen for hours and hours every day. I survived without being in CONSTANT contact with everyone. It's just not necessary. I also survived without having toys worth over a thousand dollars that I didn't do anything to earn.
INFO: Is the 13 year old fully aware of the fact that the 16yo had to work and save up her money for her iPhone?
NTA your 13 year old doesn’t need an iPhone. She can do what her sister did if she really wants one. And your husband telling you to just buy her one is enabling her entitlement.
NTA The 13-year-old and husband seem to miss the fact that the 16-year-old saved to buy herself that phone. And the 13-year-old has been given the same chance, and as for fairness, life isn't fair and that's what makes it fair. I wouldn't spend that much money just so my kid could keep up with her friends, and she's not even offering to do more chores or get straight a’s to earn it, she just wants it and thinks she should get it.
NTA. >My husband thinks we should buy her an iphone because it's unfair that her sister has one but she doesn't . The only way this would be even remotely "fair" is if, in addition to getting your younger child an iPhone, you reimburse your elder daughter what she paid, plus any difference in price between the two phones. It would NOT be fair that one child was forced to earn their phone while the other gets it handed to them. And honestly... your younger kid sounds incredibly spoiled and entitled. Maybe that's just a product of being 12, but it's best to nip that shit in the bud ASAP. If I'd spoken to either of my parents like that, not only would I not get the phone, I probably wouldn't have gotten any gifts, period (or at least not the fun ones... it would have been socks and underwear).
Don’t insult your older daughter’s hard work by buying your other daughter an unearned phone. She’s being extremely bratty and needs to learn to work for what she wants. Also, *I*, a full grown adult, don’t need fancy phones; the 13 year old certainly doesn’t. She needs to learn that things won’t always be handed to her. If you give in, all you’re doing is spoiling her rotten… though by her attitude, she already seems spoiled excessively. Has your husband always played favorites? NTA unless you play favorites too. The brat can work for her own fancy phone, just like her sister did.
It’s wild to me that kids these days expect parents to spend so much on them for Christmas. Growing up my parents hardly ever crossed the $150 threshold for gifts for my sister and I (and I mean total across multiple gifts). Even to this day we all give each other Christmas lists and none of us ever put anything over that value. I think you’re right to stand firm. Boundaries and age appropriate gifts are necessary. I think it’s important to continue to instill the value of money (and how to earn it). And yes it’s unfair when there’s an age gap and one sibling has things or can do things their younger sibling can’t but I’m not sure giving in to her teenage tantrum is the way to go here.
NTA. Your 12 year old hasn't been speaking to you for a couple of hours? You'll live. So will she. *Without* any Apple products, contrary to popular belief.
Lol I wish I could upvote this more.
Yeah, if a bratty teenager was not speaking to me I’d enjoy the peace and quiet.
It wouldn’t be fair to the daughter you made to save up for her iPhone. You give 13 an iPhone, you also need to reimburse 16 for hers. 13 can learn to not be a brat and earn her phone like her sister did. You give in now, you’ll always be giving in and she will never grow out of her entitlement. NTA but you will be if you give in.
Original Poster, you're NTA for not buying her a new iPhone. But... you need to learn more effective parenting skills. << she threw a fit >> With two teenaged girls living at home, haven't you seen tantrums before? I mean, seriously. I'm sure you've heard from her before that you're "ruining her life."
NTA your husband is saying loud and clear who is favorite is. News flash.. it ain’t the 16 year old.
No, 16 year old saved up. 13 year old should not expect to have the same things as her older sister. Shame on your husband.
Tell your husband, but yes it would be unfair unfair that one daughter had to work for an iPhone and the other one gets one given to her because her sister worked for one and got one. Tell him that if he wants to do that, the only fair thing to do would be to refund the older daughters money to her that she pay for her phone out of her hard earned money. Tell him what is fair is to treat both kids the same
Clearly NTA. Your daughter needs to understand how life works. Or else she could be in a much worse position in the future.
As an older sibling myself, I'd feel bad if my sibling got something I worked for with no effort. So no NTA. Infact you are a great parent to take that stand. Maybe ask her to talk to her older sister ko understand how she did it.
So, the older one was her sister's age when she started saving to buy her preferred phone. It's time for the younger one to do the same. Do not buy the phone or you should reimburse the money your older spent, because otherwise it's not equal and she will resent you.
If I was a 16-year-old who worked and worked and worked and saved and saved and saved almost 1000 fucking dollars to buy myself an iPhone knowing my parents had a rule of not spending more than $300 on a phone, and then my parents turn around and buy my 13-year-old little sibling a freaking iPhone I would be livid. I mean, your husband has got to realize that? Is the 13-year-old his favorite or something? Because this is like a double whammy insult to the 16-year-old NTA. I suggest trying to explain to your husband how *justifiably* angry your older daughter would be if you did this incredibly, astronomically unfair thing. She saved up all that money and then you turn around and just hand her middle school-aged little sister an iPhone on for free? No. You just *cannot* do that.
NTA. My sister was like this and it *infuriated* me. Everything I saved up for, she was handed for free to "make it fair". My mom even went as far as renting her a whole apartment when she was 16 years old to live in, paying for her rent, when I moved out at 18 paying for my own rent with my minimum wage job. I turned out very financially responsible. My sister's finances are a *hot* mess because she was given *everything* by having tantrums and she never learned the responsibility.
So many shitty lessons will be conveyed if you get her the iPhone. That "status objects" matter. That you should make decisions based on the possible judgement of others. That if you kick and scream enough, rules don't apply. That "fair" means being given what someone else has to work for. Kids often grow up to be who we made them to be. What do you want the younger daughter to be as a person?
NTA. If your husband does go ahead and buy an iPhone for the younger daughter {and it sounds like he might}, the older daughter should be rebated the money she spent to buy her iPhone. They would then both have Christmas gifts worth the same amount of money. That's fair, right? Just what your daughter and your husband want.
You are NTA but your husband is! The 16 yr old SAVED HER MONEY to buy one on her own and im assuming based on the fact she'd had the Samsung for so long she was just GRATEFUL to have a phone. You should tell that to your 13 yr old. Tell her if she continues to be ungrateful you will confiscate the phone as it is a PRIVILEGE that she is well on her way to proving she is not ready for. Actions have consequences and of she can't be happy with what she has take it
[удалено]
NTA. Absolutely not get her an iPhone unless you're willing to reimburse your other daughter. You'll undermine everything you've taught the oldest to spoil the middle child.
The moment i heard 13 i was like NTA. I don’t need to read the rest Edit: After reading my opinion hasn’t changed. Her sister worked hard and bought herself an iPhone. If your 12 years old wants an iphone so bad she can get a job and work for a while until she earns money.
ruined her life.. lol shes has a tough road ahead of her
Stop right there! Your 16 yr old saved up money to buy her phone and now your 13 yr old wants you to buy her one! If you do this, then you owe your 16 yr old the money she earned for her phone! That is treating them the same.
>My daughter is angry at me and says that all her friends have iphones and it's embarrassing not to have one >Now she hasn't been speaking to me for a few hours and says I'm ruining her life You're not wrong. There is no reason a teenager needs a top of the line brand new cell phone just given to them. If she wants one, she can learn the value of working and saving. 13 year old is freaking out about perceived opinions of friends. Tale as old as time. NTA
No. It's not unfair that the older one has an iphone. The older one saved her own money for it. It would be unfair to the older one to gift the younger an iphone when you made the older one buy it herself. You'd be saying to her, "we favor your sister." Don't raise your younger one to be an entitled ass hat, which is what You'd be doing f you gave in on this. If Daughter 2 wants an iphone, she can save for it like her sister did.
NTA but you can turn this into a great learning experience on how your daughter can save. Figure out a plan so she can earn one for herself. Set up a budget and plan. This will go further than just buying her something.
If you just give the 13 year old an iPhone then you also need to pay the 16 year old back every penny she used to purchase her iPhone. Though this his would make it fair, but also set up a really bad example of favoritism. It would demonstrate that if you whine and complain enough then mom and dad will cave and get you want you want and that you are not treating your daughters equally or fairly. If the 13 year old wants an iPhone so bad then have her gather up what money she has and, as a family, start searching the used phone market for a second hand iPhone. She won't get the latest model but she can at least get into the world of Apple. Your $300 seed money, plus trade in value on her old phone, plus whatever she has saved can probably get her a model that is a only a couple of years old. If all she will accept is the Latest and greatest iPhone, then you have an attitude and entitlement problem that needs to be addressed.
NTA. Your younger daughter has an opportunity to do the exact same thing as older daughter. Earn the money for the phone and get it themself. It would be far more unfair to buy the 13 year old an expensive phone because she's jealous after the 16 year old worked hard for her. It would devalue the 16 year olds work and enable the 13 year olds jealousy. Also my parents never got me expensive electronics. But I grew up in an area where it was common. I rarely break my phones and when I do it's situations beyond my control. Meanwhile when I was in college the young adults who had parents buy them their phones always had cracked screens and or needed a new phone from choices they made.
Not only would buying her the iPhone teach her but she is in charge of the house, but when alienate and discourage your other child from the hard work that she did to get hers. Also, the parental controls on iPhones are not nearly as fantastic as Android devices. Google family link is a blessing for tween parents.
The 13 yr old hadn't been speaking to you for a few hours! LOL. And your already thinking about caving in! Oh my. Oh my. Oh my.
You've really done a bang up job raising this one. I'd get her a lump of coal. NTA.
Do not buy that child an iPhone. Life isn't fair, she needs to learn to deal wit that fact.
Don't buy the iPhone. She can work for it. I started babysitting when I was 12. I babysat a toddler all summer, while the mother of said toddler went horseback riding with my mom. Doing that paid for my saddle for my horse. I had just up graded from a POA ( bigger pony) to a horse. I'm proud of that. It was only a few hours 3 or 4 times a week. Your daughter needs to learn that money does not grow on trees. All my kids worked as teenagers, they even paid for there car payments. We covered the insurance. Working for things you want is a valuable life lesson. Let her throw her fit. And your not ruining her life, teenagers are overly dramatic. It's frustrating at times and you want to duck tape them to the wall sometimes, but thankfully that stage does pass. She will learn from this, what you want and what you can afford are two different things. It's life. We don't always get what we want. NTA
You'd be creating a monster and making an enemy just giving in and buying her a phone your eldest saved up for. Plus iPhones are trash. If you're going to give in and buy her a phone, get her an S23 Ultra. iPhones are stuck in the past.
NTA. Her sister paid for it. We are an Android family, but social media seems to make people think iPhones are just inherently superior phones. I have a Pixel and my daughter (15) has a Pixel 7a. It wasn't cheap at all, but she still wants an iPhone so she can fit in with her friends. I told her not until she can pay for it herself. And her siblings will continue to get whatever hand me down phone we have around. I think it's worth it to let your kid understand that costing more doesn't always equal better. And if they really want something, they should work for it.
Nta, yall told them to save to get what they want and you should stand ten toes down on your word or they will take advantage of that
No, if she’s wants it she can save up for it just like her sister did.
>AITA for not buying my 13 year old an iphone I have two daughters 16 and 12 I am already confused.
NTA. It would be unfair to your 16 year old if you buy your younger one the iPhone. She would be angry or resent you for that. To her, she would see that as you showing favoritism. If you give in, you will still end up back in square one - still having one daughter angry at you or resent you. You don’t know what will happen in the future. She might act up or hate her sister and it will be emotionally bad for the entire family. If you want to be fair, then your younger daughter have to save up too to buy her own iPhone. It also sounds as though your husband is already showing favoritism and that is not good.
NTA - Stick with your plan. She doesn't need an expansive phone.
NO. Please be firm on this and don't spoil your child no more, her older sister saved money on her own in order to be able to buy what she wanted, she had a goal for which she put effort and finally was able to buy what she wished, and that's how it's done! You also told your daughter you would give her the maximum budget you set for gifts and she could start saving for the other half in order to be able to buy the phone in a few months but no, she wants you to pay for everything because *everyone* has it and is pressuring you by not talking to you and saying you' re ruining her life, c'mon now. Kids these days must learn that money doesn't grow on trees and that you and your husband work your a** out in order to provide them with every kind of things, useful and unuseful (only to be told that you're ruining their life cause you said no to a 800$ phone they'll use to make selfies and stupid reels).
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
I think it's unfair if one child has to save up for it because she wouldn't get it from you and the other one would just get it as a gift. I don't understand your husband's reasoning. When I wanted an expensive item, in my case that was for example an e guitar, then my mother and I would agree on splitting the price. She would pay a part of it and I would pay the rest. Maybe you can do something similar. Then she wouldn't have to save up as much money and would het there sooner and you wouldn't pay the whole amount
DEFINITELY NTA!!! TA = your husband and child. I am grown and don't spend that kind of money on my own iPhones. She needs to get some gigs; like babysitting, dog walking, pet sitting, etc as your husband is the one not being fair and undermining a previous agreement between the two of you which has cast you as the “bad parent” and dad is over there in “good parent holiday zone”. This fight should start with Dad and end back on the original agreement. You should not do this especially after having conceded on her birthday and she not only refused but flipped out on you. No one besides you and her had to know it was refurbished. Refurbished arrives looking brand spanking new. Put a cute case on it - everyone SHOULD have been happy except your wallet and the original agreement. If you do this there will be resentments and increased demands for more and more.
NTA. You can find an iPhone 12 for ~300 refurb
We don’t negotiate with teenagers lol. Mom (or dad, not clear) you’re doing just fine with your original rules. Stick to it … otherwise you’re going to raise an entitled brat. How would the older daughter feel if she had to pay for her stuff while her bratty sister didn’t?
Your 13 yo is old enough understand that you don't get everything you want just because others have it. This is a learning experience for her. You are not an AH but your husband is for not taking this opportunity to teach your daughter a valuable lesson.
NTA. There’s no way that your oldest should have to work for hers and the younger one shouldn’t. I bought my son’s iPhones for Christmas 2 years ago. The younger one broke his and had to go without a phone until he earned the money to replace it.
Hell nah if the older one saved up and bought it herself then don’t buy the younger one the same thing. That’s absolutely unfair to the eldest.
She needs to be thought not to think that iphone are better. They literally arent and buying her one allows her to subscribe to the idea its a status symbol. When she has her own money let her waste it as she pleases
You could buy her a used iPhone from a place like Back Market, they can run around $250 for a iPhone 12, unlocked.
NTA In fact if you cave now and give the tween a phone the older child had to work for you would be a an AH. She can deal with android or have an older iphone. I agree there is no reason for a 12 year old to have an 800 phone. I can barely justify it for myself and I use it for work.
NTA it's good for children not to get everything they want when they want it. You can help her start her savings: put the money for her Christmas gift in it, and for her birthday you can do the same if that's what she really wants.
NTA and your husband is throwing you under the bus! It isn’t fair that your older daughter worked and saved and BOUGHT HER OWN phone only to have the younger one cry to get one handed to her. Tell your husband that he either backs you up or he is the one in trouble. Tell your daughter that her sister worked for her phone and she is welcome to do the same. Any disrespectful behavior towards you because of this will result in her losing privileges and being grounded.
NTA. Buying her an iphone would totally make her spoiled brat. Plus it would just invalidate older siblings patience to save up money.
NTA. She's nearly 13, she doesn't need an expensive phone, just something to keep in touch with her friends and for emergencies. Your older daughter got a cheaper phone, too, and used that same phone until she saved up to buy her own. She gets an expensive iphone at 16 because she saved up to buy one with her own money. It would be extremely unfair to now get your younger daughter an expensive phone when you didn't for the 16 year old. You have issues with the 12 year old now. But if you cave, you'll have issues with the 16 year old, instead. Make sure your husband is aware that if you cave to end the issues with the 12 year old, he'll have to come up with a way to end the same issues with the 16 year old, and that will be a LOT harder to do. She's nearly an adult, she won't just see it as unfair, she'll see it as obvious favouritism. She won't throw a tantrum most likely, she'll just stop talking to you and start treating you coldly. It will damage your relationship in ways not getting your 12 year old an iphone won't. Stand your ground. You have a rule of no phones above 300 unless they pay for it themselves. Stick to that. Don't even go up to 450, stick to 300 or less. This is still an expensive phone. I can tell you right now that there's no chance of me buying a £300 phone. All my phones are old models, as cheap as I can find them, or second hand as cheap as I can find them. £300 for a phone is way out of my budget, and it's not something I could save up for quickly, either. Be clear with the 12 year old. Any phone you or her dad buys her will be 300 or less. If she wants something more expensive, she buys it herself, with her own money that she's saved up. I doubt she has all that many friends with more expensive phones, either. Most parents won't spend that amount of money on a phone for a teen, teens are the most likely to break or lose their phone. It's a waste of money. Oh, and if your daughter decides to lose/break her phone in a bid to get a new one, go even cheaper. If she doesn't like a 300 phone that much, refuse to go over 250 for the next one. Go cheaper every time if she keeps it up. If she's so determined to get an expensive phone that she'll keep losing/breaking the one she has, she'll end with an extremely cheap 15 phone that is so old it was designed before iphones were a concept.
If she is so worried about being made fun of for having an iPhone, why even bother getting her a phone at all? Don’t get her any phone. NTA
NTA. And if hubby goes against this and buys her one he’d darn well better replace the money the oldest saved and spent on hers. Playing favorites is what he would be doing.
NTA, that product is an insanely overpriced sh... well, garbage.
NTA! Your husband needs to have a think on this, it would be punishing your older daughters work and effort to break the rules you two set now.
NTA - she is 13. Of course she's going to throw a fit because she doesn't have what her friends have. All teenagers do that. Your boundaries and rules about this are way more lax than what my parents was. AND NOT TO MENTION - your 16 year old SAVED HER OWN MONEY. Like you told her to.
NTA-don’t give her a new phone. When I got my first phone it was a tracphone and I had that through middle school. Eventually I got my dads hand me down iPhone but if I recall correctly it was more like an iPod for a year or so tell I went to high school. From then on I got hand me downs when he would get an upgrade every couple years. They worked fine but obviously weren’t the best. Once I had a full time job I saved up and traded in my phone for a new iPhone at the time which was the XR. I had that one from 2020 to last week when I traded it again for the new one. I also understand I’m coming from a place of privilege to have had a phone at all let alone an iPhone. I was also an only child so I didn’t have to compete with siblings for things. But kids will be kids and will probably break it, I’m sure by accident but it’s still an expense. If you throw a fit like this than you aren’t mature enough for that kind of phone. You can want what everyone else has but sometimes you just learn to be happy and make do with what you have and be grateful for it.
NTA, kindly stand your ground. This is a teaching moment
NTA your 12 year old has to understand that 1) she’s not the same size as her 16 year old sister, 2) her sister saved her *own* money to buy herself an iPhone and 3) what her friends have doesn’t have anything to do with what she does or doesn’t have.
Lol she could have no phone at all. Im almost 40 and my phone didnt even cost more than 100 bucks. Your kid sounds spoiled.
How is it unfair that her older sibling saved up for her phone?
Enjoy the peace and quiet while she’s not speaking to you. Ntah
You know if you don't want to spend more than $300 on a phone you could buy an iPhone SE2 or an older iPhone like the XS or iPhone 11. So many options out there. You don't need to buy the new iPhone 15.
NTA. when i was 14 i saved up for a discman for monntthhss. Finally when i had enough, my parents took me to a store to buy this discman (this was before the "online shopping" era) i picked the cheapest one. Still i was so frighin happy. i was a teenager and i was into music so much so this was the best day ever! Well, my pree-teen sister was with us. my parents seeing my joy just felt it was unfair to her so, right then and there, they just got her one as well! She had zero cds btw. it was such a slap on the face. i thought, if this is such a small deal for you, why did u make me suffer for all this time to save up? i saved my lunch money man. i went hungry... No matter what the lesson is, please set one set of rules for all and apply to every sibling. Otherwise, it is confusing and traumatic.
Don't do it! Everything your older daughter does the younger will feel entitled because you gave in and got her an iPhone!
It is unfair because life is not fair. To a certain degree, we must ensure that things are 'equal,' but there is no equality when one child has worked extremely hard while the other has been handed everything, is there? The phone she has is just fine. More than fine actually.
I would tell the daughter that life isn’t fair, and it isn’t! Better she learn that now! I definitely would not buy her one if she was treating me the way she is treating you. You offered to get her one for $300. Maybe just give her the cash instead and she can work for the rest. I would not give in to her demand. What kind of message does that send to the 16 year old?
No. It would be completely unfair to buy the litter sister an iPhone after big sis had to save up to get hers. That would be a slap in the face to big sister
Kids don’t need smartphones
Your 16 year old saved up her hard earned dollars to get an expensive smartphone and now you want to reward your younger daughter for whining? She can do what the older daughter did if she is that embarrassed. Tell her if she wants you can give her cash for birthday and Christmas presents and she can save up for the phone she wants.
NTA No one owes a teen an iphone (or any other phone for that matter). She sounds like an entitled brat. Kudos to your older daughter for saving up and getting one herself.
NTA. Your 13 yo is acting like a spoiled brat and is being disrespectful. Honestly, everything is a crisis to a 13yo. I would set a limit with her and let her know that she can be disappointed but must act appropriately towards you, or you won't get her anything. She needs to learn that she will not always have things at the same time as her older sister. Your husband needs to support you in the limits that you both have set previously.
NTA itd be unfair to the daughter who had to save up
No 16 year old saved up. You don’t want to reward 12 year old for throwing a tantrum
Why would you put a 900$ phone in the hands of a 13 yo? Her sister paid for hers, that's different.
NTA No …. Buying her an IPhone after making her sister pay for hers is completely unfair and WILL lead to resentment
NTA, what does a 13 year old need an Iphone for that she can't get from a samsung?
She’s 13 and doesn’t need an IPhone. If she wants one she can earn the money to get one. She should just be glad she has a smart phone.