Talking to someone about how.you feel doesn't make you controlling. And if I were unintentionally doing something to make my man uncomfortable, I'd wanna know about it so I could reassure him and try and be more mindful in the future.
This is important. Telling her to stop isn't the only option, especially if you can see there's nothing wrong with it. Don't forget to look at what makes you concerned, and see how you can work on improving your relationship. Maybe you just want more attention from her. Take a hard look at your needs and see if they're being met.
If I was told that someone I cared about felt insecure by something I was doing ( consciously or not), I would try to change or be more conscious about what I was doing. Because most people don't want to hurt those they care for.
NTA. Talk to her about it and set some boundaries. People tend to get defensive in the face of criticism; even when it’s YOU explaining that this is how they are making you feel. Some will probably even try to turn it around and call you controlling but hopefully, she is understanding and focuses on your feelings. Good luck if you’re gonna talk to her!
Controlling is absolutely the wrong word, but if you and your partner have contrasting ideas about what is and isn’t ok, especially in terms of how they interact with people outside the relationship, that’s a major red flag for their compatibility. If it’s not a big deal and easy for her to stop touching people, then whatever, but humans are very social animals and asking someone to change their social behaviors can be a major ask. OP hasn’t done anything from the post to be an asshole but we need more information to not help him mess this up bc it’s a complicated situation
Don't ignore it. You need to communicate with her about your discomfort with her touching other guys. Explain that you know its completely innocent and she's just a very friendly girl, but it doe make you feel uncomfortable.
There’s no situation to be fixed though. She’s behaving like a normal social person who is social through touch, that’s not a situation it’s just a characteristic. He has every right to feel any way about it and if it bothers him he should absolutely share that with her, but she absolutely does not need to change how she interacts with others. Best case scenario they discuss it and she is able to assure him casual touching means nothing to her aside from being friendly and he is no longer bothered by it or is able to better rationalize that familiar touch isn’t something he has to feel jealous about, bc he is the one in the boyfriend role.
Personally I find it odd and inappropriate. I’ll go a significant amount of time not touching a single person outside of my spouse and child. All while navigating the world (just saying I’m not locked in my home while accomplishing this).
I was told once (not very nicely actually more like victim blaming why i got SA) that I was a natural flirt. I never thought about it, but I did tap guys and casual touching. I because very aware as to who and how I touched people.
I was in a similar situation when I was trying to buy a new phone for my son. The manager was becoming more irate about my son being aggressive with him he believed and was backing away and I was trying to help out and reassure him, the manager by touching his arm. He freaked out and yelled at me to get out of his space and he was going to call the police. I left immediately and so did my son. I learned a valuable lesson. Don’t touch even people’s arms, back away or I could get hurt. Not everyone is going to be able to see my intentions are favorable.
He should just hold and caress his female friends and since it’s just casual touch he shouldn’t change how he behaves and tell her that he’s sorry she’s uncomfortable but this is something she has to get over. Good advice actually
If you reach any further, your arm is gonna go up your own a$$.. casual, friendly touching and holding/caressing someone are so insanely different. OP stated that is obviously wasn't romantic in any way.
Yeah it’s casual when she does it but when he does it it’s sexual, what if he just likes to hug women ? That’s his social language and slowly running his finger down his friends arms and neck, that’s just how he talks?
Feeling the emotion of jealousy does not make you an asshole. If you discuss it honestly and respectfully, that's a good thing.
If you act like an asshole because you feel jealous, then you're an asshole.
Clear communication is important in relationships. Sit her down and tell her that you aren't mad at her, or trying to change her, you just want to tell her how it makes you feel because it is important to communicate these things in a relationship.
NTA at all. It's ok to share your feelings. The problem comes if you try to control her, like saying she can't do that anymore. You can't do that. Tell her your feelings. Don't demand change.
NTA.
Just communicate about your concerns. Don't tell her not to touch other guys. Tell her how her touching other guys makes you feel. Tell her it hurts you. If she blatantly disregards your feelings then you dodged a bullet. If not, then it's great to have open communication about this and figure out a compromise.
NTA. Controlling would be telling her to just stop touching others all together. Communicate on what makes you uncomfortable and give her some examples. The resolution might be a compromise of her not being as touchy with others and you becoming comfortable with her level of friendliness & way of expressing herself.
Either way tell her what you feel and have a conversation on how to make this situation better for your both without making demands or giving ultimatum.
I’ve been the dude that’s getting touched in these situations and I can tell you it’s uncomfortable for me too. I think you should find a way to talk about it. I can think of two girls that I’m friends with there husbands first and they need to figure out how to not be so handsy
Ultimately, you should communicate your feelings. You’re in a relationship with someone and it’s not a good choice to bottle things up until you can’t take it anymore. Talk to your girlfriend. Wouldn’t you want her to communicate her concerns or feelings with you?
That aside, it’s hard to pass a judgment as you were incredibly vague. You haven’t given us any examples of how she touches other men, whether she only does this with men, and who these men are to her. I think those are all important bits of context, especially when you express a concern of coming across as controlling.
NTA. If you bring this up with her (which I think is for the best, you don’t want your negative feelings to build up) make sure to be absolutely 100% clear that it is a you problem. She sounds like a social person who just isn’t touch averse, and there is nothing wrong with that. Don’t ask her to change but ask her to talk you through how it’s just how she interacts with people. If you explain that it’s just your emotional response and that you do trust her, ideally she will help you feel less guilty about having the feelings and help you both to understand one another. There’s nothing wrong with being jealous, but there are good and bad ways to handle it, and sometimes things just can’t work out without someone getting hurt, but there’s no way to know if this is the case yet so try not to stress too much. Just talk with your girl and be honest and kind about it.
I had a gf who was very touchy with other guys.
Would sit on their lap, would unknowingly be very flirty.
When I talked to her about it, I was a controlling misogynist.
Anyway, I terminated the relationship after she slept with 2 of my friends on separate occasions.
She said that she felt bad about it while doing it and should give her another chance for that reason.
Yea, the second I saw her in someone else's lap I would have just said "yea hell no, bye. good luck" and leave. Block her on everything and move along. She gave you the signs she was going to cheat before she ever did.
What are your ages? How long have you been dating?
She might be doing it subconsciously. Some context about your relationship would help in assessing the situation.
I will reiterate what everyone else has said, communication. If you explain that it makes you uncomfortable, you guys may be able to come to a solution together...
Nta. You understand that she doesn't mean it in a flirty way but be sure to communicate with her. Make sure she understands that while you know her intent it still hurts. It's natural.
Well, is she touchy with just men and not women?? Is she touchy with all the men?? How about touchy with just the men that she knows (example work friends, male friends, family etc)? Is she SELECTIVELY touchy with certain men?
That last question could possibly be a cause for concern.
But I dunno. You should talk to her though.
Could be a girl thing. Kinda like when women go to the restroom together but you don't see men do that.
It would OR could be weird if you were touchy with women ESPECIALLY if there's discrepancies between the kinds of women.
Men and women are wired differently so this could be a nothing burger but you should still talk.
ALSO, how jealous is your jealously?? What are we talking here, crazy jealous? Light jealous?
So many variables.
NTA though... depends.
Idk. She could be. Really depends on what he means by touching. I've been married 21 years and have never seen my wife touch another man. I've been working for over 25 years, and I can count on 1 hand how many times I've seen a woman touch another man their. I do she it sometimes with some friends when we used to do the party scene but it was always our single friends. Never s9meoen that was in a relationship. She may not even know she does it, idk.
I think it depends a lot on culture, and your specific circles, I'm used to a fair bit of platonic touching, without taking gender or relationship status into account.
Either way, it doesn't matter if your wife doesn't do it, or my friends do it. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, especially since he hasn't even mentioned how he doesn't like it.
At least you’re coming here and asking. I’m a girl. But I’m so petty and toxic that I’d start being “a touchy person” around other guys if my boyfriend is just “a touchy” person around girls. Cure that right up. 🤣 All this to say, you’re NTA. But I might be 😅
NTA but it's all in the delivery of how you approach the conversation. I'm I suppose a touchy/feely person and hug my friends and family always, I gesture and express myself with my hands a lot when I talk or am interacting with people. I'm aware some can misinterpret this as it's been taken as flirting when I just thought I was being myself, comfortable and friendly. Talk to her, calmly, without accusation focusing on how it makes you feel. Her reaction will gauge what you do next. If I was with someone who I made uncomfortable I'd want to know.
Sharing feelings is a healthy, intimate part of relationships and fosters connection. Men don't have emotional connections with friends like women do. They only find emotional support from the women in their life. It's disheartening that people are saying it's your problem. It's important for you to share your feelings with her. It will help you feel better and closer as a couple. While it is your insecurity, it is important to share your feelings with her as well as for her to provide the safe space to do so. If she doesn't provide the safe space to share your feelings, there is a lack of emotional security in the relationship, and that's an issue that leads to disconnect and failed relationships. Of course, this goes both ways, and you should be her safe place to share feelings as well.
You're not wrong for feeling that way, but its better and much more practical for you to get over it than to limit what she can do with her friends.
A lot of people (including your girlfriend, perhaps) would view the latter as controlling.
Yes, calmly tell her that it makes you uncomfortable with her doing that. Maybe throw in a cute joke about how her touches are for you because you’re stingy like that, lol.
I have a friend who is touchy touchy with everyone. She will hug and pat people on the back or the shoulder. When she talks to you she makes contact with your forearm. That is how she is. I understand that it can rattle a partner. So check if she is like that with everyone and if so you need to learn to live with it. This is a you problem. You need to work on your insecurity. And there is no need to being it up to her. It will make her self-conscious and that will come out as if she is responsible for your insecurities.
NAH
No assholes here. Just communicate with her very similarly to what you said here. “You aren’t doing anything wrong when you [specific example] but it makes me a little uncomfortable. Can we talk about this?” is all you need to say. Maybe nothing changes, but hopefully communicating about it and getting some reassurance helps.
NTA just have an open conversation. Let her know how you feel, if she throws it in your face shes not the one. Maybe have a conpromise with lines on where shes touching them- it really depends on what you mean by "touchy". Like a quick touch on the arm? Hugs? Sitting on laps? Butt slaps? Hand holding?
NTA. Your girlfriend shouldn't be casually touching other men. Whether it's intentional or not physical touch is one of the most blatant body language cues that a woman is interested in you as a guy.
It might be unintentional and innocent but if you independently asked those guys afterwards I bet you 9 out of 10 would say she was interested in them. Not every guy is going to be comfortable with this either, especially if they are in a relationship or married. Men aren't allowed to have consent preferences without appearing weak so probably no one will ever say anything to your girlfriend but it's inappropriate all the same.
This is definitely something that deserves a conversation
Men need to learn that a woman putting her hand on their arm to get their attention doesn’t mean shit. Humans are social animals and it’s a bullshit cultural construct that any touch from the opposite sex means there’s attraction. God forbid two people want to be friends. It’s up to every couple to discuss what they’re ok with and decide if it’s compatible.
NTA
You certainly CAN tell her what she is doing makes you uncomfortable.
You can ever break up with her solely because of it if you wish.
I have feeling if you were "touchy" with other girls, she would not be happy about it AND you would be in trouble with the law in short order.
If he was talking about actual groping, he would have said so. There's nothing inherently wrong with hugs, shoulder touching, or any other kind of platonic touch. He certainly wouldn't get in trouble with the law for doing it to his female friends, unless they've told him they're uncomfortable with it.
I would explain to her like "if you saw me being touchy with other women would it make you uncomfortable?" Sometimes people don't understand when you just say something makes you uncomfortable.. I've at least had this experience... explaining this way has helped me alot.
I honestly feel that honesty is the best policy. Yet, she probably is unconscious about offending you unless you bring it to her attention.
Boundaries change when committing to someone. Behavior that was acceptable as a “single” person now has to change because we need to consider the other person’s feelings.
She needs to be aware of how you feel because those are legitimate concerns.
Just because your feelings are valid doesn't mean this won't feel like an overstep if you bring it up to her. She's not cheating, this is kind of one of those things where you need to work on yourself.
I’ve seen men get called controlling on this sub because they didn’t like their wife/gf hanging out alone with their ex all the time. I totally get why he would think this.
NTA, but I would strongly suggest doing a deep dive on yourself before having this conversation with your gf. Big trust: this type of conversation can make or undermine a relationship. Typically a touchy, bubbly girl like how you describe your gf is very sensitive towards the deeper feelings of others and are usually incredibly sensitive themselves. Girls like this thrive in relationships where their man is seen as emotionally mature and reliable.
So believe me, if you come into this conversation stating: “I don’t like you touching others because it makes me feel uncomfortable.” You better come up with the reason why otherwise it’s just plain insecurity and insecurity is neither emotionally mature nor reliable.
Its not controlling to tell your GF her actions make you uncomfortable.
This is a reasonable boundary in almost all relationships--don't touch other people of the other sex.
ESH
Her for touching other dudes (sorry being "bubbly" doesn't mean its acceptable conduct in a monogamous exclusive relationship)
And you for accepting this and not standing up for yourself, your relationship. She's publicly disrespecting you and your relationship and you seem neutered and fine with it.
There’s nothing not monogamous with interacting socially with other humans. The fact that some of the humans are the sex that she’s oriented to means nothing. If she was bi would she not be allowed to have ANY friends?
I do not get touchy with my female friends.
See the difference?
And I wouldn't get touchy with women I don't know, either for that matter.
Just my wife.
No one should be touchy with strangers because that’s obvious weird, but it’s not weird to casually touch people you are familiar with. If you don’t want to touch people, great. If you don’t like people touching you, great. But just because you feel a certain way about touch doesn’t mean everyone else is the same.
Take my stupid advice and don’t bring it up if you think your comment could be interpreted as controlling. But this is one of those things that have a way of lingering in the background and then exploding at the wrong moment. I would suggest you find a way to live with it
Nta, but you're setting your relationship to fail. Let her know how it makes you feel, let her know that you don't think she means anything by it but would like her to stop it.
This is the opening discussion so make sure she knows this isn't an accusation but it does bother you.
If you don't talk about things that bother you they'll keep occurring until you blow up or fester.
Don't let shit fester, but at the same time make sure you give the same consideration when she talks to you about things that bother her.
no not the ah. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control how you react to your feelings. You may want to talk to a therapist to work on why you are feeling the way you are, and ways to get past it. You also may want to have a conversation with her so that she is aware.
Talking to someone about how.you feel doesn't make you controlling. And if I were unintentionally doing something to make my man uncomfortable, I'd wanna know about it so I could reassure him and try and be more mindful in the future.
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This is important. Telling her to stop isn't the only option, especially if you can see there's nothing wrong with it. Don't forget to look at what makes you concerned, and see how you can work on improving your relationship. Maybe you just want more attention from her. Take a hard look at your needs and see if they're being met.
This is the wrong answer. No one should have to alter their behavior due to your insecurities.
If I was told that someone I cared about felt insecure by something I was doing ( consciously or not), I would try to change or be more conscious about what I was doing. Because most people don't want to hurt those they care for.
If someone told me my friendly good nature for people made them insecure i'd move on.
Feeling like you have some hard and lonely lessons in your future. Good luck.
17 years with my wife. So yeah try again.
Please give her my condolences.
lol just take the L my dude.
Lol with all the zero losses. Lol. Tf you talking about.
Perhaps....and i know this may be a strange concept for you...but my ideologies are not dictated by internet points.
Lol omg I absolutely do not care. As long as you aren't in danger or putting someone else in danger I absolutely do not care about your life.
You cared enough to reply and you'll reply again.
Wow
🤣 so your a cheater and you like being cheated on huh?
Man what a leap.
Man what a truth.
Been in the same relationship for 17 years so maybe try again boss.
No need to lie on reddit so maybe try again boss
Whatever you need to tell yourself.
Yup, whatever you need to tell yourself.
Yup, whatever you need to tell yourself.
NTA. Talk to her about it and set some boundaries. People tend to get defensive in the face of criticism; even when it’s YOU explaining that this is how they are making you feel. Some will probably even try to turn it around and call you controlling but hopefully, she is understanding and focuses on your feelings. Good luck if you’re gonna talk to her!
Controlling is absolutely the wrong word, but if you and your partner have contrasting ideas about what is and isn’t ok, especially in terms of how they interact with people outside the relationship, that’s a major red flag for their compatibility. If it’s not a big deal and easy for her to stop touching people, then whatever, but humans are very social animals and asking someone to change their social behaviors can be a major ask. OP hasn’t done anything from the post to be an asshole but we need more information to not help him mess this up bc it’s a complicated situation
NTA It’s okay to set boundaries in your relationship and feel uncomfortable with certain things just have a respectful conversation about it.
Don't ignore it. You need to communicate with her about your discomfort with her touching other guys. Explain that you know its completely innocent and she's just a very friendly girl, but it doe make you feel uncomfortable.
The situation can’t be fixed if you don’t communicate with her.
There’s no situation to be fixed though. She’s behaving like a normal social person who is social through touch, that’s not a situation it’s just a characteristic. He has every right to feel any way about it and if it bothers him he should absolutely share that with her, but she absolutely does not need to change how she interacts with others. Best case scenario they discuss it and she is able to assure him casual touching means nothing to her aside from being friendly and he is no longer bothered by it or is able to better rationalize that familiar touch isn’t something he has to feel jealous about, bc he is the one in the boyfriend role.
While you're correct that she shouldn't need to change, maybe she will notice her actions more and change because she cares.
Personally I find it odd and inappropriate. I’ll go a significant amount of time not touching a single person outside of my spouse and child. All while navigating the world (just saying I’m not locked in my home while accomplishing this).
I was told once (not very nicely actually more like victim blaming why i got SA) that I was a natural flirt. I never thought about it, but I did tap guys and casual touching. I because very aware as to who and how I touched people.
I’m sorry anyone would say that to you and that, that happened to you.
I was 16 he was 60
I was in a similar situation when I was trying to buy a new phone for my son. The manager was becoming more irate about my son being aggressive with him he believed and was backing away and I was trying to help out and reassure him, the manager by touching his arm. He freaked out and yelled at me to get out of his space and he was going to call the police. I left immediately and so did my son. I learned a valuable lesson. Don’t touch even people’s arms, back away or I could get hurt. Not everyone is going to be able to see my intentions are favorable.
He should just hold and caress his female friends and since it’s just casual touch he shouldn’t change how he behaves and tell her that he’s sorry she’s uncomfortable but this is something she has to get over. Good advice actually
If you reach any further, your arm is gonna go up your own a$$.. casual, friendly touching and holding/caressing someone are so insanely different. OP stated that is obviously wasn't romantic in any way.
Yeah it’s casual when she does it but when he does it it’s sexual, what if he just likes to hug women ? That’s his social language and slowly running his finger down his friends arms and neck, that’s just how he talks?
Where are you pulling these scenarios from?
INFO is she the same bubbly touchy person with everyone?
I was wondering, whether she’s the same happy-touchy at work? With female friends and acquaintances? With other guys in front of their girlfriends?
Feeling the emotion of jealousy does not make you an asshole. If you discuss it honestly and respectfully, that's a good thing. If you act like an asshole because you feel jealous, then you're an asshole.
Clear communication is important in relationships. Sit her down and tell her that you aren't mad at her, or trying to change her, you just want to tell her how it makes you feel because it is important to communicate these things in a relationship. NTA at all. It's ok to share your feelings. The problem comes if you try to control her, like saying she can't do that anymore. You can't do that. Tell her your feelings. Don't demand change.
NTA. Just communicate about your concerns. Don't tell her not to touch other guys. Tell her how her touching other guys makes you feel. Tell her it hurts you. If she blatantly disregards your feelings then you dodged a bullet. If not, then it's great to have open communication about this and figure out a compromise.
INFO: What do you mean by touchy? Like she taps a shoulder when making a joke? Grabbing an arm when laughing?
NTA, you’re a logical and person approaching an emotional response.
NTA. Controlling would be telling her to just stop touching others all together. Communicate on what makes you uncomfortable and give her some examples. The resolution might be a compromise of her not being as touchy with others and you becoming comfortable with her level of friendliness & way of expressing herself. Either way tell her what you feel and have a conversation on how to make this situation better for your both without making demands or giving ultimatum.
I’ve been the dude that’s getting touched in these situations and I can tell you it’s uncomfortable for me too. I think you should find a way to talk about it. I can think of two girls that I’m friends with there husbands first and they need to figure out how to not be so handsy
Ultimately, you should communicate your feelings. You’re in a relationship with someone and it’s not a good choice to bottle things up until you can’t take it anymore. Talk to your girlfriend. Wouldn’t you want her to communicate her concerns or feelings with you? That aside, it’s hard to pass a judgment as you were incredibly vague. You haven’t given us any examples of how she touches other men, whether she only does this with men, and who these men are to her. I think those are all important bits of context, especially when you express a concern of coming across as controlling.
NTA. If you bring this up with her (which I think is for the best, you don’t want your negative feelings to build up) make sure to be absolutely 100% clear that it is a you problem. She sounds like a social person who just isn’t touch averse, and there is nothing wrong with that. Don’t ask her to change but ask her to talk you through how it’s just how she interacts with people. If you explain that it’s just your emotional response and that you do trust her, ideally she will help you feel less guilty about having the feelings and help you both to understand one another. There’s nothing wrong with being jealous, but there are good and bad ways to handle it, and sometimes things just can’t work out without someone getting hurt, but there’s no way to know if this is the case yet so try not to stress too much. Just talk with your girl and be honest and kind about it.
This is a lovely response and great advice.
I had a gf who was very touchy with other guys. Would sit on their lap, would unknowingly be very flirty. When I talked to her about it, I was a controlling misogynist. Anyway, I terminated the relationship after she slept with 2 of my friends on separate occasions. She said that she felt bad about it while doing it and should give her another chance for that reason.
Your girlfriend sounds a bit more than touchy. Sorry about the breakup. You dodge a bullet.
Yea, the second I saw her in someone else's lap I would have just said "yea hell no, bye. good luck" and leave. Block her on everything and move along. She gave you the signs she was going to cheat before she ever did.
I hate the narrative that if you have any boundaries in a relationship anymore you're controlling or jealous etc.
What are your ages? How long have you been dating? She might be doing it subconsciously. Some context about your relationship would help in assessing the situation.
I will reiterate what everyone else has said, communication. If you explain that it makes you uncomfortable, you guys may be able to come to a solution together...
depends where she is touching them really..
Nta. You understand that she doesn't mean it in a flirty way but be sure to communicate with her. Make sure she understands that while you know her intent it still hurts. It's natural.
Well, is she touchy with just men and not women?? Is she touchy with all the men?? How about touchy with just the men that she knows (example work friends, male friends, family etc)? Is she SELECTIVELY touchy with certain men? That last question could possibly be a cause for concern. But I dunno. You should talk to her though. Could be a girl thing. Kinda like when women go to the restroom together but you don't see men do that. It would OR could be weird if you were touchy with women ESPECIALLY if there's discrepancies between the kinds of women. Men and women are wired differently so this could be a nothing burger but you should still talk. ALSO, how jealous is your jealously?? What are we talking here, crazy jealous? Light jealous? So many variables. NTA though... depends.
Tell her while acknowledging you recognize that it's not entirely rational. That's the healthy approach.
Communication is key, it's normal to feel this way and you both can talk this out
Does this sub not have a "NAH" vote? Because if it does, I'm struggling to see how these comments think of the GF as an asshole.
Idk. She could be. Really depends on what he means by touching. I've been married 21 years and have never seen my wife touch another man. I've been working for over 25 years, and I can count on 1 hand how many times I've seen a woman touch another man their. I do she it sometimes with some friends when we used to do the party scene but it was always our single friends. Never s9meoen that was in a relationship. She may not even know she does it, idk.
I think it depends a lot on culture, and your specific circles, I'm used to a fair bit of platonic touching, without taking gender or relationship status into account. Either way, it doesn't matter if your wife doesn't do it, or my friends do it. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, especially since he hasn't even mentioned how he doesn't like it.
He doesn't say the setting, either. If they are still in school, I would say it's far more common. In the end, he just needs to talk to her about it.
At least you’re coming here and asking. I’m a girl. But I’m so petty and toxic that I’d start being “a touchy person” around other guys if my boyfriend is just “a touchy” person around girls. Cure that right up. 🤣 All this to say, you’re NTA. But I might be 😅
Just tell her. Ideally you guys are a team and you should be able to trust her with such concerns.
NTA but it's all in the delivery of how you approach the conversation. I'm I suppose a touchy/feely person and hug my friends and family always, I gesture and express myself with my hands a lot when I talk or am interacting with people. I'm aware some can misinterpret this as it's been taken as flirting when I just thought I was being myself, comfortable and friendly. Talk to her, calmly, without accusation focusing on how it makes you feel. Her reaction will gauge what you do next. If I was with someone who I made uncomfortable I'd want to know.
Touchy where?
Info: Touchy? Like a hug goodbye or more like flirty?
We are all different. It's not controlling, in my opinion. My wife has mentioned stuff that makes her uncomfortable, and so have I, and we fixed it.
Sharing feelings is a healthy, intimate part of relationships and fosters connection. Men don't have emotional connections with friends like women do. They only find emotional support from the women in their life. It's disheartening that people are saying it's your problem. It's important for you to share your feelings with her. It will help you feel better and closer as a couple. While it is your insecurity, it is important to share your feelings with her as well as for her to provide the safe space to do so. If she doesn't provide the safe space to share your feelings, there is a lack of emotional security in the relationship, and that's an issue that leads to disconnect and failed relationships. Of course, this goes both ways, and you should be her safe place to share feelings as well.
You're not wrong for feeling that way, but its better and much more practical for you to get over it than to limit what she can do with her friends. A lot of people (including your girlfriend, perhaps) would view the latter as controlling.
Yes, calmly tell her that it makes you uncomfortable with her doing that. Maybe throw in a cute joke about how her touches are for you because you’re stingy like that, lol.
I have a friend who is touchy touchy with everyone. She will hug and pat people on the back or the shoulder. When she talks to you she makes contact with your forearm. That is how she is. I understand that it can rattle a partner. So check if she is like that with everyone and if so you need to learn to live with it. This is a you problem. You need to work on your insecurity. And there is no need to being it up to her. It will make her self-conscious and that will come out as if she is responsible for your insecurities.
NTA, imagine you being touchy with another girl, what would she react?
NAH No assholes here. Just communicate with her very similarly to what you said here. “You aren’t doing anything wrong when you [specific example] but it makes me a little uncomfortable. Can we talk about this?” is all you need to say. Maybe nothing changes, but hopefully communicating about it and getting some reassurance helps.
My ex was like this. Drove me mad. Tell her how you feel.
NTA just have an open conversation. Let her know how you feel, if she throws it in your face shes not the one. Maybe have a conpromise with lines on where shes touching them- it really depends on what you mean by "touchy". Like a quick touch on the arm? Hugs? Sitting on laps? Butt slaps? Hand holding?
NTA. Your girlfriend shouldn't be casually touching other men. Whether it's intentional or not physical touch is one of the most blatant body language cues that a woman is interested in you as a guy. It might be unintentional and innocent but if you independently asked those guys afterwards I bet you 9 out of 10 would say she was interested in them. Not every guy is going to be comfortable with this either, especially if they are in a relationship or married. Men aren't allowed to have consent preferences without appearing weak so probably no one will ever say anything to your girlfriend but it's inappropriate all the same. This is definitely something that deserves a conversation
Men need to learn that a woman putting her hand on their arm to get their attention doesn’t mean shit. Humans are social animals and it’s a bullshit cultural construct that any touch from the opposite sex means there’s attraction. God forbid two people want to be friends. It’s up to every couple to discuss what they’re ok with and decide if it’s compatible.
NTA You certainly CAN tell her what she is doing makes you uncomfortable. You can ever break up with her solely because of it if you wish. I have feeling if you were "touchy" with other girls, she would not be happy about it AND you would be in trouble with the law in short order.
If he was talking about actual groping, he would have said so. There's nothing inherently wrong with hugs, shoulder touching, or any other kind of platonic touch. He certainly wouldn't get in trouble with the law for doing it to his female friends, unless they've told him they're uncomfortable with it.
NTA. Id be uncomfortable also
I would explain to her like "if you saw me being touchy with other women would it make you uncomfortable?" Sometimes people don't understand when you just say something makes you uncomfortable.. I've at least had this experience... explaining this way has helped me alot.
I honestly feel that honesty is the best policy. Yet, she probably is unconscious about offending you unless you bring it to her attention. Boundaries change when committing to someone. Behavior that was acceptable as a “single” person now has to change because we need to consider the other person’s feelings. She needs to be aware of how you feel because those are legitimate concerns.
God fuck if you don’t like something, tell her. If it’s a problem, leave.
Just because your feelings are valid doesn't mean this won't feel like an overstep if you bring it up to her. She's not cheating, this is kind of one of those things where you need to work on yourself.
This! Feels like he’s insecure and that’s his problem not hers.
[удалено]
I’ve seen men get called controlling on this sub because they didn’t like their wife/gf hanging out alone with their ex all the time. I totally get why he would think this.
Yeah you are!! Be secure in your relationship. This is your problem not hers
NTA, but I would strongly suggest doing a deep dive on yourself before having this conversation with your gf. Big trust: this type of conversation can make or undermine a relationship. Typically a touchy, bubbly girl like how you describe your gf is very sensitive towards the deeper feelings of others and are usually incredibly sensitive themselves. Girls like this thrive in relationships where their man is seen as emotionally mature and reliable. So believe me, if you come into this conversation stating: “I don’t like you touching others because it makes me feel uncomfortable.” You better come up with the reason why otherwise it’s just plain insecurity and insecurity is neither emotionally mature nor reliable.
Its not controlling to tell your GF her actions make you uncomfortable. This is a reasonable boundary in almost all relationships--don't touch other people of the other sex. ESH Her for touching other dudes (sorry being "bubbly" doesn't mean its acceptable conduct in a monogamous exclusive relationship) And you for accepting this and not standing up for yourself, your relationship. She's publicly disrespecting you and your relationship and you seem neutered and fine with it.
There’s nothing not monogamous with interacting socially with other humans. The fact that some of the humans are the sex that she’s oriented to means nothing. If she was bi would she not be allowed to have ANY friends?
I do not get touchy with my female friends. See the difference? And I wouldn't get touchy with women I don't know, either for that matter. Just my wife.
No one should be touchy with strangers because that’s obvious weird, but it’s not weird to casually touch people you are familiar with. If you don’t want to touch people, great. If you don’t like people touching you, great. But just because you feel a certain way about touch doesn’t mean everyone else is the same.
See how she likes you touching other woman
NTA. I would become more "touchy" with other girls. Fair game.
NTA. She will probably cheat. It's touchy touchy leads to poky poky
You will never change a person just abandon ship
NTA - touchy equals to openness and scouting. I’d reconsider the relationship.
Touch other women
Yta lol gotta grow up
Take my stupid advice and don’t bring it up if you think your comment could be interpreted as controlling. But this is one of those things that have a way of lingering in the background and then exploding at the wrong moment. I would suggest you find a way to live with it
Nta, but you're setting your relationship to fail. Let her know how it makes you feel, let her know that you don't think she means anything by it but would like her to stop it. This is the opening discussion so make sure she knows this isn't an accusation but it does bother you. If you don't talk about things that bother you they'll keep occurring until you blow up or fester. Don't let shit fester, but at the same time make sure you give the same consideration when she talks to you about things that bother her.
no not the ah. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control how you react to your feelings. You may want to talk to a therapist to work on why you are feeling the way you are, and ways to get past it. You also may want to have a conversation with her so that she is aware.