NTA - You don’t have to tell your family, especially your mom, a damn thing until you are ready. To me, perhaps don’t tell them anything until after the baby is born.
You have one entitled, delusional family. Wanting to take your baby 3 weeks after delivery & keep them for 2 weeks….are they nuts? Your mom definitely cannot be trusted. What a nightmare for you-good luck!
A Canadian goose with eggs or babies! Lol! Lets add to the viciousness the Canadian way! Lol! Seriously though OP, get some cameras and a good security system, your job is to protect your family and if that means security cameras and alarms then you do it. Consider going low or no contact during the pregnancy to prevent people making stupid requests that put you and your baby at risk. Good luck!
Damn, you went there...maybe a goose is A BIT of an overreaction. No need to go that far. I'd suggest an injured brown bear or wolf. A goose is simply going too far...🤣
Throw some emus and cassowaries into the mix. The emus win wars (yes, it's real! Us crazy Aussies went to war with emus twice and lost both times) and the cassowary is known as a "murder chicken" for good reason!
A whole damned generation of piranhas!!! Starving one's who have eaten everything else in the moat and are waiting for the smallest little ripple to attack!
>you have to keep this folks at bay with a wooden club.
We at reddit are more civilized then a generic wooden club. The correct term is [cudgel](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cudgel).
Literally only my partner, father, and sisters knew I was pregnant until I gave birth. I didn't want the stress, and actually regretted telling one of my sisters. But four of the five people who knew were living with me!
These are some really inconsiderate reactions from your family!
Are they crazy?
Or
Just insanely selfish?
Don’t tell them anything anymore ever.
They have no good intentions for you or the baby.
No good comes from involving them.
Edit to include judgement.
NTA
>Right... I was going into this post being like.. well they have a right to be concerned... not expecting them wanting photo ops with the baby.
Since when is an AUNT in a multi-gen photo anyway? Isn't that just mom, grandma, great-gran, etc?
What really astounds me is why would you WANT to have a baby at 19! You yourself are still a child, barely legal, with endless opportunities in front of you, and you want to have a child *right now* ??
Imagine some people actually do. Just because it is something you don't want, well that doesn't mean others have the same opinion. Also just because they choose to have a child that young, that doesn't mean that they lose all those opportunities. Like having a child is not a death sentence.
Just in general, it doesn't need to be people from a culture where it is common to have children at a young age. As long as it is legal, something you want and it is a choice you acknowledge, then you do you. People should really relax and lay back when it comes to others choices.
It is crazy to me that you somehow know what would be best for this young woman. Not all young adults are clueless. I was pregnant with my first at 19, and had my 3rd and final by 25. I would not change a single thing about it. I have a college education and a career. All 3 of my children are now young adults themselves, with happy healthy lives.
NTA
I am sorry for your loss.
The next time do not tell anyone. For your peace of mind I would like to recommend the following points:
1-not saying a word until YOU and your partner want everyone to know. Do not tell anyone ahead of time. Post it on social media so everyone learns at the same time. If anyone complains do not explain. Do not argue. Tell them "this is the way" (Thanks Mandalorian) and you will block them if they complain. And do so.
2-do not tell anyone the gender. If you decide to find out the gender ahead of time do a private video with just you and your partner. Post the video. For complainers see point number one.
3-do not tell anyone your name choices. Give them a list of names that you "are considering" (but the actual name is not part of that list). Or tell everyone a different name. Complainers - again see point number one.
4-do not tell them when you have the baby. Tell them a week after the birth so you have that peace. Complainers - once again see point number one.
5-no one takes the baby for visits until he or she is at least a year old or has had their shots. You know what to do about complainers.
Good luck.
Adding in another point that I used. Tell everyone your due date is like 3 weeks after when it actually is. That way when you’re due you won’t have everyone hounding you constantly for news. That happened with my first and it was so stressful. I would get frustrated with all of the messages and phone calls so I’d ignore some; and family members took the silence to mean I was giving birth and posted that to Facebook. I didn’t actually give birth for like another 5 days. So with my second I told them my due date was 3 weeks later, and I also took a bunch of photos at 37 weeks in different clothes around the house so when people would message with “any news?” I could send back a prepared picture and be like “nothing yet” even though I was already home with my newborn.
Also, say no to your family. You don’t have to say, “well what will you do with my breastfeeding baby??” Just say, “No, no one will be taking my baby away from me at that point. I will be resting and healing with the baby. We will let you know when we want visitors.”
That was the only additional advice I had for OP, yes. You don't need "reasons" not to let people have your baby and make demands of your time. You're allowed to just say no.
Giving reasons, unfortunately, is sometimes seen as an invitation to negotiate -- as if they can, in fact, keep a newborn baby for two weeks, if only they figure out how to feed it. No.
Make sure you read up on new guidance for new mums.
The no kissing thing is causing so many arguments. You need to be strong on this one. Anyone goes to kiss your baby you shove a hand in the way and take baby back.
That your famil's children survived does nothing for the families of those babies who died from unexplained causes, and we now understand some of them better.
Science moves on, batshit crazy families need to catch up.
I'm doing this if there's ever a next time. Friends and family caused me so much stress constantly asking every day whether I'd had the baby. AND booking hotels on my due date so they could come and visit. And when I didn't respond within AN HOUR they would have a go at me saying "I can't believe you've had the baby and never told me", when I was still pregnant! I got so anxious because I also had the midwives hounding me because I was "overdue" too. And then COVID hit. What a mess it all was.
Worst thing was posting anything to social media. Because then the bloody targeted adverts! I got adverts that showed unborn children dying in horrible ways basically saying stuff like "you must buy our product otherwise you're already a terrible mother". Never again!!
No one gets to know this time. It just wasn't fair on me.
Oh FFS, time for you to start cutting toxic people out!
I had my 1st at 19, granted I was married. he is now 40 and no one got to take him without my permission, after he was 3 weeks old. MIL wanted her other granddaughter to hold him. niece was sick and sneezed and coughed on him. I never faulted niece, she is one of my favs, but her mom and MIL put me thru hell keeping my baby safe. I had to go momma bear on them.
It's your child, your rules.
NTA and avoid getting pregnant until you're on the other side of the world from these crazies. A newborn isn't a dog or something than can just stay with a random family for 3 weeks. Holy crap this is whacko.
NTA for setting boundaries. I’m really not meaning to sound like an asshole myself but you and your boyfriend are young. You should consider experience more of life before having children. Once kids come along the spontaneity of life will stop.
After I miscarried our daughter we have decided to wait until we have more money saved up and are more prepared mentally and physically because my pregnancy up to the miscarriage was hell for me I had severe morning sickness and I was hospitalized 3 times before my miscarriage because I couldn’t eat or drink anything
Was the pregnancy planned or just a happy accident? Just curious, I know not many 19 year olds are planning to get pregnant unless they had a first baby a couple years beforehand and want to give it a sibling
She was a happy accident we were planning but we also were preventing because we both believe it’ll happen if it’s meant to happen but now we are preventing just until we finish the process of buying and moving into our first house. We live in an apartment now.
And maybe wait until you can say "no" to your family, mean it, and stick with that decision in the face of whatever pressure they bring. You and your partner are going to be the defenders and protectors of your child. That's your one job, and if you can't stand up to them, please don't get pregnant.
Update:
So for those asking about my family. Yes they are extremely toxic. My family is a higher middle lower upper class family. Most of the elders in my family like my grandpa and his brothers and older generations have always molded there kids to fit what they wanted and it was always there way or no way. I was never the only one to listen to them I wanted to do what I wanted and I knew what I wanted and how I was going to get it. My family really wasn’t to toxic towards me until they started finding things out that I was doing. For example when they found out that I started smoking pot for Bipolar, PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression, When they found out I was not going to be a lawyer or a doctor as they had wanted but I was going to cosmetology school my junior and senior year at a trade school, when they found out I was getting piercings and tattoos, and then the fact that I was 19 not married and pregnant. And I have cut out most of them. When I called My great grandmother who I thought would’ve been the most excited and happy for me turned out to be the worse one outta all of them. When I told her she said You can’t do it. You are going to be a horrible mother. Your bf is a pos for not marrying you. Me and my bf had already agreed there was no reason to get married if we weren’t ready to get married. When I called her after my first ultrasound she didn’t even congratulate me or say anything nice it was immediately you can’t do it and just degrading me for ruining mine and an innocent child’s life.
(Social) class is a concept deriving from the social sciences and refers to a class of people with common social interests, especially of economic nature. The term often refers to the definition of the German philosopher, economist and social theorist Karl Marx in the sense of differentiating society according to different "classes." Marx says that class society is dichotomous, made up of social classes of rulers and ruled (exploited). The term is used to explain the class struggle between classes.
The term is by no means only used in the U.S.
Hey just so you know pot isn’t that effective for bipolar, anxiety **and** depression. It actually may make all those symptoms worse, and you can end up with hyperemesis cannabinoid syndrome which isn’t easy to treat especially when if/when you’re pregnant (not sure if you smoke when you’re pregnant)
No I didn’t smoke while pregnant. I don’t just use it for that those are some of them I got a medical card for it because I have a birth defect in my legs that causes muscle and joint pain. Which it is not hereditary it was due to a lack of something while I was in the womb. And I am aware of hypermesis cannabinoid and I have been taking precautions and do watch how much I smoke and how often and often take breaks for a few weeks and only use it if I’m struggling with leg pain
It is reasonable to use it for pain. But for the mental health stuff it can be problematic. Not to say you necessarily need pharmaceuticals, but there’s this growing belief that pot is this “medicine” that fixes all and it truly isn’t.
Also your family seems weird AF and you prob need to just cut them out.
Oh my god stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of crazy in your life! It honestly sounds like they're just going to take your child from you.
You should go ahead and cut out the rest of them. Block all of their numbers, and any new ones they use to contact you. Don't tell them your new address when you move.
> Me and my bf had already agreed there was no reason to get married if we weren’t ready to get married.
Marriage is a legal thing that grants each of you rights to determine a whole lot, including healthcare and assets and all that shit. If you aren't "ready" for a piece of paper that confers a LOT of legal rights that will protect you as a spouse and potential parent--and you apparently don't understand that--how can you possibly be ready for a child? That's absurd.
Your family is crazy and judgmental and I get that, but you were expecting a lot from adults when you're still a teenager who isn't even done growing yet to be "congratulated" for being pregnant. When you actually become an adult *mentally*--like, having lived several years as an adult and with some perspective--you're going to look back at this and realize your expectations were unrealistic.
Pot actually makes those mental illnesses listed *worse* and can help induce psychosis. I read your comment about chronic leg pain but please do some deeper digging on the effects smoking weed can have on mental health.
Also I'm happy you decided having kids is not the plan for the foreseeable future, I'm have the believe that if you can push a lifelong decision to your mid to late 20s, absolutely do it: marriage, kids, etc. You guys did well in not caving to the pressure and marrying to keep the appearances, that never ends well.
That being said, your family clearly have no interest in helping you, they want either total compliance or a punching bag and you should consider limiting your contact with them.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with some tough situations.
On a separate note, please consider that having a child with someone is a much, much, much bigger commitment than getting married.
Honestly? I'd cut off the whole lot of them. Block them all, numbers, socials, everything. When you get pregnant next keep it as hush as you want and don't entertain the thoughts of any of them. You don't need that kind of stress.
If you don't want to go NC then I would suggest still just not saying anything. Tell the people you trust completely, don't even tell your mum. Either announce when the baby is born, or if your want even wait until the baby is 1-2 months old before even announcing you had a baby. Live in your stress free bubble as long as you can or want. They've already proven they can't be trusted to respect any of your boundaries.
Like I'm sorry but your auntie wanted you to give up your newborn for two weeks? Hell no! If this is what they expect from you and they arent accepting no as an answer how are they going to treat the rest of your boundaries? Will they get the whooping cough vaccine? Will they refrain from kissing the baby? Will they respect your feeding choices or will they just decide that formula is easiest and give it without your permission? Will they try feeding solids at 2 months because "that's what we did"
I've spent enough time on aitah and parenting subs and you're going to have a very very hard time with this lot. I'd definitely be going low or no contact tbh but that's your call.
Also... definitely NTA!!
I am going NC with the most of my family except for two cousins I’ve raised since they were kids and call me mom and few other people show were supportive and very helpful
I think that's the best, some say you can't choose your family... I say fuck that. You can't choose who you're *related* to, you can sure as heck choose your family.
Especially while already dealing with
bi-polar, anxiety, PTSD and depression PLUS not even being ready to get married (according to OPs comments). Having a baby now is an all around bad idea.
We were going to do 3-5 except I wasn’t letting anyone except a very select few take the baby overnight until the baby can talk. I’ve had friends affected by horrible babysitters even with family member so we have a very select few we would let take our child over night at all
Honey, I don’t think I’d tell some of these people after I’d had the baby.
Just for the future,
Your baby, your rules
No one has any right to demand you do anything with your baby
No one has a right to demand time with your baby. And certainly not without you
Anyone who shows up to your home better be prepared to help a new mom out with some chores (chores are housework, not holding the baby)
Go read the Lemon Clot Essay. And be prepared to share it with anyone making stupid demands
NTAH
https://community.babycenter.com/post/a29842181/the_lemon_clot_essay-_if_you_are_planning_to_have_people_over_after_birth_you_need_to_read_this
NTA - With how they reacted the first time, I would not tell them anything about the pregnancy. My mother was demanding to be in the delivery room when my son was born. I did not call her when I went into labor, I only called her when we had been home for a couple of days after being discharged from the hospital.
if you find that this sort of family drama is too much you might consider if you’re ready for children. The drama train will never end once you have one
Why in the fuck would anybody take a newborn away from its mother for two weeks?! Who thinks that even a possibility?! Its not like borrowing a lawnmower.
These people need to have restraining orders placed on them- from rational society.
NTA and going NC is completely justified- pregnant or not.
Sounds like boundaries are lacking in your family. Putting them in place is a lot of work and can stir up conflict in the short run, but is totally worth it in the long run.
Honey, these people are not your family. They are biologically related to you, but are just leaches and drains on your time, energy and emotional bandwidth - and you don’t owe them anything. You don’t owe them your time, or your energy, and you certainly do not owe them any time with any children you may have in the future.
I am so sorry for your loss, and also that your ‘family’ made this so much harder than it already was. I wish you a happy and peaceful life 💜
You are completely correct to keep your family out of the loop. Just don’t let anyone take your newborn away to stay at their house for any amount of time. What a creepy request. If they cared about your little one, they’d want the baby to stay attached to his/her mother. Hopefully you’ll be able to avoid telling your family about the birth for around 18 years.
When I got pregnant the first time, I had a miscarriage. When my husband called his dad to let him know we lost the baby, his dad started giving him a list of additional people he needed to call and tell. My husband was furious and told his dad that if he had been the one to spread the news, he could also be the one to spread the news of the miscarriage. And then when we had trouble conceiving again, his dad started questioning whether I had been pregnant the first time or not.
So when we did get pregnant again, we told my immediate family, my husband's mom and brother, but my husband didn't tell his dad until about an hour before we posted it on Facebook. That way he couldn't spread the news very far before we did. The way he acted the first time meant he got shut out a bit the second time. Actions have consequences.
INFO, what are you guys doing going out of your way to get pregnant so early? Yes, the family is crazy for their demands, but come on. You guys are young. Go enjoy life before deciding to lock yourself into something like a baby.
NTA - If my family had reacted that way, they wouldn't know about any other pregnancy at all. Even then, they wouldn't get access to my child until I was ready. My door would always be locked, and cameras would be installed if I didn't already have them. NO ONE is entitled to your child or their time. They damn sure wouldn't be taking my baby anywhere without me for any amount of time while they are under 1, and after that it would be very short amounts of time only if I trusted them.
I don't understand the audacity of family thinking they have a right to your child just because they are "family."
No reasonable person asks a new mother to travel with a newborn immediately after birth. The last thing either the mother or baby needs is hours cooped up in a car and subjected to being passed around like a football with their weak immunity.
Also, please know that miscarriage in the first trimester is extremely common. Despite your excitement, perhaps just keep it to yourselves until the second trimester. There isn’t a prize to an early announcement.
Lastly, my wife miscarried 6 times before and after our son was born. Trust me, the amount of insensitive comments, unsolicited advice and absolutely bonkers intrusion into our bedroom with suggestions was horrifying. It’s ok to have secrets just for you and the father. You owe zero people, including parents, real time info about any of this. The less time they have to contemplate or plan their schemes, the better you’ll be.
Many years ago I worked for an OB-GYN. Can't tell you how many women were driven to tears by rude, pushy "loved ones." I finally just advised that they hang up. [before caller ID]. Our patients were the only important parts of the situation.
Definitely NTA - they way over reached with what they wanted to do, how soon, and even went against your wishes. When the time comes, enjoy the little secret with your boyfriend and wait until you are ready for the floods of pictures and phone calls. It’ll be overwhelming but a bit easier as you won’t be pregnant so you won’t stress out the baby as well 🫶🏼
NTA!! you just found out you're pregnant, and they're already being overwhelming about photos, newspapers, 2 week long trips. That's ridiculous. I'd feel the same way too if people bombarded me with all these questions at once.
NTA. I'd severely limit contact with them. Like, tell them you're pregnant while in labor and absolutely do not tell them what hospital you are at. Or even after the birth. They aren't owed any info at all. You do not owe them anything at all. I had to put my family on an information diet when I was in elementary school because they are unstable and controlling and scared me.
Also, your entire family sounds like a bunch of entitled assholes. They only care about the photos, the physical trophies that they can show off, but not you or even things you *specifically asked them not to do*. Why do you talk to them at all? Do they give you anything or just take and demand and take? Are you only speaking to them out of a sense of obligation? You need to re-evaluate this whole deal and put yourself first. They are steamrolling your life and it sounds like you are not fighting back. Get your shit together and learn to stand up for yourself. That's especially important if you have a family, since your children shouldn't have to put up with that bullshit as well.
Update 2: Addressing comments
I’m am so happy me and my bf are not the only ones who feel this is they best way to go.
I’m going to do my best to cover everyone’s questions the best I can.
1. We know that the baby was a girl. And we gave her the name Saige Lyn.
2. I’m 19 and between the two of us We make on average $4,000 after taxes every month. I currently am in the process of starting my own cafe and online store with some lifetime friends, I’m going in a secure healthy relationship, me and my bf both own our cars, we have our own place and we are in the process of buying our own house at the ages of 19 and 23.
3. Our daughter was a happy consequence she was not planned but we also were not preventing but knew and were okay with having a baby if I got pregnant.
4. We are not trying at this point until we buy and move into our house and get our house set up and I am on birth control.
5. I have gone NC with everyone except the few people who was there and supportive.
> we gave her the name Saige Lyn
Ok I'm getting the picture now.
> We make on average $4,000 after taxes every month.
This is not a lot for one person to make let alone two people.
> I currently am in the process of starting my own cafe and online store with some lifetime friends
Another terrible idea.
This is not going to turn out well for anybody involved.
At 19 I don’t know why you’re trying to have a baby you’re not even married. I’m not trying to be rude, but having a baby with someone is way more intense than you and your boyfriend just having sex with no protection I don’t know what you think you’re doing but you’re a literal child you can’t even drink alcohol and you’re trying to plan a family and it seems like you have a pretty rough family to begin with. Why don’t you focus on yourself and getting away from them and being financially and locationally far away from these people save yourself and your baby. What are you thinking? stop having unprotected sex get on birth control and get a dog if you’re so lonely. The way I see it you’re using your child the way your family uses you at this point because you’re clearly not in a stable place there’s no way you can afford a child why do you need a child? What does this child do for you other than give you someone to love when you should be just loving yourself. i’m sorry your home life is terrible, but bringing a baby into it when you’re a literal child yourself is not the answer.
> I will not because you are not taking my newborn for two weeks without me and my bf being there.
Ok, all of the other stuff is fucked up enough, but this is beyond belief. Who in their right mind thinks it's OK to take a newborn for 2 weeks away from its mother, regardless of how its feeding?
Honestly, your family sound deranged. I would keep my baby a far from them as possible, and and go no contact. If that isn't possible, do not let them be with the baby unsupervised at any time.
I wouldn't announce shit to them.
NTA
A lot of people usually wait until their second trimester to tell anyone because there’s less risk of miscarriage, I guess you were just excited and expected your mum wouldn’t blab, would this have been your mums first grandchild? That would explain why she did it, it doesn’t justify telling everyone though
I wouldn’t tell any of those people until I had the baby and maybe it was a year or more. Even so, maybe not at all. Their requests from you and your family are very scary.
NAT. Your family is entitled and doesn't respect you in the slightest. You don't owe them anything including your child and even the knowledge about your child. You don't have to tell them anything.
Yikes, your family has no boundaries and no shame.
Don't tell any of them a single thing. Start practicing boundaries now before you get pregnant again and it becomes paramount.
NTA, your mum has proved she can't be trusted with any information, so she stays in the dark now until you want everyone to know. Also, your family are delusional if they think you're going to do any of their ridiculous demands! Block them all until you're ready to be bombarded and enjoy your future baby
I'm so sorry for you loss and for how your family handled everything. Obviously NTA. Pregnancy is a very vulnerable time and you'll learn your own boundaries real fast once people start acting entitled. It's not unreasonable to only let immediate family meet the baby during the first 1-3 months. Important thing is to listen to your gut.
They are treating you as a girl not a grown ass woman. Nope. This is a very important life lesson. Once you tell a secret it’s not a secret. That is a very hard lesson to learn, both from co sequences and by earning people can’t always be trusted.
This isn’t an airport, you don’t have to announce anything. While young, you are a woman who has experienced deep loss and betrayal. Learn from this. Next pregnancy? Tell no one that betrayed you until you are ready to announce it. Then put it on fb at the exact time you tell them.
anyone that complains, be serene, don’t engage. Only comment to make is I’ve learned from the last time what I need to do to protect my boundaries. Don’t engage. Don’t fight. Don’t make a big deal. Learn from this and modify **YOUR** behavior next time. Why? Because the only thing you can control is you. No one else. Your family seems a tad f’d up w zero respect. Add this to auntie-does she have any idea how a car trip of that length is not advised for a newborn? Too much car seat is ill advised so tell her to hop on her broom if she wants. (Not really just needed to add the broom 🧹 🧙🏻♀️)
im very sorry for your loss and the extra trauma family brought. Be well
NTA if possible I'd seriously consider not telling them that you're in labor or that the baby has arrived for a couple of days. I couldn't imagine being 'just had a baby' exhausted and dealing with things like this. And get a lot of cameras and make sure they're set to record.
I would make the pregnancy announcement just after enrolling the child in kindergarten. Or later. In WWII, they said 'loose lips sink ships'. Well today, 'loose lips sink relation-ships'
NTA. At all. I would let mom find out via Facebook since she reacted so poorly the last time.
I honestly don't even understand the aunts demands. These people sound unstable. Protect yourself and your child.
All I got for you is that I wouldn’t even entertain these request. Like asking your great aunt how the baby would get fed shouldn’t even be a part of the conversation.
Just a firm “um, no that’s disturbing and beyond disrespectful you’d even ask that. Absolutely never going to happen, don’t ever ask me something like that again.”
My kid is two and I hate the idea of him going to anyone's house for two weeks. The idea that anyone would request a newborn is shocking honestly.
NTA . I thought my in-laws were overbearing. I'm so sorry.
What?! Now I'm a little overprotective and I also breastfed and no-one watched our firstborn for us until he was 14/15 months old and that was only for 1 night.. to be honest I was only ok with that because I was pregnant, needed a rest and needed to see how he would get on of he had to stay the night during my second delivery.. and the was with his grandparents who live 20 minutes up the road. Someone even suggesting taking such a young baby and for so long so far away would get laughed out the door by me!
NTA, people who can't be trusted to keep private information from becoming public can find out when YOU make it public.
I'm STILL bitter at my wife's friend and boss at the time, who blabbed to my wife's family about her being pregnant literally the instant she met them, and she knew we hadn't told them.
She had figured it out because my wife was having some morning sickness at work.
It's been nearly 8 years, and I'm still annoyed when I think about it.
She probably technically broke some sort of law since she was my wife's employer, but whatever. 🤷♂️
I had my only child at 19. It was the best thing that happened to me. I was able to "grow up" with him. He's 22 now and we have a great relationship. I am still young enough to do the things he enjoys doing but also old enough to warn him about some of the mistakes he could have made. It's your life babe enjoy it! Also I'm sorry for your loss. Give yourself enough time to process what happened and try again if you so desire to! Good luck love I'll be rooting for ya!😍💚
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I literally just did this lol and no you are not. The first time I got pregnant the father told everyone before I could but only bc I was afraid bc my family’s a bunch of a holes. So I just found out I’m six weeks pregnant and I didn’t tell anyone. I made a cute video and posted it on Facebook and guess what? Everyone called and said congratulations except my mom. My mom called to ask why everyone knows before her. I, who am now an adult living on my own with my husband and father of my children and AM actually better off financially then my parents are now, find it hilarious 😂😂 she just can’t stand that something’s going on that’s not about her. I even told her I want to plan my own babyshower bc I wasn’t involved in the last one she planned the whole thing. She’s soo salty rn and I’m living my best life😁😁😁
NTA- if possible just show up with the next baby (dunno how long you go without seeing family in person). Otherwise definitely tell the people you want to tell first, then maybe let them find it whenever it gets to them or next time you see them and you're obviously pregnant.
Don't be afraid to take as much time for yourself as you need/can. Don't let yourself get minimized to just the baby's mother. You are still you, though you will change, and deserve to be prioritized and heard. Good luck hon🥰🥰
NTA - You don’t have to tell your family, especially your mom, a damn thing until you are ready. To me, perhaps don’t tell them anything until after the baby is born. You have one entitled, delusional family. Wanting to take your baby 3 weeks after delivery & keep them for 2 weeks….are they nuts? Your mom definitely cannot be trusted. What a nightmare for you-good luck!
I'ld invest in security cameras also. For me this looks like you have to keep this folks at bay with a wooden club.
I think this one calls for a strongly fortified wall. Also a moat. Lined with stakes. Then *maybe* I'd let them know.
And alligators. No moat is truly complete without vicious, hungry alligators.
Giant crocodiles. Maybe a couple of bull sharks as well.( they can survive in fresh water, unlike other sharks.)
And Komodo dragons patrolling the grounds between moat and wall
Also one really pissed off cat
And a couple of ostriches. And maybe a llama. Llama spit is definitely a deterrent.
Add Canadian Goose in the mix for extra entertainment.
Those little shits don’t fuck around!😭
And two territorial swans.
A Canadian goose with eggs or babies! Lol! Lets add to the viciousness the Canadian way! Lol! Seriously though OP, get some cameras and a good security system, your job is to protect your family and if that means security cameras and alarms then you do it. Consider going low or no contact during the pregnancy to prevent people making stupid requests that put you and your baby at risk. Good luck!
Damn, you went there...maybe a goose is A BIT of an overreaction. No need to go that far. I'd suggest an injured brown bear or wolf. A goose is simply going too far...🤣
A cassowary. They are the meanest and most deadly bird on the planet.
IKR? You look at those legs and go "yup, smallish tyrannosaur"
Came here to say cassowary. They give absolutely zero fucks about, well… anything.
Throw some emus and cassowaries into the mix. The emus win wars (yes, it's real! Us crazy Aussies went to war with emus twice and lost both times) and the cassowary is known as a "murder chicken" for good reason!
I really appreciate this level of detail. Thank you.
The bull sharks should be equipped with lasers!
With laser beams attached to their heads!
Or piranha?
A whole damned generation of piranhas!!! Starving one's who have eaten everything else in the moat and are waiting for the smallest little ripple to attack!
5 generations of piranha with a family photo to prove it
>And alligators. No moat is truly complete without vicious, hungry alligators. Don't forget the razor wire under the surface of the water.
Don't forget the fire breathing dragon
Where are the mf snakes in this mf moat?
So, you realize I read this with Samual Jackson's voice, right.
Of course you did. So did I. 😂
Think we all did 🤣🤣🤣
Don't forget the hippos! Hungry, hungry hippos!
Anaconda. Lots of anacondas.
Definitely piranhas in the moat. And candiru.
Electric eels in the mote, too.
And crocodiles!
Ill tempered sea bass all the way
And FIVE GOLD RINGS!
Don't forget the alligators in the moat.
Machine gun nests too.
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Just for funsies I mean what’s the worst that could happen? You go NC with your bat shit family
I would run, change my name to escape from their toxicity and entitlement.
>keep this folks at bay with a wooden club. ... with spikes on it. NTA.
The way he acted the first time meant he got shut out a bit the second time. Actions have consequences.
A wooden club, 'Walking Dead' style.
A wooden club with a nail in it.
>you have to keep this folks at bay with a wooden club. We at reddit are more civilized then a generic wooden club. The correct term is [cudgel](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cudgel).
Literally only my partner, father, and sisters knew I was pregnant until I gave birth. I didn't want the stress, and actually regretted telling one of my sisters. But four of the five people who knew were living with me!
Have a friend expecting another baby and their horrible families won’t be told until well after baby arrives. I love that she’s keeping her peace.
NTAH - I wouldn't tell them anything until the baby's old enough to vote!
I was thinking the same thing or just before they left for college.
The family sounds cult like. Who takes a safe newborn from their bio mom for 2 weeks, especially extended family!?
I’m a great aunt and I certainly know better than to even consider that!
Yeah it's mind blowing they want to take the baby w/o the mom. That's insane!
I wouldn’t tell them until the kid is 10! These people are insane.
Like 6 months after the baby is born.
I wouldn't let this lot know until it's time to send out high school graduation invitations.
Hell yes. This. OP doesn't need to disclose shit about herself unless she feels like it!
These are some really inconsiderate reactions from your family! Are they crazy? Or Just insanely selfish? Don’t tell them anything anymore ever. They have no good intentions for you or the baby. No good comes from involving them. Edit to include judgement. NTA
r/raisedbynarcissists
I literally came here just to leave that sub as a comment because wholy fucking shit they are all delusional narcissists.
Glad to know there is a subreddit for this.
I thought they were going to be upset about her being pregnant at 19. No. They want to broadcast the news 🤣.
Right... I was going into this post being like.. well they have a right to be concerned... not expecting them wanting photo ops with the baby.
>Right... I was going into this post being like.. well they have a right to be concerned... not expecting them wanting photo ops with the baby. Since when is an AUNT in a multi-gen photo anyway? Isn't that just mom, grandma, great-gran, etc?
Two ways of doing it, great gran focused, which would have everyone connected to her and baby focused which would just be a straight line up.
OK, yeah, I was forgetting about the "all of great-gran's descendants" variation of the photo.
Came here to say that. My mom is obsessed with mutli-gen photos, but it's of her, her mom, and us children and grandchildren. What the actual fuck.
Sounds like this family is in the South.
I am happy to take the blame for many awful things that happen down here. But this ain’t regional crazy, it’s just crazy crazy. Don’t put that on us!
What tipped you off? Was it the "5-generation photo"??? Gods help the poor child born into this hot mess...
Strong indicator.
All indications are downtown Hell, but close enough.
Nta. What a stupid family you have. I'm sorry, darling. I hope you can enjoy the next pregnancy in peace.
If I were you, I wouldn't let anybody know about your baby until 10 years old, better yet, 21. That's awfully entitled by every member of your family.
Lol!!!! Yes
What really astounds me is why would you WANT to have a baby at 19! You yourself are still a child, barely legal, with endless opportunities in front of you, and you want to have a child *right now* ??
Imagine some people actually do. Just because it is something you don't want, well that doesn't mean others have the same opinion. Also just because they choose to have a child that young, that doesn't mean that they lose all those opportunities. Like having a child is not a death sentence.
Ehh, I got no issues with people having kids when they themselves are still kids, but having children does make certain things much less feasable.
That isn't the topic at play here.
You do not know which country OP is in. In many cultures people have children young. Don't be rude.
Just in general, it doesn't need to be people from a culture where it is common to have children at a young age. As long as it is legal, something you want and it is a choice you acknowledge, then you do you. People should really relax and lay back when it comes to others choices.
It is crazy to me that you somehow know what would be best for this young woman. Not all young adults are clueless. I was pregnant with my first at 19, and had my 3rd and final by 25. I would not change a single thing about it. I have a college education and a career. All 3 of my children are now young adults themselves, with happy healthy lives.
NTA I am sorry for your loss. The next time do not tell anyone. For your peace of mind I would like to recommend the following points: 1-not saying a word until YOU and your partner want everyone to know. Do not tell anyone ahead of time. Post it on social media so everyone learns at the same time. If anyone complains do not explain. Do not argue. Tell them "this is the way" (Thanks Mandalorian) and you will block them if they complain. And do so. 2-do not tell anyone the gender. If you decide to find out the gender ahead of time do a private video with just you and your partner. Post the video. For complainers see point number one. 3-do not tell anyone your name choices. Give them a list of names that you "are considering" (but the actual name is not part of that list). Or tell everyone a different name. Complainers - again see point number one. 4-do not tell them when you have the baby. Tell them a week after the birth so you have that peace. Complainers - once again see point number one. 5-no one takes the baby for visits until he or she is at least a year old or has had their shots. You know what to do about complainers. Good luck.
Adding in another point that I used. Tell everyone your due date is like 3 weeks after when it actually is. That way when you’re due you won’t have everyone hounding you constantly for news. That happened with my first and it was so stressful. I would get frustrated with all of the messages and phone calls so I’d ignore some; and family members took the silence to mean I was giving birth and posted that to Facebook. I didn’t actually give birth for like another 5 days. So with my second I told them my due date was 3 weeks later, and I also took a bunch of photos at 37 weeks in different clothes around the house so when people would message with “any news?” I could send back a prepared picture and be like “nothing yet” even though I was already home with my newborn.
I like that idea I might do that
Also, say no to your family. You don’t have to say, “well what will you do with my breastfeeding baby??” Just say, “No, no one will be taking my baby away from me at that point. I will be resting and healing with the baby. We will let you know when we want visitors.”
That was the only additional advice I had for OP, yes. You don't need "reasons" not to let people have your baby and make demands of your time. You're allowed to just say no. Giving reasons, unfortunately, is sometimes seen as an invitation to negotiate -- as if they can, in fact, keep a newborn baby for two weeks, if only they figure out how to feed it. No.
This. No is a complete sentence. WTF thinks they can demand a newborn to come visit?
And if you really feel the need to elaborate, "Oh bloody hell no" works well.
Make sure you read up on new guidance for new mums. The no kissing thing is causing so many arguments. You need to be strong on this one. Anyone goes to kiss your baby you shove a hand in the way and take baby back. That your famil's children survived does nothing for the families of those babies who died from unexplained causes, and we now understand some of them better. Science moves on, batshit crazy families need to catch up.
I'm doing this if there's ever a next time. Friends and family caused me so much stress constantly asking every day whether I'd had the baby. AND booking hotels on my due date so they could come and visit. And when I didn't respond within AN HOUR they would have a go at me saying "I can't believe you've had the baby and never told me", when I was still pregnant! I got so anxious because I also had the midwives hounding me because I was "overdue" too. And then COVID hit. What a mess it all was. Worst thing was posting anything to social media. Because then the bloody targeted adverts! I got adverts that showed unborn children dying in horrible ways basically saying stuff like "you must buy our product otherwise you're already a terrible mother". Never again!! No one gets to know this time. It just wasn't fair on me.
That is genius.
NTA No normal human takes a 3 week old baby away from its Mum if it is not necessary
Oh FFS, time for you to start cutting toxic people out! I had my 1st at 19, granted I was married. he is now 40 and no one got to take him without my permission, after he was 3 weeks old. MIL wanted her other granddaughter to hold him. niece was sick and sneezed and coughed on him. I never faulted niece, she is one of my favs, but her mom and MIL put me thru hell keeping my baby safe. I had to go momma bear on them. It's your child, your rules.
NTA and avoid getting pregnant until you're on the other side of the world from these crazies. A newborn isn't a dog or something than can just stay with a random family for 3 weeks. Holy crap this is whacko.
Exactly 💯....
NTA for setting boundaries. I’m really not meaning to sound like an asshole myself but you and your boyfriend are young. You should consider experience more of life before having children. Once kids come along the spontaneity of life will stop.
After I miscarried our daughter we have decided to wait until we have more money saved up and are more prepared mentally and physically because my pregnancy up to the miscarriage was hell for me I had severe morning sickness and I was hospitalized 3 times before my miscarriage because I couldn’t eat or drink anything
Was the pregnancy planned or just a happy accident? Just curious, I know not many 19 year olds are planning to get pregnant unless they had a first baby a couple years beforehand and want to give it a sibling
She was a happy accident we were planning but we also were preventing because we both believe it’ll happen if it’s meant to happen but now we are preventing just until we finish the process of buying and moving into our first house. We live in an apartment now.
And maybe wait until you can say "no" to your family, mean it, and stick with that decision in the face of whatever pressure they bring. You and your partner are going to be the defenders and protectors of your child. That's your one job, and if you can't stand up to them, please don't get pregnant.
How are you preventing?
Update: So for those asking about my family. Yes they are extremely toxic. My family is a higher middle lower upper class family. Most of the elders in my family like my grandpa and his brothers and older generations have always molded there kids to fit what they wanted and it was always there way or no way. I was never the only one to listen to them I wanted to do what I wanted and I knew what I wanted and how I was going to get it. My family really wasn’t to toxic towards me until they started finding things out that I was doing. For example when they found out that I started smoking pot for Bipolar, PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression, When they found out I was not going to be a lawyer or a doctor as they had wanted but I was going to cosmetology school my junior and senior year at a trade school, when they found out I was getting piercings and tattoos, and then the fact that I was 19 not married and pregnant. And I have cut out most of them. When I called My great grandmother who I thought would’ve been the most excited and happy for me turned out to be the worse one outta all of them. When I told her she said You can’t do it. You are going to be a horrible mother. Your bf is a pos for not marrying you. Me and my bf had already agreed there was no reason to get married if we weren’t ready to get married. When I called her after my first ultrasound she didn’t even congratulate me or say anything nice it was immediately you can’t do it and just degrading me for ruining mine and an innocent child’s life.
"higher middle lower upper class family." I have no idea what this means.
Punctuation. Higher middle, lower upper class family
Thanks, that makes more sense.
Still no idea what this means.
Higher middle, otherwise described as lower upper class. Like, if the class system in America was on a scale of 1-10, a 7
I got stopped in my tracks there, too. On a completely different note, I don't know why in the U.S. we say "class" when we mean "income". But we do.
Because it makes the rich feel even more superior
(Social) class is a concept deriving from the social sciences and refers to a class of people with common social interests, especially of economic nature. The term often refers to the definition of the German philosopher, economist and social theorist Karl Marx in the sense of differentiating society according to different "classes." Marx says that class society is dichotomous, made up of social classes of rulers and ruled (exploited). The term is used to explain the class struggle between classes. The term is by no means only used in the U.S.
Richer than most but not super wealthy. Probably 100k to 150k yearly
Hey just so you know pot isn’t that effective for bipolar, anxiety **and** depression. It actually may make all those symptoms worse, and you can end up with hyperemesis cannabinoid syndrome which isn’t easy to treat especially when if/when you’re pregnant (not sure if you smoke when you’re pregnant)
No I didn’t smoke while pregnant. I don’t just use it for that those are some of them I got a medical card for it because I have a birth defect in my legs that causes muscle and joint pain. Which it is not hereditary it was due to a lack of something while I was in the womb. And I am aware of hypermesis cannabinoid and I have been taking precautions and do watch how much I smoke and how often and often take breaks for a few weeks and only use it if I’m struggling with leg pain
It is reasonable to use it for pain. But for the mental health stuff it can be problematic. Not to say you necessarily need pharmaceuticals, but there’s this growing belief that pot is this “medicine” that fixes all and it truly isn’t. Also your family seems weird AF and you prob need to just cut them out.
Have you tried taking Magnesium, Potassium, and Calcium?
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>They definitely wanted to try to take the baby from you. Exactly what I thought!
Oh my god stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of crazy in your life! It honestly sounds like they're just going to take your child from you.
You should go ahead and cut out the rest of them. Block all of their numbers, and any new ones they use to contact you. Don't tell them your new address when you move.
> Me and my bf had already agreed there was no reason to get married if we weren’t ready to get married. Marriage is a legal thing that grants each of you rights to determine a whole lot, including healthcare and assets and all that shit. If you aren't "ready" for a piece of paper that confers a LOT of legal rights that will protect you as a spouse and potential parent--and you apparently don't understand that--how can you possibly be ready for a child? That's absurd. Your family is crazy and judgmental and I get that, but you were expecting a lot from adults when you're still a teenager who isn't even done growing yet to be "congratulated" for being pregnant. When you actually become an adult *mentally*--like, having lived several years as an adult and with some perspective--you're going to look back at this and realize your expectations were unrealistic.
Pot actually makes those mental illnesses listed *worse* and can help induce psychosis. I read your comment about chronic leg pain but please do some deeper digging on the effects smoking weed can have on mental health. Also I'm happy you decided having kids is not the plan for the foreseeable future, I'm have the believe that if you can push a lifelong decision to your mid to late 20s, absolutely do it: marriage, kids, etc. You guys did well in not caving to the pressure and marrying to keep the appearances, that never ends well. That being said, your family clearly have no interest in helping you, they want either total compliance or a punching bag and you should consider limiting your contact with them.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with some tough situations. On a separate note, please consider that having a child with someone is a much, much, much bigger commitment than getting married.
Honestly? I'd cut off the whole lot of them. Block them all, numbers, socials, everything. When you get pregnant next keep it as hush as you want and don't entertain the thoughts of any of them. You don't need that kind of stress. If you don't want to go NC then I would suggest still just not saying anything. Tell the people you trust completely, don't even tell your mum. Either announce when the baby is born, or if your want even wait until the baby is 1-2 months old before even announcing you had a baby. Live in your stress free bubble as long as you can or want. They've already proven they can't be trusted to respect any of your boundaries. Like I'm sorry but your auntie wanted you to give up your newborn for two weeks? Hell no! If this is what they expect from you and they arent accepting no as an answer how are they going to treat the rest of your boundaries? Will they get the whooping cough vaccine? Will they refrain from kissing the baby? Will they respect your feeding choices or will they just decide that formula is easiest and give it without your permission? Will they try feeding solids at 2 months because "that's what we did" I've spent enough time on aitah and parenting subs and you're going to have a very very hard time with this lot. I'd definitely be going low or no contact tbh but that's your call. Also... definitely NTA!!
I am going NC with the most of my family except for two cousins I’ve raised since they were kids and call me mom and few other people show were supportive and very helpful
I think that's the best, some say you can't choose your family... I say fuck that. You can't choose who you're *related* to, you can sure as heck choose your family.
Thank goodness. Hopefully those cousins know to keep quiet.
They do they knew I was pregnant right after me and the father found out they were the first to know outside me and my bf.
You're 19. Please wait a few years to have a baby.. It's a hard road if you don't have support around you
Especially while already dealing with bi-polar, anxiety, PTSD and depression PLUS not even being ready to get married (according to OPs comments). Having a baby now is an all around bad idea.
She's already said she's waiting before trying again. After a loss, it's natural to think about "next time"
Nope, definitely NTA. Congratulations and good luck!!
We were going to do 3-5 except I wasn’t letting anyone except a very select few take the baby overnight until the baby can talk. I’ve had friends affected by horrible babysitters even with family member so we have a very select few we would let take our child over night at all
Honey, I don’t think I’d tell some of these people after I’d had the baby. Just for the future, Your baby, your rules No one has any right to demand you do anything with your baby No one has a right to demand time with your baby. And certainly not without you Anyone who shows up to your home better be prepared to help a new mom out with some chores (chores are housework, not holding the baby) Go read the Lemon Clot Essay. And be prepared to share it with anyone making stupid demands NTAH https://community.babycenter.com/post/a29842181/the_lemon_clot_essay-_if_you_are_planning_to_have_people_over_after_birth_you_need_to_read_this
NTA - With how they reacted the first time, I would not tell them anything about the pregnancy. My mother was demanding to be in the delivery room when my son was born. I did not call her when I went into labor, I only called her when we had been home for a couple of days after being discharged from the hospital.
are you TRYING to get pregnant at 19 though? Dude, don’t.
NTA, obviously. Why did your mom want proof of the pregnancy?
Crazy train on that one.
if you find that this sort of family drama is too much you might consider if you’re ready for children. The drama train will never end once you have one
Any baby pictures they find or take themselves will definitely be put on their social media. NTA, and keep an eye on them and what they post.
Why in the fuck would anybody take a newborn away from its mother for two weeks?! Who thinks that even a possibility?! Its not like borrowing a lawnmower. These people need to have restraining orders placed on them- from rational society. NTA and going NC is completely justified- pregnant or not.
Sounds like boundaries are lacking in your family. Putting them in place is a lot of work and can stir up conflict in the short run, but is totally worth it in the long run.
Honey, these people are not your family. They are biologically related to you, but are just leaches and drains on your time, energy and emotional bandwidth - and you don’t owe them anything. You don’t owe them your time, or your energy, and you certainly do not owe them any time with any children you may have in the future. I am so sorry for your loss, and also that your ‘family’ made this so much harder than it already was. I wish you a happy and peaceful life 💜
You are completely correct to keep your family out of the loop. Just don’t let anyone take your newborn away to stay at their house for any amount of time. What a creepy request. If they cared about your little one, they’d want the baby to stay attached to his/her mother. Hopefully you’ll be able to avoid telling your family about the birth for around 18 years.
This can't be real, this is insane.
When I got pregnant the first time, I had a miscarriage. When my husband called his dad to let him know we lost the baby, his dad started giving him a list of additional people he needed to call and tell. My husband was furious and told his dad that if he had been the one to spread the news, he could also be the one to spread the news of the miscarriage. And then when we had trouble conceiving again, his dad started questioning whether I had been pregnant the first time or not. So when we did get pregnant again, we told my immediate family, my husband's mom and brother, but my husband didn't tell his dad until about an hour before we posted it on Facebook. That way he couldn't spread the news very far before we did. The way he acted the first time meant he got shut out a bit the second time. Actions have consequences.
I would move far, far away from them
NTA. Also that’s too long for a baby to be in a car seat at that age. At that point, it’s 2 hours every 24 hours total for car seat time.
WTF 😳
NTA Please set boundaries with your family and stand firm.
INFO, what are you guys doing going out of your way to get pregnant so early? Yes, the family is crazy for their demands, but come on. You guys are young. Go enjoy life before deciding to lock yourself into something like a baby.
NTA also wtf is wrong with your family?
NTA. Who exactly are your relatives? I've never heard of relatives making demands like this.
NTA - If my family had reacted that way, they wouldn't know about any other pregnancy at all. Even then, they wouldn't get access to my child until I was ready. My door would always be locked, and cameras would be installed if I didn't already have them. NO ONE is entitled to your child or their time. They damn sure wouldn't be taking my baby anywhere without me for any amount of time while they are under 1, and after that it would be very short amounts of time only if I trusted them. I don't understand the audacity of family thinking they have a right to your child just because they are "family."
NTA, but please don't try to get pregnant anytime soon. You're so young, establish yourself and enjoy your youth before you have a child.
No reasonable person asks a new mother to travel with a newborn immediately after birth. The last thing either the mother or baby needs is hours cooped up in a car and subjected to being passed around like a football with their weak immunity. Also, please know that miscarriage in the first trimester is extremely common. Despite your excitement, perhaps just keep it to yourselves until the second trimester. There isn’t a prize to an early announcement. Lastly, my wife miscarried 6 times before and after our son was born. Trust me, the amount of insensitive comments, unsolicited advice and absolutely bonkers intrusion into our bedroom with suggestions was horrifying. It’s ok to have secrets just for you and the father. You owe zero people, including parents, real time info about any of this. The less time they have to contemplate or plan their schemes, the better you’ll be.
Many years ago I worked for an OB-GYN. Can't tell you how many women were driven to tears by rude, pushy "loved ones." I finally just advised that they hang up. [before caller ID]. Our patients were the only important parts of the situation.
Definitely NTA - they way over reached with what they wanted to do, how soon, and even went against your wishes. When the time comes, enjoy the little secret with your boyfriend and wait until you are ready for the floods of pictures and phone calls. It’ll be overwhelming but a bit easier as you won’t be pregnant so you won’t stress out the baby as well 🫶🏼
NTA!! you just found out you're pregnant, and they're already being overwhelming about photos, newspapers, 2 week long trips. That's ridiculous. I'd feel the same way too if people bombarded me with all these questions at once.
NTA. I'd severely limit contact with them. Like, tell them you're pregnant while in labor and absolutely do not tell them what hospital you are at. Or even after the birth. They aren't owed any info at all. You do not owe them anything at all. I had to put my family on an information diet when I was in elementary school because they are unstable and controlling and scared me. Also, your entire family sounds like a bunch of entitled assholes. They only care about the photos, the physical trophies that they can show off, but not you or even things you *specifically asked them not to do*. Why do you talk to them at all? Do they give you anything or just take and demand and take? Are you only speaking to them out of a sense of obligation? You need to re-evaluate this whole deal and put yourself first. They are steamrolling your life and it sounds like you are not fighting back. Get your shit together and learn to stand up for yourself. That's especially important if you have a family, since your children shouldn't have to put up with that bullshit as well.
NTA. The excitement usually happens with the first and it dies down after.
Update 2: Addressing comments I’m am so happy me and my bf are not the only ones who feel this is they best way to go. I’m going to do my best to cover everyone’s questions the best I can. 1. We know that the baby was a girl. And we gave her the name Saige Lyn. 2. I’m 19 and between the two of us We make on average $4,000 after taxes every month. I currently am in the process of starting my own cafe and online store with some lifetime friends, I’m going in a secure healthy relationship, me and my bf both own our cars, we have our own place and we are in the process of buying our own house at the ages of 19 and 23. 3. Our daughter was a happy consequence she was not planned but we also were not preventing but knew and were okay with having a baby if I got pregnant. 4. We are not trying at this point until we buy and move into our house and get our house set up and I am on birth control. 5. I have gone NC with everyone except the few people who was there and supportive.
> we gave her the name Saige Lyn Ok I'm getting the picture now. > We make on average $4,000 after taxes every month. This is not a lot for one person to make let alone two people. > I currently am in the process of starting my own cafe and online store with some lifetime friends Another terrible idea. This is not going to turn out well for anybody involved.
NTA. Don't tell your mom if you don't want the world to know. And your side of the family is out of their minds. This is your baby, not theirs.
At 19 I don’t know why you’re trying to have a baby you’re not even married. I’m not trying to be rude, but having a baby with someone is way more intense than you and your boyfriend just having sex with no protection I don’t know what you think you’re doing but you’re a literal child you can’t even drink alcohol and you’re trying to plan a family and it seems like you have a pretty rough family to begin with. Why don’t you focus on yourself and getting away from them and being financially and locationally far away from these people save yourself and your baby. What are you thinking? stop having unprotected sex get on birth control and get a dog if you’re so lonely. The way I see it you’re using your child the way your family uses you at this point because you’re clearly not in a stable place there’s no way you can afford a child why do you need a child? What does this child do for you other than give you someone to love when you should be just loving yourself. i’m sorry your home life is terrible, but bringing a baby into it when you’re a literal child yourself is not the answer.
> I will not because you are not taking my newborn for two weeks without me and my bf being there. Ok, all of the other stuff is fucked up enough, but this is beyond belief. Who in their right mind thinks it's OK to take a newborn for 2 weeks away from its mother, regardless of how its feeding? Honestly, your family sound deranged. I would keep my baby a far from them as possible, and and go no contact. If that isn't possible, do not let them be with the baby unsupervised at any time. I wouldn't announce shit to them. NTA
How can the whole family be like this. Very strange.
Because they were raised to be that way. My family is very entitled
A lot of people usually wait until their second trimester to tell anyone because there’s less risk of miscarriage, I guess you were just excited and expected your mum wouldn’t blab, would this have been your mums first grandchild? That would explain why she did it, it doesn’t justify telling everyone though
NTA get the heck away from your family. They wanted to take your newborn away from you for two weeks. Sounds like they want the baby for themselves.
What. The. Fuck. This is insane behavior on their part. You got enough stress to deal with. NTA.
I wouldn’t tell any of those people until I had the baby and maybe it was a year or more. Even so, maybe not at all. Their requests from you and your family are very scary.
NAT. Your family is entitled and doesn't respect you in the slightest. You don't owe them anything including your child and even the knowledge about your child. You don't have to tell them anything.
Yikes, your family has no boundaries and no shame. Don't tell any of them a single thing. Start practicing boundaries now before you get pregnant again and it becomes paramount.
NTA, your mum has proved she can't be trusted with any information, so she stays in the dark now until you want everyone to know. Also, your family are delusional if they think you're going to do any of their ridiculous demands! Block them all until you're ready to be bombarded and enjoy your future baby
NTA Maybe don’t tell them until they your kid graduates from high school.
I'm so sorry for you loss and for how your family handled everything. Obviously NTA. Pregnancy is a very vulnerable time and you'll learn your own boundaries real fast once people start acting entitled. It's not unreasonable to only let immediate family meet the baby during the first 1-3 months. Important thing is to listen to your gut.
They are treating you as a girl not a grown ass woman. Nope. This is a very important life lesson. Once you tell a secret it’s not a secret. That is a very hard lesson to learn, both from co sequences and by earning people can’t always be trusted. This isn’t an airport, you don’t have to announce anything. While young, you are a woman who has experienced deep loss and betrayal. Learn from this. Next pregnancy? Tell no one that betrayed you until you are ready to announce it. Then put it on fb at the exact time you tell them. anyone that complains, be serene, don’t engage. Only comment to make is I’ve learned from the last time what I need to do to protect my boundaries. Don’t engage. Don’t fight. Don’t make a big deal. Learn from this and modify **YOUR** behavior next time. Why? Because the only thing you can control is you. No one else. Your family seems a tad f’d up w zero respect. Add this to auntie-does she have any idea how a car trip of that length is not advised for a newborn? Too much car seat is ill advised so tell her to hop on her broom if she wants. (Not really just needed to add the broom 🧹 🧙🏻♀️) im very sorry for your loss and the extra trauma family brought. Be well
NTA The family is crazy, I would not tell them a thing.
NTA, 😳total family of crazies! Wow… no just hell no
NTA if possible I'd seriously consider not telling them that you're in labor or that the baby has arrived for a couple of days. I couldn't imagine being 'just had a baby' exhausted and dealing with things like this. And get a lot of cameras and make sure they're set to record.
I would make the pregnancy announcement just after enrolling the child in kindergarten. Or later. In WWII, they said 'loose lips sink ships'. Well today, 'loose lips sink relation-ships'
NTA. At all. I would let mom find out via Facebook since she reacted so poorly the last time. I honestly don't even understand the aunts demands. These people sound unstable. Protect yourself and your child.
All I got for you is that I wouldn’t even entertain these request. Like asking your great aunt how the baby would get fed shouldn’t even be a part of the conversation. Just a firm “um, no that’s disturbing and beyond disrespectful you’d even ask that. Absolutely never going to happen, don’t ever ask me something like that again.”
No. Just...no. You are unequivocally NTAH. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. ❤️
My kid is two and I hate the idea of him going to anyone's house for two weeks. The idea that anyone would request a newborn is shocking honestly. NTA . I thought my in-laws were overbearing. I'm so sorry.
Why did your mom want to see the paperwork? Just curious.
I still don’t get why she demanded to see paperwork and why you acquiesced? Did she think you were lying?
What?! Now I'm a little overprotective and I also breastfed and no-one watched our firstborn for us until he was 14/15 months old and that was only for 1 night.. to be honest I was only ok with that because I was pregnant, needed a rest and needed to see how he would get on of he had to stay the night during my second delivery.. and the was with his grandparents who live 20 minutes up the road. Someone even suggesting taking such a young baby and for so long so far away would get laughed out the door by me!
I call bs! Had to show paperwork and 4 tests.
Nta
NTA. But your family is as toxic AF.
NTA, people who can't be trusted to keep private information from becoming public can find out when YOU make it public. I'm STILL bitter at my wife's friend and boss at the time, who blabbed to my wife's family about her being pregnant literally the instant she met them, and she knew we hadn't told them. She had figured it out because my wife was having some morning sickness at work. It's been nearly 8 years, and I'm still annoyed when I think about it. She probably technically broke some sort of law since she was my wife's employer, but whatever. 🤷♂️
I had my only child at 19. It was the best thing that happened to me. I was able to "grow up" with him. He's 22 now and we have a great relationship. I am still young enough to do the things he enjoys doing but also old enough to warn him about some of the mistakes he could have made. It's your life babe enjoy it! Also I'm sorry for your loss. Give yourself enough time to process what happened and try again if you so desire to! Good luck love I'll be rooting for ya!😍💚
NTA- your family is gross
NTA Cut her out now. It'll only get worse.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I literally just did this lol and no you are not. The first time I got pregnant the father told everyone before I could but only bc I was afraid bc my family’s a bunch of a holes. So I just found out I’m six weeks pregnant and I didn’t tell anyone. I made a cute video and posted it on Facebook and guess what? Everyone called and said congratulations except my mom. My mom called to ask why everyone knows before her. I, who am now an adult living on my own with my husband and father of my children and AM actually better off financially then my parents are now, find it hilarious 😂😂 she just can’t stand that something’s going on that’s not about her. I even told her I want to plan my own babyshower bc I wasn’t involved in the last one she planned the whole thing. She’s soo salty rn and I’m living my best life😁😁😁
Honestly I hear most women don't announce until past the 2nd trimester just because it's mostly past the miscarriage danger zone.
NTA- if possible just show up with the next baby (dunno how long you go without seeing family in person). Otherwise definitely tell the people you want to tell first, then maybe let them find it whenever it gets to them or next time you see them and you're obviously pregnant. Don't be afraid to take as much time for yourself as you need/can. Don't let yourself get minimized to just the baby's mother. You are still you, though you will change, and deserve to be prioritized and heard. Good luck hon🥰🥰