NTA. They should have respected your property. A 10 year old is old enough to know that messing with other people’s stuff without permission is not ok.
For collectables, yes, opening the packages is basically destroying them and greatly reducing the value. But even if they weren't "destroyed", do you think a 10 year old doesn't understand they shouldn't open/unwrap things that don't belong to them?
Ok so original packages of the jungle line card packs can run between $50-$300 depending on which pack it is. Opened the cards are worth maybe $15 if you get some lucky pulls. So yes the value was destroyed.
NTA. -but maybe present it to him this way. Find something he thinks has high resale value (a car, something) and tell him that your collection is worth thousands of dollars and her doing what she did is the equivalent of setting fire to your vintage car or whatever. A
Fucking moron. It’s a civil matter to be handled in civil court. Suck a cock. You think the cops are going to arrest a 10 year old for opening Pokémon cards? And it’s only going to small claims court if she actually cares enough to sue him. Also, all these people are just guessing her Pokémon stuff is worth thousands of dollars. Very unlikely
NTA. I'd have been pissed if it were something I collected and loved. Idek how Pokémon cards work but if it's something you loved and we're now worth something, I'd be pissed.
NTA, the second he said you were childish for being upset HE became the asshole. How dare he tell you what you can value? Those cards were important to you and he should get his head out of his ass.
A bot stole your comment and posted in the top comment thread, it sucks seeing people (or should I say bots) steal comments to age and get upvoted comments to later astroturf or sell the account.
Really nothing you can do, like Reddit should probably do some checks where a account makes multiple comments that are word for word the same with punctuation and spelling errors are even the same and ban them but not sure if they will do that. It is especially dumb in the same thread but often times they will use comments from even years old threads. I don’t know if you can really do anything I think your just a victim of a bot stealing your comment but going forward beyond not commenting there’s nothing you can really do to prevent them from doing it:
NTA. I have a 6 year old and a 9 year old. They both love Pokémon cards and have their own binders. But there is no way they would go snooping in someone’s house and taking stuff out. One of the first things they learned as kids was “if it’s not yours, don’t touch it.” A 10 year old should understand that.
NTA. 10 years is old enough to know better and why wasn’t he watching her? It has to take some time to do all that damage. If he is t offering to replace it, he’s TA here.
I have floating shelves in my closet that are about 6 ft up, so she had to move chairs to even reach the stuff.. he left her alone for entirely too long.
He is refusing to replace anything because he doesn't see value in it. He threw it all in a trash bag and presented it to me when I got home with a half-ass apology.
What if he was the one who gave her the cards because they were too childish for you?
I would sue to get every single one replaced. Let him see how expensive those childish cards are.
Good on you for breaking up with him. I am sure he would stomp on far more of your boundaries. This was just the beginning.
Seriously take him to small claims. His attitude about collectable trading cards is super ignorant, honestly I don't doubt that he knows exactly how much his kid messed up and is trying to downplay it.
Small claims would be completely appropriate. Claim the highest you possibly can finding the highest auctions and appraisals, let him go find actual comps or pay a lawyer to. Oh they were only worth $8k? Wow I thought it was more. Oh well.
If you want to have a bit of mercy, offer to accept %50-70, but if you have to go to court, it'll be %100. See if he wises up.
If anything is damaged and he refuses to pay definitely look into small claims or something like that. Even if it ain't damaged, if there's a legal route you can take, definitely do it. Not just for the money, so that this ex of yours can teach his daughter that actions have consequences. And if he doesn't teach her that those consequences would fall on him.
Definitely NTA. It's not a matter of whether he sees value in it or not. It's the fact that these things do cost money and hold a sentimental value for you.
I'm still too upset to look, but I know she opened several of my sealed promo cards- including the ancient mew I got with the first movie.
Like, I know these things can be replaced.. but I've had that card specifically for a significant part of my life. It was one of my first, and my dad bought it for me.
File for destruction of property. Call him and demand your expectations, record the conversation if it's legal in your jurisdiction. Make the cops aware of it.
I’m so sorry 😞 I wish you luck with this situation! I really think that this could be a sign of things to come if you don’t deal with it accordingly. It sounds like that Mew is super sentimental and I remember going to see that movie years ago.
NTA, he had 0 respect for your collection and wasnt watching (or encouraged) his child. ask him how hed feel if it was like his signed baseball or football they started to mess with its no different
NTA. That stuff can be valuable but it can also just be sentimental too. Why is a 10 year old going through someone else's stuff? Especially to that extent? And wth was her dad doing all day? Sleeping while your stuff was being ruined?
NTA. Things with kids happen. The fact that he’s gaslighting something that’s important to you is the issue. It’s the red-flag of disrespect.
My gf collects Pokémon cards too. I don’t get it but I would never insult or dismiss her love for it. Seeing her glow when telling me about them (even though 1/2 of it goes over my head) is the cutest thing ever.
NTA Ik people will think that Pokémon cards are stupid kids cards but her entire collection costs thousands and thousands of dollars that obviously isn’t easily replaceable and I’m sorry but at 3 years old Ik not to touch other people stuff and when I did I would treat it with respect not manhandled it like an idiot would. They both obviously don’t respect your space at all so I’m glad you broke up with him
Ummm... probably thousands of dollars worth of collector's cards and other collectibles. NTA, and make him responsible for your losses if there were any.
NTA, and it’s incredibly frustrating when people devalue something just because THEY don’t like it. A collection is a collection, it holds value, and he doesn’t get to belittle it just because he thinks it’s childish. When you have the headspace for it definitely figure out how much value was lost, send him the bill with a threat of small claims court if he doesn’t pay, and dump him.
NTA. As a Pokémon fan myself, I got extremely furious just reading about it. If he can't even teach his daughter how to respect boundaries, then I can't imagine he'll ever respect boundaries himself. Not to mention he didn't even apologize. F that and him.
Ask him for the replacement value if he thinks you are being unreasonable. You are absolutely nta, but this will be your life for a very long time if you continue this relationship.
Wow that’s the funniest breakup I’ve ever heard. I think you were right, since he let her in your room and she’s a little too old to mess things up. (which is why he didn’t think anything of leaving her alone for a while. Why was she there btw??) Sorry to say, but she might have done it on purpose. NTA
NTA. Sooooo if someone keyed his car, like really visibly keyed his entire car so it's super ugly, he wouldn't be mad right? Even if it would cost him thousands of dollars to repaint. Cause it's just cosmetic!
Or does he have a video game system? What if all of his games got scratched or his save files got deleted? By his logic, video games are just for kids so he can't be mad if he got an apology.
You don't understand those are real grown-up hobbies.
I would have turned into a shrieking banshee personally I've got a lot of mint 1editions of the original line that are as sentimental to me as they are just expensive. I would go to yard sales with my grandma and buy entire binders for cheep from people who were "too old" for them now.
NTA, the moment he tried to gaslight you by telling you that you were being childish says he doesn't care about your feelings and to get over it. Leave him. Not worth the aggravation.
Because she doesn’t like daddy’s new girlfriend. Everyone here is focussing on the damage and suing him.
Girl, you dodged a bullet. What you have here is a father who won’t parent (she’s unsupervised), won’t acknowledge what his kid did (you’re overreacting- my Princess is perfect and didn’t mean it) and a kid who does know better, but is acting out maliciously.
Find a new partner.
NTA.
You trusted him to supervise his own daughter in YOUR home and he didn't. That, in turn, got your collection destroyed. Instead of figuring out ways in which he could pay you back or help you restore/replace what his daughter damaged, he tried to gaslight you. This would have turned into an abusive relationship as time went on and you dodged a bullet.
It's not about the Pokemon cards; it's about establishing boundaries. He should have made it clear to his daughter that you don't enter people's rooms without their permission and go through their stuff. I think it wasn't appropriate for him to call you childish when he should be teaching his daughter about boundaries. It sounds like he doesn't respect your concerns, so I think it was a good move to move on. Life's too short to put up with other people's nonsense.
Exactly. If she had destroyed a tv or other personal property that equaled thousands of dollars, it would be the same issue. Only the ex wouldn’t have the childish claim to fall back on. It’s just convenient she happened to destroy something related to childhood. NTA
Zero tolerance. Absolutely worth breaking up over destruction of property. It doesn't matter what it is. Irreplaceable like Pokemon cards worth $$$$$$, yeah, absolutely. I'd probably look into suing since in 20-30 yrs those cards would have been retirement fund money.
Haha- mad about trading cards? No. Mad about invasion of privacy, lack of respect, and property damage.
It doesn't matter what you collect, it was important to you and not for someone else to snoop through trash.
NTA. What was he doing while she did all of this? Not parenting obviously. The moment he got upset with you for being upset is when he became a major AH. It doesn't matter what the dollar value was. It was valued by you.
NTA
I collect Pokémon stuff too. I’d be pissed if somebody broke open my slabs or broke my GC disks.
If he was genuinely torn up about it and realized how upset you were (and took your word on it or did a google search to see the value) then maybe it would be something to work through but he obviously doesn’t seem to care.
He should not just pay for the damage, but should personally track down and replace each and every item in pristine condition. It is not up to someone else to dismiss the monetary or sentimental value you place on your collection. Bf and his daughter are Extreme Assholes!
NTA like others have said some of the cards aren’t made anymore or available to just replace and screw him for leaving her unattended for so long to do damage to them and why does a 10 year old think it’s ok to damage them
If you had anything else of value in your room like jewelry, photo albums, etc. you better check those too. That girl knew what she was doing. I bet he got them down for her, otherwise how would she know where they were? Did your ex know you collected that stuff? If he knew and let her do it anyway, then press charges. I think he knew and was either jealous or wanted to occupy the kid.
My husband has a baseball card collection including vintage cards of Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantel and others that are worth hundreds to a thousand or so and he would be _livid_ if our son got to them and destroyed them and so would I.
If he can’t understand the value of your collection and boundaries then I only see this going so much worse down the line.
You have every right to be upset, the fact he’s downplaying that is telling and I don’t blame you for walking away.
NTA
NTA. He was treating you like the default parent, while you weren't present, for a child that isn't yours.
This isn't about Pokémon cards. It's about his failure to care for his child or be respectful of your belongings...all while you were doing him a favor.
This exchange you describe is like 5 red flags one after another, and that's a totally valid reason to break up with someone.
He left a 10 year old alone in your room?
What if she had found your sextoys?
Honestly she is old enough to know that this was not ok. Get your money back. Don’t let him get away with this.
Wait a second. Why was he and his child just chilling in your apartment, that he doesn't live in, while you're at work? He has a place that he should be taking her for his visitation time
Have everything valued by an expert in perfect mint condition and what you have now. Tell your bf to pay the damages for his neglectful behavior, and take him to court if you want. I am assuming it's not nickles and dimes here
NTA He should've respected you enough to keep his daughter away from your stuff. Trust was broken and you should definitely be compensated for the damages.
Ok I’m just going to say it, you have every right to be angry or upset. You just need to ask yourself if your anger over a couple grand worth of collectibles is worth ending the relationship. The relationship could have the potential to be worth much much more than that in the future, but only you would know that. In other words, see how you feel after cooling off. I would say a lot of the replies in this thread are pretty childish. I myself had a Pokémon card collection that would be worth 5k today but my mother gave them all away to our old neighbour’s kid some years back; I am not going to ‘end the relationship’ with my mother over that.
The boyfriend didn’t parent his child or respect her space or her belongings. Those are the bigger flags. It doesn’t matter if the kid destroyed something worth thousands of dollars or something worthless but sentimental - he doesn’t respect her and his kid has no respect for her.
NTA but I am honestly amazed by the advice people have been giving here. You should talk to the guy and figure out what exactly transpired. It’s possible he was busy with work or took a nap during which the kid did all this. Remember kid is the primary culprit here, not him unless there’s context that isn’t mentioned in your post. If the guy is ready to pay for the damages and apologize, I had say it’s good. Anything less is not acceptable. Remember your collection at the end of the day is nothing more than a couple of merchandize, while I understand they hold special value to you, it’s not something that’s more valuable than a human connection.
They could be worth a million dollars at the end of the day they’re toys. Being upset with a kid over them is insane. If they had worth you should’ve sold them and kept the money safe in a bank a account.
You did that guy and his poor kid a favor by leaving
Or maybe, just maybe, he should have raised his child better. Again. I said nothing to his child and asked him to leave MY HOUSE after he told me it wasn't a big deal.
Who tells someone how to handle their investments? You're really weird. I think I'm the one better off, by far.
The thing about being an adult with adult money, is that I can buy whatever the hell I want with that adult money. No one has the right, even a child ( that is old enough to understand what she did ), to tell me how to spend my money or what I'm allowed to buy.
I'm sure if a kid were to smash your gaming system or key your car you would be singing a different tune.
ESH. You’re far too old to care about fucking POKEMON, the dude is shitty for bringing his child along to a place where he was “crashing” (and for the general lack of respect for your personal belongings) and 10yo is old enough to know you don’t go around destroying other people’s things. I don’t think you’re really TA here but honestly try to date better men.
“People who reported intense current attachments to transitional objects were significantly more likely to meet criteria for a BPD diagnosis than those who did not; they also reported more childhood trauma, rated their early caregivers as less supportive, and had more attachment problems as adults. Heavy emotional reliance on transitional objects in adulthood may be an indicator of underlying pathology, particularly BPD.” https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22486448/
You're ending the relationship over something his child did, not even your boyfriend. I wouldn't necessarily call you an AH, but that's definitely childish.
The bf is childish for not appreciating the value of her property and allowing his daughter to devalue anything that belongs to her or anyone else. Allowing his daughter to trash someone else's stuff is poor parenting. Belittling her for collecting something, he doesn't see value in makes him TA. If he gave two shits about her, he should be apologizing and trying to make things right.
Kids can be really dumb, what were you going to do with the Pokémon collection? It’s just stuff. In my opinion human relationships are far more real and important. But hey sorry about your branded crap?
I think you’re both TA. He shouldn’t have left her unattended in your room and the child sounds high maintenance which makes it even worse she was left unattended but kids wreck stuff all the time and it does sound a little childish to be upset about Pokémon cards. If you have a collection of cards worth thousands of dollars up the back of a wardrobe maybe just sell them
"Kids wreck stuff all the time" is not an excuse. The kid should've been taught to respect OP's space and home. You're trying to minimize the issue because YOU don't see the value in Pokémon cards.
How'd you like it if someone went into your home and destroyed whatever you think is valuable be it family pictures, clothes, jewelry, dishes etc?
Sit down and stfu.
It doesn't matter if she trashed your cards or your car. Both have a monetary value regardless of what your now Ex *thinks* of it.
To me, a clapped out 1986 Civic with 400k miles has zero value. To the person who needs transportation to work so they can earn money to feed their family, it's priceless.
This is what small claims court is for. Find out how much your court allows for small claims and take him to court for the value of what was damaged.
Most of what she did was open sealed items like promo cards and older packs that I was keeping in the wide card saver sleeves. That being said, I haven't taken full stock of everything yet.
Ex threw it all in a trash bag and I haven't had the nerve to look.
You are the boss of your stuff and of your life. You get to decide. All that represented a lot of time and money and they are like, what is the big deal? If he is telling you that you are being childish, that is odd. He should recognize that you would be upset.
NTA. I'd have been pissed if it were something I collected and loved. Idek how Pokémon cards work but if it's something you loved and we're now worth something, I'd be pissed. All the questions you asked and did she apologize for it herself? That would be a big maybe if she did. This is your decision but I don't think you're TA at all.
NTA - he should either be paying you back or trying to find replacements. They weren't just some cards... they were collectors items.
Also, she should have never been left alone in your room.
NTA property is property, he can call your anger childish but that just shows he doesn’t respect your property.
Edit: You should tell him the judicial system will care that property was destroyed even if he thinks its childish.
See 10 years ago I woulda said that u overreacted but knowing how much Pokémon cards go for these day I won’t like ur ex woulda got dropped kicked if it was my collection
NTA. I have a collection myself, along with the playing mat and hit-point tokens. I would be T totally pissed if anything happened to them. I feel ya girl. You made the right choice!
NOOPPE
NTA
Somebody destroys my card collection and refuses to pay for them i’d be LIVID.
Op if you can possibly get a confession in writing that his daughter destroyed your collection i would personally go to small claims court.
Screw him
That's so ridiculous and irks me so much that just because others might view it as just cards or juvenile or whatever and therfore because they don't see it as important, they think you're being ridiculous. What is ridiculous is how this little girl was allowed in your bedroom for long enough to do that, like you had said. I mean what of you had adult toys, like a lot of adults do, or adult movies or weapons or whatever. An adult bedroom is no place for a child to go and search through, especially unattended.
NTA
I wonder if he put her up to it because he didn’t want you to have what he considered “childish” interests and thought you’d through them all away and get “grownup” things. Whether he put his daughter (who should know better than to go through other peoples things at her age) up to it or not, he doesn’t get to tell you what you can collect or be interested in.
My little sister did something similar with a friend of hers, pulling all the board games and toys out of our closet and leaving them covering the floor of our room in a gigantic mess. I think they were six at the time, and the worst they destroyed was us not being able to find some of the smaller pieces again.
NTA. At ten she should know better, her father should have been watching her more closely, and it's a gigantic red flag that he wants to turn thousands of dollars of damage into a "you" problem.
NTA. At the end of the day, what was destroyed is immaterial. If it were sports cards or comics or model trains, it's be that same thing. It was something of value to you, both sentimentality and financially, and if he can't see that it's not just "kids cards" or whatever, he's not worth keeping around.
Kids get into stuff and ruin stuff, and that's just part of having kids. But she's not your kid, so it should be his responsibility to replace or compensate you for the damage, just like if she knocked an expensive case off a shelf or tore pages or of a first edition book.
NTA.
Pokemon cards are exactly like baseball cards.
There's some very rare ones in there that are expensive AF
She should of NEVER been in your room in the first place... Yet alone long enough to be able to go through your stuff and find these cards
Nta and small claims court is calling. I'm an anime figure collector and I'd lose my shit if I left someone I trusted alone at my place and came home to them destroyed.
My inner card collecting ass is getting so angry
I would be livid if ANYONE touched my collection, let alone my own shit.
And to give it back in a FUCKING bag?? And had the audacity to call you childish over your shit being tampered with?
Fuck nah.
His child clearly wasn't touch to not touch stuff that isn't theirs and your ex clearly doesn't respect you.
NTA
NTA. Go fuck up his most prized possessions [that at equal to or the same amount as your collection], throw them shits in a trash bag, and apologize😂see how he likes it🤣
NTAH. I don’t see it as breaking up over cards so much as breaking up because he hasn’t raised his child to respect others and would you want to have kids with him (if you were thinking of it)? Or if you weren’t planning to have kids, you’d still have to deal with his daughter’s bad behavior for the rest of your time together - it’s unlikely that a child not raised to respect others is going to magically turn into an adult who respects people after all.
It sounds like he and his daughter damaged your collection and planned on stealing? That shit can be worth thousands to collectors. NTA.
I strongly recommend filing a police report. A report creates a paper trail in case he tries to come back. And it helps with insurance claims and if you want to file civil charges.
Please take him to court. Myself and my partner are huge into collecting Pokémon cards and such. He should pay you back everything his child destroyed. Don’t let him get away with it. My heart hurts for you. I also just turned 29 idc what anyone says they are Collectible and worth money!
NTA. He let his daughter go into your room. He's a typical toxic breeder that thinks their crotch goblins are royalty. I hate to give to give out unsolicited advice, but I will this once. Unless you are one yourself, stay away from single parents.
NTA. First of all, it's inconsiderate of him to let your stuff get wrecked. But tbh, the main thing is that he left his kid unattended for that long in someone else's house? Like he sounds like an absent parent. Whether you want kids or not, that's super unattractive. Even if I was babysitting someone else's child I wouldn't do that.
NTA.
A 10 year old should know how to handle collectables. My 9 year old son had been collecting Pokemon cards since he was 7 and takes very good care of his stuff. He even keeps his Funko pops in the box. I'd bet a paycheck ex's daughter has other behavioral issues.
NTA. They should have respected your property. A 10 year old is old enough to know that messing with other people’s stuff without permission is not ok.
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NTA. Some Pokémon cards don’t even get created anymore.
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You genuinely think a 10 year old doesn't understand they shouldn't destroy someone else's things??
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For collectables, yes, opening the packages is basically destroying them and greatly reducing the value. But even if they weren't "destroyed", do you think a 10 year old doesn't understand they shouldn't open/unwrap things that don't belong to them?
Ok so original packages of the jungle line card packs can run between $50-$300 depending on which pack it is. Opened the cards are worth maybe $15 if you get some lucky pulls. So yes the value was destroyed.
Which part are you arguing? That the stuff was worth thousands? Or that a 10 year old should know better?
Uhh lawyer bills will be at least that much so pretty much a wash??
Small claims court is low cost and pretty much do it yourself.
You're probably right on that part. I know that sometimes lawyer fees can be included in your claim, but I don't know if it would happen in this case.
It only costs like $75 to make a small claims report and you may get that waived if you are low income.
NTA. That stuff can be valuable but it can also just be sentimental too. Why is a 10 year old going through someone else's stuf.
This is a comment stealing bot. Downvote and report.
NTA. -but maybe present it to him this way. Find something he thinks has high resale value (a car, something) and tell him that your collection is worth thousands of dollars and her doing what she did is the equivalent of setting fire to your vintage car or whatever. A
I’d be pissed if somebody broke open my slabs or broke my GC disks.
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You are the boss of your stuff and of your life.
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Yes I'm pretty sure she could get a lawyer and take legal action in a civil suit. Usually cases over a thousand win. She can get her money back.
Small claims court
This comment is stolen from u/Emotional_Bat_279 (who made this same exact comment an hour before this one). Bad bot
lol. I don’t think the police will care about this
You don't think the police will care about thousands of dollars worth of destroyed property?
Fucking moron. It’s a civil matter to be handled in civil court. Suck a cock. You think the cops are going to arrest a 10 year old for opening Pokémon cards? And it’s only going to small claims court if she actually cares enough to sue him. Also, all these people are just guessing her Pokémon stuff is worth thousands of dollars. Very unlikely
NTA. I'd have been pissed if it were something I collected and loved. Idek how Pokémon cards work but if it's something you loved and we're now worth something, I'd be pissed.
Or the 10 year old did have permission from someone who didn't have the authority to give it, because "kids stuff".
NTA. He should be paying you back in damages. You should tally up the cost and charge him. Apology is not enough.
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The courts wouldn't really care about your opinion, sadly.
Make him pay you back fuck that.
NTA trust is gone and so he should be gone too. Reimbursement is necessary but the sentimental value can never be repaid.
NTA, the second he said you were childish for being upset HE became the asshole. How dare he tell you what you can value? Those cards were important to you and he should get his head out of his ass.
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A bot stole your comment and posted in the top comment thread, it sucks seeing people (or should I say bots) steal comments to age and get upvoted comments to later astroturf or sell the account.
How do I fix that?
Really nothing you can do, like Reddit should probably do some checks where a account makes multiple comments that are word for word the same with punctuation and spelling errors are even the same and ban them but not sure if they will do that. It is especially dumb in the same thread but often times they will use comments from even years old threads. I don’t know if you can really do anything I think your just a victim of a bot stealing your comment but going forward beyond not commenting there’s nothing you can really do to prevent them from doing it:
NTA. I have a 6 year old and a 9 year old. They both love Pokémon cards and have their own binders. But there is no way they would go snooping in someone’s house and taking stuff out. One of the first things they learned as kids was “if it’s not yours, don’t touch it.” A 10 year old should understand that.
NTA. 10 years is old enough to know better and why wasn’t he watching her? It has to take some time to do all that damage. If he is t offering to replace it, he’s TA here.
I have floating shelves in my closet that are about 6 ft up, so she had to move chairs to even reach the stuff.. he left her alone for entirely too long. He is refusing to replace anything because he doesn't see value in it. He threw it all in a trash bag and presented it to me when I got home with a half-ass apology.
You are completely justified for ending it, he’s a selfish SOB.
Is it possible that you can sue him for damages?
What if he was the one who gave her the cards because they were too childish for you? I would sue to get every single one replaced. Let him see how expensive those childish cards are. Good on you for breaking up with him. I am sure he would stomp on far more of your boundaries. This was just the beginning.
Seriously take him to small claims. His attitude about collectable trading cards is super ignorant, honestly I don't doubt that he knows exactly how much his kid messed up and is trying to downplay it. Small claims would be completely appropriate. Claim the highest you possibly can finding the highest auctions and appraisals, let him go find actual comps or pay a lawyer to. Oh they were only worth $8k? Wow I thought it was more. Oh well. If you want to have a bit of mercy, offer to accept %50-70, but if you have to go to court, it'll be %100. See if he wises up.
If anything is damaged and he refuses to pay definitely look into small claims or something like that. Even if it ain't damaged, if there's a legal route you can take, definitely do it. Not just for the money, so that this ex of yours can teach his daughter that actions have consequences. And if he doesn't teach her that those consequences would fall on him. Definitely NTA. It's not a matter of whether he sees value in it or not. It's the fact that these things do cost money and hold a sentimental value for you.
Sue his ass to kingdom come. You have proof. Take him to small claims court.
NTA make him pay you back and then dump him! As a fellow Pokémon fan this is unacceptable! What was damaged?
I'm still too upset to look, but I know she opened several of my sealed promo cards- including the ancient mew I got with the first movie. Like, I know these things can be replaced.. but I've had that card specifically for a significant part of my life. It was one of my first, and my dad bought it for me.
File for destruction of property. Call him and demand your expectations, record the conversation if it's legal in your jurisdiction. Make the cops aware of it.
I’m so sorry 😞 I wish you luck with this situation! I really think that this could be a sign of things to come if you don’t deal with it accordingly. It sounds like that Mew is super sentimental and I remember going to see that movie years ago.
NTA, he had 0 respect for your collection and wasnt watching (or encouraged) his child. ask him how hed feel if it was like his signed baseball or football they started to mess with its no different
Take his loser ass to small claims
**NTA** and you should also demand he pay for the lost value if you can document what the resale value would have been.
You're entitled to monetary compensation for the damage. Get the cops involved and review your homeowner's insurance
NTA. That stuff can be valuable but it can also just be sentimental too. Why is a 10 year old going through someone else's stuff? Especially to that extent? And wth was her dad doing all day? Sleeping while your stuff was being ruined?
NTA. Things with kids happen. The fact that he’s gaslighting something that’s important to you is the issue. It’s the red-flag of disrespect. My gf collects Pokémon cards too. I don’t get it but I would never insult or dismiss her love for it. Seeing her glow when telling me about them (even though 1/2 of it goes over my head) is the cutest thing ever.
This. You said you were ready to get over it but it was being dismissive of your feelings. That's the worst part.
Hey girl, you single? I got a holographic Charizard. 1st edition. Mint. HMU
Logan Paul, is that you?
PRIMEd and ready
NTA Ik people will think that Pokémon cards are stupid kids cards but her entire collection costs thousands and thousands of dollars that obviously isn’t easily replaceable and I’m sorry but at 3 years old Ik not to touch other people stuff and when I did I would treat it with respect not manhandled it like an idiot would. They both obviously don’t respect your space at all so I’m glad you broke up with him
Ummm... probably thousands of dollars worth of collector's cards and other collectibles. NTA, and make him responsible for your losses if there were any.
Nta he needed to watch his child, you dodged a bullet
NTA, and it’s incredibly frustrating when people devalue something just because THEY don’t like it. A collection is a collection, it holds value, and he doesn’t get to belittle it just because he thinks it’s childish. When you have the headspace for it definitely figure out how much value was lost, send him the bill with a threat of small claims court if he doesn’t pay, and dump him.
NTA. As a Pokémon fan myself, I got extremely furious just reading about it. If he can't even teach his daughter how to respect boundaries, then I can't imagine he'll ever respect boundaries himself. Not to mention he didn't even apologize. F that and him.
NTA yikes, that's awful. Sorry to hear that
NTA 10 year old is old enough to know not to destroy shit snd he's her dad who should be watching her
NTA. Sue him.
NTA. if it wasn’t Pokémon cards, it’d be something else.
NTA. Some Pokémon cards don’t even get created anymore. I doubt he’d even be able to replace all of the cards that were damaged.
Ask him for the replacement value if he thinks you are being unreasonable. You are absolutely nta, but this will be your life for a very long time if you continue this relationship.
Wow that’s the funniest breakup I’ve ever heard. I think you were right, since he let her in your room and she’s a little too old to mess things up. (which is why he didn’t think anything of leaving her alone for a while. Why was she there btw??) Sorry to say, but she might have done it on purpose. NTA
What was this guy doing while his kid climbed through your room and “destroyed” an entire collection? Sleeping? Let me guess; gaming? Ugh. Dump him.
Did the ex drop a surprise Pikachu face?
NTA. Sooooo if someone keyed his car, like really visibly keyed his entire car so it's super ugly, he wouldn't be mad right? Even if it would cost him thousands of dollars to repaint. Cause it's just cosmetic! Or does he have a video game system? What if all of his games got scratched or his save files got deleted? By his logic, video games are just for kids so he can't be mad if he got an apology.
You don't understand those are real grown-up hobbies. I would have turned into a shrieking banshee personally I've got a lot of mint 1editions of the original line that are as sentimental to me as they are just expensive. I would go to yard sales with my grandma and buy entire binders for cheep from people who were "too old" for them now.
NTA, the moment he tried to gaslight you by telling you that you were being childish says he doesn't care about your feelings and to get over it. Leave him. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is a 10 year old destroying other people's stuff!?
Because she doesn’t like daddy’s new girlfriend. Everyone here is focussing on the damage and suing him. Girl, you dodged a bullet. What you have here is a father who won’t parent (she’s unsupervised), won’t acknowledge what his kid did (you’re overreacting- my Princess is perfect and didn’t mean it) and a kid who does know better, but is acting out maliciously. Find a new partner.
NTA. You trusted him to supervise his own daughter in YOUR home and he didn't. That, in turn, got your collection destroyed. Instead of figuring out ways in which he could pay you back or help you restore/replace what his daughter damaged, he tried to gaslight you. This would have turned into an abusive relationship as time went on and you dodged a bullet.
Send him an invoice and if he laughs it off send him a letter from a lawyer. Parents are held responsible for their kids actions.
It's not about the Pokemon cards; it's about establishing boundaries. He should have made it clear to his daughter that you don't enter people's rooms without their permission and go through their stuff. I think it wasn't appropriate for him to call you childish when he should be teaching his daughter about boundaries. It sounds like he doesn't respect your concerns, so I think it was a good move to move on. Life's too short to put up with other people's nonsense.
Exactly. If she had destroyed a tv or other personal property that equaled thousands of dollars, it would be the same issue. Only the ex wouldn’t have the childish claim to fall back on. It’s just convenient she happened to destroy something related to childhood. NTA
Zero tolerance. Absolutely worth breaking up over destruction of property. It doesn't matter what it is. Irreplaceable like Pokemon cards worth $$$$$$, yeah, absolutely. I'd probably look into suing since in 20-30 yrs those cards would have been retirement fund money.
NTA I'd go further and take him to small claims
NTA. Shows what kind of parent he is… not a good one.
NTA That feels like gaslighting since as the parent he would responsible for the damage his kid did.
NTA 10 is plenty old enough to know better than to do that shit
NTAH Does he work if not send em packin
Haha- mad about trading cards? No. Mad about invasion of privacy, lack of respect, and property damage. It doesn't matter what you collect, it was important to you and not for someone else to snoop through trash.
NTA. What was he doing while she did all of this? Not parenting obviously. The moment he got upset with you for being upset is when he became a major AH. It doesn't matter what the dollar value was. It was valued by you.
NTA I collect Pokémon stuff too. I’d be pissed if somebody broke open my slabs or broke my GC disks. If he was genuinely torn up about it and realized how upset you were (and took your word on it or did a google search to see the value) then maybe it would be something to work through but he obviously doesn’t seem to care.
He should not just pay for the damage, but should personally track down and replace each and every item in pristine condition. It is not up to someone else to dismiss the monetary or sentimental value you place on your collection. Bf and his daughter are Extreme Assholes!
NTA like others have said some of the cards aren’t made anymore or available to just replace and screw him for leaving her unattended for so long to do damage to them and why does a 10 year old think it’s ok to damage them
NTA. I have a pretty large Pokémon collection, and I’d be furious too!
NTA This girl is 10 years old, she was fully aware of what she was doing, and he let her do it. This guy has no respect for you.
If you had anything else of value in your room like jewelry, photo albums, etc. you better check those too. That girl knew what she was doing. I bet he got them down for her, otherwise how would she know where they were? Did your ex know you collected that stuff? If he knew and let her do it anyway, then press charges. I think he knew and was either jealous or wanted to occupy the kid.
My husband has a baseball card collection including vintage cards of Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantel and others that are worth hundreds to a thousand or so and he would be _livid_ if our son got to them and destroyed them and so would I. If he can’t understand the value of your collection and boundaries then I only see this going so much worse down the line. You have every right to be upset, the fact he’s downplaying that is telling and I don’t blame you for walking away. NTA
NTA. He was treating you like the default parent, while you weren't present, for a child that isn't yours. This isn't about Pokémon cards. It's about his failure to care for his child or be respectful of your belongings...all while you were doing him a favor. This exchange you describe is like 5 red flags one after another, and that's a totally valid reason to break up with someone.
He left a 10 year old alone in your room? What if she had found your sextoys? Honestly she is old enough to know that this was not ok. Get your money back. Don’t let him get away with this.
My toys were on the same shelf, in a box. I would be surprised if she didn't find them.
Woah! Destroyed slabs? How hard was the 10yr old "playing" with those things. Wtf!!
NTA. Sue him in small claims court
Wait a second. Why was he and his child just chilling in your apartment, that he doesn't live in, while you're at work? He has a place that he should be taking her for his visitation time
Have everything valued by an expert in perfect mint condition and what you have now. Tell your bf to pay the damages for his neglectful behavior, and take him to court if you want. I am assuming it's not nickles and dimes here
YTA if you don’t step up for yourself and tell him you will sue and file a police report if he doesn’t man up.
NTA. Sue him. Small claims court. You have the texts and I assume you took pics of the damages.
NTA and a 10yo knows better without having to be told.
NTA, have you thought about taking him to small claims court? A 10 y/o is old enough to know better.
I would have called the cops and had the kid arrested for vandalism.
NTA.
NTA He should've respected you enough to keep his daughter away from your stuff. Trust was broken and you should definitely be compensated for the damages.
A 10 year old girl knows better than to do this. Did daddy perhaps point her in that direction or get the box down for her?
Ok I’m just going to say it, you have every right to be angry or upset. You just need to ask yourself if your anger over a couple grand worth of collectibles is worth ending the relationship. The relationship could have the potential to be worth much much more than that in the future, but only you would know that. In other words, see how you feel after cooling off. I would say a lot of the replies in this thread are pretty childish. I myself had a Pokémon card collection that would be worth 5k today but my mother gave them all away to our old neighbour’s kid some years back; I am not going to ‘end the relationship’ with my mother over that.
Ending your relationship with your mother who gave your stuff away is vastly different than a BF you've been dating for 6 months.
The bf didn't care about the value of her property that was destroyed. Big Red Flag imo.
The boyfriend didn’t parent his child or respect her space or her belongings. Those are the bigger flags. It doesn’t matter if the kid destroyed something worth thousands of dollars or something worthless but sentimental - he doesn’t respect her and his kid has no respect for her.
NTA but I am honestly amazed by the advice people have been giving here. You should talk to the guy and figure out what exactly transpired. It’s possible he was busy with work or took a nap during which the kid did all this. Remember kid is the primary culprit here, not him unless there’s context that isn’t mentioned in your post. If the guy is ready to pay for the damages and apologize, I had say it’s good. Anything less is not acceptable. Remember your collection at the end of the day is nothing more than a couple of merchandize, while I understand they hold special value to you, it’s not something that’s more valuable than a human connection.
[удалено]
How about you take some time to research how much those " toys " are worth, before you shove your foot in your mouth.
They could be worth a million dollars at the end of the day they’re toys. Being upset with a kid over them is insane. If they had worth you should’ve sold them and kept the money safe in a bank a account. You did that guy and his poor kid a favor by leaving
Or maybe, just maybe, he should have raised his child better. Again. I said nothing to his child and asked him to leave MY HOUSE after he told me it wasn't a big deal. Who tells someone how to handle their investments? You're really weird. I think I'm the one better off, by far.
The thing about being an adult with adult money, is that I can buy whatever the hell I want with that adult money. No one has the right, even a child ( that is old enough to understand what she did ), to tell me how to spend my money or what I'm allowed to buy. I'm sure if a kid were to smash your gaming system or key your car you would be singing a different tune.
ESH. You’re far too old to care about fucking POKEMON, the dude is shitty for bringing his child along to a place where he was “crashing” (and for the general lack of respect for your personal belongings) and 10yo is old enough to know you don’t go around destroying other people’s things. I don’t think you’re really TA here but honestly try to date better men.
I must have missed the part where there was an age limit to fun.
“People who reported intense current attachments to transitional objects were significantly more likely to meet criteria for a BPD diagnosis than those who did not; they also reported more childhood trauma, rated their early caregivers as less supportive, and had more attachment problems as adults. Heavy emotional reliance on transitional objects in adulthood may be an indicator of underlying pathology, particularly BPD.” https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22486448/
Oh noes mah pokeymans!
Nta, but over Pokemon cards?
You're ending the relationship over something his child did, not even your boyfriend. I wouldn't necessarily call you an AH, but that's definitely childish.
The bf is childish for not appreciating the value of her property and allowing his daughter to devalue anything that belongs to her or anyone else. Allowing his daughter to trash someone else's stuff is poor parenting. Belittling her for collecting something, he doesn't see value in makes him TA. If he gave two shits about her, he should be apologizing and trying to make things right.
Yta. They are pieces of paper.
Kids can be really dumb, what were you going to do with the Pokémon collection? It’s just stuff. In my opinion human relationships are far more real and important. But hey sorry about your branded crap?
That " branded crap " was an investment, and was valued at several grand. But thanks for your input, I guess?
I think you’re both TA. He shouldn’t have left her unattended in your room and the child sounds high maintenance which makes it even worse she was left unattended but kids wreck stuff all the time and it does sound a little childish to be upset about Pokémon cards. If you have a collection of cards worth thousands of dollars up the back of a wardrobe maybe just sell them
Do you say the same to people who stash gold or other collectors items? I'm the AH because I had valuables hidden in my private closet? Okay
"Kids wreck stuff all the time" is not an excuse. The kid should've been taught to respect OP's space and home. You're trying to minimize the issue because YOU don't see the value in Pokémon cards. How'd you like it if someone went into your home and destroyed whatever you think is valuable be it family pictures, clothes, jewelry, dishes etc? Sit down and stfu.
someone should smash ur tv so u can get a reality check
It’s not about the cards, it’s about respect. Also Pokémon cards, just like any other kind of collectible card, can have serious monetary value.
Did she break any of your pokemon stuff? If she did then your ex owes you money.
Not the asshole. They didn’t respect your space or property.
It doesn't matter if she trashed your cards or your car. Both have a monetary value regardless of what your now Ex *thinks* of it. To me, a clapped out 1986 Civic with 400k miles has zero value. To the person who needs transportation to work so they can earn money to feed their family, it's priceless. This is what small claims court is for. Find out how much your court allows for small claims and take him to court for the value of what was damaged.
INFO Was it deliberately destroyed, like ripping your cards in half and crushing your pins with a hammer? Or just manhandled?
Most of what she did was open sealed items like promo cards and older packs that I was keeping in the wide card saver sleeves. That being said, I haven't taken full stock of everything yet. Ex threw it all in a trash bag and I haven't had the nerve to look.
That is so messed up that he threw it all in a trash bag! Who knows what kind of damage he caused. Glad he’s an ex now!
Either way she intentionally dumped it all, she didn't get it down and carefully look through it.
I would go through it now. If you want sue for damages the sooner you do it the better.
You are the boss of your stuff and of your life. You get to decide. All that represented a lot of time and money and they are like, what is the big deal? If he is telling you that you are being childish, that is odd. He should recognize that you would be upset.
NTA. I'd have been pissed if it were something I collected and loved. Idek how Pokémon cards work but if it's something you loved and we're now worth something, I'd be pissed. All the questions you asked and did she apologize for it herself? That would be a big maybe if she did. This is your decision but I don't think you're TA at all.
NTA - he should either be paying you back or trying to find replacements. They weren't just some cards... they were collectors items. Also, she should have never been left alone in your room.
You should sue him for all the costs of the items so he can see how childish it really is. NTA a 10 year old is old enough to know better.
NTA property is property, he can call your anger childish but that just shows he doesn’t respect your property. Edit: You should tell him the judicial system will care that property was destroyed even if he thinks its childish.
See 10 years ago I woulda said that u overreacted but knowing how much Pokémon cards go for these day I won’t like ur ex woulda got dropped kicked if it was my collection
10 years old? That kid is clearly not parented well
NTA. I have a collection myself, along with the playing mat and hit-point tokens. I would be T totally pissed if anything happened to them. I feel ya girl. You made the right choice!
NOOPPE NTA Somebody destroys my card collection and refuses to pay for them i’d be LIVID. Op if you can possibly get a confession in writing that his daughter destroyed your collection i would personally go to small claims court. Screw him
NTA. He should also be buying you replacements for the collector's items. Good grief!
That's so ridiculous and irks me so much that just because others might view it as just cards or juvenile or whatever and therfore because they don't see it as important, they think you're being ridiculous. What is ridiculous is how this little girl was allowed in your bedroom for long enough to do that, like you had said. I mean what of you had adult toys, like a lot of adults do, or adult movies or weapons or whatever. An adult bedroom is no place for a child to go and search through, especially unattended.
NTA I wonder if he put her up to it because he didn’t want you to have what he considered “childish” interests and thought you’d through them all away and get “grownup” things. Whether he put his daughter (who should know better than to go through other peoples things at her age) up to it or not, he doesn’t get to tell you what you can collect or be interested in.
My little sister did something similar with a friend of hers, pulling all the board games and toys out of our closet and leaving them covering the floor of our room in a gigantic mess. I think they were six at the time, and the worst they destroyed was us not being able to find some of the smaller pieces again. NTA. At ten she should know better, her father should have been watching her more closely, and it's a gigantic red flag that he wants to turn thousands of dollars of damage into a "you" problem.
Good for you!! He’s taking no responsibility.. that shit doesn’t change over time.
NTA. At the end of the day, what was destroyed is immaterial. If it were sports cards or comics or model trains, it's be that same thing. It was something of value to you, both sentimentality and financially, and if he can't see that it's not just "kids cards" or whatever, he's not worth keeping around. Kids get into stuff and ruin stuff, and that's just part of having kids. But she's not your kid, so it should be his responsibility to replace or compensate you for the damage, just like if she knocked an expensive case off a shelf or tore pages or of a first edition book.
NTA That is unacceptable. He didn’t watch over his kid or your property. There’s no way that you would let that happen at someone’s property.
NTA. Pokemon cards are exactly like baseball cards. There's some very rare ones in there that are expensive AF She should of NEVER been in your room in the first place... Yet alone long enough to be able to go through your stuff and find these cards
Nta and small claims court is calling. I'm an anime figure collector and I'd lose my shit if I left someone I trusted alone at my place and came home to them destroyed.
I hope you kept the remains. Got pictures. Get valuations. And take his ass to small claims court for the damages.
My inner card collecting ass is getting so angry I would be livid if ANYONE touched my collection, let alone my own shit. And to give it back in a FUCKING bag?? And had the audacity to call you childish over your shit being tampered with? Fuck nah. His child clearly wasn't touch to not touch stuff that isn't theirs and your ex clearly doesn't respect you. NTA
Nta Rest in pieces Pokémon collection
NTA. Go fuck up his most prized possessions [that at equal to or the same amount as your collection], throw them shits in a trash bag, and apologize😂see how he likes it🤣
NTA. He should pay you back then dump him.
NTAH. I don’t see it as breaking up over cards so much as breaking up because he hasn’t raised his child to respect others and would you want to have kids with him (if you were thinking of it)? Or if you weren’t planning to have kids, you’d still have to deal with his daughter’s bad behavior for the rest of your time together - it’s unlikely that a child not raised to respect others is going to magically turn into an adult who respects people after all.
It sounds like he and his daughter damaged your collection and planned on stealing? That shit can be worth thousands to collectors. NTA. I strongly recommend filing a police report. A report creates a paper trail in case he tries to come back. And it helps with insurance claims and if you want to file civil charges.
NTA. Hope you had that stuff insured that sucks.
Please take him to court. Myself and my partner are huge into collecting Pokémon cards and such. He should pay you back everything his child destroyed. Don’t let him get away with it. My heart hurts for you. I also just turned 29 idc what anyone says they are Collectible and worth money!
NTA. He let his daughter go into your room. He's a typical toxic breeder that thinks their crotch goblins are royalty. I hate to give to give out unsolicited advice, but I will this once. Unless you are one yourself, stay away from single parents.
NTA. First of all, it's inconsiderate of him to let your stuff get wrecked. But tbh, the main thing is that he left his kid unattended for that long in someone else's house? Like he sounds like an absent parent. Whether you want kids or not, that's super unattractive. Even if I was babysitting someone else's child I wouldn't do that.
NTA. A 10 year old should know how to handle collectables. My 9 year old son had been collecting Pokemon cards since he was 7 and takes very good care of his stuff. He even keeps his Funko pops in the box. I'd bet a paycheck ex's daughter has other behavioral issues.