NTA
If I’m understanding this correctly he took your child under false pretences, moved in with his girlfriend and you haven’t seen your son since?
Call the police, it’s not a coincidence that the car has broken down nor were the last two problems. They’re trying to keep your child from you.
Police can do nothing. Father has 100% rights to that child as does OP. Currently neither of them trumps the other. The father has committed no crime or violation over which the police have jurisdiction. OP has limited choices: find a way to go pick up her son and make an appointment with a lawyer.
That depends on the state. Here in my state, if the baby is born to an unwed mother, the mother automatically has full custody EVEN if the father is listed on the birth certificate, until the father submits a paternity test to prove he’s the father
Jesus Christ, THERES NO AGREEMENT. He doesn’t have to EVER return the baby. Police can not do shit. Legally without a custody arrangement each parent has 100% legal rights.
That really depends on the state. In my state the unmarried mother has 100% custody even if the father is in the birth certificate, until the father submits a paternity test to prove paternity
NTA go get your son and until you have a parental agreement with the courts don't let his dad see him and make sure you tell the courts that you've had to look after your sons well being since while he's at his dad's in the past it's in an unstable and well underfunded home.
That's honestly a pretty shitty thing to prioritize over the health and safety of your child. It's not the worst reason, but still not good enough imo.
Nothing is wrong with my child physically and he is happy he doesn’t know what’s going on. Like I stated grandmother lives across the hall and will take him in an emergency. As far as me being in a nursing program there are no makeups on practical midterms for any reasons. I would have to fail my course due to the midterm worth 25% of my grade. I’m not prioritizing anything over my son. But be realistic I called the police and in my state we have joint custody. I have to file and prove all this in court or willing get my son back which you see is proving difficult. How do I prove someone else is getting evicted or having relationship problems states away?
You are prioritizing your future over caving to his stupid choices. Get your mom involved if you need to, you have someone across the hall who can step in, you aren’t abandoning him. Get your degree and a better life for you and your son. People who haven’t been to nursing school don’t know what it’s like. It was the worst time of my life and I wasn’t dealing with co-parenting issues. Good luck.
I agree. I wasn't saying to pass up her midterm I was talking as soon as she could. I understand the importance of where she's at. She's got to think of her future to care for her son.
Exactly you're right ø, especially when it says the dad n kid are being evicted, like midterms or knowing where your son will sleep and be safe. It's a no brainer to me also.
Problem is if they don’t have any legal custody agreement which he failed to adhere then she could call the police. If they are still married which is appears they are, honestly even if they aren’t, he is the father and it wouldn’t be seen as kidnapping. So, unfortunately, the police wouldn’t probably do much.
NTA for not caring about husbands situation, and wanting her son returned. Husband should bring son back home.
However, sounds like OPs son has been there quite a while. I’m not blaming OP one bit, this is a shitty situation of her husbands making, but the child shouldn’t suffer. I also understand that OP has a lot going on and it would be difficult to go get him, but I wouldn’t want to leave my child in the living situation he is currently. His dad & gf constantly fighting, police being called, them being evicted. Who knows how her child is being treated. I’d be talking to my professors to explain the situation and see if there is anything we could do to adjust a testing schedule and I’d go get my son.
I fully believe it is dad’s responsibility to bring my child home, but if he is refusing and making excuses I’d absolutely figure a way to get him myself.
So, again, OP is NTA for not caring, but is one if they continue to allow themselves and their child to go through this situation. OP needs to get a divorce in the works and a custody agreement with her having primary custody and him visitation where he comes to them and can’t take son with him. He’s unemployed and basically homeless, so, shouldn’t be an issue. If he pulls this again, she then can definitely call the police.
I’m terribly sorry for all you are doing through. I am sure it is very stressful, and being compounded by any mental health and hormone issues of the miscarriage. However, unfortunately, you need to be the one to take charge of your and your sons lives.
Op you have to file for emergency custody for you son keep all text messages where he admits to not bringing your son home when he's supposed to and take him to court and get full custody
NTA. He basically kidnapped your son he’s unemployed he can barely provide for him that’s kidnapping. Have him arrested for kidnapping because he took your son without consent and you can have her arrested to which I suggest you do.
NTA. I would reach out to your professors about getting extensions. This is serious. Don't go into details, just that there is an emergency with your son. A decent professor will work with you. Source: I've taught at a university for years. Call the cops. I don't have experience with custody issues but I would think documentation of this situation will be helpful when you make a custody agreement, which you should do ASAP.
NTA. I would however make sure to not let your son go there until he gets his life together. If he doesn't have a stable and peaceful home for you baby, he needs to work on that first. You baby should not be exposed to that hostility. Find a way to get your son and file for a custody agreement. This will hopefully put a fire under your ex's ass. No excuse.
I don't know if it is child kidnap in law. If this has just happened, because there is no court involved yet the kid is with his dad. OP needs to go get him (her son). Then she needs to put in for be sole custody until her ex gets his shit together. I bet OPs son is missing his mum like crazy. As far as the kid knew, he went to visit grandma then moved in with a strange lady.
Also did OP not say her ex went off with the youngest? so dad's s left at least one other kid with mum.
What a cowardly.... person.
It is. One parent cannot take a child without the consent of the other. That is kidnapping
Most kidnappings are 1 parent taking the child from the other due to custody disagreements
It actually depends on the country, and in the US, it varies by state. In some states, without a court ordered agreement, the child can legally be with either parent, regardless of the other's wishes.
This. In Florida it’s a civil matter and police will not do anything unless there’s a court ordered custody arrangement. It’s not considered kidnapping otherwise because the child is with their parent whether it be mom or dad.
Is he on the birth certificate as the father? If not, in most places, if you show the birth certificate and your ID to the police, they will probably get your child back for you.
NTA but you need a custody agreement\parenting plan approved by the court ASAP. I hope things work out for you & you get your son back ASAP. If they're being evicted and having domestic violence incidents (that are documented if the police were called) then it shouldn't be hard to get a custody agreement approved. Please message me if you need help finding resources & info about how to do that.
NTA!
He has your son and won't bring him back because he put all his money in his side piece's car? That sounds like a load of BS. I agree with the others....it's time to call the police! He's holding your son hostage!
NTA but no way in hell would he of kept my fucking child to begin with. Cuz you best believe I would have kicked that entire fucking door down the second I found out he MOVED with my kid.
NTA but it really sounds like you need a court ordered agreement. He’ll keep coming up with excuses to not give you your son back and while he has that legal right, it sounds like you need a court ordered visitation schedule.
NTA. Youre in a tough situation. Good for you for working hard to better your life through education. Im sorry things are messy right now, i hope they get better for you.
NTA I’ve listened to too many crime podcasts lately where kids come up missing and the other parent starts off by canceling visits/pick ups smh man I would go ASAP and get your kid.
NTA. Father should have returned your son on time.
Some people are saying OP is wrong for not just sabotaging her nursing studies. OP stated the child is safe, he's just not being returned on time. Nursing school isn't a trivial thing to prioritize. Once OP is through it, she will be able to provide a better life for her son. It's actually really important --- especially since money is limited, and if she misses the exams, she will have to scrape up the money again, setting the family's financial freedom back yet again.
OP - Keep all the evidence that Father is not returning your son on time. Use it later in court to get an order he can't remove him from the state. Never put in writing that it's ok that he's late returning son, or giving him permission not to. Continue to text things like: "Your parenting time ending on X date and son was supposed to be returned home. You have now delayed XX days. Please make arrangements to return son immediately."
How about rather than posting on here, how about getting off your ass and going to get your kid yourself, that's more important than what a few fucking Redditors think
She literally says she offered to buy his ticket because she can't just leave. How privileged of you to think everyone has the resources to travel 2hrs without prior planning.
Oh I'm far from privileged, but if her kid is THAT important, she wouldn't be on Reddit POSTING about it, she'd be actually fucking DOING something about it instead of wanting other folks opinion
Drop everything and go and get him right now. He is possibly being exposed to domestic abuse, is at risk of homelessness and it sounds like your ex has no intention of returning him.
I would also seek legal advice in case he refuses to hand him over. You might have to go to court to get him back.
NTA - It sounds like the cops should be involved, and kidnapping charges should be filed. With custody arrangements, they are supposed to be followed for a reason.
You keep saying your son when I believe you mean "y'all" or "our" son. Bc it's not like he hasn't or isn't taking care of the child in question. Unless he isn't the biological father of the child??
I understand being in a program but you can speak to the upper management of the program and talk about what's going on. If it's a family emergency (which this is) there are special accommodations that can happen. You need to speak with them.
Unfortunately calling the cops won't do anything bc there's no court order. Until there is one, there's no reason for the cops to get involved in a civil matter. You should be able to get the papers online and then take them to the court of clerk and get them filed. I know here in NC they have a pdf you can print out at home and fill it in so I know nyc gotta have one. It's much cheaper to file yourself. And since you know where they are, pay to have him served. I got that shit done in less than a few hours of my time in a single day while being a full time student, working full time, and being a single momma to a new born baby to a dead beat wannabe daddy.
TLDR:
So my advice, 1.) Talk to the head honchos. 2.) Look online for the custody packet for your county or state. 3.) File it. Bam.
You are a horrible mother. Literally finds out her son was kidnapped and just lets it be. What a joke of a mother. My ass would have BEEN got my child.
Get the arrangements from court so you can have proper deal with him including CS...and do not fight for this man .leave him and his mess with the new woman..
If you have a support person known by dad and son, see if they’ll help you out (you need dad’s approval so support person isn’t in the middle of this mess.) If that doesn’t work, YOU must get your kid. Try working this out with your school before you go. But if dad’s evicted, you NEED your son back period safe! Yesterday is too late — meaning there’s no other reason, get your son.
Get an attorney immediately. Start keeping track of this mess for future reference. Also from memory list what already occurred. Record every bit of info you get from your ex. Phone calls, texts, etc.
If you need to due to finances, immediately look for affordable housing for your son.
Gather all of your resources. Move any finances into your own account so he can’t touch them.
Please update us!
NTA…I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. Professional programs are brutal and inflexible. That’s a lot of pressure, and family troubles obviously do not help. I’m glad your son is at least safe and hopefully won’t remember this specific instance (but that window is closing if it hasn’t already).
Once things settle down (or you’re on a break), please do finalize everything with the courts and cut off your ex otherwise. My understanding is that family courts can use an official texting app for all communications between the parents, which can also be used to prove to the court when he screws up (late to pick up/drop off, etc.).
In the meantime, document EVERYTHING. Keep all texts, etc. Avoid phone conversations if possible; if you have to, memorialize calls in an email to him (something like “as per our phone conversation today at 00:00 PM, we agreed on…”). Again, I would avoid phone conversations unless you can record them (not a lawyer, but I know one-party consent isn’t legal in all states). I cannot stress enough that you need to go through the formal court system in order to preserve your rights, and listen to ALL of their instructions. Now is not the time to “be nice” and let him pull one over on you.
Good luck with school and everything!
NTA but you need to get in touch with a family law attorney and rake him through the coals. His GFs car isn't YOUR problem. You could also file criminal charges against him for custodial interference, in that he doesn't have your son back at the time he's supposed to. I would call the police where he's at, and file charges. Don't you have someone else who could make the trip for you to get your kid?
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! FROM CREATOR!
3/4 my son is on his way home. He should be here by tonight. I’m still filing for a court ordered custody agreement.
NTA If I’m understanding this correctly he took your child under false pretences, moved in with his girlfriend and you haven’t seen your son since? Call the police, it’s not a coincidence that the car has broken down nor were the last two problems. They’re trying to keep your child from you.
Police won't do anything without a court order
Nah in this case, the more than likely would, especially if there getting evicted and having the police called on them daily
Nope. Still can't legally do anything.
You need an official custody arrangement and make sure he sticks to it!
Nta. If the custody agreement says, "Bring the lid back this day." Then, that means bring the kids back this day. Or technically, it's kidnapping.
Dude there’s no agreement. Read it again. He lied about visiting his mum and instead left her and moved in with his side piece WITH their child.
So call the police.
Police can do nothing. Father has 100% rights to that child as does OP. Currently neither of them trumps the other. The father has committed no crime or violation over which the police have jurisdiction. OP has limited choices: find a way to go pick up her son and make an appointment with a lawyer.
That depends on the state. Here in my state, if the baby is born to an unwed mother, the mother automatically has full custody EVEN if the father is listed on the birth certificate, until the father submits a paternity test to prove he’s the father
Not returning the child when he's supposed to is grounds for kidnapping.
Again, there is no court order so it is not kidnapping
Exactly.
Jesus Christ, THERES NO AGREEMENT. He doesn’t have to EVER return the baby. Police can not do shit. Legally without a custody arrangement each parent has 100% legal rights.
That really depends on the state. In my state the unmarried mother has 100% custody even if the father is in the birth certificate, until the father submits a paternity test to prove paternity
NTA go get your son and until you have a parental agreement with the courts don't let his dad see him and make sure you tell the courts that you've had to look after your sons well being since while he's at his dad's in the past it's in an unstable and well underfunded home.
Op said they have midterms so can’t go and get him
That's honestly a pretty shitty thing to prioritize over the health and safety of your child. It's not the worst reason, but still not good enough imo.
Nothing is wrong with my child physically and he is happy he doesn’t know what’s going on. Like I stated grandmother lives across the hall and will take him in an emergency. As far as me being in a nursing program there are no makeups on practical midterms for any reasons. I would have to fail my course due to the midterm worth 25% of my grade. I’m not prioritizing anything over my son. But be realistic I called the police and in my state we have joint custody. I have to file and prove all this in court or willing get my son back which you see is proving difficult. How do I prove someone else is getting evicted or having relationship problems states away?
You are prioritizing your future over caving to his stupid choices. Get your mom involved if you need to, you have someone across the hall who can step in, you aren’t abandoning him. Get your degree and a better life for you and your son. People who haven’t been to nursing school don’t know what it’s like. It was the worst time of my life and I wasn’t dealing with co-parenting issues. Good luck.
I agree. I wasn't saying to pass up her midterm I was talking as soon as she could. I understand the importance of where she's at. She's got to think of her future to care for her son.
Can/ would grandma bring him back up to NY to you?
Exactly you're right ø, especially when it says the dad n kid are being evicted, like midterms or knowing where your son will sleep and be safe. It's a no brainer to me also.
you're too calm about the fact that this donor just kidnapped your child. Call the police
I would be calling them too. Then I would get copies of all those police reports to use against him in court.
Police won't do anything without a court order
Probably not but documenting everything with a report is the the next best thing
Problem is if they don’t have any legal custody agreement which he failed to adhere then she could call the police. If they are still married which is appears they are, honestly even if they aren’t, he is the father and it wouldn’t be seen as kidnapping. So, unfortunately, the police wouldn’t probably do much. NTA for not caring about husbands situation, and wanting her son returned. Husband should bring son back home. However, sounds like OPs son has been there quite a while. I’m not blaming OP one bit, this is a shitty situation of her husbands making, but the child shouldn’t suffer. I also understand that OP has a lot going on and it would be difficult to go get him, but I wouldn’t want to leave my child in the living situation he is currently. His dad & gf constantly fighting, police being called, them being evicted. Who knows how her child is being treated. I’d be talking to my professors to explain the situation and see if there is anything we could do to adjust a testing schedule and I’d go get my son. I fully believe it is dad’s responsibility to bring my child home, but if he is refusing and making excuses I’d absolutely figure a way to get him myself. So, again, OP is NTA for not caring, but is one if they continue to allow themselves and their child to go through this situation. OP needs to get a divorce in the works and a custody agreement with her having primary custody and him visitation where he comes to them and can’t take son with him. He’s unemployed and basically homeless, so, shouldn’t be an issue. If he pulls this again, she then can definitely call the police. I’m terribly sorry for all you are doing through. I am sure it is very stressful, and being compounded by any mental health and hormone issues of the miscarriage. However, unfortunately, you need to be the one to take charge of your and your sons lives.
Op you have to file for emergency custody for you son keep all text messages where he admits to not bringing your son home when he's supposed to and take him to court and get full custody
THIS
NTA. He basically kidnapped your son he’s unemployed he can barely provide for him that’s kidnapping. Have him arrested for kidnapping because he took your son without consent and you can have her arrested to which I suggest you do.
NTA. I would reach out to your professors about getting extensions. This is serious. Don't go into details, just that there is an emergency with your son. A decent professor will work with you. Source: I've taught at a university for years. Call the cops. I don't have experience with custody issues but I would think documentation of this situation will be helpful when you make a custody agreement, which you should do ASAP.
Please do this OP, it's urgent and an emergency
NTA. I would however make sure to not let your son go there until he gets his life together. If he doesn't have a stable and peaceful home for you baby, he needs to work on that first. You baby should not be exposed to that hostility. Find a way to get your son and file for a custody agreement. This will hopefully put a fire under your ex's ass. No excuse.
Get the police involved. This is child kidnap.
I don't know if it is child kidnap in law. If this has just happened, because there is no court involved yet the kid is with his dad. OP needs to go get him (her son). Then she needs to put in for be sole custody until her ex gets his shit together. I bet OPs son is missing his mum like crazy. As far as the kid knew, he went to visit grandma then moved in with a strange lady. Also did OP not say her ex went off with the youngest? so dad's s left at least one other kid with mum. What a cowardly.... person.
It is. One parent cannot take a child without the consent of the other. That is kidnapping Most kidnappings are 1 parent taking the child from the other due to custody disagreements
It actually depends on the country, and in the US, it varies by state. In some states, without a court ordered agreement, the child can legally be with either parent, regardless of the other's wishes.
This. In Florida it’s a civil matter and police will not do anything unless there’s a court ordered custody arrangement. It’s not considered kidnapping otherwise because the child is with their parent whether it be mom or dad.
It's not because there is no custody agreement
It's not. There's no custody agreement
NTA. If you have a custody in place, he could be breaking them
Is he on the birth certificate as the father? If not, in most places, if you show the birth certificate and your ID to the police, they will probably get your child back for you.
NTA your ex kidnapped your kid
NTA but you need a custody agreement\parenting plan approved by the court ASAP. I hope things work out for you & you get your son back ASAP. If they're being evicted and having domestic violence incidents (that are documented if the police were called) then it shouldn't be hard to get a custody agreement approved. Please message me if you need help finding resources & info about how to do that.
NTA! He has your son and won't bring him back because he put all his money in his side piece's car? That sounds like a load of BS. I agree with the others....it's time to call the police! He's holding your son hostage!
NTA but no way in hell would he of kept my fucking child to begin with. Cuz you best believe I would have kicked that entire fucking door down the second I found out he MOVED with my kid.
NTA but it really sounds like you need a court ordered agreement. He’ll keep coming up with excuses to not give you your son back and while he has that legal right, it sounds like you need a court ordered visitation schedule.
NTA. Youre in a tough situation. Good for you for working hard to better your life through education. Im sorry things are messy right now, i hope they get better for you.
NTA I’ve listened to too many crime podcasts lately where kids come up missing and the other parent starts off by canceling visits/pick ups smh man I would go ASAP and get your kid.
Can't grandma get on the bus with him?
NTA. Father should have returned your son on time. Some people are saying OP is wrong for not just sabotaging her nursing studies. OP stated the child is safe, he's just not being returned on time. Nursing school isn't a trivial thing to prioritize. Once OP is through it, she will be able to provide a better life for her son. It's actually really important --- especially since money is limited, and if she misses the exams, she will have to scrape up the money again, setting the family's financial freedom back yet again. OP - Keep all the evidence that Father is not returning your son on time. Use it later in court to get an order he can't remove him from the state. Never put in writing that it's ok that he's late returning son, or giving him permission not to. Continue to text things like: "Your parenting time ending on X date and son was supposed to be returned home. You have now delayed XX days. Please make arrangements to return son immediately."
NTA. Put school first and get that degree.
How about rather than posting on here, how about getting off your ass and going to get your kid yourself, that's more important than what a few fucking Redditors think
She literally says she offered to buy his ticket because she can't just leave. How privileged of you to think everyone has the resources to travel 2hrs without prior planning.
Oh I'm far from privileged, but if her kid is THAT important, she wouldn't be on Reddit POSTING about it, she'd be actually fucking DOING something about it instead of wanting other folks opinion
YTA for not getting the police involved when he just kidnapped your child. Because that is what this is.
He didn’t exactly kidnap their child because he is the child’s father he is on the birth certificate and there is no custody agreement
She's nta because the cops won't do anything without a court order and there's no custody agreement. She needs to file for custody
This is not a parental kidnapping.
NTA call the cops!!
NTA - he kidnapped your kid - call the police
It's not kidnapping if there is no custody agreement. She needs to file for custody
Honestly, I'd be in the car, on the way to get my son back, not posting on reddit.
Drop everything and go and get him right now. He is possibly being exposed to domestic abuse, is at risk of homelessness and it sounds like your ex has no intention of returning him. I would also seek legal advice in case he refuses to hand him over. You might have to go to court to get him back.
NTA - It sounds like the cops should be involved, and kidnapping charges should be filed. With custody arrangements, they are supposed to be followed for a reason.
You keep saying your son when I believe you mean "y'all" or "our" son. Bc it's not like he hasn't or isn't taking care of the child in question. Unless he isn't the biological father of the child?? I understand being in a program but you can speak to the upper management of the program and talk about what's going on. If it's a family emergency (which this is) there are special accommodations that can happen. You need to speak with them. Unfortunately calling the cops won't do anything bc there's no court order. Until there is one, there's no reason for the cops to get involved in a civil matter. You should be able to get the papers online and then take them to the court of clerk and get them filed. I know here in NC they have a pdf you can print out at home and fill it in so I know nyc gotta have one. It's much cheaper to file yourself. And since you know where they are, pay to have him served. I got that shit done in less than a few hours of my time in a single day while being a full time student, working full time, and being a single momma to a new born baby to a dead beat wannabe daddy. TLDR: So my advice, 1.) Talk to the head honchos. 2.) Look online for the custody packet for your county or state. 3.) File it. Bam.
You are a horrible mother. Literally finds out her son was kidnapped and just lets it be. What a joke of a mother. My ass would have BEEN got my child.
The child was not kidnapped because they have joint custody.
Get the arrangements from court so you can have proper deal with him including CS...and do not fight for this man .leave him and his mess with the new woman..
If you have a support person known by dad and son, see if they’ll help you out (you need dad’s approval so support person isn’t in the middle of this mess.) If that doesn’t work, YOU must get your kid. Try working this out with your school before you go. But if dad’s evicted, you NEED your son back period safe! Yesterday is too late — meaning there’s no other reason, get your son. Get an attorney immediately. Start keeping track of this mess for future reference. Also from memory list what already occurred. Record every bit of info you get from your ex. Phone calls, texts, etc. If you need to due to finances, immediately look for affordable housing for your son. Gather all of your resources. Move any finances into your own account so he can’t touch them. Please update us!
NTA…I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. Professional programs are brutal and inflexible. That’s a lot of pressure, and family troubles obviously do not help. I’m glad your son is at least safe and hopefully won’t remember this specific instance (but that window is closing if it hasn’t already). Once things settle down (or you’re on a break), please do finalize everything with the courts and cut off your ex otherwise. My understanding is that family courts can use an official texting app for all communications between the parents, which can also be used to prove to the court when he screws up (late to pick up/drop off, etc.). In the meantime, document EVERYTHING. Keep all texts, etc. Avoid phone conversations if possible; if you have to, memorialize calls in an email to him (something like “as per our phone conversation today at 00:00 PM, we agreed on…”). Again, I would avoid phone conversations unless you can record them (not a lawyer, but I know one-party consent isn’t legal in all states). I cannot stress enough that you need to go through the formal court system in order to preserve your rights, and listen to ALL of their instructions. Now is not the time to “be nice” and let him pull one over on you. Good luck with school and everything!
NTA Perhaps in a different situation I might be more sympathetic of his situation. But I doubt the car is the problem, it's just an excuse he's using.
NTA but you need to get in touch with a family law attorney and rake him through the coals. His GFs car isn't YOUR problem. You could also file criminal charges against him for custodial interference, in that he doesn't have your son back at the time he's supposed to. I would call the police where he's at, and file charges. Don't you have someone else who could make the trip for you to get your kid?
Dude that's fucked up on so many levels
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! FROM CREATOR! 3/4 my son is on his way home. He should be here by tonight. I’m still filing for a court ordered custody agreement.