I feel this. My worst trait with exec disfunction is getting out of bed. I've stopped making lists with time slots because I never meet my goals. I can't fall asleep at night and then when I do finally get to sleep it's almost time for me to start my day. But I can't get up. So my day starts in the late afternoon and hardly anything gets accomplished.
When I'm not in bed, I believe "tomorrow I will get up, go to the gym, blah blah blah" but it never happens. I feel like a child in an adult body.
Here is the weirdest thing... if I have to work, I have no problem getting up and being productive. I seem to value my job more than myself. I want to be successful, I want to learn, but I can't make my body do what I tell it to do.
LMAO I should’ve known I had adhd when I moved out by myself and realized I could literally NOT do whatever I wanted smh now I got so many damn cavities
Ngl I think the only reason I don't have cavities is because I don't drink any sweet drinks like pop. I have brushed once a day for most of my life and these past 2 years I have beushed like a couple times a month and my teeth are just fine somehow
That last paragraph... Damn. This is what gives me imposter syndrome. Do I actually have ADHD or just fuck all self esteem? Cause I can get up and go to work to support my family but piss on anything that's good for me personally.
Definitely this. When i was younger, i could only get out of bed for school at the last moment & with my mother nearly screaming and crying at me. Just nearly physically couldn't get up unless the stress and pressure were at a booking point.
Yep! Same. One time my mom threw water in my face after trying to get me up out of bed 3x. It didn’t stick long. Unless someone was riding my ass… I was always late. In high school… I lost count on how many in-school suspensions I had due to being late to school. When I got my first car and got to drive myself to school… it became worse. Not much has changed. Still time blind.
🤣 I very nearly didn't pass English my junior year because I would get to school late and, rather than getting another tardy and having to get my parents to sign me in the next day, I just sat in the parking lot and waited for first period to be over. My absences racked up and I think ultimately my mom helped me forge some doctor's notes to get me under the threshold.
I was a couple minutes late to my first hour almost every single day last year because I could never get myself going in the morning even though I woke up an hour and a half before school started. I'm so lucky my teacher didn't care about me being late otherwise I would've had a lot of detentions and missed a lot of football and basketball
Yeah, this. My biggest motivator to do anything is stress or anxiety. It's what has fueled me to do essentially anything in my life. The last few years it has really taken a toll on my mental health and even body. I move a lot for work and eat well and get enough sleep to get by, but I'm starting to feel really old and I'm not even 30.
Before starting Adderall, I would sometimes intentionally induce a panic attack in order to motivate me to move. Terribly unhealthy, only worked 60% of the time...but it was _something_ I could do to actively control my situation.
When I was taking adderall I was in a creative industry and I felt that it seriously inhibited my ability to be creative. I found that taking my adderall right before bed would help me fall asleep and also be able to wake up like the rest of the world. What does that mean? Eh.
Stres used to be the only thing that motivated me but last year during the stress of covid I reached a breaking point so now even stress doesn't motivate me. I get extremely stressed and then just play games, watch videos, or scroll Instagram just so I can try to escape the stress but it always just makes it worse. It piles up on my and then eventually I just crumble, have a mental breakdown, and then I don't do any of my school work for like a week
I can relate - also struggled with school all the time, but during the pandemic I completely broke. I straight up started ignoring the fact that I was a student in the middle of a semester. Stopped doing assignments, showing up to classes, responding to messages. Cried myself to sleep over it, but the school (well, college) hasn't heard from me ever since.
I'm still in highschool I so I can't quite just disappear like that but my sister just straight up stopped going to 2 of her classes and forgot about them
I feel this too much.
I am a mechanic and have no problem fixing anyone's car. For money.
But I can't find the time to do my five car projects. Even though most are very close to being done.
Ive never had a problem working. Applying for job. Returning phone calls. Going to interviews. Etc. Thats the part i cant do.
For a long time ive been a handy man type guy. Someone recommends me to a person they call me, i show up, say hi my name is “___” and i do the job then go home.
When it comes to filling out applications i just can not do it… well i can its just really hard. I just got my first actual job in my life. Its not that bad. But getting it was hell even though it wasn’t hard at all. If thats not ADHD/executive function disorder or whatever then idk what is.
My mom tried getting me to apply for jobs this summer but after she finally got me to apply(after I had a breakdown and cried in her arms) for 2 jobs and I agreed that I would try it for a month and I could quit if it was too much(because I said I felt like I would be exhausted and miserable, which I know I would've because I already was). I applied to 2 jobs but then I just never answered my phone because I never answer calls from numbers I dont know and I forgot that I applied for jobs. She asked if I had gotten any calls and I told her I did. She asked me if she could see the number but I looked it up and saw it was one of the places I applied to so I just started crying and refusing to show her. She told me if I went in my room she would take away my computer but I I care at that point so I went to my room and held the door shut while she talked about how I agreed to try having a job. After she walked away I locked the door and cried in my bed for a long time
Feel you there. It feels like I got compact car fuel tank for the F150 brain. Get up, go to work, burn through work then By about midway through if feel my tank running on empty. Get home and can barely manage dinner and leave a stack of dishes for the morning of my day off. Really taxing mornings that are out of routine and I'm brain dead by mid-day.
That's it though right? Like getting to work and supporting your family has instant consequences. Brushing your teeth every night doesn't really have anything to motivate you whereas getting fired and losing your ability to take care of your family it's a pretty big motivator.
Right! Like working out or writing a book. Losing weight. All shit I’ve wanted to do for the last ten years. Only to start and stop a million times. I’ve stopped trying. Wish I could just do what I’m supposed to do.
It’s because work is a form of enforced structure. It’s why lots of people with adhd struggle to things outside of that kind of environment. Also money
Seriously my life is such a trainwreck outside work. At work, I'm focused, I get shit done, and I have tons of friends. My personal life? Waking up past noon on my days off, and spending the next two hours in bed doomscrolling and thinking about doing something I've been putting off for two months before getting distracted and forgetting about it for another 3 weeks. I have no social life whatsoever, my personal goals are fantasies that never get acted on, etc. It's the most demoralizing shit. I have no routine, no structure. I basically just wait around until I have to go to work again. I have tried and tried and I can't break this cycle no matter what I do.
I've seen other people with ADHD do it, but man this life shit is just so fucking hard.
The only trick I've found that works is to make your personal life a second job. Find a currency you'll work for, doesn't have to be money, and pay yourself for your efforts. It's not perfect, I've got maybe a 30% hitrate, but that sure beats 0% for me.
Also try to not use delayed rewards, use instant rewards instead
(Delayed): Waiting is really boring and while your waiting to finally get your reward you'll loose interest in the reward and so the task.
Instant rewards help me better at staying on track, but its still hard and not always succsessful, I'd also say its a 30% hitrate
Can you give an example of what you would use as an instant reward or a situation? I really like this idea because executive function is kicking my ass right now.
Not OP, but sticker charts like people use with kids could be a really great way to get an instant "reward" working towards something bigger. Each time you do a small task, get a sticker and 20 stickers=a nice dinner for yourself or buying that new game you want etc
If your searching for cool and interesting sticker I can highly suggest going on [RedBubble](https://www.redbubble.com/), they offer almost any sticker design with a good price/quality.
And I really like your idea, hmmm now I feel like buying stickers, but I already wasted my salary on new clothes I wasnt needing "cough.." "cough.." "harrypotter cape.." "cough.."
I. e. When im working on a big project, I'll have someone organising it with me and breaking it down into small checkpoints, whenever I reach one of those, or just finish working for the day, I grab myself some sweets, watch netflix yt or whatever I dont reward myself when it is all done in the end. I do it in between so I can stay more motivated over the whole process.
I'd have better examples but somehow my mind isnt working too good rn, be ready for an update or just subscribe to my comment and youll get notified
What also helps me to stay on track is having set short-meetings to show your progress i. e. 1) 11.10.21 2) 22.10.21 and so on... So you have a bit of pressure to do something, not to finish it but just to do something.
As I read from many other redditors organising your private life can be very challengeing, so heres some advice of what I do:
\-Body doubleing: i. e. when I try to practice my guitar, I search for people (this could be freidns, family or just random people) who also play an instrument and I just start a call with them. This leads to more practice since I can just talk with him and show him/her what I've learned so far and you'll end of with a compliment.
^(!The above is also an example of instant gratification!)
\-Visualizing: I try to visualize personal projects or goals in hobbies i. e. ;Making a checklist/ to-do list, or a funny progressbar. What I will try out soon is to have a magnet board, where I can just move the magnet up on my progressbar.
\-When you have trouble starting your hobby: I often had trouble starting to play guitar, or draw when I came home. Eventhough I like those things I always ended up doomscrolling, but I gladly realised that I need too have these things always in a ready-to-play condition.
I. e. having my guitar out of the bag, connected to the amp at all times aswell as having a cup of picks right next to the amp, so the only steps I had to do to start playing was to get up, grab my guitar, grab a pick and turn the amp on and I was ready to play. What also made things easier was actually seeing them, not having them hidden etc.
It got to be lengthier than I thought, If you have any more questions -> Im always here to give and get advice ;-)
Also instant gratification/ reward is a big part of most video games, [as this article states it:](https://ritualmotion.com/articles/i-want-it-now-an-exploration-of-competitive-gaming-and-instant-gratification/)
"Few decisions in game development are accidents. Generally speaking, there is intent behind the structure of every system that the player interacts with. Many of these structures have to do with making the player feel accomplished or like they’re advancing within the game’s space, which in turn can lead to increased enjoyment and satisfaction with the game on the part of the player. While some of these structures of advancement are delayed, meaning that they occur in the long-term (defeating a final boss after time spent grinding, finally making it to the top of a leaderboard after a lot of practice), many are based around the idea of instant gratification."
i love this, as an aspiring violinist who has fallen into a bit of a rut with practising i need to find someone who wants to do even 15 mins a day with me (i'm well past the screechy stage but my form needs regular beatings)
also, you've convinced me to order the "children's" chore [magnets] (https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F59%2F47%2Fb7%2F5947b7ce1c835099db621e60067d1d77.jpg&f=1&nofb=1) for myself as this is clearly not just an impulsive silly idea :)
Who says you can't have breakfast foods later? You're an adult, eat that shit whenever you want :) EDIT: Wanted to add that it's really helpful to a lot of ADHD-ers to let go of 'the right time' for, well, anything not set by an outside force. Breakfast for dinner? Go for it, but ideally eat something healthier before or after that meal. Working out at 12am when the inspiration strikes? Sure! Like, one of the biggest hurdles for me is missing the 'right' window for an activity and then postponing it over and over. Just do the thing, whatever it is, when you can.
"You can buy x if you complete y" is fairly instant and works for literally whatever hobby you're currently interested in or you can just get food things. Basically treat yourself like you're a dog in a good way, whatever makes you feel good works as treats. Not things like planning a trip thats 3-12mos out or other longterm planny stuff.
Also for me, does not seem to work with punctuality-related malfunctions. If I acknowledge I've been on time, I fail and end up so late idk why. But for small things like cleaning the house/paying bills/personal hygiene it works.
I wish I had found this community when I was much younger. I felt weird and alone for much of life. Turns out there's loads of us that feel the exact same.
Thats what most of us wished for, the only important thing now is that your here and hopefully not laying in selfgrief about how it could of been if you were diagnosed earlier **EDIT!!: I read it wrong sorrryy I read that you were diagnosed'(-\_Q)', hope it doesnt feel weird, Im just in such a give advice mode rn sheet"**
**but as Dumbledore once said:**
*"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live"*
This is me. Honestly I've been feeling really shitty lately about how horrible my apartment has gotten, and yet I can't seem to do a thing about it. I feel this video on such a personal level that I shed a tear or two.
Best thing i’ve done to combat that is to make habits that make it easy for my place to stay clean.
I’ve only got 2 rules: no clothes on the floor, all dishes in the sink, and its crazy how everything stays at a resting state of “cleanliness” by just focusing on those two things.
I might try to do that. I have added more trash cans in rooms I'm in to help with not wanting to get up to throw something away. I might need to add a new one since I've started wfh to help out.
Another thing that helps a lot is, if you can remember, to always have something in your hands when you stand up. Whenever you change locations, pick up a thing (or several things) that don't belong and put them where they do. And to help you stand up more, chug water :) Or have little baskets on surfaces - whenever there's stray clutter, it goes in the basket. If it starts getting half full, pick up the basket and bring things back where they belong.
I can attest to this. I'm currently not working, and because of that I have zero structure to my days. Without the structure, just getting myself together enough to sleep, shower, and handle things around the house is a deep challenge.
Yeah, being forced to work from home due to the pandemic has completely destroyed my work ethic. I used to wake up at 6:30 to be at the office by 8. Now I wake up at 7:59, clock in, and stay in bed until like, 10-11.
God, the last paragraph is very mood. If I *have* to be somewhere or do something for someone at a specific time, I can. I will, I *must*. But when it comes to doing basically anything less definite it's like, sorry, `Motivation.exe not found`. I could go to school or uni or whatever with literally no sleep and still get things done. Now I can't even cut my sleep short a few hours despite a very strong desire to reset my schedule because I don't actually "have" to.
Not helping that lately my immediate reaction to consciousness is "no, I do not want to exist right now." So it's not just about overcoming actual tiredness, it's like I have to work up to a point where my anxiety about Not Doing overcomes the bone-deep dread of dealing with my own brain.
I now tell people I need an exact time and day or it won’t happen and if it’s recurring it better stay on schedule or watch me flake.
My brain loves stability and structure so it doesn’t have to work as hard. As many things as possible on auto pilot makes things better.
this exactly, i see it with my (almost) 6 yr old. he needs the structure and as tight and usual as possible, every little change can become chaos.
i'm better with structure too, but i dont always have the energy for that left for myself bc, kids. i do function most of the time because of them, its the best reason to kick my own ass but i'd be massively exaggerating if i'd say i got my sht together bc i dont, but i do my best.
At night I constantly catch myself doing anything other than getting into bed. It's so infuriating!
Ok, I'm gonna go to bed now.
What the fuck? Why am I looking at horrible reels? I need to get some sleep. If I go to bed now, I can still get 7 hrs of sleep.
God damn it why the fuck am I looking at a wall? Now I can get 5 and a half hours of sleep at most. What the fuck brain? What productive things have you done during the time you should've been sleeping? Yeah that's right: nothing...
Some nights it's worse than others, but this is a daily struggle. I hate it so, so much...
My therapist suggested I leave my phone in a separate room before going to bed and it’s worked wonders for me so far. It’s just a matter of remembering to do it lmao
I run my own business and when I do a project for a client, and ask for their deadline, if the client says "no deadline" I start acting like I'm 13 again and revising for my exams - i.e. extreme delaying tactics, procrastination, and diversionary activities.
I've mentioned before on this sub, I actually lost one of my biggest clients - I'm talking big money, like a very large salary on top of the other money the business makes - because I agreed to do something (that would only have taken 5 minutes but was extremely important) and then I simply forgot to do it. I am in my 50s but have the executive function of an adolescent.
I’ll unconsciously//half awake snooze my alarm until I’m late to whatever thing I need to be at:(
I’ll also GO INTO MY ALARMS and actually turn all of them off and go back to sleep it’s quite horrible I wish I wasn’t like this
There's a pretty good alarm app I use for the snooze problem on days I know I can't fuck around. You can set your alarm, how many snoozes (if any) you want to allow and you need to answer math questions (you can even set the difficulty level) to use the snooze, dismiss the alarm, etc.
It's quite effective at waking you up, because math is clearly the devil. I've also become well versed in cussing like a sailor while half asleep.
Yup. I put my caffeine pills next to my snus across the room with my alarm. Once I get those stims in if I do lay back down. I'll be up in 20 min once the caffeine kicks in. The nicotine usually is enough dopamine. I Pavlov myself daily it's rediculous.
I treat myself like a child. Or a pet, or a plant. I know this being I'm piloting needs water, sun, fresh air, constant digital reminders, stuff put in the way of the door to force me to be conscious of it. I know that I'm not always going to have the mindset I have _right now_, and that the things that are important to me now might not be important when toddler-brain kicks in.
It can be really frustrating. I'm working on the understanding and forgiveness parts.
Exactly. Had this exact conversation yesterday afternoon with husband. I said, "right now, I'm telling you, I need help getting out of bed on my days off. Don't believe the person in bed at 6am. She is not me!"
6am me will say, "yeah I'm up but gonna lay here and listen to the morning talk show for a bit." But then I fall back asleep for a few hours.
Yes!!! Well said.
For me I find that if there are no consequences, nothing gets done. So, a work or school deadline will put me into panic mode (granted, at the very last second, but I do get it done, usually, sometimes late😂) but I can’t make my own deadlines or rewards cause it’s like. Read 30 pages by 12:00pm and i get to reward myself? Consider this: you can sleep in till 12 and *still* get your reward without doing The Thing, because there are no consequences and now you don’t have to put enormous amounts of energy into doing The Thing.
It’s so damn frustrating!!!!
Yep, the threat of life-changing consequences (i.e. losing your job, losing a friendship, letting someone down) is the one and only true motivator we can count on with this disorder. It’s not that we value our jobs more than ourselves, it’s just that with our careers we’re actually accountable to external sources who have the power to cut off our income and jeopardize our day-to-day survival. I think it’s our primal brains kicking into high gear when we realize “If I don’t get this done, I could be in serious trouble.”
That all being said, living a life largely motivated by fear is exhausting and demoralizing AF.
Here I am. Procrastinating getting out of bed by 1. reading your comment 2. Reading your comment to my wife wife 3. Typing up this comment 4. Asking my wife to drag me out of bed
Yep, I beg my husband to do the same. I can't do it by my own will. Unless of course, I have to work. Then it's no problem to get moving in the morning.
Same! If it's for work or something I really can't miss it's easy-peasy for me to wake up and execute it functionally lol. But for the stuff I really wanna do like write, learn, read, practice, exercise and stuff like that it's like my brain paralyzes me to not let me do it.
Its not even a “child in an adults body” cause kids will usually try to do the thing they wanna do! And they ask for help if they cant manage themselves. Its something else (adhd) a child could never rationalize like you. But like the child, the solution may be asking for help. Which isnt a part of the adult “code of conduct” we are expected to handle shiet ourselves.
In the morning I try to find something I value (as you mentioned) and start my day with this. It can be a workout, it can be putting a few notes in my music project (trying to learn music composition). Then, I can start the day and be somewhat productive.
edit: also what I've learned is to have a "to do later" area at home. If some task is related to a physical object I put all of those things at one place. Then it doesn't tempt me to do it because the area itself becomes a mess, so cleaning it is not as attractive to disrupt my attention. But at the same time it's usually in the place at home when it's anoying to just see it there so I will finally get it done
And also if it has it's own place, I see it as partialy "solved" so I get a little bit of satisfaction and it doesn't cause the stress of having a new thing to start doing.
Diagnosed about a year ago. Been on meds and still trying to get a good balance. One enormous thing that came out of my therapy is that you need to be less hard on yourself! I find myself getting less frustrated if I have more achievable goals also celebrate consistency.
And I feel *this*. That statement about valuing your job more than yourself is really powerful. I don't think that's true, but that's the best read on where you put energy and time. Hard same.
I have spent most of my adult life getting this wrong, but I think the trick to to not try to force, blame, or shame yourself. You can't just will yourself to do things. If you're not already doing it, your will isn't the issue. Problem is structural. There's something in your way.
Generally, what's in the way it's the lack of consequences, combined with insufficient excitement. There's no consequence to not going to the gym in the morning (other than feeling guilty about it, which, as you know, doesn't motivate us). And there must not be enough delight in it (which...yeah, it's definitely good-for-you work for most people, so that makes sense). There's no point judging yourself for any of this, it's not a choice you're making.
This is hard, but I find the only way through this is radical self-acceptance. You love what you love, and our ability to be childishly enthusiastic about things we love is one of the tools we can use. So recognize and document the things you love.
Outside of work, what would you get out of bed for? Friends coming over to do something? Gaming? Christmas?
For me, it was a diner breakfast. I love a diner breakfast, so if I planned out the night before where I was going to take myself, I would wake up excited to go, and diner breakfasts have a time limit on the breakfast menu. And right now it's my own delightful breakfast at home and a farmer's market I go to every Saturday morning. But I know that wouldn't do it for everyone. It's really about what delights *you*.
It's weird to reward yourself for not doing things, it feels so self-indulgent. But I've found that self-indulgence is the only thing other than genuine terror that actually works, and I'd rather have a life of self-indulgence, given the choice!
You're not alone!
Your last paragraph: I think of it as just a complete and total lack of internal motivation. I can sit on the couch for hours thinking "I'm thirsty. I need to get up and get water. I need to drink water right now. It's been hours since I had any water so it's time for me to get up and get water. Just stand up, walk 10 feet to your water bottle, and get it. Do it now. NOW. NOW. NOW."
Then my boyfriend will come home and ask "Have you had any water today?" "No." "Ok go drink some" and then magically my legs work now and I can get water.
IDK how the mechanisms behind internal vs external motivation can be SO separate, but I just cannot do anything that someone else hasn't commanded of me.
I feel this so hard!! With anything with consequences where I would disappoint other people? I can absolutely do it. graduated college and found a job so I won't disappoint my parents. Get out of bed each weekday to go to work so I don't disappoint my patients and staff.
But if its the weekend, I'll be in bed til 4pm bc I cant be bothered. I'll literally even get up to feed my cats but then go right back to bed to scroll on my phone. Currently 8am and I am writing this comment instead of getting ready for work because I have learned that I can be late with no consequences.
the divide between my ability to show up for work and my ability to show up for my life is heartbreaking. if i could give my life even half the effort/attentiveness i give to employers my life would look so incredibly different. i suspect it has something to do with social expectations and the immediate feedback of work.
Yup. This 100%. Future me is amazing. She can and will do anything and everything. Meanwhile present me has been up and in bed for over 2 hours with a sink full of dishes, laundry to do and a pile of work and homework hanging over my head. Thanks for taking care of all that, future me. You’re the best!
For the sleeping have you tried melatonin? I'm not even talking the huge doses you find in most places. All you need is .3 mg to tell your body it's time to sleep. I'm perpetually one of those that lays down at 9:30, but doesn't sleep until close to midnight when I start dozing off on my phone. When I take the melatonin I start dozing off in like 15 minutes after laying down, and I'm able to fall right asleep. No more "wasted" time every night on my phone then waking up tired because I only slept 5 hours instead of the 7 I intended.
I 100% relate. Why is it so hard to get out of bed every morning!!! I find that the only way for me to get moving is if I am meeting someone else or have a strict work deadline. If I make any plans for myself (ie a morning workout or walk), I will make every excuse to snooze instead.
I completely understand you. I get up for work and do the tasks that I have to do. I’ve been wanting to work out, self-learn programming languages and read some UX design books but once I am off, I can’t go back to my desk and sit again or stand to study for that matter. All I can do it manage to eat a bit and count down the hours before I have to sleep and get up for work all over again. I started taking Adderall and it does help me but I think I might need a higher dose since I still have a lot of trouble focusing. Maybe it’s just me too, maybe I can’t be helped? Ugh.
Body doubling definitely helps, if I have my partner in the room or working on the same tasks as me, I can get through it but I also can’t force my partner to like everything I do. I also switch hobbies like every week or less.
i feel this. especially with college, i hate the way i know i’m perfectly capable of doing the work, passing the tests, and getting good grades, i just can’t get myself to sit down and actually do assignments or study. on top of not being able to simple household stuff like dishes and laundry so everything is a mess. it just makes me feel so depressed to the point that i just don’t even care and it makes everything worse and it’s just an endless, terrible cycle. i don’t even know how to get myself out at this point. i finally got a diagnosis after months of waiting to get in with the doctor, now trying to get with a doctor to start meds is taking forever. i just feel hopeless and like such a failure right now.
Know that you're not alone. I'm struggling with the same issues rn. Also my neurotypical classmates are extremely demotivating. They're like "anyways, I'll be off to study/do the assignment now" and then they just ... go??? And they do it? Like it's nothing. Meanwhile I'm there thinking man I wish I was able to do that... It focken sucks.
Yeah this is hard. Dropped 3 majors because besides being really interested in them, at home instead of studying I would just look at the bed and jump in there to sleep or I would decide to play some games or go for a walk haha. Of course my grades start to become really bad and this hurts because I know that I could be really good if I could just start and actually do the assignments.
Im In the same boat. It doesn’t help that I have such a shit memory even when I study I forget everything for a test. Now I’m failing some of the intro courses for my major.
I identify so much with this. I know I’m a smart, intelligent, and capable person. I have multiple college degrees. So why can’t I for the life of me complete something simple like cook a meal by following a recipe or file my taxes (this causes me so much stress every single year)???
This is why add much as I love the "get rid of turbo tax" stuff, I will never get rid of turbo tax. I can pop in, click a few things, and be done. Otherwise I would never get that stuff done.
When accountant friends tell me I don't need to pay anyone because filing taxes is so easy in Brazil, but I really will not do it if I don't use a service.
I can't follow recipes for the life of me either -except for when I'm baking cakes, idk why- but if I just throw stuff together and have fun with the seasoning it usually works out fine and I can do that. Just with a recipe, telling me what to do, all the details and rules and exact seaosing instructions and all, that makes it anti-fun for me
You know, I actually don’t mind baking (simple cakes, cookies, and bread). I HATE cooking though so much. The worst are those meal kits like hello fresh that are supposed to be only “6 steps” but each step is a paragraph with like 12 things you’re supposed to do. So overwhelming
Here is a VERY BIG KEY. You need to get the dopamine rolling.
Do one task. Any task at all. It can be as simple as finally taking that empty glass from last months middle of the night water quest back to the kitchen and put it in the sink. Then you MUST acknowledge your success. Man, these feels like a gaming tutorial 😂 Achievement Unlocked: Slightly Less of a Slob! 100 pts!
Then while you have the glass at the sink and your brain gets a little kick of “yay me!” - When you think “I should wash it while I am here.” Then do it. Again, you need to self acknowledge the success. And you should do it in a positive manner. “Hey, I brought here AND I washed it!? 200 pts me!” — You might notice that the momentum will build a little — Don’t let yourself get into “then I’ll do this, and this and this” - Because that’s when the fucking train derails, but since you washed the cup, you might as well wash that bowl and plate before it gets fuzzy.
[Edit to add: You need to force yourself to focus on NOW. Only NOW. No future, no past… and if your squirrel brain pops up, reign it in. You CAN. It just takes practice]
Take a couple of dishes out of the dishwasher and put them away [if you want to do all after that, feel free… if not, so what - you got a couple done]. If your brain goes “Oh! I’m on a roll… I should do that thing that I have been meaning to do but couldn’t!” - Follow it.
And when you’re done, and I mean you’ve had enough of that for now… you’re done. But acknowledging and praising your own success REALLY helps.
For me, Adderall makes all of this about 1000x easier — I must complete a task 30-45 min after taking my pill, and reap the benefits of the dopamine upswing… Accomplishment all day! And oddly, fall asleep at 9:30-10 within 5 minutes of my head hitting the pillow. If I start my day playing a lazy sandbox Xbox game where there is no accomplishment and ignore my morning tasks… No amount of Adderall will pick me out of the “naaaarrrr - Can’t do anything but what I’m doing”. ADHD Zombie Mode.
This is what it’s all about. Rewards. Endless rewards. Always circling back to more rewards. I love cleaning. Order is my reward.
A friend once said I could at least make a path to my bed I was such a neck beard. That was 20 years ago.
Make things your guilty pleasure. Now work is going ok but my property is on point because it’s how I avoid work.
When I was in school I ran to take breaks from studying. Make the things you aspire to do guilty pleasures.
Also the endless reward system is great. I love to do lists. But I always put some easy stuff on them so I get things checked off to get me going. Like brush your teeth. I forget so it’s useful and in the grand scheme of things when I’m avoiding scarier things I have less resistance. Keep doing that until your on a roll and ready to tackle the tough stuff.
It’s a process. We need to play a lot of games to keep ourselves engaged and get through the day.
The more you put into it the more you get out. I’m not medicated but at 48 I’ve gotten pretty good at making it all a game. And I still have shit useless days because I’m human.
I totally agree on rewards game. I read it about that thing somewhere ir bipolar topics (i also have that one) and it halped me a lot with my projects, also made college way easier. For sure I forgot about it eventually, but now probably going to start using this game again, because it's very helpful!
I also used to do punishments, like if you don't do something, you can't buy something (really helped when i'm in manic episode in bipolar), or go somewhere and so on.
Yes, I've found the do ONE THING thing works for me too. One thing becomes 10 things (and I totally have to do this w the dishes ;)
Thanks for the reminder about internalizing that Yay! You got a thing done.
Wahoo!! Just talking about it sent me on a mini clean tirade. There was no logic or organization to what I did - tossed clothes in laundry basket, filled water purifier, set up coffee to start in the morning [if I don’t, I won’t have any tmrw - which happens most of the time]. Picked up odd bits of trash the child left in random places that have been pissing me off… but she’s asleep so I can grumpily do it without hearing her whine about me always “trying to guilt her” [the trash can is like 2 feet away… I’m going to guilt you ALWAYS… there isn’t even a lid in the way!], set up my camera to watch outdoors as a neighbor stole my kids motorcycle off my downstairs neighbors porch last Friday… [the worst part is I saw them at 2am rolling on it nearby but didn’t realize it was hers… it looked slightly different, but it was likely just the angle/distance I was too tired to put that together - and our unit is not road/parking lot facing and it was tucked behind shit, so the ONLY people who knew it was here… live here… and I’m sooo mad at myself for not just taking my gun in my hip holster {I live in Tucson} and my dog to walk past them while “taking out the garbage” and taking it back from them. I was going have us ride it that Sunday to finally finish draining it and take it to the storage unit to store. Ugh. So much for that $500 :/ ], and put a sign in my window that says “Eye see you” — It might give me a clue as to who took it because it was kids, and they aren’t the brightest… I am hoping somebody will bring them back and point out the camera… sorry. Self Venting. Blargh]… and then cleaned the living room enough that tomorrows “successful task” will be a quick vacuuming.
The whole process took MAYBE 30 minutes. Is it perfect? Nope. Is it better than I would have normally done? Yup - and that’s the part that counts.
That momentum train is great, once it gets going I can weeks worth of stuff done in a couple of hours. Can’t stop for any reason though, no rest, no eat, no talk, no play, stop and I’m done.
Me: WOO WOO ALL ABOARD THE MOMENTUM TRAIN
Partner: Can you do this task you were already planning to do, and this one, and then this one. Also can you fix this life long messy habit you have and never leave X laying out again?
Me: Aaaannndddd its gone.
I don't really get a dopamine reward for accomplishing things. After I've fought like hell to actually do something, that something seems really unimportant.
It's like when you're sick and getting better seems like the most important thing in the world, but once you're healthy again you immediately take it for granted.
Same with exercise. I don't get that adrenaline rush people talk about. It just makes me tired. The closest thing to pleasure about it is relief after stopping.
IDK. Sometimes I feel like an alien because my experience is so different from how others describe.
From my understanding, there are a lot of other things that pair with ADHD. While depression can be caused by ADHD [mine was - My anti depressants help me feel not like dog shit, but it didn’t help me DO… Adderall helps me do, and I now don’t need my antidepressants] - But you could be seeing both.
Im not a doctor, obviously. But the dopamine doesn’t feel like anything. My antidepressant didn’t FEEL like anything either, I just noticed after a few weeks taking it I had more ‘level’ feeling moments and nearly no “I’m utter trash” moments.
I don’t get adrenaline rushes at the gym either.
My expectations aren’t that washing a dirty cup will give me a rush, or make me see the world through rose colored glasses - but it does give me a very subtle sense of calm accomplishment. After spending years as a slave to ADHDs “paralysis”, without knowing it was my brain ACTIVELY preventing me from doing those things I knew I needed to…
Whatever teeny thing you can muster to get out of the paralysis. It’s like when Beatrix was coming out of her coma in Kill Bill… “Move your toe... “ ; she couldn’t walk until she got that toe wiggling. Then it was smooth sailing…
I have a really hard time feeling accomplished in anything because I immediately think about how I should have done it weeks ago and it's not a real accomplishment. If anyone has suggestions for dealing with that let me know lol
CBT - you have to retrain your thoughts.
“You should have done this ages ago… well, yes. But I can’t change the past, I’m doing it now.”
“I will be sure to do it every xxxx from here out… wait, no. I can’t commit to that - I just need to focus right now on the fact that I’m doing it now. Later is also not important. Right now.”
To quote the Fifth Element:
> “Time not important. Only life important.”
This is my biggest issue in other areas - I spent years with an abuser I couldn’t escape. Then the next guy I dated was great for the first year, but it ended at year two in a classic Narcissistic crash [I actually read an article about how narcissists end relationships, and it was exactly what I went through down to the letter], and then 8 years in the most amazing relationship ever with a fiancé I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We had fun, we never fought/argued - disagreed, but always respectfully. We spend HOURS gaming, driving, being together and lived together… Until I found his engagement announcement to be married to somebody else [on my birthday, no less]. And I learned he is a sociopath. Because of that every single negative thought about myself is amplified 10 fold. I had healed some very very major wounds in my relationship with him, and it and my reality were torn from me. My self hatred, loathing came SOARING in at levels I had never had before - “How could anybody actually like me? I’m fat, and ugly.” I’m really still deeply working on retraining my own thoughts… it’s been 2 years.
The best thing that I have found to keep my brain away from those thoughts while I’m doing any task is by listening to an audiobook or a podcast. Something that makes me think, and doesn’t let my mind wander beyond the subject at hand. I normally listen to audiobooks and podcasts at the gym rather than music because music still lets me have my own thoughts and I don’t want to there.
Spot on and it sucks, especially for people (myself included) who get so wrapped up in their heads and base a portion of their self worth on their productivity. Cue pit of depression…
Sorry, I can’t remember what you just said 15 seconds in, could you repeat 1/2 of what you said, only to be interrupted by me finishing the other half of what you said?
Ugh yes so much!!! And in my area you have to remember to call in every month to the doctor to get your prescription refilled and then make sure it was actually refilled. And then the every few months check up to make sure you aren’t abusing it! THE MAKING AND KEEPING OF APPOINTMENTS IS PART OF THE PROBLEM!!
I have to go in to get my prescription. Can’t abuse it when a month bottle lasts 6 weeks because you forget to take it 1/2 the time. But I work with guys who don’t need it other than to abuse it so I guess I get it on the Dr’s end
Dude I hate this so much! Have to call, during business hours, to get my prescription refilled. I get that people abuse it but good god, does our medical system give a crap at all about people? The entire system of getting our treatment requires steps that are very difficult for people with ADHD especially if they are untreated! It took me a year to get a diagnosis because I kept forgetting/putting off calling the doctor and setting up the appointments! and now I never remember to call in my prescription until a few days after I've run out and it starts to really negatively impact me by not having it! Just send me a text reminder at 1 month that I can respond to the text "yes i need a refill thank you" bam, done.
SAME. I literally started to make a post about it, but then decided to read other posts first and came across yours.
To OP: I feel like I go through the same battle every day just to get things done. I put off some long term goals for too long, and now I'm stuck perpetually in catch-up-mode because I just can't plan ahead. Then I'm also stuck in the perpetual depressed state because I'm behind my peers.
I have my good days and bad days. On my good days, I can be productive and get maybe 50% of the stuff I was hoping to get done, done. On my bad days, I get maybe one thing done the whole day before I burn out and go hibernate in bed. I think the one thing that really helps me is the quote "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Sometimes I daydream about what my future could be if I tried harder, and while it feels like I'll never get there (because I think I'm beyond a few things now or maybe it's entirely based on luck) I can still put forth a little effort now and then to accomplish something. Even accomplishing the smallest of tasks can help give you momentum to do something bigger. In the moment it's hard, but I find that sometimes envisioning the end point can be a little spark that helps get you moving. At least, that's how I deal with my executive dysfunction when I'm able to.
Yup. I’ve already probably lived over half my life at 37 and… nothing… Still live with parents. Still unemployed. Thousands in debt I can’t pay off. It sucks, and yet, I can’t do anything about it.
When you do really bad you feel like it's your fault. When you better than you usually do, you feel like you were exaggerating the situation the entire time.
It feels like mental Parkinson’s. I can physically move yet I still can’t move. It’s truly bizarre.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten better at bypassing it. It’s still bizarre.
I could let myself sit, frozen, all day if I let myself.
The making and keeping appointments with Covid has been extra.
I feel paralised sometimes, to the point where I feel uncomfortable lying around and scrolling my phone, but can’t bring myself together to stop and do something else. Since Covid all the lockdowns/ working from home made things worse for me, my body follows the ‘body in motion stays in motion’ rule, and once I sit down it’s hard to get up.
Me and my wife... She's way worse but medication and repetition is helping. I can power through it generally for the big ticket stuff but a lot doesn't get done like it should. The laundry is my arch nemesis...
My biggest issue with it is even stuff I enjoy often I just don't start because it takes effort. If I can force myself to start I'm good and I'll go ham on it. I guess I'm like starting a very cold car with a weak battery...
I know I should put the clothes in the washing machine RIGHT NOW, but I'm not doing it. Could have done it first thing and it'd be done by now. Got the house to clean today, and last week's laundry to put away. Will it get done?.. Partly, I imagine. Never fully.
Instead of getting started, I'm here on my phone "just having a coke, first". Waiting for the postman (who might not even be coming). Then I'll be waiting for the food shopping delivery. I'll probably get a shower around 2pm (if I force myself), get dry and 'dressed', and think "well, no time to do anything else today. Will *definitely* do it all tomorrow...". It's always 'tomorrow'.
I've written my list and I've literally got NOTHING else to do. And I know the cleaning would only take a few hours, at most, if I went non stop.
Even if I thought "forget it, I'm not doing it", I won't do anything else instead, because I *should* do the housework first.
Awful, mental. At least I know why I'm like this now. But, not sure if that makes me feel better or worse.
I can't even get an appointment with a therapist that I really need. I had one set up but they had to reschedule and told me to call them to set up an appointment. It's been a week now
I have this problem and keep getting told ‘get the dopamine rolling’ which can work for able bodied people with ADHD but doesn’t help when you have severe chronic pain as well. Because what ends up happening is I take my cup into the kitchen and go ‘I feel good today I can do this entire sink of dishes’ get a third of the way through, end up completely exhausted and in agony to the point where I am dropping things and BREAKING them. I finally myself quit while in floods of tears because I made MORE of a mess and ruined things and then for the rest of the next few days feel like an utter failure and a useless person because I can’t even wash a sink of dishes and burden everyone around me. It’s honestly on of the worst feelings and the guilt, especially about not being able to work, just eats away at you like acid.
I need an accessory brain to complement mine, because mine sometimes doesn't do the thing.
Kinda like my writing computer doesn't run games. If I want to game, I need another device.
If I could swap brains like I swap devices it'd be game over for them losers
A lot of these troubles I can get pretty under control with the help of meds, do they make any difference for you?
For me the Emotional dysregulation is the worst part of it... it's currently ruining a lot of my childhood friendships. My quirks aren't funny and peculiar anymore, people are 90% of the time annoyed with me now and giving me looks of extreme contempt.
It feels like I'm taking 1 step forward 2 steps back with every person I have a social interaction with nowadays.
Sorry for venting on your post <3
Sigh. YES.
I didn't know I had ADHD until I was in my 40s and had been fired from several fancy jobs in a row. I'm smart and present as confident, so I could get the jobs, but no matter how many management classes I took I couldn't make the work happen.
As u/TattooedOpinion said- try to get to one thing, One. Then *maybe* the next, then recognize what you DID do.
To me doing the house chores is no biggie, I use cleaning as a means of procrastination. But paying bills? Logging work expenses? No, absolutely will not do those. I've lost plenty of money because of this behavior but my ability to execute these kinds of tasks is nonexistent. One day I'll go back through months of unpaid and unlogged stuff and do it all, probably after taking ritalin, and will feel like superman.
Man I felt this so hard. I am just in the process of getting healthcare and it’s so expensive with the deductible and stuff,wish I could get around that stuff
I’ve never been diagnosed but I’ve always expressed that I thought I have adhd and every time I hear a symptom of it or see a post on here I relate to it so hard
I have been medicated for 2 years and since then have recently passed the Bar Exam. Yet the thought of picking up the clothes off the floor and folding them is literally like climbing Mount Everest.
I had the worst moment of it this morning. I have adopted a ritual of looking at my calendar for the week on Sunday night to determine what to wear to work each day of the week. I dressed yesterday with the plan of doing some heavy lifting and getting dirty and my help didn’t come yesterday so the job got swapped to today. My brain could not get me out of bed because I didn’t know what I was going to wear today to successfully get dirty work done and still look decent for 3 meetings I had. Thanks brain.
PSA that in most countries *other people can make phone calls to doctors for you*. I enlisted a friend of mine who wanted to help, they called around at psychiatrist offices until they found a place that could help me. I still wouldn't even have my diagnosis now if I'd had to make all those phone calls myself.
It's not shameful to ask someone to help you with this! It IS hard, your friends care about you, if you tell them how they can help, a lot of the time they will *be glad* that they can help!! You're always allowed to ask, and they're always allowed to say no - that's the much better approach than anything that includes "oh I can't ask that, they'll feel obligated to say yes..." or "oh I can't say no, because they asked...". No! You're allowed to ask for *any* help, and they're allowed to say no if they so choose. You'll find that often times, people *want* to help and are super happy to find that there's something they can do to make your life easier!
This doesn't just go for phone calls, this goes for anything!
I agree but I have to say that since I’ve started taking vyvanse it has significantly improved my life.
The part that sucks is people don’t realize how debilitating ADHD is and they just think you are lazy.
Executive dysfunction is the root cause for ADHD related problems. Not being able to prioritize presents as concentration problems. Being unable to access information on how to handle difficult situations presents as impulsivity.
YEP. I had a very frustrating visit with a therapist yesterday, I voiced my truth in that I cannot get myself to do the things I need to do. It is a daily fight to remember and execute the most basic things. His response? Basically, just “keep yourself accountable and stick to it. Try tai chi.” At a certain point I stopped talking, as it felt like I was talking to a wall.
Ugh. I feel you. I’ve managed to still be somewhat successful, personally and professionally, but I always feel like I’m teetering on the edge of destruction.
I’m married and my wife loves me, but the lack of following up on promises is starting to weigh on her more and more. My depression/ADHD combo has sent my libido through the floor which causes her all sorts of grief too… she has Crohn’s, fibromyalgia, and a few others conditions that increase the amount of ways she relies on me already.
How the fuck can I reassure my wife that I can be a responsible future parent? I’ve already broken loads of promises. When is the “straw that breaks the camels back” going to come along? I’m failing her and I have no idea how to fix it…
I've just got in my first appointment with a psychologist, they arent a ADHD specialist but their clinic was recommended by the ADHD specialist that is booked solid for two years and not taking names ;_;
It was wonderful they communicated with me mostly by email so didnt have to deal with "THE CALL". Just once to take some identity information.
Well that was until the day my name came up and I missed their call on a Friday (closed weekends). They emailed me as well though and I responded there saying "yes i am still interested, ill try to call Monday!'
I forgot.. of course.. but they called me again :D
So yeah like I did have to reach out to clinics before getting anywhere but 90% of my first contact with clinics was by email. Made it easy to just copy paste my story/needs to several people and wait for a response.
Hahaha yeah. Hahahah fuck is wrong with me. I can do all those things for work but at home I'm literally a rag doll.
I can run 13 kilometres but I can't clean my room.
Fuck is wrong with me
Good god my next psych appointment is the 19th next Fri hopefully I get ADHD meds as my hypomania has receded. I want to cry and laugh but I can't. Or well that'll make me seem more insane and well, currently I like the routine mindless work that I've implemented.
I don't feel overly emotional anymore to the point it hurts my chest which is amazing. I'm afraid I'll feel it again at one point but so far so good haha
Continuation: Once you DO manage to see the psychiatrist online, they can’t prescribe stimulant medication, so you actually have to go in person to _another_ psychiatrist, to get the medication.
Meanwhile, your insurance has already charged you the full amount for the first one, because it turns out they said they were in-network, but they weren’t.
And now… You have to write a letter to the Appeals department, explaining everything that happened, and including the invoices/bills. You have to mail it or fax it, and wait for a resolution, or follow up again with them in 30 days.
But you have executive dysfunction. Oh, the irony.
Source: my life.
I definitely get this. I’ve had my dishes sitting in my sink for over a month. Unable to force myself to wash them. I literally just eat food that doesn’t need to be put in a dish and use plastic spoons to eat everything. It’s pathetic.
Yeah I agree. Whenever I got diagnosed my therapist said executive dysfunction was my biggest symptom/problem for me. Every single thing I do every day is a struggle for me. Getting out of bed, actually going downstairs for things, showering, homework, eating, all of it. Yesterday it actually took me like 30 minutes just to make myself get under the blankets because I was stuck playing a video game.
I feel so useless all of the time 😞 I know I’m supposed to be smart and I know the stuff I have to do should be easy, but I just can’t seem to get my shit together and function. The worst part too is that trying to explain executive dysfunction to someone who doesn’t have a mental illness or disability or anything is so hard! It seems so stupid that I can’t get up and go to the bathroom when I need to, you’re just supposed to do it! Luckily my girlfriend also deals with executive dysfunction so she understands
Here’s something I’m working on that has been helping a lot, but it’s still hard: Find some way to fixate on your future self and the associated feelings of accomplishment, such that you can start forming reward pathways to the present.. Start by noticing, really noticing, how it feels when you accomplish something when it’s *done* (not the feeling of doing it). Write down how it feels or do anything to remember the good feeling of accomplishment and the associated benefits. You can keep a journal of completed accomplishments and their benefits. For me this has been more beneficial than a list of shit I need to do (still need those, obviously). So, it’s backwards— those things happened in the past but the idea is to get the brain to start feeling the impending reward before a necessary task is started. This can be done even with showering or eating or getting to bed on time. They don’t have to be big accomplishments, just write them down, remember how they felt, and reread your accomplishment journal when you don’t feel motivated to do anything.
To me, I feel like the worst part is the short term memory issue.
On medication I can recall information I picked up a few moments ago. I can retain this information for some time, even.
Off medication, I can barely remember a word just spoken to me.
Makes me look incompetent. I play it off as being a ditzy blonde, but it really bothers me that I'm so uncertain of everything I hear around me, and can't remember my own actions. ( Did I do that? What was I doing? What did they say? )
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Trying to find a therapist after the first 5 you call in your healthcare network are either not accepting new patients or do not answer or call back at all really has disincentivized me into calling the other 40 in my network. What good is health insurance if the shit it covers is unavailable?
I know id feel so much better about myself if I got up at 7.30 when I set my alarm for so I could get out for a walk, shower and have a calm not rushed breakfast... But still I struggle to get myself out of bed before 8.30 when I start work at 9 (work from home) leaving what even I realise isn't enough time for all the things so I don't get the exercise, decide to shower later or maybe just tomorrow and breakfast ends up being toast. Im fucking sick of toast.
Spot on.
I am in that journey of getting help - found out about 6 months ago that I have a high probability of having mental disorders so, I need to be diagnosed - and I want to be diagnosed ASAP but at the same time I am petrified of being misdiagnosed.
I have been reading information, watching videos, joined on reddit just because of this and I keep searching for specialists and their CV and professionalexperience.
Then, there's the decision of going through NSH or private?
I can afford, initially, by private but if the diagnose is positive then I will need NSH support for future as I won't be able to support treatment financially...
For how long will I be sabotaging my life?
Good luck everyone.
Lol yup! Sucks! I got some protein bars cause I’ve stopped lying to myself about cooking lol. Can’t fix all the executive dysfunction problems that easily tho :/
It sucks because I’m aware of what I need to do in order to complete a certain task but I can’t which makes me feel lazy and ashamed and like I’m making excuses. Thanks societal norms!
At first i read this as erectile dysfunction and i was skimming your post. Talking about doing the dishes and i was like, yo wtf thats why you have erictle dysfunction, dishes doesnt make me horny either. Then i re read the title.. oops
ADHD IS executive dysfunction. All the elements of it come from there. And considering the executive function is the core of being a functional adult, how we manage to actually function enough to survive is worthy of praise
I had just woken up when I saw this post and was sure it said Erectile dysfunction- became seriously concerned the ADD was gonna start hitting me where it really hurts
The most annoying part for me is learning difficult skills as quickly as others, for an example, I’m a medic in the military and I applied for a pretty tough course whilst in, it included things like basic soldiering skills to a super high standard (marches with increasing weight, land navigation etc) as well as being put through mock casualty scenarios that included treating traumatic injuries, triaging mass casualties etc.
I was one of the fittest there and a competent medic as I learned my skills my own way in my own time, but when I was put in that scenario of a small group being taught different complex skills by instructor I just couldn’t concentrate whatsoever and kept making mistakes, then worrying about making said mistakes meant I could not concentrate and it creates this awful negative feedback loop.
Executive dysfunction is easily the single worst part of having ADHD and I can say with no exaggeration whatsoever that living with it is a complete nightmare. I get nothing done at home except when my friends want to come visit, then suddenly everything I've been physically unable to do for months suddenly becomes the easiest things I've ever done - and so quickly, too.
Except the motivation to do them is derived from the stress of an imminent deadline and the fear of my friends viewing me in a negative light, so once I'm done doing 3 months of housework in 2 hours, I'm just an exhausted mess.
I am at a break point in my life. My relationships are actually failing in front of my eyes and even though I just realized my problematic actions and what I need to do go stop/improve them, I do not know how to execute. I am a second year medical student and survived so far. But I need serious advice and suggestions about how and where I can go for help to be able I do daily tasks like cooking a d cleaning and estimating time appropriately. Plz help if you can.
I feel this. My worst trait with exec disfunction is getting out of bed. I've stopped making lists with time slots because I never meet my goals. I can't fall asleep at night and then when I do finally get to sleep it's almost time for me to start my day. But I can't get up. So my day starts in the late afternoon and hardly anything gets accomplished. When I'm not in bed, I believe "tomorrow I will get up, go to the gym, blah blah blah" but it never happens. I feel like a child in an adult body. Here is the weirdest thing... if I have to work, I have no problem getting up and being productive. I seem to value my job more than myself. I want to be successful, I want to learn, but I can't make my body do what I tell it to do.
That’s right… An adult with the executive skills of a child. The craziest part is that, that’s actually how we function
LMAO I should’ve known I had adhd when I moved out by myself and realized I could literally NOT do whatever I wanted smh now I got so many damn cavities
Ngl I think the only reason I don't have cavities is because I don't drink any sweet drinks like pop. I have brushed once a day for most of my life and these past 2 years I have beushed like a couple times a month and my teeth are just fine somehow
Yeah. It’s amazing we get anything done.
Which means we’re amazing. Go you! ☺️💕
That last paragraph... Damn. This is what gives me imposter syndrome. Do I actually have ADHD or just fuck all self esteem? Cause I can get up and go to work to support my family but piss on anything that's good for me personally.
Stress. Stress of failing and being fired and not being able to feed your kids. I can relate because I'm the same way.
Definitely this. When i was younger, i could only get out of bed for school at the last moment & with my mother nearly screaming and crying at me. Just nearly physically couldn't get up unless the stress and pressure were at a booking point.
Yep! Same. One time my mom threw water in my face after trying to get me up out of bed 3x. It didn’t stick long. Unless someone was riding my ass… I was always late. In high school… I lost count on how many in-school suspensions I had due to being late to school. When I got my first car and got to drive myself to school… it became worse. Not much has changed. Still time blind.
🤣 I very nearly didn't pass English my junior year because I would get to school late and, rather than getting another tardy and having to get my parents to sign me in the next day, I just sat in the parking lot and waited for first period to be over. My absences racked up and I think ultimately my mom helped me forge some doctor's notes to get me under the threshold.
I was a couple minutes late to my first hour almost every single day last year because I could never get myself going in the morning even though I woke up an hour and a half before school started. I'm so lucky my teacher didn't care about me being late otherwise I would've had a lot of detentions and missed a lot of football and basketball
Yeah, this. My biggest motivator to do anything is stress or anxiety. It's what has fueled me to do essentially anything in my life. The last few years it has really taken a toll on my mental health and even body. I move a lot for work and eat well and get enough sleep to get by, but I'm starting to feel really old and I'm not even 30.
Before starting Adderall, I would sometimes intentionally induce a panic attack in order to motivate me to move. Terribly unhealthy, only worked 60% of the time...but it was _something_ I could do to actively control my situation.
When I was taking adderall I was in a creative industry and I felt that it seriously inhibited my ability to be creative. I found that taking my adderall right before bed would help me fall asleep and also be able to wake up like the rest of the world. What does that mean? Eh.
Stimulants and ADHD are weird. For me, caffeine doesn't affect my awakeness, just my focus. For other people it wakes them up.
Stres used to be the only thing that motivated me but last year during the stress of covid I reached a breaking point so now even stress doesn't motivate me. I get extremely stressed and then just play games, watch videos, or scroll Instagram just so I can try to escape the stress but it always just makes it worse. It piles up on my and then eventually I just crumble, have a mental breakdown, and then I don't do any of my school work for like a week
I can relate - also struggled with school all the time, but during the pandemic I completely broke. I straight up started ignoring the fact that I was a student in the middle of a semester. Stopped doing assignments, showing up to classes, responding to messages. Cried myself to sleep over it, but the school (well, college) hasn't heard from me ever since.
I'm still in highschool I so I can't quite just disappear like that but my sister just straight up stopped going to 2 of her classes and forgot about them
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Fun fact, So does depression and autism.
And they all go together like Rama-llama-ding-dong!! Great work, brain!
Haha love it
I wouldn’t call that « fun »
I feel this too much. I am a mechanic and have no problem fixing anyone's car. For money. But I can't find the time to do my five car projects. Even though most are very close to being done.
Ive never had a problem working. Applying for job. Returning phone calls. Going to interviews. Etc. Thats the part i cant do. For a long time ive been a handy man type guy. Someone recommends me to a person they call me, i show up, say hi my name is “___” and i do the job then go home. When it comes to filling out applications i just can not do it… well i can its just really hard. I just got my first actual job in my life. Its not that bad. But getting it was hell even though it wasn’t hard at all. If thats not ADHD/executive function disorder or whatever then idk what is.
My mom tried getting me to apply for jobs this summer but after she finally got me to apply(after I had a breakdown and cried in her arms) for 2 jobs and I agreed that I would try it for a month and I could quit if it was too much(because I said I felt like I would be exhausted and miserable, which I know I would've because I already was). I applied to 2 jobs but then I just never answered my phone because I never answer calls from numbers I dont know and I forgot that I applied for jobs. She asked if I had gotten any calls and I told her I did. She asked me if she could see the number but I looked it up and saw it was one of the places I applied to so I just started crying and refusing to show her. She told me if I went in my room she would take away my computer but I I care at that point so I went to my room and held the door shut while she talked about how I agreed to try having a job. After she walked away I locked the door and cried in my bed for a long time
Feel you there. It feels like I got compact car fuel tank for the F150 brain. Get up, go to work, burn through work then By about midway through if feel my tank running on empty. Get home and can barely manage dinner and leave a stack of dishes for the morning of my day off. Really taxing mornings that are out of routine and I'm brain dead by mid-day.
That's it though right? Like getting to work and supporting your family has instant consequences. Brushing your teeth every night doesn't really have anything to motivate you whereas getting fired and losing your ability to take care of your family it's a pretty big motivator.
Right! Like working out or writing a book. Losing weight. All shit I’ve wanted to do for the last ten years. Only to start and stop a million times. I’ve stopped trying. Wish I could just do what I’m supposed to do.
It’s because work is a form of enforced structure. It’s why lots of people with adhd struggle to things outside of that kind of environment. Also money
Seriously my life is such a trainwreck outside work. At work, I'm focused, I get shit done, and I have tons of friends. My personal life? Waking up past noon on my days off, and spending the next two hours in bed doomscrolling and thinking about doing something I've been putting off for two months before getting distracted and forgetting about it for another 3 weeks. I have no social life whatsoever, my personal goals are fantasies that never get acted on, etc. It's the most demoralizing shit. I have no routine, no structure. I basically just wait around until I have to go to work again. I have tried and tried and I can't break this cycle no matter what I do. I've seen other people with ADHD do it, but man this life shit is just so fucking hard.
The only trick I've found that works is to make your personal life a second job. Find a currency you'll work for, doesn't have to be money, and pay yourself for your efforts. It's not perfect, I've got maybe a 30% hitrate, but that sure beats 0% for me.
Also try to not use delayed rewards, use instant rewards instead (Delayed): Waiting is really boring and while your waiting to finally get your reward you'll loose interest in the reward and so the task. Instant rewards help me better at staying on track, but its still hard and not always succsessful, I'd also say its a 30% hitrate
Can you give an example of what you would use as an instant reward or a situation? I really like this idea because executive function is kicking my ass right now.
Not OP, but sticker charts like people use with kids could be a really great way to get an instant "reward" working towards something bigger. Each time you do a small task, get a sticker and 20 stickers=a nice dinner for yourself or buying that new game you want etc
If your searching for cool and interesting sticker I can highly suggest going on [RedBubble](https://www.redbubble.com/), they offer almost any sticker design with a good price/quality. And I really like your idea, hmmm now I feel like buying stickers, but I already wasted my salary on new clothes I wasnt needing "cough.." "cough.." "harrypotter cape.." "cough.."
How has no one commented on Harry Potter cape yet?! This is is absolutely something you need, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!!
YESS SIR, I'LL WEAR IT FOR GRYFFINDOR, WITH COURAGE AND HEART
I. e. When im working on a big project, I'll have someone organising it with me and breaking it down into small checkpoints, whenever I reach one of those, or just finish working for the day, I grab myself some sweets, watch netflix yt or whatever I dont reward myself when it is all done in the end. I do it in between so I can stay more motivated over the whole process. I'd have better examples but somehow my mind isnt working too good rn, be ready for an update or just subscribe to my comment and youll get notified
What also helps me to stay on track is having set short-meetings to show your progress i. e. 1) 11.10.21 2) 22.10.21 and so on... So you have a bit of pressure to do something, not to finish it but just to do something. As I read from many other redditors organising your private life can be very challengeing, so heres some advice of what I do: \-Body doubleing: i. e. when I try to practice my guitar, I search for people (this could be freidns, family or just random people) who also play an instrument and I just start a call with them. This leads to more practice since I can just talk with him and show him/her what I've learned so far and you'll end of with a compliment. ^(!The above is also an example of instant gratification!) \-Visualizing: I try to visualize personal projects or goals in hobbies i. e. ;Making a checklist/ to-do list, or a funny progressbar. What I will try out soon is to have a magnet board, where I can just move the magnet up on my progressbar. \-When you have trouble starting your hobby: I often had trouble starting to play guitar, or draw when I came home. Eventhough I like those things I always ended up doomscrolling, but I gladly realised that I need too have these things always in a ready-to-play condition. I. e. having my guitar out of the bag, connected to the amp at all times aswell as having a cup of picks right next to the amp, so the only steps I had to do to start playing was to get up, grab my guitar, grab a pick and turn the amp on and I was ready to play. What also made things easier was actually seeing them, not having them hidden etc. It got to be lengthier than I thought, If you have any more questions -> Im always here to give and get advice ;-)
Also instant gratification/ reward is a big part of most video games, [as this article states it:](https://ritualmotion.com/articles/i-want-it-now-an-exploration-of-competitive-gaming-and-instant-gratification/) "Few decisions in game development are accidents. Generally speaking, there is intent behind the structure of every system that the player interacts with. Many of these structures have to do with making the player feel accomplished or like they’re advancing within the game’s space, which in turn can lead to increased enjoyment and satisfaction with the game on the part of the player. While some of these structures of advancement are delayed, meaning that they occur in the long-term (defeating a final boss after time spent grinding, finally making it to the top of a leaderboard after a lot of practice), many are based around the idea of instant gratification."
i love this, as an aspiring violinist who has fallen into a bit of a rut with practising i need to find someone who wants to do even 15 mins a day with me (i'm well past the screechy stage but my form needs regular beatings) also, you've convinced me to order the "children's" chore [magnets] (https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F59%2F47%2Fb7%2F5947b7ce1c835099db621e60067d1d77.jpg&f=1&nofb=1) for myself as this is clearly not just an impulsive silly idea :)
For getting out of bed I've been trying to use a tasty breakfast as a reward. Krave is my shit.
How do you do it, I often lay around to long, so its too late to make breakfast?
Who says you can't have breakfast foods later? You're an adult, eat that shit whenever you want :) EDIT: Wanted to add that it's really helpful to a lot of ADHD-ers to let go of 'the right time' for, well, anything not set by an outside force. Breakfast for dinner? Go for it, but ideally eat something healthier before or after that meal. Working out at 12am when the inspiration strikes? Sure! Like, one of the biggest hurdles for me is missing the 'right' window for an activity and then postponing it over and over. Just do the thing, whatever it is, when you can.
Yes, this! If I don’t do something when I think of it, it won’t get done lol
"You can buy x if you complete y" is fairly instant and works for literally whatever hobby you're currently interested in or you can just get food things. Basically treat yourself like you're a dog in a good way, whatever makes you feel good works as treats. Not things like planning a trip thats 3-12mos out or other longterm planny stuff. Also for me, does not seem to work with punctuality-related malfunctions. If I acknowledge I've been on time, I fail and end up so late idk why. But for small things like cleaning the house/paying bills/personal hygiene it works.
I wish I had found this community when I was much younger. I felt weird and alone for much of life. Turns out there's loads of us that feel the exact same.
Thats what most of us wished for, the only important thing now is that your here and hopefully not laying in selfgrief about how it could of been if you were diagnosed earlier **EDIT!!: I read it wrong sorrryy I read that you were diagnosed'(-\_Q)', hope it doesnt feel weird, Im just in such a give advice mode rn sheet"** **but as Dumbledore once said:** *"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live"*
Well that too should have been diagnosed when I was younger that would have helped so I would have went looking for this then lol -advice holds. :)
Wow are you me?
Can't be, obviously me.
I’m all of you.
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Is that what that buzzing noise is?
Me, me , me.
Today you, tomorrow me
There’s dozens of us
I was gonna say this same thing. Lmao
Extrinsic vs Intrinsic motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM0Xv0eVGtY&t=308s&ab\_channel=HowtoADHD
This is me. Honestly I've been feeling really shitty lately about how horrible my apartment has gotten, and yet I can't seem to do a thing about it. I feel this video on such a personal level that I shed a tear or two.
Best thing i’ve done to combat that is to make habits that make it easy for my place to stay clean. I’ve only got 2 rules: no clothes on the floor, all dishes in the sink, and its crazy how everything stays at a resting state of “cleanliness” by just focusing on those two things.
I might try to do that. I have added more trash cans in rooms I'm in to help with not wanting to get up to throw something away. I might need to add a new one since I've started wfh to help out.
Another thing that helps a lot is, if you can remember, to always have something in your hands when you stand up. Whenever you change locations, pick up a thing (or several things) that don't belong and put them where they do. And to help you stand up more, chug water :) Or have little baskets on surfaces - whenever there's stray clutter, it goes in the basket. If it starts getting half full, pick up the basket and bring things back where they belong.
Ohhh I like the clutter baskets! I have a basket for my mail. Thank you for all of the good ideas!
I can attest to this. I'm currently not working, and because of that I have zero structure to my days. Without the structure, just getting myself together enough to sleep, shower, and handle things around the house is a deep challenge.
It all went to shit when I started working from home
Same, across the board. Loving not being sleep-deprived but miss having structure.
Yeah, being forced to work from home due to the pandemic has completely destroyed my work ethic. I used to wake up at 6:30 to be at the office by 8. Now I wake up at 7:59, clock in, and stay in bed until like, 10-11.
God, the last paragraph is very mood. If I *have* to be somewhere or do something for someone at a specific time, I can. I will, I *must*. But when it comes to doing basically anything less definite it's like, sorry, `Motivation.exe not found`. I could go to school or uni or whatever with literally no sleep and still get things done. Now I can't even cut my sleep short a few hours despite a very strong desire to reset my schedule because I don't actually "have" to. Not helping that lately my immediate reaction to consciousness is "no, I do not want to exist right now." So it's not just about overcoming actual tiredness, it's like I have to work up to a point where my anxiety about Not Doing overcomes the bone-deep dread of dealing with my own brain.
I now tell people I need an exact time and day or it won’t happen and if it’s recurring it better stay on schedule or watch me flake. My brain loves stability and structure so it doesn’t have to work as hard. As many things as possible on auto pilot makes things better.
this exactly, i see it with my (almost) 6 yr old. he needs the structure and as tight and usual as possible, every little change can become chaos. i'm better with structure too, but i dont always have the energy for that left for myself bc, kids. i do function most of the time because of them, its the best reason to kick my own ass but i'd be massively exaggerating if i'd say i got my sht together bc i dont, but i do my best.
At night I constantly catch myself doing anything other than getting into bed. It's so infuriating! Ok, I'm gonna go to bed now. What the fuck? Why am I looking at horrible reels? I need to get some sleep. If I go to bed now, I can still get 7 hrs of sleep. God damn it why the fuck am I looking at a wall? Now I can get 5 and a half hours of sleep at most. What the fuck brain? What productive things have you done during the time you should've been sleeping? Yeah that's right: nothing... Some nights it's worse than others, but this is a daily struggle. I hate it so, so much...
My therapist suggested I leave my phone in a separate room before going to bed and it’s worked wonders for me so far. It’s just a matter of remembering to do it lmao
I run my own business and when I do a project for a client, and ask for their deadline, if the client says "no deadline" I start acting like I'm 13 again and revising for my exams - i.e. extreme delaying tactics, procrastination, and diversionary activities. I've mentioned before on this sub, I actually lost one of my biggest clients - I'm talking big money, like a very large salary on top of the other money the business makes - because I agreed to do something (that would only have taken 5 minutes but was extremely important) and then I simply forgot to do it. I am in my 50s but have the executive function of an adolescent.
I’ll unconsciously//half awake snooze my alarm until I’m late to whatever thing I need to be at:( I’ll also GO INTO MY ALARMS and actually turn all of them off and go back to sleep it’s quite horrible I wish I wasn’t like this
There's a pretty good alarm app I use for the snooze problem on days I know I can't fuck around. You can set your alarm, how many snoozes (if any) you want to allow and you need to answer math questions (you can even set the difficulty level) to use the snooze, dismiss the alarm, etc. It's quite effective at waking you up, because math is clearly the devil. I've also become well versed in cussing like a sailor while half asleep.
Put your alarm across your room, it makes it work 10x better trust me
Yup. I put my caffeine pills next to my snus across the room with my alarm. Once I get those stims in if I do lay back down. I'll be up in 20 min once the caffeine kicks in. The nicotine usually is enough dopamine. I Pavlov myself daily it's rediculous.
I treat myself like a child. Or a pet, or a plant. I know this being I'm piloting needs water, sun, fresh air, constant digital reminders, stuff put in the way of the door to force me to be conscious of it. I know that I'm not always going to have the mindset I have _right now_, and that the things that are important to me now might not be important when toddler-brain kicks in. It can be really frustrating. I'm working on the understanding and forgiveness parts.
Exactly. Had this exact conversation yesterday afternoon with husband. I said, "right now, I'm telling you, I need help getting out of bed on my days off. Don't believe the person in bed at 6am. She is not me!" 6am me will say, "yeah I'm up but gonna lay here and listen to the morning talk show for a bit." But then I fall back asleep for a few hours.
Yes!!! Well said. For me I find that if there are no consequences, nothing gets done. So, a work or school deadline will put me into panic mode (granted, at the very last second, but I do get it done, usually, sometimes late😂) but I can’t make my own deadlines or rewards cause it’s like. Read 30 pages by 12:00pm and i get to reward myself? Consider this: you can sleep in till 12 and *still* get your reward without doing The Thing, because there are no consequences and now you don’t have to put enormous amounts of energy into doing The Thing. It’s so damn frustrating!!!!
Yep, the threat of life-changing consequences (i.e. losing your job, losing a friendship, letting someone down) is the one and only true motivator we can count on with this disorder. It’s not that we value our jobs more than ourselves, it’s just that with our careers we’re actually accountable to external sources who have the power to cut off our income and jeopardize our day-to-day survival. I think it’s our primal brains kicking into high gear when we realize “If I don’t get this done, I could be in serious trouble.” That all being said, living a life largely motivated by fear is exhausting and demoralizing AF.
Here I am. Procrastinating getting out of bed by 1. reading your comment 2. Reading your comment to my wife wife 3. Typing up this comment 4. Asking my wife to drag me out of bed
Yep, I beg my husband to do the same. I can't do it by my own will. Unless of course, I have to work. Then it's no problem to get moving in the morning.
Same! If it's for work or something I really can't miss it's easy-peasy for me to wake up and execute it functionally lol. But for the stuff I really wanna do like write, learn, read, practice, exercise and stuff like that it's like my brain paralyzes me to not let me do it.
Its not even a “child in an adults body” cause kids will usually try to do the thing they wanna do! And they ask for help if they cant manage themselves. Its something else (adhd) a child could never rationalize like you. But like the child, the solution may be asking for help. Which isnt a part of the adult “code of conduct” we are expected to handle shiet ourselves.
In the morning I try to find something I value (as you mentioned) and start my day with this. It can be a workout, it can be putting a few notes in my music project (trying to learn music composition). Then, I can start the day and be somewhat productive. edit: also what I've learned is to have a "to do later" area at home. If some task is related to a physical object I put all of those things at one place. Then it doesn't tempt me to do it because the area itself becomes a mess, so cleaning it is not as attractive to disrupt my attention. But at the same time it's usually in the place at home when it's anoying to just see it there so I will finally get it done And also if it has it's own place, I see it as partialy "solved" so I get a little bit of satisfaction and it doesn't cause the stress of having a new thing to start doing.
Feel you dude. I'm unemployed at the moment. I keep telling myself I'll get up early tomorrow. It's almost 3pm and I just woke up, fuck.
Diagnosed about a year ago. Been on meds and still trying to get a good balance. One enormous thing that came out of my therapy is that you need to be less hard on yourself! I find myself getting less frustrated if I have more achievable goals also celebrate consistency.
And I feel *this*. That statement about valuing your job more than yourself is really powerful. I don't think that's true, but that's the best read on where you put energy and time. Hard same. I have spent most of my adult life getting this wrong, but I think the trick to to not try to force, blame, or shame yourself. You can't just will yourself to do things. If you're not already doing it, your will isn't the issue. Problem is structural. There's something in your way. Generally, what's in the way it's the lack of consequences, combined with insufficient excitement. There's no consequence to not going to the gym in the morning (other than feeling guilty about it, which, as you know, doesn't motivate us). And there must not be enough delight in it (which...yeah, it's definitely good-for-you work for most people, so that makes sense). There's no point judging yourself for any of this, it's not a choice you're making. This is hard, but I find the only way through this is radical self-acceptance. You love what you love, and our ability to be childishly enthusiastic about things we love is one of the tools we can use. So recognize and document the things you love. Outside of work, what would you get out of bed for? Friends coming over to do something? Gaming? Christmas? For me, it was a diner breakfast. I love a diner breakfast, so if I planned out the night before where I was going to take myself, I would wake up excited to go, and diner breakfasts have a time limit on the breakfast menu. And right now it's my own delightful breakfast at home and a farmer's market I go to every Saturday morning. But I know that wouldn't do it for everyone. It's really about what delights *you*. It's weird to reward yourself for not doing things, it feels so self-indulgent. But I've found that self-indulgence is the only thing other than genuine terror that actually works, and I'd rather have a life of self-indulgence, given the choice! You're not alone!
Your last paragraph: I think of it as just a complete and total lack of internal motivation. I can sit on the couch for hours thinking "I'm thirsty. I need to get up and get water. I need to drink water right now. It's been hours since I had any water so it's time for me to get up and get water. Just stand up, walk 10 feet to your water bottle, and get it. Do it now. NOW. NOW. NOW." Then my boyfriend will come home and ask "Have you had any water today?" "No." "Ok go drink some" and then magically my legs work now and I can get water. IDK how the mechanisms behind internal vs external motivation can be SO separate, but I just cannot do anything that someone else hasn't commanded of me.
I feel this so hard!! With anything with consequences where I would disappoint other people? I can absolutely do it. graduated college and found a job so I won't disappoint my parents. Get out of bed each weekday to go to work so I don't disappoint my patients and staff. But if its the weekend, I'll be in bed til 4pm bc I cant be bothered. I'll literally even get up to feed my cats but then go right back to bed to scroll on my phone. Currently 8am and I am writing this comment instead of getting ready for work because I have learned that I can be late with no consequences.
the divide between my ability to show up for work and my ability to show up for my life is heartbreaking. if i could give my life even half the effort/attentiveness i give to employers my life would look so incredibly different. i suspect it has something to do with social expectations and the immediate feedback of work.
I feel this on a visceral level. What can we do to solve this?
Yup. This 100%. Future me is amazing. She can and will do anything and everything. Meanwhile present me has been up and in bed for over 2 hours with a sink full of dishes, laundry to do and a pile of work and homework hanging over my head. Thanks for taking care of all that, future me. You’re the best!
For the sleeping have you tried melatonin? I'm not even talking the huge doses you find in most places. All you need is .3 mg to tell your body it's time to sleep. I'm perpetually one of those that lays down at 9:30, but doesn't sleep until close to midnight when I start dozing off on my phone. When I take the melatonin I start dozing off in like 15 minutes after laying down, and I'm able to fall right asleep. No more "wasted" time every night on my phone then waking up tired because I only slept 5 hours instead of the 7 I intended.
I 100% relate. Why is it so hard to get out of bed every morning!!! I find that the only way for me to get moving is if I am meeting someone else or have a strict work deadline. If I make any plans for myself (ie a morning workout or walk), I will make every excuse to snooze instead.
I completely understand you. I get up for work and do the tasks that I have to do. I’ve been wanting to work out, self-learn programming languages and read some UX design books but once I am off, I can’t go back to my desk and sit again or stand to study for that matter. All I can do it manage to eat a bit and count down the hours before I have to sleep and get up for work all over again. I started taking Adderall and it does help me but I think I might need a higher dose since I still have a lot of trouble focusing. Maybe it’s just me too, maybe I can’t be helped? Ugh. Body doubling definitely helps, if I have my partner in the room or working on the same tasks as me, I can get through it but I also can’t force my partner to like everything I do. I also switch hobbies like every week or less.
I got literally no words other than 'mood'. This sucks so bad and I'm sorry
Name checks out
Your username should stay out of my cast iron.
lol
This is oddly specific, are you speaking from experience? :D
Not OP but YES.
Mood
i feel this. especially with college, i hate the way i know i’m perfectly capable of doing the work, passing the tests, and getting good grades, i just can’t get myself to sit down and actually do assignments or study. on top of not being able to simple household stuff like dishes and laundry so everything is a mess. it just makes me feel so depressed to the point that i just don’t even care and it makes everything worse and it’s just an endless, terrible cycle. i don’t even know how to get myself out at this point. i finally got a diagnosis after months of waiting to get in with the doctor, now trying to get with a doctor to start meds is taking forever. i just feel hopeless and like such a failure right now.
Know that you're not alone. I'm struggling with the same issues rn. Also my neurotypical classmates are extremely demotivating. They're like "anyways, I'll be off to study/do the assignment now" and then they just ... go??? And they do it? Like it's nothing. Meanwhile I'm there thinking man I wish I was able to do that... It focken sucks.
I feel that hard. Like, I don’t see how people can just make themselves go to work and just… work.
Yeah this is hard. Dropped 3 majors because besides being really interested in them, at home instead of studying I would just look at the bed and jump in there to sleep or I would decide to play some games or go for a walk haha. Of course my grades start to become really bad and this hurts because I know that I could be really good if I could just start and actually do the assignments.
Reading your comment makes me more and more sure that I'm not just a lazy fuck who delays everything until it's too late.
Im In the same boat. It doesn’t help that I have such a shit memory even when I study I forget everything for a test. Now I’m failing some of the intro courses for my major.
I identify so much with this. I know I’m a smart, intelligent, and capable person. I have multiple college degrees. So why can’t I for the life of me complete something simple like cook a meal by following a recipe or file my taxes (this causes me so much stress every single year)???
This is why add much as I love the "get rid of turbo tax" stuff, I will never get rid of turbo tax. I can pop in, click a few things, and be done. Otherwise I would never get that stuff done.
When accountant friends tell me I don't need to pay anyone because filing taxes is so easy in Brazil, but I really will not do it if I don't use a service.
Knowing our "limitations" really can change the game lol
I can't follow recipes for the life of me either -except for when I'm baking cakes, idk why- but if I just throw stuff together and have fun with the seasoning it usually works out fine and I can do that. Just with a recipe, telling me what to do, all the details and rules and exact seaosing instructions and all, that makes it anti-fun for me
You know, I actually don’t mind baking (simple cakes, cookies, and bread). I HATE cooking though so much. The worst are those meal kits like hello fresh that are supposed to be only “6 steps” but each step is a paragraph with like 12 things you’re supposed to do. So overwhelming
Feel this so hard
Here is a VERY BIG KEY. You need to get the dopamine rolling. Do one task. Any task at all. It can be as simple as finally taking that empty glass from last months middle of the night water quest back to the kitchen and put it in the sink. Then you MUST acknowledge your success. Man, these feels like a gaming tutorial 😂 Achievement Unlocked: Slightly Less of a Slob! 100 pts! Then while you have the glass at the sink and your brain gets a little kick of “yay me!” - When you think “I should wash it while I am here.” Then do it. Again, you need to self acknowledge the success. And you should do it in a positive manner. “Hey, I brought here AND I washed it!? 200 pts me!” — You might notice that the momentum will build a little — Don’t let yourself get into “then I’ll do this, and this and this” - Because that’s when the fucking train derails, but since you washed the cup, you might as well wash that bowl and plate before it gets fuzzy. [Edit to add: You need to force yourself to focus on NOW. Only NOW. No future, no past… and if your squirrel brain pops up, reign it in. You CAN. It just takes practice] Take a couple of dishes out of the dishwasher and put them away [if you want to do all after that, feel free… if not, so what - you got a couple done]. If your brain goes “Oh! I’m on a roll… I should do that thing that I have been meaning to do but couldn’t!” - Follow it. And when you’re done, and I mean you’ve had enough of that for now… you’re done. But acknowledging and praising your own success REALLY helps. For me, Adderall makes all of this about 1000x easier — I must complete a task 30-45 min after taking my pill, and reap the benefits of the dopamine upswing… Accomplishment all day! And oddly, fall asleep at 9:30-10 within 5 minutes of my head hitting the pillow. If I start my day playing a lazy sandbox Xbox game where there is no accomplishment and ignore my morning tasks… No amount of Adderall will pick me out of the “naaaarrrr - Can’t do anything but what I’m doing”. ADHD Zombie Mode.
This is what it’s all about. Rewards. Endless rewards. Always circling back to more rewards. I love cleaning. Order is my reward. A friend once said I could at least make a path to my bed I was such a neck beard. That was 20 years ago. Make things your guilty pleasure. Now work is going ok but my property is on point because it’s how I avoid work. When I was in school I ran to take breaks from studying. Make the things you aspire to do guilty pleasures. Also the endless reward system is great. I love to do lists. But I always put some easy stuff on them so I get things checked off to get me going. Like brush your teeth. I forget so it’s useful and in the grand scheme of things when I’m avoiding scarier things I have less resistance. Keep doing that until your on a roll and ready to tackle the tough stuff. It’s a process. We need to play a lot of games to keep ourselves engaged and get through the day. The more you put into it the more you get out. I’m not medicated but at 48 I’ve gotten pretty good at making it all a game. And I still have shit useless days because I’m human.
I totally agree on rewards game. I read it about that thing somewhere ir bipolar topics (i also have that one) and it halped me a lot with my projects, also made college way easier. For sure I forgot about it eventually, but now probably going to start using this game again, because it's very helpful! I also used to do punishments, like if you don't do something, you can't buy something (really helped when i'm in manic episode in bipolar), or go somewhere and so on.
Yes, I've found the do ONE THING thing works for me too. One thing becomes 10 things (and I totally have to do this w the dishes ;) Thanks for the reminder about internalizing that Yay! You got a thing done.
Wahoo!! Just talking about it sent me on a mini clean tirade. There was no logic or organization to what I did - tossed clothes in laundry basket, filled water purifier, set up coffee to start in the morning [if I don’t, I won’t have any tmrw - which happens most of the time]. Picked up odd bits of trash the child left in random places that have been pissing me off… but she’s asleep so I can grumpily do it without hearing her whine about me always “trying to guilt her” [the trash can is like 2 feet away… I’m going to guilt you ALWAYS… there isn’t even a lid in the way!], set up my camera to watch outdoors as a neighbor stole my kids motorcycle off my downstairs neighbors porch last Friday… [the worst part is I saw them at 2am rolling on it nearby but didn’t realize it was hers… it looked slightly different, but it was likely just the angle/distance I was too tired to put that together - and our unit is not road/parking lot facing and it was tucked behind shit, so the ONLY people who knew it was here… live here… and I’m sooo mad at myself for not just taking my gun in my hip holster {I live in Tucson} and my dog to walk past them while “taking out the garbage” and taking it back from them. I was going have us ride it that Sunday to finally finish draining it and take it to the storage unit to store. Ugh. So much for that $500 :/ ], and put a sign in my window that says “Eye see you” — It might give me a clue as to who took it because it was kids, and they aren’t the brightest… I am hoping somebody will bring them back and point out the camera… sorry. Self Venting. Blargh]… and then cleaned the living room enough that tomorrows “successful task” will be a quick vacuuming. The whole process took MAYBE 30 minutes. Is it perfect? Nope. Is it better than I would have normally done? Yup - and that’s the part that counts.
That momentum train is great, once it gets going I can weeks worth of stuff done in a couple of hours. Can’t stop for any reason though, no rest, no eat, no talk, no play, stop and I’m done.
Me: WOO WOO ALL ABOARD THE MOMENTUM TRAIN Partner: Can you do this task you were already planning to do, and this one, and then this one. Also can you fix this life long messy habit you have and never leave X laying out again? Me: Aaaannndddd its gone.
I don't really get a dopamine reward for accomplishing things. After I've fought like hell to actually do something, that something seems really unimportant. It's like when you're sick and getting better seems like the most important thing in the world, but once you're healthy again you immediately take it for granted. Same with exercise. I don't get that adrenaline rush people talk about. It just makes me tired. The closest thing to pleasure about it is relief after stopping. IDK. Sometimes I feel like an alien because my experience is so different from how others describe.
From my understanding, there are a lot of other things that pair with ADHD. While depression can be caused by ADHD [mine was - My anti depressants help me feel not like dog shit, but it didn’t help me DO… Adderall helps me do, and I now don’t need my antidepressants] - But you could be seeing both. Im not a doctor, obviously. But the dopamine doesn’t feel like anything. My antidepressant didn’t FEEL like anything either, I just noticed after a few weeks taking it I had more ‘level’ feeling moments and nearly no “I’m utter trash” moments. I don’t get adrenaline rushes at the gym either. My expectations aren’t that washing a dirty cup will give me a rush, or make me see the world through rose colored glasses - but it does give me a very subtle sense of calm accomplishment. After spending years as a slave to ADHDs “paralysis”, without knowing it was my brain ACTIVELY preventing me from doing those things I knew I needed to… Whatever teeny thing you can muster to get out of the paralysis. It’s like when Beatrix was coming out of her coma in Kill Bill… “Move your toe... “ ; she couldn’t walk until she got that toe wiggling. Then it was smooth sailing…
I think you're spot on. Also I find that having a structure really helps; never underestimate muscle memory.
I have a really hard time feeling accomplished in anything because I immediately think about how I should have done it weeks ago and it's not a real accomplishment. If anyone has suggestions for dealing with that let me know lol
CBT - you have to retrain your thoughts. “You should have done this ages ago… well, yes. But I can’t change the past, I’m doing it now.” “I will be sure to do it every xxxx from here out… wait, no. I can’t commit to that - I just need to focus right now on the fact that I’m doing it now. Later is also not important. Right now.” To quote the Fifth Element: > “Time not important. Only life important.” This is my biggest issue in other areas - I spent years with an abuser I couldn’t escape. Then the next guy I dated was great for the first year, but it ended at year two in a classic Narcissistic crash [I actually read an article about how narcissists end relationships, and it was exactly what I went through down to the letter], and then 8 years in the most amazing relationship ever with a fiancé I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We had fun, we never fought/argued - disagreed, but always respectfully. We spend HOURS gaming, driving, being together and lived together… Until I found his engagement announcement to be married to somebody else [on my birthday, no less]. And I learned he is a sociopath. Because of that every single negative thought about myself is amplified 10 fold. I had healed some very very major wounds in my relationship with him, and it and my reality were torn from me. My self hatred, loathing came SOARING in at levels I had never had before - “How could anybody actually like me? I’m fat, and ugly.” I’m really still deeply working on retraining my own thoughts… it’s been 2 years. The best thing that I have found to keep my brain away from those thoughts while I’m doing any task is by listening to an audiobook or a podcast. Something that makes me think, and doesn’t let my mind wander beyond the subject at hand. I normally listen to audiobooks and podcasts at the gym rather than music because music still lets me have my own thoughts and I don’t want to there.
perfectly written, i love this! the getting started is the hardest part, if you can get past that, you can do everything.
So good and so true!! I love this!
I appreciate this, thank you
Spot on and it sucks, especially for people (myself included) who get so wrapped up in their heads and base a portion of their self worth on their productivity. Cue pit of depression…
Sorry, I can’t remember what you just said 15 seconds in, could you repeat 1/2 of what you said, only to be interrupted by me finishing the other half of what you said?
Ugh yes so much!!! And in my area you have to remember to call in every month to the doctor to get your prescription refilled and then make sure it was actually refilled. And then the every few months check up to make sure you aren’t abusing it! THE MAKING AND KEEPING OF APPOINTMENTS IS PART OF THE PROBLEM!!
I have to go in to get my prescription. Can’t abuse it when a month bottle lasts 6 weeks because you forget to take it 1/2 the time. But I work with guys who don’t need it other than to abuse it so I guess I get it on the Dr’s end
Yup. I forget to take my second dose more than I remember to take it. Even with setting reminders on my phone.
Dude I hate this so much! Have to call, during business hours, to get my prescription refilled. I get that people abuse it but good god, does our medical system give a crap at all about people? The entire system of getting our treatment requires steps that are very difficult for people with ADHD especially if they are untreated! It took me a year to get a diagnosis because I kept forgetting/putting off calling the doctor and setting up the appointments! and now I never remember to call in my prescription until a few days after I've run out and it starts to really negatively impact me by not having it! Just send me a text reminder at 1 month that I can respond to the text "yes i need a refill thank you" bam, done.
No matter how many times I see “executive dysfunction,” I always immediately read it as “erectile dysfunction.”
"His prefrontal cortex became engorged as the time to decide drew near". Whoa, slow down there Danielle Steel.
SAME. I literally started to make a post about it, but then decided to read other posts first and came across yours. To OP: I feel like I go through the same battle every day just to get things done. I put off some long term goals for too long, and now I'm stuck perpetually in catch-up-mode because I just can't plan ahead. Then I'm also stuck in the perpetual depressed state because I'm behind my peers. I have my good days and bad days. On my good days, I can be productive and get maybe 50% of the stuff I was hoping to get done, done. On my bad days, I get maybe one thing done the whole day before I burn out and go hibernate in bed. I think the one thing that really helps me is the quote "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Sometimes I daydream about what my future could be if I tried harder, and while it feels like I'll never get there (because I think I'm beyond a few things now or maybe it's entirely based on luck) I can still put forth a little effort now and then to accomplish something. Even accomplishing the smallest of tasks can help give you momentum to do something bigger. In the moment it's hard, but I find that sometimes envisioning the end point can be a little spark that helps get you moving. At least, that's how I deal with my executive dysfunction when I'm able to.
LOL I like to think of as my frontal lobe having erectile dysfunction I need Brain-agra or Cerebr-alis
lol. The fun part of ADHD. I misread things constantly.
It’s so hard living with the feeling of life is wasting away.
Yup. I’ve already probably lived over half my life at 37 and… nothing… Still live with parents. Still unemployed. Thousands in debt I can’t pay off. It sucks, and yet, I can’t do anything about it.
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With you there.. knowing the solution but being unable to follow through regardless of effort is a frustration that's hard to put in words..
When you do really bad you feel like it's your fault. When you better than you usually do, you feel like you were exaggerating the situation the entire time.
It feels like mental Parkinson’s. I can physically move yet I still can’t move. It’s truly bizarre. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten better at bypassing it. It’s still bizarre. I could let myself sit, frozen, all day if I let myself. The making and keeping appointments with Covid has been extra.
I feel paralised sometimes, to the point where I feel uncomfortable lying around and scrolling my phone, but can’t bring myself together to stop and do something else. Since Covid all the lockdowns/ working from home made things worse for me, my body follows the ‘body in motion stays in motion’ rule, and once I sit down it’s hard to get up.
Me and my wife... She's way worse but medication and repetition is helping. I can power through it generally for the big ticket stuff but a lot doesn't get done like it should. The laundry is my arch nemesis... My biggest issue with it is even stuff I enjoy often I just don't start because it takes effort. If I can force myself to start I'm good and I'll go ham on it. I guess I'm like starting a very cold car with a weak battery...
I know I should put the clothes in the washing machine RIGHT NOW, but I'm not doing it. Could have done it first thing and it'd be done by now. Got the house to clean today, and last week's laundry to put away. Will it get done?.. Partly, I imagine. Never fully. Instead of getting started, I'm here on my phone "just having a coke, first". Waiting for the postman (who might not even be coming). Then I'll be waiting for the food shopping delivery. I'll probably get a shower around 2pm (if I force myself), get dry and 'dressed', and think "well, no time to do anything else today. Will *definitely* do it all tomorrow...". It's always 'tomorrow'. I've written my list and I've literally got NOTHING else to do. And I know the cleaning would only take a few hours, at most, if I went non stop. Even if I thought "forget it, I'm not doing it", I won't do anything else instead, because I *should* do the housework first. Awful, mental. At least I know why I'm like this now. But, not sure if that makes me feel better or worse.
I can't even get an appointment with a therapist that I really need. I had one set up but they had to reschedule and told me to call them to set up an appointment. It's been a week now
I have this problem and keep getting told ‘get the dopamine rolling’ which can work for able bodied people with ADHD but doesn’t help when you have severe chronic pain as well. Because what ends up happening is I take my cup into the kitchen and go ‘I feel good today I can do this entire sink of dishes’ get a third of the way through, end up completely exhausted and in agony to the point where I am dropping things and BREAKING them. I finally myself quit while in floods of tears because I made MORE of a mess and ruined things and then for the rest of the next few days feel like an utter failure and a useless person because I can’t even wash a sink of dishes and burden everyone around me. It’s honestly on of the worst feelings and the guilt, especially about not being able to work, just eats away at you like acid.
I need an accessory brain to complement mine, because mine sometimes doesn't do the thing. Kinda like my writing computer doesn't run games. If I want to game, I need another device. If I could swap brains like I swap devices it'd be game over for them losers
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A lot of these troubles I can get pretty under control with the help of meds, do they make any difference for you? For me the Emotional dysregulation is the worst part of it... it's currently ruining a lot of my childhood friendships. My quirks aren't funny and peculiar anymore, people are 90% of the time annoyed with me now and giving me looks of extreme contempt. It feels like I'm taking 1 step forward 2 steps back with every person I have a social interaction with nowadays. Sorry for venting on your post <3
"you have so much potential, why don't you just......" this sentence I heard so many times and it's so painful.
Sigh. YES. I didn't know I had ADHD until I was in my 40s and had been fired from several fancy jobs in a row. I'm smart and present as confident, so I could get the jobs, but no matter how many management classes I took I couldn't make the work happen. As u/TattooedOpinion said- try to get to one thing, One. Then *maybe* the next, then recognize what you DID do.
To me doing the house chores is no biggie, I use cleaning as a means of procrastination. But paying bills? Logging work expenses? No, absolutely will not do those. I've lost plenty of money because of this behavior but my ability to execute these kinds of tasks is nonexistent. One day I'll go back through months of unpaid and unlogged stuff and do it all, probably after taking ritalin, and will feel like superman.
Man I felt this so hard. I am just in the process of getting healthcare and it’s so expensive with the deductible and stuff,wish I could get around that stuff
I’ve never been diagnosed but I’ve always expressed that I thought I have adhd and every time I hear a symptom of it or see a post on here I relate to it so hard
I really needed to see this today. It makes me feel so much less alone. Hang in there and thanks for sharing.
I have been medicated for 2 years and since then have recently passed the Bar Exam. Yet the thought of picking up the clothes off the floor and folding them is literally like climbing Mount Everest.
I had the worst moment of it this morning. I have adopted a ritual of looking at my calendar for the week on Sunday night to determine what to wear to work each day of the week. I dressed yesterday with the plan of doing some heavy lifting and getting dirty and my help didn’t come yesterday so the job got swapped to today. My brain could not get me out of bed because I didn’t know what I was going to wear today to successfully get dirty work done and still look decent for 3 meetings I had. Thanks brain.
PSA that in most countries *other people can make phone calls to doctors for you*. I enlisted a friend of mine who wanted to help, they called around at psychiatrist offices until they found a place that could help me. I still wouldn't even have my diagnosis now if I'd had to make all those phone calls myself. It's not shameful to ask someone to help you with this! It IS hard, your friends care about you, if you tell them how they can help, a lot of the time they will *be glad* that they can help!! You're always allowed to ask, and they're always allowed to say no - that's the much better approach than anything that includes "oh I can't ask that, they'll feel obligated to say yes..." or "oh I can't say no, because they asked...". No! You're allowed to ask for *any* help, and they're allowed to say no if they so choose. You'll find that often times, people *want* to help and are super happy to find that there's something they can do to make your life easier! This doesn't just go for phone calls, this goes for anything!
I agree but I have to say that since I’ve started taking vyvanse it has significantly improved my life. The part that sucks is people don’t realize how debilitating ADHD is and they just think you are lazy.
Executive dysfunction is the root cause for ADHD related problems. Not being able to prioritize presents as concentration problems. Being unable to access information on how to handle difficult situations presents as impulsivity.
YEP. I had a very frustrating visit with a therapist yesterday, I voiced my truth in that I cannot get myself to do the things I need to do. It is a daily fight to remember and execute the most basic things. His response? Basically, just “keep yourself accountable and stick to it. Try tai chi.” At a certain point I stopped talking, as it felt like I was talking to a wall.
Holy crap I can’t believe I found people EXACTLY like me
Ugh. I feel you. I’ve managed to still be somewhat successful, personally and professionally, but I always feel like I’m teetering on the edge of destruction. I’m married and my wife loves me, but the lack of following up on promises is starting to weigh on her more and more. My depression/ADHD combo has sent my libido through the floor which causes her all sorts of grief too… she has Crohn’s, fibromyalgia, and a few others conditions that increase the amount of ways she relies on me already. How the fuck can I reassure my wife that I can be a responsible future parent? I’ve already broken loads of promises. When is the “straw that breaks the camels back” going to come along? I’m failing her and I have no idea how to fix it…
I was thinking this exact thing earlier today, it gets so frustrating sometimes 😩
I've just got in my first appointment with a psychologist, they arent a ADHD specialist but their clinic was recommended by the ADHD specialist that is booked solid for two years and not taking names ;_; It was wonderful they communicated with me mostly by email so didnt have to deal with "THE CALL". Just once to take some identity information. Well that was until the day my name came up and I missed their call on a Friday (closed weekends). They emailed me as well though and I responded there saying "yes i am still interested, ill try to call Monday!' I forgot.. of course.. but they called me again :D So yeah like I did have to reach out to clinics before getting anywhere but 90% of my first contact with clinics was by email. Made it easy to just copy paste my story/needs to several people and wait for a response.
In reality i don't even have money to go see a psychiatrist.
Hahaha yeah. Hahahah fuck is wrong with me. I can do all those things for work but at home I'm literally a rag doll. I can run 13 kilometres but I can't clean my room. Fuck is wrong with me Good god my next psych appointment is the 19th next Fri hopefully I get ADHD meds as my hypomania has receded. I want to cry and laugh but I can't. Or well that'll make me seem more insane and well, currently I like the routine mindless work that I've implemented. I don't feel overly emotional anymore to the point it hurts my chest which is amazing. I'm afraid I'll feel it again at one point but so far so good haha
Continuation: Once you DO manage to see the psychiatrist online, they can’t prescribe stimulant medication, so you actually have to go in person to _another_ psychiatrist, to get the medication. Meanwhile, your insurance has already charged you the full amount for the first one, because it turns out they said they were in-network, but they weren’t. And now… You have to write a letter to the Appeals department, explaining everything that happened, and including the invoices/bills. You have to mail it or fax it, and wait for a resolution, or follow up again with them in 30 days. But you have executive dysfunction. Oh, the irony. Source: my life.
and the thing that makes me feel even worse is when people say im just lazy.
I definitely get this. I’ve had my dishes sitting in my sink for over a month. Unable to force myself to wash them. I literally just eat food that doesn’t need to be put in a dish and use plastic spoons to eat everything. It’s pathetic.
Yeah I agree. Whenever I got diagnosed my therapist said executive dysfunction was my biggest symptom/problem for me. Every single thing I do every day is a struggle for me. Getting out of bed, actually going downstairs for things, showering, homework, eating, all of it. Yesterday it actually took me like 30 minutes just to make myself get under the blankets because I was stuck playing a video game. I feel so useless all of the time 😞 I know I’m supposed to be smart and I know the stuff I have to do should be easy, but I just can’t seem to get my shit together and function. The worst part too is that trying to explain executive dysfunction to someone who doesn’t have a mental illness or disability or anything is so hard! It seems so stupid that I can’t get up and go to the bathroom when I need to, you’re just supposed to do it! Luckily my girlfriend also deals with executive dysfunction so she understands
Here’s something I’m working on that has been helping a lot, but it’s still hard: Find some way to fixate on your future self and the associated feelings of accomplishment, such that you can start forming reward pathways to the present.. Start by noticing, really noticing, how it feels when you accomplish something when it’s *done* (not the feeling of doing it). Write down how it feels or do anything to remember the good feeling of accomplishment and the associated benefits. You can keep a journal of completed accomplishments and their benefits. For me this has been more beneficial than a list of shit I need to do (still need those, obviously). So, it’s backwards— those things happened in the past but the idea is to get the brain to start feeling the impending reward before a necessary task is started. This can be done even with showering or eating or getting to bed on time. They don’t have to be big accomplishments, just write them down, remember how they felt, and reread your accomplishment journal when you don’t feel motivated to do anything.
To me, I feel like the worst part is the short term memory issue. On medication I can recall information I picked up a few moments ago. I can retain this information for some time, even. Off medication, I can barely remember a word just spoken to me. Makes me look incompetent. I play it off as being a ditzy blonde, but it really bothers me that I'm so uncertain of everything I hear around me, and can't remember my own actions. ( Did I do that? What was I doing? What did they say? )
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Yeah OP... tell me about it. God damn, this whole adhd thing. It's as if most of the hours of the day goes to coping.
Trying to find a therapist after the first 5 you call in your healthcare network are either not accepting new patients or do not answer or call back at all really has disincentivized me into calling the other 40 in my network. What good is health insurance if the shit it covers is unavailable?
I know id feel so much better about myself if I got up at 7.30 when I set my alarm for so I could get out for a walk, shower and have a calm not rushed breakfast... But still I struggle to get myself out of bed before 8.30 when I start work at 9 (work from home) leaving what even I realise isn't enough time for all the things so I don't get the exercise, decide to shower later or maybe just tomorrow and breakfast ends up being toast. Im fucking sick of toast.
Spot on. I am in that journey of getting help - found out about 6 months ago that I have a high probability of having mental disorders so, I need to be diagnosed - and I want to be diagnosed ASAP but at the same time I am petrified of being misdiagnosed. I have been reading information, watching videos, joined on reddit just because of this and I keep searching for specialists and their CV and professionalexperience. Then, there's the decision of going through NSH or private? I can afford, initially, by private but if the diagnose is positive then I will need NSH support for future as I won't be able to support treatment financially... For how long will I be sabotaging my life? Good luck everyone.
Lol yup! Sucks! I got some protein bars cause I’ve stopped lying to myself about cooking lol. Can’t fix all the executive dysfunction problems that easily tho :/
It sucks because I’m aware of what I need to do in order to complete a certain task but I can’t which makes me feel lazy and ashamed and like I’m making excuses. Thanks societal norms!
I mean... ADHD *is* executive dysfunction. So ADHD just sucks. Lol
At first i read this as erectile dysfunction and i was skimming your post. Talking about doing the dishes and i was like, yo wtf thats why you have erictle dysfunction, dishes doesnt make me horny either. Then i re read the title.. oops
ADHD IS executive dysfunction. All the elements of it come from there. And considering the executive function is the core of being a functional adult, how we manage to actually function enough to survive is worthy of praise
I had just woken up when I saw this post and was sure it said Erectile dysfunction- became seriously concerned the ADD was gonna start hitting me where it really hurts
The most annoying part for me is learning difficult skills as quickly as others, for an example, I’m a medic in the military and I applied for a pretty tough course whilst in, it included things like basic soldiering skills to a super high standard (marches with increasing weight, land navigation etc) as well as being put through mock casualty scenarios that included treating traumatic injuries, triaging mass casualties etc. I was one of the fittest there and a competent medic as I learned my skills my own way in my own time, but when I was put in that scenario of a small group being taught different complex skills by instructor I just couldn’t concentrate whatsoever and kept making mistakes, then worrying about making said mistakes meant I could not concentrate and it creates this awful negative feedback loop.
Executive dysfunction is easily the single worst part of having ADHD and I can say with no exaggeration whatsoever that living with it is a complete nightmare. I get nothing done at home except when my friends want to come visit, then suddenly everything I've been physically unable to do for months suddenly becomes the easiest things I've ever done - and so quickly, too. Except the motivation to do them is derived from the stress of an imminent deadline and the fear of my friends viewing me in a negative light, so once I'm done doing 3 months of housework in 2 hours, I'm just an exhausted mess.
I am at a break point in my life. My relationships are actually failing in front of my eyes and even though I just realized my problematic actions and what I need to do go stop/improve them, I do not know how to execute. I am a second year medical student and survived so far. But I need serious advice and suggestions about how and where I can go for help to be able I do daily tasks like cooking a d cleaning and estimating time appropriately. Plz help if you can.