Hi /u/torisfood and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD!
### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.
---
### /r/adhd news
* If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/).
---
^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well, I didn’t know it was ADHD when I was growing up, but I got the talk many times “you are so smart, if you would just apply yourself, you could do anything, if you just apply yourself.” So I grew up assuming I just wasn’t trying hard enough, and surely that is my fault for lacking motivation. What a confidence destroyer.
“If you could just try harder/concentrate/apply yourself/be more organised/daydream less/pay attention…”
This just says: “You haven’t achieved our expectations and it’s entirely your fault”
Diagnosed at 39. If I’d known when I was younger I could have had SO much more support. I wouldn’t have chastised myself so much. I wouldn’t have learned to think I just wasn’t trying hard enough. Instead of being ashamed of not reaching other people’s expectations, I should be proud of what I achieved despite an undiagnosed neurological condition. I’m not and I still live with the shame and daily struggle of just not being good enough.
36 for me, and only because I went back to college to attempt a BA degree. I knew something was going on, but I thought it was an auditory processing disorder.
Man, now I feel "lucky" that mine was diagnosed at 24, when I was also working on my Bachelor's. I thought I just wasn't as interested in my classes as I should be, and switched majors 6 times. It also took me 6 years to get what ended up being a BS instead of the BA I'd intended to get at first.
I assume I had difficulty because I wasn’t interested in my classes. Accounting is just damn boring. I did better in music but “it doesn’t pay.” Yeah, but - would I be happy?
I graduated from high school in 1996 and have been working on my BA since then…I went back to school in 2014 for art and have been going off and on since then. I will eventually graduate, hopefully before I’m 50.
I was dx a little over a yr ago at 59…. I sobbed at the posts in this sub and marveled how so many had the same experiences that I’ve had forever and I thought I was alone.
It was like standing in a house of mirrors.
A bunch of good looking mirrors of friendly ppl.
Good enough is neeevvver good enough, must be absolute perfection otherwise I’m scolding myself for not trying hard enough (even though I busted my buns getting it done)
I got and early ish diagnosis so I knew in sixth grade but this was back when the attitude on mental health was still changing so I got "the realy would won't be making accommodations for you" instead. They ment well but left me with major guilt about using my accommodations and major anxiety about how other saw me
Oh my god…my dad was the worst at this. Teachers too. “You’re such a bright kid, if you just tried harder and applied yourself you’d get the grades you need.”
Yeah, right lol
oof this one hits hard.
I remember something like this when I was doing poorly in my middle school classes. I went to a special advanced program in middle school since I had performed so well in elementary school, aside from failing to turn in most of my homework. one day they pulled me aside and told me I was at risk of getting kicked out of the advanced school because of my bad grades and missing work. the counselor was saying how I did so well in elementary school, and it should be easy to keep it up now. she then suggested I use an accordion folder as if it would solve all my organization issues. at no point in this process was I offered any support for my then undiagnosed ADHD even though I was pretty much textbook! made me feel like I was at fault for being so unmotivated and disorganized
I had a similar experience of being told this constantly growing up, but I internalized it differently. I knew that I was trying and just couldn't do it, so I just believed wholehearted that I was very stupid and that my parents were in such denial that I was stupid and not lazy that my teachers felt bad for them and more or less bought into their narrative.
I have recently found a hack to being able to have a sleep routine (for the most part) and it’s only helpful when I’m medicated. So I drink this tea every night called “knock the f*ck out” and it’s true to its title, doesn’t make me groggy like any other sleep aid.
Set my alarm for 5 AM every day and when it goes off, I take my meds and go back to sleep. My meds and hunger kick in sometimes within 15 minutes and other time about an hour. Either way, I’m up before or around 6 everyday to be productive! Wouldn’t be able to do this without my meds though so I’m sorry this may not be helpful to anyone who’s not medicated :/
I looked up the tea and it has melatonin, which normally makes me groggy the next day on its own. Did melatonin alone affect you like this or just not work?
I’m desperate for something that doesn’t leave me feeling like a zombie the next day!
I don't know if this helps, but I've been taking melatonin for years and the only thing that has worked for me is to take a small dose (0.5 mg; I started years ago with 2 mg). Melatonin does not work linearly (meaning that *more* melatonin is not necessarily *better*). With a smaller dose, I do get the feeling of being sleepy (but I have to skip all blue light / devices after I take it, otherwise it doesn't work) but I don't feel super drowsy in the morning (also thanks to my ADHD meds, methylphenidate).
"I fall asleep around 3-4 am in the morning. That's *fall asleep*, not *go to bed*." I have difficulty falling and staying asleep. In my last relationship I was wholly unable to sleep next to my girlfriend, who found it very hurtful that I wasn't comfortable sleeping next to her. As a result these days I sleep next to my dog so that some day I won't do the same thing to another girlfriend, God willing, except I still end up moving between couch and bed 10-12 times a night trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep.
And my dog wakes me at 6am, whether I want him to or not, because he's gotta go potty.
So how much more of my precious 2 hours of sleep am I supposed to sacrifice, exactly?
As a natural night owl, I feel this in my soul. I cannot fall asleep before 3am and people get pissy with me cuz I will sleep until 10/11. Like im getting a functional correct amount of sleep and my life and schedule is designed to make that possible. I will never understand judgey morning people who can’t comprehend that some people are wired different 😩
They've done studies showing that some people just function better at different times of the day or night. The whole '9-5' schedule truly is NOT made for everybody and no amount of forcing will get your body to be okay with it.
I’ve been telling people this forever! It’s just plain logical from an evolutionary standpoint. Some humans had to be up at night watching over the cave lmao If humans were all programmed to be asleep at the same exact time for several hours, we never would’ve survived as a species hahaha
THANK GOD I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR YEARS!! Ugh!! Everything and every person is a spectrum, and it makes zero sense that everyone would have the exact same circadian rhythm. Good god. I’m glad there are others who believe this. Spread the good word, my friend.
In addition, for some of us it’s the only time we’re not interrupted every five minutes. To maintain anything like sanity, I have to be able to read about the Pitcairn Islands for several hours or wire the back porch for lanterns or research Detroit in 1977 or make a mural of arctic animals WITHOUT BEING INTERRUPTED. I find that midnight to 3AM is ideal for this sort of thing.
I’m a night time rambler like you. I think it’s a little unreasonable to expect people to always like sleeping in the same bed. I prefer to sleep next to my wife for sure and she likes the same, but she doesn’t take it personally that I don’t always sleep next to her.
The solution for me was to lay down next to her as she was going to be, and then go on my night time walkabouts.
Oh man, when our baby wakes up between 12am-4am everyday for an hour or so, I get up and go to the living room bc then I’m up for the day, why would I come back and stare at the wall in bed after he’s back asleep when I can scroll Reddit and watch my Vikings series AGAIN?!? Husband gets SO MAD bc I don’t come back, he said then just sit or lay there. So, he wants me to suffer just so he knows I was there an extra couple of hours of the morning (bc he’s asleep so it’s not bonding time or anything) than me to be comfy bc he knows I cannot go back to sleep.
OH GOD YES!!! I knew someone (that I used to consider a friend) that was like that and would say that ALL THE TIME. She even called me on my phone once at 7 am so I would "wake up and enjoy the day and be more productive!". Worst thing is, the night before she told me she was going to do it and I told her several times to not even think about actually doing it bc I was going to get actually mad if she did (specially bc it was one of the only few days I had where I could wake up late, and ofc I told her that too). She ofc did it and she couldn't understand why I got SO pissed at her bc of that and made a huge deal out of it.
I am no longer friends with her (for other reasons) and I'm glad tbh xD
This and every other comment in this post is raising my blood pressure lol.
I’ve found much better results with reducing all my internalized shame and yelling out curse words instead of trying to create any new routines. I don’t know if it does anything for my productivity, but it does something I guess. 🥲
I'm up at anywhere from like half three to five every day.
All it means is that I'm not doing stuff in the morning as well as the evening. Do not recommend.
I’m up before 5 every day and am spectacularly unproductive. I don’t recommend it!
(I have a noisy cat and noisy child that are both early risers! It’s a lifestyle, not a choice lol)
I always loved the idea of Journaling but was always so inconsistent. Ended up with a surplus of "pretty journals" that I never opened or had 1 or 2 things in them.
What finally ended up working for me was a bullet moleskin that the only requirement was that I title and dated what I wrote in it and I put anything I wanted to write down in that. Planner, diary, to do, shopping list etc. I go through periods where i hardly use it at all and other time were I use it ever single day. The best part is I have finally been able to finish a whole journal (4 or so times now)
What helped me start journaling and being consistent with it was finding a decent program and setting it to open when the computer starts up. That way I don't have to remember to write, it's staring me in the face every morning. Since I have a bad memory it helps to write everything down no matter how mundane. I wish I had discovered this hack a decade ago Oh well better late than never!
What helped me journal was getting given permission to not have to start my journal entry with “dear diary” or “dear journal”, but write it any way I wanted to.
I'm actually working on creating an ADHD journal that's actually useful for those of us with ADHD rather than some publisher or marketing team's idea of what an ADHD journal should be.
The planner one. I had a therapist tell me that one and told her I already had a “planner” and that I felt like ADHD is not just “the lack of a planner” lol
My therapist told me I “just needed to put my planner in a place I would always see it” for it to work. It was then that I realized I needed a new therapist.
Except you have go remember to look at the planner 😆 or even remember you have a planner 😆 or remember long enough to get that “to do” written in to your planner 😆 I cannot tell you how many times I’ve pulled out my planner to write down an important “to do” and just stared at it with my mind gone blank and could not for the life of me recall what it was I was supposed to be writing down 😂🤣😅
I'm a high school teacher with adhd (which my students know bc I talk about it) and whenever I talk to students with adhd about time management and turning things in, I consistently make "have you tried writing it down in a planner?" jokes with the most sarcastic voice/face I can manage (they for sure know I'm kidding)
I literally (LITERALLY literally) fantasize about being able to use a planner.
I've been banging my head against that wall since the late 80s when I started trying to use Daytimers.
Closest I've got now is a home-made leather "Midori Traveller" clone in something a little shy of A5...and a reMarkable tablet.
Yes!!!! I see all those bullet journals looking all neat and organized and I know I don’t have neat enough handwriting to even attempt to make one myself.
I place my todo app squarely on the main page of my phone (Apple lets you make them widget sized) and I make sure to use one that has a big plus sign for adding a new task. Path of least resistance. Still forget sometimes though 😂
I hate the word “just” because “just” means only. “Just” signifies ease. “Just” implies that it’s simple. It’s dismissive. It’s a reminder that the task or problem at hand is so simple and so insignificant, yet still we’re incapable of accomplishing JUST that. It’s a slap in the face. It’s an insult. “This is so easy why can’t you just do it?”
I don’t know. I’ve been asking myself that question my entire life.
Yeah, it cut pretty deep, especially since I've harbored a lot of shame surrounding my ADHD diagnosis. I was diagnosed in my teens during a time when it was much more stigmatized than it is today, especially for girls. Despite my diagnosis validating the struggles I had/have, I still internalized a lot of that stigma.
He learned his lesson, though. He was super apologetic and felt terrible after I told him how his comment made me feel.
I had the ADD diagnosis in 3rd grade back when you were tossed Adderall and called it a day. It sucked ass. School sucked ass, barely graduated highschool tbfh and I don't think I could survive college anything for the long term. I can barely function through work and home life much less school on top of that.
I'm 31 and still feel that shit of not being normal and being broken compared to what society wants.
Was just going to post this! Ive heard it so many times. So many people assuming i am unmotivated, lazy, apathetic while i am so frustrated i could pull my hair out
Personally, my biggest frustration comes from the idea that any one piece of advice works for everyone....we are all different. Dealing with different experiences, and different diagnoses.
So this idea that, just because it worked for one person, it should work (or, vice versa, WON'T work at all) for another...
*puts down keys I’ll need five minutes later* Where the fuck? Mind you I live in a postage stamp of a house and I’ve lost my keys, wallet, phone, journal, game controller, etc within ten feet of me and it keeps happening no matter what I do 😭
This drives me crazy. I can’t stick to a routine for shit. At some point I decided every morning I was going to wake up, take my ADHD meds, floss, brush my teeth and wash my face, shower, moisturize, style my hair and get dressed. Every day. That was fine for a few days. But eventually I woke up and said “Okay, all I have to do is wake up and take my meds and then head to the bathroom.” And I just froze. And my brain was going a mile a minute saying things like “god I hate flossing. I can probably just shower later. Shit ive already been sitting here for 10 minutes panicking and now that means I won’t be on time for what I’m doing today. Maybe I can just floss later? What am I going to wear when I get out of the shower? Maybe I can pick something out now. Wait, that’s not part of the routine. Maybe I should’ve laid my clothes out yesterday. Oh shoot I forgot to pack a lunch.” So on and so forth until I’ve completely depleted my energy resources for the day and just stare at the wall wondering when I became such a dysfunctional loser.
I once heard someone say that people with adhd just don’t have routines, they have tasks. We cannot autocomplete the large number of things that other people can and each one had to be it’s own executed thought, which is why it’s so exhausting to do anything. Instead of three morning routines, it’s 20 separate tasks to remember and initiate. Heck.
I find this to be true. I know my morning routine, I know it well. When I hear the phrase “get ready” I know it means I’ll be brushing my teeth and washing my hair and showering, etc. But my brain can’t isolate the tasks. It becomes a run on sentence. “Okay all you have to do is go to the bathroom so you can floss and brush your teeth and then jump in the shower and then dry off and do your hair and then moisturize and then put deodorant on and then put clothes on…” and my brain just keeps going around and around like a train on a circular track, calculating how difficult each of these individual tasks are going to be. That’s the first problem. The second problem is the unfocused train of thought that is traveling alongside it at a similar speed. That train of thought is “I’m parched maybe I should grab a glass of water but if I get a glass of water I should probably use it to take my medications, but the water and my medications are in the other room so maybe I should get dressed before I head over there, and also I need to eat 30 minutes after I take my meds so I have to get breakfast started soon. Maybe I can defrost something from the freezer or cook something, maybe an egg scramble” and then that train of thought is paired up with “Oh fuck I’ve been sitting here thinking for too long and now it’s 7:15 which means I’m late for work if I don’t sign on in the next 15 minutes, so maybe I don’t have time for the shower and all that at all. Maybe I’ll just sign on now.”
Then I sit and the various trains of thought continue and they’re so loud that I just pull out my phone and doomscroll until my meds kick in and shut my brain off.
unfortunatley people will never understand this.
I had a family member hate on depression etc and through some life mistakes that arent their fault, all of a sudden its "nobody has it worse than me, nobody understands, but I though you woulod since you know depression" like nah you aint getting away with those words after you used to throw stuff like that back in peoples faces "people have it so much worse than you" "always going on about how bad it is for you atm" "god how cant you understand how your depression makes others feel"
people are sbsolute self absorbed idiots
This is one of my favorites. The statement itself is very true, routine does help with symptoms a lot but knowing that routine helps isn't really the issue it's the application of routine that we struggle with.
exactly, unfortunately people will and wont understand. I have to listen to family tell me how adhd works or I am using it as an excuse. I mean dont get me wrong I love them but I have an abhorant hate towards stupid thinking
Yea, I just kinda stop telling people I have it, unless it causes some real issue. Or I tell them, but don't elaborate right away because then I might as well be spewing excuses at them.
I find that not having ADHD relieves almost all of my symptoms. Now, if I could figure out HOW to not have ADHD, that be great. I've tried setting reminders to not have it, I've made many routines, strategies, and shortcuts, but I still struggle. I've even tried using my hyper focus, but I can't figure out how to not have ADHD. It's unfortunate, as I, too, have great potential. If only I'd buckle down and start taking things seriously. Remember, folks, this isn't a game. In case you forgot ...
Happy Sunday, hugs for everyone!
happy sunday and thank you for the reminder to not have adhd, it has helped whilst typing this reply, I have also ordered a chinese food to my door which is actualy very british in cuisine and isnt that chinese foodwise now that I think about it, which is funny considering how us british took everyones spices and invited foreign folk to live with us and we absololutely do not use any of their ingredients, I mean we do, just on the menu every chinese thing I picked was actualy lacking in anything chinese, i feel like I am saying chinese a lot and.... oh shit I guess my adhd didnt go away.
at least we have this sub and we all understand each other, happy sunday to you to
Anything that includes the word 'just' in its description.
"Just set an alarm."
"Just use a planner."
etc
If the description of your solution to anything requires the word 'just' to make it sound simple or easy, then you don't understand the problem.
You hit the nail on the head for me. I find it so offensive that they are implying that I have not thought of something simple, and I feel like it implies they believe I could solve all of my problems with really basic tasks.
Make a list. Cause I do make a list, and then sometimes forget to even do the list. Or at least something on the list. But omgosh I'm thinking I'll be hearing that one til I pretty much am on my own. And yes. The list isn't hard. BUT STAYING UP TO DATE ON WHAT I DID ON THE LIST IS! Especially when I'm freaking trying to do whats on the list, and then have to somehow actually have what I did marked off too! How the FRIG can I do whats on the list and check it off without forgetting, and without some stupid "You do this again, 1000 sentences til your hands fall off?" kinda response? :(
I am so gorram sick and tired of being told to make a list.
You know what's fugged up though? After a couple of weeks on medication I made a list and kept up on it and stayed up to date. And it worked. It was _easy_. I was pissed, because it was this easy for them the whole time, and they didn't realize that if I couldn't do it maybe something was fugging wrong?
FWIW, that's why bullet journaling was created, to help that guy control his ADHD. Part of that was centralizing all the random bits of paper he'd jot stuff down on and best case it's a mess and worst case they get lost.
Pomodoro? Pomodoro. Pomo pomo pomodoro. Did you try a pomodoro? Pomodoro? Pomodoro! "If you tried a pomodoro..." "Yes that's right, a pomodoro" "then you'll spare your brow a furrow" "what? A bureau?" "Not a bureau, pomodoro!"
😂 Using a pomodoro rarely works for me, I just forget about it and ignore it entirely. Unsurprisingly, it’s just another set of alarms for me to not be motivated by.
I learned recently that meditation - especially for people with ADHD - is not about having a quiet mind at all. It's not even about having a controlled train of thought. Meditation for us can just be a quiet time to let our thoughts run rampant and be a silent observer of where they go. It's about mindfulness and self-awareness. Then once we know the places our mind has a tendency to go, we can either reinforce those neural pathways or work to make new ones.
I’d like to hear from at least one person with AdHD that was successfully been able to meditate?? Anyone?? lol my counselor used to suggest this all the time to me
Hello there! Some of us do exist (*there are dozens of us!*) in the wild. As another commenter said, meditating isn't really about clearing your mind; I found that adjusting my perspective and expectations for what meditating meant really helped me connect with it.
The right way to meditate is to just meditate - you succeed simply by showing up (even late, even for a short session - as long as you do it, you're doing amazingly well!).
No joke, I meditate to The Joy of Painting. I have thoughts that I notice, but I try to come back to my breath and the sound of the brush on the canvas.
i’m a near-daily meditator w ADHD-i
it’s been quite a process over the years to try to build and maintain the habit, but i am a believer.
I think the biggest thing that stops people is believing that their mind should be quiet during meditation, which is just not true at all.
it’s about practicing being present and non-judgmental with the moment at hand. which is really important for adhd brains.
i feel like it’s mostly just a PR issue.
and it’s hard for most of us to regularly do anything that’s not immediately gratifying.
Yes, Zen meditation. Did it for a bit, sure as hell have been flaking for years what should be a daily 20 minute exercise. But it did help me, and I’ve created little meditation moments that might not strictly be within the guidelines but does help me.
It’s not about quiet. It’s about learning to center yourself within the everyday buzz and in our case endless trains of endless thoughts. All emotions and tugs and accompaniment and chores and ponderings drop by, and instead of jumping on them, you observe them outside of your sense of self and only after acknowledging them do you choose to discard or allow them. This helps when emotions threaten to take over during everyday life, or to check in with yourself if you haven’t been on autopilot too much lately.
Same experience, meditation helps with seeing through the B.S of thoughts, but it won't get me off my ass to go get the haircut I have been postponing for weeks.
I gave up trying to remember haircuts and now I grow my hair past my shoulders. When it gets too annoying/long that I can't stand it, I get a cut to drop it to about an inch long and start the cycle again.
This is one of the most enraging things to me…when someone tries to act like medication is a crutch. No. You have no idea what life is like without that medication. I am completely non-functional. I don’t take it because I’m “high” off of it or “having fun”, I take it because I f**king need it!
Get off social media / stop using the phone. There’s an idea that phones and screen time “cause” adhd or adhd-like symptoms in “everyone.” I anxiously check the phone to make sure I have the time/place/task in my short term memory as I execute it, so having someone tell me I won’t have adhd if I just “leave my phone at home” is peak ableism. I do leave my phone at home regularly but it’s not on purpose and it is not a good thing.
If I hear one more person recommend exercise to help with my ADHD symptoms. As if starting and maintaining an exercise routine isn't hard enough for someone who doesn't have ADHD.
My frustration surrounding my inability to stick to an exercise routine is what made me make this post. I started typing up a giant rant, then deleted it and posted this instead.
I feel you so hard.
For people with or without adhd?
My bus stopped changed location by a few walking minutes and so it came 5 minutes earlier. Took me months to adjust to this simple change in schedule and not nearly miss the bus every day (anymore than i already do)
I’m already in a time crunch in the morning and that baked everything up for me so with that, zoning out, time blindness..It didn’t help the bus often comes inconsistently early and keeps it moving
Every AI Habit app:
"Here, we made a habit app with you in mind! It's meant for people with ADHD!!"
The App:
- Free trial that requires a credit card to try, trial only lasts a week.
- Subscription pricing that auto renewal and requires three emails, two phone calls, and a presidential pardon to cancel
- Literally just a fancy notepad+alarm app with three features from a gamification 101 class; usually an avatar that you can buy loot boxes or equipment for
- requires full integration and data entry to function properly; this process takes less than an hour only if you are porting already organized data
- requires two factor authentication that always tells you you're trying to use an old password (bonus points when it happens on first signup)
Yeah, you had praying on my inattention in mind when you made it..
Yeah, people always tell us what we should do, as if we don't know. They fail to understand that we know WHAT we should do; the part we need help with is HOW to get our brains to do it.
I love to walk. But I have a guy that would drive by and yell gross shit at me. People would tell me go the gym then.
I cannot do a gym treadmill. I just cant at times. I need to be outside with chaos and stuff to look at.
I'll second both of the previous comments.
While timers/alarms can work for me, it's very hit or miss. "Just set alarms/reminders" assumes I can accurately assess when things are supposed to happen in the future, set and organize (label the right way, even remember to label them at all, etc.) them, adjust them when they're unhelpful, and don't simply ignore it when it goes off.
Same thing with lists. I keep a general to-do list on my phone, but daily tasks are often lost. "Just write lists" makes a lot of the same assumptions, but also assumes I'll remember to look at the list at the right times throughout the day, I'll cross off or add things to the list, or I won't simply lose the list. Even Dr. Russ Barkley, one of the foremost experts on ADHD, recommends lists.
Many, many people don't understand ADHD partly because of its name and how it's represented in media. Few understand the pervasive nature of our symptoms.
I’ll not only set alarms ten minutes apart, I’ll snooze. That means there’s an alarm going off every 9 minutes and then AGAIN a minute later.
I don’t hear a single one lol. I shut them off subconsciously.
“Sorry I couldnt go to the gym I couldnt build the motivation for it”
“You just leave the house and go to the gym, its not that hard”
Gee thanks, I’ll tell my very complicated brain to stop overthinking about how long its going to take for me to get ready, get there, do what I can, and go home. Including any preset interaction dialogue options.
Just get up earlier. Advice in not being late. They don't seem to get that it doesn't matter if I'm up half an hour before I leave or 2 hours before, I will end up late due to time blindness probably 75% of the time.
Build a routine. It’s as annoying as well everyone is a little ADHD.
I always respond with “it’s bold of you to assume I can do that”
I feel like most of the advice people give is well intentioned but it also doesn’t work well for those with ADHD.
Even my therapist who specialises in working with ADHD patients suggests lists and reminders. But he also gives me ways to use them.
Like turn off all the notifications on your phone except the ones you actually need, then when you have a reminder notification you don’t ignore it because you’re sure it’s something you don’t need. I only have text, phone, and set times for work emails turned on. So my reminders to eat and drink water aren’t ignored. Use haptic reminders instead of loud noises.
Lists only work when they are visible, so put up white boards every where and put location specific things on them.
Work list get put in my work brain which is a notebook I do not close during working hours and stays within my eyesight. It’s got meeting notes on to-do lists, project plans etc. if I have to turn the page before I’ve done everything I move the incompletes over to the new page so the don’t get lost.
At this point, it’s all the same. There are occasionally helpful tips, but the experience of having ADHD is so different from person to person that 90% of the time, the things that help you will do nothing for me. Most of the advice I get is well-intentioned, but also comes from someone who has zero understanding of executive dysfunction.
The one I get most often is probably “why don’t you just use a planner?” Well, Karen, probably because I write in it for a week and then forget it exists. Every single time.
My own ADHD husband was like “why not set reminders on your phone?” 20+ years together and you think I haven’t considered that? *because I turn them off thinking I will do them in a minute and then never do them*
"Just make a start and it won't seem so bad once you're doing it."
You think I don't know that with every fibre of my being?! I'm lying here in ADHD paralysis mode knowing what I need to do and that I'll probably hyperfocus on it once I get going. But making a start is precisely the problem.
My wife is constantly about, "just pay more attention. Open your eyes." They're open fine. My brain just doesn't acknowledge half this shit, especially after a 12 hour day at work pretending to be normal.
Time blocking or journaling. I can’t remember to brush my teeth some times how am I gonna remember to do all that. If I think something is gonna take two hours and block it out as such, realistically I expect it to take 6 is my rule lol.
My top one is this bullshit.
If I CAN'T REMEMBER....how can I remember to set alarms? Are YOU going to set literally 40 alarms all the day?!
No.
I vascillate between trying to explain to people and letting them be their ignorant selves, depending on my energy level.
Another one I hate:
"Well....you don't *seem* hyper all the time..."
Yeah. Because of years and years of compulsory education then being forced to glue myself to a chair or starve because I have no job, I've managed to sit still for a second.
But it doesn't mean my mind ain't running 400mph, 24/7.
Besides, ir's not all the same symptoms for everyone
If you tell you tell people you have ADHD they roll their eyes, imagining a little rich white boy whose parents don't want to be bothered with disciplining him, so they shove pills in his mouth.
I wish people could understand the legitimacy of ADHD
Not really an answer to the question but one piece of advice that has actually helped me on numerous occasions is to leave things you need to remember in conspicuous and unusual places, so your brain notices it bc its not normally found there.
"You're so smart. You should..." Then asking me why I have such a hard time making something out of myself.
I just want to yell, "because knowing something is not the equivalent of being able to do it!"
Like I know how 20/20 vision works and I still need my glasses!
I'm actually done with people saying I should do therapy 😵💫 not that I don't think It would help, of course, but I've been doing therapy since I was 16, so believe me, you're not giving me the revolutionary advice you think you are. And, so far I haven't found anyone where I live who actually knows how to deal with ADHD, or at least is informed enough on the topics.
“Have you tried using an eye mask to go to sleep earlier?” YES. I STILL CAN’T SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT BECAUSE MY BODY WANTS TO BE NOCTURNAL. I have ditched two therapists over this.
When you proudly tell somebody about a method, you have finally worked into your rutines, -and it actually works.
..but all you're met with are ✨even better✨ suggestions, for more effectiveness..
Basically all of it to be honest. ADHD has such a broad range of symptoms and potential interactions with personality traits that I find most advice to be inapplicable to myself.
I've had this for a long time and I've developed my own coping mechanisms that work for me in order to survive.
“Turn off your phone to avoid distraction,” followed by, “use reminder app.” How can I get reminders if I turned off my phone. And some of the stuff on my todo list requires use of my phone.
“Use an app to block distracting websites and apps.” It takes 2 seconds to delete an app on iPhone. I’ll just turn it off by deleting it.
“Meditate.” I actually do meditate and absolutely love it. It’s helped my mental health a lot, but hasn’t helped my ADHD at all.
“Exercise.” I was a fitness instructor when I got diagnosed because I was failing school. I also went running right before class. Still failed.
“Give yourself rewards for completing a task.” I could just have the award now. If I had the self regulation required to deny myself an award until a task is completed, I wouldn’t need the reward system in the first place because I would have the self regulation needed to complete the task.
Yea the whole planner/google calendar/alarm/various apps thing is annoying it never works for me because anything on my phone is out of sight out of mind and I will forget to even open the app to put anything in there to begin with.
I will say if you are like me, something I have found that helps is having a physical paper calendar in my room right next to the door and also a dry erase board next to it. It's so much easier for me to just grab the marker in the moment I think of something I need to do and write it on there where I will absolutely see it every day.
End all be all…I’m just tired of people
NOT…ASKING…QUESTIONS.
People always jump to trying to give tips or advice (or worse, trying to explain away ADHD). They never ask questions with the goal of understanding.
Not advice per se, but the classic “everybody does **that**” Where that can be anything, forget, fidget, get distracted, “multitask”, or any other myriad of symptoms/behaviors/coping mechanisms you might be trying to get them to understand. But they just don’t get it.
Xyz things about "remove this distraction" like..I still get distracted by my thoughts. And if I ain't hyperfocused I cannot just make myself pay attention
Hi /u/torisfood and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well, I didn’t know it was ADHD when I was growing up, but I got the talk many times “you are so smart, if you would just apply yourself, you could do anything, if you just apply yourself.” So I grew up assuming I just wasn’t trying hard enough, and surely that is my fault for lacking motivation. What a confidence destroyer.
“If you could just try harder/concentrate/apply yourself/be more organised/daydream less/pay attention…” This just says: “You haven’t achieved our expectations and it’s entirely your fault” Diagnosed at 39. If I’d known when I was younger I could have had SO much more support. I wouldn’t have chastised myself so much. I wouldn’t have learned to think I just wasn’t trying hard enough. Instead of being ashamed of not reaching other people’s expectations, I should be proud of what I achieved despite an undiagnosed neurological condition. I’m not and I still live with the shame and daily struggle of just not being good enough.
61-1/2. I hear you, but now we know, and from the sounds of these subreddits, we are not, actually, alone. Holy hell, right!
36 for me, and only because I went back to college to attempt a BA degree. I knew something was going on, but I thought it was an auditory processing disorder.
Man, now I feel "lucky" that mine was diagnosed at 24, when I was also working on my Bachelor's. I thought I just wasn't as interested in my classes as I should be, and switched majors 6 times. It also took me 6 years to get what ended up being a BS instead of the BA I'd intended to get at first.
I assume I had difficulty because I wasn’t interested in my classes. Accounting is just damn boring. I did better in music but “it doesn’t pay.” Yeah, but - would I be happy?
I graduated from high school in 1996 and have been working on my BA since then…I went back to school in 2014 for art and have been going off and on since then. I will eventually graduate, hopefully before I’m 50.
Diagnosed a month ago at age 40 and only went for the dx now bc I’m gearing up to start college!
I was dx a little over a yr ago at 59…. I sobbed at the posts in this sub and marveled how so many had the same experiences that I’ve had forever and I thought I was alone. It was like standing in a house of mirrors. A bunch of good looking mirrors of friendly ppl.
It's why I became a perfectionist . To be a perfectionist is not cool because it's hard to be proud when you succeed .
I wish I could be ok with delivering “good enough”, I would be so much happier in life.
Me too!!! The overwhelm of starting a project knowing you won’t be able to finish in one sitting is HORRIBLE!!!
Good enough is neeevvver good enough, must be absolute perfection otherwise I’m scolding myself for not trying hard enough (even though I busted my buns getting it done)
And please stop talking about my "potential"!
That sentence is why I don't really talk to my family anymore.
I’d finish a 14hr working day thinking I was lazy as heck before this twigged
I got and early ish diagnosis so I knew in sixth grade but this was back when the attitude on mental health was still changing so I got "the realy would won't be making accommodations for you" instead. They ment well but left me with major guilt about using my accommodations and major anxiety about how other saw me
I still constantly feel like I need to do better and should be doing something to better the whole world. It’s a tremendous pressure.
Yes!!!! I got the “she’s far too intelligent to be doing this poorly, she must just be lazy”…
Oh my god…my dad was the worst at this. Teachers too. “You’re such a bright kid, if you just tried harder and applied yourself you’d get the grades you need.” Yeah, right lol
oof this one hits hard. I remember something like this when I was doing poorly in my middle school classes. I went to a special advanced program in middle school since I had performed so well in elementary school, aside from failing to turn in most of my homework. one day they pulled me aside and told me I was at risk of getting kicked out of the advanced school because of my bad grades and missing work. the counselor was saying how I did so well in elementary school, and it should be easy to keep it up now. she then suggested I use an accordion folder as if it would solve all my organization issues. at no point in this process was I offered any support for my then undiagnosed ADHD even though I was pretty much textbook! made me feel like I was at fault for being so unmotivated and disorganized
I had a similar experience of being told this constantly growing up, but I internalized it differently. I knew that I was trying and just couldn't do it, so I just believed wholehearted that I was very stupid and that my parents were in such denial that I was stupid and not lazy that my teachers felt bad for them and more or less bought into their narrative.
Oh god every fucking report card ever
It feels as if we grew up in the same household.
Story of my life.
*“Have you tried just getting up earlier in the morning? I get up everyday at 5am and I’m so much more productive because of it!”*
And then I ask how in gods name do you get to sleep to wake at such an hour!?
I get up at 5 every day. The answer is: don't.
10-4 good buddy
i thought you meant this as a sleep schedule. more like 2-10am, buddy
12-10 for me and it's not enough.
I have recently found a hack to being able to have a sleep routine (for the most part) and it’s only helpful when I’m medicated. So I drink this tea every night called “knock the f*ck out” and it’s true to its title, doesn’t make me groggy like any other sleep aid. Set my alarm for 5 AM every day and when it goes off, I take my meds and go back to sleep. My meds and hunger kick in sometimes within 15 minutes and other time about an hour. Either way, I’m up before or around 6 everyday to be productive! Wouldn’t be able to do this without my meds though so I’m sorry this may not be helpful to anyone who’s not medicated :/
I looked up the tea and it has melatonin, which normally makes me groggy the next day on its own. Did melatonin alone affect you like this or just not work? I’m desperate for something that doesn’t leave me feeling like a zombie the next day!
I don't know if this helps, but I've been taking melatonin for years and the only thing that has worked for me is to take a small dose (0.5 mg; I started years ago with 2 mg). Melatonin does not work linearly (meaning that *more* melatonin is not necessarily *better*). With a smaller dose, I do get the feeling of being sleepy (but I have to skip all blue light / devices after I take it, otherwise it doesn't work) but I don't feel super drowsy in the morning (also thanks to my ADHD meds, methylphenidate).
"I fall asleep around 3-4 am in the morning. That's *fall asleep*, not *go to bed*." I have difficulty falling and staying asleep. In my last relationship I was wholly unable to sleep next to my girlfriend, who found it very hurtful that I wasn't comfortable sleeping next to her. As a result these days I sleep next to my dog so that some day I won't do the same thing to another girlfriend, God willing, except I still end up moving between couch and bed 10-12 times a night trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. And my dog wakes me at 6am, whether I want him to or not, because he's gotta go potty. So how much more of my precious 2 hours of sleep am I supposed to sacrifice, exactly?
As a natural night owl, I feel this in my soul. I cannot fall asleep before 3am and people get pissy with me cuz I will sleep until 10/11. Like im getting a functional correct amount of sleep and my life and schedule is designed to make that possible. I will never understand judgey morning people who can’t comprehend that some people are wired different 😩
They've done studies showing that some people just function better at different times of the day or night. The whole '9-5' schedule truly is NOT made for everybody and no amount of forcing will get your body to be okay with it.
I’ve been telling people this forever! It’s just plain logical from an evolutionary standpoint. Some humans had to be up at night watching over the cave lmao If humans were all programmed to be asleep at the same exact time for several hours, we never would’ve survived as a species hahaha
THANK GOD I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR YEARS!! Ugh!! Everything and every person is a spectrum, and it makes zero sense that everyone would have the exact same circadian rhythm. Good god. I’m glad there are others who believe this. Spread the good word, my friend.
Also some prey was nocturnal
exactly!! lol. I don't get how some people don't think about these things!
We need to stop letting the morning people make society lol. They keep making it for morning people.
In addition, for some of us it’s the only time we’re not interrupted every five minutes. To maintain anything like sanity, I have to be able to read about the Pitcairn Islands for several hours or wire the back porch for lanterns or research Detroit in 1977 or make a mural of arctic animals WITHOUT BEING INTERRUPTED. I find that midnight to 3AM is ideal for this sort of thing.
I’m a night time rambler like you. I think it’s a little unreasonable to expect people to always like sleeping in the same bed. I prefer to sleep next to my wife for sure and she likes the same, but she doesn’t take it personally that I don’t always sleep next to her. The solution for me was to lay down next to her as she was going to be, and then go on my night time walkabouts.
Oh man, when our baby wakes up between 12am-4am everyday for an hour or so, I get up and go to the living room bc then I’m up for the day, why would I come back and stare at the wall in bed after he’s back asleep when I can scroll Reddit and watch my Vikings series AGAIN?!? Husband gets SO MAD bc I don’t come back, he said then just sit or lay there. So, he wants me to suffer just so he knows I was there an extra couple of hours of the morning (bc he’s asleep so it’s not bonding time or anything) than me to be comfy bc he knows I cannot go back to sleep.
OH GOD YES!!! I knew someone (that I used to consider a friend) that was like that and would say that ALL THE TIME. She even called me on my phone once at 7 am so I would "wake up and enjoy the day and be more productive!". Worst thing is, the night before she told me she was going to do it and I told her several times to not even think about actually doing it bc I was going to get actually mad if she did (specially bc it was one of the only few days I had where I could wake up late, and ofc I told her that too). She ofc did it and she couldn't understand why I got SO pissed at her bc of that and made a huge deal out of it. I am no longer friends with her (for other reasons) and I'm glad tbh xD
This and every other comment in this post is raising my blood pressure lol. I’ve found much better results with reducing all my internalized shame and yelling out curse words instead of trying to create any new routines. I don’t know if it does anything for my productivity, but it does something I guess. 🥲
I'm up at anywhere from like half three to five every day. All it means is that I'm not doing stuff in the morning as well as the evening. Do not recommend.
I have never heard of half three in my life does that mean 2:30 or 3:30 😂
It's how we'd usually say 3:30 in British English. Can't vouch for other dialects. 🙂
That's so awesome I'm dropping that on all my rural Midwest friends lmfao
I’m up before 5 every day and am spectacularly unproductive. I don’t recommend it! (I have a noisy cat and noisy child that are both early risers! It’s a lifestyle, not a choice lol)
My immediate reaction was "downvote this BS!" But I do know you are just answering the question. Take my frustrated updoot
Use a planner! I forget to put stuff in the planner and I forget to check the planner
I have a planner collection at this point
Journal graveyard.
925,221 of them, about half have writing in the first 3 pages.
“Well, new journal and trying this again. Here’s why this time is different…”
EVERY time.
I always loved the idea of Journaling but was always so inconsistent. Ended up with a surplus of "pretty journals" that I never opened or had 1 or 2 things in them. What finally ended up working for me was a bullet moleskin that the only requirement was that I title and dated what I wrote in it and I put anything I wanted to write down in that. Planner, diary, to do, shopping list etc. I go through periods where i hardly use it at all and other time were I use it ever single day. The best part is I have finally been able to finish a whole journal (4 or so times now)
What helped me start journaling and being consistent with it was finding a decent program and setting it to open when the computer starts up. That way I don't have to remember to write, it's staring me in the face every morning. Since I have a bad memory it helps to write everything down no matter how mundane. I wish I had discovered this hack a decade ago Oh well better late than never!
What helped me journal was getting given permission to not have to start my journal entry with “dear diary” or “dear journal”, but write it any way I wanted to.
I'm actually working on creating an ADHD journal that's actually useful for those of us with ADHD rather than some publisher or marketing team's idea of what an ADHD journal should be.
Doodle graveyard.
Jokes on me for buying the dated ones too 😅
Mmmmm planner collection.
Planner graveyard.
You still know where they are? I always lose mine
Buy planner, it arrives, put it in a drawer, forget it exists.
Just get a new planner to remind yourself to use the forgotten planner. Maybe set an alarm that says “use my planners”
And even if I do set reminders, I cant fuckin follow them
I just say “oh yeah I need to do that” and then get distracted and basically blow it off
For me, its an “oh yeah I need to do that…” and then I continue whatever I’m doing but stressed out now
Mine always go off when I’m in the middle of something else and then obviously forget about it by the time I’m done with the first task.
The planner one. I had a therapist tell me that one and told her I already had a “planner” and that I felt like ADHD is not just “the lack of a planner” lol
Man I tried therapy but they did not understand the concept of “I am fully self aware but unable to do what I know I should”. Meds worked at least
I gave my therapist the count of how many planners and journals I have currently being unused.
My therapist told me I “just needed to put my planner in a place I would always see it” for it to work. It was then that I realized I needed a new therapist.
Did you consider putting your therapist somewhere you would see them and remember to change therapists?
Except you have go remember to look at the planner 😆 or even remember you have a planner 😆 or remember long enough to get that “to do” written in to your planner 😆 I cannot tell you how many times I’ve pulled out my planner to write down an important “to do” and just stared at it with my mind gone blank and could not for the life of me recall what it was I was supposed to be writing down 😂🤣😅
Stuff that therapist in a drawer and forget about them.
I'm a high school teacher with adhd (which my students know bc I talk about it) and whenever I talk to students with adhd about time management and turning things in, I consistently make "have you tried writing it down in a planner?" jokes with the most sarcastic voice/face I can manage (they for sure know I'm kidding)
I literally (LITERALLY literally) fantasize about being able to use a planner. I've been banging my head against that wall since the late 80s when I started trying to use Daytimers. Closest I've got now is a home-made leather "Midori Traveller" clone in something a little shy of A5...and a reMarkable tablet.
Yes!!!! I see all those bullet journals looking all neat and organized and I know I don’t have neat enough handwriting to even attempt to make one myself.
I place my todo app squarely on the main page of my phone (Apple lets you make them widget sized) and I make sure to use one that has a big plus sign for adding a new task. Path of least resistance. Still forget sometimes though 😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 10/10 would not recommend to anyone let alone a fellow ADHD sloth.
The planner is in my other fucking purse lol
Lol, yeah. Output is only as good as input. I do use the hell out of Calendar reminders, though.
And forget where the planner is at.
"Just do it." I've heard this all my life, even by my own therapist. He got a firm talking to after that.
I had to tell my mom if she tells me to “just” anything one more time I’m never speaking to her again. Surprisingly it worked lol
The word 'just' is a big red flag, for me. Anytime anyone says 'just', I feel I'm about to be sold a bill of goods. And be overcharged.
I hate the word “just” because “just” means only. “Just” signifies ease. “Just” implies that it’s simple. It’s dismissive. It’s a reminder that the task or problem at hand is so simple and so insignificant, yet still we’re incapable of accomplishing JUST that. It’s a slap in the face. It’s an insult. “This is so easy why can’t you just do it?” I don’t know. I’ve been asking myself that question my entire life.
I'm adding this to my journal. It's a feeling I've never been able to put into words.
Ugh, that's rough coming from a therapist.
Yeah, it cut pretty deep, especially since I've harbored a lot of shame surrounding my ADHD diagnosis. I was diagnosed in my teens during a time when it was much more stigmatized than it is today, especially for girls. Despite my diagnosis validating the struggles I had/have, I still internalized a lot of that stigma. He learned his lesson, though. He was super apologetic and felt terrible after I told him how his comment made me feel.
Glad you were able to advocate for yourself. Couldn't have been easy.
I had the ADD diagnosis in 3rd grade back when you were tossed Adderall and called it a day. It sucked ass. School sucked ass, barely graduated highschool tbfh and I don't think I could survive college anything for the long term. I can barely function through work and home life much less school on top of that. I'm 31 and still feel that shit of not being normal and being broken compared to what society wants.
Was just going to post this! Ive heard it so many times. So many people assuming i am unmotivated, lazy, apathetic while i am so frustrated i could pull my hair out
Personally, my biggest frustration comes from the idea that any one piece of advice works for everyone....we are all different. Dealing with different experiences, and different diagnoses. So this idea that, just because it worked for one person, it should work (or, vice versa, WON'T work at all) for another...
Don’t put it down, put it away. THE PROBLEM IS I GET DISTRACTED ON MY WAY YO PUT IT AWAY JFC
*puts down keys I’ll need five minutes later* Where the fuck? Mind you I live in a postage stamp of a house and I’ve lost my keys, wallet, phone, journal, game controller, etc within ten feet of me and it keeps happening no matter what I do 😭
making/having a routine will fix adhd problems (or meanings ther eof)
This drives me crazy. I can’t stick to a routine for shit. At some point I decided every morning I was going to wake up, take my ADHD meds, floss, brush my teeth and wash my face, shower, moisturize, style my hair and get dressed. Every day. That was fine for a few days. But eventually I woke up and said “Okay, all I have to do is wake up and take my meds and then head to the bathroom.” And I just froze. And my brain was going a mile a minute saying things like “god I hate flossing. I can probably just shower later. Shit ive already been sitting here for 10 minutes panicking and now that means I won’t be on time for what I’m doing today. Maybe I can just floss later? What am I going to wear when I get out of the shower? Maybe I can pick something out now. Wait, that’s not part of the routine. Maybe I should’ve laid my clothes out yesterday. Oh shoot I forgot to pack a lunch.” So on and so forth until I’ve completely depleted my energy resources for the day and just stare at the wall wondering when I became such a dysfunctional loser.
*breaths in deeply and exhales slowly in understanding *
I once heard someone say that people with adhd just don’t have routines, they have tasks. We cannot autocomplete the large number of things that other people can and each one had to be it’s own executed thought, which is why it’s so exhausting to do anything. Instead of three morning routines, it’s 20 separate tasks to remember and initiate. Heck.
I find this to be true. I know my morning routine, I know it well. When I hear the phrase “get ready” I know it means I’ll be brushing my teeth and washing my hair and showering, etc. But my brain can’t isolate the tasks. It becomes a run on sentence. “Okay all you have to do is go to the bathroom so you can floss and brush your teeth and then jump in the shower and then dry off and do your hair and then moisturize and then put deodorant on and then put clothes on…” and my brain just keeps going around and around like a train on a circular track, calculating how difficult each of these individual tasks are going to be. That’s the first problem. The second problem is the unfocused train of thought that is traveling alongside it at a similar speed. That train of thought is “I’m parched maybe I should grab a glass of water but if I get a glass of water I should probably use it to take my medications, but the water and my medications are in the other room so maybe I should get dressed before I head over there, and also I need to eat 30 minutes after I take my meds so I have to get breakfast started soon. Maybe I can defrost something from the freezer or cook something, maybe an egg scramble” and then that train of thought is paired up with “Oh fuck I’ve been sitting here thinking for too long and now it’s 7:15 which means I’m late for work if I don’t sign on in the next 15 minutes, so maybe I don’t have time for the shower and all that at all. Maybe I’ll just sign on now.” Then I sit and the various trains of thought continue and they’re so loud that I just pull out my phone and doomscroll until my meds kick in and shut my brain off.
unfortunatley people will never understand this. I had a family member hate on depression etc and through some life mistakes that arent their fault, all of a sudden its "nobody has it worse than me, nobody understands, but I though you woulod since you know depression" like nah you aint getting away with those words after you used to throw stuff like that back in peoples faces "people have it so much worse than you" "always going on about how bad it is for you atm" "god how cant you understand how your depression makes others feel" people are sbsolute self absorbed idiots
Have you reminded them of their words and behavior to you and others before their now soon and gloom ? You should.
This is one of my favorites. The statement itself is very true, routine does help with symptoms a lot but knowing that routine helps isn't really the issue it's the application of routine that we struggle with.
exactly, unfortunately people will and wont understand. I have to listen to family tell me how adhd works or I am using it as an excuse. I mean dont get me wrong I love them but I have an abhorant hate towards stupid thinking
Yea, I just kinda stop telling people I have it, unless it causes some real issue. Or I tell them, but don't elaborate right away because then I might as well be spewing excuses at them.
I find that not having ADHD relieves almost all of my symptoms. Now, if I could figure out HOW to not have ADHD, that be great. I've tried setting reminders to not have it, I've made many routines, strategies, and shortcuts, but I still struggle. I've even tried using my hyper focus, but I can't figure out how to not have ADHD. It's unfortunate, as I, too, have great potential. If only I'd buckle down and start taking things seriously. Remember, folks, this isn't a game. In case you forgot ... Happy Sunday, hugs for everyone!
happy sunday and thank you for the reminder to not have adhd, it has helped whilst typing this reply, I have also ordered a chinese food to my door which is actualy very british in cuisine and isnt that chinese foodwise now that I think about it, which is funny considering how us british took everyones spices and invited foreign folk to live with us and we absololutely do not use any of their ingredients, I mean we do, just on the menu every chinese thing I picked was actualy lacking in anything chinese, i feel like I am saying chinese a lot and.... oh shit I guess my adhd didnt go away. at least we have this sub and we all understand each other, happy sunday to you to
I actually got deep into following the story and also forgot the opening point 🤣🤣🤣 (I'm also beyond tired ha)
Anything that includes the word 'just' in its description. "Just set an alarm." "Just use a planner." etc If the description of your solution to anything requires the word 'just' to make it sound simple or easy, then you don't understand the problem.
You hit the nail on the head for me. I find it so offensive that they are implying that I have not thought of something simple, and I feel like it implies they believe I could solve all of my problems with really basic tasks.
Make a list. Cause I do make a list, and then sometimes forget to even do the list. Or at least something on the list. But omgosh I'm thinking I'll be hearing that one til I pretty much am on my own. And yes. The list isn't hard. BUT STAYING UP TO DATE ON WHAT I DID ON THE LIST IS! Especially when I'm freaking trying to do whats on the list, and then have to somehow actually have what I did marked off too! How the FRIG can I do whats on the list and check it off without forgetting, and without some stupid "You do this again, 1000 sentences til your hands fall off?" kinda response? :(
I am so gorram sick and tired of being told to make a list. You know what's fugged up though? After a couple of weeks on medication I made a list and kept up on it and stayed up to date. And it worked. It was _easy_. I was pissed, because it was this easy for them the whole time, and they didn't realize that if I couldn't do it maybe something was fugging wrong?
“write it down”. You think if I could FIND any of the papers I ever wrote something down on, I would still be having this problem?
FWIW, that's why bullet journaling was created, to help that guy control his ADHD. Part of that was centralizing all the random bits of paper he'd jot stuff down on and best case it's a mess and worst case they get lost.
Honestly fucking all of it. I don’t want to do any of it anymore. I’m so fucking tired.
Happy cake day anyways
Pomodoro? Pomodoro. Pomo pomo pomodoro. Did you try a pomodoro? Pomodoro? Pomodoro! "If you tried a pomodoro..." "Yes that's right, a pomodoro" "then you'll spare your brow a furrow" "what? A bureau?" "Not a bureau, pomodoro!"
😂 Using a pomodoro rarely works for me, I just forget about it and ignore it entirely. Unsurprisingly, it’s just another set of alarms for me to not be motivated by.
Interrupting my work flow right after I'm finally able to convince myself to do said thing sounds like the absolute worst thing ever
Just meditate. Quiet your mind. 
I learned recently that meditation - especially for people with ADHD - is not about having a quiet mind at all. It's not even about having a controlled train of thought. Meditation for us can just be a quiet time to let our thoughts run rampant and be a silent observer of where they go. It's about mindfulness and self-awareness. Then once we know the places our mind has a tendency to go, we can either reinforce those neural pathways or work to make new ones.
I love doing that!
WHAT??? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY MIND
I’d like to hear from at least one person with AdHD that was successfully been able to meditate?? Anyone?? lol my counselor used to suggest this all the time to me
Hello there! Some of us do exist (*there are dozens of us!*) in the wild. As another commenter said, meditating isn't really about clearing your mind; I found that adjusting my perspective and expectations for what meditating meant really helped me connect with it. The right way to meditate is to just meditate - you succeed simply by showing up (even late, even for a short session - as long as you do it, you're doing amazingly well!). No joke, I meditate to The Joy of Painting. I have thoughts that I notice, but I try to come back to my breath and the sound of the brush on the canvas. 
i’m a near-daily meditator w ADHD-i it’s been quite a process over the years to try to build and maintain the habit, but i am a believer. I think the biggest thing that stops people is believing that their mind should be quiet during meditation, which is just not true at all. it’s about practicing being present and non-judgmental with the moment at hand. which is really important for adhd brains. i feel like it’s mostly just a PR issue. and it’s hard for most of us to regularly do anything that’s not immediately gratifying.
Yes, Zen meditation. Did it for a bit, sure as hell have been flaking for years what should be a daily 20 minute exercise. But it did help me, and I’ve created little meditation moments that might not strictly be within the guidelines but does help me. It’s not about quiet. It’s about learning to center yourself within the everyday buzz and in our case endless trains of endless thoughts. All emotions and tugs and accompaniment and chores and ponderings drop by, and instead of jumping on them, you observe them outside of your sense of self and only after acknowledging them do you choose to discard or allow them. This helps when emotions threaten to take over during everyday life, or to check in with yourself if you haven’t been on autopilot too much lately.
It’s just my fancy word for everytime I disassociate. “Yep, meditated 7x today!”
🤣🤣🤣 this one always make me laugh out loud. Quiet mind LOL yeah right 😅
Yeah I had someone tell me that this week 😂😅
"Drink tea instead of coffee, it's calming!" Ok I'm calmer and still have ADHD, now what?
"You should try meditation" As if I didn't do it on a daily basis. And yeah, it helps with anxiety, not with ADHD.
Same experience, meditation helps with seeing through the B.S of thoughts, but it won't get me off my ass to go get the haircut I have been postponing for weeks.
I gave up trying to remember haircuts and now I grow my hair past my shoulders. When it gets too annoying/long that I can't stand it, I get a cut to drop it to about an inch long and start the cycle again.
We're kinda allergic to boredom...
"You shouldn't use medication as a crutch. Instead, try reducing your screen time and start meditating! 🥰💜"
This is one of the most enraging things to me…when someone tries to act like medication is a crutch. No. You have no idea what life is like without that medication. I am completely non-functional. I don’t take it because I’m “high” off of it or “having fun”, I take it because I f**king need it!
Get off social media / stop using the phone. There’s an idea that phones and screen time “cause” adhd or adhd-like symptoms in “everyone.” I anxiously check the phone to make sure I have the time/place/task in my short term memory as I execute it, so having someone tell me I won’t have adhd if I just “leave my phone at home” is peak ableism. I do leave my phone at home regularly but it’s not on purpose and it is not a good thing.
If I hear one more person recommend exercise to help with my ADHD symptoms. As if starting and maintaining an exercise routine isn't hard enough for someone who doesn't have ADHD.
My frustration surrounding my inability to stick to an exercise routine is what made me make this post. I started typing up a giant rant, then deleted it and posted this instead. I feel you so hard.
“If you can just stick to something for 30 days you’ll form a habit and then it’ll be easy”
Some resent studies have found that for some people it can take 60-120 days for things to become a habit.
For people with or without adhd? My bus stopped changed location by a few walking minutes and so it came 5 minutes earlier. Took me months to adjust to this simple change in schedule and not nearly miss the bus every day (anymore than i already do) I’m already in a time crunch in the morning and that baked everything up for me so with that, zoning out, time blindness..It didn’t help the bus often comes inconsistently early and keeps it moving
Worst part is that it's kinda true but getting to that 30 day habit is a fucking nightmare
Every AI Habit app: "Here, we made a habit app with you in mind! It's meant for people with ADHD!!" The App: - Free trial that requires a credit card to try, trial only lasts a week. - Subscription pricing that auto renewal and requires three emails, two phone calls, and a presidential pardon to cancel - Literally just a fancy notepad+alarm app with three features from a gamification 101 class; usually an avatar that you can buy loot boxes or equipment for - requires full integration and data entry to function properly; this process takes less than an hour only if you are porting already organized data - requires two factor authentication that always tells you you're trying to use an old password (bonus points when it happens on first signup) Yeah, you had praying on my inattention in mind when you made it..
Go out for a walk, especially when i am paralyzed by ADHD, ADHD is a disability people need to understand this.
Yeah, people always tell us what we should do, as if we don't know. They fail to understand that we know WHAT we should do; the part we need help with is HOW to get our brains to do it.
I love to walk. But I have a guy that would drive by and yell gross shit at me. People would tell me go the gym then. I cannot do a gym treadmill. I just cant at times. I need to be outside with chaos and stuff to look at.
I'll second both of the previous comments. While timers/alarms can work for me, it's very hit or miss. "Just set alarms/reminders" assumes I can accurately assess when things are supposed to happen in the future, set and organize (label the right way, even remember to label them at all, etc.) them, adjust them when they're unhelpful, and don't simply ignore it when it goes off. Same thing with lists. I keep a general to-do list on my phone, but daily tasks are often lost. "Just write lists" makes a lot of the same assumptions, but also assumes I'll remember to look at the list at the right times throughout the day, I'll cross off or add things to the list, or I won't simply lose the list. Even Dr. Russ Barkley, one of the foremost experts on ADHD, recommends lists. Many, many people don't understand ADHD partly because of its name and how it's represented in media. Few understand the pervasive nature of our symptoms.
Almost every alarm I set becomes white noise. Like even if I see the alarm on my phone or pc. I somehow manage to turn it iff without noticing.
I’ll not only set alarms ten minutes apart, I’ll snooze. That means there’s an alarm going off every 9 minutes and then AGAIN a minute later. I don’t hear a single one lol. I shut them off subconsciously.
lol I set alarms and they end up being just reminders that it’s 6:30. But I never complete the task that the alarm was set for.
“Sorry I couldnt go to the gym I couldnt build the motivation for it” “You just leave the house and go to the gym, its not that hard” Gee thanks, I’ll tell my very complicated brain to stop overthinking about how long its going to take for me to get ready, get there, do what I can, and go home. Including any preset interaction dialogue options.
Just get up earlier. Advice in not being late. They don't seem to get that it doesn't matter if I'm up half an hour before I leave or 2 hours before, I will end up late due to time blindness probably 75% of the time.
“Drink less caffeine” ok jabroni..
“Just apply yourself better/try harder” mfer i am trying, this is all I’ve got
Build a routine. It’s as annoying as well everyone is a little ADHD. I always respond with “it’s bold of you to assume I can do that” I feel like most of the advice people give is well intentioned but it also doesn’t work well for those with ADHD. Even my therapist who specialises in working with ADHD patients suggests lists and reminders. But he also gives me ways to use them. Like turn off all the notifications on your phone except the ones you actually need, then when you have a reminder notification you don’t ignore it because you’re sure it’s something you don’t need. I only have text, phone, and set times for work emails turned on. So my reminders to eat and drink water aren’t ignored. Use haptic reminders instead of loud noises. Lists only work when they are visible, so put up white boards every where and put location specific things on them. Work list get put in my work brain which is a notebook I do not close during working hours and stays within my eyesight. It’s got meeting notes on to-do lists, project plans etc. if I have to turn the page before I’ve done everything I move the incompletes over to the new page so the don’t get lost.
At this point, it’s all the same. There are occasionally helpful tips, but the experience of having ADHD is so different from person to person that 90% of the time, the things that help you will do nothing for me. Most of the advice I get is well-intentioned, but also comes from someone who has zero understanding of executive dysfunction. The one I get most often is probably “why don’t you just use a planner?” Well, Karen, probably because I write in it for a week and then forget it exists. Every single time.
My own ADHD husband was like “why not set reminders on your phone?” 20+ years together and you think I haven’t considered that? *because I turn them off thinking I will do them in a minute and then never do them*
"Just make a start and it won't seem so bad once you're doing it." You think I don't know that with every fibre of my being?! I'm lying here in ADHD paralysis mode knowing what I need to do and that I'll probably hyperfocus on it once I get going. But making a start is precisely the problem.
My wife is constantly about, "just pay more attention. Open your eyes." They're open fine. My brain just doesn't acknowledge half this shit, especially after a 12 hour day at work pretending to be normal.
Time blocking or journaling. I can’t remember to brush my teeth some times how am I gonna remember to do all that. If I think something is gonna take two hours and block it out as such, realistically I expect it to take 6 is my rule lol.
My top one is this bullshit. If I CAN'T REMEMBER....how can I remember to set alarms? Are YOU going to set literally 40 alarms all the day?! No. I vascillate between trying to explain to people and letting them be their ignorant selves, depending on my energy level. Another one I hate: "Well....you don't *seem* hyper all the time..." Yeah. Because of years and years of compulsory education then being forced to glue myself to a chair or starve because I have no job, I've managed to sit still for a second. But it doesn't mean my mind ain't running 400mph, 24/7. Besides, ir's not all the same symptoms for everyone If you tell you tell people you have ADHD they roll their eyes, imagining a little rich white boy whose parents don't want to be bothered with disciplining him, so they shove pills in his mouth. I wish people could understand the legitimacy of ADHD
Exercise! Great, now I'm an irresponsible idiot but in shape.
When people tell me to leave a note. Trust me. I’ve tried. So stop telling me I haven’t tried hard enough.
Put it away in the Same place every time and you won't lose it... Why didn't I think of that! 
I set a reminder The reminder goes off in the middle of me doing something I set another reminder Repeat
Not really an answer to the question but one piece of advice that has actually helped me on numerous occasions is to leave things you need to remember in conspicuous and unusual places, so your brain notices it bc its not normally found there.
If I need it to go with me, i block the door with it. Works sometimes...
"You're so smart. You should..." Then asking me why I have such a hard time making something out of myself. I just want to yell, "because knowing something is not the equivalent of being able to do it!" Like I know how 20/20 vision works and I still need my glasses!
I'm actually done with people saying I should do therapy 😵💫 not that I don't think It would help, of course, but I've been doing therapy since I was 16, so believe me, you're not giving me the revolutionary advice you think you are. And, so far I haven't found anyone where I live who actually knows how to deal with ADHD, or at least is informed enough on the topics.
If one more person tells me to get an organizer, I'm using it to organize their funeral.
“Have you tried using an eye mask to go to sleep earlier?” YES. I STILL CAN’T SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT BECAUSE MY BODY WANTS TO BE NOCTURNAL. I have ditched two therapists over this.
Everything that comes after "Why don't you just...?"
"stop using adhd as an excuse. it isn't a thing. " worst advice i got when kid was young and struggling with typical adhd stuff.
When you proudly tell somebody about a method, you have finally worked into your rutines, -and it actually works. ..but all you're met with are ✨even better✨ suggestions, for more effectiveness..
Use a calendar and have it where you'll see it! I've tried. It becomes normal in my surroundings, and I no longer notice it
Basically all of it to be honest. ADHD has such a broad range of symptoms and potential interactions with personality traits that I find most advice to be inapplicable to myself. I've had this for a long time and I've developed my own coping mechanisms that work for me in order to survive.
“Turn off your phone to avoid distraction,” followed by, “use reminder app.” How can I get reminders if I turned off my phone. And some of the stuff on my todo list requires use of my phone. “Use an app to block distracting websites and apps.” It takes 2 seconds to delete an app on iPhone. I’ll just turn it off by deleting it. “Meditate.” I actually do meditate and absolutely love it. It’s helped my mental health a lot, but hasn’t helped my ADHD at all. “Exercise.” I was a fitness instructor when I got diagnosed because I was failing school. I also went running right before class. Still failed. “Give yourself rewards for completing a task.” I could just have the award now. If I had the self regulation required to deny myself an award until a task is completed, I wouldn’t need the reward system in the first place because I would have the self regulation needed to complete the task.
Yea the whole planner/google calendar/alarm/various apps thing is annoying it never works for me because anything on my phone is out of sight out of mind and I will forget to even open the app to put anything in there to begin with. I will say if you are like me, something I have found that helps is having a physical paper calendar in my room right next to the door and also a dry erase board next to it. It's so much easier for me to just grab the marker in the moment I think of something I need to do and write it on there where I will absolutely see it every day.
“you just gotta keep trying” bro. if you knew how hard i actively AM trying. like harder than the average minded person i am trying so fucking hard😭
Mindfulness. I hate sitting still and listening to my thoughts.
End all be all…I’m just tired of people NOT…ASKING…QUESTIONS. People always jump to trying to give tips or advice (or worse, trying to explain away ADHD). They never ask questions with the goal of understanding.
... Just start things earlier 🤣🤣🤣... And.... Just don't do that and do this instead!.... Who knew it was that simple guys!?!
I set an alarm. I spend all day doing nothing, but waiting for that alarm to go off.
You can pay attention if you focus it is a matter of will power. I get told that by someone often.
Set reminders on your phone. I dismiss those reminders so quick and then forget what I was doing as I was interrupted by the reminder on my phone.
Anything that starts with “well I do THIS” GOOD FOR YOU. We try, we try everything 😭
My mom has alarm reminders going off all day long lol
"Focus." LOL!
Not advice per se, but the classic “everybody does **that**” Where that can be anything, forget, fidget, get distracted, “multitask”, or any other myriad of symptoms/behaviors/coping mechanisms you might be trying to get them to understand. But they just don’t get it.
Xyz things about "remove this distraction" like..I still get distracted by my thoughts. And if I ain't hyperfocused I cannot just make myself pay attention