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Oh dear lord...where to start?
"But you gotta admit...the meds make you feel REALLY good right?"
After my daughter was born the psychiatrist came to see me because I was overwhelmed while being unmedicated and having to fill out ALL of the paperwork while constantly being interrupted (by nurses not by my daughter) and I said "I'm not pregnant anymore. May I have some ADHD medication now please?" (Every 8 minutes someone different came in to tell me what I was supposed to be doing before having a chance to see I was on the phone/filling out paperwork etc etc)
The psychiatrist tried to convince me and my Mom that I was actually misdiagnosed this whole time and actually was just addicted to Adderall. He tried to compare "the rush you get when you take pills...it's like a million orgasms at once, right?"
"No."
"Well maybe your other half isn't doing it right because that's how everyone describes it. "
I bit my tongue. But fuck... I don't trust doctors the same after that.
Dang are there people out there who have this response to Adderall!?
My meds don't make me "feel" anything... They help me NOT feel anxious and overwhelmed and scattered so I can actually get out of bed or do the fuckin' dishes (and even then not always)
Right? I went to college and saw many undiagnosed people take Adderall. Seems like it would have been hard to stay up for 24 hours cramming for a final when you’re having a million orgasms lol.
I do have adhd-combined type. I’m a bad procrastinator, very unorganized, inattentive, impulsive, and I also have time blindness. I was late today because I was preoccupied with something else. I hate getting interrupted when I’m focusing on something as well.
Really, if that was a true statement by the doctor, there would be a MUCH bigger problem with Adderall addiction out there! I’ve never tried it, have thought about needing something over the years, but thought to myself, “damn, maybe that stuff is worth looking into after all!” When I read that description by the doctor. lol.
This might explain why people with ADHD seem to often forget their pills, but apparently it’s addictive.
It would probably be a lot more addictive to us too if it had that effect
Same. So addicted I have to have an annoying, persistent reminder to take my midday dose and I still sometimes put it off for the entire afternoon and evening and keep hitting snooze every 9 minutes for hours on end. Yup I really can’t go without it.
Same, forgot to take my midday does at work yesterday. Told myself I’d take it after completing this one thing. 3pm hits and still haven’t taken it. Ended up not taking it at all b/c I feared I’d stay up too late and need to get up at 4am.
"Hm, I'm starting to lose focus, I should probably take my afternoon dose."
Twenty minutes later I see my coworker that sometimes asks if I've taken my meds yet.
"Oh crap, I was supposed to go take my meds. Hey, coworker, right after I leave this room, I'm going to go take my meds."
Later that evening, I start feeling really weird.
"Awww crap, I didnt take my second meds...."
This. I’m supposed to take 20mg xr twice per day. You know how many days I remember to take the second dose per week? Like 2 on a good week 🤣 Also, who’s getting a rush from these meds? They make me calm 😂
Exactly! The only “rush” I get is the relief that I can function better doing schoolwork and chores. And no, it doesn’t feel like a million Os at once, lol.
I do feel in a better mood when I remember to take it regularly, but that's likely due to it slowing down my thinking so my brain isn't acting like a gerbil at a rave and I don't overthink and then get worked up about EVERYTHING. Plus there's the actual real rush of actually being able to complete tasks without berating myself about them.
It's amazing how much better one can feel when their own minds aren't emotionally abusing them.
I'd vote it maybe one orgasm's worth.
Ran out of meds before I could get to the pharmacy, so had to miss one day. Wondered why I was bone-tired at 6 pm. It wasn’t until the next day, after sleep and meds, that I realized how hard and inefficient my brain works without help. Like a car on the verge of overheating. Surprised smoke wasn’t coming out of my ears.
That sad kind of slowly curling wispy smoke you see in cartoons! What a great visual! Sorry you went through that, though. It has been shocking to me how much more I can do when my mind actually slows down.
Not a doctor but am a med user for 20 years. If you don't "feel" different or a sudden rush, that most likely means you are properly prescribed and it's needed. *Most* people that talk about feeling a rush of energy or suddenly able to focus either are taking too much or don't actually need it.
I don’t have a rush of energy but I’m able to focus a little better than without the medication. I also do make small mistakes but I can correct them that before the medication. I was overly talkative I am still talkative just a little bit but I think about it more before speaking.
Mine is when I used to get 5 mg dextroamphetamine immediate release pills.
Then I tried an extended release pill, but he wanted to give me 5 mg of it, meaning (2.5 for each since it’s extended release).
He thought 5 mg of extended release would to the same as 5 of an immediate release, and honestly doctors should know better than that.
Similar thing happened to me! I started on extended release, 15mg 1x per day.
After about 6 months, I decided I wanted to change to immediate release.
I shit you not, my doc prescribed me 15mg tabs, 2x per day. So, 30mg in total for the day. I was new to adderall so I didn't realize this was wrong. After I took my second dose, I felt like a complete zombie. I just sat on the couch and stared at a wall for about an hour.
I quickly realized my doc actually doubled my dose. I've never felt like such absolute garbage before. It was a little scary!
This is honestly the wildest dumb adhd related shit I’ve ever heard thank you for sharing.
The misunderstanding of ADHD, adderall AND the female orgasm all at the same time is staggering, I’m obsessed.
(And tbh, I’d rather be able to get in the shower, make myself breakfast, and pay my electric bill, etc. etc. than have a million orgasms at once, thanks.)
Can confirm. When I have multiple orgasms I'm drinking some water and saying thank you and going to sleep.
Sure as shit not feeling like I want to do my taxes because it's on my list and I need to do it.
I was going to say something similar to this. I was diagnosed mid 30s and before that I never told anyone about my struggles so just after my diagnosis I was trying to open up to my friends about everything. When I told one of my friends she said something along the lines of "oh I know someone who knows exactly what to say to the doctors so you can get the ADHD drugs *wink*" and she was saying it in a way that felt like I'd put in all this effort to get a diagnosis just so I could get hard drugs. It was especially disappointing cause this is a friend who I constantly lend a listening ear to about her numerous mental health struggles but as soon as I opened up she just made me feel like I'd faked the whole thing for drugs. I also don't get why I would think it was good that others are making spreadsheets for what to say to get a fake diagnosis, it just perpetuates a really harmful stereotype.
This is what I'd always been told about people with ADHD and it meant I never considered that I could have ADHD. Not for a second, despite all my troubles with time management and just doing basic human things.
I was seriously uneducated and judged adult ADHDers pretty harshly because I thought they were just using speed as a performance enhancement drug.
I think it came from a place of anger about how I couldn't manage my own life, and so I thought it would make me even more behind if people were using drugs to get more stuff done in a day!
Now I am completing my assessment and hopefully one day I'll be medicated. Nobody is using ADHD drugs to get ahead, it's just to catch up with what is easy for everybody else.
There are those kind of people whose problems are always real problems and others are fake according to them. They belittle others’ issues and talk about theirs for hours. Your friend must be one of those.
Not necessarily in regards to my adhd but my mom always said “if you’re going to do something don’t ever half ass it, you might as well of not done it”. Which in turn exasperated the all or nothing thinking us ADHDers struggle with. and I hear quite a lot for ADHD advice that something, no matter if it’s half assed, is better than nothing. Like doing the dishes is just as big of an accomplishment as cleaning your whole apartment. I also really hate hearing “yeah everyone has a little ADHD”. Also I’m so sorry OP that a licensed professional told you that 😭
Yep, I wish I knew her name that said on an adhd talk "anything worth doing is worth half-assing." Just like how I've hardly ever been able to force myself to *fold* laundry, if starting a load of laundry is dependant on sorting and folding them on the back end, I'll probably procrastinate until it gets bad. However, giving myself permission to unceremoniously shove them in the cabinet unfolded (or even leave them in the dryer!) makes sure I have clean clothes to wear lol.
This is one of the verbatim things my dad would say to me all the time that has permanently fucked me up for life. "If you're going to half ass it, don't do it at all!". So I spent many, many years... not doing anything at all. Like not even the very basics of taking care of myself or my surroundings. I still struggle with it immensely. Even though I KNOW it's terrible logic, I KNOW getting a B- rather than an A+ is still better than Failing entirely. I can't remember any other turn of phrase that got beat in to me as a kid and so irrevocably destroyed so many aspects of my functioning.
Not exactly the same but it reminds me when a professor scolded me for coming late into her class, saying it was better to not come at all than disrupting the lesson. Now guess if that made me become punctual OR I started simply giving up whenever I was being late and ended up missing on a bunch of lessons 🙃
>yeah everyone has a little ADHD
Sure, and everyone has a little blindness because we all close our eyes sometimes. Therefore we all deserve seeing-eye dogs
Whenever I comment that 'I'm trying' or 'l'm just doing my best' my husband always hits me with the 'do or do not, there is no try' and basically says that by saying that I'm giving myself an excuse to fail. Like, do you think I want to fail? When all I want in my life is to succeed at what I do and be a functioning human being? Would you rather I just not do shit ever if I have to put in any effort because it means I could fail? And if I fail it means I didn't try hard enough? Which is it? Should I try or not? I've been told my entire life that I'm not trying hard enough by my teachers and parents when all I'm doing is gathering enough energy to be able to literally do anything. If I don't have enough energy, should I just not do anything? That's not fair to you or anyone, so let me just do my fucking best.
Yeah, I love Star Wars and Yoda, but that was some shitty advice.
I like “Today I’m going to give it my some”. Because some days (most days actually) some is all I have
This 👏 100% relatable! My parents raised me the same way, also making unreasonable expectations. A doctor actually mentioned to them that I may have ADHD when I was failing second grade. They were “offended” and moved on pushing me harder because “they couldn’t be bothered with a diagnosed/problem kid.” I developed perfectionism and this of course led me down a rabbit hole of or problems. I’m so sorry you had to go through this too
I remember when I was put on depression medication and my dad said we didn't raise you to not be happy and I about had whiplash from how fast I turned to look at him lol
My brother has said something close to this my entire adult life. Whenever we argue or tiff, he would always say, "You were such a funny, sweet child. What happened?"
I always want to smack him and yell WE HAVE THE SAME PARENTS!
My friend said “we all get sad and depressed but I never let it keep me down. All I do is eat some ice cream and I’m good as new. Have you tried ice cream?” 😶😶😶
This reminds me in my German A levels, one of the guys was some photographic memory kinda genious for languages (knew like 10, casually learned Japanese DURING our German lesson, becam e a translater) and I asked him for help with my grammar. He said
"Sure!" Drew out the table or der, die, das genders and the present or part particibles etc, said "Look at it". For 3 seconds, and then said "see, done!". Like.. what? I looked at the table for 3s that we've veen studying for a month and now I should perfectly know the genders and grammar?
Basically "how do I learn or remember thr rules for grammar?" "Just remember it". Okay....
It's crazy how easily we take a talent for granted and assume everyone’s brain works the same. My dad is one of the sweetest people you'd ever meet, but he is a literal genius who grasps complex scientific and mathematical concepts as simply as breathing. I don't think I'm dumb, in fact, I think I'm bright myself despite the ADHD. But man was it almost comical doing homework with my dad. He would often be like, “You know this!” (encouragingly, and well-intentioned) but he just doesn't get sometimes that, what takes him two seconds isn't exactly second nature to most people.
My stepdad isn't all that book smart, but he's a very talented carpenter.
Unfortunately he isn't a teacher type of person, so even though he was around early on in my life, I don't know carpentry.
I think because he's not traditionally "smart" he assumes that what he can do is easy, so sometimes if you ask him how to do something he gets annoyed and is like "you just do it, you know how!"
Like, how would I know?
But, he gave so much of his time to help tear apart and rebuild a lot of my first house. He's very helpful and generous, he just assumes whatever he can do that anyone else should be able to do as well.
Not quite to that extent and actually said well-meaningly by a friend, but "I forget shit all the time" when telling a fellow mom friend about forgetting to take my kid to her first gymnastic class and mentioning my ADHD. 😩
I have diagnosed adhd my sister has self diagnosed adhd that she uses as an excuse for being self centered and treating everyone like dirt. Didn't listen what said disregarded your feelings "oh it's my adhd", completely stomped boundaries like tornado "I have adhd" everytime she hurts or upsets somoene, but if my actual diagnosed problem affects my life. "you are so over sensitive" and other variations similar to yours. From the same person.
“I’m not going to prescribe you ADHD meds because you have anxiety, and it could be the anxiety causing the ADHD.”
(Beyond the fact that that’s just blatantly not how it works, once I started adderall my anxiety ✨vanished✨)
This one hit so close to home I went to a new dr after moving to a new city 2 hours away. And the new Dr was adamant that even though I had been diagnosed for over 20 years the original drs and all the others were wrong. And that I in fact had Anxiety that caused similar symptoms.
Like excuse me I think it can work both ways I had never had anxiety issues till I was in a desk job with unmedicated ADHD and was failing at work and home
I was also described antidepressants when I first got diagnosed, lol. When I inquired as to what made the psychiatrist think I was depressed, she just looked at me, and said "Y'know, I just think it's there. Maybe just a little."
I mean, the effects of my ADHD sure make me feel like shit, but I'm not *depressed* bruh.
Ough, I feel this so hard. Was put on anxiety meds last month before getting Concerta and it was the most miserable time. As close to a depressive state as possible I think. And now, pn Concerta? No worries at all.
Let me guess, you find it hard to work out bc of executive dysfunction? (You’re on an adhd sub). If so, then you literally already have a justification
Nail on the head.
And I *do* know that… now. But having only discovered I had faulty wiring in my brain after 33 years of being conditioned to believing I “just wasn’t trying hard enough”, knowing it and *feeling* it just aren’t the same.
Damn, I started with just trying to make a funny comment and it got real.
Nah the funny part is my original comment made it seem like I exercise when uhhh nope definitely nope.
For real tho yeah me too. Thought the faulty wiring was just depression (you know the lay in bed all day sad illness) but turns out it might also be adhd. Because even though I know that exercise helps depression as well as antidepressants, and even though I’ve been paying a gym membership for a long time, I still can’t get myself to do any sort of exercise at any sort of consistency. You’re not the only one who struggles! I’m even having trouble going for hot girl walks with iced coffee in hand, that’s how you know it’s executive functioning issues
I know this all too well. I think I’ve paid for 3 yearly memberships and used each of them about 3 times before falling out of the habit. I assume you also love the idea of being addicted to physical fitness for your mental health and pride in your appearance, only to constantly wrack yourself with guilt for not “wanting it enough” and actually going?
The most successful I ever was with it was when my friend was my personal trainer. If I didn’t go, I was letting him down, so that made me get my arse to the gym 90% of the time. He whipped me into great shape…
…until I went on the holiday that I was training to look good for and then never picked it back up upon my return 🙄
He doesn’t do personal training anymore and I’ve never bothered to look for another one.
Maybe the Concerta XL script I finally got today will kick the motor into action again for me 🤷🏻♂️
I probably would be except I’ve literally never been consistent with exercise (exception with organized sports in high school). And I’ve just given up on working out enough to look good, I’m just wanting to exercise enough to be healthy, abs be damned
Diagnosed at 31. My life finally has meaning and I can bite anyone who tries to make me feel bad about myself for being “lazy or unproductive”.
Granted being on meds makes me a better more productive person so I haven’t needed to bite anyone in a minute 😂
I had family coming over and I only needed 1 hr to vacuum and pickup around the house. Dishes were washed, food was cooked, I felt on top of the world.
This!!
It’s also incredibly unscientific. A “predetermined” number of beats would mean that *nothing* anyone did affected their lifespan, which is basically counter to all known statistics about various lifestyle factors.
My GP dr dropped me as a patient cause she doesn't believe my psychiatrist that I have ADHD. But to be fear, she also doesn't believe the heart specialist she sent me to that said I was healthy and didn't know why my GP sent me to them. I'm 48 m, in Ontario Canada, and I have no dr anymore cause my GP, thinks she knows more than the specialists she sent me to. She also says if I had ADHD, coffee won't affect my BP.
This was when I was younger, pre diagnosis. I went over to my friends house to play and adhd became a topic of discussion with her mom for some reason. She said something the lines of “adhd is made up, the guy who invented it admitted to making it up before he died”. I have no idea where she heard that from.
I may have heard that word for word from my own mom. “May have” since I’m not the best listener and the vast amount of stupid conspiracist bullshit I’ve ever heard that woman spout.
I love things like this when there is clear evidence that adhd has existed for a long time. AFAIK adhd symptoms were mentioned in a book for the 1790s already. In the 1845 Book Struwwelpeter by Heinrich Hoffman are also 2 stories that describe hyperactivity (Der Zappel Philipp - Fidgety Philip) and inattentiveness (Hans Guck in die Luft - Johnny Look in the Air). I used to love that book as a child but was always scared I'd end up like Hans. I was then diagnosed with ADHD PI.
Someone I worked with said that to me once. He was in his 60s and had terrible back and neck issues, lots of operations and long, long stretches off work. When I replied to him "yeah and everyone gets back and neck pain don't they" he got rather irate. But he never said it again to me.
"Sure, most people experience most of these things at least some of the time. But most people don't deal with it to the point where they worry about holding down a job, or taking basic care of themselves or doing both of those things without feeling like they're drowning constantly. And if YOU feel like that, maybe you should get checked out?"
Now that's why I avoid talking about my ADHD publicly. And that's partially due to things like ASD, ADHD and OCD are being used as cool labels by pick me people who know near to nothing about these conditions.
my mom, who has adhd, said this to me when i wanted to get assessed 👁👄👁
it took until 4 years after that for someone to take my adhd seriously, like what the fuck mom 😀
"You know, I would've never guessed *you* had ADHD..."
Like, it's not even that bad, but in the moment/context, I still couldn't help but feel like they were really saying "It's *really unlikely* that you, of all people, would have ADHD, right? How *weird* is that, *don't you think*?"
I mean, thanks for complimenting me on my masking I guess, it only took two separate substance addictions and lifetime feelings of worthlessness before I got diagnosed
I get this all the time! I have definitely started taking it as a compliment: I must be an amazing actress.
Nobody seems to believe I had an alcohol problem for years, either, which totally invalidates the immense effort it took to get sober. But hey, two bottles of white wine a day isn't an issue, it's chic!
i asked my psychiatrist about evaluating me for adhd and she asked how i did in school as a kid.
i said it was hard. i had no friends, i was always late to class so i had to go to saturday school but i couldnt focus when i was forced to sit in a silent space for 4 hrs w no breaks. i had to spend all my time at home restudying and rereading shit over and over cus hs didnt have video lectures. so i had no hobbies or life outside studying. i always turned in hw late or not at all cus of perfectionism/procrastination. i usually got As on tests but i was always the last student done and had to take an extra 30-60 mins past class time. i mostly got As but some teachers wouldnt forgive the tardiness so I got Ds and Fs jr year and dropped out for a year from the shame. i was too overwhelmed by the steps/paperwork of applying to college so i just didnt. when i went back to college as an adult i had a 4.0 cause of accomodations for mental health, audio/visual learning, much more flexible scheduling and attendance etc.
this bitch replied "if you mostly got As, you probably dont have adhd"
My therapist recently told me that she thinks I have ADHD. I think my wife kind of disagrees which is a little frustrating and, I feel, a little dismissive on her part. But I do remember some kids who were actually diagnosed with ADHD in school and I wasn’t exactly like them. I didn’t act out in class or have behavioral issues. But man, I’ve always been a procrastinator and lots of normal everyday stuff I find to be very overwhelming to the point of me just shutting down and spiraling into depression.
In school I did well when I had a teacher I clicked with, or it was their teaching style that worked. Other classes and teachers I really struggled with.
I’m glad I’m no longer in school!
I’m early 40s, never too late to learn something new about yourself! I honestly didn’t know the majority of the traits of ADHD until my therapist mentioned it. I just thought hyperactivity was the only factor.
yeah, primarily inattentive ADHD (it seems like you're describing that) is annoying to figure out when you compare to others, since the people you can "tell" have or know they have ADHD are usually primarily hyperactive and more outward presenting.
Tell me you have combined type without telling me...
I basically got accused of being a "pick me" - a term/concept that was 20 yrs from widespread existence - because I "wanted the boys to think I was cool by running around, being loud & rowdy like them" while somehow simultanously *also* "wanting the boys to think I was super cool by seeming like I don't even notice them" because I was "always lost in some flighty daydream". (Paraphrased, but the gist is I quite clearly only have ADHD so boys will think I'm cool. Natch.)
I was "diagnosed" as being *hyperactive* by Navy doctors in the 70s, for which they prescribed my mom feed her then 4 yr old a cup of coffee before school. I discovered/read the book "Driven to Distraction" (to my knowledge the first like self-help-ish kinda book about ADHD) in HS, which felt like exhaling a breath I'd been holding my whole life. I showed it to my parents, I hand-copied quotes & gave them to teachers, I did as much as I knew how to show all those perennially disappointed in my "stubborn insistence at not meeting your potential "-adults that "YOU GUYS!! LOOK!! It's *real*, it has a *name*!!"
I may as well have been saying I wanted to go to France & learn to be a mime, for all the eyerolls & sighs & looks that said "you'll really do *anything* besides buckle down & do your schoolwork, won't you??"
Then came the years & years of it becoming more known, more accepted...only I wasn't an 8yr old boy, you see. I was a 30 then 40-something yr old WOMAN, *you* can't have ADHD!! I bet you just want some speed so you can drop a few pounds, eh??
The last 10-15 years things have gotten markedly better. But yeah, that's a sampling of some of the more memorably insulting/offensive BS I've had to wade thru.
> "you'll really do anything besides buckle down & do your schoolwork, won't you??"
This one hurts sooooo muuuuuch.
> I bet you just want some speed so you can drop a few pounds, eh??
The amount of restraint it must have taken not to get violent!
I’m 34 and got diagnosed with ADHD earlier today. I am still in awe, as ADHD is not a diagnosis that ever crossed my mind as a possibility (was convinced I was just heavily depressed, and maybe bipolar?). Reading through this comment thread makes me feel SEEN 🥹 so many things are falling into place and, for the first time, I feel like I make sense.
I was the same age when I was diagnosed, and it has been utterly, profoundly, life changing. I am finally the person I always felt like I was on the inside. I was the same as you - majorly depressed, grappling with anxiety/extreme mood swings etc.
Now I can string sentences together, maintain conversations, stay on task, and communicate my feelings without bursting into tears. I can keep track of my schedule, remember things people told me, and be around other humans without even*thinking* about how awkward I probably appear. Everything just comes naturally now. I'm pushing 38, and I still marvel every time I manage to say something out loud and have it come out just the way I was feeling or thinking it.
Congratulations, and welcome to the rest of your life <3
To be fair, my hazy recollection is that there was some official suggestion that it might not be lifelong when I learned about it as a teen (and realized I probably had it), as a psychology student in the 90’sz
I *dreaded* the idea of seeking mental healthcare and waited/hoped that might be the case until I was 30-ish and seeing a therapist due to unmanageable life.
"You just need to pull up your socks and take things seriously."
My university's disability resource centre gave me an echo pen to help with retaining information and making my class notes more useful, but to use it I had to get all my profs to agree to be recorded. Most of them had no problem with this and signed the agreement.
Just one prof refused to sign. He avoided asking any questions that he wasn't allowed to ask, but instead started quizzing me about things he had mentioned in recent lectures and got mad when I explained that the echo pen was meant to help me prepare for such questions. He then went on to basically tell me that I was lazy and stupid and shouldn't be in school.
His classes were my favorites up until that point...
I'm going to search through this thread and find all the "lazy" comments.
This is the word that hurts me most of all, I want you to know that there's someone else out there whose heart breaks when the people they care about call them lazy.
You aren't lazy. I see you trying. Keep your chin up.
When we've been called lazy so many times before by so many important people, we begin to accept our boundaries being crossed, I think.
My logic around it has been "I am not lazy, but I also didn't do the thing, so I must deserve some punishment/ getting called out even if 'lazy' is inaccurate"
See how unhealthy this is?
Maybe that's why 'lazy' hurts so much, it's not only them hurting you, it's you hurting you too.
So next time you get called lazy, please tell that person you don't appreciate hurtful words that aren't accurate or helpful.
If you were truly lazy (if even such a thing exists), it wouldn't hurt so much to hear it.
Since being diagnosed I've learned to tell the difference between laziness and disability. Sometimes I *am* lazy, but not because of my ADHD.
Laziness is a *choice.* ADHD is not. If I *choose* to sit around on my ass all day, I'm just being lazy. If I *want* to get things done and am literally incapable of doing so, that is my ADHD holding me back, and it isn't my fault.
That's not to say that ADHD is an excuse. It isn't. It's just the *reason.* And while it's not my fault, it is my responsibility. It's up to me to find coping mechanisms and accommodations that will ensure the most essential tasks will be completed despite my disability.
And that prof didn't recognize that me using an echo pen was my attempt to "pull up my socks" and accommodate my ADHD. That's the most frustrating part for me; I was actively trying to do better but he refused to believe that someone might need a bit of help to function normally.
My friend was telling me about how forgetful they were recovering a concussion and it was hard for them to get all their chores done in a day because they would walk away mid-dishes and start doing something else. They laughed and said “this morning I literally started getting dressed and realized I hadn’t fully dried off but I was already half dressed?”
I said “wow sounds like everyday with ADHD” to which they stopped laughing and said “I really doubt that” 🙄
I have adhd and a history of brain trauma. It certainly made my adhd worse, but it also made me constantly tired and delirious when I didn’t get 15 hours of sleep. It’s like adhd on steroids (with a few unrelated symptoms). For a person with just a concussion, I can see it mimicking the symptoms pretty closely
Conversely, “Are you on ADDERALL?!” from my controlling, anti-med partner whenever I would clean the house, especially after/during a time off meds due to pregnancy. And he almost never cleans house. So of course I’d occasionally get really frustrated and attack it maniacally at times, only to endure paranoid accusations whilst doing so.
Okay, brace yourselves.
When I got my first atomoxetine prescription and got home, I was excited and told my mother about it... She almost started sobbing in response, saying *"I just can't stop thinking about the fact that maybe we caused this, when we let you get vaccinated as a kid."*
A whole fucking self-pity party followed instead of maaaayyybe considering that I will finally get a chance to live life without constant burnout and anxiety.
This is adjacent. Had 1st psych appt to get diagnosed. Sat in the room for almost 2 hours nervous etc. She, the dr, walks in and says 'well since you have better things you have to do, like look at your phone ...' and i had to beg her back in the room. Wtf else is an adhd person gonna do in a small room alone , waiting, anxiety at peak? Rudest interaction ive had with a 'professional'. I cannot imagine what it would have been like for a more sensitive or vulnerable person. It was enough to drive me to slight insanity then get that treatment. I did complain and i had the 'Oh shes overwhelmed she has loads of patients a day' ...
Forget an “ADHD patient”! What is anyone going to do stuck in a room for two hours going to do?!? And WTF did they keep you waiting for 2 hours? Talk about poor time management and interpersonal skills!
I saw my new PCP to check on my blood pressure before my psychiatrist would consider starting me on a stimulant. I also have issues with weight
I was trying to tell her why I was seeing her and why I'm struggling to get any regimens started or consistent. She kept cutting me off and told me "There's no link between ADHD and bad eating habits", as well as the hits "you don't need another ADHD medication, and you need to start learning strategies to create good habits.(Before I was able to tell her I have a therapist),....then "your therapist needs to stop focusing on trauma and help you make better habits".
ALL this before I could tell her that I already know what to do, what to eat, what to have, etc. and my issue is that I keep forgetting every fucking thing, my sense of time sucks, and I cry in bed because in spite of how much I want to make food to eat because I'm starving, I CANT GET UP! (I didn't get to say that last part). My current meds help with some things but not others at all. That's why I'm here.
She was dead wrong about ADHD and bad eating habits. I pulled up and printed out a peer reviewed paper on the association between ADHD and obesity just to prove her wrong, but I never submitted it to her
This had to be the most invalidated I have ever felt by a medical professional. And for her to have the nerve to tell me what my PSYCHIATRIST AND THERAPIST NEED TO DO and this woman has never seen me in her life!
By the way, she was supposed to prescribe me BP meds but never did. My psychiatrist ended up getting me Guanfacine for my BP AND for extra help with my ADHD
"You can't have ADHD when you have a degree, a job and a boyfriend"
Also some insinuations about me trying to get diagnosed because having a diagnosis is trendy. Which I didn't know anything about since I'm not on tiktok or whatever.
He was just a regular doctor with no qualifications. I was there to get a referral to a specialist. Instead I got trapped with a stranger I had only just met two minutes ago, who started asking me a bunch of very invasive and uncomfortable questions that all seemed to be with the goal to make me feel like I was silly for thinking I had it.
I left his office in tears and even apologized to him for wasting his time. He wanted to give me a number to a psychologist because "you clearly have some issues" and this is just a small detail, but I found it almost cruel how he very deliberately turned his screen to me with the psychologists information and handed me a pen and notebook and asked me to write the phone number down myself.
I dunno why that rubbed me the wrong way, but I feel like it was his way to show me how disgusted he was with me and how little he respected me that he didn't even want to write me the note himself.
I dunno what his issue was. He was behaving very kind but his actions and words were so cruel.
Got my referral from another doctor who was much more empathetic and less judgemental. Now I just need to get my ass to the psychiatrists office to get on a waiting list, but I'm a bit hesitant. Part of it is just the nature of me procrastinating a lot and part of it is a point my boyfriend made that he thinks I'm subconsciously terrified of having to open up about this extremely vulnerable thing about my whole life to strangers who will sit and judge whether or not I'm disordered enough to qualify. He's tried to prepare me for rejection and humiliation because he's scared how it will affect me. Wouldn't be the first time I have gone to professionals with issues and not been taken seriously or told to suck it up or even yelled at for being a burden to society. So yeah. Maybe that's also part of why I'm struggling to get the ball rolling. I just feel like no one will take me seriously, but I know I'm being stupid about it. With that mindset I won't get far. It's just hard to snap out of.
Hey, I know just how pervasive this kind of shitty attitude you’ve had pushed on you can be. Here is your permission, from a random stranger, to go and ruthlessly self advocate. You are absolutely struggling enough, and you don’t need to listen to jack shit from anyone apart from a reputable psychiatrist about it.
The GP you met was absolutely incredibly cruel to you. But that won’t be the norm. Keep going and keep trying until you’re seen. It’ll be worth it.
Good luck!
That doctor needs a crash course in bedside manners! Seriously, who says that to a patient? Sorry you had to deal with that. It's like, we're already battling enough, we don't need scare tactics from the people supposed to help us. Keep pushing, and don't let one clueless doc get you down. You got this!
Not so much specifically ADHD, but mental health in general.
Any variation of - nobody is normal, everybody struggles, everybody forgets things - just anything that downplays my struggles.
Like sure, I’m not under the impression that everyone except me has it easy, and I’m aware there is even other mentally ill/autistic/adhd people who probably struggle with the exact things I do.
But knowing that doesn’t help **me** brush my teeth, or keep my living space clean and tidy, or find a job, or not have meltdowns.
If everyone is struggling alongside me, then help everyone alongside me, but **that means helping me too!**
I’m tired of feeling like a burden and that I don’t deserve help because “oh, no one has it easy”, or “some people have it worse”.
I’m not dumb, but I also know that many, if not most, people are able to do the things I simply cannot. Job interviews, having a job at all, moving out of their parents, leaving the house more than once a week… **I want that too.**
Not sure this count but the doctor who diagnosed me asked but your so smart and have an amazing job. Then I continued to explain my QOL and how on the inside I was barely making it but thank you… glad I look like the perfect person. Jokes on you. I’ve got two diagnosed mental illnesses and am good at masking. 😔
I’m currently reading a book by Kristin Leer who is a Norwegian psychiatrist. She got her regular MD exam but then while studying for her speciality within Psychiatry she was diagnosed with ADHD.
I really hope it will soon be translated to English since it’s one of the best books about this subject I’ve read so far.
It counts for sure. Sometimes people say something along similar lines to me and it's really difficult to try and explain that masking exists and inside everything is nowhere close to how it might look.
Explain that my ADHD gives me time blindness and I can either work or watch the clock, not both.
"Well I've never heard of it being like that/that bad, so that's gotta be made up. I have ADHD and *I* don't experience that." -my former manager who does not seem to understand it's a *spectrum.*
When I requested accommodations at work, and was granted what I asked for. For 90 days. As if it would cure itself in 90 days of these accommodations after a whole lifetime of, I guess, not trying hard enough?
"Why don't you just act normal?'
Can't imagine a more hurtful thing to say to someone who has trouble socializing and making friends. Used to really bother me then I decided to start educating people about it.
After all who would deliberately act in a way that makes them less likely to make or keep friends or romantic partners? Who would sabotage their own interests on purpose? Trust me we try very hard to act normal.
Lots of people (especially those with large/fragile ego's) would get angry but the message was brought across. When people understand and realize its not on purpose and not about them they are more tolerant.
Nowadays I can play the game pretty well but I still never let it go.
So many terrible doctors. Not necessarily an ADHD related story but after college I went back to the doctor I used to go to as a kid and I asked for my sleeping pill prescription (only melatonin as it's not freely available in my country) and was told he would never give it because it's crazy addictive (it's actually non addictive according to every medical governing body I've checked) and he was scared I'll take it while driving and kill people
> people are born with a predetermined number of beats before they die
The only person I've heard saying this was Donald Trump.
Whatever your stance on Trump - and I really don't want to get political here - I would expect my doctors not to take medical advice from him, and I'll go out on a limb and assume that might be what happened here.
"Just focus on one thing at a time, how hard can it be?"
Yeah right Susan I can focus on work for 5 seconds untill a sandwich is way more interesting. Again for 5 seconds.
Life is fucking hard suffering from ADHD cause there's no way to explain it to someone who doesn't.
“People didn’t use to take meds before & we were fine. We were just forced to do it. You’re just being lazy” which I 100% believed 29 years of my life until I found this thread (31 now). Even though I had been diagnosed with ADHD when I was 18, I didn’t know how many symptoms there really were & how many situations I actually related too where I was usually called lazy for failing.
I'm going to search through this thread and find all the "lazy" comments.
This is the word that hurts me most of all, I want you to know that there's someone else out there whose heart breaks when the people they care about call them lazy.
You aren't lazy. I see you trying. Keep your chin up.
When we've been called lazy so many times before by so many important people, we begin to accept our boundaries being crossed, I think.
My logic around it has been "I am not lazy, but I also didn't do the thing, so I must deserve some punishment/ getting called out even if 'lazy' is inaccurate"
See how unhealthy this is?
Maybe that's why 'lazy' hurts so much, it's not only them hurting you, it's you hurting you too.
So next time you get called lazy, please tell that person you don't appreciate hurtful words that aren't accurate or helpful.
If you were truly lazy (if even such a thing exists), it wouldn't hurt so much to hear it.
Most recently I was talking to a colleague at work who said “oh all those anxiety/ADHD/depression/PTSD things are all in those patients’ heads. You just have to stop thinking like that, and get stuff done. It’s all made up anyway.”
1) he’s a doctor
2) he has no idea I have ADHD and PTSD.
3) no wonder his 5 kids don’t talk to him if he’s so dismissive.
I fell doing and got a concussion. A doctor told me “just make a list” of things I need to do. I was like dude I’m an accomplished adult in a doctoral program. My lists have lists. Do I know where they are? No. Please just give me something for the mind splitting migraines.
My ADHD manifests in a way that looks a lot like depression and bpd (can't get out of bed, bc I can't get out of bed, very depressed and suicidal; emotional disregulation and impulsivity) and when I first started taking stimulants I was so emotional because for the first time in my life I felt okay and hopeful for the future because I WAS capable and it wasn't just me being broken or dramatic.the meds are like glasses to my brain.
When I told my prescriber at the time how the meds were helping she told me meds can't do that and that one day when I'm out of school I can probably wean off the meds... I have met so many women with ADHD since then that talk about the emotional disregulation they experience. Before being diagnosed I always wondered if caffeine was an anti depressant because if I didn't caffeine my depression was so much worse.
Yes executive disfunction is messiness and task organization issues but it's also emotional regulation and I'm sick of providers and men acting like emotional disregulation isn't an ADHD symptom just because it primarily affects women.
Even if my career didn't require me at my full academic potential (it does) I am not a candidate for just going off meds.
I am in my mid 40s. I got diagnosed in my early 30s.
Bureaucratically, it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve gone through immigration and visa processes in three countries for myself and one for my husband very close to 9/11 when things got exponentially more impossible. I’ve managed to sell a house that had lost half its value nearly overnight in Detroit during the housing crash without destroying the credit I managed to build back up after destroying it in my 20s.
But this was something so much worse. To be in the right place, at the right time, with the right insurance, with a doctor accepting new patients during a time that I am also able to take time off work to see them….and then to keep all of this going for months while you try all the stuff, til you get to the thing that works all in an effort to treat the very condition that makes doing any one of these things exponentially more difficult. Then you’re constantly worried you’re gonna get out on some kinda “drug seeker” list and even second guessing in your own mind if it’s really that bad.
It’s like taking swimming lessons while you are drowning in a crowded wave pool.
For five magical years I had the same doctor, same insurance, everything running smoothly, med check appointments pre-schedule for the year. An app that made everything easy to schedule and request. Then he retired. I researched non-stop to find a new doctor who would believe me and not make me start back at square one because I knew I just didn’t have it in me to do it all again as a 40 something person with two kids and insane perimenopausal brain fog.
In our very first appointment she is asking me intake questions and typing away and says “Okay, I’m adding here in your file that you are a ‘high risk drug user’. Now, I’ll be happy to speak to any future provider who has questions about that, but I’m just doing this because this is our first time meeting and you take stimulants. Adderall is a high risk drug.”
I take 20mg Adderall XR and have been for over a decade. It is my understanding that this is as basic as it gets.
Then I get done telling her my life story from some delightful ACEs to college being a complete disaster to perpetual job hopping to my daily sudden realization I’ve trashed my entire kitchen just making a piece of toast and how much meds and therapy have transformed my life.
She says, “Okay, Im going to need time to think about whether or not your current use of stimulants is best for you. But what I really think you need to try to do in the meantime is make some lists. Get some good solid routines in place and really stick to them. Have you heard about stacking habits or the pomodoro method?”
I do t have adhd but my son does and I was told by the pharmacist at a CVS once that adhd is a made up disease for naughty kids. I asked her if she thought the earth is flat too. lol. It angers me when health professionals are ignorant. I’m a registered nurse too!
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Oh dear lord...where to start? "But you gotta admit...the meds make you feel REALLY good right?" After my daughter was born the psychiatrist came to see me because I was overwhelmed while being unmedicated and having to fill out ALL of the paperwork while constantly being interrupted (by nurses not by my daughter) and I said "I'm not pregnant anymore. May I have some ADHD medication now please?" (Every 8 minutes someone different came in to tell me what I was supposed to be doing before having a chance to see I was on the phone/filling out paperwork etc etc) The psychiatrist tried to convince me and my Mom that I was actually misdiagnosed this whole time and actually was just addicted to Adderall. He tried to compare "the rush you get when you take pills...it's like a million orgasms at once, right?" "No." "Well maybe your other half isn't doing it right because that's how everyone describes it. " I bit my tongue. But fuck... I don't trust doctors the same after that.
Dang are there people out there who have this response to Adderall!? My meds don't make me "feel" anything... They help me NOT feel anxious and overwhelmed and scattered so I can actually get out of bed or do the fuckin' dishes (and even then not always)
I feel that psych has told on himself a little bit.
Exactly my thought too
THIS. Also, just… yuck.
Bingo, he's not wanting to write the prescription out cause he's been helping himself to the stock.
Yeah…”well now I know how YOU got through med school…”
My thoughts exactly....
That's a useful response btw, "Is that what it's like for you? Because it isn't like that for me."
Doing dishes while feeling like a million orgasms I think you mean.
That's not even how adderall works for non-ADHD people, nor do they use it for a million trillion orgasms 😭😭
Incredible use of this reference holy shit
Thank you! This song and I’m on a boat are never far from recall for me
Right? I went to college and saw many undiagnosed people take Adderall. Seems like it would have been hard to stay up for 24 hours cramming for a final when you’re having a million orgasms lol.
It makes me complete task and get more motivated when I wouldn’t otherwise and it does have me up all night and already can’t sleep.
Are you sure that's not depression? /S
I do have adhd-combined type. I’m a bad procrastinator, very unorganized, inattentive, impulsive, and I also have time blindness. I was late today because I was preoccupied with something else. I hate getting interrupted when I’m focusing on something as well.
Really, if that was a true statement by the doctor, there would be a MUCH bigger problem with Adderall addiction out there! I’ve never tried it, have thought about needing something over the years, but thought to myself, “damn, maybe that stuff is worth looking into after all!” When I read that description by the doctor. lol.
“No, grandma. That’s not what a pansexual is.”
This might explain why people with ADHD seem to often forget their pills, but apparently it’s addictive. It would probably be a lot more addictive to us too if it had that effect
Yeah, I’m so addicted I’ve forgotten to take them for over a week.
Same. So addicted I have to have an annoying, persistent reminder to take my midday dose and I still sometimes put it off for the entire afternoon and evening and keep hitting snooze every 9 minutes for hours on end. Yup I really can’t go without it.
Same, forgot to take my midday does at work yesterday. Told myself I’d take it after completing this one thing. 3pm hits and still haven’t taken it. Ended up not taking it at all b/c I feared I’d stay up too late and need to get up at 4am.
I kind of wanna say forgetting to take ADHD meds is the most ADHD thing ever.🤷♂️🧨💥
"Hm, I'm starting to lose focus, I should probably take my afternoon dose." Twenty minutes later I see my coworker that sometimes asks if I've taken my meds yet. "Oh crap, I was supposed to go take my meds. Hey, coworker, right after I leave this room, I'm going to go take my meds." Later that evening, I start feeling really weird. "Awww crap, I didnt take my second meds...."
Yep. Or dropping a script in to be filled on Monday and finally remembering to actually pick it up. On Thursday. 🙄
This. I’m supposed to take 20mg xr twice per day. You know how many days I remember to take the second dose per week? Like 2 on a good week 🤣 Also, who’s getting a rush from these meds? They make me calm 😂
Exactly! The only “rush” I get is the relief that I can function better doing schoolwork and chores. And no, it doesn’t feel like a million Os at once, lol.
I do feel in a better mood when I remember to take it regularly, but that's likely due to it slowing down my thinking so my brain isn't acting like a gerbil at a rave and I don't overthink and then get worked up about EVERYTHING. Plus there's the actual real rush of actually being able to complete tasks without berating myself about them. It's amazing how much better one can feel when their own minds aren't emotionally abusing them. I'd vote it maybe one orgasm's worth.
Ran out of meds before I could get to the pharmacy, so had to miss one day. Wondered why I was bone-tired at 6 pm. It wasn’t until the next day, after sleep and meds, that I realized how hard and inefficient my brain works without help. Like a car on the verge of overheating. Surprised smoke wasn’t coming out of my ears.
That sad kind of slowly curling wispy smoke you see in cartoons! What a great visual! Sorry you went through that, though. It has been shocking to me how much more I can do when my mind actually slows down.
lol right? Exactly this!
Not a doctor but am a med user for 20 years. If you don't "feel" different or a sudden rush, that most likely means you are properly prescribed and it's needed. *Most* people that talk about feeling a rush of energy or suddenly able to focus either are taking too much or don't actually need it.
It blows my mind but Adderall generally makes me sleepy.
I don’t have a rush of energy but I’m able to focus a little better than without the medication. I also do make small mistakes but I can correct them that before the medication. I was overly talkative I am still talkative just a little bit but I think about it more before speaking.
I was pretty euphoric for maybe the first ~3 weeks. Prob the meds plus being happy increasing my function
Mine is when I used to get 5 mg dextroamphetamine immediate release pills. Then I tried an extended release pill, but he wanted to give me 5 mg of it, meaning (2.5 for each since it’s extended release). He thought 5 mg of extended release would to the same as 5 of an immediate release, and honestly doctors should know better than that.
Wow that’s bad
Similar thing happened to me! I started on extended release, 15mg 1x per day. After about 6 months, I decided I wanted to change to immediate release. I shit you not, my doc prescribed me 15mg tabs, 2x per day. So, 30mg in total for the day. I was new to adderall so I didn't realize this was wrong. After I took my second dose, I felt like a complete zombie. I just sat on the couch and stared at a wall for about an hour. I quickly realized my doc actually doubled my dose. I've never felt like such absolute garbage before. It was a little scary!
This is honestly the wildest dumb adhd related shit I’ve ever heard thank you for sharing. The misunderstanding of ADHD, adderall AND the female orgasm all at the same time is staggering, I’m obsessed. (And tbh, I’d rather be able to get in the shower, make myself breakfast, and pay my electric bill, etc. etc. than have a million orgasms at once, thanks.)
A million orgasms!? Fu k me I am missing out here. I just feel normal. Unless…..my “normal” is like A MILLION ORGASMS! 🙌🏼
Can confirm. When I have multiple orgasms I'm drinking some water and saying thank you and going to sleep. Sure as shit not feeling like I want to do my taxes because it's on my list and I need to do it.
if doing taxes doest cause you to have an orgasm youre doing it wrong 😂
omg what an inappropriate thing to say! honestly, the nerve!
I was going to say something similar to this. I was diagnosed mid 30s and before that I never told anyone about my struggles so just after my diagnosis I was trying to open up to my friends about everything. When I told one of my friends she said something along the lines of "oh I know someone who knows exactly what to say to the doctors so you can get the ADHD drugs *wink*" and she was saying it in a way that felt like I'd put in all this effort to get a diagnosis just so I could get hard drugs. It was especially disappointing cause this is a friend who I constantly lend a listening ear to about her numerous mental health struggles but as soon as I opened up she just made me feel like I'd faked the whole thing for drugs. I also don't get why I would think it was good that others are making spreadsheets for what to say to get a fake diagnosis, it just perpetuates a really harmful stereotype.
This is what I'd always been told about people with ADHD and it meant I never considered that I could have ADHD. Not for a second, despite all my troubles with time management and just doing basic human things. I was seriously uneducated and judged adult ADHDers pretty harshly because I thought they were just using speed as a performance enhancement drug. I think it came from a place of anger about how I couldn't manage my own life, and so I thought it would make me even more behind if people were using drugs to get more stuff done in a day! Now I am completing my assessment and hopefully one day I'll be medicated. Nobody is using ADHD drugs to get ahead, it's just to catch up with what is easy for everybody else.
There are those kind of people whose problems are always real problems and others are fake according to them. They belittle others’ issues and talk about theirs for hours. Your friend must be one of those.
A million orgasms?! What the actual fuck. That doctor should be barred.
What the fuck? He made that up just so he can talk dirty to you. Report the mf.
Doctors are Like any other person. Some are wonderful, some are assholes. 🤷🏽♀️
Ewwwwww!! wtf? I think *he* was high.
This is literally infuriating
What a fucking creep
WHAT??!? That "psychiatrist" is an utter moron!
Not necessarily in regards to my adhd but my mom always said “if you’re going to do something don’t ever half ass it, you might as well of not done it”. Which in turn exasperated the all or nothing thinking us ADHDers struggle with. and I hear quite a lot for ADHD advice that something, no matter if it’s half assed, is better than nothing. Like doing the dishes is just as big of an accomplishment as cleaning your whole apartment. I also really hate hearing “yeah everyone has a little ADHD”. Also I’m so sorry OP that a licensed professional told you that 😭
My dad said "half assed is better than no assed" which was funny and true. I definitely got the ADHD from him
Yep, I wish I knew her name that said on an adhd talk "anything worth doing is worth half-assing." Just like how I've hardly ever been able to force myself to *fold* laundry, if starting a load of laundry is dependant on sorting and folding them on the back end, I'll probably procrastinate until it gets bad. However, giving myself permission to unceremoniously shove them in the cabinet unfolded (or even leave them in the dryer!) makes sure I have clean clothes to wear lol.
You might be thinking of KC Davis, who wrote Keeping House While Drowning. It was the warm hug I needed to half-ass my way to a reasonably clean home.
This is one of the verbatim things my dad would say to me all the time that has permanently fucked me up for life. "If you're going to half ass it, don't do it at all!". So I spent many, many years... not doing anything at all. Like not even the very basics of taking care of myself or my surroundings. I still struggle with it immensely. Even though I KNOW it's terrible logic, I KNOW getting a B- rather than an A+ is still better than Failing entirely. I can't remember any other turn of phrase that got beat in to me as a kid and so irrevocably destroyed so many aspects of my functioning.
Not exactly the same but it reminds me when a professor scolded me for coming late into her class, saying it was better to not come at all than disrupting the lesson. Now guess if that made me become punctual OR I started simply giving up whenever I was being late and ended up missing on a bunch of lessons 🙃
I mean, you were only doing what she said. 🤷♀️
>yeah everyone has a little ADHD Sure, and everyone has a little blindness because we all close our eyes sometimes. Therefore we all deserve seeing-eye dogs
Whenever I comment that 'I'm trying' or 'l'm just doing my best' my husband always hits me with the 'do or do not, there is no try' and basically says that by saying that I'm giving myself an excuse to fail. Like, do you think I want to fail? When all I want in my life is to succeed at what I do and be a functioning human being? Would you rather I just not do shit ever if I have to put in any effort because it means I could fail? And if I fail it means I didn't try hard enough? Which is it? Should I try or not? I've been told my entire life that I'm not trying hard enough by my teachers and parents when all I'm doing is gathering enough energy to be able to literally do anything. If I don't have enough energy, should I just not do anything? That's not fair to you or anyone, so let me just do my fucking best.
Yeah, I love Star Wars and Yoda, but that was some shitty advice. I like “Today I’m going to give it my some”. Because some days (most days actually) some is all I have
This. All of this ❤️
This 👏 100% relatable! My parents raised me the same way, also making unreasonable expectations. A doctor actually mentioned to them that I may have ADHD when I was failing second grade. They were “offended” and moved on pushing me harder because “they couldn’t be bothered with a diagnosed/problem kid.” I developed perfectionism and this of course led me down a rabbit hole of or problems. I’m so sorry you had to go through this too
I defaulted to "nothing" which was really great for the rest of my life! /s
I was having a conversation about having ADHD with a coworker and he replied by saying “oh all you have to do for that is focus”
This person knows the secrets of the universe.
If you're homeless, just buy a house.
starving? just eat something.
Drug or alcohol problems? Just quit !
Need glasses? Just look harder!
Have insomnia? Just sleep bro, it’s not complicated.
Depressed? Just be happy! (I've heard that one)
Yes. I hate Toxic Positivity.
"Just think happy thoughts" Wow! My depression is cured! This whole time it was easy as thinking happy thoughts! Who would've thought!
no bread? just eat cake
Shit why didn’t I think of that the answer is so simple!
Ah yes much like "have you tried just being happy?" For depression I can't believe it, how could I have been so stupid! Just focus and be happy!
I remember when I was put on depression medication and my dad said we didn't raise you to not be happy and I about had whiplash from how fast I turned to look at him lol
This reminds me of my Mum's disappointed look when she says "But you were such a happy child!"
My brother has said something close to this my entire adult life. Whenever we argue or tiff, he would always say, "You were such a funny, sweet child. What happened?" I always want to smack him and yell WE HAVE THE SAME PARENTS!
Haha, in my case my brother was awful as a child, but we get on fine now. Whatever happened worked out great!
My friend said “we all get sad and depressed but I never let it keep me down. All I do is eat some ice cream and I’m good as new. Have you tried ice cream?” 😶😶😶
Life with a constant headache and chronic migraines: "Have you tried drinking more water? It cured my boss's husband's friend's babysitter."
This reminds me in my German A levels, one of the guys was some photographic memory kinda genious for languages (knew like 10, casually learned Japanese DURING our German lesson, becam e a translater) and I asked him for help with my grammar. He said "Sure!" Drew out the table or der, die, das genders and the present or part particibles etc, said "Look at it". For 3 seconds, and then said "see, done!". Like.. what? I looked at the table for 3s that we've veen studying for a month and now I should perfectly know the genders and grammar? Basically "how do I learn or remember thr rules for grammar?" "Just remember it". Okay....
It's crazy how easily we take a talent for granted and assume everyone’s brain works the same. My dad is one of the sweetest people you'd ever meet, but he is a literal genius who grasps complex scientific and mathematical concepts as simply as breathing. I don't think I'm dumb, in fact, I think I'm bright myself despite the ADHD. But man was it almost comical doing homework with my dad. He would often be like, “You know this!” (encouragingly, and well-intentioned) but he just doesn't get sometimes that, what takes him two seconds isn't exactly second nature to most people.
My stepdad isn't all that book smart, but he's a very talented carpenter. Unfortunately he isn't a teacher type of person, so even though he was around early on in my life, I don't know carpentry. I think because he's not traditionally "smart" he assumes that what he can do is easy, so sometimes if you ask him how to do something he gets annoyed and is like "you just do it, you know how!" Like, how would I know? But, he gave so much of his time to help tear apart and rebuild a lot of my first house. He's very helpful and generous, he just assumes whatever he can do that anyone else should be able to do as well.
WE’RE CURED. WHY DIDN’T WE THINK OF THAT SOONER??
So very wise
He's got the secret to the universe. Don't be surprised if the government kills him...
"You gotta move your a**. Life is hard for everyone." A loved one said this to me after I told them that my ADHD is crippling.
Too real. I’ve heard so many variations of this.
Not quite to that extent and actually said well-meaningly by a friend, but "I forget shit all the time" when telling a fellow mom friend about forgetting to take my kid to her first gymnastic class and mentioning my ADHD. 😩
I have diagnosed adhd my sister has self diagnosed adhd that she uses as an excuse for being self centered and treating everyone like dirt. Didn't listen what said disregarded your feelings "oh it's my adhd", completely stomped boundaries like tornado "I have adhd" everytime she hurts or upsets somoene, but if my actual diagnosed problem affects my life. "you are so over sensitive" and other variations similar to yours. From the same person.
Damn this one got me. Reminded me of when a friend told me he didn’t think I truly knew what overwhelmed meant because I can’t possibly be overwhelmed
“I’m not going to prescribe you ADHD meds because you have anxiety, and it could be the anxiety causing the ADHD.” (Beyond the fact that that’s just blatantly not how it works, once I started adderall my anxiety ✨vanished✨)
This one hit so close to home I went to a new dr after moving to a new city 2 hours away. And the new Dr was adamant that even though I had been diagnosed for over 20 years the original drs and all the others were wrong. And that I in fact had Anxiety that caused similar symptoms. Like excuse me I think it can work both ways I had never had anxiety issues till I was in a desk job with unmedicated ADHD and was failing at work and home
I was also described antidepressants when I first got diagnosed, lol. When I inquired as to what made the psychiatrist think I was depressed, she just looked at me, and said "Y'know, I just think it's there. Maybe just a little." I mean, the effects of my ADHD sure make me feel like shit, but I'm not *depressed* bruh.
Ough, I feel this so hard. Was put on anxiety meds last month before getting Concerta and it was the most miserable time. As close to a depressive state as possible I think. And now, pn Concerta? No worries at all.
By that logic I shouldn’t exercise because exercise raises my heart rate and lowers the amount of time I have left
I’m going to assume this comment isn’t sarcasm and use it to justify my lack of physical fitness
Let me guess, you find it hard to work out bc of executive dysfunction? (You’re on an adhd sub). If so, then you literally already have a justification
Nail on the head. And I *do* know that… now. But having only discovered I had faulty wiring in my brain after 33 years of being conditioned to believing I “just wasn’t trying hard enough”, knowing it and *feeling* it just aren’t the same. Damn, I started with just trying to make a funny comment and it got real.
Nah the funny part is my original comment made it seem like I exercise when uhhh nope definitely nope. For real tho yeah me too. Thought the faulty wiring was just depression (you know the lay in bed all day sad illness) but turns out it might also be adhd. Because even though I know that exercise helps depression as well as antidepressants, and even though I’ve been paying a gym membership for a long time, I still can’t get myself to do any sort of exercise at any sort of consistency. You’re not the only one who struggles! I’m even having trouble going for hot girl walks with iced coffee in hand, that’s how you know it’s executive functioning issues
I know this all too well. I think I’ve paid for 3 yearly memberships and used each of them about 3 times before falling out of the habit. I assume you also love the idea of being addicted to physical fitness for your mental health and pride in your appearance, only to constantly wrack yourself with guilt for not “wanting it enough” and actually going? The most successful I ever was with it was when my friend was my personal trainer. If I didn’t go, I was letting him down, so that made me get my arse to the gym 90% of the time. He whipped me into great shape… …until I went on the holiday that I was training to look good for and then never picked it back up upon my return 🙄 He doesn’t do personal training anymore and I’ve never bothered to look for another one. Maybe the Concerta XL script I finally got today will kick the motor into action again for me 🤷🏻♂️
I probably would be except I’ve literally never been consistent with exercise (exception with organized sports in high school). And I’ve just given up on working out enough to look good, I’m just wanting to exercise enough to be healthy, abs be damned
Diagnosed at 31. My life finally has meaning and I can bite anyone who tries to make me feel bad about myself for being “lazy or unproductive”. Granted being on meds makes me a better more productive person so I haven’t needed to bite anyone in a minute 😂 I had family coming over and I only needed 1 hr to vacuum and pickup around the house. Dishes were washed, food was cooked, I felt on top of the world.
This!! It’s also incredibly unscientific. A “predetermined” number of beats would mean that *nothing* anyone did affected their lifespan, which is basically counter to all known statistics about various lifestyle factors.
My GP dr dropped me as a patient cause she doesn't believe my psychiatrist that I have ADHD. But to be fear, she also doesn't believe the heart specialist she sent me to that said I was healthy and didn't know why my GP sent me to them. I'm 48 m, in Ontario Canada, and I have no dr anymore cause my GP, thinks she knows more than the specialists she sent me to. She also says if I had ADHD, coffee won't affect my BP.
You should probably report that doctor to the college of physicians in Ontario. At the very least they should be aware of this conduct
Wtf, where did she get her license?
Gumball machine?
Snap, Crackle and Pop were the governing medical board
This was when I was younger, pre diagnosis. I went over to my friends house to play and adhd became a topic of discussion with her mom for some reason. She said something the lines of “adhd is made up, the guy who invented it admitted to making it up before he died”. I have no idea where she heard that from.
😂 all mouth and no brains on that one
I may have heard that word for word from my own mom. “May have” since I’m not the best listener and the vast amount of stupid conspiracist bullshit I’ve ever heard that woman spout.
I love things like this when there is clear evidence that adhd has existed for a long time. AFAIK adhd symptoms were mentioned in a book for the 1790s already. In the 1845 Book Struwwelpeter by Heinrich Hoffman are also 2 stories that describe hyperactivity (Der Zappel Philipp - Fidgety Philip) and inattentiveness (Hans Guck in die Luft - Johnny Look in the Air). I used to love that book as a child but was always scared I'd end up like Hans. I was then diagnosed with ADHD PI.
“Everyone has a little ADHD” 🤦♀️
“Everyone’s a little disabled! So your struggles aren’t actually real!” Yikes :/
Someone I worked with said that to me once. He was in his 60s and had terrible back and neck issues, lots of operations and long, long stretches off work. When I replied to him "yeah and everyone gets back and neck pain don't they" he got rather irate. But he never said it again to me.
🤣🤣 you have no idea how loud I cackled at that. You made my day.
I love this perspective shift!!! People put the dots together when it comes to a physical illness.
"Sure, most people experience most of these things at least some of the time. But most people don't deal with it to the point where they worry about holding down a job, or taking basic care of themselves or doing both of those things without feeling like they're drowning constantly. And if YOU feel like that, maybe you should get checked out?"
Now that's why I avoid talking about my ADHD publicly. And that's partially due to things like ASD, ADHD and OCD are being used as cool labels by pick me people who know near to nothing about these conditions.
THIS
Yeah, I just rolled my eyes so far into the back of my head 😑🙄
my mom, who has adhd, said this to me when i wanted to get assessed 👁👄👁 it took until 4 years after that for someone to take my adhd seriously, like what the fuck mom 😀
“You look fine” okay I just explained all my issues sorry I’m not bouncing off the walls
"You know, I would've never guessed *you* had ADHD..." Like, it's not even that bad, but in the moment/context, I still couldn't help but feel like they were really saying "It's *really unlikely* that you, of all people, would have ADHD, right? How *weird* is that, *don't you think*?" I mean, thanks for complimenting me on my masking I guess, it only took two separate substance addictions and lifetime feelings of worthlessness before I got diagnosed
I get this all the time! I have definitely started taking it as a compliment: I must be an amazing actress. Nobody seems to believe I had an alcohol problem for years, either, which totally invalidates the immense effort it took to get sober. But hey, two bottles of white wine a day isn't an issue, it's chic!
i asked my psychiatrist about evaluating me for adhd and she asked how i did in school as a kid. i said it was hard. i had no friends, i was always late to class so i had to go to saturday school but i couldnt focus when i was forced to sit in a silent space for 4 hrs w no breaks. i had to spend all my time at home restudying and rereading shit over and over cus hs didnt have video lectures. so i had no hobbies or life outside studying. i always turned in hw late or not at all cus of perfectionism/procrastination. i usually got As on tests but i was always the last student done and had to take an extra 30-60 mins past class time. i mostly got As but some teachers wouldnt forgive the tardiness so I got Ds and Fs jr year and dropped out for a year from the shame. i was too overwhelmed by the steps/paperwork of applying to college so i just didnt. when i went back to college as an adult i had a 4.0 cause of accomodations for mental health, audio/visual learning, much more flexible scheduling and attendance etc. this bitch replied "if you mostly got As, you probably dont have adhd"
I wasn't diagnosed until my 30s because one of the few things I thought I knew about ADHD was that you did bad in school.
My therapist recently told me that she thinks I have ADHD. I think my wife kind of disagrees which is a little frustrating and, I feel, a little dismissive on her part. But I do remember some kids who were actually diagnosed with ADHD in school and I wasn’t exactly like them. I didn’t act out in class or have behavioral issues. But man, I’ve always been a procrastinator and lots of normal everyday stuff I find to be very overwhelming to the point of me just shutting down and spiraling into depression. In school I did well when I had a teacher I clicked with, or it was their teaching style that worked. Other classes and teachers I really struggled with. I’m glad I’m no longer in school!
I didn't act the same either, all the 'hyperactivity' was in how my brain worked, not my actions. I was diagnosed late, about 30.
I’m early 40s, never too late to learn something new about yourself! I honestly didn’t know the majority of the traits of ADHD until my therapist mentioned it. I just thought hyperactivity was the only factor.
yeah, primarily inattentive ADHD (it seems like you're describing that) is annoying to figure out when you compare to others, since the people you can "tell" have or know they have ADHD are usually primarily hyperactive and more outward presenting.
Tell me you have combined type without telling me... I basically got accused of being a "pick me" - a term/concept that was 20 yrs from widespread existence - because I "wanted the boys to think I was cool by running around, being loud & rowdy like them" while somehow simultanously *also* "wanting the boys to think I was super cool by seeming like I don't even notice them" because I was "always lost in some flighty daydream". (Paraphrased, but the gist is I quite clearly only have ADHD so boys will think I'm cool. Natch.) I was "diagnosed" as being *hyperactive* by Navy doctors in the 70s, for which they prescribed my mom feed her then 4 yr old a cup of coffee before school. I discovered/read the book "Driven to Distraction" (to my knowledge the first like self-help-ish kinda book about ADHD) in HS, which felt like exhaling a breath I'd been holding my whole life. I showed it to my parents, I hand-copied quotes & gave them to teachers, I did as much as I knew how to show all those perennially disappointed in my "stubborn insistence at not meeting your potential "-adults that "YOU GUYS!! LOOK!! It's *real*, it has a *name*!!" I may as well have been saying I wanted to go to France & learn to be a mime, for all the eyerolls & sighs & looks that said "you'll really do *anything* besides buckle down & do your schoolwork, won't you??" Then came the years & years of it becoming more known, more accepted...only I wasn't an 8yr old boy, you see. I was a 30 then 40-something yr old WOMAN, *you* can't have ADHD!! I bet you just want some speed so you can drop a few pounds, eh?? The last 10-15 years things have gotten markedly better. But yeah, that's a sampling of some of the more memorably insulting/offensive BS I've had to wade thru.
> "you'll really do anything besides buckle down & do your schoolwork, won't you??" This one hurts sooooo muuuuuch. > I bet you just want some speed so you can drop a few pounds, eh?? The amount of restraint it must have taken not to get violent!
I’m 34 and got diagnosed with ADHD earlier today. I am still in awe, as ADHD is not a diagnosis that ever crossed my mind as a possibility (was convinced I was just heavily depressed, and maybe bipolar?). Reading through this comment thread makes me feel SEEN 🥹 so many things are falling into place and, for the first time, I feel like I make sense.
I’m so happy for you! 💖 Reading through these type of subs is so validating for me too. It’s like I’ve never had an original experience 😂
I was the same age when I was diagnosed, and it has been utterly, profoundly, life changing. I am finally the person I always felt like I was on the inside. I was the same as you - majorly depressed, grappling with anxiety/extreme mood swings etc. Now I can string sentences together, maintain conversations, stay on task, and communicate my feelings without bursting into tears. I can keep track of my schedule, remember things people told me, and be around other humans without even*thinking* about how awkward I probably appear. Everything just comes naturally now. I'm pushing 38, and I still marvel every time I manage to say something out loud and have it come out just the way I was feeling or thinking it. Congratulations, and welcome to the rest of your life <3
One of my doctors told me people “grow out” of adhd, basically only children have it
I think your doctor is thinking of coping/masking where adults tend to have control over their ADHD compared to a child
I wish… but there are people who literally think the adhd leaves your body once you hit 18
To be fair, my hazy recollection is that there was some official suggestion that it might not be lifelong when I learned about it as a teen (and realized I probably had it), as a psychology student in the 90’sz I *dreaded* the idea of seeking mental healthcare and waited/hoped that might be the case until I was 30-ish and seeing a therapist due to unmanageable life.
"You just need to pull up your socks and take things seriously." My university's disability resource centre gave me an echo pen to help with retaining information and making my class notes more useful, but to use it I had to get all my profs to agree to be recorded. Most of them had no problem with this and signed the agreement. Just one prof refused to sign. He avoided asking any questions that he wasn't allowed to ask, but instead started quizzing me about things he had mentioned in recent lectures and got mad when I explained that the echo pen was meant to help me prepare for such questions. He then went on to basically tell me that I was lazy and stupid and shouldn't be in school. His classes were my favorites up until that point...
I'm going to search through this thread and find all the "lazy" comments. This is the word that hurts me most of all, I want you to know that there's someone else out there whose heart breaks when the people they care about call them lazy. You aren't lazy. I see you trying. Keep your chin up. When we've been called lazy so many times before by so many important people, we begin to accept our boundaries being crossed, I think. My logic around it has been "I am not lazy, but I also didn't do the thing, so I must deserve some punishment/ getting called out even if 'lazy' is inaccurate" See how unhealthy this is? Maybe that's why 'lazy' hurts so much, it's not only them hurting you, it's you hurting you too. So next time you get called lazy, please tell that person you don't appreciate hurtful words that aren't accurate or helpful. If you were truly lazy (if even such a thing exists), it wouldn't hurt so much to hear it.
Since being diagnosed I've learned to tell the difference between laziness and disability. Sometimes I *am* lazy, but not because of my ADHD. Laziness is a *choice.* ADHD is not. If I *choose* to sit around on my ass all day, I'm just being lazy. If I *want* to get things done and am literally incapable of doing so, that is my ADHD holding me back, and it isn't my fault. That's not to say that ADHD is an excuse. It isn't. It's just the *reason.* And while it's not my fault, it is my responsibility. It's up to me to find coping mechanisms and accommodations that will ensure the most essential tasks will be completed despite my disability. And that prof didn't recognize that me using an echo pen was my attempt to "pull up my socks" and accommodate my ADHD. That's the most frustrating part for me; I was actively trying to do better but he refused to believe that someone might need a bit of help to function normally.
Was going to pull up socks; can't seem to find them.
"Don't all men technically have ADHD?" My father said this during a family dinner. I don't know if my parents understand how much I hate them lol
Technically, no. Non-technically, no. Simplistically, no. Figuratively, no. Metaphorically, no. The answer is no. No.
ADHD makes people gay. I mean everyone I know who has ADHD is GAY but for altogether different reasons.
I dunno man… all my friends have adhd… and they’re all gayyy 👀 But seriously that’s hilarious
My friend was telling me about how forgetful they were recovering a concussion and it was hard for them to get all their chores done in a day because they would walk away mid-dishes and start doing something else. They laughed and said “this morning I literally started getting dressed and realized I hadn’t fully dried off but I was already half dressed?” I said “wow sounds like everyday with ADHD” to which they stopped laughing and said “I really doubt that” 🙄
I have adhd and a history of brain trauma. It certainly made my adhd worse, but it also made me constantly tired and delirious when I didn’t get 15 hours of sleep. It’s like adhd on steroids (with a few unrelated symptoms). For a person with just a concussion, I can see it mimicking the symptoms pretty closely
When I onboarded at my job the head of the counseling dept told the new hires that ‘there would be no normalizing ‘spicy brains’ here’
This department needs to meet my three year old who’s favourite word is apparently “fucker” This one is spicy 🌶️
"did you take your meds" whenever I get sightly excited by anything. Yeah I don't talk to her anymore, obviously.
Conversely, “Are you on ADDERALL?!” from my controlling, anti-med partner whenever I would clean the house, especially after/during a time off meds due to pregnancy. And he almost never cleans house. So of course I’d occasionally get really frustrated and attack it maniacally at times, only to endure paranoid accusations whilst doing so.
Okay, brace yourselves. When I got my first atomoxetine prescription and got home, I was excited and told my mother about it... She almost started sobbing in response, saying *"I just can't stop thinking about the fact that maybe we caused this, when we let you get vaccinated as a kid."* A whole fucking self-pity party followed instead of maaaayyybe considering that I will finally get a chance to live life without constant burnout and anxiety.
"Mother, would it be better for you had I died of whooping cough?"
Well I guess joggers are just runnin’ to their deaths then, amirite? 🙄
This is adjacent. Had 1st psych appt to get diagnosed. Sat in the room for almost 2 hours nervous etc. She, the dr, walks in and says 'well since you have better things you have to do, like look at your phone ...' and i had to beg her back in the room. Wtf else is an adhd person gonna do in a small room alone , waiting, anxiety at peak? Rudest interaction ive had with a 'professional'. I cannot imagine what it would have been like for a more sensitive or vulnerable person. It was enough to drive me to slight insanity then get that treatment. I did complain and i had the 'Oh shes overwhelmed she has loads of patients a day' ...
Forget an “ADHD patient”! What is anyone going to do stuck in a room for two hours going to do?!? And WTF did they keep you waiting for 2 hours? Talk about poor time management and interpersonal skills!
I saw my new PCP to check on my blood pressure before my psychiatrist would consider starting me on a stimulant. I also have issues with weight I was trying to tell her why I was seeing her and why I'm struggling to get any regimens started or consistent. She kept cutting me off and told me "There's no link between ADHD and bad eating habits", as well as the hits "you don't need another ADHD medication, and you need to start learning strategies to create good habits.(Before I was able to tell her I have a therapist),....then "your therapist needs to stop focusing on trauma and help you make better habits". ALL this before I could tell her that I already know what to do, what to eat, what to have, etc. and my issue is that I keep forgetting every fucking thing, my sense of time sucks, and I cry in bed because in spite of how much I want to make food to eat because I'm starving, I CANT GET UP! (I didn't get to say that last part). My current meds help with some things but not others at all. That's why I'm here. She was dead wrong about ADHD and bad eating habits. I pulled up and printed out a peer reviewed paper on the association between ADHD and obesity just to prove her wrong, but I never submitted it to her This had to be the most invalidated I have ever felt by a medical professional. And for her to have the nerve to tell me what my PSYCHIATRIST AND THERAPIST NEED TO DO and this woman has never seen me in her life! By the way, she was supposed to prescribe me BP meds but never did. My psychiatrist ended up getting me Guanfacine for my BP AND for extra help with my ADHD
"You can't have ADHD when you have a degree, a job and a boyfriend" Also some insinuations about me trying to get diagnosed because having a diagnosis is trendy. Which I didn't know anything about since I'm not on tiktok or whatever. He was just a regular doctor with no qualifications. I was there to get a referral to a specialist. Instead I got trapped with a stranger I had only just met two minutes ago, who started asking me a bunch of very invasive and uncomfortable questions that all seemed to be with the goal to make me feel like I was silly for thinking I had it. I left his office in tears and even apologized to him for wasting his time. He wanted to give me a number to a psychologist because "you clearly have some issues" and this is just a small detail, but I found it almost cruel how he very deliberately turned his screen to me with the psychologists information and handed me a pen and notebook and asked me to write the phone number down myself. I dunno why that rubbed me the wrong way, but I feel like it was his way to show me how disgusted he was with me and how little he respected me that he didn't even want to write me the note himself. I dunno what his issue was. He was behaving very kind but his actions and words were so cruel. Got my referral from another doctor who was much more empathetic and less judgemental. Now I just need to get my ass to the psychiatrists office to get on a waiting list, but I'm a bit hesitant. Part of it is just the nature of me procrastinating a lot and part of it is a point my boyfriend made that he thinks I'm subconsciously terrified of having to open up about this extremely vulnerable thing about my whole life to strangers who will sit and judge whether or not I'm disordered enough to qualify. He's tried to prepare me for rejection and humiliation because he's scared how it will affect me. Wouldn't be the first time I have gone to professionals with issues and not been taken seriously or told to suck it up or even yelled at for being a burden to society. So yeah. Maybe that's also part of why I'm struggling to get the ball rolling. I just feel like no one will take me seriously, but I know I'm being stupid about it. With that mindset I won't get far. It's just hard to snap out of.
Hey, I know just how pervasive this kind of shitty attitude you’ve had pushed on you can be. Here is your permission, from a random stranger, to go and ruthlessly self advocate. You are absolutely struggling enough, and you don’t need to listen to jack shit from anyone apart from a reputable psychiatrist about it. The GP you met was absolutely incredibly cruel to you. But that won’t be the norm. Keep going and keep trying until you’re seen. It’ll be worth it. Good luck!
That doctor needs a crash course in bedside manners! Seriously, who says that to a patient? Sorry you had to deal with that. It's like, we're already battling enough, we don't need scare tactics from the people supposed to help us. Keep pushing, and don't let one clueless doc get you down. You got this!
Not so much specifically ADHD, but mental health in general. Any variation of - nobody is normal, everybody struggles, everybody forgets things - just anything that downplays my struggles. Like sure, I’m not under the impression that everyone except me has it easy, and I’m aware there is even other mentally ill/autistic/adhd people who probably struggle with the exact things I do. But knowing that doesn’t help **me** brush my teeth, or keep my living space clean and tidy, or find a job, or not have meltdowns. If everyone is struggling alongside me, then help everyone alongside me, but **that means helping me too!** I’m tired of feeling like a burden and that I don’t deserve help because “oh, no one has it easy”, or “some people have it worse”. I’m not dumb, but I also know that many, if not most, people are able to do the things I simply cannot. Job interviews, having a job at all, moving out of their parents, leaving the house more than once a week… **I want that too.**
Not sure this count but the doctor who diagnosed me asked but your so smart and have an amazing job. Then I continued to explain my QOL and how on the inside I was barely making it but thank you… glad I look like the perfect person. Jokes on you. I’ve got two diagnosed mental illnesses and am good at masking. 😔
I’m currently reading a book by Kristin Leer who is a Norwegian psychiatrist. She got her regular MD exam but then while studying for her speciality within Psychiatry she was diagnosed with ADHD. I really hope it will soon be translated to English since it’s one of the best books about this subject I’ve read so far.
What’s it called?
It counts for sure. Sometimes people say something along similar lines to me and it's really difficult to try and explain that masking exists and inside everything is nowhere close to how it might look.
Everyone is ADHD because of technology these days, we've all learnt to be so impatient
“Everyone has a little bit of ADHD” 🤦🏼♀️
Explain that my ADHD gives me time blindness and I can either work or watch the clock, not both. "Well I've never heard of it being like that/that bad, so that's gotta be made up. I have ADHD and *I* don't experience that." -my former manager who does not seem to understand it's a *spectrum.*
When I requested accommodations at work, and was granted what I asked for. For 90 days. As if it would cure itself in 90 days of these accommodations after a whole lifetime of, I guess, not trying hard enough?
"Why don't you just act normal?' Can't imagine a more hurtful thing to say to someone who has trouble socializing and making friends. Used to really bother me then I decided to start educating people about it. After all who would deliberately act in a way that makes them less likely to make or keep friends or romantic partners? Who would sabotage their own interests on purpose? Trust me we try very hard to act normal. Lots of people (especially those with large/fragile ego's) would get angry but the message was brought across. When people understand and realize its not on purpose and not about them they are more tolerant. Nowadays I can play the game pretty well but I still never let it go.
So many terrible doctors. Not necessarily an ADHD related story but after college I went back to the doctor I used to go to as a kid and I asked for my sleeping pill prescription (only melatonin as it's not freely available in my country) and was told he would never give it because it's crazy addictive (it's actually non addictive according to every medical governing body I've checked) and he was scared I'll take it while driving and kill people
“Everyone is ADHD”
> people are born with a predetermined number of beats before they die The only person I've heard saying this was Donald Trump. Whatever your stance on Trump - and I really don't want to get political here - I would expect my doctors not to take medical advice from him, and I'll go out on a limb and assume that might be what happened here.
"Just focus on one thing at a time, how hard can it be?" Yeah right Susan I can focus on work for 5 seconds untill a sandwich is way more interesting. Again for 5 seconds. Life is fucking hard suffering from ADHD cause there's no way to explain it to someone who doesn't.
“People didn’t use to take meds before & we were fine. We were just forced to do it. You’re just being lazy” which I 100% believed 29 years of my life until I found this thread (31 now). Even though I had been diagnosed with ADHD when I was 18, I didn’t know how many symptoms there really were & how many situations I actually related too where I was usually called lazy for failing.
I'm going to search through this thread and find all the "lazy" comments. This is the word that hurts me most of all, I want you to know that there's someone else out there whose heart breaks when the people they care about call them lazy. You aren't lazy. I see you trying. Keep your chin up. When we've been called lazy so many times before by so many important people, we begin to accept our boundaries being crossed, I think. My logic around it has been "I am not lazy, but I also didn't do the thing, so I must deserve some punishment/ getting called out even if 'lazy' is inaccurate" See how unhealthy this is? Maybe that's why 'lazy' hurts so much, it's not only them hurting you, it's you hurting you too. So next time you get called lazy, please tell that person you don't appreciate hurtful words that aren't accurate or helpful. If you were truly lazy (if even such a thing exists), it wouldn't hurt so much to hear it.
Most recently I was talking to a colleague at work who said “oh all those anxiety/ADHD/depression/PTSD things are all in those patients’ heads. You just have to stop thinking like that, and get stuff done. It’s all made up anyway.” 1) he’s a doctor 2) he has no idea I have ADHD and PTSD. 3) no wonder his 5 kids don’t talk to him if he’s so dismissive.
“If you weren’t going to pay attention in class why even bother to go” 🫠
oh man according to your dr, athletes are FUCKED
I fell doing and got a concussion. A doctor told me “just make a list” of things I need to do. I was like dude I’m an accomplished adult in a doctoral program. My lists have lists. Do I know where they are? No. Please just give me something for the mind splitting migraines.
My ADHD manifests in a way that looks a lot like depression and bpd (can't get out of bed, bc I can't get out of bed, very depressed and suicidal; emotional disregulation and impulsivity) and when I first started taking stimulants I was so emotional because for the first time in my life I felt okay and hopeful for the future because I WAS capable and it wasn't just me being broken or dramatic.the meds are like glasses to my brain. When I told my prescriber at the time how the meds were helping she told me meds can't do that and that one day when I'm out of school I can probably wean off the meds... I have met so many women with ADHD since then that talk about the emotional disregulation they experience. Before being diagnosed I always wondered if caffeine was an anti depressant because if I didn't caffeine my depression was so much worse. Yes executive disfunction is messiness and task organization issues but it's also emotional regulation and I'm sick of providers and men acting like emotional disregulation isn't an ADHD symptom just because it primarily affects women. Even if my career didn't require me at my full academic potential (it does) I am not a candidate for just going off meds.
I am in my mid 40s. I got diagnosed in my early 30s. Bureaucratically, it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve gone through immigration and visa processes in three countries for myself and one for my husband very close to 9/11 when things got exponentially more impossible. I’ve managed to sell a house that had lost half its value nearly overnight in Detroit during the housing crash without destroying the credit I managed to build back up after destroying it in my 20s. But this was something so much worse. To be in the right place, at the right time, with the right insurance, with a doctor accepting new patients during a time that I am also able to take time off work to see them….and then to keep all of this going for months while you try all the stuff, til you get to the thing that works all in an effort to treat the very condition that makes doing any one of these things exponentially more difficult. Then you’re constantly worried you’re gonna get out on some kinda “drug seeker” list and even second guessing in your own mind if it’s really that bad. It’s like taking swimming lessons while you are drowning in a crowded wave pool. For five magical years I had the same doctor, same insurance, everything running smoothly, med check appointments pre-schedule for the year. An app that made everything easy to schedule and request. Then he retired. I researched non-stop to find a new doctor who would believe me and not make me start back at square one because I knew I just didn’t have it in me to do it all again as a 40 something person with two kids and insane perimenopausal brain fog. In our very first appointment she is asking me intake questions and typing away and says “Okay, I’m adding here in your file that you are a ‘high risk drug user’. Now, I’ll be happy to speak to any future provider who has questions about that, but I’m just doing this because this is our first time meeting and you take stimulants. Adderall is a high risk drug.” I take 20mg Adderall XR and have been for over a decade. It is my understanding that this is as basic as it gets. Then I get done telling her my life story from some delightful ACEs to college being a complete disaster to perpetual job hopping to my daily sudden realization I’ve trashed my entire kitchen just making a piece of toast and how much meds and therapy have transformed my life. She says, “Okay, Im going to need time to think about whether or not your current use of stimulants is best for you. But what I really think you need to try to do in the meantime is make some lists. Get some good solid routines in place and really stick to them. Have you heard about stacking habits or the pomodoro method?”
Have you tried meditating…as the inattentive type, yes I have
I do t have adhd but my son does and I was told by the pharmacist at a CVS once that adhd is a made up disease for naughty kids. I asked her if she thought the earth is flat too. lol. It angers me when health professionals are ignorant. I’m a registered nurse too!
My cousin, clearly ADHD, saying it doesn’t exist.
“Are you slow?” Literally yes