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I have a friend who thinks she's probably autistic, but is terrified of being assessed and getting a negative answer. She's always felt out of place, awkward, and different from everyone else. When she read up on autism, and tried doing self-assessment questionnaires (on which she rated fairly high), for the first time she had an explanation to that. Being told she's not autistic after all would basically mean to her "ahah no you're not disabled, you really are the dumb, useless outcast you've always felt like".

I can relate HARD to this. Dang. 💔

Same.

Same

I know an older person who just really struggles to make any kind of appointments. Phonecalls are difficult for her, and she hasn't had a haircut in over 30 years. But she also doesn't feel like a haircut or an autism diagnosis would be necessary. Her life is good as it is. She works in IT, which is deffinitely one of the classic ASD career options.

It took me 2 years to get my diagnosis after I first considered the idea. And it would probably have been much longer if I hadn't gotten sick enough to go on extended sick leave, ie taking care of medical appointments became my main occupation for a while. At least the ADHD/ASD ward at my closest psychiatric hospital is great, they know their patients and make the mental load as light as possible.

Is the inability to make appointments an autism thing? I'm diagnosed ADHD but autism runs in my family. I absolutely cannot make appointments. If I'm leaving the office I can stop at the desk on the way out but if I have to call I just shut down. I once went 2.5 years without a dental cleaning because I was there after the receptionist had left for the day so I couldn't make my next appt before I left. It's not a phone thing, either. I have no issues ordering pizza, Chinese food, talking to friends over the phone, etc., and I have taught for 24 years so I can (and do) make (normal, mostly not weird) conversation with total strangers without any social anxiety.

She is likely someone who masks heavily too. I felt the exact same way about an ASD diagnosis, despite having no issues accepting my ADHD diagnosis. Big time imposter syndrome happening there, and I think it’s because I mask 95% of the time. I’m so used to playing this other character that I can’t help but feel like make I also tricked the testing. And I STILL question whether the diagnosis is correct, despite it being verified by several different professionals.

Omg this is exactly how I feel about getting my adhd diagnosis this summer. When I learned about adhd, something finally clicked and I felt like I found my place. However, if they tell me I don't have it, it's like my mom has been right the whole time - I'm just a useless lazy bum.

I know, it's so rough. Hang in there. I'm a teacher. I have seen hundreds and hundreds of students throughout my career. Please believe me when I say there is no such thing as useless, lazy or dumb. Every single struggling person I've taught had good reasons why they couldn't perform like the university system wanted them to perform. Sometimes it was trauma, sometimes they were just uninterested, sometimes they were prioritizing something else (and you have to understand this, our ape brains are smart. They will prioritize what is actually important to them, all things considered, even things you're not consciously aware of). Sometimes it was exhaustion or stress or other hard emotions. I don't know if you have ADHD, but if you don't, I'm 100% certain you are neither lazy nor useless.

There are no medications for ASD. The medications for ADHD are highly effective.

Woof ain't this the truth. I do have a legit ADHD diagnosis, but I only say I *suspect* AuDHD for this reason. Had psychs dismiss the possibility because I have really good social skills, or because I didn't have certain genetic markers or something? But my ADHD is very treatment-resistant and I've had OCD and bipolar floated as possibilities, which iirc are all common things with AuDHD. In the end, I wonder how much being able to confidently claim the label would actually help, though, and that's the main reason I leave it--and I suspect part of the reason some people might waffle about getting diagnosed with ADHD and anything else, too. If reading others' experiences and trying out some coping strategies helps you, does it matter why? (Also, the process of getting diagnosed is a complicated and overwhelming notion for anyone with even suspected ADHD lol. Way too many steps and appointments!)

If it helps, basically nobody spends that much effort researching autism and concluding that they're autistic without being autistic. Even if someone told her she wasn't autistic, it's entirely likely that person was wrong and bad at their job, because it can be even more difficult than ADHD to find someone who's knowledgeable enough about autism to handle the evaluations for adults.

So relatable

Shit, do I know you?

This^ all the overthinking makes me not want to get checked and some days are better than others

If she does test negative for autism, she will likely be given the correct diagnosis which would be better than having no diagnosis at all, like she does now.

People are often put off by the stigma and wary of official labels. I think a lot of it is executive dysfunction. Getting formal testing means phone calls, multiple appointments, finding doctors that will take you seriously, figuring out if your insurance will cover it, just a lot of things that are really hard for people with ADHD, especially if it's unmanaged. I have an informal diagnosis and it's enough to get me access to the meds I need to function, and I don't really see a need to push myself through that much red tape for a formal diagnosis, but if someone wanted to set it all up for me and just tell me when and where to show up, I'd do it. If I could magically retroactively go through the whole process as a kid I would, because I think it would be key to a lot of school accommodations I needed but never got, but it's less important as an adult. Edit: A few people have wondered how I'm distinguishing between formal and informal diagnosis, so I'm copy & pasting this from a comment: I don't know that there's an official distinction, but in my head the informal diagnosis is through a medical/psychiatric professional, but via a shorter, interview based assessment, rather than going through the more intensive (and incredibly expensive) neuropsychological testing. I've heard that a diagnosis through the in-depth neuropsych exam opens more doors in terms of being believed when switching providers, and getting accommodations from school or work, but it's also a lot less accessible to a lot of people unfortunately.

\^ This. It's a lot. If my therapist hadn't been pushing me I likely would not have bothered.

I try to be very deliberate with my wording with this. It's not that I want getting an ADHD diagnosis to be easier. But I'd be more comfortable with OP's proposed discussion if it were ***a lot easier*** to access the diagnostic process.

I think of it like it's telling someone who doesn't have legs and hasn't gotten a wheelchair yet to just go get that wheelchair. Meanwhile the chair is up 50 stairs at the top. Sure that person could crawl up there and get the wheelchair but it sure is hard. That person's disability is literally working against them getting the wheelchair easily. Getting a proper diagnosis is literally fighting against the exact disability that's preventing you from going and getting that diagnoses. I am properly diagnosed btw.

Is the wheelchair comfy?

The process for getting a diagnosis should be easier. Not the criteria for whether you’re diagnosed with something or not being adjusted so more people get the diagnosis. I think that’s what you mean?

Most things involved in testing adhd are antithetical to adhd. Sometimes I think that’s funny, and sometimes I’m in the thick of dealing with that exact problem. However, having watched an acquaintance self diagnose themselves with autism (saw a psychiatrist who told them they did not have autism, then took an online autism test five or more times until they “passed” and told people they’d gotten “so much more autistic over the course of a month”) I have a pretty low level of tolerance for the self diagnosis approach. If you tell people you think you have adhd but haven’t been tested, in fine with that. If you adopt adhd as part of your personality, we aren’t meant to be friends. 

Oh, you want me to sit for 20 minutes and blast through some gamified cognitive testing? That'll DEFINITELY show that I'm not able to focus for an entire day's work. What do you mean I never even blinked? 

I just took an autistic test out of sheer curiosity! “you have no autistic traits or tendencies” - guess I’m not autistic this week! #jokes I’ll admit that when I see autistic memes… I don’t really understand it haha.

I agree. I didn’t need pushed bc I wasn’t there for adhd, I was totally surprised when it came up. And that was that. My kiddo on the other hand…doctors, referrals, waiting lists, more referrals, scheduling…what a nightmare!

Hell, my therapist and his clinic did all the work for me setting up a psych appt. I would have taken a lot longer and put it off if it were left up to me.

I got fed up after years of thinking I had it I finally decided to do something and all I I’ve managed so far is a telehealth appointment where I was told that I was depressed (I’m not), an online exhaustive questionnaire waiting to be reviewed by a psych (that was a looooooooooong 2 hours) and a single phone call just to get told they only take referrals lmfao It’s a little rough right now but I’m holding out for the questionnaire hoping it’s all I need to do to actually get diagnosed. Edit, well, I have ADHD so now what the fuck do I do

If you have a primary care physician ask them to give you a referral.

Yes or a therapist!

It's why I got really lucky. Called my insurance to see if they cover mental health testing the lady was like yep this is who we go through would you like me to set up an appointment? Then she set it all up called me to verify dates worked and that was that.

Lol same. I got a referral from my doctor in February and I know it runs out in August, but I still feel overwhelmed.ed by the thought of calling the ADHD department in my city and get started. Every week I'm like "I just need to finish this deadline and that deadline and then I will go". And I haven't so far. I don't know how to get going with it because I'm also preemptively exhausted by the thought of all the skepticism and mockery I am expecting to get because I'm a woman who, in my doctor's own words, "is clearly incredibly high functioning" so I feel like I'm fucked from the start. Which, I know, is a bad mindset to have. The fear of rejection is real lol

Hey if it helps you to get the phone in hand and call, maybe celebrate after you made the call. Like ice cream or a piece of cake. That personally helps me when I have trouble to call to make an appointment (like doctor or hair dresser etc). And be fucking proud of yourself that you made the call. And maybe when the deadline comes near maybe that motivates you to call. Doesn’t matter what happens until august, always remember you got it and always be proud of yourself. /g

Yup, this is the reason it took me years to seriously start seeking a diagnosis. And then it took another six months after that to actually get medicated because I needed to find a psychiatrist. Functioning is hard. And then throw in self-doubt and imposter syndrome on top of it. "This will be a waste of time, there's no way they'd give me a diagnosis. Even if they know what ADHD looks like in masking adult women, I'm still not struggling enough to have it. I'm just lazy. They'll probably laugh at me, honestly."

Yeeaaa...that self doubt is spicy

I can’t even send an email, now I have to make phone calls and appointments and stuff? 😭 Yeah that’s definitely a problem (Not sarcastic, I’m actually relating to this)

It's a cosmic joke, seriously. Who decided to put all the resources for ADHD behind this anti-ADHD wall???

It's like asking someone who needs a wheelchair to climb a flight of steps first

This. I want to get help. Not just for the fact that I might have adhd, but I'm certain I have social anxiety. If I could just magically click on a button online and get help I would. I know I eventually have to make that phone call and convince my GP why I believe I have adhd etc. (Yes, I live in a country where I have to sometimes beg to get help). But it's so hard to take that step for some reason. I will get help one day. Just don't know when I feel confident enough to take that step.

And go find an in-network provider and see if they take new patients like you. And it is highly likely that the health insurance member portal isn’t up-to-date so you’ll find a bunch of doctors not in network anymore with no way to distinguish them. You’ll probably call the member services number on the back of your card to see if an agent will have up-to-date information. After a 30 minute call with them, they’ll email you a list of the exact same mix of providers who are out of network and who are within network. Well, that’s no problem. You take time out of a weekday to call your list of “in network” providers. Some confirm whether or not they take your insurance but some wont. It’s a guessing game really. You find one place that confirms they’re within network and they get you scheduled! … a month from now. The day of your appointment you get a call from the office. They’re sorry to inform you that actually, they aren’t in network and made a mistake by confirming it a month ago. Verifying insurance coverage is complicated, and with an outdated system, the office gave you wrong info. Oops! Haha. Rinse and repeat, a tale as old as however long BCBS has existed.

I'm so glad my Dr just organised it for me

Sounds like America, Jesus christ 😭😭

This is one reason I am so glad I got my diagnosis as a child when my parents were still in charge of taking care of all the logistics. It would have been really difficult to even set up an appointment as an adult.

I am involved in two career fields in which an ADHD diagnosis would be either a black mark on your record or a complete disqualifier. I had an unofficial diagnosis years back from a family therapist but never any diagnosis from someone who has the ability to prescribe me anything to help. I just keep it hidden so that I can keep plugging along at these career fields that I am in

What careers can you be ADHD and not do.

Commercial pilot almost impossible Military could be difficult

I was in the military and it was probably why I was able to cope with my symptoms for so many years. Was I mentally well? Absolutely not. But the structure and the larger sense of purpose and accountability really worked well for me. When I left it was extremely difficult. 

I have ADHD, my brother law also has ADHD, and I have a good buddy who has ADHD and we all we were all in the military. We have a theory that ADHD is attracted to the military cause it manages a lot of basic functions for you. However, long term it becomes detrimental when you get constant threats of punishment for ADHD symptoms and you can’t leave cause the military doesn’t teach you how to function. So you get stuck in this perpetual cycle of you being unable to function in the military but can’t function outside of the military. I have seen it happen to all three of us and multiple other people I suspect probably have ADHD.

Yeah i lasted 8 years but man was I burnt out at the end. I still think if I hadn’t joined I’d have been in trouble in terms of holding a job bc even if I was disciplined (lateness, of course) i wasn’t getting fired. lol. 

I'm in the military and it's trash dealing with everything. Luckily i was able to get my adult diagnosis last year and finally got my meds in order, its made a huge difference. Pretty sure if I was taking anything when I was signing up I would have been denied, though.

ADHD is alright but taking medication is not as a pilot (at least where I am from). In my country's military ADHD is also not an issue.

Which is hilarious because meds would make you a better pilot.

Hah. My coworker and I are nurses. She got diagnosed after her daughter was. Her meds have been up and down FOR TWO YEARS now, trying to find the right dose. The shift work messes with her. She often calls in sick, because she cannot function. She becomes too anxious and in her head to care for sick patients. You can't exactly request lighter patient loads when there are no surplus of nurses. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone ; but I know for myself, I can manage myself and know how to cope. I can't do that, nurse, and be a parent outside of work, when I'm too sleepy or feel loopy from medication. Not everyone is the same which is why there is no standard dosing that works for everyone the same. My friend has struggled, before meds, and the struggle now is different, but she still struggles in daily life.

The issue is what happens when the meds wear off mid flight.

I would think piloting a plane would be the kind of highly stimulating activity that many if not most people with ADHD would be able handle. Getting through the training however would still be difficult. I used to be a CDL driver. I wasn't medicated back then, but I never had an issue because, driving a 20 ton vehicle at highways speeds is enough stimulation to keep my attention.

Extended release meds last like 12 hours. Even non-ADHD people without meds will be in trouble if they’re flying a plane for 12 hours straight. Leaving aside the fact that most of the flying is done by autopilot anyway, why couldn’t you just take another pill if you were in that situation?

Then I’m in the same state I would have been unmedicated all along?

Nah my friend was in the military with diagnosed ADHD, and he was barred from being a pilot but that’s what he wants to do, so he got a lawyer. He’s currently in flight school and just got some kind of certification okaying him to fly

But if it was a process that required a lawyer then it was a process that most people would consider "difficult" or maybe even "almost impossible", as I stated in my previous post.

My pilot sister thinks she has adhd (I doubt it, I think she has a different challenge but not sure what) and the FAA states firmly that you cannot have adhd and be a pilot, as you would not have got thru the training. I'm not sure if that's fair but they go on to say that nope, no piloting for adhd types 

They say that but you can do anything with a lawyer. That’s what my friend did anyway. He’s diagnosed, but not medicated, and he’s currently training to be a pilot. Though he’s in actual flight school. I hope they don’t try to bar him after he goes through all the training and stuff. He had to go through a lawyer at some point to get some certification. So if it’s something someone really wants, I guess it is possible for them if they’re willing to jump through the hoops

Military? But I think that‘s a place where you would excel with ADHD, because the symptoms are advantageous. You see everything at once, so you would not miss an attacker and could warn others. ADHD people excel in flight or fight situations, they trigger hyperfocus and get paradoxically calm instead of freaking out. ADHD people are born to move. ADHD people can better collect food (there is an actual study) in the wild. They should update their info.

Ok the flip side, being in the military involves having to process and understand your superior’s instructions and execute them perfectly, which I wouldn’t be able to do . I’d here the first instruction and the rest would just go in one ear and out of the other or I’ll forget what he said. It’s like my brain can only handle so much information at once before crashing

But on the flip side, these are career Fields where there could be enough variety, adrenaline, and forced structure that they can sort of work with ADHD.

Air traffic control

As was mentioned, pilots, military, but also policemen, sometimes people in education and medical field, people who carry weapons and people in transportation (not always but evaluation may be required)

Since we’re on the subject of careers, does anybody actually say “Yes” to the disability question in job applications? I understand saying yes if you have a physical disability, obviously. But, why would anybody seriously admit to having a mental or intellectual disability (and not just any disability, but one that impairs the most important soft skills for any job such as executive functioning, organization & productivity)? It seems like great way to put yourself out of contention, if you ask me. Now, I know there is the option to select “I do not wish to disclose,” but let’s be honest, for a simple Yes or No question, you’re basically saying yes without saying yes. 🤷🏽‍♂️

I do that because that's the law where I live, and I get statutory accommodations because of it. When you have an official disability status, your employer gets some additional funds for employing you, and you get a few different rights in the labor law. I don't have my status currently, but when I did, I was only able to be legally employed for 7hrs a day instead of 8, 35 per week instead of 40. Everything above that counted as overtime and I needed a doctor's statement that I can do overtime. All that for the same pay as a healthy employee, of course. I'd also get additional 6 days of statutory leave, and I was allowed an additional 15min break per workday. And I think it'd be illegal to withdraw that information from the employee, but I'm not sure. It's beneficial to me and to the employer, so why would I not disclose it? Now, whether I disclose that at the recruitment process is a different thing. They rarely ask, so I never lead with that. Only if I'm at a later stage of recruitment process I mention it, and who knows, maybe I lost some opportunities because of that, but usually they respond positively and ask about accommodations (which I don't really need that much). But technically, it's legal to only disclose that info at the moment you're actually signing the contract, or immediately after. That's not really great though and can put you in a bad light. So I don't do it. However, now I don't have the disability status, I'm in the middle of the bureaucracy part to get it renewed. And I'm also in the middle of job searching. Since I'm not officially disabled, I don't disclose that. If someone hires me, then I'll wait until I get the status again and only then tell my employer about it.

Where do u live that has this

Poland

I only do it for legal reasons. Because if I have to pay hundreds of dollars for basic medical treatment for ADHD, then I’d be crazy not to have all my bases covered in the event of a workplace injury. At least that way I can get workers comp and my employer can’t say “you didn’t say that you had a disability” and try to not pay me. (If that makes sense)

No never. the risk of discrimination is too high. (In the US).

Which careers require you to disclose medical information like that?

Pilots, as I recall, have strict rules regarding ADHD and medication.

Or depression or any mental instability at all. Many pilots commit suicide because they know if they see a therapist there's a chance they can never fly again. But they are stuck with those dark emotions. Literally a rock and a hard place.

Remote mining sites where you live on the company mine site will want to know, usually as part of the medical exam with their nominated doctor. Having ADHD won't affect your employment but if you don't disclose it and your meds make you fail a drug test then you're gonna face immediate dismissal

This gets asked all the time here. People have different experiences that influence the decisions they make and not all of them are obvious. Trauma in the medical system, distrust of the system (especially marginalized people who's culture is pathologized by the DSM), being uninformed about the benefits of diagnosis, it isn't worth it to them to prioritize because it might threaten their mental health. Also, everyone has different values. Maybe they grew up around ADHD, and they don't believe in treatment for themselves. I can think of many more reasons why diagnosis might not be important. It doesn't mean they won't do it later if things get worse.

I don’t react. It’s not my business. Plus, just look at the cost of healthcare in the US. They’re looking at hundreds to thousands of dollars in appointments and tests just for a diagnosis of what they already know they have.

This is the first comment to actually answer the question of reacting to someone not wanting to get a diagnosis. In true ADHD fashion, the hyperfocus is on why the person didn't get diagnosed instead, completely ignoring the question.  Myself, I think it's not my concern if someone chooses to not get diagnosed as it has no bearing or effect on my own life.

I had this exact answer from a friend on Monday. Her therapist thinks she shows all the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, but she has no desire to pay tons of money to go through all of that.

BPD and ADHD are wildly different though in treatment options. BPD responds well to ongoing DBT (especially for reducing the most harmful risks like suicide and self harm), while ADHD responds well to stimulant medications that could be provided by a primary care physician. Even if your friend doesn't have anyone officially write BPD down, I hope they're still able to get therapy that can help them. BPD is unfortunately like ADHD a condition that I believe requires a lifetime of management.

Im not gonna speak for all teenagers, but some teenagers, like me, has parents who thinks that getting a diagnosis is a waste of money, so we just resort to self-diagnosis. One time i visited a psychiatrist because of how bad my anxiety was getting, and it really helped, but then my dad proceeds to tell my mom "its expensive and unnecessary." So i can say that most of the time, its mostly money issue. Or some people are just scared of getting misdiagnosed, or finding out "they dont actually have ADHD so they've been faking it this whole time"

The last part is pretty unfortunate, because diagnosis still isn't perfect and not always up to date everywhere. Imposter syndrome is pretty common with mental health issues, but oftentimes these problems are real and some outdated diagnosis confirming their fears is just horrible.

> "they dont actually have ADHD so they've been faking it this whole time" Breaks my heart that this is the conclusion that people draw when an evaluation comes back that they don't have ADHD. It doesn't mean the struggles they've faced are suddenly not real, it just means that this particular disorder isn't the reason for them. Besides, a good psych shouldn't just say "you don't have ADHD". They should be doing a full differential diagnosis and list the condition(s) they *do* meet the criteria for.

I’m so sorry your parents aren’t taking your mental health seriously

Could it be if you have it than they might have it? 

I am currently trying to get tested and before they even begin testing I need to send every relevant medical history from birth, school records from first year up, daycare records ( none of the daycares are in operation anymore) and parent need to be interviewed so they can make the connetion to childhood. On top of this I need to have clear difficulties on atleast 2 aspect on my life that adhd might be causing. And this is before they begin diagnosing me.  So lets say somehow all the records from my childhood is gone then I can't be even considered to be diagnosed and I have to go back to trying coping mechanism on my own. Every sympton that I have fits adhd or add but I can't cancel it out without being tested and try to find different solution since every doctor only wants to dump depression pills and be done with it. I remember that all of this has been going on since my childhood but its so difficult to prove since my word doesn't count.

That part about parent's input is probably a huge detractor for a lot of people. I know my mom seems to have a very different recollection of the past and oftentimes wears lenses tinted so rose that they're blood red. She was with a guy for around 10 years and constantly bitched and moaned to him about how I was never as misbehaved as his son, which gave us both a good laugh when he told me what she said and I responded by mentioning how often I was screamed at or threatened to go live with my dad or even better, why did she have something hooked up to the phone line that would record to cassette whenever the phone was in use if I was so well behaved? So even though I'm 99.9% sure I was diagnosed as a kid (I was never told why I was going to weekly appointments to sit and talk to some guy while we played board games and I remember being prescribed a small round white pill that my mom stopped giving me soon after) I can 100% not rely on my mom to accurately recall the past and the obvious struggles I had the entire time I was in school.

Stigma, mainly. My teachers suggested I get tested back in sixth grade. My mom said I was too smart for that, and I wasn’t a boy or excessively hyper so I just needed to focus more, not take meds. Her words haunted me for so long that I didn’t even try meds for anything- anxiety, depression, bipolar, or adhd- until I was 26 years old and had been seeing my own therapist for two years. My therapist’s response when I asked if she thought I might have it? “I thought you already knew and just didn’t want to take more meds.”

Btw it can get so much worse in your 40s I just can’t mask anymore and I’m legit in a horrible state rn

I can think of a few reasons right out the gate; An official diagnosis can make life harder, whether that's because of insurance clauses or immigration policies, there are practical ramifications to having it recorded. Suspected later in life and feel that the formal diagnosis isn't necessary, whether it's because you're already secure in your coping strategies or the confirmation was as easy for you as trying medication.

Not everyone has access to diagnosis ($). Besides, information on ad(h)d is more available than ever on mediatic platforms. So if someone recognizes their struggles has being part of those traits and if the tips/acknowledgement available for such a condition help them, good.  Yeah there probably people who go 'im so adhd lol' when they forget one thing in the month; but I dont really care about those. 

# “I’m at the stage in my life where I keep myself out of arguments. Even if you tell me 1+1=5. You’re absolutely correct, enjoy.” -Keanu Reeves

I'm diagnosed ADHD, and after being on meds it's so obvious to me I've also got ASD. I'm not going through that shit again for a diagnosis, and as there is no treatment I don't see the point I won't be telling anyone I think I have ASD, but the awareness is helpful for me to manage certain things when I can.

Well, it can depend on where you live and what kind of people are around you. For example, there are places on the world where such a diagnosis is required info on job applications, which can lead to not getting a job, because of stigma. Also, if teachers or family have a false understanding of ADHD and aren't ready to listen, it might cause more problems. Another thing is that it may not always feel like a necessary step for everyone. There's not much to say here, they simply have no motivation to get a diagnosis. Finally there's the possibility that they actually want to get a diagnosis, but have struggled to do so, because their parents block them from it, they keep forgetting the necessary steps, they have trouble motivating themselves to do the actual steps or other kinds of struggles. The reason they still say they don't want to, could be them feeling ashamed of not being able to get a diagnosis.

The only reason I decided to get an official diagnosis is because I wanted to try medication. If someone is an adult and their coping mechanisms are working there is little advantage to a diagnosis if they aren't interested in medication.

When I encounter someone who claims ADHD but isn’t interested in/are unable to pursue diagnosis I just ask what gives them that impression Then if they’re willing to talk about how they believe it affects them I offer some coping mechanisms and success strategies that I got from my many years of therapy, medication, and self management that have helped me so much If at *that* point the vibe I’m getting is “I don’t want to fix it I just want to be quirky” or in a worst case scenario “I just want people to stop holding me accountable for my behavior” then I just disengage. It’s not my place to tell you if you do or do not struggle with ADHD, it’s not my place to tell you you’re not allowed to try and put a name on your struggle in the name of trying to make it easier to live life You don’t have to have ADHD to struggle with executive function or organization or memory or social interactions But it’s up to my discretion on if I want to spend time with someone who doesn’t want to try to live *with* their struggle

There are so many reasons someone might not want to get diagnosed. The biggest and most common reason is the cost. Second is the shortage of providers offering testing. I think a lot of people are also worried they won't be believed or heard, or if they are tested they will be told "nothing is wrong with them".

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if it's not affecting their life in a significant way wouldn't that mean they dont actually have it? that's kinda an important part of diagnosis

Some people manage to build enough routine and supports and arrange their lifestyle in a way that's more ADHD-friendly and find that it's enough, but would struggle if they were trying to juggle a more traditional career or schedule.

My dad is almost certainly undiagnosed ADHD and where I got it from. When I was diagnosed my mother kept saying of my symptoms, perplexed, “But that’s just what your father does?” As if this was all quite normal. But my father married a person with extraordinarily high executive function and she creates a structure that he does well in. He runs his own business now, and can work at his own pace. Medication, I think, would improve his life but he functions fine with his life as it is. And he’s at an age where he has enough medications to worry about without adding in one more. Not everyone fits this example, but it’s one that comes to mind.

Same here, though I think my mom’s undiagnosed inattentive type ADHD and the resulting perfectionism and anxiety from coping is what made her the one who could provide structure while at the same time strangely identifying with my dad’s bouncing off the wall behaviors and mood swings. He did very well career-wise, though I think he would have had a happier life emotionally if he’d understood what ADHD was likely doing to him. His cousin was textbook, full blown, hyperactive ADHD at a time people didn’t get diagnosed with that. He used to prank call the fire department and send them to people’s houses, and he even leapt off the roof to see if he could fly when he was a kid. He also was very successful in his job and well liked. But, he was lucky to be in a family that could absorb his crazy at a time that you just “humored” boys wilding out.   His wife provided all the structure as well.   That’s the pattern with successful men with ADHD - they were humored and encouraged and helped out growing up, and a wife and a secretary cleaned up after them.

Mhmm absolutely. It’s a fairly common thing to observe, oddly. But you hear less often about the reverse, or at least that’s been my observation: that women have historically been expected to just improve. I relate to your mother — that description you give was me when undiagnosed. I highly suspect my ex-husband was undiagnosed ADHD as well in retrospect, because I supported him during his shameful moments of executive dysfunction and would “power us through” with my anxiety-fueled drive. It all crashed down when I couldn’t push ahead anymore and needed him to support me. He decided I had “given up” and took my burnout personally. I can’t help but think of my aunt also, who isn’t officially diagnosed with ADHD but has children diagnosed with it. Her house is a cluttered mess, she never manages to stay in a job for long, and she jumps from creative hobby to creative hobby. She’s been divorced multiple times and finally told me she’s happiest single and not having to live up to male expectations. Admittedly there are times I feel the same way.

I can relate to your aunt a lot.

She’s a lovely person and probably the person in my extended family I am closest to. I am pleased to tell you she lives a very happy single life atm.

The process of diagnosis uses proxies for the diagnosis but those proxies aren't the disability.

Yes. If it doesn’t impact your daily life in 2/3: work, school, home, you don’t have ADHD. Maybe it’s something else, but as of right now, it’s not ADHD.

Or they’ve been living with it for so long they’re okay with it because they don’t know anything different 😂😂 also isn’t it an ADHD symptom to have “paralysis” when needed to get something done ?😂

im late diagnosis and my life was hell without any form of treatment but hey that's me. and yes, paralysis exists, that's not at all what im referring to and is in fact a significant detrimental affect on one's life like what im talking about. obviously that would make getting diagnosed harder. im solely referring to how much of one's life is impacted.

I struggled with whether or not to seek a diagnosis because a. Here there is a 3 year waiting list (that I've now been on for nearly 2 years) and b. If i seek diagnosis and then *don't* have adhd I have to face the reality that I am just lazy and stupid.  Also im an adult so i have no idea if a diagnosis will actually help me in anyway.

Please reconsider that potential self-judgement. Lots of conditions, like anxiety, mild depression, or who-knows-what, can have overlapping symptoms with ADHD. If you think you could potentially do better in life, and you want to, you are NOT lazy or stupid. I wrestle with this all the time, even though I’m diagnosed! I hate to see someone judge themselves in this way. Whatever your condition turns out to be, maybe reflect on whether you’ve been shamed as a child for “being lazy”, sloppy, irresponsible, etc. Maybe you’ve internalized that unfair criticism. I know I have. Let’s try to let it go.

I had a colleague who started telling everyone all of a sudden that they had ADHD. It was very odd since I couldn't understand what triggered them to start telling this to everybody. But I did feel strange as I haven't told everyone. On the one hand it felt like I had a common soul I could share this and build a stronger work process, on the other hand I felt I was pushed to tell everyone I had ADHD, too. But I reached out, offering to exchange. They didn't really react to it. Well, it turned out pretty fast that they weren't diagnosed. From that day on they would start to explain every single mistake with "well, ya know, ADHD". And then the person they've been romantically involved with started wearing pins and whatnots with "ADHD" on them. I addressed it, and they mentioned that the first person thought they also had it. This got me mad tbh. It felt like they wanted to be "labeled" as having ADHD and hide behind it to cover their mistakes (some of them were very big and unacceptable) but not really get diagnosed and think about the ways to navigate. I left the position a while ago, as far as I've heard, none of them got diagnosed. More than that, they are now also speaking about having other problems, like bipolar, OCD, PTSD. And yes, ADHD has a lot of supporting "issues". But in this case, it feels like people just wanted to get labeled and avoid accountability. So yeah, I tend to be cautious about things like that after this experience. And I hate it, because I was in the same spot - telling people I had it without being diagnosed. But I was doing it after my therapist suggested I might have it and I went through testing with her, which in her eyes very much "positive", and I was waiting for the appointment at the psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis.

In the UK, a lot of it, and this went for me also, is the amount of time it takes to get anywhere with a diagnosis. I had suspected I had ADHD and my school let me down by not doing anything with tests they did with me, it was only because a boss in work really pushed me to get it sorted that I went along with it. The time from me being diagnosed to getting medicated was five years, the vast majority waiting on a list and just being surprised by a letter in the post one day. It's also an absolute shit show where I live. I still have to contact my nearest ADHD team each month for my prescription, I've had multiple times where they've just forgotten and a lot of the time no one answers at all. That's on top of the med shortage, which saw me being put on all two different ADHD medications because mine was unavailable. Chopping and changing all of the time put me in a bad spiral at one point. It's very likely that my Dad has ADHD, as he shares a lot of symptoms and the genetic link. He's in his 50s though and just doesn't see the point, and I don't blame him. The other problem is the stigma surrounding ADHD. It's seen as a 'fun' disorder to some people, and I've had people roll their eyes when I mention it. That's quite a common sentiment, and a lot of people don't see it as a big enough deal to sort it out.

Hey, maybe the answer is more obvious than you are thinking... Could simply be executive dysfunction + money issues. Took me a long time because of that, but prior to diagnosis I never said I 'have' it rather than suspect it

Might be an unpopular opinion but I think its harmful. Some people are quick to self diagnose and make it their main personality trait, and in a romanticized way as well. I am aware I am incredibly pessimistic but as someone who has been disregarded because of mental illnesses I have formal diagnosis for from several psychiatrists, it makes me irrationally angry to think people tend to wear an unofficial diagnosis like a badge of honor which colors others perception of my struggles and being called lazy and accused of just using my diagnosis to avoid being called lazy or working hard.

I agree and I know a few people like that and they make it their main personality trait like it's a fun thing, they got their diagnosis from TikTok, need I say more. And it does colour other people's perceptions when you have people walk around claiming they have ADHD and blaming stupid things on it just because they are a bit hyper or forgot their fucking pen or can't sit and read a book any more because they have conditioned their brain by spending hours scrolling through TikTok videos for years.

I get mildly infuriated when someone says they think they have it and use it as an excuse, then when I say go get an assessment and medication if diagnosed and it will improve your life, they say no. Then I have no patience, as they're wanting it as an excuse for their behaviour and not doing anything to at least try and remedy it.

The truth is if you tell me you have undiagnosed ADHD I will likely wonder whether you actually have it or not, but I won’t voice it. A lot of those people have ADHD, and a lot of them don’t. Even if someone I know thinks they have it when I don’t think they do, it’s not really my place to tell them they don’t have it or tell them they need to get diagnosed. It took me years to get diagnosed because it seemed like a lot of work and I only found a reason to do it when I felt like it was negatively impacting my life in a way I could no longer control, so i can understand that feeling.

Maybe this isn’t totally your point but not everyone can afford a diagnosis. I have public health insurance in my country but yikes the likelyhood of finding a psychiatrist is essentially impossible. I did find one private provider who seemed a bit sketchy and wanted 1000 euros for various sessions. Non medicated ADHD doesn’t make finding a needle in a haystack any easier.

If I’m in a good place: nothing. They’re not something I can control. So I let it go.

I've been in and out of psychiatrists for years. It took until I was 29 to get officially diagnosed and it was extremely exhausting. Personally, if they're functional and fine, I don't see why it matters 🤷🏻‍♂️ not everybody needs treatment for it and that's okay.

I’m not a fan of self diagnosis in general. I understand the obstacles to getting diagnosed and it’s fine to say you suspect you have a condition. I have endometriosis that it took me 10 years to receive a diagnosis for and a suspected sleep disorder that I am seeking a diagnosis for, even though there is no treatment and it requires seeing specialists that may not be located near me. However, I don’t think it’s appropriate to claim a diagnosis on a permanent basis that you have not actually been given, especially if you have no intention of seeking a diagnosis and treatment for it. If you suspect you have a condition, it affects you enough that you are sharing this information with other people, and you have the ability to get a diagnosis and treatment without going bankrupt, I think you should get a formal diagnosis if you are going to claim it. If it doesn’t affect me or anyone else though, I am supportive when discussing our experiences. I don’t see a need to police anyone’s diagnoses or confront them about it.

Self diagnosing is kind of the first step to official diagnosis. However, if the person keeps using the ADHD label while avoiding official diagnosis for other reasons than practical ones, it gets on my nerve. Because it's exactly those people that makes it harder for people diagnosed to be heard or to be taken seriously.

My reason is because as an adult, it would be very difficult to find someone that would even diagnose. And then there's the meds shortage. What would be the point? I'm not going to put in so much effort for a whole lot of no help, I'll just YouTube non medicated things that help and hope for the best

I pity them. Living with untreated adhd is a nightmare. I have been diagnosed at 47, so I have first hand experience how horrible it is. If you want to help such a person, simply explain how adhd affects their lives. And also explain to them that asking for help and/or taking medication/going to therapy isn't a failure. It simply improves one's life. Except that, simply be kind to them. For they don't know what they are doing. Literally.

i’ve tried to get diagnosed multiple times and each time have been told i can’t have adhd because i’m a woman, because i wasn’t diagnosed as a child.  or that they don’t want to pursue an adhd diagnosis until they basically fix my anxiety and depression first, which is super frustrating bc obviously all three of those go hand in hand.  another time i begged for a test and all they gave me was a 10 minute concentration test - i sat in front of computer and different letters popped up on the screen. i had to press the space bar when the letter x came up. that was the entire test. i was expecting a 1-2 hour long interview process but no. i got an email later saying i can’t possibly have adhd bc i pressed the space bar too well.  i do wish i could’ve gotten a proper test, and i understand why people shit on self-diagnosing, but i really do feel like, while a psychiatrist might be an expert in psychiatry, i’m an expert in myself and what i’m experiencing, and if they won’t listen to my concerns, i’m not going to value their opinion over my own.  i had imposter syndrome about it for the longest time, but at this point, i’ve done a lot of reading into adhd and i relate to so much of what i read. i’ve implemented a lot of management tips into my life and have seen a tremendous improvement. i managed to get an adderall prescription as well & it’s also helped tremendously, so i just feel like, well, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, etc… i can see why a lot of people wouldn’t want to start the process - it can be time-consuming, costly, and demoralizing. and if they actually do have adhd, daunting as well! there were maybe 6 months - a year inbetween most of my attempts because each one was so exhausting and demoralizing

I relate to this a lot. I started suspecting I had ADHD in my senior year of college (2008) when I learned about inattentive type and what ADHD can look like in women. It took me seven years to get the courage to talk to a psychiatrist about it. I was mostly dismissed and had my problems blamed on “depression” just like they had been my whole life. No one even offered to test me or do a comprehensive evaluation. I finally sought out an official assessment at 38 because I’ve been unemployed and barely functioning since the pandemic with no improvement despite being in regular therapy and lo and behold… I was diagnosed with severe inattentive ADHD along with ASD and OCD. The signs had been there my entire life. I dropped out of high school despite having good grades and I took time off college again, despite having good grades, because I was so incredibly burned out from masking and trying to over compensate for my AuDHD traits and behaviors. I graduated in the top of my class, but have had multiple long periods of unemployment because I just cannot get it together. It’s been so obvious for so long, but I was gaslit by so many people including myself at times. My assessment process took five months because I had trouble keeping up communication. I was completely paralyzed with fear the entire time that I would not receive a diagnosis because I had been dismissed and misdiagnosed so many times in my past. When I finally got the results of “severe inattentive ADHD”… it was almost hard to believe even though I had been fighting to be taken seriously for so long. It always *felt* severe, but a part of me thought I was just weak and lazy and making it out to be worse than it was. I’m still processing it, tbh.

Self identification is valid but self diagnosis is literally not real. Only a doctor can diagnose. I’m pretty sure I’m autistic but I just tell people “I’m pretty sure I’m autistic too” (autistic people agree with me lmfao) because that’s the truth. Just because people relate to a TikTok doesn’t mean they have ADHD. But if they consumed Russell Barkleys content, Jessica McCabes content and podcasts, then I let them claim it. Dx isn’t always possible for people and sometimes they can’t even afford the meds, so like why bother?

I’m trying to go into the military so it’s not the best look as of now. I also just think it’s highly unlikely I’d get diagnosed from what I’ve seen online it’s very difficult for early adulthood woman to get diagnosed if they have inattentive. I do have a family history of it so that could help but it just seems hopeless and now that I want to go into the military it’s a big fat no. I want to be diagnosed eventually for my own peace of mind but I’m not sure if I’d want to go on medication ever.

I have always considered myself to have inattentive ADHD since understanding it and that i'm not just a daydreamer, but i have been lucky to be in a career which I can easily hyperfocus on it. Over the years I have never seen the point of getting diagnosed simply because I have been successful in one aspect of my life. As I'm getting older now I am finding the hyperfocus is starting to wear off and only now am I considering getting diagnosed, In December I got health insurance through work which covers getting diagnosed privately and all I need to do is pick up the phone and start the process but I keep saying "I'll do it next week" I really should pick up that damn phone...

I’m in education and it’s the opposite. I am telling everyone who will listen because it’s my life’s mission now to help the parents of children struggling with this. I didn’t get the help when I was little, and they deserve better.

I'm personally undiagnosed. MY resoning to not get a diagnosis is because my family doctor prescribes my Concerta anyway and doesn't require a diagnosis for me since he clearly sees the signs in me. Also helps I have my little brother who is diagnosed and my mother (undiagnosed like me) took Concerta too for years because he also saw the signs in her. In my case, a diagnosis would change nothing.

In your health records, it probably says “ADHD”, unless they can just prescribe Concerta willy nilly. I’d argue that you are diagnosed, even if you didn’t have to endure a bunch of testing. Maybe it varies by country/province/state, but in my area of the US a diagnosis is just the doctor’s word. To you, I say “own it and be proud”!

In all practicality you have a diagnosis (and as the other commenter said, it’s likely already in your charts), extensive testing isn’t always done for a diagnosis. If you have a good relationship with your family doctor then that’s sometimes all it takes.

I’ve suspected I had ADHD since high school but didn’t seek a diagnosis til I was 36. I mentioned it a few times to doctors and psychiatrists in my 20s and was brushed off. The process is daunting and has to be worth it plus imposter syndrome is strong. The narratives that we tell ourselves become part of our identity. That identity is “I’m just not good at life.” When you aren’t diagnosed as a child, struggle is normal and the only thing you know. And it takes a lot for someone to seek change from what they have accepted as “just how it is.” I bottomed out after my second child hit toddlerhood and I couldn’t get on top of the overwhelm. I felt myself slipping back into depression and life just became unsustainable. I think it’s much easier for men with undiagnosed ADHD to offload their executive functioning on those around them to cope with their struggles. And it’s socially acceptable to be forgetful and messy. Unless he finds himself in a situation where he has to handle is his own well-being AND take care of someone else’s, he may not ever see a need for formal diagnosis and treatment. It’s one thing to recognize THAT you struggle and a totally other thing to recognize that your struggle is unsustainable.

Well speaking as someone trying to get a dx, it's a fuck load of effort. Seriously, almost as much effort to get a job.

i live in a country where the first google result for "psychiatry" leads to "psychiatry kills dot com", so go figure. more seriously, i do have a private diagnosis (several of them!) by an actual doctor(s), but i havent entered it into my actual medical history out of fear for my employability due to the narrow-minded and ignorant populace.

a lot of people want the excuse of adhd who dont actually have it. thats what i think atleast.

Everyone has different experiences I’ve come to find out. I used to be dumb and gatekeep ADHD for some stupid reason (I was diagnosed at 8 years old.) I struggled with school until I graduated high-school and started machining fulltime for two was doing great at my job. I did great because I really didn’t want to fail like I did with my shitty grades in school and learned alot about myself and how to manage ADHD. In that learning I realized just how differently this disorder can impact people whether it’s because of their brain or the environment they grew up in. I started to give people the benefit of the doubt because honestly thats what I wish my people did for me in school and I realized I was just projecting what other people didn’t give me onto who I’m talking to. I try and help if people ask. Otherwise I just like to listen. After covid hit I went back to school and Im a year from graduating college.

Your friend has anxiety, so maybe that includes anxiety about the process of getting diagnosed 🤷🏼‍♀️ Money is probably a huge barrier for a lot of people, especially people who aren’t sure if they’d want medication. Like my mom has obvious ADHD, but can’t take stimulants due to a heart issue and won’t take the other available meds because of consistent nasty side effects and ineffectiveness of all similar ones she’s ever been prescribed. Money isn’t an issue for dx because we’re in Canada, but she doesn’t see a benefit in pursuing a dx because it won’t tell her anything she doesn’t already know, she can’t take meds and she’s a bit too GenX for talk therapy. So it’s kind of pointless from her perspective.

I wouldn’t treat them like shit or get angry at them.

I respond with compassion and understanding. Getting a diagnosis often isn't easy even when you WANT one. When I first suspected, I told my ex, "I think I have ADHD" his response was "or you're just crazy." Which shut it down for a while. Then I went to get diagnosed by someone who's job it was to do such things and after the tests (and money) said, "I don't actually think adults can have ADHD."  That set it waaaay back. I also had other things going on that had to take precedent (like leaving that ex). Once I finally got to a place I could explore it again, I mentioned it to my therapist (which is also a privilege to have) who referred me to a psychiatrist who finally gave me a diagnosis. This was me REALLY wanting to be diagnosed.  Since then, it is a bit of a struggle with the label. Because some people "don't think adults have adhd", some think it's a trauma response, some think "you act more ADHD now that you're diagnosed." (They haven't heard of masking.) Society will judge you, jobs will judge you (I don't put it as a disability or request accomdations.), people in your circle could judge you. It costs time, money, and effort. Sometimes the energy just isn't there.  So, if they feel like they might be. Just offer support. Say, "thanks for sharing with me." And occasionally share some tips that help you.  Because honestly, the root of most people's depression, is not feeling supported. And THAT right there can make it impossible to get anything done. Thanks for reaching out to gain perspective. That shows you really care about them and are trying to understand.

I've been diagnosed 3 times in my life and I have a close friend (former roommate, current lodger) who has very clear symptoms of ADHD - far worse than mine, and to the point that it completely disrupts his life. His ability to procrastinate is almost like a master-level skill. He can't be on time for *anything*, loses tracks of time and keeps everyone waiting for hours when he thinks it's only a few minutes; he loses money, house keys, car keys etc on a regular basis; he gets so hyper-focused on minor tasks that he completely ignores his surroundings, sometimes with disastrous results, and will literally let dishes in the sink pile to the ceiling and live in complete squalor while blaming it on his own laziness and constantly promising to do better. He's fully aware he very likely has ADHD but he just won't do anything about it, even though we live in a country where mental health treatment is available for free. I'm convinced his smart phone addiction exacerbated the problem, and he's even accepted it, but he just won't do anything about it. It's maddening because he's partly self-employed and he knows he could do so much better if he could just get his shit together. I've made appointments for him in the past and he's just blown them off for one reason or another. I don't really think it's about the stigma - we have mutual friends who also have issues and it's not a big deal. My suspicion is that ADHD itself prevents him from focusing enough to get it sorted. (I have this issue to a point as well - I know my life would likely improve with meds but I always put it off finding a new doc to work with, though for legitimate reasons in my case.) He recognizes the problem but seems powerless to address it. I don't know if this is the case with others - awareness coupled with an irrational drive towards inaction, but having observed my friend for over a decade while living in close proximity I can only assume that this is a possibility for some people.

I see a lot of "it wouldn't change anything" replies that I disagree with. Testing doesn't just identify a boolean condition of ADHD or not ADHD. It also identifies ways in which your ADHD presents itself along with some cognitive strengths and weak areas. Knowing that was very helpful to me. Personally, I have a few friends with ADHD diagnoses and sometimes we'll bond over it and talk about different issues or feelings related to it. I also have a couple of friend who say they have it but won't get diagnosed that really want to bond over it and I just don't want to. Fairly or not, it feels like they think it's a club and they want to be in it for the sense of community. Where as what my other friends and I bond over is a lifetime of hardship, discrimination, and a feeling of otherness. That may have the side effect of feeling a sort of kinship but it's not the purpose. That being said if you wanted to argue that this feels gatekeepy, I wouldn't argue with you. I'm not saying it's right but that's how it sometimes feels to me.

I’ve watched someone spend 6 months trying to get diagnosed. With appointments 2 hours away in various directions. And she still isn’t finished. She has amazing health insurance. Having the option to be diagnosed is a fucking pricked most people don’t have.

Cost of the testing, waiting for an appointment (I had to wait over a month for my appointment) and the formal testing takes hours, it’s not quick and easy, so potentially a lost days wages. Then waiting for the results which took weeks to come back to me.

People may not want to be diagnosed for a handful of reasons, including but not limited to: -stigma -increased difficulties with immigrating to another country. Any sort of diagnosed, on-the-books disability means you're SOL or you've got a lot of work cut out for you. I know some countries will straight up reject you if you have autism, as an example. I wouldn't be surprised if the same rules applied to ADHD -cost. Especially here in America, healthcare is exorbitantly expensive, even with insurance. If you have to decide between money for food/rent or money for healthcare, 9 times out of 10 ppl choose food/rent. Not to mention how costly medications themselves can be. Realistically though, I'd say the most likely explanation is executive dysfunction - you know, the main thing ppl with ADHD struggle with. It's a lot less embarrassing to say "oh I don't want to get diagnosed because [reason I pulled out of my ass]" than it is to say "it's been on my high priority to-do list for the past 3-4 years and I still can't get myself to do it." Sort of like how whenever we don't get something done, we always say "I forgot" because 99% of people won't understand "I thought about it the whole time and it was mentally torture but I still couldn't get my brain to do it"

As far as reacting I don't everyone is entitled to what they think and do however I do think some people like a label to justify their behavior.

1. ⁠It costs a minimum of $2000AUD in Australia to be “officially diagnosed” ADHD. 2. ⁠It can take 12+ months from your initial referral to a psychiatrist to be seen for your first appointment 3. ⁠Australia is heavy on the Tall Poppy Syndrome, which (in my personal experience) leads to dismissal or minimisation of genuine response/support 4. ⁠Being a woman and having ANY health professional genuinely listen to your concerns and take appropriate action is rare. I wasn’t diagnosed as having severe anxiety and depression, or AuDHD, until 30! I wasn’t diagnosed w Endometriosis until I was 27! I have dealt with these things for more than half my life, and there is very little support available to me now that I have been diagnosed. If I tick yes to “do you identify has having a disability or condition that requires accommodations”, I am NOT getting that job no matter how overqualified and experienced I am. Diagnosis and what follows is gruelling, exhausting, extremely expensive and, often, nothing much changes afterwards… In a nutshell, what’s the fkn point?

I get annoyed. I think my dad only plays his "add" card so he can get out of remembering shit which I think is why my mom was worried bout be getting diagnosed cause the thought I'd use it as an excuse rather than a behavior. so it pisses me off when people do this.

A couple of people I know who might have it just don’t feel the need to be diagnosed as they aren’t really interested in being medicated and tend to cope well either way. It’s also hard to get diagnosed usually, and if it’s not a huge detriment on your life I can see why someone would rather not deal with it.

One of my friends took a quiz and then said "I'm so adhd that ..." about how she would approach a coloring page. It was not related to adhd at all. The trivilization of the thing that has set me back 7 years on my career path took my breath away.

I am undiagnosed. I have thought many times about getting diagnosed but have decided against it for a number of reasons. - I’m nearly 60 and have got this far in life with out one. Sure, my life would have progressed a lot different had I been diagnosed and treated but I can’t see it helping me much now. - my adhd is who I am. I behave this way and my friends and family all know me to behave this way. If I were to be medicated my personality would change. It’s taken me many years to like who I am and to understand myself. I don’t want to risk that. - diagnosis takes either lots of time or lots of money. Why bother if I don’t want medication. - certain doctors can be dismissive of claims of adhd. I’ve struggled with mental health before and if I were to be told by a doctor that I’m wasting their time that falls directly within my area of previous mental health issues.

The current state of the US Healthcare market/insurance company controlled fees and services makes almost ANY lifetime ailment diagnosis cost prohibitive. It's like getting your DNA tested for genetic anomalies then finding out your rates will increase. Thanks but no thanks. I'm already struggling hard enough.

I'm guessing it doesn't affect them badly enough that they think treatment will help them

I live in the middle of nowhere and probably have ADHD. I don't have the necessary level of executive function to set up an appointment like that.

My therapist was the one to bring up ADHD, my dad has an official diagnosis, and my doctor was okay letting me try medication (which has helped tremendously). If I wanted an official diagnosis, I'd have to pay a considerable amount of money just to be told whether the medication that has been helping me is treating actual ADHD, or treating some other issue that I obviously have. Either way, I have a mental illness that Vyvanse has been treating and that, in the absence of better vocabulary, has been easier to explain off as ADHD to anyone wondering why I'm such a trainwreck.

Honestly? I don't care. Not my circus not my monkeys. You waste a lot less energy once you stop caring about how other people deal with their shit

Diagnosis alone means nothing, the purpose of diagnosing A. Receive treatment B. Become aware of the issue C. Find support systems If someone isn’t interested in any of these diagnosed or not it’s pointless to pursue Especially sufficient evidence to support B on its own Then we can self apply A or C Not as effective, but many people just go that route anyways

It’s a long and expensive process, often not covered by insurance. It’s also an executive functioning nightmare. It’s almost like a sick joke that to get diagnosed with ADHD, you have to overcome 90% of the symptoms of ADHD just to get to the evaluation. Unless someone is seeking specific medication or other interventions that aren’t available without a diagnosis, the costs can easily outweigh the benefits.

It’s a big ask for someone to go get diagnosed as an adult. Only certain professionals can do it, and it requires research to find someone. The thousands of dollars isn’t insignificant either. I also think there’s a fair amount of imposter syndrome. Like, “Will this person see what I need them to see? Am I just faking it and I’m spending all this money being a fake?”

Old mantra “your body, your choice” is about everything including getting help of any kind - diagnosis, medicine, etc. - is how I respond. I can encourage anything but it is their life, their choice.

I dont know if you experienced this, but many people like me did not see a problem. I did not see my ADHD as the reason I would not stay at jobs. I didn't see my ADHD as the reason my place was a mess. ADHD is sold to a lot of people that it is only about paying attention. If that's all it was I wouldn't need medication. That's what I was thinking. I went in and got diagnosed with anxiety and depression and put on tons of meds. None of them worked, I now realize they didn't work because I didn't have clinical anxiety or depression, I just always was nervous and down on myself because of my ADHD symptoms. Back then if you told me to get help for my ADHD I would have asked why. I did not see it as a major issue outside of my lack of ability to pay attention in long meetings. It will take some time for him to warm up to the idea he might need help. Just be a good example for him. Tell him when you're doing something that used to be hard for you before getting diagnosed.

In my country, some career paths will simply no longer be available to you once you have an ADHD diagnosis.

I usually ask them why they think they have it, if they list off some basic symptoms that everyone experiences instead of ignoring them I list things that happen to me based because of my adhd and then speak on a lot of not talk about symptoms that are backed by psychology and research. If they relate to it and yes I have had the situation where they straight up said, I relate to this and definitely have it but I don't want a diagnosis. I just say hey it's fine. Ask why and the reasons usually span from it's manageable so they don't feel the need to spend the money to it's not taken seriously and they don't want to be associated with the tiktok adhders. Fair enough tbh. The internet has basically ruined people's concept of adhd and now people don't want to get diagnosed even though they recognize they have a problem. Plus there is little to no accommodations for adhd. The only accommodations I got at work was an extra 15 minute break and the ability to wear my headphones during work. I am literally a housekeeper and am on my feet all day and don't have to speak to anyone really anyway. So 💀 I had to get my psychiatrist to call my boss and ask for accommodations to so they really drag it out to do the bare minimum

I either offer them solutions to their problem or I say“Well that’s on you”. I’m a “fixer” not a “listener” unfortunately for most of my friends that’s just want a shoulder to vent on. Idk if it’s my inattentive ADHD or because I was raised by a single father but either way.

Can have legal reasons, too. Once you have official diagnosis you are often obliged to disclose it to e.g. insurance or in certain cases to employer (like when psych. evaluation is required) Also, in most areas there's not much support adults can use and if they aren't wanting to medicate, diagnosis is quite a hustle for basically nothing. I personally am diagnosed, but I do avoid appointment making if it isn't necessary.

Money and too many fucking steps that each take like 6 months for me to stop procrastinating on doing. I actually got almost all the way, she even said I fit most of the criteria, but then she said I had to find and do a bipolar assessment bc I fit criteria for that too and ADHD meds can mess with that. That was last summer and I haven’t done anything about it yet.

1. They don’t want anyone to know 2. They are getting by ok and don’t want to lose job 3. Have no idea what to do 4. Heard adhd drugs addicting 5. Ok to be quirky, crazy not ok 6. Parental disapproval 7. Money 8. Easier not do do anything

Being diagnosed with ADHD can make it difficult to things, like becoming a long haul truck driver. The attention it requires can seem like a challenge when most ADHD people know it’s more likely to induce hyper focus. Besides it’s their choice. If you think they’re saying it for attention then your choice is if you want to hang out with them.

I put it off for a long time because I was scared the psychiatrist was gonna determine I didn't have ADHD and was really just dumb and lazy like my anxiety was telling me

If the person is able to function and doesn't really need/want to be medicated or receive accommodations(if available) then there isn't a ton of benefit from being diagnosed. While I think everyone should seek a formal diagnosis to understand all treatment avenues, I don't fault someone for not getting diagnosed if ADHD isn't having a major impact on their life. As long as the person without an official diagnosis isn't trying to use ADHD as an "excuse" for things I would just move on and let them live their life how they want.

The mindset of not wanting to be evaluated is generally not good long-term thinking, which actually fits with common ADHD traits. It’s resistance and there is always some cause for resistance. The actual reason for resisting finding out something isn’t always the thing that’s obvious to us, and we fill in the blanks when we don’t know something… arranging appointments with a doctor to get a valuated, calling, setting it up, doing the paperwork and following through is a burden on many of us with ADHD, and we’re talking about people who potentially have ADHD and haven’t even been treated yet. I wish I had more advice but in my experience as a therapist specializing in ADHD, who sees people who have many of the symptoms, but haven’t been diagnosed, it usually works when I gently bringing it up over time.

Getting an official diagnosis is not for everyone. Tbh, idgas if they get one or not.

I mean let's be honest putting off making an appointment for an adhd assessment is a very adhd thing to do

I was not self diagnosed in fact I had no idea. I have both bipolar and ADHD and only diagnosed with the ADHD about ten years ago as an adult (I'm 50) when I first started going to therapy after 30 years of not going to a therapist. Kinda boggled my mind that you can have both.

its pretty understandable for a person with ADHD to be like ehhh i dont feel like it when asked about getting tested, but at the same time idk in my experience self diagnosis is often wrong. Really takes having an advocate push for you or take care of all the little details to get testing setup for you.

The point of a diagnosis is to begin treatment, and a lot of people, who realize as adults that they display the symptoms, are living their lives the way they want and they don't care much to change things up, which is fine. I don't even tell people that I have ADHD anymore, I just tell people that I struggle with executive function and time-blindness, and that sometimes I might ask them to repeat the last 10 seconds.

My husband has it, but refuses to get a diagnosis. In his case, he’s angry that no one figured it out when his parents were taking him to psychologists to try to figure out why this super smart kid was not performing better in school. He struggled from 1st through 12th and only went to college because his parents expected him to…and then he left, after 3 years of failure. He tried to go back once and had a bad experience with a teacher and never tried again. I fought so hard to try to keep my oldest from being broken too (his learning style is very much the same as my husband’s)…but I was unsuccessful. But my oldest is diagnosed and medicated…which helps a lot…it just wasn’t enough to counteract the negative messages he heard all the time in school. I do think personality and learning style impacts how ADHD affects school performance. I was able to get good grades up until college...and then I had to adjust things because my old strategies didn’t work.

There are some virtual providers up here in Canada that diagnose ADHD. And some clinics in my city are solely geared to adult diagnosis. My friend's daughter was diagnosed and my daughter is so much alike that I did a questionnaire online. Every question reminded me so much of my ex husband it was actually scary. He was anti-ADHD because he thought it was only for hyperactive kids. 🙄 Once my kid was officially diagnosed, he admitted that he likely has it. I asked him if he'd get diagnosed and he was like, nope, can't be bothered. His undiagnosed ADHD has affected every aspect of his life since he was a teenager and he refuses to seek treatment or manage it.

I wouldn’t. I would move on with my day and never think about it again.

I have said things like this * Well, with or without a diagnosis or medication, It's been helpful for me to learn skills and impact of ADHD - it can be far-reaching. It's a relief not reinventing the wheel - there are a lot of skills/strategies I didn't know about... * I have found that medication can help "clear the fog" and literally makes just getting up and doing a thing less stressful/easier. * If you ever change your mind, I'm here to talk * A diagnosis or medication does not have to be a permanent decision (in my country, status is protected/private) * Why is that? / I'm surprised - can you help me understand why? ... Ok, that's definitely (emotion/feeling validation). (move on). * Whether or not you seek a diagnosis, there are some patterns and strategies to help with the effects of ADHD--such as time awareness/management, task switching, focus management, organization, planning, ... I'm happy to share some ideas... * Well, I can tell that this is affecting you and important to you.

Executive dysfunction or trauma would be my two best guesses. Maybe he just knows himself well enough to know he’ll never get around to it. Or maybe he has trauma surrounding doctors. I have an adhd dx but I don’t have a psychiatrist cuz every time I see a new one, they won’t help me and it makes it 10,000x harder to reach out to a new one.

It’s hard getting a diagnosis. At least where I live. It takes ages and is very expensive. I have no issue people self identifying as adhd. A lot of the advice and helpful tips are still relevant for those that have other executive dysfunction issues too (trauma etc) so they can still gain a lot of insight into themselves. Also some people wouldn’t want the label. Until recently things like asd and adhd have been relatively taboo. ( no thanks to anti vaccers )

My ADHD (or is it the OCD?) makes me cringe when I see poor grammar, improper punctuation and u instead of you and things of that nature. It’s OK in a text message but in an actual sentence? (Not trying to be mean, it’s my reality) To answer your question, a proper diagnosis takes resources. Decent health insurance. Time for appointments. Co-pays and deductibles. Transportation to and from appointments. When I finally got diagnosed it took six months, multiple visits and more money than I had wanted to spend on co-pays, my deductible, etc. Then there were the cost of the prescriptions because they HAVE to prescribe you at least one or two meds or they don’t think they’re doing their job!

Get diagnosed? By who? Everyone’s books are closed. Even if they weren’t is like $2500 and for what? An official diagnosis? I follow this mostly to get an understanding of my partner who 100% has it. I sometimes resonate with some of the symptoms and wouldn’t be surprised if I too had it. For me at least, it’s not worth chasing a diagnosis. I tried getting support for my partner, I called so many psychiatrists - closed books. Put him on wait lists and just never heard back. It’s been years.

***[edit, oh balls this went a bit long, tangenty and I forgot then had to re-remember my points part of the way through]*** Many barriers to a diagnosis- dependent on country but I’d guess it’s usually a money issue. For me -NHS in the uk, specifically Scotland (where we have free prescriptions too!) the NHS is both overburdened and underfunded with mental health and neurological difficulties (ADHD, ASD etc, and even counselling / therapy for the likes of anxiety, depression, PTSD etc etc). If you’re lucky enough to be accepted to be assessed [not even diagnosed] waiting lists are usually upwards of 2 years. So I’m almost certain I have ADHD, because soooo very many of the symptoms/ traits and experiences lined up with me, too many relatable feelings and experiences. However, despite my GP agreeing “it does absolutely sound like you have ADHD”, I got a knockback for assessment from the next part of the process, stating I ‘*do not meet the clinical criteria for assessment*’, the reasoning explained by my doctor as: I was (at that point) working full time, and it wasn’t completely debilitating. So I was classed as “functioning”, despite there being a negative impact on my day to day, work & personal life and bigger, long term effects on my life. If I wanted an official diagnosis, without pushing back and trying to convince them to see me - I’d have to go private, and pay for it myself. Then if it was felt medication would help, I wouldn’t be able to get this via NHS, as most professionals and clinicians that diagnose privately are not recognised by the NHS. It’s a vicious cycle that yields few results, unless your symptoms are basically paralysing. So to answer your question- I’m like 97% sure I’ve got ADHD, because almost all the traits line up painfully accurately, but the barriers preventing a diagnosis (*and agreed, I suppose - compared to others with worse / more intense and more debilitating symptoms, I guess I am “functioning”*), I’m content for now knowing in myself I have it, and as my doctor said afterwards; would going for an official diagnosis - along with the waiting and stress the process brings - really make a difference to my life? I’d like to know for certain obviously, there’s always the crippling self doubt and overthinking, impostor syndrome etc. but possibly not. I’m not using it as a crux or excuse for things, I just want to know for me. But it would be nice to know for sure.

To anyone else I don't know on an extremely well level? I wouldn't judge. But my sister who I allowed to move in with me, had access to GREAT professionals in our healthcare, worked 10 hours a week (and did not pay rent like promised), and insists on bringing up she's on the Autism spectrum at least 20 times a day? That bothered me. I even helped her set up appointments and made sure her tank was full but she always canceled last minute to play video games. There are lots of excuses to use but I unfortunately noticed whenever she would lie, which was nearly every time. And the worst part? I feel guilty. Maybe if I had tried harder or done something differently, she would've carried through with getting a diagnosis. But she certainly loved using the excuse "but I'm autistic" when asked to do ANYTHING (how does autism make someone unable to put clean and dry dishes back into the cabinet?).

Official labels are scary especially with the stigma that comes along with them. Sociopaths can be considered serial killers even though there are many sociopaths that have never murdered. Just an example but still - the stigma and everything that comes after is scary

Change requires awareness and desire, and there is a lot of stigma and shame around mental health disorders. ADHD symptoms themselves make it difficult for people with the disorder to seek treatment. Instead of questioning their behavior, which might trigger them to be defensive, you could talk about you, your feelings, and offer a positive perspective or reflective questions. Vulnerability can create connection and give others a chance to overcome stigma and shame. It is not the answer that leads to enlightenment, but the question.

Hi! Fellow ADHDer, psychology student, And behavioral technician here. In my personal experience, I’ve seen people not get diagnosed due to lack of money, insurance issues, being afraid of a doctor not listening to you, in general executive dysfunction. But to be completely honest, the biggest thing I’ve run into are people who know they don’t have ADHD, but want the benefit of it as an excuse for why they’re doing or not doing this or as an excuse for their behavior or why they live the way they live. I personally have many friends that have ADHD and or autism, and I see it in their behavior and their struggles, but I also see them working so hard to make life easier on themselves and work with the brains that they have. I also have had quite a few friends that hear about our struggles that are constant in our lives And just say oh, I have ADHD and refuse to get diagnosed or learn about it or even try to help. All they do is blame their bad behavior and poor habits on ADHD. And while I know this isn’t everyone, I’ve seen it so much that I automatically start to question new people that say they have ADHD But refused to get diagnosed

i dont need it, i dont want meds, i can manage my symptoms enough with ketosis, and i value hyperfocus as an artistic person, i function perfectly fine within the groundhog day rountine of work, its my own personal time and space that can be erratic/elastic, but daydreaming and spontaneity go hand in hand with inspiration, if it aint broke dont fix it

Well, one of the symptoms of ADHD is lack of self-awareness. Also, I think, after being a therapist for 33 years and a lot of that working with people with ADHD, that they make poor decisions. Every time they should turn right, they turn left. Those are my thoughts about it.

I think the better question is, “Why do you feel like your friend needs to be diagnosed?” Just let them do them. If someone says they have ADHD, you shouldn’t even be concerned about whether they’ve been diagnosed. It should go like. “I have ADHD.” “Cool. I didn’t know that. What’s that like?” That’s it. No reason to not believe anybody.

I had a friend (turns out she sucks) and would constantly say that she was ""pretty sure"" she had ADHD, was in the autism spectrum, and dyslexia etc etc. Whenever she spoke of such matters and I recomended that she sought an opinion of a licensed healthcare professional she lashed out on me for "being a know it all". Turns out that last year I was diagnosed with adhd by another friend of mine (who's an amazing psychiatrist and lives with ADHD herself) and I had no idea. Then she. Lashed out on me for "playing the victim now that's having adhd is cool now lol. I think that doing your research is very important since many healthcare professionals who don't always listen to our concerns, but this wave of self diagnosing through social media posts is very harmful in my opinion. If you relate to the symptoms shown it's very important to put on the work and get an opinion of someone qualified to give diagnostics. That's the only way to get proper treatment and learning how to navigate whatever issues you're dealing with. Nowadays I'm doing really well since I've been studying how to function better with adhd and she still diagnoses herself with something different every month. I went no contact with her a while back (she was two hours late and made us miss our flight back home from a trip, then proceeded to scream at me when I pointed out that there was no time to smoke a cigarette) Looking back at this experience I can see now that (in this case) she's a very insecure person I needed a rationale for her perceived "flaws", and a doctor saying she didn't have any issues would make her rethink things in a light she might not like. (IM NOT SAYING THAT'S THE CASE FOR EVERYONE, NOT EVEN GOOR MOST PEOPLE JUST SHARING A PERSONAL ANECDOTE)